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Last year, my in laws were going through a rough patch and thus had to move in with us. I had absolutely no problem since my sil and I bond so so well and even my bil and mil- I mean everyone is really nice and heart warming. Now my sil always wanted a straightener but couldn't afford it at that time so I lent her mine. Now, she started using it..a lot and quiet a lot. Where I would use it twice a week...she would use it twice in a day. At the start she would even ask me before using, but then later on she stopped asking and would just use it if she saw it laying outside. Out of respect to our relation I never told her on her face that I didn't like it..but I did once mention during a small argument that in the future we will make sure we have our own stuff...since electronic devices are expensive and I myself am not a millionaire. However, last year went by and this year has been crazy good for my inlaws like financially. So one day I was sitting with them and I mentioned how I am dying to get the Dyson (for those who dk, it's a very expensive hair styling machine). To which my sil said that she also plans on buying it. My husband then said that good you both can then share to which my mil replied that no it's good if they both have their individual things because then too much sharing usually brings problems in such relations, which I totally agree with...but I'm not sure why I'm offended? Like why is she saying that, when I was the one who felt bad for oversharing, but why is SHE saying it?

Any advice/understanding towards this situation would be appreciated

Tldr: Mil doesn't want me and sil to share things

Here’s a post I made on a throwaway account that sums it up pretty well:

Their best friend is someone I knew from middle school and we didn’t get along because she changed her name and I kept deadnaming her by accident. I think I started doing it as a joke or some shit and now I have obsessions about whether or not I bullied her in middle school

I ended up having a crush on someone in high school she was coincidentally friends with and I reached out to her last year apologizing for the rough times in middle school and she was like “you apologizing because of them?” right off the bat

She told me to step up my rizz and that I had no game and gave me advice and told me about the things they liked but that kinda fucked with my confidence later on

She texted me with their phone on two occasions kinda pretending to be them, lied the first time she did it, and the second time it happened she even said “hanging out with my girlfriend!!!!” in reference to herself while pretending to be them

Last summer when we were “friendly” she told me that she bites and pinches them as an expression of love and it really fucked with my OCD. I asked her about it weeks later in the kindest way possible like “do you do it in a more than friends way” or something and she sent me this giant message about affection and platonic love and said “if you ever want to be with them you have to deal with me and the way I show affection to them”

She ruined the words “love” and “affection” for me for a while and to this day friendships are uncomfortable for me because having one reminds me of her

I started arguing with her this year about it and if she was trying to make me jealous and after me bringing it up to her three times in three months she told my partner and they argued with me and called me “fucking ridiculous” but at the end they said “you have every right to have felt hurt” but then I ended up saying “sorry but I’m astounded she gained your trust” and they told me it hurt them

I kinda argued with her friend three more times after that and I ended the last argument with “just block me” after she told me I was harassing her

She told my partner again and they said “stop fucking texting my friends I’m sick of your petty ass making arguments” and then a few weeks later we argued and they said they think we should break up

I then said “welp at least we just got past 6 months” and they said we hardly talked the past few weeks and I said “I literally tried omfg” and they apologized for getting so mad. They said “I’m sorry” twice and I responded with “bruh are we a thing or not lol” and they said “‘lol’ seriously” and I said “does that mean bruh is acceptable unironically” and they said “love to see that you care” and replied to my “are we a thing or not” message with “no we are not” and I’ve regretted it

Me and my ex would make notes on Instagram of the same emoji and the day we “broke up” in June I said “should we make a note where we’re like ‘💔’”

Things were bad for a month and a half and then we started talking again and we didn’t consider it a breakup but a few weeks after that they started ghosting me again out of nowhere and I didn’t hear from them for almost two months. During the time we talked again they mentioned edgy decisions they made for themself that I was hoping they wouldn’t make. It hurt me and made me anxious that they did what they did and that the first time they made the decision it was with the friend

They kept leaving me on seen and cancelling my calls until one day I called them 10 times and they finally texted me saying “can you please stop calling me” and I said “can you tell me what’s going on”

“I'm sorry for disappearing but I don't think I'm capable of being in a relationship right now”

“Is this space

Like what should I make of this

Ghosting is damaging and isn't light”

“I know and I'm sorry but I just had to figure some things out for my self

But at this point what I think is best is to just break up”

“Why couldn't we talk about this at the end of August

I was holding on for you”

“I’m sorry”

“I know now I'm sorry too. I don't want to stress you out. Do you want to chat about it and see how we feel after”

“I can't right now. I just can't

I'm sorry if I hurt you it wasn't my intent but I just cannot be in a relationship right now.”

“I mean like if not right now then can we establish space

Like is it comfortable to call it that”

“No”

“Are we not constant anymore”

“No we aren't”

“Okay. I'm sorry for hurting you and bothering you”

“I know I probably hurt you by disappearing and I'm sorry. That was not something I should have done and I'm sorry that I hurt you but I couldn't do this anymore.”

I then said “can you tell me why you couldn’t do this anymore” and deleted it a little bit after and wrote “I understand it was really a lot for me too” but deleted it like the next day.

Something that makes me feel like shit is my sister saying to me months ago “you know what I realized? None of my boyfriends ever got me flowers”. On Valentine’s Day they got me flowers and we went to the store that night. The bill I brought was too big so they technically had to buy their own rose. Feel like shit about it

I don’t know if I’m supposed to hear from them again, like we’re still followed to each other on Instagram and friending each other on Disord and on our Nintendo Switches. I don’t know wtf I’m supposed to feel but I was crushed for the first 24 hours and I’ve almost felt nothing since, feeling on edge about it every now and then. I hate how our relationship used to be so pure literally at the beginning of this year then things got bad and there wasn’t open communication and they chose to make those edgy decisions, making it impossible for things to feel like they did/be what they were. I feel like if the friend thing didn’t exist we would’ve been perfect. I just wish so much psychological shit wasn’t in the way

Here’s a post talking about something I wanted to do:

I’m wondering if I should ask them a question

Things have been rough between us and I obsessed over their friendship and if their friend was trying to make me jealous. 3 days before what would’ve been our anniversary I texted “in three days it would’ve been a year” and put an animal emoji, which was an inside thing for us. They saw it and on the day of the anniversary I unsent the message and left the emoji and wrote “are you doing alright”. They saw it and a few hours later I wrote “do you want to do something tonight”. They saw it and didn’t answer so the next day I unsent the two messages and left the emoji. It’s been two days since the anniversary and I’m thinking about texting “have you moved on” so I know once and for all if they’re through with us. I don’t know if I should unsend the emoji so it doesn’t look like I’m trying to influence their thinking

I just unsent the emoji and sent “have you moved on”

They saw it but didn’t say anything

They unfollowed me on Instagram a month ago

The day they unfollowed me I messaged them saying something like “if I’m not going to hear from you anymore could we at least talk and see if it goes somewhere” and unfollowed them so I wouldn’t look weird but I refollowed them that night so I could still be there for them I guess. A week or two ago they removed me as a follower

They haven’t said anything since they said we’re broken up but that was a few weeks before they unfollowed me and before they read the messages I mentioned. We’re still friends on Disord and the Nintendo Switch. I did say before the breakup message something like “if we’re not a thing anymore then please unfollow me” because I was frustrated about not hearing from them

At the beginning of December (a little over a month after the breakup conversation) I sent them a game invite as a casual get together thing so we could talk again without the stress and nothing happened. A few weeks after on what would’ve been our anniversary I said “do you want to hang out tonight” and sent a hedgehog emoji, which was an inside thing between us

A few days later I said like “even now I can’t tell what’s happening, especially when the signals are mixed and the cut isn’t clean” (I felt like the breakup message was hasty and them saying they didn’t want to be with me “right now” and not making the firmest clarifications, as well as ghosting me when I messaged them right after they unfollowed me, meant they were spontaneously giving themself space)

I got a message from someone who sounds like their new partner, saying that I was being creepy. I was like “who are you” and they said “does it matter” and started talking about how they told them about my relationship. I was like “is this [the friend]” and they said “oh you WISH this was [the friend]” and said like “you wanted [my ex] so bad but you fumbled so hard” and when I asked how they were affiliated with my ex they said “we’re close” ambiguously

Them and my ex were singing “waaaaah waaaaah” while I was texting about feeling distraught and I didn’t recognize that my ex was speaking in an audio message and asked if it was the friend and they said “are you fucking stupid? Did you forget what I sounded like? Are you that deluded?”

Eventually my ex texted me after, and one of the things they said was “you don’t know how they treat me. They treat me better than you did”

Their new partner also said that I was stalking and harassing

I had messaged my ex on two of their alt accounts in the summer, both of which they didn’t know I knew about, one of which I knew about because I was with them one time and a notification for that account popped up on their phone. Not even their friends knew about that account so that was really creepy on my part

To be clear I’m very done with them and haven’t contacted them since December

tl;dr if you’re going to comment on this read the damn thing

For context, I travel an hour by train to my girls house and an hour back. I spend the week there and weekends at my house. Recently, I’ve wanted my girl to stay at my place. She says she wouldn’t want to and gives me a bunch of reasons as to why she wouldn’t want to but I feel like every reason she has also has a solution to it. I suggested I see her half as much and spend some weeks at my place and she agreed, even though I suggested it to see if she would be willing to be a little uncomfortable in order to see me. Now I want to leave early, because I don’t feel like my energy is reciprocated. Am I in the wrong?

TLDR; My girl doesn’t give me the same energy

So my boyfriend came home one night bragging about how at work(fast food) him and his manager (female around our age) kept having food fights because he kept calling her a certain nick name and she kept getting “mad”. Personally when I was 16 and worked in food I did something similar with my work crush so I took that as they were flirting.

Back story: Ever since he started this job he’s been meaner towards me, doesn’t want to hang out when he’s off, starting stupid fights and working 1-2 hours after his shifts. He also is now suddenly super secretive with his phone like sleeping with it under him, tilting the screen away, and when I ordered food on it, he stood over me and watched the screen the whole time. He also always mentions this specific managers name ALOT. She also recently changed his schedule so they work together more.

Anyway after he told me about the food fight I told him it kinda sounds like they were flirting. He got super defensive and said it wasn’t and he now allegedly does this with everyone. I told him that regardless if it was considered actually flirting or not, I feel like flirting in general is disrespectful towards me and our relationship and emotionally cheating and it clearly makes me upset. He told me he doesn’t feel that way and I can feel however I want to about it.

My question is…..should I continue this relationship?

TL;Dr: I told my boyfriend that I find flirting with his manager to be disrespectful/ cheating/ upsetting me and he basically told me he’s not going to stop.

For some context: my husband and I decided together, at the very beginning of our relationship, that we were not going to watch porn while we were together. This got 0 pushback from him, and has been the rule for years. He definitely knows this and remembers. Recently I found out he had been creating throwaway reddit accounts and I believe he has been doing this for years. He covers his tracks and deletes them and creates new ones every so often. I thought this might be for another reason but I also just discovered that he has a MEGA account. I know that a lot of people watch porn and I know it's hard to stay away from, but if this actually turns out to be a porn addiction the thing I can't get over is the lying. If he had come to me early on and admitted he struggled with this it would be easier to get over. But we also have a great relationship so it's hard to know what to do here. I don't know if I am comfortable being with someone who feels like they can lie to me that easily for that long, but I also feel like there are worse problems to have in a relationship too. Any advice you have would be appreciated. I will be investigating further in the coming weeks to make sure my suspicions are actually confirmed so I don't make any rash judgements.
TLDR: My husband most likely has a porn addiction he never told me about and I don't know if I should leave him over this.

I’m male (57,). She’s female (56). Dating about 5 months.

On our first date she inadvertently selected “share location indefinitely” for directions to her house. I noticed this recently. Truth is, I occasionally check up on her. She will eventually notice that her location was being shared all this time.

I can play dumb and say “oh really, I hadn’t noticed that. “. Or I can delete her profile from my tracking, but that will send an alert that I’m not tracking her now. She lives 4 hours away. I’m not really stalking her, but I also want an honest relationship with her. How should I deal with this?

tl;dr I’ve been inadvertently tracking my girlfriend’s location for 5 months. I need to tell her somehow.

I have this friend that wants to text all day every day, like from the time I wake up until I go to sleep and if the conversation ends and I leave him on read he gets upset with me. He's a really good friend and I love having him around, but we're in our 20s and I don't know how to explain to him that I have my own life and that I don't want to text ALL the time. I've tried explaining this to him, but he just isn't getting it. It makes me feel like a bad friend when he gets upset because he gets super depressedwhen I dont talk to him, but I feel like my request isn't unreasonable. What do I do?

Tl;dr! Friend gets upset when I don't text him all day long. What should I do?

Little over 2 year relationship. My bf is fantastic on his good days, but lacks actual coping skills to deal with hard times and will do anything to get away from thinking about the situation AND can be very harsh on me because he's stressed. I tell him to talk to me kindly and respectfully and he says stuff like "I can't always be nice to you". I would say he seems to expect me to comfort him 90% of the times I raise an issue, which I've stopped doing entirely bc I know it's not right. He complains about lack of suggestions from me on how to solve this issue (because I have no idea what to tell him about handling his own mental state?) and when I have suggested therapy he tells me it doesn't help.

We've been in the middle of an important argument where both of us knew what he did was inappropriate and disrespectful to me and he started crying and telling me he needed to watch something funny and he needed to sleep before we could talk about it. I told him I'm sitting here stressed and needing resolution too and he's like ☹ I'm too sad right now to work it out.

He also seems to lack empathy for me until it's too late. Recently one of my older pets became very sick suddenly and I was trying to get comfort from him. I told him I'm aware that sometimes with this particular breed of animal they randomly go downhill and don't come back from it, particularly because he was older. Bf basically scolded me about it, told me I think negatively and I "don't understand" how much he worries when he sees me upset. Sure enough when I was able to get my pet an emergency vet appointment he died on the way there and it hit my bf that maybe I wasn't a fucking moron. I didn't even cry, I was just shocked.

I think this was my breaking point. Bf was suddenly all about comforting me, telling me it was okay to cry, oh what can I do for you? Literally nothing, man.

Now a house that's an incredible price for us has appeared and bf wants us to elope and buy it, which was something we had joked about before. Unfortunately I'm extremely turned off and hurt right now, honestly considering walking away. Am I overthinking this? I feel like I'm choosing a future of someone who is always going to talk down to me when I need them, someone who is always walking about 2 steps ahead of me instead of waiting, someone who can't be romantic because it's so much effort to plan. Surely a good spouse would treat me respectfully and have patience and understanding for me?

I really love him and there are great parts of the relationship. I would hate to live without him. However, I feel a lot of anxiety about this jump and I don't think I'm prepared for it any more. Any advice on how to communicate this and maybe save our relationship?

TL;DR my bf lacks coping skills for life challenges and scolded me over worrying about my sick pet until they actually died because it made him worry about me. Now he wants us to elope and make a large purchase. Is there a good way for me to tell him we need to step back from this or the relationship is going to crumble?

Hey reddit. I (23 F) have an early morning flight tomorrow (I live about 10 min from the airport) and my boyfriend (22 M) told me that if my uber cost is too expensive he would drive me.

Upon checking, I found that the uber price is rather high (about the same as parking my car at the airport for the duration I am gone) and he said he would drive. Today he has proposed the option that I drive myself, give him a spare key, and he goes to pick my car up with a friend in the afternoon. I am feeling rather hurt by this, I know I am not entitled to a ride but annoying tasks like rides to the airport are a give and take in a relationship. I don’t see why he offered if he is going to jump through hoops to avoid waking up early.

I don’t feel comfortable trying to find a parking spot before my flight nor with having to deal with the logistics of him finding my car to drive it back to my place. I told him this and he said he would drive me then but he seems frustrated. At this point I would rather just uber than feel like a burden.

Am I being unreasonable here? Perhaps I am expecting too much? Would appreciate any insights on this.

TLDR: bf has made it clear that he does not want to drive me to the airport but he will if it’s my only option. Not sure if I am valid in feeling let down or if I am being entitled/unreasonable here.

Tl;dr Me m29 and my girlfriend f25 have been going out for over three years and I'm considering leaving her.

Like any relationship we have had our ups and downs and up until about a year and a half ago things were going well. It has been tumultuous to say the least and over the last two months and I've started to lose interest due to the amount of arguments that we were having and in general I don't feel like we connect like we used to/don't get along even as friends. The thing is I feel that I do love her but I'm not sure if I'm really happy.

To give some context, my girlfriend essentially was out of work during most of our relationship (when she graduated she found it impossible to get work). This actually was a huge problem for her since she experienced a period of very low self esteem and could barely put together a portfolio/cv to apply for jobs. I tried to be supportive as possible but over time this only got worse since she wasn't getting any call backs and it turned nasty between us. I could do into alot of detail but this marred the relationship massively since it meant that we couldn't move forward together until she found a job in her field.

It's also important to mention that we moved country together (and started living together for the first time) in search of a better job opportunities for her, since I work online. This didn't work and marks the time when things started to get complicated between us (about a year and a half ago or more).

When we moved again to another city she didn't find work initally and we did nothing but argue, although in my mind I gave the relationship a second chance and wanted to fight for it because it believe it was largely situational.

Recently she has had a spot of luck and found a really good job and life seems to he heading in the right direction for her. However I just don't feel the same way as before. Nor do I feel like I have the energy to committ to this again? Am I being immature here? I never have been good at making important decisions like this and I'm lost. We have discussed it as a couple and she knows how I feel and is actually being patient with me. But I feel like I am destroying her spirit and what should be an amazing time in her life.

I could go on but that's all I can manage for now. I'd appreciate some advice. Thanks

So for context we have been together 10 months. We broke up once before because I felt like he didn’t care about me and never made the effort to call or see me, (he did text me though). He begged me to get back together because I am the love of his life and he promised that he sees how much it means to me and that he will adapt and change.

To be fair initially it was like that. But now I am again feeling like he doesn’t show me that he wants to actually talk to me or see me.

his actions trigger me feeling insecure and then I either react by being super clingy or avoid completely (not ignore him but I just don’t know how to deal anymore).

I have communicated that this is upsetting and I feel like I am unimportant to which he replies that calling isn’t important to him and he’s “too busy” it slips his mind.

I am upset a lot of the time and it is beginning to drain me and kind of affect my self esteem and happiness (despite him also bringing me so much happiness). It just is starting to feel hot and cold as we constantly argue over this exact issue. He doesn’t call, I feel distant, I bring issue, he is sick of issue, I am upset, he is frustrated. A cycle we can’t seem to break.

Does it sound like this is fixable? Or are we just too different?

Tl;dr: bf and I constantly arguing about the same issue of him not calling or making an effort to see me. I am more upset than not in the relationship. Salvageable?

I (36M) just broke up with my fiancée (38F) of 3 years. I felt that we were very different people (she grew up in a different country, and came here 8 years ago). We have barely anything in common, but we never fought and still had our dumb jokes, couple moments and it was nice. About a year ago she wanted to get married. I already had this feeling but our relationship was extremely comfortable and I was scared to be alone so I reluctantly agreed, thinking with time it would go away and I would love her 100%.

I bought a house (in my name, she has her own for her parents) and we moved in together. We settled in, and things were OK as I tried to accept the future. But as the clock ticked down I got even more uncertain. I delayed the wedding trying to buy more time and we also had a trip planned so I strung her along even more. Before I knew it we were booking our venue, taking wedding photos, and meeting her extended family.

I didn't have the strength or courage to tell her directly. I knew it would devastating for her so I kept digging the hole, giving clues to my internal thoughts hoping she would break up with me. It finally came to a head a few weeks ago and she understood that we were done.

She took it surprisingly well, we both cried and reminisced about our time together. Told me to take care of the house (she picked it out after all) and to water her plants. She packed her things that day and now I sit alone in an empty home too big for one person. I haven't talked to her in a few weeks since it happened. I don't know what I would even say, but I miss her and I see her all over the house.

I feel I made the right decision but all the emotions and the voice in my head that compelled me to leave her are gone and all I'm left with is regret and guilt of destroying our future together. I wasted all the time, effort, and money she put into us. She had to move back with her parents and start over at 38 and the shame and embarrassment to her family that I caused.

I am fearful of the future. I dread starting over myself and getting back out there. I just feel old and tired and I never had the best of luck with getting relationships. She was only the 2nd long-term relationship I had and best one at that. I don't trust myself to know what I even want and now doubt if it was worth trading the comfort, familiarity and security for the prospect of someone more compatible in culture and interests but dice roll on everything else. No one is perfect. What is good enough?

I just feel lost and depressed and I don't know what to do.

TL;DR:

Broke up with fiancée after realizing lack of shared interests and full commitment despite a comfortable relationship. Struggled with decision, leading to guilt and regret after ending things. Now feeling lost, fearful of the future, and questioning whether the breakup was worth losing the comfort and security of the relationship.

My parents separated in 2021 and officially divorced in 2022. Reflecting on my childhood, I had a great dad who I could go to with my problems. I trusted him and loved him.

Now I don’t feel like I even know him.

Do I ever have to meet this girl? Can I avoid her for the rest of my life? Do I have to go to the wedding? How can I handle this? Should I phase my dad out of my life? A 42 year age difference feels predatory. I don’t understand how he could want to be with someone so much younger than his daughters (4 of us, ages 30-36). I don’t understand how his girlfriend could want to be with an old guy when she has her whole life ahead of her. And she wants kids.

I feel like my dad is blowing up all of our lives. My sister (32F) has already stopped talking to my dad over this, and won’t talk to him again unless they break up. She thinks this is the biggest and latest poor decision he has made, and has reflected on him having a pattern of making judgement errors. I know nobody is perfect, but this really makes me question everything.

I mean, do you know how supportive I would be if he had a 45-50+ year old girlfriend? OR BOYFRIEND? So much easier. Why. Why is this my life.

Sorry. Please give me some advice I feel like I’m spiraling. My therapy appointment isn’t until next week.

Has anyone been through something similar, what did you do and how did it work out. Can it work out? What if my stepmom is younger than me? Am I overreacting?

TL,DR: my dad has a girlfriend 42 years younger than him- how do I navigate this situation?

My boyfriend (26) of 3 years has recently ghosted me. Started off the day with "I love you, have a good day at work" to no replies throughout the day. Later that night upon returning home (to his parents house) | was informed by his mother, that I needed to move out and we needed to separate for some time. I was then told "he's a broken man, and I need to fix him". "I took away his phone, so don't try to contact him". "He's away for the weekend because he's not in a good place". "This relationship has been unhealthy for a while, all you guys do is spend time with each other behind closed doors. I'm having a difficult time processing this sudden change. It's been 5 days no contact as of today. I've tried reaching out a few times but left on read each time, therefore I stopped reaching out because the message is clear. I deserved more than that. I deserved someone to be honest with me regardless if it was going to be hard or not. Hiding away for a weekend while I get all of my belongings out and no contact is wild to me.

How does one process all of this?

TLDR: Boyfriend of 3 years ghosts girlfriend and has his mom kick her out/end things.

I currently have issues with my long distance best friend of several years who I just spent a week with. I love her and she loves me and cares a lot about me. We have a generally healthy friendship. However there have been some issues, which I need some advice on managing.

She is very confident and has the ability to instantly express her needs and feelings. She can be very stern and assertive and I think she can get frustrated that I am not the same. She unapologetically takes up space in conversations and has a tendency to center herself in the friendship. For example, talking repeatedly and at length about guy problems, then when I talk about certain issues she will sometimes literally only reply with "oh no" and then we just sit in silence. She also interrupts me a lot. However, she will give me space to talk about my issues and will help me sometimes too.

I suspect she has some sort of 'neurodivergency' because she does all of this with no self-awareness. I had no problem accepting this before until it became a problem. I will come away from spending time with her feeling like I see her in her entirety and understand her, but that she only sees part of me. I'm quite slow at processing things and understanding how I feel about them, i.e. if you ask me if I want to do x or z, I will have to take a second to think before I respond. She has begun to talk down to me in a very frustrating way when this happens.

She also gets almost angry with me when I get sad or if she sees that she has upset me. For example, when I was going through a hard time she very sternly told me that things were only going to get worse and that I probably couldn't handle things so should speak to a doctor as a matter of urgency. This was not what I needed and made me feel so much worse. She saw what she had done and said "Ok I can see I'm making you worse so I'm just going to leave you alone" and walked out the door. I had to say "that's not fair, I don't want to be alone and I deserve to have a friend to hang out with right now." She stayed and apologized. I understood that she was unable to handle upsetting me, but I was also really frustrated that she had made it about herself. She also once made a joke that I misunderstood as a rude comment on my body, and when I was hurt about it she got extremely pissed off and defensive and didn't want to talk to me.

I also get the sense that she sees me as like a 'victim of life' and that my life is a bit of a tragedy. It isn't. I've been through a lot but I'm a happy person and content with where I am. For example, I'll say "my friend came into my work the other day and told the funniest joke, etc. etc." and she'll be like "that's great babe. Aww. I'm so happy you have friends." and it's constant, like most of the responses are like this. I know it comes from a good place so I've always felt guilty about feeling weird about it. Also I said I didn't want to go home after being on vacation and she said "yeah babe it's extra bad for you because you're so unhappy," ... no I'm not.

It's quite a draining and sometimes confusing process to the point where I lose energy to tell her anything at all because I feel that the response will be jarring. Sometimes I make a joke and she doesn't laugh, just nods. A couple of years ago when we lived together she would rant for maybe an hour about work and then when I began to speak she would get her phone out, start texting and ignore me. I started to call her out on it but it still occasionally happens.

Overall it has made me feel like I have taken on an inferior role in the friendship that I can't break out of.

I have tried: communicating my feelings, matching her energy by putting less effort into giving her advice, distancing myself a bit, then trying the opposite where i freely express myself to her and 'take up space' like she does (but this isn't how i naturally express myself so feels insincere), managing my expectations of friendships generally. I come away from my time with her feeling like she hasn't seen me, or that she doesn't know me. These bigger issues mean that smaller things like not agreeing with a small comment I make seems more significant than it is (i.e. i'll think to myself "she never gets me" then "no one ever gets me" etc.)

This has happened a lot in my friendships, but not in all of them. I currently experience something less intense but similar in at least 3 other friendships which means that I am either seeking a certain type of person out or that the problem is with me, or maybe a bit of both. I don't want to resent anyone. I also don't want to blame myself anymore. I'm still learning how to be genuine and how to not people-please.

Has anyone else had an issue like this? Any advice on how to communicate more effectively? How do I manage my expectations in this friendship without feeling pushed to the side?

tl;dr Don't feel really known or seen by my best friend; very isolating feeling. Don't know if I should adjust expectations/it's an issue with me or if I should branch out

I’ve (34F) been dating my bf (39M)for over a year and few months. We’ve been having big fights every month and a half for the last 9 months. Aside from the fighting I’ve never been so happy with someone. We have great chemistry and bond over the small things in our daily lives. I’ve never felt a love like this before. We live together and I love the life we’ve been building. But I don’t know if I can trust him.

My bf is one of those happy go lucky ppl. Always seems to be smiling and building relationships with those around him. However, whenever I bring up a constructive conversation he gets super defensive and emotional about any slight criticism. Lots of yelling, circular arguments, deflection, “I never said that,” stonewalling, etc. It got so draining I’ve been recording our arguments. The act of recording actually limited his yelling and cursing at me. And has helped us to reflect on our issues when we play it back. We’ve both committed to seeing a therapist to improve our communication and he’s shown interest in being a better partner by reading one of the relationship books I kept mentioning by John Gottman. And in the last month I thought things were changing for the better.

The fights we had last month centered around white lies and lying by omission (all about very small things). One of which was about something dumb about him rating me a 7 but he was trying to deny it. I didn’t ask him to rate me… I think that’s toxic but he did it in passing but tried to sugarcoat it by saying I’m actually a 10 when he saw my disappointment. I told him he didn’t have to lie to inflate my ego and I’d prefer if he stood by his truth. I just let it go bc he lied with good intentions? But that conversation still irks me bc I’ve seen the girls he really rates 9s and 10s and it’s just made me really insecure about myself. I’ve asked him to stop checking out and rating girls in front of me and he has stopped.

Anyways, I caught him in another lie from this past weekend. When we went out for his friends birthday, I knew a bunch of the guys were really into coke which I don’t mind. And at one point I asked if he did any, to which he denied. I must have ask him multiple times in the span of three days until I bought an at home test. I made him take it last night and he tested positive.

I don’t know why he felt the need to lie about it. We were both experimental in our younger years and since then, haven’t engaged with hard drugs. I even asked if he wanted to do it with me that night bc I was feeling nostalgic for my early years in my 20s. He said no bc he didn’t want to suffer from the weeks long nasal congestion he knew he’d suffer from doing it. I knew immediately when he he did it that night with his cotton mouth and stiff hand gestures. He explained it was from mixing all the hard liquor on an empty stomach. My doubts were only confirmed when he had a stuffy nose that lasted for days. He tried blaming it on “a cold he must have caught from the weekend.” To which I responded with tea and medicine with no improvement.

When I asked him why he lied, in his defense he tried to lie again by saying he didn’t know what he was taking. But I called him out saying there’s absolutely no way you didn’t know what was going up your NOSE. He immediately took accountability for trying to lie again. He said he lied bc he didn’t want to upset me. I told him it doesn’t make sense bc I was down to do it myself that night. I was so bothered at the way he went behind my back and chose to do it without me and commit to lying. If this is his truth as to why he lied… I don’t know if I can trust him again. He has shown he’s comfortable to do something he thought would upset me as long as he can cover it up with a lie.

I’m really questioning if our relationship can improve or if these are warning signs for more pain. Has anyone else been able to repair trust issues like this? I thought repairing communication issues was tough but not impossible. But trust issues seems like a death sentence. Can anyone shed any advice on how I can respond appropriately from this?

TL;DR I’ve been fighting with my bf over communication and trust issues. I’ve caught him in some seemingly harmless lies throughout our relationship but caught him in a lie via at home drug test. This feels like a big lie and I don’t know if I can move past this. Can anyone shed some light on the likelihood of being able to repair our relationship as well as how to move forward from here?

My wife and I are both 32 and have been together for 10 years. We have been married the past 5 years and I’m starting to notice that we almost always go from making love to being in a little tiff afterwards. She says she feels insecure because she takes a lot longer to finish than me and it’s just frustration. But it comes out of left field for me. One minute I’m on this high because we just smashed and the next minute she’s got this look of despair on her face like she’s going through some deep shit and she tries to say it’s nothing. But I know she’s not okay by the way she says it ( kinda like holding back tears). I don’t know how to approach this situation because when I bring up the “cycle” it puts her into a defensive position and I’m just looking to bring it to her attention. Let me know what y’all think

TL;DR: my wife starts a fight/tiff shortly after sex. Sometimes an hour later sometimes the next morning. Says she is frustrated with how long it takes for her to come but it seems to happen even if she comes.

I'll try to make this as short as I can so I don't bore you guys.

I have anxiety at times due to past trauma of getting cheated on by my ex with a close friend of mine. I'm currently actively going to therapy to talk about this, but in my most recent session I didn't talk about it as much since it really felt like my relationship with my girlfriend has been amazing for months.

When my girlfriend and I were only dating for about 6 months she mentioned she was going to have dinner with this guy friend of hers that she went to college with. That was the context I was given, just a regular friend that she wanted to have one last dinner with before she flew off to to New York. Fast forward 2 years later, he flies to New York for work. For 3 days he was there, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday my girlfriend toured him around New York. From tourist sites to bars. She'd start the day with him around 10 AM and then finish around 2 AM. We got into an argument over this since I was under the impression he was just a regular friend/classmate but she went above and beyond for him. Don’t get me wrong I think it’s amazing if someone is willing to spend that much time to show someone around, but I could be really small minded, it just seemed a great amount of time to invest for someone that was a regular friend. I tried my best to just think of it in a way where she’s trying her best to be a good host to someone visiting NYC for the first time.

Fast forward another year and we're here now in present day. I think for me, I ultimately would've said ok to it despite the discomfort. I think knowing there's some history with the same guy (history as in we got into an argument involving the same individual), I think for me I would've appreciated it if she reached out to me first asking if I was comfortable with it. Knowing her personality, she'd get mad if I said no, so I would've just said yes and appreciated her consulting with me first anyways.

So the way she explained it to me, she'll be out of town so he's going to be sleeping in her bed while she's gone. There is one day where she'll be back and he's there as well.

It's hard for me to talk about this more with her in depth because she honestly just gets annoyed right away when I bring it up. My friend thinks it's weird that she isn't putting in more effort to reassure me, but instead using an angry approach to settle the differences, even weirder that she didn't give a heads up of the possibility before making the decision.

What do you guys think? Am I being too overly anxious over nothing. I want to be as respectful as I can, and through my therapy sessions I've been taught to not act upon emotion and just settle down first and brainstorm the emotions.

TL;DR: Never met this guy. LDR girlfriend goes above and beyond for him. He’ll sleep over at her place. I feel anxious and not respected. Am I over reacting?

Thanks for any input, I really appreciate it!

I (f34)work in the same company as one of my best friends(f30). Before I started working there she told one of our coworkers that I wanted to apply for a job there. Out of interest he asked my friend what type of girl I was since I was planning on applying for a job in his department. She then showed him a picture of me and that was that, at least so I thought.

Today, after working there now for almost a year, I was talking to this male coworker and I told him how I like to keep my social media private from work that’s why all my account names don’t include my birth name. He then started laughing and told me he already knew my social media account. I asked him how? He then showed me 6 pictures of myself saved in a text message convo, that my friend SENT to him when he asked her about me before applying. I was shocked and felt so violated. She sent him 6 photos screenshotted from my social media account, with my account name in the screenshot and everything. I don’t understand why she would send my pictures to (at the time) a total stranger.

This also means that he has probably seen all my posts and pictures while I was thinking no one in the workplace knew my account. I am so upset. I want to call her out on this. Do you think I’m overreacting?

Tl;dr my best friend sent my coworker my social media pics and I want to call her out, am I overreacting?

I (23M) am with my girlfriend (19F) since 10 months. It's a first long-term relationship for us both, however she's been in I think two very short relationships.

We started our relationship very quickly, just after a few days of knowing each other since we felt we both met this one in a million kind of a person. At the beginning it was a very sweet relationship for both of us, we were very much in love and we realised it would be hard to make it work, since it was a long-distance relationship (same country, just a few hundred kilometers - or 5 hours drive - away). We had our ups and downs but we somehow managed to talk and work on ourselves to keep our love.

A few months passed and she started to be unbearingly mean to me, didn't support me and didn't want me to keep meeting my friends, but I told her how I felt about that and she did manage to change her behaviour. A week ago however me and her had this really big fight which almost ended with me breaking up with her (in short - she didn't want to go on vacation with me because we would be in a group of friends and was mad at me because of that). I did forgive her and gave us this last chance to change and it's been really good since then, but I know it's still just a week from that fight and anything could happen in the near future.

Now, maybe a few days ago I realised I just don't feel the same towards her. I thought about us and her a lot and came to a realisation that maybe we're not meant for each other. I'm very ambitious, I'm a med student that goes for A grades - she has very important exams soon that will let her go to a university and she doesn't care too much about them, she just wants to love me and stay with me.
She's a very highly-sensitive type person and wants 100% of my attention pretty much a 100% of the time and I can't give it to her (it led to some fights between us in the past, but not much anymore) because of all the work I have and breaks that I need, friendships and other social life. I'm pausing what I'm doing every 2 minutes to write to her and I feel like that's too much for me. I feel exhausted because of all the attention she needs and it made me feel like I'm cancelling my plans or hobbies because she would be mad (but it's better now than it was before). She made me her whole world and relies on me to be her only source of happiness in life since she doesn't have much interests or friends to spend time with. I'm starting to feel like an older brother or a father to her that needs to take constant care of her, her time and attention.

I feel she loves me a whole lot, but I don't feel I love her anymore, however I'm not sure if it's just the honeymoon phase ending. How do I know if I still love her? From your perspective should I break up or is it fixable? How do I break up with her not to cause her too much pain? Should I just tell her that we're not compatible?

Also it doesn't help that we've got a few days camping vacation in a month and we wouldn't be able to get a refund anymore. I'm thinking that if I would make a decision to break up I would do it after that time.

Tl;dr My gf requires my attention 24/7 and I feel exhausted about that, I feel like I lost feelings for her.

I (19M) recently got out of a VERY short term relationship (see my other post I made right after it on my profile if you're interested lol) it's been just under a month since we split up after only being together for ONE MONTH and I am wondering how i can speed up the process of moving on from her(19F)

Since the breakup, I have had time to rationalise everything. I understand that I likely built her up in my mind as something she wasn't, I genuinely believed her when she said she wouldn't leave and that she loved me despite the short nature of our romance, a mistake I won't make again, I understand that she wouldn't have made a good partner if she was willing to give up on us so quickly, I know how stupid it is to be this hung up over someone i only knew for a little more than a month. I am even certain that if she randomly messaged me out of the blue and asked me back I would say no, because I miss how it was and know it couldn't be like that again after how badly she hurt me.

The reason I'm making this post however, is that despite all that, I am still so very hung up on her. She had appeared in three of my dreams in the last week alone as sad as that sounds lol and for this entire week I have been thinking about her while at work, the days where I dream of her I feel miserable until I sleep again and the thoughts of her control my moods, always making them negative until I can shake them, and I rarely can.

My feelings for this girl are extremely strong, I have got back to dating, went on a date this weekend and had to stop myself from talking about her and the things we did on several occasions (I am not going on a second date with that girl, I don't want to lead her on when my mind still thinks of my ex while with her), is dating again the right thing to do? After the short term relationship I had before meeting my ex I jumped right back into it and that's how I met her, I haven't thought of my "exex"(19f also) (girl before the one this post is about) romantically since the first date between me and my ex.

Since I have questions interwoven with a lot of text, I will also line them up here.

1. What steps can be taken to move on from her?

2. Should I continue dating?

3. If I got hurt this badly does it mean she was different or is it common to feel this way even after short relationships?

4. How can I prevent myself from becoming sour and standoffish in a relationship after she broke my trust? I want to be able to show the next girl who makes me feel that way the same amount of affection and care as I did her, but I am afraid of being hurt again. How can I offer the partner I want to be to someone in the future, with all the affection, gestures and romance that I gave her without opening myself up too much and getting hurt

Tldr; I got dumped, I still think about her and want to know how to move on and forget her.

I'm using a throwaway account to seek unbiased advice on Reddit. I'm 25, non-binary, and my partner is 23, also non-binary. We've been together for three years, have a one-year-old son, and are expecting another child. I have a four-year-old German Shepherd Dog (GSD). At 20, I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, while my partner has bipolar disorder/BPD. We live in a home provided by my parents for $300 a month. I work full-time in my family's business. To manage my sensory overload and ensure quality time with our son, we split chores and childcare. We also reserve personal time for hobbies like video games and digital art.

I care deeply for my partner and value their happiness. However, I struggle to understand some issues due to my lack of social awareness. My family members believe my partner's actions are harmful, while their friends view them as normal. I've tried learning social norms from online stories and acknowledge my past mistakes that have led to a loss of trust. Initially, my partner was supportive and helped me become a better person.

Now, my partner struggles with caring for our young son and household responsibilities. They often feel overwhelmed and demand that I take over. They've made decisions like adopting kittens without my agreement and have shown anger towards me and our dog. Their actions have caused ongoing concern, especially regarding potential harm to our son or themselves. My partner often feels overwhelmed, leading to child-like outbursts and self-doubt. They frequently question our relationship and their self-worth. I'm seeking advice on how to support them and improve our relationship, or if it's better to part ways for the sake of our children. I'm fearful of their behavior and would value an external viewpoint.

TLDR: Seeking advice: I'm non-binary, 25, with a non-binary partner, 23. We have a toddler and another baby on the way. I have ASD and ADHD; my partner has Bipolar/BPD. We live affordably and i work in my family's business. We balance chores and childcare, but my partner is overwhelmed, leading to concerning behaviors and decisions. They've been hostile and lied about fostering kittens. They've also been violent towards our dog and are financially demanding. I'm torn between supporting them and leaving for our children's safety.

I (27f) sent a follow request to a guy I used to take a class with in uni over 6 years ago. I always thought he was hot and was in a drought so thought why not. I never spoke more than 2 sentences to him but just thought to follow and see what he's up to. He accepts and likes one of my pics, I like one back, and soon enough he slides into my dms. We chat for a while, the conversation is getting super flirty, he sends back some steamy pics (not nudes but tbh almost). I tell him I always thought he was hot back in uni, he asks me why I never approached him, I tell him I don't usually make the first move. He says it's a good thing I didn't because he was a "total f*ckboy back in uni". He told me about all his hookups and casual relationships back in uni and about how much of a player he was during uni.

I notice on his profile, there is a girlfriend since 2016. But the last pic he had with her was around 2020. But she liked and commented on his most recent shirtless pic (2022). They still follow eachother so this was a bit too close for comfort, as soon as I discovered this, I told him I've been stalking his profile and wanted to know if he was single.

He replied "Yes I am" with some happy emojis. Okay I thought... hmm. I find it odd as they've been clearly dating through highschool and uni up until (2022 - unless they ended things amicably enough for her to be replying a drool emoji on his pics...) and not have gotten married (we are from a muslim country where people will usually get married after uni to their bf/gf).

Anyway, I keep talking to him and we're basically chatting everyday and this is def not a friendly conversation. We both left our country and are now in different countries, so I, not wanting to waste time chatting, bring up the idea of meeting when we're both back in our country. He kind of skirts around that. Weird.

So I message one of our mutual friends and spill the tea and tell her I'm talking to him. She says "[my name] he's married." He married his uni girlfriend who he was with all throughout uni. Which means he definitely cheated on her since according to him, he was in his "f*ckboy" phase. She is closer to this guy than me so she has him on facebook. She pulls up his facebook, and up until 2 weeks from now (days before I followed him!!!) and the WIFE! is liking and reacting to all his posts, along with her mom and siblings (his in laws). I put the pieces together, his shirtless pic I liked was on his honeymoon and she took the picture.

I guess it's POSSIBLE they divorced amicably?!?! But I find it highly unlikely he is actually single. My friend said she will try to ask a mutual friend she has with his wife, to see if the wife is still married or if they get divorced.

The problem is, he messaged me last night, I haven't yet replied, I feel kind of bad for him that I'm totally ghosting him, but I just can't bring myself to talk to him normally if he's married. But also, what if he's not lying? He did flat out tell me he is single. Would he really lie about that considering we have a lot of mutual friends? I kind of wanna keep talking to him if he's single, but I just don't know what to do. I thought of asking him again, but I already asked him! I told him that I saw his profile, that he has a gf posted and asked if he's single... so why would I ask again? Should I just keep talking to him while I wait for my friend to get back to me from her investigations? Or should I stop talking to him... super confused!

TLDR: Talking to a hot guy from uni. I asked him if he's single, he says yes. I doubt it, ask my friend who knows him, she tells me he's probably married.

I have been dating my partner for 1.5 years, most of the relationship has been great, but I am just at a different phase in my life and I cannot continue with this relationship. To give some context, I was the one fixing every single issue in the relationship, putting in most of the emotional labour in conversations and incouraging communication while my partner chose to run away from every confrontational conversation (can’t exactly blame her either, she’s an extremly avoidant communicator) this led to us piling on issues upon issues. That coupled with the fact that most of our conversations are about me listening to her day to day problems have created a dynamic where there isn’t enough space for me to discuss anything that bothers me at all. On days when I an extremely stressed, instead of having someone to turn to I just end up feeling lonelier. My partner conveniently has casually mentioned “let’s break up if it bothers you this much” so many times that I actually started to envision a life without her, and the last time she said that I actually decided to walk out the door I was being shown all along. What came afterwards was an insane amount of begging and pleading asking me to stay, in that moment I chose to stay because majorly the breakdown was getting too intense for me to take (also because I do love her a lot but I have pretty much emotionally clocked out of the relationship). I feel scared that the next time I try to leave I’ll be forced to stay like this again. For now she and I have decided to give it another shot but I really can’t bring myslef to be what I was earler in the relationship.

TLDR:- I feel trapped in a relationship becaude everytime I try to leave my partner has an intense breakdown and forces me to stay. I have half a mind to stay but I have pretty much emotionally clocked out

tl;dr : I have read numerous amounts of fantasy books revolving men that I fantasize about, and now I don't want to be with a man irl.
I recently got into romance/fantasy books recently, and seeing these male characters written by women makes me only want these fictional characters. In real life, I've not had any real healthy relationships with a man. I've been cheated on in all the relationships I've been in. I try very hard to be the best partner I can be, so when I find out they've done something to betray our relationship it breaks me.
Ever since I've read these books, all I want are fictional men. These fictional men look like whomever I want and they are literally my dream guy. Now, I get asked out every couple of months but I can never say yes because my standards are incredibly high. Not looks wise, but I have very high standards for how I want to be treated in the relationship. Personally, I think it's a blessing and a curse because I will probably not be in a relationship for a very long time, but now I don't have to worry about relationship issues. I also have more time to focus on myself and my goals. The fictional men satisfy my need for attention somehow, yet I don't get the physical aspects of a relationship.
I don't know what to think really, is this a bad thing?

I broke up with my Ex girlfriend about a week ago, after a 4 year relationship. She keeps asking me to try to fix it together because she dont want to loose me but i am not sure if this is just another way of manipulating me to do what she want again. I still have feelings for her, so it is difficult to ingnore.

The reasons for the breakup were: i had to pay most of her bills, we have a long distance relationship for about 6 months per year were i need to pay for travel, food and cost to stay every time we meet becahse her income is not high enought, the only way to end long distance relationship is to marry and i changed my mind now, we had problems were we fight about some small thing at least once a week and she always got angry every time i did something that she didn't like, then stopped talking with me and ignore me for at least 1-2h until i started to feel guilty about it.

For example texting back late, when i went out with friend or family (went out to do activities and workout together, never party). Or other example: We wanted to see sunset and i thought there will be a good view on a small hill, so we walked there (5-10min walk) just to find a sign with a gate that this is private property and we can't go there. So we had to hurry to walk back down to not miss the sunset, from the place where we startet. We still managed to arrive on time and saw a beautiful sunset but she was angry at me already and didn't talk with me for more than one hour because it was my idea to go up that hill that almost caused us to miss the sunset.

I later realized she always acted like this and it made me think that i always do something wrong when i tryed to say or do something where she might not have the same opinion. I felt very exhausted in this relationship towards the end and I started to feel depressed and lose self confidence, so i ended the relationship. Now she try to get a second chance and send me the message below. Is this another attempt of emotional manipulation?

My Message: i just think, the way how you always talk in the past, match with the speech that you told me "that you get angry if you don't get what you want"

I thought that that is the reason for you to get angry sometimes, but i never wanted to believe it. I just tought that is not something you would do since it was abviouse for me that it will make both of us unhappy.

Now i realize that i was wrong and i understood some other things too. Everytime i did something that you don't like, you made it clear to me that i do something wrong. Sometimes even for very small things, like when i texted back late when i went out with friends. I felt sad and guilty every time, even at the times when i got angry back at you and we had a fight afterwards. This is called emotional manipulation. I don't think you did it on purpose but i dont believe this is something that can be fixed in a short time. Maybe there would be a chance to fix it if i realized it at the beginning of our relationship and tell you about it but i just didn't know it too and now i don't have the energy anymore to keep trying to fix this with you.

Message from my Ex: I want to fix it a lot and want it to work for us. But u never believe that we can go through this together. So it really no meaning for me to keep try that it will change and it will be better Thank you to let me know clearly that u never even believe when i say this time will be better because both of us know the problem it is. And it fucking hurt to end like this Thank you for making me realize how much you don't need me. Even I will try to fix it and tell you that it will definitely be better this time. Thank you for being able to see me walk out of your life without trying to hold me back. Thank you for not trying to fix it with me. Thank you for leaving me with this much pain. I want to see your next relationship, I want to see that what kind of woman that u will be with, that woman will try to work in this relationship so much same as me or not. She gonna love u so much like this or not. I really want to see. Yes, I realize what I did wrong so I really want to fix it with u. It have many thing too that I look back and I always ask myself why I need to get angry only this reason. Why i need to hurt u with speech like this. I want to fix it so bad. But u just never want to believe and fix it with me anymore And sorry about " emotional manipulation ", sorry that i can't make u believe that i can fix it Sorry to be worthless to ask for this chance again and again Thank you for making me realize how unhappy you were with me. Thank you for making me realize that the time we had together was not so valuable. To the point where I said I'll fix it, we'll fix it, and get through it. But you never believed me

TL;DR: I broke up with my Ex about a week ago. One main reason was that she got angry every time i did something that she didn't like until i started to feel guilty about it. For example texting back late, when i went out with friends (went out to do activities and workout together, no party). Now she try to get a second chance and send me the message above. Is this another attempt of emotional manipulation?

My gf and I have dated for 4 years and decided to break up recently due to a lot of issues that are difficult for us to resolve while together. Basically, a lot of things that have happened in the past in our relationship are too painful to healthily process together right now. We have an international trip planned in 2 weeks, and we agreed to go as a last-hurrah of sorts for our relationship. But I’m very anxious! We have already moved out and have maintained communication, but have been having a lot of painful conversations. Part of me wants to rip the bandaid off and abandon the trip, but it is non-refundable. My gf will be heartbroken if I back out on such short notice, but I’m not sure I can mentally and emotionally handle being on a vacation knowing that we’ve already decided to break up, and still thinking about all of the reasons why. We’ve also already told friends we have decided to break up, so I just feel a little silly. I will also be out several hundred dollars if I back out, and she’s nervous about short-notice solo travel. I’m trying to tell myself we can have a good time and make some good last memories, but I’m just so anxious!

Any tips for having a good time on a trip like this, or would you just cut losses even though it will hurt? My therapist and all of my friends are on team cut losses, but I’m kind of afraid to do that too.

TLDR: Gf and I broke up this month but are planning to go on a nonrefundable trip together in 2 weeks. How can we make the best of the trip, if that even seems possible?

Hi, I’m new here but I need some help and I don’t really have anyone in my personal life I feel comfortable talking about this too.

I (38F) have been married to my husband for 13 years, we have two kids and I can truly say he is the love of my life. I am fully satisfied emotionally and physically.

Which is why what happened to me recently has shaken me so much. A new guy, good looking, fit,cocky, started at my law firm not long ago. And it didn’t take long for him to begin flirting with me. It was tame in the beginning, nothing I haven’t gotten before, so I let it go. And if I’m being honest it made me feel good to be desired by an attractive man. Even though I am married to a very attractive man.

But over time the flirting turned from tame to rather forward and I began to feel uncomfortable but I didn’t stop it. I just didn’t engage anymore. When he made a comment I just changed the subject.

Then one night I was working late and he came by my office and asked if I wanted to go for a drink. I declined, said I had to finish and get home. Then he told me that anything we did would just be between us. Nobody would have to know.

But rather than being disgusted by this I froze and for a brief moment considered it. I wasn’t concerned with catching feelings for this guy so I thought I could go back to his apartment, have very dirty sex and take it to the grave. Then I snapped out of it and thought of how I would ever be able to look my husband in the face again. I became disgusted with myself. So I told him that if he ever talked to me about anything other than work again I’m going to HR.

I went home and told my husband. He wasn’t too upset over it. I was honest that I didn’t stop the flirting when I should have, that I liked it and that I considered his proposition for a brief moment. But he still wasn’t that upset with me. He wasn’t happy with me but appreciated my honesty. Now as for my co-worker, that’s a different story. I had to stop him from confronting him. In the end I gave my two weeks notice and I am interviewing with new firms now.

My husband said it wasn’t cheating but it was something. Does anyone consider brief thoughts that go on in your mind cheating? What about flirting? Does anyone think I need to see a therapist? I love my husband and I am still very attracted to him. How did I let my mind go there?

TLDR: I briefly entertained the thought of cheating on my husband with an attractive co-worker

This is gonna be a long one but I just need to tell people who aren’t in my circle.

TL;DR- I’m having trouble with my partner who has controlling tendencies and toxic behavior. Is the state of our relationship normal? Is this just growing pains? Or is the relationship dying?

My boyfriend (31 M) and I (26 F) have been dating for 5 years. We met at work while I was with my ex. I was super unhappy in my last relationship and explained to my current boyfriend what my situation was with my ex. I lived with him and his family and was planing to move out. Fast forward a few months, I actually move out with a roommate. My current boyfriend and I start dating. Fast forward about 8 months later, all was great. But then I lost my car. My bf helped me with rides all the time because if I Ubered, it was like $35 one way. Eventually I moved out of my roommates apartment and my boyfriend helped me get an apartment. Things were great. We get along really well. Then one night while I was working, another co-worker of mine said him and a few other people from work were going to go to this bar for drinks for his bday. He offered to drive me there and we’d meet up with the other people. I said sure and I let my boyfriend know. He didn’t reply to any of my texts because he was already asleep. I didn’t think much of the situation. So we went to the bar and it was just him and I. And it was like that for a while. Then he started asking questions about me and I expressed that I had a boyfriend and I kept asking where everyone else was. He kept saying “oh they’re on the way” mind you, it was like 1 in the morning. I had one beer and then decided to call it that. I was going to Uber home when he offered me a ride home. I said sure and he dropped me off. He didn’t make any advances to me and I just thanked him for the ride and went home. I woke up to pounding on my door and it was my boyfriend. He questioned me and was clearly upset that I went. I failed to see his point of view in the moment until he expressed his feelings. This ultimately has ruined our relationship. He still has zero trust in me. It was so bad that after he found out, he demanded me to audio record EVERYTHING I did and I even had to send him photos of where I was and who I was with. And I had to send him everything before I went to sleep. And he literally went through them to see if I talked to guys or if I cut the recording at any time. It was draining on both of us and our relationship. But then COVID happened and our job sent us home for months with pay. That seemed to help because duh, I wasn’t going anywhere. Then we came back to work and I went to a different department, a whole new set of people. Things were going good but since we worked at the same place, he would randomly check up on me from time to time. And I mean we worked outside so it’s not like we were side by side all the time. He also had my location. So time goes on and the biggest issue I had was my money. I wasn’t saving for a car and I was spending money on DoorDash ever since the start of Covid and to this point. He found out and got mad that I never told him, never recorded, and hid everything. That created more problems and trust issues. 6 months later, my job had a whole new leadership and cut a lot of people. I was included. I then found a job close to home. He still demanded I record at this job. It’s a damn makeup store. But I did. For a long time. I no longer record or do anything but this brings me to current. I finally have a car thanks to him. He had a a friend that was selling it. And I did pay him back for it. Im in the process of transferring the title. Our relationship is better but I just need sound advice. We’ve been together for a long time and ever since I got my apartment, we always hang out here. We never have been at his place. He does not follow me on any social media ever since I went to the bar, before that, we did. He has my location but I don’t have his. He’s helped me a lot and he is a great guy and I’m thankful for everything and I do love him. I just don’t know if he is just as invested as I am. There’s been a couple of times where weird things have happened. One time we were in his car and there was a girls name on his dashboard for texts. I asked who it was and he said and realtor. Because he was looking to start getting a house. Ok valid but when I asked him to show me the messages, he wouldn’t. We got into a huge fight and he never showed me the messages but showed me who the lady was and when he told me in the car and then sent me the photos, it checked out. But it really bothered me that he wouldn’t show me the messages. Then when I freshly moved into my apartment, we were sitting in and I have a habit of looking around a lot while I talk and this was happening. And he asked me if I knew some guy and I was so confused. He accused me of checking out some guy in line and we argued about it in the car and he left me in the parking lot. I was able to walk home because the food place was super close to my apartment but that doesn’t matter. I’m still hurt from that. He did apologize but that’s how deep his insecurities and trust issues run… At my current job, we’re in a shopping area and when I didn’t have my car, I’d go to these stores and get lunch. I’d of course tell him. But then he thought I was going too often and demanded me to record every time because he thought I was going to see someone else. I haven’t been back in months because he threatened to leave if I went again. I don’t even know anyone who works there. Ever. anyways… I’m not one who needs to be posted on social media and I’m not the type to have your location and pop up at random times. It’s just also trust on both sides. I feel like I’ve changed a lot and literally just grown up from 21 to 26 years old. And I too want reassurance and trust. This has been our first somewhat normal year and it’s been great. But it also seems the most distant. He works a lot and I have a full time job at the makeup store. I’m currently on PTO and it’s been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him last. We text a lot and talk on the phone when we can. But we’ve also been fighting a lot. Him accusing me of being with other people, having people over. When I never do and when I do have people over, I’ve always told him in advance. I’m so hesitant to do anything. Like I just bought a bunch of work clothes and I want to show him so badly because they’re cute. But I know he’ll ask the Who, What, How, Why and When questions and then accuse me of wanting to dress for other people. He’s not against it, he just wants me to tell him EVERYTHING. And I understand that but he also doesn’t even tell me when he gets off work, when he gets stuff, when he goes to the gym. Nothing. I have to ask to find out. And he does have a very valid reason for his time being spent elsewhere. I’ve expressed to him that he literally lives to work and that it’s not healthy. But he doesn’t listen to me. I just feel so confused. I’ve asked him several times if our relationship is what he wants. Or if he wants a FWB kind of relationship. He’s firmly expressed that he’s not interested in being with other people besides me and wants a relationship. I’m doing my absolute best to do everything right and communicate and all that. I just feel like it’s getting me no where. I’m not looking for an award for that. But it just seems like nothing is improving. I am very aware of the state of our relationship and how toxic it is. If this means ANYTHING, he’s a March Aries and I’m an April cusp of Aires and Taurus. I identify more with Aries. We fight like no other but we also love real hard. I do feel like he’s my person and I’m his. And I don’t expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows. I just need to know if anyone else has been in any kind of similar situation and if there’s light at the end of the extremely dark tunnel. I know this was long but there’s a lot that plays into our relationship. And this isn’t everything, it’s just the major things. Thanks for reading. Xoxo

Hi everyone,

I had a confusing and emotional experience recently and would appreciate some perspectives.

Yesterday, while out for dinner with my boyfriend (we are together 7 months), I received a call from my best friend who was crying because she had to put her cat to sleep. Hearing her like that made me really upset, and I started crying too. When I returned to the table, my boyfriend was busy on his phone and didn't acknowledge my tears until later. Even then, his response felt dismissive—he suggested we leave without acknowledging my feelings.

Later, I expressed to him that I was hurt by his response, and he countered by saying that my reaction was exaggerated because it was "just a cat." He also mentioned feeling uncomfortable when people saw us crying.

I tried to explain that it wasn't about the cat but about my friend's pain and my own emotional response. However, he didn't seem to understand and later fell asleep at my house, seemingly avoiding the situation.

Now, he's been distant, and I'm left feeling like maybe I overreacted. I also apologised for my behaviour. Should I have handled this differently?

Thank you for reading and for any advice you can offer.

TL;Dr: My boyfriend seemed indifferent when I got emotional after hearing about my best friend's cat passing away. He downplayed my feelings, saying it was "just a cat." Now he's distant, and I'm wondering if I overreacted. Am I in the wrong here?