And i am starting to feel more optimistic every day. which is a new feeling for me. I was just over being a “wah wah” and feeling like everyone was against me, trying to make me fail in life. i was the only one doing that, every time I picked up, or stuck that needle in my arm. And now I can have the job I want and deserve, and not lose that job. And make something of myself & for my son. He needs a clean mother, and that’s what he’s getting. So i am incredibly happy. I actually laugh at funny shows, because it’s funny, not because i feel like i have to. I have color in my cheeks & I actually eat and have gained weight since. I’m still struggling with the weight gain, because i am a recovering anorexic as well. But I eat every day, instead of once every 4 days. I hope I can keep this momentum, especially because i finally stopped talking to all those who are not good for me, and of course blocked the dealer, which i never have before. That was a huge mistake for sure. So now, i don’t have those distractions. Now i feel like the only way to go is up. 🤞🏻🤞🏻💜

I'm in the process of searching for a rehab program for a 13 year old girl. We've been having severe problems with her over the last two years and have tried every other option. She's been drinking immensely, using large amounts of marijuana, and doing any drug she can get her hands on including overdosing on a muscle relaxer and stealing opioids from multiple people. She's been expelled from 2 schools in the last year and is currently homeschooled, but she won't do any work. She has a long history of self harm and suicidal ideation and is known to be sexually actively with multiple boys.

I'm looking for any good recommendations in South Carolina, North Carolina, or Georgia that would take someone as young as her. I'm very worried about unknowingly putting her in a abusive program, so programs with personal experience would be preferred. Thank you all in advance.

Hey everyone. My (19M) gf (28F) is addicted to Kratom and has been for a few years. It really affects her life, she can't walk and can barley eat becuase she's so naseous from it. She's 6 6 and weights 130 pounds. I'm just, so worried about her and idk what to do. She said she quit for awhile but got back on it because of mental health issues. Quittting smoking was way easier for her than even this.

Its hard for us too because of our situation. We're long distance, and she's, well, struggling. Kratom and being trans has made it so she can't work, one because she's constantly nauseous, and two Kansas politicians are fascists in all but name. Her state has an extremely strict work requirement for Medicare, and most places won't even hire her because she can't get her ID changed anymore, and discrimination is extremely prevalent. I want to help her but idk how. I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub to post this, I'm just so worried.

Hey! My problem is funny for those of you who are here for substance abuse or gambling as I'm hooked on 2 game franchises for about 25 years already. Obviously on and off with breaks . But there are new iterations pretty often, it is VERY time consuming and I also regret the money which I spent on it. I've lost so much time on them but with each new edition, expansion I'm dragged again - I guess I'm the target audience. So how not to relapse again? I mean obviously I've had breaks for up to one year, multiple times But each and every time there is sth new I'm back and still feel the same thrill initially. I don't have this issue with other games I don't regret time or money spent on other games as they have never taken me over to this extent. So any real life advice on how to keep it under the radar and don't get excited Long Term is welcome! Producers know the players and their needs very well and use different psychological tricks to keep us excited.

Addiction is a daily battle, but one day, one minute, one second at a time is how you overcome addiction. I’ve struggled with porn on and off for years, since I was a kid. Regardless of what the addiction is, remember it’s one day at a time and 1% of improvement everyday adds up over time.

Addictions are outlets and coping mechanisms for personal things many times. Me personally I’ve found the gym, eating healthy, and journaling to be what helps.

Don’t try to take on everything at once and overwhelm yourself. Think about what matters, and what you want for yourself. Will you even remember what was bothering you the day before or just a few hours ago? Is it worth becoming stressed and overwhelmed over? Focus on one day at a time and your priorities. Surround yourself with better people if you know certain friends aren’t good for you. Focus on what you CAN control, not what you can’t.

My (32f) husband (36m) is a recovering alcoholic, but had been sober for almost 10 years. I never knew the addict side of him because he’s been sober since I’ve known him, but did share he struggled with alcohol, cocaine and sex addiction in the past before going to rehab. When we met, he was going to 3 weekly AA meetings and seeing a psychologist

After being together for 6 years we decided to book a couples trip to Thailand. When we got on this vacation I noticed that my husband started drinking casually. I was worried and mentioned he shouldn’t be, but it seemed to only be a few drinks so I figured it was fine. Throughout the vacation the drinking started to progress to the point of him drinking 12+ drinks a day and getting loud, obnoxious and slurring/stumbling. He started asking the bartenders to make him drinks at 8am, and I knew this was a worrisome. The quiet, kind man I married was being nasty to me and loud to everyone else. That night I brought it to his attention and he started yelling, telling me to F off (he’s never done) and saying I’m controlling. I told him he’s a recovering alcoholic and shouldn’t be drinking, but that only made him angrier. That night he stormed out of the hotel room and said “fuck you im going to drink”. I was shocked and angry but I ultimately let him go drink because I was honestly scared of him in that moment

Fast forward to 2am and I go looking for him around the hotel and he’s nowhere to be found. I ask hotel staff and others and nobody has seen him. I called my husband 1000 times no answer, I called our family back home and nobody could get a hold of him. He finally comes walking in the door at 8 am looking so mortified. When I asked where he was he said he got so drunk that he stayed in a hotel because he drank so much he was puking. He hops in the shower and I find cocaine in his pocket. I’m absolutely shocked because he’s been sober for our entire relationship and the drinking and drugs is all new to me. When I asked if he did cocaine he denies it, then I show him the bag and he starts crying. He says that’s why he stayed at the hotel. But the story didn’t make sense so I kept questioning him as to why he came home the next morning and why he didn’t call me to pick him up if so drunk. 3 days after he incident I asked him to be truthful and was crying, so he admitted that he went to downtown Thailand and paid a prostitute for sex. At this point I’m in shock because 5 days ago he didn’t even drink, let alone sleep with other women. I asked what he did with her and he says oral sex, making out and “touching” in bed all night. I asked if he had vaginal/anal sex and he says he couldn’t get hard while using cocaine but that he tried (although I’m not sure I believe that). He then admits to using escorts 20+ times in the past before he got sober. I asked how often he watches porn and he mentions daily or more, which would explain why we haven’t had sex often. He cried and said this is why he had to get sober the first time because he always throws his life away once he starts drinking. He explained the drinking makes him crave cocaine and the cocaine immediately makes him want sex. I’m absolutely heartbroken about the cheating and the relapse that all happened so quickly in one night.

I don’t know what I’m looking for, I just wanted to get my story out there and advice or comments are welcome. The relapse after 10 years in sobriety scares me

Nine months clean, and I wholeheartedly thought I'd relapse when I went to my hometown for a week. I did everything I could to not go, but things out of my control forced it.

But, despite everything, even through 2 close calls with easy access and the house to myself, I made it.

I'm proud of myself

is anyone able to just chat with me? doesn’t have to be about drugs, just about anything. i’m kind of scared and very alone

edit: thank you everyone, i love you all. i feel less alone 💕

I’ve been up at 4AM every morning and online shopping. I’m so easily influenced and if I don’t buy a product, I can’t sleep at night because it’s all I’m thinking about. When I get coupons in the mail, I feel like I NEED to use them and spend them. I’ve already spent $3,000 online shopping the past few days. After I hit submit on my purchases, I get this good feeling and then I feel really bad after a while. I really need help. I’m working so much overtime to make up for what I have spent. I don’t know what to do. When I was little, my parents would not buy be anything so as I got older and started to make my own money, I would spend it on whatever I want. I get packages delivered EVERYDAY. I don’t pay rent or any bills so I do have the extra money to spend what I want. I am saving at least $1,000 a month but I know I can save more if I just stop spending. It’s so hard. I made $70K last year and spent it all. I had no money saved at all so I’m trying to save this year

Hi, everyone. I'm 38 M and I've been abusing MDMA in binges once a month or in 2 months for last 3 or 4 years. I was never a party goer but I used it to deal with stress and loads of work to help me focus. I realised I might have undiagnosed ADHD. Last binge was in the first week of September when I made a promise to myself never to take it again.

However in late October and throughout November I started experiencing bunch of symptoms that are seemingly related to liver. I had an ultrasound and bloodwork and all seems fine and my doctors are not worried. However I remain struggling so much with health anxiety thinking they missed something as I realised MDMA is toxic for the liver. I'm crying for most parts of the day and feel very lonely and isolated thinking I'm dying. My wife has a difficult time coping with me as well. I'm just so ashamed that I let my life slide and that I did such a stupid thing and can not forgive myself.

Do you have any advice in this situation? How did you cope with anxiety and guilt?

Hi, I just want to say something about what happened to me yesterday afternoon. So I was a polysubstance drug addict for 17 years up until yesterday I’d been clean for 16 months until I was going through my room and found an old shoebox in my wardrobe that was filled with needles old baggies some ghb and two oxycodone pills. I instantly felt sick after discovering the contents of the shoebox, but after the initial shock of finding it all the only thing I could think about was using and instead of coming clean with my loved one’s and getting rid of it all I went ahead and used. It was almost like I couldn’t control myself, once I had the pills and fresh needles in my hand it was like I became possessed, I instantly went to my desk and crushed the two 10mg oxycodone targin pills and injected them. The initial rush was amazing but soon after I realised that it was too strong and that I had fkd up I made it about two steps out of my room and collapsed. I think after about a minute my body started going into extremely harsh drug induced dystonia, intense myoclonic jerks, my breathing was shuttered almost like each time I tried to inhale I would have a hiccup reaction and I was going in and out of a delirium. While this was all happening I came to the realisation that I was going to die.. but the only thing I could think about was my family and how I didn’t want to lose them or vice versa. After fighting off death for the next I’m not sure how long I managed to remember that my phone was on my kitchen bench and I somehow mustered up all the strength I had left and crawled to my phone to call emergency services. I spent time in the hospital and was just discharged some time ago. I guess I am writing all of this for others who are thinking of using again to say to them that life is way too beautiful to let go of. Please know that there is help out there and that you are loved and cherished..! Stay safe out there people you are worth it..! ❤️🙏🦾

So how do you go about someone who’s finally gotten clean for a while… and they relapse on opiates. Someone you love and who’s a father to your kid, and someone who is on probation with prison sentence probably 2 years looming over… it got worse and worse until they relapsed on DOC fentanyl and officially are physically hooked again. Course I was promised every single time very sincerely seeming… that it would never happen again. But now that they are sick again and feeding sickness with drugs when they break down and give up the suboxone again… it is making it worse and worse… and now they’ve officially shot up their doc tonight and begging I give one more chance after I warned that I would contact PO if he does that drug. I’ve already let slip ups slide time and time again. Never listens to my advice or warnings. Do I kick out and let the streets endanger his life with free run of drugs? Or let the PO know to test him and ask for rehab. He claims if he goes to a rehab he will be arrested anyway with same outcome. At a loss. Things for the first time in our long turmoil relationship seemed headed for the right direction, despite a few battles to fight left, and then this…. Note : (I am an ex addict who got clean on her own over 7 years ago off same drugs. I attended 13 rehabs with no success and many jail stints. I finally got clean on my own at home it was brutal and I know that’s probably rare to do, but I did it)

I've been dealing with many kinds of behavioral addictions in addition to food addiction and some meds addiction. I can see how my tendencies turn into addictions only when my real life was just horrible, when I felt no pleasure.

People need to feel pleasure. Because suffering and pain is always there. If there is no pleasure or no promise of it, how the hell do you wake up each day and not kill yourself?

So you try hard and overcome on addiction, but then once things become clear and you're not caught up in the pain and suffering of withdrawal and all that, you look around and see a life empty of pleasure, of meaning, of happiness. And you remember why you were pulled into addiction. It's not like addiction was your first choice. You tried and tried so many things but dead-ends.

Like when I was growing up I used to think some people are addicts and that's who they are. Never thought they might have been "normal" one day, had hopes and dreams, but never got the love they needed from their family no matter how hard they tried, or maybe addiction started later when they tried and tried, but they couldn't get a good decent job or couldn't make a relationship work or lost the motivation to study, like there are so many roads to addiction.

For some the environment also encouraged addiction because they grew up in addicted families but for others it was a last resort type of thing that they never thought they would try.

I'm just thinking randomly, but to get back to my first point, I think you need to feel pleasure somehow, from relationships, from reaching goals, etc. Those people who think you must be weak or stupid or lazy to get addicted have been lucky that they don't know what it's like to live a life where you're deeply unhappy no matter what you do and haven't achieved any of your dreams. They're much closer to addiction than they think.

I guess what I'm trying to say at the end of it is I don't know if you feel the same lack of pleasure, in your life and how you deal with it? How to live in reality when it has nothing to offer you? When you have no money, no status, no meaningful relationships, nothing. And it's too late or physically impossible to achieve your big dreams. You wanted cake and life offers you breadcrumbs, take it or leave it.

https://open.spotify.com/track/0b0cH4NL1HibD9Hq08NseD?si=3cbd4a90f66e465a
chad silva - percocet withdrawal (in 135 seconds or less)

This is long sorry!

I’m a 24 F who has been smoking weed since I was 19, when I started college. I found out recently that I’ve developed cannabis-hyperemesis syndrome, though I’m in the early stages. My lungs are hyperinflated from 5 years of heavy cart use, and I’m starting TMS and ketamine therapy in the next month so I don’t want to rely on substances.

I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, complex ptsd, and ocd in 2021 and I have been in consistent treatment ever since. A lot of my problems stem from my environment growing up - I was born in a third world country, later adopted from an orphanage, abused throughout my childhood and teenage years, and s*xual assaulted from age 14 to 20. I didn’t have access to substances growing up so I started using hard drugs and alcohol as a way to cope with my trauma as I got older.

Weed helped me in a lot of ways during that time - it helped my substance abuse and I’m almost 2 years clean from hard drug use because of it. It helped me with BPD episodes, violent outbursts, and avoiding legal trouble. Weed has been my security blanket over the past 5 years, but I’ve grown beyond that point in my life. I’m not longer experiencing episodes like I used to, I’ve worked to grow beyond those behaviors. I’m now facing the consequences of heavy smoking, and I need to stop for my own health and safety. I think the hardest part of this is trust. I just don’t trust that it’s going to be ok - before using I was in a horrible place in life and substances gave me relief for the first time. I remember the damaged self I was before college and I’m terrified to feel that way again.

I’m embarrassed that quitting smoking is such an emotional ordeal for me, but I can’t even think about getting sober without feeling like I’m in crisis. I talk with my therapist about this a lot but I thought if anyone on here has experienced similar things and came out the other side, I would love any advice. Thanks for reading :)

Over the last four years I've committed multiple crimes, cheated on my wife and partner of 13 years multiple times, lost multiple jobs. My sister and her family cut me off, her husband hasn't even met my 8 month old son..We have two beautiful kids under two. My wife finally threw the towel in understandably a couple months ago and threw me out, I've been living with my parents and last night they told me they want me out too even though I've been clean and working and attending therapy. I attended rehab last year at a cost of 30k.. I've relapsed a couple times since but I thought I had time to win my family back.. I just found out I probably have cancer, biopsy is in a couple weeks to confirm. Fucking the thought of overdosing is peaceful compared to watching half my family either to cancer.. I've had no one to talk to for months except my therapist who delved into the darkest places of my mind which is obviously healthy.. I'm so scared that my wife will only have this memory of me, that my children won't remember me, that my legacy will be one of constant mistakes. Make a change before it's too late please!! People need us even though we don't need ourselves.

At some point I have to admit to myself that I destroyed my life, for the false sense of being with somebody. Now I was in a program for multiyears. met a girl, we were fond of another. But married she was. So I never chose to pursue anything more. Plus the time I met her I was just back from work. Then bam months go buy. Run into her at a meeting. And slowly we become friends. Then we both realize as we hangout. Theres more here. But married she was conflicted. And then went to work things out with her husband. Ego hurt. We find ways to isolate and sit in self pity. But we came out of that. Built myself up again. And just as I feel good, her husband goes away and destroys her world. Me I'm just a guy, I do acts of service to show how I care. But where the line is? Because her world broke her being under a year. What seems like good ideas. We're just to broken ppl that met felt safe with eachother, to points where we shared everything of ourselves with eachother. To depths we didn't realize we're our most toxic behaviors and attitudes. We fell into a cycle of argument, silence, and fucking, forgivkng, then doping. Anybody knows the tail. But now we're separated by our entity's. Heck we aren't in contact anymore. The hardest truth is knowing that this was a choice knowing where it could lead. And for whatever reason. Everything I gave of my self to her. She decided to ignore one day. And then I did. The cycle right. Where we fought to bring the best out of yourselves. We stopped and dragging one another down. Now I'm spun out. I'm sad, I'm hurt. I'm angry and disappointed in my self because I know that I chose to engage, when I want genuinely her happiness. But I'm lost, broekn. And I have to pick up the peices. But how? I need 5k by the end of month. For essential necessities. But my mental health is been weird last 5-4 year. So I'm fogged up. And I can't make a choice. Or execute an action to take care of my self. And I'm not going back to losing every I spent building now. I just wanted somebody that choose me to be prideful with it. And instead of walking away I pushed my self thru a ringer. And I don't recognize the man before me now. I am restarting but I can't even do anything to make money. Or support my self, or animals. Felt good to say that. Because it helpsd. But any advise that's not 12step bias. Or suggestion. I'm open to it all rn. My surrender

After trying unsuccessfully to quit smoking, multiple times I decided to start doing some research on effectiveness of "smoking cessation" treatments (how some academic literature describes a period time not smoking among smokers).

In my research I came across an idea that I found quite motivating... this was the efficacy of our quit attempts. Quit attempts are hard... they are often stressful and can be frustrating as we try to navigate new coping mechanisms.

I''ve found thinking this concept in relation to my recent quit attempt has been very insightful. It raised questions around what is working for people? What do we know about this addiction and treatment? What is my unique circumstances (i.e. -ADHD) and how might this impact my quit attempt? How can I set myself up for the best possible chances to succeed? What supports / preparations do I need to make?

I've found the effort that goes into conducting the research (I use Google Scholar to find sources, I am also a student and have access to literature databases via my school), often motivates me and helps me feel more prepared for the task to come.

I'm currently wrapping up day one smoke free, I've incorporated prescription Nicotine Replacement Therapy and a combination of a self-directed free mindfulness based stress relief program. Research suggests in it's very effective in combination with behavioral supports (one-on-one, group counseling) this is most often based on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I can't afford a psychotherapist so I've been looking at my National Quit Smoking Program, as they often different supports. I'm still looking into the effectiveness of self- directed Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy, if anyone has any thoughts on self-directed CBT.

Need to vent.

My sister is an ex meth user, but still a weed user.

She has a little girl, and is a solo mum. But she’s just getting so out of control to the point she will buy weed before food, and only comes to me when she needs food / wipes or just to complain that she’s broke. She also suffers with extreme mental health issues and is very medicated. She’s very emotionally withdrawn to her daughter and neglectful.

I’m not rich either. My children are well cared for and I don’t have any addictions bar vaping.

2 days ago she came over, doing her usual poor puppy cry ( made me feel guilty because I have food in my cupboard ) so I offered to do a budget with her because she gets more then enough government assistance and lives in state house ( her life literally can’t get any cheaper )

It escalated, we both said extremely hurtful things. She then threatened to go back on meth.

Out of anger I called child protection services and have let my father (who enables her) know that I am cutting them off for a while. I feel bad hoping my niece is uplifted, and of course I will put my hand up to take her in.

She also used to bring random men into the house do to you know what to get drugs. I’m just so sick of it, I would help her if she wanted the help but she doesn’t want to and can’t see it’s a problem that she feeds her addiction before she feeds her child.

Addiction FUCKING sucks.

Weed has been my sole companion for years now. I'm 22, almost 23, and when I entered my 20's, anxiety and inner voices started to be extremely loud because my life was getting more and more stressful and I didn't feel ready for any of it. I couldn't stand loneliness sober, I could only stand it if I was completely stoned. But I met a wonderful, understanding and supportive person that became my partner and as hard as it is, I want to quit for good because they deserve to have someone clean by their side or at least someone who tries to be. The journey is gonna be hard cause I've been smoking every single day for the past two years and a half, to a point I would go to classes and exams high as fuck. I had my last blunt two days ago and it was easy enough to not fall back in again cause I was with my family but now I'm at home, alone again, and the challenge really starts. So yeah, wish me luck. I need to learn how to fight against my mental issues without drugs. For all the folks out there still struggling, I wish you the best of luck ; it's not the first time I tried to stop and if that could learn me something, it's that it's a very hard fight and you can't win every single battle, but the most important is to keep trying. Love u all, whoever you are.

I feel like an asshole that I’m questioning my whole relationship.

I knew about his addictions going into this - meth, Xanax, gambling, sex/porn… it’s been tough when he’s off meth, happened 3 times since this summer. He just hits crazy crazy lows. And self medicates w Xanax and alcohol… which only exacerbate those lows. During those lows he is nihilistic, mean, no filter, suicidal, vindictive… as if he wants everyone to hate him bc it feels the best, so he does stuff to push people away and make them hate him. It’s hell. We’re in one of those times now. And he tells me the “truth” during these times - he said he doesn’t want to stop using drugs. He likes it, he feels better on meth, and has no intention of stopping. I thought he had the aim to stop but just kept relapsing. This convo happened because after his stash runs out, these lows happen and I was talking to him about getting help. Said he wants no help bc he’s not going to stop. I told him that changes things and I need to think about this.

I know he’s more than his addiction. I married him just two months ago, but we were already committed before that… and I was aware of his addictions. We’ve been living together two-ish odd years. I realize shortly after he started staying with me he was using something. I’m so naive about all of it - turned out to be meth. Just this summer I told him he needs to stop if we’re going to be together. Told him that after I picked him up at the jail he was at for 5 days. He agreed. I was under the impression he had relapsed twice since then… but he told me today, I’ve only known him off meth for a total of 15 - 30 days the entire 5 years I’ve known him. The thing is…. We connect really well. I love being with him when we’re connected. And usually something will happen, we can discuss it.

To him, meth is no big deal. He literally sees no problem with it. I seriously don’t know what I’m missing here. Talking to him about it is like asking what’s wrong with bananas? And I feel stupid for asking bc , duh, there’s nothing wrong with eating bananas.

So I asked him if it’s so great, why hasn’t he offered me some? He said bc it affects women differently then men. And it’ll ruin me. I told him it’s got to have completely affected his brain chemistry and that it’ll take time but that there are programs, places, people who can help while he reacclimates to a life without meth. He said he doesn’t want to stop and he doesn’t want to hide it anymore. He said he just wants to use it and not have to hide it. This is compounded by his online gambling and constant viewing/obsession with porn and sex. And when he doesn’t have meth he abuses adderall/Xanax/alcohol. Sans meth and using the other stuff is a scary, terrible combo and I hate it when we get there.

Anyway, I’m just really thrown by what he said today. I was under the impression he was trying to stop. That’s obviously not true. He’s a good guy. We love each other. And there’s more to him than his addictions. I’m just thinking now that this is grounds for a terrible life … especially if he doesn’t want to hide his meth use or stop at all. I just don’t know how to even approach this.

That’s it. I know this sub is for people with some addiction, but j am looking for a sub for relatives of a person who has an addiction.

I'm bipolar, so I think I'm just starting to realize the effect long term oxy use has on my brain's chemical balance. I didn't think it was ever addiction because I don't get physical withdrawal symptoms and can go days or even weeks without it. I was one oxy most of the summer/fall. I tried to stop in July I think. The longest stretch i went without was 2.5 weeks. This is new to me. I don't want to feel like this anymore

I've been doing cocaine every day for almost a month now and it's definitely the longest amount of time I've done it for. It's been really weighing on my mind that I can't continue doing it like I have been. As much as I love cocaine and there is still a HUGE part of me that wants to keep going, I can tell it's beginning to affect my life and I don't want to hit rock bottom before I do something about it. I found that reading people's stories and experiences with cocaine addiction have helped me realize this the most.

I know withdrawal affects everyone differently and no experience will be the same, but I would like to be at least somewhat knowledgable/informed about what the possibilities are before I begin this process. If you are comfortable and willing to share your experience, it would really mean a lot! Thank you 💗

I have depression and CPTSD and distracting with the internet has been my coping mechanism for most of my life now. I'm 34 and have no friends, have never had a girlfriend, and spend almost all my time on the internet to distract myself from my painful life. It feels out of my control...

I bought an expensive laptop to play games, but I don't know if I'll only entrench myself more deeply in my addiction. On the other hand, I think that maybe I'm being too hard on myself and should give myself some pleasure, and maybe I can have restraint with my gaming.

I want to get rid of my addictions and spend my time doing healthy things. But I also worry about being too hard on myself.

There's still time to return the laptop and get refunded.

What do you think I should do?

Rock bottom is often perceived as a turning point, a definitive low from which one can only rise. However, in the context of addiction, this concept is more myth than reality. For many addicts, the notion of reaching a "rock bottom" fails to capture the relentless descent that addiction can provoke. Rather than a fixed point, rock bottom is an elusive depth that continues to expand as individuals dig deeper into their dependencies. The painful truth is that for some, the only definitive bottom is death, underscoring the urgent need for intervention before reaching such a tragic endpoint. Understanding this can serve as a wake-up call, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and making changes before it’s too late.

Title is very simplistic to keep it concise, I know we are none of us all bad or all good, but it is a spectrum in my eyes and some people definitely make a lot of room for their inner darkness, don't they?

I'm processing my past relationship with a porn, meth, gambling and alcohol addict and I'm mostly good, but sometimes I mull over some aspect or other and always feel better when I can make sense of things.

I have realized that he was porn addicted the whole relationship and very likely engaged in the other activities to some degree, so I feel like I never knew him fully sober.

I've also realized that there were some things where he gaslit me into distrusting my own judgment. One of those things was that two of his friends sexually molested me (one grabbed my boob and the other rubbed up against my behind) and he not only stayed friends with them but expected me to spend time with them as well and resented me when I didn't want to.

Could that be caused by a long-standing porn addiction or is that simply who he is?

Recovery from addiction is akin to a marathon, not a sprint. This saying holds true; overcoming addiction and the struggles that led us to seek refuge in the temporary escape drugs offer requires time and effort. If you are truly an addict, there is no rehabilitation or program that can simply cure you. Half-hearted efforts will not suffice. Nonetheless, rehab and a variety of other programs can be immensely helpful, but achieving sobriety ultimately depends on the dedication you invest.

To put it differently, your success relies on the diligent effort you commit to whichever sobriety program suits you best. For most of us who struggle with addiction, maintaining our recovery demands a lifelong commitment to our chosen path.

Recovery is a deeply personal journey; my path may differ from yours, but it feels right for me. I've discovered hope and progress in this direction. Reading the NA preface and valuing the community's support, alongside the guidance of family and professionals, has been significant. I hold great respect for the NA program and its transformative power, balancing my intuition with prudent advice. I am determined to learn and grow from each experience I encounter.

I have been clean from meth from some time now and for the most part I am happy about it. That was a mistake I honestly do not want to repeat.

But... Then there's hash. I can't get over that. I miss it, I love it and I honestly doubt I will ever truly quit marijuana (in one form or another).

But still I was clean from smoking for a month too (after deleting all dealers numbers from my phone). But I was craving it super badly from a week and I was trying to deal with it, but last night gave in and paid somebody (random) to score me 25grams of hash because... well anything after the because are just excuses to keep on with the habit.

Idk why I am posting this here but the person ran away with the money :'( and it is illegal here so not like I can do anything about it.

There's a tiny part in me telling me to take it as a lesson and just leave it. But...

I am happy quitting meth and honestly I never want to do that shit again, it messed me up BIG time but I can't get over hash. I just can't.

P.S: The can't basically translated into "don't want too".