Hey all, so long story short here as I’m sure being in recovery this subject has been brought up a few times before.

I’m about 3 months into my sobriety, and I’m 31 years old of course single bachelor, but want options from anyone on why I should and shouldn’t pursue dating my first year of sobriety….

I went on a few dates and some were okay but some were brutal, so I can see why in a sense considering emotions are everywhere. I think I really am committing to the one year of no dating because I need to really focus on getting myself back to loving who I am and build up a more solid foundation financially, spiritually, emotionally and physically before I can even feel comfortable brining a spouse into this.

My addiction to alcohol got so bad that I lost all my cushion financially, emotionally I was a shell of a man, physically was at 200 lbs and now back to 179 which is cool, I also lost my licenses from my last dui 5 years ago so I am Working on a lot right now and as I type this out I’m realizing holy cow adding a women into the mix makes no sense! I got to focus on myself so if you can share some inspiration or some motivation here for me to push forward I’d appreciate it.

23M was sober for like two years recently got off methadone but been relapsing off and on.Pretty much what the title says not even a huge uppers guy but woke up this morning feeling super shitty and when someone told me they had some coke the cravings began, I texted my recovery coach and just decided to go home and smoked some weed and just watched basketball I feel good I think? Idk I keep having thoughts of I definitely could’ve meet up with the guy after work and like regrets that I didn’t bc all I’ve done is sit alone in my room and coke could’ve made this a lot more enjoyable. Anyone else experience this ?

hi all - my partner is hitting one year sober next week and he’s super excited about it and i’m so happy for him! he worked so hard for this and we want to celebrate. i’m thinking nice dinner and whatnot but wanted to know if anyone had any ideas for a celebration?

If I can do it, you can, too! I wouldn't go back for anything.

Hi people!

Celebrating 2 years and 3 months today! It has been quite a ride. I've been doing some reflecting today and this question popped up in my head that I wanted to ask you all. What are the biggest challenges you've faced during early recovery and long term recovery?

Love you all & keep up the nice life!

I spent 20 years of my life struggling with alcohol. I've been sober for 193 days today

One thing I've noticed is that I actually have hope for my future again. When I was drinking I could care less. I was suicidal, didn't give a shit about my life. Now...I feel hope again and it's fantastic

TW// Withdrawal, Self Harm, Relapse Struggle

So like the title says, I’ve been sober for over 3 years now from Alcohol and the Drugs I was abusing. It’s been a difficult journey and I’ve felt glad to be sober for a while.

Recently, my Mental Health had been taking a drastic dive for months now.

I have been having horrible Mental Breakdowns that have been leading to intense feelings of wanting to break my sobriety just to feel an escape from the emotions. And it terrifies me.

The invasive thoughts have taken an extreme jump from wanting the Cannabis and Shrooms I used before to Harder Drugs such as Coke and MDMA.

There was a relapse into an addiction of Self Harm that has happened that I’m trying to shake. I am a masochist and enjoy pain, but I’ve tried to keep away from cutting because of how I did that as an escape. For the past 7 months, off and on I’ve gone back to cutting, and while it feels good in the moment, it brings a lot of Shame afterwards.

I’m a bit lost at this point, I really dont want to make the mistakes I’ve done, but it’s been difficult to keep the thoughts away.

I’ve been visiting my Psychiatrist and Primary, but I currently can’t afford Therapy for another couple months. I understand why I feel the way I do, I’m aware of the psychology behind the emotions, I just seem to be unable to take my own advice to myself.

I’m just really tired. This is really more of a journal for my thoughts, but support is always welcome.

Would I be terrible if I sponsored myself? I just made 1 year sober and I’ve finished the 4th step, the inventory. Me and my sponser“broke up” last night because of a miscommunication on top of her having a really bad attitude and basically saying she could care less to sponser me if I don’t want to be sponsored (everything was fine but because I had to BAIL SOMEONE OUT OF JAIL and wasn’t able to make ONE MEETING, she basically compared me to all the other people that don’t take sobriety serious, although I’ve never missed a book study with her, I’ve done ALL the work she has asked me to do, etc) Anyways, it’s really hard to find a sponser in my area and I really just want to get through the fucking steps. So at this point I just want to work them my damn self. Any advice?

Hello All. Long time drinker here, in need of support. I've tried to get sober many times, for many reasons. Usually it was after a binge, or after almost losing a job, or a traumatic experience with friends or family, or after being in jail, etc. I started drinking at a very young age. My mother was an alcoholic, and I literally wrote books about it and how I'd never turn out like her. And then I did. I made excuses for years, blamed my being sick on stomach ulcers. Truth is, I was making myself sick. I woke up last week, sick as a dog,unable to go to work yet again. And I just had this sudden clarity. That this problem, the one I had admitted so many times to myself, was going to kill me. I was tired. Mentally, psychically, emotionally, just exhausted. Tired of the excuses I had made for myself. Tired of feeling disappointed in myself, and letting the bottle get the better of me like I swore I never would. This is honestly the longest I have gone without drinking..... In years. 6 days. How sad. The first day was easy, I was so sick I didn't even want to think about drinking. Just how sick of it I was. The second day, I shook. Whole body tremors, my hands were the worst. I wanted to drink so bad I couldn't stand it. So I poured out the bottle of 90 proof that had been a staple in the freezer, to keep myself out of it.The third day, my anxiety was unreal. I felt like the world was ending. Not to mention the headache, nausea, insomnia, paranoia, and just this feeling of dread I couldn't shake. Found my hidden bottles and poured those out too. The fourth day, the fog began to clear. I thought " okay, I can do this." I am aware. Day 5, I felt better. My stomach wasn't killing me. Now I have accepted step one. Which was the hardest one for me. For years, I refused to believe my life was unmanageable. I had kept a job,my bills were paid, my kids were taken care of, how can I say that I had no power? Truth is, I had plenty of power of my life. I just didn't have power over the alcohol. It has become such a habit, I didn't even realize it most days. Making sure you have a bottle on Saturday, and an extra one for Sunday wasn't powerless, that was just planning ahead right? I sit here typing this, about to clock in, just wanting to make it to day 7.

I've been a heavy drinker for quite a few years but now that I'm getting older I'm getting more concerned about my mental and physical health. I want to take a long break from alcohol, can anybody tell me that has successfully stopped the changes you've noticed?

I am getting better and better but I wanted to know what the best apps are for sobriety. Which ones are good and what features of that app were most helpful for you? I got into gamification for studying habits, is there something out there like that for sobriety? Seems like it would be cool.

I'm not someone how likes to go AA meetings. Are there any apps that pair you up with someone anonymously so they can be another person to text/talk to who knows about addiction? I rather not go in person for AA.

Any other advice for getting through this would be helpful

Long story short, I've stopped talking to my ex gf and blocked her on all social media. We still have to organize how we're getting rid of our furniture, splitting bills, etc etc. I'm an emotional rollercoaster, going from existential to unworthy to depressed to excited to happy...it's nuts. I'm 37, and this isn't my first ever break up, but its definitely my longest relationship. All these dark thoughts of giving up (though I'm not planning suicide), feeling like I'll never meet anyone or love again, feeling worthless, mind racing...you name it, I'm in the middle of it.

That being said, I haven't drank since this all happened last week. I really have no desire to get drunk. It'll only make all of these feelings much worse, and I'd rather focus on healing. I'm proud of myself, but my current situation makes it a bittersweet moment.

I am in an IOP, and I haven't done any AA/Recovery groups. I'm wondering if I should really start going to them now.

Looking for some advice. About 5 years ago a good friend needed to go sober. In the process, he stopped talking to me. My family was close with his family. We did so much together since the kids were about the same ages and the spouses loved each other. Unfortunately, he and his wife were having a hard time because of his addiction and they ended up getting a divorce. He stopped talking to me around the time he was trying to clean up. My wife assumed that it was part of his process in trying to get sober. I never knew if it was that or something around the divorce... or something else entirely.

Anyway, fast forward 5 years and I am also sober. I’m wondering if there is a way I could reach out again? My thought is I could let him know that I am also sober, in case that was the reason he in fact him cut my from his life. Anyone have experience with this?

Probably wishful thinking, but I miss talking with him.

I know it's not a competition, and we're not supposed to indulge ourselves in rock bottom stories. But I don't care, I find them really compelling. I'm not ashamed to say I'm interested in them and that I find them helpful.

Here's mine, it might be the wildest rock bottom story you've heard for a while and I swear it's all true:

https://youtu.be/tNi_D96tExU?si=JYsyM_TWfnYp1Ttn

So what's your rock bottom?

I love how I feel. I’m in love with myself more. I love it

TW: Needles, Drug Use, Heroin,

Please forgive me and delete this post if this is not the right place to ask this;

My father died in the later part of 2023 of necrotizing pneumonia. They found him outside and transported him to the medical examiners for an autopsy, where they did not find drugs in his system, or on his person. They put other contributing factors on his death certificate, such as COVID-19, arterial, sclerotic, heart disease, and of course the main cause of death was the necrotizing pneumonia.

Between then, and now I have finally managed the time and emotional support to go to his room and start cleaning it out. He moved into one of my family members rooms for rent in the middle of September. He didn’t have much, but he brought all of his little things. Most of it belongs in the trash, such as toothbrushes tools as he was a car, mechanic, socks, clothing, toothpicks, just little piddal, odds, and ends. I went to one shoebox, and he had two small clasp shut cases with used needles in them and metal teaspoons for cooking. I did not open the cases but you can see what’s in them and it just has the needles and spoons.

My father has had a problem using heroin for several years, went into a sober living facility and moved from the sober living facility to a couple peoples houses. They were other things inside the shoe box with the needle cases that were dated 2021 and 2022 for the year so my big question is why would he keep them? Is it for the obvious answer that he was still using or did he keep them as an emergency relapse kit? There was no other pieces in there with it like cotton balls, and there wasn’t anything that looked like drugs. Just the needles and spoons. Could it just have been a mistake he didn’t know what was in the box and just brought it to the house?

When we knew he was an active use, we could always tell but once he went to the sober facility, he was a completely different person put on weight and seemed happier, we knew he had a prescription for Suboxone‘s, but it didn’t seem like he was still using. He would wear clothes that exposed, his arms, his feet his legs when he was actively using he had all of that. i’m sorry for rambling. It’s just a lot to process.

TLDR: father passed away, and I had to go through his things found his needle stash and wondered. Why would somebody keep these if they weren’t using?

Hey all. I posted in another sub yesterday about where to find Whiteclaw Zero and all the comments were negative and annoying- like “just buy flavored seltzer” and “it’s called la croix”.

Whiteclaw doesn’t taste anything like la croix or any plain flavored seltzer. It’s a sweet soda like drink more similar to sprite. I would love to try a non-alcoholic version since I don’t drink alcohol often but love the taste. Also, even if it was just like other drinks there are subtle differences like there are between Pepsi and coke for example. I’m not a recovered alcoholic or anything I just don’t drink often.

So I’ll try this sub, does anyone know if they are continuing to make this drink? I read it was an experiment to see if people would buy it but all the stores I’ve checked either never had it or else sold out.

Edit: Also if you have tried it what do you think?

I can't stand the 12 step programs. I've been trying to go to meetings of my own free will because I need sober people in my life, but I fucking hate it. It feels like a cult. It feels religious, no matter how much they say it isn't. I hate religion. I hate the Christian concept of God (no offense intended, and I don't hate Christians).

Every time I go I'm just sitting there uncomfortable as fuck wishing I was somewhere else. It's almost making me want to drink. Just sounds sanctimonious, pretentious, self-righteous... I can't stand it.

I know it works for some people (like 10% according to stats), and I'm glad it helped them, but it's not right for me.

Woke up feeling horrible this morning. I hate myself for drinking the last week. I need to stop. It makes me feel horrible in the morning, physically and emotionally because I feel like I've failed myself AGAIN. I have no support system, I hate the concept of saying I'm powerless, I refuse to surrender to any higher power, and I can't do the fucking meetings.

What am I supposed to do? Give up? I can't, I'll do something stupid if I keep drinking and probably end up back in jail or worse. I have to stop.

Fuck. So goddamned frustrated. For now I'm going to try to just get encouragement and support from here, I guess... I hope it's enough. I cannot continue to destroy myself.

I have to stop drinking. I want so much to go get a Goddamned beer right now, but I know I'll hate myself for it.

Oh, and I'm in a small town and there are no other options besides AA. No SMART groups. Nothing. I guess I could go to an online SMART group meeting.... I gotta do something. I've been isolating myself for so long now. Just drinking alone every night.

Fuck.

So I’ve been clean from opiates, benzos, pregablin and ambien and sober from alcohol for 6 years, For this 6 years I’ve been going to the gym and turned my life around, but for 4 years I’ve put up with debilitating back pain that’s now getting worse, to the point I’ve been unable to train, unable to pursue the career I wanted.

I’ve spent the entire day with severe back spasms and the pain has brought me to tears (I haven’t cried in years)

I need to speak to the doctor tomorrow but all I’ve been taking is paracetamol and low doses of amitriptyline but it’s not touching the pain;

I really need some advice on this because I’m a strong person but this pain is breaking me What would you do?

I’ve felt the need for a while now to reach out and ask for advice and it seems wise to as people who are either going through the same or been where I am already. Little history- I’m 35 year old gay man, I’ve felt my drinking has been out of control for a while now. I used to be a cider drinker, last few years has been vodka soda - double in a pint glass (less sugar 🙃 obvs) is what I tell myself but really it’s probably because my tolerance is so high. When I drink I don’t remember much at all - I don’t usually get in trouble but over the last year and a bit I’ve had incidents of wetting myself. This leaves me riddled in shame and embarrassment. I did go to a centre where I’m from and discussed that I had a dependence although felt it wasn’t for me there. Since then I gave up alcohol for lent this year, so stopping isn’t the problem. Having a goal is great but I want to know what to do after that. I’ve now decided May is the month to finally quit. For good. Having a goal and a calendar and ticking off days makes me feel good but I want to know how I keep that momentum going.. it’s almost like after a month, or 6 weeks or whatever goal I think hmm I can just have 1 or 2 with friends. Then it quickly escalates back to anxiety, shame and depression.

Any advice welcome, I look forward to hearing and reading your stories and thoughts

Please feel free to ask me anything too

Does anyone have some tips on how to get motivated to start meditating? My sponser keeps texting me for an update of how it’s going and I have no problem praying and I know it’s a “just gotta do it” type of thing but just wondering other peoples input about meditation. Also if you want to add how it’s helped, how it makes you feel, what it’s changed etc

I was wondering if anyone knew of an app where we could sort of hold ourselves accountable with each other.

Like we get a notification if the other relapses.

i have been reflecting for months on all of the misery brought upon myself while inebriated. i wouldn’t say i’ve hit “ rock bottom” but i do question myself, wondering how bad does it have to be to be rock bottom?

the idea of committing to almost anything scares me. i think, i don’t need sobriety, my life is together.

there are days i want a drink, it’s almost like a milestone to reach after a bad day. usually i go ahead and give in to this urge, but the days i don’t want to ( usually because i’m too lazy haha) i CANNOT get the idea out of my mind. i even plan when in the next day or so i can get not only a drink but DRUNK. it almost feels like a reward after saying no to one day.

it’s also NEVER just one drink though. i can easily drink 7-9 gin and tonics and not feel drunk but very well look it and get just as sick either the night of / morning after.

there’s a lot more history to this all but i don’t really know how to even begin to get into it, nor does it really matter right now. i don’t know where to begin on this journey.

i’m seeking any advice, readings, words of encouragement.

thank you all.

I’ve been a heavy meth user for 10 years before it was adderall but it wasn’t habitual. I at arted out eating it cause had to hid it the best I could but you know how that goes. its not really the drug itself that is ruining my it’s what makes me not want to live and something Batman couldn’t get out of me lol. I ruined basically everything but at the same time I enjoy being alone always have it’s peaceful I just hate not being taken seriously anymore and the side effects really show. Any advice on staying away? I know the first week or two are the easier besides coming down the first night. I’ve found some hobbies I enjoy again but I’m afraid I won’t make it long and just go back to every couple weeks just to jump right back into the obsession of it. I have severe adhd and it makes me feel normal or just being able to do day to day functions. Weed gives me major anxiety it’s weird but I enjoy it still. I don’t want to quit but my body sure is going to if I don’t stop. Doesn’t help I have a stalker or two so it just fuels the fire. I’ve picked up learning different softwares because of it and decided I want to get into that career field but I can’t like this.. I’ve made myself an easy target when I get impulsive and am trying I pick up the pieces but that motivation to stop is lackingz I’m highly functional with it but my physical health has caught up. I like myself but same time I don’t like my past choices at all just never asked to be born not trying to be depressing. Guess I’m just trying to ask for help how to reach out when in literally drowning in my head and if this isn’t what kills me something similar will. Idk what I’m getting to just kind of started rambling and lost where I was going with this. So I’ll just say this.

Help any advice?

(Alcohol and Cannabis.)

I’ve always struggled with addiction. Sure, there have been a few moments where I’ve kicked drugs for a few months at a time, but I always drank. Up until last year I was a serious alcoholic and stoner. I am simply incapable of consuming in moderation. I drank at least 2 litres of alcohol after work - four, if I had the day off. I drank to get drunk. I was spending up to $300 a week on marijuana and getting into debt for it. Despite kicking cigarettes a year prior, I was still addicted to nicotine because I spun it with my weed. I couldn’t get high without drinking, I couldn’t get drunk without smoking. If I had one, I had to have the other. If I had neither, I got manic-depressive, slept to pass the time, barely ate and begged for money from friends and family. I hardly exercised, but thought that because I was slim that meant I was healthy (I’ve seen photos- I absolutely was not.)

My pets and I lived in a permanent cloud of smoke. I couldn’t laugh without descending into a disgusting coughing fit. I had to be as high as possible before leaving the house just to get through being away from my bong, no matter where I was going. My singing/speaking voice was, and still is, a literal husk of what it used to be, which really kills me.

I had gotten to the point where I was hardly even getting high anymore- my tolerance was so high that it was just a physical routine that had complete control over me. I was staying up ‘til 3am drinking, then smoking first thing in the morning to take the edge off the hangover. I couldn’t count the times I slipped in the bathroom or kitchen and nearly knocked myself out while blind drunk.

My addictions have fuelled extremely toxic relationships/breakups and led me to do things I truly hated myself for. I’ve had managers talk to me about drinking every day before work when what they were smelling on my breath was from the night before. I have had pets die in awful ways due to my negligence and misspent money, and honestly this might be the most difficult thing I will ever have to forgive myself for. Those memories still keep me up at night.

All of this went on for nearly 15 years and came to a head on May 1st 2023. This time last year I was sitting on the edge of my bed finishing another bottle, punching endless cones, coughing up black shit and spitting into my bin. I’m still not sure what came over me, but suddenly I was just so disgusted with myself that I said out loud “ENOUGH!” and threw it all in the bin. I haven’t touched any of it since.

While I’m proud to say I’ve done this without help, it hasn’t been a walk in the park. I have CPTSD, and there have been moments where I’ve really missed being able to just switch off those difficult thoughts and feelings, but I’ve powered through and am slowly re-learning how to participate in social events sober. I haven’t been compelled to partake, even when everyone around me was smoking/drinking. I’ve had to distance myself from a few people who I heavily associated with using, which was difficult but necessary.

I honestly thought I’d never be able to live life sober, and yet here I am. A year later, 20 kilos heavier and the healthiest I have been in over a decade. I’m at the gym five days a week, obsessed with kombucha and laughing as hard as I like without coughing even once.

Here’s to another year of smashing my own expectations!

Last night I put my account in the negative and relapsed on crack…. I’m my best critic and own worst enemy.

Hi made a few post in the recovery groups I’m currently sober but miserable find myself in this endless cycle and have been tired of it for awhile I’ve been considering enrolling in a rehab and sober living and was wondering if anyone has experience with this if it’s worth it as well if anyone has had experience in Georgia rehabs any advice would be appreciated

I was a 10 year plus alcoholic, in my early 20s Xanax set the hooks in along with a variety of stimulants. A couple close calls (ods) and even my alcohol tainted brain still realized they had to go. In my late 20s I made multiple efforts to get off the bottle and it just never stuck, I’d do a sober October or dry January and wear it like a badge of honor and the month would end and immediately would be back on the sauce. Self deception was probably the worst of my alcoholic induced afflictions.

My problems with drinking infected my relationships (romantic and otherwise), my body (was a super athletic guy in my teens, 6’2 probably could have played D1 basketball), my mind, and the way I looked at myself. At a certain point I gave up, I worked multiple different kitchen jobs, and never was really mentally able to pursue work within my degree (plant science and ag) because I felt like an imposter that was a rolling blackout through college, “so what the heck do I know, I’m not qualified” I never challenged that idea and therefore never challenged myself to do better.

Eventually I had to move back with my parents at 26, and they both drink regularly but not alcoholics imo. A stocked fridge and liquor pantry didn’t help me. It got bad enough where I decided to run away to a new state and start fresh, I wanted to get out of the kitchen and work out doors, with plants or nature (I had a stint a few years ago working for parks and it’s one of the few jobs I actually enjoyed). It was 2 months of nothing, no hits, no calls, no interviews. I spiraled. I was waking up to vodka in my coffee, and it got dark.

In an act of desperation I decided to do a large mushroom dose (I had dabbled before but really never was able to be intentional, and I feel like I was just getting high). It was beautiful, I laughed, I cried, and at one point I heard a friends voice (like a brother, who died in a car accident while drunk driving in 2020) and he told me that I had to stop, or I’d be joining him in short order. It broke me. Even before he passed I hadn’t heard that voice in so long. Overnight something changed. I tossed everything in my apartment down the drain and haven’t looked back.

It’s been 2 months completely clean from alcohol, I have clarity I never though possible, I’m working out and doing yoga, reading, and journaling. For the first time as an adult I feel free, but I can’t help but think about the lost time, my 20s were burned. have very little practical experience in what I’d like to make a career (national parks or us forest service) and I understand I have to start from the bottom, but it feels so late and even now struggling to find a county or city job with parks makes me feel like I’ll never be able to make it a reality. I’m fully committed to building myself back up and I know that I want nothing to do with alcohol, but jumping back into adjusted life at 30 feels weird and it’s hard to stay positive about the goals I’ve set when I’m not even sure they’re achievable in this life time. I know that I need to take it one step and one day at a time, but it’s is hard when it feels like I already wasted so much time.

Anyways rant/off my chest over, any advice, words, experiences would be appreciated

Much love