Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

I REALLY need help. For the last month I have been hyperfixated on my heart so much, and i literally cant sleep. i feel like im going insane, i get in bed and it takes me like 5ish hours to fall asleep and even then i wake up and only end up sleeping like 5 hours in total in bits if im lucky. i just cant stop thinking of my heart, it feels like its pounding and feels so strong and i cannot stop thinking about it and i think thats why i cant sleep/ please help asap. it's to the point where im so tired and cant predict when im going to be able to get out of bed that i cant work or go out anymore really. i saw a cardiologist too and he said he thinks everythings fine except for some odd beats here and there which most people have and i still cant stop thinking about it

So, as far as I know. CBT, DBT and ACT won't help your trauma according to most people. But, I have friend who had a lot of trauma and she said that CBT/ACT helped her be more content with herself. Also, I read some other people claiming DBT helped them.

My question is why can't I try let's say DBT workbooks to learn some good coping skills, I am doing some boundary workbooks with CBT and I found them very validating and empowering. And I skimmed through green DBT workbook and it seems like person telling me how to cope and regulate myself. Some of these messages validate me also. I will try parts work in the future also.

So is it like try it and keep what works for you?

I understand we have to accept reality, I think the reality is that I've made some horrible mistakes I personally think are unforgivable but I have to accept the consequences of my actions. But is radical acceptance also for the self?

I've heard that one has to accept themselves to do better, that we can't hate ourselves into being better people. I find it hard to accept that I sometimes get so emotional that I have to go to the bathroom and lay on the ground and cry in public (so others don't see me having an outburst) over things that I know don't mean that much. I have a hard time accepting that I should ever forgive myself for my actions and shouldn't just live a life COMPLETELY dedicated to others, as in not caring about what I want and just doing everything I can for the greater good (not following my passion in music and trying to find a more important job like nursing and doing volunteer work whenever I can).

I know acceptance doesn't mean just giving ourselves a pass, but I'm finding it hard to think I'll ever be worth accepting myself and not just constantly fighting against myself to be better.

I just felt like sharing my happiness here.

DBT has been an integral part of my life for almost 2 years now. I was in a lovely group, and at times it felt like a family even if the siblings kept leaving after some modules :). I thought that when I would come to this point, I would feel a deep sense of panic, anxiety, and not knowing how the heck I will survive life. But instead, even though I feel a little sadness that I won't see those lovely people every week anymore, and I lose a place of support, validation and acceptance, I also feel a sense of strength. A sense of 'I've got this'. A sense of empowerment.

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

I’m looking for some resources for coping ahead and similar coping skills. I have a surgery coming up on October 23rd for thyroid cancer and it’s something I definitely need lots of tools for. Any suggestions for coping tools/plans would be great.

I’m trying to cram my 5 minute stress tips book and DBT workbook whenever I can but I’m horrible with reading. I’m doing my best though lol. I really enjoy having in depth plans for things but never know what templates to use or where to write things to make them look appealing.

Hi everyone, first post here. I have bpd, bd, adhd, incase that is relevant to my question. Even when not in a depressive or manic episode I find myself getting super irritated by things, especially at work. This probably partially has to do with the fact that I pretty much hate my job but haven't been able to find a new one so I'm stuck here for now. Anyway, I can't be so irritated at work especially irritated at the members of the public I deal with because that's literally my job. I also find myself irritated with things like traffic.

Long story short, what are the best dbt skills for these kind of scenarios? I can't exactly walk away constantly and I've forgotten most of the skills I've learned so I'm not sure which ones will help.

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

How do i cope with the feeling like theyre going to abandon me, whenever i feel like this i go and leave them first (breakup up, blocking, ignoring etc) how do i stop this??

What triggered me is my ex boyfriend (we plan to get back together) not physically showing that he misses me by communicating through his tiktok reposts like i do, so i started searching his profile and found a boy he wanted to be friends with and started assuming he was going to leave me for him and started overthinking all his reposts. Would this be a good time to use a DBT skill? I just started last night i need help

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Hi all. My mom... I would say she seems like she's bpd, except there's nothing borderline about it. She's full-line. Verbally abusisve to my dad, constantly testing him, etc.

Sometimes she seems interested in getting better, so I told her I'd get her a workbook or something. (There's no way she can see a therapist.)

I think DBT would be effective for her, but is there a specific resource you guys would recommend? Or is it all pretty much the same?

Update: I ordered The Dialectal Behavioral Skills Workbook, based on its cost, the recommendation below, and its focus on being used by the patient, rather than on just being a collection of handouts.

And for anyone wondering: it turns out that DBT was specifically designed to help with borderline, so you don't need a special version of it or anything.

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Hey everyone,

I hope it’s okay to share my story here. I’m really struggling and could use some support and advice. I was raised by a narcissistic mother in Bangladesh, and I’ve faced mental abuse from her my whole life. This has left me with low confidence, serious anxiety, and mild depression. Growing up, I didn’t socialize much, and because of my mother’s controlling nature, I missed out on learning basic life skills during my boyhood and teenage years.

Since moving to the UK, I’ve finally started to learn things like cooking, which felt like a huge step for me. But even simple tasks can be overwhelming. For example, tying my shoes can take me a long time, and I still struggle with basic self-care. One of the biggest challenges I face is my decision-making. I often make very poor choices. Like, if I need to go from point A to C and I know I should go through B, somehow I’ll end up taking a completely different path. It’s incredibly frustrating because I don’t always get to C, and it makes me feel lost.

I got married recently to my amazing wife, who is the love of my life, but I wasn’t mentally mature when we tied the knot. Now that we’re building a life together, I realize I have so much to learn. I have this dream of becoming a father, but my lack of self-awareness and decision-making skills makes both my wife and me hesitant. If I can’t take responsibility now, how will I manage a child?

I feel fatigued, tired, and demotivated all the time. I’ve talked to a medical professional, and I was diagnosed with low folic acid and vitamin D, which they said could contribute to my headaches and fatigue. I often suffer from migraines and sinusitis, which don’t help my mental state either. I have trouble remembering important things, crucial steps in daily tasks, and it upsets my wife. It’s tough to see how this impacts her, and I want to do better for both of us.

I also have significant anxiety when it comes to talking to new people. I avoid social situations as much as possible, and if there’s a group meeting, I find it hard to speak up even if I have questions. I bite my nails and the skin around my fingers constantly, which is another sign of my anxiety. I’ve even taken therapy sessions in the past for psychosexual issues, including struggles with fantasy, porn addiction, and masturbation.

Now that I’m in the UK and no longer under my mother’s control, I’m trying to stand on my own two feet. But I’m afraid to take jobs that require physical or technical skills—like making burgers—because I worry that I might mess up and get scolded or fired. The lack of self-confidence is paralyzing.

I’m reaching out to see if anyone has been through something similar or has advice on how to build confidence, improve decision-making, and navigate these challenges. I really need some guidance right now.

TL;DR: I’m struggling with anxiety, poor decision-making, and basic life skills due to a difficult upbringing with a narcissistic mother in Bangladesh. I dream of being a father, but my lack of self-awareness and responsibility makes both me and my wife hesitant. I’m desperate for advice on building confidence and improving my life.

Hey,

I'm reaching out for worksheets to reflect on my long-term values/priorities as I'm working on this currently. I've noticed that the worksheets in Linehan's workbook break down a value into it's components.

I feel this is externally imposed or overly structured for me rather than coming from my own reflections and beliefs. I worry that I won't work towards them as they don't relate to my wisest mind/ experiences.

Has anyone come across any alternative worksheets/exercises that are more open to reflection?

I do have a sense of what my values are but I'm struggling to find the words. Any recommendations would be much appreciated.

TIA!

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

After struggling to get any mental health treatment, I thought I'd finally found a place that accepted my insurance and specialized in at least some of my mental health disorders.

The we started the paperwork phase.

The very first download they had me do was 84 pages. I don't know how many more there were after that, I had to stop after reviewing the very first one.

The 84 pages said things like, "Worksheets must be completed daily or that will be viewed as Therapy Interruptive Behavior and you could be dismissed from the program" and "You cannot miss a single session, that's viewed as Therapy Interruptive Behavior." They mentioned this phrase so much that they even abbreviated it--T.I.B. throughout all of the paperwork.

Honestly, this felt more like something meant for folks in jail who are trying to prove to the judge that they're working on themselves. It was so strict and expected so much of your time weekly for 6 months, how is the average person supposed to have that kind of time?

Who hurt this poor clinic that the have to be so strict?

I am hoping to start distancing myself from my thoughts and try to do this consistently throughtout the day. I could use some success stories or advice because what always happens is I will do well for a few days and then just let the mind machine take over. Thanks

i'm new to DBT but from what i have read and seen on this subreddit it seems like many people share similar experiences with me (yay?)

i want to start taking action to pick up the pieces of my life that i abandoned this year, but i get so upset when i think about it that i can barely bring myself to face the problem, let alone solve it!! when it happens ill try to "look after myself" by doing things that calm me down and stop the cycle but at some point that = avoiding right??

Does anyone have tips/resources that could help with this? will i get better at it by pushing through the horrible feelings to actually DO something or is that jumping the gun and i have to start with acceptance to reduce the strong feelings? super new so if this question is too broad thats cool too

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

I've been in therapy on and off for like 15 years, and a few years ago I found a winning combo of treatments and skills that I felt pretty set to handle things on my own. But with all remaining friends moving away, I've tried going out and meeting new people.

But everytime I try going, I just freeze up. And it's extra concerning because while ive always been socially anxious and struggled making friends, this especiallyly has never really happened before. but it's happened now multiple times a week for the past few months. I'll even get dressed, be excited, drive all the way there. And then just. Be unable to make myself do it, Like? I Do all the emotional regulation and social skills things I've been taught ((forgive me, I've done loads of therapy but remembering specifc acronyms is NOT a strength of mine)): made sure my physical needs were taken care of, fed and watered and only in the daily baseline amount of pain (about a 2/10 for me lol) opposite action [getting up and moving to get ready to go], thinking of what I'm missing out on, reminding myself I've done very similar things before and it was literally fine, deep breathing, positive self talk, positive mantras, mindfulness grounding that 54321 technique [probably worth noting that that outing" was the worst because of that lol it sent me directly into a sensory meltdown].))

And then I'll sit in the car for up to an hour before driving away. I'll do the skills in the car. I can't even tell you what's going through my head really. I'm just frozen. It's a disconnected telephone signal in there. The only brief lucidity I get I use to try and clam myself down and walk myself through doing the simple act of leaving the car and I just. Haven't been successful.

Yesterday evening I tried to go to something I fully believed I'd finally go to. I was excited about it. Planned my whole day around it. Purposefully didn't dwell on in order to avoid overthinking it. And I ended with a new low of not even leaving my house.

I'm at my wits end and I don't know what else to do. Any ideas? I'm looking for a therapist again, I have an appointment later this week, and I have other mental health concerns I'm working on, but this is easily the most concrete behavioral problem I'm having.

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

I know no one can make this decision but me, but I would appreciate any thoughts or advice or really any response at all about experiences of DBT groups (and experiences of hesitancy around this?).

As far as I know my diagnosis is depression. I became interested in DBT because I’ve felt more emotionally dysregulated over the past few years than in the past—angrier and more overwhelmed and sometimes prone to what I’d call emotional meltdowns and shutdowns. Most often my emotions run high around my partner, who has ADHD; I can be sensitive and become very upset and angry about his forgetfulness at times.

I started seeing a DBT-informed therapist a couple of months ago, and was expecting to do only individual therapy. To be honest, I was a bit uncertain about the first couple of sessions because we did things like spend half an hour discussing an illustrated handout about the biopsychosocial theory and she wanted us to complete a depression assessment together during session—why use that time to fill out a form I could do on my own time? Though we also set up a diary card app during session and filled out a behavior chain analysis together, which I have found helpful.

To get to the point, a couple of sessions in, she mentioned that her practice had a DBT skills group starting up, which I wasn’t able to join for timing reasons but was continually urged to join nonetheless, and have more recently been regularly encouraged to join a different one that is about to start on Monday. This group also conflicts with my work hours, but less so, and I have reached out to my employer about accommodating starting the day earlier, to which they agreed. Even so, I find myself feeling hesitant to commit to this group, partly because I feel a little bit bullied into it and like I wasn’t given the full picture when I had my initial call with this therapist or in our first session or two.

I confirmed with her that the group isn’t a requisite of our continuing individual therapy, but I feel like I have been somewhat pressured into joining, and I’m feeling stressed by the financial aspect of paying for an entire 14-week group up front (and mostly out of pocket because I’m going to have an unfortunate insurance switch midway through with worse OON benefits), though I know that seems to be standard.

I think I’m just very afraid that I’ll regret joining and have a terrible experience and that it might make me feel worse. I’m worried DBT might not be right for me, I know some people feel invalidated or condescended to etc, I’m also so prone to overintellectualizing my feelings and ruminating that I do worry the exercises and skills could backfire somehow; from things like that biopsychosocial theory handout I’m a little concerned I’ll feel babied.

Maybe I’m also just feeling ashamed about this—I’m for the most part very “functional,” have healthy friendships, a steady full-time job, etc., and looking at these worksheets about people drunk driving and so forth I worry this won’t be a fit for me, but maybe it just feels uncomfortable to admit that this could be helpful and that I might need support with emotional skills that could otherwise seem “obvious.” My mother and sister, who both have been very abusive toward me in the past, have done extensive DBT years ago and maybe I am also afraid that doing this group means I am like them. They are both doing much better these days and we have better relationships, but I don’t know if that has any relation to the DBT; things certainly didn’t improve much in our relationships when or soon after they were actually in DBT treatment.

I don’t know—I feel like I’m spiraling about this and keep being extremely anxious poring over a PDFs of a DBT workbook, googling about DBT and people’s experiences, googling other types of therapy wondering if something else is a better investment, worrying I’ll regret it if I decide not to attend and that I’ll miss out on being greatly helped, so on and so forth. I think part of my fears here are that I’m still not 100% certain about my own therapist, who is co-leading the group; the filling out forms and such during session did make me feel like my time was being wasted and now I’m worrying that I’m just being shaken down for more money here, but I know that is ridiculous (or at least somewhat ridiculous—I know therapy practices are businesses). She has also offered that I could do individual coaching with someone at her practice instead of a group, and I’m also wondering if that could be a better option, or if in the end it could be best to just work through a book on my own without seeing a therapist at all. I also tend to struggle to speak up in group settings so am feeling anxious about that side of things, though I know that might be a good thing (i.e., maybe being in a group would help me get better at this). Basically this has thrown me into a tailspin somehow and I’m not sure what question I’m really asking but would be grateful for anyone’s thoughts.

edit: Thanks all for weighing in, I really appreciate it. I’m not in a financial bind per se, but it was still feeling overwhelming. It was also online only, which for some reason was feeling more difficult to me. I decided against it for now, but am going to try individual coaching and DBT-PE.

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

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Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

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