The best part about books is they introduce you to ideas, perspectives and attitudes that you would have otherwise never considered

And the best books teach you something you weren't looking for

They teach you how life is simple but not easy

Life can really be as straightforward as you want it to be when you mainly focus on what you control

I’ve gotten many off putting comments from some family that’s put me in a really dark place. I’ve had family sneak up on and sucker punch me (almost ko’d), had uncles start rumors that I’m a raging heroin addict, multiple family members saying I’m a violent person for playing video games (never had a violent past by any stretch), and fucked with for fishing. I often confront these people and ask why and almost every time their answer is “that’s just what I think” in a shit eating grin. I’m deeply bothered by all this shit and lost knowing what I can do differently. Should I just give up on life as whole? It’s the only way I see getting this to stop. How do I move on from this? I’m desperately trying to figure this out

I work (early 30s M) as a FIFO miner. When I work I make good money, but I spend a lot of time at home either on my off swing or between jobs.

I try to keep busy with hobbies such as hiking, archery, kickboxing, bjj etc, but there's only so much I can do. I'm a night owl and naturally stay up until 2 or 3am I usually watch movies and tv shows with my wife, but there's a shortage of quality content. After my wife goes to bed, I stay up playing video games for an our or two, but get bored.

I'm just so damn bored all the time. I wanted to start some kind of online business I could work on at night, but I don't know where to start. I started renting out my spare bedroom on airbnb, it's going well and gives me something to do, but I'm still bored all the time. I used to read a lot, but eventually got sick of it.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do at night? preferably something productive that can make money, but anything interesting would be ok.

I've never been fine with myself. Be it my appearance, my mind, my intelligence. I tried to chase validation by getting into a repectable course, tried to put forward a version of myself that wasn't authentic. But I didn't gain validation or acceptance anywhere.

Last year in August, my father got diagnosed with cancer. My whole world crashed. My father, who never had a sip of alcohol in his entire life, who led his life with the utmost discipline, who followed every healthy habit, diagnosed with liver carcinoma. My entire faith crashed. I'd stay up at night, I left my job to be with family and prepare for an exam, and all those elements that made me insecure came back in my life. My conscience screamed at me everyday. "You're not worth it. You're not worth living a good life. You're meant to be miserable. You don't deserve good things." I'd hear my mind screaming horrible things at me and be helpless to do anything.

I started to feel worthless. I felt like whatever I achieved meant nothing since I was losing right now. My life was worthless.

One day, begging and praying to God, I said, "Take my life and let my father live."

I had an epiphany.

If I was asking that God to exchange my life in return for my father's well being, that meant that my life meant something.

In hindsight, it might seem nihilistic, stupid even, but that one thought made my life go around. I started noticing how responsible I was around the house. I noticed how my parents wanted me to be happy and live. I noticed how I took care of myself despite my mind screaming at me calling me worthless. I started looking into his health and started helping my father with his weakness after chemo. I started losing weight and enrolled as a potential donor. Improved my triglycerides and started working out at home, doing 10k steps, choosing healthier food. All because my life meant something.

My life means to live better. My life is not important because I am working on myself, or because I have a fancy degree, or because I'm being a helpful daughter. My life is important because I'm the only one who can do things that have an impact on my life and those around me. I have a free will that can not be chained by circumstances. My limits are not defined by what the opinions of others define. It's defined by my own choices. Everyday I will choose to defy my own limits.

After years of being awkward and self conscious, I started to look into dating online and around me. Trying to improve my skin, maintaining my hair and taking care of my body again. I started to speak to me positively, started to help myself regain the confidence I always denied myself. And in that process, I fell in love with my stubborn, stupid and resilient self.

It's still a long journey, I'm studying for my post graduate degree, searching for jobs again, waiting for the doctors to approve for surgery. But I'll take every challenge head on, not because I have to suffer, but because I have to overcome. God gives me challenges to be proud of myself, not to test me. He's giving me challenges to provide opportunities to love myself. I'm nowhere near better, but I'm no longer at the rock bottom. But that rock bottom pushed me into improvement.

And I think we all can learn to love ourselves on either side.

So my best friend and I are both becoming shut ins. He has some friends and a roommate, I live alone and am only really friends with him. I want to get out and socialize but I always seem to 'bail' at the last minute. He does too. We even 'bail' on each other because we don't have energy to follow through with plans.

I think this is really unhealthy and when he brought up his work was having an after hours D&D thing and invited me, I said I would go too.

Now he seems to really want to bail as he doesn't know those particular coworkers and doesn't really want to. I feel like this is unhealthy for both of us. I feel like it's unhealthy for me at least, but I also worry about him. He seems to have given up on dating, socializing and going out. It's like he's just accepted stagnation and I feel like, as his friend, I should help pull him out of the pit. I know he's not happy.

It's his coworkers not mine that we would be mingling with. I don't want to set him up for complications since the general consensus is that after work events are awful. Has anyone had good experiences with these types of events? It's supposedly a 5hr 'commitment'. Did you feel it enriched your experience to mingle more at work or was it always a mistake?

There's way too much backstreet to go into everything but long story short, I made the effort over the past few years to make some crucial changes about myself... jump forward a number of years and I've been sober for five years, have increase my pay from $15/hr to $25/hr, started working on my credit, found interests in hobbies and such, realized I care much more about my individuality and selfsufficiancy than I ever did before, and so on and so on....

My health is another thing I need to take seriously though. Getting older and ever since I had my gallbladder removed, the weight has slowly and slowly accumulated so I have zero confidence in myself and just cant ever find the motivation/desire. That being said, no other major concerns or event so I feel kind of blessed so far.

In any event, the point of this rant is; I recently took over my boss's manager position in the print room at this office. Its not my dreamjob at all but its doable and pays the bills for now. I'm not one to deviate from what works so I've made sure things stay as much the same as possible but since we dont yet have someone to permanently fill in my old position, we've had "floaters" come by and help out for the past few months which, up until now hasn't been an issue.

However, in an environment like this, things are bound to happen and of course has to happen on the one day I am sick... ONE DAY...Here, no one directly talks to you so I find out from my boss who's got an email from somewhere else that this person made this mistake and now the regional director is involved and now I've begun to notice (and catch) things that indicate to me people here are trying to get my coworkers in trouble.

So, even though I know I can do this job, I'm just spent. This is going to go on and on and I just don't want to do this all year...

I feel bad for the people I work with who are being targeted. I hate the fake smiles and being in a place that in a weird way asks you to embrace that as well. I'm proud of the progress I've made in my life but frustrated and worried that I'll end up grey and nameless and I'll never know what it's like to live my dreams...

I love graphic design and filmmaking but I just don't ever have the energy and yeah I know you just need to work on your portfolio but I'm just so exhausted with everything rn. I want to move out of this city and have a more engaging job and I've even gone so far as to look up loans but I know deep down that would be a bad idea. I honestly just want to quit but I don't have any leads atm and with everything going on in the world I'm more scared I won't be able to find myself back I the workforce if I leave.

Hello, i dont know how to start this because im used to bottling up my emotions and what i feel from strangers or even close people, i never talked about my feelings to anyone.

but im a person that is so unhappy and unsatisfied with his life and nothing going my way at all

I’ve been Severely depressed for a while now, and it’s hard to explain just how overwhelming it is. Every day feels like I’m trudging through thick fog, and no matter how much I try, it seems like I can’t find a way out. I feel tired & miserable all the time,physically and emotionally drained and it’s as if I’m carrying an invisible burden that no one can see.

In terms of my dating life; I broke up with the first girl ive ever loved a while ago, since that moment happened i feel like the whole weight of the world crushed every fiber of my being

I have an avoidant attachment style when it it comes to relationships because i have been hurt before and still traumatized

I did some mistakes in that relationship with that but only because i was scared of love and getting hurt ( not an excuse i know ) we got cool but she dont want any involvement with me

i still love her so much and im trying to communicate with her but she moving on day by day and i feel like im totally getting forgotten by her

im also the loneliest person anyone could be, even when im surrounded by people i feel disconnected and detached from reality and im just trapped in my own mind thinking how things and were went wrong

I dont have no friends no social media no nothing

The fear of being a burden or being misunderstood is always chasing me, always feel like im shouting in an empty room.

in Terms of work im about to graduate Law School

but i dont have any sense of achievement or accomplishment or motivation towards anything after

i feel like im doomed or cursed in every direction i put my face into

im from a Third world country which makes it harder for me in everything u could think off and my relationship with that girl was a long distance one

Everyday i pray to god that i dont wake up and lately been feeling that suicide is the only answer to fix my struggle

i need a realistic advice from someone whos been into my shoes and what should i do to fix my situation.

Recently, I was offered an interview with a great company doing “”data entry “, the position offers a great hourly rate much higher than my last position. I really want to land this role so any advice on getting into a position like this with no experience? My last two roles, I was working in insurance doing claim handling and the other one was medical reception administration work, if anyone has an experience doing data entry and can kind of give me a look into what the day-to-day is, that would be amazing or any advice at all on doing great in an interview. At my last position, I was there for a couple years so I haven’t had an interview in a while.

So I'm usually such a great communicator until it comes to taking about my feelings. I get kinda breathless, my chest gets heavy and tight, and my first instinct is to cry. I try to stop the tears from flooding but it's like a default state for me. And it's either that or when I do successfully communicate how I feeli instantly regret it and I feel stupid and maybe a little part of me is scared it'll be used against me. Point is I have no idea how to fix this. I thought maybe exposure therapy but it's not nearly enough. I need help please. Will someone give me advice?

Past few days have been rough , and it led me to some introspection. First let me give me a broad view of who I am. I am a 20 year old guy from India, who is studying engineering(not really interested tbh). I have zero friends (not even kidding, ZERO friends). I have little to no social skills. I look and act weird, I stay in my room whole day ,I have been like this for 3-4 years now, I would like to blame the pandemic but I know its my fault.

Nobody likes me (not 100% sure), nobody wants to talk to me without me initiating convos. The only people who talk to me for more than 5 minutes are my mom and one friend from school (we talk like once every month).

What pushed to my lowest point took place yesterday, I got scammed for 33k Rs/ 380 $. It was completely my fault, I shared everything I was not supposed to share on internet. Not going to lie , I thought about ending it all, but from past experiences I know that it will get better. So, I have decided to transform myself before the end of this year.

I will earn that lost money and give it back to my parents by end of this year, I know I can do it. I will become smarter, I will make friends, I will put myself in uncomfortable social situations, I will accept who I am and will stop being a victim. I know everyone makes promises like this and fails. But I know from past experiences that I can do it.

Also, yes I am posting this for validation but I also wanted to make a public commitment as that puts ego in the game.

I have OCD and insomnia. Plus i ovethink 24/7. I just got out of a long addiction (mainly alcohol)

I'm 28 and my memory is really really bad. I need to set alarms for literally everything. Because I WILL forget in literally 3-5 seconds. I forget everything and its starting to annoy me a lot. Have tried lionsmane, does nothing

Does anyone have some tips on how to improve my memory? Would be greatly appreciated

What I mean is let's say there's something that I'm scared off, I will always think about it and I'm scared that it will affect my personal mental health.
Ok, so I'm gonna go to the army sometime soon and my brother just told me that the people in the army always smoke and vape and I should NEVER BE ADDICTED TO IT. Once he said this, I'm in constant worry now. I know smoking and vaping is very bad for me but I'm always the kind of people to overthink and worry too much. As a result, I'm scared that I will never stop thinking about it and actually gonna try it due to curiousness and ended up being addicted to it.
Moreover, I always worrying about future stuff that hasn't happen yet but I'm worried that it will turn up very bad. I'm about to start my car license class and plus this army thing and maybe a part time job. Every now and then, I will have panic attacks.

I ALWAYS FIND THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT AND IT REALLY ANGERS ME.. WHY AM I LIKE THIS? I JUST WANT TO FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING AND FOCUS ON THE NOW.
anyone also experienced this?

Sorry in advance, this is going to be long. I'm 35F, and l've always promised myself I wouldn't turn into my mom. Of course she is my mom and I love her, but some of her behaviors are just awful in my eyes, and it definitely feels like she's disappointed with her life, which made her become quite bitter. She would always say she's direct and she doesn't lie to people. Theoretically, it sounds like a good quality, but the flip side of it is to basically say whatever she thinks about people straight to their faces, with no filters. This is one of the reasons she usually doesn't get along with people and she doesn't really have friends. I even remember times in my life where I would be excited over something and she would say what she thought about it and basically would ruin my excitement. She also treated my dad poorly when they were together, constantly criticizing and belittling him, making him feel "less than." On top of that, she's always been someone who relies on others for validation. She rarely has her own perspective and just follows what others say or do to fit in. For example, she never talked to me about having kids until her cousin mentioned it, and suddenly she was on my case about it. She always cared more about appearances than authenticity, she even made my sister and me keep my dad leaving a secret, because it was "shameful." That need to "save face" left me unable to open up about my struggles with my best friends until a year later. I think she's unhappy with her life and it shows in her jealousy, bitterness, and constant gossiping. She never pursued a career or personal passions, so when my sister and I grew up and she could no longer control us, I think she kinda lost her sense of purpose in life. My dad left her when I was 13 (a whole other story), and I don't think she ever really moved past that rejection, even though I don't think she ever loved him. I don't think l'm like her exactly, but sometimes I see bits of her in myself, and it scares me. I can be quite judgmental, mostly toward myself, but sometimes toward others. I've been unfairly critical of my husband at times, like feeling "disappointed" that he's not as confident as I think he should be (because in my eyes, he's the coolest and smartest person I know, so I can't understand that). I've also been feeling bitter lately because I'm unhappy with my career and social life, and that bitterness sometimes turns into jealousy of people who seem to have it all figured out. I'm also very direct, and while my friends usually appreciate it, I know it can push people away if they don't know me well.

I'm terrified of waking up one day and realizing I've become my mom, but don't know how to stop these patterns. How can I change?

Or have your goals changed over time?

i’m just curious about your experiences with setting goals, visualizing, and manifesting. have you actually achieved what you initially set out for, or have your goals changed along the way.

i’ve already achieved some of mine, but my biggest goal still feels far away. the first step is always the hardest for me, and actually sticking with it long-term is even harder.

for those who stayed consistent, what helped you commit until you achieved it? & for those who shifted direction, are you satisfied with where you ended up, or do you feel like you lost focus?

I like Marshall arts and I'm curious is meditation ok with religion?

I don’t want to work. It’s just straight up laziness. I’m terrified of wasting my life on a routine, exhaustion, and just surviving instead of living. But at the same time, I’m not doing anything productive either.

I feel stuck. knowing this is the reality for most people and that they live quietly miserable makes me want to die.The thing is that I'm 25, I don't have more time to play the victim and I need a job. But I'm deeply terrified of failure and I'm very bad at my career.

How do you accept this? How do you keep going without falling into complete despair I know I have depression and all but I need to get over myself. How can I cope? How can I get better. Any tips?

Hey all, when I was a senior in high school this one class I was in had these teenager self development packets that had all of these scenarios and wisdom advice in it for growth and development, both personal and social. I had grabbed a bunch of them when I graduated from the class but over the years lost them in various moves and things like that. Does anyone know of any similar packets or books like that out there? I never got a chance to dig into them because I got so busy with college and other things. I’ve always wondered what hidden treasures and gems I lost from not digging into those

Good morning!

A month ago I was fired from my job. I was really upset about the whole situation. I was working as a SW Engineer in a corporation. My job was average-difficult, lots of meetings, lots of distractions. I was generally tired of the job. Sleep problems, lots of coffee, high body weight, lots of sweets, zero workouts and the like. Generally a bad way of life. My life was gloomy, etc.

Now I see that it was good, I have a lot of time and my well-being is at a higher level. I rested. I plan to go back to CrossFit classes. Unfortunately I have to go back to work, I have several offers and I have to decide on one of them. My question is how to take care of my well-being, work-life balance and the like, to avoid burnout stagnation in a new job. It's hard to do anything else after work. Can you tell me how you take care of yourself during the week? What do you do on the weekend? What does your day look like, what else do you do after work and the like, what tips do you have for me so that I don't go back to stagnation in a new job, etc.

All comments are welcome, if you have any recommendations in the form of books, articles, videos on YT, I will accept everything.

Thanks!

You know how when you watch a video or read a comment or see a post and you're like "Wow! That's good stuff!"?

Our minds are in the habit of wanting to hear more, read more, consume more - to maximize the awesomeness of what we just heard, like a gambler desperate to ride that high. When you hear something that hits you - like shatters your world and makes you think - that is the time to stop what you're doing and sit on it for the rest of the day.

One of the things that really helped me retain lessons was when I heard something that resonated with me, I stopped what I was doing and thought about it for the rest of the day. Once it was locked in to the point where I could repeat it to someone without looking it up, I knew it was safe to move on to the next piece of awesome advice.

Don't flood your brain with a flurry of good advice and tips. Take it one at a time, let your brain fully digest it, and you will grow much faster than trying to speedrun the self-help section of a library.

That is all.

A lot of people are pretty uninspiring, no ambitions, in debt, instant gratification habits like gaming and junk food, and becoming like that and never evolving scares me to make the right choices now at 18. Another thing I avoid is self limiting beliefs, I’d rather be arrogant than not believe in myself.

Hi, I hope everybody is doing well. I just wanted to ask how should I move on from a relationship that ended 2 years ago. I have been struggling to move on from her, sometimes I keep myself busy but that doesn't last and I feel depressed and unmotivated for days. It just feels like I am stuck even though I know she's gone and is not returning back. Any Advice would be appreciated, thank you

here are some things that i’ve already done that, although small, have helped me so much:

• caught a bus alone.
• went to the movies alone.
• went to the dentist and orthodontist alone.
• went to the library for the first time and got some things printed.
• currently volunteering at a furniture recycling shop.

most of these are things i continue to do because they no longer make me so anxious- i just had to push myself to do it once and realised it wasn’t so bad.

i’ll do every single suggestion so long as they’re realistic and reasonable and keep you updated.

Scared of getting good paying jobs and feeling anxious

This mind sound crazy , after all everyone wants to get agood paying job !

work in tech and working for 4 years in same company and my pay is decent .i never thought i would get this job when in was in college because i don’t think i am that good

Pay and wlb is fine for me , but there is poor hikes and layoff which scares me . I feel constantly struck , my colleagues and friends have switched jobs and feel that my current company under paid me and wlb will be better

High paying or better paying jobs scares me , i don’t think i deserved to get paid so much for my role as qa , i also feel being mediocre is better for me .

I feel happy to be where i am in my comfort zone , i also feel getting better job would mean i am losing in dating /relationship

I got assessment link from one job i have applied and i am terrified to even attempt . Thats how anxious and my fear has made me

About 2 months ago I committed fighting my addiction and getting my life in order. I started going to a recovery program weekly, started to get serious about planning what I want to do for school and how to do it (trying to graduate and get into grad school), joined an honors society as an interim treasurer, got off video games, started to go to Bible study, started to read again, etc. I'm 2 weeks sober with a sponsor and only a little backlogged on my school work and recommendation letter emails. I'm doing things right, taking things a one day at a time and finding the strength and help to choose to be better.

I am starting to hate it. I feel mad that I have to do this instead of being able to be ignorantly happy like before. I'd want to say i was now finding my way to happiness through my new mental clarity, but I just feel like I am seeing that I won't be happy even when I'm doing everything right. And I just have to accept that.

I know that being happy isn't the point and I'm not doing this for a reward. I'm doing this cause it's what I should do, both for me and the people I love. I just...kinda hate it. I can't ignore my feelings like I used to be able to with doomscrolling or my addiction. Im doing what I need to do, I'm doing everything I should but I feel like I just don't have anything I really like anymore. I don't have things I want to do, things to look forward to. I'm proud that I'm doing the things I should have a long time ago and I'm in a better place than before, but I'm just not happy and don't see my future being all that happy either. It makes tomorrow just feel like a dread and the days feel like they are heavier and heavier as time goes on. I don't really know what to do. I feel like living like this isn't a good option, even if it is better than where I was before.

First and foremost, I want to make this crystal clear that I love my parents and mean them no illwill. In the recent years, I have noticed my dad's anger patterns and found that whenever he had a tiring day or was expecting a tiring day, he would have a short temper and would get angry on the smallest and minute mistakes. My father was never an abusive person so even when he would be at angry at us, he still tries to compose himself. To make the long story short, I don't want to be angry in toughest of the circumstances and certainly do not want to pass on or release my anger on somone who was at no fault. I am trying to take time to think and respond when I am angry so that my words or my actions don't hurt anyone but, I feel like i sometimes get caught on my dad's shadow and say things in anger I would never dream of saying to someone who is very dear to me. I am a 20M, and at this moment of life my actions and my manners define my reputation. I was a pretty calm person when i was younger and didn't have the guts to talk back, but as I have grown i have noticed my increasing anger. I have started a diary to vent out my anger but i can't write diary anywhere at any time when to take out my anger.

My earliest memory isn’t a happy one. I wasn’t playing or laughing—I was hiding inside a boxspring, barely breathing, trying to disappear before my abuser could find me. I learned young that survival meant being silent, small, invisible. The abuse I endured was beyond comprehension, the kind of thing people don’t want to believe happens. But it did. And I carried it with me long after I escaped.

Public school was another battlefield. Dyslexia made reading a struggle, and teachers mistook my difficulty for a lack of intelligence. I was labeled, underestimated, and left behind—until I figured out something that changed everything. I could read by the page, not by the word. Instead of stumbling over letters, I could absorb entire passages at once. Books became my escape, my refuge. They took me out of my reality and let me travel the world before I ever had the chance to step outside of it.

And then, as an adult, I did step outside of it.

I went to Iceland, Spain, Italy, France, Honduras, Grand Turk, Mexico, Belize, Costa Rica, and more. I immersed myself in different cultures, met people whose lives were nothing like mine, and realized something profound: people are more alike than different. No matter the country, I saw kindness, resilience, and struggle. Learning about cultures didn’t just broaden my understanding of the world—it made me feel connected in a way I never had before.

But no matter how far I traveled, my career was my anchor. It was the thing I built with my own hands, my proof to the world—and to myself—that I was capable. I was exceptional at my job. I wasn’t just a high performer; I was someone others came to for guidance. My annual performance reviews reflected that—I excelled, I was respected.

Until one day, I wasn’t.

I stood up to unethical behavior at my company—a Fortune 100 organization that prided itself on integrity. I called out actions that I knew were wrong, believing that ethics mattered more than politics. But instead of addressing the wrongdoing, they targeted me. Suddenly, my performance, which had always been exemplary, was questioned. I was demoted. Isolated. My work was picked apart in ways it never had been before. Doors that had always been open were slammed shut. It was a slow, calculated process to push me out—not because I failed, but because I refused to look the other way.

The PTSD Retrigger & The Call That Shattered Me

Then everything unraveled. A violent assault outside of work triggered the PTSD I had spent years keeping at bay, unleashing a storm of panic, hypervigilance, and a relentless sense of never being safe. My anxiety spiraled out of control, and I was prescribed medication to help. But instead of relief, I felt like I was losing myself. Cognitive dulling set in, and suddenly, the mind I had relied on my entire life—the ability to process massive amounts of information, to see the big picture—was slipping away. I couldn’t read the way I used to. My greatest strength was turning into a weakness, and I felt like I was drowning.

And then came the final blow.

Someone from HR—someone with power—called me. She had accessed my behavioral health records. She confronted me about my past, about the sexual abuse I had suffered, about my dyslexia. And then she told me I couldn’t use my past as an excuse. That my disability claims would be denied. That my trauma was irrelevant.

That conversation shattered me. It wasn’t just cruel—it confirmed every fear I had. No matter how hard I worked, no matter how much I tried to outrun my past, it would always be used against me.

Without any options, because I needed continued therapy and treatment and couldn't lose my income security and benefits, I returned to the employer as they intended. I surrendered—not yet strong enough to stand up for myself.

But my story with that employer wasn’t quite over.

The Insurance Fraud & The Letter That Broke Me

I discovered that my employer had lied on an affirmed insurance form—a crime in my state. At first, I hesitated. I knew what would happen if I spoke up. But the truth mattered to me, even when it cost me everything. I brought it forward, believing that integrity would outweigh politics. That ethics would matter.

When nothing changed, I escalated it to senior leadership. Still clinging to the idea that doing the right thing counted for something.

Their response? A cease-and-desist letter from the company’s attorneys.

I can’t put into words what it felt like to hold that letter in my hands. To see, in black and white, the weight of their power used not to fix what was wrong—but to silence me. To punish me for standing up. To send a message that my ethics, my integrity, meant nothing in the face of corporate self-preservation.

That letter broke me in ways I could never fully recount.

It wasn’t just a legal document—it was a weapon. A calculated, retaliatory move designed to make me question everything. To strip away the last bit of belief I had that the system could be fair, that truth could prevail. It wasn’t just about my job anymore. It was about who I was—and whether doing the right thing was even worth it.

Rebuilding, Refocusing & Choosing Myself

I broke. I left. But the damage didn’t stay behind.

Therapy became my way back. It didn’t erase what happened, but it helped me refocus. It forced me to reclaim parts of myself that I thought were gone. And yet, even now, despite working for a company that treats me with kindness, despite having a manager who genuinely values me, I still brace for impact. I still find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. An email can send me spiraling. A performance review can make me feel like I’m about to be ambushed all over again. I know I’m safe, but my brain doesn’t always believe it.

So, I shifted my focus. I turned inward. I started choosing myself.

I began Zepbound. I lost 135 lbs. I cut out what didn’t serve me, and for the first time in my life, I made my health—myself—the priority. But healing wasn’t just about physical health. I learned how to set boundaries, how to listen to my own needs, and how to recognize when I was falling back into patterns of survival instead of living.

I stopped living in reaction to my past and started building toward my future.

I began allowing myself to feel joy without guilt. To take up space without apology. To believe that I deserved more than just enduring.

I won’t say I’m fully healed. I doubt I’ll ever fully escape the anxiety and PTSD that linger beneath the surface. But what once felt unbearable now feels like something I can carry.

I’ve learned that I have a strength I never knew I had.

And most importantly—I gave myself permission to like myself.

That was the most refreshing part of all.

Healing isn’t linear. But I’ve learned that every small step forward is a victory. And I plan to keep taking them.

So, I loved this girl—deeply. Our relationship/friendship was about 2 years, and I gave it everything I had. Treated her like family, always there for her, putting her first. I genuinely thought she felt the same, but she got tangled up in feelings for my so-called friend, made some dumb decisions. We tried to stay friends, but it just hurt too much. Now we’re both not talking anymore.

Here’s the thing: I know she’s not a bad person, and she’s still hurting from all of this too. She’s not as deep in it as me, but I know she still loves me, and I still love her. But I’m stuck in this loop—thinking about her all the time. I’ve tried moving on, but it’s hard. She made mistakes, sure, but I can’t forget everything we shared.

So… how do I rewire my mind, stop dwelling on the past, and move forward? I know I can’t stay in this space forever. Anyone been here? How’d you break out of it? Drop your best advice, real talk. I’m ready to shift out of this

Today felt like bliss. It was full of all the good things in my life. I woke up with a pretty pup and did some chores. Then I headed to a local bakery for breakfast. It was honestly lovely and their items didn't feel dense or too full of calories. They were small and filling, which I was happy about. Learning they were nut free the night before was exciting to me because I could show my cousin and he would feel completely safe to go there. He is extremely cautious with his allergy and places like that can be hard to find. I hope he goes there and enjoys it. I moved some funds to pay for a trip I was going on and played some video games to relax on my day off. It was nice and fun. I did this until it was time for the gym where my cousin and I did back and biceps. We killed it together and it felt awesome. We hung out with some people I went to high school with who were working their chest and back. It was a really good time full of great conversation. I asked them about different grips and they explained some stuff to me. A guy even came over to talk to my cousin and help her with her form. I know she was slightly annoyed but it was good for us to heat. It will only help us to improve and get better. My lungs were killing me by the end at the gym but I felt amazing. Here was the routine:

Tricep pushdown: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing by 5 each time to be 35 40 and 45 pounds

Note: Some nice guy came over to help my cousin with her form. He explained keeping her wrists straight to be safe and no to overdo it on weight. Weight doesn't matter and safety first. She was struggling before on her weight so it makes sense form was degrading.

Lat extension: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing by 5 each time to be 35 40 and 45 pounds

Note: Struggled with doing the last one on 45 pounds.

Lat pulldown: Reps of 10 8 5 with weight increasing each time to be 50 55 and 60 pounds

Dual pulley row: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing each time to be 35 42.5 and 50 pounds

Bicep curls: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing each time to be 30 35 and 40 pounds

Row machine: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing each time to be 65 70 and 75 pounds, full amount on each side

Note: Hit a new max weight.

Assisted pull up machine: 10 at 175 lbs

8 at 170 lbs

8 at 170 lbs

Note: Felt weirdly easy today and I took on more weight for it.

30 minutes on the treadmill at 3 mph with an incline of 8.

Note: Felt quite easy today! Yay!

After the gym I went to get a meal to take home. Something yummy and easy for my cheat day. My favorite streamer was on so I watched dinner with an awesome show. I took care of the animals and myself. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. I thought about my Mom's upcoming birthday and it's her 50th. I wanted to make something and came up with an idea. I want to write something like 50 reasons I put up with you. It goes along with my sense of humor and it is better than something I bought when I don't have too much money for spending on gifts. I'll develop the idea more but I'm excited with the beginning process of it. I still have two months so plenty of time. I ended the night with some games and went to bed with a dog and the cat even joined me. That felt awesome. It was an awesome day full of good food, games, streams, and company.

SBIST was the local bakery I stopped at for a treat. It was small and nice and the stuff that I got there tasted amazing. It was nice to find a local place that was also nut and peanut free that I could recommend to one of my little cousins. The bakeries around here are nothing like the places I visited but it is still possible for me to find a hidden gem among everything. I'll just keep looking (on my cheat days of course!). I am also always trying to try new things when I can. It will help with my experiments later on and ideas I want to fulfill. I just want to make things my way eventually and better to my taste or opinion.

Tomorrow should be nice and easy. I am going into work and then off to the gym for my core workout. I am going to try and increase different things and see how I feel. I'm excited to try that out. After that I will head to my coworker's place to have dinner, which is all set to go and play some games. It should be an easy day and should have a nice routine. I won't be complaining about that. It's been nice having a place to myself and I'm looking forward to that in the future and then eventually filling that empty space with somebody special. I don't know but right now I'm happy and can't ask for much more than that. Thank you my conjurers of the empty spaces. You sometimes provide peace and remind myself that some day that space will be filled.

I'm writing this for myself, but also for anyone in the same boat as me-- stop waiting for the perfect moment to attempt your goals. You don't have to get it right so long as you try, and I guarantee you that trying and failing is going to feel so much better than waiting and waiting and waiting.

I'm an anxious person, and I'm a perfectionist. My whole life, I've tried to get things "just so," and if I can't get it perfectly, I just don't try. But showing up and taking a shot, even if you don't think you can do it, is so much more important.

The other day, I was hyping myself up to talk with a girl who I have a crush on. But when the opportunity I had imagined didn't magically appear, I backed off, unable to muscle through my mental block. I told myself "I'll try again next time." But there could be no next time. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and that would be it-- roll credits. And I wouldn't have even talked to her.

So if you're waiting for the perfect moment to get started, take this as a sign. Just go for it. Waiting around and overthinking is doing you no favors. You don't have to get it right so long as you try.

Ok so what the title says (i dont know if the title is accurate, im not proficient in English).
Basically, i struggle to find people to have as a model, as a mentor.
I mean, i want to create some changes in my life but i cannot find a model to say "hey, i want to be more like this or that person".
My closest family and friends, are ok but i dont find anything to say "hey! how cool is this person in X area, i want to be like him so im gonna ask or try to learn from him".

Anyone with this? Thanks!