I have always been a person who was convinced in my own self worth. Even when I was bullied I never backed down even if it did have me doubt the goodness of human nature. But it is when I finally discovered and started living in my purpose after 40 years on this earth that I can truly say that my confidence comes from an unwavering place of living in Alignment with who I am meant to be and I never feel the need to compare myself to anyone else. I wish my younger had the privilege of my current wisdom and had had way less anxiety and angst. But I am glad I made it to the other side.

One thing that really cemented my confidence is learning about my Human Design - the unique energetic blueprint we each come to earth with - yes we are each unique, so comparing ourself to anyone else is truly where our social conditioning shoots us in the foot from day 1. The validation I got from learning and exploring my Human Design has been above and beyond any self help book i have read, and I have read many. So if you are ever interested in learning more about Human design, ask away, I am deeply passionate about it!

The best part is that Human design acknowledges that we live twice as long now as we did 250 years ago. our life expectancy is 84 today on average so the fact that we are expected to have it all figured out by your 20ies when you have barely started living hasn't adjusted to the reality of how long we live now. So the fact that it took me 40 years to figure it out and change careers 4 times in the process is totally par for the course.

Hope this helps you with some of the anxiety to have it all figured out and comparing yourself to others.

Wishing you all freedom, peace and purpose!

www.maincharacter.energy

Some reflections on what ego means to me:

When I think of the ego I think of a collection of automatic mechanisms designed to frame your humanity as more important or more valid or better than or most justified or more right than someone else's humanity without specificity or engagement or reflection or discussion with that individual's emotional needs.

Imagine dehumanizing another individual from the peanut gallery by sticking your head in the sand when they express their emotional needs by showing vulnerability then patting yourself on the back for how much smarter or more stable or more right or more calm or more human you are than them, seems like a disgusting set of behaviors right?

Let's see some behaviors of the concept of ego in action:

1. Suppress Emotional Discomfort: Automatic disconnected non-reflective reactionary shallow thought patterns (e.g., "I’m fine," or "I don’t need this," or "This person is wrong" or "They're overreacting" or "They're too emotional" or "They need to calm down") act as emotional barricades.

These patterns dismiss or minimize emotions to maintain a facade of control and avoid the discomfort of introspection.

2. Create Shortcuts for Assumptions: The ego often relies on shallow assumptive judgmental vague dismissive non-justifiable labels (e.g., "that person is crazy," "I’m smarter than them," or "they’re just emotional" or "they're just depressed" or "they're just manic" or "they're just pushing my buttons" or "they're just whining" or "they're just annoying") to simplify complex situations.

These assumptions allow the ego to avoid engaging deeply, thus preventing emotional vulnerability.

3. Maintain a Predictable Identity: It clings to fixed ideas about yourself and others: "I’m the teacher, the expert, the rational one." "I know what's best, I'm the caring one, I'm the concerned one, I'm the worried one, I'm the emotionally intelligent one, I'm the empathetic one... not them!" "They’re the problem, the one who doesn’t understand."

This rigidity helps the ego feel secure, but it also blocks personal growth and emotional awareness.

4. Defend Against Emotional Intrusion: When someone challenges the ego’s narrative—especially by introducing emotions and challenging emotionally suppressive behaviors—it triggers defensive behaviors like anger, dismissal, or projection. These are all ways to avoid facing one’s own emotional needs.

5. The Ego’s Suppressive Toolkit:

Here are some common tools the ego uses to maintain control:

Emotional Suppression: “I don’t have time for this.” “I’m not angry, YOU’RE the one who’s angry.” These dismissals are reflexive, designed to shut down emotions before they can rise to the surface.

Labeling as a Shortcut: “They’re being dramatic.” “This is abnormal behavior.” By slapping a label on someone else’s experience, the ego avoids having to consider the complexity or validity of what’s being expressed.

Deflection and Blame: “Why are you attacking me?” "I'm concerned for you, therefore you can't be concerned for me!" "I'm worried for you, therefore you can't be worried for me!" "I'm the smarter one, therefore you can't be smarter than me!" "I'm the emotionally intelligent one, therefore you can't be more emotionally intelligent than me!" “This is about you, not me.”

These tactics redirect attention away from the ego’s own shortcomings or emotions.

Projection: “You’re the one who’s emotionally unstable.” “You need help.” The ego attributes its own fears, insecurities, or unresolved emotions to others, externalizing the discomfort it doesn’t want to deal with internally.

6. Why These Patterns Exist:

The ego isn’t inherently “bad.” These patterns often develop as self-protective mechanisms in response to:

Cultural Conditioning: Society often teaches us to suppress emotions in favor of rationality, productivity, or “fitting in. This creates an ego that prioritizes avoidance over connection.

Past Trauma: People who have experienced emotional invalidation or manipulation may develop automatic patterns to avoid vulnerability.

Fear of Vulnerability: The ego fears that engaging with emotions will lead to loss of control or pain, so it builds walls to keep emotions at bay.

7. How This Relates to Emotional Reflection:

Breaking free from the ego’s automatic patterns suggests engaging with:

Awareness: Recognizing when an automatic thought or assumption arises.

Reflection: Asking, “Why am I feeling this? What is my emotion trying to tell me?”

Openness: Allowing yourself to sit with emotions instead of immediately suppressing or labeling them.

Flexibility: Letting go of rigid identities or assumptions about yourself and others that are used to bypass reflection, deflect introspection, avoid examination of your own beliefs or assumptions or identities or emotional needs.

8. What Happens When the Ego is Challenged:

When you call out emotionally suppressive behaviors or automatic assumptions, you’re essentially shining a spotlight on the ego’s operating system.

This can cause:

Cognitive Dissonance: The ego struggles to reconcile its assumptions with the new information you’ve provided. Because upon reflection or introspection or examination the foundations of the automatic behavior or assumptions about the emotional need are undermined or shaken which suggests the individual might need to apply adjustments or modifications or reevaluation to the foundations of their concept of the self.

Defensive Reactions: The person may lash out, dismiss you, or double down on their assumptions to protect their ego.

Opportunities for Growth: If the person is open to introspection, they might begin to become self-aware or have attention drawn towards or start thinking about their current behavioral patterns and engage more authentically with their emotions by reflecting on their emotional needs. In short, the ego thrives on autopilot. It suppresses emotions, labels others, and clings to assumptions to maintain a sense of control.

By challenging these automatic unexamined thought patterns, you’re inviting people (and yourself) to step out of the ego’s shadow and into a more emotionally aligned, reflective way of being.

(26M) Currently having a hard time with confidence in regarding dating, happened a couple times where i meet someone, we both like each other but then low self esteem/confidence would come out whether it be through always saying im nervous or not being forward and then things would derail/end shortly after. Things that looking back I cringe about but in the moment i can’t help myself. Blended with this is a lack of flirting which also I can’t get over in the moment but know that I want to.

Has anyone gone through a similar thing and how did you get over it?

I (22FtM) have no confidence in myself. In either looks, brains, or brawn. You could ask me what i like about myself, and i would be silent for days, not coming up with a single thing. Sat in therapy for 10 minutes in silence after asked the question of what i like about myself. Ordinarily, I thought that I could at least come up with something for the question, but when faced with it, I blank. I apparently have nothing I’m confident of. But I have no problem finding things I dislike. Any tips for trying to be more confident or at least content in myself?

Hi all!

I am looking to see if the issue I am experiencing is related to a lack of confidence/hesitation. I believe it is, but looking for other opinions. If you require further information to determine this let me know. Instead of creating a lengthy post I would rather see what I need to clarify and then I will provide that missing information.

I am a 32 year old single male living at home with my parents currently. From about age 14, I could sense that something wasn't right with me that I could not sense before that age. Either because I didn't know how to recognize it or my brain development before then didn't allow me to recognize it yet. But ever since age 14, it has gotten worse and worse, gradually over time, until present day.

I tend to lack confidence in generally all aspects of my life day to day. I'll need to spend time second and third guessing tasks and their processes before and during the task itself. I'll feel like I need to analyze every part of the process before and during the task itself. Sometimes even after the task is done for reassurance that I did everything correct and didn't miss anything.

This leads to avoidance, anxiety, depression, procrastination, inefficiency etc in many parts of my life and I believe it has lead to the overall feeling of depression and anxiety that I feel. Either because this confidence issue applies to so many parts of my life, or because it's gone on for so long, it has affected me so intensely.

Anyways, feel free to provide any and all feedback. If you need further clarification on anything, let me know and I'll be happy to share. There is a lot more detail that I left out so that this post does not become too lengthy.

Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you!

I've been struggling with overthinking and self-doubt when it comes to social situations. I often feel like I'm being judged or that I'm not interesting enough, which makes it hard for me to connect with others or enjoy conversations. This has been holding me back from building meaningful relationships and even casual interactions.

For those who have overcome similar challenges, how did you break the cycle of overthinking? Are there any practical tips or mindset shifts that helped you feel more confident and present in social settings? I'd love to hear your advice or any strategies that worked for you!

I'm just at a point in my life where I feel like I've truly lost self-control. Now I don't even understand if there is a mindset problem or am I just simply believing what my brain is telling me. One day I sleep early next day I sleep extremely late. One day I exercise next day I don't. Same thing with eating habits. I told myself I want to get in shape and also work on my personal growth development like accomplishing life goals but is like I'm only saying it verbally. Never taking actions.

My mind has made me so lazy and I'm constantly living in fear anxiety and shame. I've this overthinking self doubts habit. I do things I know I should not be but I'm wasting my days doing nothing. Wasting my time using phone non stop. From doom scrolling social media to being in discord and watching corn at night. I have forgotten the sense of life responsibilities. Even my family lectures and hardships isn't affecting me. I'm not feeling fully aware of my life. I think I'm aware but I'm not accepting this reality because for years and years of ignoring life. My mind has become used to it. But it sorta feels amazing that the mind also reminds you to get your life together. I get so many random thoughts thought out the day when Im doom scrolling social media. I just heard this vocie in my head that "what are you doing bro, aren't you supposed to working on your real life?" Like applying for jobs, researching career paths, finding ways to make money, working on learning driving so you can fully independent. But deep down the root cause of all this problems is I'm not believing in myself and due to this , I'm chasing wrong path in life. Even my family reminds me that you need to get a job because it will become very hard as you age and you don't have the basic experience of social and work skills. They also tell me that living in fear will not cure your problems. You need to do hard shit to make life easier.

I had to do errands today and a guy was greeting me. I thought that it was someone I've met recently and greeted back. The man knocked at the window of my car later. I've opened it and he asked for my phone number.

Since I thought it was someone else I've given it to him but when we started talking it turned out that he was a perfect stranger oops

However, nice enough and agreed to have a coffee soon and to stay in touch.

He contacted me shortly after and was pushing fast. He wanted one thing and was very direct. Asked about my body configuration, about intimacy and orgasms.

Also made himself unattractive by dissing the hometown and playing some depression routine, like needing attention/friend etc...

I pushed back a lot as I don't want to have sex with someone just because he's available.

However, I've felt guilty for saying "No" and started to give him pick up advice. He tapped at some point and went off.

I mean on one hand it's nice that someone wanted my body but on the other hand eww....

Still feel guilty about the push back but am also proud that I managed to push back and stayed with the decision

One centres around hope, growth, and positivity, while the other focuses on doubt, danger, and negativity.

Whichever perspective you currently have is a practiced one. You can retrain yourself to develop new actions, mindset, and a brand new future that is aligned with who you want to be.

I'm 36. If this was the 1800s I'd be considered an old maid. I do love a lot about myself. I'm just a square and shy when it comes to men. I can start a conversation with just about anyone. But learning about men is like learning another language. Any advice?

I’m 18m. Ever since I started working on myself practicing semen retention, working on my attachment issues, and staying consistent with hobbies (boxing and guitar), I’ve noticed some days I feel great and confident where I can socialize with people, maintain eye contact, and keep a conversation going. However other days it’s the complete opposite where I can’t speak with confidence, let alone tell people my name without stammering badly. It’s been getting worse lately and people have told me I’m young and shouldn’t be worrying about things like this and it will go away eventually but I want to stop this now so it’s not a problem down the road.

I'm a freshman in highschool and I'm not very confident. I have a lot of friends though mainly because I'm "nonchalant". I also have a little bit of female friends but I don't talk to them that much. I want to talk to people and not make it awkward or boring. I'm not a bad looking person, but I do look way older than my actual age. Any confident people out there, please give me some tips.

Long story short, I was on a date with a girl today and she told me "You need to be more confident with yourself". That honestly gave me a wake up call because I never really was a confident type of person but now I've started to realise how bad it is. I've never approached a girl in real life to atleast start a conversation let alone have the courage to ask a girl out. The girls that I go on dates with are all from dating apps. Same goes with making new friends, I've been on a solo travel trip overseas a few months ago and was hoping to find and talk to fellow travellers and hope to meet new friends however I couldn't pluck up any confidence to start a conversation with anyone.

Any advice and tips on how to be more confident with yourself when approaching new people? Thank you

I have always struggled to make friendships as a kid. And now as an adult, I'm still struggling to make friendships. One thing I have noticed is that I am good at making surface level connections but there is a cut off level for deepening the relationship. At first, this was ok since I didn't have friends but now that I am older, I feel disappointed. I dont feel like anyone truly knows me and I don't feel closer to anyone.

I kinda still feel alone. How do I fix this? It's literally all relationship as well

I walk into a room and I don’t even know anyone, but I automatically assume they are better, smarter, more experienced, more attractive, etc. Deep down, I know that everyone is equal, but I always put people on a pedestal and view myself as inferior.

I recently got used for two sessions of rebound sex and friendzoned by a girl I thought I liked. I always had self esteem issues, but recently I came to believe I was attractive because of how much sexual and romantic success I had last year. To be rejected for the first time in a while, it sent my confidence into kind of a temporary tailspin, and I came to realize I legitimized myself as a man based on the fact I was consistently seen as attractive and was able to consistently have dates and/or sex. Like my confidence hinged on the fact some women desired me for sex, or the looks I would occasionally get in public/at a bar. I don't like feeling like my physical confidence and self perception hinges on the opinion of others, because when I'm not received by somebody, it makes me question everything, and i would like to get insight as to how one draws confidence from more consistent sources/where one is drawing that confidence.

Hey I’m a 23 year old guy and over the past few months I’ve been coming to a bunch of self realizations. I’m not sure if I’m on the right page but I’ll explain my journey to you.

A few months ago I was awful at talking to woman (I still am lol). I’ve also never dated, never had a girlfriend, and barely have any friends. I always knew that it was a result of my low confidence. As a result of this, I told myself to be more playful in conversations and ask deeper questions. The issue with this is that it felt inauthentic to me even if I did these things. It’s now a few months later, and I’ve realized that I don’t need to force myself to ask deep questions or be playful, but rather just need to be present in conversations while not overthinking what I’m going to say next.

The biggest thing that helped me realize this is that when I’m present, It’ll naturally make it easier for me to acknowledge a woman’s response (For example I’ll say “That must be difficult” or “That’s sounds interesting, I’m glad you enjoyed that” and follow up with a question or share about myself). This was a helpful thing for me to process because woman/ people in general love being heard and anything a person says technically warrants a response and acknowledgement.

I’ve realized that once I naturally say what I’m thinking (not always but you know what I mean lol) , conversations on both ends become more engaging. I don’t need to think of a good response or anything witty. I should just say what comes naturally and be my authentic self.

I’m sharing this because I’m not sure if I’m on the right track or if anyone can relate. Feel free to give me your take on this.

Hello guys hope you all are doing well. I realized that I became insecure about my voice when I’m talking in my second language which is primary language where I live. I’ve been so quiet lately, I stay at home a lot, I scared to talk to new people and communicate, and so on. Other day, I heard someone was saying that vocal classes helped him so much and not only his intention was just how to sing but also he gained a lot of confidence in talking. So now I’m considering vocal classes, wondering if anyone had similar experiences. Appreciate sharing your thoughts on this🙏🏻

So I want to start by saying dating is tough for me because I struggle with confidence. I've been feeling lonely since my self-esteem isn't the greatest, but I’m working on it. So, I asked out my friend last night because she’s newly single and dating, so why not, right? She turned me down, but at least she was honest about it. I won’t lie, I feel pretty bummed out. After our talk, I started feeling really low about myself. I know rejection is a part of life and it sucks, but with my history of low self-esteem, it hit harder. I think I asked her out partly because I don’t want to be alone. And before anyone says I need to spend time by myself, I've been on this journey solo for a long time, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting some company.

Right now, I’m sulking because I’m feeling overwhelmed. If anyone has advice on how to bounce back and build from this, I’d really appreciate it. I want to get better at improving my self-confidence, but it’s hard when I have a history of low self-esteem and confidence issues.

Update: We talked over the phone earlier today and long story short we are good. I do appreciate all the helpful comments and compassion you have been showing. This experience has given me a lot to think about and consider when it comes to me and my personal relationships platonic and romantic. I will be showing my therapist this week I hope y’all are cool with that haha. Thanks everyone for the positivity finger guns yeaaaaaaah 😏😎

With social anxiety I began thinking how I would react if someone else does what I did. For example if an acquaintance (say a work colleague) who I know who they are but I don’t know them started a random conversation with me, how would I respond. If it’s positive I do it if it’s negative I don’t. If they respond negatively to that, I don’t want to talk to them anyways. I know it’s oversimplified but that’s my advice. If you think it’s dumb idc, if you like it cool.

Hello everyone,

today I would like to talk about something I see a lot of my friends struggle with.

Confidence at work.

Decided to do some research on this topic and well, this is what I came up with.

Hope you enjoy :)

Confidence at work can feel like a moving target. Some days, you walk in and everything clicks. You feel capable, on top of things, and like you belong. Other days, it feels like you’re just trying to keep your head above water, second-guessing every decision, and wondering if you’re even doing enough. If this sounds familiar, let me reassure you, you’re not the only one. Work can be a tough place to navigate, especially when the pressure to perform and provide feels soo constant.

The truth is, confidence isn’t something you’re born with or something that magically appears. It’s built through small, intentional actions. One of the most effective ways to grow your confidence is by focusing on preparation. When you know your stuff, you walk into any situation with a sense of calm. Take the time to review your work, know the details, and anticipate questions. Being prepared isn’t just about getting the job done. It’s about creating a foundation of trust in your own abilities.

Another key is showing up consistently. You don’t need to have all the answers or be the loudest voice in the room. Just being reliable, doing what you say you’re going to do and following through, builds not only your confidence but also the trust others have in you. Over time, that trust creates opportunities for growth and respect, which feeds back into your confidence.

It’s also important to challenge the little voice in your head that doubts you. That inner critic has a way of turning small mistakes into really big ones (or so you think). Instead of letting it spiral, remind yourself that no one is perfect, and every setback is a chance to learn. Confidence doesn’t mean you never make mistakes, it means you don’t let those mistakes define your worth.

Lastly, take a moment to acknowledge your wins. It’s easy to focus on what went wrong or what you could’ve done better, but how often do you take a second to recognize what you did well? Maybe you spoke up in a meeting, solved a tricky problem, or simply got through a tough day. Those moments matter, and celebrating them, no matter how small, helps shift your focus from what you lack to what you bring to the table.

Building confidence isn’t about being perfect or pretending you’ve got it all figured out (because no one has). It’s about showing up, doing the work, and trusting that you’re capable, even when things feel uncertain. Work can be overwhelming, but every small step you take toward building yourself up makes a difference. You’re doing better than you give yourself credit for, and with time, those small steps add up to something bigger. Keep going, you’ve got this!

I bid you all a very fond farewell, gandalfbutbetter

This was originally posted in Subreddit mengetbetter

Hi,

I struggle with self-worth a lot. I dated a guy and unwillingly he set me up for harassment by his domme while I was recovering from a surgery. Lots of attacks happened before and she was always excused.

The surgery item made me snap at the end. After some time I wanted a solution as I didn't feel safe from abuse anymore. He acknowledged wrongs and that I was owned an apology but threatened me with risking the relationship if I'd insist on one. I was still scared and demanded a solution. He offered to work on a plan and all three would agree to it.

He made me work through it but it was rather humiliating as he also wanted a tattoo of her. I was pissed off. Next day he asked if I'd still be angry and it turned out that he didn't approach her about the plan and didn't for the rest of the relationship which was by the end of the week.

I've felt more worthless than at any time of my life. Not worth of basic dignity nor respect. I even tried to get him back since my self-esteem was completely destroyed.

Months passed and I was flirting again. A guy drunk texted me (nicely) after we had a blast at an event, a couple wants me as play partner, another girl wanted to have contact again, I had a play date with a guy I had a crush on, a guy wants to fly in from Scotland to seek a d/s dynamic, a lovely poly friend dates me, a friend wants me to test a new toy on her...

I clearly should've proven to myself that I'm attractive since many people want something from me but I'm scared of being in another relationship with only one person. I present myself as happy with what's going on but all I want is to be enough for one man who I haven't met in my life. Just being enough for one person and maybe playing together with others. However, I'm so scared of further abuse.

I've noticed that I'm rather naive when it comes to relationships and double-check everything with friends. I guess they're happy that I've stopped crying and doing well on paper.

My current plan is to ride the current attention wave but I want to know what to do best to get ready in case Mr Right pops up?

Rn I'm seriously going through alot i cant shake down this feeling from the breakup it's so bad i get panic attacks I really can't deal with it anymore man I need fucking help regarding breakup and relationships if possible someone dm me and talk to me.

I feel like my self-esteem has always been down to the floor, and I catch myself doubting my abilities that I know I have, because I have used them in the past.

my main problem is that I fear losing so so much, to the point where I don't even try, because I doubt my abilities and I fear trying and not succeeding.

any tips to be more proactive and think less? any insight, actionable tips and advice is welcomed, thanks 🙏

I do everything I ought to: I'm never absent, I'm never late, I'm always sober, I try to be productive, I don't engage in the petty thefts that many in my industry do. On paper I'm a valuable, dependable worker.

But I am so terribly unskilled that I can't possibly be called dependable. I have been in my field for 3.5 years but I have the abilities of someone with 6 months' experience.

Any sense of value I hold in myself withers away every time I have to ask someone else to do something for me that everyone else manages on their own. Or when I'm given a task -with decent instructions- and then left to complete it, and I struggle for hours with no forward progress.

Every day is a reminder that I don't belong in this career, but I have nothing else to turn to. This was the fall-back career. All that is left beyond this is retail work, and (even if I wouldn't prefer a lobotomy over returning to retail) the pay cut would be massive.

And I'm not in a field where I can get by just fine without being genuinely productive. Some companies are lower scrutiny, yes, but if I can't accomplish tasks then I will certainly find myself struggling to stay employed.

I'm half considering getting tested for dyspraxia just so I can understand why I am so bad at this. I would even more seriously consider taking some sort of remedial training for my career, but I don't see any available.

The Confidence Guide stickied in this subreddit is riddled with issues and I’m going to give my analysis as someone who works in applied psychology. It's obviously well meaning, but it's a harmful post in a position of high exposure.

1). Confusing the cause-effect of Confidence
2). Unhelpful / Harmful Advice
3). Messaging issues

1. Cause-effect

The three points in the ‘why self-confidence is important’ section are:

a). “You'll feel a lot more fulfilled”
b) “You'll have a clearer sense of direction in life.”
c). “You'll become better at whatever you do”

All 3 ideas here are better understood as things which lead to / occur alongside, growth in confidence. They are not, benefits, incentives, or outcomes after you ‘become confident’.

If you become better at something and are able to appreciate that improvement, then you’re (more likely) to be more confident in that action.

If you have a clearer sense of direction in life, then you’ll have more confidence in your decision to moving that direction.

Similar to above, ‘feeling fulfilled’ is a sense that you’re pursuing the right things, and increase your confidence in continuing along that path.

2. Bad Advice.

A) “Fake it, act like you're confident”

Let’s look at a valid tactic that might be part of a confidence-building plan; Consciously making a decision to not let insecurities or self-doubt have control over your actions. Example:

“I feel like I’m not good enough to speak up for myself, but, I’m going to speak up for myself anyway instead of letting that feeling dictate my actions.

This involves directly accepting the low feeling of worth and separating action from belief (if the tactic part of a larger strategy). This is very different than ‘faking’ confidence, which is often carried as an act of emotional suppression. Ignoring something doesn’t make it go away – challenging it does.

B) “Use your body language”

Similar to A), if you identify shrunken body language as expressions of low confidence, acting against that body language can be valid. But, puffing out your chest isn’t a method for changing how you evaluate your self-worth and decision making.

Again, many people use this kind of surface level presentation to compensate for insecurities rather than properly eliminating them. This is a good example how advice can be dangerous; it increases dependency upon an inauthentic persona to cover up their low self-esteem and increases the risk of burnout.

C) “Realize that you're not inferior” “Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. “

The assumption that your lack of confidence is due to peer conditioning is really strange. Maybe if you stretch the interpretation of this, you can justify it on the basis that human lives are fundamentally social. However, it really risks nurturing ideas like ‘the world wants to keep you down’ and other self-preservational / resentful bs.

D) “Become good at something”

This is fine advice at a glance; the messaging is what’s wrong.

Saying “You’re not inferior” and immediately following up with “You need to become better.” is too simple and directly contradicts itself. These ideas can work together, but you need to walk people through on how that can be true in way more depth.

It also doesn’t acknowledge a huge problem people struggle with on this topic; the relatively of being ‘good’ at something. How do you know you’re good at something? How good is good? What is good ‘enough’? Without those guidelines, this again risks encouraging people to uselessly burn out on goals that don’t actually improve their mental health.

3. Messaging issues

Overall, the guide really implies the idea that confidence is about improving your performance and doing particular things, when really, confidence comes from the underlying opinion a person has about themselves and their actions. Performances like this layer on top of those opinions, they don’t change them.

It also over assumes people’s ability to ‘just do’ something. Telling people what to do (“Realize you’re not inferior”) is valuable when you’re suggesting people find ways to reduce self-shaming.

“Find strategies that help you deal with irrational feelings of being inferior.” is fine.
“Realize you're not inferior.” is offered so simply and can cause people to wonder why ‘simple’ actions are so hard for them.

Last up, the entire idea of ‘being confident’ when it is glorified like this has issues. It’s fine in every day discussions, but when you’re speaking to people who have confidence problems, it’s better to start off with the idea that confidence is ‘domain specific.’ We’re confident at some things, and not at others.

It is not an identity, a character quality, or a trait.

These aren’t the only problems, but for the sake of time they’re the key ones worth mentioning and enough to get across the point. Looking forward to the response on this.

TL;DR: I struggle with self-confidence in various aspects of my life, especially my looks and dancing. I want to be confident, but I’m unsure where to start or what products to use. I feel confident dancing in front of my younger brother, but get nervous in front of others. I dream of becoming a K-pop idol but fear I won’t be able to make it. I'm 15 and want to debut young, but I need help with building confidence first.

Hello, I just wanted to ask how I can become more confident—confident in myself, my looks, my dancing, and in everything I do. I've tried the "flawless skin effect" and I guess I looked okay with it. It helped clear up my pimples, acne, marks, dark spots, and even some of my moles. I want to look like that again, I want to feel good about my appearance. The problem is, I’m not sure which specific products to use for my face, and I don’t have the money to buy them even if I knew what to get.

For my skincare, I currently use the following products:

1. Clean & Clear Foaming Face Wash
2. Eskinol Pimple Fighting Facial Deep Cleanser
3. Pimple Warrior Acne Drying Lotion
4. Cetaphil Moisturizing Lotion

As for my dancing, when I’m with my younger brother—who's 9 and turning 10 on January 31st—I feel really confident dancing in front of him. He sometimes judges me and makes fun of me, but I don’t take it seriously. But when I’m in front of others, like during school dance activities, I freeze up. I get nervous and my body feels stiff, and I can’t move the way I want to. This doesn’t happen when I’m with my little brother, though.

This might be embarrassing to admit, but I really want to become a K-pop idol. The first thing I want to work on is my confidence—before I start focusing on improving my dancing and singing. I’m already 15, turning 16 on October 4th, and I want to debut at a young age, but sometimes I feel like I won’t be able to make it.

Also, sorry if you don’t fully understand what I’m trying to say. I’m not good with words. That’s one of the reasons why I feel like I won’t be able to become a K-pop idol because I 100% can’t do interviews. I’d struggle to say anything and wouldn’t be able to answer any questions. If you have any questions, feel free to ask in the comments and I’ll try my best to reply.

I want to be a writer

I (24M) am in a spot in my life where I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel and I can’t keep living the way I am. I don’t want to climb a stupid fucking corporate ladder. I want to create. I want to write all kinds of stories and I don’t know just how to do it. I don’t know how to get started on anything and I don’t know where to go. I don’t want to live with regret. I just don’t know how to start.

Idk this is dumb I’m just typing on this subreddit knowing no one will ever take a look. I have no idea what I’m doing. I just lost the girl I wanted to spend my life with. I’m in a stupid job calling people all day. I’m learning the guitar and I go to the gym 6 times a week. But I’m empty. I feel like I have nothing. I feel like I’m going to leave this world with nothing. I’m not going to be anything. The thing is even if I were to be someone I hate attention. I want to do this for myself.

But I feel like nothing. I feel nothing. Just hopes and dreams somethings just going to magically fucking appear. That’s the dumbest thing in the world. Why the fuck am I here. Why don’t I have the courage to just put myself the fuck out there. Why do I care what people say. Why do I even bother with miserable fucking people that push their insecurities and own failures on to me? What the fucks the matter with me.

Anyway I know no one has gotten this far but I don’t know how to shake this feeling. I want to create stories. I want to be proud of something for once in my fucking life. I want to be myself. How do I?