I’m so scared of my generalist doctor that I prefer taking supplements and snorting vitamin C instead of just taking iron supplements. I’m so tired of life. I feel like I’m fucked forever. This sucks

I just had to share. For the first time on a medical form it didn't say "substance abuse" 🤘🏼 I just just reading through the notes and there's usually always comments on my past substance abuse. Not TODAY! 😊 It made me feel good to see that

This is probably going to get removed by admin but I stupidly decided to delete my dealers number to get myself clean, long story short I’m back on the shit running out and withdrawing and need drugs. Any advice for mid wales area?

I am sober 😔 ☹️

But feel hopeless and scared with no future worth fighting for.

Okay so im an alcohol and benzodiazepine user. Im 18 years old. I have autism and borderline personality disorder so excuse me if this is some rambling about my life etc… post. I just need to vent here.

Okay so i first got addicted to benzos in 2023 october november, spent two weeks in psych ward, got off of 3 mg daily xanax habit of mine. Then went 10 monrh sober off of them. In the meantime i started drinking on the weekends in 2024 june. Stayed a weekend drinker until 2024 september.

Then in september i used 1 mg xanax for a week, got caught in school high while trying to jump out of a window. Next day ambulance and police was called another psych ward (now adult psych ward). Got off of benzos and drinking. Spent a month there.

Life was great after i came out i was sober for 6 or 7 weeks… then everything went downhill, 0.5 mg xanax again plus daily drinking (few glasses of wine) for three weeks straight.

Now again stopped the benzos and alcohol… then after a few weeks i got back to alcohol. Its 2025 january and i drink one bottle of wine every second day. I failed my exams at school, 7 out of 10 exams failed.

Now i got to a point in my life where i cannot do this anymore, my father took away my bank card and money to dont buy anymore wine.

Now im going back to psych ward in two days (next week monday) and i hope they can refer me to dual diagnosis rehab (mental health and substance use rehab).

I just want this life to an end man, i cannot keep doing this forever.

Hi guys, it's been months I've stopped smoking cigarettes,but I feel like I need it back,I can't buy some because I'm not old enough,and I can't find anyone who can sell me some cuz they all sell vapes in my city but I hate vapes. When I used to smoke, I stole cigarettes from my mother,but don't want to do that anymore, because it's very disrespectful.

If anyone has any tips to find some please let me know,and don't tell bullshits like "it's bad for your health" or "you shouldn't smoke", I won't listen to you Have a good day

He took 7 mg of pure coke and thought he was going to die. He sent me a goodbye message. I read it this morning, and he was still using drugs. He has been in and out of different clinics. He is married and is going to be a dad next week.

I don’t know what to do in cases like this. Should I tell his family? I don’t want to break his trust.

Also, he was so high, and I wanted to help him come down, but I didn’t know how. Everything happened over the phone. Is there anything natural that can help reduce the effects?

Tk

I have had pain in the testicles and problems with the penis for 3 years and I continue to masturbate excessively and I don’t care as if it is a drug use disorder. I don’t know why they say that masturbation is healthy and does not cause problems. I think it is a conspiracy to spread addiction to it and people’s lack of awareness and the harm to their sexual system and mentally health.

I had a traumatic experience last month and I've been depending on coke alot lately to cope. I'm now in debt and today had to be walked out of work cause I felt like I was gonna faint because I can't sleep or eat. I'm always strung out and look like an idiot. I'm embarrassed and don't want to do this anymore. But when I try to stop the coke I feel sick then take another line so I don't feel sick. I'm stuck in a vicious cycle that's not going to end well. Please any advice to slower reducing my use to eventually none.

I came across some video in YouTube that said, once you wake up ...for the first 20 minutes of the day, before picking up your phone....put your hand in heart and say... Today is the day my new life begins....today is the day I break free of the past .. ( like this it goes on for 20 minutes )

Butttt I didn't say that .... Those all seem overwhelming for me.

I instead after waking up ...I had my hand in heart and said "I am gonna try and do better today" .

I said it for few times.

And it reduced my phone usage... smartphone addiction so much!

You may think smartphone addiction is not a big thing. But I read somewhere ... Every addiction arrise from same region of brain.

I would totally suggest to try this.

It only takes couple of minutes.

All the best! 🙌

24 years old here just found this subreddit. for context i’ve been addicted to various substances starting w alcohol abuse which began at 14 but then hit rock bottom at 19. since then i’ve gone through phases of being alcohol free but i jump from being addicted from one substance to another and although i quit alcohol for two years (2020-22), i turned to cocaine because there was still a void which came with sobriety. i did AA meetings but never did the steps, relapsed in 2022 and since then i don’t think i’ve been sober since. it’s like i’m flicking through a catalogue and jumping from one substance to another and i don’t know why. alcohol then cocaine then benzos then opiates then ketamine and it cycles.

it doesn’t run in my family and i had the perfect childhood/upbringing as well as supportive parents. yet here i am heavily dependent on benzos and falling back into abusing other drugs.

sorry for taking a while to get to the point but i’m at the hospital for a severe injury i got whilst plastered drunk and i’m just sat here in the waiting room thinking - why? I’m not strongly religious but i’ve always assumed there’s something out there watching over me/i have a purpose/ we’re all here for a reason etc etc etc.

but there’s no actual REASON for me to be an addict. i cant pinpoint any trauma or trigger. im very creative and write songs about addiction surely that cant justify this. im scared for my future and i’m scared to recover.

does anyone else constantly questjon - “why me?” - why was i built this way? was this who i was supposed to be??!!!

sorry for long post.

or are they 2 sides of the same coin

I never grew up wanting to do drugs, just wanted to be loved and and accomplish my dreams.

Started trying vyvanse at 14 and strangely enough i never got addicted enough to get withdrawals and only tried it a handful of times.

But when i tried weed, that was my poison. It ruined me, i became a self centered loser that never grew up. Disappointing everybody i love and being a perpetual liar.

You know what i’m talking about lying about how many carts you smoke, lying about buying carts, lying about how your spending your money etc. (basically lying to maintain your addiction)

It sucks because now my words means nothing and i’ve ruined relationships that will never be the same.

and i can’t do a damn thing but take accountability, i’m a loser.

Currently stuck in an IV coke binge/bender. My last run last year was like 6 months. I don’t wanna go like this for another 5 months. Why do I do the things I do? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Hey guys, I’m new to Reddit and I really need opinions. I started doing hard drugs when I was 15 and got addicted to Molly and cocaine pretty quickly. I got off Molly around 18 and cocaine when I was 19, with a few relapses of a week or two here and there. Now this is the kicker. I started drinking alcohol heavily at around 18. No matter how many times I say I’m going to quit, I always go back to it. I have ruined relationships and opportunities because of it. I am only 21 and I feel like If I quit drinking, I’m going to lose important parts of my young adulthood. Am I an addict or am I just a bad drinker??

I met my husband(34) after he got clean and sober. I've never been around anyone who was in active addiction. The first time he got clean in 2013 his drug of choice was heroin, but really he'd do just about anything. We have a 9 year old son. Married for 5 years. Together for 10. He got clean in May 2013, we met November 2014. He was diagnosed with narcolepsy 2 years ago. He was put on Methylphenidate. Then his doctor added Armodafinil. Then his doctor also added Vyvanse. It was concerning but "it was from the doctor for the narcolepsy so it was ok"🤔". Then my husband also started ordering Modafinil from India. Then he started buying Adderall. According to him he " had to because his doctors were under prescribimg him.".... 😳... His behavior over the last year to 2 has become extremely irratic and pretty scary. The only thing I can compare it to with my inexperience is a tweaker you'd see in a movie. Rushed talking, but about absolutely nothing that makes sense. Picking scabs at his face.(He says they're pimples🙄). Pacing around the house, never sitting down(literally never). His mood swings were off the charts.. 0 or 100.. never in the middle. He came home from work the other night and spent 3 hours looking very very busy, but literally doing nothing. He lost his phone in our closet then he finally crashed and slept. I just had that pit in my stomach telling me something more is happening. So I put my detective hat on and I began looking. I searched everywhere. I found more than I wanted to. Ecstasy, LSD blotters, methamphetamine. Then I also found his phone. Those Adderall and moda he was getting because he was being "under prescribed". He was also selling in very VERY high quantities. I have asked him so many times over the year or so if he was having trouble. If he needed help. Tried pointing out his insane behavior. He just always made me feel crazy and confused to where I second guessed what I knew was happening. I had thought 100% he was abusing his scripts and the Adderall and Modafinil. But I never ever thought it was to the level it is. And I definitely never expected to hear him say "I've been using(eating) meth". He's minimizing all of it. Telling me "it's not as bad at it sounds". I'm so lost and confused on where it all went wrong. How did I let him convince me that what I knew I was seeing, wasn't true. He's been manipulating and gaslighting me so so long. Then when I start to expect it or call him out, he love bombs me. It's all so fucked. Does a marriage survive this shit? I feel like I live with a stranger. I feel so idiotic. I feel guilty that I knew he was in recovery when we met and I didn't take it upon myself to learn more about it. I love him. I guess I had blind faith. It's like, you really do never truly know someone.

Doing lines in my car (In the driveway) as I write this. I have done this drug every day for the past two weeks and have missed work because of it, sometimes I can actually stop at night and force myself to feel the comedown but sometimes I can't. I feel like I could do this every day all day but I know that will ruin my life. I have brushed off friends and partners to just do it at home, which I know is not good because it's starting to become a priority in my life and that's so scary. I used to think I would never get addicted but I started craving that feeling of it going up my nose, from then on i've been buying an 8ball every week or so and I don't want to continue, if you have been in this situation how did you overcome it or at least do it less

I bought a bag tonight when I was super drunk, It’s empty now but I barely remember anything of the night. I feel bad but I’m still not gonna count it since I barely remember anything from it

How long do I have until I crash from it?

So as a background- I’m a cult survivor and sa/grape survivor/incest survivor/neurodivergent/ all the things.

When I was in my early 20’s I used to party and drink a little bit but I never became an alcoholic and I don’t drink at all anymore besides maybe one glass of wine a year. I have struggled with smoking cigarettes on and off in the past but I’ve quit. I smoked weed a lot at one point but I quit. I’ve always turned to healthy coping mechanisms like therapy, spending time in nature, meditation, exercise, etc. i am on antidepressants, probably for life but that’s it.

When I first left the cult, I had a breakdown which is to be expected, and my doctor at the time prescribed sleeping meds and an anti-psychotic, and Xanax. I only took the Xanax maybe once a month when I had a panic attack. I had a bottle of 30 pills that lasted me 5 years! I stopped taking the sleeping meds and anti-psychotic after a few months and have just been taking my anti-depressant for years and years now.

Last year I got a bad injury and had to take opiates. After a few months I realized I was getting dependent and I freaked out bc I was like… hell no am I getting addicted to opiates because of this injury. I weened myself off of them by myself (that was so intense!!!) haven’t taken them for almost a year now, feel no need or desire for them I just didn’t want to go down that path.

Last month I was struggling with day-night reversal. I decided to ask my doctor (new doctor, not living in my home country anymore) for some sleeping meds because like I mentioned above that worked for me when I left the cult. I thought I could just take them for a week or so and get back to being awake during the day. To my surprise this country doesn’t really offer them, and hearing my history the doctor decided to give me benzos instead. I don’t even know which one I was on but it wasn’t xanax. I cant find the box.

I was SO DUMB you guys, I took them everyday for 30 days- sometimes two pills- just at night for sleep. It might have been miscommunication with my doctor, I don’t think he knew I was going to take them everyday. I did get some sleep, started curing my day-night reversal. But I ran out a few days ago, im not out of my anti-depressant so I don’t need to go back to my doctor for a few weeks. It’s kind of expensive to see him, and I DONT want more benzos after this so I’m just waiting to talk to him. Needless to say, I won’t be asking for anything except for my regular anti-depressant the next time I see him.

2 days ago I started…. Having like ALL the withdraw symptoms. It took my husband and I a bit to recognize that I was going through withdraws, but we realized I was acting similarly to when I came off the opiates last year.

I’ve been trembling, shaking, flip-flop feeling in my stomach, muscle cramps, frequent urination, one eye went blurry, paranoid, sensitive to everything, scared to do anything. Agoraphobia… throwing up, reviewing my entire life, flared up PTSD/CPTSD symptoms, emotional, crying, mind won’t stop racing, barely slept for days, the list goes on.

I guess I just want some reassurance. Thank goodness my husband is here but I just feel so bad and I don’t know how long this will last and it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I asked my husband if I needed to go to the hospital or be checked in and he just laughed and said I’ll be fine. He’s very logical and rational kind of guy, he usually notices if my mental health ever gets bad and we always get the appropriate help for me. I was probably just being paranoid yesterday when I thought I needed to go to the hospital 😅

Sorry if this message sounds erratic. I am very self-aware of what is going on but I hate feeling out of control. Even though I went through a lot in my past I worked hard on my mental health for so many years and I was pretty healthy before this happened despite the injury and opiate fiasco last year. I’m proud of myself for always recognizing when I’ve gone too far and being able to feel myself back in, I have good self discipline I guess, I overcome so much in the past. But seriously what the hell even is this.

I am so sorry for anyone who is dealing with benzo addiction and withdrawals. This should seriously be illegal. If anyone has any words I’d wisdom or advice or just wants to share what they went through let me know below.

Best wishes to all of you guys, I know we can all do this. Life always gets better, we were meant to experience ups and downs in life. I know it will be okay. But also 😭😭😭😫😫

Me and my partner are abusing methylphenidate. I want to stop, but he isn't interesting in quitting. Obviously, it would trigger my craving etc. Still, I want to stop even if he will never join me. Any protips how to quit in such an environment?

27M. I have no idea how to start this but I’ll try to keep it short and to the point.

Sex, masturbation and porn. These are the 3 banes of my existence 😂. I’ve consumed porn since the age of 8 and to be honest, my first time discovering porn felt like..normal? It was almost like I was already desensitized to it. I’m not sure if that’s normal but sometimes I think my theory for this is because I was sexually assaulted at the age of 3. Sorry if I’m all over the place.

To continue with my addictions, I never tried marijuana until I was 17. I bought a brownie from someone at my high school at the time and boy that fucked me up even more when it came to anything sexual. The first time I experienced how much marijuana can enhance physical and mental pleasure, I became an even worse version of myself.

Fast forward about 2 years later, age 19, I tried marijuana again, but SPECIFICALLY to get high and masturbate. Then that slowly transitioned to getting high before sex. Whenever I ran out of blunts/edibles/vapes, I would sometimes compensate with alcohol to chase that “enhanced”feeling.

In closing, I just need help. Porn and the euphoric feeling I get from the high makes it hard for me to drop. I hate it. My sex life with my girlfriend is so trash now because I don’t have the same drive or feel pleasured as much without “enhancing it.”

I’ve got in touch with a counselor so far. We are just figuring out a schedule that works for me. As for self-care, I just need motivation and advice. I know the best advice is probably “you need to find a hobby, just distract yourself, meditate, get someone to hold you accountable” but I’m tired of hearing all of it and when it’s easier said than done. If anyone can give a detailed experience of them overcoming this addiction, I would like to hear. Thank you in advanced!

I've got it perscribed for my ADHD. At first I didn't even thought about abusing it. It just helped me get things done and reduced hyperactivity. The problem started when I've started snorting it. I've gotten into that because of a person I'm close with who does it as well. I was stupid and started doing this too and I thought I won't get addicted because I don't even like stimulants and sniffing Ritalin just makes me phisically faster (heart beat, blod pressure etc) and my mind is fresh and clear. After couple of months I've noticed that I've gotten hooked. The thing is, I don't want to stop taking it because it works well when taken as perscribed. I was thinking about getting Concerta because it can't be snorted. What should I do? I take too much and often feel bad, my sleep schedule is a mess and it's difficult to resist the craving. I don't even like the effect but still.

I’m curious to hear your stories. I ask because my mother is basically telling me that I’m an alcoholic. This is because I fell into a bad cycle of drinking daily for about a month. I knew what I was doing wasn’t good for me—I wasn’t drinking because I had to; I chose to. The reason I continued was that after the first few days, when I woke up sober, I felt extremely depressed. Eventually, I realized that drinking daily wasn’t in my best interest, so I stopped. I felt really depressed for about a week, but then it passed.

That month of drinking led my mom to tell me that I needed to go to rehab or she would section me. She also kicked me out of the house. So, my options were either being homeless, doing a 28-day program, or, if I got sectioned, ending up in a 90-day program. I couldn’t afford to move out, so I just sucked it up and went to rehab.

The whole time I was there, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t belong. Almost everyone else was there for hard drugs or had been drinking daily for years. Many had been in and out of jail or rehab multiple times. I had to sit through groups where I couldn’t relate to anything people were sharing. Since I was in rehab for drinking, I had to go to AA meetings, and I couldn’t stand them. But I stuck it out because my mom made it clear that if I didn’t complete the program, I couldn’t live at home.

I met some cool people and at least enjoyed the fact that I was basically getting a paid month off work. But I thought that after rehab, all this recovery stuff would be over. I was wrong. My mom informed my clinician that there would be “expectations” if I wanted to live at home, and I would have to do “aftercare.” Now I’m being forced into a PHP (partial hospitalization program), sitting through the same groups, and going to three AA meetings a week with my uncle.

I’m also being told that I’m “powerless” over my addiction—which I don’t even truly believe I have. My uncle was a heavy alcoholic, abused pills, and literally almost died once before getting Narcan’d. I understand why he needs AA, but now he and my mom are telling me I can never drink again. None of this feels real to me. It feels like this idea of me being an alcoholic is being forced on me, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m really starting to resent my mom.

I’m not trying to bash rehab, AA, or sobriety—I know they help a lot of people. But I don’t think I have a problem, and it’s frustrating to be forced into all of this because I drank heavily for one month in my entire life.

Sorry this post is so long—I just don’t know what else to do,

Hey everyone, I’m only 15 and ever since I was about 13 I’ve been mesmerised by substances. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Please, any support would be greatly appreciated. I don’t know what to do.

the first substance I used a bit too much was alcohol, as it was the only substance I had access too. I used to secretly day drink sometimes, but my time of choice was nighttime. My parents are divorced, so they they live in separate households. My mum doesn’t drink, therefore she never has alcohol in her house. On the other hand, my dad does. He has a whole bar in his house, and he drinks a lot casually; a beer or two with dinner every day. one vivid instance is I was helping my dad take the shopping out of the car whilst under the influence and masking it so he couldn’t tell. It felt normal.

I’ve smoked weed twice and love it. If I had access to it whenever I would probably be smoking it whenever, the only two instances I’ve smoked it was with friends. I want to feel that way all the time. I would if I could.

When I was 13 I was caught stealing my mums codeine she was prescribed. I only did it once, but I would do anything to get my hands on it again. I took it orally, as I was scared, so i didn’t get too much out of it, but I want to try it again with other use methods.

I want to be out of it all the time, and I crave the feeling of being on drugs.

When I drink, I can’t stop. I keep drinking until I’m vomiting. I just can’t stop. I love the feeling so much that whenever I’m drinking I think “I need to get more drunk I love this” and I keep going until my body is rejecting it. If I had access to alcohol whenever, I would probably be drinking everyday. I steal it when I’m at my dad’s pretty much everytime I’m there and I drink alone. Without telling anyone. I can’t stop. I don’t wanna be sober. If I had access to every drug, I would probably try all of them. This scares me a little, please, what do I do?

I have alcoholism in my family tree, my granddads father was a severe alcoholic.

I’m only 15, do I get help now? Please, I wonder if I’m overthinking or this is a genuine problem.

I’ve been on drugs since 8th grade, anything you can think of I’ve done. I used to be really bad addicted taking a bunch of amphetamines everyday, then moving to benzos, then Opiods, then of course all at once. These days im sober usually, but only because I don’t often buy drugs anymore, but if I’m left alone in a house I will search for drugs and steal them, or if I’m brought around drugs and start doing them I will do way too much and/or start buying them. I wish I could just smoke weed but I’m schizophrenic so it really tweaks me out, its always been pills powder and syrups only it fucking sucks and I don’t even know if I’m addicted. I feel fine without drugs usually, but sometimes it gets to me, and I won’t lie I think about how much better I’d feel if I was high all the time.

And all I want to do is fucking die. I fucking hate my life and I realize now why I keep choosing what makes me feel good. Medicine doesn’t help, I need shit that works in 30 seconds like my drugs did. Fuck life, fuck everyone.

Firstly I know Suboxone is controversial and I’m not interested in a debate about whether it’s okay or not

I’ve been on suboxone for 3 years, I’d like to quit soon but I’d like to give it a little more time to make sure it’s not going to cause my depression to come back. The one negative effect I’ve had since I started taking it is that every morning I wake up feeling like I have the flu unless I wake up at like 4am and take it. Is this normal? I also take gabapentin at the same time everyday so maybe it’s that causing it?

I take it every 12 hours, and by the evening dose I never feel sick, but for some reason in the morning I feel like I’m going through withdrawals. I’d really like to switch to the shot because I imagine that would eliminate that problem, but my psychiatrists office is over an hour away so I’d really like to not have to drive there every month, and there’s no other doctors licensed to prescribe it closer than that.

I’m just curious if this is a normal issue or if it’s not even the Suboxone causing it?

One of my close friends has been struggling with multiple kinds of addictions. Beginning from him scrolling on his phone until the power runs out like 2 times a day, to spending around 300 to 400 bucks on booze every weekends (sometimes also on one day), to dropping multiple pills with very much too high dosages and smashing line after line. He plays it down as "partying a little", but goes out the house on friday 4pm and getting to bed around 3h before work on mondays. Wearing the same clothes, neglecting his general look and sometimes hygiene. There's no stopping. Every few weeks there's a "I'm not going to party for a while from now" moment, but when friday comes around the corner he'll always be out and about. Talking to him is draining me out, he keeps shittalking (like cOkeheads do) without noticing anymore and seems to sometimes have difficulty speaking/beginning to pronounce words. He also keeps seeking company whenever and fron whoever he can get. Completely avoiding being alone. Even moving back to his parents, because he can't bear to be alone with his own thougts. Everybody knows he has a big problem,but he has two friendgroups. One that he uses with, and the other one which distances itself from him because he is not himself anymore. We try to call his behavior out and that we don't like who he's become. Today I had a discussion with him about some mutual friends who are currently prioritizing themselves (used to party a lot too) so now he makes fun of them and calling them boring because they have hobbies and do sports. I asked if he hasn't ever considered to do something else with his free time and the only answer he came up with was "What else? I don't have anything else." He has also become a pathological liar, denying every move. He's never high, the white stuff on his nose was just in my imagination, his pupils are not dilated they're naturally like that, he's not grinding his teeth that's just because he's nervous. It's so far along that most of his friends just ignore his behaviour and laugh about it because they want to keep it behind closed doors because it's not accepted in society and they "don't want him to be cast out". I'm very worried, because he has previously had some sober moments where he came to me asking if I could help him to find some professional help, but then was too toxic-male to actually go to therapy or somewhere else. I'm sick of it and so there's my question: Should and/or can I help my friend out of the addiction he's denying?

Also: there's way more than this, if there are any specific questions towards the addiction part feel free to ask!