Hi all, just a quick question if that’s okay. Would it be okay to log in to an online meeting about 15-20 minutes late? I’m hoping to attend my first one, but because of other commitments I would miss the start. I don’t want to be disruptive or disrespectful of the facilitator or group. Plus, I’m quite nervous as it is so don’t really want to draw attention to myself either. Would it be a case of just ‘slipping in at back’, so to speak, or would it be awkward? It’s online but not labeled as ‘national’, so I don’t think there’s oodles of people.

Woke up feeling rested and good. It's now a week, and though that week was ROUGH, my plan is to stick close to the SMART principles and post every day. I am immensely grateful for this site.

We had a seriously successful conference in Lisbon Portugal! We even were able to debut our new branch of SMART- SMART Recovery Global! We are dedicated to outreach, training and support to all non- affiliated and emerging affiliated nations around the world! For more details, check out our home page at smartrecoveryglobal.org

On Tool Tuesdays, we take the opportunity to learn new tools from the Handbook together (or refresh our memory). Today we are focusing on the DEADS tool (Delay, Escape, Avoid/Attack/Accept, Distract, Substitute).

Although it can be difficult at first, distracting yourself is one of the best ways to get through an urge. When you're actively doing something, you're thinking about that and not the urge. The more you refuse to give in to urges, the less frequently they occur, and the more quickly they pass.

What distractions are (or may be) helpful to you? Here is a list of distracting activities to jog your memory.

Hello all! I’m excited to find SMART. I stopped drinking July 26 after a bleeding ulcer put me in the hospital. I have had about a week since going sober of not being sober - a few drinks on a few days. United myself and the guilt from ruining my streak. Wasn’t worth it. Anyhow, that was a few weeks ago. I think SMART can help me stay sober. My question is - is it best to go through the book front-to-back in order? Or can I jump around?

Hi. I'm going to my 1st SMART meeting tonight. It's in person. I don't know what to expect. I have anxiety because what if I'm the only one there?

Do I have to tell my story right away?

Any info would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Back from the SMART Conference in Portugal and we made the world SHAKE! Tuesday Lunch Break Meetings are back on, every TUESDAY 1PM EDT. Work nights? Got time during the day? Come check us out and check in! Link for meeting details is below-

https://www.smartrecoveryinternational.org/meetings

Woke up great, slept like a log and did not drink. For some reason during the first week of not drinking my body/brain feels like it's warm, likely the dopamine from craving. A while back I got head wrappy thing you put in the fridge for headaches and a neck roll (my neck is a mess) you also put in the fridge also. I did not let my blood sugar drop at all yesterday but when I got slammed with the urge late afternoon, I slugged down a baby Coke for some serotonin and put my whole brain and neck on ice, laid down and watched Netflix for hours and it worked ... for me. So maybe for others they can put a wash cloth or rag or two and let it cool in the fridge and then put in on your neck or face. I think it might work something like a mini ice plunge that zaps your nervous system. Hope that helps.

It's Family & Friends Friday!

We often say that we cannot directly change our Loved One's addictive behavior. We can, however, make some changes to our behavior which might affect our Loved One's addictive behavior. Maybe we decide to work on our self-care, which might serve as a model for our LO? Or we might try not to catastrophize when things get difficult? There is a list of things we might change in the F&F handbook (page 3): we might stop protecting, rescuing, nagging or controlling our LO, for example. We might try to stop obsessing about our LO's behavior, or we might stop trying harder ("if I were a better parent/friend/partner this wouldn't be happening").

You might consider taking a look at the Change Plan Worksheet, to help you decide what changes you would like to make and help you plan those changes.

What changes do you think you might make in your own behavior? Is the Change Plan Worksheet helpful for this?

Hello everyone,

I'm a nursing student and I have to attend both an AA meeting and a SMART recovery meeting for one of my classes. Does anyone know of a zoom format meeting I could join that is welcoming of nursing students?

While I understand the value of this assignment, I feel pretty uncomfortable about invading people's space as someone who has not personally struggled with addiction. I can see how it could be upsetting.

I am familiar with SMART and love the program but never really worked it properly. I quit drinking for the six years I took care of my mom in my home so she was sort of a guard rail in that I knew I could not be altered if she fell (or something). When she passed in late 2022, I began to drink "a little" and then when I had a knee replacement recently, I drank every night to get through it. The pain is now gone; so, I am your basic alcoholic BUT this time quitting drinking seems near impossible, specifically on the third or fourth day after the last night of drinking. I feel like I wake up in a state of discomfort/craving. It's maddening and seemingly impossible to not get drunk. What the hell is happening? Is my limbic system screaming at me? I am a nanosecond away from going to AA just to get a sponsor, but I know being around a program that is shamed-based isn't gonna really help. I need some chattin' here until I get some time together to help my brain heal. The craving (I think) isn't a "moment" it feels like a monster screaming at me until I give my brain alcohol. It can last a day. I literally wake up kind of tired and think JESUS what is this? This can't be craving -- and then I realize it is. I don't know what to do. I am reading the SMART book and will start journaling today. I drank last night so I have a few days before this thing descends. Is it OK to post every day for a while?

I log on to the https://smartrecovery.org.uk/online-meetings/ search and have to input my postcode which only bring up in person and online meetings within 50km of my address. So today's search only brings up an online meeting not until 6pm today.

I then entered Manchester which then found different online meetings and then London which found a zoom meeting that had just started. I enquired about this on the meeting and was very rudely advised by the host that I should only be attending local meetings. Surely this isn't correct? It's certainly not that way with other recovery programmes.

I have also tried searching for meetings on https://www.smartrecoveryinternational.org/ourservices which allows me to search for meetings in the US and Australia but again I am being asked to input a state/province and selects only locals meetings to that area.

This doesn't seem right! All other recovery programmes clearly have all available online zoom listing's nationally and internationally to easily select.

Is this right? If so, this might not be the programme for me which is a shame. Especially after the rude lady cutting me off this morning even after explaining it was my 2nd online meeting.

Quite disappointed

Hey everyone,

I'm Bella - I'm almost 6 years sober and a PhD researcher at London South Bank University. I'm researching something that's been overlooked in recovery research: how social class affects our recovery journeys.

Here's the thing - we know social class impacts everything from education to housing to career opportunities. But somehow, no one's really looking at how it shapes recovery. Some people can access private treatment, while others rely on free community resources. Some have supportive networks and can afford sober activities, while others are building everything from the ground up.

What's this about? Recovery isn't just about willpower and abstinence - it's about what support and opportunities are actually available to us and how we can improve our overall quality of life. I want to understand how our different backgrounds (money, social connections, education, available resources) affect these opportunities for positive change.

Who can take part?

• Anyone 18+ in the UK who considers themselves in recovery or working on their relationship with substances
• ALL paths welcome - whether you're abstinent, reducing use, or just starting out
• No "perfect recovery" required - real experiences only!

What's involved?

• 20-minute anonymous survey
• Questions about your recovery, hobbies, finances and social networks
• Some questions are quite personal, so please make sure you have a private space to complete the survey
• If you're not sure about any answers, just give your best guess

The goal? To understand if recovery looks different depending upon a person's access to resources and to help make recovery support more accessible and fair for everyone. Your experiences could help improve support services for our whole community and highlight that recovery is not only about substance use but a chance for social mobility.

Click here to take the survey

Feel free to ask questions in the comments.

The School of Applied Science Ethics Committee at London South Bank University has granted approval for this study.

Thanks for reading!

(Email: kellyi4@lsbu.ac.uk if you want to know more)

P.S. Everything's completely anonymous and confidential.

Hey everyone- just a reminder: there is no meeting this Tuesday as I am in Portugal at the Lisbon Addictions Conference, representing our great program! We’ll resume with our regular time at 1pm EDT next week. For the schedule and meeting link please go to www.smartrecoveryinternational.org/meetings

Thanks everyone!

I have never been to a smart recovery mtg, but I did just pass 27 years of continuous sobriety through support with a 12 step program. I feel the need to reach out and try something new. Don’t get me wrong I found a way for me that worked, but I have come to understand there are other types of support for recovery and I guess I am looking for that here. Any tips or suggestions for making friends for an introvert? Thanks to everyone that responds

Hello Smartie Friends

I've had a bit of an up and down time over the last few weeks and can't seem to string together a week of soberness.

I just wondered what are the three big things that have helped you in recovery.

Mine are:

1. when I am healthy and fit (not really at the moment so that might be a clue),
2. when I don't go down a rabbit hole of self negativity (that might be another clue to what I need to work on - it spell changed that to "elf negativity" at first - sorry to all you elves on here),
3. checking in here.

Also, was there a particular thing or saying or belief that made you stop?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts:)

I am desperate and full of guilt and shame. Every time I use I convince myself that it's the last one! And it never is! I am a selfish disgusting individual living a selfish double life that's killing me slowly.

I've not managed to get past 4 months without relapsing on another programme and don't think counting days is helping me but maybe that's just a stupid excuse.

I stopped for 7 years on my own without a recovery programme and honesty never thought I would use again until I thought I could handle just a tiny bit. Its now 2 years later and the demon dust has a strong hold of me.

I feel like this is my last chance because I feel absolutely ashamed to keep attending my current recovery programme and saying that I fucked up and relapsed AGAIN.

I'm lost and weak... I haven't even slept but I'm going to log on and just listen. I can't carry on living like this! I don't even know why I'm posting this but needed to get this out.

I know CBA really well, however, i decided to rewatch SMART Recovery YouTube videos again for fun. And something caught my eye. The guy who explains CBA emphasizes not just ST vs LT (short term vs long term), but also real vs imaginary.

I added I and R (I = imaginary, R = real) to my CBA items, and yet again i was surprised by what i saw. Everything that alcohol can offer is not only very short term, but also imaginary. The benefits start when i open the bottle and end when i go to sleep. And these benefits exist nowhere but in my head. Kind of lame.

My FOMO (fear of missing out) is lifted. I feel like alcohol cant offer me anything. I feel content. I am ready to quit again.

There is a new sub that just started for any one interested - r/recoveringwomen

Even though I stopped actively counting years ago, I still have an app running in the background. It just informed me of my nice round number.

I read this elsewhere and immediately saw how it could apply here.

Most of us have encountered a case of the "fuck it's" before. That sense of feeling so overwhelmed that I just want to give up. I experienced it often when first sober and trying to balance my life.

It wasn't difficult to want to give in when all I was dealing with was the nameless, faceless "it". So, let's take our HOV's and put it to the test.

Fuck my family, I'm drinking. Fuck my job/career, I'm drinking. Fuck my health, I'm drinking. Fuck my self esteem, I'm drinking. Fuck my finances, I'm drinking.

I can't speak for anyone else but it's a lot more challenging to give up when I can plainly state what I'm sacrificing.

What do you value that you're willing to lose?

I am really interested in this community and communities of recovery in general. I love the anonymous nature of Reddit and how conversations can flow because of this fact.

But I also am interested if many of you have your own private / micro SMART communities where you find support with each other outside of meetings? If not how do you think that would go? What would make you keen?

Join us now WEEKLY at 1pm EDT for our online check in and discussion meeting! Find the link on SMART Recovery Int. below. Questions? Email Mike Hooper at mike@smartrecoveryinternational.org

https://www.smartrecoveryinternational.org/meetings

On Tool Tuesdays, we take the opportunity to learn new tools from the Handbook together (or refresh our memory). Today we are focusing on the Coping Statements During a Crisis strategy.

When you're in a crisis, disputing irrational beliefs may not be helpful because it takes time and rational thought. Simple and easy coping statements will help you get through a crisis. They are simply statements you say to yourself to get through the moment until you have time to use your tools.

It's most helpful if you develop and rehearse several coping statements so that they're ready when you need them. For example, "This is frustrating, but I can live through it" or "I'm hurting, but using will make me feel worse."

Coping statements are most effective when they are realistic without putting demands on yourself or others. What are some coping statements you can use to get you through a crisis?

Went to a SMART recovery meeting yesterday and came away a tad upset. Two things that struck me most were: "Just because people don't behave the way I want them to doesn't mean they need to be punished."

I agree with that. But if their behavior is harmful, there should absolutely be consequences.

My ex partner lied to me about his porn addiction for 8 years. He made me believe he's asexual and I was understanding and kind even though my needs went unmet the whole time outside the 10 times a year I could make him sleep with me. (Yes, I know, my needs are firmly on my side of the street. But let's not pretend I'm a bad person for believing in my relationship and that companionship was ultimately more important than sex. And let's not pretend he didn't know that he was majorly deceiving and depriving me.) He similarly made me believe that we would get couple's counselling and maybe start a family. During what were quite possibly my last reproductive years.

Now, he's off trying to do that to a woman two years younger than me who looks like me. He is on crystal meth (snorts it daily) and still a raging porn addict with major financial issues and he just ropes in the next unsuspecting person. At the same time, he is trying to get a 19-year old to meet up with him to take meth with him. He is 37. He did that in his late twenties, too, back then it was a 17-teen year old that he tried to get hooked on meth and into his bed. That was before he got clean and before we got together. Since he relapsed into meth last year, his porn and online sexting addiction has gotten more and more extreme. He watches teen porn everyday.

How doesn't he deserve punishment? How doesn't he deserve consequences?

I understand that all of those things were likely caused by his addictions. Maybe him offloading all household duties onto me was caused by that, too, clearly he was compartmentalizing and had trouble seeing women as complex human beings. I was basically his mom. He hated seeing me in sexy outfits. Maybe, that's also why he ignored that two of his friends sexually molested me and continued to hang out with them and gaslit me into thinking I was being to sensitive. But it doesn't hurt any less.

And then they said in the meeting that we can expect for our loved ones to make amends for the pain they've caused and making amends could cause them to get stuck in recovery. I guess what was meant is that it could get them stuck in the shame cycle. I do understand that.

It's just, I think it would help MY recovery to have my needs and feelings validated for once. It feels like everybody and their uncle is looking out for my "poor" partner's needs. When do I get some sympathy? I also have childhood trauma, and I get up everyday firmly deciding to try and be the best and kindest person I can be. I'm only human, so I did snap at my partner sometimes. But I apologized and tried to repair and learn, because I am an autonomous adult. How can we say they have autonomy but at the same time say they don't have to make amends for the abuse they perpetrated? I just don't get it, can someone explain?

ETA: Also, I had already detached from my ex. We didn't talk for two weeks at all in the summer. And I was fine! Healthy, active, regaining the sense of being beautiful which he had robbed me off. Then he contacted me saying how sorry he was, and I had learned by then that might be change talk and a cry for help so I tried to be supportive. But I just get more abuse. He texts me when he feels like it, but leaves me on read for days. It's same old same old and I don't know what to do. I have become a recluse again. Nobody understands me, everybody and their cat judges me, I can't do anything right. I feel ugly as all hell. I know he may very well eventually need my help but I feel so disrespected. He's playing with my emotional well-being as he has done the whole relationship. And I don't even know if I'm even helping him.

The Tuesday Check In & Discussion Meeting is now every week at 1pm EDT. Recovery lunch break? Need a boost before the evening shift? In a corner of the world where the time fits? Join us to enhance your self- empowerment! The meeting is listed on SMART Recovery International’s home page. Any questions, email Mike Hooper at mike@smartrecoveryinternational.org

Homepage : https://www.smartrecoveryinternational.org/meetings

It's Family and Friends Friday!

Many of us, as Family and Friends, know what it's like to be afraid - that our Loved One won't come back tonight, that our Loved One's addictive behavior will continue to escalate, or maybe that our Loved One will get arrested. The FEAR exercise helps us to come to terms with our fears (FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real, because many of our fears do not materialize).

Page 135 of the Family and Friends handbook explains how to use the FEAR exercise: If we are using paper and pencil, we divide the paper into 3 columns.

• In the first column, we write our fear ("my Loved One won't come home tonight").
• In the second column, we write our fear as a "what if" question ("what if my Loved One doesn't come home tonight?")
• In the final column, we write what we would do if our Loved One didn't come home tonight ("I would call my sister. I would continue with my evening as I had planned. I would watch a good movie. I would text my Loved One one time to check on them").

The beauty of this tool is that it helps us to realize that even if the worst thing happened, we would be able to deal with it, and that is empowering.

Have you used the FEAR exercise? Was it helpful? Would you like to share your experience with us?

New to Recovery as of last month, and one thing that i've been wanting to change is the group of people im around. I moved to a new city this year and Immediately leaned in towards the weekend/club/night crowd and now quite frankly I cant think of a single person in my phone from around here who isn't in that scene, effectively leaving me with nobody to hang out with when I do have free time besides those who drink/ do substances for fun. What are some suggestions to help shift myself from a bunch of people who revolve their life around partying/drugs and get to people who have more sober habits / hobbies? I feel like a big step in my recovery will be switching groups of people I hang around and I want to start making some friends on a healthier basis then "bar buddies".