And if nothing works I’ll just end it. At least then no one can say I didn’t try.

Nobody can help or offer a word of advice, im left for dead. Atleast il get my feelings out and be able to make a sensible decision about what i can do so i dont end up, dead! Nobody was helping and i think jail shouldnt bither me either with all the harmful incidents i experiencrd, not just me but others, physically hurt .

Hi reddit.. I’ve never posted on here before but i feel like ive tried everything i can so here i am.. ive been struggling for a long time, im 23m, i have no family or friends, just me and my cat, i live alone in a small apartment and have been struggling with alcohol and suicidal thoughts for a while now, just got out of a 3 year long relationship, and have been having thoughts of hurting ending myself, idk who to turn to, ive been to the hospital many times and ive been on more medications then i can count but nothing has worked.. for the past few years i haven’t been able to stop drinking and AA or therapy isnt readily available for me as i live in a small town.. been dealing with alot of anger and resentment towards myself and people on general.. idk what to do or who to turn to.. not sure where im going with this but.. maybe i just needed to vent idk.. im lost..

As per browsing, most of the peeps here are around 30's-40's and yet I'm just only 24. Seems like there's so many obstacles or struggles that I'll be needing to face since im good at nothing. Well, wish me luck :///// can't wait for the tables turn

I have been doing threapy for 2 months and it’s not really helped i don’t feel any better off then when i started and it’s got me so down i’ve been self harming and crying for 2 days, i really don’t want to be alive anymore. Everyday i wake up & the first thing my brain does is wish that i didn’t wake up.

Man, badly need a hug. Without any word, explanation or whatsoever.

I swear, im trying my best to be okay. Scared to tell my gab it’s getting bad again.

i wish i could just go to sleep but not forever. just for a few months straight so I can wake up and things will presumably be better somehow

I (F25) have been in a severe depression for about 5 years now.

Background - I felt awkward growing up (elementary to middle school) because I would talk to people and click with them but would never be able to be consistent and maintain friendships. In groups, I noticed early on that I would lose people’s interest while talking, so I became self conscious and preferred not to really talk unless I was spoken to/asked a question. Then I started lying a lot due to that self consciousness and made it a habit to fabricate everything for the sake of sounding more interesting.

Enter my teen phase and I started going through trouble at home - dad was cheating, sometimes physically abusive towards mom but mostly verbally. Always tried to escape to be alone. Found out my mother was cheating at that time too (very mature adults🥲). Then I met someone, was in a long term relationship, married then divorced within 3 months (no kids). Had my dad pass away due to cancer - which I still don’t know how to feel because he’s my dad but wasn’t the greatest person. Have no relationship with my mom because she’s so messed up from her relationship with my dad, have a brother who’s weird around me but I give him his space. Now I prefer to isolate myself and find it hard to look at the positives, especially in people. I am literally turning into my mother (in the sense that she is always negative and will not snap out of it - hence the distant relationship). I cannot find a way to be consistent and disciplined in my life. I am not suicidal but frequently fantasize about not waking up because it would be much easier. I feel lost - I know I’m not the first or last but I need and want help and I don’t know where to turn. I tried therapy but can’t take it seriously and stopped showing up. I do not take meds and have no interest in being prescribed medication.

I know everyone’s situation is different but:

1. What resources (books, people, journals, sites) helped you find the drive to be disciplined and better yourself?

2. What group or activities or hobbies saved you and made you want to be less isolated?

Basically title. I want to stop but can't seem to be able to. There's patches n stuff for tobacco, nothing for weed. I just don't want to want it anymore

Hey, when i was 17 which was around 2-years ago i made a post about me being depressed and abusing drugs etc. I've been clean from around 5-months after the post (i do use nicotine pouches nowadays but i only allow myself to enjoy some if i accomplish my daily tasks i have set for myself), i have no depressive thoughts / feelings anymore and im back to my old normal self. Im feeling great and around 9-months ago i got into Mma which made me feel awesome and gave me some level of accomplishment after training. I want to thank you all so much who commented, told their own stories and believed in me that i could recover. I used the comments as motivation every other day when waking up, i read some of the posts and seeing people really believe in me made me get through this. Thank you 😁.

i've been at my job almost 6 months now. and yesterday my boss suddenly pointed out i wear a mask, then proceeded to ask a bunch of personal and invasive questions that made me very uncomfortable, but that's not the point. i have. worn. that. every. day. and no one notices me unless they need something. every time i try to actually bother to contribute to a conversation there, or say something beyond yes or mhm it's radio silence.

it would be tolerable if this was just a work thing. but this is a thing in almost all of my relationships. it feels like most people only reach out to me when they need something. the same people only talk about themselves. i've become just a sounding board and i'm watching those relationships become just as invisible as i am in real time and it hurts so much.

i'm so tired. i'm tired of pretending to be happy when there's constant drama going on in my life and emptying my cup trying to support everyone and when i ask those same people for just some support back it's too much. i'm tired. it hurts.

Hello, this is my first and probably only Reddit post. Tbh I’ve always been scared of the site knowing it as unhinged. But I got curious and think this may be an outlet. Or a huge mistake

I (29F) temporarily loved my life. I had an on and off shitty childhood. No stability, physical abuse, emotional abuse. I went to college at 22, and for the first time I felt free of shackles. The worst things could happen but my life wasn’t attached to me anymore. I got to be me and to be young. I also met my current husband in college, we just got married in December. I really loved my life, despite balancing my lifelong depression.

In the first week of January I was let go, we were making the same amount so our income tanked by half. My health declined, I caught a rare virus and without insurance (husband can’t add me to his till July) $100,000 medical bill is stalking us. In about 3 months I went from a controlled happy life, back to the same mental state I was in at 11 years old. I had “inherited” family debt in my past I finally got myself out of in college, rewarded myself with the wedding of my dreams only now for the extra splurges I did on my credit card to haunt us and incur interest, also add student loans that regardless of my unemployment they will not defer. I was also not approved for unemployment, I’m at calling daily trying to find out why when I have no income at all. Both of our parents see me as ann issue, we both have traditionalist immigrant parents and the fact I am almost 30 and haven’t had children or a solid career. Im the talk of every dinner and holiday. “What a waste”. Not to mention we are an interracial couple and that comes with its own worries, I can’t even post us online without being bullied. And worst of all I’m not alone with my feelings this time, I see the toll it’s taking on my husband that I love so much. Honestly the most handsome optimist in the world now tells me he sees my frown everyday and he’s unsure what to do next. Easy answer is to just “stop being sad” but I’m sure those with depression know it’s not that easy. So I’m stuck. My answer is to end it all, he’s at work right now. We have a dog I can have someone pick him up under the guise of being sick so he won’t be here either. It won’t be my first attempt, in my life it’ll maybe be my third. What’s making me stuck is the aftermath… I don’t know if he’d move on, find a new love, have the family he dreams of. I’ve considered divorcing him first but tbh knowing him he’d chase me around the world to get me back, he’s a heavy romantic and that’s kinda how he got me in the first place haha.

It’s crazy. Thinking about this but it also feels like the right thing? Before him I planned to do this at 22 the day he said hello to me. And before that I attempted in middle school. But I wasn’t successful. Should I stop because I love him and don’t want him to hurt? Is that involving him too much? Am I just wrong and life with go up from here ? It feels like it keeps getting worse.

I don’t even know what I’m asking and if this is nothing for this page then it’s ok to delete. But I think I need to do it before my 30th bday. That way I can see the ones I love a final time.

I’m sorry if this is all over the place I’m not a writer. I’m sorry if my story resonates and brings down someone else. And to my husband, I’m sorry if you ever see this. I know you have Reddit, idk how this site works but if you ever see this I’m sorry for plotting but I think this will make you happy. I just want to see you smiling again even in the afterlife.

Recently,I have lost interest in almost everything .apart from that the thing that I hate most right now is seeing happy faces around me. And i also realized that my way of thinking is pretty much different from other individuals around me,which sometimes makes me happy and sometimes the exact opposite.The only thing that I truly love now is listening to music.

I (27F) am suffering from depression for more than 10 years. I pretended to be fine so that I can get away from my family. I have already been through depressive phase in front of them and It destroyed my family. I love them a lot so now I don't have any other option than to keep up the facade. I managed to leave the country under the pretext of higher education but I am still financially dependent on them. I need to get job so that I won't have to go back but looking at my state it seems dreadful. I have planned to live my life to fullest. I'll have to get a job anyhow, make money, tick boxes from my bucket list and after everything, i plan to get euthanised. This will take around 10 years I guess. I'll need to get money for death also. I don't have any lover and don't plan to marry as well considering my state. I have made peace with everything. Can anybody tell me what diagnosis do I need for euthanasia?

As of this year i have literally only seen my friends like 3 or 4 times. Every other time i get too overwhelmed with this feeling i can’t put my finger on and end up backtracking and pulling out of plans. I also struggle to get up and take a shower or bath to go out in the first place which also restricts me.

I’ve been improving recently a bit more with my life. Exercising, cleaning my room, getting into a hygienic routine. And to be honest i’ve never been more proud of myself. But it all seems to just not be enough. I just feel i’m lacking. All the time, and i just feel numb and avoidant of emotions unless it’s negative.

I want to stop and enjoy my life, go out with friends and make the most because im literally 19, im only this age once. And i am tired of telling myself im gonna get up and do it and then not do it. I am tired of grieving over a life i could have when i could literally make it my life rn.

Maybe it’s because I bottle everything up or the fact I think it’s weak to cry but today I just can’t contain it anymore. As usual I decided to drink, and all my feelings poured out with everything. How I feel like a failure, how I don’t have a lot of friends, how I feel about myself, and how tired I am. I’ve been abused for sooo long, you know it’s bad when you get uncomfortable with peace. I feel like it’s over and I’m barely 23 haha, I’ve had this feeling the past 10 years. Honestly probably had depression since I was 12 but have been diagnosed until I was 21. The last three years have been the lowest ever and I’ve been been plowing through it but I just I can’t. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be the strong man I’ve been the last 10 years. I don’t trust anyone, I don’t let anyone get close to me, and I refuse to be vulnerable to anyone. At the same time I know that’s what’s makes good relationships and friendships but I’ve been hurt and broken so many times I’m scared. I’m so scared.

Idk what to do

I keep watching gore n stuff even tho I get rly emotional after and I get scared that I’m a bad person as like I’m a Christian but I’m scared once I get older I’ll become a bad person or do something I’d regret to myself or others I’m on meds and seeing like a therapist is there anything I can do I randomly get rly sad and have sad thoughts about myself cos I watch documentaries of average ppl growing up into killers and I don’t want that to happen :( I am soon 16 another big thing is I’m scared I’ll get super upset which sometimes happen and get suicidal thoughts and act on them..

I’m 21F. I started college when I was 16 and graduated at 20. I’m currently in grad school outside of my home country.

I was incredibly high achieving despite my depression—which I was kind of able to ignore and am medicated for—until this year. I arrived at grad school freshly burnt out and struggling.

Now, I can’t bring myself to do things. At all.

Grad school is graded 100% on final exams, so I never go to class and never pay attention for 12 weeks at a time. Laundry has done undone for 9 months now and I essentially sort through what clothes are the least gross. Room has been cleaned once and only then because flies started to gather. I’m basically nocturnal. I’ve basically drained my funds on takeout and alcohol.

I’m just so deeply miserable but have managed to skate by because of the different requirements for grad school, but now I’ve failed an exam and hit the dissertation portion of my year where I have to write 12k and literally cannot imagine myself doing that in any capacity.

Dropping out isn’t a question. As a present to me for basically getting scholarships through college and starting early, my parents are paying for this year of school which I’m incredibly grateful for but as a result cannot drop out. They think I’m doing fine—a little sad—but truly don’t know the extent of how miserable I am.

Does anyone have advice at all…

I need help I’m burnt out of my life. All I wanna do is nothing I don’t wanna socialize or work at all. I get anxiety doing anything. I suffer from apeirophobia and thanatophobia but before I started with those phobias I wish I would’ve killed myself. Feel like me and everyone around me would be better off if I wasn’t here. I’ve thought about running my car into a tree at max speed, driving off a bridge or putting a gun in my mouth multiple times.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. In some moments i can see myself living, but in others i don’t really know. I’m in college which is great but i didn’t expect to make it this far. I thought i would be done at 16 and then i made it 18.. and now im 20 and im still exhausted. I’ve been in the psych ward before, ive done therapy, ive seen a psychiatrist — ive talked to friends and family and yet im still feeling exhausted.

I feel bad for telling people im sad — I start to lie because i don’t want to burden them with my problems. I feel like if i speak about it too often they won’t want to be around me.

I feel like i bother my girlfriend. I love her so much, she’s the greatest but she doesn’t know what to do when i get like this. sometimes i think she’d be better off without me, other times i think it’d be better if we didn’t speak at all, and other times im just so happy being with her but that feeling of exhaustion comes over me and im back where i was.

i don’t think i want to end it, but other times i find myself in that headspace again.

sometimes i do really well in class and other times i can’t even force myself to get up.

i’m failing two classes and passing two other classes. school gives me anxiety but being at home does too.

being around people makes me exhausted but when i’m alone all i do is sleep and zone out.

i love my girlfriend but i never want to burden her.

i don’t think my meds help me, they just make me zone out so i stopped taking them. i want a therapist but it’s expensive and i don’t want to bother my mom. i have a best friend but i don’t know how to talk about my problems.

everything i say comes with a but and im just tired of having these problems.

i make people happy but im never happy.

i don’t know what to do.

i’m just tired.

Make all the suffering stop.

This life is not worth it.

The other people in the world are not worth it.

I am tired of it all.

It is all so pointless.

Does anyone else feel this way? Is there a way to make it better?

So 5 years back, i had a lot going on in my family My grandmother had an Heart Attack while recovering my mother commited Suicide, 4 months later my Grandfather died where my Health Anxiety and Actual Depression Anxiety started while seeing him suffering from health made me overthink and made me feel like something is going to happen to me. 4 months later again one of my Relative died. After few months some or the other person got ill due to different reasons nothing Genetic but. By Years and Covid my health Anxiety kept growing, while i am busy i feel great but while i am not it cant stop coming in my mind and its really difficult to take it out of my mind. I started working straight after my school. I started as a Fashion stylist, i always dreamt of becoming an actress and till date i do but was told by someone who predicted for me not to do. I work as a Fashion Stylist since an year, currently i am 19 and i have less work, i feel Hopeless and i cry everyday in hope of something good i have been trying to be patient since 6 years dont know how many more to come i have no friends and Need support maybe i can feel better about my self. I used to be extrovert but as days passed i have become a lot more introvert and i really dream big by my anxiety stops me from doing anything i feel lacK of energy due to my anxiety. I have financial issue since my Dad’s work is seasonal and my brother is special. I really want to earn and live my dreams. Even if i ask mu family for some money they taunt me everytime that we give you all our money or you just keep asking for it, i have never bought an expensive stuff i even use to hesitate to ask them to buy me a face wash when i was in school. I am feeling suicidal as i dont have anyone by my side who could understand me or support me, my family doesnt know what i am going through and they will never understand.

I'm 14 years old and come from Germany. Recently my girlfriend broke up with me and she was the whole reason i stopped self harming cause I knew that she would Feel guilty cause she is also not that mentally stable.

The relationship with her was wonderful and she showed me so many things that Made life beautiful again. But things ended with a letter from her.

Since that day I was so vulnerable and I feel so lost in the world. Also my best friend noticed that I started again and I think that she is feeling guilty to. I didn't tell my other friends but I think they saw some of the cuts in my arm.

I hope it gets Wetter but I'm just so hopeless right now and I don't know what to do.

So when i was 18 and my 12th just finished i started looking for better options for my career and my interest has always been towards Fashion and Acting in Movies. Mostly Acting in movies since my childhood maybe i wanted to become actor since i was less than the age of 10. When i was about to pass out from 12th class i asked one of a spiritual Guru whom my relatives believe in and they said dont do acting and look for something in Fashion. I joined a fashion college but due to financial issues and i also didn’t wanted to waste 4 years so i dropped out. When i was 18 i researched about Fashion Styling and started interning its been 1.5 years or maybe little more since i am been doing Styling i have done few projects of my own also but due to doing very less work this year mostly 5-6 projects since Jan to March i have been loosing confidence and feeling very very low. People on my Instagram loves my aesthetic but i also have anxiety and alot has happened during my childhood including loosing my mom at 15 by suicide. I am left with no hopes.

I'm a 17M and I hate everyday. I hate going to my school its filled with assholes and arrogant people. I don't get much love from anyone there. I'm failing 3 of my classes right now and I can't seem to pull myself out of this pit of failing I fall into it every single year. I hate school so much it makes me want to kill myself every morning. There is no better feeling than going home. My home life isn't really that much better either though. I've been trying to get a job I've had like 8 interviews and nobody will hire me and because of this my parents call me lazy and shit like that even though I'm trying. I do the same things everyday and life is becoming boring and draining. The only thing I really enjoy doing anymore is sleeping. It's a limited escape from everyday life. I stay up all night and sleep all day sometimes so I can just be alone at night and clear my head from everybody else around me. Even though I'm 17 I have to go back and forth from my dads and my moms nearly everyday. And that's like a 40 minute drive between them. This gets very draining as I've been making this drive nearly everyday for the past almost a decade now. But every time I complain about I'm called ungrateful and told I don't love my parents even though I do. I just wanna get my shit together but its like every time I try I fall further. The only escapes I have from this everyday hell is drugs alcohol and sleep. I just wish I was never born sometimes. Just needed to vent these thoughts somewhere instead of keeping them in my head thank you if you read. And if you're in a similar predicament I'm sorry shit sucks.

I was wondering if anyone feels the same way. I never gave it much thought, but I honestly feel like I am just biding my time. Waiting. I start things because I should and I keep going because I started. I have no end goal. I’m not suicidal, I I’m just waiting around until I die or the world ends. I do things I’m interested in, but I don’t feel passion anymore, and all my interests just turn to chores. I am devoid of hope. Every day I wake up and put a bunch of tasks of things I don’t want to do on a list just to keep myself distracted and try to feel something. Do other people feel like this? Like they’re just getting things done for the sake of it. I struggle to imagine people really having goals and ambitions and doing what it takes to get there - it makes me feel like I’m missing something.

I tried to skip my meds today because I was just so tired of everything and I was starting to feel negative effects so then I took it just now. I wish I could have a hug. If there’s anyone I can talk to please message me

Hello all, first post here and would love to get some perspectives. To give a brief introduction, I’m a US 28M and have been underwhelmed about life for a long time.

I’ve been having depression type thoughts/feelings for as long as I can remember and it’s consuming my life. I like to think of my age as being an indicator that I “should” have my **** together. But it’s so far from the truth. I’m terrible at relationships even when I try and I can’t seem to figure out what I want out of life, with the type of female I would like to date to what type of career I would like for myself.

I’ve given up on trying to be pleasing to others and just getting by the best I can. So from not shaving to wearing gym clothing to everything I do, I just somehow developed an “I don’t care” attitude. It doesn’t make me feel any better and I want to be better. It’s a long time mood and I hope it passes before I blink and decades have passed me by.

I’ve been doing some research and all signs point to love, that it is the cure. Finding something or someone that you love, that’ll make life worth living. I believe that, because I felt it at one point in life. But within the last few years, I’ve alienated my family, cut ties with friends and removed my once girlfriend from my life. I’m solo in this crowded world.

I always felt lost in this world and different than people that tend to be near me, whether that be family, friends, or my significant other. I never wanted to “be” anything in life really, other than just to live a life I would be proud of. When I say “be” anything, I mean a career. I never cared for most career choices and ones I do find the slightest interest in, when I take part in something pertaining to that career, whether it is a training course or seeking advice of entry points, I quickly lose interest.

To add to this, I quit my last job Feb 23’ to travel the world, “find myself”. I visited 8 countries and 3 continents to land back in my home country Feb 24’ with high anxiety on seeking further employment. During my travels, I experienced new cultures got to meet interesting people and developed myself in ways I believe I wouldn’t have if I did not travel.

I spent the last four to six months of my travels learning to become a software engineer, to live the digital nomad lifestyle. That has all taken a downturn ever since I returned to my country, and I have not coded or thought of coding since

I get this feeling that I’ll end up being someone who didn’t fully utilize their full potential, my biggest fear, and just let life pass him by. I tend to overthink and let my thoughts ruin what would be fun/interesting experiences. I rather not make this be my entire life trajectory and instead climb out of my own thoughts to be a man I would be proud to know some day.

Any thoughts or ideas on how I can move past this mental state I’m in? I’m open to all suggestions and if i didn’t give a good enough background story on how I’m feeling, ask and I can explain it to more detail.

No matter how much I try. It would be the same outcome if I didn't try at all