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I am going to try and remain unknown so I'll share very little personal detail.

My brother(17) had just altered my sense of life once again. I feel so completely lost and I don't know where to go for guidance. Because if anyone found out he'd absolutely attempt to take his life. I believe he is suicidal, he's hinted at it before.

Yesterday, I was getting ready to take a shower but i always wash my face first. I wasn't wearing pants, or quite literally anything. As I was washing my face I turn to the door and see a phone that was slid from underneath with the camera exposed to me. My heart sank as I just stared at it, praying this was fake.

When I caught a glimpse of it, the phone was quickly slid out from under the door. I feel so violated. I don't feel safe anymore. I'm not sure what to do either.

I'm going to confront him today but I don't know how I feel about it. What should I say? And I know it was his phone. Fuxking pervert.

Even before this, everytime I prepared for a shower, I never felt safe. I always felt like someone was watching. Like there was a hidden camera set up in the bathroom waiting for me. My dad has also made me feel very uncomfortable. He's gone and downloaded all of my pictures onto his computer which I found to be very disturbing. He went to the bathroom right after, weird. I told my brother about what happened and cried to him. He knows how uncomfortable this made me. And for him to do this to me. I know it was 100% intentional. He's displayed many signs of attraction to me over the years. I hate it.

My brother is very quiet and everyone assumed he was on the spectrum in some way yet he behaves like any other teenage boy. I am quite attractive and get a lot of attention from men and women. Is it normal for siblings to see you in the same way they see other women? He's very curious.

I'm sorry if this was a lot to read. I just need to get it off of my chest. I feel like I can't tell anyone. it will absolutely destroy my family and he might take his life. I can't live with this, just why. We were getting along so well. And if I had never saw the camera, something worse could've come along. I don't know how long it was sitting there for. He came into my room after this happened and my friend was in there with me, he was acting like everything was so normal. I don't even want to know if this was the first attempt. I don't even want to leave my room.

I feel like porn has destroyed so many minds. I was searching for a place to rant and the suggested pages were dedicated for family/sibling porn. Why are these scenarios so sexualized?!

TL;DR: My brother(17m) was spying on me while I was getting in the shower. Situations like this have been scattered over the years but I feel like this was by far the most violating.

I'm new to reddit so idk what the hell else to say. But thank you for listening.

I'm 32, my girlfriend's 25. We have been together for 8 months and she told me this situation clearly for the first time a few days ago.

When I say going out, she was more afraid of the crowd, thinking that something would happen to her. News like femicide triggers this fear even more.

She was not afraid when we were together, that's why I saw her comfortable in our meetings. However, she may have difficulty going out alone, especially she does not want to go to crowded places. Last week she didn't go out for 5 days.

She is actively seeing a psychologist. That's why she goes to concerts and theatres alone.

Today I told him to come to me and go through the crowd. There was a lot of crowd because it was a match and he came home depressed, he said he was scared. I felt very bad when I heard this.

I have helped her in other things so far, but my psychological condition is not good enough to help someone else too much, and I am afraid that I will break down psychologically. I mean, I want to have a healthy person in front of me who can take care of himself. But for example, after buying flowers for my girlfriend, her mother sends me a message and says, "Thank you very much, you are good for her". However, I don't want the other person to be seen as sick. This is not a relationship with a charity organisation.

I don't know what to do in this situation. Should I try to help her for a while? And what will I do if he cannot overcome the fear of going out on the streets?

TL;DR: My girlfriend has a fear of going out. What should I do in this situation?

My dad has been an addict all of my life from as far back as I can remember. He’s never really been in my life, always has picked drugs over his children. As I got older, it was something I’ve learned to cope with. I can’t force him to be a parent, especially not well into his 40s when he’s clearly decided what he wants from life.

However, he recently overdosed and ended up in the hospital. This isn’t the first time and I surely doubt it’ll be the last. Yet, every time I find out despite having minimal contact with him I get undeniably upset. I cry, usually, and then feel really stupid for crying after. It’s not something that’s new and I know one day it’s probably going to end his life, but every single time it makes me upset.

I really don’t want to be upset over it, I don’t think I really want to feel anything towards him after dealing with him and this my entire life. How do I stop letting it affect me?

TLDR; My dad is a reoccurring drug abuser and OD’d again, I want to figure out how to stop caring.

Hi, I am a 23 year old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend since the last 2 years. For the past 4 months we've been in long distance relationship, he's moved to New Zealand while I am living in UK. I won't go into our relationship story because I don't know how to sum it up in a short one cause it involves lots of disagreements, and our own personal insecurities.

My partner has very bad communication when we are away, which was already there even before being long distance. and he is known in his family and friends to be a bad texter. This has happened several times where he would just not talk to me for a couple of days. We've had lots of arguments about this where I've told him that I'm not okay with it and would appreciate even just a heads up if he's busy, since I understand mental health issues and some people's relationship with phones. He never really responds to me on instagram, is pretty crappy with text messages, and I most of the times find myself to be the only one calling. These kind of behaviour has a lot of times get us to the edge of breaking up.

This time again he's MIA (for the past 4days almost], even his mom hasn't heard back from him. While I really hope he's okay, it's probably just another one of the times where he goes in his own world.

So my question is, is this relationship worth continuing for me? And if yes, what advice woild you like to give me to navigate this, since I've already yried communicating what I want from him and this relationship. Any suggestions or advice would be deeply appreciated since I really don't want to lose him but dont want to continue like this either.

TL;DR: I (23F) have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. He is a poor communicator, often going MIA, which causes frequent arguments. I'm torn between wanting to continue the relationship but also struggling with his lack of communication. Seeking advice on whether this relationship is worth continuing and how to handle it.

I felt this extreme cold breeze between us when I asked her that question and I really would like a second opinion... I wonder if I said the wrong thing by accidentally prying too much, or if she's reacting a bit "off"?

She has been dating this guy for a year now. At around the 2 week mark, she told me that she was fairly sure he was "the one" and she wanted to marry him. I was happy for her! At around 3 months or so, they seemed to be doing really well still and I asked her if she's met his friends yet. She said no, but I wasn't concerned. Sometime around 6 months, I asked again and also said I'd love to meet him and get to know him as well! She said she'd ask him if he would like that and was in agreement with me that she'd like for me to meet him. But I never heard back about that.

Finally, it was their 1 year anniversary date yesterday so I was asking how that went, how she feels, etc. She is planning the wedding already and incredibly in love with him. The topic came up again naturally, if she's met his circle yet and she gets kind of offended and says, "once we're married, it's not like his friends will matter." I pushed back a little and said, "you guys are both entering each other's lives, don't you want to know his circle and doesn't he want to know your friends? I'd want to know." She shuts that down by repeating that "his friends are his business" and that she doesn't care to know them.

I can't tell if... I did bring up this topic at least 3 times - was that (unintentional) prying on my part? I thought since she agreed about us meeting sometime, I thought it was a topic we could still talk about. Maybe I missed some cues? I also can't tell - is she rushing him and being a bit toxic or is he being evasive and shady?

Or again, was I needlessly pushy about this?

(My perspective: Since I was in high school/college and started seriously dating, I think I always introduced my friends to my partner about 3-6 months through, depending on the situation. First- to see if they liked him and to see if I was missing anything, and secondly, to see how well he fit in with my existing world and handles that kind of intimate setting. And same for me as well, being introduced to his friends, usually sooner, 2-5 months in. I thought that this was a relatively normal pace for adult relationships but I realize that everyone and everyone's dynamic is different.)

TLDR: I asked my friend if she met her boyfriend's friends yet (they have been dating for a full year now and are considering marriage at this point) and she answered no in a cold manner and said that she doesn't think they matter, and they will matter even less after they're married. I can't figure out if I was the one who said something wrong or if she's being a little weird, or if HE is being weird. Thanks everyone.

Got cheated after 8 years , He says he's doing this to explore and will marry me later.

I was in relationship with this man since 8 yrs on/off long distance due to work commitments, lately were in long distance, during that period I got to know, that I am being cheated upon confrontation, he said that, the work life balance was very hectic and traumatizing, he needs someone around him to take his care and someone he can have to have that physical presence feel. When I asked why this, when we had planned of our future together, he said he's just doing it for the matter of time till his tenure gets completed, once it's completed he'll come back to me and we'll get married , he aslo says that although the girl he has moved in with is very caring and loving but he doesn't see the future with her as she is of diffent caste and it's all just casual, but the girl is serious and he isn't , he asks me to wait till then and get my life on track and explore if want too, and later on when his tenure with the company ends, in a 2-3 yrs he'll get to me and we'll get married... I don't understand this and I can't like process it. Why he said that? And what shall I do.. to be true it again even after breaking me has created a hope in me , TL;DR I don't know, what to do next, I don't want to explore either, I just need to know that, why he said that, he could have directly dusted me off his life, but instead chose to give another commitment why????

I met both these men a few months ago online and became friends with them and started talking to the older man, (lets call him John) who was very friendly. I was going through a difficult breakup then and he helped me through it, being very supportive. Before I knew it, somehow conversations turned flirty and a lil bit of sexting happened. None of us wanted a relationship or anything more with each other. All this while he was teasing his friend( my current bf, let's call him mark) because he had a crush on me. He's the sweetest guy ever and i love him too much to ever hurt him. He doesn't know that anything happened between me and John because John did not want to ruin his friendship with him, nor did he want to date me, he just wanted to pass some time and sext. I told him multiple times that i just wanted to stay friends but it always felt like he wanted to just sext. He knew mark loves me. While being just friends with both of them, I too started catching feelings for mark and i ended all flirty conversations with John. He( John) said he wants the best for us and he doesn't mind if I date Mark and that he'll be happy for us. At that point I had been talking to mark and John even helped us get through a relationship issue of mark rushing things too fast for me. They both knew I had just broken up but mark was fully in love with me by then. I liked him but I wasn't ready to jump into something so quickly at that time. John had helped mark understand me and my feelings. I'm now very happy and but haven't spoken to John since I started dating mark, which I actually like. I can solely focus on loving him with no additional drama. The only problem is, in my heart I feel guilt that mark doesn't know what happened between me and his friend. Even though whatever happened between me and John was barely for a month before even dating Mark, I feel like maybe I should tell him and that he deserves to know, but I'm scared that it will ruin things between us and end their years of friendship. John had made me swear that whatever sexting we did would stay between us, but I am unsure currently if I should tell everything to mark and get this off my chest or should I just let it go and live a happy life with him. Note- I dont want lose mark under any circumstances, I love him too much with all my heart and so does he. I'm very grateful I have him. It's just that John is still friends with him. And I'm scared that if he ever found out another way then it's gonna end up worse.

Tl/dr: briefly sexted my bf's friend before I dated him. Unsure of whether to tell him or let it go.

I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for just over two months and he’s absolutely amazing. At a party a few nights ago, I introduced my boyfriend to my friends who hadn’t met him before and one of them recognized him and went for a hug. I asked how they knew each other and she responded saying they were “friends” but it was pretty obvious it was more than that.

I figured that I would ask my boyfriend about that later but I couldn’t stop thinking about whatever it was between them and my boyfriend noticed and pulled me aside during the party and asked if I was okay. I told him that I had an uneasy feeling about him and my friend so we left the party and went back to his place where he told me everything. He met her at a club about two years ago and they hooked up that night and they kept on hooking up except for a seven month stretch when he was in a relationship with someone else. My friend wanted them to be in a relationship and he said he only wanted to hook up and she wasn’t happy about that but she continued hooking up with him, even initiating and asking him to meet up most of the time. The worst part is she was in a relationship during the times they were hooking up and nobody including my boyfriend knew she was cheating. The last time they hooked up was three days before our first date and he declined her asking to meet after that. 

He offered to show me the texts between them and I’m not proud of it but I did take him up on the offer and looked through their conversation and everything he says is true. He was faithful to his ex and he’s been faithful to me but I still feel really insecure. Part of it has to do with looks I guess since my friend is absolutely stunning while I’m a little chubby and my boyfriend is really handsome and in great shape. He even got a voice note from her this morning where she was crying and saying he deserves better and asking what I have that she doesn’t and why I became his girlfriend so quickly while she waited two years for nothing.

I’m not breaking up with my boyfriend over this whole thing since he quite literally did nothing wrong but I feel insecure now, about my looks and in our relationship. What should I do?

TDLR: found out my boyfriend hooked up with my friend over a span of two years before we got together, feel insecure now

I've only been dating my boyfriend for a little over a month now and i already want to break up. He' super nice and sweet and pretty I just dont know how ready i am to date again. He's sweet and seems to depend on me a lot, he texts me a lot about how he wants to stay together forever, how he cant live without me and all this stuff and it pains me a lot because its all just way to early and im scared to tell him especially since we're still young and have so much more life to live. Also he talks so much and everything he seems to do annoys me, but I still like him. It's so hard. I've been struggling with my mental health for so long now and I have really bad anxiety most days and that on top of having to text him and make plans with him and all this stuff just stresses me out and I find myself ignoring him at times when he texts me just so l can get a break. What should I do? I like him way better as a friend, I just don't think I have the guts to break up with him, especially because I still like him. Any advice?

TL;DR: I like my boyfriend better as a friend but he depends on me way too much.

I am 24F and on lexapro 5mg to stop my episodes. My boyfriend (23M) went on a vacation this weekend with his boys on a college campus for homecoming. They did a lot of partying and drinking and i know there were girls there. My boyfriend keeps saying that he wish he went to college that was his first college experience and if he went to college he would do that every single weekend. I am worried about what went down especially with all the girls around but i don’t see him until he comes back tomorrow. He’s also been distant on this vacation and barely messaged me also when someone asked him if he’s taking me on the vacation with him he said no and he wouldn’t let me come with him even if i asked (which i wouldn’t but still). That rubbed me the wrong way a lot. Also unrelated note he still follows his ex and liked a tiktok about missing her.

TLDR: Boyfriend going on boys trip and partying with guys and girls

Hi All
I'm looking for advice on my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, 2 of them have been long distance because he moved to the uk for work. We are both in our 30s. He has a lot of anxiety and seems to have problems saying no to people, especially his family. He comes home every month for a week and 'works from home'. The problem seems to be that I live 15 minute drive from his parents. When he arrives on a friday night, he gets his 70 year old mother to collect him from the bus station at 1am. He won't let me collect him and he refuses to pay for a taxi to my house. He spends his first night at home and comes out to mine on the sat. We spend sat evening together but on sunday he insists we got for sunday night dinner with his parents. Then Monday to friday he works in his parents house, rather than mine, even though I work from home 3 days a week. Therefore, he has breakfast and lunch with them 5 days in a row. We do spend the evenings together. on a Thursday he goes to visit his sisters family for the whole day. The night before he leaves (sunday) he insists on spending it with his parents again. If i refuse to go, he goes anyway and then on Monday morning when I offer to drop him to the bus he says ' my parents want to have breakfast with me before I leave'. I feel like he's spending 70% of his time with his parents when he is home. I've tried talking to him but he thinks I'm trying to get him to choose between us. The long distance is really difficult but whats making it harder is I feel like he's fitting me in around his family when he is home. Is it so wrong that I want to spend our last night together just the two of us? He's been home 4 times this year for his family events ( b-days, communions, fathers day). He hasn't attended any of my family events this year? He's told me I have to give him 2 months notice if I want him to attend one of my family events. He came home a few weeks ago- booked a last minute flight with a weeks notice for his mothers birthday. He hasn't been home for my birthday in 3 years. the last 3 times he's come home he made arrangements with his parents and booked flights without telling me. Then I had to cancel my plans because he was home for the week.

Last christmas I asked him to spend christmas day with my 95 year old grandmother (my parents are deceased). He told me in October that he would come and we made arrangements with my nan. When he arrived home for christmas he hadn't told his parents our plans and ended up cancelling on me on christmas eve. I also invited him to christmas eve mass with my sister, her partner and grandmother as it is my Dad's anniversary and it was important to me. He told me no because he has to bring his mother to her mass. he said it's a 20 year tradition that he is not willing to break. I asked could his Dad not take her just this one year and he said his Dad refuses to go to mass. I've asked him will he ever spend a christmas with my grandmother (not that she has many left)- he said he was not willing to ever miss a christmas with his parents. I've suggested that his parents could go to the sisters house for christmas and he told me that wasn't an option because it would put his sister under pressure to invite her in laws the following year.

It's becoming a pattern in our relationship that he seems scared to let him mother down or has anxiety saying no to her. Which I really don't understand because she is a lovely person and would make a great mother-in-law. I watched him have a panick attack one day because I asked him to check with his dad what time we were leaving for a family event because I needed to organise a cat and dog sitter. he didn't seem to have the courage to ask his dad a simple question.

I've tried talking to him and he said i'm making a big deal out of nothing. He doesn't see the problem or that it's hurting me.

Would really appreciate some thoughts on this. Do i need to run for the hills?

TL;DR relationship problem, mammy's boy, anxiety, people pleaser, feeling let down.

My gf is an overthinker. So when she heard I was visiting my online friend in another country, she wasn't happy.

My gf knows that I was already planning to go to that country because of an event and my gf knows I did not plan this trip around my online friend. It's just a coincidence that she happened to live in that same country, so I visit her city as well.

I have no feeling for the other girl and usually see that online friend as a way to joke around like I do with guy friends.

I have no bad intentions for meeting the online friend. And my gf really tries to understand, after finding out she said a few time to just meet the online friend and that she will take care of her insecurities later, but then she takes it back because she still feels bad about me meeting her. And she has now given me an ultimatum and choose between her and my online friend.

My gf feels bad because if I do meet that online friend, it means I still do something even though it hurts my gf and also probably because she's worried I've never seen that online friend before and is worried something might develop.

Me on the other hand didn't think it would be a big deal cause I'm honestly just not interested in the online friend. If I had known before that she will feel hurt, I would have not contacted the online friend at all to visit her. Now I just feel bad if I have to cancel the plans last minute even though online friend has prepared things to do in her cities to show me around

Tl;dr I've made plans to visit online friend, thinking it wasn't a big deal. It turned out to be a big deal for my gf and now she has given me a choice between her and online friend. Meantime I just feel bad to cancel last minute because online friend made effort to show me around interesting places.

Edit: extra information. Online friend has had multiple relationships during the time we've known each other. I did not feel a thing everytime she said she has a new relationship or if she broke up with them.

Also I don't know if my gf wants me to cut off all contact with online friend or just doesn't want me to meet online friend in person. Since there's nothing I'm hiding, I'm also willing to go with my gf and visit online friend another time.

Eu (F28) e ele (M30) namoramos faz oitos anos e nunca passamos por algo do tipo. Estamos morando juntos faz dois anos e agora me sinto sem chão, pois planejei meu futuro com ele. Estava desconfiada que estava sendo traída (isso nunca tinha acontecido antes), mas ele me tranquilizou e mostrou que era "loucura" da minha cabeça, apesar do meu instito ainda falar que tem algo bizarro rolando. Ocorreu uma situação e precisei mexer no celular dele (temos livre acesso ao celular um do outro, mas não olhamos) e vi que o wpp estava com senha. Achei muito estranho, dei uma olhada nas redes sociais e etc. Vi que ele estava em grupo de corno/fetiche aqui no reddit e ao confrota-lo ele so disse que era algo aleatório e as vezes aparece aqui coisas do tipo. Desconfiei e achei uma história muito mal contada. Depois de um tempo no mesmo dia ele admitiu que entrou lá querendo e consome o conteúdo, mas não tem fetiche nisso. Era um sub de compartilhar fotos de esposa/esposo e se expor. Estou morrendo de medo dele ter colocado fotos minhas, ter feito sexting ou algo do tipo. Ele falou que não fez nada disso, só estava consumindo pornografia e ficou com vergonha de falar. Estou achando toda história muito torta. Estou muito decepcionada e meio que querendo sumir. Devo acabar? Estou com vergonha de perguntar isso e não sei com quem conversar. Me desculpem.

TLDR; desconfiei que estou sendo traída e achei fetiche de corno no celular do meu namorado. devo acabar?

tl;dr non physical situationship with my friend who has a bf she expects to propose soon. Should I tell him about us?

So, I have a friend well basically we've been a couple for 2 years in every sense except physical.

We met online because she wasn't feeling appreciated, loved or attractive anymore since her bf was not treating her well. Even years later he hasn't improved. He even physically abused her on 2 occasions.

We found each other and it was meant to be a 1 time deal. We talked, traded nudes did some sexting etc. It was a basic thing of online sex. However, we got into deeper conversations which led to a love connection a few years later. It's been 2 years since we've starting being what I'd consider a couple as we still sext but we've talked about our lives, made plans, talked about marriage and kids etc. Weve met up but didn't have sex. We've had dates and really have planned out our future together.

Now though, she's told me she thinks he plans to propose and she's excited. This has become the last straw for me. I tried to get her to leave him but they've been together since teenagers and Im always met with "I can't I love him too much" which of course hurts but I fell in love with this girl and I'm ashamed to say, she had me hooked.

I'm now breaking everything off and I'm leaving her entirely. No more contact but I'm thinking that maybe it's best he knows what's been going on...especially if he plans to propose. I don't want to do anything in anger though so I'm asking for some advice. If it were me, I would want to be told but realistically she hasn't physically cheated on him with me. I feel like she has cheated in some way though and I feel bad. On the other hand though, he is a bit of an asshole so I don't know.

What do you guys think? Should I tell him?

I'm pursuing an education degree at university and just finished my first practicum placement. During the placement, I was grouped with a few other students and assigned to a school. It was a great experience, and I really got to know the people in my group, especially one girl (F23). We had some great conversations, realized we had a lot in common, and developed a bit of a crush on her.

Now that the placement is over, we're heading back to regular classes, where we'll likely sit as a group again. I've been considering asking her to grab a coffee to get to know each other outside of the school setting. When is a good time to ask her out? Should I do it in person after class? Or would sending a message be better? Any advice on how to approach this would be appreciated!

TL;DR Asking for help on when I should ask a girl out in one of my classes

I’m a 28yo male. I’ve noticed that no matter how great a woman I meet is, I always want something else. Or other women. I get very bored with the same woman. And idk how to fix it. My longest relationship was 1 year. Every other woman has been 6 months or less. I struggled with women when I was younger as I was very shy. I didn’t kiss a girl till after I graduated HS and lost my virginity at 20. In those 8 years since I’ve been with around 25 women. My father left at an early age and we have a strained relationship. I have been cheated on and other bad experiences in general. I want a good woman but I feel something inside me is broken. Have I just not met the right person or do I need therapy? Lmao

TL;DR: Can’t find satisfaction from one woman long term. What should I do?

On mobile, formatting etc.

I ‘31F’ have been with my boyfriend ‘31M’ for almost 4 years. It’s safe to say he is addicted to his phone, hours upon hours every day spent watching instagram reels, scrolling through X or doing whatever else.

It is happening often where we are having a conversation and when I am speaking he lifts his phone and starts playing a video while I am mid sentence. It’s incredibly hurtful to me and he is aware that I used to be ignored a lot as a child, so this triggers a bad response from me.

I have tried explaining how it makes me feel but I get answers like “you were done talking anyway” (I wasn’t) or “you were drifting off I thought you were talking to yourself” and similar along those lines.

When I get annoyed or angry he snaps at me and won’t take it seriously how much this behaviour makes me feel ignored and disrespected.

I would appreciate any advice on how to work through this?

TLDR: Boyfriend ignores me for his phone, don’t know what to do.

32F here.

About 1.5 months ago, I met a guy (30M) off a dating app. Our connection was pretty instant. I was bowled over by his passionate and caring nature - we went on two dates and were texting and calling almost constantly after that. The chemistry was great. The problem is I was travelling for about 3 weeks after that, but we kept in touch over video calls, and were really excited to see each other when back. He had started talking about a future together and I started getting attached to that idea - though a part of me knew this was a bit too soon and we both agreed we should take time to learn about each other.

It's important to understand that I am not a person who feels romantic/sexual attraction like this usually. I've always been all over the place with being non binary/confused about my orientation, but with him there was a deep sense of attachment and knowing. My body and soul were lit up. I am smiling, sure, confident - not in a giddy way but the calm knowing of being by someone you're meant to be with. I never want to go on another date after this.

That being said, there were some red flags I had been able to see by this time, but I attributed this to the cons of a passionate personality and he also acknowledged that he had been through pretty traumatizing relationships. Trust was a big issue for him. Though we had not had the chat about exclusivity, he started getting mad if I talked about going to parties and didn't disclose who it was with in detail. Though I resisted at first finding this overbearing, I realized I wanted to make him feel comfortable and build trust so I started communicating more and promised my social scenes would include him and be completely transparent going forward. I could see myself adapt to his needs in the relationship but was a little alarmed that he threatened to break up because he was so triggered - it made me feel shamed/blackmailed though there were no intentions on my part to hookup with anyone and I cried about it and he apologized profusely. I felt on some level that these incidents were rushing things along for me a bit more than I would have liked.

When I came back, he treated me like a princess - picking me up from the airport, feeding me, if I said I needed something he would have it ready. Now comes the second red flag. He assumed we would have sex the moment I returned which I was not ready for. I've had some grief in my past with physical intimacy. I need lots of trust in the other person and emotional closeness + wanted our first time to be special. For him, he later clarified, it has always happened in a flow and women have never pulled the stops at just making out, so he assumed that is what it was.

So I said no sex, though things would get very heated, right before he tried to enter me. This happened 3-4 times in 2 days. He tells me how frustrating it is and I quote "for guys" to be stopped at the last moment and that if I wanted to take my time I should just tell him that. In my experience he also starts to be a little cold at this point, which starts to make me feel vulnerable AF. (Eg. Saying I need not pressure myself so much cuz we have time to think about the future- which made me feel he was getting second thoughts though he later clarified he was trying to take pressure off me).

Btw this is the fourth time I'm actually meeting him if we don't count the video calling. I text him I definitely just want to cuddle tonight - no sex - he says of course. I go to his place for the night. Some of his friends and acquaintances are over and I find his behavior a little odd (not introducing me as his gf, looking at me funny when I'm trying to socialize - just no affection).

When lying together that night I have a bad feeling (I acknowledge could be my own fears of abandonment popping their head but there was also a gut instinct that something had changed.) He acknowledges the energy is different too - and starts to focus on the reasons for our disconnect (eg our diff backgrounds.) Long story short I feel cold lying next to this man. I turn to the side and try to sleep. He then tries to make out and initiate sex. In that moment I feel is the only warmth I'm going to get out of him + maybe it's his love language so I say yes. But at the very moment of him trying to enter me knowing I had said no on text - I kinda snap and say I think you're just trying to get laid with me and the fact that you would even initiate it makes me feel awful.

All this guy has to offer next is the words that I cockblocked him yet again, that he couldn't understand how I was even thinking in that moment and that he thought we were both having fun. He said he couldn't believe how indecisive I was.

I just stare at him. I say I'm going to leave now and try to get a cab. He says if you create a scene it is over and that it is his biggest red flag that someone could take drama from the bedroom outside to the world. (It was 2 am and there's no one outside I am just trying to get home.) So I sit, try to have a conversation, and he says he has nothing to offer - that I seem like such a complicated person, and that it's not like he was trying to force me.

I know it's impossible for me to stay with him and even for this relationship to continue with such massive red flags. He follows me downstairs to the cab absolutely freaked out in his own way (later he tells me a psycho ex of his would pull everyone in his life into her meltdowns including his office people). I try to save the relationship one last time by saying I could still cancel the cab and that I had some sexual trauma (the first I'm mentioning of it) and he says there's no way we could save things after my behavior which was the ultimate red flag and trumped anything he had done, and that he was going to call the cab himself if I cancelled, and that I could quote "keep my trauma" to myself.

Over the next day I am miserable but he doesn't text, I've told my mom/friends about him and they all say I deserve better. I'm also of the mindset at 32 that I am not waiting around anymore for guys to change their mind about me, I'm here to find my person. So I go on a few dates with another man (within 2 days of this), and he's very respectful and caring. I spend Thanksgiving with him and it's very pleasant and cute, but I find myself constantly missing the deep connection I felt with Guy1. Though I haven't focused on it but it genuinely felt like my place in the world was beside him. I felt a new version of myself - affectionate, confident, no longer distracted by doubt. I felt sure he was my person.

Then he texts me. He says he's been miserable, as if a part of him is missing. And I know because it's the way it has felt for me too. I agree to meet him over a coffee for him to clarify things and I am just sitting there smiling that I know deep in my gut I have met my person. He explains things that were on his mind and that he was so sorry he had not listened to my trauma - talks about that stalker of an ex and that he had been suicidal for a bit cuz of her. He says he wants to give us another shot.

That's when I make the mistake of telling him I need time because I've been on dates with another guy. He asks how they have been, particularly, if we have been physical. I say yes, but it's not the same.

He then proceeds go cold again saying his jealousy, insecurity were insurmountable and that he just couldn't be open minded about me being with someone else. He says I must have not been attached if I could move on so quickly instead of waiting for him. When I tell him I said I couldn't meet him yesterday because I didn't want to cancel the date, he loses it and says it is over, again. So I've been dumped again now.

But I miss him and want advice on whether this is worth investing energy/efforts to get him back.

TLDR- Met a guy who didn't respect my boundaries and got triggered and dumped me for speaking up - then dumped me again after I moved on - is it worth taking the time to get to know each other and amend this as I usually don't feel attachment like this?

I (16M) have something going on with someone (17F). We've been out 10 times, and she introduced me to her parents and brother. She has everything I've ever wanted in a girl. She's sweet, beautiful, communicative, and we get along really well. I don't know how girls her age think, and I don't want to get into a relationship with her yet because I don't want to hurt her or come across as a idiot. Since she's turning 18 soon and I'm 16, I'm not ready to do certain things with her because im insecure about my size (15,5cm bp and about 12 girth). It's not that I don't like her; I just think I'm still too young and im insecure . I'd like to wait until I'm 17 or 18, but I don't know how much that matters to her and is that that important at that age? Anyone had similar problem?

Tl:dr: recently met one 17(18in few days)f girl, Im 16m and I don’t think I’m ready for certain things yet + im insecure because of my size (16cm bp and about 12girth) so I don’t want relationship with her because I don’t want to waste her time.

I know this sounds stupid and if you don’t want to help I got you but if anyone can give just piece of advice?? I would appreciate it.

My GF (F19) and I (M25) have been dating for a while. 5 months. I have been in love and I really to marry you... I have never been the type to cheat. I have always been cheated on.. but this time I think it's much more worse. This is all by texts, screenshots.. not even in person. All on Snapchat. (Tapping on the text saves it in chat)

Yesterday I was working. I told my gf id be back in an hour. Within that hour she got a screen shot. A picture of a screenshot, with my username and a few text saying that I wanted to fuck her friend... I came back to grab my phone and I saw how she ripped everything, she didn't talk to me first, she assumed the worse. And I was still working. I went off to the side and gave her a call to find out what happened. Apparently one of her friendslet's call her (B) took a picture of this "chat" from (S). This text had a couple things, words like "ugh", "baby", and "lets fuck hard". The chat wasn't saved. But the thing is that I had blocked (S) a long time ago because of what she did. Me and my gf went on a double date with (S) and her "boy toy". During that dinner me and my gf were smiling and I guess she called me a manipulator and a terrible person. She made a whole scene. (S) Took her to the bathroom and yelled at my gf. It was for a solid hour before they came back. We payed the bills and went for a walk on the beach. And this was probably a month in our relationship

Yesterday I had the most heartbreaking moment. I have had break ups, I have found someone cheating with me in person... But I have never done it.. I have never once done anything like that. But anyways that picture came out it was on (S)'s phone but (B) took a photo of it.

(S) Has said this: I have payed her for nudes. I have the picture of the chat. I have let her in my house and met my dogs. I have sent her a dick pic.

And my gf was mortified. She had screenshots of things that I haven't done. A receipt that had "my username" and yeah that picture of a screenshot had my bitmoji. But the chat was never "saved".

The thing is I have proven all of that to be false. My gf looked at the username nothing was found. The chat was never saved. And idk about anyone but if you're tying to call and prove someone is cheating, y'all would save, right? And the dick pic. I guess she said I was laying down, but a lot of people in bed lay down. It's easier. But the other thing was that she somehow knew I was uncircumcised... I'm Asian.. so yeah idk if that explains it.. BUT STILL NO MATTER HOW I PROVED IT. (S) was always ahead of me... She made sure I went down to the ground.

People described (S) as insane, crazy, and well last night she tried to threaten me by killing me.. so yeah.

But I have done everything, but (S) keeps feeding her lies and lies.

At this point my GF as had enough and basically dumped me. I love her. I do. I still do. She's already on dating site and I'm still here fighting for her. I have said to her that I love her and will not ever give up. I have shown her the truth. I have.. I have done everything. I even went to my bank statements and got the date on "when I sent money" I was clean. I was. Cause I never did it.

tl;dr But I don't know how to go about this. I love her. I fucking do. I have never ever done anything wrong. Never once have I cheated. Please give me advice on this...

TW; Abuse

Hey all. Coming here for advice since this is a bit of a first for me and am conflicted on what to do. I am also not super good with human interactions ans relationships in general, so any kind of advice would be truly appreciated.

Me (30F) and my boyfriend (29M) have been together for about a year and a half.

Over time, we came to discuss our exes. The woman he was dating before me particularly stuck with me, because what he was describing she would do were obvious abusive behaviors. He said she would destroy some of his personnal belongings when she was mad at him, say some really awfull things, etc. Thankfully, she was never physically violent, but her behavior has always scared me. My boyfriend told me he was never abusive towards her, but was somewhat nonchalant and not super into the relationship, and that it was probably his behavior that had caused her to become violent.

A bit later in the relationship, my partner even confessed that she had sent him a weird message via text, because she must have seen me enter his appartment. I can't remember exactly what it said, but it sounded like a threat. I remember being scared in that moment... We have since moved in together far from his initial appartment, in a different city.

Since about 2-3 months. My partner has started talking back with his ex. I was a bit bothered by it at first, but he assured me he had no intentions other than helping her out. She did go through a lot of rough patches during her life, and she needed help moving out of a toxic environment and into a new appartment.

Turns out the new appartment she found is in the city we moved to, but still far away enough for me to be comfortable. My partner asked me if I was comfortable with him helping her out and, even though I was slightly uncomfortable due to her past of abusing him, I said I was, but told him about my insecurities. He assured me everything was fine and he just wanted to help. I did specify to him that I do not feel comfortable meeting her, and absolutely uncomfortable with her coming to our appartment. He assured me once again, that this was not something hapenning, but that I may want to reconsider it for the future. So, he helped her move and everything was fine.

It is important to know my boyfriend has an incredibly big heart. Multiple times, he had friends confess to him they were not doing well, and he would travel and spend whole nights awake consolling them and helping them. When we met, I was also in a pretty dark place, and he has done absolutely everything and even more to help me. He is the most generous person I know and wears his heart on his sleeve. So I never doubted his intentions were really just to help.

A couple of weeks later, he asked me if he could invite her to see a movie at the cinema. He told me he knows I don't like going to the theatre much, and that it's a type of movie they both enjoy, and I don't. Once again, I made sure it was just a friendly encounter and that they both knew it. I also told him that if going to the theatre was something meaningful to him, I would have been ready to go. We ended up still agreeing with him going with her. I didn't think much of it before, but couldn't help but feel a little weird inside while he was gone.

This morning, I woke up to a message request. It was her. My stomach turned.

I have a past history with abuse throughout my life, from parents, to friends, to partners. So, with everything my boyfriend told me she had done to him, I can't help but be scared of her, and do not want her near me. I have also grown extremely hyper aware of any manipulation technique someone might want to use.

Her messsage was mostly pretty nice. She said she wanted to talk and that she was understanding that I may have aprehensions towards her. But, there is one thing she said that really tipped me off.

Our language is not English so I'll do my best to translate, but it was something like " If you are into girls helping each other and girl power, we should speak".

Now, if this person was a complete stranger, I might not have been alarmed. But knowing it is her, I am wondering if it is not a technique she used to force me to speak to her. I mean, who's against female empowerment? Not me! So it does seem a bit manipulative, but am I overthinking it?

Now I am left wondering, should I message her back? Should I protect my peace and not do so? Should I let her know of all my apprehensions towards her? Any help and feedback is extra appreciated.

TL;DR My (30M) partner's (29M) abusive ex has messaged me and wants to talk because they are back to being friends. I am scared of her. Her message seems manipulative. Should I message her back?

I (37M) have been dating my girlfriend (33F) for the last ~4 years, and she's the only sexual partner I've ever had. I am a super late bloomer who only properly had sex when I was 32. I grew up with a conservative background, and didn't even consider dating until my early 20s. I technically had two relationships/partners (at 26 and 28) for around 7 months each, but they were traditional people and it felt a bit high-school-ish - we did everything but PiV sex (tried a couple times but didn't work out), but even that only happened a handful of times in each relationship. Outside of that, I've had a few bar make out sessions. It never bothered me much at the time because while I knew I was a late bloomer, I did get a bit of attention from women from time to time (enough to make me happy at least), and always had a subconscious plan of "making up for lost time" and dating around eventually. 

After that, I got a bit unlucky for the next 4 or so years - balding dealt a hit to my confidence, and an unfortunate doctor told me I had a permanent (but not life threatening) STD (rare but possible given my experience), which made me freeze in terms of navigating the dating world I was so unfamiliar with. Toward the end of that time I had a bit of a glow up - I shaved my head and realized I made a great looking bald man, I was doing great career wise, and just had built a good amount of confidence that came alongside being a bit older. So when I finally challenged my STD diagnosis and learned that I didn't actually have one (damn that doc), I was eager to get out into the dating world. 

By this time I was 32. I went on some great dates and after a few met my current GF. We hit it off well, we quarantined during COVID, and fell in love. 

Fast forward to today. I still love her - we feel like best friends, we are completely ourselves around each other, our weirdnesses are compatible, and spending a day with her feels like a sleepover did when I was a kid. We also have some real issues we've been navigating - communication problems (we argue heatedly about recurring topics), difficulty resolving conflict, abandonment issues on her side (which has led to a few controlling tendencies), and we have a few different values/wants when it comes to finances and gender roles. They've led to us discussing whether or not to be together quite a few times. One problem that's solely on my side, though, is over the last couple years I cannot seem to get over the fact that I've only had sex with one person my whole life and have missed out. It's a struggle that I think about constantly and want to get past. I also don't want something like this to factor into choosing a lifelong partner - it feels like other elements should be much more important. 

I think part of my feeling stems from the fact that it's always something I wanted, felt was possible, and then never did. I feel like I never developed into the person I had in my head and thought I would be for so many years. I'll never have some of those fun/crazy experiences to look back on in the future. Added to that is the fact that my GF has had a couple dozen partners in the past and quite varied sexual experiences. Additionally, we've had less sex over the last year and a half, and while that could stem from the very real stress she's been going through, she's also mentioned that she's had some attraction issues toward me that could come from my differing values toward money (I'm a bit egalitarian and don't have too much of a "provider mindset") and the fact that I've had so few partners. That's added fuel to my feelings.

My gf and I have talked about it and she's very understanding of where I'm coming from (although she doesn't know the extent to which it bothers me), which I really appreciate her for. We tried opening the relationship for a brief time and she was very excited about the idea (she felt she'd find it a turn on if I slept with someone else); but when we walked the walk I could tell she was jealous and unhappy after I went on a very PG date. I think what bothered her was me connecting emotionally with another person, but either way I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her. 

I guess I'm looking for general advice on a mindset to adopt or actions/recommendations I can take to move past this.

I've also thought about maybe working with her to really spice up our sex life - things like going to a swingers club (just to watch/be watched), trying more/new toys, or tantric retreats. I think a big part of what I want is less about the number of partners, but more about wanting to do SOMETHING sexually adventurous and exciting that not many people have done while I'm still youngish - especially something that she and I can share together. I don't know if it's something she'd be interested in, though. One complication is that she does have a very demanding job (60/70 hours a week) and we are semi-long-distance (a few hours away) for the next few years. 

Any thoughts on what I can do or how I can think differently about this to get past it? How big of a problem is it, and has anyone been in a similar-ish situation? 

Thank you so much Reddit strangers...I'm really at a loss and want to move on. 

TL;DR - I'm a very late bloomer, only had sex at 32, and I'm now I am in a long term relationship with the only person I've been with. I'm struggling with this consuming feeling. Any advice on how to move past this - whether it be a change in mindset or an action I can take? 

Tldr: Rejected someone when we first met and now I’m feeling differently. I don’t know how to approach it

I met Vee(24F) at a bar last year while out with my friends. We ended up dancing together and she asked me on a date. I said no because she gave crazy frat boy vibes and I honestly wasn’t sure I liked girls.

She took it well and has never approached me with that again, which is great but now I don’t know what to do.

Our friend groups ended up merging after that night so we all hang out very frequently. She’s a lot more responsible and kind hearted than I expected. She makes good money, good decisions, is educated, and has saved a few of our asses multiple times.

This has made me develop a crush on her and I literally don’t know what to do. She’s never tried to dance with me again and I get jealous when I see her dancing with other girls now. Ever since that day I’ve not felt a hint of sexual/romantic attraction from her and I feel friendzoned.

We has been together for about 2 years off and on and have been more-than-friends for about 2 thirds of a year now. Things were good, this morning I told him I was going to go shopping for new shoes I've been wanting for a while. He replied with "i never understood shoes. I never look at people's shoes or notice them at all". Thats it. Nothing else. I was annoyed because it was so unnecessarily rude out of nowhere, I was just happy about something. One of those things that fizzles out my excitement immediately. I tried to talk to him about it after but he said I shouldn't expect him to be happy towards me all of the time and that he's not going to change as a person. I tried to tell him not being a dick isn't changing who he is as a person (???) but he said he doesn't talk to other people that way, that other people don't expect him to be positive towards them. He said it's stupid and unnecessary to say things like "have a nice time" or "have fun" in conversation. Am I crazy or are those normal things to say ??? And I attached a screenshot of some more stuff. Im really nervous right now, because it turned from a minor bicker into him saying we are different and he'll get along with people that aren't like me. I don't know if I am right in that it isn't fair to be treated like this and it's not just about being "different people". I feel like its just basic human decency. I dont think it's bad to expect people to be someone kind or at least not negative at base level. I know he's going through stuff and has gone through stuff but he knows I'm here to help him through it, I just don't enjoy the "oh well I can't stop being a dick, thats not who I am as a person" yknow. What do you guys think? I am stressed. I don't want to go against him, I just want the putting down, subtle or not to stop. Its a pattern (which has caused him to lose friends) but it hadnt happened in a while. Any advice on what I could say to him, or what I could do to make it better?

TL;DR: Things have been fine but he made a dismissive comment when I was excited about getting new shoes, which upset me. When I brought it up, he said I shouldn't expect him to be positive all the time and that he's not going to change who he is. He also said it's stupid and unnecessary to say nice things like "have a nice time" in conversation. This turned into a bigger argument where he mentioned we're different and he'll get along with people who aren't like me. I feel like expecting basic kindness isn't too much, but he sees it as changing who he is. It's a pattern, and I don't know what to say or do to make things better. Any advice?

We have been long distance for almost a year now, but have been together for over 3.5 years. He is incredibly close with his childhood friends and he works 5/7 days a week, but spends i’d say atleast 6/7 nights with his friends if not all 7. I’ve been concerned lately because he talked about how they all want to move to NYC eventually. I live in Philly, and was shocked by this as I hoped his plan would be to locate to my city, not prolong long distance because he wants to live with his friends. We are young and I don’t want to rush into a relationship, and I want him to enjoy his youth, so that’s not a dire issue at the moment. Flash forward to today I found out friday night he got pretty fucked up (he drove home……. ?) to where he was puking the entire next day and apparently one of his friends left a window rolled down and hundreds of dollars worth of items were stolen from his car. I said what possibly made u want to drink that much (as ive never experienced him to be a heavy drinker) and he said Coke. I knew he used coke probably every weekend but realizing he doesn’t tell me the nights when he is indulging in alc and coke makes me think this is a daily occurrence and he just doesn’t tell me so he doesn’t have to explain himself or deal with my discomfort. It’s clear he doesn’t really care about how i feel… and I just need help figuring out if this is a bigger problem or hes just a young boy going through a party phase and doesnt feel like reporting to my constantly about questionable choices. He usually is the more responsible one, he doesnt have an addictive personality whereas i do, and he doesnt necessarily need to be as careful with his drug/alc use. But does this behavior reveal clear feelings of his about me that I’m conveniently overlooking? Lmk

Tldr; boyfriend of almost 4 years gets drunk and does coke way more often than he chooses to tell me, asking for transparency pressures him and he seems to conveniently leave out information so it doesnt become a thing. I just feel frustrated and confused about where this is going and if i can trust him

Hi guys. My(27m) girlfriend(20F) has a behavior that really enrages me, and I don’t have the words to explain to her what she’s doing and why it enrages me.

Basically, I do a lot for her without expecting anything in return. I pay for dinners, buy her food, she has my card so she can buy clothes with when she goes shopping, so on and so forth.

Now, i’m a gym guy. And I like to meal prep. But i don’t have any tupperware of my own. Recently she bought a set at the dollar store for a few bucks, and given her tendency to buy things and never use them, they sat there for weeks. So i decided to use them myself.

The problem is, when she sees me using items that are “hers”, she starts to question me. “I thought i told you not to use my stuff” “are you gonna wash them?” Me: nods yes while eating, irritated. Her: right after you’re done eating whats in them?” It seemed like she was talking down to me, and her reaction to me using these cheap containers was really weird given all i do for her.

I felt the rage bubble inside of me but i didnt let it out. Instead i quietly got up and transferred the contents of the containers to regular bowls and put them in the fridge for later. Then she immediately started complaining about how she was just about to use the house-bowls and told me not to use them.

I walked to the bedroom and heard her behind me in the kitchen slamming things and throwing a fit.

What is the word for this type of behavior, and how can I explain to her that I think she’s selfish?

TL;DR - Girlfriend uses a bunch of my stuff but gets mad and grills me when i use her stuff

I've(24F) have this friend(23F) since high school and our friendship has been on and off for 6 out of the 10ish years that we've known each other. Not to mention our communications have been mostly through Instagram DMs as we've both moved to different schools, states, and countries throughout the decade. The reason we've been on and off, sometimes going a whole year with each other blocked online, is because this friend randomly stops replying to messages or dates someone new and cuts me off (we've had a romantic past but never a relationship) and this has even affected snail mail communication. It's the same thing every time, we talk nearly daily and then one random day I get ghosted and left in the dark. Now what confuses me is that right before we cut communication or as soon as we pick up communication again, I will express how I feel about the situation. Things like, "You constantly go from texting me all the time to ignoring me for months. I'm tired of always having this talk with you. If life gets in the way simply tell me so I won't feel like I'm being ghosted."

I keep this relationship going because under any other circumstances we'd be perfect friends, like we get along well, we like the same stuff, etc. etc. But it's gotten to a point where I straight up told them, "you will never change, youre a bad friend, I don't trust you anymore" and they'll reply every single time with, "I know, I'm sorry." And that's it. Like I could straight up spit in their face and they'll still be like, "I know, I'm sorry, can we still be friends, can we fix this?"

And what's also concerning is that I have told her multiple times what my issues are with her role in this friendship - note that it's never about her personally just how much she gives into this friendship - and she neeeeever says anything back about me. At this point I WANT an interaction where she's like, "well you're too needy" because at least then I'd have some sort of answer as to why she always disappears. What are your thoughts on this relationship? Are there red flags I'm missing? Is it worth maintaining this friendship with someone who is seemingly my other half but communicates like shit?

TLDR: Longterm friend never expresses how she feels about me and our friendship, repeatedly ghosts me but still wants to be friends, what's that about???

my boyfriend (28M) has screenshots on his phone of other woman from their instagrams. He said he took a screenshot to show his friends "girls he knew that were single that they could try and hook up with." Am I wrong for being upset that he still has the screenshots on his phone? or that he was looking at these women in that way at all? His excuse is that he's a man and men are going to acknowledge when a woman is beautiful but I think that's the dumbest excuse and only shows more that he's more likely to cheat on me in the future... am i reading into the situation too much or is it worth being upset over? I told him at the very least I felt it disrespected my boundaries and at most it felt like emotional cheating to look at women this way, and he was very upset to be called a cheater because the "women weren't even naked" and he "didn't make any attempt to hide it"

TL;DR Bf screenshotted photos to show friends and didn't delete them. says he's a man and that's what men do.

I love her, don't get me wrong. She's funny, caring, honest (most of the time I think), hard working, etc... She buys me things, gives me rides, comforts me, reassures me, always chooses to be around me, etc... She used to get so upset when I hang out with other people but now it's like whatever. She notices I am talking to another friend and would not so subtly join behind me, barely touching. So I know she cares but it's the other things.

Our friend group is aware I'll donate an organ to save her life at this point. I cannot cut her off fully because we are part of this group that won't separate until November. Sadly, there are videos and photos of me looking at her like she's the sun after a long rain. She is radiant, you'd get it if you see it. I do little things for her and she does little things for me too. I am very aware that she will never like me back but she does care. There are times when she gets upset at me for not defending her or pulling away from her affections when I really think I should protect my peace by not feeding into my delusions.

She is incredibly touchy. I expressed how uncomfortable I get with her touching certain areas. She listened at first but then a couple days later, it's the same thing. She once got upset at my friend after that friend expressed her discomfort with Mia touching her hair. I have already told her I have feelings for her a week ago and our friendship stayed pretty much the same. Our friend group does not like her and I am starting to see why. Friday night was my breaking point. Mia talked about this guy she liked and I drank like I had an extra liver. I showed up home drunk and miserable, barely held up by a friend who knows about it all. She has been mentioning guys she likes a lot more recently but with liq involved, that did it for me. She's looking at me and laughing that I am out of it but I am trying not to cry. Opinions? What should I do? TL;DR I am afraid I am in love with someone who is not considerate of my feelings.

This is a bit of a bizarre situation so bear with me.

We've been friends for years throughout high school. In particular, the last year and a half (I.e. since we graduated from high school) we grew incredibly close to each other, to the point where some suspected we were dating (although it was nothing of the sort).

Our mutual bond has been over soccer (more specifically women's soccer). We love it. We attend matches together for our country's national team, and are, in-fact, season ticket holders. We would constantly text each other about it and talk to each other in person about it.

We also grew closer over the fact that we both work similar hospitality jobs, and would regularly fill each other in on all the workplace gossip.

In short– we had an amazing friendship. When I started university last year, we would text each other every day, despite the fact I was living and studying 2 hours away. She wouldn't start university until this year, and thus was working full time whilst I was doing my first year.

The last few months, though, I feel as though she is pushing me away. Notably, I lost a loved one to cancer, and shortly afterwards she asked around if anyone would like to go to a concert from a pretty major artist in our city that week. Naturally I said yes, but she then told me she wasn't going due to ticket prices being so high. Later that week she caught covid, and blamed it on attending the concert she claimed she wasn't going to. I was very upset and knew this was a sign of things to come.

Another friend (19M) of ours from high school whom she was quite close to is attending a different university in the same city as me. I seldom talk to him now, but she is the opposite. Every week I discover that she travels to our city to go drinking with him and other friends of theirs. I never get an invite, and would have regularly proposed the idea of drinks in my city to her before, but was turned down every time.

And before anyone asks, the other friend is gay.

She constantly lies to me and ignores me in favour of this other friend. She rarely talks with me now and only ever sees me at our occasional soccer games. I have effectively lost my best friend to someone who I now resent.

At this point I have to cut her off completely. I have put so much into this friendship and get nothing out of it. We've been on trips away together for matches overseas. I've been there to support her in her times of need. And all I've ever gotten is a slap in the face and a fuck you.

I fear my only choice now is to cut her off entirely. I still love soccer and want to attend these games with someone. Our season tickets expire in March and I wish to renew mine but not hers (I am the holder for both of them). Ideally I would also like to confront her about this behaviour so that she is at least aware that I'm hurting.

How do I do this? Or is there a better route to take here?

TL;DR: my (former) best friend who lives in another city has grown weirdly distant from me, opting to regularly hang out with other friends who live in my city without inviting me. How do I cut ties with her?