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This may be TL;DR; but seeing what people generally think here.

So wife and l are 33m 30f, been together for 8 years. She goes out with coworkers constantly. One coworker gets very "handsy" both at work and while out at the bars (even more so there). I witness this behavior myself. He literally gropes her while trying to wrestle her around while at the bars. When I say groping, it's clear as day that he's touching her tits and ass. Then each time they're out and she's wearing pants with the stitching torn, he's constantly trying to slide his finger/ fingers in her pants to pop them and keeps holding her thigh in the meantime. They repeat this behavior over and over again and she never stops him but encourages it. She then tells me she simply doesn't remember these things happening, so they must not be happening and they're just friends and coworkers. She says this despite me actually watching it all take place multiple times. Btw, I was the DD, barely had a single drink in me. So thoughts, is this technically cheating or does this appear like there's more going on? Is this maybe not "physical" cheating but instead, an emotional affair of some sort?

So for some backstory, I am single and my coworker is married with two kids. We have been working together for about a year and have become really close. We don't see each other often as it is remote work. Probably once every 3 months or so. But we talk all day, every day through text. It also seems as though she finds any reason she can to call me even if it's about something stupid or just to catch up. Then we will talk on the phone for a significant period of time.

I thought we were just friends, but now she has mentioned some significant unhappiness in her marriage. To the point where she has texted me on the weekend from a personal phone. The discussions have never gotten to a point where any physical intimacy has been discussed. But the banter can feel like flirting.

She also seems to take a lot of interest in my love life which seems kind of odd.

Again, I'd never make a move, I'm not a homewrecker. But I just think to myself, if I had a wife, I'd understand she'd have possible friends at work, but the all day every day texting, the weekend texts and the now mentioning of her marriage problems would be a red flag for me.

I'm curious if I am maybe overthinking this and she sees me as potentially just a good friend or if I need to really reconsider our level of communication. We definitely need to communicate for our jobs, but maybe limiting the all day communication.

tl;dr I have become close with a coworker, but am not wondering if it has gotten to the point where the communication and discussion may be inappropriate for a married person.

I'm (26/F) considering ending my relationship with my boyfriend (26/M), and would love some unbiased opinions.

First and foremost, this is a long distance relationship. We've been together for just over 2 years, and have met up in person a handful of times. After my last trip, I'm beginning to question everything and here's why:

We went out to dinner one night with 2 of his friends (a married couple). It's very obvious to me that none of his friends like me; they're unfriendly, they ignore me, they make jabs at me (which all began when I was added into a group chat with them in the beginning of our relationship). The first time I met them, I wasn't even greeted with a "hi" after entering their car (travelling to another country and meeting them for the first time at the airport). No introductions. Nothing. My boyfriend didn't even greet me like I thought he would; just took my bags and put them in the trunk. Maybe he was too embarrassed to express emotion in front of them?

Regardless, fast-forward to the present. We're in the car, and the husband tells the wife she can turn on the red, to which she replies: "I can't just assume that. The last thing I want is to get T-boned, Ghost (my online name) ends up dying and BOYFRIEND'S NAME is mad at me forever." If that wasn't weird or off-putting enough, my boyfriend replies: "well, her name would make sense." I let go of his hand and he later tells me he had no idea I was upset.

At dinner, the husband says something I couldn't quite hear, about the corner of the restaurant. So I turn to look and he angrily says: "way to make it obvious!" He looks at my boyfriend: "She's looking right over there!" To which my boyfriend says: "well, she IS English." (He's American).

I'm more than capable of taking a joke, but neither of these situations were friendly or jokey, and no one laughed. There were a few more jabs throw my way throughout the night, and I couldn't believe it, as this was a side of my boyfriend I had never seen before. His friends are ignorant, lack basic hygiene, and are incredibly rude. These are the people he actively chooses to spend time with; am I wrong to find it concerning?

I've brought it up, to which he has of course apologized and said I should have said something sooner. Keep in mind this was the second night of our trip together, the last thing I wanted to do was ruin the rest of our time together, so I kept it to myself for a week to really make sure I wasn't overreacting or something. He said we don't ever have to hang out with them again, but that's missing the point.

There are other things about our relationship that don't feel right either, but this happening just kind of tipped things over the edge for me.

TL;DR - My boyfriend treats me differently with his friends and it has me feeling like I should end things.

TL;DR I (F20) have been dating this man (M27) for about 7 months now. He was single for about 4-5 years before we started dating we haven't really had a lot of intimacy.

Both of our love languages are physical touch but he doesn't seem to show it much. I try and fulfill him in every way possible the best I can and if I can't I try and learn how to fulfill him in that aspect. It kinda stung when he was talking about a girl he would drive almost a hour for that he was not even dating or sleeping with to my knowledge but he barely want to drive 20 minutes to see me who he is in a relationship with.

When we were talking he would talk and communicate with me almost everyday and put effort in to show that he wanted a relationship. And now it feels like he could care less.

I just don't feel like a priority to him anymore I feel like I am a chore for him. I just want effort, time and maybe some reassurance at times. That is not a lot to ask for in my opinion. I don't hear from him unless I text/call him most of the time. I don't see him unless I drive to him. We don't do anything unless I ask him to go. The only time he picks me up is when I ask him to.

What would you do in my situation?

So I (26F) just recently started seeing somebody (26M) about 3 months ago. The first few weeks were pretty good but then the arguments started happening, just over small things like I would make a joke that offended him or not want to move as fast as he did. Well now that we’re at 3 months it’s like being on the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life. One minute we’re so loving and sweet and one wrong joke or something I say will piss him off. We’ll get into it and he’ll say really hurtful things like “you’re making me not like you anymore”. If I bring up any issues where I’ve felt like he hurt my feelings or did something that bothered me he’ll completely flip and act like I’m just trying cause issues or arguments.

I can’t express my feelings or say how I feel without being invalidated and made out to be that it’s my fault he’s acting this way.

Almost every argument no matter how big or small usually ends up in him stonewalling me and ignoring me for hours. If we’re together in person then he’ll just sit and ignore me, sometimes laugh at me or leave. He never wants to sit and fix the problem. He’d rather ignore me or be hurtful than argue or fix the problems.

Then he’ll come up with a big apology and long text of telling me he’s going to be different and work on himself and that I’m all he’s been looking for. He’ll say how he has a hard time with communication and wants to work on it with me. None of this ever happens and it’s just a vicious rollercoaster of emotions.

I realize this is not a healthy relationship and I should probably leave. I’m just confused on how a 26 year old man can act like a teenager when it comes to communication and his emotions. Could he be considered a narcissist or just very emotionally immature?

TL;DR rollercoaster relationship with new boyfriend who invalidates my feelings and says hurtful things then apologizes and does it again.

Me, 30(f), him 30(m)

TL;DR I am confused, and I feel like he’s completely lost me. We’ve been through a lot and have two young kids together. I’m absolutely head over heels in love with my male best friend. I don’t really have friends or anyone other than my therapist to talk to about it. I just need help & advice.

I’ll just preface this entire thing by giving you background into our relationship & cross my fingers I don’t get the a hole comments.

We’ve been together for 8 years. The first few years were really rough. Honestly, I needed therapy and I was super controlling. I did go to very extensive therapy and I am still in therapy. I have been in therapy for 3 years. I have become the healthy one in the relationship. Over time as I went through therapy, I slowly began to realize that he was not as “safe” and healthy as I thought he was. He lacks emotional intelligence, consistently will not communicate with me, and is very much so the “okay I’ll fix that” kind of person but then never fixes the problem. After dealing with him never giving anything into the relationship for 5 years, I had an affair. I traveled for work, and I would see this man when I was traveling. I met him on a work trip, and I immediately was given (more than) the bare minimum that I had been begging my husband for for years. I was amazed by this because I thought I was delusional and hard to please. I want to say that having an affair is so incredibly against my morals, but I did do it and I take full responsibility for the judgment that brings on me. After 6 months, my husband received an anonymous message from, I now know, my best friend telling him everything. I know it was her due to the fact that I didn’t tell very many people, and certain things were typed certain ways that she was the only one who typed that way. He immediately called me, I confessed everything, I explained what had happened and why I did that, apologized, and we have since worked things out. Things were going really good for a while, before he fell back into the same habits. It’s been about a year and a half since he found out. Since then, I have completely isolated myself from all girlfriends because my 3 best friends were the ones that were in on it. I trust no one, and I don’t have much of a social life outside of work. He told so many people when he found out and so many people shunned him and me.

We are right back at square one. He doesn’t help himself. He doesn’t eat but then complains about his recently deteriorating health due to not eating. I feel like I am mothering him. I’m constantly stressed about if he’s eaten, if he’s drank water, if he is going to therapy, etc. Basic fucking needs. I feel like now I’m aware of how I feel and I don’t like it. I feel like he is my best friend, and our friendship is so strong, but I don’t think I’m in love anymore. I’m attracted to him, but I don’t feel like I’m in love I guess. I want to do a trial separation but I am so afraid of destroying our children. I do want to add that he is an incredible father. Absolutely phenomenal father to our children. I love him, but I truly do not know if I’m in love with him.

To add to all of this, I am head over heels in love with my best friend. He is kind, he cares about me, he communicates with me, he helps me. Like he is the epitome of what a perfect man would look like for me. If and when I leave my husband, I will marry this man. I know it for a fact. I have never been treated with so much respect and kindness that this man has given me.

I need guidance. I don’t have friends. I don’t have parents or family. I am terrified to lose my home. I am terrified to ruin our children. I am terrified of change. I need help. I need advice. I feel so incredibly alone. I am so scared of what’s next.

Has anyone done a trial separation? Has anyone been in this kind of a situation before?

TL;DR I just found out my boyfriend (25m) of nearly 6 years sent my (23F) nude photos to his best friend 5 years ago. and I only just found it today.

It popped up on his Facebook messenger chat attachments we know and share each others passwords and typically have no problem with that but then they popped up. These photos are SUPER intimate and embarrassing doing new things that my boyfriend asked me to do.

For a little backstory we met online and were long distance for a year before I moved states to be with him. This happened during that long distance time… Still relatively new relationship but we AGREED it would be for our eyes only……. (the regret of being young and naive.)

He is the only person I have ever been with romantically and what I thought was the only person to have seen me naked. I talked to him about it and told him how it made me feel and. he apologized and said it was stupid doesn’t know why he did it but he said obviously he was being stupid bragging. He regrets it, I know he truly feels bad but I would NEVER have expected this behavior from him he is a good man and we have a strong relationship besides this but I still feel very unsettled.

It happened five years ago and we both have grown and matured past 18f-20m (at the time) but it is so fresh to me and I don’t know what to do. I feel gross, embarrassed and betrayed.

Is there anyway of coming out of this? Honestly I’m in so much shock I don’t know what to do.

Hello, I (21m) am starting to get really concerned about my girlfriend (21f) of 3 years. We haven’t been able to get out and do much lately because she has headaches pretty much every day. She’s always had some degree of headaches but it’s been very bad recently. Medicine doesn’t seem to help, so I figure it’s maybe because she’s not eating. I’m lucky to convince her to eat 2 full meals a day. She usually only eats sugar cereal for breakfast, snacks throughout the day, and maybe a full meal for dinner. I’ve tried to help her list out some easy foods to eat like yogurt parfaits, apples and peanut butter, etc. But she says nothing sounds good. We’re both in college, and I think she struggles with the independence and needing to fend for herself. If I’m honest I’m starting to think she might actually be depressed but she’s the most stubborn woman I’ve met and I don’t want to insinuate that anything is necessarily wrong with her cause she’ll get upset. Also it’s worth mentioning she’s a vegetarian. If anyone knows of any way I can help her with the headaches or eating more please help I’m really concerned for her at this point.

TL;DR: my vegetarian gf has constant headaches, and refuses to eat enough food, please help me help her out.

I’m 36F and have been with my boyfriend (36M) for 8 months. From early on, he was very serious about me but struggled to express emotions or provide verbal reassurance. He hasn’t said “I love you” yet (he has said he is in love with me 1x early on), and at this stage, I’m starting to question if this relationship is right for me. To be fair, I haven’t said it either— and when I asked if he’s still in love with me this past weekend, he said yes but that he’s not ready to say those words [I love you] yet. It’s confusing, and I don’t know if I’m being patient or just ignoring red flags.

There have also been insensitive moments that's occurring more frequently that make me question his emotional awareness and how much he cares for me. This past weekend, while trying to reassure me that he values me for more than my looks, he opened with, “You’re not that pretty. You’re not at that level for me to not care about other things.” He later tried to explain that what he meant was that he would still be with me even if I weren’t pretty, but I don’t understand why my partner would be that careless with his words.

Another moment that bothered me was when he a few days ago made an offhand gross joke about not wanting to work in academia anymore “until his mind and dick stop working bc there's too many young hot women around.” It felt immature and unnecessary, and it made me wonder again, about why he didn't think of me when he makes these comments.

I know he cares about me in his own way, but his emotional distance and insensitivity are making me question everything. I want to start a family, but I don’t want to stay in an unhealthy relationship just because of timing pressure. Am I better off leaving now and hoping to find someone more emotionally available, even if it takes time? Or do I stay and try to work through this, knowing that love languages and emotional expression differ?

Would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation—how do you balance the urgency of wanting a family with knowing when to walk away from an unfulfilling relationship?

TL;DR: I'm 36F, dating my 36M boyfriend for 8 months. He struggles to express emotions and hasn’t said “I love you” yet, though he says he’s in love with me. He also makes insensitive comments—most recently, “You’re not that pretty. You’re not at that level for me to not care about other things” (while trying to reassure me?). He rarely makes plans, often rejects mine, and shut down a trip suggestion to a place he had been with his ex-wife. I want to start a family, but I’m questioning if I’m ignoring red flags just because of timing pressure. Do I stay and work through this, or am I better off leaving now to find someone emotionally available?

Not sure about posting this but I'm gonna give some context before the point. I 18F and him 22M just met three days ago at a bar and he seems like a sweet guy but my friends and family are all telling me to not go out with him anymore because he sounds dangerous and a sleazeball?

One of the first things he told me was that he did porn for a few years during the pandemic and he asked if I had intercourse before and if not then it's a bit of a problem cause then I'm like a puppy that needs to be trained because I hadn't figured out my kinks yet? He says he has a "reputation" back home because he slammed a guy's head into a locker and was in a court case with this girl because he broke her wrist or something which he claims was a set up and that he didn't do but ended up on probation for four months.

We went on a date a day ago where he told me about his body count and various girls he messed with and that I could be next on his list? He also went on his Phone mid conversation to call a friend and at some point on the date said he only approached me because he was drunk? But I might have misheard that.

Anyways finally getting to the point. It's was on the same date that we where on a bench and he had his arm around me and was trying to tickle me which I thought was funny so I said jokingly to stop because I might yell and someone may come over to investigate and that would be embarrassing, but then he said that he doesn't like being questioned like that so if someone where to come over he would quote, "Curb stomp their head in front of me and traumatize me."

I don't think him saying that is that bad but all the girls in my life are telling me that I'm gonna end up on the news if I continue to see him. there may be more context but other than that, that's it.

TLDR: He threaten to curb stomp someone in front of me to traumatize me.

My (30F) partner (34M) and I just split up recently after 5 years of marriage and have now been living separately for a short time. We have 3 kids today (all under 10). The marriage itself was… well fine… but just that, he felt more like a friend than a sexual partner and I wanted out. He agreed that, although he still loves me and wants to be with me, things would probably never improve for several reasons that I wont discuss here. It was overall a pretty stress-free and amicable split in terms of how we each felt about.

Anyways, my ex has this coworker (33M) that he’s gotten to know over the past year and had started considering him a friend just before we split. This coworker/friend of his and I get along well also since he was over a bunch before we went our separate ways.

Without getting into the nitty-gritty. Would I be a dick for pursuing this guy? He’s actively dating (as in looking for dates) with no luck really and I’m interested, but I know this might be uncomfortable for me ex despite the fact that he has stated he thinks it will be easy to find other women to sleep with/date, or whatever.

TLDR: have feelings for my ex’s new friend/coworker and wondering if pursuing him would make me into a toxic asshole.

TW: emotional abuse

TL;DR I (25 F) and my bf (31 M) have been together for 2 years. He sometimes gets into a mood and his empathy turns off. He gets cold and mean towards me. I don't know what to do, because 99% of the time he's perfect. In an ideal world, I would like to stay in this relationship, but I'm asking for advice. We are about to have a talk, what should I say to him? And should I stay? Has anyone else experienced anything similar, and what (if anything) resolved the issue? Should I ask him to get therapy and do you think that would even help?

I (25F) and my boyfriend (31 M) have been together for 2 years. We've talked about marriage and a future together. He's a very intelligent, compassionate, handsome, and hardworking man. I know he's a good person and has a good heart, but lately I've been questioning everything. He has his "moments", but they're more than just moments. I know he has a lot of trauma and I do too, and I know everyone deals with trauma in different ways but sometimes I don't feel safe around him. He randomly and occasionally gets into these moods; he gets quiet, and agitated, and usually asks for space but the problem is when he's in these moods, he takes it out on me. I've noticed that when he's upset with me (usually over minor things), his empathy just turns off and he goes cold. He acts as if I don't exist or am not a human being with feelings. He also tends to make things about himself. I also have been noticing that when he hasn't had weed in awhile, he gets into these moods more frequently.

It all culminated the other night when I was up late, very sick. (for reference I have an underlying condition that makes illness very hard for me to fight) i had a chest infection from whatever virus I have, and I kept falling asleep and waking up choking/gasping for air. I had a high fever as well, and started to feel very scared. I asked him for comfort. He did comfort me for about an hour. All of a sudden he switched, became cold, and started complaining about how he was having anxiety; all care for me went out the door. I was resting my head on his chest, and at this point I was too weak to move. He became visibly annoyed and frustrated with me, got up (leaving me slumped over), and started berating me/raising his voice while I was half awake. I don't really remember much, I just know he left the room after that. I woke up (maybe 2 hours later) choking again. At this point I started to panic, and called him twice to no avail. I mustered up all my energy to get up and I found him sleeping soundly on the couch. I called his name, no response, so I nudged him awake. Before I could even ask him to come to bed he started yelling at me about how I woke him up (at this point I started blacking out bc of said underlying condition), so I was on the floor. He physically dragged me by the arms upright, back to bed, and went back to sleep. Even the next day he had no care in the world for me. So I went to stay my parents house. Silence.

The next day he texted me detailing his disappointment in himself, and is wanting to talk this out. I don't know if I can get over this. It sucks because I really love him and our relationship is great 99% of the time. It's just his little "moments" where I feel like I could drop dead and he wouldn't care that concerns me. I certainly did not feel safe that night and now I don't know if I can trust him again. What do I even say to him? And should I stay? Has anyone else experienced anything similar, and what (if anything) resolved the issue? Should I ask him to get therapy and do you think that would even help?

TDLR: When we first started dating my gf kept her phone unlocked and I noticed one night that she had deleted messages from a guy she had been talking to on Instagram. She told me nothing was going on that she habitually deleted things on her phone to avoid clutter. She has since added a lock to her phone and has strange/protective habits with her phone. I’m concerned that I’m being paranoid about the whole situation but can’t seem to let it go for whatever reason. She’s amazing and has always been extremely supportive and loving with me. I’ve asked her about the situation a few times and it’s always the same answer from her and it makes me feel like I’m just being insecure for no reason. Is there any way to remedy this situation or get actual answers or should I just take her at her word and move on?

My girlfriend of 5 years is very secretive with her phone. In our first year of dating she didn’t have a lock on her phone and I saw that she was messaging a guy on Instagram. I made the dumb decision to look at her phone later and saw that she had deleted the whole conversation. When I asked her about it she told me he was a guy that one of h on er friends used to date and that it was harmless. She also told me that she had a habit of deleting things from her phone to avoid clutter, that it was ok instinctual and she had always done that. I chose to believe her and didn’t think much of it after that. Not long after I noticed she had locked her phone and she always seems very secretive with her phone. Considering I had broken her trust already by going through her phone I sort of understand, but lately I’ve noticed that always faces away from me when she’s on her phone. I’ve walking in the room with her a few times and noticed her either quickly exiting out of a window or closing her phone altogether. There are a lot of other weird things that I’m starting to notice but I won’t get too in the weeds about that stuff. I’m conflicted because she isn’t working rn and doesn’t have a lot of friends. I see her all the time and there aren’t any “late nights at work” or any opportunities that I can even think of where she would be cheating. She’s also extremely supportive of me and always tells me how much she loves me and sees a future with me.

I’m not really sure what to do about this, I’ve brought it up with her recently that it bugs me and I’m having a hard time overlooking it but she just got upset about me not trusting her and didn’t provide any other context or information aside from saying that she isn’t doing anything shady. I’m getting to the stage in life and our relationship where marriage and kids are right around the corner but and I either need to let this go and never think about it again, or find solid answers about if and what she’s doing on her phone. Am I being overly paranoid about this whole situation? I don’t want to go through her phone again and I couldn’t anyway because she keeps it locked and is so protective of it anyway. I know it’s basically impossible nowadays but I can’t help but want to find closure on the matter one way or another. Should I just drop this or am I right to be concerned?

I 26F female have a friend since my bachelors. He was my senior 28M . At that time he was a great friend and we bonded very well. I was naive and went into a relationship with this other guy during that time who was not right for me at all. Even though I felt that my senior and I had a lot in common , I never pursued him as I was in a relationship and didn't want to loose the friendship. Fast forward , covid , he graduated , I graduated , started masters , we grew apart. 2 years back we kind of got in contact again.

He sees me as a friend, shares everything like as if I am one of his bros. Even though I felt like I am having feelings I have always dismissed it thinking since I am alone, I am misattributing my emotions. Recently he kept on pestering me to find him a girlfriend and even though I had a bit of urge to say I wanted to be one I didnt. I set him up with this another childhood best friend of mine. Seeing them hit it off I feel like an idiot. I lost my chances and I feel like I should have taken my chances but I am too coward to loose his friendship. Even though I know that he will be ok and be my friend even if he rejects me , I wont be able to talk as freely. And I know that I am not his someone special and he deserves a better person than I am.

I dont know how I should feel or how I should be.

**TL;DR IDK what I should do **

My(F50) niece(F25) is getting married and announced it to the family over social media. I am very happy for her. I had thought I was going to be there to express that in person.

The drama comes in here. My mother (F68) was told that she is not going to be invited for Reasons(tm) that are not mine to get into. I am not supposed to know this. I am usually her travel companion to family functions for practical reasons. I am capable of independent travel.

My other immediate family has been invited, but I have not. No one has disclosed to me why this is the case. I cannot recall anything I have done to give offense and I always try to be pleasant and civil even around family I disagree with.

I am unsure how to proceed. Do I send a gift and a card anyway since I know of no grudge? Do I just hold my tongue and hope at least some of the family misses me? I do not want to cause even more drama, but I feel very hurt and left out.

TL;DR not invited to family wedding

Original Post : https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/8dHwHhn9TE

I(18F) haven't posted in about two years, but here's my update - Ive officially cut off contact with my mother(34F) and stepfather (36M).

I reported my parents to CPS back in September due to a lot of disgusting home conditions and neglect, and I was still 17 at the time. My brothers and I were removed from the house the day after I reported, and we all went to my grandparents home. I had stopped talking to my parents in August and distanced myself before reporting in September. I was actually eligible to go into something called "extended foster care", where essentially, my grandparents and social services are my guardians while I live on my own. I'm still in high school and I graduate in a few months, but I have my own apartment and a job.

Just a month ago my brothers returned to my parents after living with my grandparents for about 4-5 months. Unfortunately, they don't seem willing to talk to me. My girlfriend (18, MTF Trans) tries reassuring me that they're preteens, so they're naturally pulling away because of their social life. Id like to believe that, but its hard to believe, as I'm almost confident my ex-parents are dripping poison in their ears about me.

I hardly have any contact with most of my family anymore, from both parent's sides. Ive cut off almost the entirety of my father's family (Minus my aunt who's been on my side through the drama. I don't talk to her often either but its a distance thing). I don't talk to my mom's father, as he played part of the victim during this ordeal, "Why didn't you tell me, could've talked about it with your mother", blah blah blah. He came over often and he'd SEEN our living conditions. Whatever. I only talk with my aunt from my mom's side as well, she's been such a massive support, along with my grandparents from my mom's side.

Another part of this story is, about two, maybe three weeks after my brothers and I were taken from the house, my stepfather's grandma, who lived with us, died. Before her funeral, my mother and stepfather tried accusing ME of steaking her jewelry and other valuable assets, as they had vanished, seemingly when I had went and grabbed my own stuff. I knew this becausr my mom's father messaged my mom's sister, my aunt, saying I was a thief and I better return the valuables). But that wasnt the case. At the funeral, they found out my stepsiblings actually had the assets (They were the favorite grandchildren), because she'd given the valuables to them months before. So thankfully, they stopped accusing me, but obviously never apologized.

Right now, I'm doing okay. Ive lived a lifetime of domestic abuse, and my social worker is trying to get me an in person therapist (My preference - Im annoyed with how much is online). Hell, I've been diagnosed with extreme CPTSD, and I've taken other assessments to be evaluated for other possible mental disorders/issues.

To all who gave me advice years ago, thank you. Cheers ya'll!

TL;DR, Cut off most family for being toxic, on my own for the most part, taking life as it comes.

My bf and I have been together for 2 years now and about a few months ago he broke up with me out of nowhere.Ever since the breakup, things haven't been the same and it feels like the 2 years I had with him were all a lie cuz he'd hide stuff that would hurt him. Turns out he had adhd and a lot of his tendencies were annoying me or would frustrate me at times qne my he would take my frustration as an attack on himself and think that I would say or do things to intentionally hurt him. He also would bottle stuff and not tell me until it was oftentimes too late, including finding some things after 2 years.

Meanwhile all this time he kept telling me just how much he also loved me and wanted to marry me - up until the week before he broke up. He also doesn't take criticism well. I can't even get frustrated when he does smth rly bad or annoying without him taking it so personally even with constant reassurance. I just always had to walk on eggshells. We talked over everything and turns out it was all just misunderstandings and miscommunication. We tried couples therapy to fix things, but it was just a lot to fix and try and get back to our old selves in the few weeks we had before a year long distance relationship planned. He also said a bunch of things when he broke up with me, a lot of which turned out to be so unfair (even therapists said so). After we talked, he regretted his decision to break up abruptly and then wanted me back 2 days later. We talked in therapy and seems like a lot of his unhealthy tendencies towards not being able to take criticism well without thinking I'm attracting him, getting mad at me for things he doesn't even tell me, bottling up feelings, not communicating even when I ask him if something is wrong, and not handling hard conversations well - these mostly come from his upbringing with his family, but it's affected us a lot.

He has since apologized but I still don't feel the same way towards him. It feels like our 2 years together and what I was thought were good and happy times weren't actually and everytime he said he wanted to marry me and have children with me and grow old with me were just lies. It's like I loved this guy for 2 years and he'd been lying to me and giving me fake reassurance. He's completely lost my trust and I don't even know what to think of our time together now if he went from saying all these good things to breaking up on a random day with no warning and giving me no chance to fix things. Cuz everything's fine and normal and then boom he broke up with me without even trying to talk it out first. And I still couldn't break up with him cuz I was so attached so even tho I was crying cuz of him, he was still the only one I wanted next to me. I was really unhealthily attached to him and always wanting him and scared to leave even though I could see how much things aren't working out, including his sensitivity and things he'd be working on in therapy for years.

Fast forward now I'm 1 month into being away from him (I'm traveling alone at the moment around the world and he moved countries for work) and even though the days leading up to it and day of and the days after it were bad, I'm now doing fine. I still would want him in my life because I love the man so fucking much and want the best for him, I can see he's not the partner for me, at least not now. I'm able to function without him and be self dependent again thanks to being forced to be apart after being attached at the hip practically for 2 years. He still acts on our calls like none of that happened and the things he's saying now for why he's missing me is reasons he was once using to break up with me. I still love him and want him there as a friend, but I think I'm ready to move on and be with other guys now before maybe returning to him one day eventually.

I've met some guys on my trip who have shown an interest in me and it was honestly more fluttery feeling than I've had with my boyfriend in a while. The emotional drift and rockiness has affected my attraction to him. I'm getting more turned on by other men than him by the same things he does. I'm finding myself being attracted to other men, wondering what it'd be like, wishing they'd just go for it even though I have a boyfriend, etc. Which is so sad. So this whole time right the reason I didn't wanna leave him even tho he hurt me so much like that day he broke up and the way he did it was the worst pain I'd felt and the first time I cried like that since my mom died because I had always told him that if we ever broke up, it'd be like having to go through the grief of losing the most important person of my life. Now that we've spent time and I've realized I'm ablw to live without him, I'm losing my attraction to him and gaining attraction to other men.

I would like to break up and come clean to my boyfriend about my feelings but I am scared he'd be heart broken, especially when he's in a new city and country all alone working and misses me like hell (I miss him too, but not as intensely as him). We also recently found out a surgery he had which removed a mass from his lung turned out to be cancerous so we were both devastated for days, but after talking to doctors seems like it was caught accidentally as soon as it could've been caught and there is no cancer anymore. I still don't want to stress my boyfriend though because stress can also cause cancer and this would kill him. But I'm also running out of time and in 3 months my solo world trip will end and I know for a fact I will regret not acting on my desires because I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend. In my mind I'm thinking I just do things and hide so it doesn't hurt him, but that's not ethical nor fair to him. But nor is it nice for me to stay when all the trust and love and understanding and bond we had built in the 2 years together is all gone. What can I do?

TL;DR: My boyfriend of two years broke up with me suddenly, only to regret it days later. Our relationship was strained by miscommunication, his difficulty handling criticism, and his habit of bottling up feelings—many of which stem from his upbringing and recently diagnosed ADHD. Despite trying therapy, we couldn’t fully repair things before a year long long-distance phase. I was deeply anxiously attached to him and very dependent, but after a month of solo travel, I’ve realized I can live without him and it doesn't pain me to be away from him. I still am madly in love with him (platonically, I fear) and want him in my life, but I no longer see him as the right partner for me, at least not right now. I still would love to try again with him because we did talk about a life together and I can see him as that. However currently my attraction to him has faded, and I’m now drawn to other men. I want to break up but fear hurting him, especially after his recent health scare. However, staying in the relationship feels unfair to both of us. What should I do?

My SIL (32)(my husband’s brothers wife) and I (26) became pretty close friends about 5 years ago. Everything was great for a while until we took a trip together and when we got into a little argument, her toxic behaviors came running in. She expressed how it made her angry if I hung out with any of my friends, she screamed in my face, accused me of talking bad about her anytime I would be texting/ talking to someone on the phone, so on and so forth. Then she locked herself in the bathroom for an hour and when she came out she said she’s going to sleep in her car. I came clean and told her how toxic her behavior was and that I’m not gonna deal with that.

Practically that trip ended with me taking a flight home alone and ending our friendship. She immediately told my whole husbands side of the family a completely different story and how I abandoned her there because I missed my husband… long story short, creating a divide within the family and breaking my mother in laws heart because her only 2 sons weren’t together for any family gatherings, because she refused to be anywhere if I was going to be there. Fast forward to about 2 years later, she invited me to have a civil conversation about the situation and to clear the air. The conversation was great and she had apologized for her behaviors (as did I) and admitted that she had very toxic tendencies when it came to her friends. She told me she had been in therapy and back on her medication for BPD and that she is no longer that person. Although slightly skeptical, I chose to believe her word but still leave a healthy distance.

She was okay for a while, but in the past year she has just gotten worse and worse. She is copying my every move, becoming jealous and angry if I have plans with other friends, messaging my friends trying to hangout with them, becoming possessive over my kids, talking bad about me to others in the family, and most recently making innuendo posts or reposts about me on ALL her social media and stories, to ensure I see them.

I am at the point now where I MENTALLY can not handle the negativity and toxicity from this friendship and need to find a way out of this friendship without making her freak out and inevitably creating a divide within my husbands family. HELP!

Sincerely a toddler mom to TWINS, and my biggest stress every day is my SIL.

TL;DR: My father was absent throughout my childhood but has recently been making an effort to reconnect. Is it worth it to give him another chance or should I move on and leave that relationship in the past?

Hi! So some backstory, my parents split up when I (Female) was 3 or so, and up until I was 12 I would see my dad (M 50 years old) a couple of times a year for holidays, birthdays, and sometimes family cookouts with his side of the family. After 12, things began to fizzle out, mainly because I realized that he wasn’t the best person in the world and I resented him for not making as much of an effort as I thought he should. To add, he really never reached out to me throughout my teen years, even though he knew I was struggling and was hospitalized for suicidal behaviors and mental health struggles due to my childhood and our relationship. When I was 16, I initiated a conversation where I pretty much told him how his behaviors affected me and that he should seek therapy because he also has significant childhood trauma given that he was extremely abused as a child and it was clearly affecting the way he was able to show up in relationships. He apologized but no actual change came from that.

Fast forward, last year I saw him for the first time in years (I am now 22) because my older sister was getting married (we have the same dad) and that reunion felt very uncomfortable, to the point where I was having panic attacks because I was so anxious to see him. It also was weird because he now has a wife and kids of their own who he is there for consistently so it brought up a lot of abandonment wounds for me. However, from then on, I had this weird gut feeling that maybe trying to mend our relationship would help me in some way given that the absence of him in my life has caused me to have extreme trust issues that have now bled into my relationships, leaving it hard for me to be vulnerable with others. To add, after seeing him at the wedding, he began consistently reaching out to me but I’ve been ignoring him because I’m unsure how to feel about the situation. But I’m trying to figure out if it would even be worth it at this point. I’ve talked with my therapist about it but ultimately she said that if I think it would benefit me and help me heal, then I should but if I don’t think it would change anything and make me feel worse, I shouldn’t.

Now my question is, anyone out there on this reddit sub, have you reconnected with an absent parent and do you feel like it genuinely helped you heal? I’m worried that if I go into it and don’t “hear what I want to hear” (whatever that may be because honestly i don’t know) it’s going to cause more sadness and pain but I’ve had other family members express that maybe this could be a good thing for me but I’m just not sure. Any advice would be helpful, I keep going back and forth in my head and maybe if there’s even one story of success it could convince me to reach out.

I (22f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been friends for about two years and dating for 6 months. while we were first friends, we found it hard to be friends when i was in another relationship. him and i didn’t really talk because he has very negative opinions on my last boyfriend. it was him that really helped me realize i should leave my old relationship if i wasn’t feeling seen.

fast forward to 6 months ago and he and i start dating. while the beginning was kind of similar to our previous relationship, it seemed pretty obvious that him and i had some very different feelings about how things should work in relationships. there’s a big discrepancy between what we value in relationships. for starters, he doesn’t think going on dates is very important and as such, in our six months we’ve dated, we have probably been on 4 official dates. we also have no plans to do much. when we both have days off, we pretty much stay in his room while he plays his games and i use my phone. whenever i would say we should do something he often doesn’t have the energy.

our fights are also constant. in the 6 months we’ve been together he has: kept his online dating accounts (not using them but not deleting them), began talking to this girl he knew before and sent her pics of himself (when i asked him why he would tell her she looks really good he said because she did) and he also referred to me as a friend, he dm’d a pornstar, he lied to me for two hours about going to a party and when i figured it out, his coworker called me and said i have nothing to worry about and that she is taking care of him, he said he didn’t like my christmas present and that he didn’t buy me a present because he assumed we’d break up by christmas, he said i wasn’t deserving of flowers blah blah blah. aside from just all of this, he’s a dick when he’s mad at me. i do confront him about all these things and about how they truly hurt me. he tells me he’ll change and that he’s really sorry but he gets mad and tells me that i’m always getting upset over “stupid shit” so i take it that he lies to me about understanding me and only decides to tell me the truth when he is really upset.

while i do love him and find it hard to really leave him, i understand that this is not the emotional connection i really want. is there anyway i can change this? or do i need to throw in the towel?

tldr: i(22F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for six months and have noticed a lot of glaring issues and differences such as emotional connection. i feel hurt but dismissed by him whenever i bring the issues up so i want to know if i can save this relationship?

Bf falls asleep without a text or call.

Me '24F'and my bf '24M'had been in a relationship for 1 year, we both are currently long distance.He is very loving and kind. And does take care of me pretty well. I kind of feel like this is stupid to ask here, but I want to know how I can resolve the issue. So, in the initial days he used to call me and text me every night and we used to talk a lot. But recently he is falling asleep a lot without calling or texting me. He says a hello and just disappears, and says a lot of sorry in the morning for falling asleep. I have not asked him to stay awake for me, the only thing I request is a good night text or I am sleepy text. What bothers me the most is that he used to spend a lot of time earlier and now he doesn't at all. Even the day time call and vedio call has reduced significantly . I have communicated this with him and he said he will work on it but there is no progress. And he is not working and is currently at home. But still can't find time for me.

What can I do to stop being frustrated about this and to accept this behavior?

TL;DR - I am scared that I will have to continue this relationship unsatisfied, where my needs are ignored.

TLDR: I feel like I'm always the one initiating mending things in our relationship, and looking back at all the things that's happened, I am scared and ashamed that I'm just really weak and not able to just get up and leave.

Throwaway account. I (F40+) have been married to my husband (M40+) for 14 years, together 18. Been rocky for a good part of it as we were running a challenging business together and frequently butted heads then.

I love my husband and have kept hope that things will be ok, as couples all go through rough patches. When things are fine, he's a decent man who does things for me and with me. We have fun together and it's great.

Well, through some of our worst rough patches, he's cheated on me a few times (definitely emotionally, possibly physically), has gotten into physical fights with me (though I fought back) when he was very angry and also when he got drunk, and has several times told me he wanted to divorce me when our fights got really heated.

Despite all that, we kinda worked through it and survived it, but I do know it's always me trying to initiate fixing and working things through, and him coming around. We apologize to each other at the end of it, but we do eventually fight again. And sure, some things have improved, but I also feel like he goes back on things that he was previously remorseful for.

Our most recent fight has me out of sorts. We had an agreement between us that he's only drinking occasionally with me (and just one beer) due to the aforementioned violent alcoholism, Well, he didn't tell me when he had a beer with a family member at a social occasion. When I found out and was angry about him not being transparent, he countered that I was creating drama over "one f***king beer" and not letting it go late into the night even though I knew he needed rest coz he had important stuff at work the next day. He also said that he should be able to drink with family, and got mad when I was trying to point out we agreed to something and it's about him not honoring it. He is right now actively denying it and basically going back on everything we agreed to, insisting that the problem is me and my desire to create issues and drag up the past to fulfill a personal need for drama.

Added to that I had suspicions that he might be cheating again due to his recent reconnection with an old female friend (which was how many of his previous affairs started). I brought that up and he got angrier because he said I was reading into things (it's very possible that I am, I am extra wary about potential red flags because of previous patterns)

I need to be honest that I've done a lot to hurt him and overstep his boundaries over the years, including repeated offenses for things he's asked me not to do and told me it is disrespectful to him and his boundaries. I understand this makes him angry at me and maybe fuels his dishonestly. But at the same time, I feel like he's done a lot of worse things to me than I have to him. I've at least never cheated. I don't lie to him. And I am trying to curb my shitty habits that are hurtful to him, though I fail a lot and this frustrates him.

I feel pretty miserable after trying yet again to talk to him to both deescalate and address the recent issue. I feel I have so little self-respect left as I can't stand up for myself. I feel like I've been chasing him every time we have a fight. I hate myself for it but at the same time when I think of the good times and how much we've been through together, I don't want to give up. Am I just pathetic or is there something to save?

We've been together for 3 years and just got engaged in September. Starting off I don't think she was impressed with my proposal, but she did accept and I've never heard her tell anyone it was less than perfect. She did tell me when I asked if she liked it that she had hoped that I would say more to her, but it was "nice". I got down on one knee and said "Will you marry me?" and she apparently had hoped I would've talked about what I loved about her and she was also sad I didn't say her name. That moment has passed and she doesn't mention it, but I feel a little guilty.

She knows I'm not a huge planner, and I've recently become more busy at work. Last week she brought me a very nice and thoughtful gift and said she had bought it as a wedding gift to me but figured I would be able to get a lot of use from it right now, and she's correct. I told her in the moment "I don't plan like that so I definitely don't have any gift for you, I don't even know if I'll be able to pull off Valentine's day" and I definitely saw her face change when I said that, she looked genuinely grossed out by me.

She's been her usual kind and loving self but I get a vibe that she's checking out. Valentine's day is her favorite holiday and I feel like I don't really have time to put stuff together because she's with me frequently and I dislike having to set stuff up at work. I'm really busy right now and I will be for the next few months. I do feel kind of bad because I had noticed an event that was coming up and intended to buy us tickets, but totally forgot about it. I do struggle to follow through with stuff I would like to do for her and I just don't care about planning. I know I can set alarms but I don't want to deal with it.

Is there anything I can do to fix this? I know we need to talk of course, but I'm just kind of lost and embarrassed

Tl;dr I'm poor at planning and very busy at work for the immediate future. Worried my future wife is starting to check out because she seemed grossed out when I told her I don't plan ahead. Not sure how to fix this in myself

My 23m lives with me 22f but he legit helps with nothing. TL; DR We’ve been together for 4 years he’s been living with me for a year, for an entire year I’ve had no help he hasn’t bought groceries, doesn’t buy things the house needs. He’s also been using my car I pay for transportation it desperately needs work done like brakes new tires a handle that he broke. Like when I say he helps with NOTHING I mean NOTHING he wants me to clean, buy food for us , pay all the bills work and take care of our child both physically and financially. It’s so draining, I’m just such a nice person I think I’m helping him and feel bad cause he has no where else to go also I’m afraid of being alone and being a single parent but I see now why he doesn’t have anywhere to go because he’s a leech and doesn’t believe in taking care of his responsibilities. Even when he does have little money it seems he tries to keep it all to himself, instead of trying to help me who has all the financial responsibility and even if you’re not gonna want to help me you’d think he would want to get some things for his child but nope. I try to talk to him about his lack of financial help he just tell me lies how he will eventually help and how I’m making him feel worse than he already does.

Even if you can’t help financially you’d think he would help around with the house and his baby but no he doesn’t just sits around feeling sorry for himself and expects me to do everything.

I work from home so just because I’m not doing a lot of physical work he believes I’m not working and leaves the baby in here with me while I work. Do men feel better when they have a little money in there pocket, because you would think since he has no financial responsibility and I take care of it all he would be giving me everything he has but nope he’s selfish and keeps the little he gets to himself.

I am 28 and my boyfriend is 30. We got together a year ago. We were really in love at the start... he always told me he would be there for me no matter what. He said he hasn't been in a relationship for 8 years due to his mental health and financial issues. He only had one relationship before but it lasted only a few months. I always reassured him that I'll support and love him through any issues, and going out and spending isn't important to me. He always told me he has never loved anyone this much before and he sees a future with me...

Our relationship was really good at the start. It was very loving.

We had our ups and downs, like he would be jealous if I had any male friends, or I would feel anxious... we always reassured eachother and supported eachother though.

Fast forward a few months and I was 3 months pregnant, during that time I became really sad, emotional and needy, which would annoy him a lot and he would get argumentative... but I didn't know I was pregnant until the 3rd month. Then I miscarried... I became a clingy, emotional mess.

Whenever I expressed how I felt, he was loving at first, but when I didn't feel better right away, he became kind of dismissive of my feelings... so it became a never ending cycle of me trying to resolve things and talk to him about how that hurts my feelings. I would try to explain that it might of been the hormones making me emotional during this time... and he would just get more frustrated. He said he absolutely cannot take the stressful talks anymore.

He also kept trying to touch me sexually, like put his hand down my pants even when I tell him over and over beforehand that I can't take sexual touch right now because I'm dealing with difficult feelings after miscarrying... when I tried to talk about it after he did it again, he apologized and explained physical touch is his love language. He did stop, but it resulted with him feeling guilty and feeling like a failure...

He recently admitted to being in credit card debt of more than 20k on multiple cards so he has to work more to pay it off... and that I have to be understanding if he can't see me much anymore. His credit card debt is from making bets, video games, pokemon cards, etc...

I haven't seen him since christmas so I got a little anxious at times and asked if we could find a time to see eachother in the future... he got angry and said I have to be more understanding of his situation. He said he has to work 35-40 hours a week on top of taking care of his pet, resting, and working out.

I told him I do understand his situation, and apologized for missing him... I do work 60hrs, close to 70hrs a week, so it's not like I was begging him to see me... because I am working so much as well. I just wanted to see if we could plan a time in the future to see eachother...

Last week, he told me he wants space, a break and no contact. He explained to me that I don't understand how he's in debt, and he feels like a failure to me and that he knows there's better guys for me out there... he said he can't take care of me right now. I asked him what does he want to do and he says "I don't know what I want." I reassure him that I'm willing to stay by his side no matter what, and I just love and support him... I apologized for everything and I said I want to be better... I also asked him if he wants to break up, to please let me know. He said "We'll see. I love you too"

I feel really torn up on the inside. I've also never been pregnant or miscarried before so I'm still trying to heal and understand why I was so emotional, and how it pushed him away... I feel like all of this is my fault... Every time I think about how I was so emotional and clingy when I was pregnant and miscarrying, I feel ashamed.. sometimes it feels like he resents me for it all. I don't know what to do... could someone please help me understand and navigate through this? How can we get through this?

TLDR; Me (28F) and boyfriend (30M) been together for a year, was good at beginning. I became pregnant for 3 months and miscarried, I became emotional and clingy and it pushed him away. He admits he's 20k in credit card debt from spending on video games, cards, etc, and wants to take a break. I try to reassure him I support him no matter what and I asked him what he wants. He says "I don't know, we'll see. I love you too."

Ok, so I suppose i should provide a little context/background information to this question.

I'm not even 100% officially divorced (should be finalized within the month I believe). My (40M) STBXW (40F) and I separated in July after discovering her affair with a good friend of mine. I swore off women and dating forever, and honestly, still am very unsure if I want to venture into a relationship again. Of course as fate would have it, I was approached on behalf of a friend of a soon to be divorced woman (30) when I was out with friends one evening in October. We exchanged numbers and texted for a few weeks getting to know one another. We went on a few dates, and seemed to get along nicely. I made it clear to her from the beginning I wasn't looking for anything serious or even sure if I was 100% ready for a relationship and she was fine with that and wanted to take it slow.

After a while, I was starting to get the impression she wanted to get more serious (meet her family, spend the night, etc.). I wasn't ready for that and communicated it with her. She seemed to understand. I then started to struggle a bit with the idea of being in a relationship this soon. I have two young boys, and I have been having a hard enough time making sure I'm doing all I can for them during this difficult transition. So, I told her I wanted to end things for now. I didn't expect her to stick around and wait (even though she said she would), and I had no intentions of dating anyone else. I just wanted to take time for myself and my children to figure things out and I didn't feel it was fair to string her along if she and I were not on the same page with regards to what we wanted right now.

She took it hard for a while, but was never crazy about her reactions, just very sad. We haven't really talked a whole lot in the last month and a half, save for the occasional text here and there.

Now here is where I have questions. Apparently, about two weeks ago, she reached out to my STBXW and asks if she would be willing to meet her so she could get a better idea of who she was (my STBXW did not like it when she found out who I was dating). Apparently she wanted to put out an olive branch so to speak so she could try to establish some trust (which is all well and good had we still been dating, but we aren't right now).

The second issue came up yesterday. She reached out to me for the first time in weeks, and we exchanged a few texts. I told her about some health issues I'm having (back problems) and my dad is also having (we think a ruptured disc). I mentioned how my mom was very stressed dealing with it, and we pretty much left it at that.

My mom told me last night that she reached out to her and said she was sorry to hear about my dad and if there was anything she needed, to let her know. Mind you, my parents and she have never met. They knew about her, but never met her, nor had the spoken to her before.

Part of me thinks that was nice of her to reach out, but part of me thinks it's...I don't know...strange?

You have to remember, my STBXW was my high school sweet heart. I never dated past her, and I have no idea about what is and what isn't red flag behavior, lol.

Thoughts?

TL;DR;: Should I consider a future relationship with this woman that reaches out to people in my life when we're NOT actively dating?

Hi all, the title sounds like something different but what I need advice on is the relationship I'm currently in. So I'm 24M and my girlfriend is 24F and this is my first actual relationship. The advice I need is whether or not I'm overreacting. So basically we've been dating for almost 5 months now and I've noticed that I have been texting first the most by a large margin. Every now and then she'll say I miss you and I love you and I'll obviously reciprocate because I do miss her and love her too. The issue is, is that I would like her to text first and when she doesn't text for hours, it becomes very frustrating because it feels like she isn't putting as much effort into it as I am and doesn't care. She'll text her family and her friends before me and I understand that I'm not the #1 priority and thats fine but its also frustrating when I text and she doesn't say anything back for hours. She will however, send tiktoks or instagram reels and that makes me feel like she doesn't want to talk or is just ignoring me. Now before people make assumptions she does carry the conversation when we are together and she cares for me immensely, is super funny and just an overall dork and its really nice but I would like a little more conversation when we aren't together. I have brought it up with her before and she said she'll try to better but there hasn't been much of a change. I probably sound like a whiney baby and very entitled now that I proof read this but I would like to know if I am overreacting.

TL;DR Girlfriend doesn't text first and makes me feel like she doesn't care and gets very frustrating and upsetting.

Hi, I (f43) have been in a relationship for nearly 3 years, he (m43) is always complaining about being gravely ill or extremely tired, it’s always something different and can never be fixed by taking medication, he will say he had to stay in bed for two or more days often taking days off work. Around four months ago something came up that he needed surgery for and I thought oh no this is going to be bad and I said to a trusted family member to just watch, he will drag this out as far as he can and 4 months after surgery that has a four week recovery time he is still complaining of random pain that is not very specific and only doing half days at work still, his words and actions don’t add up, when he never gets ill when he’s doing something he paid for like a trip or holiday, it’s making me feel like I’m going insane. We don’t live together, we always hang out at my house as he does no housework and is embarrassed for me to go over there very often, I have offered him help with this but he refuses.

TLDR: what do I do? He is amazing in every other way but this is overshadowing things, I am autistic and find it hard to listen to things that don’t make sense and go along with it.

We met last July and became official in Dec. He told me he's going to move back to his home country this yr or next yr and asked me if I'd want to go w him. He said the only thing keeping him here is me. That I could go w him and we'll get married. One of the rules I've set for myself in dating is that I will never move for a man unless we're already married. It's just too risky. We both agree that we are dating to marry but we both want to wait a couple of yrs.

I asked him if that meant we should stop seeing each other and he said that he didn't want to. That we'll figure out a solution by then. I don't want to break up w him but it almost feels like we're delaying inevitable heart break. I rlly care for him but I don't think I could do a long distance relationship. I'm so divided on what to do. What is your opinion?

tldr: my bf and I have been seeing each other since July, became official in Dec. He’s going to move to another country this yr or next yr. Should I stay w him or leave him now? It feels like inevitable heartbreak rn.

I’m 23 and I’ve lived with my parents my whole life. I want independence from them and want to move out but I’m currently a student and don’t make any money. I’m on track to graduate soon, so soon I’ll have a job but I don’t know if I’ll make enough or if I’ll even be able to work.

The reason I say, I might not be able to work is because I have bipolar disorder. A lot of people with bipolar disorder have a hard time working so I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold a job. Which is frustrating because I really want my own place and to be away from them.

Rent is also absurd where I live, I don’t know if an entry level position would be able to afford rent alone. I also don’t think I could do roommates, I have pretty bad anxiety and I know I’d just trap myself in my room.

Now onto why I’m not the favourite and why it makes me miserable. First off, my brother is married and doesn’t live with us anymore. My mom typically makes dinner for everyone, one days that she doesn’t (I’ll ask), I usually figure something out on my own. Whether that’s ordering food or making something. No problem. If my brother comes over (after she’s said she’s not making anything), she’ll go out of her way to make him something. There’s been times where even my boyfriend comes over, she says she’s not making dinner. We’ll go out to get food. When we come back, my brother is there and she’s making him and his wife something.

Another case is the we’re currently doing renovations in the house to make a basement apartment to make some extra money. My parents haven’t said anything about who was renting the space so I pitched an idea to them. I said I’d love to live in the space for a couple of months or indefinitely because I’d love to learn how to live on my own and take care of myself but not with the big risk of signing a lease somewhere else in case I can’t do it. Mainly bipolar related because I haven’t found a method of being completely stable. When I pitched that idea to them, they said it was already my brothers apartment. It was upsetting especially since they were keeping it from me.

Im trying to get them to see my point of view but they aren’t having it. My mom says it’s my dads house and he picks what he does with it. While it’s true, they’re showing favouritism. If I had two children who wanted a basement apartment I was making, I would give it to neither to avoid conflict. It wouldn’t be fair for either one to have it, if they both wanted it.

Another way they show I’m not the favourite is all the rules they make me follow. Especially when it comes to dating. They never made my brother follow these rules but to me, I get in trouble if I don’t follow them. Remember I’m 23, an adult. I can’t cuddle with my boyfriend, I can’t wear pjs that involve any kind of shorts, I can’t share a blanket with him, he can’t go into my room, if my parents aren’t home we can’t be in the house, etc. There’s so many rules.

Those are just three ways my parents choose my brother over me but there’s countless other ways. I feel so stuck. I want to move out because I’m tired of my parents controlling my every move but I don’t know if I can do it.

Any advice on what to do? I feel so lost and stuck.

TL;DR my parents favour my brother and some ways they show this is by cooking for him when they said there was no food, giving him the basement apartment without considering me and setting rules on dating that never applied to him.