how do you get the courage to try?

As it always happens when I try to do something, I end up saying, ‘Hmm, I could definitely improve this, I absolutely need two more weeks to work on it, then it’ll be ready.’ And those two weeks turn into four, then six, then eight, and by the time I’ve worked on it so much and added so many things, I think, ‘What the hell, this is all wrong, I should just start from scratch, so I can have a clean slate.’

This happened when I was trying to write my book, it happened when I was perfecting my workout routine, it happened when I was about to release my first developer project (which, by the way, I still haven’t published), and it’s happening now as I’m about to release my app (not the one I was talking about earlier).

I told myself there are too many things I still need to improve, bugs to fix, tests to implement, so I’ve delayed it from the 1st of January, which was the release date I set for myself, to February 2st (aka In two days). And today, I’ve spent the whole day thinking about doing it, delaying it once again. I still have so many thoughts spinning in my head telling me that design isn’t perfect, I have no idea how to launch on ProductHunt, I don’t know how to write an email to the users already on the waitlist, and all that crap.

Honestly? I’m not ready, I don’t know anything, absolutely nothing, but you know what? Fuck it, Sunday I’m launching my app. Let the sky fall if it has to. It won’t be perfect, it won’t be the prettiest, it won’t have a launch that’ll attract thousands of users, but fuck it, it’s an idea I’ve put time and sweat into, and once and for all, I want to make it public. As for the rest…well, along the way, I’ll figure out how to move in this insanely complicated world.

I'm 27 now, I feel like I still lack purpose and drive in my life. I'm not sure where I'm heading to and feeling lost outside is okay but feeling lost internally feels like dark hole. Pretty much everyone has told me, okay so what are your goals. What do you want from life then you make a plan and work towards it. But that's the main issue sighs I don't know what I want. I'm not only looking to setup my life but I also have my family that heavily relies on my success. Because if I become successful then only I'm able to provide a better life for them. I'm only person to go college meanwhile my family works minimum wage jobs. Even my outside family relatives have been constantly judging and bringing us down because we are not financially stable. And I'm trying to understand what should I be pursuing degree in college that will lead to better paying job. In free time, all I do is waste time doom scrolling and allowing thoughts to bring me down. All I keep saying is I'm a true failure based on my age. Even though I'm blessed to be in college and have supportive family, I'm not taking advantage to better my life. Instead I'm comparing my circumstances to someone else. And I say why is this person so smart and successful as if they have everything toghter. I wasted entire month of January doing nothing when I promised in December 2024, I will change.

I've listened to a lot of motivational videos in my time. Taken on advice and always searched for the spark of motivation to keep me going. Nothing has even come close to the GOOD principle.

This has been popularised by Jocko Willink. As a Navy SEAL he's been in the toughest situations a human can be in. His principle of GOOD is a simple reflection that whatever the world throws at you, however horrible or challenging it is, you just say GOOD and take the positives.

Didn't get the job? GOOD.... Time to get better so I'm not overlooked again

Got broken up with? GOOD....Frees me up to find my real love

Broken Arm? GOOD.... I know how to manage pain better and can practice with my other arm

I couldn't tell you how many times I've applied this four-letter word to my life over the last few years when things have been going wrong.

Its simplicity is what makes it so effective. No learning quotes or trying to reason your way out of bad situations. Just starting with GOOD turns a negative into a positive and then you let your mind recalibrate how you think and feel about a situation.

Here's the video that has 13m views on YouTube

https://youtu.be/IdTMDpizis8?si=T5H9ZewZvD3jdCwO

Within this period of 60 days, I keep asking to meet them but my ex wife said she's busy and not around. I also keep trying to call and video call them but as my kids still little, 4 years old son and 1 years old daughter, theres no way to reach them out without any adult. I dont blame my ex wife much about this as she stay with her family and I believe, her mom brainwash her.

After 60 days of seperated, I finally met my kids but when my son saw me, he scared and keep telling later grandma angry and scold him, and rushing back into house (We only allowed to met at balcony outside of the house) After my ex wife said everything is fine, then only he calmed down and spent around 1 hour time with me. My daughter looks unhappy, and treat me like strangers. Probably cause after bring her out, my ex wife going back inside house and just leave her there. She probably not remember me anymore and just stay quiet the whole time which kind of broke my heart. She used to be the closest one to me. My son said she's unwell, probably thats the why she acted that way. Whatever it is I still keep hold her on my laps and play around with both of them.

Today, while showering to work, Ive been thinking about this situation (I met them 2 days ago) and I really unmotivated, some bad thoughts of just forget everyone also come to my mind but I hope the next time I meet them, my daughter especially remember that I'm her father that she used to call daddy and dancing around when she saw me back from work.

Excerpt from Lesson 23: Use Fear-Setting to Make Big Decisions

“The main idea of ‘fear-setting’ is to define the worst-case scenario, basically envisioning your worst nightmare, if you were to pursue what you wanted. Many of us become paralyzed when faced with major decisions because we’re afraid of the unknown.

The power of ‘fear-setting’ lies in visualizing what the apocalypse would look like if everything went astray. Once you’ve stared your worst fear in the face, the next step is to brainstorm ways you could rectify the situation and get your life back on its previous trajectory.”

—

I used “fear-setting” to make quite a few big decisions in my life. This chapter highlights one of them—my move to South America six years ago. I didn’t know anyone. I didn’t speak the language. It was, frankly, quite terrifying.

But when I asked myself, “What’s the worst that could happen,” I thought maybe I’d hate my life there, I’d hate my job, I’d have no friends, I’d catch a disease, or I'd die. Aside from death, the rest was quite rectifiable. I could just book a flight and be back in Canada within 24 hours, continuing my life as it was.

That one decision led to 3.5 years of adventure in South and Central America. It’s where I met my husband and began building my digital nomad lifestyle. A decision I almost let fear talk me out of ended up changing my life for the better.

If you’re standing at the edge of a big decision, fear-setting might be the tool that helps you take the leap.

There’s a common trope that motivation is fleeting and discipline is what you need. After doing some of my own thinking and also reading some articles that concur, I’m of the opinion that “discipline” is really just having very strong intrinsic motivation. Because, in my opinion, I don’t think it is possible for a person to voluntarily do something they don’t want to do, at least on some level.

I’ve therefore been researching how people stay motivated reliably. I’ve heard some people being motivated by their children, some being motivated by having a particular belief about themselves being disciplined.

So I thought I’d ask, does anyone have any reliable way to get themselves in a motivated state?

I've just gone through a lot of stuff, a lot of fails in my papers, lying to my parents that I've been studying but its like I'm not I'm loosing my focus, my girlfriend, she was behind me the whole time supporting me everytime, but I just felt a change in my emotions, earlier I used to never be defensive, but I started acting rude to her, I don't know whats happening to me but I cant sense any emotions and its like now I feel that I'm gonna start loosing my interest in her. I don't want to loose her, shes a very kind lady who always had my back. what should I do, I can't express anything to anyone not even my parents, they won't understand anything

I understand completely, it's so hard to brave it alone, it seems so dim, so much degradation, scenes of the same old thing. Read, assume your vital stance, and above all, fight it. know that you are strong, fight it, fight it, never stop, never back down, and in this god awful tragedy that we were born into, the fighting will set you free, the struggle will be the destination you were always hoping for. Understand that no one will ever be able to aid you, you are utterly forsaken, and the will to spring up will come violently, an arcane volatile force, sheer magnitude of strength is the only way to set you free. I wish I could revive you, I wish I could be there, you must be able to face your demons alone, and I know that you will succeed, I see ultimate life in you, I always have. You will survive, you will carry the suffering with you always, but it will recede, it will vanquish the blood stained memories, quell your aching heart. I wish on the stars for you, always.

I just want to do something about it, i just dont know what that "thing is" or "what work" im supposed to be doing. Which is probably why i fall back to conditioned behaviors because of not knowing what to do or say. I just want to get out of this deep hole, improve for the sake of improvement, and try to make myself and my life better, and i truly dont wanna do all the improvement just to be liked or loved, i want to do it for myself. I dont want to construct a persona thats based on others reactions or construct it to be loved or cared about.

We all want to feel important and be cared about and feel wanted and loved, with my way its like i try to force it, force connections or friendships, i dont like being so dependent on this, or make it the purpose of my life or revolve my around getting others to like me, i dont want "making friends or a gf or conversations or being liked my singular goal in my life.

im in my 20s, i dont want to be like 50 and still struggling with these problems, I want to do something about it right now bc the present is the most important, all those distractions, negative thoughts, toxic shame are basically useless. But idk what i wanna do, and i for sure dont want to go back to the old life style or personality or mindset or behaviors or beliefs systems or conditioned behaviors or addictions.

I feel like i been taught the wrong lessons, the illogical beliefs, wrong beliefs, and repetitive negative thoughts but i dont want to blame anyone but take responsibility to do something about it. The control is totally in my hands i just dont know what to do about it.

I think every problem stems from this. Basing self worth/happiness/success on others reactions or actions, basically using them as a vehicle for self esteem or using them to fill a void, or boredom, its like i have no genuine interest in them. Even though i would like to meet people since each one is a unique world on their own, but its like my desire for approval validation attention and to prove myself is way more than being interested.

And only "give to get" which is just selfish and transactional.

People pleasing like being a chameleon to be liked or accepted, the only thing i have known my entire life is people pleasing and chasing others and being dependent on their approval validation attention like an approval junkie, so i have no idea what i want or who i am truly, i havent put in the work or effort to figure out who i am or who i want to be, so im like a puppet and my decisions are based on others approval validation attention reactions, all aimed towards "being loved, liked, cared about, chased" and if those dont happen i feel worthless, not good enough not funny enough not intelligent enough. All of this to protect my ego, anything less than perfection is a failure

And everything is like a cover, a coping mechanism to avoid disapproval, and its out of the goodness of my heart, its selish, i do it in order to be considered "good enough lovable interesting important"

chasing approval validation attention just to feel like im "good enough"

Seeing others as a "goal" to achieve so i feel good enough, or to boost my confidence or ego, or feel "good enough" or be liked cared about be seen as important, and in order to "achieve" i become a chameleon because i dont know who i am truly.

I see others reactions as a indicator of my worth, so that's why i sometimes try to control others reactions which puts pressure on me and others, and i get angry at myself for my "effort, personality, not being good enough or interesting enough" to make others care.

Giving with strings attached

Angry at myself for not being able to make a friend or get a gf even though i know even if i had them it wouldnt fix the internel problems, I think they are just another form of procastination or avoidance.

Seeing a couple or friends talking/having fun activities my insecurities and beliefs about "not interesting, boring, uncool" and i immediately think im not good enough to have those, a few years in college with no friends that are two sided, and never a girl showed any interest in me, I know they dont owe me anything, if i wasn't interested why would they be? But no one has ever shown any care or interest

Which is why i avoid being around people, its like i need constant validation attention approval, even though i dont approve of myself and some of my behaviors like people pleasing, or giving with strings attached, when being around people its like i get ptsd and flashbacks to the times i was ignored or rejected or abandoned so i either try hard to prove that im "interesting, good enough, intelligent, funny, cool, lovable, worth caring about, important" or i try hard to avoid it, its like a cycle of insanity, neither approachs help or work or help me create a healthy connection where both contribute.

It also makes me jealous, angry for not being as social as them and that they both like each other and its two sided interest, and have chemistry and banter together and flirt together it also makes me greedy where i keep wanting more and more, even though deep down i know those wont fulfill me, or fix me or make me happy or make me "good enough", its basically attachment to the outcome of every situation or interaction. And that im desperate and needy for a speck of attention approval validation.

And i think i deflect those insecurities and flaws into others so i feel better about myself

those external factors are just ways to avoid doing the work even though i dont know what that is or where to even start

All those addictions, procrastination, avoidance, is just to keep me in the comfort zone, i want to get into the unknown, the uncertainty i just dont know how.

Every conversation is one sided, i dont know what to talk about or what to say, i see every interaction as a test of my "self worth, intelligence, personality" i see everything external like that, its like i have attached my worth to everything external because its "easier" than to face my own actions or mistakes or decisions or feelings.

Using conditioned behaviors because they are all I know or been taught even though they dont work, its like i use these condioned behaviors as coping mechanisms, without them i dont know what i want or who i am, its basically "unknown"

And in any interaction or situation my fight & flight mode becomes activated, i either "fight" to prove my worth, or flight to avoid the pain of rejection abandonment loneliness, and many times its "flight" because i dont know what to do, and its a new territory, new situation, and the fear of failure is too much

Thinking im only good enough when "others chase me or talk to me or i make them laugh or love me" its like conditional love towards myself, and if i dont achieve those im "not good enough"

its like i act like a servant towards others and give even though what i give isnt good enough or genuine because idk how to give to myself so how can i give to others?

And i give just to receive and when i dont receive i feel like i wasn't interesting or cool or funny or good enough. I take it personally, like i wasnt worth caring about or wasnt important enough.

Its like i have little fuel and i give it to others and expect them to give their all to me. Quite selfish i know

I think i give because fear of loneliness, rejection abandonment, in my mind thats like "death" and i do it so i dont become alone forever, because being alone and no one caring means "worthless" in my mind.

Its like i do everything or say everything to avoid disapproval and gain approval, and be loved and liked.

And forever i have used addictions like porn, tv shows, texting on social medias to numb the pain and the feelings of loneliness but they just make it worse, because i hate not changing, i hate passiveness and feelings of powerlessness but i know i can change, i just dont know what am supposed to do about it all

Look, I get it. It's easier to blame the world for where you are right now. The economy's rough, life's unfair, and everyone else seems to have it better.

But here's the uncomfortable truth that changed my game:

Every time I pointed fingers at others, I was just giving away my power.

That promotion you missed? Those extra pounds that crept up? That empty savings account?

Yeah, those aren't badges of bad luck. They're receipts of our choices.

The moment I stopped waiting for a rescue mission - from my family, friends, or some miracle opportunity - was the moment things started shifting.

Because here's what nobody tells you:

Rock bottom can be your best friend. It's where excuses go to die and real change begins.

Want different results? Make different moves.

• Hit the gym instead of hitting snooze
• Pick up a book instead of the TV remote
• Track your spending instead of ignoring those notifications

The best part? You don't need permission to start. You don't need the perfect moment. You just need to decide.

Your life is like a house - you're either building it or watching it collect dust. And trust me, nobody's showing up with a magical cleaning crew.

Time to grab the broom. Your mess, your masterpiece.

Who's ready to own their story?

Productivity used to be hard for me... but why is this?

Time-wasters like social media and video games used to be much easier for me, even though working on my goals was much better for me, and i never understood why until about a year ago when i learned what i'm about to share with you.

This allowed me to WANT to be productive, and helped me to finally reach the goals I've wanted for myself

I'm going to share everything i know of how to make your brain want to be productive:

This is possible because of the way your brain makes decisions: Our brain centers our decision making around dopamine, this means that our brain is constantly scanning our environment for higher dopamine-inducing activities that you can do instead of what you are currently doing.

So when you are working, and you are trying to focus on something, your brain constantly scans your environment for other higher dopamine inducing activities you can do instead of work

And when your brain recognizes an activity that provides more dopamine than work, your brain wants to do that instead.

This is why your environment is so important, because the more dopamine that your environment provides, the more willpower that is necessary for you to continue working.

And when you have less dopamine inducing objects in your environment, it is easier to continue working, and the less willpower is needed.

But, you can take this to another level. The reason why your environment is so powerful, is because: if there’s nothing else that surrounds you, if there is no other activity that provides you with more dopamine than work, then your brain will gravitate towards working.

When you don’t have your phone, or any of your devices, and your environment is clear of heavy dopamine inducing objects, your brain will gravitate towards work. You don’t want any other stimulating activity to even be an option.

Essentially, you want to make working the most dopamine inducing activity available in your environment. In this scenario, you’re not constantly using your willpower to avoid another activity, because work becomes the activity that provides the most dopamine, so instead of constantly resisting something else, your brain will gravitate towards work.

And I can’t tell you enough about how powerful and life changing that utilizing this can be, this can really make productivity easy.

So while we can use our willpower to resist higher dopamine inducing things, we can also structure our environment, so that working and being productive is the highest dopamine inducing activity at our disposal, and we will gravitate towards productivity.

P.s. This post is based on Neuroproductivity, which is NO-BS productivity (productivity using science) if you are interested I got this from the site moretimeoffline+com they only use productivity based on science for ambitious people to help them reach success, they have a ton of great free stuff there like this that i recommend giving a try.

Hope this helps! cheers :)

I admit the fact I've been living my life in lies or delusional because I don't understand what is really behind anxiety shame and fear that seems to hold me down. Like what exactly is fear. What exactly is shame. Or is just the fact my mind doesn't want to put in the work and embrace the discomfort challenges life has offer. And I'm putting labels on myself ohh I can't do it. I'm not good enough.

My self image is not good I think and I don't know what went wrong in life that made me this way. Living in constant victim mentality. Accepting defeat before actions. Why am I not thinking highly of myself and take goals as first priority yet I choose pleasure over pain. I don't know really how to fix all this. Already 1st month of 2025 is finishing but I'm still there as I was in 2024. Nothing has changed because I'm not taking actions. I'm so tired of it.

I have learned: You can become better not by living in silos and loneliness, but by making connections through people, experiences, moments and environment that facilitates open interactions.

We need to transform ourselves first so that others can see this transformation and inspire.

It's three steps that you consider as your canvas to become better person.

First Step: Ability to work with others with motive to learn the new perspective and expand your toolkit.

Second Step: choosing to understand other people perspective instead of feeling insecure about their own technical skills, and

Third Step: Knowing that sometime there is no answer and that is a better answer.

Do you think it's right way to become a better person? What else?

Based on Parkinson's Law: Work expands to fill the time given for its completion.

Setting shorter deadlines isn't to exhaust yourself; it's to get rid of all the busywork and distractions so you can achieve your goals in less time.

Like is it just me? Every evening or so, I am like « tomorrow is The day I am starting this project or finish this one! » I go to bed thinking about it, how I will do it etc… feeling excited about it. And then I wake up, prepare the kids for school, bring them to their bus stop in the cold winter morning… get back home, pour some coffee in a mug, and feel like not motivated to start yet, so I am starting to check emails, news, and work related stuff… and finally it’s lunch time and I feel tired and hungry. After that I just have 2,3 hours left before kids come back from school and that the family routine starts again so I feel like it’s not the best moment to start working on my projects! And the cycle goes on and on…

For context I am a freelancer designer, working from home for various clients and I want to start designing and working on my personal projects and business. But I don’t have any « pressure » to progress on these projects since I am already making decent revenues so it’s like my brain is just trying to limit to just do what is just necessary… IDK

Any tips or similar experience and ways to get out of this cycle of laziness?

I have a set goal that I want to pursue in my life but there is a high possibility that I might never be able to achieve that because of factors outside of my control. What would you do here? Are there any ways to keep myself motivated?

Edit: Thank you so much for all the advise everyone.

Tell me your honest thoughts. I am looking for getting inspired by you.