I know the some of the general self help things like taking cold showers, exercising regularly, dress cute every day, what are other ways y'all like to take care of yourself that's a little more niche?

I'm talking anything like Essential oils, regular chiropractor appointments, No phone once a week, or more.

I guess I'm looking for more down to earth ideas that fit my lifestyle specifically :)

Im 20M and my boss is like 30 or 35. Hes been my boss for a month or so now. He’s favourite thing in the world is fishing. I have a fishing rod and ive used it a few times with little luck. But how do i ask something like that? Im asking to be invited into his world. I am not a social person. I havent asked anyone to go out and do something in a few years. How do i ask? What should i say?

I am 29 F , living in a foreign country away from my husband .I'm here for my studies.i cannot control masturbating. I miss my deadlines and my room is a mess . Any tips on how to manage.

For me I choose Journal. I went to a local bookstore and looked for a beautiful notebook with a cover just spoke to me "BUY ME!!". I felt inviting and I knew it would be the perfect space for my thoughts.

Before I even wrote my first entry, I took a moment to think about my intentions. I asked myself what areas of my life I wanted to improve. I wanted to work on my emotional well being, time management and overall productivity. I wrote these intentions at the front of my journal. Its like a personal mission statement. So when I open the first page, it would remind me why I was embarking on this journey.

I decided to create a structured format for my daily entries to make my journal more effective. Each day, I'm writing the date at the top and list one or two specific goals I wanted to focus on. The structured journal helped me to stay organized and focused. I am reflecting on my progress, the actions I took that day to move closer to my goals. I also noted any challenges I faced and how I dealt with them.

By the end of the week, I set aside some time to review my entries. I would look for patterns in my progress and challenges. It was enlightening to see how my efforts were paying off and it also highlighted areas where I needed to improve. I ask myself questions like "What went well this week?" and "What could I do differently next week?"

First day of each month, I would set specific, achievable goals based on my reflection. For instance, If I noticed I struggled with time management, I might decide to implement a new scheduling technique. Writing these goals down gave me something to strive for.

When I made a progress, I celebrate my achievements (big or small). I felt immensely proud when I wrote these victories in my journal. This practice motivated me and also served as a reminder of how far I had come.

Writing on a journal became a habit for me. It felt like this is my sacred ritual, a time to connect myself and my journey. Consistency was key, and the more I wrote, the more insights I gained.

I also learned the importance of being honest and kind to myself. My journal became a safe space for my thoughts and feelings. I was able to acknowledge my struggles without judgement, understanding that self-improvement is a journey with ups and downs.

I just encourage you to give it a try or share your methods!

I'll keep it short. I am a 14 year old male and everyone I know hates me except for one person, being my dad. I'm constantly being made fun of in class over smell, height and the fact that my parents are divorcing. in the past I have considered self harm but may God bless some of you for talking me out of it. I'm lost and don't know what to do anymore. I feel as though I may be going down a dark path that is closing in on self harm, although I'm not too certain. I'm receiving therapy. where should I go from here

Advice: my boyfriend died and his funeral just passed. At the funeral I met his best friend and it felt special because it confirmed for me my boyfriend was actually in love with me. I asked his best friend to hangout and talk to reminisce on the person we lost. I could feel some sexual tension but I’m not sure if I’m being crazy or delusional. I got a waist hug and just some eye contact that I could feel the energy was tense. Should I mention it to him and clarify or just leave it? I’m curious to see if he feels the same and if so am I a bad person for wanting to pursue?

Fear is a silent killer, and it has harmed my life in many ways Social fear, fear of self, fear of speaking, fear of taking risks. The more you are afraid, the more you will suffer in EVERY ASPECT of life. It’s actually wild how much failure and mental torment is a result of fear. I am all of those things (afraid), and I am specifically trying to make myself less fearful and more confident.

Hi everyone! Posting on this subreddit for the first time.

Two years ago I started to take on a beginner’s mindset approach to work, as I felt I was becoming jaded and cocky. And tbh for the most part it’s been great. I’ve managed to put aside my ego, I’m more curious and open to new ideas and feedback, and I feel more energised.

However, lately I’ve noticed that I’ve perhaps taken it too far… or perhaps I’ve been doing it wrong. I’m questioning my abilities and judgement, despite knowing that I AM capable. It’s almost as if I’ve forgotten that I’m actually good at my job. I’d then proceed to overcompensate and feel myself getting prideful. It’s honestly been hard to strike a balance and I’ve been noticing this internal tug of war for a while now.

My question is: How do I strike a balance? How do I embody that beginner mindset without losing my sense of self, and what I’m capable of?

Appreciate all and any advice.

I just need some good motivation, I’m on the verge of total destruction. Don’t want to be judged by people I know!

I'm not sure this is the right place but here we go...

Recently I disappointed my partner. I'll spare you the details of what happened but the tldr is that I didn't keep a promise, partially because of alcohol and partially because of weather. I feel horrible about it, and they're rightful acting more distant than ever before.

I feel awful and I don't know how to fix it so I cut myself. I have a history of doing it and it normally fixes my issues temporarily but it hasn't now. What can I do? I can't talk to my partner about it because that seem manipulative AF, I can't talk to my friends about it because they'll blame my partner, I can't talk to my parents about it because they won't care, I can't call a helpline because I'm too old or they'll send an ambulance which I don't want.

I've reached my wits end with this feeling of anxiety and feel suicidal. I'm not going to do it but I just want someone to talk to about it. Who do I go to about this?

I've heard a ton, but I'm skeptical. For some reason I'm just unable to get into a flow state when I try it, but I probably just need to keep trying

Hey friends, I’m Ahmad. I just graduated from engineering school 2 months ago and I’m figuring life’s ways out.

Since high school, I've always considered myself an early riser, but waking up early makes me so drained throughout the day - I usually wake up around 6:30-7 am.

Mornings have always been tough, so I decided to try having an accountability buddy. A friend and I started checking in every morning, which surprisingly helped—knowing someone else was up pushed me through the grogginess.

Also, I used to run regularly last year but lost momentum. Recently, my buddy and I agreed to run three times a week, starting small and gradually increasing the distance. Just the thought of having to send that post-run watch photo keeps me going, even when I don’t feel like it.

I’m just proof that having an accountability buddy can uplift your life and habits.

Btw, I found my accountability buddy here. Thanks to them I took my habits to the next level. I really recommend you check it out!

I am dissatisfied almost every week, sometimes every day, with decisions I make because I didn't slow down to think things through for both tiny and larger decisions. Sadly, this YOLO style of decision making is deeply ingrained, especially for small or "quick" decisions.

I've been working on various techniques for remaining calm and being deliberate, but I am still consistently falling into old habits rather than thinking and planning things through. I wish I had a voice that could strategically force me to stop and think for 45 seconds on the best way to approach some small task.

I'm working on slowing down, making time, thinking slow=smooth=fast, but am wondering if there are any good books or other resources I could find to help me address this problem.

For me its being mindful, and practising meditation.

I’ve been struggling with feeling stuck in a routine, and it’s been hard to find a way to break free. I came across a song that really resonated with me—it’s about the struggle of dealing with monotony and the desire for something more.

I’m sharing it here because it helped me reflect on my situation, and I thought it might do the same for someone else. It’s always good to know we’re not alone in these struggles, and sometimes music can provide that reminder.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou9tyWca9FE

Incorporating routines into daily life is not just about productivity; it’s also backed by psychological research that highlights their importance for mental well-being and personal growth. Here are some psychology-supported facts about routines:

1.	Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Routines provide a sense of predictability and control, which can help reduce stress and anxiety. When we know what to expect, our brains are less likely to enter a fight-or-flight mode, allowing us to stay calm and focused.
2.	Boosts Mental Health: Regular routines, especially those involving physical activity, sufficient sleep, and social interaction, have been shown to improve mood and reduce symptoms of depression. The consistency of these activities can regulate mood and provide a sense of purpose.
3.	Enhances Cognitive Function: Routines can help free up cognitive resources. When certain behaviors become habitual, the brain uses less energy to complete them, allowing you to focus on more complex tasks. This is why routines can lead to improved decision-making and problem-solving abilities.
4.	Promotes Better Sleep: A consistent bedtime routine can signal to your body that it’s time to wind down, leading to better sleep quality. Good sleep hygiene, like going to bed at the same time each night, is crucial for maintaining overall health and well-being.
5.	Supports Goal Achievement: Routines help break down larger goals into manageable tasks. By incorporating small, consistent actions into your daily routine, you’re more likely to achieve long-term objectives. This gradual progress can be motivating and reinforce positive behaviors.
6.	Increases Willpower and Self-Control: Engaging in regular routines can enhance willpower by reducing decision fatigue. When you have a set routine, you don’t have to make decisions about what to do next, conserving your mental energy for more important decisions.
7.	Encourages Positive Habits: Routines make it easier to adopt and maintain positive habits. Repetition strengthens neural pathways, making it easier for these behaviors to become automatic over time. This is crucial in self-improvement, where consistency is key.

These facts highlight how routines are not just about productivity but also about fostering mental and emotional well-being, making them a powerful tool in self-improvement.

I feel like everything I love in this world is pulling away from me. Whatever I had found fun isn’t fun and the people I cared about slowly detach. This all started when I lost a relationship of 4 years. It hurts to say but I don’t think I’m over my ex-girlfriend either. So I’m just in a pool of bad emotions and scared that one day it’ll be worse than what it is now

Hello everyone, I’m reaching out because I’m facing a challenge that’s impacting various aspects of my life. I find that while I can set ambitious plans and goals with great motivation, I struggle significantly with executing them. I often waste time and struggle with basic tasks like keeping my living space organized, working out each day (I have been wanting to get to a 23.5 BMI from current 27BMI since forever), managing my cupboard, keeping my house clean and presentable, starting to study for goals, working towards my personal goals for skill improvement. Being unable to make any progress in any of the fields I want to improve on, coupled with my self aware and constructively critical and honest attitude in life.. with each passing day, I feel is affecting my self-confidence and overall sense of self-worth.

Previously, I felt successful and confident in my abilities, but now I’m increasingly aware of my difficulties with daily management and it’s starting to affect how I see myself and interact socially. I’m unsure what’s causing this shift and how to address it effectively.

Has anyone experienced something similar or have any advice on strategies to improve follow-through and regain a sense of balance and confidence?

I keep having dreams about my best friend’s boyfriend, please how do i stop?

I have been struggling with and undisclosed addiction that has to do with content. I was wondering if I could have help as it has been many years since the beginning of the addiction and I am still trying quit.

So I'm currently 20 have been out of school for 2 years having graduated college. Since then I've been working a part-time job, but it's not forever of course. I'm not sure what's wrong with me ever since The last year of college I've had this overwhelming sense of no motivation whatsoever. I don't want to leave my house. I don't want to go out and do activities. I think about going to University but I feel I'll just fail since I don't want to do anything. Something must change so I've been looking for online courses. Things I can do even just from the comfort of my home just to do something and get it on my resume to say I've done something this year but everything and give myself small successes to slowly build my confidence and maybe I can find the courage to go out and believe I can do things and that I'm not a pathetic faliure however things cost a lot of money from what I've seen and I'm not sure what to do. I just feel so stuck like I'm going to be like this forever and never do anything. It terrifies me. Makes me feel depressed All my friends are doing all right And I feel happy for them but I'm getting left behind. So what's wrong with me? Why can't I just do things? I have goals but I just can't do anything towards them because I feel scared of failure or hurting myself. I just wish somebody could give me direction. I've pin down. Some of the things I think are making me feel depressed and I've concluded that I need to work towards fixing these things but again lack of motivation.

20 - the age at which I accomplish things has always been a big thing to me. Not sure how to get rid of this Can't drive a car but I have a bike licence Work part time at a fast food joint Not studying which makes me feel stuck Don't really hang out with my friends anymore

I've identified these issues yet every time I try and work through them fear, tiredness and sadness just overwhelm me. I want to be better but I don't know how. I can't ask my mum for help because she'll just mock me and I don't really have any other adults in my life.

He who has a why, can bear almost any how.

I can’t take credit for this quote and I’m guessing there is a strong chance you’ve heard it before. It’s quite a lovely thought and one that I believe very much to be true.

If you reverse the quote and dissect the meaning, the initial thought centers around the word “how”.

How for me is usually accompanied by difficult choices or circumstances that either I have or want to overcome.

As I get older the haves or wants change but the question of how remains the same.

Based on where I was in life here are a few of the things that I wanted to create, overcome, accomplish etc. I’ll try to write them in the order I felt or desired them:

• Get a bedroom like the cool boys on the movie “3 Ninjas”
• Become popular
• Learn to breakdance
• Have one of the popular girls want to be my gf
• Learn to talk to others without shyness
• Make a lot of money
• Finish college
• Have others respect me
• Receive awards/recognition
• Find and be loved by someone
• Have children
• Enjoy freedom
• Be courageous
• Forgive others who don’t deserve it
• Become an anonymous philanthropist
• Be an absolute joy and light to someone else
• Love and take care of myself

The list goes on.

The how for some of these are relatively simple. The first one stemmed from watching the movie when I was about 7 and wanting more than anything to be cool.

Although we had no money, my brother and I were able to find odd jobs like cleaning out a maggot infested dumpster to earn enough to buy similar bedspreads as in the movie.

Our parents bought us bean bags and other items making our room in my memory “incredibly cool”.

Other items like “Have others respect me” were much harder and began to fade away as I focused more on the first part of the quote:

“He who has a why”

The last desire to be respected was never rooted in a good enough why. Like anyone else I wanted to be respected for it’s obvious benefits such as ego, pride and self esteem bolstering.

Hollow as it was, I still desired it.

The desire however couldn’t stand the test of time, as my why was not strong enough to stick around for very long.

The really beautiful thought behind this idea is simply that there are no right or wrong desires.

Everyone will have a different why, and almost nobody’s why is incorrect… just different.

I may have wanted a 3 ninja’s bedroom, but my sisters wanted polly pockets.

As we surrender our will to the why in our lives, we generally don’t even have to think about the how.

Last Example

I wanted to earn more money as a teenager by necessity. I had to pay for my own car, insurance and gas. That alone was expensive enough to consume almost all the money I was making working full time at a grocery store.

I took a second job at the Taco Bell to try and save up a little extra but after a few months had to quit from pure exhaustion.

I had bigger goals as well like earning up $9,000 for a 2 year mission and additional funds for college afterwards.

My why wasn’t rooted in self serving or shallow desires. I truly needed to earn more money if I was every going to accomplish my goals.

The how didn’t come easy but after less than a year of struggling to work for myself in a newly formed service business, I was able to 5X my hourly wage and pull myself out of poverty and into a very lucrative business for a teenager.

If you would like to know the “how”, I’m happy to share exactly the process I followed to start a service business as a teenager, but that will need to be in another letter.

Point being, I went from being 16 making a few hundred a week to 17 making a couple thousand a week. By simply having a good enough why, the how solved itself.

I didn’t spend more money but instead saved and was able to pay for my goals and more. I financed cars for siblings and friends, bought another business and grew in self confidence.

Focus on your why first

Take a second and think about what it is you want right now. Maybe it’s love, maybe financial freedom or retirement, or maybe just a good hamburger.

I’ll wait…

Sometimes knowing what you want is difficult but usually we all have something we desire even if it’s deep down.

Now honestly asses and answer why you want it.

The more solid a reason you want or need something, the more likely the how will present itself.

I’ve worked very hard to trust my why so that desires that should be squashed are, and ones that should be nurtured get what they need.

Growth doesn’t come from mine or anyone else’s goals, challenges or experiences.

They are yours and yours alone. The beauty is that I can tell you to find your why and the how will solve itself and that truth will apply to you, even without me knowing exactly what it is you need.

May you find your why is my hope this week, and I know when you do the how will become easy.

I write a letter every week. If you want to read along with my other friends you can at torturedentrepreneur .com

A very healing short film about experiencing body dysmorphia after infidelity & narcissistic abuse and rediscovering self-love. ✨💖🦋

WATCH HERE

"In a world obsessed with image, Supermodel dares to ask: what happens when the pursuit of beauty becomes a descent into self-destruction? 

Supermodel is a multi-award winning dark comedy short film about a scorned woman who becomes increasingly image-obsessed, transforming from a demure photographer into a superficial social media influencer. An artistic contemplation on the modern obsession with one’s own image, beauty ideals and the male gaze on women’s bodies from the female perspective."

https://preview.redd.it/nmjhfmw4b9ld1.png?width=2592&format=png&auto=webp&s=2d832bd983b0e09678eb2d91b5edac843d15f903

I've spent the past 2 years quitting porn, phone addiction, sugar/junk food, video games, and even other habits like binging TV shows.

And now, I've succeeded- I haven't indulged in these bad habits for the past 8 months, facing little to no cravings.

But this got me thinking- are certain addictions inherently harder to overcome? Or is it a matter of the situation/environment you're currently in?

For me, breaking free from my struggle of porn was probably the most difficult out of the bunch, although I certainly see how each of these can be the biggest pain to break free from.

Looking forward to seeing your thoughts!

By the way, I've recently put together an online community where I'm sharing everything I learnt after quitting my bad habits. It's completely free to join.

i know this may be a universal fear, but i feel like i have spent the last 4/5 years of my life worrying only about my trauma and my childhood and all the bad things that have happened to me.

i used to tell myself that it’s because i’m (24F) getting older and i’m seeing things differently, but now it’s starting to feel so overwhelming and dehumanizing.

i feel like every moment i wake up all i think about is the past and i’m just living like a shadow. since 2020 especially. i know that’s a big year for everyone but for me i moved out on my own that year and it just feels like since then everything has just gone wrong.

i cut off all of my friends (trauma), i cut my family off (trauma) i went to the psych ward (more trauma), i gained so much weight from antidepressants and b*nge eating (more trauma). i went through a weird sexuality/spirituality phase (not as much trauma but still really harmful to my mental)

the past 4 years have been terrible for me.

i just feel like i have been in this endless cycle of ruminating over everything bad in my life to a point where i’m having vivid nightmares about these things.

at 24 i’m in a period of isolation where all i do all day is look at self-help videos and read blogs and think about past conversations and blah blah blah and i really just want it to stop.

my early 20s have been completely robbed by my own mind? how insane is that??

i don’t want to go into my late 20s living in the past. i keep holding myself back and self sabotaging because i don’t want someone else to see that my trauma has made me extremely insecure. (and the weight gain but that’s not a focal point here)

realistically i know that it’s 100% on me. i know what i need to do in order to get out of this cycle. it’s just exhausting doing mental gymnastics every day 😭😭

I am 20 years old, turning 21 in less than a month. I have plenty of faults I constantly stay awake focusing on. I make decisions I constantly stay awake focusing on. I have relationships I constantly stay awake focusing on. For the past 3 years, I have spent every living moment I have alone in anxiety and dread as I think about myself.

I honestly hate myself. I despise every decision I make as I can never come to terms with them. I nitpick every single action I take to the point where I go crazy and convince myself that everyone in the world hates me because of those actions.

I feel as if I am judged at every turn. I feel like I'm being watched all the time. They are watching me, looking at me, and judging my every movement. 'They' are made up people in my mind that, until now, have always pushed me to be the best I can be. I try to pretend that this is make-believe and all in my head but one way or another it comes back. Every. Single. Bad mistake. It haunts me until my memory forgets it even happened.

This is hell to me. It is constant agony and suffering. I second-guess everything and I am never sure of my actions. Even if I were to make 'the best decision' I would convince myself it was the worst. How am I to proceed in life if my mind is thinking a million things at once where none help me come to peace about it?

It has been 3 years of this.

I do not know what to do. My life is an endless cycle of suffering where I am constantly fighting with myself and make-believe people who judge my every action. My mind is sabotaging itself and I see no way out of it. I would never consider suicide as an answer as I try to always be optimistic towards my future. But I do not want to live a life full of suffering and pessimism, which is the only future I see.

I do not want to stay here. I hate this, and I am drowning in the reality that I cannot fix this. I have tried, so hard, to accept and be okay with myself and my actions. However, I cannot see a future where I bring happiness to myself.

AGBY kung nasabihan ko yung bf ko na di ko problema yung sa financial issues niya?

We are in a 4 years relationship never ako humindi sa mga hinihingi niya. This time napuno na ko dahil problemado din ako financially. Ako pa rin ba yung masama dahil nasabihan ko siya nun? Lagi naman niyang sinasabing pera niya yun kahit I am trying to help him ayusin yung budgeting at gastos niya.

PS. Nakikipaghiwalay na siya dahil nasaktan siya sa sinabi ko.

Hey all, I’m wondering if anyone has any new tips for me. I’m 22 and autistic - don’t know if that will have any effect on the outcome but may be important info. I’ve kind of plateaued in terms of personal growth and getting my shit together. I’ve been given a lot of good advice, want to set life and career goals, have had a lot of big communication with friends/family/partners on various things. My problem seems to be that i can acknowledge what’s up and recognise that I would like to fix it, but I don’t seem to be able to put it into motion. For example, my ex and I often clashed in big life discussions like finances. I need to vent about something, and wouldn’t be in the headspace to change it right that second, moreso just get it off my chest. They would offer a perfectly reasonable bit of advice that probably would fix things, but I have a habit of coming up with a defence for everything they suggest - whether ive already done it, or it just wouldn’t work with my circumstances, whatever it was. It often left him feeling useless and shut out, and I still won’t have solved my issue. We recognised that he offered unsolicited ed advice sometimes and came up with a plan, and he improved on it. We recognised that I get really defensive if it feels like my independence is being challenged - we talked about it, pulled it apart, and I haven’t been able to change it. It’s on my mind constantly.

Does this make sense? I want to change things, not just that situation but across the board. I just don’t know how to start. Does anyone else struggle with this?

TRIGGER WARNING possible SA

I do not want this to harm anybody I mention, get anybody in trouble, or accuse anybody of anything whatsoever. I made a throw away to get this out there because I need answers and I want to stay anonymous.

this happened a little less than a year ago. I was with my exboyfriend at the time and this had happened to be the first time for both of us. the first time we had s it was consensual. he had surprised me by even wanting to do this because he was so against doing it with anybody until marriage, this is what caught me off guard by his obsession with it and desire to do it every single time we hung out.

there was two instances I remember vividly that happened, and I am genuinely unsure if I can consider it assault or anything of the sort. the first time were at my house and he had become very adamant on having s with me. he got very touchy and kissy. I will state I did not verbally tell him I did not want to have s at this moment, but weeks prior I had sent him a message asking him to try and chill out, stating I didn’t not want to have it as often. he became very touchy and we ended up having it. at the time I stared up at one of the posters on my wall, thinking to myself “let him get it over with” as he had never really pleased me anyways and only himself. my dad walked in, luckily we were under the blanket. he gave us a weird look and left without stating a word. this caused him to quit and lay beside me instead and that was it.

the next instance I remember was at my house again, this time it was a couple days after my birthday and he had come to give me gifts he wasn’t able to on my actual birthday. we stayed in my room and watched tv while my dog laid at my feet. again, he had become very touchy and kissy. this time I had stated I did not want to have s, but just watch tv and cuddle. he agreed that we could do that, and left me alone. a couple minutes later he again got very touchy. one thing led to another and he was trying to crawl on top of me. I don’t know if his intentions were to have s with me, kiss me, or whatever, but I was uncomfortable. I think my dog sensed this because he crawled between us. after my ex tried to push him away, my dog then crawled onto my chest. this was weird for him, he’s a heavy and fat dog although he is small. my other dog (I have multiple) is much larger, medium sized and she’s a puppy but still has a strong bite and loud bark. she had ran into the room at this point, and began growling and barking at my ex, snarling her teeth and jumping on the bed between us.

after she had scared him he had moved away from me. out of his safety I made my female dog leave the room, my male dog however still stayed in between us and laid on my stomach for the rest of the night until my ex left.

there was also this time where he kept pushing my head and I had told him not to, he did it once more and I had pushed his hands off of me. again, I told him not to. again he did, and I ended up biting him.

to make this clear again this post was not to harm anybody mentioned, expose anybody, accuse anybody, or do any thing negative whatsoever. I simply just want answers. this has kept me up for a couple of weeks now, as I think it’s setting into my mind. I genuinely am unsure if this can be considered assault or sa of any type.

I’m too scared to talk to my parents, friends, or even therapist about this. I am finally putting this out there just so I can have answers. thank you for reading, I wish I could sum it up shorter but I can’t think straight right now.