Istg this the only reason I'm not where I want to be in life right now. Struggling with this affected hella opportunities I had, bro it's there sometimes but mostly it's just non existent. (Fumbled bc of this)

know it comes from lack of confidence but I constantly feel like I am the stupidest person in the room and am hardly ever satisfied with my work. I am a senior English major so I have written manyyyyyy papers but the writing process almost always makes me loose it. When writing, I am constantly doubting my work, second guessing my choices and worrying that I sound dumb or unknowledgeable about the topic— which in turn makes the writing process extremely long and hellish. This comes up in other spaces as well, for example, I find it hard to voice my opinion in discussion settings because i either feel like my brain works too slow to come up with a response or that i convince myself that I don’t know what I’m talking about. I know that most of this stems from lack of confidence and being extremely over critical. Just looking for tips /advice on how to improve this confidence issue and motivate myself to feel good about my ideas.

I feel like joining the gym not only helps you build a strong body and gets you in shape but it builds self esteem, confi, awareness maybe even friends. You start to socialize more and with good shape you sorta feel good when you wear clothes. Now I Don't have gym membership but I'm walking daily plus I'm using resistance bands. However I still don't feel confident. I think maybe I should just take actions and really start working on my life.

Title. Regarding romantic relationships I always hear things like: “Just be confident, bro, and girls will see you as attractive” or “Just fake it till you make it”.

But as someone who is undeniably ugly (and chronically ill) I always wondered where “fake” confidence ends and we’re entering the territory of being delusional. If I really believed the lie that I was totally attractive and such a catch, why wouldn’t anyone want me, that really doesn’t have anything to do with confidence, does it? I don’t think just lying to yourself and denying reality would be seen as attractive. I’m not suddenly a 10/10 simply by believing.

So how to build real confidence that is still anchored in reality?

Or at least the characteristic with the most weight. I'm talking about ugly men, at most of average beauty and body, without considerable income. Does confidence really matter for women? Even if it's "pretended"?

Hey!

The question is in the title.

Tired of answers like psychiatrist / motivation.

On my side, this helps but is not enough.

Especially when you feel like it’s part of you since always… Though I know there are no magic solution, I am looking for specific things or methods to help on that matter.

Thanks!

Since Valentine’s Day is almost here, I really want to put myself out there and connect with someone. I've always been extremely shy and insecure. I’ve only ever been in one, maybe two relationships, and I have dated online before, but I struggle with talking to women in real life! Honestly, I'm afraid of rejection and have had really traumatic experiences when it comes to approaching and then being rejected (no is, in fact, not the worst thing a woman can say/do), to the point it paralyzes me from approaching.

Now, I’m feeling braver and a bit more confident in myself and my appearance, but I’m still scared of being rejected. My friend, who is recently single, is putting herself out there and already in situationships and casually dating, which became my wake-up call. If she can get so much attention and go on all these dates, then why can’t I? I’m a decent person, I’m good-looking enough, smart, and funny! I just need to stop being scared.

How do you approach someone? What do you say to let her know you're interested? What has worked for you or others? I could really use the help.

Basically how would you incorporate more confidence in yourself better. Currently struggling in that department consistently.

I just want to do something about it, i just dont know what that "thing is" or "what work" im supposed to be doing. Which is probably why i fall back to conditioned behaviors because of not knowing what to do or say. I just want to get out of this deep hole, improve for the sake of improvement, and try to make myself and my life better, and i truly dont wanna do all the improvement just to be liked or loved, i want to do it for myself. I dont want to construct a persona thats based on others reactions or construct it to be loved or cared about.

We all want to feel important and be cared about and feel wanted and loved, with my way its like i try to force it, force connections or friendships, i dont like being so dependent on this, or make it the purpose of my life or revolve my around getting others to like me, i dont want "making friends or a gf or conversations or being liked my singular goal in my life.

im in my 20s, i dont want to be like 50 and still struggling with these problems, I want to do something about it right now bc the present is the most important, all those distractions, negative thoughts, toxic shame are basically useless. But idk what i wanna do, and i for sure dont want to go back to the old life style or personality or mindset or behaviors or beliefs systems or conditioned behaviors or addictions.

I feel like i been taught the wrong lessons, the illogical beliefs, wrong beliefs, and repetitive negative thoughts but i dont want to blame anyone but take responsibility to do something about it. The control is totally in my hands i just dont know what to do about it.

I think every problem stems from this. Basing self worth/happiness/success on others reactions or actions, basically using them as a vehicle for self esteem or using them to fill a void, or boredom, its like i have no genuine interest in them. Even though i would like to meet people since each one is a unique world on their own, but its like my desire for approval validation attention and to prove myself is way more than being interested.

And only "give to get" which is just selfish and transactional.

People pleasing like being a chameleon to be liked or accepted, the only thing i have known my entire life is people pleasing and chasing others and being dependent on their approval validation attention like an approval junkie, so i have no idea what i want or who i am truly, i havent put in the work or effort to figure out who i am or who i want to be, so im like a puppet and my decisions are based on others approval validation attention reactions, all aimed towards "being loved, liked, cared about, chased" and if those dont happen i feel worthless, not good enough not funny enough not intelligent enough. All of this to protect my ego, anything less than perfection is a failure

And everything is like a cover, a coping mechanism to avoid disapproval, and its out of the goodness of my heart, its selish, i do it in order to be considered "good enough lovable interesting important"

chasing approval validation attention just to feel like im "good enough"

Seeing others as a "goal" to achieve so i feel good enough, or to boost my confidence or ego, or feel "good enough" or be liked cared about be seen as important, and in order to "achieve" i become a chameleon because i dont know who i am truly.

I see others reactions as a indicator of my worth, so that's why i sometimes try to control others reactions which puts pressure on me and others, and i get angry at myself for my "effort, personality, not being good enough or interesting enough" to make others care.

Giving with strings attached

Angry at myself for not being able to make a friend or get a gf even though i know even if i had them it wouldnt fix the internel problems, I think they are just another form of procastination or avoidance.

Seeing a couple or friends talking/having fun activities my insecurities and beliefs about "not interesting, boring, uncool" and i immediately think im not good enough to have those, a few years in college with no friends that are two sided, and never a girl showed any interest in me, I know they dont owe me anything, if i wasn't interested why would they be? But no one has ever shown any care or interest

Which is why i avoid being around people, its like i need constant validation attention approval, even though i dont approve of myself and some of my behaviors like people pleasing, or giving with strings attached, when being around people its like i get ptsd and flashbacks to the times i was ignored or rejected or abandoned so i either try hard to prove that im "interesting, good enough, intelligent, funny, cool, lovable, worth caring about, important" or i try hard to avoid it, its like a cycle of insanity, neither approachs help or work or help me create a healthy connection where both contribute.

It also makes me jealous, angry for not being as social as them and that they both like each other and its two sided interest, and have chemistry and banter together and flirt together it also makes me greedy where i keep wanting more and more, even though deep down i know those wont fulfill me, or fix me or make me happy or make me "good enough", its basically attachment to the outcome of every situation or interaction. And that im desperate and needy for a speck of attention approval validation.

And i think i deflect those insecurities and flaws into others so i feel better about myself

those external factors are just ways to avoid doing the work even though i dont know what that is or where to even start

All those addictions, procrastination, avoidance, is just to keep me in the comfort zone, i want to get into the unknown, the uncertainty i just dont know how.

Every conversation is one sided, i dont know what to talk about or what to say, i see every interaction as a test of my "self worth, intelligence, personality" i see everything external like that, its like i have attached my worth to everything external because its "easier" than to face my own actions or mistakes or decisions or feelings.

Using conditioned behaviors because they are all I know or been taught even though they dont work, its like i use these condioned behaviors as coping mechanisms, without them i dont know what i want or who i am, its basically "unknown"

And in any interaction or situation my fight & flight mode becomes activated, i either "fight" to prove my worth, or flight to avoid the pain of rejection abandonment loneliness, and many times its "flight" because i dont know what to do, and its a new territory, new situation, and the fear of failure is too much

Thinking im only good enough when "others chase me or talk to me or i make them laugh or love me" its like conditional love towards myself, and if i dont achieve those im "not good enough"

its like i act like a servant towards others and give even though what i give isnt good enough or genuine because idk how to give to myself so how can i give to others?

And i give just to receive and when i dont receive i feel like i wasn't interesting or cool or funny or good enough. I take it personally, like i wasnt worth caring about or wasnt important enough.

Its like i have little fuel and i give it to others and expect them to give their all to me. Quite selfish i know

I think i give because fear of loneliness, rejection abandonment, in my mind thats like "death" and i do it so i dont become alone forever, because being alone and no one caring means "worthless" in my mind.

Its like i do everything or say everything to avoid disapproval and gain approval, and be loved and liked.

And forever i have used addictions like porn, tv shows, texting on social medias to numb the pain and the feelings of loneliness but they just make it worse, because i hate not changing, i hate passiveness and feelings of powerlessness but i know i can change, i just dont know what am supposed to do about it all

Not everyone is seeking attention or chasing validation. Some people are just minding their business, working hard, and prioritizing their growth and peace. If that’s you, keep going—your consistency will pay off in ways that truly matter.

okay I know what you're gonna say, everyone feels envy. they'll see a cool person on the street and say stuff like "Woah! I wish I had their closet," or "I wish I had that hair color," and it's especially worse with models because they are chosen by an industry because they are beautiful. What I am talking about is models who have had work done, I cannot really tell when they do or not and it's sickening that I wanna look like that.

I'm specifically talking about Sophie Rain. I will admit, she's pretty, I'll see her on my snapchat discover and I'll do a little 👀 but it has turned in to jealousy. me and my bf have an open phone policy and I had noticed he looked up her only fans and I cannot say anything about it because I would be a hypocrite, but ever since I saw it I have compared myself to her.

I have really bad self image and I get told a lot I'm pretty by strangers and I jus don't believe it. when there are people like her existing care free with private islands and millions of dollars jus for looking like that. I go to the gym to work on toning and stuff but I'll never be her. I need someone to slap me in the face and knock some common sense in to me about this.

Sorry if this makes little to no sense but I will try to explain the best I can.

I think for a decent chunk of my life I have struggled with this issue since my early teens and I truly don't know why. It's like I see an option is available and I know I can act completely different but I don't, or rather I can't. For example, back in HS I got bitched by a lot of people (rude comments about my appearance,how I acted, shit along those lines) who I can tell truly didn't respect me. I noticed that also consequently led to the same happening in the college and I guess my aura/personality just gave bitch energy. But I always noticed that in my head I know what I truly wanted to do. I wanted to fight back and defend myself, say the words that would shut them up and give me the respect I want. But it's like my brain puts up a barrier and declines the option before I can put it in action. Same thing with talking to women, she can show all the signs she wants and logically I would want to pursue it but I just can't. I feel like a burden approaching and the chances of it going wrong outweigh the reward often.

I've sat down with the thought and realized it's this weird sense of justice in me that seems to always want to be the 'good' guy. I could always fight back against those who are disrespectful, but it's always easy for scenarios like those to spin into me being the bad guy. So I rather get bitched than fight and cause problems later with that self image. Same with the women, I would rather leave a relationship being seen as boring and safe than be that risk taker that is partially disliked by her or even seen as an asshole afterwards. Logically, this line of reasoning is dumb. People are gonna dislike me no matter what I do - it's a free world and it happens. I say this to myself often but It's like something in me rejects that, it cant come to terms with that new mindset. Worst part is I genuinely can't trace back where this thought or "limitation" stems from, it's very random how it showed up in my life.

As I grow older, I naturally aspire to be a great man - not necessarily a leader but someone who can hold their own shit and inspire others hopefully. I can't become that if I'm merely scared of my outward perception. Those who I know are constantly doing well for themselves shatter said barrier and simply don't think about their actions that much. Sure, they offend others and even cause trouble on numerous occasions but people will still stick around and adore their presence. I want to be able to express my true self like that, like a sun glowing its radiance.

Of course, I have to do the work to get out this rut. I'll most likely start with light exposure therapy. But I would like to hear tips/ other perspectives on this topic, see something I haven't considered yet.

Woke up feeling at peace, no need to put on a mask for the internet. Just being myself and still surrounded by love—what a blessing.

Nothing beats the freedom of authenticity. How do you stay true to yourself?

Used to think some people were just born confident. You either had it or you didn't. Called myself "naturally shy" like it was written in my DNA.

But last month something shifted. Was watching my niece learn to ride a bike. She kept falling. Getting up. Falling again. Not once did she say "I'm just not a naturally good bike rider." She was learning.

Hit me hard. What if confidence worked the same way?

So I started small. Practiced making eye contact at the grocery store. Asked one question in each meeting. Made one phone call instead of sending a text. Each tiny win became evidence that I could do more.

The wild part? Those "naturally confident" people? Started noticing they weren't perfect either. They just didn't let their stumbles define them. My friend who seems to own every room? She told me she still gets nervous - she's just had more practice moving through it.

Now when I feel that old "I'm just not confident" story creeping in, I remind myself: Nobody's born knowing how to ride a bike. We learn. We wobble. We get better.

Turns out confidence isn't a trait you're born with. It's a skill you practice. And like any skill, you get better at it one wobble at a time.

I [32F] went out for some errands today, and I really want to break out of my shell. I’ve lost a lot of weight recently, did my hair and makeup and was going to “practice” being approachable by simply smiling and making eye contact with guys. POSSIBLY even saying something. I couldn’t do it. I chickened out… I can’t even smile at someone who I think is cute. Someone would walk my direction and I’d scurry away or pretend to be super interested in the BOGO salad section 😒

(I’m newly single, and haven’t dated/flirted since I was a teenager).

I’m so worried I’m going to come off as weird or creepy, not cute and approachable.

smiling

• interested in more things

• excitable in more things

-eye contact

• laughing

-talkative

-strong walk

-more confidence

-my face lights up

-hold my head up high

-show up for myself

Are these, truthfully, results you would pay money for? Are these results that you are sitting around dreaming about?

I [F21] just really need to get this off my chest because I don't have no one to talk to about this and it’s been weighing on me a lot lately.

So, a few weeks ago, I decided to get a haircut that was a bit different from the usual styles I’ve had before. To be honest, I thought it was really cool (probably my favorite haircut so far). I was really happy with how it turned out. I knew it wasn’t a conventional haircut, and I realized that not everyone might like it. It’s not the type of style you see every day, so I kind of prepared myself for some mixed reactions when people first saw it.

At first, things were okay. Some of my friends told me they liked it, and that gave me a little confidence boost. I even felt good about standing out a bit and trying something different. It made me feel like I could embrace my individuality, even if it wasn’t for everyone.

But then, there were also a lot of people who didn’t like it. They didn’t say anything outright to me at first, but I could tell from their looks and their silence. And even though I try to remind myself that I shouldn’t care about other people’s opinions, it’s so hard not to feel hurt. The comments and reactions slowly chipped away at the confidence I initially had.

But what really hurts me, though, was when my older sister [F33] said something. It was yesterday when she was with her friend, and she just laughed and bluntly told me how much she hated my haircut. She didn’t even try to sugarcoat it or make it sound less harsh. I remember standing there, feeling so small and embarrassed, especially because she said it in front of her friend and many strangers (we were in a public place). I could feel my throat tightening that time and I almost broke down in tears right there.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it after that. Her words made me question everything. Maybe the haircut wasn’t as great as I thought. Maybe the friends who complimented me were just being kind and didn’t actually mean it. I started to feel like I made a mistake getting it in the first place. That one comment from my sister triggered a spiral of self-doubt, and now I feel so self-conscious every time I leave the house.

It has been especially hard too going to school. I get anxious thinking about how people might be judging me even if they’re not saying anything. I feel like all eyes are on me, and it’s exhausting to constantly worry about how I look. At this point, I just want my hair to grow out so I can change my hairstyle and not feel this way anymore but I know that’s going to take months, and it’s frustrating because I feel stuck with this version of myself that I no longer feel confident.

I wish I could just brush it off and not let other people’s opinions affect me so much, but I can't help it. I keep trying to remind myself that I loved the haircut at first and that not everyone’s taste has to match mine. But honestly, what my sister told me ruined my confidence. I never thought something as simple as a haircut could make me feel this way.

1. If you're at someone's house and they say they are tired, it's time to leave.

2. Never cut someone off, wait until they have finished what they are saying.

3. Never stay on another call too long when you're sitting with company.

4. If someone is shy or awkward in social situations, never point it out.

5. When borrowing something, always return it in the same or better condition.

6. Hold the door open for the person walking behind you; small gestures go a long way.

Started full time work (degree apprentice) straight out of school in september and recently been given my own major project that actually matters. In two weeks time I am expected to talk for 10-15mins about a techical project i’m working on (biology r&d) and update those in my team as well as other teams (about 30people total). I’m confident i know the area and have the knowledge but in terms of talking in a large group solo for an extended period of time, i am shitting bricks. I’ve never had this experience as i’m straight from school and have been thrown in the deep end. It was optional but i see ut as a good opportunity but that doesn’t mean it’s not also terrifying. How can i get abit more confident for this event and i’ve also noticed i speak very fast when in nervous. how can i combat this too? TIA!

Hey guys, I realized that I can never make it out of the associate zone with people. Basically the associate zone is when people talk to you in school but actively try to keep the relationship going. Essentially it dies when you aren't around each other. I have opened up about this problem with people in the past and they seem to think im trying to force a friendship to happen. They think it should have naturally and tbh I hate that logic.

Friendship takes effort. It isn't effortless like people make it out to be. Someone going to have to initiate and make plans. I have 2 examples of classmates I have gotten to know over the years. I'm curious if you guys find them friend wonder.

One is a girl. We sit next to each other in class. We go out to the bars alot and have been on the same IM sports team. It isn't wierd for her to invite to come sit with her friends. In fact she has done that before. The only problem is that I don't know how to get closer to her without it being wierd.

The only person is a guy. Pretty much the same story. In fact, he always hugs me everyday. He has express interest in playing video games together but it has never happen.

If I do nothing, they just going to stay the way they are. So thats my examples. I'm going back to school next week so I'm curious what would guys do?

[23M]

So much of how society is set up today worries me for my future. It seems that if you don't keep the friends you grew up with, you're doomed to never have any again. There are so few ways to even get friends, and if you ever decide to get new hobbies for the sole reason of getting friends, you reek of desperation, and you will become a friend repellant for even the most innocuous things like trying to be nice or talk to people. What ways are there for 23+ people to make new friends and for that matter, keep them? Obviously "get a hobby" is the first piece of advice you get when you complain about this, but that isn't true. The people with hobbies are the ones that have the fewest friends, because the most social people are the ones that do nothing but drink and are fucking brick walls in an actual conversation. Actual interesting people keep to themselves and don't want to be talked to in my experience. So actually putting yourself out there results in attracting the last people you'd (I'd) want to be friends with in the first place. Maybe, in retrospect, being picky is the reason I have this problem. Maybe I'm too judgmental, or maybe I'm just an awful person who deserves to be in this situation. Maybe I'm actually great and I've just lost my confidence. I don't know! Because I can't meaningfully judge the value or how to do anything in a social situation, and there aren't any good teachers.

Relationships are a joke too. Incel types (and I know I'm going to be accused of being one, so let me say, fuck those guys) will try to rope in impressionable dissilusioned young guys to their group by saying everything's a lost cause, but in truth, theyre just crybabies that want to fuck and don't actually value the other person in the hypothetical relationship. That entire group of people is one giant pity party that can't take accountability. The problem is the modes of finding a parther. I'm all for self improvement and changing things about myself to be more likeable and attractive to women, but there is almost no way to get your foot in the door today. It's to the point that no amount of self improvement can help. You can't use dating apps because they're scams that pretty much show your profile to as few people as possible to get you to pay as much money as possible. You can't approach women in public because you're a creep even if you do it in a respectful way. You (I) can't date someone in your circle because if you don't have one it's impossible, and making friends just to find a girlfriend reeks of desperation, and if you try to do that you will get and deserve neither. As a man, you're expected to be the one to take charge and get the girl because even if you improve yourself to become the best and most attractive person ever, she sure as fuck won't go after you. The only advice ever given is what not to do and what is wrong to do, which becomes exhaustive and leads to there not being a "correct way". I don't even want sex, I just want to know how relationships even happen. The fact my last one even happened at all felt like a fluke thing I'm going to have to wait a million years to happen again.

The dating scene is full of contradictions. You have to be confident, but if you're confident you're also a shallow asshole misogynist that treats women like shit. You have to be respectful and thoughtful, but if you are you're a nice guy incel that's just trying to get in her pants. You don't necessarily have to be physically attractive, but if you aren't, any kind of advance is treated as creepy or unwanted. And if you complain about any of this, it's a skill issue and you deserve to be lonely.

I'm tired of being sorry for myself. I want to change, I want to be better, I want to improve. But I have no idea how, and I feel it's too late to not die alone.

I cannot believe myself that I've not been to college for nearly 2 and half years now because of my advisor words. All I can remember is having conversation over the phone and I was told by her, that you need to change your career paths to something else like business administration, tech or finance. Because the current program you are trying to enroll is very competitive. Either you can try really hard to get As so your chances of being accepted will increase or simply find a new path. And I just ever since then, felt so overwhelmed and defeated that I just gave up on college.

But every single day goes by and I feel haunted by my thoughts. I literally tell myself, I'm just ruining my future right now by myself. And there is a part of me that just badly wants to go college and improve life. But I don't understand why is it that seems to hold me down.

my jawline has always been a sore spot for me for the genetics, weight fluctuations, you name it. after a lot of back and forth, i decided to try thread lifting. the results are insane. it’s not drastic, but my face looks way more sculpted, and it’s given me so much confidence. the place i went to (beso aesthetics in nyc) made it super easy and not as scary as i thought it would be. ngl, it feels good to finally like my reflection again

Like title says I’ll be 30 soon and I’m living in nyc. I love it here but have zero friends after almost 2 years. I’m shy and a bit insecure. Wanting some tips on how to be more confident and stop taking everything to heart. I want to be able to just brush things off and (actually) move on past them.

Hey guys, my names Devon but you can call me DJ if you like! I’m 25 years old, and I’m just struggling to find self-worth at the moment.

I’ve been told for a lot of my life that I’m handsome and attractive, but I notice that a lot of my confidence only comes from the attention or acceptance of others. I’ve grown up with ADHD my entire life and I assume it’s contributed to me feeling that way and kind of altering my social skills. I’m extremely extroverted and don’t have an issue meeting new people, or talking and expressing how I feel though, I’ll add. I was raised by a loving family and have always had people in my corner but it’s never kept me from falling into depression when I’m alone either. I joined the service when I was 20 (during COVID) to help with my self-esteem and I honestly feel like I’ve been worse ever since.

Back when I was deciding to join (around 18), I had motivation during the 2-years that I was waiting to enlist and it honestly kept me invested enough to where life was just kinda flying by. I wasn’t focused on tying a relationship down, settling with where I was at, or anything like that so I never sat still and got in my head too much. But now that I’m out and am ready to settle, it’s almost like depression hits me when I sit still.

I’ve been trying for the past 2-3 months through multiple dating apps to find someone who is committed to making a relationship work out and giving it a shot but after like 50-60 potential dates, I still have yet to go on a single in-person date. I know that not everyone is worth my time and lots of people on there don’t really know what they’re after but it’s hard to not see past how much my anxiety with texting pushes people away. I’m very straightforward and don’t like wasting time but I guess people don’t want that in our day and age, idk.

I’ll add that I’ve been over 90 days sober from smoking marijuana which was a huge thing for me for a year or more after getting out of the Army. The only thing is that ever since I quit, my motivation for anything regarding my self-improvement just doesn’t give me any confidence at all. I’ve improved my hygiene, got the best job I could ever ask for, got caught up on all my bills, started reconnecting with my Christian roots, and have been working on taking care of my apartment to make it a safe haven for relaxation and peace - but I still feel empty. I have no motivation to work on music (which I love profusely), no motivation to go do things to improve my physical health, don’t have motivation to watch new movies/shows even though I love doing that as a time passerby, no motivation to meet new people since I’ve lost all my friends I grew up with, and just lots of other things like that. I have other things I enjoy doing like skateboarding or running but I can’t find motivation within myself to go do them so I just feel stuck.

I apologize for the trauma vomit or the all-over the place essay but it’s a good generalization of how my head has been. I’m on a stimulant that helps me focus at work and makes me stand out in every job that I’ve ever had, and I’m on an antidepressant that helps with my anxiety but it still just feels like I’m missing something. I’m open to all suggestions from here because I feel like I’m running out of options.

Thanks in advance for your time 🤙

As mentioned in the title, these would be some major points that I feel have led every decision I have made and every chance I’ve not taken. I’ve been in therapy for five years and while it seems to have helped me in some ways, I feel no different than I did before and beginning to think my therapist might be delusional to say that I’ve gotten better. I can objectively see that I have not.

While I’ve built a lot awareness and understanding of things, it hasn’t changed how I act or the choices I make. I feel like these things continue to influence me and I’m afraid no matter what I do I’ll be brought down by them and watch my life implode. It’s scary because I’ve seen my potential and yet there’s something (these things) that keep me trapped and no matter what I do to get out, they find a way to get a hold of my mind with their negative stories.

I’m beginning to feel like there is no hope.

How does one begin to truly weed these things out, to begin to accept and live with the consequences of the behaviour that was done in the past, to stop seeing oneself through the lens of being this awkward gremlin, to forgive oneself, to hope and then do something actionable and if it’s not too late at the age of 32? To find a self beneath all this who can be more open to others and life itself?

Hi everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’ve been struggling a lot with my mental health lately, specifically around my introversion, low self-esteem, and constant feelings of social anxiety. I find it difficult to interact with others, whether in social situations or just in day-to-day life. The idea of being around people often fills me with dread, and my lack of self-confidence only makes things worse.

I’m wondering if anyone here has had similar experiences and can share some advice or strategies that helped them manage or overcome these feelings. Any tips on building self-esteem, becoming more comfortable in social situations, or just dealing with anxiety would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance for any help

1. Brush twice a day before sleeping and after breakfast. It helps you to breath fresh and clean. You can talk with someone while being close to them which is a sign of confidence.
2. Wear clean and pressed clothes, it'll help you in standing out from crowd.
3. Bathing regularly will give you a sense of control over your life, you won't feel messy, which in turn will boost your confidence.
4. Maintain a habit of healthy eye contact.
5. Stay straight while walking, walk gracefully.
6. Sit upright without closed body language.
7. Use mild perfume.
8. Moderate exercise will give you sense of confidence regardless of your body type (fat, slim or skinny)
9. Meditation will give you control over your thoughts which improves your command over your words resulting in better confidence.
10. Last but not least smile more.

i’m looking for advice on how to improve esteem, stop making everything link back to me (which i do in order to connect and relate but it comes across as self absorbed, which maybe it is a bit)

my esteem is so low and i don’t know how to sort it

Hi all,

I’ve been wrestling with deep social anxiety around men for years, particularly when walking in public. I’m a 170cm, 60kg guy, so I’m not intimidating in any way. However, I’ve had a few experiences where men (usually in groups) have physically intimidated me or made me feel powerless, and it’s left me terrified of standing out.

For example: • One time, I was walking with my ex-girlfriend, and a group of guys (around 16–20 years old) were approaching. I accidentally made eye contact with one of them, and as he passed, he barged his shoulder into mine. When I turned around, they were laughing about it. • Another time, a younger school student pretended he was going to bump into me but pulled back at the last second, almost like testing me to see if I’d flinch.

These incidents might seem random, but they’ve created this lasting fear in me. I constantly feel like if I walk confidently or make eye contact, men will take it as a challenge or assume I’m trying to fight them.

I’ve dabbled in BJJ and MMA, hoping it would help me feel more secure, but it hasn’t really addressed my sense of intimidation and powerlessness. I know bulking up or going to the gym might help, but I worry bigger men might still target me—and when it comes to a real confrontation, I feel like I’d break.

At this point, I’ve started avoiding situations where I have to walk in public. I don’t believe I can be a “strong man” because I’m not willing to push through the fear of fighting or being hurt. I’m torn between walking confidently and risking confrontation or keeping my head down and feeling ashamed.

Does anyone have advice for managing this fear or finding confidence in these situations?