I just had to Google and now I'm in disbelief that was Motley Crue? That song has been stuck in my head for the past couple days since I heard it at the pizza place/bar on Halloween (that had to be it?) And I still haven't slept since then because holy shit this is my life.

I'm starting to accept the situation with my dad for what it is now. He took me out to avoid the trick or treaters (lol) but ignored me the whole time and looked on his phone while I didn't have mine...

While he tried to suggest I order a coke, he INSISTED we sit at the bar, didn't engage me in conversation when I was assuming we'd use this rare opportunity to talk about the major change that is about to take place in our lives, but he just looked at his phone. And yelled at me in there when I said I didn't wanna sit around for another hour and do anything, while he spends more money on beer.

Why, you ask? All because more trick or treaters might come.

We couldn't just go to 7/11 and buy candy to give them like I did on my own last year (remember?) I had an IPA from Fiddlehead (brewery up in Vermont where I went to college so I was surprised they had it) but drank coke after that. Come to find out, no free refills. Fuck that.

My dad's side doesn't understand drugs. I didn't choose drugs, I was forced onto them. It was just a matter of which drugs to do. Sometimes it was a social thing, most of the time it was just to alleviate boredom. And that's the terrifying part. I worry if this is that's all it is with me, and I'm just a boring old guy, while everyone else is... an in-tune-empath.

Now they look at me and see a lazy, unmotivated stoner. They don't realize maybe I just don't enjoy the drug that killed my mom and her whole side of the family, or I'm too mental?

My therapist said something interesting to me the other morning. It was toward the end of appointment so I never got to ask for further details, but it sounded like a quote big sis said shortly after my mom died and she disappeared on us AGAIN. She says even though I get angry at times, I don't "stay" angry. Lil sis does. I think C may as well for that matter? Which brings me to that...

When I say I do not trust that a person wants to "go no contact" with me, but rather is playing games, BELIEVE ME. So here I was, hiding an addict and getting revenge on the person you KNOW didn't do it, but she didn't thep up with the kid (she knew them for like. ayer?)If an addict says something like that, you worry. It's not an individuation you receive is then you have

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