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I am 22, and a regular smoker. It helps some things, but I feel as though I spend too much money on it and I am becoming too reliant on it. Any advice? Should I quit? And if so, what helped previous smokers to quit.

TDLR; I'm (31 F) intimidated by my potentially long-term healing process and worry that I'll stil end up with unbearable emotional pain in the end, so I still occasionally slip into thoughts of suicide. Why should I keep going? Do you think I'm on/have been on a healthy track so far? I'm not used to this, but I still always strive to be better. Would appreciate any genuine words of encouragement.

I've (31 F) been dealing with depression and anxiety for the past 11 years, with common suicidal ideation. Diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OPCD, issues with perfectionism, rigidity, over-control) several years ago. Been on antidepressants for 5 years. Currently dealing with betrayal trauma from recently learning from a friend that my (now recently ex) boyfriend cheated on me 8 years ago with another friend and that my friend group knew this entire time (I stopped talking to all of them).

After two suicide attempts a few months ago, I was in inpatient, then transitioned to IOP. Learned a lot and its been helpful, but I know I'll need more therapy to heal more and live a life in accordance to my values (which currently keep changing). I'm so intimidated and worried and apprehensive of all the work that I think would help me: not limited to practicing radical (self) acceptance, going through Radically Open DBT (DBT for people struggling with over-control), and doing EMDR. Sometimes I worry that none of it will work. Or that I'll still be in unbearable emotional pain.

I know that healing could take years and what's hard is that it's so easy to give up and think about suicide every time I'm in an emotionally painful mental rabbit hole. But I still think about trying because at the very least, recently, I feel like I deserve to be here in the world simply because I exist.

I would appreciate genuine words of encouragement to keep going and keep trying. Or words that let me know you think I'm on a healthy track. I'm not used to this, but I still strive to be better.

Thank you

I had rough childhood/teenhood experiences full of rejection and bullying and ostracism which has effected me as an adult from developing real connections and getting anywhere in my life. The thing is, how do you truly forget your past? Our experiences get written in our bones and rest in our subconscious even if we don’t consciously remember, so what do you do to forget? Feels impossible to me.

title. for a long time I thought self improvement to be like: I need to be this and that, I need to work on it, I need to quit social media, and all that stuff. But after many failed attempts, it seems to me that I now see the reality of what it means to self improve. I've been shunning a lot of my emotions and actions, like being avoidant, masturbating, people pleasing and all other "bad" stuff. But now that I try to understand why, I can finally see the change. Thought I'd share, maybe this is a common knowledge :)

I’m having a hard time getting thru my break up. It was a week ago and I’m devastated. We dated for 4 years and have two cats together. He took them as my parent’s apartment doesn’t allow cats (he’d also call me so many names if I took them from him). He said throughout the 4 years I’ve been a miserable bitch, a liar, manipulative, and much more bad words. I get why he’s calling me all that I do have BPD but I don’t think I deserved all of that and more. Long story short: I want to move on, heal, and work on my “manipulation”. What’s the best thing to help me? Any books, videos, advice is welcomed! I don’t have much money as I’m in my masters program and can’t afford a therapist. I need a cheap and dummies guide to this. Thank you everyone!

Like the title suggests, when I watch a video or read a book or listen to a podcast, or even while I am in the middle of doing that, I immediately go to comments or reddit to see what the mass audience are thinking/speaking about. While I read that, I then think which one resonates with me the most - "among the comments I have seen". Any other opinions apart from this that I may have, since in my brain its not validated, I just disregard it as not relevant. Say another place, I come across this opinion being validated, I again see that it will resonate with me.

Has anyone noticed this about themselves? I want to be able to have my own opinions before I read any one else's thought. I think its hindering my critical thinking abilities, and gut intuition. Like when I am reading something new, which probably have no reviews, I feel is reading even worth it. Or like in other times, when I am working on a hard problem, I start looking for solutions on web before I even think of one myself. Or when I want to start on a diet, I dont start, rather I get opinions from different people about this diet and only go with it if I see enough people talking about it.

I don't have much empathy. I'm able to understand what would feel good or bad for someone, but I don't feel it.

There are things that people do as normal human beings that I don't. I'm a bad person mostly because of the kind things that I don't do.

I don't ask people for help and when others ask for my help, it feels like a burden and I usually try to avoid it, unless they're asking to help with something I personally want to do too.

When my friends or family are in a bad situation, I don't help. I just ignore it and avoid the topic. I know that's wrong, and that I should do and say nice things. But I don't even know what to say. Knowing me, I'll end up saying something so unempathetic that it makes them feel worse. And it's very weird for me to say sentimantal things. Sometimes I avoid saying anything because I feel like I should do something to help, but I don't have anything to offer. But a lot of the time - I hate to admit it but - it's because I don't care enough. Sometimes I force myself to ask how my friend is doing, but I think they can tell I'm not asking because I care enough.

I want good things to happen to people in my life. I hope the best for them. But I just don't play any part in helping them.

I can give examples of how bad this is.

• My friend's mother has cancer. I didn't say anything to make my friend feel better and I didn't even check up on him
• My friend's daughter got very sick, but I didn't really check up on it. I made an effort to ask. But I think he saw from the way I asked that I didnt actually care too much.
• My mom had cancer and I acted like I didnt know, because my siblings were already helping her.

I try to talk less and distance myself from friends so that they don't have to deal with a bad friend.

I want to stop being a stone-hearted person who doesn't care about anyone and doesn't want to be cared for by others. I don't know why I'm like this, but I've noticed others aren't like this.

How do I stop hesitating so much to say nice things? What should I say? How to make it stop being awkward? What can I do for them?

I’m deleting all social media accounts I need a break from it and the toxicity.

Hi everyone,

I often struggle with maintaining consistency and focus when preparing for career-related goals or exams like AFCAT. I feel motivated for a day or two but lose momentum quickly, which makes me fall behind and feel disappointed in myself.

Here are some details about my situation:

• I’m currently a BCA student and want to work in an MNC. I also aim to later pursue an MBA.
• I’m trying to prepare for competitive exams while improving my technical skills, but my progress feels scattered.
• I’ve realized that I need strict accountability and a structured plan to stay on track.

Can anyone share tips or strategies for:

1. Building a sustainable study routine that I can stick to?
2. Staying motivated even when I feel stuck or overwhelmed?
3. Managing distractions and overthinking during preparation?

I’d love to hear any advice, tools, or personal experiences that helped you overcome similar challenges. Thank you!

 Hello all. I’m writing this post to ask for some advice with a problem that I have. I’m really fucking stupid. Like REALLY stupid. So stupid that I wonder how I manage to do anything at all.
 Now I’m sure that you’re probably thinking that I’m being hyperbolic but I can assure you that I’m not. At every job I’ve had, I’ve been this incompetent asshat and this carries on at home too. I genuinely don’t know what I can do to fix this so if you have any advice I’d appreciate it if you shared. Thank you.

TLDR: I’m a dumbass. How do I fix this?

I'm at 14/90 meetings with ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents & Dysfunctional Families) as well as a DBT group at my school that restarts in January. I plan on trying CoDA very soon. And I'm still in therapy weekly.

It feels strange to say that next week I'll get my one month chip. Emotional sobriety is HARD. Recovery is hard. Co-dependency recovery is hard. I'm in a weird slump where some days feel impossible multiple days in a row. I feel the regret and the grief and the anger so deeply in a way I hadn't allowed myself for most of my life. I no longer let it build and build on the backburner until I lash out and explode. I've taken more steps for preventative coping than damage control.

The more I learn through these programs, therapy, and research, the more I see how dysfunctional I am. Somehow, even my TikTok FYP has clocked me as dysfunctional, traumatized, and in recovery. Did you know that relinquishing control of others is how you build trust? I didn't. I tried to control my environment and the people in it to protect myself instead of learning how to control myself. Or feel my feelings. Emotional dissociation? A thing. It's painful to feel again like this. I have always felt very deeply and have always been a very sensitive person, but my experience is in an invalidating environment especially when those feelings are negative, and I learnt to repress and direct everything inward until I couldn't anymore. I'm, slowly but surely, learning how to sit with my feelings. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) has also been a surprising superhero for me lately as I've always been rather wretched at regulating my emotions and body.

Today's meeting is especially enlightening as its about playing victimhood and overloading responsibility as a cyclical means to avoid addressing internal chaos and building an independent life. And the more I read the Big Red Book, the more I see myself. Which sucks! But in the relieving way? The "Oh my god, I'm known, and it's a relief now to be known and to then know there's a way up" kind of way.

Anyway, that's all for now! Thank you for reading.

Own Your Journey: Empowerment Through Self-Awareness

Did you know that dedicating just a few moments each day to reflection could unlock a more fulfilling life? Discover how in this concise guide on self-awareness.

What is Self-Awareness?

Self-awareness, as defined by the dictionary, is “knowledge and awareness of your own personality or character.”

Self-awareness sits at the core of our personal development and wellbeing. It involves truly knowing oneself – understanding personal preferences, motivations, strengths, weaknesses, and the principles guiding your life. Think of self-awareness as a compass, providing clarity and direction in navigating life's complexities. It goes beyond mere likes and dislikes; it entails a deep understanding of what drives you, what defines you, and the habits that shape your daily existence.

Why Developing Self-Awareness is Important

Self-awareness is more than just a psychological buzzword; it's a powerful catalyst for life transformation. When you deeply understand your inner workings, a path to a more enriched and fulfilled life unfolds.

Firstly, self-assuredness becomes your greatest asset. Thorough self-knowledge empowers you to confidently navigate life's challenges. Criticism becomes constructive feedback, fueling personal growth and development.

Moreover, understanding your motivations is essential. Whether fueled by love, passion, or financial incentives, recognizing these driving forces sheds light on your choices and actions. Acknowledging strengths and weaknesses sets the stage for continuous improvement.

Living by a set of principles, whether personal beliefs or external guidelines, adds depth to self-awareness. These principles serve as a compass, ensuring your actions align with your values.

Practical Steps to Increase Self-Awareness

Identify your preferences: Start by recognising your likes and dislikes. Whether it's a disdain for certain activities or a passion for others, acknowledging these preferences sets the foundation for self-awareness.

Uncover Motivations: Reflect on what truly motivates you. Is it love, personal interest, or financial gain? Understanding your driving forces illuminates the path to a more purposeful life.

Assess Strengths and Weaknesses: Take stock of your abilities. Identify strengths to leverage and weaknesses to address for personal growth.

Define Your Principles: Consider the principles guiding your life. Whether rooted in religion, family values, or personal beliefs, recognising your principles enhances self-awareness.

Review Your Habits: Habits reveal a lot about you. Identify and understand your daily routines, as they define you and offer opportunities for positive change.

Embrace Feedback: Open yourself up to feedback. Honest insights from others provide a fresh perspective, enriching your self-awareness journey.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the more self-knowledge you acquire, the more consciously you can navigate life's intricacies. Embrace self-awareness as a continual process, and experience its positive impact on your daily life. Elevate your self-awareness for a more rewarding and fulfilling life.

To preface all of this, I am in therapy and have made decent strides in my personal life and methods of thinking, or so I believe at least. But here goes, when I saw a previous partner or a current crush giving positive attention to someone else, whether that be laughing or having a good conversation, it brings out feelings of jealousy/insecurity. After rooting into the why, I’m wondering if my childhood upbringing could have affected that. My main theory is that it comes from parental affections between my brother and I.

*I lived in my older brother’s shadow growing up as he was always the smart, accomplished child. We went to the same schools so people would often compare us or wonder if I was as smart as him. I’ve since worked through those issues and don’t hold resentment anymore. I grew up to become a person who sees life in grey whereas he always stayed black and white. It’s something I’m proud of and helped me let go of the ill-feelings of my teenage years.

Could these issues I feel regarding jealousy or insecurity be based on my parents giving positive attention to my brother rather than me? It would leave me as a child likely feeling dejected, abandoned, or unloved comparatively or that I’m not enough thus inspiring the insecurity I may feel now? I may not have realized it but those emotions would seem to make sense.

So that brings me to nowadays. When I have deep feelings for someone and want their attention or love, seeing them give positive attention to someone else occasionally makes me feel jealous or insecure. Do I subconsciously feel these ways because they were reinforced as a child and left me feeling what I mentioned before? Since it’s likely a learned behavior, I guess my question is how do I go about unlearning it? I recognize these behaviors as unhealthy and it’s why I never actually act on them toward my partner, but it does leave me feeling emotional turmoil.

I've struggled with this problem my entire teen/adult life. Basically, I've wasted so much of my life doing nothing at all because whenever I am on my own, I can't get myself to do anything. I'm in a state of "functional freeze" as terminology popularized on social media describes.

Traumatic childhood including neglect, physical and mental abuse and all that fun stuff. I've done a lot of work on myself to unshackle myself from my past.

I am able to go out for exercise or gym, meet friends, go to events and all that, but whenever I have time to be by myself (which is my favorite time), instead of doing any of the things that I WANT to do, like practicing some skill for fun, reading a book, even watching a movie, I just end up scrolling my phone for hours and hours and hours. When I'm at work or busy with activities, I will literally fantasize about the time when I finally get to be by myself and do those things but then the time comes, like now, and I'm just on my bed holding my phone.

I've realised it's because of how deeply lonely I am. I have always felt disconnected from the world and I don't have anyone to whom I'm number one and vice versa. I can almost feel the pain of it physically. So I can't focus on anything long enough and instead resort to activities that bring instant pleasure.That's the only way I can feel ok.

I have friends and some I'm very close with, but I really crave to have that one absolute bestie. I don't mind in what form: friend or romantic partner but the latter is preferable because I want to build a family and all that stuff.

Not interested in advice on finding a partner. My life is otherwise ok and I do put myself out there. I go out with friends, meet new people quite often in my daily life and all that so I'm not just some hermit expecting for prince charming to arrive behind my door one magical day. It just hasn't happened for me yet.

The problem isn't that I'm uncomfortable being alone; I'm almost too comfortable being alone. It's that I feel like a stranger in this world. No one is holding on to me and I'm not holding on to anyone. So I just float about and everything feels so fleeting.

I am too used to seeking refuge in my own thoughts that I'm bored of it now so I just scroll and scroll and scroll to be somewhere else.

It just feels so incredibly unfair, with everything I've overcome, that I'm still waiting for that special person to start exploring what love, safety, commitment and sharing feels like.

I have dreams and goals outside of romantic pursuits (which I am actively working on) but in the end of the day, it's human connection that makes life worth living. I feel lucky to have passions and through them a sense of direction but I don't know how long I'm willing to live this life if this is all that there is for me.

Anyway, soppy self pity venting over. I need help to snap out of this and start actually doing the stuff that I enjoy doing when I'm on my own. Please help!

Hello, i dont know if im posting this to hold myself accountable or to vent about my current life but i just dont understand myself, i have so much motivation for fitness, i run 4-5 times a week, and i lift weights at the gym sometimes twice a day i also work a job 25-30 hours a week, yet i fall short when it comes to school work, i often zone out into my phone and im passing math by 1 percent. Is it that i use fitness as my escape or i lack discipline for school? any answers are appreciated, kind of lost at the moment and upset with myself, i cant enjoy my life, all i can think about is how much of a failure i am

A few weeks ago, I realized something unsettling. I couldn’t remember the last time I let my mind rest.

• Waiting in line? Scroll.
• Riding the bus? Scroll.
• Even brushing my teeth? A video was always playing in the background.

It hit me hard: I was terrified of boredom. Every time my brain had the chance to be quiet, I filled it with distractions. I was drowning out my own thoughts.

A Moment of Stillness

One day, my phone died on the way home from work. No music. No scrolling. Just me, sitting on the train, staring out the window. At first, it felt unbearable—like my mind was scrambling for something to latch onto.

But then, something strange happened.

I started noticing little things. The way sunlight flickered through the windows. The soft murmur of conversations around me. Even the rhythm of the train became soothing.

And within that stillness, my mind began to wander.

What I Learned from Embracing Boredom

That one accidental moment of stillness changed me. I started leaning into boredom instead of running from it. Here’s what I found:

• Creativity blooms in silence. When I stopped filling every moment, I began having ideas I hadn’t thought about in years.
• Clarity feels like peace. Without constant distractions, I had time to process my emotions and make sense of my thoughts.
• Life is full of beauty we miss. On a walk without headphones, I noticed how the leaves danced in the wind and felt deeply connected to the world around me.

Stillness Is Where You Find Yourself

We live in a world that tells us to fill every moment with "more." More scrolling, more noise, more productivity. But the irony is, the best parts of life come when we stop.

So here’s my advice: the next time you feel bored, let it happen. Let the discomfort pass and see what’s waiting on the other side.

Boredom isn’t an emptiness t’s a doorway.

Have you ever embraced stillness? What did you discover when you finally let yourself slow down?

I'm a 30-year-old woman living in a small village. Since as far back as I can remember, I’ve always been thinking about my future—either overthinking or daydreaming—but I’ve never been able to work towards my goals. I’m always scared.

I lost my father in 2020 and got divorced in 2021. I’ve gone through a lot. Even in childhood, I was lonely and struggled with a deep fear of abandonment.

Currently, I have a job that’s just enough to make ends meet, but I’m always scared of losing it. Even small mistakes at work make me lose my mind. I want to do better in my career, but I don’t know where to start. Even small tasks feel overwhelming. Anxiety, procrastination, fear, and depression are constantly holding me back.

I want to become financially independent and live a better life, but I don’t know how to begin. Has anyone been through this? What can I do to stop feeling like this and start achieving my goals?

Hello r/DecidingToBeBetter ,

Feel free to also understand the question above as, "How can I come to love what's real?"

I've been an atheist for a decade now, and yet my love of God or my "heavenly father" has never left. Originally, I just came to accept it, seeing God as a beautiful memory, or as an actual father I loved that passed away. However, I don't feel as if I've fully settled this question, and want to ask all of you for advice as there are still parts of me yearning to return to God, despite my intellectual side saying, "no, there is no conclusive evidence for the existence of God. Be better, stay strong, and focus on appreciating what's truly here".

I would appreciate any advice, because I don't even feel satisfied with what my intellect tells me when I feel these deep yearnings for God.

My grandma was a very self-centered, controlling, and manipulative person. She was not a good parent. Think a Kate Gosselin-type. She was very all about herself but yet she was so outgoing and had so many friends and people loved her. But if you asked her family, they might would have different things to say.

Even as a child people always told me I was a lot like her, but I always chalked it up to us both having strong personalities. It took me becoming an adult and living with her for me to realize it was a lot more than that. But, unlike her, I am a very self-aware person and am able to recognize when I’m being terrible. Even if it takes a a couple hours/days to come to that conclusion.

Buuuuuut. At the end of the day, I recognize that I am who I am. I am controlling. I am manipulative. I am self-centered. I am great at hiding these traits from non-family members and I often do (why are she and I both like this? Why be the worst version of ourselves towards the people who love us the most?). My self-awareness is the stark difference between her and I and fortunately it allows me to recognize when I’ve done wrong and apologize/make things right (something she never did).

It is an incredibly important thing to recognize, but I hate that if you look at my core personality you see these extremely negative traits. I hate that I have to work harder than the average person to not be terrible to those I love and who love me. I have to actively decide to be a better person (which feels strange to have to remember to be a good person). I have to work towards keeping my self-awareness at the forefront. It’s incredibly difficult and hard to explain how I feel like I have two wildly different personalities fighting to be at my forefront.

I guess I want some insight from others who might be going through/have gone through something similar; realizing you’re the kind of person you don’t want to be and how to go about fighting the awful version of yourself and allow the better version to come through.

I made a post around a week ago about how I quit Instagram/TikTok and I absolutely couldn't spend this newly found time to do things I wanted to do. Instead I was enraged with boredom, staring at the wall or outside the window not doing anything other than an occasional (aggressive) sigh. Also context here, I have ADHD (medicated) so boredom and doing stuff is very different for me.

Now we get to the update!

Many people pointed out in the comments that regaining your attention span takes around 3 weeks, if not longer. And well, yeah. It took me three weeks to stop being bored.

I took advice from the comments and had music playing constantly or a podcast in the background. It didn't really do much for me I have to admit, I think it really was the time my brain needed to recover from short video clips.

I am SO happy to have quit Instagram/TikTok, you won't believe it. It's not just 2+hrs I have extra a day now, or the attention span I have again, I also noticed how much happier I am. I don't have to deal with these issues anymore, with the anxiety of seeing influencers with the perfect bodies lead the perfect life, neither do I fear that my boyfriend would cheat on me/pass away any second.

I have started reading again (someone recommended "deep work" by cal Newport to me, which I'm on currently), I have been on top of my habits, I have almost finished all of my university assignments and seem to be top of my classes at the moment.

Life is so good.

Thank you everyone for supporting me in the comments of the post, thank you for the understanding.

To anyone thinking about quitting these apps, please do. You don't even realise how bad they are for you until you stop. Your time is precious, and you shouldn't waste them on 15sec clips of completely useless topics.

Lots of love guys xxx

Hello reddit

I am coming to you today to ask for any advice you guys can give me. I suffer from depression and have for majority of my life. I am sad to say I have learned no coping mechanisms to deal with my situation and it is getting very bad. I am 29 years old, I am pushing 30 next year. I have no job and have not for some time. I can't get therapy because I lack health insurance at the moment. I can't get a job because employers see the huuuuuuuge gap in experience where I just have done nothing with my life so they are understandably very wary of me. I don't find enjoyment in anything I do and have no will to do anything either. My days consist of me lying in bed for hours, feeling sad or just overall tired despite sleeping 8 hrs every night, then I get up eventually, logon to my computer, and just scroll YouTube, Discord, Twitter, Reddit, so on looking for something interesting. I wish to change all of this somehow, I will take any kind of advice anyone can give me.

I want to know how one can persist through or change this apathetic feeling, where I don't want to do anything in my day-to-day or with my life. I need to know how I can push through these feelings (or lack thereof, actually) to do literally anything positive for my life.

Thank you in advance

I am so dependent on others for happiness. I form deep friendships, I love these people, but I cannot stand it when something as simple as them not texting back happen. I told myself I wouldn't let it get to this point with this friend, I swore I was happy, but yesterday I texted her and asked if she was free this weekend and didn't get a reply. I waited a lot of today and didn't get anything, finally I texted her what I was thinking I wanted to do this weekend, and a little later she sent a response that basically said "sorry I just saw this, sounds great". I spent so much time stressing about her not responding even though it's not the first time this has happened. We hang out all the time, I just saw her last weekend and it was great, we texted a bit during the week and there was nothing wrong but I immediately jumped to thinking there was something wrong when she didn't respond to my first text. I want to stop relying on other people to make my happy but I just can't figure out how. I love our time together but I feel like I rely on it too heavily to make me happy

edit:if you want to insult me, send me a dm, your comments will get removed by the automod

i know this will be very controversial but i am currently waiting for my sentence because of domestic violence. you can downvote away. i just need to put this out there

i was only put in jail for a few hours when it happened. 2 weeks later i contacted her and we saw each other. couple days later i confessed to her that i wanted to kill myself because of my actions(not knowing at the time that this was basically manipulation). she called the cops on me and i went to the psychiatric er.

few days later got arrested again because i contacted her(they figured out why she knew i was about to kill myself)

got out after 12hours in jail with strong release conditions.

couple months later(still waiting for trial because the date kept being pushed back) something happened and i decided to kill myself right then and there. but of course i wanted to call her to apologize(if I'm dead i cant go to jail right?) i was very clear that this was not a plot to try to get back with her, that i cant live without her or anything. i just wanted to kill myself for what i had done. i tought this is what i deserved.

well she kept me talking long enough for the police to find me and lock me up in overnight jail, spent all night trying to bust open my head on the cell wall. next day got transfered to prison. i was there for 2 weeks.

yes prison is awful, yes i got the shit beat out of me multiple times and didnt care because i deserve it.

my lawyer then approached me with a bunch of release conditions: ankle bracelet, 24/7 stay at my parents house, obligations to enter domestic violence therapy for 2 months(2 months 24/7 in a therapy house/halfway house).

at first i tought therapy would not mean shit because i view myself as a worthless human.

this place was the best thing that happened to me in my whole 25 years of existence.(this is beginning to drag on so ill spare you the details)

long story short, i i wasnt forced to go to prison and therapy , i wouldnt have changed a bit, i wouldnt be willing to go the anger management groups by myself. i probably wouldnt have understood the gravity of my actions, and how to better understand myself so it never happens again. the first 2 times i got arrested it didnt really hit me as hard of course. only when i actually went to prison and therapy did i understand

i have deliberately cut contact with my friends because of my actions, as i am still very ashamed. and i still don't know if i will ever try another relationship.

i'm not looking for any kind of sympathy. just wanted to put another perspective on the situation. I went from wanting to kill myself in shame to actually try for once to get better and make sure that it never happens again(this was the first and last time)

yes i have plead guilty to all charges and never once tried to diminish what i have done.

i have learned things about myself i never knew(in therapy). i have learned to move on from the relationship. pinpointed exactly what led me to this. i suffered intense emotional abuse throughout the year and a half relationship. but that isn't an excuse in the slightest. i am well aware that what i did is unacceptable for any reason, do not worry.

i still have a long way to go, but i am putting in the work, been 6 months clean from cocaine, going to anger management, and i am still in contact with the staff at the therapy house.

i will forever be ashamed of what i did, but maybe i will learn to love myself again.

Not sure if this would be the right sub but I’ve been using weed all day everyday for 6 years since I was 16 until about a month ago. I decided to quit because I’ve gotten to a point where I’m always tired and in a constant zoned out state, everything goes in one ear and out the other and I just can’t remember anything, I lose shit I just put down a few seconds ago stuff like that. Felt great the first few days after quitting (but was still in that zoned out state) now I just feel groggy and extremely bored all the time no matter what I do. I’m aware it’ll probably take six to seven months to fully recover but if I smoke one joint at a party will that completely reset the clock and erase the month of sobriety, or will it not have a huge affect on how long it takes to completely leave my system? Also if anybody has some advice to keep my mind off of weed and enjoy being sober that would be awesome. Thanks!

Logically, I've realized that the guilt I feel is either not accurate, or not worth holding onto. I've accepted that I could have done things better and that I've messed up with certain situations/people. Now I'm instead focusing on not repeating the same mistakes, and I'm making amends where it is possible.

However, because there's grief involved in my guilt these efforts feel a little less effective. I'm finding it hard to internalize these thoughts. I still feel the guilt re-surface and hold me back from relationships, opportunities, etc. It makes me feel unworthy and undeserving. How do I stop feeling that? Does it take time and consistent affirmations/restructuring of thoughts? Are there specific things that help?

Hello, first time posting here. There is a situation that I honestly haven't been able to fully resolve emotionally and I was hoping to get some advise. I am 30 M and to be honest I always have been a pretty lonely guy, not by choice but my friends all seem to move on from me. So as a method of cope I opened several social media accounts, particularly Twitter and Instagram. At first it was nothing big, just sharing some memes but during quarantine I began to post my opinions on nerdy stuff that I liked, and I attracted quite the following becauseof it, to put things in perspective on the time-lapse of a year I went from 1k followers to 10k, I was a bit younger and very proud of myself because of it. And my community was so supportive that I began sharing my art, which had been my secret passion since I was a teenager but never got the confidence to share it with anyone else before.

However I also gathered a bunch people who really didn't like me. I first learned of them because one of them was pretending to be me, another made very disturbing art of me. When I made posts warning people about the situation they began to make lies about me for the next 12 months and each lie was worst than the last one, and I had to disprove every single one of them. Eventually they created the lie that I was "inappropriate with minors" and used some very old tweets out context as "evidence" and my whole community turned on me. I tried to explain what was really happening but nobody cared to listed. I received death threats and doxxing attempts, some people who I considered my closest internet friends called me out as monster. In the end I had to close almost all my accounts on the internet.

It has been a while since that happened, my internet presence is miniscule and my real life was improved somewhat, but sometimes I do think about what happened I feel kinda devastated, everything I builted was lost in a instant because some SOBs made up shit about me.

I post this now because I recently learned that one of my former artists friends denied ever knowing me. When this person was in the gutter both financially and emotionally I sopported them and I thought they were my friends, but knowing what they said felt like a knife in the back.

I know that social media isn't real and I should get over it, and believe me that is my goal, but I sometimes can't help to think that my dreams were stolen which makes me both sad and angry.

Have ever felt this way? Do you have any advice for me?

Thank for reading such a long post.

You may have heard it before "everyday is a new day for the wise man." Yesterday is old news. Don't dwell on it. Past mistakes, missed opportunities, failed attempts. It happened. That times GONE. But, there's good news.

If you're reading this, the upkick is, you're alive. Your heart beats still thumping. And you're with another moment. You can write a new story, starting today. And this attitude change, comes from within. Lose the old programming. You've got all the potential. An infinite supply of resources tucked away, and not far.

Just like an acorn has everything within itself to mature and become an oak tree. We too, have all that we need to reach heights unimagined. I've slowly, at 44 years of age, realized the prisons and lies that fed my programing structure. An addict in the past, concerned only with himself. I lost loved ones, jobs, destroyed relationships, I stole, lied, cheated, ran away from responsibility, and blamed my condition and character on everything and everyone, but myself.

That isn't me anymore. I've carved a new path. Acknowledging it was me all along. My choices, lifestyle, behaviour, attitude, created the consequences in my life. I was to blame. My thoughts, and mindstate kept me inside a prison I couldn't see. I had to unlearn damaging belief structures. And free myself from self limiting philosophies that strangled my potential. Hindering true growth and freedom.

It's worth a shot, ain't it? A change in belief? A new way to think see yourself? What have we got to lose? I realise this isn't for everyone. Many will remain a victim of circumstances, ignorant to cause and effect in real time in their own lives or those around them. Some will continue to find excuse as to why they can't, or why they shouldn't do and be better. But, I know there are some who feel different. And this is for you.

Look at your environment. Any building, organisation, or inventions. Did they randomly appear? Of course they didn't. Architects have blueprints, organisations have individuals behind them, brainstorming and organising, and inventions were thought, imagined or dreamed of until materialized. You're no different. Your inner world - thoughts, imagination, desires, all that you've entertained inside you. In time, proved "real" outside, in the physical. What's been actively occurring inside of you eventually turned into actions, habits, behaviours, and a life lived and experienced in physical reality. From within so without.

I'd like to leave with this note : Today's your day. It's my day. It's OUR DAY. To reclaim life. The kingdom of heaven is within. Remember thoughts are like seeds. In our minds we scatter, sow and grow them into something beautiful or harmful. It's on us to make the play. Although I'm a bit older now, I'm blessed with the ability to master my own script.

Here's to more in store. Hope this finds you well.

Kind regards, Rich.

I feel like lately I've been a lot less introspective or reflective about my life. Partly due to mental heatlh, but I've been doing better with that so I'd like to start being more present and mindful as I traverse life.

What are some jounralling techniques/prompts that y'all use? I'd like to start journalling daily but it often feels aimless. I know it gets easier once you start but I'd like to do it differently since I used to simply write pages about my thoughts and feelings. It made itself useful but I am hoping for something more purposeful.

Other than journalling, what else helps you all with being more reflective?

Today was an awesome day. It was nothing too crazy but compared to yesterday I felt like I accomplished a lot. I first got up and headed out to work. I got to my job and continued working on packaging hams. One tedious step after the other but it needed to get done and it was kind of fun to be fair. Nothing crazy happened at work or out of hand. I did get one exciting though. My one coworker brought in a blind box keychain for me of a sushi cat that his girlfriend got him. I joked to him how I was going to steal his so he got me one. I mentioned this a couple weeks ago and totally forgot. I got the same one as him and was very happy. It's so adorable and now I have a new accessory to the chain. It made me very happy and made me feel good that someone thought of me. Work was very mild besides that and I had a dine and dandy day. I talked to my coworkers and honestly just enjoyed their presence, especially my old boss and the coworker with a lot of the same interests. After work I went to the gym and met my cousin there. She had me help her carry her bag in since her stomach hurt. She also got me a pair of gloves she had extra. It made me feel special that she thought of me as well. It feels good knowing I have people in my life who take time to think of me. I am lucky in this way and see it more and more. Since she didn't feel good we did a light cardio workout. I moved to the stairs after 15 minutes but she didn't want to engage her core too much, irritating her stomach more which I understood. Here is my workout:

30 minutes on the treadmill: 4 minutes at 3 mph and then 6 min at 4 mph. Then 3 min at 4.5 mph. 5 mph for 1 minute and I did 6 mph for 1 min. I rested by doing 3 mph for 6 min and 4 mph for 4 min. I did 4.5 mph for 3 minutes. Then ended it with the mph for 1 min and 7.5 mph for min.

15 minutes of the stair stepper. I upped how fast it went after 10 minutes from 44 steps per minute to 60.

After that I went to get my cheat meal at my favorite pizza place and got something to split with my mom. Classic pepperoni because I wanted a nostalgia trip with all the seasonings they have on hand. The thing my dad would get for every big celebration or when hard news was upon us. A place of good memories and I wanted something to warm my heart. I got my favorite wing sauce as well to dip it and was on my way. I had a conversation with my mom and ate my dinner. She paid me back some money she owed me and I enjoyed my dinner for a long time. After that was a little nap from the food. I woke up and got cracking so I wasn't lacking. I took a nice shower, cleaned up some litter, brushed my cat to help with her booty dandruff and general shedding, and wrote a short video skit for a film contest that is due tomorrow. I may film it but probably won't have enough time to edit it. I should have started sooner so maybe the next film contest I will try my hand at it. It was a good day filled with things getting done and kind gestures. Every day I realize more and more that there are things to smile about.

SBIST was the determination of my cousin. She has been bloated and has what looks like an allergic reaction but she still wanted to go to the gym even if we did a light cardio day. I don't want her to pressure her body or anything but I'm happy that she wants to do better with the gym. She wants to make good progress because I know too many people who just want to give up. I have been that person before. I would have never seen her that way if she had taken a day off and rested because she was in a lot of pain. But she knew had the boundaries of lightly walking to keep her body in motion and healing. Maybe walking can help by keeping her body fighting. But if she feels any worse I would not have wanted her to be at the gym and rest instead. She knows her body better than me and I'm happy her choice was to work out and still try to better herself.

Tomorrow the plan is to work on more chores and to do some writing and working. I don't have work tomorrow so I'll have all day to get some other stuff done. It will be another good day with tons of stuff getting done. If my cousin feels good enough to go to the gym, then I'll join her. If not, then I'll start having a couple of rest days on that day. I need a day or two to rest. Reset my muscles and allow them to get bigger and stronger. It just depends on what my cousin does and I'll follow suit. Thank you my conjurers of the kinetic motion. You keep us moving and moving to get things accomplished and I'm down with that.

I'm going to start by saying I don't know if this is the right place for this, if it isn't please direct me there but this was the most fitting sub I found for how I'm feeling.

I think I'm obsessing over one of my best friends' relationships and I don't know what to do.

Let's start with some context. I've known this friend since we were kids (I'm(20M) and they're(21M)). We've been renting out a place while we are away at school. Around late September he tells me he's having a girl over and asks me to keep it a secret cause he doesn't want it getting back to his parents, no problem. It just become mute when his parents find out less than two weeks later. Then skipping ahead a little while it's mid-November and I haven't seen the friend GF in a while so I ask him about it and he says that she's been over and I just haven't been paying enough attention to notice. Since then I can't not pay attention to it. I check the shoes at the front door to see if there is a pair I don't recognize, almost religiously. The worst part is that about a week into this behaviour I began keeping notes of when I noticed the GF being at the house. Tonight I causally brought it up with some other members of the friend group and all four of them pretty much said the same thing. That it is creepy behavior, they aren't comfortable discussing it and that this was my warning( I guess before they bring it up with the friend in question).

Now I'm sitting at my desk feeling anxious and guilty and I don't know what to do. I know I'm not going to bring it up with those friends (or anyone who knows the couple personally) ever again, but beyond that, I don't know.

I don't want to be the creep people avoid at parties or social events, and I don't want to be without a partner for the rest of my life. I will do what it takes to change that.