I’ve been stable for almost 3 years. (Very grateful) which is making me think I don’t have bipolar 1 anymore 😂… no manic episodes since 2021..

let me stop taking my meds and see what happens 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️

Is it common to look "different" when angry. I've been told I usually look calm or otherwise "detached" but in angry state i can look in the eyes it goes to 100 and I've been told I look "different" has any one else been told this?I don't like when people wrong me or act different than what I'm used to or lie multiple times it causes me to react without warning

Looking from the outside, my life seems pretty great. And I won’t lie, nothings really wrong with my life. I have a bachelors in economics, graduated with magna cum laude. I work in the finance industry and recently got a promotion and a raise. I have quite a few hobbies and an amazing support system. However, I’ve been struggling with depression ever since I was 13. My teen years were a rollercoaster and I always felt like something deeper was wrong with me.

About two years ago, a childhood friend committed suicide. This sent me into an absolutely spiral which caused me to seek help. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I took meds and saw a therapist but stopped when I was “feeling better”. Ultimately, this turned out to be a huge mistake.

Recently, I’ve realized how much I hated my job. I had no passion or motivation for it. I sit in an office with no sunlight. The hours are long and I can end up working 6 days a week with no lunches or breaks on super busy days. This led me to have a manic episode and I had to take a leave from work.

My most recent episode was the most intense one I’ve ever had. I had extreme irrational thoughts about spending my life savings and disappearing. I also had daily suicide ideations and would imagine crashing my car while driving or overdosing on pills. I decided it was time to seek help again. Now I’m in an intensive outpatient program, seeing a therapist regularly, and I’m back on my meds.

All of this has been a life changer for me and for the first time in a long time, I feel quite stable. On the flip side, this has made me realize everything I felt for years wasn’t normal. I find myself constantly questioning all my previous actions. I don’t know which part was really me and which part was the bipolar. I’ve always done what I’ve been told. I went to school, pursued higher education, and have a stable decent paying job with good benefits. However I spent most of my key developmental years in survival mode just trying to make it day by day that I never took time to discover myself.

I decided that after my leave I plan to resign from my job to take the time to figure out what I really want. I don’t know who I am and I just feel so lost and scared. All my friends, parents, and my wonderful fiancée have been so supportive. I know I’m young and have plenty of time. I know I can’t change the past and I try not to hold things against me because all I can really do know is take the lessons I learned and move forward. But I’m not really sure where to start and all this feels so daunting and overwhelming.

If anyone is currently going through this or has went through this, I’d really love to hear your story or any tips you have for me. Life is hard but knowing I’m not alone really makes it better. Sorry if this is super long and thank you if you read through all this.

Hello Guys

well am seeing a psychologist 1since couple weeks and am diagnosed with bipolar disorder still didn’t know which type will do the test next week , am having lots of swing moods since years but thought until now I decided to go to a therapist after noticing that its affecting my relationship with my wife and family , I didn’t inform anyone yet honestly afraid of the consequences .anyone tried to move forward with the disorder without taking any medication. Would it work or its not advisable .any tips…

I'm grateful that I've been stable enough for my doctor to put me on antidepressants again but I really don't feel much different than before taking them. Even when my doctor decreased it (welbutrin) from 450 to 300 because of high blood pressure I didn't notice much change. I'm wondering if I should ask to try a different one but I am nervous about mania. Antidepressants have made me manic in the past, including welbutrin so I was hesitant to try it again. I have been stable on it though.

I have tried a lot of medicines, usually with side effects that I don't like but I like what I am on now, vraylar and lamictal. I'll talk to my psychiatrist next time I see her about options.

So I've been prescribed apiprazolse and divalproex, but after three months of endless diarrhoea I'm thinking of skipping the latter. Do you think this is a good idea? I've heard apiprazole mono therapy can work. Not in touch with my psych anymore as I've moved city and he doesn't do online.

Furthermore, I'm just not sure what divalproex is doing for me. With apiprazole I experienced almost an instant relief.

Hello, not screened for bipolar but I have intensity problems that affect my life. Sometimes i get this feeling I side me: feels like a mix of boredom, a mental or spiritual hunger, excitement, like i want something to happen, something physical that is equivalent to what’s going on in my head or chest rather. I’ll speed 120mph (but I don’t anymore bc I know the outcome wont be gratifying or good), I could go stealing, send risky texts bc even if the outcome is bad the excitement makes me not even regret it and if the response is good well not this situation is satisfying something even more, post all over social media - spam with thoughts, poems, quotes, weird photos, funny memes, being weird- something that would or could cause a reaction out of someone, maybe post a photo of myself for the gratification to attempt to satisfy something going of inside me.

None of these are permanent though. Even if the outcome IS good it’s typically only for a moment.

Any advice on healthy alternatives? Or something that will actually satisfy whatever inside of me is looking for? Or is there no such thing?

After 8yrs she had enough. Packed her immediate things and left. Left town is all I know. Not the first time I've lost someone because of wtf is wrong with me. I can't tell you how many days it's been. We're texting a little. But she's not coming home. I have severe abandonment issues. An unhealthy codependency on her. My heart can't beat unless she tells it to. Childhood friends. Found each other after failed relationships. Spent 8 magical years with this girl. My f@#$ illness drove her away before I knew it was happening. I take all fault. She just got tired of it. Everyone does. But the pain and loneliness is unbearable. Idk where to go from here, but I have zero support. No one to talk to. If there's anyone who might keep a guy company til I can make it alone I could use a friend. Gonna cross post. Still unsure.

Just got put on Aripiprazole has anyone else been on it and what was your experience? I was told I'd get really nauseous and probably throw up but haven't yet.

Cotton candy brain to gnaw on

Fibrosis in my veins

From the needles that prey on…

Prey on

Play on

We can build trenches

Use my marrow as plaster for yourself

So perfect

Get giddy

Perception constricted

Says she loves me

When she’s gone I’m freezing

Only comes at dark

A draft

Blowing particles

No halos

Wear me like a ring

Don’t want to roll off to the floor

I want you

And you want me too

Cemented as tethered friends.

Hey everyone, I have a diagnosis of bipolar type 1. Back in December, I got off Abilify/Aripiprazole injection, my only medication, after discussing it with my doctor. I saw him in March and he told me to be aware of signs that could precipitate a manic (or depressive) episode, one of which is sleep disturbances, so they could intervene early on.

The thing is I've entered my fourth week of getting an average of 4-5 hours per day. On Saturday or Sunday, I might get 7-8 hours of sleep. I don't have problems falling asleep when I hit the hay and I stay asleep until my alarm wakes me up.

I work full-time 6am-2pm, and usually I do feel tired and slightly cranky when I wake up but I quickly regain my energy and I'm able to do my job (programming) without issues. My body feels exhausted sometimes (I yawn for example and my eyes get puffy) but usually a cup of coffee is enough to get me going.

Every day after work, I tell myself I'll nap for a few hours to repay some of the sleep debt but come 2pm and I want to do other things (practice guitar, write my novel, etc.) so I end up staying up til 1-2am.

This cycle has been happening for almost a month now. But I'm not sure if this is a sign I'm heading towards an episode?

I don't have racing thoughts, euphoria, agitation, etc. Just sleeping less. My mood feels stable.

My confusion is because the psychiatrist told me about "decreased need for sleep" and "feeling rested on few hours of sleep" but every day I do get periods of feeling exhausted (eyes barely open, less energy) but they go away after a few hours.

I'm meeting my case manager tomorrow, and I'm thinking of bringing it up with her. To be honest, I don't feel very concerned (I feel normal overall) but my mum is and she's been urging me to mention it to the team.

About a week ago I started having problems sleeping. It almost seems to be getting worse each night, idk if it’s worse cuz I now get anxiety over the idea of falling asleep

Basically it’s not only hard af for me to fall asleep, I also wake up multiple throughout the night.

Yesterday I looked at my phone to set how long I had been trying to sleep and it was TWO HOURS

Im trying melatonin (.3 and .6mg) to no avail. I workout 6 days a week as well - hence why I REALLY want to sleep… recovery is important

Oddly enough my issue used to be that I’d get so sleepy I’d skip steps in my night routine like brushing my teeth- well this isn’t a problem now

Do you have any tips to get to sleep??

A little over a week ago I made a post about wanting to end my life. There was someone in this group that reported my post. I want to thank you who ever it was. You saved my life. I’ve been at the VA hospital in Milwaukee because I checked myself in for help thanks to you. I have been able to get the ECT treatment that I wanted and I’m now getting all the help I can. Thank you to whoever reported my post. Just know that you help a daughter from losing a father.

Why do we have to live with this shit? The place where I live, bipolar is considered as handicap but I have no help. (not monetary Nd i don't care much as i work, inspite of my compulsive shopping habit) but i asked for help with my apartment and some chores unt I get back on my feet. But the government handicap association told me that bipolar is a " chic" disease and no help. How is the invisible handicap a chic disease.

I really wish a normal person can experience our manic extremes and the pain it causes. I am a failure in personal life and professional life even if i have a decent job and people see me as someone smart..

I was never loved by my family.. I self sabotage the relationship by just being myself..

Its 2 am and I have nobody in my life nor any sort of love or affection. I have like 3 to 4 friends but none in my city.

I am alone and exhausted and want to be just dead and . The only reason I am even alive is I have absolutely no way to kill myself. (already tried 4 times and failed miserably) this time when I want to do it.. I want to succeed.. But i dont know how

Hi all!! Sadly, I had the rash side effect to lamictal and was told by my dr. to quit cold turkey. She said she'll consider an alternative once this clears in 2 weeks.

I am already on lithium and she added lamictal because 1. I did well with it in the past and 2. To help with the depressive mood states that weren't quite fixed by lithium. Yes, I'm at a therapeutic blood level of lithium. I'm also on 25 seroquel at night.

That said, I'm wondering about alternatives that aren't SSRIs so when I talk to her next I'm aware of her suggestions.

Has anyone switched from lamictal to something else that helped you? Thanks!

I keep researching and only see that Straterra can cause depression and suicidal ideation as a side effect...I have enough of that already and do not need any more. My psychiatrist claims that she's seen "tons" of success with Straterra for depression but I have never heard of it and see that it is listed as an ADHD medication. This same psychiatrist also frequently has to reference a psychiatry manual in the middle of our sessions to fact-check drugs and things she's saying. I don't fully trust her expertise here - does anyone have any experience with this med?

I was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 and there’s a few things I am unsure about.

1. I am currently on lamictal, Abilify and Zoloft. I can’t tell if these medications are helping or how I’m supposed to be feeling. I feel super super anxious all the time/no motivation but I don’t feel sad or angry and I’m not feeling any highs in my moods. Is this how I should be feeling?

2)How does bipolar 2 effect your day to day life?

3. Is anyone else on this combination of medications? How do you feel if so?

I appreciate any and all input! Thank you. :)

Is it true that abilify can cause seizures if you drink alcohol while on it? Even if you don’t have epilepsy

Right after giving birth I had my first hypomanic episode. I felt on top of the WORLD until the crash 6 weeks later, followed by another 10 months of hell until I had a complete breakdown and was diagnosed with BP 2. Everything made sense all of the sudden and I was put on meds that have done wonders!

It’s been 2 years and I still haven’t come to terms with the diagnosis. I feel a lot of guilt that such a happy time (having a baby) triggered this, and that my life is forever changed because of it. I mourn that I lost a whole year of my kids lives because of it. I worry that my mood swings will become more obvious as they get older and I’ll eventually have to tell them. I love them so dearly and only want the best for them.

Any other moms out there whose bipolar onset came postpartum? Have you come to terms with it?

I found a post dated about a year ago with "uncommon symptoms of being bipolar." Somebody mentioned in the comments the feeling of "Chronic and intense nostalgia." This kinda blew me away at first. Does anybody else experience this or have similar situations?

Example: Something will remind me of a specific memory and It can ruin my day and or make me "happy".

Alot of times I'll get 'flashbacks' to when I had a lot of friends as a kid, or when my dogs still lived with us. Anything really

OP : https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarReddit/s/w834DsCB68

I know that when things get worse, I will still be checking Reddit, so I am placing these signposts if I end up entraped inside my mind again. Not claiming any expertise, but this works for me.

• Remember Hitchhiker's Guide: don't panic!
• It will pass, both the good and the bad.
• Try to conjure up mentors, guiding figures, if you are already seeing things that aren't there. Your mind's way of thinking right now is highly symbolic.
• If you are in a state, read about philosophy, literature and art. Sow the seeds of beauty, even when everything around you is dark.
• Spend more time with your sexual phantasies before looking for a partner. There is wisdom in them.
• Some things are worth doing, even if they feel unpleasant. Like brushing your teeth and showering for example. I know you are on the cusp of figuring it all out, but you need to shower and brush your teeth, so you can socialize. It sucks, I know.
• There may be a time when none of this will work. If that is the case, take a deep breath. Visualize this: You are shivering, gripped by fear and despair. You just want to die. In that darkness, you make out a person holding a warm blanket and a hot beverage. Take it. Ask for help and humbly accept it.

Sorry if this looks weird, on mobile. I’m currently in a manic episode and saying the most stupid and psychopathic shit to people right now. What the FUCK is wrong with me?!? I’m actually INSANE! I need to be locked away forever and ever.

I can’t post screenshots but basically to explain the situation: a friend of mine blew weed smoke into a cat’s face at a party when she was very drunk. Another friend, also drunk at the time, posted the video on social media.

Now, people are telling my friend that she should die, get raped, they hope she gets doxxed, they hope she goes to prison, etc etc. Hundreds of people told her to kill herself.

I’m extremely angry and manic and when those two mix together…it’s not good.

Because of everything I replied to some of the commenters, I’m very scared that I myself am going to get doxxed and my life will be ruined forever, they’re already threatening to try to find out her address, wouldn’t be surprise me if they want to find out mine too. I mean my friend has HUNDREDS of comments saying these things.

I’m just gonna type out all the comments I replied to because I can’t screenshot them.

User: “I hope the most horrible, unimaginable things happen to this girl”

Me: “I’m her best friend. Have been so since kindergarten. She’s already been raped and abused her entire life. She’s already been through the unimaginable.

So you can actually fuck off with what you just said. You have no idea how hard this girl’s life has been already. She’s not even the one who fucking blew the smoke in the cat’s face for fuck’s sake. It’s not like the damn thing was beat. Ridiculous. The fact that people care more about a random cat than a human beings mental health…what has society come to. You really wanna care about animals? Go vegan. You care about this specific situation but do you care about the billions of animals that are brutally slaughtered? If not, you’re a hypocrite. This is the most mild form of abuse that could possibly happen.

User: This is a straw man argument. No one has to be vegan to be mad about a cat getting weed smoke blown in its face.

Me: There are more important things in the world. A cat getting some smoke in its face should be the least of anyone’s worries.

User: What an insanely negligent outlook you have. Hope you never have kids

Me: I do not feel empathy. Have a disorder that makes me unable to feel it. Also, don’t worry, I miscarried that shit.

User: Then is the “mama to an angel in Heaven” in your bio just for sympathy points then? I’m glad you miscarried, too :)

Me: Nope. I just have fun fighting online and saying extreme shit. I’m literally just a troll dude ngl lmao. I’m not taking any of this seriously. I’m not even vegan myself, just like to say random shit to see people’s reaction. It’s funny to me to go online and get a rise out of randos.

User: I hope you get help because this is not normal.

Me: Been on meds and in therapy for Bipolar Disorder since I was 15. I’m also manic af and in the worst episode ever. Ssoooo yeah. Anything I say should be taken with a grain of salt.

User: So you’re trauma dumping now? I don’t care. Stop oversharing online and see a therapist. It’s clear you and your friend group feed each other’s delusional mindsets.

The things I said are NOT my real feelings or beliefs. I’m actually so mad at myself because THIS IS NOT WHAT I TRULY THINK AT ALL! One, this was a despicable act my friend did and I’m very disappointed in her. Two, I’m not happy about my miscarriage, I deeply love and miss my baby. Three, the disorder that makes me lack empathy is a lie. I don’t have ASPD. Although it is true that I, as an individual am not generally very empathetic.

I just lie, lie, lie and troll and just say some bullshit and get high from it and don’t even think about the consequences until after. God I fucking hate this. Maybe they have a point, my friends and I are all extremely mentally ill and just don’t generally give a shit until it’s too late and everything is already sabotaged. Why do we all fucking do this to ourselves. My whole damn friend group, and myself are literally just bad people. Period. But I’m the worst of then all when I’m manic.

Hi everyone. I am on 100mg Seroquel and I am trying to lose my gained weight by restricting calories. I am also on 1mg Risperdal. Has anyone managed to lose weight on Seroquel 100mg?

maybe it's just burn out or a lack of a support system, but i just cannot focus on much anymore. i'm constantly sad - not depressed, just upset - but i'm working on things like i have energy. i just can't focus on work. i'm getting like, zero validation on if what i'm doing is good or not so idek if creating things is even worth it anymore.

I'm supposed to be working right now but i keep slipping into maladaptive daydreaming because i am so upset that this work means nothing in the long run, like it's pointless. i feel like a seal performing my silly little tasks to get my silly little monies to buy my silly little snacks.

What do you guys do to motivate yourself? I can't afford to just - keep going like this.

I don't want to go back to outpatient bc i need the money. my mom totally bombarded me over the phone with a ton of really hurtful words over it, when i called for support. I got off the phone with her and i've felt a thousand times worse ever since.

I used to think i could be an important person to SOMEONE but i've come to realize that i'm not important to anyone and i don't produce anything important. I talked with my therapist and it was just pawning me off on outpatient again and didn't schedule another appointment. She's unavailable for months?!?! She didn't tell me that.

I don't feel manic or depressed, but I definitely feel like something is wrong and everyone is telling me to wait a month or go straight to outpatient... which I just cannot afford right now... also I have zero people to care for my rats if I go in.

ive been having stress induced psychosis in and out. it could be throughout the whole day or spaced out for any amount of period. im susceptible to stress easily, so its hard to say when im having another episode. i have moments of clarity and appear to be rational and high functioning. i am considering iop because i am high functioning. but im stressed that the group therapy will trigger another psychosis and most likely will and they'll transfer me immediately to inpatient. i called iop and they said if they deem that i need hospitalization, i won't be able to leave, which means i have to drop everything and check in right away. meaning that any responsibilities that i have are on hold. anyone have similar experiences? and what i should do?

I know I have been a ranting raving lunatic on these subs and I'm sorry about that but I'm happy to say my new Psychiatrist is great. I met him on Teladoc and he works in the next state over where I used to live. He is starting me on Lamictal and my next visit is in two weeks at which point he may add another medication.

This time I'm going to be a good patient because I want to get better and I'm not ready to give up on life. I want to be someone who is consistent in their behavior and personality. It may take some time for my moods to level out and I will always have to monitor it for the rest of my life.

Hope to be able to cope better with some things instead of being all over the place with my moods.

I went off my lithium for a bit under Dr orders to see if it was causing my stomach issues. ( I had surgeries and wasn’t sure it was contributing to issues). Well apparently it wasn’t so I just started back yesterday. The ast two days in the morning I can’t get out of bed? I’m so down, I wasn’t like this until I stopped it. I’m never like this really except if I’m in a depression even then I get up. I do get up and go about my day but my question is can the stopped lithium go that short time screw me up? I don’t want to sound like I’m an idiot it’s just I never been on it before and it’s the only med I’m on . I was on antipsychotics for years never again, but that me . Ty

I was feeling numb and anhedonic on olanzapine and abilify. I'm now prescribed respidone will this help

This has been eating at me for awhile, but I’m curious as to other people’s thoughts here. Posting on an alt because someone is stalking my posts on main. For context, I’m dx’ed with Bipolar II and medicated.

I know we all tend to post about our rough moments or things that happen when we’re manic or hypomanic. I also know a lot of us can be stable for long periods of time and all our symptoms manifest a bit differently. Bipolar doesn’t make us all inherently bad, insane, manipulative, violent, dangerous, dishonest or anything else. We know this.

I’m curious how many of you have dealt with situations where people took advantage of your disorder and the stigma around it as a way to attack you, turn others against you, or deflect responsibility and retaliate against you for exposing abuse toward you, even though you did nothing as they’ve claimed and your episodes were not as they’ve described at all?

Every so often, I glance at BipolarSOs. I usually have to stop though because I see remarks like how mania/hypomania is literally narcissism, all these wild ideas connecting things to bipolar that don’t relate at all, referring to “discards” like we’re narcissists, on and on. I know it’s meant as a space where people can vent, but it really does sometimes feel like a hate group and it makes me really sad to see such a lack of warmth or positivity. Or at least a lot of people don’t even understand how this stuff works for us or how our minds generally work.

In my own life, a former partner of mine who was emotionally abusive initially denied that mental illness in general was even real and said things like that I could just choose to change at any time. “Who told you to believe this about yourself?” she’d ask. She bragged once about bullying mentally ill people because it’s the only way to help them.

Toward the end and after our breakup, she began using bipolar against me as a way to convince others I’m some unhinged, violent and manipulative psychopath in retaliation for me talking about her abuse and seeking emotional support. I never did anything aggressive or malicious toward her.

The worst I ever did was break down crying and hyperventilating in response to her abuse and becoming severely suicidal, often also triggered by that abuse, when hypomanic. She continuously and deliberately attacked my triggers, calling me stupid, disgusting, a baby, an incel, a monster, a cuck, a colonizer, a terrorist, you name it. It was months of breadcrumbing, gaslighting, putting me down, devaluation, DARVO, bizarre accusations and exaggerations, and whiplash anger to where I could barely function.. not fun.

I had to take a leave of absence from work this year to focus on my meds and side effects, as my job performance was becoming real messy, work on therapy, distress tolerance, etc. but also to try and recover from her abuse. She’s distorted all this into deliberate tactics I supposedly used to control and manipulate her, even taking leave or crying is cited as stuff I faked to get her, everything I said about her abuse is a lie despite tons of proof I’m being honest, on and on. I’m not insane, violent, manipulative or lying, at all, and can prove literally everything I’ve ever said about what happened. I’ve never experienced malicious, dishonest and vindictive behavior from someone to this extent in my entire life and it’s massively disrupted my life and mental health.

I know stigma exists, and I know sometimes we can be difficult and struggle in life and relationships, but this stuff is really making me concerned about who I disclose being bipolar to in the future, and how soon to do it after meeting someone I’m romantically interested in. It’s really kind of scaring me that people can act this way toward us when most of us are really just trying our best to live healthy and happy and wouldn’t hurt a fly.

I'm bipolar 1 and they keep prescribing my schizo meds which is making my paranoid I'm worse than they're letting me know and I can't smoke weed if I'm taking them so I asked to take abilify since it helps my sister who has the same diagnosis and she can still smoke weed. I don't need a lecture on why "WEED BAD. STOP SMOKING OR U GET PSYCHOSIS" I don't give a shit I work 10 hour shifts and need a damn break after work lol. My main worry is when I start the meds 1.) It won't work 2.) It'll work and I'll realize how embarrassing and crazy I was or 3.) I'll be a zombie

I'm experiencing clumsiness and memory issues and I'm having a lot of risky sex so I know I need to get my ass medicated before I go full blown schizoeffective

Edit: stop telling me I sound manic when you can't even hear me and you're assuming tone through text. I smoke weed because I suffer from chronic back pain and if I can't smoke ill be in excruciating pain. Yall are doing what I specifically asked you not to. You do not know what my care plan is, and you do not know how weed effects me. Weed does not trigger mania in EVERYONE. Telling me I sound manic with no further explanation and then getting upset at me for not agreeing and using that to further say I'm manic is manipulative. You do not know me.