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I 22f have been good friends with 28m for 2 years. We never had done anything intimate the whole time so we didn’t ruin or friendship, about 2 months ago we were intimate and I expressed that I think I have feelings for home that are more than friends we started trying casually dating as in going out to dinners, sleep overs, we even did a weekend trip. But on that trip we were standing in the mirror of the hotel bathroom while brushing out teeth and I said we look good next to each other I’ve never seen use beside each other and he said oh yeah we never have. ( like a year ago we were outside waiting for a table at a restaurant and this elderly later said wow you guys a beautiful couple and he just said oh Thank you!) after the mirror thing it made me think about this time and it really brought me joy and I could really see this working out. Few weeks later I felt he was pulling away from me and I confronted him over a phone call and asked if we were okay or if he didn’t want to continue “dating” and he told me that he felt that he isn’t ready for a relationship ( he went through a painful divorce not his fault) but it’s been 3years since it and he is still emotionally not ready and what I said when we were in front of the mirror felt so real like BF and GF and it made him realize that he doesn’t want a relationship. I understood and still had hope that I was enough to help him move on. He’s an amazing guy and I think he’s worth fighting for but another part of me is like I need to separate myself because I will be holding onto hope and I’m going to be even more hurt if he doesn’t want anything with me. So lately I’ve been getting 1-4 message exchanges a day I feel like I’m nothing to him now. Today I didn’t respond to his first text of the day which he send at 1:30pm I’m like the days already almost over!! And we had plans today he was gonna help me with my car and when he didn’t text earlier I knew he was gonna cancel which in the message he said sorry I don’t think imma have time today to do your car. I want to respond so bad but now it’s almost midnight and I’m thinking to myself I’m not ready to let go of our friendship or him. I had a feeling he wasn’t gonna go through with it because ever since our trip he has made any excuses to not be available to hang out or see me. Do you think I should text back with a excuse why I didn’t respond (I was thinking of saying I left it in my parents car after they dropped me off at my house) or just leave it and go ghost?

TL;DR: I’m not ready to say goodbye. Good friends were intimate and attempted dating ; didn’t work and not I think I just destroyed our friendship.

Burner account because I want maximum anonymity.

Me (21F) and my bf (25M) have been together for about 7 months. And just like in any long relationship, we had our ups and downs. I got on birth control not a long ago before we started dating and it took a toll on me mentally. I’ve had crazy mood swings that I’m myself confused on, I have a history of depression and family history of BPD but never had mood swings like I had on birth control. I’ve already regulated my mood swings and learnt how to control them so lately we have been okay. I have always been grateful for him and any time I would be on a phone with my family I would never let anyone speak bad about him or even think to speak bad about him. I also would never go on telling my family, even my brother who I’m closest with about me and my bf’s business, even if I’m really upset and need consultation. I simply think that all problems needs to be fixed within the relationship and letting others in your business may affect how others gonna view your s/o. So fast forward to tonight, I went through my bf’s phone. I’m feeling extremely guilty for it but I know that he always seeks help if he needs it, in the opposite of me. So I knew that he did ask for help whenever we had our ups and downs I just wanted to know how he approached it and could he be “badmouthing” me. Turns out he did, I can not blaming him for seeking for help but saying that I’m a brat and “throwing tantrums” over nothing, being immature and all those words he would never say to my face. To my face he’s always so supportive and understanding. But after reading those texts where he badmouths me and when his sister talks bad about me and him not trying to stop it really hurts me. Especially after knowing that I would never allow anyone speak badly about him… And the worst part is that he never tells good I do, only bad. I’m a monster in his sisters eyes and it breaks my heart. Bad relationship with my in-laws will be a reasonable reason to break up, after seeing how bad it can affect woman.

TLDR:; My bf talks only bad about me, never good to his sisters, and doesn’t try stopping them from calling me names. I don’t know if I’m overreacting.

My "friend" of 10 years does this thing where he won't respond for either weeks or months without notice. It started a couple years ago, no big deal. Last year, I didn't hear from him for over a month and half, didn't respond nor did he reach out. And he didn't even reach out on my birthday. I confronted him and he claimed he was busy, I told him that no one is that busy, unless you're POTUS; he apologized. Earlier this year (September), he does it again, he claimed he was busy again. And now here we are, I haven't heard from him in over a month ano my birthday was yesterday and guess who didn't reach out again?! He's in school just like me and so I give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to claiming to be busy but then when I logon to PlayStation I see that he's profile is online, then I'm sitting here like "oh you got time to play Madden but not to respond to your buddy, eh?" I'm so tired of not having my efforts reciprocated, even my girlfriend says he's being a lousy friend. Is it time to cut bait with this guy?

TL;DR Friend of 10+ years is ghosting me and giving me a half baked reason for doing so. Unsure of how to handle situation.

I 35f have been w my bf 30m for two years. We have had a lot of issues stemming from him emotionally cheating to him being very critical of my friends, me, the way I spend my time, and my looks. I’ve never been insecure of my looks or personality until I met him. he says comments that over time have made me feel bad about myself. I started to get pimples and he would pick at them. If I tell him to stop he will hold me down and pop them. I yell and try to get away but he insists it helps. My skin got worse and worse. I finally stood my ground told him never to pick at my face again and now my skin is great no pimples but I do have marks. In a way I felt like he was doing it on purpose to make me uglier.

Any male friends of mine he has pushed away. Even acquaintances don’t talk to me anymore because of comments he’s made telling them to leave me alone or he will fight them.

I try to let it roll of my shoulder because he isn’t the best at making friends. He can seem very judgmental. Well. I guess he is judgmental. When we talk and anyone comes up he has a litany of issues with how that person presents themselves, their character etc. he always has something to say. He doesn’t think it’s negative but really it’s always shit talking. And I should assume he does it to me.

If I am home which is rare, he calls and sees what I am doing and I can never relax. I always need to be doing something productive or I get a lecture. And he keeps me up until 4am every night talking about his interests. I like hearing about them but I get tired and he will talk for hours on end and gets mad when I don’t have any input. I just run out of questions and really don’t know what to say after a while. He never asks me about myself. He really doesn’t know anything about me

I don’t know how to explain myself. I just get mad and want to go home. He doesn’t understand I need time to myself sometimes. And when I try to have some peace he calls texts asks me when I’ll be back he’s hungry etc. he won’t even reheat food for himself I have to be responsible for every meal. I have to cook dinner every single night. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m so used to this every time I try to leave he gets me back. How do I deal with this. How do I feel better, communicate better so he gets me. I just want to feel loved and he doesn’t understand how much these things affect me. He says it’s not a big deal and I’m overreacting. But it’s a big deal to me and I just want to be understood. I’ve never been in a relationship like this and I just need advice.

Tl;dr I want to communicate better with my bf and possibly have a way out. I know it sounds horrible but it isn’t all the time.

Short backstory. Been dating for 3 years, F31 M26. When we started dating I made it clear I don’t want to date anyone who smokes weed. So he hid it from me for a year. And then asked if he can have it for his anxiety, for medical version, I was willing to work with it, went into state of severe abuse that resulted us breaking up, got back together as he told me he is going to try to quit and lowered his consumption but half a joint before bed has again turned into two joints a day starting at 3 pm.

Some days he wants to quit some days he yells at me he should be able to do what he wants when I hold him accountable for his own words and promises around it.

We used to have great sex. And do when he is sober. But being high again it just ain’t it. He just wants to lay there and wank next to me or get head and I find it so odd. I have never been with a man who wants to wank and get his balls rubbed instead of being intimate. I don’t know if weed just makes him self-centred and enjoy himself or just lazy.

Weed makes sex better for him and I just know it’s a disappointment coming before we start.

I don’t know how to approach this or bring it up without hurting his feeling or making him feel horrible. How should I bring this up so he doesn’t get defensive or offended ?

TLDR Partners weed habit makes sex not enjoyable

I (21F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (22M) for almost 2.5 years, and lately, I’m feeling emotionally neglected. In the first year, everything felt amazing. He was emotionally affectionate, spontaneous with "I love you"s, and even talked about our future together. We went on a trip, and everything felt like it was going in the right direction.

But over the past year, he’s become distant. I feel like I’m the one who has to initiate emotional affection, carrying our texting conversations, and bring up our future. Whenever I bring up my feelings or any concerns, he either shuts down or gives short responses. If I express that I miss the emotional connection we had in the beginning, he says things like "I’m not comfortable with affection" or "It doesn’t feel natural to me." Whenever I try to talk about when we will get married or have kids, he either gets annoyed bc of how much I bring it up and gives minimal responses, saying he doesn’t know where he’ll be in a few years. I bring it up a lot because he’s never given me a clear answer.

He apologizes when I bring up how I feel, but his actions never change. It’s like we’re stuck in a pattern where nothing ever gets better. I’ve tried to be patient, but I can’t help but feel like I’m the one putting in all the emotional work. I have an anxious attachment style, so I need reassurance, but it feels like every time I bring it up, he pulls away even more. Is this relationship worth salvaging, or am I just wasting my time? How do I know if it’s a sign of an anxious-avoidant dynamic?

TL;DR I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (22M) for 2.5 years. In the beginning, he was emotionally affectionate and initiated conversations about our future. Lately, though, he’s become emotionally distant. He no longer initiates affection or conversations about our future, and when I bring up my concerns, he shuts down or gives short responses. I feel like I’m the one putting in the emotional effort. I’m unsure if I’m overreacting or if this emotional distance is a dealbreaker. What should I do?

My fiancé and I began dating a bit over a year ago after matching on bumble even though we had met briefly several times at the company we both currently work at. I thought he was attractive, extremely intelligent, driven and moving toward a well-earning job, and out of my league. I was swept of my feet with dozens of roses every week, every gift or thing I ever laid my eyes on or said that I wanted, and we got engaged in the most grand, romantic way after four and a half months of dating. He has never let me go a day without roses (my favorite flower) in my vases, my favorite sweets and food stocked in the fridge, or anything I ever wanted/needed, including fixing my car himself on his rare days off. After I moved in with him, he has let me redecorate (to an extent), and picks up extra shifts to make sure that I don’t have to worry about contributing to rent so I can finish my college degree. I have reciprocated to the best of my ability by observing what is meaningful to him and picking up responsibilities around the house and any errands that he needs done to make his life easier, happier, and to surprise him. I’ve been learning his native language and practicing with his family, who is his number one priority, and have made them mine as well.

This being said, we argue frequently now, from simple disagreements to heated arguments. A fair amount of them are started because he decides to jokingly say hurtful names and things that I’ve expressed to him numerous times hits on my insecurities like weight, having previous intimate partners, and “laziness”. While he did grow up speaking another language so he might not realize the weight of these words, he is fluent in English and does understand a fair degree of nuance. He typically works 80+ hours a week and is only home 2-3 days a week, and I work two stressful and physical jobs (both alternating and part time, together ranging from 24-72 hrs a week since I’ve cut down my hours after I moved in with him) and am full time in school (5 classes, some of which are incredibly difficult for me), and managing my time can be quite difficult because I am so exhausted much of the time. We also argue about time management because he says that I don’t use my time effectively with studying or cleaning the house, and while he does usually do laundry, we share a lot of the bigger house cleaning, and I cook most meals for the two of us whenever he is home and often wake up earlier than him to make breakfast or food to take to work with him. He says often times these words are meant to stop procrastinating and motivate me to do school work, go to the gym, or to stop doing something that he finds irritating, but acts dismissive of me when I tell him that they are hurtful and wear at my self confidence. I have even learned some equivalent words in his language, however when I respond back to him with the same word, it suddenly becomes extremely offensive and serious and he demands an apology if I don’t want him to ignore me for several days (typical behavior if he doesn’t get what he wants, however when put to the test sometimes he can’t hold to the cold shoulder and asks me incessantly for an apology so that his pride is satisfied and we can move on) , because he has a tendency (and is completely and admittedly self aware of this) to be incredibly stubborn and unwilling to admit that he is wrong.

And while he physically does a lot to go out of his way to be kind to people and help other people a lot of the time, sometimes more than I think is even healthy for his own boundaries, he is also very silently judgmental of others, and began voicing these opinions to me later in our relationship. It surprised me at first how harsh his opinions and first impressions of others were, until I gradually began to understand the impossible standards he has (and holds himself to, many times). That being said, he many times refuses to go back on first impressions.

This has led to him judging several of my friends quite harshly upon meeting them, some of which were my inner circle and former housemates of mine for several years, and have ultimately led to me distancing myself from them to keep the peace or going to see them when he’s at work and not mentioning it, as he would get very upset if I went to spend time with them when he was home and slightly upset if I even mentioned seeing them at all. He would say that they are not good people, or not good for me, or even in one circumstance mentioned concerns about me cheating on him with a guy friend (who I had lived with for several years and never had any romantic situations or inclinations toward, and one who coincidentally reminded him of a friend who his ex had cheated on him with). I had almost broken up with him over this in the first few months, and made it clear that I will not cut off my important relationships because of him. This came with the compromise that I would not bring certain friends of mine up in conversation or around the house, and that I would not drink around other men when he isn’t present (which means no drinking at friend group reunions, even when my girls are present). Meanwhile, I have welcomed all of his friends regardless of gender, despite being aware that I am not the most socially perceptive individual and worried about that fact with this being the first relationship I’ve had with a man who has several close women friends.

My trust in him lately was significantly damaged when we went to visit my father’s grave together several months ago. My father and I were very close growing up, and he was brilliant and supported me, my dreams, and my education many times when no one else in my family did. I loved him dearly. He took his own life when I just started high school and I’ve struggled with grief and PTSD since, however after many years of therapy I have healed immensely and found a lot of purpose in using my experience to be there for others in many ways. That being said, ten years later now I still deal with heightened emotional/stress responses around traumatic anniversaries and certain benchmarks in life that I had begged him to stick around for that have not been erased despite my best efforts, and I have communicated clearly that I need extra support and understanding around these times. I can’t remember what we had been arguing about on the way to visit my fathers grave near one of these anniversaries, but it had irritated him enough to, as we stood in front of the cemetery in the snow, go off topic and tell me that I should stop holding on to my father’s death and that I should have moved on by now, and that I was pointlessly obsessed over it. He quickly realized how absolutely cruel it was and had apologized for it, however has since expressed similar (albeit less blunt) sentiments and has made it impossible for me to be vulnerable and open up on this topic, which makes me feel incredibly alone on anniversaries and difficult days that my family avoids like the plague and the friends who used to honor him with me have moved away.

Outside of that, just in general, he stopped respecting my physical or emotional boundaries several months into the relationship, especially after the engagement and even more so after I moved in with him, even when I clearly and explicitly state them or try to have a productive conversation about it, and sometimes even laughs when I get upset and cry. His mother witnessed this the other day, and spoke to me after to tell me that as much as he has changed after he has met me, that I should not show him my tears and that he will not understand. Some of this has been expressed to me by his mother and sister as a cultural difference, as he comes from a culture with more traditional gender roles and a significant aversion to emotional vulnerability as it’s seen as weakness for men. This being said, I can’t tell how much of this is a cultural difference, or genuine emotional unavailability/fear of vulnerability.

I do see the ways he genuinely cares about me, tries to think of me and spend time with me, and makes repair attempts after each argument. I do the same, however it feels like many of these arguments are only superficially dealt with lately, and it has put us both more and more on edge. I’m not without wrong in this either, as I have a short fuse with certain types of offensive jokes and comments because often times I genuinely can’t tell whether they are meant to be a playful rib or something meant to hurt me, and an even shorter fuse when he finds me expressing discomfort at this or serious feelings in general funny and doubling down on it.

I began dating him because I admire him, his perseverance, what he does for others, his intentions in life. We have similar goals for our future, want to travel together and see things together and push each other forward. I am willing to make sacrifices to support his career because it seemed meaningful and it seemed as if he would cherish me greatly for it, and yet now I find myself unsure because in his words he doesn’t seem remotely satisfied with who I am now or my efforts thus far and I’m afraid he will look down on me more over time. I wanted a connection based on mutual understanding but it feels like more than not now there is very strained emotional connection or vulnerability present and it makes both of our gestures seem kinda empty and pointless. I want to save this relationship, but I am afraid of entering an unhappy marriage that will only hurt us both. He has clearly dismissed the possibility of therapy together despite my insistence, so are there any other ways to approach fostering more emotional availability? How can we work on creating and/or repairing mutual respect and trust?

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TL;DR: My fiancé and I have very similar goals in life, but we process emotional things very differently and our communication is in shambles as a result. Is there a different way to approach communicating about these issues?

I (F19) have been dating my boyfriend (M20) for about four months now. This is my first serious relationship, and I don't know what to expect of a partner, but I also don't want my personal insecurities to drag me down. I'm incredibly sensitive about my height and weight; I'm taller than most people and also, to put it bluntly, I'm fat. I don't know how to do makeup, I have relatively short hair that I can't really style, and I'm quite possibly the opposite of what one might call attractive. I stayed single all throughout my high school years because nobody ever showed any attraction to me. People I've liked in the pasthave told me to my face just how repulsive they find me. Even if I'm told otherwise by him, I can't help but think my boyfriend might feel the same and is just dating me to make me feel better. He's been the sweetest person ever, he's done nothing to make me question his feelings for me, but I just can't help but think that he finds me ugly and is just not telling me. It doesn't help that I'm in college 17 hours away from my hometown, where he lives, so I only see him whenever he visits me or during extended breaks. I love him so so much and I want him to find me pretty, and I'm pretty sure he does, but I just don't know how to convince myself he does. Any advice?

TL;DR: how do I deal with my insecurities about my looks without dragging down my long distance relationship?

I apologize in advantage for the LONG text (if it is for some people) but I think I need to give context, especially when it's about a long relationship with its ups and downs.

I am in an almost 5-year long DISTANCE relationship with my current partner. It is worth mentioning that he and I have never met in person, but we were born in the same country, and in the same city and we also have many friends in common but for some reason, we never meet in person. He added me on Facebook and that's how we met. We started chatting when he just arrived in the US and I was here in Venezuela (still living here). After several years of knowing each other, we became girlfriend and boyfriend in January 2020, before the pandemic. When COVID hit, we were a little demoralized, but we did not give up. The first year was normal with messages, sometimes calls, and sometimes gifts per shipment. Except for certain episodes of jealousy, and stalking by both of us, the relationship was going well. We could deal with the distance and solve other problems by talking. Also, during that time, I had enough time to research how to get an American visa to visit him. It is all very complicated to summarize my odyssey looking for that kind of information because entering the USA as a Venezuelan is not easy. In his illegal status, he has no rights in that country, not even to leave and enter without a problem, but he has been in proceedings since he arrived to be granted political asylum and it has become a complex issue we barely talk about. While I do not meet the requirements to obtain an American visa being Venezuelan and without familiars and the best economic status. The reality is that we have been trying to endure the distance for years. Still, I am starting to get tired of not being able to have a normal relationship with him where there are only phone calls and only occasionally video calls while I see other couples of my age living together or just having a normal date. Still, we also do other things together online. I don't find it sustainable anymore and my feelings for him have changed a bit, especially because I have been disappointed in his attitude towards this and he doesn't guarantee me the security to take such an important step as starting from scratch in another country. I feel very conflicted because I still love him and he gives me that peace that I sometimes need. We took a break last year of less than a month and I came back because of the dependency I still felt. He understands me like no other person and accepts me as I am. The treatment every day is the same with words of affirmation, and calls, but every time there is a discussion it is more intense than the previous one and we are more insecure than ever. I really love him but I don't feel happy with this. He has been very good to me and I don't want to feel that this was all in vain. I don't know what to do. Maybe the answer is easy for some but I genuinely love him even if it's not as romantic as it used.

Should I continue or break up with him knowing that it also means losing him as a friend?

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**TL;DR;**: I have had a long-distance boyfriend for 5 years, the obstacles are too big for us but we don't know if finally one day we will be able to see each other and make things work like a common relationship. Also, fulfilled dreams that I had with him for a long time. And I still have a little hope that everything will get better when we are together. But many things have changed in it, including my feelings a little bit, but he is the only person who understands and supports me more than anyone else right now. Breaking up with him would mean losing him too. Any details I have omitted or forgotten can be asked before making a judgment, except for his personal information out of respect, but I will answer mine. I don't think anyone is going to read this in full but if you did, thank you very much!

I’m 21M and have never been in a relationship. Throughout my childhood and most of my teenage years I was very overweight and a nerdy type so needless to say I didn’t get any female attention. I was also (and still am) very shy so it takes a while for me to really open up to people. I am friends with both men and women and that hasn’t really ever been a problem to me, the problems comes whenever I want something more. I’m not the type to “fall in love at first sight” or even really to feel a strong attraction just by looks which means I always end up crushing on someone I already know or have as a friend. When I was 19 I started working out (not because I thought it would get me attention but really I was just bored) and I have always enjoyed the gym since then. I’m not super buff or anything like that but my body does look a lot better than it did 2 years ago and this made a difference in my love life (sort of). I noticed girls looking at me differently at parties and some even approaching me, but like I said, I usually take longer (at least 1 or 2 dates) to really start feeling something for someone. Anyway, the biggest problem that I have is that when I do eventually fall for someone I pretty hard. Not in a creepy way, I never stalked someone (physically or online) in any way, it’s more internalized, like my entire mood depends on how that person responds to me kind of thing, and what always seems to happen is that I like people more than they like me, and this just keeps destroying me every time. The most recent case was Liz (21F) (fake name) who I met in my first year at Uni (so about 3 years ago). We knew each other but were never really close but we did have a few friends in common. I texted her about 6 months ago saying we hadn’t talked in a while and should meet up but she in a different country at the time so it didn’t work. About 2 months after that (I sort of forgot about the whole thing) she texted me saying she had come back and asking me out but this time it was me who was actually in a different country for a while (lol). Long story short I did eventually return and we went out and it was really fun. I didn’t really make a move cause I didn’t want to ruin it but it was still great. We went out a few more times since then (sometimes just the 2 of us and sometimes in a group) and obviously, I stupidly fell for her. The last time we went out we talked for a long time and it ended with me telling her about a great restaurant I knew and her replying that we should go there next time. I thought everything was great but since then every time I try to setup another date (about 4 times int the last month) she either blows me off with a bullshit excuse or says that we should make it a “group thing”. Not sure if it’s obvious by the way I wrote it but I promise that its very clear that she just doesn’t really want to see me anymore and I just don’t know why. I don’t really know what to do or think I feel like I just want to talk to her and ask her what did I do wrong or what can I change but I just don’t know how. I’m also sick of my friends giving me that bullshit of “its her problem if she doesn’t see the good guy you are.” because I just don’t believe that crap anymore.

Is there anything I can do about this situation or anything I can do to avoid this in the future?

Happy to answer any questions or clarify anything if needed and sorry for any grammatical mistakes English is not my first language.

TL;DR: Have always had a problem of liking people more than they like me and I don’t know to deal with getting heart broken every time.

My boyfriend (26M) and I (27M) have been dating for 5 months. Three months ago, a friend (30 M) of his came to our city to visit his family, so my boyfriend let him stay at his place for a day. Everything seemed fine until I found out that, in the past, they had been friends with benefits. I got a little upset that he hadn’t mentioned this to me beforehand, but I decided to let it go. He explained that he slept in the living room because the dynamic with his friend felt awkward, which is why he didn’t want to share a room. The next day, his friend returned to his state, and I haven’t seen him since.

I didn’t think much about it for a while, but today, we went for a picnic in the park. I made breakfast for both of us, and we were eating peacefully when my boyfriend started playing WhatsApp voice messages from his friend out loud. He told me they were chatting about how they relate to Elphaba from Wicked, but in one of the audios (which I wasn’t really paying attention to), I suddenly heard his friend say, “I love how you trust me, whatever, I even touched your d**k in your room.”

I was completely shocked. My boyfriend kept listening to the audio like it was no big deal, and I was left feeling confused. I know that when they were friends with benefits, my boyfriend never invited this guy into his room until that night I mentioned. I asked him what his friend meant by that, and he reassured me that he didn’t know, that his friend is very sexual, but he promised nothing happened between them that night. He also said that thinking about his friend in a sexual way makes him feel weird.

I kind of believe him because in another audio I heard his friend saying he likes him a lot as a friend, not romantically. But I'm still feeling really sad and confused about the whole situation and don’t know what to do.

Please help, I’m feeling lost right now.

TL;DR I'm (27M) feeling confused and upset about my relationship with my boyfriend (26M). Three months ago, my boyfriend’s friend (30M), with whom he had previously been friends with benefits, stayed at their place for a day. My boyfriend didn’t mention this history beforehand, which upset me. During the visit, my boyfriend claimed he slept in the living room to avoid awkwardness. Things seemed fine until, during a picnic, my bf played voice messages from this friend, in which his friend mentioned touching my boyfriend's d**k in his room. I was shocked, but my boyfriend reassured me that nothing happened and that thinking about his friend sexually makes him uncomfortable. Though i believe his explanation, i still feel sad and unsure about how to move forward with the situation.

I'm 21, my boyfriend is 29. I've been with him for 3 years now. I had the idea that we would be together forever. But for a few months now I've been having these annoying reoccuring dreams about being loved by and sexual with other people, and I'm afraid my dreams are my subconscious mind telling me that I want to see what else is out there.

I've been with him since I was 19. We moved in together about a year later, so now I have no idea what my living arrangement would be without him. In these times I can not afford rent. Especially working unstable casual jobs, I can not commit to real estate.

Yes I love him and he makes me laugh. I think we both feel like our relationship had died down and the spark has gone. He told me a few weeks ago that I can break up with him if I want. I know he knows I feel like this.

Is there any point leaving him? I'm not sure anything is actually out there that I'm missing.

I've just had this anxiety lately that in getting old and I'm spending my prime years doing what I'll do when I'm 40-60.

I feel like I'm getting bored of the same thing. Working everyday, going home to watch TV with him and sleep. Is this what we will be doing until I die? I've been missing those days when I first met him.

Someone knock some sense in to me, tell me I'm being selfish and should talk to him.

Is this just a normal phase in relationships, will I love him again, should we take a break and am I showing the signs of a typical cheater?

TL;DR: I feel like I'm wasting my young years committing to this relationship. The spark has died in this long-term relationship and I've been craving feelings of new affection from other people. Are my feelings valid? And what should I be doing about this?

Man bro where do I (m15) even start, this girl (f15) is so perfect in my eyes, no flaws to her at all. We get along perfectly and have some of the best conversations I’ve ever had with anybody. She’s so pretty but like that’s not all I see in her she has the best personality of any girl I’ve ever met and I can never talk to girls at all for some reason, but her it’s like I can have a conversation with like she’s one of my boys. According to her cousin he said she likes me and wants me and I can believe it and people are always saying we should just get together but the thing is I don’t won’t her to say no for whatever reason and then lose our friendship. She’s honestly the best most, real friend I have and I just don’t know if it’s worth risking that. What do you think I should do?

TL;DR!-I have a great female friend and want to make her my girlfriend but I don’t know if it’s worth risking our friendship.

Usually, I just go with my gut. But something is different about this girl (positive). I met her a few weeks ago through some mutual friends I've been visiting during their grad school and 5th years. We hit it off pretty quickly and by the end of the 2nd day we knew each other we were comfortable enough to ditch everyone and go bar hop on our own sidequest. Anyway, we text the next couple of days and make plans to go to a concert together since we both have the same music taste. She seemed very excited to go with me, and we've had the weird awkward exchanges of oh I think you're cool and she thinks I'm cool (I hate myself for that one lmao). But I don't know if I should ask if it's a date or just go with whatever. Because if I assume it's a date and it's not it probably gets awkward, and if I don't assume it's a date but it is then I miss an opportunity here. Or even worse I ask if it's a date and she says no and then it's like weird too. Please someone give me advice hahahaha.

TLDR: met a girl through mutual friends, vibes are good but I don't know if I should ask her if our concert plans are a date or not.

me and my bf have been together for 9.5 months and u’m not sure how to say this without sounding incredibly insane but I get so jealous of my boyfriend sister. She is so pretty and I have bad insecurity issues so I feel like one i already view her as competition without her even being related to my boyfriend, like if I wasn’t dating him, I would view her as prettier than me and better than me and just as competition in a way. I just want to understand why I feel this way because when we first started dating, I didn’t have a problem mind you he’s in the Navy and I only get to see him when he takes leave.

our relationship is long distance, we FaceTime and call every day so when she calls him while we’re on the phone, he immediately hangs up but if it’s someone else calling him, he’ll give me a warning and say “ I’m getting a call. I love you.” but he doesn’t say I love you and if it’s his sister calling he immediately hangs up. so I already feel like she’s taking that time away from me and him even though he’s also long ways away from his family and its not just me that he needs to talk to and I know that but the way that he hangs up so quickly just kind of irks me. I hate it so much and I wanna know why I feel that way. But I also want to know why I get so jealous of her when they hang out, especially when he comes to visit. He had told me he was going to Waffle House with her after he went to the gym with his friend and I got so jealous and I don’t know why. I guess my mind was like she’s dating him but they’re literally siblings and I hate that my mind goes there. It’s so weird.

But I also don’t like his sister in general I would have never been friends with her if I wasn’t dating him and I’m not even friends with her now we don’t talk or have a relationship like that. She’s very self-absorbed and is always on her phone, taking pictures of herself and doing TikToks which I find in of itself very icky. For example, me and my boyfriend and his sister went to go meet my family for dinner and the entire time we were in the car she was doing TikToks of herself which is fine, but also made me not like her because of the way she was doing it and being very rude and not cautious of other people in the car, which made me automatically think of her as not a good person and just rude. she has been rude she is not a good person and is friends with people that are bad and she does really questionable things. i wouldn’t like her just in general but her being his sister makes me so mad and him hanging out with her makes me jealous and i hate it so much.

TL;DR I hate that i get so jealous of my boyfriends sister and i know it’s unhealthy and toxic but i just want to understand why i feel the need to overthink everything he does and says about his sister. I don’t understand where my insecurity is coming from and I want to stop because I hate that I get so mad at him for it, its so toxic and this is the only setback that I’m having with myself cause our relationship is good otherwise :(

Hello strangers! This might be a little weird, but I, M14 am dating a F14! I know it's a young dating age but I'd really like some advice. So recently, my partner has a habit of saying I don't know and saying she misses her friend. I'll be frank, I have not dated anyone before her and we have only dated for 2 months but I started off just with a relationship right off the bat. She struggles to keep up conversations so I try my best to work one out. I know, it was a bad move although I got to know her better shortly following the start of our relationship. Turns out we don't have anything much in common and I was trying my best to make something work out, asking her if she wanted to try out new things with me, and she agreed but she's been telling me she wants to sleep in. She and her parents have a bad history with each other and treat her badly so I want to be there for her and its difficult for me to make a choice whether to cut ties or not. I genuinely do not want to hurt her feelings and I really want the best for the both of us despite our young age. But if it's required for both our benefit, then it is to be done.

Advice is greatly appreciated and taken to account. Thank you fellow strangers!

TL;DR: What should I do? Cut ties or stay and work things out?

Hi everyone, I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend, and things have just been feeling off for a while. I’m not sure what to do anymore.

We don’t have physical intimacy anymore – the last time we were intimate was eight months ago. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but every time I bring it up, he either shuts down or gets upset. Honestly, I’m not attracted to him the way I used to be, and I don’t even like kissing him anymore. I don’t know why, but I just don’t feel it anymore.

We’ve never had a satisfying sexual relationship. After two years, I’ve never reached orgasm with him, and every time I try to talk about it, he gets defensive or shuts down. This lack of communication is really wearing me down.

On top of that, I feel like I’m doing everything around the house – the cleaning, the cooking, the errands – and when I ask him to pitch in, it’s always a struggle. His brother is living with us now, which is making the house even more chaotic and messy.

To make matters worse, he recently invested in crypto using some money I gave him, and he lost $5000. I’ve tried to stay supportive, but it feels like he doesn’t take responsibility for his actions. He also uses my car whenever he wants, even to pick up his brother, and I’m not happy about that because it’s my car.

I do think he loves me in his way. He’s always offering to pay for things when we’re out, like food or makeup. I know he’s trying, but I’m just not feeling like it’s enough anymore.

There’s also his mom. She’s extremely intrusive, constantly asking him what he’s doing and treating him like he’s a child. She reminds him to wear a scarf, where his hat is, etc., and it’s honestly driving me crazy. We’re living in a different country, and he hasn’t seen her in six years, but I feel like she’s crossing boundaries by being so overbearing in our relationship.

I’m at a breaking point, and I’m starting to think about going outside the relationship to get my emotional and physical needs met. I know it’s not the solution, but the thought is starting to cross my mind because I feel so neglected.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Should I keep trying, or is it time to walk away? I’m feeling lost and overwhelmed.

TL;DR: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and lately, things have been feeling off. We don’t have intimacy anymore, communication is lacking, he’s irresponsible with money, and he doesn’t help around the house. I also have issues with his overbearing mom. I’m considering leaving but am unsure what to do.

TL;DR: Gf and I are long distance and I feel like she expects things out of the relationship that I cannot provide as person with my own life and struggles. I don’t know whether to wait until ‘calmer seas’ in the near future to determine how to continue, or if I should accept the fact that I cannot meet her needs and my own at the same time.

As listed in the title, gf (f20) and I (m20) are having issues with balancing expectations while long-distance. We’ve been dating for nearly 2 years, mostly long distance during college, but a handful of visits throughout the school year as well as being from the same hometown for winter/summer. The relationship has been solid so far, with minor issues coming up dealing with our styles of communication, but lately a recurring argument deals with balancing lifestyle and expectations. In short, we are both busy college students. We have work, classes, a social network, and life to deal with, and being long distance, that can lead to an attention deficit. I recognize this pretty well, and am fine with a little less contact throughout the week. We are also graduating soon and that’ll significantly reduce the distance and lack of attention both ways. However, the issue arises with her expectations for the relationship. It’s totally fair for her to express her need to feel attended to, to feel like she is in a relationship despite the distance, and I feel bad because I haven’t been able to meet that need as well as I’d like. However no matter how many ways I explain it to her, she doesn’t seem to understand that I still have to balance my life with her in it. I cannot drop everything and call every night, or reply immediately all the time. If I have a few projects due one week, I’m going to be both literally busy doing the project and also mentally checked out after the fact. I cannot automatically make myself less exhausted just because right now is the time that she wants to have an energetic conversation. Her expectations seem to follow the classic loving couple that effortlessly knows what the other is thinking and are perfectly made for each other, and ofc reality ain’t all that, and I feel unfairly held to standards that are only going to leave her perpetually dissatisfied with the relationship.

I just don’t know if this is sustainable. It’s clear that in order to keep myself mentally, academically, and physically healthy, which involves regularly interacting with my peers, completing all my work, getting decent sleep (more of a goal than a current reality), and taking time to rest after stressful work, I end up sacrificing some time that ideally would be dedicated to her. After graduating, we won’t be long distance, and won’t have as intense academic work, but if it’s still not working, what then? It will have been a painful “almost there” for months, waiting for a result that never comes, leaving only heartbreak. But would I be quitting prematurely by accepting this realization now? If this doesn’t work, I’ll be hurt for sure, but she will be absolutely devastated, and I don’t know if I have the heart to let her go.

Before I get to the story I just want to say 2-3 friends know about my main reddit account so for privacy I had to create a new throwaway account just for this post that's why it's a new account, not a troll!

I tried to keep it short but I think it's not possible, apologies for the long ass post

So there was this friend of mine who I knew from my childhood, we were schoolmates, she was really pretty and sweet and so was kinda the school crush, in 2017 we kinda started dating but things ended as we were not able to meet because of long distance and stuff and a relationship cannot survive just online, I was heartbroken but I moved on, after that we didn't speak to each other for a while, then in 2020 we connected again and we kinda apologized and owned up for our mistakes.

From 2020-2022 we were just friends but somewhere around 2022 I fell in love with her again, this time I fell pretty hard, even though we lived in different countries we managed to meet up once and speak at least once a week on calls.When I told her I loved her she turned me down, at that time I kinda was not able to accept that, I know I may sound like a jerk but in my head she was THE ONE for me, I didn't do anything forcefully to her, I didn't cross any of her boundaries, I did not emotionally blackmail her or anything, she said she wanted to be friends and I kept at that, only one thing which was kinda odd for me during that time was she used kinda ghost me once in a while, sometimes she used to call me up every Sunday and talk for an hour or two and sometimes she used to say stuff like she'll call me later but never did. I used to think she was busy and stuff, I used to think she may not be perfect at communicating but she's busy and let her be.

I did have relapse once or twice and expressed my feelings towards her twice, (I was drunk once) which created a lot of friction, but we managed to patch things up

After a while I was completely done chasing her, I know I should have moved on when she said she was not interested in me for the first time but I did not, it's my mistake and I accept that, but I finally told her, "I don't have feelings for you anymore, I know I've said I moved on once or twice before but still ended up falling for you again but this time I'm completely done once and for all and it won't happen again" those were not my exact words but I wrote it in the nicest way possible in which I don't her feelings in anyway, to which she responded positively, she said she was happy to hear that and we can be good friends. At this point I was genuinely done chasing her and only wanted to be friends and nothing more, I tried talking to her but she kept avoiding me, she called me once on my birthday and whished me, and she told me she'll call me later but she never did, I called her on her birthday and wished her, she told me she'll call me later but she never did! I confronted via text once and she told me she's going through some stuff and she'll call me once things get better but I see her enjoying with her other friends and making time for other friends, I got to know she was avoiding me on purpose.

When I was talking to another friend of mine, who is a family friend of that person I got to know about each and everything, why she did whatever she did, before I get to that part I just want to say I completely trust this friend and I do trust her information cuz she has been reliable all the time.

So the information this friend gave me about her was

1. she was dating someone else on the side when we were in that long distance relationship, she never admitted but she absolutely dated someone on the side

2. she was in a live in relationship during 2022 when we first started talking on a weekly basis but they both had a huge fight and were falling apart and that's the only reason she kept calling me once a week, I asked her once or twice if she was dating that guy but she always denied it so I thought she was single

I feel like whenever she and that guy started having issues and stuff she used to give me attention, and whenever things got better between them she used to push me away

Now, today she has left it at the " things are cool between us, I'm just busy and going through some tough time I'll call you when I can" stage but I know what's the reality

There are two choices,

1. I can let it be and delete that person from my life and carry on with my life

2. I can confront her about everything in detail but I know it will just create a bigger mess and she will get to know who was that friend who told me everything and it can create friction between their families ( they both are family friends)

The mature thing would be option 1) and I know many of you guys will agree I should go with it, but I know myself, I know I can't live peacefully if I do that, I can move on live peacefully for a while but it will come haunting me later sometime, how shitty she treated me and how I let it happen, I hate hate leaving without closure, one of my friendship ended in 2020 without closure and it still bothers me to this date

What I'm looking for here is an option 3)

I thought I'll end it in a nice way saying something like " we were good friends but sadly it has to end for reasons I cannot explain, it's not your fault, I'm sorry I can't do this anymore I hope you understand"

I want you guys to give me an advice, I know all of my mistakes and I'm aware of it, I know how I tried staying friends with someone I had feelings for was wrong, I know everything where I was wrong, I don't want you guys to point out my mistakes cuz I'm 100% aware of all the mistakes I did I just want some advice on how to deal with this further as I want to send a text and bid her farewell from my life.

I just want some closure, if not from her side, at least from my side.

Tldr: how do I end things and get closure from a friend of mine who I had feelings for, who said we can be friends but only gave me attention when her relationship had problems and pulled away when issues in her relationship started getting resolved.

TL;DR I haven’t had sex with my husband in 7 years because he doesn’t work hard enough or appreciate me

My husband (31 m) and I (30 f)haven’t had sex since 2018. We stopped having sex when I started my internship and I was doing that plus working a full time job, and he was doing gig work here in there where he would travel . I was exhausted at the end of each day while when he chilling at home. My excuse was always that I was too tired, but I think part of it was that I was upset that he didn’t put in the same amount of work as I did, and I still had to carry the financial load. I thought something would awaken back in me once he was working full time and could help me out financially. However even though I was frustrated he always supported me as I went through my internship and got a full time job. We moved into my parent’s house to save money, which didn’t necessarily help with our intimacy. I hoped that we would start looking for a more stable job, but then the pandemic hit. I was able to save money for the house with 0 financial help from him. I also kept a part time job that I have not quit so I’d be working close to 10hr days.But I still had love for him as we held the same interest and similar goals, but I still didn’t want to sleep with him. It just felt like he hadn’t earned it. We got married this last year in 2023. He had promised me for the longest time that after we had our honeymoon he would get a more stable job. But our honeymoon passed and it was until 8 months later that he finally found a stable job. I’m a little happier financially, but we still have a long way to get ourselves out of the financial hole we created. I feel like it’s too little too late, and I still have no desire to sleep with him. He’s a nice enough guy, and we have similar interests but it kills me that he has never had a problem watching me work myself to the bone, as he has done the bare minimum. Should I just end it? Should I try marriage counseling? I want a happy marriage and a family but I don’t know what to do anymore. I fantasize about having affairs and leaving but idk if I have good enough reasons.

I'm a 33 year old female, and my boyfriend is a 36 year old male. We live separately.

My boyfriend and I are unusual in a handful of complementary ways that make us feel quite lucky to have met each other.

In many areas of life, we fall outside of what's normal or average. For example, we're both atheists, we share similar politics, neither of us ever wants kids, we're both sterilized, we both have insanely high sex drives (2-3 times a day typically), both dedicated to fitness, early retirement, and very specific travel goals. It may be a bit unpopular to indicate, but both of us were also looking for partners without significant mental health issues, after both having had difficulties with previous partners. We are both very direct, pragmatic, intelligent, thoughtful, honest, emotionally regulated. It makes for having excellent and direct communication. The first glaring example of this in action is how, prior to ever meeting, we addressed each other's "dating checklists"/deal breakers for a partner. We discovered a lot of the compatibility points I just mentioned. Lots of people prefer to just meet up and see if you like each other, and tackle the serious stuff later - but we were both excited to be efficient with our time, and loved being honest and direct.

There were a few hiccups that had to be worked out. Compromises or clarifications were made as needed. For example, he said he wouldn't seriously date anyone with any debt but a mortgage; I have a 0% interest student loan for ~$20k and I have a separate savings account earning 5-6% interest with $22k, intentionally set aside in to pay it off just in case. He was fine with that. On my side, I needed someone comfortable with my occasional fainting spell caused my medication, and with contacting my sister or mother if/when I faint (many men are uncomfortable with this due to possibly "meeting" family early). He was similarly uncomfortable but we worked out a compromise (initially telling my family that he was just a friend, and having our first few dates near a hospital, which is unnecessary but I agreed to to put his mind at ease). I'm getting into the specifics to demonstrate how straightforward we are with each other.

Overall, we were both pleasantly shocked to have found each other. Two needles in very large haystacks, to say the least.

The one thing that we didn't 't agree on is marriage. To his absolute credit, he initiated this conversation. He was open about how he intends to never marry. I said that I did want to get married at some point. He places no value on marriage, and I see a lot of value in it. Keep in mind, we talked about this prior to our first date... So, at the time, I closed that point of conversation with saying something to the effect of "Well, that's the first major difference between us. I'm not in a rush, especially without kids, but I do want to get married some day. I'm happy to shelve the conversation and revisit in the future, with the knowledge that we've both been honest. Right now, I'm too excited to have found someone I'm this compatible with..." etc etc, insert some cheesy flirty stuff.

That was 1.5 years ago. And I meant what I said. I was very happy to overlook it at the time. I'm honestly still happy to overlook it right now. I'm not ready to get married right now. But one day, yes, I want it, and our relationship is serious enough to say that eventually I could see myself marrying this man. So, I wanted a clarification.

I should say, this time has easily been the happiest time of my life. My life with respect to my family, friends, and career are great, my health is great, and I have a fantastic boyfriend. From the first date I was just drawn to him - I think of it as being "good natural chemistry" (pheromones, or whatever the human equivalent is). And he has so many positive qualities - he's so smart, kind, motivated, considerate/helpful - and he's got abs for days! We seem to really love each other. The things that feel most important to me in a relationship are present in spades - we can be ourselves around each other, the sex is great, we're compatible on paper, and we both seem to add happiness or convenience to each other's lives. Neither of us are perfect, but our flaws are either mutually complementary or the most minor of deficiencies, especially with compared to how great the quality of our relationship is otherwise. I really like him, and I'm very happy. No relationship has ever been this easy.

So, for a few months, bringing up marriage has been on my mind. I wasn't in a rush, so I've slowly pinpoint the words I'd want to use in various iterations of how I envisioned a conversation. I was less concerned about when we talked than I was at choosing a good moment for it that seemed more organic rather than forced.

And a few days ago, the moment came. We were cuddled up watching a TV show, and a character on the TV mentioned she wanted to find a guy to marry so she could stop working. Another character responded with a sarcastic retort. We both laughed, and my boyfriend said, "God, people get married for the stupidest reasons sometimes." I chuckled, and replied with, "Definitely, I think that happens quite a bit. Do you think there are any good reasons to get married, though?"

And we got into the conversation a little from there. It was light at first and then got heavier. I'll go through the main points.

- At first, he provided the classic, "you don't need a piece of paper to show your love for someone" - marriage isn't proof of love, and it doesn't improve your love.

- I acknowledge the point, I don't think marriage does either of those things necessarily. Those reasons would be excellent in explaining and indifference to marriage, and not necessarily explain a dislike or avoidance of marriage. Are there any reasons he specifically dislikes or wants to avoid marriage?

- He hesitated, and essentially referenced the clip of the show we just watched - many women try to marry up for wealth, and he earns more than most people do, so he's especially at risk for losing a lot. He said this with making the appropriate commentary of "I don't mean you, but the person you marry isn't the person you divorce."

- To sum up his view as fairly as I can, marriage offers minuscule benefit compared to the risk of having to split his wealth or earnings with someone. To be charitable about it and add to his point, we are both against having kids, so homemaking/childrearing is a factor in "giving up your career" for it - I'm less career driven than he is, but still fairly career driven on average.

- For context - I make 120k a year, and he makes $380k. His increases tend to be in the 10-30% range, mine tend to be in the 2%-7% range. The pay cap for my career is likely $140-150k, and his is easily in the 400k-600k range. He also has more flexibility to switch employers and gamble for more if the opportunity ever presents itself. I have to stay with my company for insurance purposes (medication), since it's the top paying company in my field that offers the prescription coverage I require.

- He has 6X the savings that I do.

- He is working on side projects that could potentially net him lump sums of $300k-$700k, related to but external from his job. He sold his first "project" for $200k. It's quite all-or-nothing; he has to gamble his time and the projects either get sold or they don't, and there's only one buyer. Projects take 8-24 months to complete based on the time he puts into them.

- All considered, honestly, if you consider marriage from strictly a financial perspective, I agree with him. I am more likely to benefit financially from marriage that he is. I make quite a bit, but not enough to compensate for the substantial risk of a judge determining hundreds of thousands of dollars are "our income", instead of "his income", if we were ever to divorce. The only financial "advantage" I have compared to him would be a pension through my work and inherence from my family (his family does not have a lot), but inherence is protected in divorce anyway.

- Most of the conversation centered on his views. I think he was surprised I didn't really argue or try to change his mind.

- My contribution was mainly to say that I understhood his perspective, but that I didn't start with analyzing marriage from a financial perspective, I looked at it from the perspective of relationship progress and how and why marriage is the next step. Yes, there are small little financial or convenience perks society provides to those who get married, but none of them are in and of themselves a good reason to get married. What's more central is that it's making a unique commitment that you haven't made to others - marriage, to me, seems to be an agreement to mark the relationship as different than other relationships you've had - more permanent in nature, building lives together instead of separately, with a more serious commitment to stand by each other. Finances are involved as a part of merging your lives, but they are not the central element.

- The way I see relationship progress and the aspect of combining finances through marriage as being related is that it ensures more mutual alignment; less opportunity for finances to interfere with relationship goals. For example, I'd relocate my career for a husband if it resulted in a greater combined income - I would NOT quit my job for any reason for just a boyfriend. I'd also accept some amount of financial dependence from a boyfriend, but not a husband - eg, lay offs, working on a project to sell, going back to school - I wouldn't move in with a partner unmarried (I just don't want to, he knows this and is fine with this), and I would not just hand a boyfriend cash regularly to cover his bills, but if we're married and sharing accounts, then, hey, we've already what's mine is yours.

- He looked like he was genuinely considering what I was saying but had objections or counters he was surpressing.

- I offered a way out of the conversation and said "I was just curious. We should talk about it again, but I don't think this is isn't something I feel we need to solve right now. What about you?"

He took the out I offered and we made out and had some more food talking about trivial things, then went to bed.

I wasn't offended by anything he said - I don't think he meant any of it as a criticism of me personally, and we are very good at taking things at face value. I am somewhat disappointmented that he isn't as romantic as I am about marriage, because there is definitely some element of that as well for me. But I already knew I was the more romantic one between us.

I'm still very happy with him as a boyfriend. This is not something that would break us up, probably for at least a year. I'm still very much basking in how great this relationship is.

One thing I don't want is to have to give someone an ultimatum. I honestly think I wouldn't, I think I would just leave one day. As weird as it is, I'd want to leave when things are good, and abruptly - to be remembered fondly and lovingly except for my absence, to perserve a possibility of reuniting if he has a shift in perspective. I would be dissatisfied with only getting a proposal as a result of the ultimatum, and he would feel pressured - nothing about that is loving or romantic.

The only way I can think of to avoid an ultimatum is to introduce ambiguity.

So, I guess I'm thinking of having a final conversation with him about it in 6-12 months to express "I love you a lot, but I won't stay in a relationship without getting married forever. I don't need marriage now, and I don't know when I'll feel I need it either. I just wanted you to know, even though right now I just want to enjoy what we have, while we have it." And then one day, I don't know when, probably years later, I would just break up since we want different things, and start fresh.

Essentially, "there's a ticking time bomb on this, but you can't see the clock, and the count down has a pleasant tune."It's sad to think about, but I don't see the alternative.

Ultimately I think this work better for his personality, also. He is very stubborn and doesn't like being told what to do - an ultimatum wouldn't even work, even if he somehow changed his mind.

Is there anything I can do to improve this way of breaking up with someone? And I'll ask just in case - are there any perspectives that you could give someone like me to remaining open to never marrying? Or, are there any ways of framing marriage that appeal to people who are against marriage?

TLDR: My boyfriend and I were honest with each other from the moment we met about how he doesn't want to get married and I do (in general, not to each other specifically). After 1.5 years together, I'm not ready for marriage and very willing to stay together for a while longer without marriage, but I am at a point where I want to know whether it's on the table for us at all. Now I'm considering whether either of us can be convinced that marriage is (or isn't) valuable, and how to end relationship without an ultimatum when not marrying is the reason.

I’m feeling confused and I know I did a few things wrong (like telling him to leave), but I’m struggling with the dynamic between my husband and his sister (18F). She moved to the US and stayed with us for 2-3 months before moving to campus. I wasn’t told she’d be staying until a week before her arrival, but I adjusted, treated her kindly, and essentially became a parent during her stay.

After she moved out, I expressed to my husband that I felt neglected. We’d had guests over often and hadn’t had quality time together. We agreed to spend the weekend after she left together, but he broke that agreement by letting her stay with us again. Since then, she has repeatedly interrupted date nights, and we haven’t really had sex due to her presence and related arguments.

He insisted on bringing her to Thanksgiving with my family, even though I didn’t want her there. He also suggested we all sleep on a single air mattress, which I refused. During Thanksgiving, she acted like he was her boyfriend. We were walking into a store and I held my husband’s hand and he held her hand so we looked like a throuple.

Recently, we planned a shopping spree for me, which she joined. We had a shopping spree for my husband a couple months ago and he said he would do one for me. She pulled my husband into another store for an hour, cutting my time short since we didn’t drive. I was visibly irritated, but he walked ahead with her and dismissed my concerns, accusing me of being jealous and competing with her. When I told him I didn’t want her around next year, he said he wouldn’t come either.

When I tried to explain how excluded I felt, he told me to “find someone else to complain to” and called me selfish. In frustration, I asked him to leave the next day, he decided to leave that night. I apologized and told him I thought it was safer to leave in the morning, he was considering it but he left that night, encouraged by his sister. We haven’t spoken since.

Additional Context:

•	His sister constantly inserts herself into our plans and undermines my decisions.
•	She competes with me over knowledge of my husband, despite not growing up with him.
•	She gives me dirty looks and excludes me by speaking another language I don’t understand, even though they both grew up speaking English.
•	Others have noticed the dynamic and commented that she acts like his girlfriend. 

FORGOT TO ADD BUT SHE IS THE ONLY GIRL AND THE YOUNGEST

I don’t believe there’s anything inappropriate happening, but there are no boundaries, and it feels like my husband is okay with me being upset as long as his sister is happy.

TLDR

I’m struggling with the dynamic between my husband and his sister (18F), who lived with us for a few months before moving to campus. Since then, she’s frequently interrupted our plans, and my husband prioritizes her over me, leaving me feeling neglected and excluded. She often acts like his partner, undermines me, and competes for his attention, which others have also noticed. Despite addressing these issues with my husband, he dismisses my concerns, calls me selfish, and seems unwilling to set boundaries. We’ve argued about this repeatedly, and he recently left after an argument encouraged by his sister. I’m unsure how to handle this without causing more conflict.

My partner and I have been together for three years and we share a beautiful 11mo son and both have two children from previous relationships, so our life has always been somewhat difficult and stressful. He has always been a hard worker and works away a lot and has always committed to travelling a long distance to have his children once a fortnight. His ex is abusive and he's still affected by this, it is a similar story with my ex. I have never been married before, he was to his ex and we both lost our homes in our break ups.

He wanted a child and to be married quite early on in the relationship which really worried me, but we were very happy so eventually after time I agreed to try for our son on the condition we would get engaged and married if I fell pregnant, to which he agreed. We started to have problems in the relationship once I fell pregnant. He claimed he was shocked and he'd believed it wasn't going to happen as we'd been trying for around a year and that we'd 'stopped trying', which I didn't understand at all. He bought a house to renovate at the same time for us to move into, as I currently rent. It turned into a big project and we are now a year past the original move in date. He became distant and neglectful, sometimes verbally abusive, missed several maternity appointments and did not show much interest in me or the baby. This was very hurtful and upsetting for me- I was going through a tough time mentally and was off work sick with the pregnancy. He did not support me emotionally nor financially and was turned off by me pregnant. He showed little affection for me and didn't want to get married, I wasn't even sure he was going to be at the birth. He claimed after I'd shut him out and not allowed him to have the involvement he'd wanted and we weren't in a good enough place then for marriage.

When our son was born he did step up and was amazing, was there with me through a traumatic emergency C-section- and supported me for the first week or so. After this time though, he returned to work and his behaviour went back to before. He was focusing on renovations and seeing his girls, he didn't bond very well with our son, didn't support me physically or financially. I arranged couple therapy for us both as a last resort before seperation, he only attended one session but I decided to continue the rest alone. He did improve slightly the more I improved with the therapy. I decided to write a list of essential things I needed from him for the relationship to continue, or else I wished to part ways by a certain timeframe.

Things have improved since then, he has recently been contributing financially and more supportive and has bonded better with our son. Although I still do mostly everything caring for him and the rest of the kids and household chores. He does spends a large amount of time on his phone or distracted the little time he is home and I often feel lonely and unseen.

We are nearing the end of my timeframe and he wants to get married now next year, has started planning and has told our families. He hasn't proposed though and I would love a heartfelt proposal. But I am still very hurt and traumatised from the pregnancy and am struggling to get over it. I do believe he had a lot of shame and doubt at the time and damage from his previous relationship. But I feel I need answers he won't give. He is very reserved and closed off, I still have doubts that he actually finds me physically attractive and wants me for the right reasons, he's not very affectionate nor is he very complimentary. -Just for reference I am naturally slim hourglass figure and didn't gain a huge amount of weight and am back to my pre baby weight. I have always been highly driven physically and I take good care of his needs, but it is not reciprocated and I do feel unsatisfied and frustrated in that area too.

I understand he shows he cares with what he sees as acts of service, but that had been few and far between until recently and he is always playfully reminding me of what he does for me and how lucky I am. But I feel I've put my career on hold, supported him, my home, both our children and son by myself all this time out of love and commitment for them all. All I ask for is some more attention, quality time and to feel wanted physically, nice compliments. A bit of help around the house and some me time every now and then. But I feel guilty it's too much with his MH, work and house commitments. When I have mentioned my needs and concerns, he seems uncomfortable and calls me negative or a nag and I shouldn't dig up the past or I always complain. I feel like I'm dismissed and ignored.

I love him and our family and I do want the security of marriage and a life together. I really don't want to leave- but I still have trauma from the pregnancy and birth, alot of paranoia and resentment and I can't help feel that our life together seems at the expense of my needs and I am always wanting more. I don't know how to come to terms with this for the sake of my family, or how to explain this to him that I am doubting marrying him for these reasons.

TLDR: I have doubts about marrying my partner because of his previous behaviour and my past trauma with our son's pregnancy, we have a beautiful family together- how do I address this with him?

Please be kind thank you x

My boyfriend (M 19) and I (M 18) have been dating for 2.5 years. Over the past several months a close friend of mine (M 20) has been acting strangely towards me. He bought me several expensive gifts, began texting me much more frequently, and most recently pulled me on top of him to cuddle after I’d given him a hug because he had been crying. Apparently he told someone else that he has a crush on me. This friend has also been telling me to breakup with my boyfriend whenever I ask for advice, I’m not sure whether this is out of genuine concern for me or not. I told my boyfriend about this crush and about him telling me to leave the relationship. Now my boyfriend wants me to cut him off. This is the second time this has happened. I don’t want to cut this friend off as he is a good friend and we are close. Plus he is already talking to someone else and plans to go on a date with them. My boyfriend doesn’t care about this and still wants me to cut my friend off. Is this reasonable and should I agree to cut off this friend?

TL;DR My friend has a crush on me and my boyfriend wants me to cut him off, but the friend seems to be pursuing other people, so I don’t think I need to cut him off.

So, I (20M) have been with this girl (20F) for three years now. She impulsively reacts emotionally and always sees everything as an attack against her, even if the reason she feels that way is incorrect.

Recently, my mother has been having issues moving around due to being injured. So, I told my girlfriend that I couldn’t sleepover her place because I had to help my mother with some things the next morning and that I’ll see her afterwards (since we had to go to a party later that day at around 4pm). The next day comes, and I get a phone call from her, at 11am, asking if I can come over to her place and pick her up (the party was in my town and she lives over a half hour away). So I told her that I’m unsure because I still had to help my mother with those things, and that I might not have the time to pick her up. Immediately, before I can finish my sentence, she gets inquisitive and goes “but you said you were doing that in the morning” (again, it’s 11am). So I told her that we didn’t start doing the things yet and then, again, she immediately goes “so you lied to me about helping her in the morning?” And before I can even explain, she got mad and hung up the phone.

After she hung up, I texted her that it’s not fair for her to be be getting mad when my mother is literally having mobility issues and needed some help with chores so I had to prioritize that since I made a promise I’d help. After I said that, she said that the way I was coming off was that I was blaming her for not caring about my mother, and that she feels like I’m attacking her and because I was getting all “defensive” because I’m paranoid that she was attacking me. And then when I asked her to let me explain the situation she said “I don’t care” and “I don’t want to hear your explanation.”

Eventually, she picked up the phone after me calling her multiple times, and I explained the situation. I said that the reason we didn’t start earlier was because of the bad weather, but there were still other little things I’d have to help with before we leave later. And I also explained that I wasn’t attacking her, but rather feeling that she was hearing me and just not seeing my point of view. And even after I told her all of that, she still said “well that’s just how I feel it came off as you attacking me.”

So, somehow I’m the paranoid one who gets defensive because I think I see everything as an attack. Yet she’ll say she feels a certain way and in her head that means it’s true just because she feels that way, and if I disagree then that means I’m attacking her.

Disclosure: she has some mental problems that she takes medication for (nothing severe) so she has a hard time articulating how she feels so she gets defensive and shuts down. Eventually she gets over it and lets it go. But she’s just unable to see that just because she “feels” a certain way, doesn’t mean the reason behind what she’s feeling is correct. So she sees that as me not validating her feelings, which isn’t true. I understand she feels that way, but that’s not an excuse to hind behind them and not allow pushback, especially when she’s not seeing my point of view. Any advice on how I should handle this?

TLDR;

My girlfriend hides behind her feelings and sees everything’s as an attack against her. She impulsively reacts emotionally and doesn’t hear out my side or lets me explain. When I had to help my mother out, she questioned why I didn’t do those things earlier in the day, so she got mad and accused me of lying. When I told her it’s not fair for her to be mad at me, she saw it as an attack and said I was coming off that she didn’t care about my mother. Even after explaining my side to her, she said “that’s just how I feel it felt like you came off that way.” Any bit of pushback she sees as not validating her feelings. She has diagnosed mild mental problems that she takes medication for.

this is a burner because my main has a recognizable username.

i (20F) don’t want to be friends with my friend “sarah’s”(21F) girlfriend “katie” (23F) , but they’ve been dating for almost a year. i’m awful at confrontation, but any hints i’ve tried to drop (without being explicit) have fallen on deaf ears. “is katie going? yes? okay i’ll pass” “i don’t check the group chat with katie in it, so i didn’t see that” things along those lines. sarah has not picked up on it, and if she has she’s not said anything.

even before they started dating, before knowing they liked each other, i never had any interest in katie. i didn’t care cause she was another friend of sarah’s. i’ve spent time with her and i still don’t care. but it feels like she’s everywhere now, at our get togethers, old group chats aren’t used as often, just the ones with katie. when we talk/hang out, i always try my best to be polite. but outside of that, i will usually ignore any outside communication from katie. katie and i have a lot in common and we’ve had similar experiences. so i’ve tried, but i just don’t want to be friends with her.

it’s starting to bother me a lot now, trying to go places with sarah and our other friend then katie being there too. her presence has started to piss me off more and more. both in person and online.

and to add, i don’t want to be friends/close with ANY of my friends partners. even with other friends outside of this group, and they understood and respected it before i even said anything.

TLDR: I never wanted to be friends with my friends girlfriend who she’s been dating for almost a year. i haven’t explicitly said anything, just dropped hints and blocked her out, but it’s bothering me a lot more recently. so i want to know if its too late to say that “i don’t want to be friends with your girlfriend” after so long?

if there’s anything else you’d like to know to better understand the situation, i’ll try and add what i can.

EDIT: i appreciate being pointed out that i am the problem. its really embarrassing actually. i want to say that the last few years have been my first time having real friends, so i’m not really familiar with these things.

conclusion i have come to is to not say anything. i will try to be more open minded with katie and get over myself, especially because i want to stay friends with sarah and the group. i’ll learn from this, work on maturing. thanks again.

for “context” if anyone is interested. i met katie briefly before she joined the group and her first impression just left me feeling uncomfortable. so it’s based off a gut feeling, and the general discomfort of just a new presence. it’s not something she did wrong. but it is likely just jealousy and/or insecurity on my part like some said.

also, i don’t hate all of my friends SOs. it’s not “normal”for me to dislike them. i have liked some other friends’ SOs, but most of them was just we met and that was that. never saw them enough to form a real opinion, maybe a handful of times after. so it seemed pretty regular that relationships were very much separate from their friendships. that’s my own misunderstanding, and then also bad wording since it made it seem like i hated all of them.

I (23f) am currently having a problem with my (26m) best friend. Basically the main issue is that he is an avoidant, and I am an anxious attachment. We have been romantically involved for a while but only got serious in recent months. When we talked about dating, he said we shouldn't since we are in school together. But the weird grey area we were stuck in after that (not dating but also have feelings for each other) was causing me a lot of anxiety and basically messed our whole relationship up. I kept trying to talk to him about it and he kept pulling away. A lot of resentment built up towards him and I told him I needed space to move on because it was hurting me to be in that grey area and feel like I was being left hanging.

Its just been awkward and not the same ever since. I want to talk to him and figure things out and make things okay but I feel like I can't get through to him because he is so avoidant. I just want things to be okay because I miss him more than words can describe, but I feel like he will not be willing to put any effort in. I don't really know what to do, because I really want everything to be okay but I don't want to bother him if he just needs space. I can't tell what he wants because he never talks about anything he is feeling. He has definitely not been the nicest, but I am not perfect either and all I want to do is tell him that I still really care about him and just want everything to be okay.

TLDR: in weird awkward phase with my best friend after a lot of relationship talk and now I feel like I can't talk to him and that our closeness is gone forever. What should I do?

Hi guys I'm 20 F and my boyfriend is 22 M, we’ve been together for 1 year and have been talking for 2 years and we’re also long distance, but he comes to visit me every now and then. i recently asked for his log in for his tiktok but for any shady reason but more so i like the content on his tiktok, however he was really shady with giving me the password/log in which made me suspicious long story short, i checked his watch history in which he tried deleting old saved vids (from before me) which i honestly didn't mind, ig he at least tried to save me from being insecure? (these girls look the complete opposite from me) however i stumbled upon this one girl that he literally searched up and binged watched her videos on 4 different occasions (whilst we were together) i mean like 20-30 each time and i spoke to him about it and he said that he didn't have any negative or "sexual" intentions towards her content but i'm finding it really hard to believe Lately Ive been finding myself avoiding him and kind of drawing away because it feels as if his reassurance doesn't mean anything ig? idk it's just hard to trust someone when their actions say differently. Ig im just asking for advice on what to do or how to feel or maybe i just wanted to rant. okay thank. Note beyond this he is literally one of the best boyfriends ever, like one in a million and that's why i'm taking this so hard, im scared to lose him but he also broke a big boundary and kind of micro cheated :/

TL;DR boyfriend binged watched a specific girl 4 different times on tiktok during summer and idk how to feel, ive alr talked to him and he said he didn’t have any bad intentions however it’s hard to not feel bad/insecure and i want advice

tldr; I ghosted someone but am gonna see them soon

Hello, I was briefly seeing this girl and we went on a couple dates, but then I just ghosted her. I tried giving her a couple reasons as to why I don’t think we should continue talking but she wasn’t buying any of them and would keep messaging me. So I just straight up ghosted her. Now, it’s been a year since then and we have some mutual friends. So in the next week, I’ll see her at some event. I’m unsure how to approach this - do I just not attend? Do I message her beforehand and apologize? Just go in and hope for the best?

In terms of achievements, my girlfriend has really just had the most perfect life. She's the most talented person I know (artist, debater, poet, chess player) and has had an amazing record of academic excellence every year. She has school elections coming up soon and last night on call she broke down in fear of not getting captain for high school (she got it for middle school and junior). She was extremely stressed and started listing her achievements and talking about how she was friends with everyone and how she deserves it and for a while now, it's bugged me because I literally don't have 1/32th of what she has. My self esteem is down so bad, sometimes I feel like cutting everything off for some time but then I love her more than anything. And to add to that, I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough but that's just me being vulnerable. She says I'm perfect but am I really? We once had a conversation about self esteem (she says she has bad self esteem when she isn't the best at something) and it kinda got to me bad. I questioned myself so much and very subtly mentioned that it makes others look bad (me) but framed it in a comforting and reassuring tone. It wasn't fair of me to do that but my bad self esteem shifted my mood to a more angry one. I'd obviously rather do something to help this but I've tried. Nothings worked so far. A close friend told me counselling would work but I'd be saying the same thing I'd tell that close friend. I have no idea what to do. It's affecting me mentally in a really bad way I just wish I could be happy for her without putting myself down. I don't know what I expect from this post honestly I just really need help.

TL;DR My self esteem has gotten really low as I've progressed in my relationship with my girlfriend. She says I'm perfect but I don't believe it myself.