Hi. Today i saw my psychiatrist. He said he cant do anything more for me. Ive tried everyrhing. I dont know what to do now that he told me this. I feel so lost and on my own.

It feels like I’m stuck on an endless loop. No progress, no growth, no future. I’ve got to the point of asking if there's any real reason to bother, death feels like a tranquil release. Here’s my reality:

One formal qualification.

Not academic, I'm just not smart.

Rejected from multiple universities.

No work experience, only ever had one job.

No friends.

No home, I'm practically homeless, living in a relatives home they plan to sell, beyond that, I am homeless.

I don’t want to waste my life in a job I hate, scraping by just to survive. People who escape that cycle have qualifications, skills, or something special to push them forward. I’ve got nothing. Every opportunity seems to collapse halfway through.

I tried to study and failed. I applied to the armed forces, but I was rejected because of an ASD assessment on my medical records, undertaken when I was 12 and being in the middle of relentless bullying. I've now applied to second branch, but I'm just waiting for it to end the same way. Even when I tried turning a hobby into a career by applying to university, I was rejected for not meeting the entry requirements.

My family tells me things will get better, but I accepted the truth long ago: this is it. No matter how hard I try, I end up back at square one.

I've thought suicide more than once. Things haven't changed, things haven't turned around and they're not going to, I honestly can't see anything else to live for.

Whatever it is after that seems like a safe space from all this bullshit that me and most people are forced to endure in this world and the fact that life has an expirarion date is the only thing that grounds me and give me any warm feelings Like I'm waiting for school to be over to finally get home, which is kinda ironic cause my "real home" never really felt that way

I'm not afraid of dying anymore, the only things that really makes me anxious are pain and losing things I'm attatched to but those will eventually end too No torture can last forever, no matter how brutal

Even if I would be forced to become homeless or go to jail for not celebrating this unhuman lifestyle under current times, I know that there will be the day that I'll just leave my body and they won't chase me afterwards the need for money and holding a job to survive does not exist in the afterlife (at least I hope so)

I despise my family and never really had real friends, so that part doesn't bother me too much

I'm currently 25, and statistically people live somewhere around 73 years, so theres 48 years left If I'll still be too lazy to act on my urge to end it earlier, ill just rot and wait like during prison sentence

and I honestly don't think things will get better, for me at least and even if they did, it wouldn't be enough to compensate for all the bad stuff I got some good moments in my life, I did some things that could be considered as achivements, but even all of that couldn't make me any less miserable overall and only mental fatigue seems like the remaining consistent thing

I don't know why I wrote this or if it is making any sense, I guess I just wanted to not be only a passive observer here

How do i move on from my ex who i see everyday… we work together in the same group and can i have any advice?

I am Japanese. Many Japanese people advise me to think about my feelings and theirs separately. That is very painful for me. I asked a well-known psychiatrist and he told me that I may have developed mirror neurons in my brain as a result of abuse and bullying. So I can feel people's feelings as if they were my own.

On a positive note, I think my brain has evolved. However, I notice how bad people's personalities are. And it gives me a very good understanding of what kind of personality that person has as to why they have a bad personality.

It usually starts with a sense of jealousy and envy. And usually she retains a strong need for approval, a sense of inferiority, a dependent temperament and a lack of self-confidence. Those are their problems.Very prideful and in some ways makes fun of people.

I try to counteract this by distancing myself from these women, but just being in the same room with them is stressful. I will not be satisfied until they change their personalities from the bottom of their bellies, not just on the surface.

Regarding the advice I wrote at the beginning that many Japanese give me, is it my fault that I can't do it? I always wonder.

I used to have a bad personality, but I improved it by reading a lot of books.

I think having a bad personality is a burden for people because if you have a bad personality, they will be stressed and if you have a bad personality, your work will not go smoothly. They are a burden to others. So why should I change? These women should read a book too.

It is often said that the Japanese are insidious and that there is a culture in which patience is a virtue. Is this a matter of the Japanese temperament? And what should we do about this? I am always troubled by this.

I find it strange that people with bad personalities are not sick and have stable income.

Thanks for reading this far. Sorry my English is very bad.

I’ve been functionally depressed for over a year now and I am tired and just want to give up. I’ve tried therapy but it’s hard for me to open up, even to someone I barely know. I’ve had dark thoughts before but the past few days have been really intense. I just want to be able to focus on myself but I am not able to because of how much I overthink. My self esteem is at an all time low despite having a well paying job and securing admission in one of the best business schools in the world. I just can’t ever get myself to be happy and proud of myself and haven’t experienced pure joy in more than two years. I want it to end, and I’m scared that if I don’t feel better anytime soon, I’m going to end up doing something I’ll really regret. I feel completely alone and just want to end it all. I don’t know what I expect out of writing this post, but I hope this helps in some way because I’m very close to ending it all. I’ve everything in life, the most loving parents and family and that’s the only thing that’s kept me going this long. I just want it all to stop.

I’ve been continuing to take Mounjaro even with side effects because I got my blood sugar down and lost 40 lbs. Now the side effects are too much to handle and I’m am nervous to keep taking it but so nervous not to and gain weight and blood sugar to rise. I am so conflicted and can’t even function anymore. Today I am a lbs more than yesterday and can’t handle it. Is it the meds making me crazy or am I just losing my mind.

I (18F) don’t think i’ve ever been this exhausted in my life. I used to be a relatively outgoing person. I loved to read I worked out all the time, I went out with friends, I really wanted something for myself. But over the past few years I’ve lacked the motivation to do anything. I hate being around my friends and I’ve got a million college and scholarships applications due but i just don’t feel excited about any of it anymore. I feel stupid and largely incapable of doing any amount of difficult amount of work. Oddly enough I’m able to muster up enough motivation to help out other people in my life. I helped my boyfriend type up some essays over the past few days and I couldn’t help but be upset because I wrote so beautifully. I wished that I had a semblance of the love and passion that I used to have. My parents are on my ass about what i’m going to do with my future but im just tired. Is this just burn out or is something wrong with me? I’m not sure.

I take a sick day off work and all I can do is be riddled with anxiety and guilt and shame about it. Panicking about unlikely things. I feel completely helpless and like I can't work and have the ability to work even though I can push through. But I'm exhausted. I can't even give myself a break without feeling guilty and belittling myself. Doing things I enjoy makes me depressed because of guilt. I can't seem to get out of this rut and my neighbour is also consistently harassing me and my partner about loud noises and getting the council to send letters. Targeting other neighbours too. I can't feel in control of anything not even in my own home. Even though I know none of this is my fault and I am allowed to enjoy my home and I'm not getting into trouble because I know i can prove my neighbour wrong and even though I'm allowed to take time off work and im quitting anyway. Life is just saying 'No.' You need to feel bad about everything. Even you try to make it better or be a good person. Nothing works. I can't shake the feeling.

to be happy for other people who love each other so much.

Like, I am so happy for them. But, it hurts thinking I'm 34 and I missed my chance - never been proposed to, never been engaged, never been married. Nobody's gonna love a single mom who's depressed with a special needs child. I literally have nothing to offer anyone.

It just makes it really painful to see the love that others share and know I will never have that now.

I just keep pushing this feeling further down and so it just keeps coming up closer to the surface. 😞

My dad and my brother surprised me with a visit today. We went out eating and we spent some time together. It was incredibly difficult as I was holding back tears the whole time.

It is the 1st time I've seen my dad since this summer, and it's the 1st time I see him that I hold very real ideas of ending my life. It's been over a decade since I've had such thoughts but they plague me heavier than ever.

They asked me what I'd like for Christmas. I have no answers. It seems pointless to get me anything at this point. The only thing I'd even want is gone forever.

I lost the only woman I've ever loved this summer. I'll never see her again. I'll never talk to her again. She's happy with someone else. I am nothing to her after all these years.

I've been holding it in all this time. Putting on a mask. But it's cracking. My whole life is just a ruin and I've been trying to crawl out and I've been improving all the aspects of it that I can, but it's all hollow. I don't care anymore. I'm back to not eating. I cut myself to feel. I'm just a shell.

I tried dating. Several lovely women, really, but I feel nothing. They're not her. God, I wish I could just hear her voice again. Her hand in my hand.

I've begun crying in front of my therapist. He tells me I need to reach out to my loved ones again. But I can't do that anymore. I can't be more of a bother. Nobody cares. I'm just broken. I guess I always was and she just healed me, but if I'm broken I would never be enough for her, or anyone, and so she found someone better. I did so many things wrong without even realising it.

Tears streamed down my face as I walked home today. I can't do this anymore.

Ironically I used to be on this sub trying to chime in, help people, but now I'm on the other side. And the void is deep.

I can’t keep fighting anymore. I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted of losing every time. I’m exhausted going everything right only to lose. My partner betraying me was the last straw. All I’ve ever known from life is hell. I’m tired. You win life. I can’t go on anymore. I’m tired.

my life consists of waking up, eating and sitting at my desk all day. i dont leave my house, i have no friends or anything. i really do believe that i can get better, but im just not sure how to, any advice?

I’ve been with this person for over 2 years and all he has brought is pain. I can’t remember the time where I was genuinely happy, everyday I cry, everyday I’m beaten physically and emotionally. I’m drained. I’m not the girl people used to see me as. All he has done is ruined my happiness. Everyday I look at the knife and think maybe it’s time to end this all so i can be at peace with my mind. Everytime I try to leave he just makes me feel like the worst person on earth for leaving him. I haven’t felt this alone and depressed since I was 13 and now I am 24 trying to figure out ways to just end this misery because of him.

I want answer for that question my nan died when i was 10 but i didn't process it till i was 16 which in my mind i hit me harder than I was expecting

No idea how I come to the conclusion the post this but I guess I just need to get it off of me some how.

I (18/m) got diagnosed with depression roughly 2 Months ago. I got bullied from the first grade up to tenth and somewhere then I think it started going all downhill.

I started having thoughts of hurting others mentally and physically and after sometime also hurting and killing myself. I never attempted to do anything to others or myself but the thoughts of it linger in my head every day. Aside from that I have constant thoughts of draining myself in alcohol, drugs or sex (which I also don't do). The first thought on my mind when I wake up is "fuck I'm still alive" and then I will instantly start working homeoffice or get ready for school without a single nice thought. I take days to bring my trash out, do dishes or clean which fires thoughts that I failed myself and am worthless.

I still have things I enjoy in my live. I have a deep love for anime and the Warhammer 40k universe and spent a lot of time building and painting miniatures while listening to audio book. I still have my best friend (who is also deeply depressed) who also is the only person I don't think of hurting and I would give instantly give my live for this man. I have a beautiful and perfect girlfriend which I love spending time with but I even have thoughte of hurting her in someway and I deeply hate myself for it as she supports me as much as she can even though it means ruining the rest of her day. I also have a working family which I see on a near daily basiseven though my parents are divorced. I thought a long time my mom is a big reason for my situation but I realised she is definitely not and it was just some part of me telling me that I needed a reason a person that is responsible for my misery.

I still as soon as I'm alone everything bad falls back down on me. I have no reason to leave my house other than groceries, family or my girlfriend so I spent a majority of my time alone with my thoughts. I actually am not to bad with people and find myself talking quickly with new people in group scenarios that last for a longer period(like work) but I seems to find now friends. I have no idea how I am supposed to meet new friends as I don't have any except my best friend. I can get myself to visit a sports club, go to the gym to get a better body image or anywhere else where I could meet people and I don't know why.

This is first of all just rent but also I seek advice. How can I get out exercise and find friends and people to spend time with?.

I can't take this personal hell and mostly just wait for my own death like many others. Maybe it will get better someday but now it isn't. I may suffer but I know there are people out there who suffer together with me.

Stay strong I try to be aswell

I don’t think I could ever act on anything but I’m having constant suicidal thoughts while in a partial hospital program.

I really feel like telling them how I fully feel but am afraid they will put me in patient. I don’t think I could act on it and I do have a safety plan, and I feel being admitted might do more harm than good.

Starting Effexor today. Supposedly it will help tackle my anxiety and depression while also helping me focus, which I’ve really been struggling with. Doc said that he will up my dosage after 1 month and if I’m still not improving I’ll then be evaluated for ADD and see if medication can help on that side. 1 each morning, 37.5mg. Wish me luck.

Hi there internet people. I'm not really sure what's the best way to go about this but I'm going to try anyway.

Last month a little less than two weeks before my birthday my gf of 6 years broke up with me. She said she didn't feel the same way anymore. I understand that you can't change how someone feels so I tried to just take it on the chin. However, I'm not doing that well with it.

She is a spectacular human and I still love her and it's miserable knowing that she doesn't feel the same way. I lost everything. The house was hers so obviously couldn't stay there. We had 5 animals together, only one of the cats could have been considered mine and since it had only ever known that house and the other animals I wanted her to keep it. I'm currently living in a shed that doesn't have proper heat and I regularly wake up to it being between 40 and 50 degrees.

I've been drowning my problems in alcohol and don't have the motivation to do any of my hobbies. I have a few friends but they aren't really the type I can talk to about these things. I'm hoping someone on here can maybe help or distract me. Thank you if you ended up reading this, and I hope that you have a fantastic day.

I’m 18 years old and I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I am in my last year of high school I live in Germany so I’m doing my Abitur basically like A-levels but harder and I don’t really have real friends. I have some at school and I go out from time to time, but I always feel left out and excluded. I stay up like till two and 3 AM almost every night because I just cannot fall asleep because all the thoughts about my life you know in my head And I really have no like faith in my life. You know I can’t imagine myself living in 10 years and I have no perspective in life I mean, I just don’t know if I can no say life I think about it you know ending it from time to time, but I don’t know if I have to balls to do it and I don’t really have anyone that I can talk to and I don’t know if you know I’m strong enough to open up to someone because no one really knows what my life is no on the outside and acting like Noah normal tough guy. I mean I work out regularly and all that but you know within just an empty hollow shell and I was just wondering if anyone you know we’re suffering from the same shit that I am having and if you have any advice for me.

I am in so much pain. I regret that past 20 years of life. I basically messed up the beautiful life my mother and family gave me. I can't do this, I want so bad to redo. Its suffocating. I don't want the life I have created. I finally know everything I want, which I could have had, but now it is too late.

People tell me to move forward, but there is not where to go. I can't. Please, please, send me back, please.

what is the least painful way to die? I just want to sleep permanently i don’t want to be alive, I don’t see a future for myself. I’m 18 and it’s hard i genuinely can’t do this, im failing school I’m gonna be kicked from my courses bc I failed my mocks im ugly I’m disgusting nobody likes me and wants to be friends with me everyone thinks I’m stupid life isn’t looking good I just hate myself I want to escape this reality I want to die I wish we had an option to just delete ourselves

I’m a fucking disappointment and embarassment

hi guys, I am a 21 year old college girl and its currently 5:44am as i sit in my dimly lit room typing this while on the verge of tears. Im a senior in university and it feels like my life is over. I've been depressed since i was 18, and I've done everything to try and get better. (I used to be on antidepressants but they got too expensive so I had to stop) But no matter how hard I try its like im never good enough. Im invisible, and im really starting to think Im better off dead. I have a plan, and a day, and more and more im proven right that the world is awful, and i have no place in it. Im drowning and im scared im destined to feel like this forever, because my mom is depressed, and she never got better. I dont know, I guess thats all. What's done is done

All I really like doing now is blowing my paycheck on food and edibles so I can go home, get ssuper stoned and jack off until they cycle of the next day starts. That's pretty all I wanted to share. Anyone else around the same boat

im hopeless, i cant do anything good anymore. its like i've lost basic abilities of life and idk how to regain them back. therapy not working, family issues, moving to new places, it's annoying and i cant figure out what to do. i literally feel stuck.

How do i make it stop it makes me act like a cunt with everyone especially online

Hey all,

Weird to post this. I have been experiencing awful anhedonia for the majority of this this year. Last year, my great uncle passed away and it sent me down a depressive spiral. He was the patriarch of the family and my role model, just an incredibly charismatic ray of life in a bleak world. This year has been marked with constant dread and an inability to feel any pleasure at all. I’m trying so hard to break out of it, but the pit seems to get worse. I’m a therapist at a crushingly hard and busy community mental health center. I feel nothing anymore when helping clients and have no energy. Music and socialization, my two favorite things on the planet, seem redundant and tiresome at this point. Work just seems to be this draining slog I feel no passion or purpose in anymore. I used to be so excitable and full of life, obsessed with adventure and self expression and being the life of the party. I put on a great mask still but the joy in me is dead. I’m trying so hard through exercise, medication, diet, and forcing myself out to socialize to break out of it but nothing seems to work. My Lamotrogine dosage has been decreased to help alleviate the numbness but it doesn’t seem to be working at all. I’m really not sure what to do, partially I think this could be to do with entering my 30s but life shouldn’t feel this pointless?? Let me know your thoughts and thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far!

Probably needs some background to make any sense out of the question, but I guess the shortest way I can put the context is that most of my life I guess I’ve just never really felt that much for other people. When I was younger I kinda thought that everyone felt that way about each other and we all just kinda pretended we cared more than we did cause it was just the thing we do. But then I met a girl who I actually did feel things for and that kind of made me realise that I’d actually just been missing something and other people actually probably feel things about everyone in their circles and they’re not just exaggerating or whatever. But she didn’t have the same feelings for me, so shit got complicated and now we don’t talk. And it’s not like I’m not lonely, I am extremely fucking lonely, it’s just that I just can’t seem to really care much about other people and I don’t really know why, and I don’t know what made it different that one time, and I don’t know why no one else before or since has lacked whatever it was that made me care in that one case.

So anyway, I’ve spent about 5 years doing all the usual bullshit, therapy, medication, even finished a course of TMS a few months ago, but none of it really does anything for me, I do my best to do all of the therapy shit outside of the actual sessions, but I guess when you’ve been doing it so long to zero effect, it kinda makes you wonder if you shouldn’t just take the hint, since sometimes doing the “healthy” thing just seems to be bad for other people and do nothing at all for me except make me feel even more sure that I guess I’m just kinda busted.

Anyway, the specifically trigger for the thought recently has been that someone basically put themselves out there and I guess wants to be my friend. I go to the gym every day, cause it’s about the only productive thing I can get myself to care about enough to do consistently for some reason. Anyway, I guess she’s seen me in there, and so at some point I guess she decided to come try talking to me. She started off sort of flirtatious, which I just awkwardly tried to sidestep, probably poorly so I guess I’m also worried I might’ve appeared interested which I’m not. But anyway, she started talking about other shit too, one thing being that I have a ton of self harm scars all over my right arm but I stopped giving a shit so I just wear sleeveless shirts cause I sweat a lot and it’s fucking uncomfortable with sleeves. But I guess that made her feel comfortable telling me that she has some self harm scars too, and I guess that led her to sort of talking about more vulnerable mental health related shit, and I’ve kinda been through every facet of it at this point, so I guess I probably seemed like I at least understood it, and I dunno, I suppose to someone who isn’t socially fucked, that’s probably nice, especially since it’s not that common.

So I dunno, I guess in the moment I kinda just thought fuck it, there was a part of me that wanted to try and cut it off but I also kinda let all the “what would your therapist want you to do?” shit get into my head too, and I just kinda went along with it. She also seemed pretty lonely and doesn’t seem to have anyone else to relate to about that mental health shit, so I figured at the very least I could probably just sit through a conversation every now and again and at least make someone else feel ok for a bit. But honestly, after that one conversation, every interaction I’ve had with her since feels like pulling teeth. She’s not doing anything wrong I don’t think, I just honestly could not give a shit. I get nothing out of the whole relating over fucked up mental health shit, and I don’t really feel any urge to talk about anything else either. Like I get home after the gym and I still feel so fucking alone, but then she tries to talk to me when we’re both there and I just feel worse cause I am forced to recognise how actually talking to people only makes me feel more lonely and apathetic than when I’m actually alone.

So anyway, now I feel like I’ve kinda dug myself a grave with all this shit, and I feel like she also probably overestimates now what the prospects of a friendship here are and I already just don’t have the energy for it. I dunno, it’s not like I’m a sociopath, like I can recognise that objectively this is probably going to end up being bad for her since I’ve already let her think it could be a friendship, and therefore it’s shitty of me to have not just shot it down because I probably should’ve known it would’ve happened this way. But I guess I also just don’t know where that leaves me. I know that according to all the fucking “healing” shit or whatever you’re supposed to try and be open about all this stuff, but I feel like it very obviously doesn’t work for me, and it would be one thing if I was just making myself more lonely with every attempt, cause that’s just personal consequences for my own choices, but this isn’t the first time I’ve recognised that I’ve probably hurt other people in situations like this and I guess I am just wondering if I’m actually a piece of shit and this point for not just basically telling people to leave me alone so this doesn’t happen.

I am 30. I am lucky in that I have the chance to pursue what I want in life, and am not under any financial difficulty, yet I am able to do next to nothing.

I have experienced absolutely awful depression for years. From 19-28, I spent almost half a year every single year in very bad depression where I would barely even leave my childhood home's bedroom. At 28 I managed to get myself out of it with a combination of medication, therapy, exercise and self belief. I wanted to have graduated from a university before/at 30, and I did that, and I thought I was honestly behind being that badly depressed again.

Yet here I am again, in the same room, trying desparately to not fall into the same patterns of overeating, putting on weight, isolating myself and abandoning everything again. Why does this happen? Why do I abandon everything that I have worked so hard for in my life? Why does it loose almost all of its meaning, while at the same time I am sad that I am not as attached to my life?

I can not put into words how absolutely exhausted I am of feeling like this. Prior to 28 y/o, I tried almost every antidepressant and combination of mood stabilizers. They feel like they took the edge off of the worst emotions, but also felt like they were numbing me. Around a year ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, and while the medicine felt like they were also partly treating a small part of me that was depressed, they would make me significantly anxious at times, so much so that I have stopped taking them now (with the advice of a doctor of course).

Having spent so long doing nothing, I am significantly behind in life in terms of being able to be financially independent. People dating around me are looking for self sufficient people to have longer term relationships with, and I am particularly far away from that. I know I should not be comparing myself with other people, and everybody has different circumstances etc. The financial side of things aside, when I feel like this I barely want to see people anyway because I feel like they can see in my eyes how absolutely broken & disconnected from life I am - that doesn't feel like the "me" that I am when not depressed, and I don't want people to think of me as depressed and broken...

I struggle with putting effort into life and thinking of a future for myself in any regard, because any particular future that I dream of feels so incredibly far away that I am terrified which leads me to inaction.

I don't know what to do anymore and I'm afraid of my future.

I have literally no reason to be depressed. I have a loving girlfriend, I'm an athlete who is somewhat popular. I have friends who i care deeply for. I have straight A's. I'm well taken care of at home. It could be better, I'd definitely rather have an actual house than an apartment but I'm grateful.