/r/DecidingToBeBetter

Photograph via snooOG

This community is dedicated to self-improvement, personal growth, and supporting each other on our journeys to become better. If you’ve decided to leave behind what no longer serves you and are committed to progress, this is the place for you.

A Beginners Guide


Rule 1: Be civil/respectful

Be civil and respectful. This is a support site. Be kind to one another. Harassment is a insta-ban, so think twice before engaging in any. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Stay on topic

Rule 2: Stay on topic

All posts must be about getting better. This means all posts must either be direct requests for advice, sharing advice, or sharing progress. Your submission may be removed if the advice you are sharing or requesting is not clear enough, or if your post lacks any potential to benefit another person.

Rule 3: Mind Reddiquette

Follow Reddit site rules and reddiquette.

Rule 4: No Spam

If you do not follow Reddit's rules for self promotion and spam, your post will be removed and you will likely be banned. Your account history will be taken into consideration when concluding if you are a spammer or not. Moderators will use their own discretion to decide. Keep the following quote in mind: ”It’s ok to be a Reddit account with a website, but it’s not ok to be a website with a Reddit account”

Rule 5: No linking to videos, articles, surveys, or blogs.

No linking to outside webpages. No videos, No articles, No surveys. No blogs.

Rule 6: Limited quotes

No quotes on images or quotes as text post titles.

Rule 7: Report misconduct

Report anything that you feel violates the integrity of the subreddit.

Rule 8: Flairing posts

Please flair your post with a appropriate tag to let users know what your post is about.

Rule 9: on Self-promotion

No videos, No articles, No blogs. If your submission is self promotion, message the moderators to get permission before posting, otherwise your post will be removed.

Rule 10: No politics

No political posts or political debates.


We are not a crisis service. We cannot guarantee an immediate response and there are times when this subreddit is relatively quiet. This does not mean no one cares. If you need to talk to someone at once, you can take a look at a list of Crisis Hotline Numbers.

Please keep in mind that crisis hotlines are meant for people who are in immediate danger. If you just need to talk to somebody, build a rapport, or vent, then therapy is another option. You can look online to find options near you, or sign up for one of the many accredited online therapy sources. (Use online services at your own risk.)

If no one has responded to your post after a day and there are no upvotes, it is possible that your post got caught in our spam filters.

Feel free to message the mods so we can check.


Related Subreddits:

Mental Health

Physical Health & Fitness

Productivity

Lifestyle

Addiction & Recovery

Master List of Related Subs


Beginners Guide:

  • This is a place to share and discuss your journey of deciding to be better. You can do this by making a post, or commenting on another persons post. A new feature we are implementing is monthly progression checks. If you would just like to discuss your adventure of deciding to be better, and document/track your progression, you are invited to participate in those!

  • Starting in 2019, we are asking users to flair their posts. After submitting, there is a "flair" option under your post body. Please select which flair is most appropriate for your post. This will help you and others find the content they come here for more easily!

  • Remember to keep things civil. If somebody is opening up about their mistakes, it doesn't give you the right to ridicule them. Also be genuine when giving advice! you can joke around but most people are here for serious reasons and expect to get serious responses.

  • If you are unsure if your post is appropriate for this subreddit, or have an idea for the sub, message the mods and ask! dont be shy, we welcome any and all questions. :)

  • This is not a place for you to repeatedly advertise your content on other platforms. Please do not share videos you made, articles you wrote, etc., If your account shows little interest in participating in the communities you advertise to, or you are just blasting out posts and hoping one sticks, your submission will be removed, and you may be banned. Again, feel free to message the mods to see if your post is acceptable.

  • If you're having a conversation with somebody in the comment section, or you see a comment/post you enjoy, please upvote them! You obviously don't have to, but its nice giving each other internet points, isn't it? When you see a post with no votes or no comments, you could potentially make the OP feel at least listened to with your votes or comments! Its hard for everyone to make the front page, so show some love to the "new" section too!


Advice Help Journey Progression Resource Story

Please refer to our Wiki/FAQ!

/r/DecidingToBeBetter

1,238,974 Subscribers

1

Which is better for getting lean? 6 or 12 rep? Strength or muscle excercise?

I want to get lean but I don’t know how many reps to do. Most of my workouts include bicep and core training with some additional leg training.

0 Comments
2025/01/31
18:20 UTC

2

I struggle with doing things not because I like them / want to but because i feel like I should because it’ll benefit me in some way

I struggle with constantly doing things not because I enjoy them but because I feel like I should do them, whether that be driven by a feeling that I need to be somebody I’m not, or because I just feel like I have to do it.

I rarely make decisions around doing things because I enjoy them and im always jumping from one thing to another, struggling to stay consistent.

I have had this since a kid, I feel like maybe when things get tough I subconsciously give up and do something else.

For example: -See someone on social media talking about this style of working out and why it’s the best etc -> do the workout style for a bit -> either get bored or reach a point of difficulty and stop (unsure which one) -See someone talking about how they make money on social media -> know it would be something I wouldn’t enjoy but feel compelled to do it. Start constantly looking into it and researching about it for a day or so, and then never start. Move onto the next thing.

And then with socialising, I feel as though I’m not being genuine and that I’m putting out an act, that I need to be this way rather than just being myself, because then people will think I’m charismatic or whatever. This just leads to me coming across quite awkwardly and ingenuine.

TLDR: I look at everything through a lense of what can I gain, now what do I enjoy/makes me feel good.

0 Comments
2025/01/31
18:01 UTC

16

Finally broke the cycle of staying with men who don’t deserve me

I was never given the proper tools to love myself or have any form of self-esteem. I’ve always used men to fulfill that wound in me. Not in a casual way— I’ve never engaged with that— I’m referring to romantic relationships.

I went from living with a partner for a few years who went to prison for abusing me, to being with my high school sweetheart who reminded me of the person I was before that trauma- who ended up seeing me as a wife before a person and would freak out if I didn’t align with the fantasy of me he had in his mind- to being with someone who was the exact opposite of that: someone who barely felt any attachment to me and treated me like a temporary option.

Something inside of me is changing. I’ve been feeling it for a while now. Something that’s screaming, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!!!! I DESERVE TO BE ACCEPTED AS ME!!” I think the combo of going from a narcissistic mother to a physically abusive ex partner to someone who metaphorically tried to keep me in a cage because I was “that special” to them to the opposite where someone made me feel so un-special and absolutely wanted zero commitment really did it for me.

Maybe I am gaining self-esteem… or maybe I’m just tired of this cycle and I want away with it for the rest of my life. Doesn’t matter. I decided i’m done with it. I took the time to realize what I needed back in October and I’ve been running with it since.

A month ago at the end of my music festival, I was laying in my current partner’s bed and I poured my heart out about how this was not serving me and that this has to end. I was very gentle and compassionate in the way I worded things, while still standing firm in my boundaries and eluding self-respect. I didn’t blindside them, I let them know in advance that this was going to be happening.

It was such a hard thing to do, but I know it was the right thing. I know that future me will be so thankful I chose myself. I’m breaking patterns no matter how uncomfortable it feels. I fucking deserve this. I think about him every second of every day, and I feel a tightness in my chest when I get too deep in thought. I try to remind myself that the push-pull of the dynamic was like an addictive drug and that I’m just experiencing emotional withdrawals. I’ve really let myself grieve this month.

It took it out of me to make such a big decision. It temporarily clouded my vision and motivation and made me sleep all day. Well, nothing MADE me sleep all day, that was my voluntary choice. But, I think I’m ready to go back to pouring love into myself and reminding myself of who I am. I’m proud of myself for what I’ve accomplished. It might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is the biggest deal to me. I broke a life-long habit. I just taught myself that I won’t settle for less than what I deserve.

3 Comments
2025/01/31
17:55 UTC

4

I have people that could be considered friends but in my mind I can’t get myself to think of them as friends.

For a long time I just thought of myself as not capable of having friends or just as someone who tagged along with someone else’s friend group while not thinking I was part of the friend group. I want to get out of this mindset but it just feels so unnatural to label someone as friend and put level of trust in someone. I’m not sure if I’m just being extremely picky with who I call my friend, I don’t want to call someone my friend when it’s just some passive relationship where I don’t really talk to them. I feel this is something like I have a fear of loosing friends or just a very low self esteem problem. I want to improve myself and stop myself from rushing to the idea that I’m not good enough to be a friend but I don’t know where to get started.

5 Comments
2025/01/31
16:10 UTC

1

Easily Irritated - Help

I can acknowledge that I am very easy to piss off. This is something that bothers me alot especially in friendships/relationships.

At first (the first 2-3 months) I am the most easygoing person. Ive been described as "chill and confident" by many people and this is how I like and want to be.

However, as time progresses and we get to that 2-3 month period, I begin to get more and more irritated. Little things can tick me off and I'll become passive aggressive to people I care about. I am also very emotional and will cry over the smallest things.

In my last relationship, this was a huge problem that eventually led to lost feelings on both ends.

I have friends who know this is how I am, but that I can also be really easygoing and fun.

I dont want to be this way and any advice would be so helpful for when I feel like this is about to happen.

Thank you.

0 Comments
2025/01/31
15:29 UTC

2

Ex Is Making a Real Effort This Time… But Can I Trust It?

My ex and I got together young and moved fast. It was a long-distance relationship, and I sacrificed a lot for him, even losing my family’s support at one point. Despite helping him through his lowest moments, he gradually broke my trust and treated me horribly toward the end, making me push for the breakup.

Afterward, he wanted to stay friends, but I declined. Months later, he apologized and wanted to rekindle things, but he wasn’t serious, so I cut him off. A year later, he apologized again, this time more maturely. We talked, but I realized I still lacked peace and needed to focus on my mental health and school. When I pulled away, he made hurtful posts on Twitter to get my attention.

Recently, I’ve been thriving in school and celebrating milestones, and he reached out again. This time, he seems genuinely intentional—respecting my boundaries, checking in, sending me lunch money, and planning visits. I can tell he’s done some growing. He says he still loves me and wants to earn my trust back. I love him too, but I’ve healed and let go. I wouldn’t let him disturb my peace again, but I also don’t fully trust his motives, given his past actions.

I’m torn between believing he’s changed and worrying that my judgment is clouded. How do I know if he’s truly serious this time? Any advice would be appreciated.

14 Comments
2025/01/31
13:17 UTC

0

Two years back I didnt understand self esteem

DAE self esteem destroyed by thier esteemed friends. I was homeless two years back and stayed at a couple of places temporarily with friends and I was treated like nobody or a slime using thier space and eating thier food.

I would try to make talks and use my humour to entertain the peeps, bring them gifts and amuse them with agreeing in conversations. I had become the doormat of the people wherever I lived because I feared it would be irresponsible of me to not make them comfortable with my company.

The reality was, they ignored me and told me to get out indirectly via insults, etc. In truth I was ignoring a major responsibility I had, was to get the f out of anyone's house who wasnt my parent. The so called boyfriends too treated me like a lamp, I felt I required to suck up to thier off putting behaviour towards me since I had no where to go / no sense of security outside thier compassion.

Post that, moved out of the random friends( close ones) realised they just were friends of good weather and lovers of flaking interests, yes everyone, the odds werent in my favor once. Moved back home and am working on my career opportunities and realising money plays a very important role in aquiring resources and making people treat you right.

My journey reflects its not to late to get up and grow a pair, to face whatever that lowers your self esteem, weather its relying on person's specific advice - ( there is always a hidden price) and (no ones looking out for you). People secretly judge your naivity as incompetence and hold it against you in the longer runs thus reputation must be protected.

Then again books on game theory and human coalition theory may help. Also reading the history and politics and economics can open your mind on how people react to certain things. Yes an artist cannot survive the madness out there. If you got an artist friend coach them on realities of life. This is how I plan to give back to the society.

0 Comments
2025/01/31
09:31 UTC

32

Afraid or working

I don’t want to work. It’s just straight up laziness. I’m terrified of wasting my life on a routine, exhaustion, and just surviving instead of living. But at the same time, I’m not doing anything productive either.

I feel stuck. knowing this is the reality for most people and that they live quietly miserable makes me want to die.The thing is that I'm 25, I don't have more time to play the victim and I need a job. But I'm deeply terrified of failure and I'm very bad at my career.

How do you accept this? How do you keep going without falling into complete despair I know I have depression and all but I need to get over myself. How can I cope? How can I get better. Any tips?

12 Comments
2025/01/31
08:12 UTC

138

In just six months and 50 pounds down, I went from struggling to walk a mile to running one nonstop yesterday!

Giving advice to those struggling is tough because the journey itself is incredibly hard. But the most important thing is to start—right now—and hold onto that momentum like your life depends on it, because in many ways, it does. Progress is slow; you're laying one brick at a time, and it will take a while before you have something solid to stand on. But along the way, small victories—whether in pounds lost, milestones hit, or intangible wins—will keep you going.

Build something so valuable to yourself that you can’t bear to tear it down. And remember, the fleeting pleasure of overeating isn’t worth it. Give yourself 15 minutes after eating what you truly need, and more often than not, you’ll realize you don’t actually need more.

5 Comments
2025/01/31
06:44 UTC

11

She’s Gone, But My Brain’s Still Stuck—How Do I Move On?

So, I loved this girl—deeply. Our relationship/friendship was about 2 years, and I gave it everything I had. Treated her like family, always there for her, putting her first. I genuinely thought she felt the same, but she got tangled up in feelings for my so-called friend, made some dumb decisions. We tried to stay friends, but it just hurt too much. Now we’re both not talking anymore.

Here’s the thing: I know she’s not a bad person, and she’s still hurting from all of this too. She’s not as deep in it as me, but I know she still loves me, and I still love her. But I’m stuck in this loop—thinking about her all the time. I’ve tried moving on, but it’s hard. She made mistakes, sure, but I can’t forget everything we shared.

So… how do I rewire my mind, stop dwelling on the past, and move forward? I know I can’t stay in this space forever. Anyone been here? How’d you break out of it? Drop your best advice, real talk. I’m ready to shift out of this

11 Comments
2025/01/31
04:31 UTC

20

I mistakenly set myself up to succeed

So here’s the thing. I don’t know what I did but my iPhone is keeping me accountable more than I bargained for 😭

I decided to change my unhealthy habits like eating out and spending money on food. This will drastically improve my health and finances. Since I know my own schemes, tactics and excuses, I tried something new and set a time limit on my Uber eats and door dash app. I can only be on both for 1 min before the app kicks me out. But I also decided I needed a passcode in case I try to deceive myself into extending the time limit. Thing is, I don’t know the passcode. Only my younger brother does.

So today I gave him my phone and he set the passcode. Ok it gets interesting here. I had told myself, if it gets real bad, I can convince him to give me the passcode in the future. So I wasn’t too worried. So I was still being a little cheeky with my plan. I’ll snitch on myself. It’s not even been a day yet since we hatched this plan and I was already about to ‘reward’ myself for eating healthy this afternoon by ordering dinner on uber eats. So I was about to start a convincing scheme to get my bro to back down and give me the code. Don’t laugh at me please. I’m trying.

BUT to my surprise, and I don’t even know who set this up - I can’t text my contacts during my “downtime” (which is about an hour before my iPhone recognizes I’m about to go to bed). I tried texting my brother and it won’t let me. It’s asking for my code (which only my brother knows) to turn off the downtime limit. Like what!?! I guess I set myself up for success. 😫Yay I’m hungry but I’m going to bed.

4 Comments
2025/01/31
03:26 UTC

3

Feelings of anxious restlessness in the journey?

Hi all, first time posting here. I've been struggling lately with a little feeling in my chest that tends to set in every evening; I'd best describe it as restlessness, definitely anxious, this feeling of reaching for something that'll lead to fulfillment, inspiration, happiness.

I've been making steps towards being a better version of myself, as we all are, and for me, that means being someone who spends less time scrolling on his phone, doesn't drink so much beer, moves his body more, and spends more time in the outdoors and working on projects.

I'm proud of the progress I've made, but I've noticed that removing distractions and vices leaves a void that doesn't get automatically filled with peace and fulfillment. It's been quite difficult for me lately to get to a place where I feel like I can just relax and take in a moment. Wondering what you all have experienced with this type of thing. Is it just growing pains? Am I letting myself go down the wrong types of thought patterns?

Thanks for reading.

0 Comments
2025/01/31
03:07 UTC

3

Losing A Half Of Me - Day 274

Today felt like bliss. It was full of all the good things in my life. I woke up with a pretty pup and did some chores. Then I headed to a local bakery for breakfast. It was honestly lovely and their items didn't feel dense or too full of calories. They were small and filling, which I was happy about. Learning they were nut free the night before was exciting to me because I could show my cousin and he would feel completely safe to go there. He is extremely cautious with his allergy and places like that can be hard to find. I hope he goes there and enjoys it. I moved some funds to pay for a trip I was going on and played some video games to relax on my day off. It was nice and fun. I did this until it was time for the gym where my cousin and I did back and biceps. We killed it together and it felt awesome. We hung out with some people I went to high school with who were working their chest and back. It was a really good time full of great conversation. I asked them about different grips and they explained some stuff to me. A guy even came over to talk to my cousin and help her with her form. I know she was slightly annoyed but it was good for us to heat. It will only help us to improve and get better. My lungs were killing me by the end at the gym but I felt amazing. Here was the routine:

Tricep pushdown: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing by 5 each time to be 35 40 and 45 pounds

Note: Some nice guy came over to help my cousin with her form. He explained keeping her wrists straight to be safe and no to overdo it on weight. Weight doesn't matter and safety first. She was struggling before on her weight so it makes sense form was degrading.

Lat extension: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing by 5 each time to be 35 40 and 45 pounds

Note: Struggled with doing the last one on 45 pounds.

Lat pulldown: Reps of 10 8 5 with weight increasing each time to be 50 55 and 60 pounds

Dual pulley row: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing each time to be 35 42.5 and 50 pounds

Bicep curls: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing each time to be 30 35 and 40 pounds

Row machine: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing each time to be 65 70 and 75 pounds, full amount on each side

Note: Hit a new max weight.

Assisted pull up machine: 10 at 175 lbs

8 at 170 lbs

8 at 170 lbs

Note: Felt weirdly easy today and I took on more weight for it.

30 minutes on the treadmill at 3 mph with an incline of 8.

Note: Felt quite easy today! Yay!

After the gym I went to get a meal to take home. Something yummy and easy for my cheat day. My favorite streamer was on so I watched dinner with an awesome show. I took care of the animals and myself. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. I thought about my Mom's upcoming birthday and it's her 50th. I wanted to make something and came up with an idea. I want to write something like 50 reasons I put up with you. It goes along with my sense of humor and it is better than something I bought when I don't have too much money for spending on gifts. I'll develop the idea more but I'm excited with the beginning process of it. I still have two months so plenty of time. I ended the night with some games and went to bed with a dog and the cat even joined me. That felt awesome. It was an awesome day full of good food, games, streams, and company.

SBIST was the local bakery I stopped at for a treat. It was small and nice and the stuff that I got there tasted amazing. It was nice to find a local place that was also nut and peanut free that I could recommend to one of my little cousins. The bakeries around here are nothing like the places I visited but it is still possible for me to find a hidden gem among everything. I'll just keep looking (on my cheat days of course!). I am also always trying to try new things when I can. It will help with my experiments later on and ideas I want to fulfill. I just want to make things my way eventually and better to my taste or opinion.

Tomorrow should be nice and easy. I am going into work and then off to the gym for my core workout. I am going to try and increase different things and see how I feel. I'm excited to try that out. After that I will head to my coworker's place to have dinner, which is all set to go and play some games. It should be an easy day and should have a nice routine. I won't be complaining about that. It's been nice having a place to myself and I'm looking forward to that in the future and then eventually filling that empty space with somebody special. I don't know but right now I'm happy and can't ask for much more than that. Thank you my conjurers of the empty spaces. You sometimes provide peace and remind myself that some day that space will be filled.

0 Comments
2025/01/31
03:00 UTC

8

How do you prepare yourself for BIGGER responsibilities?

I have always feared doing GREAT things however I can really envision myself doing it. I just cannot align my vision with reality and I always have this feeling that somehow, things will go wrong and I have to take all the blame and suffer all the repercussions that come my way, which is why I always thought that I might be living in this constant state of fear, mainly due to the fact that having something like a driver's license, or a top position in an organization, entails a lot of responsibilities.

How does one prepare themselves for that? I mean sure, there's the trainings, how-to videos and whatnot, but what steps do you take mentally to handle the bigger things in life?

4 Comments
2025/01/31
02:39 UTC

2

Where do I search for emotional help?

I Don't have access to professional help, and I want to, but I can't. Is there subreddits or idk anything where I can search for help

6 Comments
2025/01/31
02:29 UTC

1

Afraid of trying

Here goes. I, 18m, am afraid of trying to improve myself. I’m afraid it will all be for nothing, and I’ll hate myself if that happens. I’m scared of studying, and of making a change in myself.

0 Comments
2025/01/30
23:04 UTC

1

How can I quit weed?

First of all, please excuse my English, it’s not my first language✨ I (F36) have beed diagnosed with severe depression. The diagnose came as a relief/confirmation because I felt like shit for years. I finally had the courage to go see a psychiatrist several times and she put me on Prozac (20mg). Now the not so fun part begins… I smoke weed daily, about 1, max 2 joints/day. When I first started smoking, 5 years ago, it changed my life for the better. I smoked alot during the Pandemic, it was heaven (mind you I’m an introvert). My boyfriend (M37) introduced me to weed, and it was such a fun and intimate activity for us. Years went by, I started going back to the office 3 days/week last year (I was working from home until then) and it took me MONTHS to realise how smoking has affected my concentration and mood and my social skills. Don’t even get me started on memory loss or brain fog… but I still could’t quit smoking! I had such a bad depression episode a few weeks ago, and finally accepted to ask for help. Until then, I was lying to myself that smoking helps, but it just got me high for a few hours, leaving my rest of the day occupied with severe anxiety (including at night, in the middle of the night), derealization, lazyness, and many more. I enjoy smoking because it is one form of intimacy between me and my man, I really enjoy the immediate effects but the side effects and regrets hit harder. Now I really have to stop because I really want/have to take Prozac so that I can start getting back my control over my life. It started affecting my concentration at work and made my anxiety worse. Why do I refuse to see how bad it it for me? I’m honestly sooo scared of withdrawl, the longest I’ve went without smoking was 2 months and it was H E L L :( In order to start treating my depression, I must start therapy alongside medication, but I’m literally terrified, petrified. Why is this?? I am the one who decided to better myself, why do I sabotage myself like this? My bf is very supportive and he’s in the same situation as myself, except that he still hasn’t been hit with the realisation of how bad it is for us. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to admit it. If you managed to read up to here, wow, thank you! I really appreciate it, and I really need all the possible advice on how to feel better after quitting. I just had my last joint (I hope), tomorrow I gotta start on Prozac, wish me luck!

2 Comments
2025/01/30
22:03 UTC

130

I deleted 2,000 emails today.

Exactly what it says. I did something that made me feel so much lighter and easier to use my phone. I deleted 2,000 emails from my personal email- much of which were just promotions. Small things like this make me feel a lot lighter, so I just wanted to share the good news and celebrate on Reddit.

It feels like I did a deep clean. My mind feels a lot more relaxed when I use my phone. I will try to stay on top of it more often so it doesn't get bad again. A huge step in the right direction for me!

Edit: Another plus- I got rid of up to 40gb of storage. I got rid of more emails from other accounts. Feels so good.

16 Comments
2025/01/31
00:18 UTC

8

Scared to leave workplace

27f who struggles with mental health - specifically anxiety and panic disorders , ocd. Left my old career to dive back into the beauty career and went back to school for a year for this. I’ve been licensed and working for the last year, but am thinking of leaving my place of work to find somewhere that I can make consistent income as opposed to 200$ or 700$ every two weeks.

I have been having panic attacks because I am scared to leave - I love my career and my coworkers and my boss is amazing - I’m just not making the kind of income I need to be able to live a normal life. I’m so scared of going somehwrrr else and hating my work environment, I’ve also become accustomed to only working when I have clients as opposed to staying for 8-10 hour shifts . I know I need to leave and expand myself but the fear is almost debilitating . But I can’t live with my dad forever.

2 Comments
2025/01/30
23:45 UTC

16

What do you do when you notice self-deprecating thoughts coming?

So typically how my anxiety comes is in these, like... sine waves where for five-ish minutes I'm 100% positive about my life and know that I can handle anything, and then another five-ish minutes of despairing over everything and feeling hopeless about myself. This continues until I've decided that what I'm worrying about is no longer worth worrying about.

What I want to try to do is once I notice my mood start to tank again is to try to psyche myself out of it and stay positive without it being counterproductive/going into toxic positivity territory. I want to be realistic with myself and not shut out my feelings, while also not overwhelming myself in negative self talk.

Does anyone use a certain technique for when they notice that they start to get anxious that helps them?

9 Comments
2025/01/30
22:43 UTC

0

How to be civil to people who've annoyed you, but also set boundaries with them?

A friend said something hurtful to me the other day. I called it out in the moment, but afterwards I realised that it annoyed me quite a bit and it's since made me weary of him. Now I feel really resentful and I'm struggling to be myself around him.

I am in two minds about it:

  1. I know this is old trauma coming through which I'm trying to process (and have been seeking therapy etc. for a while). Logically, I feel like I need to explain to him why I'm annoyed, i.e. explain that a boundary was crossed. Otherwise I worry that I'm letting myself be walked over.
  2. However, my friend had some not great news last week which might have put them in a bad mod. The mature side of me wants to process the anger internally, let it slide and go back to normal with him.

I'm airing on the side of (2), however I'm struggling to balance the need for asserting boundaries, and the necessity of being civil with each other. If I let it go, should I pretend like nothing happened even though I was hurt?

I think this is a skill I never learned so I'd appreciate any help!

4 Comments
2025/01/30
21:20 UTC

1

Any words of advice on where to even begin? Any help appreciated.

I’m 29m. No friends. No meaningful relationships. No GF/partner. Educated to masters level but no career. Very low income. Have only ever worked the kind of jobs people have when they’re still in school so really no useful experience. Confidence is non existent. Can’t really even hold a simple conversation or even talk to a store cashier anymore without crumbling. Don’t really feel like I understand people anymore because I am missing so much. Feel like an alien. Never had a relationship. Never been liked. Never had sexual experiences. Never had friends to go and do things with. Feel like I am stuck as an eternal 15 year old who never got to begin his life. Don’t feel like I am alive I am just existing.

I just don’t even know where to start. I feel like I’m ruined on every single metric and I don’t know how I can possibly get myself out of this mess. I don’t know where to start with anything to make a difference.

Has anybody ever been at square one like this at this point in their life and managed to turn it around? Any advice at all, or a what would you do in this situation? Thanks in advance.

0 Comments
2025/01/30
20:58 UTC

18

How do I deal with the grief of a mutual breakup?

Hi,

I just broke up with someone I thought I'd eventually get married to. And I think we all tend to think that when we break up with someone, it's going to be this big scary, oh I hate you thing. But we both realized that the relationship is not healthy for the either of us. And I'm glad we realized earlier into the relationship than months or years later.

That being said, I've never dealt with a break up that ended so ambicablly and I just don't know what to do. There's not this big 'oh forget him' moment. We both have a lot of mental health issues and I would spend a lot of time worrying if he was okay because I was his only support system (not 100 percent why we broke up with him, but part of it). And now, I just, don't know how to spend my time? Like there's things that are important to me but I wasn't really neglecting them while we were together. Does anyone have any ideas for how to deal with the grief?

3 Comments
2025/01/30
21:02 UTC

7

Summary of my learnings from self-help books

  ★High performance habits★ 

1☆ See clarity ( your goals must be challenging) 2☆ Imagine your future 3☆Social interaction (know in which tone you will intract will others) 4☆ If you want to learn any skill you should well plan it 5☆ Raise necessity 6☆ Level up your squard 7☆ Increase productivity Increase the output that matters Find your PQO (prolific quality output) 8☆ You need strategy 9☆ Develop influence -can people follow you? Do you have ability to shape people thoughts ? You never know until you ask 10☆☆☆ Teach people how to think 🤔 — big company leaders influence their employees to think big — you have to tell your employees if we want to grow we have to do this. — we have to think about our competitors,future and world 🌎 like this. 11☆ challenge people to grow. Keep your tone very polite ( this is hardest part of this book ) 12☆ Demonstrate courage 💪 ( to bring change) courage is not fearless but it is to take actions even if you are afraid of it . 14☆ express yourself, your ambition

★The P.RI.M.E.R goal setting method★

  1. ★ You have limited time
  2. Identify how much time ⏲️ you get in a day
  3. Set related goals
  4. ★Set specific goal
  5. Smart goal – specific goals, measurable goals, attendnable , relevant time ⏲️ specific
  6. Set Deadline
  7. Smarter goals – evaluation ( can be monitored) , revision
  8. okrs – OBJECTIVE,KEY RESULTS monitor you goals
  9. B S Q – BIG,SMALL,QUICK — take big goal and divide it in small goals and Set deadline
  10. Write down past achievement
  11. Imagine how you want to live your future
  12. Make list of those which are based on your dream life
  13. Make action plans for each goal you Set
  14. Give your every goal 90 days Deadline ( some goals could take more time or less time )
  15. Meet with your goal buddy
  16. Priotize your goals
  17. Realistic deadline
  18. Identify The actions you need to be take

  ★Meet your happy chemicals★
  1. Happy chemicals- dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin serotonin past experience trigger them
  2. Dopamine releases when brains finds special reward
  3. Endorphins- Endorphins is a happy chemicals brains releases it when we fell sad, pain to hide it.
  4. Oxytocin- brains 🧠 releases when we are with other when we gain other trust
  5. Serotonin- brains 🧠 release when we gain respect from other
  6. Cortisol-unhappy chemical when we get hurt in past physical or mentally and in future that is going to happen again when our brain 🧠 releases Cortisol then we get ready to cop up with situation. If Cortisol get released in excess then we feel pain when in smaller amount Cortisol Is released then we fell anxious

★Do more great work★

Bad work, great work, good work Peak moment 4 triangle Circle analysis Deadline Find your great work What will you do ? What Is your simple idea 💡? What is your effective idea 💡? What is your exciting idea, you are willing to do it ? What will you do, on which idea you are fully committed?

Follow a system — planing now start it

  1. Make to do list and up date it regularly
  2. Make a plan and you should know what will result at last
  3. Think creatively
  4. Organize your idea

★Who moved my cheese 🧀 (This is my one of favorite book)★

  • if you don't change then you will become endangered
  • come out of your comfort zone
  • movement in new direction finds new cheese 🧀
  • when you stop being afraid you feel 😊
  • imagine yourself enjoying new cheese leads you to it 😄
  • the quicker you let go older cheese the sooner you find new cheese 🧀
  • it is safer to search in the maze then to remain in a cheese less situation
  • old believes don't lead to new cheese

*where you see that you can find new cheese 🧀 you can change course *noticing small changes early helps you adopt to the bigger changes that to are come

  • change is very important

★Chicken soup ★ *know your souls strength *you have thousand reason to be happy and to smile 😃 *you have many opportunities to become successful *never dull your shine


• Don't blame others • Don't make excuses • Be clear and specific of what you want and decide a specific amount • Write your goal on paper • Set reasonable deadline • To complete your goal make plan for it • Set your list in sequence • Priotize your goals • Take actions continously • Take small actions • Believe yourself • Make list of those work which I can do in one week • To accept positive or negative challenges that means skin in the game or to achieve any goals you take risk that is also means skin in the game or you can also refer skin as investment and game can be considered as you took actions

★Atomic habits ★

  1. Creating habits can be divided into four

steps:- #why #craving #response #reward 2. You should know what you are doing is wrong,right or neutral 3.you can change prospective by changing words 4. Increase practice Increase frequency

Steps:-

  1. Decide your goals
  2. Write down it on paper
  3. Set deadline
  4. Make list what which steps you will require for your goal
  5. Organise that list,organise it accordingly to priority and sequence
  6. Take actions immediately
  7. Do whatever that makes you closer yo your goal even if it's small step

Next chapter of eat that frog

  1. Focus on keen result areas ( you can practice most questions)
  2. Do your 80% job later make corrections
  3. Never stop learning
  4. Understand your weak points
  5. Read or listen about your field daily atleast 60 minutes
  6. Know your limiting factor which limits you from your goal
  7. Positive affirmation
  8. Minimise digital life
  9. Dont waste a single minute
  10. Create sense of urgency
  11. Dont rest till it's done

  1. Find our your why, visualize future you give some time for it try to visualize it real as mush possible make Two list first, describing good points of discipline and benefits of it second, illustrating negative effect of not be disciplined
  2. Stop your excesses
  3. Positive affirmation (very effective)
  4. Goals should be SMART(specific,measurable,achievable,realistic,timeline)
  5. Try to plan every potential issue and find possible way to resolve them
  6. Avoid distractions
  7. Visualize that you are resisting distraction

Edit:- it took me a year to learn this all and may this help books as I summarize my learning to save time and learn more 😊

0 Comments
2025/01/30
16:42 UTC

13

I Keep Realizing Things Too Late. How Do You Avoid Regrets in Life?

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices I didn’t make and how different my life might be if I had acted sooner. It’s not even the big things, just the small decisions that added up—skills I wish I had learned earlier, friendships I should have maintained, financial moves I should have made, and even simple habits I should have built.

I feel like I keep realizing things too late—like, "Oh, I should’ve started investing five years ago," or "I should’ve taken that opportunity when I had the chance." But by the time I figure it out, the window has already closed.

I don’t want to keep looking back and thinking, "I wish I had known sooner." So I’m trying to be more proactive about avoiding regrets, but I don’t really know the best way to do that.

💡 How do you make sure you don’t regret things later?

  • Do you have any frameworks, habits, or questions you ask yourself before making big decisions?
  • Have you ever avoided a regret by acting sooner than you normally would?
  • If you could go back 10 years, what’s one thing you’d do differently?

I’m just looking for ways to be more intentional about life choices so I don’t keep learning things the hard way. Would love to hear how you all handle this.

13 Comments
2025/01/30
16:07 UTC

3

What do I need to work on to become my best self?

For those who have done it, or had some success, what parts of life did you focus on and improve to find happiness and fulfillment?

Sometimes it can feel overwhelming, and hard to figure out which parts of my life I need to prioritize to truly be happy.

Are any most important? Are they all connected, so you have to do at least a bit of everything? Is it a domino effect?

Advice from people who have gone, or are going through the process is appreciated.

0 Comments
2025/01/30
15:47 UTC

3

setting boundaries with others

So, there's a guy who goes at my bible lessons.
From the 1st time we talked, he was always doing the most to try to make me "comfortable". For example we were all standing in circle to evaneglize and he kept askign "are you okay ?" "do you have a headache ?" etc.. several times.
I found it annoyign at first, but didn't pay it any mind. We had to evangelize and after this, he kept trying to engage convos, "hi [my name]". And when i smiled he pointed it out, as if he'd been waiting for me to smile. I'm generally stoic.
And when i said i suspectd he had a crush or smthg, he said no, and that he was just trying to make me "comfortable". Because he assumed i was.
Once i didn't have the bible verses for the day on my phone, and he asked other people to lend me the verses, when i could've done it MYSELF.

I went along with it because i had a crush on the guy, and thought i needed to play dumb in order to be "liked". But this created an uncomfortable dynamic. I was always stressed and anxious in his presence. Some people are just hyper tuned to others, and seem to always look outward for something to "fix" instead of looking inward and doing the job to fix themselves. Because that's what it's about, people with a saviour syndrom often project onto others their need to save themselves.

Just bc i'm an introvert and don't say much, doesn't mean i need "saving". I was perfectly fine and wasn't the last bit "uncomfortable". If anything, his attentiveness is what made me uncomfy, it was like constantly being watched or scrutinized.

I'm not sayign some people aren't altruistic, but there's a difference btw being helped when you need and someone assuming you need help and acting on it, without checking first. The former is fine, the latter is a breech of boundaries.

I realize not speaking up and not voicing my discomfort with this behaviour is what made me implose and what made my nervous system go all the way off. I won't go along with the bs anymore.

0 Comments
2025/01/30
16:23 UTC

5

I feel like i dont deserve the friends I have, How do I change these thoughts?

Backstory i stayed with a toxic best friend for a little over 7 years and I finally left my ex friend and i now i have a new best friend, we hang out a lot, and she is so nice too me and i feel like i don’t deserve her, i feel like she can do much better than me, and find someone that can make her laugh more or someone that she can connect with more, i am struggling to see why she chose me as her best friend

How do I change these thoughts about myself, i already journal and exercise and meditate

6 Comments
2025/01/30
16:18 UTC

27

how to stop being insecure??

This post isn’t about my looks or anything like that it’s more about my friendships and the people in my life.I always find myself being so insecure about my friendships no matter how long i’ve had them and it’s genuinely so exhausting.I don’t want to be needy either by asking my friends “do you still like me?” or “are you upset at me” because frankly it get a little annoying if I do it whenever I feel insecure, which is basically most of the time…I don’t know why I feel this way to begin with.I have friends who have been with me for 10 years going 11 but I often still find myself doubting the friendship…I know that I often read into things like replying to texts late or not talking the shared group chat often while being out with other mutual friends and I try to rationalize and be logical but it’s so difficult.Like logically people have other friends and are busy with life but right now we’re all on school break so them not talking to me as much is making me feel paranoid.I feel like i’m crazy and I don’t know what else to do??? I try to rationalize as mentioned before because isn’t that the most logical thing to do?😭 sorry if this is kind of ramble-y i’m just so exhausted from feeling this way.

26 Comments
2025/01/30
15:50 UTC

7

Any apps or services that have actually helped you become “better”?

I work in tech and it feels like there are just so many products out there. I have hundreds of apps in my iphone, but use less than 10 (or maybe even 5) of them on a daily basis. And most of them are productivity apps.

But there still are some services that I appreciate very much, which are not just interesting but actually "improve me" and make me almost fall in love with. I'm sure you know some apps that are actually helpful and even make you a better person.

Please share! I'm very curious and would love to try out.

10 Comments
2025/01/30
10:55 UTC

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