i 16M and my cousin 15F when we were kids she would beg my mom to stay and we had 2 rooms my brothers room and mine she aways picks mine after that like a few years and then she raped me and i never told anyone what do i do

It’s ghetto nobody cares It should be illegal

I guess I simply need some hugs. I know it's quite weird to ask for virtual hugs but sometimes that's all we need right?

Thank you!

Please any advice on how to stop caring. How to stop being dramatic and emotional. Relationship wise... Help.

I dont want to care anymore

Insta was better with regular

Felt therapeutic

I come from an immigrant family whom have all once lived in Mexico. My brothers, most of my cousins, and I live in America and are all first generation born Americans within the family. I grew up learning English but started speaking Spanish when I was 5 and was mostly only taught my father, the rest of my family and relatives expected me to understand the rest head on. I was decent and understandable for most my childhood before Covid hit, that’s when I stopped visiting relatives and ultimately used English much more. (Mind you, my dad speaks 80% English to me from the start but still taught me on occasion)

I’ve always dealt with being picked at from other Latinos/Chincanos for being pale and “white” looking. I didn’t understand it much until I reached 6th grade. None of it really affected me though until I reached high school. All of my friends are Chicanos and Latinos, they are all great at speaking Spanish (I personally think so) and are darker than me. They joke and poke fun at how pale I am, how little I can speak Spanish, and how overall white washed I am.

It hurts me a lot since my relatives also say these things about me, and anytime I try to speak Spanish I’m apparently too white to say anything right. It’s has taken a toll on my mental health and I often think if I maybe adopted (My sibling are pale but I still think it regardless).

My mother was and still is very pale because she’s from Chihuahua, Mexico and my father is from Durango, Mexico which makes his slightly darker than her.

I want to learn and understand Spanish as strongly as I didn’t when I was younger, but the constant criticism and teasing I get from my friends and family has made me eventually lose hope and motivation to ever get close with my Culture. I almost want to leave and visit a country so I can restart my life and lie about my ethnicity, tell them I’m anything but Me I am because I dread the thought of being told I should look darker and sound more fluent.

This was just a rant but I want to know if it’s okay to not know a language that isn’t needed in my everyday life. I don’t need to learn Spanish to function in my life, but it seems like a must for everyone else. I like studying German anyway.

Hello everyone! My name is Darshini and I wanted to share something with u all to plant a seed of hope and possibility in your minds. I am someone who used to overthink a lot and be very frustrated and in a negative thought pattern cycle. Then I learnt about the ways in which nature works, how this universe is designed, what is life and why are here and why is our life the way it currently is and why different people are born into different life situations etc… I learnt these through various sources and across years out of curiosity of understanding life. Now that I’m implementing and reminding myself of these lessons, whenever a challenge arises or a negative thought arises, I have a convincing answer that I can give my mind and teach it to see things the right way due to which it will slow down and allow me to be at peace. It is when we don’t give our minds convincing answers that it gets us into this negative loop which leads to all sorts of negative experiences.

So, the point is all u have to do is learn to give convincing answers to ur mind and catch yourself when there is negative self talk and reframe it.

It’s very much possible to be calm and peaceful. Giving convincing answers to my mind has done wonders for me. So can it be for u!

Comment “ Hopeful” if you liked this post!

At the wrong time

I worked really hard to Improve myself before covid hit, and even continued to improve during the lock down.

Right before lock downs ended, I got long covid and suffered big time, 2 years of what felt like a sense dread activated 24/7, couldn't enjoy anything anymore.

Slow started getting better about 5 months ago, right before that this new girl starts at my job. We hit it off great, but then I simply rush things and ask her out instead of building a connection and that killed things. I wouldn't say she's my dream girl, but pretty close it.

Just can't help thinking about the adventures we said we want with her, her personality is just great for me. And because of one small misstep, I fumbled things and it seems like the stress of this has brought back the long covid symptoms.

Now it's almost 3 years of constant sadness and no joy, just can't do anything I used to for enjoyment. I had a very small period of time before she started where I felt like myself, now I'm back to " well just tough it out, you can just end it anytime".

I just don't know what to do with myself anymore, it's really hard to meet new people, and significantly harder to find someone who similar hobbies/interests/dreams, and it just hurts knowing what could of been with just a little patience. Just a small misstep and your in the hole.

Thanks to anyone who reads my pity story.

Like a few months ago I decided to go to uni and felt felt excited about moving into accommodation, and legit it was only me and another person in the accommodation 😭, like no real uni accom experience. I don’t go out much, and when I do I feel alone even being around people, I don’t have any real friends, and I legit feel as if I’m going to land a 9-5 for the rest of my life.

Hi I know I’m not like any of the interesting people or story’s but I’m hear to say hello, and how is everyone doing today?

Hey Reddit! I’m sure everyone here has gotten a letter at some point about a data breach or your information has been compromised in some way. It’s possible this information gets leaked out onto the dark web and traded and sold leading to all kinds of havoc with your credit score and potentially fraudulent accounts under your good name. I’ve worked in a call center with T-Mobile and dealt with fraud cases numerous times so here are my modern tips to you all!

• Freeze your credit with all three credit agencies Equifax, TransUnion and Experian. You can do this via the App Store on iOS and Android just look for the freeze button and follow instructions. For extra security you can add a special instruction to contact your cell phone in the event a credit request is performed and they can verify your information directly with you only. Any time you apply using credit you can temporarily uplift the freeze rather easily using the App and set it for one day lift, easy peasy.

• For even more security (if you got a letter) place a “fraud alert” notice on your credit report, this makes ID theft so much harder to do because of the extra verification time that it takes to try and open an account. Yes buying a car will be a bit more of hassle but the peace of mind is totally worth it.

• In regards to your banking or cell phone account you do have options of adding a “special instruction/passcode” to your account that only you will know, this keeps thieves out of trying to hijack your SIM and or banking info. The best pass phrase I ever heard was “screw you” because anyone listening would think it’s a fight, not their password to the account, brilliant! A number or pet name in public will stand out on a call. Seriously the mobile industry needs to make this mandatory to secure accounts from SIM hijackings.

• if your bank ever calls you for a fraud alert politely hang up the phone and call the number on the back of your card. Thieves spoof calls and bank numbers every day! They can sound very legit and convincing so don’t fall for it! Yes it could be legit but ALWAYS CALL BACK! And always beware if they start pushing you to verify information about yourself you know already like DOB and Address about yourself, there’s a high chance a scammer has that info on you already!

• This next one is funny. Your security questions are all sh*t and can be easily guess via social engineering but I have a silly trick! The D+ck password (A boobie version exists too)! Variations of this are up to you with your keyboard.. B===D the =‘s spell “cat” but the password is a D+ck! 😂 Now you can get creative and use numbers for letters, some sites only allow letters so “BoooD” would be “cat” again. With numbers B123D still “cat”, get creative, you can use your mobile number or a memorable series of numbers in place of letters for your security question making it impossible for thieves to guess how to break into your account this way, which is VERY common. As long as you remember your questions are in a “d+ck/boobie” format you will be good, it’s pretty easy to remember! Just remember how you make your version of the d+ck/boobie and follow the site allotments for special characters because some sites don’t allow that for some reason in security questions. For added security make your answers fake to the truthful answer so someone who knows you’re using this method really has no idea what to guess! It’s brilliant! 😇

• For those not close to retirement age I STRONGLY recommend logging into your Social Security account online and DISABLE online access permanently. Thieves are using disability claims left and right against this younger generation and claiming your money and you have no idea it happened via your social security number account online. Disable the online management and BAM you should be golden, when it’s time to claim social security find your local office and apply in person! This won’t stop brave thieves from stealing your Drivers License ID and putting their pic on it and going into the office but it requires a lot of balls to do so! Usually not worth the risk of being on camera! But they are using PO BOXES for getting your social security checks, if your online account has a PO BOX listed I strongly recommend contacting your local FBI office and report it!

• Another new modern tip, don’t use your cell phone number for account recovery methods. MITM attacks via SMS is becoming stupidly easy, same with number spoofing. And using an authentication app is being questionable due to the advancement in hackers abilities to secretly get into your phone via the App Stores and if your codes are synced to an account like Microsoft Authenticator and your Live account gets compromised that way, you are done for. My best advice is to use a physical security key along with a complex password only and not set a recovery email either unless it’s setup as stated with my tips. This will make your accounts so much more protected and if you use gmail enroll in the Advanced Protection Program, it’s free. I recommend a security key like Yubico because you can set a pin on it rather than just pushing the button to unlock on other keys like the Titan from Google. Plus Yubico costs less than a Titan, I own both so I know from experience.

• Someone brought this to my attention. Unknown callers! Yes you can Google the number but I have another better free option www.TruePeopleSearch.com and the reverse phone lookup, it’s scary good and provides you a TON of free information about the caller! Plus looking yourself up on TruePeopleSearch can reveal a ton of information about YOU! You have the option to remove your data from the site completely down at the bottom of the page, highly recommend to those fighting the data brokers who seek your information to just any website!! WhitePages.com is also a good one but they do charge a fee for certain bits of information, sometimes it’s worth it (use the virtual debit card tip coming up next!)

• Apple Pay Cash 17.4.1 now offers virtual card options and I prefer that over an option like Privacy.com which my account was compromised even with MFA setup😳 Never use your actual debit card online, virtual cards can be generated from iOS 17.4.1 using Apple Cash and I personally believe it’s more secure than Privacy.com because I was compromised on that site.. Virtual cards offer way higher protection and minimize risk to yourself online when shopping or paying for something! This was a great tip brought to my attention and I thank the person who brought it up! 👍🙏☺️

Following these above steps will bring you to a modern level of security and confidence against online thieves in the world. You are all welcome 🙏

I apologize ahead of time if this is difficult to read or interpret for some, i have a reading disability and have trouble writing smoothly which i am working on. This is just a little bit of a rant, and i don't want to be judged for feeling this way, Lol. I'm just so sick of inflation during these times. For background, i'm a 22 yo F who is majorly financially struggling. I was a dog groomer for a while and made pretty good money, but left the field for many reasons and went back to college. (that's a story for another time) and i could not for the life of me find a job that will pay enough to even just survive, i am going paycheck to paycheck. Now it probably dosent help that i have my pets (i've had them since i started grooming and was making a lot of money, im not gonna give them up and they still go to the vet , get training, are fed and very happy) But life is just so tough right now. My college is almost 3k a term depending on how many classes i take, and i didn't get accepted for financial aid because my dad makes too much and i live at home. I live at home because i have my dogs and finding a pet friendly rental is nearly impossible especially with a shepherd and a mastiff. I will never give up my cats and dogs would rather sleep in my car. Apartments are also almost 2-3k a month in my area for a one bedroom and i think it's just insanity. I make $15 an hour which is minimum wage in my state and absolutely cannot afford to live on my own. Sometimes i beat myself up and feel like i need to be further along in life. Groceries are nearly impossible to afford and im lucky my parents will buy if i cook. I was on food stamps when i was unemployed but they wont give them back to me since i make minimum wage. I can never go out or spend money on myself because its just so expensive. I can't afford a new car because i barley have any money saved as all of it goes to bills. Additionally, i have a partner who is living with me at my parents (22 yo M) who also struggles to save money because of bills. Is anybody else struggling with this right now?

I have been exposed to bullying, bullying, theft, fraud, harassment, family problems, problems in my love life, reprimands

and I suffer from addiction, jealousy issues

difficult financial conditions, in addition to Egypt’s economic problems, high prices and taxes, in addition to non-existent daily wages. (1.5-2-3 dollars a day)

and an extremely bad education. I am still in the tenth grade (the first in high school), even though I am supposed to be in the eleventh grade (the second in high school), and this issue is destroying my psychological state more and more. Why do I see people of the same age as me in the twelfth grade when I am still in the tenth year?

My parents’ financial condition is extremely low. My parents earn approximately 25 thousand pounds (less than 500 dollars) a month, and I work against my will for less than a dollar a day, and my parents force me. I have been working since I was in the eighth grade.

I hate my life, I hate this country, and I hate this educational system in this country I really really want to leave this country

I am good at many things, such as physics, literary sciences, mathematics, and hardware engineering. I will start doing programming and accounting

but the educational system is in Egypt is extremely low, and there is no school day at school. Everyone depends on expensive private lessons, and I do not go to most of them due to financial circumstances. I dont know Why should I face all these difficulties at the beginning of my life, when I am only 16 years old, if that will happen? When I turn 25?

Some times i thinking about killing my self and thats it But in the religion (Islam), if I kill myself, I will go to hell

(And do not kill yourselves. Indeed, God is Most Merciful to you)

(The Holy Qur’an - Surat An-Nisa’, Verse 29)

: “Whoever falls from a mountain,” meaning: he falls from above it intentionally and dies, then he will fall into the fire of Hell and will fall therein, immortal and eternal. As a reward for his work.

The Messenger Muhammad, may God bless him and grant him peace

Even when I was thinking about suicide, I did not feel that it was the best solution away from my religious beliefs, and I did not feel that I wanted to die to end my tragic life, and I always felt that there was another solution, but what is it?

One of the thing that ruined my mental health completely is my parents make me work Compulsory since I was in grade 8

I see all my friends dont work even in summer vacation and i was working full time in summer vacation and part time in the school year

I dont have console and i dont have pc i dont even have a good android phone My phone is cheap Samsung phone came out in 2021 (galaxy a02) 32/3 All my friends have good phones and iphones and they dont work what about me ? :(

I want to leave this country asap or stop working only until i finish my high school in july 2026 or until I reach 18 years old in nov 2025 :(

I have adhd،Social phobia, tons of mental issues,childhood trauma I am a very sensitive person and I cry over literally anything even though I am a boy and gonna be 18 next year

My 1st grandpa deid in 1982 2nd in 1994 My grandma died in 2021 2nd deid this year in February

I made this post because i dont have any one to talk all my friends are pusy with there lifes and i dont know what to do any more with my life My parents always keep saying "u r a man now" "U have to work 12 hours" "u r not kid any more" All of this fked up my mental health completely and idk if i have a mental health any more

If u wanna talk private we can talk on whatsapp better 01142131423

I 41f found out yesterday a very close friend of mine 47m passed away last Friday. I was able to attend the service for him today because I didn't want to regret not going. We met in 2001 and kept in touch for the most part. There would be times we lost touch with one another for a while but we always found our way back to each other. There was only friendship between us but only because when we would find each other one or both of us were in relationships. I love and care about him so much and I regret not making more of an effort to be in his life. I feel so heartbroken. I don't know all the details of his death and I don't know how to get answers. I feel so lost. Hopefully he is at peace. I love you Brad and I wish you were here.

im a teen, female. i dont think of myself as a likeable or good person, i was in this group of girls and then stopped talking to them and became friends again with my childhood friends. now we fight occasionally and like its a trio, so it feels one sided and all, i think its my fault? maybe my personality, i dont know.

i used to think i was intelligent, but i got 34/100 in my maths exam, and like my dad thinks its because i have a big ego (i didnt wanna go for tuitions bc i thought i was prepared for it), my mom is a housewife, she wanted to be a fashion designer and quit, she expects me to leave everything and go to new york or paris to study fashion. my dad wants me to go to an ivy league (computer science) ive never gotten an A in my report card for maths like ever. everytime i sit down to study my brain gets all foggy and i cant retain anything.

im not athletic either, i love football, i joined an academy in october, i want to play professionally, but after a few months i started skipping, and i support fc barcelona, and they literally went trophy less this season 55 minutes earlier, i feel so demotivated. no matter how much i pray god that things get better, they dont. it has me questioning whether God is real.

and im certainly not pretty, im 5’5, 58kg, im the only person in my family who has glasses in 3 generations, my jaw was too small and i needed an expander, now its fine but i have a tooth gap. i cant go a day without wearing mascara or highlighter (only makeup i wear tho). im kinda immature, i get mad when i lose during board games and stuff, and i cry when barca loses.

im completely broken down, like this is my ending point. im only 14. i wanna kms. i have no motivation, its my summer break rn, 27 more days, i dont know what to do with myself.

Looking at my brother’s life I’m so proud of what he’s built. He hasn’t had it easy but also had some good luck here and there. I’ve had some awful luck that has meant my life has become very small and hardly worth living. I’m so sad. Life really is unfair.

Not a good one ,

My thoughts are running rampant today, someone tell a funny story or something idfk

I have a feeling that for the last 10 or so years since I became a little too self conscious and OCD(self diagnosed of course) has become a daily occurrence, I have had a hard time articulating my thoughts. I have a hard time functioning as a result, and have become so self critical that it has become downright toxic.

Two years ago, just after my wedding which was totally ruined/ crashed by my family, I saw no way out, I wanted to end it all but I remembered a time which I told a friend that suicide hotlines are there for a reason, you're loved.

So I called one.

'Your call cannot be connected at the moment, please try again later...BEEP'

the irony of it all made me laugh, I was laughing and crying all at once and it made me realise maybe it's not my time to go, I'm now living in a new country, with my awesome husband, I've cut contact with my family (except one brother, who's always been close to me) And I'm so glad that line was busy.

Basically I'm 17 years old

I don't have my life together and I really need to, I have an ID and pretty much nothing else :/

I am also turning 18 in 3 months and my mother is always arguing and screaming at me for stuff I didn't even do no one ever gives a shit either when I explain I didn't do anything I hate living with her she doesn't help me at all and never will and I've already been to the hospital and had to get stitches for suicide attempts a few years ago I honestly hate living with her and I am always am threatened that I'll get kicked out which makes things worse because if I do I won't have no where to go and the thought of that just makes me want to end it all if that was to happen and my father passed away when I was 12 and everyone else in my family lives far away or can't really help

I have no one to guide me with life I have no idea what to do or where to start to even begin leaving if anything does happen what should I start doing?

How should I start to begin going my own way in life I don't even have a bank account and I am unsure if I am able to make one as I only have my ID please someone help me or even message me if you are able to I am really stuck and I don't have long left till im 18 which then it can only get worse I also have very bad anxiety and ADHD I see social workers sometimes but I haven't been out with one since mid last year I really just need good advice on where to start

Also for me its hard to go out and do stuff I get really anxious I just wish I had some easy way to get through life ;/

​

Also I am from Australia

Hi, i am 29M, single and unemployed. Due to previous work experience(tough working conditions plus minimum salary) I concluded that employment was never for me. And so I ventured into business which went well for a while until my late father passed 2 years ago. After dad’s passing i had to ditch my not there yet but growing business to look after maa and whatever pops left behind as tradition requires the first born son would do. Challenges came, we adjusted.. and eventually everything fell in place. Fast forward to today,after so much energy and time i put in back home,scavenging all inheritance that was almost lost, helping maa get on her feet with her own business, help sell everything that was almost obsolete from dads past business… now i am required to leave with no cash and help out start life again on my own. I just wish i never came back home to help out after dad’s passing, i wish all inheritance was lost and maa business crumbled down like mine did. I wish i could have escaped and never looked back at anything or anyone that i thought mattered. I feel like i have been played with life and theres not a thing i can do about it

I've been blunt in feelings and emotions and had no desires from a long time ago, I looked it up in internet, it's some kind of PTSD. But recently I had this feeling like I'm kind of wanting to break free from this status. Accurately speaking, like I'm between these two status.

The first status is the one I'm currently in. the second is the one I had a long time ago, I had when I was a child, when I remember what happened when I was a kid, when everything in this world are colorful, when the feelings and emotions are so intense and tangible, when I can bust my ass for a stupid thing, when I can cry or laugh for something, when I can love or hate someone so much, when I had hope for future.

I realized that the only thing that stops me from leaving current status is that, in the future, I may go through some very difficult or desperate time over and over again, those feelings may one day hurt me so hard again. And besides, hope is a good thing, but it turns to a bad thing if I can't relize it, then it'll bring me misery.

Maybe all I need is a reason: Why am I supposed to live in a REAL world/life/feeling even if it hurts. Maybe living in this PTSD is not that bad, yeah, it's not colorful, but at least, it doesn't hurt

The feeling of working outside is very different from that of living with my parents, and sometimes I will be squeezed by the leaders at work. Because my home is far from the place of work, I choose to live in the dormitory of the company, which often makes a loud noise in the middle of the night, leading to my poor sleep state. The company is also poor, but the work content is relatively easy. Do you suggest I change my company or rent a house by myself? I've been thinking about this for a long time about what would be better.

As I get older, I come face to face with the reality of growth and everything that comes with it. I’m only 23, Im grown mothafuckin adult, but I still feel stuck between that and a kid just trying to find his way. Partly because I’ve felt behind others, growing up I wasn’t very social; I had lots of anxiety undiagnosed autism and adhd, and I was homeschooled so making friends was difficult and I just didn’t have that actual life experience. Most of the friends I had were strictly online homies.

2 years ago (2022) I made a homie ($pooky) and he is like family to me, love his family they’ve helped me so much and they’ve all been there more than my own family has. I did a lot of stupid shit with him was getting fucked up every night, driving around Tooele being a clumsy menace in a Chrysler 300, going on a shroom binge, makin homies and had a group to hang with, I felt alive for the first time in my life. I knew even while in the moment that it wouldn’t be like that forever, I was going to be looking back at them as “the good old days” so I recorded every special moment I could for fear of forgetting them.

2023 comes around and shit hit the fan for me, a break I went through had me all types of messed up, I couldn’t hold a job down, car issues, was practically homeless for awhile, I got distant with homies and homies got distant with me, all of this happening while Im dissociated and slowly losing my mind. I broke down the night that homie moved to Cali cause it marked the beginning of the end, maybe that was just the fear talking cause everyone else I ever loved eventually just faded out or forgot about me and It always happened like it was nothing too. So I was scared cause I didn’t want to lose another.

It kinda stuck with me, and homie acknowledged it himself, he had already lived life. Been through the parties, the girls, the drama, the moments where they’re just chillin with the homies, getting into stupid shit, being stupid kids and making memories out of mistakes. They’d gone through it all already so they was starting to slow down and mature out of it, for me I was just getting started. At the same time my mental health deteriorated so much that I didn’t even care I’d rather just cut everyone off and be alone, fact is I’ve never been a social person and I don’t like parties so for me it’s all about those random moments and the time spent with each other. I’ve enjoyed my isolation and I’ve healed a lot, it’s just sad to think that those days and those moments with the people I loved more than anything are gone and I will never have them again.

Of course I’m bound to still make new memories, new friends, all that jazz, life is far from over, but.. it’s not the same. Me and another homie “Uncle” grew up together as family friends and were brothers through and through. We had these dreams of forming a music group, performing, we was the dynamic duo Fr Fr, we had the image everything basically laid out but weren’t able to record like that cause of shit we were dealing with at the time. I slowly came to the realization that it was more of my idea than his, for awhile he was part of it and was serious like I was, but overtime he lost that passion for it ig, I was the only coming with ideas and I’d try and ask him to get involved and to record with me and he just wasn’t interested. It hurts cause those were key moments for me, the songs we had written I still would love to see finished, but it’s obvious he’s moved on to other things and that’s good for him, I’m proud and I’m happy for him, he should do what he wants in life. We’ve grown distant in general tho and we don’t have that bond anymore it feels like so it all just kinda hurts.

To come to a conclusion, it hurts to watch those special moments fade out and become less and less frequent. Lowkey I think that’s why a lot of people become bitter as they get older, the old hopes and dreams fall apart, those moments of emotionally intimacy don’t happen very often, that imagination and youthful stride becomes suppressed by the mundanity of everyday life. It hurts to see old friends grow on to do their own thing, it hurts to go on a mission by yourself that originally, all your partners were planned to be a part of. It hurts to say goodbye.

Hi everyone, i’ve been debating making a post like this for a while now but today set me off. On January 1st I moved states to live with my brother in hopes of getting back on my feet since rent in Colorado is ridiculous and I was barely surviving there. I have been trying to find work since then that’s either remote or nearby because my car keeps having issues and i’m out of money to fix it. I applied at an insurance company and was required to take a state exam to obtain my license to sell insurance, however I failed twice and i’m out of money to retest for now. Aside from the insurance company, I’ve had zero luck getting hired anywhere else and I really don’t get why as I feel like I have enough experience for all the jobs i’ve applied for. This morning I woke up to find out a colleague I thought could be trusted, changed the password to my business account on Instagram and completely removed me from accessing it and in the process getting the friend group and a bunch of other people that followed it to turn against me by spreading false information trying to tarnish my name and make himself look like the good guy. I don’t know what to do at this point as I feel like i’ve been kicked while i’m down repetitively and it’s just not stopping. I want something good to happen or just to get a job so I can help support my spouse but it’s like I just can’t get something to go my way. Thanks for listening

I turned 19 seven months ago, and while I used to enjoy playing video games, I don't really find anything interesting these days. Instead, I work at a warehouse from 2:30 pm to 10:30 pm, come home, sleep, and repeat. What's strange is that on the weekends, I do nothing but wait until Monday to return to work. I recently got a motorcycle and go to to the gym. I feel thrilled about it, but I'm afraid I'll kill myself on the bike. No one around me seems to understand how bad I'm feeling, and to be honest, all I want is a reason for my actions.