Welcome to r/SelfImprovement

The guy I’m talking to is my good friend. I think we like each other. A while back, I got into a car crash. And ever since I’ve gotten a car crash he’s been really distant. Like why? I don’t bring it out often so it’s not like it’s just this uncomfortable thing.

Honestly, I'm getting tired from thinking about not being able to think, a few months back I was able to set a fairly clear goal, work on it, adjust it. I had a ton of tasks and a ton, ton on my plate to do, so a few months later after I have basically done all, and I have free time, I am starting to procrastinate, I knew what I liked, but this week I have just been drained, not knowing what to do with me, just kind of wondering aimlessly.

I need some ideas on what I could do, what questions to reflect on or anything.

I just don't know how to change, my thoughts or feelings. To myself, to people to the world in general.

I weight around 120 kg as a guy which is 19,and I am at about 25-30 body fat percentage and due to this thing I have an inferiority complex which causes me to not be so direct,open and easygoing around girls,but with guys I can do that easily. How do I rewire my mind to stop thinking like it is and forget about this complex.

Example: I called my boyfriend while he was pulling in to hang with a friend of his. We chatted for a couple minutes, there was something I wanted to talk to him about and I told him we could talk after he was done so I didn’t interrupt his hangout. About 4 hours later and not having heard from him, I was feeling disappointed and kinda sad I hadn’t heard from him so I sent a clipped goodnight. He immediately called and apologized for not calling, but I could hear his friend in the background so I just said it’s fine and we hung up. He texted me immediately afterwards to apologize again and I just played it off. He seemed happy with it and we left it at that. After that, I started thinking of what I should have done or could do to inflict discomfort in subtle ways I know would bother him. Should have ignored the text, could tell him the next day I was “disappointed but not surprised,” etc.

Here’s the thing: I know he usually forgets about time when he’s having fun, that’s not new. It was only 4 hours and his hangout usually run long, another given. And more than all that, it wasn’t even an urgent thing I wanted to talk to him about. It was important to me, but absolutely nothing that couldn’t have waited.

I just feel icky that my first instincts are to act like that, to be over-sensitive and lash out in small ways I know hurt people. It’s happened before, but I really try to keep a lid on it these days. It’s only with people I feel close to and it’s been damaging to relationships in the past. I have some ideas of where it originates, but there’s a lot of pieces I don’t know exactly how to put together. More than that, I want to try and root it out so any advice you may have on how to do that would be much appreciated. I don’t want to ruin the best relationship I’ve had by being this, but I’m afraid I’ll lash out one day and won’t be able to fix it.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask and I will answer as best I can. And thank you in advance for your advice.

Hey ya'll, so I'm 18F and I have recently been feeling very down and insecure with myself. I have always felt really insecure with myself, starting straight from elementary school 5th grade when nobody wanted to play with me because I was "fat" or had "weird hair." That acute trauma will last me my whole life--any time I get some sort of rejection, I feel like I'm the problem, I'm weird, I'm wrong. Literally the smallest things, "no" to when I ask to sit with somebody on the school bus or whatnot, etc., they just take me back to the times where I very unvalued. I don't want to feel insecure anymore--I want to transform into my best self and improve to my full potential.

My top issue is that I am overweight, which is my biggest insecurity because sometimes I feel like people are judging me for it, even though they may not be. I want to lose weight, but every time I go on a calorie deficit or diet, I tend to say "just one more" and go over my limit, giving up for that day, saying it's a "cheat day" lolll. I can't do much exercise too since I have a horrible injury that doesn't allow me to use my arm really well. I don't know how to approach that or how to get myself in the game.

Along with that, I tend to get jealous a lot. I see my friends doing things I wish I could do, have a boyfriend, go on multiple vacations a year, go to expensive concerts. Of course, I consider myself a nice person and I am ALWAYS supportive and thrilled for people around me getting to experience such wonderful things, but soemtimes i wish I was there experiencing a cool Italy vacation or a Frank Ocean concert, too. That makes me feel like a bad person. I get jealous when I see full families and involved fathers (my parents recently divorced, and my relationship with my dad will never be the same). I don't want to feel this way, but my ego just can't fulfill itself. I want to be completely happy for others, not feel degraded for not being able to do things like them.

I want a boyfriend a lot, and my desperate want for one shows to the point where it's embarrassing haha. The only dream/goal I had since I was little was have a boyfriend and kids. I'm 18 and still haven't had my first kiss or any romantic relationships other than some HORRIBLE and unsuccessful talking stages (ghosted and manipulated once, mama's boy second). I have no idea how to approach this because I don't want to chase after guys because that feels ridiculous, I would like to be the one approached. And I feel like because I'm not conventionally considered skinny, I'm not pretty enough, and that's why guys don't like me.

I have so many issues and I have no idea where to begin and where to go. I need more goals in life other than my interest in getting a doctorate degree in college and a family. I'm so lost, depressed, tired, and I just feel ugly inside and out. I feel like I don't know who I am, never knew who I ever was. I can't seem to figure out myself since I've always been a people pleaser, living for others, and never for myself. I want my own independent life and I want to change. Which of these situations do I attack first? Where should my priorities be as an 18y/o? If anybody has gone through anything similar or has good advice, Id really appreciate it. Thanks!

I'm not doing too bad, I'm 19, I work 20h a week, I go gym and I do martial arts but other than that I spend all other time watching YouTube, sleeping n jacking it.

Recently I've started enjoying the laziness too much, it's the main thing I look forward to in my day and I sometimes end up skipping gym because of it... Really annoying and the temptation to just give up gym n MMA to full time be lazy af is just getting stronger... Any advice?

Where do I find the strength to get back up?

I know a phone addiction isn’t an excuse. I really lost myself this quarter. I had drive and motivation prior to this quarter. I took summer classes and aced them. I committed to getting those As. then this quarter I fell apart. completely. Ive felt nothing but isolation. I know thats apart of being in uni but I can count on one hand how many meals Ive had with friends. I need to expand and join clubs next quarter obviously, I’m just afraid of coming off awkward. I know I’m in my own head. I need to stop overthinking and find the right people.

I struggled to keep a set structure. I need help getting my discipline back. Last year I woke up at 6:30am everyday for the gym, I know it wasn’t early but I did this 5 days a week with no thoughts of quitting. I need to commit to academics I need to want it. I just, maybe I’m lazy? Whenever I get a huge problem I avoid it, I stand up, walk away, scroll on my phone. I know I can’t do that. It is a awful, awful habit. I need to do better. I can do better. I want to do better. I just don’t know how to keep consistency. Or have a routine established. I keep falling into panicking and self destructing instead of moving forward. I am a shell of who I was years ago.

Just, this quarters gone to shit. It is my own doing. I keep thinking about how I let my folks down, I let myself down, and all for what? to scroll my phone for that dopamine?? I found myself scrolling hours on end, I couldn’t get out of that trance. I only took 4 summer classes which broke up into 2 mini 6 week semesters, maybe it was commuting that cemented my discipline? I didn’t miss a single day of class for calculus and I aced it. I have never fallen this low before, I did it to myself. I have no one to talk to about this, which is also my fault. I watch those Goggins videos telling me to get my ass up but I end up breaking down from how much I let myself go.

I just can’t keep living like this. I want to rebound. I need to rebound. How do you all do it to stick to a routine? I can’t trust myself not to fuck around on the phone. I live in a single bedroom by myself, maybe I need roommates to intimidate me into studying? It is absolutely fucking pathetic how I fell apart. I have feelings of wanting to do better, but I am so lost right now. I haven’t progressed in the slightest on my weight gain, I fell extremely inconsistent these past two weeks in the gym. I can do better. I know I can. There’s people around me doing more, that are doing better. How do I strengthen my mind? Lately I keep falling into frenzies, whether its over a health issue, or academics.

I need my head out of my ass. I know better than this. I keep avoiding the thought but it keeps playing in my mind, back of my mind. To just cut it completely. My sisters are thriving with me not living at home anymore, they get their own rooms. I don’t have the balls to proceed. I keep thinking about failure a lot. Reflecting about everything that went wrong in my life. I need to break that habit. Every romantic interest Ive had I ruined things, I fall into limerence, or being a second option, or just not being likeable. I struggle with it. I have no one to talk to about these things.

I know Im a mess, it takes baby steps to move forward. I don’t know where to start. I feel lost, going between being numb to it all and sobbing over all of this. How I let my family down. They all counted on me. They believed in me. What would my grandparents think? My parents loved me for me to just shit the bed. I’m a failure because I don’t have the balls to get up. I fucked up everything. Is it my environment? No. I let my housemates laziness get to me. I should be driving everyday instead of living here. For mornings would I mealprep well in advance, go to the gym then have a burrito everyday? The only one I can confide in is chatGPT. Im ranting about my bullshit avoidable problems to an AI. a fuckin computer. Can anyone hear me?? Hello??

I'm 19 and I already feel like I've failed in life. I failed an easy class in college because I just didn't do the work, I was too lazy. All I ever do is sleep, I'll sleep entire days away, get up, go to class and work, come home, sleep for 10+ hours if im not up scrolling instead. And idk how to break this loop. I'm depressed but so are millions of others who don't slog through life slowly rotting away.

I'm stupid, lazy, and a horrible person. I abused and stalked someone and she later said I don't deserve help. So now if I ever recover, I'm prioritizing myself over victims and that doesn't feel like something a truly changed person would do. So what do I do now? All I ever do is doomscroll, cut myself, and impulsively spend all my money. Hell before writing this post I took 175mg of benadryl so I'm probably gonna be knocked out for a while so sorry if I don't reply

One of the side effects of scrolling social media and just consuming content for hours, which by far affects you the most is that, it makes your brain filled with much more information that your brain could ever hold with a hit of dopamine and other brain hormones along with a strong emotion every 15-30 seconds..(let's discuss them one by one)

And following are the underlying effects which may or may not affect you in negative way-

1. Poor information management:-

When our brain is filled with a very high amount of information, our brain has to work significantly more to process that amount of information, And when you stop scrolling and start doing some other stuff or tasks, your brain is still processing that information while you are performing other tasks, this affects the task you are performing in the present with the information you consumed in the past (that's why sometimes while you are studying, some trendy song or reel start playing in your head randomly)

2. Cutting ourselves from the present moments :-

Whenever we are watching yt videos, reels in the name of entertainment, we are just trying to forget ourselves for a short period of time...to escape from the reality and if we did this continuously for a longer period of time.. we may develop a habit of coping reality by consuming such content.

But what's bad in it....if we just forget ourselves for a moment and have some fun? What's wrong in it? ....see there is no downside if we did this for 2-3 times in a week it's okay ....but the problem is when we develop a habit of it....so what will end up happening is that whenever we put the phone or screens aside after hours of doom scrolling, you may feel a sudden hit of reality including your responsibilities and the work you should have done but your procrastinated in the first place ....this sudden hit of reality can boost up your anxiety and wanting of escape from the reality even more....so what will you do?-- back to scrolling again ....its like sitting in the bathtub when your house is burning (weird example but okay)

3. Degradation in attention and focus(The addictive part):-

If you feel like closing this bullsh*t peice of information and wanting to jump to a next funny video, meme, or another app etc .... CONGRATULATIONS, you have develop a habit of feeling a hit of dopamine and other strong emotions in every 10 seconds....which can make you feel good for a moment.... But the other side to it, is that it will make you feel that your actual life and reality is kind of boring cause you are not getting that hit of dopamine in every 10 seconds....and what will you do to counter that, back to scrolling again.

---->BUT "IF THE SCROLLING IS THAT BAD WHY WE ARE STILL DOING THAT"

There are mainly two reasons for it -

1)You have develop the habit of feeling a hit of dopamine in every minute

2)You just want to escape your reality and the work you have to do because either you are waiting for a perfect time or you feel that you are not good enough.

•How can you treat/ counter it-

1. Mindset -

You have to understand that sometimes life is boring and sometimes its fun ....and that's okay ....You are not in a movie or show.

It is okay to make mistakes you don't have to be perfect every single time.

2. Replace scrolling and watching screens for hours with real life experiences

3. Spend more time with people

4)Take 2-3 months break from social media And do a social media detox once in a while.

5. Discipline - You can have all the knowledge,

But if you are not disciplined enough to implement it ....then the knowledge is not worth it....In initial stages you have to force yourself because your brain's primary objective is to make you survive in the most familiar way....and not to make you grow and your body will show its resistance because it's not familiar with new habits, you just have to keep on going and you will notice that the resistance that body shows just suddenly vanished.

6. Whenever you are derailing from the path that you decided for the day, you can set up an alarm or notification for evey hour with a title "Am i doing what is best for me"....it will help you regain yourself in the moment and you can decide what is best for you.

Hope that helps! Even if it make your life 0.01% better in any way...my purpose of writing this post will be fulfilled.

Thanks for reading 💝

(The above information is my personal experience, observations and learnings, if you find a scientific evidence please share it in comments)

Today I woke up and got my beard trim. I decided I no longer wanted a neck beard that just didn't look any good. I never used to care but my face shape is slowly changing and thinning slightly. I allowed my mom to cut it into a goatee. I didn't know what I wanted fully but something different. I got it trimmed and felt good about it. Only one person noticed it all day but I noticed it and enjoyed it. That is what mattered. I made myself a nice breakfast using some of the burger leftovers. After eating I went to work and had an enjoyable day. The boss had me on a special project of working on a 50 plus order of hams. Putting the box together, slicing the hams in half, vacuum sealing, packaging into the box, weighing, and recording the weight and number. A tedious and easy process that my boss wanted only me to work on. He wanted everyone but me and the cook in the front but it ended up with me doing about 75% of the work in the front. The people who work there, even one who has worked there for years, can't use most of the equipment or are scared to. It makes it hard for people in the back to do work at times. Sometimes I wonder why other people never got hired who could learn to do more. It's just so the boss or bosses have multiple people they can rely on. It was a good day at work though, getting to hang out with coworkers and working. My coworker and I talked about TTRPGs and stuff we both enjoy. He was the one who noticed my beard and that made me really happy. I also noticed his visible and vocal frustration with a customer today. I felt bad for him but one should try not to lose their cool with a customer. I clocked out of work and headed to the gym for a leg day with my cousin. Here was my workout:

Seated leg press: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight typically increasing by 5 each time to be 90, 95, and 100

Note: Did 35 40 45 at the end of each set only doing one leg 4 times each but 3 at 45

Leg extension: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing by 5 each time to be 95, 100, and 105 pounds

Hip adduction: Reps of 10 8 6 with weight increasing by 5 each time to be 110, 115, and 120

Smith machine with 2 exercises:

Romanian Deadlifts: Reps of 8 6 4 with weight increasing by 10 each time to be just the bar at 20 lbs +20 lbs, +30 lbs, +40 lbs

Hip thrusts: Reps of 8 6 5 with weight increasing by 10 each time to be just the bar at 20 lbs +10 lbs, +20 lbs, +30 lbs

15 minutes of the stair stepper. I upped how fast it went after 11 minutes from 44 steps per minute to 60. Would have done it at 10 but forgot.

My cousin and I had fun working out. We went home and I went to lay down for a bit and have a snack. I wanted something with protein and just didn't feel too hungry yet so had some leftover bacon. I eventually had chili that my mom made and enjoyed it quite a bit. Maybe a bit too much depending on the calorie content. But I stayed within my ten percent windows so I am happy. No deficit today but most days of recent have been deficits. I can have some extra calories on this day. I had a small sweet tooth as well and indulged in some Nilla wafers and eggnog. But I made the conscious choice of trying to limit it greatly. I could have bought another bottle of eggnog or even get a full serving of wafers. I limited myself though. I don't always do that but eating with moderation allows me to satisfy some things I've been craving. I've been wanting Nilla wafers for a month and seeing them at the shop today and deciding to only have 6 cookies rather than the old me who would have destroyed that box in one sitting makes me proud. Makes me proud of my mental and physical progress. I won't always make good decisions like that but today I did. Here is what I ate:

Breakfast:

1 cup chocolate milk - 140 calories (13 g protein)

45 g bacon - 240 calories (15 g protein)

91 g egg - ~130 calories (~11.3 g protein)

Lunch:

118 g turkey - ~105 calories (~21.1 g protein)

32 g cheese - ~115 calories (~8 g protein)

21 g Nilla wafers - 100 calories (.7 g protein)

28 g pastrami - 40 calories (4 g protein)

70 g pasta salad - ~140 calories (~4.2 g protein)

Snack:

30 g bacon - 160 calories (10 g protein)

⅔ bottle of eggnog - 120 calories (~1.3 g protein)

Note: My yearly dose of eggnog for myself

Dinner:

803 g of chili - ~750 - 900 calories (~42 - 50 g protein)

Note: Hard to fully tell on my end since I didn't make it but had a basic idea of how much was put in. 750 is my guess but up to 900 is what I saw online.

SBIST was the feeling of working and making money. Getting money into my pocket in the meantime is a nice feeling of bliss especially at a place where I like the people. My boss had a special project for me and that was to package up hams for a large order. Unfortunately I only got a few done because every single person specifically needed my help. I'm the only person there who can use the bandsaw, deli slicer, cut steaks, and tell people anything about the steak themselves. It's nice that I know how to do all this but I don't know how the store manages it when a person who can do this isn't here. Either way it feels great to be needed and to make money at the same time.

Tomorrow the plan is to go to the gym and to work on some chores I put off yesterday and today. I just felt tired and needed to put it off. I also plan on going to the gym with my cousin and ending the night with a Twitch stream. The plans are not too wild but instead a bit mild for tomorrow. That's okay by me. Some days just need that. Thank you my conjurers of the mild sauce. Sometimes you just need something not too spicy to settle yourself from all the heat you've been taking.

For the longest time I’ve been trying to build some good dietary and exercise routines and have struggled mostly with consistency. Like most of us I know what I need to do, but I struggle with sticking to it. I have started over and over for probably more than a hundred times - not kidding.

For the past 2 weeks now I have actually managed to do everything I wanted and I'm seeing good progress. At the same time I have this huge urge to just throw everything away again, do a huge binge and then feel bad about it. Especially with the new year coming up my thoughts often turn to why I am not just enjoying myself more now and then make 2025 my year - this was the same also in 2024, 2023, 2022 etc and it never worked out

What is this self-sabotaging behavior? Do I deep down want to feel bad and I can't deal with the thought of actually succeeding? Has anyone else experienced anything like this and was is your advice? It seems like my subconscious mind enjoys struggling more than it enjoys things actually going well

So I’ll be straight I talk too much and idk why, and I love cracking jokes like I leave no opportunity to crack a joke(I’m not a class clown), I just want to be friendly but idk I’m sometimes Rudy too idk, sometimes I make jokes that I regret later, in short I’m a friendly person I love to talk and crack jokes and I want to be taken seriously, I want people to listen to what I’m saying but I think I’ve make my personality like a person you could never take seriously, that why I want to quit this habit of yapping all the time.

Everyone at work and most of my business contacts seem to have nothing but glowing things to say about me. But, I know from experience it won't last because I'm not being genuine. I'm implementing things I've learned in reading about communication and classes and podcasts, so, I'm pretty decent at faking it. But, eventually everyone gets weirded out by it.

I've rarely just been myself around people. Every single time I've done so I've either gotten hurt or seriously weirded people out. These days, I also have a newfound distaste for pretty much all people (long story). I'm also fairly numb to most things these days and kind of paint on a "happy, kind of manic" persona that people seem disarmed by.

But, if I dropped the mask, imagine what people would be interacting with. A fairly numb person who has a general distaste for most of what he sees in nearly all people. No one wants to interact with that. So, I put on the mask and it works well. But, eventually people will see I'm wearing one and I'm kind of trying to figure out what to do when that happens.

I’m not known at school for my intelligence or personality. But one of the few things I excel at are makeup and clothing. He’s in my class, but we’re not super close either. Yesterday, we were sitting with eight of our other friends, but we were both kind of far from each other. He was telling another friend that he was having trouble figuring out what to wear for a friend’s wedding. He didn’t want to wear the same black suit twice.

One of our friends told him to just change the tie and color of shirt. Despite our seating distance, he looked at me. He doesn’t really make eye contact with me, nor when we’re been seated so far. He never does that. And I nodded at him as our friend gave him a recommendation, confirming that it was good advice.

tomorrow I could suddenly get healthier. maybe I would make that decision for myself.

tomorrow I could learn something. and it could change my whole future.

tomorrow I could suddenly feel good about everything that's happened for me.

tomorrow I could find a new life-long friendship.

tomorrow I could spend some time on my hobbies in solitude.

today I can be optimistic.

today I can look forward to something.

today I can write a nice story for myself.

today I can daydream about an amazing future.

today I can think about the lows in my life and turn them around.

-

good luck <3

I haven't lived with my dad for five years, but I dealt with his personality and negative quirks for basically my entire life, and I've noticed that I do act like him. To give a short run down of what he was like in general - Walking on eggshells was a must. You never knew how he'd react to certain information. Sometimes it'd turn into an argument and sometimes it was no big deal, or a joke even. You never knew how he'd react to jokes, sometimes he'd blow up and they weren't funny, other times they were hilarious. He had what seemed to be uncontrollable/unpredictable emotions and moods. You just never could predict how he was going to be each day, but however it was trumped everyone's day.

I saw a therapist last year in November because I was having issues with my mood. She suspected bipolar, although I personally disagreed because there's a criteria for these "episodes" that I didn't fit into. They weren't necessarily even episodes, it was an every day thing where I'm constantly fighting with myself and dealing with this atrocious mood swings or emotions, I couldn't properly regulate them.

I ended up quitting on her due to being canceled on with no notice multiple times and I haven't gone back to one since. The last time I saw her was in January.

I believe I need someone outside of my relationship, a professional, to possibly help me with whatever this is, but I'm not sure. My husband has reluctantly admitted to me that sometimes he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me. Sometimes jokes are no big deal, and then other times the same kind of joke will make me shut down and tank my mood. If something makes me mad or upsets me, it ruins the entire day. It could happen early in the morning and affect the entire day; it could happen at night and ruin the rest of the night. Then the next morning it's like I "reset" and everything is fine.

That part isn't an everyday thing, although it happens more frequently than it should. There are just too many negative qualities that I saw with my dad that I'm basically mirroring. I'm not trying to blame him or not take accountability for how I act, but I mean this so sincerely when I saw it absolutely feels like I'm not in control of my emotions, it's the opposite. I don't realize until later on, I've overreacted. Whatever it was, wasn't that big of a deal. In the moment it feels like the end of the world.

Do I start seeing a psychiatrist again? Do I see a therapist for this problem? I don't even know where to start, the last time I got scheduled for a psychiatrist I was referred there due to a mental health crisis, and that isn't the case this time.

"Instead of just acting right away to be better, I want to record the entire process until I achieve the results so I don't forget how much I've improved."

Hey everyone, this is a very sensitive topic but I don't know how else to reach out and not feel completely like a pathetic loser. I'm 33 and have had a problem with porn since I was 15. It has only gotten worse as I've gotten older. It has progressed from simple videos, to spending considerable money on webcam performers. I guess it just makes me feel validated and provides a boost to my ego to have these women compliment me although I know they are only doing it for the money. Just hearing attractive women say nice things about me, whether they mean it or not, provides somewhat of an ego boost. I've taken steps to rid my life of this horrible habit but every time I go a substantial time without it I just fall back into it. I started watching it at 15, and I think it has warped my view of what an attractive women really is. I'm just not attracted to normal looking women cause of it and this is just not healthy at all. I'm just reaching out to anyone who has struggled through this and overcame it. How did you do it?

I saw this video that said just because difficult experience teach you something valuable lesson not mean that it was okay for you to go through that. What do you guys think ?

I get told that I seem smart, but historically I really just suck at retaining new information, wrapping my head around foreign concepts, memorizing details, etc, stuff like that. I also have a hard time sticking with things that are naturally difficult as much as I hate that about myself.

But get me talking about one of the few concepts that I know a lot about (music, comedy, working out, personality analysis....that's about it) and I could talk for daysssssss. I hate that I lose interest & motivation in learning new stuff so quickly.

Still lucky to have a great job though. How do I fix it, before my shortcomings destroy my life ?

Me (30M) always seem to find myself falling for the girls that at first look like they have everything together but once I start hanging out with them I realize they are broken, depressed and have a mountain of baggage. I was abused as a kid and I've grown up depressed and always pushing people away I have a way easier time making friends with females, I believe it's because of my childhood trauma.

I met my Best friend (25F) about 3 years ago we became really close and she told me about her struggles, she was abused as a kid and was ignored when she told her mom, she grew up being sheltered and her mom was not the best mom, no support and used to tell my friend she was not going to amount to anything, so me as a logical person fell in love with her obviously and we talked and we know we wouldn't work at all we have too much baggage and we have too similar personalities so we always fighting as friends so as a couple we know it will be a lot worse.

Knowing all that I still Love her but I know being friends is a way better thing for us, but how do I move on without this hurting so much and still be a good friend? Can we still be friends? Has anyone gone through this and stay friends without everything being weird?

I was broken up with a month ago and today I was fired from my job. I have nothing left. Except maybe the opportunity to “fix” myself.

For the last decade I hear about self love, how to stop being codependent, anxious, this or that.

But how…? What should my days practically look like to become confident, self loving and healthily independent?

i (21f) have been having a really hard time with feeling confident and just hating what i see in the mirror… nowhere specific, just all of it as a whole. i just wish i looked better, face, body, hair, voice, all of it.

i must add: i am in the process of losing weight/ getting in shape, eating better and all that. but i just feel like ill never get there and when i do, i’m scared that it won’t be good enough and that ill still feel the way i do now.

There is only one person that you need to be better than. That person is you. Strive to be better than the you of yesterday, last week, last year, five years ago

I always do this, I always fall deeply into depression and make a bunch of angry posts on here and I behave like an absolute dickhead to everyone.

I don't know why but whenever I am depressed I think of the time I spent being depressed and get weirdly stubborn, refusing to feel better because I don't feel like I deserve to feel better

Inevitably I end up feeling better, but I've wasted time, energy, and I've been really fuckin rude to a ton of people.

I'm sorry to anyone I was rude to, you didn't deserve that and I'm trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me.

I’m not known at school for my intelligence or personality. But one of the few things I excel at are makeup and clothing. He’s in my class, but we’re not super close either. Yesterday, we were sitting with eight of our other friends, but we were both kind of far from each other. He was telling another friend that he was having trouble figuring out what to wear for a friend’s wedding. He didn’t want to wear the same black suit twice.

One of our friends told him to just change the tie and color of shirt. Despite our seating distance, he looked at me. He doesn’t really make eye contact with me, nor when we’re been seated so far. He never does that. And I nodded at him as our friend gave him a recommendation, confirming that it was good advice.

M(19) - diagnosed bipolaria

Hi

I have low self-esteem, a very fragile ego even, so the slightest jab, even for fun, sends me straight into defensive mode, which makes me hard to bear to others.

I think I've found the syndromes and what triggers it, to be clear, I'm not trying to justify my mediocre behavior with my past, every day I try to change for the better but I always end up back to being a misery to bear.

When joked about, even if it's just for fun, I can't seem to let go, instead of responding with something similar, I take up the ego shield and belittle others to hide my vulnerabilities, "hide" is a bad word because in trying to hide them, they literally leak all over the place.

It doesn't stop there, I take any cooperative activity as a competition, I'm always needing to be the best, the most important, needing to be essential for success which makes me commit behaviors at the bottom of immaturity for my age.

I always need to prove that I'm essential for fear of being rejected from the group, knowing that even if I was bad at everything they'd keep me as a friend.

There was an activity for 3 of us to do in which only I had the information to succeed, they asked me to share them and I simply refused, I kept everything to myself and myself only, sharing information only when necessary to remain important in the group, I'm honestly ashamed of it after reflection.

I often apologize for this behavior but as this friend told me "it's really good that you apologize when you're wrong but we know you're going to do it again sooner or later."

I can't change this behavior, I feel like I'm paranoid and that I'll be abandoned if I have nothing more to provide to the group, I feel like they don't really care that much and that my ego is just a part of my personality, but it disgusts me deep down because I'm simply a bad person, a selfish asshole who has to put others down to feel better, who prefers to be the centre of attention and I can't change this shitty behavior.

Do you have any tips or something to do to change that ? I tried therapy years ago and it did nothing

I turned 25 recently. Graduated university around 2 years ago after studying creative subjects and since then have been working full-time (changed jobs, but have always been working). I work fully-remotely from a shared home in the city I moved to for university.

Life seems to have stagnated. I feel like, outside of going to bars and occasionally going for walks, I have nothing going on. I am pretty unsatisfied with my social life in general, I feel like I've stopped meeting anyone new. I have no romantic life whatsoever and the apps never work.

I lost my "spark" creatively and the community I had around me for university to do those projects, has gone (moved away, etc.). Feel like I don't really have any hobbies that include others.

I noticed some suggestions to others have been answers like "look on Meetup" or something, but the age group tends to be older on those sites from what I've seen.

Overall, I just feel like I am stuck and I just work from home until the weekend and pass time in the evenings. Something I've always wanted to avoid.

I know I'm young and I want to feel excited about life again. I don't currently - I don't at all.

The worst part is, everyone else around me seems to have their own positive social life and hobbies, etc. They seem to be embracing life as you should.

I could really use some insights, please.

(P.S, I'm working on getting a therapist by the way, as I know I haven't ever really had a positive image of myself or invested in myself.)