I have been able to make a lot of progress through DBT, am well emotionally regulated, physically healthy, manage to mostly avoid black and white thinking, can control impulses well and am more considerate of others.

The one thing that doesn't seem to change at all is my lack of trust when it comes to a close relationships, the suspicions in my head that people I care about are tricking me, mean me harm, are lying, have malicious intent, don't want to be near me, are scheming against me, or are out to get me.

Emotion regulation helps me to avoid expressing these delusion-like ideas in dramatic outbursts, but I don't know how to check the facts without expressing these thoughts. The thoughts are constant even when I am in a good mood so emotion regulation skills don't help much.

I suppose mindfulness can help me notice them and not take them so seriously, but trying to 'check the facts' by asking others for reassurance or find out what is true and what is my delusion-like beliefs lays a heavy burden on my relationships.

It is kind of subjective as well, like someone might not be out to get me but they also might not feel like spending time with me right now and might be uncomfortable admitting that, so then I don't get an answer and I feel like I have to guess where on the spectrum of accuracy my thoughts are.

What can I do about this, do I need to choose relationships that don't make me so suspicious? The problem seems to be that as soon as I get attached I get these suspicious thoughts, so I also have them about my family and that is not a relationship I can change or replace.

My girlfriend and I were watching a movie and it was getting late. My girlfriend pointed out the time and asked if I wanted to pause the movie. I asked her if she wanted to go to bed thinking it was her way of prompting bedtime. She responded she can sleep in and she typically doesn't go to bed this early (unlike me) and always wakes up at 7am.

I can't put a name to the feeling I had come over me but it wasn't good. I was deflated. I was hoping someone could help me name that feeling and name the act she performed. Was she condescending? Was I annoyed? Was she passive aggressive? Was I ashamed?

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

I (25/F) have been doing DBT for 9 months and only this month I've actually been practicing the skills, not for the sake of practicing, but changing self-destructive behaviours/thoughts/patterns.

I've been struggling with being effective during the day. I mostly choose to binge on food and sleep in all day, because I have a base stress-level. What can I do to change that?

I have been using mindfullness a lot more and that's how I found out that I am stressed / feel a lot of feelings that I can't really place. And that's my normal and I try to lower it (feel nothing) by using self-destructive behaviours (oversleeping + overeating + externalising).

Does anyone have any experience with this? And which skill helped you to change this?

I feel like I have to say backstory before asking for DBT help, so: My boyfriend just broke up with me. I'm enrolled in DBT training and will seek help from a psychotherapist. I had an issue with unjustified jealousy, especially retroactive. My boyfriend felt I was preventing him from having friends; I exaggerated everything and tended to start arguments. He gave me many chances, but we finally reached the end. In three months, we were supposed to start university and move in together. We both concluded that despite the breakup, he still believes we'll get back together, move in, and sees a future for us, waiting for me to be ready to show him some changes. He said he loves me very much, and these were the best months of his life, but he doesn't want constant fights or to be limited by my fears and jealousy. He wants me to change primarily for myself, not for him. He wants me to return to him without new scars and bruises. Our anniversary was supposed to be in July, and he hopes it'll be a new beginning for us instead. I'll have DBT training for two hours a week and am in the process of signing up for therapy. I'll write in my journal every day. We agreed to say our final goodbyes when I calmly message him because our last conversation involved me crying and begging standing in the doorway. We love each other, and we'll continue to do so - he'll wait for me, he won't get rid of our matching things, or delete our photos from Instagram. He'll just wait. I want to change - for myself, because only then can I start changing for him when I'm ready. We've both blocked each other on social media after the final goodbye, but we still have each other's numbers to contact if needed. So, my questions are:

• Do you have any advice on how to survive this month and cope with it? Do you have any resources or helpful DBT materials to make my change as fruitful as possible? And generally, I'd like to hear your opinion on this - what can I do with it using DBT tactics.

I have done 2 IOP's, and I have been out of therapy for just about a year. I have caught myself slipping & struggling more with what used to be really big issues (mindfulness, impulsivity, emotional regulation). Do any of your have any personal schedules to keep yourself up-to date on DBT? Weekly studying, apps, etc.? Any advice will be appreciated!!

A little background about my upbringing i have 2 disabled siblings and had no emotional support from parents right from age of 10 years. Then constant critisism for everything and passive bullying for my appearance for being overweight Recently i find myseld running away from smallest discomforts. Be it be taking a call, using opportunities or studying i feel like a failure . I avoid things, people or situations triggering failure or disappointment. Can anyone help me through this. Its like if someone or something makes the situation negative -i have immense dread to approach it

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

i was diagnosed with bpd about 2 years ago and it was the most validating and devastating thing to find out about myself.

i’ve been doing intensive dbt ever since and throughout this time of acquiring skills, i still feel like im not understanding. i know the term is becoming “out of vogue” and i believe it was used for a valid reason.

the skills are saving my life and i still don’t see how they would help me to become my self when i never had one to begin with - relationally speaking, i mean. this is why i still have no friends because it’s the only way for me to feel “like myself”. (yes, i have grown boundaries and even when i do interact within those)

has anyone experienced a shift in their identity (for lack of better way to describe it) in relation to others as a result of the skills? if so, what skills helped?

I feel like I’ve become an emotional dumping ground for a few people in my life. They just go on and on in negativity. As I validate them it almost makes the complaining continue. This is the opposite of what Linehan says about transactions. Are there some relationships where too much validation just keeps the garbage coming? Am I validating the invalid? Is this a DEARMAN to decline certain conversations?

i spoke up during a staff forum at work but my nervousness made me say something that I wouldn't really say (basically i got way too blunt just so that i could 'spit out' my words). I am trying to process this but I keep reliving it and getting stressed. what dbt skill should I try to implement to process this.

Hi! I was wondering if maybe someone could help me and tell me if there are any DBT skills i could use to manage fear of abandonment and irrational thinking. I’m new to the DBT world, despite suffering from BPD this kind of therapy was never suggested to me but i feel like i should try it.

I'm just starting out diy dbt! I'm struggling with lack of self due to attachment issues (anxious-avoidant) and dealing with black and white states of mind (constantly emotional/dissociated and numb). I wanted to see where I should start to start addressing these issues.

hello everyone! I just joined this subreddit and I struggle with BPD, major depressive disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. my problems stem from major jealousy issues and I believe that is where I need to start. Does anyone have any extreme jealousy book recommendations? I am gonna try a few out but just wondering if anyone has read any that stood out to them. :-)

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Does anyone know of any reliable online DBT groups?

Hi everyone! I was diagnosed with BPD yesterday and was advised to start with DBT. I am currently on a wait list but it’s over 12 months long, so I have decided to start using the resources on my own.

I have the DBT book by McKay, Wood and Brantely.

Does anyone have any advice for working through the book independently? I was hoping to work my way through bit-by-bit and take notes on useful techniques, but I’d love to hear from anyone that has experience with using the resources independently

Here are the main questions I have: • Do I need to go chronologically? • How much do I need to practise each skill before moving on? • Will I feel the benefit working independently? Or is it advised to wait until you can see a professional.

Welcome! We're glad you found us. We hope you find this sub helpful in your recovery.

This thread is meant to be a casual place to...

⚙️ Introduce yourself to the community: say hi, tell us a little about where you are on your DBT path (just graduated from group, DIY'ing using a book/internet, just starting working with a therapist, hanging out here to keep your skills fresh, etc.)

⚙️ Share a photo: of a DBT project you have created (eg: an arts and crafts item that reminds you to be mindful like a bracelet, your decorated comfort box,) or another meaningful photo, like your collection of diaries/journals. Please no facial photos, or pics with personal info in them.

⚙️ Offer some words of advice or comfort that you want to share with everyone: Send some kind words into the world if you are able to do so! Alternately you can respond to someone's story/comment with those supportive, validating words (like a lil virtual hug!)

⚙️ Tell us a positive story/experience that you had where you used DBT: Maybe you used it to get through a really tough time in your life, maybe you used some interpersonal effectiveness skills and you got the outcome you were looking for, or

⚙️ Offer some wisdom from using DBT skills that you have come to know after living it/understanding it: Share your wisdom with the community and share what you have learned and how it's shaped your life.

We would like the focus to be on achievements as a form of encouragement to others who may be struggling with the program. We ask that you please keep it positive, please no venting. Overly negative comments will be removed.

Please familiarize yourself with our subreddit Rules and our FAQs to find answers to commonly asked questions about DBT, as well as media and resources (book lists, apps, podcasts, etc.)

This post is reoccurring every Monday at 12:01AM EST (GMT -5:00)

Hey so I may have to resort to using DBT online since it conflicts with schedule, I would like the group therapy and individual portion of it. Has anyone ever done DBT online and if so, whats it like?

You learn a lot of interpersonal skills and "formulas" which as an autistic person I find helpful. But what do you do when others don't approach a conversation or interaction with the same set of formula, intention, or process? Things are different with every person, the formula doesn't work well, and their responses throw things off and I'm unsure how to utilize the skills when they don't work because people aren't "following the same rules" of the interactions. For example utilizing DEAR MAN it happens frequently.

What do you guys do?

What should i do

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/use-your-mind-change-your-brain/201106/mindfulness-is-judgmental

We could benefit from adding this to DBT

Willingness is a DBT skill that is taught in the Distress Tolerance Module that helps us tolerate intense emotions by accepting the reality of the present moment and doing what is most effective right now (even when we may not want to be effective).

Marsha Linehan is quoted as saying, "Acceptance is the only way out of Hell".

What is one thing you can do to accept today as it is?

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Additional Resources

🔹 Reality Acceptance Skills/Radical Acceptance

🔹 Distress Tolerance Skills

This post is reoccurring every Wednesday at 12:05AM EST (GMT -5:00)

I am looking for suggestions on building a reference tool that makes it easy to access descriptions of DBT skills I want to work on. I would like it to be something that is easy to access at any time. Does anyone have any suggestions?

How do you use radical acceptance to make changes to your health

i find that my coping skills help me to not devolve into a frantic state, but the rumination lingers, even if the reaction is less intense? what skills or practices are good for this?

Hi

I've recently behaved in a bad manner when drunk. I've not done anything harmful to anyone but I've just embarrassed myself in front of a new social group and I can't stop thinking everyone has judged me and won't want anything to do with.

Does anyone have any links to radical acceptance how to guide and anything else anyone can recommend. My go to now would be to stop going to the social group but that's why I'm always lonely and alone, because i run away

Hello everyone, I started DBT yesterday & my first worksheet is filling out sections of the lifejacket Metaphor sheets. I'm stuck. Very stuck on identifying my rocks. I'm married and have 2 adult children and 3 grandchildren under the age of 8. I know most people would put their husband/wife down as their rock however both my husband & daughter can be controlling and narcissistic. I hate myself for even thinking that but I have to be honest. Yesterday my therapist when explaining my rocks said "your husband and your family members would be listed here as your rocks" my heart sank. On describing how our rock should make us feel safe and something or someone we turn to when things get rough I'm just not sure if I can place them here. Both are highly triggering to me. My husband isn't a great listener, he often says the wrong things, my daughter expects too much from me and whenever we fall out she comes at me big time! Both of their antics have chipped away at me over the years, I dread messages from my daughter, I've noticed patterns in the way they both treat me and I try now not to react at all to my daughter when she kicks off. I have multiple health conditions and disabilities and both of them are insensitive to my needs, my husband doesn't listen or has very little input when I hit stormy waters, my daughter uses my grandkids against me when we argue. I feel guilt at not wanting to list them as my rocks.. I am however their rock when they hit stormy waters. This is really hard for me to even accept this let alone write it down and disclose it. Is anyone else in a similar situation where their own family are triggers? What do i list as my rock/s? I usually talk with my neighbour that I've known for over 20 years and she's always there for me as is my dad. If I turn to my daughter and husband for support it's either not listened to or at some point thrown back at me during any arguments. Any advice is appreciated.

Helen x