Sometimes you don't realize how far you've come until you look back and see where you've started...that's exactly how I felt yesterday.

I discovered my old notes from 2014, where I had listed resolutions for the person I wanted to be. It was about my life in general: health, relationships, career, hobbies.. It was the only time I'd ever made a resolution board, and honestly, I didn't do anything with it. I just put my thoughts on paper. But yesterday, when I looked at those notes, I was amazed by how much I've already achieved.

I'm not talking about massive success, it's the small things, like carving out time for my hobbies, having a small family of my own, a garden to enjoy our late dinners in, a steady exercising routine.

So I was truly inspired by how far I've come. Yet at the same time I couldn't shake off this feeling of sadness, because I hardly ever looked back to even notice it.

I often feel like I'm not doing enough and that I should try harder, optimize more, and grow faster. It's never enough, and always needs to be better. Yet, here I am, actually making it happen. Not fully, but quite visibly. I am growing, but these changes are hard to see in the day-to-day grind.

So it was a moment of inspiration for me and reminded me how important it is to look back more often, to celebrate what I've done and not get stuck with what I still would like to do. It was truly moving for me, and I wanted to share it - maybe it'll spark a similar moment for someone else, will help to appreciate the journey and all the positive changes we make.

Core Values for life, work or relationships matter.

You can have a mix of these core values which defines you as a person. You may identify with some and not with others. It's okay.

Choose yours and it will all be okay. Some of the highly selected core values are

1. Authenticity
2. Trustworthiness
3. Leadership
4. Zen
5. Happy

What's yours?

I spent 2019-2023 in a strict Zen training monastery in Japan with a renowned Zen master.

Here are the 15 main things I learned during that time:

​

1. Get Up Before Dawn
2. Cleaning Your Room Is Cleaning Your Mind
3. The Quality of Your Posture Influences The Quality of Your Thoughts
4. Master Your Breathing To Master Your Mind
5. A Mind Without Meditation Is Like A Garden Without A Mower
6. Life Is Incredibly Simple, We Overcomplicate It
7. We Live In Our Thoughts, Not Reality
8. Comfort Is Killing Us
9. Time Spent In Community Nourishes The Soul
10. Focus On One Thing and Do It Wholeheartedly
11. You're Not Living Life, Life Is Living You
12. There's No Past or Future
13. I Am A Concept
14. Every Moment Is Fresh, But Our Mental Filters Kill Any Sense of Wonder
15. The Human Organism Thrives On A More Natural Lifestyle

Here are my questions with real life examples about this spritual teaching (taught by many spiritual masters like Buddha, Krishnamurti, Osho, Sadghuru) who say we should destroy our likes and dislikes or ignore them completely:

• Should we not give an opinion about anything in daily conversations? For example let's say a partner and I want to go to a dinner and we reply with "I don't care, there is no I" - no preferences, individual standpoint about anything in our daily lives? I doubt most potential partners would enjoy that..
• Can we be universal (awareness that in meditative state we are all one, pure consciousness) and individual (with our unique body/mind connections, likes/dislikes, innate/biological tendencies that drive us towards certain direction) and still be considered spritual or is destroying one needed to experience the other?
• Should we stay at a job when we realize we don't like it at all and it doesn't bring inner fulfilment?
• If we enjoy getting tattooed, can we get a tattoo of something we personally like or be indifferent about our likes and dislikes and just get something random.. (I ask because that wouldn't make any sense)?
• Are some of our likes and dislikes innate/biological, in which case we shouldn't think about every single attraction as conditioning (one of the questions I'm most curious about since a born poet is attracted to different things than a born mathematician: all having their own unique geniuses)?
• Should we date anyone that comes our way regardless of our taste (since we can't have preferences based on this teaching)?
• Should we befriend/date people that are drug addicts or criminals since we can't dislike anyone?
• Should we completely ignore traits we dislike at potential dating partners (toxicity, passive aggressive personality, or bad habits - like smoking)?
• Should we delete all our favorite music that speaks to our soul and makes us feel like we're on the top of the world?
• Should we quit all our hobbies that we enjoy doing since we no longer like anything (whether it's poetry, art, music, etc...)?
• Should we forget about our passions since we're not allowed to like or dislike anything?
• How can we follow our heart when we search for a career, a partner we enjoy spending time with or anything in life if we have zero likes and dislikes?
• When i tried implementing this teaching I just ended up dissociated and miserable and it didn't do any good for my mental health (a lot of teachings completely transformed my life but I feel like this one isn't for me), with spirituality I removed myself from society conditioning and now freely enjoy being myself and my likes/dislikes that were previously covered by external factor, were accepted or newly discovered, is this 100% necessary for spiritual path?
• Should we ignore even our intuition about things we enjoy or love doing, new people we meet, dangerous places we go to..?
• Should we be indifferent about every single thing in our life?

P.S. : The time when I was completely indifferent about what I like or dislike and was indifferent about every single thing in the world was when I had severe depression that I had to be hospitalised for (wasn't a result of spiritual practice tho).

Your answer can be a general one or it can answer some of the questions I asked. Feel free to correct me/give your own insight if I misinterpreted the teaching or the way it should be applied into our daily lives.

Thank you!

Hey guys! I'm curious to hear if you have any tips, tricks, or rituals that help you strike a balance between being efficient and enjoying the moment. I practice mindfulness as much as I can but I'm open to incorporating more

edit: thanks guys!

Dissociation is a coping mechanism, a problem with attention control that involves an unintentional avoidance of focusing on the present. It is sometimes present in those with PTSD. In contrast, mindfulness is basically the opposite: it is the intentional practice of focusing on the present (in a nonjudgemental manner).

Considering many use mindfulness as a zen habit, it seems appropriate to mention here that scientists are seeing a pattern that shows the use of mindfulness to ease symptoms of dissociation - but because the best study so far involved self reporting, it cannot be taken as proof.

Disclaimer: mindfulness would not be recommended as a replacement for psychotherapy or trauma therapy and is not considered a primary treatment for pathological dissociation nor dissociative identity disorder. Therapists also recognize that mindfulness could do more harm than good for certain individuals (those still traumatized, those with repressed unresolved emotions, and/or those not ready/able to give up the dissociative coping mechanism).

Sources

1. "Mindfulness Meditation Leads To Increased Dispositional Mindfulness And Interoceptive Awareness Linked To A Reduced Dissociative Tendency" NIH, PubMed, D'Antoni, 2022.
2. "Mindfulness and Dissociation: Two Competing Opposing States?", Now About Meditation, Clayton Micallef, 3/8/24.

Hello everyone,

Recently, I've found myself increasingly drawn to the teachings and philosophy of Buddhism. The concepts of mindfulness, compassion, and inner peace really resonate with me, and I'm eager to delve deeper into this ancient tradition.

I'm reaching out to this community to seek recommendations for books that provide a comprehensive introduction to Buddhism. Whether it's an overview of its history, its core principles, or practical guides for incorporating Buddhist practices into daily life, I'm open to all suggestions.

If you have a favorite book that helped you understand Buddhism better or one that significantly impacted your spiritual journey, I would love to hear about it! Personal recommendations often carry invaluable insights that go beyond what you might find in a simple online search.

Thank you in advance for any recommendations or insights you can offer. I'm truly excited to embark on this journey of discovery and growth.

I hope you're all well!

My name is Aiza, I have been practicing meditation for about two years now. With meditation I found my peace habits, I enjoy power yoga and walking. Now I'd love to find like minded people to share experiences and find support.

The topic I've been thinking about is:

1. What could be a reason for you to find meditations difficult?

2. How did you start meditating? What was the "reason" for your first meditation?

At times, we find ourselves in a dilemma where it becomes difficult to distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. In such situations, we tend to overthink and this often leads to conflicts. However, we must understand that these are just social conventions that we have created. What may seem right to one person may seem wrong to another. surely This concept of right or wrong has made it possible to maintain society. But we often forget this fact and cause unnecessary mental conflict. It is important to be aware of this fact so that we can have a more peaceful state of mind.

I'm looking to discover new hobbies that can help me enter that focused and meditative flow state—without actually meditating. I'm currently taking up embroidery and I'm enjoying it so far. Currently looking for more calming hobbies to try so I'd love to hear your ideas. Thanks!

Hi. It’s been 8 months now… my alarm clock wakes me up, but i automatically put it off and keep sleeping for hours and hours until it’s 2pm…

after waking up, at least i get shit done. go to gym, be productive, eat smth proper

and then again going to bed is difficult again, thinking again…

i think way too much

i did many coping things i’m even writing a whole book for myself because writing is the best way for me to get the emotions out of my heart

but still, the going to sleep and waking up, is super hard..

a way that worked for me is to wake up in the morning and immediately tackle a task. this reallyyyy helped, but: i kinda avoided all my thoughts, and at evening they came back double strong which makes going to sleep hard and long.

my best friend says i need more time. but i don’t want to waste so much of my precious time…

another thing that helped me, is to go to sleep and wake up with a woman. but i don’t think this is the way to go. i don’t think this is a solution.

please help me guys

For those of you near the ocean

or a lake

Consider going later in the day

When the crowd has thinned

Stay a while

Maybe Lay

Maybe sit

Close your eyes if you wish

Calm your mind

Listen to the sound of the waves

Let memories of waves elsewhere come to mind

One by one.

As the waves approach imagine them

Pouring over you peace

As they recede

They take with them.

your troubles

One wave at a time.

They fill you with peace

They wash away your worries.

I'm working on a new habit to recharge during those short workday breaks. I'm quite good at managing my energy overall, but those 10-15 minute gaps are tricky. I often fall into the trap of scrolling through my phone for a quick dopamine hit, but that usually leaves me even more drained and feeling guilty for wasting my time.

So to help myself break that habit, I made a list of energizing activities. When I need a break, I just look at it for inspiration instead of grabbing my phone out of habit. It's a tough change, but I'm sure it will get easier with time.

My list is just shorter versions of what I do when I have more time: read a few pages of a book, watch an interview or educational video, make a to-do list for the rest of the week (it's meditative to me), do pushups or burpees, or go outside for a few minutes.

If you don't make use of short breaks, I totally suggest to try it. I honestly see the immediate effect and it helps me to be more productive and creative throughout the day, and I'm not as tired in the evenings.

As we all recharge in different ways, I'd love to hear what works for you, and perhaps add something to my routine.

Thanks and have a great day!

Should I do both every day?

Do you guys avoid one over the other?

I'm trying to understand if it is recommended to do both every day and if there are other types of soto zen meditation that you know.

Thank you so much.

Everyone has different ways of communicating and understanding different styles can be valuable to gain new perspectives.

However, a trend that is starting to irk me are a few people in my life who are scared to have certain honest conversations so they make jokes about what they can’t discuss by saying a harsh sounding statement and adding ‘lol' at the end.

Depending on the individual, I know how to address the conversation but the trend of adding ‘lol’ at the end continues..

Have others come to accept this trend as normal? Do those who do so think they are actually being kinder by doing so?

My Dad went to some kind of New Age Workshop and when he came home, he didn’t speak for a week. A homework assignment maybe. Drove my mother nuts.

That’s a bit extreme.

As part of hospice volunteer training we did exercises in active listening (repeating back what you heard/understood so a person feels heard).

Then I moved. New hospice training program. Different approach. We would lead new volunteers through a listening exercise telling volunteers to pair up. One person describes something emotional (could be true or fiction) the other person is to listen but attempt to refrain from the sorts of affirmations (nodding the head, uh-huh, or even positive statements) that for many of us are engrained. Nope. Just listen. Don’t interrupt at all. No nodding of the head. Stillness.

The premise in this is that we may think the other person is needing/wanting confirmation that we are listening. We may think they want affirmations (that they are a good person or we approve or they did the right thing) but more often, what is best for healing and for bonding is focused listening. Take your approval out of the conversation. This isn’t about you. It’s about them. Give them only your full attention anc your heart.

I pull on this skill sometimes (but more often might be even better).

Over the past few years I've noticed a pattern emerge. I'm increasingly unable to take criticism, whether it's aimed at myself, my family, or my country. Even if I know the criticism isn't wrong, I can't stop myself getting really worked up and defensive.

Some examples: my husband is a foreign national living in my country and if I hear him saying anything critical/negative about my country or the people, I get incredibly defensive for some stupid reason. Or if he has some criticism of my family I just instantly feel angry and defensive - even if deep down I know he's right! It's created a few arguments. I'm a bit more forgiving if it's aimed at me. There's less anger/defensiveness and more feeling hurt and attacked.

I haven't always been like this and I know it's a reflection of my deeper self that clearly needs some work. I remember a time a few years back that I reached my peak "chill" level and could take things slowly and reasonably. I don't know what changed. It's a toxic trait I want to work on. Any advice other than "just be able to take criticism"? Because in the moment I can't think reasonably.

I am a pretty chill person in general, but still growing my emotional intelligence as i work through past traumas. So for example, when it comes to dating after being out of the game for years, if i meet someone i like, i have no chill lol; i over text, i get excited and lose all patience. How do you handle this ?

This may be the wrong sub for this, but zen is where my path leads, so hopefully some insight here…

Intelligence has been ingrained in me since I was a child. The pursuit for knowledge and the thirst for the truth are ever present. A few years ago, however, I realized that being “right” isn’t always right.

Feelings are much more important than the constant reminder that facts don’t always trump positive vibes and peaceful interactions.

I guess I’m writing because at a certain point in a heated argument with a loved one, (whether it be my wife or some of my best friends) I’ve realized that being right doesn’t really matter. DOING right by the ones you love, is a much more generous and peaceful way of life.

My issue is that I don’t always realize this until after I’ve said something in a way I could be more caring towards the other person about. This isn’t to say I fly off the handle, or get angry, but sometimes temperatures rise. Ultimately, once calm, the arguments end up getting rehashed and I realize my where I went wrong, but the majority of the time, my misstep, seems like only a small detail that escalates into a much larger fight.

Once in that situation, I naturally end up on the defensive end of things. When I realize I’m wrong, I admit it, and apologize immediately. In the case that I can’t see where I went wrong, I go in, and most of the time “for the kill.” This usually results in being berated and/or gaslit, and later, I find myself thinking “what did I do wrong?”

I am very self-aware, and realize I’m not perfect, and in fact, far from it, but where does the line between being right and conceding to a loved one, for peace’s sake exist?

Some days, my mom would drive me there, to my friend’s house. We played cards, a game called war, but stretched out in a long line of cards on the floor. She showed me the hiding place on their stair landing, maybe part of the underground railroad during pre-revolutionary war.

But on our best days, my mom did not drive me: we would walk towards each other through woods and fields, from our houses, to meet half-way.

I tracked her down on the internet decades later to thank her for her friendship years back. Times with her were happy times. That is enough to deserve a thank you, even if belated. She got wealthy during those years in-between. Leer-jet wealthy.

The best memory (not the day she taunted the bull, nope, that was a bit scary)…

The best day she took me to a circle of green grass (greener than the surrounding grass, maybe 8 feet in diameter). Softer too. Much softer. I hadn’t known grass that soft existed. We lay down to watch the clouds and chill and enjoy the softness.

“Maybe it was from grass seed planted for a putting green,” she said decades later.

This was my earliest memory of zen. Softest grass. Friend next to me. In silence. Watching clouds.