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I (19m) generally am an extremely worthless, low testosterone, sensitive person, and I masturbate 5-7 times a day during my more active times, but whenever I am with a woman or even by myself, there are times where my mood completely vanishes.

It is impossible for me to stay hard or even get hard during sex, and I think it is I have intense stress and performance anxiety.

I generally despite every second that I am alive because I hate myself, and as soon as I have even the tiniest dent in my confidence in bed I deflate immediately.

All I can think about is how worthless I am, how insulting I am, how fucking USELESS I am to any woman I am with.

I am nine-fucking-teen. I should have a working cock. And here I am like a goddamn failure of a senior.

I hate myself more than any other person I have ever met, and I don't know how to get over the sheer amount of anxiety I have that renders any sexual mood I am in completely dead.

I find it hard to get horny or even relatively happy most days.

Some recent developments in my life led me to the realization that I have actually become quite insecure in the past few years and I really want to get back to a place where I am more sure of myself. I'm already working on discipline, meditating on and realigning with my values, picking some new hobbies to work at, taking better care of myself in general, etc, but what are some weird/random/specific and actionable tips that have helped make you feel more confident?

I've been brainstorming some and thought I'd share in case they would inspire someone else, but would love to hear any other ideas :)

- get dinner, go shopping, or see a movie by yourself

- hang out around the house naked

- stop shaving for a bit and embrace it (more for the girls lol)

- do that 7 point outfit thing to feel more confident in appearance

- keep nails looking nice (whether that's painted or just general maintenance)

- take up some sort of physical hobby that makes you feel like That Bitch. I'm going to take up figure skating and maybe jiu jitsu. Once I have more money, mayhaps pilates as well

- make a consistent ritual of some sort of act of self care (lotion after shower, burn incense, make tea before bed, sit outside for a little every morning, something) and really romanticize the act of taking a second to care for yourself

- volunteer somewhere or donate blood

- smell good

- fix posture

- try not to be on your phone in front of other people when avoidable

I've seen a lot of people say to do things that scare you to gain confidence, but I kinda have a hard time thinking of things I'm afraid to do, so any ideas for that would be epic too! Or literally any confidence and self assuredness advice in general. Really hoping to turn myself around here :)

Idk what all about me is a contributing factor so ... I am 37/female. BPD, severe depression & anxiety, etc. Because of BPD, I have major problems in general with being alone and not knowing what to do with myself. I have been on drugs like cocaine and meth (mostly meth) for the past 2 years pretty consistently. I also had a relationship situation during that time, so that person's existence in my life was huge.

I am only one day sober (hopefully forever this time), but the last time I had gone without drugs for a month it was the most miserable existence. Even after one day of choosing to quit drugs, I can feel the same thing happening again and I don't know how I'll get through it this time. I literally do not find joy in anything. No matter what. Even existing is wildly exhausting and feels disturbingly pointless. To the point where I found myself pretty much sleeping for a total of 20 hours a day. The moments that kept me awake were so brief and usually so forced. I remember how much effort it took me to find even the slightest thing that could keep my attention for a moment. Even things that I literally need to do like clean, dishes, call about an appointment, care for my cats, see how my son is doing, I can't force myself to do.

It feels like torture. I spend an endless amount of time in my bed that's disgusting and needs changed because I haven't showered in days. I obsessively see if anyone has messaged me on Facebook or here. And sometimes scroll through Facebook reels or Youtube videos for a little while before I just force myself to sleep again. And again. And again. I sometimes think that I'm going to do anything or get anything done, and I try hard to amp myself up only to almost start whatever it is and instantly feel insanely bored and exhausted and lie back down.

Obviously, you can tell I don't really have any friends or much going on in my life outside of my home. Someone please help me. I feel like I'm going to drive myself insane. What can I do? Does this happen to anyone else? Is it literally just what getting sober is like?

Today will be a short one. I didn't have a bad day but I really didn't feel good for some reason. I kind of just felt sick and allowed myself to relax for most of the day. My hamstrings were still killing me and my body overall just felt sore. From pushing at the gym to the Turkey Day food, my body felt spent. I'm not sure what it was in particular because I didn't feel like this after my actual Turkey Day with family but I was very active that day. I was everywhere trying to have fun and hang out with family. I hung out with my little cousins who are always a workout to be around. They are fun now that they are older but my goodness they tire me out. I didn't have all that working out with them on Turkey Day so maybe the food was weighing me down even more this time. My body just felt worn down today and I did a lot of sleeping. The highlight of my day was getting my new shoes and liking the way they felt on my feet. They feel good. They aren't perfect on my feet but feel better than what I was walking on for a month and a half. I was very thankful towards my mom for picking them up and paced around in them for a bit. I always loved getting new shoes before school started when I was younger. Even though it has changed a bit since I have gotten older, the feeling of something new is always great. I needed this as well just like my car needs new shoes. One step at a time though. It was a long day though because of how I felt. I tried to find different ways to feel better to no avail. I took a nice shower to end my day off hoping to ease some of the soreness. I then doom scrolled a bit and deleted some tabs. I made my day as productive as I could with feeling this way. Tomorrow will be better and hopefully my hammies will have forgiven me. Here is what I put in my belly (leftovers):

Breakfast:

1 slice of toast - 100 calories (3 g protein)

32 g of peanut butter - 190 calories (7 g protein)

1 cup chocolate milk - 140 calories (13 g protein)

Snack:

62 g of homemade meat stick (compared to Jack Link’s) - ~285 calories (~14.3 g protein)

Dinner:

73 g of Turkey - ~90 calories (~11.8 g protein)

187 g of mashed potatoes - ~210 calories (~3.7 g protein)

28 g of cheese - 90 calories (7 g protein)

30 g of cranberry sauce - 50 calories (.3 g protein)

105 g of green bean casserole - ~90 calories (~2 g protein)

156 g of peppers - ~55 calories (~1.8 g protein)

Dessert:

65 g of cranberry sauce - 105 calories (.6 g protein)

Leftover candy - 50 calories

Snack:

1 serving of popcorn - 140 calories (5 g protein)

SBIST was the feeling of being lucky enough to have days like this. I feel lucky that I have a life where I can rest when I don't feel good. Not everybody has that luxury in life and doesn't have the ability to rest when things are down. Like anybody else I can take that for granted and not realize the good things I have. This doesn't mean I shouldn't have the ability to feel sad or that bad things happen to me, but it means some days I should count the blessings I have rather than the bad things. I guess the beauty I found in a negative day like this is that I can rest and recover to have an even better day the next.

Tomorrow the plan is to feel better and get some stuff done. I don't believe I will have any work to go in for but I need to hit the gym for a light workout and need to grab some fruits and veggies for sustenance. Besides that I want to delete some tabs and continue looking at deals on things. I found one or two things I want to purchase. I also need to grab a few gifts for people. After that I can just keep money for tires and tire installation. I need to do some research on that as well so I'll hop to that soon. Thank you my conjurers of the deals on deals. You make me consider purchases I would have never done.

I don’t want a boyfriend and nothing romantic. I randomly had “lustful” thoughts of an ex-guy friend and have been posting on my Snapchat private stories that only he could see of me and how life is going but haven’t heard from him. It throws me off. It’s weird because I don’t love him, but I want his attention for some strange reason.

I just want to stop having the need for validation and be happy again.

Hey all, I hope everyone is well. Im someone who has depression and has a lot of anxiety; Most of the time when I start having results of a change that I've made, like for example showing up at the gym. I go back to not going to the gym and start becoming more demotivated (the gym is an example, but this goes into other aspects of my life like challenging negative beliefs about myself such as that I am to blame for things that aren't my fault and i am an overthinker as well T-T) all jokes aside, this is a serious concern and i feel like i even overthought this reddit post as well.

So i want to start my fitness journey (failing since 2013) but i really get overwhelmed about bullshit words like macros maintence calories surplus BMR and gyms. Can i have fitness journey like caveman? Eat stone age plain food and walk and run thats it

I’ve always wanted to be fit and healthy, and I’m already at an average weight. For the past 10 years, I’ve been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone by going to the gym, but I’ve struggled to stick with it. I find gyms overwhelming because of the noise, and I get extremely anxious when doing cardio or lifting weights.

Recently, I’ve shifted my focus to walking and low-intensity workouts, like Pilates videos on YouTube. These feel more manageable and have improved my mood, though I sometimes still have to push myself to stay consistent.

Some people say low-intensity workouts aren’t enough, and I’m not sure how true that is. I know lifting weights caused me a lot of anxiety , but running—when I can manage it—seems to be the only high-intensity workout that actually makes me feel good. Btw i have severe ADHD and i don’t use meditation i stopped by myself thats another story lol

I've always had trouble with change, and ever since my breakup with my ex 5 months ago change is all I've been dealing with. It's one thing right after another and I can't take it anymore...I'm so exhausted. Before my breakup happened, everything seemed like it was perfect. I was faced with the difficult choice of breaking up with my ex (i have another post on that from a few months back lol) and I haven't felt like my self at all since. Maybe it's my anxiety flaring up with the addition of anxiety, but I feel like I have no security left.

I felt like my ex was only trying to use me in a romantic/sexual way and I didn't want that. I thought that taking a break from the relationship would allow both of us to take some time apart and come back as stronger friends, thus strengthening our relationship. It hasn't worked out at all how I hoped. He doesn't acknowledge me at all anymore.

For the first few months after my breakup I didn't want to obligate my friends to care for me. They were busy with their lives and I didn't want to burden them at all. I went through summer break all alone, barely talking to anyone but my family. I wanted to reach out to my ex because I was genuinely struggling, but I had no right to do that when I had brought it upon myself. I unsent messages when I had accidentally let a few slip

Once my friends and I received our classes for this year, I learned that my whole friend group was together and I was alone. I'm still taking those classes alone and it likely won't change next semester. It's not as saddening to me anymore, but for the past few years that we've all known each other we've all shared classes. I don't know why fate has placed me alone without me friends, especially when I felt (and still frequently feel) hopeless after my breakup. This change has made it a bit more difficult to feel supported and heard.

I still pass by my ex on campus. It hurts like hell...the joys of going to a small school I guess lol. I reached out to him a few weeks after school had started up again and told him how I felt--that I wanted to try again. He told me he moved on, reasonably so.

Since September I've been struggling to move forward. I can't force my feelings onto him--I understand that.

Three weeks ago I found out that my confidant had feelings for my ex. She knew damn well I was trying to move forward--she knew how much I was struggling too. I was making genuine progress when it came to being happy again. She crushed it all in an instant and I'm still kind of recovering from her truth right now.

There's days when I've allowed myself to be happy without him, but I usually frequent the days when I cry after my classes because I still feel so utterly alone, and I still miss my ex because he was one of my closest friends. I don't understand how he just dropped me so easily. I wonder if our friendship meant anything to him...but I am also his ex so who am I to have a say in this

My whole world has fallen apart and I don't know what to do anymore. I want to grow and change, I don't want to remain in such a hopeless mindset anymore. I just feel like every time I've moved forward something places me back where I used to be--abandoned and alone only fending for myself. I want to revert back to my old self and familiarity. I so desperately want to go back to June and change how things are now. I can't wish for this, it's wrong, but I want to be held by my ex once more because he always calmed me down when I got anxious.

Thinking about the good memories we've had, especially around Thanksgiving/Christmas when we both admitted to having romantic feelings hurts so much but I can't get them out of my head. I think about him at least once a day and I just want it to stop.

I haven't felt like myself since June and I don't know what to do. There's days when I don't even recognize who I am anymore--I've grown so much and I'm truly grateful, but I've also reflected on my life and I'm scared that I'm losing my grasp on what I know. I don't understand how my fear of change has affected me this much. I don't want to cry anymore and I don't want to be scared.

In all honesty, the only thing that I can pinpoint as the cause of this constant anxiety and depression is leaving my time with my ex in the past, but not even as romantic partners--my whole friendship with him. I'm scared that moving forward is going to make me forget how important he was to me and I'm going to forget the memories we had. It hurts me to see him act like I don't even exist

I want to change myself for the better, but the change I've made is stressing me out or I'm holding myself back because I'm scared of it. Is there any way I can feel less overwhelmed, or do I just need to let time do it's thing?

So, I am very friendly and know a bunch of people at my uni, I eat lunch with them and we joke about things and laugh but I don't really share much about me or consider them my real friends, sometimes I feel like they perceive me as a secondary character in their lives, and lately I've been wanting to have a group of friends, not just individual friends I spend time with, but a group to hangout, people to have and celebrate my birthday with.

I know I've been kind of feeling like this my whole life, like the joker friend that is there to have a good time and have fun with them, but not to really form a more meaningful relationship. Ever since I was a child I saw other people and their lives and I felt very alienated because mine was so different and I felt like I couldn't share/tell anything about it and they wouldn't relate to it. There was a mix of physical and psychological abuse when I was younger (don't worry, I don't live with those people anymore) that led me to not share and even feel ashamed at the idea of people knowing about my context, family, anything kinda private really. Sharing about things that have more to do with me and my life makes me feel ashamed and like I did something wrong, I get why people would see me more as a stranger than a friend then, and why I feel both alienated and isolated, but it feels so unnatural to share stuff, it's like I don't know how to do it, I don't know who are the people that are appropiate to tell them stuff because they are closer or something, and when is the right time socially to do so either.

i find it nearly impossible to rely on or trust others, and i think it’s made me hurt a few people in my life. i really really don’t want this to continue on but it’s just so hard to get over myself. oftentimes i get the urge to totally isolate myself for hours, days, weeks or months. i’ve been trying not to, but social interaction can oftentimes feel like a chore that exhausts me by the end. i think it’s partly due to social anxiety as well as this somewhat misanthropic mindset. like the feeling that people are rotten, and that i’m intangibly so far away from everybody else. but in the end i just feel more lonely! is it possible to overcome this mindset? i hope someone can relate a little bit.

Ever feel like you're not quite where you want to be? It's a common sentiment among those striving for greatness – happily discontent can be a resourceful place to be.

It’s not unusual for a person to think they’re doing worse than they actually are: we’re hardwired towards the negative. Some of us are pessimistic, others have limiting beliefs lurking: I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy – progress is just luck, setbacks re-enforce limiting beliefs.

Consider the indicators of those who make it:

• You learn from setbacks. Rather than dwelling on just the mistakes, you arrive at a balanced view and modify – rather than abandon - your plans to learn and continue growing. You identify any patterns behind repeating the same errors. People have a strong tendency to repeat their behaviours. Responses from the past may have server well then, but perhaps not now. You can choose to respond differently – and achieve different outcomes.

• You’re clear on your purpose and priorities. Knowing what you want is the second key step to getting it (knowing who and what you are is the first.) Knowing what you want differentiates you from those who aimlessly floating through life. Once you know what you want, prioritisation becomes easier.

• You understanding the difference between important and urgent. We all have 168 hours each week and the choice on how to use them. You focus on what is important. You align your actions with your chosen goals. You have the habit of asking yourself what is the most important thing you could be doing right now. You avoid deluding yourself with merely being busy.

• You have made some progress already. Consistent progress is a great sign. Even when your goals feel far in the distance, regular progress – driven by consistent effort and learning – will get you there. As well as planning what more needs to be done, reflect on how far you have already come.

• You’re not alone. There are many people are alone in the world. If you’re not alone, you’re doing better than many others. Engaging with people who share your values and aspirations provides encouragement and perspective.

• You’re committed. You know who you are and what you’re about. Your goals are clear. They create meaning for you, value for others and legacy for the future. Great things happen when your purpose, actions, and your environment align.

• You consider other’s opinions. You learn what is resourceful to you and discard what isn’t. You live your life, not theirs.

• You are grateful. You regularly reflect on what has gone well and – crucially – on why it has gone well. You have skills and strengths you don’t even realise.

• You’re authentic. You know your values and beliefs. You make your decisions and take your actions consistent with these. Grounded in your values and beliefs, you make decisions that reflect your true self. Your authenticity shines through in your actions, fostering trust and credibility.

When you have aligned your values, beliefs, purpose, actions, and environment you will doing better than most. This is true, even if the results have yet to reveal themselves.

Desire + Strategy + Persistence = Authentic Results

This is something I have done for myself and others in the past. And it has worked out great 😊

You can ask ChatGPT to create a list of small challenges related to self care and being kind, spreading joy.

For example..

• Send a funny meme or video to brighten someone’s day.
• Take a moment to drink a glass of water.
• Share a smile with someone you pass by.

Then, every day pick one and check it off. Just one of the reasons why December is my favourite month 😅

As the title says, I have had an issue with white lying, especially when it comes to my partner and I, which has caused him to lose trust in me. It’s nothing extreme either, just small things like quitting vaping and ridding bad habits. I realized I was in too deep too late, and I really want to break these bad habits and atone. I read a few posts written about lying which is how I found this subreddit, but I’m hoping for some intricate advice and maybe updated advice; as the post was a few years ago. My partner gives me no reasons to be afraid of telling him the truth, yet I think I do it to avoid hard conversations and I’m really sick of it. Any advice on how to start breaking my habit? I want to do this to better myself and my relationship. I don’t want to lose him, and he’s at a point where if I lie about the small things, how can he trust me on the big things? Any and all advice would be appreciated. I have a hard time sticking to routines even down to working out or eating better, but I’m tired of my behavior and I want to dedicate myself to change this.

In a fast-paced world where external forces often appear beyond our control, there are considerable advantages to be had for those who master their inner selves: unlocking the path to the life they desire. Those who learn how to take control of their inner growth can achieve remarkable transformations in every aspect of their lives.

Implement these high-potential inner growth strategies to help you navigate the unique challenges and aspirations of your own life.

Align Your Values With Your Desired Life

Take a deep exploration of your values. With this insight, you can align your values with the life you aspire to live at the intellectual level. Hypnotherapy can help with a deeper alignment: between the intellectual and emotional realms of your inner self. This dual alignment supports a deeper sense of purpose and direction in your life.

Conquer Your Limiting Beliefs

Building on your values, your beliefs shape your reality. Which of those beliefs are limiting you: acting as sub-conscious blockers? By combining intellectual and emotional approaches you can free yourself from those invisible chains. Unrestrained, you can make those positive changes at a whole new level. I have written about limiting beliefs in more detail elsewhere.

Manage Your Attitude

We all have our own natural disposition to responding positively or negatively to the challenges life throw at us. With insight on how aspects of our brain / mind work and self-awareness you can learn how shift your disposition towards the positive. In turn this opens-up your creativity and your deeper wisdom. I have written a piece on this – The Thought Action Repertoire – elsewhere. With a more optimistic outlook on the world, you can be better placed to stay the distance and achieve those bigger goals.

Practice Gratitude

While juggling the conflicting demands of career, family, health, and leisure, acknowledging the positive aspects in your life becomes a powerful tool for wellbeing. By incorporating gratitude practices, you reinforce a positive perspective. Guided visualisation can amplify the impact. Combine this with a compelling mental picture of your desired future – aligned with your values, beliefs, identity, and purpose - and you equip yourself with powerful inner tools.

Use Challenges as Opportunities for Inner Growth

Whether you see failure as an endpoint or a stepping stone towards success is a matter of perspective rather than a matter of fact. By reframing your perspective, failures can serve as powerful opportunities for learning and growth. A solution focused approach can enhance your mindset, enabling you to navigate setbacks with resilience and a constructive outlook. Have a go at re-framing a failure: Now that I have learned (what have I learned from the experience?), I choose to (what is my next step?), by (how will I take this next step?) so that I (what will I achieve by taking this next step?) because (what is my why – my purpose – in achieving this outcome?)

Take Control, stay in control

With insight as to how certain aspects of your brain / mind operate, you can learn how to take conscious control of your thoughts. By managing your thoughts, you actively create a mindset that aligns you with your desired outcomes. This lays the foundation of those inner changes which, in turn, puts you in greater control of your interactions with the world around you. With clarity on who you are and what your life is about, decision making becomes a whole lot easier.

By nurturing your inner growth, you embark on a transformation that goes beyond surface-level changes. You can learn how to integrate your innate capabilities - intellectual and emotional - to align your values, beliefs, identity, and purpose for a more authentic and fulfilling life.

I am fed up of everything. Just had a bad breakdown. Before my whole life was about and with my ex who I loved more than anything else, always supported through ups and downs. It’s over now and I got betrayed. It’s been a few years since then but as I am trying to date again, I just hate when I remember my past. I have heard so many stories about people finding love again but I know for sure I won’t be able to love anyone deeply as before. Trying to have new career goals but I am over 35 and feeling very lost.

Although I cognitively know it's better if I don't send the messages. I feel like if I don't sen them they'll be inside me driving me insane. Once I send them I calm down a bit but then I just sit and wait for a caring response that never comes, so ultimately I know it's not effective when a person has shown time and again paragraphs don't make them care about my feelings more.

Obviously telling me to just stop doesn't help. It's got to be some version of relationship OCD as the sending feels compulsive and then there's a feeling of release once I do it. And I'm working on being able to just leave him.

Anyone have any tips or advice? I want to take my power back and stop giving it so freely. Always seeking the validation from someone who is emotionally immature is a losing battle. But it's not that I don't understand this, it's that the discomfort of not being heard is so overwhelming I feel the compulsion to send the messages. And it's not that he never listens or cares, so each time I send it, it's not always met with a negative (or silent) response. If it was it'd be easier to stop but the intermittent reinforcement makes it that much more tiring.

TLDR SEEKING: how to stop being a paragraph sender and seeking validation of my hurt/pain from people who almost get enjoyment out of not responding or giving me what I'm seeking.

I lost my dad in November 2022. I've fallen into this self depreciating rut ever since.

Since then I completely changed into someone I don't even recognize anymore.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror whereas once I was very confident in myself. I've lost so much weight. I was an excellent, even ideal student, participating in events, competitions, Olympiads, and still maintaining brilliant scores, but now it has gotten difficult for me to even sit on my desk. I have struggled with my focus and concentration since forever, but it has now gotten to the point where it's simply unbearable for me. I have huge dreams and I will quite literally die if I continue to waste my life. I want to study, and I really can, but it's like my brain just aborts when I open book. I used to love these subjects but now I don't know what's going on. My focus has deteriorated to that of a goldfish.

My mom, now a single parent, is working so hard for me and I really want to give her the world, but I can't seem to study or do anything productive at all. She's looking to get a loan for my education now, and I feel like nothing but a failure. I come from a country where mental health is still a big taboo. My mom's already busy with my younger brother, who has issues, so I don't want to burden her with myself too.

I really, really, really need help. I understand I can't continue like this but it's like my brain simply won't listen. Please help me out. I've got my finals in February. Mocks from 10th Dec. How do I rewire my brain to study again?

32 (soon), Male, UK.

I've never broken any law or hurt anyone, but my past mistakes and my distorted sense of reality have been getting the best of me for quite a few months and at the moment, I don't want to live. I hate living everyday and just wish to end my life. I've been ruminating about my place in this world, who I am as a person and so on. I know everyone deserves a 2nd chance but I can't help but feel so unique compared to everyone around me. I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve love, I don't deserve success, I don't deserve anything. All I want is to live a different life... Whether it be alive or dead, as long as it isn't this life I'm living.

So in my own fantasy world, besides ending my life, I imagined myself going to a rehabilitation centre away from everyone I know, so that I could learn to love myself, be a better person, be more independent, learn more and so on. Even though I'm not a drug addict (although I have been taking two soluble tablets 4 times a day), I am broken in many ways. Having therapy is good, but I want more... I want to actually get away from everything for a while and come back as a better person with a better mindset. Not necessarily alone, within a community of people who are on a journey of healing like I am. Just not around ordinary people who don't need that help, at least not as much as we do. I want to heal from all my struggles whilst taking a break from the world. And most importantly, I don't want to hurt anyone ever again.

Is that possible?

I’m a black 29f and Ive found myself hating/getting mad at said groups of people and it’s kind of making me just an angry person in general. And before I go further, I do want to make it a point that I’m generalizing. I don’t automatically hate all men or white people, nor am I mean to them just bc of my own personal issues. I want to try working on this because someday I want children, and it wouldn’t be fair if I had all this hatred for groups of people, esp men if I have a son.

A little background as to why I find myself hating men, I grew up watching a lot of true crime and it got to be pretty much all I watched during COVID. I never really took into consideration these cases (as in they never really hit close to home, like they’d be terrible scenarios, but I felt like I was always able to separate myself from it) until I saw a handful of ones these past few years that really stuck with me.

A lot of them had to do with men harming children, or at the youngest older teenagers harming others. Then all that stuff about Epstein, Winestein (idc how to spell that name) R. Kelly and Diddy, amongst others started coming out. I also forgot to mention that around COVID, I started working with kids. I think most people who aren’t parents or just don’t spend too much time around children, they can forget how vulnerable they are. How much one small thing can change their lives forever.

I started realizing a pattern, in most cases these men would be abused and grow up to abuse others, and once I realized all of these things, the thought and idea of men just started to infuriate me. And I also realized there’s quite a LOT of men out here that will claim they’re good people or whatever yet are friends with abusers or men who are just hostile towards women for no reason. They’re a bystander and are perfectly okay with it. Just as long as they’re not on the short end of the stick. They also tend to never take SA seriously,

EX: I used to work at a warehouse and befriends a group of young males who were also into anime (mainly berserk) and all they did whenever that anime was brought up was make fun of how Guys was SA’d as a child by a big black guy. Like the fact that it was done by a huge black man was hysterical to them …? It’s just exhausting.

Imo, I think men (and anglo Saxon folks, and religion but that’s a topic for a different day) are single handedly responsible for a LOT of issues around the world (but I’m mostly talking about the US since I live here), and we don’t have enough “good” men out there who uses their privilege to actually do stuff about this.

As for my disdain for white/anglo Saxon folk, I think it just stems from the constant racism and entitlement. Earlier I was mocked and not taken seriously for wanting more tattoo artists to showcase darker skin. It’s just soooooo annoying living in a society where people just don’t like you bc you’re a skin color! It’s unfair. And then when you wanna push for basic human representation you’re suddenly a woke snowflake. But if you also say “fuck them be just as mean and terrible as these people” you’re a misandrist and promoting violence.

Instead of shutting tf up and listening to marginalized groups of people , they get mad and defensive bc they know deep down they couldn’t care less about other people who don’t look like them. They also TAKE everything bruh like the way white people have been trying to use black hair products and hairstyles even tho they HAVE SO MUCH CULTURE ALREADY!!!! Like it’s in their DNA and ugh it’s just SO infuriating. I really can’t enjoy anything these days bc of all of this.

That all being said, I’ve went ahead and taken a few steps to try to make myself less angry, like I don’t watch true crime anymore unless it’s to do with other crimes (ie robbery or laundering or something) and I try to stay off social media like Twitter (I do use ig but it’s mostly to look at art) but I still find myself getting flashbacks to certain things that just make me mad. I’m also waiting to become a permanent employee at my job so I can get healthcare and talk to a therapist soon, but I’d like some tips to be able to get better on my own in the meantime. Pls help!

Hi all, I’m trying to build my confidence - I feel like I’ve been a wet lettuce most of my life and just want to give myself a shake and toughen up!!

I lean on my husband far too much for support which eventually takes a toll, and I would love to be a sting confident woman able to handle everything but I can’t…..more often than not I end up crying about something or nothing!

Where do I even start?!

I don't have any actual friends. I'm on the side for the "friend group" I "have".

People are so disingenous. Especially adults.

I'm 20 years old.

I don't know what else to say besides people seem to always be lying.

My new psychiatrist never listening to the point I tell him that he needs to actually do fucking work and diagnose me or something.

My advisor who fucks up my schedule every semester. She doesn't care.

Therapists who pretend to be your friend and give very general, unhelpful, obvious responses to issues.

I do want to be better because I used to NOT be like this. I used to be optimistic and give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

I suffer from multiple mental health issues; BPD, severe depression and pretty sure CPTSD. For as long as I can remember I have had the worst eating habits, to the point I am actually malnourished.

I don't have proper meals and can go a couple of days without eating and even when I do eat, it's something like cookies or some sort of junk food.

I have just got no interest in food or cooking. I do have a partner who works long hours and I feel bad because that should at least motivate me to cook a meal for both of us when she gets home but it doesn't. I've noticed I won't make any effort whatsoever if I know I will be eating alone.

I don't think I have an eating disorder because I don't purposely starve myself or struggle with body image issues. I know I have to eat and I want to eat but something deep down is stopping me.

Majority of the time I have severe brain fog, massive issues with concentration and lack of energy and I know this is due to not eating correctly or the right foods which my body needs.

My therapist told me this is a behavioural issue that I have picked up years ago and it's the norm for me so I don't know anything else.

It is something I really want to work on and get myself in a better place.

I have an entrance exam for universities up ahead in 50 days and i have wasted months doing nothing but procrastinating, I went through a terrible breakup recently and that just made me distance myself even more from everything.

I dont have any other choice than buckling up myself and start preparing for the exam with whatever i have, but i often find myself just watching netflix or youtube, scrolling instagram etc to distract myself from responsibilites, i really need to change.

i want to change but i dont know where to begin, It'd be a great help to know some of the things people do in their daily lives to remain productive, Thanks!

There‘s something in my head that just isn‘t clicking with it. I don’t have any particular goals besides having finical stability and an apartment for myself but I’m in college right now so I know that it will have to be a few years down the line. I don‘t have a specific career or hobby that I really want to excel at. Everything that I see online just seems like busy work to stress yourself out. I feel like I’m missing something that everyone else understands. I don’t know how to get into a grove where I can get things done and feel like what I’m doing is important rather then just busy work that ends up being for nothing.

Hello everyone!

As the title says, I was wondering if anybody has experience with making improvements in their lives either with accountability buddies or small groups. I made a post yesterday that I was planning on making a small discord group of like-minded people that were focused on making some improvement in their life, but I guess automod fired me into the sun for an unknown reason :(. Hopefully this post goes through!

Anyway, I think this could be a beneficial tool for me since it would provide external purpose for my goals. By sharing progress of my goals, as well as reward for aiding in someone else's progress. In the post, I talked about some pros and cons.

- Accountability within a group is a strong motivator for social animals like us, as long as it is controlled in a healthy manner. All sides need to share a minimum level of contribution, like sharing or actually making progress. I feel like this is the biggest problem. If some members are more committed than others, then the group will probably fizzle out over time, or you develop cliques within the group that can be a barrier of entry to newcomers. So, I think a tight-knit small group would work best. This is in contrast to posting on big forums or in big groups where you might get lost in the crowd and hard to maintain inertia.

- Finding the right people. Ideally, the group would be composed of people who share some interest/"glue". Now, I could go find some people with similar specific goals (e.g. programming) or I could post somewhere like here (where people share a general desire to make an improvement). The former might have a tighter bond to start, but it might be harder to find committed people. The latter might select for more committed people, but bonding could be trickier (but, potentially more rewarding by learning about different goals).

- Shame and vulnerability. I'm certainly not the only one who has failures/baggage that inhibit forward progress. A support system of people who "just get it" would be nice. Understanding that we have struggles, but we don't want to keep living in the past. We also don't want to be showered in platitudes and told everything is fine. Somewhere, there's a healthy middle.

Thanks for reading and hope I didn't ramble! What are your thoughts? :)

Growing up I was a shy kid, honestly all the way through college. I solo traveled around the world for like three years and that really helped me break out of my shell. I did hard things (became a volunteer firefighter for example) and gained a lot of confidence in myself and people were shocked when I told them I used to be shy.

Then covid, and now working from home everyday, no longer traveling as much, and probably other factors have caused me to revert a bit. I’m 37 now btw.

I just went on a week vacation with my boyfriend and his family. His family has never been warm or welcoming to me. The first time I met them - I was spending the night - I cried (by myself of course) bc I felt so uncomfortable. It’s been two years now, and while they are perfectly nice people, they’re still pretty unfriendly to me. Meaning, they have never made any effort to get to know me or ask me how I’m doing or even greet me when I enter the room. The entire week just pulled me back into my old shy self, who felt almost incapable of engaging with them. The more they didn’t talk to me, the more I struggled to try to talk to them.

Also, my friend group (whom i’ve known since forever) often ends up excluding me from things. I live two hours away, and I was going to be in town briefly. I texted the few who live in the area if they want to get together. They said oh, our other friend will be in town too, let’s add her to the chat. And she couldn’t do the day that I was asking, she could only do the day after, so they all just decided to get together the day after. I said I couldn’t that day and my text was completely ignored. Stuff like that happens with them.

I started to question why does it feel like nobody likes me? I feel like I’m invisible sometimes, or just, not actively disliked, but not liked, if that makes sense. I realized it’s not them, it’s me. I think I’m a kind warm person but just have a shyness in me I guess, that probably makes me come across as uninterested, unfriendly, I think. So… I need to buck up.

I am going to try to learn to be charismatic. So that my friends will consider me more, and my boyfriend’s family will like me. Any tips? Any good resources- podcasts, books? Are there classes you can take for this sort of thing?

I know this question gets asked a lot but I can't seem to find an answer to an alarming level of attention deficiency when reading, watching things or having conversation with people.

When it comes to reading it's just classic lack of attention that I'll probably overcome if I continue reading more (not a big reader).

When it comes to my concentration in general, it's lacking big time and it's worrying me. In the past I didn't use to read a lot, spent a lot of time gaming and watching youtube and I didn't converse with people a lot (that's another thing and it's because of trauma) and I think all of that contributed to my lack of attention which really breaks my self-esteem and I'm really trying to improve but it's hard. When watching a tv series or a movie with friends I ask questions a lot and everything has to be explained to me like I'm autistic and it's also frustrating to them. When talking to others, I get lost in conversations and everyone gets confused as to why I'm not understanding even simple anecdotes. Some people say I'm just not interested enough in subjects I'm trying to focus on which might be partly true but I can't be uninterested in everything which is why I'm kinda forcing myself to focus on a lot of things. Another thing to add is that I used to bang my head whenever I disappointed my parents or made mistakes and that probably also contributed to my lack of attention span.

So now my question is is there a way to improve my concentration in any way without going to a therapist or should I accept this disability (I don't want to accept it)?

Today was a very fun day. It was Turkey Day and the day before Black Friday. The gym was closing early and I woke up to my hamstrings killing me. I couldn't even bend over properly without feeling those puppies. I both loved and hated it. Loved knowing they are getting stronger but hated the pain in the moment. They will heal though and I will continue to push. Even if I wanted to hit the gym early, there was so much snow on the ground. It's like Christmas wants to come even earlier. I spent my day deleting tabs and looking at deals on Black Friday. It was such a relaxing day and it felt nice. My mom asked if I would have dinner with her and we did. Lately she has been cooking more and it's been very helpful with me saving money and I think me trying her food has been making her happy. I weighed out the different sides and the Turkey and felt comfortable with what I ate. I kind of fasted but drank chocolate milk to tide me over until dinner or the big event. I ate a bunch of turkey and green bean casserole and loved it. I have hated my mom's green bean casserole for the longest time. My guess was that I had it so much over the years that I started to dislike it. Then I decided why not and went for some. I absolutely adored it and put some Tabasco on it. It isn't too high in calories and tasted fantastic. I decided I have to make my own completely from scratch for the Christmas dinner I want to make. I also had the cranberry sauce from work and oh my goodness it's so good. I didn't need dessert because this was phenomenal. I came up with an idea for next Thanksgiving since I have been bringing dessert the past couple years. My idea is to make donuts since they are my absolute favorite. I love jelly donuts and I think making a cranberry sauce filled donut would be excellent. Both festive and a great dessert. It would give me a reason to start experimenting more with baking and especially experimenting with one of my favorite things. My mom and I ate together and we usually watched a cooking show a few years ago. We couldn't get it to work so I put on one of my favorite YouTube videos. A mock game show of Taskmaster and she loved every second of it. I think it is the video I have laughed hardest at. It was an amazing production and I love Taskmaster in general. We had a really good time and talked to one another a bit after. She is going out for Black Friday and will also be swinging by one store to grab my newly ordered shoes. I found a good deal for Black Friday and decent shoes in my budget. I hope they feel well over time but working towards a better job also comes with better shoes. These seem highly praised and work for a budget. I can't wait to have something better for my feet. Besides all that amazing fun here is what I ate:

Midday Snack:

1 cup chocolate milk - 140 calories (13 g protein)

Dinner:

244 g of turkey - 305 calories (37 g protein)

81 g of stuffing - ~310 calories (~5.6 g protein)

163 g of mashed potatoes - ~185 calories (~3.2 g protein)

90 g of cranberry sauce - 145 calories (.8 g protein)

569 g of green bean casserole - ~495 calories (~10.6 g protein)

SBIST was the beautiful meal my mom put together for us. It tasted great and we had a nice meal together. We don't eat together anymore and do our own things typically. It was just nice to watch something together and eat food that I really appreciated having. The turkey came out perfect and wasn't dry. She made some good stuffing and made real mashed potatoes. I swear most people just make the boxed ones at this point in my family. The stuffing was simple and the cranberries from work were divine. I am used to hating on green bean casserole but enjoyed it this time. It was a lovely dinner and I enjoyed it.

Tomorrow the plan is to stay home and eat leftovers for the most part. I may go out to work out and grab some veggies but my hamstrings were killing me today. I couldn't even bend over without feeling it. I am happy knowing that my muscles are getting worked on but man it is destroying me in the short term. But I went in knowing this journey is all for the long term results. I know this “pain” will make it so I won't have back pain in the future from being overweight or heart problems from limiting how much food I eat now. These habits will make me better even if sometimes I hate them. Little cons for even bigger pros. Thank you my conjurers of the pros and the cons. You make me find the right balance until the cons get weighed away physically and metaphorically.

Tonight I made a decision for myself. One that isn’t easy, but one that I know is right. I made a decision to love myself. To forgive myself. To realize that not everything is my fault. I am strong. I am still standing. I wish I could hug myself for hating myself. I wish I could wipe away the tears of the past. I have beaten myself to the ground and have been filled with self hatred. But tonight I made a decision to not open old wounds and to heal. And that decision was for me and no one else. It felt good.