There are many ways and parts of my life that I can lay out as evidence for my title. But I'll try my best to be brief, because frankly, it's a lot.

I am diagnosed as Bipolar 2, ADHD, cPSTD, and Generalised Anxiety. Been on various meds without any much help until this year July. I've slowly come back to my senses about things as poorly managed Bipolar had me spiralling for years, since the onset of symptoms in 2017.

While comparatively I'm doing amazing, objectively I'm still struggling, especially in the realm of discipline. I have failed university, various classes, for 8 years straight. Now, they seem willing to provide, due to medical reasons, me another year to finish my degree. I only have a few modules left, a little less than a years worth.

I don't know what I lack, in truth. I have a certified above average IQ, and working memory, at least according to tests done by my psychiatrist . And it's not that I lack tenacity, or the capacity to persevere. During my failures in university, technically starting in 2015, I have been placed under su!cide watch in a psychiatric clinic thrice, had a heart operation, had to stay home to look after my aging father who broke multiple bones in an injury, caught covid twice, once being severe, got to a point of weighing 180kgs (400lbs in freedom-units) and by sheer force of will, I AM STILL HERE FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE TO COME TOGETHER.

Now on the positive, I have lost 60kgs, but gained like 20kgs back recently, and am fairly stable right now for the first time in a loooong time. This is the longest streak I can think of since 11 years old wherein, to jumble a little Hamlet, the thought of shuffling off this mortal coil was not a consummation devoutly to be wished. I think I can pull this shit show together, I just neeeeeed discipline but I can't find it, no matter what. It is as if the habits of the past, that lowkey got me through it, just won't let me go.

I am addicted to food, ciggerettes, porn and I can never get to any commitments. I gained a fair deal of muscle in 3 months earlier the year, but now my weights are literally dusty.

I would say I have some means of acquiring discipline, but I really don't. I have one shot to get the degree. In my country this degree almost guarantees a job, I'm not from wealth and I need financial independence, as my parents are aging and I am already an unfair burden unto them. I know if this continues, I am fucked, and so are my loved ones, as weirdly enough, they rely on me.

Can someone show me a way forward? And no, therapy isn't really an issue, I am seeing someone, as crazy as that may sound, based on the aforementioned.

I can't do any task. I have many things to do. If I start something important I always find myself scrolling on social media. It's like my body is avoiding everything that can make me more disciplined. Motivational videos can't help me maintain my productivity etc. I don't know, I'm tired of being like this.

Even the saddest thing, big problems that occured in my life did not stop this kind of laziness? Im like immune to any things, and I don't find myself improving or becoming wiser. I can't study anymore. There is so much information I have to digest and its overwhelming. I become like this when the covid lockdown starts. I'm productive for days on and off. I keep hating myself for being like this and self doubt never stops.

Give me the basics. I don't know what to do anymore.

Overthinking is often misunderstood, and I feel it’s a topic that needs to be addressed. Once I shifted my perspective, I realized it could actually be a source of strength:

It’s not so much that overthinking itself is the problem; it’s what you’re overthinking about that’s the issue.

It is really a superpower.

Think about it (pun intended)—if you want to stay ahead of the curve, the only thing that’s going to help is your cognitive thinking.

The more you utilize it the further you'll go.

The reason overthinking gets a bad rap is because of the crap you’re feeding your brain.

Porn, trashy music, drugs—all the junk you pour into your mind—what did you expect?

Nobody overthinks themselves into paralysis or anxiety without some bad habits in their life. Period.

So, change that, and you’re good to go. Now, I know that’s easier said than done.

Here’s a method to try:

When you’re thinking, focus on how many dreams you want to achieve. Overthink about speccing out your supercars, the houses you want to own, and the places you want to travel to. (Your goals, whatever they maybe)

For example, I go on Zillow, create an account, and favorite multimillion-dollar houses. I’ve been doing this for years—long before I could afford any of them. It’s not about daydreaming; it’s about reinforcing the best your mind has to offer.

Pick your favorites, question why they’re your favorites, and imagine how you’d configure the decor.

It may not sound groundbreaking, but give it a shot.

Similarly, go spec out your dream cars. Dive into the configurations and obsess over the details.

Rewiring your brain is essential to avoid falling back into that pit.

Also, questioning your so called fears in that bubble of thoughts can really help understand what's real and what's fake.

The triggers, situations, etc... analyzing all this can really help filter a lot of it out as well.

The moment you become complacent, you’re done.

Your indecisiveness and habit of putting things off can add to it as well.

You've gotta take control of your mind. The moment the roles are reversed you're out of luck.

And the best part is that, YOU CAN. Even if it may not seem this way now ( I felt the same once too) You can take back the wheel if you put in the work and stay consistent at it.

Transform your so-called negatives into the ultimate positives, and your life will follow suit.

Remember, neither good nor bad is permanent. Life is awesome.

The most difficult struggles are faced by the strongest people—for the biggest prizes.

If you want to be successful, you have to be willing to suffer.

It sucks, but that’s what I’ve learned.

Everything requires something.

For success, it’s discipline, consistency, and constant absorption of healthy information.

P.S:

P.S: Hey fellas, just a reminder, all of the above is not mandatory for you to read. I've had this problem, and now I don't, and what I mentioned above is what helped me overcome that said problem. I shared it so at least some of you may find something useful from it. It's not a must-read and follow for anyone. If you aren't aligning with it, that's totally fine. But please be respectful and show no hate.

If out of 5,000 at least one of you finds it helpful, that's what matters. Just be kind.

Hi all! I know it isn't the clearest one to understand, but let me try to better explain what I'm looking for:

Over the last couple of months I've been trying to structure my time better and have found that routine tracking apps are a great motivating factor for me. If I had to take a stab as to why that is, I think that having an external record of how far I've come motivates me to continue with a routine without breaking it.

And while I've tried some habit tracking apps before, I don't hold myself as accountable when I have to check something off myself vs having an external system do it for me based on my action or inaction.

For example, I've wanted to start improving my Spanish and started using Duolingo. The streak feature has worked wonders motivating me to log onto the app for at least a couple of minutes a day and there's no way for me to cheat the system (and myself as a result). Another example would be wearing a Fitbit and getting in 10K steps a day and it getting logged in the app.

I've seen measurable results both in my Spanish and how my body looks as a result of these two small changes to my day and feel like this could be applied to other aspects of my life, specifically learning. I'm in the process of interview prep as a software engineer and would love to have an app to track something like the amount of time watching lectures or completing Leetcode challenges.

This is just one example, but was wondering if ya'll had any similar externally tracked achievements implemented in your life that work well for you.

Thanks!

I haven't gone fishing in three years prior to yesterday (caught nothing, accidentally harmed a seagull which mostly ruined my trip). But it's the following day and I still have the same intense motivation to do a lot of work, since fishing typically requires a lot of intense preparation, going over checklists, double-checking everything 5 times because forgetting a key piece of equipment is disastrous (like I did yesterday, needle-nose pliers and swivels).

But I still feel like I can't sit around the apartment and do nothing all day, that I have to get "busy busy busy" and work nonstop even though my fishing trip has already occurred. I had been mentally planning the fishing trip for 2 weeks and I'm overall a moderately lazy individual. However, I feel like getting a lot of work done today, stuff that ordinarily I would put off another few days, weeks, or months.

My main reason for asking today is to find out if this is a known "life hack" or if I just happenly stumbled across something that only works for me and will not work for 99.99% of other people? I typically dread going fishing because there's 2 hours of prep-work, 1-3 hours of post-work (depending if you have to process the caught fish) and I wind up cancelling my planned fishing trips about 90% of the time simply due to lack of motivation to get everything ready on the actual day.

[Disclaimer] It's not an advertisement, I'm a real person who just wants to help.

Hey everyone! 👋

I'm working on iOS app for people like us — those who got distracted by social media so much that it makes difficult to achieve goals.
It's already helped tremendously me, my wife, my friends, and other people who I don't know.
It’s a personal project inspired by my own struggles and the hours I’ve lost scrolling instead of working or living. It's already available to download and has a rating of 4.8 worldwide.

The idea behind it is NOT to restrict or block you from social media but to help you make a conscious decision about using it. I’ve adapted methods from cognitive behavioral therapy to support this process.
The approach I’m using is commonly applied by psychologists to treat addictions. So it's really working.
The goal is to make it easy to USE social media, but hard to be USED by it.

This is more than just a project for me — it’s my life mission to create an app that helps people reduce digital distractions and focus on what truly matters.

I’m looking for people who want to be part of a small group to help improve the app. You’ll get LIFETIME access for FREE to what I’ve built, and we’ll regularly chat to make it as useful as possible for YOU and YOUR needs. This way, you’ll get an app that truly solves your problem and is tailored specifically to you.

Comment if you interested 🙏

Gonna revisit this Nietzsche quote periodically.

Overthinking is draining your energy. Here’s how to fix it in just 1 hour per week.

I’ve been a textbook overthinker most of my life.

Indecisive. Overwhelmed. Fear of being wrong.

All of it masked under the illusion of “perfectionism.”

But here’s the truth: I wasn’t a perfectionist. I just lacked courage and self-belief.

The result? → Missed opportunities. → Greater self-doubt. → Feeling stuck. → Mental and emotional exhaustion.

Here’s what I realized:

Regret of missed opportunities > Regret of failure.

Nobody cares if I’m right or wrong… Everyone is busy thinking about themselves.

Being wrong = Growth. Every mistake is a step forward, not a step back.

A cluttered mind drains energy. And energy? That’s your greatest asset.

Here’s the 6-step framework I use to stop overthinking and find clarity:

1. Catch the thought before it spirals.
2. Write it down (in a notebook or note app).
3. Tell yourself you will analyze it later.
4. Block 1 hour per week to review your list.
5. Define what’s within your control & what’s not.
6. Take action on what is within your control.

Why it works: → Stops your mind from spiraling. → Reduces stress. → Removes emotional bias in decisions. → Helps you think clearly. → Instantly de-clutters your thoughts.

Overthinking is inevitable. How you manage it makes all the difference.

What’s one thought you can park for later?

I feel like for the past 5 yrs, I just have not been working on my life instead I kept running away from it to avoid discomfort, stress and failure. But even after years of avoiding I don't feel happy. I feel like deep down my confidence is stuck ever since there. I heard from others that if you work on your fears and overcome it, confidence starts to skyrocket and you feel limitless. But I don't understand what am I even waiting for. Am I waiting for right time to start. Am I just confused and still scared.

Are you struggling with doom scrolling or find yourself caught up in endless high-dopamine activities? Are you constantly distracted and can't get anything done in the day? Do you have a pile of things to do that you dread and still haven't started yet? Have you tried quitting social media cold turkey multiple times and it didn’t work? Then this post is for you.

To tackle this challenge, there are two key ideas you need to understand.

Relativity

Our bodies are wired to seek homeostasis, they constantly adjust to maintain balance relative to the environment.

Someone who regularly consumes sugary foods might find a Crumbl cookie to be just another snack. On the other hand, someone who hasn’t had sugar for 60 days might find it overwhelmingly sweet and unpleasant.

The same principle applies to resistance. If you’re used to watching something while eating, trying to eat in silence will feel almost unbearable. A farmer in the deep mountains with limited access to technology, however, won’t even think twice about it.

Looking for the Poison

The pull toward dopaminergic activities is often a symptom of something deeper. These habits serve as mechanisms for self-soothing and emotional regulation.

It could be boredom, stress at work, fear of an upcoming situation, or simply a lack of appealing alternatives. There is almost always more to the story.

How to Solve the Problem

Take relative action:

Your steps need to be relative to you. Don’t just follow generic advice, look for the principles behind it and adapt them to your context.

If you know you need to reduce technology use during meals, don’t force yourself to go completely screen-free. Consider listening to something instead of watching. Any action you take should feel relatively easy or only mildly uncomfortable.

Problem-solve the distress:

Instead of just pouring water on the fire, work to prevent the fire from starting in the first place.

• Learn how to regulate your emotions.
• Set boundaries at work to reduce stress.
• Cultivate hobbies you care about.
• Do some Introspection and emotional processing.
• Cultivate authentic friendships.
• Invest in meaningful rest: Two hours spent hanging out with friends can recharge you far more effectively than six hours of doom scrolling.

This way you reduce the need for high-dopamine distractions in the first place.

Give It Time:

Your brain, body, thoughts, and emotions need time to adapt to change.

Give yourself space to process and adapt to each step before moving on to the next. A good rule of thumb is to spend 2-4 weeks on one phase of change before progressing.

If you’re replacing Short videos with long videos, stick with that for a couple of weeks. Once it feels natural, transition to audiobooks or podcasts. Rushing the process will only make your change temporary.

Follow these three steps mindfully, and you’ll probably see more progress in six months than you’ve made in the past couple of years, this is especially true if you tried quitting cold turkey and it didn’t work for you.

Remember, how small or how big your phases of change should only depend on what you can do. If my suggestions seem either too small or too big, then don't use them as references.

I tend to see most of my issues in terms of habits and discipline.

I find it a surprisingly expansive and adaptable way to think about self-improvement.

The beauty is that discipline works like a muscle - you can start small in one area, and that spills over into all of your life.

I have a habit of commenting online to criticize. Something triggers my anger and rage, and I want to respond in kind. I can apply discipline to just not do that for a day, a week, two weeks... to write the response, but then edit it to before I send it. To write it, but then delete it without sending. To add at least one positive sentence to every comment.

I have a habit of critizising myself. I was able to change this a lot, just by adding thankfulness, especially self-thankfulness.

When I went to the christmas market, I "had to have" a crepe or other sugary nonsense. I started to make good, healthy, high-protein chocolate cream before I went out, and that craving simply went away.

Another interesting one is the need for consistency. I had told the clerk at that crepe stand that I planned to eat every one of their crepes once before christmas. It feels like I cheat on a promise if I don't fulfill that. That's nonsense, but it's a quirk in human brains (see Cialdini) - we want to feel or at least appear consistent. I'm not sure with what I want to replace it, but I know that I will find something today.

When you dig deep, you'll find lots of automated habits that hold you back. Internal and external. You can always find better habits to establish. They don't even have to be logically connected.

After you have established a few of those healthy habits, a setback in one doesn't amount to a life-treatening catastrophe. It's just a little slip-up, it's easily remedied. That way, you always have resources of confidence and joy.

You can turn it into a fun little experiment: What can I find today to improve myself? What habit can I find and work on?

I would love to hear your examples of habits that people don't usually recognize as such.

One of the most respected and admired player in the world, was taught a lesson the hard way.

What happened was that, Cristiano Ronaldo,

He misbehaved with his coach. He threw tantrums at his coach..

So what the coach did?

He made Cristiano Ronaldo sit on the bench,

Against a very crucial match against Switzerland.

A knockout match..

And what was the outcome?

The team went on to win that match without Cristiano Ronaldo.

So what is the lesson that you get to learn?

1. No matter how rich and famous you are, you can still be replaced. Life can still go without you. So Stay Humble

2. Never disrespect your elders, or anyone for that matter.. There are certain things which even money can't buy. And one of them is Manners. So learn to inculcate that.

3. Its okay to have difference of opinion. But there is a way to ask. There is a way to speak about your opinion. And it's not by disrespecting others.

Hello, F24 here!

Little backstory. So I did a biology bachelors, then went straight into a Masters, which I just recently completed. I found a topic which I relatively like, but not super obsessed/ crazy about during my undergrad which led to my undergrad project supervisor to recommending me to apply for the masters programme. Cut to the masters, I got accepted to the lab which my undergrad supervisor suggested, but the experience when badly. Namely, I barely got any supervision and felt like I learnt nothing positive. The lab was quite toxic, but most of the stuff I learnt were things not to be/ to avoid being.

I ended up leaving the lab with a Distinction overall, so I was happy at that sort of compensation. Moving on, I want to apply for PhD programmes to pursue science further. Here, comes the stumbling block. I don’t exactly know why I like science, except that it’s interesting. But, I have not found something truly interesting that keeps me awake at night. This has become an issue for my search in PhD programmes- sometimes I see a potential lab/ opportunity/ school I want to apply to, I feel like I am not good enough/ my chances are zero. I feel like my credentials are just not good enough, as I only have research and academic experience. For example, I want to apply to schools in the US, but I feel like I don’t even have a shot at those when I see people with fewer credentials getting rejected.

A lot of self-improvement videos I have watched all day to focus on your goal, focus on your goal. But I don’t know how to focus, if I don’t even HAVE a goal to begin with. I feel a lot of resistance, just trying to think of the goal and giving myself permission to just dream.

Any advice, or anyone in similar situations that overcame this situation and made it?

I’ve cut out porn, alcohol, soda, coffee and caffeinated drinks , I’ve never smoked, I don’t do any drugs etc. it’s easy for me to eat balanced and healthy meals, walk more than 10000 steps a day bla bla bla.

But why can’t I put my phone down? Why can’t I stop opening social media all the time and quit being on my phone 24/7 cold turkey like I did with the former bad habits ?

I have seen that once those depressing thoughts come. It becomes hard to aim for high.

I have to lock in. I have to be a little hard on myself to achieve what I want in life - this year my life turned out so unexpectedly weird, I lost everything I never imagined losing.

I have a good job - but I feel I'm not doing enough to prove myself. I want to apply for grad schools.I need one chance - how can I change my habits, how do I quit doom scrolling or staying in my bed because my brain wants to give up.

I don't want to give up just yet, any accountability partner or smth. A little desperate.

1. Be Proactive: Take responsibility for your actions and behaviors. Rather than reacting to external events or circumstances, proactive people focus on what they can control and take initiative in shaping their lives.
2. Begin with the End in Mind: Define a clear vision of your life’s goals and values. By thinking about what you want to achieve in the long-term, you can make decisions and take actions that align with your ultimate purpose.
3. Put First Things First: Prioritize your most important tasks over less urgent distractions. This habit emphasizes time management and focusing on things that align with your long-term vision and goals.
4. Think Win-Win: Seek mutually beneficial solutions in relationships and interactions. A win-win mindset encourages collaboration and understanding, ensuring that all parties involved benefit rather than competing or compromising.
5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: Practice empathetic listening to understand others before trying to communicate your own perspective. This habit promotes effective communication and fosters better relationships, as it shows respect and creates trust.

I've been really grappling with, I hope to be, one of the final major bastions of my lack of discipline. I have gotten rid of most of my social media, I no longer doomscroll (although occasionally YouTube reels pull me in, I'm pretty good at avoiding them) and this semester has been pretty good for me. But still, I feel I have more potential.

One of my biggest issues, however, is getting distracted by stuff that feels necessary (?). I think this video by easy, actually is a great example of what I struggle with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0QeSpu26wM.

Basically, I constantly find myself roadblocking actual personal development with pseudo-helpful, self-help content. Or, things that are just plain academic but still pull me away from actually being productive.

I have 150 videos in my YouTube watch later that are mainly philosophy, self-help, and technical stuff related to my major/career. Not necessarily bad content, but it sucks me in. Likewise, I have a Firefox folder titled "stuff to read" that is basically just a bunch of articles to random posts I want to read; mainly finance stuff, or tech stuff, blah blah blah whatever.

Every day my ADHD brain keeps adding more stuff to these piles, and all the while, I don't actually produce anything myself. I am continuously convinced I don't know enough to get started, or that if I don't watch this Jordan Peterson podcast with 8 million views I'm going to miss out on some critical content.

It just feels like I spin my wheels, trying to learn a million things, realize it's 10pm and I haven't genuinely accomplished anything, and do it all again the next day.

Part of me is desperately convinced to just straight up delete it all, that none of it matters. This is probably the right answer, too.

But the issue is on top of my deep curiosity, I also have a big OCD where if I don't have a constant updated list of things I want to do or learn, I feel like I've introduced a blind spot into my life that means I'm not performing optimally. Basically, I hate feeling ignorant, but at the same time, this leaves me constantly overthinking stuff.

I think the TL;DR would be I suffer from a lot of analysis paralysis and ADHD-fueled curiousity which prevents me from putting my actual goals into action.

I’ve been undisciplined my whole life. Probably like a lot of you I’ve been the kind of person that was told “if you only were a little more disciplined you could achieve anything you wanted” And I do believe I could.

I feel like I have the drive and knowledge to achieve great things. I honestly and truly feel it to my core.

But.

I’m the least disciplined person I can think of.

My daily schedule is a an awful mess. I go to bed between 3am and 6am everyday, waking up between 11 am to 1pm but some days I have to be awake at 8am. A good night sleep for me tends to be six and a half hours which is really bad.

I have some days where I get 3hours, then I have to go to class, then I take a 1 hour nap just so I don’t feel so miserable, and then go to work.

I could give details about my weekly schedule but it’s not really that important to be honest. Most of my mornings are empty of obligations so I don’t really have a reason to wake up early.

I also don’t work out, I did in the past but not so much now.

In terms of discipline and control I tried anything you could think of:

Atomic Habits GTD Time Blocking Bullet Journaling Meditation Pomodoro

But I’m just unable to keep up with anything. At some point my mind goes “what the hell? Why bother keeping up with it?” And then I spend 3-4 hours gaming or binge watching YouTube or tik tok.

In terms of class and work I only do things in really intense short bursts fueled by last minute anxiety and the rest of the time is an endless cycle of procrastination.

I honestly feel like this lifestyle is seriously affecting my mental and physical health.

I’m currently on therapy but I also feel like after 3 years of it I’m not getting much of a progress to be honest. I’m always going back to square one.

I sometimes feel about giving up. Not in the sense of anything be worried but in terms of just accepting that I will always be like this and I will end up a loser.

Any kind of advice would be helpful. Thanks for your time.

So, the thing is I am doing okayish and understand the concept of discipline. I don't know my life seems to be monotonous and everything is predictable. Worst part is nothing excites me , there few things that excites me but with time I get bored. I envy people who has passion towards something that much that remain excited while being disciplined
But never has discipline made things work for example I joined salsa class at first was very interesting , but suddenly boring then kept on going and was disciplined , same with gym applied for same month interested to do got bored ig but continued until the end of 3 months . But both things didn't give anything significant
I can become disciplined , but don't know in what to be.

I don't even know whether it's the correct forum to talk about ?

How to break the habit of watching tv all day? I keep it on in the background as I work from home and after work I just sit on the couch and watch tv. Mostly I like watching comfort shows like sitcoms ice seen before, so not gaining any new knowledge either

Mine is to stick with my Habit Tracking project rather than frequently switching between multiple projects.

What i mean by the title is that i know what i should be doing yet my actions are completely different.

Example: I get an assignment at uni

My rational thinking: “lets get started on this right after i get home and it will be done in a few days and i wont have to worry about it”

My actions: I get home, eat some food, tell myself ill do it after i eat. Finish eating, start doing literally anything else than the assignment, while telling myself im gonna get started on it soon. Repeat this until i suddenly realize i only have 1 day left until its due and either do it last second or dont do it at all.

It feels like i have a rational person stuck inside me who is forced to watch as i do the dumbest things possible. All i would have to do is listen to this rational person and everything would be fine. It seems so easy. But i cant and i dont know why.

I always go to sleep way later than i promised myself, im late from everything i can possibly be late from and i forget about very important things (that arent interesting to me) all the time.

Im just feeling really lost because of this and scared that i might slowly ruin my life behaving this way.

I am currently on break between college semesters, and I only have one good friend who's busy with a different career path and very far away at the moment. This, combined with the fact that it's December, makes me feel kind of depressed. Is this something you get over with over time, or does it never disappear, and I must find some social circle, despite how surface-level the relationships may be for a time?

I've been trying college clubs, but I find that people don't really socialize as much there (and to be honest not a lot of them interest me, I'd only be there for the social aspect). Got to keep looking. I'm curious about any strategies I can employ to overcome this obstacle because I'd love it if it didn't affect me so I can work on my hobbies and just feel better in general.

Any advice is appreciated.

I am currently on break between college semesters, and I only have one good friend who's busy with a different career path and very far away at the moment. This, combined with the fact that it's December, makes me feel kind of depressed. Is this something you get over with over time, or does it never disappear, and I must find some social circle, despite how surface-level the relationships may be for a time?

I've been trying college clubs, but I find that people don't really socialize as much there (and to be honest not a lot of them interest me, I'd only be there for the social aspect). Got to keep looking. I'm curious about any strategies I can employ to overcome this obstacle because I'd love it if it didn't affect me so I can work on my hobbies and just feel better in general.

Any advice is appreciated.

I’m going through probably the worst period of my life. I am at my limit, but I want to get better. Honestly, I’m scared shitless for the future. I feel like what I do this year will have me thriving or dead. I want to keep myself accountable and actually take steps to better my life. I am writing to basically journal the journey, and I am open to advice and criticism. I want to focus of becoming healthy both physically and mentally.

Physically is pretty straight forward:

• stop eating so much junk food/drinking soda
• stop smoking weed everyday
• consistently go to the gym (4 times a week)
• stop jerking off so much (sorry for the TMI)

Mentally:

• go to fucking therapy
• get into reading books again
• restart other hobbies like watching movies/painting
• less TikTok time by A LOT

There are things I have to take care of too:

• reconnect with my mom
• make more attempts to be social
• reapply to schools for next year
• I wanna get to a good financial point to finally get my back tattoo

I am genuinely terrified, and I am so tired of feeling miserable. And somehow, even thinking of taking the steps to better my life mortifies me even more. I feel like there are weights tied to my soul and it feels exhausting to exist. I just want to feel okay.

Sorry if this sounds sporadic. I will update when I feel like there’s a good point to report on. I’m going to struggle, but I already am struggling, so I might as well struggle to get better.

This is gonna be my first ever reddit post, and I am kind of getting things off my chest here cause it physically hurts rn. I feel like I was way more serious and dedicated as a kid. I am 26 now and it seems I have been going downhill consistently and this will eventually be the end of me. I bit of backstory, I was an overachiever in school, a straight A student until my final year of HS when I slipped a grade below. You could say that was the start of my downfall but I managed to get into one of the best universities in my country because I was pretty smart. After that I spent an entire year getting high or getting intoxicated, getting into really awful relationships while absolutely wrecking my academic career, which eventually led me to dropping out. This was devastating to me and my parents who have always had high hopes for me. Well, the day I drop out is also the day I get into, let’s say, an even better university. It was nothing short of a miracle but I did manage it. Alright coming to my second stint in college, it was easy so I never bothered studying. All I did was party, get high, dabble in the occasional drugs and yes get into questionable relationships that really wrecked my head. This went on for years and although my course was a three year course it took me almost five to finish it, mostly because I wasn’t even aware of the extra credits and additional requirements to complete the course. All I did was sit for exams while skipping everything else. This in fact took so long I gave up on a college degree in between, choosing instead to work. I did not really enjoy work either, and I have changed jobs three times in two years. The only work I kind of enjoyed doing was my freelance marketing work. I kind of enjoyed it, did not love it mind you. So one and a half years back I did get my degree, and I decided that I had to improve my career prospects as working dead end jobs while having to take extra money from my parents was stupid. So I went for further studies, cracked two competitive exams that were tough, got good scores and got into one of Europe’s best business schools. If you’ve been following my story so far, life did give me chances, and I was always smart enough to figure out a way. However, my issue is why the hell do I keep falling back on my patterns. It’s like I take every win and ruin it. I am ranting because I am in Europe rn, living what others assume is the dream. I have my end sem tomorrow and I don’t know why but I gave up. Literally didn’t study anything at all. And its not like I was doing something else, I just sit being paranoid and absolutely sad that Im letting my parents down. Despite being old enough to have a family why am I so reckless. Why does this happen. I am going to fail tomorrow in one paper, no matter what I do. For years now I have thought about locking in. But I could never do that entirely. Can anyone please suggest anything at all? Any advice? I feel like I will squander all my talent and the second chances life was kind enough to give me, despite totally having the potential for it I shall never amount to anything because of my procrastination. When it matters most, I will just not give it my best. These thoughts are eating me inside out. What do I do? I have suspected that marijuana might be a huge factor in this, as things changed a lot ever since I started using it regularly around 7 years back. Thinking about change is always fun, but actually putting it to the test hurts. How can I stop fantasies about locking in totally and start being functional atleast? What do I do? How can I fail an exam that I am not supposed to fail at all. I feel extremely guilty and yet Im not being able to study. I kept everything for the last moment and working hard for only two damn days has burned me out, so much that Im letting such an important exam go by. And apart from that, I am making the same mistakes here that I made during my bachelors. Not being aware of everything, assignments slip by and I don’t even realise. What do I do? Somebody please help me I don’t want to end up a loser. For my mom and dad, and for the God who made me capable, how do I not let them down anymore? I wish to be proud of myself, but im pissed at myself right now.