I failed a random drug test at work for marijuana. I had a evaluation afterwards and after a short interview, I got word via documentation with this term on it ("DSM5 diagnosis of cannabis abuse"). My brief research on the term makes it seem rather serious. Or at least that I have a big addiction problem.

On the eval, i didn't lie, but I didn't really have anything to lie about. I told the interviewer "Yes I used cannabis" when the question came up. Answered the usual questions. Honestly I can't think of an answer I gave to any of the questions that would have escalated the situation but of course maybe i'm wrong.

Idk, the evaluation itself took about 15 minutes, it was quite short and simple. Just wondering if something was lost in translation, or if this is just an umbrella term they throw on all failed drug tests.

So, I found out that "video game addiction" is classified as an addiction but "porn addiction" isn't, even though many people believed that they're addicted to it (not saying many people say it means it's true, but there may be some common patterns that occurs in people using porn/masturbating excessively, just like doing other things excessively) Even the compulsive use of porn/masturbation seems to be disputed. This confused me, for some reasons:

-Video games offer a world that reality can't offer us. So does porn. -Video games can give pleasure in moments where something in real world makes one sad, angry, apathetic or so. It can be used as a coping mechanism to depression as well. So can porn. -Porn creates or expresses, or has the potential of creating and expressing, the inappropriate thoughts of mind, as there are always more extreme categories. It may even change one's perception of women and make one sexualise them most of the time (but that's just my assumption). I'm not sure if video games create or express any inappropriate thoughts on life (no rhetorics, really not sure). -Video games can consume one's time a lot and occupy one's mind with thoughts and plans about the game. So can porn and sexual thoughts. -Video games can be a lot of money consuming. So can porn.

These are what came to my mind. One can find more similarities as well.

So what differs them? Why do scientists believe, or how do they find out, that video games can be addictive but porn can't? May there be any political reasons behind this? May it be because "video games are an easy target" as gamers would say? May it be because the world is going to a direction more "sex-positive"? May it have anything to do with porn industry/Onlyfans/movie industry/whatever alike? May it be something else that I missed, more scientific? Or are all I mentioned above contributing it? That just felt weird.

NOTE: I didn't mean "porn" as just watching pornographic movies and pictures, but also all sexual thoughts and content, combined with masturbating.

Matthew Lawrence says this is what Robin told him “I don’t care what doctors say, what doctors have told me. I know it did it to my brain. There were 5 years where I lived on cocaine. After those 5 years on cocaine, even tho I got off and I got clean. It chemically changed my brain & now I have to deal w/ this shit all day everyday. It’s stolen time with my kids, my wife, parts of my career. It’s stole part of my brain from me & it destroyed me.” I don’t know why this hit me deep but I can relate so much on what he said.. what are your thoughts?

& for anyone dealing with addiction I know it’s hard but just know ending is never the answer. Keep faith, keep hope, and surround yourself with people who love you. If anyone ever needs an ear hit my inbox up.

I had my baby a month ago and I was supposed to keep my BD updated so we could get a paternity test done. The day before I had our daughter he ended up blocking me from everything including his number and all social media platforms. Yesterday I started getting really worried about it, I thought it was completely unlike him to just not even reach out so I went to some of his old haunts and talked to his friends. They told me he moved to a southern state and he’s deleted all of his social media. This shocked me completely. I ended up reaching out to his sister who responded with “I can’t tell you his exact whereabouts but if he needs to appear for a paternity test then just give us ample time to make arrangements and he’ll be there.

I have never been to rehab so I’m wondering if it’s common practice for 1) him to completely go MIA and not have any contact. 2) people to lie to their friends about where they’re going.

The reason I think it’s rehab is because two weeks before our daughter was born he mentioned how he was trying to get sober and how he knew he was screwing up and trying to fix it. He lost his job due to his addiction and how it was effecting his performance. But I’m having a hard time understanding if it’s rehab why his sister wouldn’t just say that.

Ok so ever since I started drinking again, I noticed an unexpected and unusual amount of coughing all day everyday day. Just recently last month I tried levmetafetamine, basically an isomer of shit meth, 2nd time this month I moved to benzedrex and did that shit about 8 fucking times, tweaker out for 2 fucking days straight possibly giving my self some weird feelings in my chest similar of coming off of methadone but high not sick. Point being is my cough is fucking me up and I think alcohol is killing my respiratory system. They say allergies or upper lung infection, I say my respiratory is fucked off the bat. I'm not crying or tearing up, I don't give 2 fucks about alcohol like that but I know quitting would help my tweaker cravings, I know if I don't stop I'll go from coughing sounding like a god damn dying fucking bulldog to respiratory failure and that not what I am for. But even if I quit, how long is the coughing gonna last and when the fuck my lungs that sounds exactly lot like someone smoked crack using my lungs? Been drinking since June and this coughing started at the same time, how long does that last, or should I make an appointment with a doctor and ask to see a pulmonologist before I end up waking up dead? Its only a matter of time before shit happens. I went to the hospital and they gave me a 2 Tylenol and some sort of 5 milligram of pain med, and that same day I tried my first benzedrex high, than got drunk as fuck.

Hi there,

my husband is an alcoholic and has been sober for over a decade. I know he has never relapsed when it comes to drinking. But his behavior... We've been a couple for 20 years, over 9 years married and I don't know if we'll make it to our 10th anniversary.

I'm chronically ill and this year has been really severe. With neurological stuff where at times we could only wait for it to get better. It was devastating and took a lot out of both of us. I tried to show and acknowledge that this is hard on him, too, but maybe I wasn't able to show it enough. I've been gladly doing better since the beginning of summer.

He was my rock through it all. He did what he could and when there wasn't anything to do he just held me. I apologized so much because it was just so hard to get through. He always reassured me.

Yeah well... But whenever there's too strong emotions that he can't cope with, he resorts not to drinking, but to horrible ego stuff. It's always been like that, but back then we were both too young and stupid. Now, that can't be an excuse anymore.

He used to use me in bed. I wanted him, too, but he mostly cared about his needs. That improved over the years and he made sure I felt good, too.

There was holding hands with another girl when we were really young. He couldn't explain it.

Then there was him using me for his ego. Like, he enjoyed that I wanted to sleep with him, soaked it all in but then dropped me like a hot potato because he didn't actually want sex, he wanted this ego thing.

Some years ago I'd had another bout of the same illness. When I was better I discovered a notification on his phone (my battery was empty, I was allowed to use his). He was on a dating app. He assured me 1000 times that I didn't have to worry, ever, he loves me and is faithful, he doesn't want any other woman, the stress with my illness was just too much and he used the app as some sort of escapism.

I've known him a long time and I believed and forgave him.

Yeah, but guess what? A week ago I found the same and I saw his profile. It broke me. I'm not fully recovered and really fragile and now he's doing this. When things were looking up...

I don't know what to think anymore. It really feels like addictive behavior, just without a substance of choice. Or his substance is the ego boost. And I would've thought after all those years of self-improvement and learning about addiction, he would've recognized that he always does this when he is overwhelmed. I feel incredibly betrayed. He was with me through it all so now I feel I owe it to him to stay and figure this out with him.

I just don't know anymore. This borders way too much on codependency and I just don't know if I can do it anymore.

I sound like a walking stereotype, but not all of him is like this. Very loving, always there, never ever violent. But not able to talk about his feelings at all. And then it comes to this. I don't know which way to go. We both are looking into individual therapy and also couples therapy.

Thanks for reading. Unsure what flair to use.

I’m probably not in the right place but is it possible to be addicted to food? Nothing specific but when you pass a fast food place and you can’t help but stop, even when you’re not hungry? Or eat something despite telling yourself you don’t need it/can’t afford it?

so, i was addicted to xanax from about 2021-early 2024. at the end it got bad to the point where i was losing entire months of memories, waking up with random tattoos. then one day i was super pissed off, trashed my entire house then found out i got cheated on and almost killed my best friend after i found out he fucked her. the fact im not locked up right now is truly a great showing of grace from him.

call me dumb but in those years i never learned that xanax was a benzodiazepine. benzodiazepine withdrawal can be FATAL and you are never supposed to cold turkey apparently. well i did, i flushed my pills down the sink the very next day and never picked them up again. ive never felt a pain like the pain of those withdrawals and i truly hope i never feel that again. i almost lost my hand because i managed to accidentally stab myself in the wrist with a sharp can while withdrawaling and i was so messed up i couldnt care enough to see a doctor. half of my right hand is most likely permanently numb

anyways just wanted to vent because ive been going through it today. love yall

Started using cocaine at the start of 2023, quickly became addicted. Realised I had a problem by the summer (using most days, using at work etc) and started going to NA meetings, but never got anywhere. Had two psychotic episodes, both caused by drug use. Feel so conflicted because it feels like there are two 'me's, the 'me' who wants to stop and have a normal life and rebuild relations with family (currently virtually estranged), but another part is just ravenous for drugs and I spend all my money. Feeling pretty depressed generally, coke lifts me out of it for a window of time, whereas before when I was using I was manic. I have been going to NA for ages, 'keep coming back' etc, and just can't stop the compulsion.

I’ve been in IOP for a few months and a lot of things have happened along the way. I feel it is not providing me with what I need, along with feeling unsafe due to another patient’s actions and hearsay. I feel better about the situation because it reminded me that there are predators around and I need to be more self aware. I want to leave and return to NA and start my step work. I was told by my counselor that the person in charge of the facility is refusing self discharges. That I must stop coming to group sessions for a month to earn an unsuccessful discharge. Is that legal? I don’t see it as fair because I don’t want to earn an unsuccessful discharge, but I don’t want to be in IOP for another 3 months. #rehab #addiction #laws #hipa #iop #op #outpatient #therapy #NA #AA

One of my best friends had substance abuse issues and it finally caught up to him legally. Since his arrest, he has found God, which definitely isn't a bad thing, but he was definitely not the religious type before. Hes acknowledging his consequences, making amends, and seems to want to be cleaned of drugs. question is, as an atheist, what's the best way I can support his recovery? I don't wanna say the wrong thing and push him away because of our religious differences. I do think he's smart enough not to let that happen. We've had our differences before, and he has made dumb decisions in the past but he's smart af. I want to make sure I'm not offending his recovery while he's incarcerated. I'm super proud and happy for him to have finally come to terms with his addiction after so many years, and I do not want to hinder that. My brother and I have very conflicting views in life, and my friend is aware of that, I just want to make sure I'm respecting his decision better than I did my brother's when I was a teenager.

Also, not important but still curious, and im not trying to change anyones minds, but why does religion and addiction go hand in hand? Does the 12 step program have a synonymous program for non-believers? Has anyone else had a friend go in one way and out the other?

I am getting drug tested for work I am worried I will not pass this test Anyone have any legit method that work? I’m serious about this, please don’t recommend anything you haven’t been successful with. Thank you.

I’m trying so hard to quit but I’m struggling I got on subs but it’s not helping

i ask this to know what the signs are when your partner tells you they’ve been clean/sober but aren’t.

what does someone who is lying about sobriety do or act.

Also when i caught my ex in a giant web of lies to hide his addiction, i asked for proof. proof he’s gotten help. he told me he was going to those “admit yourself” clinics but couldn’t show me any paper work bc he “didn’t have any.” idk if they do or don’t give you any.

Then he said he went to rehab which i don’t believe and when i asked for proof he showed me referral forms “filed out by his doctor” and i can find these exact forms on google as a generic referral form. He never showed me real paperwork from the private rehab centre he went to.

While he was there for a week i asked him to send me pictures so i could believe him. he said he would and he never did. it all just so fishy to me. he’s a narcissist and lied about really bad things including his father dying to hide SOMETHING (which he claims was an addiction) towards the end he said he was clean but he still acted unlike himself. mad, lying, uncontrollable rage.

how do i know if he’s still using?

Hey ya'll, I recently started smoking weed about 5 months ago and i havent been sober for one day. And im trying really hard to quit right now because i need to get my life togethere and everyday is the same. I tell myself im going to quit but end up smoking more than the day before. And its really getting to me financially to the point where im going in debt just to get high. I know I just need some motivation.

Any suggestions or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

Tldr: my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years now. when i first met him he was in active addiction using meth. he immediately quit cold turkey because he wanted to be with me and build a life together, and has never touched it since, up until 3 months ago.

after i found the meth, during the big argument, he told me that he relapsed 3 days after his birthday because i didn’t get him anything. subsequently telling me later in the argument that it “wasn’t really my fault”. i feel so much shame and guilt. we were having issues in our relationship for the past year but nothing i thought warranted a relapse.

he keeps telling me “i was going to tell you, i was going to tell you after i quit” etc and i know it’s all bullshit. i’m just so deeply betrayed and hurt that he hid his relapse from me. why didn’t he come to me? he told me it was because “he didn’t feel safe to tell me” and that i would be mad. of course i would have been mad!!! but not like i am now.

he just expects me to forgive him immediately, and work on things, and i just can’t. my heart is broken. i was so shocked when i found it that i vomited multiple times. i don’t know what to do… i’m worried that if i leave him he’s just going to continue using and ruin his entire fucking life. but i don’t know if i CAN fix things with us. i don’t even know if i want to.

and i truly believe him when he says he will quit and go to therapy/NA meetings. i know he will. but the betrayal is still so painful. it’s not really even about the drugs at all, it’s about him lying to me for months. how badly he’s gaslight me after i found out. i don’t know what to do.

So yeah Im trying to quit now, today should be they day I dose again but Im I keep myself away from it. I wish people would never underestimate that drug by calling it almost "harmless" and saying the addiction is not that strong, but the cravings are always there, especially when Im listening to music without dxm. The thought "one more time and thats it" is fucking me up fr, to everyone reading this, please dont try it dxm addiction aint no joke fr.

It sounds sad, but it isn't. Normally appropriate channels for recovery are corrupt. I should be doing other things. This is ridiculous.

I relapsed today. I can't say what the addiction is. I was under a lot of stress, and it happened. I don't know if I can go cold turkey. I cannot ask for help. I am not supposed to be someone with an addiction. I had other struggles, and I was recovering. Nobody recognizes the problem because it isn't supposed to exist.

I am not smart enough to bullshit. I cannot pretend it is alcohol. I tried.

So what now

I just don't know anymore. Each anniversary I start feeling so bad it's alarming. But each year it's gets worse and worse and worse. I completely lost any appetite, forcing food down my throat because I need the energy. I cry myself to sleep and wake up only to resume crying.

God, why am I so addicted to self sabotage and pain? Wasn't that substance crap was enough? Why can't I just be happy and proud of myself I got clean after a decade of drug abuse like a normal person.

Why am I so dead inside, oh god, how long will it be before I'll finish paying my karmatic debt to you? I can't take it anymore, I just can't.

It's been almost 3 years, since I last smoked spice. And also it's been almost 3 years since I last smiled last time.

Oh well, almost happy anniversery to me. Let's stay clean for at least just another day.

Hey, I’m f/22 and after a small relapse for a week (opioids) I’ve been clean for 28 days. My addiction was never that bad, it never got to a point of daily use over a super long period, I didn’t spend thousands and thousands of dollars on drugs, I never had to go to rehab or whatever. I also still manage to live my life, hold a job and go to uni, but I’m scared of losing that stability at some point.

And still my cravings are super bad, those feelings come up when I’m depressed, anxious or sometimes just don’t know what to do with my time. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past two years, I’m not diagnosed with anything but social anxiety which isn’t really a topic anymore.

When will it stop? Will it ever stop? I feel a lot of shame when it comes to talking about my drug abuse issues, I couldn’t tell my therapist the whole truth and I know that that’s part of the problem. It’s just frustrating, I feel like I’m lazy, like doing drugs is just choosing the easy route and that makes me feel tempted (and I know it’s bullshit because it will make my life 1000% worse in the long run). If anyone can relate or is up to talk I’d be happy if you’d send me a message.

How can I get past this? I am ruining my body and cry constantly that I am fat and i’ll change but I never do. The next day i’ll crave fast food and go get it and say “I’ll start tomorrow.” All I think about is food and what i’m going to eat next no matter what I try. I have tried dieting, eating healthier, calorie deficits, working out but nothing helps my thoughts of fast food and going to get it… PLEASE HELP!

As the title says, I need help. Since I was in 9th grade, I have always had sexual tendencies and always thinking about sex. As I grew older, and after coming out of the closet, these sexual tendencies have only gotten stronger and have stuck around. I can’t land a relationship because all I think about is wanting to have sex with the other person and thinking about other ways to be sexually active with them and I hate this. For some time, I denied the fact I needed help to get out of this mindset but I can’t live with myself knowing I’m hurting myself and others by being this way. I want to be better, I want to not be addicted to the idea and act of sex. I want to connect with others who have gone through this and begin a journey to seek help, recover from these tendencies, and see that there’s more to life and a relationship than just sex.

Got out of a relationship and bouced into another straight away, told my best friend I was meeting up with my ex and doing stuff when I was truly off my nut all Summer on pingers, weed, ket, shrooms, ect and keep in mind I had only started using so it fucked me up and I was hooked instantly.

Why tf did I lie about being a cheater? Well I did see my ex twice but my friend must've thought it happened around 20 times or some shit. And I really don't know why I lied about it, it just seemed easy to get away with so and so I wouldn't cause concern on anyone. She 'encouraged' this cheating up until recently she told the guy I was dating (but we had broken up at this point anyway) I wanna talk to him so bad but I only found out he knows about the 'cheating' yesterday. How tf do I tell people I was on drugs? I fucked my whole life up. I'm young, and sober now at least. Advice is really appreciated.

I was going out most days on my own, but sometimes with randos and getting off my face in a park or some shit, and I was usually intoxicated too.

Ive been smoking once or twice a week for a while now. I only do it for the dizzy and calming effect it has on me and i really dont think its a problem. But for the past few weeks i have been hanging out with friends who smoke multiple times a day, which means ive been smoking more. Still, even half a cigarette makes me feel all drowsy, but ive noticed myself craving it more often. Since im underage and live with my parents, i dont usually get a chance to smoke other than at night. A close friend of mine has noticed me smoking more often and thinks im going to fall onto the same path as him, is that possible? Could this actually be THAT bad? Or is it fine if i try to keep it to a minimum? Its been pretty hard to not reach for a cigarette when everyone’s asleep and i dont have anything else to do tho.

Hello everyone,

My name is Romana. I’d like to share a bit of my journey with you. For a long time, I struggled with various forms of addiction, fighting to overcome them one by one until things felt completely out of control. I had practiced yoga sporadically for years, but one day, I made the decision to train as a yoga teacher. This marked a turning point in my life: it helped me regain control, rebuild myself, and approach life with kindness and patience.

Over time, I explored many approaches – therapy, attempts at self-control and “detox,” medical consultations for pain and hard-to-diagnose issues... Each brought me something different, but yoga resonated deeply with me. This practice gave me a space to cultivate discipline and bring calm to my mind, something that I struggled with deeply.

I’d love to connect with those seeking support or curious about how a kind and non-judgmental journey can enrich their lives. To better understand your needs and how I can support you, I’ve prepared a short questionnaire—your responses would mean so much.

If you’d like to take part, the questionnaire can be sent to those who comment on or like this post.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart if you take a moment to answer it. Take care <3

Good day, people,

I wrote a post in r/getdisciplined, but I might share it over here as well since it is linked to my previous addictions: weed, alcohol, cocaine, gaming, and vaping.

First of all - I deeply believe, that you can cure your addictions, if your mind is 100% ready to make extreme changes. If it's 99% or less and you have no strong will, you will fail. Once you are truthful to yourself, you have a very good chance of changing your life for the better. Believe me, there's nothing better than be a sober person, without any magnet that pulls you back to misery.

I'm from Europe, 31M. I have a pretty decent life compared to others, worked in international banks in prestigious positions, however, life routine and the wrong friends can get you into deep shit. My first addictions - alcohol and cocaine - were my first real addictions. I wasn't drinking/snorting every day, however, it was pretty often, 1-3 times a week. As you may guess, I was influenced by the wrong people and it was all fun and shit. Until it wasn't. I started to realize how much money I spend on this shit, just to fulfill my ego temporarily. How pathetic I looked then when I think about it now. Luckily, I slowly started from 24 years to now (31) to minimize my partying. Like when I was 25 years old, I drank 10 times a year heavily, with some cocaine (or MDMA). In 26 somewhat 7 times. 29yo 4 times.
Do you see the trajectory?
Yes, you won't be as interesting to others as before. Yes, people will start to ignore you or not invite you to their social gatherings. And that's okay. You must abandon these people or let them know your intentions, that you're not gonna be their drinking buddies anymore. Plain and simple. Works very well for me, I've filtered many friends through these years, now I have only close ones.
One of the things that stopped me from drinking too much was hangovers. It was KILLING me. I couldn't do shit for 3 days minimum, no work, no gym, no sex life, nothing. Just a depressed bitch laying in bed, looking for any way to increase dopamine and decrease depression, caused by alcohol (and drugs too). One last thing about letting me quit regular alcohol usage for good was when I realized it was not cool at all. Yes, at a younger age, you shall party sometimes, to create connections and have some crazy stories. But once you are 23-24, you should put a stamp on these social gatherings as much as possible. YOU ARE NOT COOL when you drink. You say nasty, embarrassing shit, you look like a zombie, you can't be reliable, and your image of "Oh I'm so cool" is just an illusion. You can be much better sober and without constant parties, trying to prove something to other junkies.

Now, a bit easier addiction - gaming. Gaming in general is an amazing hobby or relaxation method after work. Of course, depends on what you are playing. If it's a single-player, simulator, or any other less stress-causing game, then it's pretty good, I've played many games like Elden Ring, Red Dead Redemption, GTA5, Assassins Creeds... And there are multiplayer games, that lure you to play multiplayer ranked games, like CS, LOL, Dota, etc. These are tricky ones. You subliminally try to get better, chase better rank, chase that dopamine and it is addicting. I played for many years, but for a good half of a year, I haven't played any games because I sold my gaming PC, PS4, and do not play any games on my mobile phone.
The easiest way was to sell my gear and deal with it. I realized, that once I'm intoxicated by vaping or weed, my gaming addiction rises to maximum. That's why I dropped weed and vaping too.

Another very know addiction - is weed. This one was the hardest to (partially* I'll explain further) get away from, at least for me because I love weed. It gives so much joy and relaxation, everything becomes much more interesting, tastier, and more "at the moment". Weed Blazers understand very well what I'm yapping about here. It has no hangover, no risk of overdosing, and no ultra withdrawals after one or two joins smoked in the evening. But. You have to smoke it responsibly. Once you smoke a bit more, a bit more, a bit more, you appear like in my situation by smoking 3-5gs per day. Bongs, joints, you name it. Vaping on top to maximize the high. But this friendly high can cause you serious damage, like unproductivity, "zombie mode", temporary memory difficulty, realization, that life can be beautiful without weed. Let me tell you this: as a big weed advocate in the public, you must do it VERY CAREFULLY. If you have problems with addictions, don't even try it. I quit heavily smoking weed about a year ago and it was one of the best decisions in my life. I became productive AS FUCK. Sharp mind. Easy conversations. Less stress. More healthy density. The gym results went amazingly up.

And last, but one of the most disgusting addictions that I had in my life recently - vaping. This was the hardest to quit, took me 3-4 months. This addiction is different because this little piece of shit is always in your hand, available in any gas station or regular store, with different flavors and nobody gets offended by vaping. Imagine if I were drunk and on cocaine in my office. Or gaming competitive games in my office? Or fried to the gills on weed? I would be instantly thrown out from my job, but vaping is okay. And it is okay SOMETIMES, but not every day. For me, it was the last addiction I was trying to cure, only good 3-4 months since I dropped it. The first few days were quite strange, because I was looking for it constantly. Every stressful situation - vape. Every joy situation - vape. Don't know what to do - vape. Once I quieted all my addictions for good, I was still feeling very lazy and fatigued, having bad sleep. Once I dropped vaping, I realized, what kind of cancer this nicotine shit is. People say "I need a nicotine rush to be more energetic". WTF are you talking about? It blasts you like a bull and later you sit like a vegetable. Smoking will provide nothing positive to you, trust me. Once I dropped vaping, my mind was so much clearer, even more than from smoking weed. My sleep quality increased exponentially, my gym results went to the roof, crazy energy levels. I was afraid of the withdrawals from nicotine, but it was a walk in the park because my wish to be sober was way bigger than to be satisfied temporarily.

Some of you will ask: how did you manage to get away from these things so easily? My secret was having a higher goal than before. I didn't quit these addictions because I just wanted it. It wouldn't be successful.
My goal was and is to become the best version of me, that I can possibly be:

1. Gym/sauna every day;
2. Clean my home, car, and myself.
3. No toxic relationships. Bye-bye to " drinking or social media friends"
4. Learn things constantly
5. Be honest, brave, polite, kind-hearted, but at the same ambitious person
6. Work for myself, stop listening to people around me who are in bad positions
7. Healthy food not as a diet, but lifestyle
8. Regular sleep schedule

These things gave me the strength to say NO to these addictions because every one of them was toxic to my plans. I never wanted to be a little bitch like I was before, blaming all the world for my problem, but the problem was my mindset.

My advice to you: give yourself a higher goal than regular people have.
For example: I will run a full marathon; I will provide for my poor parents like nobody else; I want to become a gym instructor; I want to become a role model for other people to help. Trust me, once you have a simillar goal, every addiction will appear to you as just an obstacle. I believe in you people!

Now, I'm not the saint, I have my guilty pleasures once in a while to not go crazy:

Once a month, I and my friends gather to watch of sport event all night. We smoke weed, vape, eat a lot of junky food, and play some mobile games together. Once the watch party is over, my life goes back easily to gym/projects/sauna/life tasks.

1-2 times in a year, I go to a party for my friend's birthday or some weddings (it has to be ultra occasion for me to come). I go, drink anything I want but with more brain. 1 time a year, I do a little coke too in my close friend's group (not every year).

Other than that, my life is completely sober. I can manage my relationship with toxic materials very well. Don't feel any bad affections, I perform every day, except Sundays, when I have some more free time to relax. Hard note: if I can manage these things, doesn't mean everyone can. Some people might need serious help and can't have any contact with these things.

If any of you would like to speak to me, just hit DM and I'll help you to deal with your addictions. Many people (from my other Reddit account) are constantly contacting me and telling me their results, which is absolutely amazing. Don't be she, I was there where you are now, I'll try to help you! Sometimes even a friendly chat can help you to start gaining power to change your life, I'm more than happy to help you.

TL;DR: If you want to quit your addictions, you must raise a higher purpose, than just being sober. Being only sober won't help you to deal with your life problems. A clean lifestyle is absolutely amazing.

I (23F) am a Mom of two; Both under the age of 4. I’ve been dealing with this for a while; I’ve smoked marijuana since I was 14. My oldest brother got me started and since then I haven’t stopped.. I do what I have to as a Mom and Wife, I’m a caregiver for a close relative so money comes in smoothly but I want to stop smoking. Don’t get me wrong, buying It doesn’t hinder me from buying diapers, clothes, shoes, or anything my babies need. I always make sure to buy them what they need before going to the dispensary.. but I’ve been battling whether or not deciding to buy myself things that I don’t think I really need but my husband has noticed it. Like.. he’ll tell me he appreciates all I do for him and the kids but says I don’t do enough for myself?? I have a good amount of underwear and like 3 good bras and he thinks I should buy new ones? Or buy me some new socks or something.. Get my hair done (I do my own nails) or spend that money on something else? I’ve been going through a lot with family, friends, and almost losing my spouse due to a mistake I made. So I recently started drinking too? I feel like I’m spiraling but I don’t know how to stop… Am I a bad person in General?

DRUG S0UP 👁️Short stories🩸on self hatred👁️ … 🤍Dedicated🕊️to🕊️James🤍 🩶Samantha🕊️and🕊️Matt🤍 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 A collection of short stories lived and written by Noah Benjamin Phillips … … … Addiction is a compulsive mental illness and it can absolutely kill you. Many people never make it out or out alive…and the deeper you go with it the harder it becomes to save yourself, or for others to help you. Don’t rush through this life, it’s ok, make it something that you want to live in.

(AND HERES ALL THE STUFF I WASN'T ALLOWED TO SAY AT THE 12 STEP MEETING). … … … (Circa 2013) Larry the dust head is chasing me down a street by the train tracks, with a kitchen knife... I'm still healing from the beating I got from our dealers last week; the ones he bought his dust from; the same ones I got my crack from. I'm in the Hempstead bus terminal now, by the LIRR, asking people for $1 for the bus; because I'm trying to get up $30 for my 3 bag dope shot I'm about to really need soon; once I run out of these crumbs of crack that l've been taking smoke breaks with, every 5 minutes in the men's room. I'm on the way back from my dope guy, going I'm not sure where because I have no place to go so I head to my mom's house, so I can break the restraining order she has, now... I'm in a Nassau County police squad car, in the back seat. The cuffs hurt; but I like pain; it's ok… I must like pain.

(Circa 2013) I see life like a series of Rube Goldberg machines. One thing leads to another, everything with some purpose, ending inevitably and with alot of bullshit along the way... I must have passed out in here, I'm on the floor of an adult novelty shop, one of the places I was hustling out of by Times Square. My bookbag is missing, my pockets got ran through. They didn't get my stash pockets though, I got my dope and my Xanax sticks still. And my shoes...All they got was some Suboxone. Of course, my ID, my Obama phones and all my dirty clothes, and random junkie shit are missing - but who cares? I do, obviously, so I go to the counter and ask the really mean Indian guy who's working where my bookbag went. He's like "You no sleeping here! Out out! Out now! I call the police!". I'm like whatever, I gotta come back to this shithole sometime later in the week and have the guy let me give him the $10 to go sit upstairs and try to get my dick sucked for cash, maybe get a free get high. Pass out after I crash.

… (Circa 1988) When I was 5, my parents had me take a Stanford-Binet IQ test. I scored 137; certifying me as a "gifted" child. Almost a genius but not quite, back then; when the test was current. I hated that. It's all what you do with it, though, your IQ...and it's still just one kind of test. At my first appointment with a psychologist when I was little I just kept repeating out loud "I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot." As I punched my own arm. I forgot what he said, I think it was something about me being "the teenager contemplating his navel"... I got straight +A's in school, high honor roll, until high school hit. All the years I thought I was so useless. Such a lost cause, it sits fine with me now, because I see how my mind has saved me from death... One time, my crack dealer said to me, "You should stop smoking this shit and get a job, Noah. Enjoy the finer things... You're not a stupid whiteboy". Not everything or everyone is what you think, and sometimes it's best to listen. … SILENCE … My very first visual memory from my old life (1983-2020); I was at the Bronx zoo. I was 1 or 2. My mom was holding me, I was looking at a lion in a cage. A small, black, barred cage. Blurry. The last memory I have from my old life was a moving tire; on a 18 wheeler; as I was jumping underneath it to commit suicide. Just as blurry. I don't know, I think sometimes I died in that old life; and this is a parallel universe; and I’m another version of my self now; maybe I fell in between our dimensions and into the form of electromagnetic radiation; an afterlife; or it's just my last split second hallucination; this new reality of mine. I broke my jaw in 3 places and shattered my right orbital on the ground that day; the tire threw me face first onto the street. I felt so stuck; I was trying to escape from a prolonged, grimy situation that I made possible with the help of drugs, sex work and extreme isolation from surface society. Homelessness during Covid lockdown is what eventually drove me to that final point. Locked out; while they were all locked In.. the bottom of the bottom. But...l sit here now, able to write, record and realize who I am. And forgive who I was. At the end of each day, I suffered, invisible. Silently... I hate wishing because they either don't happen; or they end up backfiring; but; I wished in the end of my journey; that I could just wave it all away; like the pale smoke that it really is.

(Circa 2013) I was in the bus terminal again, asking around for crack... I meet someone, he's a 40 something black guy, homeless too I'm assuming but he says give him a few minutes he'll be back. I told him I only had $9. He comes back 15 minutes later with a cigarette cellophane filled with baking soda. Tells me it's $9, I say "no I'm good". He argues I can't leave the lobby, now, until I buy it. He says he'll stomp me out if I do. I walk out anyways, he follows me and gets in front of me...blocks the door, swings at my face but I block it; and I swing; miss his face and he ducks backwards, then lands a decent shot in my mouth. One of my front teeth is knocked back. He leaves me alone, I go into the bathroom with my 9 last dollars, and look in the mirror, to adjust my tooth back into a proper position. I wipe my face off, a guy who sees me cleaning my bloody mouth says to me "boy, somebody's gotta teach you how to fight". I run into the guy I fought a few days later by the train station, near the tracks. He calls me over, saying "Hey, you're my brother now!" and smokes me up on his blunt. Offers me some liquor. An era of errors. Erratic behavior on the A line... All day, next year and into fuckin stupid tomorrow, too. … (Circa 1999) I was committed to a psychiatric facility for the first time when I was 16 years old I had iust been indefinitely suspended from High School. For calling in a bomb threat 2 weeks after the Columbine shootings. I only told one person, about the bomb threat. It was my best friend from next door and i didn't know it but some kid we knew was in the other room listening in. He snitched on me...ducked me for like the following 10 years, too. I was home schooled then transferred into the emotionally disturbed adolescent education system. A bunch of schools. But first, the psych admission. A children's psychiatric center in Long Island. was arrested but didn't do any time in juvey, just a short hearing in the family court. Therapy. Anyways, I hated it. This was new to me, a locked in situation... So in the hospital, I heard stories from the nurses. One about a kid who cut himself from top to bottom and across too and then pressed himself into the wall to make a bloody crucifix. Another about a girl who killed 4 people; and was ruled clinically insane. She was about to spend the rest of her life in a psych unit. Watching Jerry springer and Wheel Of Fortune in the TV room... snacks and meds. Group. She was being transferred through the facility, broke a few staff members noses during her admission, said she bit all the way through her restraints once... Two kids who escaped, robbed a liquor store, sat down drinking by some lake together, then one kid; impulsively or something, picked up a nearby rock and caved the other kids head in with it. Went about his day after like nothing was going on in his life, I guess. He got caught a day later. I would iump on the bed with my bunkies and the guy would come in waving the flashlight. Yelling to get back in bed. It wasn't always that bad. Saw my first inner lip tattoo on a dorm mate. Said "fuck you". I Got mine 2 years after when I was 18. Mine Says "torment." There was a tall black guy, a nurse, who watched kung fu movies with us and let us stay up past bedtime. I got out after 90 days. … (Circa 2007) I'm on a "date" at some bar, which is really just meeting an older male client. Staring at a few girls while I wait for him to show up... I'm with my client at his apartment now; his grunting mouth on my soft dick. I'm not sure why he still cums; I'm obviously not into it. I'm so numb I don't think I could feel you if you stabbed me. Life itself is what you, yourself, perceive that it is... Create your own perspective how you can, it creates your view, your perception, your reality. your you. Thave a strong sense of my own physicality. Intuition in the physical sense, too... I'm learning now, how to apply those traits to real life skills and betterments. I hope I'm not bored or hurting when I'm dead. … (Circa 2020/21) I can hear them talking to me, at a very low frequency. People, different ones, like voices in my head... I'm arguing back to them, cutting small incisions into my temples with broken glass from my bedroom window that I just punched out, trying to find the chip implanted in my head that one of the surgeons in all those hospitals I stayed in over the years must have placed because this shit is unreal. The way crystal meth left my brain. I felt like there was something going on and I just didn't know what it was. A secret created to irritate me all day...all of eternity for all I know. Intrusive thoughts, ideas and internal dialogue that feels like it doesn't even belong to my own mind, isn't really claiming to, either. Telling me it's Jeff Goldberg (for some odd reason) calling from Hollywood on a telepathic device to tell me l'm going to be a star. A bright, shining star... Sitting in the TV room, the day room. Interfaith Hospital Psychiatric department, wing 9 West. With 46 stitches between the both of myelbow pits. I decide the intrusive thoughts are telling the truth. I'm just trying to explain it on the payphone to my mom but she's not buying it. I don't think. I'm almost sure she believed me at some point though, about the telepathic devices. You know how insanity is contagious, when it's infecting the ones you love. Don't put me back in the clown museum, I'm all out of balloons, can't sneak anything in, nothing to sneak. When I go back, anyways, I'm gonna bite the first motherfucker that tries to give me that Thorazine shot.. Maybe lIl learn how to play chess, when get sent back to the psych unit. … (Circa 2008) Once upon a time in Long Island, a pill popper/garbage head and his girlfriend lived in his mothers downstairs part of the house, before he was out on his ass and after they kept getting evicted from apartments. Collectively, they had no life. They didn't take alot of Adderall, they took more than a lot. They fought so much, fought over the drugs, over the side-people in this "open" relationship of theirs... the screaming and him breaking all the breakable things in the room, with her trying to stab him with the broken objects. He ripped her underwear up and her favorite clothes, when he would find out she spite-fucked some other guy again...Then he'd force her to call up a regular trick for a quick $300 so he can do all the drugs they buy, anyways. She hated him from his dysfunctional dick, all the way down, and up to that garbage head too. He made a girl squirt on her side of the bed one night while she was out. When she got home, he made her sleep in it, told her it was just water... She bit his chest and broke his skin, drew blood when he grabbed the phone she was trying to call the police from. Arguing over coke, and the right to crash at her sugar daddy's place. Manages to get the steak knife out of he other hand, too. Changes his description on the way out of the building. Gets away without a problem. She left one morning when he was sleeping. It was cold and snowy that morning. Merry Ex-mass. He woke up happier, but got exceptionally more high and risked his life twice as much that week.

Because he was so glad... she was gone. He left to Florida after almost 9 years of this off and on, "relationship". She invited him back to New York to commit suicide with her in a Taco Bell restroom, in Freeport, Li, on a heroin overdose method. He denied said request and stayed in recovery in south Florida. She eventually got clean, got married. Lives somewhere else…away... He lives back in New York now, he is clean, too. …

(Circa 1994) When I was 11, I was afraid to fight. I got picked on but then I learned better. My grandfather made me fight a boy who was bullying me after school. He saw the boy punching me and me not fighting him back. He taught me how to throw a punch and told me I'd better punch him if he picks on me next time. So the next day, after school the same boy tries to pick on me and this time I beat him up, face down in the grass, he never bullied me again. When I decided I'd had enough drugs, it was like war. Like a solo mission into myself to destroy at any cost at this point. I started saying that "I'm doing it not trying anymore, no more trying." And I didn't believe I'd ever succeed. But when I, ME when I'd had enough that was when I was staying on a bare mattress a step up from sleeping on the train. With crackheads, smoking meth alone in my shitty small room. With my water rot hole next to my bed. That was when it clicked. When I made it click. When I finally, had enough. When enough was actually enough. And it took time. It took time...then I had to recover from the brain damage. Another 2 years and 7 months. Now? I'm going to become a fitness instructor, I won't have kids - because I'm too crazy, too big a responsibility but if I end up doing well I can live good on the salary with no family. But if you're fighting this addiction battle, then look inside yourself for the answer. And the answer is loving yourself. Whatever that looks like for you. Because it's about you. Or extensions of you. But focus on you. You've got to. When vou grab a vegetable from the ground you pull it from the root, usually. Correct? So when you are trying to remove a problem from your life you should pull it like a tooth, or a vegetable or a black head. From the root and all the way up… … (Circa June 2020) She crouched down beside me as I sat by the lamp post; with wild grey hair and dark skin; eyes like a hunter; and she said to me "I slit throats." She was asking me assertively to give her "something more cerebral"; regarding the song I had on my speaker... I shut off my music, wiped off my eyeliner and began to live the last portion of my street life; with God as my witness. I only saw her one more time. In passing...her knife hidden deep inside her boot. Addiction is like creating an ocean between you and the rest of the world. As you keep using, the water gets bigger, the creatures come about; the tide gets deeper, murkier. Until it's just you at the other end of 30,000 leagues of pure black water, trying to see the other side of life, the ones, the things, the places you desire to be a part of, but you are in your separate end of the ocean that your addiction has created and it's so hard tosee; let alone feel; or be intertwined and connected to. Once one makes that decision to swim up to the surface to be a part of and not apart from true, beautiful life anymore it's all holding your breath as the spiny, slimy creatures graze your legs and the predators near miss your head with sharp teeth. The first few breaths of air once you hit the top, though. … (Circa 2011) Sitting by the window of my mother’s old sewing room that’s an empty space waiting to be remodeled…glancing at the plain, green(ish) lawn outside. It’s reflecting in patches against the twilighted sky, the broken wooden, picket fence, naturally colored, getting old…full of holes and broken tips… With my dope needles; seeing which one isn’t clogged, so I can shoot the two small glassine baggies of heroin I just got. I just learned how to shoot up, so I’m going in my upper wrist; where some veins were actually visible… I get a shot after fiddling and trying a couple times; dripping blood a little down my arm; I see the small drop of blood in the base of the syringe; light tan liquid, about 40cc worth of water and maybe .3 grams of extremely cut dope. The small drop of blood in the base shoots up like a tiny, dancing red dragon as I pull the base of the plunger up then immediately push it in, trying really hard not to shake it and have it fall out of my vein. The instantaneous effects hit me, right in my core; in early heroin addiction I’d still feel my shots; euphoria and excitement to get more; like a 12 year old birthday party gone well; smiling in my warm; itchy; fuzzy trance.. I remember when I was little; when this room was my mom’s sewing room still, she used to give me drops of blood for my toy microscope; to look at her blood cells; she would prick her thumb with a sewing needle… I’d wonder how she dealt with the pain; it looked like it hurt and I was too scared to do it to myself… My face turns to neutral expressions and the lawn leaves my sights with gone; emotionless blinks. We grow up so fast; so fast we crash sometimes…

(Circa 2013) My right ankle is shackled to the thick plastic bed frame, from an 18" steel chain, the ankle cuff is hard and the edges hurt, my hands are uncuffed. I'm starting to get anxious from the boredom, staring at my styrofoam lunch tray with the empty plastic juice cups and a few scattered string beans. My plastic spoon... I want drugs. I'm in NUMC Hospital in East Meadow. I got arrested in such a dopesick/benzo withdrawal state that I had to be admitted to the hospital in custody... put on a small dose of Methadone and Librium. The CO is by the door on a swiveling office chair looking at his phone. I decide to fake a seizure to get a shot of Ativan. I suddenly begin to shake around violently on my hospital bed, and drool, roll my eyes back into my head and tense my whole body up. The CO calls the nurse on the intercom. She comes in with a sweet little 2mg shot of Ativan for me. Puts it in me, intramuscular, into the muscle, or, I mean, the flabby shit, on my pasty white arm. I calm down and take a nap, ask for some graham crackers and juice. Then I do it again about 4 hours later... The nurse gives me another shot, reluctantly. Then on my third try, she comes in and exclaims; "Ok, no way! You're faking it. Cut it out, it's only been 2 hours since the last dose. You can't be having a seizure." I smile and say "ok, sorry. The CO says to me "you're an asshole", and goes back to the chair by the door to stare at his phone. While I think about all the crack I'm gonna smoke in some motel room when I'm discharged from county jail. … (Circa 2013) I must have walked 200 blocks the first night I was homeless in Manhattan. It was warm out at least...July I think. My feet were in terrible pain, I limped when walked after about a week or so of constant walking or standing, until eventually, due to lack of another option, I got broken in. Most of what I saw after all, during my periods spent living on the street was just that, the street. Bleak, empty at times, too crowded at others or just nobody who would talk to me about my problems or anything actually with anyone, anywhere but here... ..the sidewalks, scrolling by, on a one track, seemingly everlasting circle through a chunk of my time spent on Earth so far... ..and it is what it is. I guess it's just gotta be. (Circa NOW 1 used to believe, when I was in my adolescence, that I had so much love inside of me. Probably other stuff too, yes, but love. That's the word I picked to describe it. As I saw that my love was not wanted or loved, yet, I ran out of hope. I decided that I was not to be loved. So my love became some kind of hate instead. Adolescent rage. And after I really felt the hate, came the drugs. I did not love the hate, so I hated to feel this way, I needed more. More drugs. So much more...with time comes change, more or less. Nothing short of miracles have made me able to sit here and realize that in actuality, I have recovered from the brain damage that was created by the drugs that I needed because of my inner, my outer hate, that was spawned from: not being accepted, my love, my wanting to love. Didn't know the whole time I was the true love of my life... The root is what?

How stupid was I to think I would marry my high school girlfriend lol, we broke up when we were 20 and I haven’t seen or heard from her in 10 or so years. She unblocked me from everything out of the blue to ask about a childhood friend of ours that’s been in and out of jail..I asked her what she’s been up to and she said she just got out of jail. Being unsure of what she had to her name or living situation I asked her if she had a winter coat because sometimes when you get out of jail you lose everything and have nothing.

She said that she stole a winter coat from a department store by walking out with it on and outright said that she smokes crack and only gives a fuck about getting high and that her drug use isn’t as bad as people are making it out to be and that unless she told you there was no way you would know she’s high.

I reached out to her mother, and she says she has a daughter that she hasn’t seen since Xmas last year and hasn’t called even on her birthday.

My heart was broken man, I went and looked through her pictures and I was blown away by the drastic change in appearance. The most gorgeous, hilarious funniest person I’ve ever known that I thought went on to university to be a teacher has somehow found themselves living a life of addiction with what certainly seems like a hint of criminality.

I smoke weed, I’ve done adderall and mushrooms. I have no idea what it’s like to be addicted to coke, much less crack. Common sense says to stay away from this but I can’t accept what I’m seeing.

Can somebody link me some audiobook or podcast to help me understand what the fuck is going on in her head?

I’m not trying to be captain save a hoe over here and mount the greatest comeback of all time by getting my hs gf back or anything stupid like that im just generally concerned and heart broken.

TRIGGER WARNING self harm mentions (I openly talk about cutting)

I’ve self harmed for 4 years now, with the odd exception of the times I got clean (10month and 9month period of being clean other than that no more than a month in between, sometimes I do it multiple times a day if I’m really struggling) started when I was 11 because a friend told me she did it and it made her feel better and it was at this time that my mental health started to decline due to shitty school and home life. At first it was very light and I got caught and sent to therapy but it didn’t help and I discovered self harm twitter which made it even more worse. I’ve got to a point where I hit the fat layer of my skin frequently and I have hundreds of ugly scars all over my body, very few parts of my body isnt tainted with my scars. My chest, my arms, my legs, my ankles, I feel disgusting but it’s the only way I can feel better.

I do it to stop feeling or to feel, I dissociate when things get bad which scares me and so I hurt myself to remind myself I’m alive, or else I start believing I’m god or some shit. And sometimes my emotions are so much that all I can do is bang my limbs against walls scream and cut myself just to make it STOP. My parents have tried everything to get me to stop, I’ve seen private therapists, public mental health organisations, tried SSRIS(antidepressants) I’ve been taught countless healthy coping mechanisms but all I’ve done is taught myself to eat my feelings away when I can’t cut.

I know I have a problem but I fear a life when I don’t do these things to myself, it feels like it’s the only thing that keeps me together, I feel like I’d just fall apart if I couldn’t do it. I’ve stopped before, I know I can do it, but I go through episodes where I’m happy for months and then something goes wrong and I’m back to where I started. How does one actually convince themselves they need to stop something?

I’m scared that one day I’m going to cut into something, I’ve cut into a nerve before and I limped for days, I think I’ve hit veins before, I’ve had infections. I’m scared one day it’s going to go wrong and I’m going to die. I’m 15, I don’t want to die, I’ve attempted before sure but it was all just in a self pity I can’t tell people I’m struggling so I have to show them way. I don’t want these scars on me, I don’t want to ruin my body anymore, I want to stop but I don’t know how.

I don’t know if anyone will read this post, or care, but if anyone does and you can bestow some wisdom on me please do. I don’t know if this is the right subreddit to post on, I figured addiction was addiction no matter what it was and maybe someone could understand. I feel like all the self harm centric communities online are anti recovery at their very core, or they’re so delusioned that they too struggle to face the addiction for what it really is.