Rules

This is something I’m certain we have all felt at one point in our lives. Unfortunately for me, this is something I’ve always struggled with my entire life. I grew up always feeling awkward and left out and as time went on this feeling never waned, and whenever I was included in any plans, my presence was just merely tolerated and I always felt I was included out of pity…

Getting criticized by your family for not making the life choices they want you to make, making plans with friends only to get canceled on, getting ghosted when you meet someone and you think things are going well only for them to go radio silent on you, or even worse when you do meet someone and they call it quits on you and leave or outright cheat on you because you realize there are better people out there for them and it’s not you. All of this adds up and can really take its toll on a person. It’s taken its toll on me…

All these years of therapy to improve my life, improve my mental health and unlearn the bad habits I’ve picked up over the years, it all seems like a waste. Sadly, I feel like I’m regressing and becoming distant as much as I don’t want to, but as time goes on and the fear of rejection grows, the colder I’ve become and I’d rather be the person that does the rejecting than be the one who gets rejected…

I know feeling valued means I shouldn’t be fixated on others’ approval, but how can I feel valued when growing up I constantly found myself walking on eggshells? I never knew what a loving healthy home looked like. The way my mom and stepdad engaged with each other has ruined my hopes of ever meeting someone if toxic behavior is what love is supposed to look like, whether platonic or romantic. And at this point, kids are off the table…

I feel I’m emotionally disconnected when it comes to comforting others, Like I don’t know what to do or how to comfort them I just stand there awkwardly, and it don’t bother me that they’re crying or need to be comforted, like I ain’t uncomfortable about it, I just don’t know how to go about it, on occasion I cry mainly with Hachi and about my sister finally being able to have a kid, aside from that I rarely cry, maybe get frustrated but that’s it, and I feel like shit for not being able to comfort someone when needed.

The last two big parties I’ve been two were kind of flops. The one I went to on Halloween and the one I went to on new years were both awkward. My friend is having a get together with twenty or so of her close friends. I don’t know anyone there.

I was excited to go at first, but now after work and lectures, I’m exhausted. I’ve already given myself an “out” to leave early if I want to. I’m already telling myself that I can go early if it gets awkward. I’m just so tired, but I want to go and put myself out there.

When I was younger (18-22) I went to make friends. I’m 24 now and it just seems like everyone at parties are so awkward.

Anyone have any tips?

I'll just get into it.

I, 17M (a junior in high school) have struggled to make friends since middle school and I'm starting to get anxiety because of it. Last night I had a mental breakdown because the thought of being alone the rest of my life keeps finding its way into my mind. I used to have quite a few friends in middle school, but that group has fizzled into just two good friends. I love them both to death, but I feel as though I've become entirely dependent on them. Both of them have other friends from the extracurriculars they do, so it feels as though I need them but THEY don't need me. I play the trombone in my school's band, and so I'm around a lot of other band kids. The thing is, I've become friends with absolutely none of them. It sucks because a lot of them are really cool people, and I just want to be around them. I constantly see their posts on instagram and they look like they're having so much fun. I wanna punch my freshmen self in the face for not talking to them then. I know it's not too late to talk to some of them, but it seems weird and embarrassing to try to thrust myself into some of their groups 2.5 years after meeting them. What's worse is that on the rare occasion one of them does speak to me, I never know what to say and the conversation abruptly ends. It doesn't help that I've been told I have a raging RBF, so there's probably a few people who think I don't like them. It just feels like I'm in a never ending cycle where friendships are in my reach but I can never pluck up the courage and start a conversation.

For those, who've been in the same position as me, how did you get out of it?

At my job, I get a lot of guest that is chipper and they’re ready for the fun thats ahead. My job is to greet them and escort them to their desired destination within the property. Lots of guest may walk by my area and they may have a joke expecting me to laugh. But when the joke is not funny, I may just nod my head and look at them, wishing them a great day. This one older gentleman stated: “Wow, these people lack sense of humor in this place”. I didn’t even do anything but not laugh. Was I being rude?

(Sorry for the bad grammar and for context, I have autism) I don't have a lot of friends in school, but they all make fun of me and call me annoying. I wish I wasn't as anxious so I could make more friends. Any tips to make friends with anxiety?

For example I can strike up a conversation and talk to classmates who are sitting right beside me, but it’s pretty unlikely for me to make friends with them right then and there and then I just might never see them again. Help!!

These past few months I had a low point in my life when I started to question everything in my life.

I didn't know if my friends were really my friends.

I didn't know if I deserved my successes or if they were pure luck.

I didn't even know if it's me or if I'm just trying to copy others to feel better.

I felt like I didn't know anything about myself, not even my own feelings.

All of this made me distance myself from my friends for several months and now that I'm a little better (I'm still bad) I want to talk to them again but I'm afraid that thanks to my disappearance I've ruined the friendship. I don't want to lose them. They are the only friends in a long time who have made me feel calm and safe with myself.

I see what someone is doing, flattering me and making a job proposal. I've worked at this place before and I didn't have a great time, then left. But this person keeps coming back to me and ask me for help because they have no time or the like. The proposal is interesting and goes well with my life roadmap, and as soon as we start talking about it the previous position (the one I left) is brought up and takes over. I should've said no from start but I just can't because the good intro chat this person gave me.

I wonder what's really wrong with me, maybe it's out of necessity (moneywise)? But I'm also getting another job next month (confirmed) and I still can't reject this one from the beginning and end up in the same situation from where I left.

I'm tired.

I have a hard time sticking to a certain emotion. I can't hold a grudge to save my life. I always try to be nice to people but the second I over-hear something about myself I start to be an ass to them. If they treat me well for the day I'm really nice to them. Ive had instances where Suddenly their attitude changes and they're not so nice anymore. Which makes me want to make them not hate me anymore. I hate that I do that but I can't seem to change my ways. I always second guess my self.

Here's a situation i was in. I was running late to work. It was a bad habit I'm finally breaking. Other employee says it's okay. I said I would buy them something for being understanding. We say our good byes. On their way out they talk to someone. "Hey blank your still here?". "Yea that dumbass just got here". I didn't get them the coffee because I felt hurt they would say something like that too me. The next day I was late again 2 minutes(normally how late I usually am). I walk in and drop off my stuff walk to the front of the register and I say " your good to go". In a meaner voice. She doesn't say anything but heads out. Now there is tension. I don't know what a rational reaction would be. I'm constantly second guessing myself. What should I do?

I was thinking deep down when a person is around people, even his or her children or spouse. they can never be their true self because they are trying to be someone they are not from inside. And hiding flaws , making decisions like someone they used to look upto as a child and then this qoute ran through my eyes

Being my true self inside out 100%........ Because someone said " When identity is derived by projecting an image in a public realm.Something is lost , some core of originality of your personality is Diluted , some sense of authority or interiority compromised"

AKIKO BUSCH in *How to Disappear : notes on invisibility in the time of transperency Its a curse to know yourself completely and then not being able to be yourself ever.We all crave something whole life.but no one craves being their one true self.

Uhm so I had that thing for a while I guess. Sometimes my friends do smth not that serious, but I don't look at them the same way after. It might be because I'm an overthinker.

So my best friend started to hang out with other people in school more(i don't have any problems with that as she is my friend and she doesn't owe me anything, plus i have my other friends as well) however when I asked her what plans does she has for lunch or a weekend (not asking to hangout, just general interest)she gives me vague answers and only a few days after I realise she was going out w her new friends. I just don't see any reason why would she lie to me it's not like I would go there or ask her to invite me. It just makes me feel like a kind of second sort friend? It just hurts a little cause we went through a lot of stuff together

Initially she kinda tried to introduce me to her new friends but it didn’t quite work out (nothing bad happened, I just don’t care about them)

She mentioned that she cares a lot about popularity and she hangouts w people she doesn't really like just because they are "popular". She still tries to find time to spend me w even w her other friends around, but that lying thing really pissed me off. Esp because last year we agreed on introducing each other to new friends if we make some to go to parties together, but in reality she keeps it as a secret from me?

Maybe it's just nothing and I'm overthinking Imao. I have other good friends and I go out w them as well, don't think that she got tired from me or anything. I just don't know what to do and whether I should bring that up

 (29M) went to a bar for the first time ever for social purposes, such as small talk or meeting women.

My background is quite modest: I’m not very social, I’m recently divorced, and I’m an immigrant in the country where I live.

To step out of my comfort zone, I decided to visit a few bars alone. I ordered a cocktail and started looking for a free seat.

I couldn’t find a good spot and kept wandering around like a boomerang. I thought it would be a good idea to find some company,

so I immediately approached a table with five women who were chatting. I asked:

“Hey! How are you doing? May I join you?”

They responded, “No, we’re talking about something that wouldn’t interest you.”

Other groups seemed to be in their own world, and I didn’t find a good reason to join them.

I sat near the bar, watching the bartender make cocktails.

A few moments later, some guy approached me and started a conversation. We talked for a bit, and he invited me to join his group.

They were from Ireland and were in the city for the weekend. A lady from the group asked if I was interested in men or women. I said women and one of the guys seemed disappointed because he was gay. We chatted for a bit, but then he told me I was quite boring.

I found a place to sit and clear my head. Then, I noticed a nice girl. I was about to approach her, preparing an opener,

when I saw a photo of her boyfriend on her phone. “Fu** it” and went back home.

And that’s how I spent my Friday evening.

I grew up kind of sheltered. Sure, I was allowed to do what I wanted. But I didn't have any friends growing up and spent all of my time outside of school (and eventually work) alone. I also come from a bit of a dysfunctional family where certain people don't get along with others for various reasons I won't specify here for privacy reasons. But needless to say, it put me off wanting to even try forming relationships with people, because this is where it could inevitably lead.

But on the flip side, I consider myself fairly educated and know that "no man is an island" as it were. That, according to all the data out there, we need people in our lives. And I have had times where, when I'm walking past a restaurant and see a group of people sitting together and laughing, I remember I've never had that. And a part of me yearns for that connection. But another part of me says I'm good enough as-is.

So what do I do? Better yet, if all you are going to suggest is I see a therapist, what are they going to do?

I feel so much better after having days off and coming back to work, but now after 4 days through I feel so irritated, why is that 🤔

For me, when I figured out that "validating people's feelings" actually meant "pump people's egos up", I understood what I was doing wrong and started subtly doing just that -- and, viola, friends and others started flowing in.

i'm(20M) sure this is asked a lot.. i have a lot of acquaintance/'buddies', i can meet a ton of people and bond with them, have fun and all that, even have deep conversations but i don't have real friends, friends i can rant to and talk about my day, bond deeply, see often etc, even in highschool i didn't really have that, during my year at UNI i didn't really have that either, today i don't have that *at all*

i'm at a volonteer program and people working with me are mostly girls, one dude but he doesn't talk much (we're 9, we see eachother 2 times a week) the girls are fun bund they have a much better cohesion between them, and i'm anxious, we're a lot, i'm not used to group work, one girl is bitter and seem to not like me but idk if it's her personality bcs she's bitter and has a nasty resting bitch face and has an atitude in purpose but she's nice too but she's making me anxious, also a bunch of my insecurities are coming up, i think i'll sign up to some art classes but outside of that idk what to do, and people in the art workshops will probably be way older than me

Hey guys couple questions here I have this coworker that I've known to work with for the last couple weeks she seems really nice and the last time we worked together we spent about an hour and a half or two hours talking straight to each other about different things and getting to know each other.

And today I ran into her again at work and when she first seen me she had kind of a surprised look on her face and acknowledge me and then we talked for a bit today but not as long as last time.

She seems to be a very nice person and I feel like adding her a Snapchat but then again she is my coworker and I don't want to make things weird if she's not truly interested in me.

Didn't know if it would be inappropriate if I add her on Snapchat or something she did mention to me in the conversation the first time about having Facebook and Instagram because she heard my Facebook Messenger sound go off didn't know that may be a hint I'm not sure?

Thanks everyone!

my friends are meeting my parents for a project for school and i’ve been overthinking what do i have to say to not make it awkward when they’re meeting my parents?

Hat jemand einen jodel.pro code für mich?

183cm, Decent Looking, English, ADHD.

I have decent social skills (with men) I'm loud, boisterous, but also friendly and like to help others.

I find it very difficult to make friends with females in general. The only females I've been friends with I've also dated.

How do you become friends with females without blurring that line and how do I make female friends at all?

Idk why. Should I respond with: why? lol

How do you even respond to this message? Specially if they were the ones saying it without you asking? What's the point of rubbing it in my face that I'm not allowed there? But seriously, how do you respond and what would you do?

I’ve noticed that people were trying to exclude me in some ways. I’m still grieving over losses. My mom is mostly emotionally abusive towards me. My mom hates me for being “not normal” or me being androgynous-lesbian. Growing up, I was excluded or picked on for being not feminine or heteronormative. I think I struggle to make friends over depression and being very quiet as well. In grad school, my cohorts excluded me or extremely rude towards me. It’s okay since I thought it was a toxic group (they gossip, lie, or judgy and materialistic).

A few organizations on social justice (ironically) are excluded me in many ways, but mostly “forgetting” to invite me for events/meetings and not letting me do tasks or refusing to help/answer me when I ask questions I also think I might be autistic but I was also homeschooled since kindergarten till 18 when I went to college.

What should I do? I struggle so badly to make friends and I’m in my early 30s btw

For context i was Extremely isolated as a teen bc i was extremely deppressed+traumatized+ had an undiagnosed mood disorder/adhd/bad home enviroment and just felt too miserable for anyone to be around me and being around people overwhelmed me too much bc i felt i was bothering everyone/burdening them/felt AWFUL with myself and had zero clue how to socialize wth anyone that was my age. (I still perfer older ppl to talk to) as a teen my mother would tell me abt true crime cases a lot to scare me from doing bad things as a teen and it made me too paranoid to do anyting or leave the house and i had MASSIVE trust issues for YEARS bc of it

I am almost 22, have bipolar type 2, and i still feel Miserable and alone and im anxious avoidant and im still terrified to make friends with anyone because im scared that ill get physically hurt, tricked, and i have no idea how to talk with people my age in person bc i am so scared that i'll get rejected and im also blind in one eye and im insecure about needing help and terrified ill get taken advantage of bc of it. Im just scared all the time and i just want to go and do shit but everything is terrifying and feels bad to do and god it makes me want to just be a hermit at times but i have so much potential ive wasted already and im tired of being stuck in my situation and would like asvice on how to get out of this. Ive started therapy and im just now trying to start my life up since i missed out on a Lot

I have a question about female friendships, and I ask for Grace with this one. Please don’t torch me.

The women I’d call friends who actually text back, answer calls, show interest, and maybe care about me, I’d count on one hand, and half aren’t even in the country.

The rest take forever to reply, give half assed answers, only text when they want something, and lose interest so quickly it’s nearly impossible to finish a conversation with them.

Many won’t reply, and getting them together to go out is a nightmare and it takes months to set up.

With my guy friends, it’s all straight shooting, no drama. They’re there when I need them, they show empathy, they don’t shame, they actually give advice catered to my situation, not what they think is right (each being better at something).

I’m starting to wonder if it’s even worth investing in keeping these relationships alive. It’s so draining I barely even speak to them anymore (due to the above mentioned reasons).

hi i wanted to start this by saying i have had major self esteem issues ever since i was a child. i was always shy and anxious, awkward. now as a 21 year old miraculously i have a good bit of friends, most of them are from high school but ive just never understood why they want to be friends with me in the first place, i dont think im very funny and i definitely dont have my shit together im awkward. i know it doesnt help that i put my friends on a pedestal but i genuinely adore them they are all so beautiful and creative and just all around amazing people. i would die for them. i come from a small town in florida i never thought i would have what i have now, i felt very isolated as a kid. im utterly shocked when people reach out and want to see me, i dont necessarily hate myself i think i have a few good qualities but when im around my peers i am soo anxious. i hate the sound of my voice and the way the words come out, i feel like my body language is always off i never know what to say or how to react without coming across as weird unless i drink of course but i dont want to rely on alcohol to feel comfortable around my friends. the only reason that makes sense to me is that they are friends w me bc im “attractive” i dont feel this way about myself i think my face from the front is okay if i have makeup on, but i am very insecure about my profile. i spend hourss getting ready just to have a casual night with friends i feel like if i dont look 100% my best then i wont feel 100% but no matter what i do the whole time im STILL thinking about my insecurities it takes me out of the conversations, instead of reacting genuinely im focused on how im coming across, how i look, the tone of my voice etc and it’s exhausting, even through text im worried about using the right words or emojis, i dont even know if i really know who i am because im too focused on trying to be who i think everyone wants me to be.

I can hold a conversation if a topic is introduced by the other speaker but once we’re done talking about said topic me and said individual will stop talking for minutes on end the entirety of the time I’m thinking to myself what do I talk about next and nothing will come to mind. To sum it up I have trouble igniting a conversation because I don’t know what to talk about nothing comes to mind at all anyone have any tips on how to overcome this problem?

Note: I used to be really good a socializing and communicating with people a couple yrs back that was back in middle and towards the beginning of high school for me. After a month into high school I moved states and started homeschooling due to the school in my area not being the best. I’m still currently doing homeschooling, but I feel like since I’ve been doing homeschooling for nearly 3 yrs I forgot all my social skills they just went out the window. I used to be able to hold a conversation for a while with people now I struggle with going from topic to topic bc my mind goes blank. Sometimes I will naturally be able to go topic to topic in a conversation but it’s on rare occasions I don’t know how I do but it just happens sometimes.

I used to be good at sports, but now I am certainly not. How do I become the old goody, since everyone, who I play the sport with, is better than me??

I come across various info in a day and most of it I would never be in a need to use during a convo. The rest which I have to remember, I remember it by recalling twice or thrice. BUT How do you remember info that is unnecessary for now but may be helpful in future during some convo? Like you can't be recalling it unless you need it, and when you would, you would certainly tend to forget it.