Overdose

Hi, I just want to say something about what happened to me yesterday afternoon. So I was a polysubstance drug addict for 17 years, up until yesterday I’d been clean for 16 months until I was going through my room and found an old shoebox in my wardrobe that was filled with needles old baggies some ghb and two oxycodone pills. I instantly felt sick after discovering the contents of the shoebox, but after the initial shock of finding it all the only thing I could think about was using and instead of coming clean with my loved one’s and getting rid of it all I went ahead and used. It was almost like I couldn’t control myself, once I had the pills and fresh needles in my hand it was like I became possessed, I instantly went to my desk and crushed the two 10mg oxycodone targin pills and injected them. The initial rush was amazing but soon after I realised that it was too strong and that I had fkd up I made it about two steps out of my room and collapsed. I think after about a minute my body started going into extremely harsh drug induced dystonia, intense myoclonic jerks, my breathing was shuttered almost like each time I tried to inhale I would have a hiccup reaction and I was going in and out of a delirium. While this was all happening I came to the realisation that I was going to die.. but the only thing I could think about was my family and how I didn’t want to lose them or vice versa. After fighting off death for the next I’m not sure how long I managed to remember that my phone was on my kitchen bench and I somehow mustered up all the strength I had left and crawled to my phone to call emergency services. I spent time in the hospital and was just discharged some time ago. I guess I am writing all of this for others who are thinking of using again to say to them that life is way too beautiful to let go of. Please know that there is help out there and that you are loved and cherished..! Stay safe out there people you are worth it..! ❤️🙏🦾

I want to put this out into the universe for manifestation and spiritual purposes, I have been the black sheep scape goat of everything sucombing to the negativity easily influenced to my enviroment, I am now 18 about to be 19 and mentally / Emotionally I still feel like I'm 9 years old. I am suffering from addiction like no other and have borderline personality disorder which went undiagnosed for several years, I had no idea why others could get attached to thibgs so easily and find passion, I couldint undeestand why I was so impulsive and a wreck but then seemed to be okay 3 days later. It's no way to live. I am a slave to the physical realm. I am a slave to chemicals. You will suffer enough, you will get scared so much that you become numb, then when your not you will be terrified of the repercussions, addiction will eat you. Ive been to 4 rehabs and the JDC before 17. Why? I just couldint stop getting high, everyone looks at me different, I am never comfortable in my own skin, I cant live. I'm going to my last rehab center ever, i will never touch a drug or substance again. I am scared now. The illusion is gone, to my ones asleep still. You will suffer enough, or you will randomly be d°°° in some random cannon event that's waiting to catch up to you? People havint changed, you did, the world isint sick, you are... You are the statistic they speak of. You are the abomination that cripples and divdes people. You are not human anymore, you are fantasy of manipulation masks and false realities. Don't touch this stuff. The eyes should not be awoke, would you rather have the chance at some sort of chemical gain? Or would you rather be happy with your own chemicals. They can be manifested, they have been, and there will be a time when you look back and can say, "wow that really almost killed me, all I had to do was force myself to stop?" I'm ready to live and see the world, I can't die in my own house... You know it will get worse, you lie to yourself, and there is 10 feet of concrete between your true soul and what you are now. But you never are really gone. Untill you choose to come back. Escape the devil please!!!! He's got you dragged to hell.

I live near T - County, Canton/Zanesville area and I really need a good detox center but I don't know where to start, I've already tried the mansion in Cambridge but it didint work out. Would anyone have recommendations? I hate to post my buisness obline but this is urgent. My life is on the line

As my title suggests, I've been in recovery for 2 and a half years. The last couple days, I've been craving H hardcore. My landlord unexpectedly announced that he is planning on selling the building by spring and not-so-subtly suggested that I need to move before then. My housemate didn't pick up his meds on time, so he was in a seriously foul mood and was up late the last few nights, having meltdowns, which amplified my anxiety and triggered flaskbacks to my abusive marraige. My folks dropped a huge stressor on me letting me know that they wrote my brother out of the will and I'll inherit their house and property when they pass. I call that a stressor because nobody wants to think about their parents mortality if they're on good terms. Anyway, it's been all I can do to stay away from my old using grounds, since I live too far for anyone to deliver. I have too much to lose. I keep reciting all the positives in my head, "I'm almost done with probation, my relationship with my parents is better than its ever been, my divorce will be final in February..." I don't know, I guess I just needed to vent in a forum where there are others who might understand.

Hey so I just posted 2 days ago about me being 7 months sober and I’m very happy but last night I had a dream kinda about the things I use to be addicted to and had the same feeling I had being high, and ever since I woke up it’s all I can think about. Any tips on how to get it off ur mind? I’ve been fine for these 7 months (as fine as a recovering addict can be) and now all I can think abt it getting high. Any tips??

Everyone currently in my life can’t fully appreciate my anniversary today so thought I’d pop in here real quick!

Hi!

I have been trying to get clean for the past 8 years. Been heavy user since I was 16 and it has been an all out sh*t-fest since. I'm 32 today.

I never thought I would reach my 33nd birthday. I never thought I would be able to have a life i could enjoy. I never thought I would be able to let my guard down. I never thought I would experience love again.

This time around I have been clean for just over two months. What's different this time?

I enrolled NA group and worked with the steps. I decided to make a full transformation of my life philosophy and accept the fact that I really need help to make this work. I opened up my heart and ego, I delved deep into myself and started doing the work.

The grass is greener on the other side huh? It most certainly is.

The past 55 days have been surreal, to begin with. This feeling slowly started to transform day by day, with the force of my higher self and by the divine consciousness, I started to feel again. Sorrow, anger, fear, happiness, love..

Each day I begin with affirmations and in the beginning it was "fake it til you make it", but very fast these affirmations became truths. I am a part of a world filled with love and joy. I take part of other peoples love, care and courage. Everyday I contemplate about all the good things I am part of, all the good situations I create for myself and since I'm good to myself, I also share all this goodness with the surrounding world and the people I interact with.

There is hope for all of us! Take it day by day and give it your best, we will make bad decisions from time to time but don't let that break you!

Keep on working with yourself and everything positive and good, everything filled with love and care, these things no longer come to you as coincidences, they suddenly become YOU!

I don’t have anyone to share this with so I thought I would share here

When I was 15 and dealing with a lot of shit abt friends and family and just personal issues. I hung around the wrong group of people who introduced me to weed, I started by smoking with them every Friday to the weekends to every day and even in school. When that wasent working for me anymore I switched to over the counter pills, anything I could find. I feel like it’s not really talked about how over the counter shit can get so addicting. Soon brought me to buying pills of any source. I would take anything. I never told any of my friends or family since I was 15 and didn’t want them to look at me different. 7 months ago I got these pills from my dealer and didn’t know that it was something serious and took them. Had the worst trip of my life and ended up ODing in my room. My brother found me but he didn’t know what I was doing and thought I was greening out. He brought me to the couch and hung out with me the rest of the night. I never told him. I decided that day I needed to get sober. I’ve now reached 7 months and 2 days free of pills, weed, and wtv else I was taking 😂. I’m now turning 17 soon and never thought I would see the day.

Just Talked About This Today… I’ve been sober going on 36 years and that first year in recovery was a b💥tch!

This may help someone struggling, love yall!

5 Tips to Stay Strong in Early Recovery During the Holidays

The holidays can be a challenging time for those of us in early recovery.

The stress, temptations, and family dynamics can feel overwhelming—but you’re not alone.

Here are five tips to help you navigate this season and stay on track:

1. Stick to Your Routine:

Structure is your best friend. Keep attending meetings, working with your sponsor, or practicing daily mindfulness. Consistency builds confidence.

2. Set Boundaries:

It’s okay to say no to events or people that may jeopardize your recovery.

Protect your peace and prioritize your well-being.

3. Have an Exit Plan:

If you do attend a gathering, drive yourself or have a way to leave if things get uncomfortable.

Know your triggers, and don’t hesitate to step away.

4. Lean on Your Support System: Stay connected with your sober community.

A quick text, call, or coffee with a trusted friend can keep you grounded.

5. Focus on Gratitude:

Holidays are about connection, not perfection.

Reflect on what you’re grateful for in recovery, whether it’s a clear mind, a safe space, or small daily wins.

Remember: You don’t have to face this alone. Recovery is a gift—protect it one day, one choice, and one moment at a time.

What are your go-to tips for staying sober during the holidays? Let’s share and support each other. 💪

I've started cutting myself recently without the intention of sh, but it became addictive, I'm trying to stop it in the beginning and I'm 40 hours clean, and pushed through an anxiety crisis without any form of self harm!!! I don't have anyone to share this with, and I'm really proud of myself :)

See, I've been trying to quit shit for months. Quit coke cold turkey for almost 6 months. A few months after that, I heavily cut down on my drinking.

Then, oddly enough, when I thought I was starting to feel healthier, more energy, more money, I'd get this depression that creeps into my mind. Like a constant state of ennui and just a dissatisfaction with life in general.

I relapsed last weekend, and oddly enough, I didn't have a crashing depression afterward. Almost like I satisfied a craving that has been there for months.

I can't keep doing that, though. I know I need to feel content with life without needing to be torqued all the time.

I genuinely want to know. Those of you here who used methamphetamine intravenously. What are some things that helped you get off and stay off?

Here is my story. Please be respectful and understanding. It is very easy in hindsight to see my stupidity, but things happened slowly so it was easy to ignore the red flags.

Full disclosure: I have a history of opiate and alcohol and stimulant addiction, and I was sober for almost 5 years before deciding to try kanna extract. I had already been using pure kanna leaf powder in a pre-workout for several years without issue, so I did not think much about trying an extract form.

I tried some of the more commonly recommended brands, but they didn’t seem to do anything for me. I then found a website that sold kanna liquid extract, and I decided to try and purchase some from them because they were also selling some other items that I needed at the time. That particular extract seem to work much better than any of the other ones I had tried. I got a very calming euphoria that lasted for about an hour and then a calmness that lasted for maybe two or three more hours. It seemed to trigger the old addict in me and I started using it more frequently than I should have.

After about a weeks worth of daily, all day use, I ran out. The next day I noticed some irritability, anxiety, depressed mood, and a generalized flattening of my emotions while interacting with people. My head felt like it was under pressure and I had a hard time thinking clearly. It was rather uncomfortable and I realize that it might be due to the Kanna but ultimately it went away after two or three days and I felt relatively normal again.

Well, I should have just stopped there. But my old ways re-activated and I tried to give it another shot. To make a long story short, I have been using this same liquid extract for almost 8 months now every single day. I re-dose about every 2 hours. I am very functional while on it, I notice no impairment and have not heard any comments that I do not seem sober. But when I run out, the withdrawals are debilitating. Severe anxiety, severe depression, restless legs, yawning, stretching, head pressure, slowed mentation. I have zero motivation to do the simplest things like get out of bed or eat. It reminds me of opiate withdrawal but with worse anxiety and depression and less GI symptoms and less pain.

I have tried several times to quit but I keep failing. I am not in a position where I can take time off of work. No one in my life knows about this struggle. The costs have made me due wildly stupid things to get money. I am so, so, so ashamed.

Now, it is possible that what I am taking is some other substance being sold as kanna, but I have taken drug tests while on it so it was not one of the testable ones.

I have attempted to taper but it has been difficult. The last time I ran out from a shipment delay, I took large doses of 7-OH and pseudo and these allowed me to be functional, but I do not want to trade this addiction for a kratom extract addiction.

My plan now is to try and taper one last time to hopefully get to a manageable level and then use comfort meds to try and stop. I am thinking lyrica for restless legs, adderall or ritalin for the lack of energy, and maybe small doses of klonopin for the anxiety.

If anyone out there has experienced anything similar to this please reach out to me. I am desperate for encouraging words. Even if you are in the same situation as me and are suffering, please reach out to talk.

And please, do not respond with any “i told you so” or “you are stupid for getting yourself into this situation.” I fully realize that this is 100% my fault for falling back into an addiction cycle again.

TL/DR: I am an idiot and got addicted to high dose high potency kanna extract and now I am desperately asking for other peoples’ experiences if there are any.

Thank you all.

Edit: for those saying this is kratom, or kratom mixed in, I recognize that is possible. Any recommendations on how to test for that? Or possibly tianeptine?

6 days until I hit 31 years.

I realized I have been clean and sober, but not in recovery, a lot of that time.

1,000 days sober today. That’s the post.

My girlfriend is currently in a rehab and gets put next week. She's been having severe tooth pain and will probably need a root canal and maybe more im not sure. She gets dental issues really easily.

They want to prescribe her oxy and that's literally what she's in rehab for. I dont want her to be in pain but I also don't really want those pills around either one of us (I struggle too and am also 2 weeks sober now).

Neither one of us know how to navigate this one bit. Any advice? Her pain really is like terrible terrible. She's been pushing through but I can tell it's getting to her when we call eachother. Can't eat barely sleep all that fun stuff.

Edit: we have also told the dentist no narcos already so that's scratched off the list. He just said if the pain gets too bad don't hesitate to call which sure did not help lmao

I'm a few years clean and needed emergency surgery which involved going under sedation and general anaesthetic. It really felt like getting messed up back then. Now I'm post op and having all kinds of dark thoughts that used to sit with me that are really making me uneasy. I don't know how to let this go.

Starting

Hello everyone, I'm new here and I searched something that could motivate me to stay sober...I wanna change my life and the way I'm at right now I'm not proud at all...I'm dealing with hard addition I started when I was 22-23 I'm 26 years old now, I wanna change. I cry every time when I'm finished with my high. I feel so much guilty and ashamed, sadness I try killing myself few times but it didn't work out, I wanna change I hate how I'm acting like..I hate what I'm doing. I feel ashamed, I want to better my self and become a person that looks back and cry of happiness and joy of making it so far of being sober and a change person. So I want to start today 11/28/2024 at 2:37am EST...I decided to change myself/ save myself

I suppose u can consider it as motivation every time I take a look at it! It’s real silver too, I love it! 🥰💍

does having adhd have anything to do with it. ived been an addict drug dependent since 16 and im now 46. whats there outside using still left for me..or this is plainly just it..just wait for that finil glimpse of life before it escapes my eyes forever

There are times I am happy with my sobriety & how far I’ve come. But I never feel proud of myself. I would like to be happy for myself. The catalyst for me beginning recovery was the fatal overdose of my boyfriend a year ago, and I’ve had horrific survivors guilt ever since. That might be a part of it. Feeling bad for being sober when he never got the chance to, and it almost feels like my sobriety is at the expense of his death. And also, I have a hard time being proud of finally doing something I should have been doing all along. Something that the rest of the world seems to not have a problem doing. The general population goes every day without smoking fentanyl or shooting up coke with ease. What, do I want a cookie for doing something I’m supposed to be doing? Something that everyone else is doing? I want to praise myself for not being a horrible person and killing myself every day? It shouldn’t be hard. But it’s so fucking hard. It’s so hard to be normal. Every one else goes their whole life without combining liquor with fentanyl. Everyone else has no problem resisting needles. Nobody can relate to chugging full bottles of Robitussin. Getting arrested for huffing keyboard cleaner in public. Crashing my fucking car drunk in a residential neighborhood. I have 3 DUIs. Why should I celebrate that I stopped doing wicked evil horrible things? It’s what I should have been doing the whole time, abstaining. Normal people buy their drugs & pray to god it’s not laced. When my dope boy ran out, I’d buy drugs hoping they were laced. I was smoking crack in order to wash my dishes faster. Why do I deserve to be celebrated for simply not doing those things. I have mad respect for my fellow recovering addicts and alcoholics, and i think you should all be proud of your accomplishments, and I think you deserve to be celebrated. But when it comes to me I just feel like a worthless sack of shit.

Made my account just so I could have someplace to post this. My husband and I are 6 months clean. Started using together and getting sober together. I know most couples don't survive what we have been through and I am so grateful that we are doing this together. After years of addiction we are finally growing together and for the first time in a long time I am excited for our future!

I used to be so scared for what was coming and would pray for just one more peaceful day but now I can't help but be hopeful. I really hope that I don't regret this. I'm so hopeful but scared that I won't be able to overcome some unforseen trigger. Does anybody else in recovery feel like this?

literally what the title says. a mix of things keep happening that take me back to my childhood & the toxic relationships that followed. it’s triggering. the reason i started taking pills was bc of the memories i just wanted to block out. and honestly, i was always told what a fuck up i am & i truly believed it so i just rode the wave. might as well live up to the name you know? and at the same time it just made me think i was happy again. lately, hardly anything has been happy. and all i can think abt it how good it would feel to block it out & ride the wave again.

i’ve been sober for 6 years, and i am where i want to be in life, good job, nice home, good significant other, good relationship w her family, i have a good therapist and psychiatrist, im leveled out on mh meds for the first time in my life, my dog is literally my shadow & my baby, my pay rate is the highest it’s ever been, i dont have to choose between bills or food anymore, i have no complaints other than a few issues at work that are solvable. im not going to risk losing all of this. but man does the wave sound so good.

Today is my 2 years. Congrats blah blah, but I don’t want this to be about me. I want to use this as a sign of hope for those who are struggling. I never thought I could get this far, but here I am, and you can do it too. I want everyone who reads this to leave a message of hope or advice for a newcomer who might see this. You never know how much it might help.