I like to lurk on this sub, and I’ve read several times in people’s comments that everyone makes the decisions that they think are right, that people make decisions that will make them happy, that people always aim for happiness etc. etc.   I have been googling and cannot find where these types of quotes are in the stoic literature – I would be interested to know what exactly the ancient stoics said.

And whether other people agree or disagree with that?

For myself being autistic, life is very confusing.   I don’t aim for happiness, I just try not to stuff up even though I know that I do.  Stoicism helps me - I like the guidelines and guidance that it provides, this sub is helpful for giving me practical examples I can learn from.   Thank you.  It is true that over time I have got better at working out whether or not a decision is right or wrong, but still so much of my life is confused it’s like looking at life through a fog.   That may be how my life will always be, but then I remind myself that nature does not make mistakes so we must be here for some reason.

I am a 22 year old boy. I am looking for a male figure to draw inspiration from, who has solid and non-toxic principles and virtues, who has a morality worthy of a man and who helps me in my growth as a person. Something similar to Marcus Aurelius, even if his book "Meditations" is not enough, I need more. Also something not necessarily linked to stoicism, even if stoicism would be ideal

I was at a pub and hit it off with a girl, and in the end we kissed and exchanged contact info. However, the next day she ghosted me. I know that these things happen and there is no reason to dwell on it, but I feel a bit hurt and wonder whether I did something wrong. What is the reasonable way to process this? What would our favorite emperor have to say about this?

When being screamed at? I came from a history of being argumentative but due to self discovery and "enlightenment" of sorts, I've abandoned arguing as a means of alleviating my burden of handling extreme emotions. Although I'm much calmer and collected now, I'm unsure if staring a bit and turning away in silence while others scream at me is the best way without screaming back? How do I begin to change my perspective on being screamed at and still feel okay or good coming out of it? And the people yelling may involve family members so it's a recurring event. How do I manage my thoughts and opinions to not feel aggrieved?

All this time I've been practically a clown for her. Imagine you're dating a girl and all this time she's been using you just to try to forget her ex. The great thing is that tonight she went back to bed with him knowing that this will make her feel bad again. It makes me so sick that I don't want to talk about it

recently, I’ve been struggling with my grades in school. Although it’s only the start of my junior year, I have gotten the two lowest test grades I’ve ever had in my entire high school years (a 53 and 66). for my first two years of high school I did pretty well and got all A’s except for maybe one or two Bs here and there. i’ve always had bad organization skills, even when I was getting good grades, but the classes are easy enough right back then where I could slack off but still get a decent grade. But now my classes require more attention and work and I honestly feel like I’ve just been completely lazy with getting my work done. I want to change but I keep repeating the same bad habits. I know that I need to put in more effort into my studies if I want to see a better result, yet I find it so difficult To motivate myself to form better habits, and I only realize how badly I messed up after the fact. I’m tired of making excuses and I just wanna do better. any tips I can use to motivate myself to do better in my schoolwork and life in general? This also means a lot to me too because my mom recently passed away and she always wanted me to be the best version of myself so learning how to be independent and holding myself accountable is something I want to do to honor her.

I've been a Stoic practitioner for the better part of 10 years now, and I like to think that detached rational reflection is a hard-won skill that I've developed over a long time. I would say recently, but it's actually closer to the last three years, where I feel I've just significantly regressed. Simply put, "I get triggered".

In the moment, when the pressure is mounting, when the 'need to respond' becomes overwhelming, when I'm at the disadvantage as part of an interaction, I simply degrade into predictable, petty, abusive, and often unproductive behaviors.

When I have time to separate myself from the interaction and think, not only can I dissipate these impulses, I can even come back with, not only rational, but also considerate and empathic outcomes. This impulse significantly delays a more positive outcome and also sometimes mars it with imperfect elements - even for the situations where I am less emotional with my response, I sound, and feel, exasperated and apathetic.

The main problem though is the time-frame. Sometimes it's a day, sometimes it's a week. It's fantastic for self-reflection and idealistic thinking, but not conducive to positive daily interpersonal and business interactions.

I need a way to shorten this time-frame - help r/Stoicism, how can I do this? I've considered making a folder of "triggering emails" in my inbox and practicing some kind of convoluted emotional exposure therapy, but I'm not sure if this will help, or simply ruin my mood and prime me on a daily basis for less-than-ideal outcomes even when there's nothing at stake.

The way i deal with people, relatives, friends whom i considered good people and dear to me which wronged me in a way you do not treat someone that is close to you is; i withdraw from them, i withdraw and deprive them from my atention until they eventually decide they dont want to hang out or be around me anymore. I do not confront them, i do not make a scene, i simply withdraw, and any feelings i had for them simply vaporates; even if they mattered to me, they do not anymore, it is like a switch. As to how come this be my way of dealing with disrespect and betrayals i do not know, though i wish some of you may have an opinion on this i would greatly appreciate.

I am talking about real ennui where nothing excites you anymore, you just go with the flow of life.

I (24m) am new to stoicism and I have tried to adapt it more inn my life but I'm really struggling. I have a lot of internalized rage like you would not believe. I have never been a guy to turn the other cheek. My beliefs have always been if they take my eye I take their head. And I will also HATE you for life if you wrong me so Iv got a looong way to go. But I really want to become more of a stoic as it really seams like the best way to live life. Unfortunately I'm also stubborn as a mule so making this life change has been really tough. Now that you kind of see my mindset do you guys have any advice for how I can better adapt stoicism?

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Hi there!

I am a student currently and I have this huge competitive exam coming up (probably the most important one I'll ever take in my life). My goal currently is to do well on this exam. From what I've understood from stoicism, it basically tells us to not let the things that aren't in our control waver us and find happiness in being a virtuous person. Basically give it your all and try to focus on the things you can control. My result is something I can't control. The only thing I can do is prepare. But how do I know what I'm doing is all I can do? How do I know that when I try to take comfort in my own effort in the end, I won't be driven into doubt about whether I actually gave it my all?
I understand that this kind of goes against the whole not thinking about the stuff you can't control but it still worries me. Therefore I'm asking about it here.

Also, since I'm new to the entire idea of stoicism, if you think there are any errors in my own understanding of the philosophy, feel free to correct me on those.

Any advice/quotes is much appreciated

Thanks in advance!

I'm a 22 year old guy.

I recently broke up with a girl I dated for 3 years. She blocked me and said she is dating another guy. I am really disappointed and heartbroken.

I am preparing for government officers exam, and ever since the break-up I can't focus on studies and my diet and workouts.

I sleep late at night at around 2-3 A.M daily now. It's been ruining my mental health. My screen time is about 10-11 hours daily at average, I can't focus on what's important - studies and my mental & physical health.

I fap at least 1-2 times daily. Porn has ruined my brain as well.

It's a cry for help, please help me out. I want to become the best possible version of myself. 🙏🏻

There are times when we have our own ideas or helpful ways that might not align with what the three stoics have said, but as long as we do what aligns with our virtues, we are automatically stoic.

If we could meet the original stoics and ask if we should blindly follow their rules or follow what makes our life the most virtuous, they would answer the latter and add that their rules are just guidelines free to use in whatever way we see fit. That's the essence of stoicism. I encourage people in here to stand by what works for them, to grow and develop is a big part of stoicism and one can't grow if they only do what they're told.

This is also a reason to why the flair "Seeking stoic guidance" is misleading as only 2 people on this entire reddit sub will have the right to comment. Stoicism is much bigger than 2 people's subjective opinions. It's the collective mind of everyone who has thoughts and wanna engage in the discussion.

Context: I’d only just turned 17 at the time of the event. I’ve been diagnosed with multiple mental health conditions & take prescription medication for them. I’m a huge over-thinker & worry about everything.

I’d just finished high-school & decided to get a job to earn an income & to keep busy. I settled in fairly well all things considered. It was coming up to Christmas & everyone at work got an invite to a works-do. It was more like a pub crawl. I didn’t want to turn it down as I never really get invited to things. I’m a huge people-pleaser as well so I didn’t want to let anyone down.

It was going well to start with. My work colleagues were buying me beers & shots. Overall, everyone was having a good time. It had gotten later on into the night & I was really starting to feel the effects but my work colleagues kept buying me alcohol so I kept on drinking. An hour later or so, it’d all started to hit me pretty hard. I could barely stand up, I was stumbling/falling over, singing/shouting & apparently I even dropped my drink & it smashed in the middle of a crowded bar which I don’t recall at all. I vaguely remember stumbling out the bar & trying to get myself away from the situation whilst barely even being able to walk. None of my work colleagues came to check on me & I just ended up curled up on a bench for around an hour until I called my Mum to pick me up. She had to practically carry me into the car.

Ever since that night I’ve felt so ashamed of myself. I’ve felt so depressed & anxious about the whole situation. Whenever someone brings it up at work I have a full on panic-attack. Even just going past the bars I was plastered in sets off my alarm system. How do I get rid of this guilt & move on? It’s been almost a year now & I still feel so sh*t about it.

Hello, I am reletively new to stoicism and I am reading meditations by Marcus Aurelius, although I have been heavily influenced by stoic ideas throughout the past year and have been trying to apply them to my life. So far, it is working very well and I am noticing serious improvements in my life and mindset in every single aspect. However, there is one thing that has been giving me trouble in spite of my improved mindset. In a warm environment I feel embaressed or angry or uncomfortable, my face turns quite red (far more easily than the average person). This redness in my face makes me further embaressed and self-conscious, which makes my face more red. Through effort, I have learned to calm down in many situations. However, in certain situations, with certain people (situations I cannot and will not avoid), this phenomena creates a snowball effect that leads to me being unable to control my emotions and has a bad effect on the rest of my day.

What i am asking for is advice from the stoic perspective for what to do in these situations, and how I can overcome this roadblock in my journey. Thank you for reading this.

Hi fellas,

I'm interested in Greek Philosophy but I'm not a big reader... finally I want to start and educate my self on this matter, I'm just thinkin alot and questioning stuff but I guess that's not enough.

This must sound stupid to you but maybe you guys can help me with this.

1. Why do people actually study philosophy? I mean like go to college for this and get a masters degree and even after they continue to learn...

2. What should I start with? Any Suggestions for books of maybe even a podcast?

3. Do people who study philosophy also study history and to what extend? Btw. I know close to nothing about history.

Aside from just knowing stoic theory, how do you calm yourself and set yourself straight when you have negative thoughts? What do you do when these thoughts resurface or if trying to logically resolve them ends up making them worse? Do you have a mantra that you repeat to yourself or a routine?

Translations that would be easy to understand like from Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, and Musonius Rufus. For people who aren't like for example scholars.

What books would be good to educate myself on how to care less and prioritize myself

If I had a better computer I would be happier and more productive If I went to a better school I’d be smarter

how do i get rid of these excuses? recently i have been researching alot about budget computer builds because my current laptop cannot run much games anymore and also computing how much money i need to save up, this is because well i love gaming and i have been getting a fear of missing out because most people around my age play games like valorant, which my laptop cannot run anymore, and it made me realize some things.

i dont think i really NEED it, my laptop works just fine, i can browse the internet with no problem, i can do my school work, i can study computer science(my dream career) with no problems, and that id rather keep the money ive been saving up most of my life. i feel like i was just telling myself excuses and that its the not having this and that, that holds me back. idk, i went to this subreddit for advice because this subreddit and stoicism has helped me alot with things in my life.

How can I stop caring about being flat chested and not found attractive that often?

I ask because my flat chest has caused me a lot of distress in the recent years.

My main issue is that I'm rarely found attractive and most men, including my boyfriend prefer medium or big boobs and I see many people including some of my friends make mean comments about small boobs and imply they are inferior or unattractive.

I also find it unfair that I'm probably never going to get the same treatment as busty women, like being lusted after, partners finding my boobs really hot and i also cant help but feel like a child, or that I'm lacking a body part but I want to learn to be fine with that and stop hating myself!

(And yes, I know someone can love me even with small boobs but I desire being wanted in a sexual context too and I wish to stop that.)

I do think implants could help me tremendously to feel better about my body but they're expensive and I'm worried they won't feel comfortable or that I'll get sick.

Any ideas to stop caring about being hot, sexy etc and other's opinions and focus on the things that really matter and cultivate self worth?

As a disclaimer: I know there are some people out there that prefer my body type, but they're more rare. I don't wish to follow a path of delusion where I think I'm hot AF only to be met with negative feedback

Hello all. I'm new to stoicism. I've been trying to heal for years now and realize I just carry so much old pain with me. The biggest thing for me is trying to control this pain and not let it eat me. In some aspects I've gotten very good with this. In others not so much. I'm a teacher for students with severe special needs and one of my full time aids is a black cloud. Constant complaints and lack of patience towards my children. Now I've gotten good at the just kind of ignoring all the negative comments about my classroom, other aids, and policies. What is bringing me down is two things:

1. how the negativity impacts my students, I am not confrontational at all in fact it makes me uneasy thinking about being confrontational to this coworker. They are strong personalitied, been there for 25 years, and think they are better than everyone. They get offended when I try to correct things leaving me feeling uneasy and the kids suffering due to not listening.
2. The aftermath of being around this coworker all day. I'm proud of myself for getting through it but it unleashes all my deep hurt at the end of the day. It's a pain that I do have trouble controlling.

Thank you

Hello

I'm currently struggling with lack of drive and I feel like I have no interest in pursuing anything in life. Many people at my age would voluntarily working hard to be rich, to be famous, to be able to support their parents and family, to be secured in old age, to better the society, etc. But I seem to not value any of those things, even thinking of working hard to support my parents and family, and to contribute to society, which is in accordance with Stoic virtue, doesn't seem to budge me.

Before I studied Stoicism, I seem to pursue things that is considered indifferent such as wanting to be rich and famous. For example, before I studied Stoicism, I wanted to go to college in a major that have a promising career in the future, for the sake of being financially stable, and rich and famous if I'm lucky. But after I studied Stoicism, I felt wrong to go to college just for the sake of pursuing indifferent things. When I alternate the purpose of going to college from wanting to be rich and famous (indifferent) to wanting to be able to better the world and the society (virtuous), it feels like my heart went unmoved, I don't feel as motivated and as high spirited like before. Have I studied Stoicism in a wrong way? What to do in this situation? Are there any suggestion of some 'purpose' to go to college besides what I have written before?

Help. I already feel lost and inactive in my second year of college. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I keep reading and listening to all these people who are high achievers or successful types talking about how if you are not reading several books a month on philosophy, business or success or if you are not actively setting and achieving multiple goals all the time you are failing in life. But is that right?

But I was hanging out with some people the other night who are all in their 50s and none of them have read any of those types of books or sat down and made goals or any of the other things like that. But they were successful in that they all were married with kids who are now out of the house, have jobs where they make enough money that they are comfortable and generally seem happy. They are all overweight, spend their evenings watching TV after work, the weekend watching football and seem to just enjoy their lives. None of them are grappling with questions about if they are good enough, if they should be doing more, or any of that stuff. None of them are living a self-examined life at all.

My question, is that a good life? They probably could have done more but chose to live like this. A part of me if envious of them never seeming to worry about stuff like that. Just raised their kids and gave them a good life, love their spouse and just kind of live for now and being content/happy.

I am very new to the stoic movement in general but I find the concept it has of getting a hold over your emotions throughout life's hardships to be very important and necessary and also just the logical option to moving forward and developing a spirit of perseverance

That being said I lost my unborn baby son yesterday (my second child), and although the worst of my late term miscarriage is over, since I have opted for natural miscarriage as of writing this I am still bleeding and a few weeks time I will have an ultrasound to make sure nothing remains.

I guess the advice I need is how to remain in control and emotionally resistant during this time, especially as the last of the miscarriage is still ongoing, and also what stoic philosophers said about grief and loss of a child you created.

I have been feeling nothing but a deep sadness and emptiness, immense grief for baby but also fear and anxiety at the concept of ever getting pregnant again. I also feel anger that this happened in the second trimester. Usually it's the first trimester where miscarriage is a risk, it gets much rarer in the second (1-5%). So it just feels as though my family is incredibly unlucky. I thought I was safe since I was beyond the 12 week gestation mark. I also feel immense guilt, the last post I ever made about my pregnancy on Reddit was complaining about the possibility of getting gestational diabetes again, I made that post a day before my son's death and honestly I'd take a million gestational diabetes diagnosises over this.

In the coming weeks I have a lot to navigate - explaining the miscarriage to my oldest child (my toddler aged daughter) in an age appropriate way. I made the mistake of reading her lots of books about being a big sister in anticipation for the baby and now I have to figure out what to do here.

Working through the miscarriage with my medical team and getting through this week of bleeding

These past few days I've been the opposite of stoic, and a bit of a mess but I want to put myself together through this. I also believe in Christianity as well as stoic philosophy so I've been trying to contemplate the biblical principal of suffering cultivating perseverance and thus being an important life experience and also submitting to God's will and that my life is out of my control. How else would you get control of emotions here in a purely stoic perspective?

Buongiorno, ho letto qualcosa di Seneca, di Marco Aurelio e il manuale di Epitteto e li ho trovati molto interessanti. Cercando un libro, non per forza scritto da uno stoico del passato, che riassumesse le principali massime stoiche e di come esse possano essere applicate alla vita di tutti i giorni, quindi una sorta di libro totalizzante in grado di racchiudere i principali pensieri dello stoicismo. Esiste?

I'm on the search for a book that covers most (if not all) of Seneca's works. Mainly the "Letters from a Stoic", which I found to be incomplete in three books by now. Is there any book that has all of them? I have a Kindle edition with all of them, but the print version from that same publisher lacks some. It would also fit if the book has some of his other works as well.

I have ADHD and my life has been pretty bad, by my own doing. My biggest issue is that I constantly lose track of my goals. Something seems like my life purpose, then one day my conviction for it fades, and I just stop caring. I realized, it's not that I give up on my goals, but that I gradually forget how important the goal is to me, or how important it is to even have a goal. Maybe it's avoidance, or maybe apathy. Then my life devolves into "just going through the motions." Days, weeks, months get blurred. Until one day, probably after months or years through the fog, I gain sentience for a few moments. If I'm lucky I can get the ball rolling and start climbing out of the hole.

Basically, what I'm asking, is how do I avoid forgetting the pain and suffering that comes when you just waste your life away? I've wasted years, and it's not enough to get my brain to avoid making the same mistake again.

I know, it's a pretty big ask. I figure there's no answer but I'm wondering if there are any books out there that highlight a similar issue, hopefully involving the character overcoming it. Preferably fiction... I like Dostoevsky.