Hi guys, I have a relatively new diagnosis of bipolar and have been struggling a lot with trying to find a med that works. I’m on lamictal, but my psych says I need to be on something for the depression as well. I’ve tried lexapro and Prozac (lexapro made me gain 15lb in 2 months, Prozac gave me severe memory problems), and have been on other SSRIs in the past, to no avail.

I know everyone is different, but what worked for you?

Thanks!

I keep thinking that’s my last time doing that or seeing my family like I have some terminal illness and can’t control whether I die or not but I mean I’m the one who will do the act of committing suicide or not like I have a choice, right? So why do I still think that way

And I say “we” as a community…

As of the last month I’ve created this false reality where my Fiancé is against me. Causing this irrational mistrust that quite frankly isn’t true. He has never once given the impression or red flag that he is unfaithful, seeking out women, anything. In MY head, when he’s on the phone he’s looking at women, on sites he shouldn’t be. He’s talking to someone else because he’s catching on that I’m crazy. I don’t sleep at night because of it. I hold grudges over things that aren’t happening.. I’m making myself actually sick over this fake reality I’ve created. I’ve come to him and expressed insecurities before and he has been nothing but understanding and kind and reassuring. He really is an amazing man but I don’t know how to reset my mind and come out of this black hole I’ve created…

Does anyone get physical symptoms of anxiety? I have gagging without nausea, boyfriend notice my hands were shaking the other day. In the past if I'm dealing with a toxic person, I get really anxious to almost panicky, and sick to my stomach.

I do have an as needed when I'm getting to an overwhelmed state emotionally.

Im already taking a medication for GERD right now. Which has helped with regurgitation.

Sometimes I don't realize I'm anxious. I'm used to depression symptoms. It's just a lot and I get mixed up with all this .

What are your physical symptoms, early signs?

Side note, I do have PTSD.

The jury is still out on whether I am dealing with bipolar or trauma.

I pointed out that when I reduce my stress by going on vacation, I no longer have symptoms. This has happened several times now.

My prescriber was an angry at me when I said that, and he said that's because it's vacation!

But that doesn't seem right to me.

Do your symptoms go away when you are on vacation?

I've been on 5g abilify, 1mg Ativan, and 500mg depakote but I find it so hard to get up early in the mornings. I also gained alot of weight so I'm trying to wake up before I work my 2nd shift at 3pm to exercise but by that time it's already 12 or 1pm and I want my solo time do relaxation things.

I was thinking of talking with my psychiatrist to tamper off some medication so I don't sleep too much. I just don't want to realaspe so not sure what to do. Right now we're thinking of tampering down depakote.

What pills works best for you guys to get around 8 hours of sleep? And do you guys think it's normal to sleep 10+ hours long with the pills I'm taking?

Bipolar Diaries 1 (NSFW)

Yesterday I was lightly (determined bipolar but type not specified) diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In a sense, this was a huge relief to me. I’m 25 F, have never kept a relationship longer than 10 months straight, lost all of my friends, struggle with alcohol abuse, and convinced myself I was insane because of the intensity of my emotions/ manic episodes. I’ve never been to a mental hospital but probably written about 5 $uic*** notes and attempted once and struggled with bouts of self harm, fucking literally every person in sight and hating my self for it, but I was always able to get myself out of these phases for a little bit. While the diagnosis in no way excuses my past actions and emotions, it gave me a sense of relief because I can finally understand why I’ve acted in this way. I can finally go off of SSRIs WHICH DID NOT WORK FOR ME AND IT WAS THE FUCKING WORST THING TO GO THROUGH.. and go on an antipsychotic to balance me out. Terrified of gaining weight tho… anyways… I hope this helps me. Sadly my psychiatrist won’t give me anything stronger then gabapentin/ bursar combo for my chronic fucking anxiety and panic attacks but it’s okay. He doesn’t want me to get addicted and in a sense I can respect that, but got is it a struggle. I’m hoping the antipsychotic can help balance that out as well. I wish you all the best. Thank you for reading my post.

Tried a few ssris and AP Vraylar and they didn’t agree with me. Now my psych prescribed bupropion. Was wandering, how successful is this medication for other bipolar people.

I’m on an antipsychotic, antidepressant, and mood stabilizer. My doctor wants to add Buspar since the Hydroxyzine made anxiety/agitation worse. Curious on yalls experience with it?

i've noticed a lack of discussion about sleep paralysis and bipolar disorder.

i've personally experienced sleep paralysis as a symptom - has anyone else encountered this?

Hi! My very close friend is diagnosed with bipolar, and has recently been struggling a lot with the diagnosis and its symptoms - he is fully unmedicated just for context. In the last few months or so, he has been in a rather tumultuous romantic relationship with a girl I barely know, and she mistreats him a lot. They’ve broken up multiple times, but always seem to find the way back to each other - I think they both enjoy the chase a lot, and I suspect that the depressive episode he’s been in recently might make him act impulsively, as his relationship with her is very emotionally intense. His depressive episodes usually leave him feeling very empty, and I suspect that the reason he keeps going back is to simply feel something. Anyway, he has recently started distancing himself from me a lot, and acting very diffrently - being very short with me, taking a lot of distance from me, super irritated/ moody, and very obviously unhappy. It’s had quite a big impact on me as we’re very close and spend a lot of time together, and i’m just feeling unsure on what to do, and writing here to seek guidance.

I know from earlier ”episodes” that he has a hard time replying to messages/ SMS (It can be very overwhelming for him at times) but I was considering just writing him a message saying that I love and support him, and that if there’s anyhing he needs from me I’d love to help & that i know he’s not mad at me, just having a hard time regulating his emotions. I’d want to tell him that i’ll be taking some distance from him this weekend as I assume he needs some alone time, (we typically do everything together) but if he wants i’d love to meet up/ if there’s anything he’d want to talk about that i’m always here for him, and finally that he doesn’t need to reply incase it feels overwhelming and to just take his time.

Does this seem like a reasonable course of action, or should i try to keep a closer eye on him? This is naturally difficult for anyone here to tell me, but as someone without bipolar i’d love to get some insight on how others feel that have been in similar situations. I love him more than anything and I really just want to be as much help as i possibly can. Thank you so much.

Hi

I went off my lithium and fell into a deep depression (I don't take other meds).

I went back on it, now it's 2/3 weeks on the therapeutic dose. Some things have improved (sleep, less sense of desperation) but the depression is still intense.

Anyone had a similar experience going off and then back on lithium and can tell me how long it took for their depression to lift?

Also how long you've been on this medication.

Thank you.

I get very painful periods that make me miss work and cancel trips/social events. I’ve been scared to try any birth control because my main med is Lamictal. I’ve been pretty stable for years and I really don’t want to mess with that. I considered Mirena, but I’ve heard awful things about how painful insertion is from family. I also hate the idea that I would need to get an appointment to have it removed if it’s not working for me. Today I found out about NuvaRing so I’m considering that. I would appreciate any advice from people who are using birth control while managing bipolar.

Hey everyone this is my first post here and I wanted to ask people who are in a similar boat to really get an idea. I've had my second breakdown and I'm on meds again with just ablify. It usually makes my hallucinations go away. However it also takes my ability to think away as well. Recently I read a phrase which said 'people automatically do things and I have to think manually about doing them'. I had never heard something truer for me in that moment. Since I'm on ablify I have no real emotions, I don't feel much and I just become a manual human who has to manually think about stuff. I really find it difficult to human and didn't know if it's just me with the med or bipolar. I'd really love to hear people's views on how it's affecting you....

Does anybody struggle with this? Since I got back on meds I feel like nauseated after a work out is that normal or is my body fucking with me?

It took a lot to get to this point, but my psychometrician friend said that they thought I had depression or bipolar disorder so I should go and get medicated. I opened up by saying that I was scared of taking them for a number of reasons:

1. My parents helicopter me a lot and are strongly against the idea of getting me medicated. Between them actually being more willing to financially support unmedicated therapy (and even then the chances are slim) and leaving me to secure meds for myself, I wanted to take my chances with the therapy first and take my time to at least begin medication on my own terms.
2. I'm scared of the side effects. If I gain weight, my parents WILL comment on my body and I can't handle any more of that. If I get sleepy, it'll also get in the way of my schoolwork.
3. Costs, I'm currently in between jobs. I'd be more open to meds if I had the means to support myself instead of relying on my parents.
4. This is the most frivolous reason and I feel bad, but I still want to go on nights out drinking with my friends. I drink in moderation and really enjoy nightlife, on the arguably rare occasions that I find it more for socializing than it is for "coping" with anything. It takes a lot to even be allowed to go out in the first place, and it's like I'm getting hit with this sense that if I go on meds I'll have to give this up for good.

I am open to taking medication, but I really just need the professionals I go to to please consider all these things (helicopter parents, costs/practicality, side effects, and how to approach things like alcohol) when coming up with a treatment plan.

But I felt even worse because my friend ended up saying I was rejecting their help / expertise and zeroed in on the 4th reason, saying that maybe it's just because I cope with alcohol and that if I got medicated I'd stop drinking altogether---then I got shown a post about how someone gave up K-pop after getting medicated. I got upset and tried explaining that (a) I'm not trying to reject them, I just wanted to confide in them that I'm scared of taking psych meds for these reasons, (b) I don't like being compared to some internet stranger, and (c) I didn't like getting diagnosed out of the blue WHEN I DIDN'T ASK FOR ONE IN THAT MOMENT. Unsurprisingly, the conversation ended poorly and we haven't been talking for a while now, past being civil when we see each other in public / with mutuals.

In the end though, I did push myself to get my savings / money together and got prescribed valproic acid, with an initial (but not final) bipolar diagnosis (though the psychiatrist didn't specify which type). I feel terrible, though---my parents found my meds anyway and we had a big argument about how I'll end up dependent / addicted to them and that I lied / didn't tell them, even though I was literally 23 and I'm trying to at least assert some more independence or take care of my own health + I payed for them with my own money. They've insisted that they don't want to get me medicated, period, and that's that.

It's honestly really distressing and I wish I knew how to handle this. I'm supposed to restock on my meds, but I feel stuck between even more conflict with my parents where I shouldn't be medicated and conflict with my friends who think I SHOULD be medicated. Do I just tell the psych professionals that I need to figure out an alternative? Do I still fight to get on meds? What do I do now?

I am interested to know some thoughts and maybe how you deal with this, when you do not want to disclose your BP but you have people adamantly saying you don't seem like yourself even when you try insist you are fine.

I used to be very good at masking but now when I am not and seem more withdrawn and not as fun and talkative everyone is very concerned.

i feel like i was ramping up into an episode but after smoking weed for 2 days i feel completely normal. i thought mania would get worse but no, i had a brief psychotic episode the first day of smoking but the rest of the day i was pretty chilled.

I am 46 and was told 22 years ago that I was bipolar. I thought he was wrong and was offended even and didn’t accept the diagnosis until 2.5 years ago. I left a huge trail of chaos and destruction in my wake but am stable with meds, habits, and routine right now.

I see my future self having a life long partner but I struggle to date. I get to a place in my world that I call a clearing. Like coming through the forest to a wide open space where things are bright, more calm, and feels safe. I get a little high in mood and I feel ready to level up in life. In those moments it seems as if I have handle on everything so I feel encouraged to start dating. I make more effort, get into some chats with a couple of guys and then something comes up. I get a little hypo, work/money stress, fatigue, a light depression maybe, and my momentum is gone. Not only that, but I forget I was even talking to anyone. It could take me a month to go back to those chats I had started.

I feel like I don’t have the mental and emotional bandwidth to fully attend to my own needs, let alone the needs of someone else. It’s a shame I am not cut out for casual relationships haha. I was married for 18 years and there were a lot of successes but ultimately my first suicide attempt sent him packing.

So question, have you had successful relationships? This includes shorter term ones that just didn’t work. How did you do it? Why do you feel it was successful?

I’m going on a vacation 6 time zones backwards and I’m already feeling hypo just planning the damn trip. I am thinking I’m going to need sleep meds to knock me out every night rather than stay awake to adapt to the new time. Any advice?

Anyone else just feel lonely no matter how many in the room care about you. Also, after that experience don't listen to Good News by Mac Miller and party a bit. It just adds on to the torment. Hope all are well and keep climbing the hill.

Lately I've been seeing a pattern with my therapy sessions.

I go into my sessions being in a stable wise mind mood. Talk about how things are going well at the moment (forgetting about the lows). Mood is positive. I leave hopeful. I'm gonna make it after all vibes.

Then a few hours pass and it all changes.

I start feeling my super lows and I remember how much I have been struggling between my sessions. Now I feel like I mislead my therapist and that I don't actually have it together. Like it was all a trick.

It feels really disorienting and it makes me upset. I haven't said anything to my therapist yet because I wasn't able to see there was a pattern. I'm planning on telling her at our next session.

Can anyone relate?

Has anyone done this? Did they have a plan set in place to stay safe while having a firearm around them all the time? I'm considering it. I really don't want to hear if it's a bad idea. I want to know if anyone has any tips. I'm talking to my therapist about it next Wednesday. Thank you.

hey i have very few friends. i think a lot of it is due to my mental illness and struggles with socialization. i’m so lonely 😭 i don’t know how to even make friends. i’m 27 and live in the suburbs with my parents, can’t drive due to seizures, and fear people might judge me because of my disabilities and also because i am gay and trans.

ugh! it’s so difficult. does anyone else struggle socially?

The father of my three kids, I met in hospital. Relationship lasted 22 years. I recently went to hospital and made friends with a man. After we left hospital we spent time together and we are forming a relationship. He is recovering or recovered from depression and I’ve had hypomanic and depression in the time we have known each other. He had empathy and supportive behaviours. I know it’s not recommended but I think it might be common, Hence the post.

I have BPD and Bipolar 2 and I don't really have an inner monologue. Like I think it and I always think to myself but i don't hear myself in my head if that makes sense? Idk. Is this a thing or is that just a personal thing?

I recently experienced my first big psychotic hypomanic episode over the summer. It was so scary, and exhausting. I truly hope I never experience it again. I was just wondering about anyones experience with psychosis and recovery time?

The episode lasted several weeks for me, afterwards I hit a major depressive episode that I am still suffering from but getting better with the right medication. I feel like when I reflect back on the psychosis that I shouldn't still be so sensitive about it even though it was months ago at this point. When talk about it outloud or think deeply about it I am full of anxiety. Has anyone else felt this way? Does it ever sometimes feel like there's some residual psychosis? Is this normal? Any input or personal experiences would be appreciated!

I had my first (and only) episode of mania with psychosis almost eight months ago. I was hospitalized for 1 month and they diagnosed me as type one... I had nothing before or after. I'm medicated, of course. But I doubt my diagnosis a little. I used marijuana for 5 years before the outbreak, heavily and frequently. I think maybe what I had was something punctual and unique.

I'm not expecting to hear that suddenly you never went depressed or hypomanic again, but is there anyone who actually started functioning after a lot of struggle? Can you keep a job and relationships with loved ones, be healthy, control impulses and be financially stable? Can you be happy and have a fulfilling life? Sometimes I feel like my life will always be centered in pain, suffering and lack of self control.

I haven’t been myself for years now at this point and I’m wanting to do something more. My doctor suggested ECT but I’m scared