I’m looking for some self-help book recommendations that can help me build confidence, improve my social skills, and manage my time effectively. I’d also love suggestions on how to stop worrying about what others think of me. If possible, please recommend books that you’ve personally read and found helpful!

Hi there, I’m a single 35F currently dealing with hair loss/alopecia & I feel like I need to hide myself all the time because of it. It’s really talking over my life. I want to be more confident to go out & not be so self conscious or always feel that I have to wear a hat/cover my head/wear my hair up. I feel like it’s the only thing people, especially men, will pay attention to when I’m out. My hair loss isn’t very severe but the way it is, styling my hair or keeping it down is very hard to do. There are some patches where my scalp is visible, especially at the top of my head, & there are different, short lengths happening at the top of my head as well. I am currently working on trying to grow it back with some medications, but the progress is very slow & often fluctuates.

I will say, I do get a decent amount of attention on dating apps & am often told I am pretty/beautiful/etc. But that’s all just from pictures. It’s easy to take photos in a way where my hair issues aren’t so visible. I avoid actually going on dates or meeting anyone because I feel like the other person will think I’m a fraud or they will be disappointed once they see my hair in person. I would love to hear any thoughts on how I can try to be a bit more confident to be able to go out & not keep hiding myself. Thanks in advance 😊

I get told I am beautiful almost every single day. I am not even kidding. I have people coming up to me on the street and compliment me or hitting on me. And I still feel deeply insecure about my looks. Why is that? No one has ever told me I am ugly or funny looking. I don’t know why I struggle so much to believe that I am pretty even if I hear it a lot.

I use Reddit so much that I thought maybe if I posted it on Reddit people might check it out. Hope you enjoy https://a.co/d/foOsWoi

I feel like i am constantly dropping things, tripping over things, or nearly bumping into people. It’s like my second nature, what are some things you guys have done to be less clumsy?

Which is ironic, because for 25 years I’ve worried that I’m not doing it right. Probably a self fulfilling prophecy, I’m sure. I come from a long series of rejections by women since my teens. I always wanted a partner, but when I finally got one, I did not meet the mark. Another confirmation of my worst fear.

Update: I really appreciate the comments and the time you took to respond thoughtfully. My post was made in a moment of frustration/despair and both the support and challenges were helpful. I appreciate the gut checks. So much of this is about self image, things I need to work on myself. Confidence comes from within as many of you point out - and I am working on myself and not relying on her for that. Thanks again - great community.

30F and if this comes across as a victim narrative then well I’m not aiming for that. I’ve been told for most of my life (by all kinds of people) that I’m attractive, I have pretty shitty body image issues but not as extreme as maybe BD or developing an ED but I’m told my perception of myself is “skewed”. I think a lot has to do with being bullied as a kid/in HS and not losing weight until I was in my early 20’s. But even with losing weight/maintaining my weight loss to this day, I didn’t experience that surge of attention that happens for people when they lose weight. I’ve dealt with a lot of mean people (mostly women) but I don’t think it was the kind of jealously that pretty girls deal with.

The only attention I get from guys id consider dating are on OLD apps and we all know they’re the absolute worst, which is why I take that with a grain of salt. I didn’t get asked out by a guy until I was maybe 16-17 & almost every advance in person I got from that point on I rejected. I just…have always felt this indifference with men. I know I’m not attracted to women in that way, I find women attractive but not in a romantic way. I’ve always had celeb crushes on guys but ever since I was a preteen, I’ve felt this sort of meh towards guys. My sex drive is nonexistent, I just never understood how some people just can’t be alone. It’s always baffled me…and when guys I considered potential in the past have taken interest towards me, I just CANT be bothered.

It’s a combo of anxiety/self-sabotage/apathy/not worth it all in one. I just feel like an attractive woman has no issues finding a partner and with the interpersonal struggles I’ve encountered in my life, I question my overall attractiveness.

A friend recorded me without me knowing, and after watching the video, I noticed my walk looks kind of “feminine.” People have told me that before but didn’t think much of it.

I also have scoliosis, and I think that might be affecting my walk. I’ve tried to work on it myself, but I feel like I might be doing something wrong, or maybe there’s a better way to fix it without making my back hurt.

I’ll post a video so you can see what I mean. Any tips or exercises would be really helpful! I want to walk more confidently, masculine and comfortably.

https://imgur.com/a/yFkik04

No matter what, I have always felt under confident. I feel dumb for small mistakes. I have a slight hearing problem. I need to ask people to repeat to understand clearly. Even if I hear it, I don’t understand things at once. I need to read couple of times to grasp while reading. I look fat with some marks on my body.

Sometimes in public, I speak out loud and realise it until it’s too late. I say wrong things which cringes people but when I am silent, it gets awkward.

I don’t have much friends. I go silent in social situations feeling awkward, as I don’t know anyone. I put myself in parties where I don’t belong where no one talks to me. I go there even if an acquaintance invites me being polite, as I don’t have real friends, who invites me and I don’t want to miss out in life. I have this narrow perspective that only good looking people find love in real life other than few exceptions.

I don’t know about lot of basic things around the world. I get insecure if I don’t know something. I am a pessimistic person. I’m externally messy and keeps on falling down the stairs and falling on the streets. I get very awkward after this. I say wrong things. I am sometimes, the only person laughing to a statement when it’s not even a joke. Awkward again!

Is there a pill that I can take that makes me cool, confident, well spoken, and smart? I don’t know how else to become confident.

everyone tells me i'm not, i have guys come up to me like every time i leave the house, i dunno what to do! i can't even look at pictures of myself and i modeled for a bridal company a few moths ago and i can't even look at the pictures without wanting to die!!! i literally don't know what to do and how to stop pointing out everything wrong with me! i was literally crying cuz of my neck to head ratio and i hated my nose since i was a baby

How do I come to terms with the fact that I can be myself? I am a 23 year old man and after years of masking and avoiding who I truly am, I struggle with my self-identity and have low confidence. I also have mild autism, learning disabilities, and my iq was tested at 83 by a professional when I was a teenager. Despite having a decent career trajectory for my age now, I battle with the realization that my personality might be flawed or problematic in the eyes of others. For instance, when I act naturally, I often wonder if someone is being dismissive because of my behavior or if I come off a certain way and that’s why someone seems uninterested. I then compare myself to others, believing that their personalities are more mature and proper, and I conclude that I am the problem whenever someone appears uninterested, gives me a certain look, or reacts negatively to something I said. Whenever I get the urge to just be myself and give myself the freedom to be confident and trust my own judgement for how I can act, I get thoughts like this “you shouldn’t trust your own judgement, you are weird” or “you aren’t smart enough to trust your own judgement”.

Can anyone else relate? How do you deal with this and know whether the mind is correct or not?

I know from the title this may not seem related, but just hear me out and redirect me to another sub if needed.

I've made leaps and bounds in my self confidence journey this year, but one thing I've found I struggle with is when I've started dating somebody who isn't a big texter, I seem to worry or think about them more than I should. I was wondering if anybody has any tips for self regulating when I feel down/anxious like this?

I know that constant communication and texting all the time isn't healthy and isn't even something I want deep down, so I don't neccesarily know where it comes from.

Hey, I wanted to reach out to you because l've been juggling a lot of thoughts lately and could really use your perspective. I just turned 17 and have been trying to take steps toward building something for myself. I've applied for a side job in food delivery to start earning some money, but l'm still waiting on verification to get started.

On top of that, l've been looking into crypto and thinking about investing, but l'm not sure how to approach it since most platforms require ID verification and being 18.

Lately, l've also been trying to improve myself intellectually-I've been reading fiction, exploring other kinds of books, and watching interviews to learn more about the world and myself. I feel this strong sense of urgency to achieve something meaningful and make a name for myself, but at the same time, I'm disquieted that if I don't ample enough time to fully develop myself I won't reach my potential.

I've thought about inter-railing across Europe to explore and gain new experiences, but currently I don't have the money for that nor am I sure it would be the best move to immediately after earning some money but I'm vacillating

What are your thoughts? I'd really value y'all's advice or any thoughts you have on how to approach all of this.

A little bit of a backstory..

I worked for a company for 23 years and ended up leaving because my boss had been slowly using her narcissism to gaslight me and turn a majority of my co-workers against me.

Since I've left I cannot get another office position. She has destroyed my Self-Confidence.

I have tried to get back into The industry I left but I cannot. It's like I've been blacklisted. I've had interviews and they've went well but then they always say they've found someone that has more experience. To me that's crazy because who could be 23 years of experience unless they are a lot older than I am.

The last couple of interviews I had it was like the supervisor was feeding into my self-confidence and anxiety issues. They were talking about how stressful the position and other different scenarios that I guess made me have fear.

I cannot afford therapy so that's out. I cannot afford to get on antidepressants so that's out. I exercise a lot and I am on a self-disciplined 10,000 step per day program.

However, in March I will be at my current job for a year. I do not want to stay in this particular position very long after that because it's not what I want to be doing for the next 10 to 15 years.

Does anybody know of ways to gain self-confidence for free?

this quirky mechanic guy who was towing my car just asked me "how old are you? 40? 35? 30s? 20s?" and I can't help but feel really insecure. the last few months I've had random people guess my age, some people assume I'm a student, someone guessed 24, and others guessed 30s and ask if I have kids. I am in that late-20s phase where I'm starting to get insecure about my aging skin and I hate this! how do I not let this get to me?

I'm also single and i dont want to bring this insecurity into my dating life.

https://www.youtube.com/live/5W6rJy_f37Y?si=ZKyjxL4S4ReK04zB

I’m 26 and this year has probably been the toughest year of my life. Lost my girl of two years, been let go twice this year from my jobs due to budget cuts and another due to being shutdown. I’m about 10k in debt, on the verge of losing my car. Been without a job for 3 months and been applying for one almost everyday but recently it’s been very disappointing not hearing anything back. My daily life routine is out of whack. Haven’t been eating as much and moved back in with my dad because I can’t afford to be on my own at the moment.

Honestly I’m at the point of “couch potato” status where I don’t want to do anything because I feel if I even try the universe will just shut me down. I’m trying to stay exercising so I don’t fall into a depression state but it’s slowly creeping in.

How do I rebuild my confidence again and get back on the horse?

I feel so blah looking while the women around me are all pretty and in relationships. How can you be confident if literally no one has ever been interested in you romantically and no one calls you pretty? I'm just nice. I feel like that's all I have to offer. But there are plenty of women who are nice AND hot. Guys always give them attention, tease them, etc. I know everyone has value and worth but doesn't everyone want to be attractive and loved? How do we cope if that's out of reach? When a guy does talk to me once in a blue moon I just go into this self hatred spiral because I get my hopes up.

My question is partly about anxiety and self confidence. I am 24 yo student and my semester break is going on in short i have no money to afford food for the next week and for past three weeks i have been applying to all casual jobs that i can apply but no call last resort is to do uber eats delivery gig but the thing is i am a person who feels comfortable by being invisible , hiding in the crowd and not talking to anyone. How do take up this job when it mainly involves talking to strangers. Normally to even talk to a stranger i have to circle around them for a while to even say hi or greet them. On top of that the uber driver have to wear fluorescent bag and jacket which is so eye catching is makes me so nervous and anxious that everyone is looking at me. This makes me overthink alot and just not go to work! What to do?

Hi all... I've created a 21-day challenge to help myself and others step a little outside of our comfort zones and I will be posting a daily task. It's free but I would love to have a few people do it so that we can encourage each other and even possibly start an accountability group. Here is the link if anyone is intersted in joining. https://stan.store/HDWomxn

Everyone has dreams, yet only a few truly grasp the opportunity to transform aspirations into reality. Are you ready to take control and navigate the twists and turns life throws at us?

Preparing for Your Dreams

In a world brimming with uncertainties, the key lies in meticulous preparation, flexibility, and persistence. Preparation is the key to experiencing genuine lasting fulfilment. It is the foundation for living your best life. While it's not possible to be ready for everything, it is possible to be as prepared as you can be for anything that is reasonably foreseeable.

In a world of few certainties, you can push the odds largely in your favour. And that means being ready:

• Get the basics of your life under control. The PERMA model provides an excellent platform for this. • Get – and remain - in intellectual control. Make time for frequent deep relaxation: meditation, yoga, hypnosis – whatever works best for you. • Develop your authentic self. Align your activities with your strengths, values, beliefs, and sense of purpose. • Consistently develop your capabilities. The more you can do – the more you can do. • Build reserves to manage the setbacks. With reserves in place, setbacks present us with decisions rather than knockout blows.

Beyond the Basics

With the above platform in place, you will be ready to walk your own path: a unique journey, a unique destination – and a unique legacy. Ready to get started?

• Develop a clear description of the dream. • Reverse plan how you will achieve the dream: start with the dream, then work out the final stage, then the one before that, and the one before that – all the way back to the present day. • Seek out the people who can help you realise your dreams. • Learn how to use self-hypnosis. The techniques we have here are transformational. • Let go of the baggage from the past which no longer serves you. • Keep a journal about what you're accomplishing toward your dreams. • Reflect on what has gone well – and why it has gone well. What didn’t work so well? What have I learned? How will I apply that learning? • Consider the benefits of working with a skilled helper: putting things in perspective, sharing the tools to support your progress: a huge return for your investment in yourself.

Persistence

Keep your dreams in mind. Visualise your success. Constantly remind yourself why your dreams are important. Dedicate regular time to work on your dreams. Adopt the habit of asking yourself: what is the most value adding thing I could be doing right now? Deliberate on the negative thoughts of your inner critic. Work with a helper to remove those limiting beliefs and challenge those unresourceful thought patterns. Working towards your dreams means recognising that you are good enough and you are worthy. Adapt your strategy to reflect your learning: why have a mind if you never change it?

Get the Dream You Really Want

Create a vision for each major area of your life, possibly in a journal, but most importantly – deep inside yourself.

When you begin to think about what you truly want from the perspective of your authentic self, free from limiting beliefs, you'll find your true passions. You'll find what matters most to you and you'll feel the excitement, and the fulfilment, of walking your own path. This is what it means to prepare yourself for your dreams. When you're prepared, you'll know that you are already on your way and you just need to keep going.

Genuine Desire + Effective Strategy + Persistent Consistence =

Authentic Results

Negative thinking patterns is triggered whenever someone gives me shit for something and can’t dish it back out. I choke almost every time too. Plus whenever someone gives me shit or banter about something that I am insecure about, the negative thinking gets worse. I cannot think on my feet quick enough and if I do manage to say something, it’s weak and I embarrass myself. I struggle to defend myself with words or banter back. Which is why I always feel isolated in social situations. I can’t click fast enough. My words, my thinking gets trapped. Help hahahaha

To the mom's out there who have had the unfortunate experience of going thru childhood trauma (adoption, domestic violence, sexual abuse, etc) how have you actively leave your traumas and fears in the past, rather than projecting them onto people around you? How did you take all the steps towards healing, while being a parent? How did you get over the ptsd symptoms and make something of your life? Share all your best tips here - there's more of us than there should be and we all need the support!

I want to go out and meet new friends and start dating again. It has been a long time since I’ve had a partner. I struggle a lot in social groups of more than 4-5 people. When a new group like this forms and im in it, im usually the first out. I’m always so afraid im not going to be accepted. I can tell nobody really gives a shit about my opinion because of the way I look.

The biggest drive for this is I’m very self conscious of how I look. I’m not sure but I’ve always heard from people that I look “cute” but in a way that I look 6 years younger than my age. I get mistaken for being a high schooler all the time. I have a more muscular build, been getting a bit bigger, but my face is that of a 15 year old.

I have somewhat okay communication skills, with 1 or 2 other people, that’s when I’m most extroverted.

I’ve been on dating apps and had a few matches but never tried to pursue anything. Everyone who is my age look like actual adults while even at work I’m always made fun of for being the “child” despite not even being the youngest one.

Been starting to get depressed these past few weeks. Trying to avoid conversations, not because I’m nervous but because I’m frustrated. Instead I just save my energy for the gym and lately just shutting my mouth has been helping save my energy throughout the day.

Last week, Ryan Holiday gave a talk in Toronto to 4,000 people. When he announced a Q&A, my heart pounded. It was one of those moments where fear could hold you back—or become a compass. So, I raised my hand.

Here’s a short excerpt from the interaction:
Instagram Link

When I introspceted myself because I am Sad all the time now i remembered when i was a more close minded person I was so confident and didnt give af about what anyone think of me or what I say to anyone but now I always worry about if I overstep my boundaries or if i said something hurtful or what people think of me and I feel like I am generally less respected as a person now

Ive become insecure of myself

Lacking confidence in approaching women what are some ways to help?

i’m 21m and have experienced acid reflux over the past 3 years. been on medication too. the effects of acid reflux can lead to being less confident because it affects your voice and that make you stressed out if you can’t communicate as well as you used to before. also having this constant full feeling in my mid chest makes me feel nervous all the time when i’ve never been that way before this problem. i feel like i’m not the same person anymore and that this problem has affected my self image a lot and caused me a ton of brain fog. feel like i’ve been braindead for 3 years with no opinion of my own because i’m always subconsciously focused on how shit i feel at all times because of how bad my GERD is. the good thing is i’m still young but honestly i truly hate how unconfident its made me when i used to feel so much better less stressed and calm.

rants over.

Over the past year or so I’ve slowly become upset with who I am. I feel like i don’t have any self-worth. No independency at all. I have no degree or education. I live with my parents. I don’t make much money cause I’m in a warehouse job. I don’t have any interesting or useful skills. Nothing has really changed in my life. I always see people my age or younger (even irl friends) that are on their own, or have their own family, house, relationship etc. All of this puts a huge mental block on trying to pursue a relationship cause i feel like i don’t bring anything to one or have no worth. Im 29 and feel like i’ve wasted all my twenties. Whenever i think about all this i just get upset. My parents tell me Im doing fine cause i have no debt, single parent or anything like that but it doesn’t really make me feel better. I don’t know how to feel confident and happy about my life or what steps to take to change it. If anyone has any advice on how to feel more confident about myself I’d appreciate it.