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My confidence is at an all time low nowadays because I'm body shamed a lot because of my man boobs(6'0 and 91 kgs) and ridiculed a lot because of my low grades and backlogs in college exams,My chest has become my whole personality wherever I go and people bring my name and tease me when there's nothing funny to find in a group and also I've noticed I probably have the lowest amount of respect in my entire batch of 180 friends because of various things which I've been wrongly accused for which adds up to the teasing.

The Accusations and incidents are 1.Watching Porn in Class(I was scrolling reddit but my teacher thought I was watching porn) 2.Teacher told me to bath(My hair was a bit messy and was struggling with dandruff problems) 3.Clothes falling off while dancing on the stage(I was the only one) 4.Low Grades in One semester(I was a bit careless)

This has lead me to become a joker and an absolute clown for my friends,classmates,teachers etc.How can I improve from this situation??

I was popular in high school and never worried about socializing, I made friends at work in my 20’s I was always around people from being at parties a lot, and I don’t remember ever feeling like I needed to come up with things to talk about when I was around people because I was always in groups, and I would just chime in when there was something actually good to say.

Although I have never been someone with many close friends who I spent time with alone (id usually have 1 best friend at a time and that’s it) The people I am around at school or work generally describe me as “fun” and many other positive adjectives and I generally view myself as someone who is good with people.

The only issue I had, which I always had since I was a teenager, was when I was left alone with someone who I was not already close with, even if I knew them, I would become anxious because I didn’t have the option of “chiming in” I HAD to “make” conversation.

Now as an adult I no longer drink, so I don’t have that to ease my nerves, and I have tried to go to couple parties or gatherings, where I noticed that at adult parties, (30's and up) people don’t talk in groups as much as they did when I was growing up, it is more people pairing off to talk to each other on the sidelines and the whole environment feels very polite, cautious and careful vs. when I was young and it was just a chaotic free for all.

I think I know who I am until I go to one of these things and then I completely forget my identity, my self-image, and all my confidence drains out of me as I try to “make conversation” with these people I was put next to, I feel like I was just thrown into the deep end of the pool not knowing how to swim, as I desperately reach for anything we could possibly talk about. I can feel the energy of the forced conversation making us both suffer, this is not FUN this feels like chore, and my mind goes blank and I think how did I go from being a fun person to this burden?

I have relentlessly studied the psychology of socializing, likeability and how to interact with people in general but once I am in this situation where I need to apply it, it feels like the pressure of accomplishing this is so intense, that I crumble, i mostly forget everything I learned and just become a bundle of nerves, no confidence, jittery and desperately trying to ask any question I can think of, and clinging to any small connection, desperate to please this person and forgetting who I am completely.

I know that my anxiousness is off putting and uncomfortable for people and neither of us are enjoying this. What bothers me the most is when I am around people where I am not EXPECTED to entertain people, I am nothing like this whatsoever, I am calm and likeable. No matter how much I learn about this topic it just comes down to my nerves ruining it for me, it makes me think should I just not go to any type of “get together” anymore? (the reason I have been going is because at the moment I only have 1 friend and I need more) any suggestions for something that may be a better option is greatly appreciated, thanks!

“Ambition is the last refuge of failure.” What’s your take on this Oscar Wilde quip?

I have a Christmas party for my law firm next Wednesday. I personally though work in IT and so don’t really interact with any of the attorneys, paralegals and such besides helping them over the phone when needed, though most of my job is with networking.

I told my parents about the party and they both said I should go. But, as I said already, I wouldn’t really know anyone and wouldn’t even know how to approach others to start a conversation since everyone will probably be in their cliques and such. I’ve always been a wallflower when it came to these things and feel like I’m just going to go. Should I still try anyway?

I'm a 17-year-old male from India. I've always believed that deep down, most people dream of having someone waiting for them—someone who respects and values their presence no matter where they go. I try to immerse myself in different social gatherings and actively participate in NGO activities, hoping to connect with people. But despite these efforts, I often find it hard to form meaningful, deeper connections. It makes me wonder—what’s the secret to building those bonds that truly matter?

I’ve realized my mother treated me like an inconvenience so I understand where it comes from. I know I will learn from this but any advice for handling myself better in these situations for now?

Once I spend a good amount of time, it's fine and I feel more comfortable with the person. I have an idea of what they are like, their likes, dislikes, etc. Basically, I can know they have depth and bring deeper discussions into our conversations. But first encounters are different, I have no idea about the person or situation, bc its new and cold and I do not know how to or if to approach a person/group of people or situation out of nowhere, it's weird, kinda scary and uncomfortable, what do I say, how do I look, Am I even needed. I think its best to start with general questions that are pre-manufactured and boring like hi, how are you, where are you from, what's your favourite class. But I feel like when I start general, it will always be surface-level convos with them, we will get stuck in boring yes and no, one-word questions. One thing I've noticed is other people who don't respect these boundaries and etiquettes quickly make good deep friendships and I get stuck in the hi/ hello questions, like they come after me but make such good connections such quick and now I'm not an option to anyone or less of an option bc everyone in the room already have paired up and I am left alone, now I will be no one's main priority.

Kindly help with some advice, observations or maybe similar experience if you may have any. Open discussions are also welcomed

Wanna feel at ease

Everythings just been feeling so empty i used to have a decent social life until i moved schools last year and its been tough, as much as id like to say ive made a few friends, we arent that close and we havent had experiences together like that. At this point in time i dont really have anyone in my life, and for the ones i used to have one of them is just busy and we cant make time since hes so far away and as for the other one he is just emotionally immature and i cant be with someone like that. I havent had friends that are in my wavelength in so long and it just feels depressing at this point and i dont know what to do, where do i start strengthening friendships or how do i just make more friends i dont really know what this post is for im just feeling lost

I’m being ignored at work. This isn’t about me wanting to be friends with my team even if I ask a work related question or hey ignore me. I have to repeat myself at least 5 times before they listen to me and I can be standing right next to them it’s getting annoying. I literally have to get my friend to ask questions for me bc they won’t answer me and if I’m free and need something to do they still walk right past me to the busy team members and ask them to do something. The only time they talk to me is if my friend is next to me and they have something they want from then and that’s still rare bc I could be standing right there and they would treat me like a wall even if I knew the answer and told them they would wait for my friend to answer like I’m dumb and don’t know anything. Am I overreacting?

At work I normally do my little awkward smile and “hello” when I see colleagues in the hallway, but I was in a good mood this morning and gave someone (who I find generally pleasant) a large smile and a wave. In response she said “good job!” and now I’m spiraling. Like I know I’m awkward and introverted but does everyone around me really think I’m that pathetic that they need to give me little encouraging comments to be social??? I think of myself as a normal, functional adult who is sort of weird but maybe it’s much worse than that?? Maybe she was also being awkward and said the wrong thing, and that would be a consolation, but damn like this is simultaneously one of the funniest and most humiliating things that has happened to me in a while. Anyway hope everyone is having a good day.

I’m (27F)at a point where I’m feeling really overwhelmed. I work hard and have a stressful job, and on top of that, I’m trying to plan my wedding. Yet, I still find myself having to step in and manage their issues. It’s exhausting, and I’m not sure what to do. Has anyone else been in this situation? How do you handle it?

I’m really getting tired of being perceived as rude in the workplace when my colleagues are honestly rude to me initially. This has happened to me numerous times, where I’ll come in for my shift and these guys see me and even make eye contact with me. They hear me saying good morning to them and they all just look at me and say nothing. I notice they don’t do this to others. Even my own supervisor. Sometimes some of these colleagues will say good morning separately to me when nobody is around. I know I shouldn’t care, but it’s exhausting to deal with these people who think I am rude and then act awkwardly around me as a result. I am a 27F and I’m a pretty quiet person and it seems to be affecting my reputation negatively. I’m just frustrated bc it feels like this would be a non issue if I was a man. Like they’d be more forgiving abt the fact that I am quiet and not super bubbly/warm. Even if I am bubbly and warm in passing to someone in the hallway, they just ignore me and look at me wide eyed like I’m crazy or smthg. The only people who say hello back or acknowledge me are higher ups who I don’t really work with. I’m just tired bc it feels like I’m damned if I make the effort and damned if I don’t. It’s probably my anxiety, but it feels like I keep getting double takes and weird looks and I’m really having trouble understanding it.

Perhaps it is just me but people appear to disregard or dismiss my opinions. I am well beyond the point of caring all that much, I have friends that do in fact listen to what I have to say and take my opinions and advice seriously. However, when it comes to work or any other scenario outside my support bubble, other people tend to be rather dismissive and I would be lying if I said it didn't get on my nerves a bit.

Im a 26 old guy in the UK, I work in a crew that sets up festivals and events. I'm surrounded by chatter and banter. Not too keen on the banter; I am a man of very few words, a little soft spoken perhaps, saying something only really when I have something meaningful to add. I like to play my cards close to my chest and I dont deal in small talk too much but ill chuckle along with the guys to help it along.

When it comes to discussion on what should be done to approach a certain problem, (this applies to personal problems in other fields as well) more often than not, my point is disregarded and only later does it come to light that I had the right idea to begin with and of course the credit isnt awarded to me. Not that I feel entitled to it but I think some credit where its due is only justified. I am all for whatever plan gets the job done faster and more efficiently, its more of a personal gripe thats mildly infuriating as it would have been done faster if people gave me the time of day to begin with.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Has anyone struggled with it? Whats your experience with it? How did you work on it?

For example, what’s something that can improve or reduce people’s standoffishness towards you?

Need help making my time useful at an EOY work party. Give me tips and advice please.

When I go to events and such, once in a while I see “optional donations” at the entrance with a recommended amount. Does this actually mean that I have to pay it? And if I don’t they will side-eye me? I always see people pay it. But I don’t know if it’s okay not to pay it. I’m sure they will always say “It’s optional” but you know how people are with doublespeak and hidden subtexts.

Hello! I’m excited to be throwing my own first Christmas party this year. I have quite a few ideas, but I thought I would crowdsource. What was the Best Christmas Party you’ve attended and what made it so? 🥂🎄

In 2022, my second year at university, I had a small "friend group" we did assignments and classwork with. We weren't really close because we were all shy and introverted. There was this girl I had met in that 4-person group. We vibed based on our politics (we were both left-leaning) and shared streamers that we watched. Why does that matter? I'm from a non-English-speaking country that is very right-leaning, so it's rare to find people who share the same political leanings as me. She also understood the jokes and references I made. That doesn't usually happen since no one around me shares my interests.

To give context as to how close we were: we celebrated our birthday (we were born on the same day) with two other members of the group initiating the meeting once. We drank beer with her and one other friend in a park. We went cycling around a nearby lake, and I drove her near her home multiple times in my car when we were returning from campus since she lived in the same neighborhood as me. I was an amateur driver at the time, and we almost died twice while in my car, but she still accepted the rides when I offered, even after that. A year ago, I saw her on campus, and I talked about how I struggled to make friends who shared my interests. She told me that she would take me to one of the women's solidarity club meetings, but she didn’t write to me again, and since I used to be even shyer back then, I didn’t ask her either.

I really want to reconnect, but since it’s been two years since we last wrote each other, and considering we weren’t very close in the first place, what should I write to her? Should I write to her? Would that be weird? Has the ship already sailed? From what I told, does it seem like she was only being polite to me?

This has been an issue for me since I(29f) was a kid, and it hasn't changed at all even though I am nearing 30.

It's extremely frustrating for me. This social isolation that I feel, even when I am surrounded by people everyday, has almost driven me off the deep end several times throughout my life.

I am constantly afraid of beig misunderstood or misperceived, but I wouldn't say I am socially anxious.

I just can't connect with anyone. Not even people within my family.

There is always this feeling of disconnect that prevents a relationship from forming. The only person I've truly been able to connect with is my husband.

Some of my issues are that I can't "read between the lines", or read the room well. So I end up saying something inappropriate or using the wrong tone.

I can't always detect a change in someone's emotions so I might miss a shift in the conversation.

I struggle to communicate verbally sometimes.

I also have found that I can't relate to the majority of people I meet. And they can't relate to me either.

What is wrong with me? Can anyone else relate?

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagiging madaldal kapag kasama ko ang mga kaklase ko. Sa sobrang daldal ko, nasabihan na ako na tumatahimik sila tuwing dumadating ako. Hindi naman ako ang nagsisimula ng conversation, pero kapag nag-uusap na sila at nakaka-relate ako, sumasagot din ako. Pero napapansin ko na baka nasosobrahan na ako sa pagiging madaldal. Simula nung nalaman ko na tumatahimik sila tuwing dumadating ako, napaisip ako kung sumusobra na ba ako at baka hindi na nila nagugustuhan na nagsasalita ako.

Mayroon ba kayong maipapayo kung ano ang dapat kong gawin kapag nagkakasama kami at nagkukuwentuhan sila? Dapat ba manahimik na lang ako at makinig, o huwag nang sumagot sa usapan nila maliban na lang kung tanungin nila ako?

p.s. introvert po ako and i have 5 friends and isa sa sign na comfy ako sa tao pag nagiging sobrang daldal ko na to the point na kung ano-ano na sinasabi at tinataong ko.

Hi!

I'm a highly social person with lots of friends. I can talk about anything with anyone and I enjoy chatting.

Today, after uni, I was on a bus with a friend of mine. We chatted until her stop but the conversation didn't have a perfect flow.

I and she have thrown a lot of conversation starters but all of them were a bit short-lived.

I, for one, am able to enjoy the company of someone in silence as well instead of constantly talking about something.

But...

I don't know. Each time a conversation ends up having a non-perfect flow, I kind of feel terrible.

I know the frequencies don't match that perfectly every single time but this type of situations makes me think unrealistic stuff like "They don't care about me." , "They don't want me around." etc.

In the case of this friend, I know she cares about me and she wants me around. We have a friend group of 10 and recently did a 2-cities-in-1-day trip.

She was the one who organized everything, she had the chance to not invite me but she did invite me. (There isn't anything underlying, you always have the chance to invite or not to invite someone.)

We are also going to have a group project next week where we are going to be working in groups of 5.

She immediately pulled me in to her group the first hour.

So, yes. I'm a somebody to her.

But no matter the evidence, I'm going through the same cycle over and over again.

I used to have this friend group of 4 with 2 people being 2 people I'm friends with for 7+ years.

At the time, the other friend had a girlfriend whom I had a strong dislike to. She was literally flirting with 10 guys at the same time and ended up dating my friend.

And the 2 friends had this weird crush to one of her friends. She was also a person I had a strong dislike to.

One day they stopped talking to me just because of these girls and our friendship ended there.

I also had this friend of 12.5 years whose family was in a financial trouble. I introduced him to one of my friends (he is my best friend right now) who has a company.

He needed someone to add the products he sells to his website. It wasn't a regular-regular gig, but the pay was perfect.

My friend decided to pay the full amount to this friend of 12.5 years who has completed half the work saying "He already completed %50 of it so fast, he can get the whole money upfront."

Guess what happened? As soon as he got the money, he stopped working. He developed these unbelievable excuses expecting me to be on his side. Our friendship ended there.

And the worst...

I had this girlfriend a couple of years back. I was so invested in her and she was so invested in me. We were literally flying through the stages of relationship.

One day I called her facetime only to see an other dude responding the phone and asking me who the hell I was.

Turns out this girlfriend had 3 boyfriends in total and I was the second one.

Is it because of these past experiences that I make such a huge physchological deal out of simple things?

Why do I villainize every friend as soon as they aren't giving their %100 all the time?

How can I stop this?

For the past years I've kept to myself, didn't talk unless I had to, now I want to change that and need some advice on how to start talking again.

I have a friend, I'd like to think we're pretty close. We used to go to school/work together and would send random messages to each other whenever we feel like it without hesitation.

Around 3 months ago, we had a pretty bad conflict. I admit that it was largely my fault, and I did apologize as sincerely as I could. She said that she doesn't hate me and does want to stay friends. So, I thought that things would be fine and go back to usual.

But I just feel like things were never the same ever since. First, we don't go to school/work together ever again. We used to go together all the time, but one day she just went ahead without telling me and we never go together ever since. Second, I notice their text has been very dry and it sounds like they have no interest in my stories. I'd text them randomly like I used to, wanting to share some stories, but they'd send a one word response and leave me on read. When they text me first, I always try my best to respond actively, but they don't do the same anymore. Third, I can't help but feel like she's uncomfortable with me. When we meet at school/work, I always greet them but they never greet me back. When we coincidentally meet on the way to school, they don't respond to me and always go ahead without initiating any conversation with me. It's to the point where I start avoiding them by taking a different route because I can't stand the awkwardness.

Surely it's understandable for me to think that they dislike me and my presence, right? I know how well they treat a friend and people they care about, and I feel like they aren't treating me half as well now. I know how talkative they can be when chatting, so the fact that they 90% of the time dry text me must mean something. I understand if they can't be emotionally available all the time. But the fact that 70% of the time they leave my messages on read, while the other 20% they respong with only one word? (Sometimes it beling "lol" or "i know right"). Surely this isn't overthinking?

I can never ask them directly about this because I just know they'd say I'm only overthinking and I don't want to repeat what happened (our huge conflict had to do with my tendency to overthink any social interaction). I tried distancing myself from them and stop sending messages first, but nothing changes. They don't initiate any conversation.

Seriously, am I just overthinking this?

I F27 have made a new friend M23 this year, and as a person with bad social skills, this doesn’t happen a lot. So as you can probably imagine, I would really like to keep this friendship and this person around. I am very aware that the four year age difference is not ideal, but we have a lot in common in terms of interests and I think that age gaps in friendships are not really that bad.

We were in the same volunteer organization and would spend time together through that. We would also message a little bit every two days or so. Sometimes we talked about making plans but so far we haven’t made many. It’s just a pretty relaxed friendship and I felt quite good about it and for what he said, so did he.

A week ago, we had another thing with our organization. We spent time together as usual, but I could just feel that he was kind of distant. He didn’t engage as much and just seemed overall a bit more quiet. But he wasn’t rude or anything, and we still worked together well and also had some fun together. What struck me only later is that at some point that evening, he asked me if I was okay. Maybe I looked distraught, I don’t know, but I was doing just fine. I wonder if he was maybe more sensitive to that because he is actually not okay?

Since that night, there have been barely any messages. I tried to send something yesterday and engage him a bit, but his answers were quite minimal and I just got the vibe that he wanted to be alone. So I tried to let him be and give him space. He has not initiated any contact, which is fair if he just needs his space. But we are also in a group chat together for a thing we have tomorrow, and he is just as avoidant there. I’m almost starting to think that he might cancel tomorrow’s plans.

Now, I don’t think that there is any personal problem between the two of us. There was no issue or conflict or anything. My suspicion is more that he might be in some kind of mental health low, and I want him to know that I care. But I also know that these “Are you alright”/“I’m here if you need someone”/“What’s going on” conversations can feel quite pressuring for some people.

What can I say or do, if anything at all, to address this and reassure him without overstepping?

I’m turning 23 in 2 days and I can’t stop crying and overthinking because i feel like I’m wasting my twenties because of my social anxiety and low self esteem. I’ve always been treated like the "ugly" girl, and people around me constantly remind me of it. At work, they even joke that I look like a man, which only worsens how I feel about myself even when i was working at another place before the same comments never stopped , I’ve completely stopped caring about myself i don’t brush my hair, take care of my skin, or pay attention to my nails at all anymore. I just don't feel like it will change anything

On top of that, my family and I immigrated, and I’m struggling with the language. I feel so insecure because I can’t afford to take classes to improve, and people often make fun of either my appearance or my accent. It makes social interactions even harder for me.

I also come from a very strict traditionnal arab family that doesn’t allow me to make friends or have any freedom. I’m watched constantly, and I feel like a burden to them because of how they treat me. I’m forced to do all the housework, clean after my brothers, and cook with 0 appreciation like i have to do that.

I feel trapped because I can’t even afford therapy to help with my social anxiety and self-esteem issues. The only way I see out of this situation is through marriage, but with my face, my accent, and my social anxiety, I don’t believe that will ever happen. For the past four years or more, I’ve been isolating myself, and it’s so painful to see people my age living their lives, making memories with friends, and enjoying their youth while I’m stuck here.

Any helpful advice is welcome it would mean alot to me

Few months ago I messaged my manager regarding job vacancy today after joining the company he revealed that my first interaction with him was not professional and i was not sound humble rather than my message sounds like order to him

“Good day sir I trust your doing well My ex coworker shared my resume with you so I want to know the possible interview dates i am currently on vacation and i have to make arrangements accordingly to join you Thank you”

As English is not my first language what should i do to sound more humble while writing and speaking rather than being a bossy

Ive realized for the sake of my mental health I really need to expand my social circle. My current friends have become dull, pretentious and complacent and are more happy to spend every single minute of their free-time playing video games.

I've looked up clubs/meetup groups etc but they seem to mainly consist of people in their 40s onwards. I don't mind having some older friends but I'd really feel happier in a friend group of people my age.

I just feel like I'm damned if I don't damned if I do

I don't usually talk at work/in general because I've learned in life people are fake as fuck. And that I get made fun of whether I talk or don't.

Some of these coworkers I'm thinking of approach me first and always help me. I say hi but don't really have actual conversations, because of the above.

When coworkers do that, mock me, or are passive aggressive, what do I do? Esp if they always say hi. I ignore it but I'm getting tired of it. They probably think I don't pick up on it....

I guess it's my fault because I am bad at small talk so I just don't talk at work. People think I'm self centered. I'm not. I'm anxious, cautious, and have been made fun of for being weird before.

The below paragraphs might contain some tech brain-rot terms. If you are not able to understand everything, kindly suggest me something based on the things you understood. I will be more than happy, if you could read this post.

I consider myself a passionate technologist. I have been learning about algorithmic problems a lot since the last two years, also recently I try to explore various development domains in tech as well.

The thing that I like about myself is, "I never give up". I study a lot about technology, and I believe I will be able to become a diligent developer in some years at max.

The thing that I DON'T like about myself is,

"I think too highly of myself, just because I don't give up and believe that I can do something (the fact is I am nothing compared to many people in this world, at least now). For that reason, I demean other people, not by telling them, but in my mind."

This is having a great impact on my mental health.

I want to be more humble. I would be forever grateful if someone could teach me humility.

Also a little backdrop, I was diagnosed with depression two years back. I have been on antidepressants since then. I am in a much better situation now.

I've noticed that some people are more generally liked than others. What makes you want to hang around someone?