I’m just realizing that the person who has been my most consistent and best friend for the last 10 years …I don’t really have anything in common with. It’s my deepest relationship but so shallow. In my sobriety, I’ve realized that I was chasing for meaning in a lot of weird places besides just drugs and alcohol. Some of those are interests we shared like alternative spiritualities that in my sober mindset I don’t actually believe in. Some of it was the promise of epiphany from drug use. We also used to bond a lot of over being really politically active but right now I am in a ton of therapy and trauma healing and am protective of my delicate vulnerable state of mind and so I’m not keeping up with the news or movements and campaigns. That’s one that I hope I can come back to with enough healing but right this second I just can’t meet them where they are in this intense awareness of every political change of the winds.

But like we don’t share taste in music, movies, tv, video games or anything to fill the void left my a connection based on making meaning externally.

I know no one here can really tell me what to do… but what should I do? We talked tonight and I felt some sympathy both ways but also a lot of frustration and anger.

Do people take breaks from friendships? Can they come back once I am in a better place? 32 weeks sober from drugs and alcohol today but I bought cigarettes and smoked 2 which feels like relapse behavior though it was never my drug of choice.

My first drunk was at 17. I was dating a boy somewhat older than I at 21, old enough to sign a waiver for my school prom promising he wasn’t a pedophile. He took me to a Halloween party one night. I got a drink from some skeletal bowl filled with blue liquid. By my third drink one of his friends came up to me and advised I slow down. “Why?” I said. “Because that’s filled with adios motherfucker which will get you drunk pretty fast.” After that knowledge, I stopped, but nothing stops intoxication. The drive home consisted of me crying about how my dad is an alcoholic and I was afraid I was. Oh, to have listened to 17-year-old me would have saved 15 years of my life. The next day my cousins came to visit which consisted of periodical trips to the bathroom to throw up and lie on the floor.

 College drinking is invisible. No one sees it. All that is known is good times. Some nights I passed out on the bedroom floor of a trusted friend, other nights I passed out in a bathtub, recklessly drove, totaled my car, embarrassed friends, ruined family gatherings, humiliated myself at social gatherings, risked job opportunities, the list goes on. Adult drinking seemed the same, but I slowly came to realize that cute little 21-year-old me was not about to get a pass.

 Adult me totaled more cars, slept with random men, showed up drunk to work and events, loss the trust of family and friends, attempted suicide, lied to my psychiatrist and therapist, risked drinking while on medication, woke up to mornings to do damage control of the night before, institutionalized, put on Antabuse, and to top it all off with a relapse after 6 months of sobriety.

 The day I relapsed I threw away my sobriety chip. I knew getting off Antabuse would lead me to drinking. I am bipolar and have been in treatment for over 8 years and no pill regimen works better than alcohol. 2 shots in and either you are mellowed out or on your way to crying on the floor. Either way I’m always willing to take the risk. I went through more medications than I can count, I even went through 3 months of ECT. Nothing works. I tried going to AA meetings but, just like the bipolar meetings I tried to attend, nothing stuck.

 So here is where I am. Drinking again, hopeless again, lying again. I want to believe I can learn to drink in moderation or learn how to master the art of hiding my consumption from friends and family. Being content feels like a dream, happiness feels like a lie. The idea of hope never settled well with me. There is only chaos and control. You don’t have to agree with me, but if you found a way out of the monotony of alcoholism, I am all ears.

 Hang in there.

This post is a bit overdue, but Nov 8 2024 marked 2 years of sobriety from weed and alcohol.

At the time I decided to quit cold turkey, I had been smoking for ~5 years and drinking a bottle of whiskey daily by the end of it. I had destroyed my health, career, and relationships. I had been kicked out of my house, was living alone in a roach infested apartment and was suicidal.

I felt like I had let myself down. Like all hope was lost.

I went to NYC in 2022 and saw my former colleagues thriving on Wall Street and it made me realize how far I had fallen. That spurred me into making the decision to quit cold turkey.

So what has changed?

In the year since my last update, I have lost 60 lbs and hit my goal weight of 170lbs in 53 weeks.

The weight loss journey has been very rewarding not only because I look and feel much better, but because it has been a big confidence booster. This is the first time in many years that I have set and achieved an ambitious goal. I was able to prove to myself in a big way that I still have that fire in me and that I can still keep the promises I make to myself.

It goes without saying that this never would have been possible without being sober. Had I not had my wits about me, I would have never been able to summon the consistency and learn the many sub-skills needed (like cooking and meal planning) to see this through.

Unfortunately, while my physical health has improved, not all is rosy. My relationship with my family is at an all time low (I am effectively estranged from all of them), and my career/finances are still in a rocky place. I ruminate about my past life constantly and it feels like there is a tempest brewing inside of me near daily. I still occasionally think about ending it all.

This goes to show that once you quit, it’s not like everything in your life magically falls into place. In fact, one of the reasons why it took me so long to quit was because I didn’t want to face the mess that was waiting for me on the other side.

That being said, things are undoubtedly better from the rock bottom I experienced in 2021/2022.

I want to say that my problems did not stem from my addiction. In fact, the structural problems in my life caused me to pick up smoking and drinking. But once these vices took a hold of me, my situation deteriorated quickly.

As such, I plan to use these remaining problems as a road map for what to do next. I want to get back on track financially and I want to find a partner with whom I can build a loving family of my own. I want to channel the self confidence I built through my weight loss journey into achieving these goals.

I hope to write another post 1 year from now affirming that I have stayed the course and detailing the (hopefully positive) changes that are to come.

Thank you for reading my story.

I'm speechless. I'm sick and tired of hearing about people dying. Our intergenerational trauma is showing it's true colors and I can't bear to hear about another person close to me, dying. Ughhh I need a hug. 💔😭😩

Doing the thing! Life’s not perfect but damn it’s a hell of a lot better sober. Thanks for being here everybody.

Ive found myself unable to have just a few beers on a night out and usually end up binge drinking Jameson and cheap beer. However I’ve been smoking weed since 2019 and it’s never been a huge issue maybe outside of a few times when I first started and didn’t understand my limits or peoples boundaries with weed use. Whereas with alcohol I have countless stories of self destructive tendencies and brutal hangovers that feel endless. Is it the worst thing to continue smoking? Any advice is appreciated!

Hey all. I was sober for a year from October 2023 to October 2024 all because I got into a huge fight with my parentals. I did it as a huge F YOU. But drank once the year was up and just spiraled out. But now I am doing it for me because I do not like how I go into huge blackout benders with it. I absolutely hate being a server in a restaurant filled with massive collection of whiskeys and booze. I do not see myself making a difference serving a side of ranch for those fries or knowing how whiskeys are made. School took a pause of my drinking so I decided to work on my sobriety. I have not told any of my coworkers I'm going sober again because so many broke my trust in them. But I do enjoy the community here. I also enjoy the community I built at my gym as well as my routine. Signed up for online classes until I am ready to show up in person again. But here's to another day! Cheers! Thank you all!

The 4th of December 2020 was my last drink. I was at the lowest point in my life, didn't think I had anything left to stay around for, so, I finished half a bottle of vodka, a few beers, and about half a bottle of whisky. I sat on the floor of my shower and took a blade to my wrists. I blacked out, and woke up hours later on the floor with blood over me. I ended up in a mental health unit, and started the process of getting help. One thing I don't like, is when I dream that I had a drink and feel like I'm going backwards. 4 years down, I'm not going to say I'm ok, but, I'm in a better place mentally than I was then.

It's amazing how we let this substance lead our lives. I am a functional alcoholic, so I always had to start happy hour(s) at a specific time. My whole life and relationships revolved around me getting my drinks, always at home. I was embarrassed to let anyone see me go to the dark side. The few times, in the past couple years I did drink around people that don't see that side of me, end up talking, asking what was up with me. To me I didn't think it showed at all. It hasn't been long since I quit, so I'd be lying if I didn't glance over at the alcohol when grocery shopping.....

My drinking was getting to the point where I would not remember anything from the previous night. Vodka, weed, wine and beer. It was getting so bad that I felt like I ran a marathon the day before. The functional side of me powered through the day, doing yard work, fixing whatever needed it, etc., all while in the back of my mind I was looking towards drinking time. Exhausted, those first shots gave me energy to do it all over again. And again.

My body is still adjusting. My joints hurt and my digestion is still really messed up. I knew what I was doing to myself. That's why I don't want pity. I chose this for so long and I knew I was going to end up facing something some day. If I could only make it to drink time everything would go away until I woke up the next day.

I’m 500 days sober today from alcohol. I generally celebrate in silence, but this felt like a small milestone & I wanted to share. Thanks for letting me.

I posted here a while back when I first got sober and a little over 100 days later I am so happy with my decision. I feel like me again and have no plans of ever turning back. I am 20 and had been drinking since 15. A lot of bad things happened in those 5 years and I come from a long line of alcoholics so while quitting was intimidating I always kind of knew I’d have to do it eventually. Here’s where I may need help, my 21st is this Saturday and it’s just weird. I am only open about my disease with a few people because I feel like people my age don’t get it. Now everyone outside of my close circle is telling me all about the best bars to try and asking to go out (I just avoid any plan making) and I kinda don’t know what to say. If someone asks why I’m not drinking I get flustered and panic and usually blame it on my meds (not totally wrong, shout out lexapro). It just also brings up weird feelings, I hate my birthday and have had to distance from basically all of my uni friends in this process so a lonely birthday isn’t helping either. I guess I don’t really have any questions but if anyone has gone through something remotely similar I’d love to hear about your experience and what you did

Is there anyway I fail a drug test for THC after being sober for 130 days? Just looking for some reassurance. Anxious about this UA even though I haven’t been using.

Hi guys i want your advice. I am 22 m and since 2018 i have been drinking and smoking weed and doing some drugs occasionally but 2months ago i got really hooked on cocaine October to 30nov i did coke and alcohol every weekend but now i am realizing if i continue it would end in a very serious path , how did you guys overcome this coke addiction, i am thinking of quitting alcohol for good because i realized everything starts with alchohol , how do i push the feeling to drink on friday any advice ?

Thank you

Hey. 31F, ready to get sober, for real this once. I've made the list of all the things I'm sacrificing, it's absolutely not worth it. Now I have to actually quit. Anyone available for mutual support ? I failed so many times before.

I have a question for the group. How did you handle having to go back around people who saw you at your worst? I'm debating attending an event that I messed up at last year but I just feel ashamed. I'm coming up on 8 months sober in a few days and I honestly feel amazing. I don't have any worry about drinking and actually want to go to this event but it's just the embarrassment and shame that is making me hesitate. Looking for some advice or it may just be jump in the deep end and I can always leave if I'm uncomfortable.

I am addicted to xanax, and other medication, it really is hard to even go half a day without it in my body. I have really bad anxiety and it helped at first but now it turned into an awful addiction. Don't know how i got here but i came to ask for help and advice. I am ashamed to even talk about it to my family, friends or even doctors. I just want to get better. Please, if you have any advice how to quit, and be sober and how to handle anxiety without meds it would really help. Thank you in advance, and good luck to all the subreddit members 🩷

What were the hallmarks of your addiction? Mine were the obvious: in the bathroom (shower on), in the car, running errands (big one), going out for dinner/drinks with friends that used. But I primarily wanted to be alone so relationships never worked out and I’m sure guys could never figure out why they weren’t more of a priority.

I am in my senior year of college, in a good program, with good friends, good family, the one thing I can not shake though is my cocaine use. It has ate into my wallet, relationships with women, and definitely my grades even though they are good enough to maintain the program I am in. I only use it when I drink but I go out partying 2-4 times a week, resulting in using it once or twice a week. When I use it though I abuse it to the point when I am up till the morning anxious as can be and can not breathe through my nose. After those late nights/early mornings, I always say how stupid it is.

I have been wanting to quit for a while but never do. Going into this year at the start of the school year I told myself this would actually be the year I stop using coke however failed miserably. My saying to my friends is I am not addicted when I am sober but when I am drunk I am addicted and will find it at any cost. Going into my last semester, I really want to stop using it when I am drinking but fear at this point that is not a possibility. I do not want to stop drinking and going to bars because I love the social aspect of it, but I really want to stop using coke and end the habit once and for all. Any thoughts or advice?

Hey guys i’m in a bit of a predicament. I got everything i need food, water, a good connection with family, im not lying, doing the best i can to be helpful to the people around me, and stay open minded but I can’t help but find myself just wanting life to be over. I know it would hurt so many people around me who care but I don’t think that helps the situation i’m in mentally in fact it makes me feel worse cuz I feel like i got such a heavy weight on my chest and shoulders. I can’t help but feel empty and hopeless about the present, past, and future. I wake up wanting to die everyday and I just wonder why? I’ve been in this headspace for so long thru thick and thin. I’m just tired. And feel like a burden.

Today was my first experience clubbing sober after quitting alcohol and i can say it was ten times better. I drank red bull and non alcoholic beer. I was dancing more confidently than I do drunk. I just acted like how my friends were dancing and it became liberating because I felt free and myself with out alcohol. I also went onto the top stage at the club and there were only like 4 people there and did stupid dancing with my friends in front of everyone. It’s nice too know I won’t be waking up hungover tomorrow and I’ve remembered a super fun night with all my friends :)))))

Day 1. Went to AA with tears flowing, immense sadness, regret, and gratitude. I needed to be there. Not gonna lie i truly feel rock bottom here. I am filled with such dark feelings and sadness. I am angry at who I’ve become. I dug this hole myself, and i want so badly to get out. So I’ll try each second. I cannot depend on even the minutes or hours. But I will give it my all each second. I will not drink, this second. And pray the time keeps going.

I’m at rock bottom. I have no job, no car, and no home to call my own. I got myself here and idk how to look up or forward. I’ve never been at rock bottom before I’m young enough to recoup but old enough to know better. I’ve got some money saved up .. idk if I want to runaway to a different country or stay near fam and friends who want to support me get better. I’ll do the meetings (I’ve already started my research) therapy will be on hold until I get health insurance. But I’ll definitely get into that I want and I especially need it. I’ve started over many times in my life but I never started completely over from scratch. I work in healthcare so the thought of pretending to be happy around patients and coworkers sounds DAUNTING.. my friends are constantly sending me alerts that I need to eat. Which I’ve given up on . Coming from someone that LOVES food. I just don’t see the brighter days.. while I won’t do it, my brain is occupied with thoughts of how and when to off myself. Like yea I’m bleak

yay, im 5 days sober i dont really wanna do drugs anymore, the withdraw is gone, but being sober is boring.

Yesterday marked a full year free of alcohol. Here are some reflections on the year:

1. If your friends don’t support your decision 100%, then they aren’t friends; they’re drinking buddies.
2. Whatever drinking has been numbing will have to be dealt with. Dealing with it is so much better than hiding from it!
3. Stopping drinking won’t fix your life, but it will clear the way for you to work on your life.
4. You don’t have to explain your decision to anyone. Anyone pestering you for a reason is problematic. I’ve said everything from “I’m on medication I can’t drink on.” to “I didn’t know I needed a reason.” to “That’s really not a question you should ever ask. If someone wants you to know, they’ll tell you.”
5. You do need to keep your own reasons top of mind. I found it helpful to flip the scrip: not drinking became the default, and I would need a good enough reason to drink. In a year, I haven’t any good reasons to drink.
6. It’s a great time to go sober with a wide variety of NA options on the market and more coming on the market every day. (Some find NA versions of beer, wine, and spirits too much of a trigger. It’s no more acceptable to cajole someone into drinking NA versions than to pressure alcohol consumption.)
7. American society has made alcohol seem inextricably tied to romance, celebration, comfort, and so much more. It’s all lies! Candlelight, kombucha in a nice glass, hot tea, and being fully present for all life’s ups and downs are all great options for enhancing life without a hangover.
8. I can drive any time I want!
9. Many people don’t want to go totally sober because they think it would mean they have a (shameful) problem. Drinking doesn’t mean you’re successfully moderating. Full abstinence doesn’t mean you’re alcoholic. The idea that only alcoholics don’t drink at all is incorrect and driven by a mindset that drinking is universally desirable. It’s not.
10. There’s a lot more time in the day.
11. When I was ready to stop, I no longer looked for “good timing”. Drunk me would never have a stretch of time without planned drinking, and sober me would always have to face certain events sober for the first time at some point. The best time to stop drinking is before it’s a problem; the second best time is now.
12. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to decide you’re done.

IWNDWYT

So I'm looking for some recommendations on how some of you got sober? I'm currently in Cocaine Anonymous but it's just not sitting right with me. It feels like I'm slowly being indoctrinated into a cult. Are there any other programmes that worked for you? I'm in Scotland, UK so there's not a lot out there other than CA/AA/NA. I have came across SMART recovery but unfortunately they don't have meetings in my area. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I'm in the process of getting sober but the last month I've been throwing up multiple times a day and in severe stomach pain. I'm struggling to eat and losing weight rapidly. I could understand withdrawal nausea when I first cut back as I did a big jump to half the drinks I was having but its been weeks and if anything its gotten worse despite me staying consistent with what I'm drinking now. Did anyone else have this issue when getting sober? I'm getting concerned that something else might be going on.

I just need to stay sober for today and it'll all be okay.

I miss cold beer and whiskey. I miss gin and tonics. I miss the taste and the feeling of being drunk.