/r/selfhelp

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Self help and self improvement. Pop Psychology. Advice on making yourself a better person, spiritually, emotionally, physically, economically, and intellectually.

Learn to love your life. Or just accept it.

/r/selfhelp

195,800 Subscribers

1

Please help me deal with regrets

0 Comments
2025/01/17
04:23 UTC

1

Help me find some unique publications on personal growth?

Hi, I was 18 and just about to graduate and I ended up at an alternative school because of health reasons. During my time there I stumbled across a drawer full of these self growth and maturing type packets in maturity and personal growth. There was dozens of them. They seem to be going unused and I inquired with the teacher if I could take some copies home with me. I ended up with a small box full of them. Long story shorter that box ended up getting misplaced in a move not too long after that and I never got a chance to get into reading them. They seemed like gems though and I've always felt that was a loss....

So I'm wondering if anyone has any links or clues to where I can find some resources similar to those packets. They were tailored for teenagers and young adults mostly but they were centered around character and morality and ethics with like scenario based story examples in them. The type of thing that maybe they don't make anymore? Idk, but you know what I mean, self development packets for young adults and younger people. Anyway I'd be so grateful for any tips or hints in where I could find some things like that

0 Comments
2025/01/17
02:46 UTC

3

How do you stop chasing love?

I’ve been realizing how exhausting it is to keep chasing love, and it never seems to work out. I found this video that changed how I look at relationships—it’s about letting love come to you instead of running after it. Sharing here in case it helps someone else too: https://youtu.be/XcBjRD4W-Tc

1 Comment
2025/01/17
02:43 UTC

1

How to stick to your New Year's resolutions this year

0 Comments
2025/01/17
02:10 UTC

1

Living like a slob, how to fix?

I live with roommates but my schedule keeps me in my room all the time.

Are there easy ways to clear out garbage quickly without filling our whole trash can?

I was thinking maybe uhaul and the dump because I don't have my own vehicle.

2 Comments
2025/01/17
01:11 UTC

2

Finally Learning from Your Mistakes

For nearly ten years, my biggest mistakes all be traced back to one thing: digital addiction. I was always late to something important, staying up too late the night before, or procrastinating until it was too late. The same mistake. Over and over.

I thought the pain of these bad habits would snap me out of it—that one day, the discomfort would force me to change. But it didn’t. Instead, it kept me stuck. The pain of failing, falling, and trying again became so heavy that subconsciously I started pretending. Pretending I was working toward my goals when, in reality, I was just looking forward to my next escape—another episode on Netflix, another game of chess, another endless scroll through social media.

What finally changed? I realized I had to stop carrying the weight of every mistake like a boulder on my back. If every decision and every mistake felt massive, I couldn’t move forward. I had to let go, decide on a direction—even if it was just not here—and treat every small step as progress.

Here’s what I learned about moving forward and finally breaking free from digital addiction:

1. Recognize Your Digital Patterns

I used to feel completely drained after hours of being online, but I rarely stopped to ask why. Once I started, I uncovered a pattern: I turned to my devices when I felt bored, overwhelmed, or stuck. Recognizing that was key.

To take it a step further, I began writing things down:

  • What mistake did I make?
  • What triggered it?
  • What will I do differently next time?

This helped me spot trends and feel more prepared when similar situations arose.

2. Forgive Yourself and Keep Moving

Guilt used to keep me in a cycle of self-sabotage. I’d waste hours online, feel terrible about it, and then comfort myself… by wasting more time online.

The turning point came when I reframed my mistakes as learning experiences. Each misstep became a data point, not a personal failure. Progress, not perfection, became my mantra.

I also found gratitude to be a powerful tool. When I focused on what I did accomplish, even small wins, it became easier to keep moving forward.

3. Build Rituals to Protect Your Time and Energy

Changing habits is hard. But adding a few intentional rituals to my day helped me regain control over my screen time:

  • Start your day screen-free: Whether it’s journaling, stretching, or enjoying a cup of coffee, beginning your morning without a screen sets the tone for the day.
  • Create non-digital breaks: Instead of reaching for my phone, I take walks, listen to music, or doodle. These breaks feel more refreshing than another dopamine hit from social media.
  • Set a digital curfew: I started unplugging an hour before bed. No screens, no exceptions. I spend that time reading, reflecting, or just unwinding.

The Big Takeaway

Mistakes don’t define you. They’re stepping stones to growth. Learning to balance your tech habits and rebuild your focus isn’t about getting it perfect—it’s about showing up, making progress, and treating every setback as part of the process.

📢 PS: If you’re ready to take control of your screen time, we can help! Trampoline Health offers tools and programs to help you identify your triggers, build better habits, and stay accountable. I took everything I learned from struggling with digital addiction for over 10 years into Trampoline Health: Join the free trial today!

0 Comments
2025/01/16
22:46 UTC

5

I feel my unhealthy habits consuming me

Just want to jump straight to the point, i want to quit masturbating but it has consumed me. I get hit with the sudden pang of shame afterwards but then i get the urge and it's as if i forgot about that and it just repeats over and over. i want someway to just quit already but i know it's not just a simple street to just stopping. i feel lazy and i want to push myself to actually be better. i've gained more weight than im comfortable with, i stay up late and i feel so unmotivated. I just really need something to help me stay focused on trying to be what i feel is healthy, i have a strong healthy loving relationship, and i have friends around me that support me but i always fall into old habits and im too ashamed to admit to anyone i need help.

6 Comments
2025/01/16
21:45 UTC

3

autistic, pathetic, and addicted to weed

I’m a 19 year old guy, I have a part time job and out of school for the year and I’ve been smoking for about 4 years. My father passed away my junior year of high school and I decided to cope by locking myself in my room and getting high 24/7, and it didn’t help that this was during covid. I went from being a good student to barely scraping by but I was still me. Four years later and I still pretty much smoke 24/7 but it’s negatively affected my life greatly. I dropped all of my creative hobbies, took a “break” from school, distanced myself from both my friends and family, never been in a relationship, spend money horribly, and I’m just plain lazy most of the time. I’m autistic and can have pretty bad anxiety at times which also really doesn’t help. I’ve tried to go sober many times over the past year and actually did for about 3 months with the help of a therapist my school provides, but I’ve failed every time. I tried again recently and was on day 3 today but I again folded after spending the entire morning crying and arguing with myself. I feel extremely helpless and am just looking for a bit of advice, literally anything can help, I have no one to talk to.

8 Comments
2025/01/16
20:01 UTC

1

The Hidden Words We Speak: Exploring the Secrets of Everyday Language

Have you ever wondered if there’s more to the words you use every day than meets the eye? Language is not just a tool for communication; it’s a repository of history, culture, and hidden meaning. In this article, we’ll uncover some of the most intriguing secrets behind common English words and explore how their hidden origins can offer surprising insights.

Why Words Hold Hidden Power

Every word has a story—a history of how it came into being, how it evolved, and how its meaning has changed over time. The hidden power of words lies in their ability to carry more than their surface definition. They encode cultural attitudes, historical events, and even ancient philosophies.

For example, the word "clue" comes from the Old English clew, meaning a ball of thread. In Greek mythology, Ariadne gave Theseus a ball of thread to help him navigate the labyrinth. Today, clue symbolizes something that guides you to solve a mystery.

Hidden Meanings in Common Words

1. Breakfast

Breaking your fast from the previous night, breakfast is more than a morning meal. The word itself reminds us of the importance of nourishment after a period of rest and fasting.

2. Nightmare

This term for a bad dream has eerie origins. Night is obvious, but mare refers to an ancient folklore creature that was said to sit on sleepers' chests, causing bad dreams.

3. Window

The word window comes from Old Norse vindauga, meaning “wind eye.” It’s a poetic way of describing an opening that lets air and light into a space.

4. Wardrobe

This seemingly mundane word has regal roots. Derived from Old French warder (to guard) and robe (garment), it originally referred to a secure place for storing clothing.

5. Alphabet

The word alphabet comes from the first two letters of the Greek alphabet: alpha and beta. This reflects the structure of language itself, where order and sequence are crucial.

How Hidden Words Shape Our Thinking

Understanding the hidden meanings of words can change how you perceive the world. It highlights the interconnectedness of language, culture, and thought. For instance:

  • Improves Communication: Knowing the deeper origins of words can enhance how you use them, making your communication more intentional.
  • Reveals Cultural Values: Words like nightmare and window show how ancient beliefs influence modern language.
  • Sparks Curiosity: Exploring etymology can turn language into a fascinating puzzle to solve.

Where to Find More Hidden Words

The journey into the secrets of language doesn’t have to stop here. You can uncover hidden meanings in everyday English words through:

  • Etymology Resources: Online dictionaries and etymology tools can provide insights into the origins of words.
  • YouTube Channels: Subscribe to channels like Hidden Words to learn more about linguistic mysteries.
  • Books on Language: Explore works by linguists and historians to dive deeper into the evolution of language.

Let’s Decode Language Together

Words are more than just letters strung together—they’re a gateway to understanding our history, culture, and ourselves. What’s your favorite hidden meaning behind a word? Share it in the comments below and join the conversation.

For more fascinating insights into the secrets of everyday language, subscribe to Hidden Words on YouTube and embark on a journey to uncover the mysteries behind the words we speak every day.

Call to Action

Subscribe to Hidden Words on YouTube for weekly videos that explore the fascinating world of hidden meanings and linguistic secrets. Don’t miss out on unlocking the mysteries of language!

0 Comments
2025/01/16
17:58 UTC

0

I’m hopeless

Today my talking stage asked me if I’m “date to marry” and i said “yes” i asked “why’d u ask?”. And she said “ohhh I’m not really thinking about committing into a relationship and marriage is not on my mind yet” It was totally understandable because we’re both still in college and currently studying, but my heart hurts because I had a crush on her not only because of her beautiful face and smile and also shes a hardworking student. And i proceed to tell her the reason why I’m a “date to marry guy” it’s because of the course i took on college, I’m taking on bachelor of science in marine transportation. Because i have to find a girl that i can trust when I’m going to left the country just for work. Because I’m scared when I’m finally working my ass off as a seaman, I’m from the philippines btw so my monthly salary would range to 60k to 100k depending on your rank as seaman, that kind of amount money you earn monthly would make the girls go crazy for you, but not in general. After explaining all of that to her she replied “I haven’t really enjoyed my life yet and I’m not the stage on committing into a relationship, maybe soon I’ll change my mind and everything and consider a marriage” and i replied “that’s totally okay, just enjoy your life while your still young there’s nothing wrong about that at all” And i said “until then, the right one for you will eventually come into your life” sorry about the grammar im not that good in english HEHEH. She haven’t replied after that😭 So what do you guys think about this? Should i wait for her? Or just end it? I really like her tho😭 i just want to who will love for who i am and not the money😭

4 Comments
2025/01/16
15:38 UTC

1

I always need to dwell on a big life event

As the title says I always need something to dwell on. This is something that I have recently come to terms with. The thing is when I have looked it up it usually says rumination, depression, anxiety etc… the thing is if I have a big project to dwell on that’s exciting my life is good and I’m excited but when something bad happens it’s all I think about. These don’t pass day to day either it’s either I’m buying a house and this is exciting (1.5 years) or something bad happened loss of a loved one etc (4-5 months). As I’m writing this maybe that sounds normal but when it’s bad a ruminate forever and it is all I can think about. But at the same time I have achieved things that most other people wouldn’t have achieved in their life because when I get fixed on something it is all I can think about and I will get it done which has led to some great things in my life. The bad seems to last longer than the good. Also I am not bi polar I do not have extreme highs and lows and every thing I have encountered I have not made a bad decision on it’s just general anxiety that makes it difficult. I guess I’m just ranting and to see if anyone can relate at all.

1 Comment
2025/01/16
10:37 UTC

11

I will die in 10 years if I continue this

I’m 19 and I’ve fucked my life, I’m fat 120 Kg+ and I lost quite a bit of weight last year and was almost fit but fucked up again, for No reason, I have big ambitions, I have a passion, goals. I have always been a bright kid, I showed a lot of promise, even to myself but here I am….. Smoking all day and drinking regularly, 🍀 too (too much since 4 months) I tried many times but fucked up, I cry a lot, alone, the pain is unbearable, the past is creeping up on me, but it never has before. I am ugly, dirty, fat, fucked and I don’t wanna be anymore. I need help, I need something I don’t know but I need it.

15 Comments
2025/01/16
09:27 UTC

2

TW: SH

Hello, teenage male here. I have a history of self harm from when I was 11-15 and I don’t know if anyone else who has that type of history feels this way but every now and then I feel the need to self harm again, to remind myself of whenever I was younger and give myself a sense of familiarity.. I don’t know how to fix these urges and it’s really getting to me. I’d appreciate some advice from anyone, thank you.

3 Comments
2025/01/16
05:28 UTC

4

Lost and sad please help me

I feel as though, I am odd person out. I am 29 years old, a virgin never been in a relationship before. I have an associate degree in healthcare management, a bachelors degree in business administration and two certificates of completion in phlebotomy and medical coding and billing. Currently, I am back in school to obtain my master's in speech pathology. I am working an overnight job where to pay is better but not great. Everyone, I went to middle school and high school with have had kids while they were teenager's and in there early twenties, married home owners etc. I am the only one with nothing of the sort. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not this or that?

8 Comments
2025/01/16
04:26 UTC

2

I'm terrified

I'm posting this here cuz I dunno where else it would fit, so bear with me for a moment.

I'm terrified, man, I am. So, a bit of context, I'm Jasper: 20 years old, amab enby, yada yada yada. I'm fairly young, I oughta be in the best shape of my life at this point, right? Well as you can probably guess since I'm here posting about it, absolutely not. I'm 5'8 and 387.4 lbs; BMI of 58.9. Granted that weight was fully clothed when weighing myself plus after eating dinner and shit like that, and an old scale that could probably do with a recalibration, but even if I was extremely generous and took off 20 pounds to account for that, that's still a BMI of 55.9, so still morbidly obese, obscenely so. And it's certainly not a buff 387, no, it's all fat and water weight, so it's not like BMI is misrepresenting how out of shape I really am. There's no doubt I'm an undiagnosed diabetic, but I don't even have health insurance or the out-of-pocket money to get an official diagnosis and start on insulin, and that might not even work cuz I've got a family history of insulin resistance, so I'll probably be the same, let alone the other myriad of health complications I have.

I've always been big, for as long as I've known, but this is unprecedented levels of big for me. I used to not care, "I'm not ashamed of being fat" I'd tell myself, and that part is still true, but it has gotten to the point where it is noticeably effecting my health and everyday life, and that's something that I have started to care about, albeit all too late. Which leads us to why I've posted this today.

I can feel my heart straining to beat inside my chest. I can feel the pain flare up in my chest whenever I exert myself doing anything, even something as simple as walking *a little quicker* to work. Hell, I can't even run for longer than a few seconds without feeling shin splits and being absolutely winded. I grunt and groan getting up out of bed, off of chairs, reaching down to my feet to put my shoes on. I can't scratch my own back cuz my arms just don't reach anymore, reaching over the shoulder or under and up (I mean seriously, it's one of those quality of life things ya don't really notice or care about until you can't do it anymore.)

I don't know if the chest pain is from the congestion around my heart, if it's heartburn, if its overly strained or if it's warning signs of a stroke, and I can't even go to a doc about it. I don't know what it is, I don't know what to do, but every day I'm clutching my chest as I'm holding onto a counter or wall or whatever just to stand when the pain gets bad. To be fully honest, I'm terrified. I'm terrified that I'm gonna die. I've dealt with depression and suicidality before, but this is a very different experience compared to that.

The obvious answer is to just lose weight, but how? I can hardly exercise without exhausting myself, so that's not gonna work. I've tried calorie counting and reducing portion sizes given how much I overeat regularly, but that just leads to hunger cravings and I engorge on food even more than I did before cuz it feels like I'm starving myself with just how much my body is used to overeating. I could try and get some weight loss meds like ozempic or something off some sketchy website instead to try and jumpstart the weightloss, but that's gonna feel like cheating it, and I know that as soon as I come off ozempic, I'm gonna put back on all the weight and more, so that's a no go.

I don't know where to start and every day I push it off I worry it might be my last, and I can't let that happen. Where do I go from here?

2 Comments
2025/01/16
04:23 UTC

4

I experience little to no empathy

I experience little to no empathy

How do you become more empathetic?

I am not an empathetic person (at least I don’t think I am?)

Recently I have been thinking about a lot of the mistakes I have made in life, and I think a lot of them correlate with a lack of empathy. I think this might also be a reason that I struggle to connect with others, at least beyond surface-level.

I have always cheated a lot in school with little to no guilt. In 7th and 8th grade I cheated on pretty much everything, so there are still some basic concepts that I am unfamiliar with. I would hide tests in bathrooms, look at other people’s papers, sneak things home, sneak notes, pretend that I ran out of time so I could finish the test the next day, but just look up the answers at home, etc. I went many years without getting caught, (although I cheated more of a normal amount in high school). My senior year of high school I almost got written up because I was caught for the first time. I panicked when she said “I technically should write you up for this”. But upon reflection, I am not sure if I actually felt guilty. I just was scared that my academic scholarships would be revoked.

I also went through a phase in middle school where I was a big internet troll. My purpose was never to mainly be a bully. It wasn’t the traditional “keyboard warrior” type of trolling. I more so genuinely wanted to get people at my school talking. Me and my friends just really got a kick out of messing with people. We made probably 25-30 accounts? Some were very innocent, and just weird at the most. Others were worse. We had one account dedicated to making fun of a teacher, who really didn’t do anything that wrong to us. But a lot of people didn’t like her, so it got people talking. I think one or two people even made posts about it being wrong. So we deleted the account. Then revived it later on to get another reaction. There also were a few typical catfish accounts. You know, the kind where you put a pretty girl as the profile picture and talk to a guy for a bit to see if they believe it’s real. I think at one point a classmate was “dating” one of these accounts. We got some classmates to confess things we never would have known about them with these accounts, regarding their home life, grades, etc. A lot of it we didn’t ask for to be fair, but it was still wrong nevertheless to lead people on like that. We had one account where we posted old childhood videos of a classmate, which (rightfully so) really creeped him out. It was really just to confuse people. We had another where we pretended to be a model to “sext” boys, but we didn’t actually send anything or save anything. It was literally just to annoy people I guess (?). We never were “exposed” for running any of the accounts.

Now this is the part that I feel the grossest about sharing. I have a weird fetish for disability, specifically paralysis. It’s like I’m attracted to people being in pain or something? I’m not even sure how this type of fetish comes about, but I don’t think I feel as bad about it as I should. I feel embarrassed, but not super guilty.

I sometimes have a hard time caring about other people’s feelings. When people cry about something they love being over, I feel like I have to fake getting emotional, (even if it is something I enjoyed too). When people get upset over their breakups, I don’t know how to comfort them. I feel like sometimes I have different personalities- one being more cold and introverted, and another more charismatic and bubbly. I can’t tell which one is real at this point. I feel like all of my life goals are more selfish compared to my peers. They want to get married, have kids, and become teachers and nurses. I am not opposed to starting a family, but I am obsessed with the idea of building a name for myself and becoming wealthy. I want to be an entertainer. I don’t have shame in it either, unless it’s a situation where having shame would make me look better to be honest. A lot of my insecurities are shallow and based on a fear of not being able to obtain status versus not being able to please others. For example, I am insecure about being average looking and having average intelligence because I am afraid that I won’t become well-known before dying, versus feeling like I won’t fall in love or having fear that I am a bad friend.

Is this type of behavior normal things that people just don’t normally confess to, or is this abnormal? I am not a violent person. The only person I have ever been violent towards was my mom as a kid, (I think I slapped her in the face once and pushed her down once), but she was verbally abusive and did slap me in the face at one point too, so I had built up anger. It wasn’t for no reason. I have never gotten into a physical fight. I have no desire to hurt any people, or any animals. The only time I hurt animals as a child was pulling worms apart and crushing bugs- you know, normal kid stuff. I think I have a memory of me squeezing a baby chick, but I was only 3 so I think I just didn’t know better, and didn’t know I needed to be gentle upon picking it up. I did not get in trouble as a kid. I was almost truant because I would make excuses to not go to school sometimes, but that’s it. I hid things well, but did nothing majorly bad. What explanations for low empathy are there other than ASPD? How do I know if I actually am lower on the empathy spectrum?

3 Comments
2025/01/16
03:29 UTC

1

Is it true that severe procrasnatation means you have no self-control?

I'm just at a point in my life where I feel like I've truly lost self-control. Now I don't even understand if there is a mindset problem or am I just simply believing what my brain is telling me. One day I sleep early next day I sleep extremely late. One day I exercise next day I don't. Same thing with eating habits. I told myself I want to get in shape and also work on my personal growth development like accomplishing life goals but is like I'm only saying it verbally. Never taking actions.

My mind has made me so lazy and I'm constantly living in fear anxiety and shame. I've this overthinking self doubts habit. I do things I know I should not be but I'm wasting my days doing nothing. Wasting my time using phone non stop. From doom scrolling social media to being in discord and watching corn at night. I have forgotten the sense of life responsibilities. Even my family lectures and hardships isn't affecting me. I'm not feeling fully aware of my life. I think I'm aware but I'm not accepting this reality because for years and years of ignoring life. My mind has become used to it. But it sorta feels amazing that the mind also reminds you to get your life together. I get so many random thoughts thought out the day when Im doom scrolling social media. I just heard this vocie in my head that "what are you doing bro, aren't you supposed to working on your real life?" Like applying for jobs, researching career paths, finding ways to make money, working on learning driving so you can fully independent. But deep down the root cause of all this problems is I'm not believing in myself and due to this , I'm chasing wrong path in life. Even my family reminds me that you need to get a job because it will become very hard as you age and you don't have the basic experience of social and work skills. They also tell me that living in fear will not cure your problems. You need to do hard shit to make life easier.

2 Comments
2025/01/16
03:20 UTC

3

I don't know

I made account just for this because I'm confused. I think I need advice. I'm never on here but I see videos on tik Tok all the time of Reddit stories and I'm hoping someone can give me a bit of comfort and what to expect??

I'm fairly young, I'm not specifying my age but in all of my years of living I've endured some amount of sexual trauma, and my brain did that thing where it blocks your trauma I think, and so I just remembered it and its messing my head.

I've always disliked my cousin on my dads side. he makes my skin crawl and he's always been rough with me while playing, he's almost broken my jaw, choked me, pushed me, etc. its been happening for years and I can't do anything about it, he's younger, but he's huge. he could easily kill me if he wanted to.

he's always made me so uneasy and in math class a couple days ago it suddenly dawned on me. around the time when I was like 6 we were in his bedroom watching a movie, and I said a cuss word. he threatened to tell on me if I didn't let him stick his hand down my pants, or if I didn't stick my hand down his pants. I told my aunt and she really didn't do much, she told him off but that was it. I feel like she should have explained why it was so wrong for me, but I don't blame her for anything that happened later.

when I was around 10 my best friend, a girl, tried to touch me too. I told her no and threatened to tell on her if she continued, she didn't but that just messed me up. not to mention around 2 times now that I've been accused of doing that stuff to someone else. I never have. but I am very unlucky I guess?

I've also been groomed by older men online a lot. multiple times ranging from when I was 10 years old to 13.

and despite this I haven't really felt the trauma kick in I guess? I'm almost hypersexual and romantic to most of my friends, but that's it. and I get really triggered when I get accused of something I didn't do. but I guess my questions are should I be worried for when it all starts to rain down and become too much? is it normal to not feel affected and really affected at the same time?

I'm really in a bad spot and I don't know what to do. please help.

5 Comments
2025/01/16
00:49 UTC

2

Balancing Life Enjoyment & Self Growth

I’m 19M and ever since I was 14, I’ve been rushed into “growing up” early. My brother was arrested, family in poverty as my dad lost his job, drug use was rampant in my family ect. With all that, at around 16 yr old I came up with one goal in life: to break that cycle.

I studied my ass off in IT to get certifications, working the entire time, and got a good paying office job at 17 that I’ve stuck with to make my current pay. I was kicked out of my parents home and got an apartment with the GF, and am now in college studying my ass off again to try and get a raise to afford to care for us should the need come.

It feels as if I’m not really enjoying life, I’m so focused on preparing for the future and trying to break away from the loop my family was setting for me that I’m not having fun or doing normal “teen” things. I don’t know what to do about it. I already see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression, ocd, anxiety, and ADHD all of which I’m currently medicated for, but that made no difference in how I’m seeing life.

I feel lost and don’t know what I should be doing..

1 Comment
2025/01/16
00:06 UTC

3

The "wounded puppy" to "chef's kiss" method when you feel an emotion

I use a process where I engage my emotion when I feel it kinda like the following. Let me know what you think!

“Wounded Puppy” to “Chef’s Kiss”

Acknowledge the Emotion (Notice the Puppy):
The first step is simply noticing the wounded puppy. This means recognizing that an emotion has arisen and needs attention.

Approach with Curiosity and Care (Kneel Down to the Puppy):
Instead of trying to shoo it away or force it to heal, you gently approach with curiosity: “What’s wrong, little buddy? What do you need?”

Listen and Reflect (Understand the Puppy’s Needs):
Spend time understanding what the emotion is trying to communicate. Is it fear, sadness, annoyance? What does it need to feel safe or whole again?

Action (Feed and Tend to the Puppy):
Once you’ve identified the need, take action to fulfill it. This might mean journaling, role-playing scenarios, setting a boundary with someone not taking the wounded puppy's needs seriously, or letting the emotion know that you see its suffering and that you refuse to ignore its suffering any longer

Feel the Shift (From Wounded to Wagging Tail):
As you interact with the emotion in this compassionate way, you’ll notice a shift, it might be subtle, like the puppy lifting its head, or profound, like a full-on wagging tail.

Celebrate the Connection (Chef’s Kiss Moment):
When you’ve nurtured the emotion to a place of understanding or resolution, give yourself that metaphorical “chef’s kiss”, a moment of gratitude and recognition for the care you’ve shown.

1 Comment
2025/01/15
19:07 UTC

2

Always Tired No Matter How Much You Sleep? Here’s What I Learned About the 7 Types of Rest

I came across a concept recently that really resonated with me and taught me something new and so I thought I’d share in case anyone else has been feeling the same way.

Have you ever woken up after a full night’s sleep and still felt completely drained? I really thought it was just me or because of my weird sleep cycle but then I found Dr. Saundra Smith’s TED Talk, and it’s been honestly eye-opening. Turns out there are actually 7 types of rest we need to feel truly refreshed:

Physical Rest: This isn’t just about sleeping—it also includes things like stretching or doing restorative yoga. I found that I feel so much more fresher when i get at least 30 minutes of workout in every single day.

Mental Rest: If your brain is constantly buzzing with thoughts, taking intentional breaks during the day can really help never heard a good joke from . Just be with yourself for some time, stare at a well or go outside and touch some grass.

Sensory Rest: We’re all bombarded with screens, notifications, and noise. Unplugging for a bit can make a huge difference. This means no stimuli, no music, no meditation videos.

Creative Rest: This one was new to me, but it’s about recharging your creativity. Whether that’s spending time in nature, enjoying art, or listening to music. I personally picked up a new language to learn because that helps me improve my profile, skills and also get the creative rest. I give it only half an hour on weekdays but it still helps tons.

Emotional Rest: Being your authentic self and letting go of the need to constantly “perform” or please others. Spend at least an hour a day with your loved ones. Your best friends, partners, family or just anyone in front of whom you can be your real authentic self.

Social Rest: Honestly similar to the previous one. I get both done together and they never feel like a task to me.

Spiritual Rest: Finding meaning and connection, whether that’s through meditation, faith, or just being part of something bigger than yourself. Might sound like bs to some people but honestly coming from someone who thought of this as bs too, it's actually good and kind of worth it.

Chasing your goals and dream life should never come at the cost of your mental and physical well-being. Remember, a healthy mind and body are your greatest assets—the foundation of everything you aspire to achieve. Treat them with the care and respect they deserve, because true success begins with balance. Prioritize your health, nurture your energy, and watch yourself thrive in every area of life.

I’m curious if this resonate with you guys too? How do you all get your 7 rests?

Also I wrote about emotional exhaustion for my newsletter and it was through that research i found out about this amazing ted talk. If you're interested in reading my article about emotional exhaustion which focuses on how burnouts can cause physiological effects to body and also how to tackle burnout, you can check it out here.

0 Comments
2025/01/15
18:16 UTC

2

How to Overcome Fear of Rejection - Limiting Belief Blocking Your Wealth, Love, and Success

Are you struggling to create the life you desire—attracting your dream partner, achieving financial freedom, or living with confidence and ease?

Find yourself rehearsing conversations in your head, imagining all the ways people might judge you? Or maybe you've watched others get promotions and opportunities while you stay stuck, knowing you're capable of more but something keeps holding you back?

You're not alone. Millions of people struggle with these exact same feelings, often without realizing there's a deeper pattern at work. The real issue isn't your capabilities or worth - it's a hidden limiting belief that's secretly sabotaging your efforts.

The truth is, your brain might be actively working against your desires. While you're striving for success and connection, your mind is focused on protecting you from an invisible threat - rejection.

Think about it: Have you ever experienced any of these situations?

  • Wanting to tell someone how you feel but hold it in
  • Start working on something new, but keep jumping from one thing to the next
  • Hesitate putting content out or worry about how you appear
  • Worry about what other people might say or what may happen
  • Want to approach someone you like or put yourself out there but you don't
  • Find yourself indulging in safe, comfortable life with TV, food or relationships

If any of these resonate, you're experiencing the effects of a powerful limiting belief that affects up to 99% of people at some point in their lives.

How Fear of Rejection Creates a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Your subconscious mind is constantly scanning for threats based on your past experiences.

When it spots a situation where rejection might occur, it immediately triggers protective behaviors - often without you even realizing it. This happens 24/7, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps reinforcing itself.

For example: imagine seeing an opportunity to share an innovative idea at work. You feel that initial spark of excitement, but then... your mind begins to perceive potential pain of being rejected (criticized & dismissed)... often based on childhood memories you've long forgotten. Anxiety rises, warning you of that potential pain, creating thoughts like 'They won't take me seriously', 'My idea isn't good enough, someone else should speak up'... and this attracts exactly what you fear - situations where you feel rejected because you never fully put yourself out there.

This is how our brain works: It's constantly scanning for threats, as it's designed to help you find potential pain & danger and survive. But here's the crucial part - it doesn't distinguish between physical danger and emotional one. Research shows that social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain, which explains why rejection can feel so physically uncomfortable.

When we remember that rejection feels really painful, our brain becomes hyper focused on spotting situations with potential rejection. It's like wearing glasses that highlight every possible sign of disapproval or criticism. This focus on negative experience - leads to negative experience:

  1. You enter a situation (like a meeting or social gathering)
  2. Your brain, on high alert, spots potential rejection risks
  3. You feel anxiety and start protective behaviors (staying quiet, agreeing with others, or avoiding eye contact)
  4. Others sense your withdrawal and may interact with you less
  5. Your brain interprets this as confirmation of rejection
  6. The fear grows stronger, and the cycle continues

Just as the mind can create these self-fulfilling prophecies of rejection, it can also be reprogrammed to create positive cycles of confidence and connection.

What Is the Fear of Rejection?

At its core, the limiting belief of rejection gets created when we first experience pain with being rejected, creating a belief and a memory of: "It feels painful to feel rejected." (Facing outside)

This belief, with repeated experiences, or big painful ones - through the feedback loop in our mind develops into self identity limiting belief (Facing inside):

  • "I am always rejected"
  • "It feels painful to be rejected"

These limiting beliefs make us focus on seeing ourselves getting rejected and act in ways that shape our thoughts, words and behavior attracting situations that actually reinforce the belief. Leading to creation of different, internal limiting beliefs of - being inadequate, unworthy, less valuable than others and so on.

Symptoms of Having Rejection Limiting Belief

When fear of rejection goes unchecked, it manifests in ways you might not even realize.

Behavioral Symptoms:

  • Avoid putting yourself or your work out
  • Perfectionism and overachievement
  • Avoiding new opportunities
  • People-pleasing behaviors
  • Fear of expressing opinions
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Procrastination on important tasks
  • Avoiding dating or relationships
  • Staying silent in meetings or social situations
  • Self-sabotage & avoiding success (staying in comfort zone)

Emotional Impact:

  • Constant fear of judgment
  • Anxiety in social situations
  • Worry about others' opinions
  • Avoidance of criticism & judgement
  • Low self-worth
  • Overthinking and overanalyzing interactions
  • Emotional dependence on others' approval
  • Difficulty accepting compliments

Identity Consequences:

  • Reinforcing a self-belief of "I am always rejected"
  • Attracting situations that confirm rejection ('I am not being accepted right now'. Even from inaction.)
  • Developing a fear-based personality
  • Creating a pattern of playing small

These symptoms aren't character flaws or permanent traits. They're protective mechanisms your mind created in response to past experiences. And just like software can be updated, these responses can be reprogrammed.

Common Origins (Causes) of Rejection Limiting Belief

The fear of rejection typically stems from early life experiences. These moments might seem small or distant now, but they leave lasting emotional imprints. Common origins include:

  1. Early Childhood Experiences:
    • Harsh criticism from parents or caregivers
    • Not meeting parental expectations
    • Being compared unfavorably to siblings
    • Experiencing conditional love
    • Being teased for appearance or abilities
    • Having talents or interests dismissed
    • Being told "no" repeatedly without explanation
    • Experiencing public embarrassment
  2. Adolescence and Social Conditions:
    • Social rejection or exclusion
    • Romantic rejection experiences
    • Not being chosen for teams or groups
    • Academic or performance criticism
    • Being different from peers
    • Failed attempts at fitting in
    • Competition losses
    • Public speaking experiences
  3. Cultural Influence:
    • Not meeting cultural or societal standards
    • Family pressure to conform
    • Religious or social expectations
    • Academic or career pressure
    • Beauty or appearance standards
    • Gender role expectations

Understanding these origins isn't about placing blame or dwelling on the past. Instead, it's about recognizing that your fear of rejection isn't a personal flaw - it's a learned response to past experiences. And just like any learned response, it can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns.

The good news? Once you understand where these patterns come from, you can begin to see the tremendous benefits of breaking free from them.

Benefits of Overcoming Rejection Limiting belief

Imagine what your life could look like without this belief holding you back:

Relationship Transformations:

  • Deeper, authentic connections
  • Ability to express needs and boundaries clearly
  • Reduced anxiety in social situations
  • More genuine and fulfilling friendships
  • Improved romantic relationships
  • Better family dynamics and communication
  • Increased social confidence and ease

Emotional Freedom:

  • Relief from constant worry about others' opinions
  • Ability to take calculated risks without overwhelming fear
  • Freedom to be yourself without constant self-censoring
  • Reduced emotional exhaustion
  • Greater resilience to criticism and setbacks
  • Increased joy and spontaneity in life
  • Better emotional regulation
  • More stable self-worth

Personal Growth and Well-being:

  • Reduced anxiety and stress levels
  • Better sleep quality (reported by 82% of people)
  • Increased energy from not constantly monitoring others' reactions
  • Greater creativity and self-expression
  • Improved decision-making ability
  • Enhanced self-trust and intuition
  • More authentic life choices
  • Reduced perfectionism and people-pleasing

Professional Examples:

  • Artists finally sharing their work publicly
  • Entrepreneurs launching their businesses
  • Employees contributing innovative ideas
  • Writers publishing their first books
  • Speakers giving compelling presentations
  • Leaders making bold decisions
  • Professionals changing careers

Financial Impact: A study of 1,000 professionals who addressed their fear of rejection showed:

  • 47% higher average income after two years
  • 3.2x more likely to start successful businesses
  • 68% more likely to receive performance bonuses
  • 89% more likely to create multiple income streams

The Most Important Benefit: Perhaps the most significant transformation is internal - the shift from living in fear of what might happen to living in excitement about what's possible. This isn't just about reducing fear; it's about expanding your capacity for joy, connection, and achievement.

How to Overcome Fear of Rejection Limiting Belief

Research shows that focused practice can create new patterns in as little as 21 days. Here's how to begin:

Take out a notebook or open a new document - this process works best when you write it down. We'll work through three powerful steps that begin shifting your relationship with rejection immediately.

Step 1: Identify the Origins (Map Your Patterns)

  • What is your biggest earlier memories of feeling rejected? (Consider family, school and romantic stages of your life)
  • How has this fear influenced your choices and behaviors back then?

Step 2: Reframe the Belief (Transform Meaning)

  • How okay would it feel to revisit that experience now, knowing you were okay in the end and knowing what you know today? (For example, that it was only a perception and you were always accepted, because you always had acceptance within.)
  • How okay does it feel to be rejected now? (Focus on neutralizing the pain.)
  • How capable are you of handling rejection and still maintaining your self-worth?

Step 3: Focus on the Positive (Build New Neural Pathways)

  • How accepted are you really? How were you always accepted?
  • How much acceptance you already have in your life? (even from yourself)
  • How good enough you are the way you are?

Read your answers every morning for the next 21-30 days.

This isn't just positive thinking - it's actively rewiring your brain's neural pathways. Research shows that consistent review of new perspectives creates stronger neural connections, gradually replacing old fear patterns (exact opposite) with new - positive patterns. And by The Law of Polarity (physics) we can't believe being accepted and rejected in the present moment (in which our brains work).

The Bigger Picture: Why This Is Just the Beginning

While addressing fear of rejection is powerful, it's usually intertwined with other limiting beliefs that need attention:

  • Unworthiness ("I'm not good enough")
  • Self-doubt ("I can't handle failure")
  • Shame ("Something's wrong with me")
  • Trust issues ("People will hurt me")
  • Scarcity beliefs ("There isn't enough for me")

All these limiting beliefs and memories inter-connect to create invisible barriers in multiple angles and areas of our lives:

  • Career advancement and income potential
  • Relationship depth and authenticity
  • Personal growth and self-expression
  • Life satisfaction and fulfillment
  • Decision-making and risk-taking

Think of it like renovating a house - fixing one room helps, but for a complete transformation, you need a comprehensive approach that addresses the entire structure.

‎ ‎

Your Next Step to Freedom

The exercises shared in this article are just the beginning.

Remember: Every day you wait is another day living with these limitations. The cost of inaction - in missed opportunities, unfulfilling relationships, and unrealized potential - far outweighs the investment in transformation.

Your journey to overcoming limiting beliefs and creating your desired life experience begins with recognizing these patterns and taking action to address them at their root.

0 Comments
2025/01/15
18:00 UTC

1

Struggles with consistency and accountability.

A client, 37M, had always struggled with staying consistent. He’d start each week full of motivation, promising himself he’d stick to a healthy routine, only to find himself slipping by the weekend. His diet was all over the place, and his workouts were sporadic at best. He was frustrated and felt like a failure, but one day, a friend recommended he focus on accountability instead of relying solely on willpower. He decided to try something different—he found someone to help him stay on track, a coach who not only helped him set realistic goals but also checked in regularly to keep him motivated. With a little support and structure, He finally started seeing results, both physically and mentally.

If you’re tired of feeling stuck and want a plan that keeps you consistent, it might be time for a change, just like he did. Accountability can make all the difference in turning your goals into reality. Whether it's staying on top of your nutrition, sticking to a fitness routine, or simply getting more organized with your health, having someone by your side makes it so much easier. If you’re ready to take that next step, feel free to reach out to me via chat—I’d love to help you create a personalized plan and stay on track together! You’ve got this!

0 Comments
2025/01/15
16:59 UTC

3

Self-Help Narrated Books

Hello everyone, I have been at my lowest lately and as a part of helping myself, I would also like to share some Book Narrations I've done recently. I have made myself to read a book everyday for 60 days and would like anyone who needs a little motivation and inspiration to join me with my journey. You may also share this with someone who could use a little inspiration.

You may freely ignore this but please take note that whatever it is you're going through, you can do it. It's always hardest to take the first step in getting back up - just remember, one step at a time.

Link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyzOyCgsIxbnf875_EenZswr4R7Zs_D31

1 Comment
2025/01/15
16:56 UTC

3

Best tool for self help??

Hi everyone!!

For my graudation project I am planning to create an AI tool that helps people that feel stuck or unsure about what direction to take in life, especially people in their 20s. I would like to create an app that helps people explore career paths, find motivation, and move forward. So design a resource that supports self-discovery and personal growth, especially for young adults, making it easier to identify strengths, goals, and steps to achieve them.

To make sure it’s truly effective, I’m researching input from people who’ve faced similar challenges or who are passionate about self-help. I’d love to hear your thoughts on t if you could answer one or more of these questions!!

  • What challenges have you faced in figuring out what you want to do in life, whether it’s choosing a career, a study, or something else?
  • Have you found any tools, resources, or methods that actually helped?
  • Would you use a tool that combines AI to guide you toward career options, offer step-by-step plans, and connect you with professionals for inspiration?
  • Do you think trying out jobs, talking to mentors, or watching videos about daily work life could help?

Thank you so much for your time!

0 Comments
2025/01/15
15:02 UTC

1

Getting it off my cheast - my promiscuous 20s and the regret I feel now

(sorry for the spelling, not a native english speaker)

So, I lost my virginity at 20 on a summer trip, with a guy from Tinder. I never enjoyed much attention from guys and the attention I got as a foreign girl there was something I enjoyed, even if it was sexual. What followed in the next years was a bunch of one night stands, that were not intentional - I slept with guys very fast, on the first date, but I wanted something more, they just lost interest. I got into my first relationship at 28 with lasted approximately year and a half and now that it over I feel used - it was with someone who needed a lot of support to build himself up and I was there and didn't ask for much. When I moved to a different country I tried sugar-dating. One guy I saw on multiple occasions and I really liked me, even though he never checks up on me and one time I did sex for money directly. I had a lot of stress at the time, but I have parents that I can always ask for money. I feel it was the stress mixed with the fact I got such abad treatment from men, always felt so used. I just turned 30 and I feel like I have no chance, no chance in love. Guys never approached me and now I have this secret that I can never share with no one . In total in my 20s I slept with 30 men. 2 of them were in a sex club and I could not even see their faces. I feel like I had a good start in life and many opportunities, my parents are doctors, I finished uni... I'm not fat, but I have a little tummy and my face is very asymmetrical. No guy ever called me beautiful. The best I got is hot. (I think I dress well and I can make myself look good and fit, but my face is just not it). I really needed to get this off my and share this as I never told anyone and I probably never will.

14 Comments
2025/01/15
12:07 UTC

0

Starting an interactive self-help channel (shameless plug?)

Hi Reddit, I am Tristan Kestle and I am here to shamelessly promote my new YouTube channel.

No but seriously, I know there are probably dozens of posts like this on r/selfhelp all the time, but I would like to offer something different to the usual content that aspiring creators and self improving 'wantntrepreneurs' tend to make. Not to diss any creators, because I wouldn't even be doing this if I wasn't inspired by YouTubers like Better Ideas, IceCold JT and Ali Abdaal.

That is all besides the point. I want to create a self-improvement community that inspires continual change and growth towards everyone involved. I want to improve along with my audience, because unlike most self-improvement content creators, I do not claim to have the answers or solutions to any problems. I am still learning myself, and the goal is not to give value to my audience by flaunting around 'the cure to all of their problems', but rather by being an active and contributing member of my community and getting to know each and every one of them on a personal and goal-oriented level. I want to hold you personally accountable for your goals. That's right. This isn't about me, this is about you.

So if you want to join a self-improvement community that wants to actively see you grow (and you get get past the shameless advertising) then click this link, yes this one right here with all the blue text, and if you're not convinced, tell me. You can tell me in here, or in my Instagram dm's, or hell if I see you in public you can give me a piece of your mind. This is all a learning and interactive experience for me, so any feedback, ideas and criticism would be greatly appreciated :)

P.s. you can also tell me about your day if you want to, or just whatever's on your mind.

0 Comments
2025/01/15
07:02 UTC

1

Why live if I’m already dead?

Nenendicne djdnef

2 Comments
2025/01/15
06:05 UTC

1

Reach increment task

Hi guys.
I've been assigned a task to increase the reach of the following linkdin account by 10 followers atleast.
Follow the given linkdin account and share your user name.
Will be highly appriciated :). I request you to make it in an hour.
https://www.linkedin.com/company/knowledge-cup/

0 Comments
2025/01/15
05:44 UTC

3

Created a podcast to get my thoughts out and encourage others

Hi beautiful people,

I've started a podcast in hopes of helping people care for themselves - in mind, body and spirit. I come from a background of preventive medicine, psychology and spiritual care. Please check it out sometime if you have the time - DY Sensei. I just released my first episode on change, and I do really hope it can help restore hope and encourage people like our friends, family, and neighbors to take charge of their lives. Any feedback is welcome!

Regardless, I'd love to hear the thoughts from others about my work, and would like to talk more about it in my future works. Any future ideas would be welcome!

0 Comments
2025/01/15
04:05 UTC

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