My boyfriend confided in me yesterday that he broke his 3 year sobriety.

I’ll be honest, this is a new relationship. I am torn. I’ve grown up around addiction, I know the signs. I got real with him & said that I knew something was up. It took a few white lies before he admitted he’s back on the blues.

I want to be there for him. Like I said, this relationship is brand new, but I don’t feel the urge to tell him that he can’t be in my life because of this.

He told me he’s going to take a week off of work & get clean, but that he needs me. That he needs to stay with me while he detoxes. I feel an immense amount of pressure, yet so much empathy at the same time.

We met & had already connected when we then found out we were both getting back into the dating game after we had both lost the people that we were engaged to, suddenly & tragically. His situation being a bit more traumatic than mine, I am understanding of his urge to pick up something to numb the pain. I just personally have not dealt with grief in that way. My fiancé was an addict too, but he had been clean since we met. I was more young & naïve throughout our relationship & didn’t dive as deep in asking about his past at the time. I wish I could talk to him now & ask, but he isn’t here anymore.

My boyfriend now, he reminds me so much of him. That’s a whole other story..

I do not want to confide in friends & family about this to ask them personally. This relationship is new & I don’t want anyone judging & having preconceived notions. We live 1,000 miles away, they haven’t met him yet.

I know that he is worth it, he has a life to live & deserves to be clean.

I told him that after he detoxes, I need him to find a new job & find a new hobby to keep him busy. His job & location that he’s at now is where he has all of these connections to others in the same boat as him. I’m a bit farther away & have the ability to guide him towards new opportunities & new people. I told him I don’t doubt that the people he surrounds himself with are good people. They have their struggles too, but he needs to tell them goodbye for now.

What worry’s me is that he has said multiple times since this that he wants to get clean for ME. I try to reiterate that he needs to do it for himself. He needs to think about himself. Is it helpful to let him know that? Should I let him do it for “me” if that’s what helps?

Do I make him go home & be away from me while he gets clean? He said it wouldn’t help.

As I said earlier, I’ve grown up around addicts , I’ve loved addicts. That being said, I am empathetic yet even still, I do not know the best way to support him & be there. Please, any suggestions I would do much appreciate.

Haven’t opened it yet but I’m tempted and it would ruin everything I’ve rebuilt since starting recovery. I’m 37, recently divorced with twin 4 year old boys. Struggled with opioids for a decade and finally had an epiphany and cleaned up but leaned on alcohol and it got out of hand, I got to AA but it’s still in my head. Any suggestions for coping?

At the end of a 4 month rehab stay, and looking for a place to go next. The case manager here is new and I could really use some help.

The emotional work, I mean. I got clean a little over a year ago on my own, picked up a peer mentor thru a local recovery org around month 7, but I haven’t really done… anything. I went to my 2nd ever NA meeting with them recently and it made me realize that I haven’t even really thought about half the shit they mentioned.

I’m thinking of actually doing the program, I liked having that sense of community, and it’s much less strict and Jesus-y at this new place vs the one I tried before. Did AA at the old one for a bit so I had a decent sense of the vibe.

I’ve been really craving using lately, more than usual, and I want to actually begin recovery cause fuck this shit!!

What do I even do to start? My mentor is nice but I’m not sure they’re the person to ask about this shit, I dunno. I feel stupid for asking in person, so I’ll ask here first to work up the courage. Like go to the meetings, yeah, but how do I participate in my outside life?

I really never thought I’d try this but damn that group convinced me! Lovely bunch of people.

TW: Drugs/animal abuse/relapse-addiction Please i am not looking to be chewed out or judged. I truly just want genuine advice please. I’m struggling so hard with the revelation and I don’t have someone to talk to about it personally. My bf (32) male ended up taking THC not CBD- like he normally does and got super high by accident. In his super high state- he started confessing his lies. Lying about his sobriety to kratom, lying about how much work he’s being doing towards the new job, money etc. And apologized and told me all of that then suddenly started hysterically crying as he confessed that he hurt/abused/hit my cat when he relapsed a year ago and hit him hard enough to go to the ER. I remember when I suspected him but when I spoke with the Vet they swore the injury was likely from him falling or missing a jump. He got sober my cat is 10000% better and doing good, and I didn’t think of it because I genuinely believed the Vet and he’s very kind and sweet to my other pets. With this confessional he even insisted he never hurt our other babies. He loves me and he wants to do better and he’s trying to not lie. He also admitted he’s lost some desire for me and doesn’t know why when he claims he loves me so much and we’re constantly planning our future together. We share our place, we share hobbies we laugh all the time and he’s the best man to ever just treat me like someone who should be treated and I feel like I matter. But with this revelation and the fact that he lied about his sobriety (I know the statistics- I’m not mad he relapsed I’m mad he lied and can put us at risk or himself) My cat loves him and our other pets as well. I love him and I know he struggles with addiction. I’ve never done drugs or anything so I don’t know his struggles or problems. But I do my best to be educated and to be there for him. I too have mental health issues and trauma I have to deal with daily and some physical disabilities that impede the little things in my life. I just want some advice. Should I tell him rehab and a full change or bust? Or end what’s been the happiest I’ve ever been because he hurt my sweet baby boy. Does this make me a horrible person for even being conflicted. I feel stupid and I’m emotional.

Ever since I "woke up" from the nightmare that culminated this summer I'm dragging myself through everything as a hollow passenger. I can't just keep studying my friends and random strangers trying to learn how to be a real person after growing up on autopilot. I'm sick of trying to discern and emulate whatever it is that gives people their own innate voices, own expressions, own mannerisms. And the little relapses aren't even fun anymore. The junk doesn't do it for me, my girlfriend doesn't do it for me, I don't do it for me, some days I just .. remember that there's a reason I started sedating myself as a kid. What do you do when you can't get away from the feeling that nobody's home? Like there's a kid hiding in a big winding complex full of stolen furnishings i barely recognize. I want to give my love to the world but I am having trouble learning how to live. Actually fuck that, maybe it isnt selfish to really want to feel love that I don't have to demand or put up my nose?

I'm just tired but I don't want to keep evading myself. I want to figure it out. I just need a nap. I am going to put up my hammock in the park when i'm off work. Love you.

I'm about to drop a ton of money on rehab, but having hangups.

I haven't been sober from kratom, or adderall, or any substance I can get my hands on for 10 years. I'm about to turn 40... Fuckin sad about all of this. Literally ruined my damn life, wasted so much time, and just relapsed after 5 days clean from kratom. I will use anything I can get my hands on. I want to be clean, but I feel like I can't ever be clean, even if I attend a 30 day rehab stint for 20k out of pocket.

Would love to hear success stories from people who tried and relapsed over and over again, then went to rehab and finally got clean. I'm old as shit now... I don't know..

Thank you

I have attended and been to rehab, and also worked in the field. Right now, I am working at one of the best rehabs in Marin County. This information can save you 10’s of thousands of dollars. If you are going to attend a high-end, privately run rehab, please read.

One loophole I’ve noticed is that insurance covers the majority of someone’s stay if they show up at a certain BAC level. If they show up to detox with a BAC of 0, you pay a lot of out pocket. If you use opiates, benzos, etc. it will cost a lot to get admitted. We have had clients leave because they can’t afford it, and show up 1-2 weeks later more drunk so they got covered. I’ve seen a 69,000 bill turn into 8,000. Obviously the type of insurance is important too. Thought people should know, because I wish I knew. Talk to the admissions counselor of wherever you are going about this information.

Hey, I’m coming to end of my long term rehab stay and I’m looking to get as close to the beach as possible. The case manager here is new so I really could use any help.

Hello, I believe my boyfriend is using harsh drugs and I need help in knowing what to do.

He has been an alcoholic for several years and in and out of rehab before but something has shifted recently and I can just tell something is different and it’s not just alcohol. Of course he denies everything and says he only drinks wine but it’s just simply not true and he’s so good at lying so whenever I bring it up I just always feel gaslight.

I started finding empty bottles of travel size hand sanitizer all over my house. Like at least 10 bottles, they are completely empty and washed out. Is this what he is picking his drugs up in? That’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

He is constantly sick and has nose bleeds at least once a week which is just so weird to me because he never had them before chronically like this and now all the sudden we will be just sitting and talking and his nose will bleed. I asked him if he’s been snorting anything and he says no.

He’s starting to be really paranoid that someone is after him. He will have these crazy spells where he just flies off the handle at a moments notice and it’s actually really scary to witness.

Ever since we’ve been dating he says that he cannot use the bathroom in our house, I thought it was just some type of quirk at first but he will literally drive to a grocery store to use the restroom instead of using the one at our home. I track his phone and he does actually go to our local grocery store but is this where he’s meeting someone?

And lastly I noticed that he had used my vape and there was this white substance inside it. It looked like sugar or salt but I never noticed it before, did he put drugs in my vape to smoke it? When I noticed it he was in rehab for alcohol so I didn’t ask him about it and just threw it away.

I guess I’m just trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do. Our relationship is basically over, I can’t do it anymore but I’m tired of being left with all the unanswered questions. How come it’s taken me so long to notice this stuff, I feel so stupid.

Any advice would really help.

Trying to gauge people's thoughts on whether it's generally okay for recovering alcoholics to use non-alcohol, alcohol alternative drinks like Hiyo in recovery. My personal opinion is that it probably is not a good idea for me, as I have felt relatively drunk after drinking ~4 cans, and I also don't like the idea of feeling like I need to drink something in order to calm down/relax, just like how I used to abuse alcohol/drugs.

For anyone who doesn't know what Hiyo is, it's a drink that is made with adaptogens and nootropics to try and create a 'floaty' feeling. Probably much safer than alcohol for normies, I'm just not sure that they're good for me in recovery, but open to other opinions.

The more active ingredients are: lemon balm extract, ksm-66 ashwagandha extract, passion flower extract, l-theanine, organic lion's mane mushroom extract.

I stopped drinking but I definitely want to kill myself more than when I was drinking

i just got the sublocade shot yesterday because i so badly wanted to stop using fentanyl but every other method hasn’t worked. i went into precipitated withdrawal and physically i am feeling low energy and all the usual symptoms but the really unbearable pain is psychological.

i am so incredibly emotional and depressed. it’s an effort to not be constantly sobbing and crying my eyes out and i feel so hopeless. i am bipolar 1 and have terrible anxiety and i used opiates for the large part of the last decade to numb my feelings. i hate this empty, terrible feeling. it just feels like more than i can handle and hopeless.

to make matters worse its my birthday. i cant help but think how much i have lost to this addiction, be it money, time, friends, relationships, opportunities, real accomplishments… and i know there is a half full cup but it feels out of my reach.

my boyfriend left a couple of hours ago, he said for work, but I can’t help but think it’s more than he wanted to get away from me. I know that me being this way (so mopey) alienates him, and he doesn’t know how to handle it. He is a very stoic guy that shows his emotions very little. he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner when he got back and I said yes, but I haven’t found the will to get out of bed yet and I can’t think of anywhere I want to go, but I feel like not doing anything will just make me feel worse and make him more upset.

I wish I could just snap my fingers and feel better again, but I don’t know how to get out of this hole. any advice or positive words appreciated.

Hello Everyone,

Ive been addicted for about 5 months. It’s ruining my life at this point. Physically and mentally both. I dont know how to get out of it. Im feeling so hopeless. I really want to quit but I just cant. The past month and half has been really bad. Its almost like Im doing it daily. Please any kind of advice will be appreciated. Thanks

Hello all. I'm posting here for some outside perspective, with advice on how I can help my recovering friend.
A month ago, my partner found her out on the street, having just broken up with her addict boyfriend. We tried helping her out before, but it only lasted about two weeks before she fell back into using.
This time around, she's been staying with us for about a month now. It hasn't been easy because she's been going through mood swings, regular agitation at random things, and having outbursts.

I'm unsure how to navigate this situation. I don't want to say or do the wrong thing to make her agitation worse. We're trying to provide her with a safe space to get away from it all, and to help her recover.
Is there anything that we can do to help her out? What are your experiences with this? Is what we're doing helping, or hindering her progress?
It's difficult for me to tell, because this is all very new to me.

I hit 5 years sober from alcohol today. On one hand, I’m super proud. On the other, I really miss my dad who died in January

I'm considering applying to grad schools (some have later app deadlines and even rolling admissions). Years ago I was working from home, doing really unfulfilling repetitive stuff. It was also during the pandemic when my using was really bad and I lived alone. I joined a group, got a sponsor, moved out. I had a good period of recovery for 17 months and then I relapsed consistently in the second half of 2023. I'm now 5 months clean, more committed to my recovery now than ever before (my family, friends in recovery, and sponsor have made comments about my progress).

My sponsor was in grad school after having years of sobriety under his belt. He has now finished and received his degree. He doesn't support me going to grad school YET, he thinks I should wait another year. He doesn't think that I'm 100% sure about what I want to go for and that initially we agreed to sticking with a plan that I would find something that wasn't in the same realm as what I got my bachelor's in. He advises that I find another part-time job to give myself more time to figure it out.

I feel that as I've gone through this journey (and as I find myself currently unemployed), I feel that my values have changed since switching from full-time work to part-time work:

1. I value achievement in terms of academic and professional success. Not really for external validation. School is just something I deeply enjoy and always have, before I even started using. I love stepping up to a challenge and killing it. Or just trying my best. I like learning so it's a win-win for me.
2. I have 0 interest in doing part-time work anymore. I want to move to a different tier of my life and be able to have/do things that I otherwise wouldn't be able to. Grad school is a huge investment in that.
3. I do not want to spend the "free time" that I have now focused on relationships (had some breakups this year) that are not healthy. I want to use this time constructively and work on professional development. Sponsor says that I'm stuck and have been for a while, I feel like this would be good for me and again a huge investment in myself and my career.
4. I also do not think our views in terms of career are aligned anymore. He wants me to pursue my passion, and while I agreed originally with him a few years ago, things have changed. Now, I'm more in the camp that a job is a job. I'd like to pick something that I'm good at and would take interest in but I no longer care AT ALL if it's something I'm passionate about. I would actually like to keep my passions and work separate. I think once you commodify your passion, it turns into work which can be problematic in its own ways.

My family, who I live with, as well as extended family think that I should go back to school. To them, I'm essentially wasting time and floundering around. I agree with them, but they are biased and not many of them know firsthand what it means to be in recovery.

Curious to hear y'all's thoughts. What was your experience with going to grad school? Would I be too hasty in pursuing a masters with 5 months of recovery? (By the time school would start, it'd be 8 months of recovery.)

TL;DR: I have 5 months clean after a series of relapses. I want to go to grad school, sponsor who's been to grad school is super against going for fall. He thinks I should wait a year. I do NOT want to wait that long! For those who have been in recovery and pursued your masters what was your experience?

Another day in rehab. I feel empty today. Extreme emotion. I just wish I never did this to my family. The immense cost of me being here, my little girl crying on the phone because she misses me. My mom having to tell extended family that I am in rehab. My grandfather also passed away the day before I came in and that’s extremely heavy and hard to process. I’ve put my family through so much. Everyone I love, I have put through so much. I don’t understand why or how things got so dysfunctional. I’ve been struggling so hard for so long and now that I’m left to stare everything straight on, to sit with these emotions without a crutch. The guilt is almost unbearable. The pain is extreme. I feel so empty and like I am a monster. I really wish I could have just skipped over the addiction part of my life. I am so stressed out for the future and all of this huge mess that I have to clean up. I can’t even eat without feeling like I don’t deserve to. There are starving kids who are much more deserving of sustenance. I am a bottom feeder. But I am here and I’m sober and I am doing my best. Love y’all.

I'm struggling to get rid of my supply. I'm going to filter through my phone and connections and get rid of the sourcing to start but I still have some supplies. I know there are drug pickup programs. I don't want to flush it or throw it in a trash can because of the safety risks too.

I've had a psychological issue with throwing away or getting rid of things because " I don't want to waste it" I recognize that some things are meant to be rid of.

I am lost in actually finding my worth after all of this. I woke up today with a fear of having items and so I make dumb decisions about usage or things similar. Any advice is helpful and wanted.

I've developed substance abuse disorder over it and I'm not sure what it entails but that's what has happened.

90 days sober today. Ex and I broke up on Thursday after over 7 years together. I have no idea how I'm not drinking, but I have no desire.

Long story short, I've stopped talking to my ex gf and blocked her on all social media. We still have to organize how we're getting rid of our furniture, splitting bills, etc etc. I'm an emotional rollercoaster, going from existential to unworthy to depressed to excited to happy...it's nuts. I'm 37, and this isn't my first ever break up, but its definitely my longest relationship. All these dark thoughts of giving up (though I'm not planning suicide), feeling like I'll never meet anyone or love again, feeling worthless, mind racing...you name it, I'm in the middle of it.

That being said, I haven't drank since this all happened last week. I really have no desire to get drunk. It'll only make all of these feelings much worse, and I'd rather focus on healing. I'm proud of myself, but my current situation makes it a bittersweet moment. I have IOP 3 days a week (including tonight). And I'm still going to work.

I am in an IOP, and I haven't done any AA/Recovery groups. I'm wondering if I should really start going to them now.

My friend (24/m), who has no support from family and doesn't have much friends, is going to detox in a couple of weeks. He is bringing the bare minimum with him.

He's going for 3-6 months. I want to give him something nice to bring with him, something to remind him someone back home cares.

I am already getting him a nice journal, any other suggestions?

I’m super committed to staying off Xanax this time. I’m in therapy etc. I just feel so confused with what to do with myself. Like I feel depressed and anxious so I don’t wanna do anything but also don’t wanna just scroll on my phone…

What do y’all do as wholesome activities when ur sober and saving money and tired of screens?

hi! don’t know if this type of post is allowed here, if not, I’ll delete my post.

for context: I’ve (31F) been struggling with my alcohol consumption for about 3 years now and in those 3 years I’ve tried multiple times to get sober (the longest I’ve gone without drinking was 3 months, but usually my attempts don’t last a week).

yesterday was my first day sober in a long time. my alcoholism is a huge secret in my life and no one around me fully knows how much of a problem it is. I’m too ashamed to reach out to friends or family or even admit to them that I’m struggling with this. however, given my previous attempts, I think it’d help to connect with people going through the same thing for support and accountability.

do you guys have any recommendations on where I can find people like that? I’ve tried some “sober” apps before, but didn’t feel connected with anyone there, but I’m open to any and all suggestions!

Hey guys. I deleted my last post because I figured it was a little too detailed about some legal charges pending. Needless to say, I checked myself into a rehabilitation centre one week ago and will be here until June. I just got my phone privileges back and can have it a few hours per night.

It is no question that coming here has saved and is saving my life. It’s very sad it had to come to this, but there were no other options aside from eventual death or jail due to my substance use. It’s been pretty intensive with 3 group sessions per day and meetings with my counsellor and therapist spread throughout the weeks. This is the next chapter of my journey and I believe I am right where I need to be. Thanks guys for being here along with me through all of this, I am grateful for each and every one of you, your insight and thoughtful responses have stuck with me throughout everything, and I’m happy to tell you that I am really doing the work. Love y’all.

MY mom's in hospital and one fo the first things my dad asked me was why I'd skipped classes to come see her. I bought some tramadol on the way to pick up my mom's clothes cause I'd figured Id needed to feel alright for my mom.

Now my dad's calling me a piece of shit saying he doesn't want me to be around anymore or come home on holidays and shit don't know if he's going to help me with uni anymore and I stil can't fucking find a job. probably am a piece of shit though. Mom's gonna be fine though so that's something, might see if she'll sort everything with my dad so I actually have a rooom to stay in this weekend cause im too fucking broke for a train ticket lol

I have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I don't know what to do. I'm falling apart .. please someone point me in the right direction

I have not a single ounce of energy or will left in me to keep fighting.

I'm done trying.

It's just swimming upstream and so I don't care if the stream takes me down or up anymore.

I've knelt and prayed to God multiple times, with heart-felt touch, and asked for deliverance. I've even come to the point where I've given up all my stubborn "independent" identity and ambitions and dropped myself to humility, after many years. What more do I have to do to surrender?

I've been given much, despite all the darkness and trauma as well, and because of that I've always lived under the pressure of amounting them to something for the world. And I used to want to have the world, now I don't want anything anymore - I just want to have myself.

Why am I still stuck in this hell?

Also, I live in a sober living house.

I have been prescribed this drug for around 10 years, its ruled my life for way too long.

I have been slowly coming down off the stuff for around 2 years, was taking 180 - 200+mg every day

I now take just 15-20mg per day, used to get 8 x 20mg tablets and now I get 3 x 5mg per day. This dosage is less than what I was initially put on by my doctor 10 years back.

Was reducing my daily intake 5mg at a time, moving down from 20mg tables to 15mg ones, then once I was on the 5mg tablets I started reducing the number of pills per day.

I still have a ways to go, the difference in severity of the withdrawals is massive, they still are not pleasant but are at least manageable, I'm able to function if sick where as before it was debilitating, nothing was possible and it was pure hell.

I was worried about the phycological side of things but even that is becoming easier, I'm not thinking about the pills 24/7 anymore, when can I take more etc. I even forgot about taking them a few times the past few weeks.

Soon enough I hope to be completely off them

Just wanted to share my story, tapering down off the pills this way physically was easy, its when I began to lower the number of pills per day that it got difficult, mainly phytologically.