I spent my 20s being depressed, for a short fucking year I met a person that lit up my life like a supernova.

Then they left me.

I'm alone now, I've been on couch for 8 hours now, I've mutilated my nails to the point it hurts to write this very message.

I hate being alive, I just want this to end

So I've got till probably Thursday until everything is here. I've encrypted my computer, set up drives and folders for my brother to be able to access, wrote most of my notes. Is there anything I should do with my last week that doesn't involve spending a lot of money?

I'm not looking for advice, comfort, reassuring platitudes, sympathy or anything like that, just want ideas of how to spend this week besides getting drunk or if there was anything I forgot to do.

Hi , I am a 16 year-old boy , who has made a lot of fuckups and I can't go back even if I wish to but I can't. I lie to people to get attention and validation since I need that so badly otherwise I couldn't live with myself I was depressed for # years and tried to commit suicide by using a belt and trying to starngle myself I have blackouts and hearing voices in my head and I can't stop it I am not looking to restore my life, I just want the office switch.

Thank you

I have a friend, and we’ve known each other since we were 10 (I’m now 18). Back then, he was average in everything, just like me, around 5'7, shy, lacking confidence, with a small friend group and no girlfriend. But over the last two years, puberty hit him hard. In just a few months, he grew to about 6'2, started looking like a supermodel, and gained confidence he never had before. Now he's surrounded by a lot of people and goes out partying with girls who were never interested in him before. He's become like a totally different person. Meanwhile, I’ve stayed the same old, shy, average-looking guy.

We're still good friends, and this hasn’t affected our friendship, but deep down, I feel extremely jealous. What can I do to stop feeling this way?

Tw mentions of suicide

For the past couple of days I've been dragging myself out of bed and trying to get shit done. Now chores are spilling over, I can't get out of bed before 3pm, and if I leave the house once I'm immediately uncontrollably exhausted.

It makes me not want to even try because I can't get anything done, and before all that there's showering, getting dressed, putting on makeup, skincare, brushing my teeth, making meals, eating the meals, washing dishes, going to the shop because I'm always out of something, and oh look its 6:30pm again and I haven't eventually started on the million things I need to do and I have a headache that's so painful I want to scream and my body didn't want to walk on the way back.

I can't wake up earlier because despite the exhaustion my brain won't shut up and go to sleep at night. I can't get up sooner because there's so much to do. I can't go to bed later because I'm exhausted after a few hours. Patterns like this are why I became suicidal. I cannot. Do. Anything. And its so hard to even want to try.

I want to have the mindset of "you got out of bed, yay! You cleaned the floor, yay!" But it never ends. I'm not getting anywhere.

Does anyone else get a feeling of not actively wanting to end your self but being okay with the idea of dying. Like when your driving, and you suddenly feel the urge or constantly thing about ways you could die?

I'm at a point in my life where I'm in chronic pain and constantly struggling in a battle between my desire to live and my desire to just quit while I can. I'm just tired of fighting and having to fight and having to pretend it will be okay and looking at positives vs the bad and I don't know how much more I can do it. It's so hard, it's a battle I've had for since being a kid it's all I remember and I'm so tired, I'm exhausted.

I recently told the school councilor who told my parents about my suicidal thoughts and SH urges. And it was getting better. I felt better I wasn’t suffering in silence anymore. I just finally felt like that was the step to get better. But it’s all falling apart again with things I can’t control. And I’m back where I started. I just hate my life so much and I wanna die.

She is kind and caring but that doesnt matter. The only reason why im feeling like this everyday for thr past 10 years is because she decided to be selfish. I cant forgive her. Dont you dare shed your crocodile tears when i perish. Its all your fault.

I have purpose in my life , dreams and goals. I am a professional artist and i love fashion & beauty..

I got pregnant at 18 by someone i thought was good for me. He was my first ever boyfriend and relationship. Turned out to be an abusive narcissist, never got hands put on me by a man until him. And was humbled by his mom and family for telling ppl. it went on for 3 years until i finally was able to leave the relationship and keep my apartment that.

I was traumatized, co-parenting w him didn’t work, he provided nothing for my daughter and he would scream at her when she would stay up at night so i knew it wasn’t worth it. So i moved on with my life without his help and my family was supportive of that . but now my family says they’re here for me but doesn’t care about my life to help me get on my feet. All i ask is if they can watch her while i work , I already spend tons of money on uber just to get her to a sitter and then work when they all have cars. I’m convinced that my parents and siblings & family just doesn’t care about me. I’m afraid i feel like i h8 my life and i don’t want continue but i do for her. I fake my smile everyday besides when im with my boyfriend . & im afraid if he knows how sad i really get and how much i really struggle . i’ll end up all alone again which is all i’ve felt for years . life is not fair . i can’t see a bright side within me , i believe i would’ve be better off not given the opportunity to live. My boyfriend , my parents , daughter wouldn’t forgive me for feeling like this but it’s true :( any advice will help

How does one deal with not being able to change certain aspects of their life? I just end up depressed for a few days if I think about my current situation.

I have friends, a loving husband, a nice family, and a good job but I just feel so restless like I should be doing more. I just feel so disappointed with myself.

It sucks to feel this way. My depression was worse in my teens. I actually ran away and self harmed quite a bit. I get those urges sometimes but I manage to shake them off.

Depression sucks and I wish I didn't think so much. I struggle with accepting that this is what life is and it really fucking sucks.

Thanks for listening.

So then what was the point of these stupid forums???

Hi, 4 days ago my online friend posted on Twitter saying “goodbye”. The day before he was talking about how he was really thinking about suicide. He hasn’t said anything since. Is there a way to know if he actually went through with it or is there nothing I can do? I only have him on Twitter. Thank you

The last time I was this depressed I was hospitalized and that experience traumatized all the people around me and I’m so grateful to have a great support system but it makes me feel so guilty that I have all these people that love me and I still can’t be happy. I know my family and friends have been talking behind my back essentially putting me on suicide watch because everybody is inviting me to do things and making me meals and doing things for me and my therapist even sent me a card in the mail this week and somehow I’m still miserable. I don’t really want to talk to anybody because I keep making them cry and I just feel fucking horrible. I’m so sorry for being this way and I’ve been trying so hard to not be this way but I’m so tired of trying.

Please someone, please make it stop. I don't know how. I've been doing pretty well with my anti depressants but I had a fight w my partner and I just can't... I just can't do it. I know it's stupid. Be

Why should a fight make me want to die? But I just can't. I can't explain it. But I just can't keep going anymore.

Please help me make it stop. Please... Because pretty soon if it doesn't stop, I don't know what else to do....

The title says it all, I am 19 and my life has been falling apart, but I was still in the right direction until those past few weeks, they have been the worst ones so far, as I went through a very painful breakup in addition to the rest. The relationship I was part of made me feel better and hopeful for the future but now that this is gone, it’s different. I feel like I have wasted completely my lifetime, and won’t experience anything new anyway. I found nothing that really resonates with me in what therapists or other people say. I know it’s not the best thing to do, but it is the easiest. But I am still willing to hear from anyone a reason to not do it. Even if you don’t answer, thank you for reading everything.

I had cancer in 2021 and while facing cancer I was sexually abused, then last year my mum dies and I’m the one to find her dead at the bottom of the stairs.

Now I live with my angry dad who wants to take the money I got from my mums house to buy a house that he wants, but oh that’s okay because it will “be in my name” a house that he wants in my name? Why?

He says it’s to help ME when the last thing on my mind right now is to buy a house especially not one that he wants. All I can think about is killing myself and I’m currently arguing with my dad 24/7 getting abuse and shouted at all the time

I get it, he wants time to sort his current house- he’s seen a house he likes and he could grab it much quicker using my mums money. But that isn’t what my mum would want is it? they split when I was 5 years old. I know I’d get the money back when the house eventually sells but still it’s risky and complicated. Then when I find a house I do actually want, we would have to swap ownership of houses.

I’m not in the right headspace to even think about buying a house right now and even if I wanted to I don’t think I’d get one anywhere near here for 150k

Life is too overwhelming for me :(

"I'm Okay" dysphoric_otter

I paint my smile with practiced care each day,
A masterwork of calculated grace.
"I'm fine," I whisper, turning soft away
As fissures spider through my porcelain face.

My laughter chimes like silver in the breeze,
A hollow song through empty marble halls,
While deep within, my heart begins to seize,
As panic scales these perfectly built walls.

They see the self I've crafted for their eyes:
Collected, calm—a portrait of control—
But shadows writhe where no one else can pry,
Where darkness floods each chamber of my soul.

"You seem so strong," they marvel, and I smile,
While drowning in an endless, stormy deep.
Each praise becomes a stone, and all the while,
These anchors drag me further from relief.

Yet love demands this daily masquerade,
Their peace of mind worth every breath I feign.
I fortify each careful barricade,
Though hairline cracks betray the mounting strain.

Sometimes, alone in night's revealing hush,
I wonder if my act has grown too thin—
If all these walls I've built with careful brush
Are windows to the chaos held within.

This mask I'll wear until I find the way
To voice these simple words: I'm not okay.

I feel very detached from everything

I feel I am not happy

Whenver I feel talking to people,people tell me you should be strong,you are very emotionally weak

Listening to all this I try multiple things , I try to be alone , I try to be in peace

but nothing is helping me out

As per the title. I don’t have the energy to go into detail, but I’ve been putting myself out to help others and it’s just lead to me being treated as a doormat. I can’t take it anymore. I wish I didn’t have so much empathy for others, it just feels like a burden to me and makes me easy to manipulate. I resent myself so much for allowing people to treat me this way. I’m done.

I have never been so obsessed and infatuated with someone before. When we talked she was smart, sarcastic, and funny I never had anyone before to share my love with so I gave her everything. She never felt the same i don't know what she thought of me but I thought myself a hindrance to her success. I was a helpless starving puppy and all I wanted was her attention and her love she was the only thing that mattered. I would've died for her or died with her had she asked my devotion and love was infinite I would starved I would've cut I would've killed for her. I know better now I suppose but I feel like a husk only slowly putting my pieces back together it's going to take a long time. One day maybe this will be a bad memory one that I will learn from as the rest.

I no longer feel like a failure i am a failure. There is nothing i can do in life i am a dead beat. Why shouldn't i just kill myself. What even is the point. What my parents say seems like the truth. I am nothing i will amount to nothing. Eve if i try my best i will be nothing. There is no point in life nothing to look forward to nothing to make this static go away i will live and die a meaningless life why not just end it all now. Why should i be a burden and hold back everyone arround me.

Hello I’m (F23) and I don’t know what happened to me. I was diagnosed with a disorder called essential tremors which started in my hands and now progressed into my head. I’m young but already lost control of my body. It’s taken a massive toll on my confidence and how I see the future. Everyday for so long now I’ve been thinking of ending it. There’s so many incidences in my life that has completely ruined me but I was always able to push through and over come it. Until 2 years ago something horrific happened to me and now I’ve slowly become turmoil. I struggle to see the good in anything because my own body has ripped me away from that right. How can I have control over myself when I don’t have control over my body? How can I continue to live knowing that I’ll potentially be unable. I really really don’t want to be here and I truly believe that’s the best option for me now. I’m so scared that I can’t continue living. I’m so very very lost

You know, life has always felt like an arms race. Its like every time I reach a new high in life I feel like Im arriving there just as the bus for the next high is leaving and im forced to make the trek by foot. God is it hard. Its like I cant catch up and be "solid" for a bit, always having to prepare for some threat in the distance.

Anyone feel the same?

Also requesting for any inspirational songs if you happen by.

Wish I had someone I know who I could talk to about how I feel, so I don't have to try to.explain context all the time. They've all got their own shit going on they don't need mine too. I just want to blink and disappear, erase everyone's memories so they don't even know I'm gone

Words my male friend shared with me after his GF cheated on him before he killed himself.

Thing is, my mother has always said she doesn't, "want to show too much love or else you may become soft".

I don't miss my ex. I miss the good times with my ex. The times she was someone to talk with. The times I could hold someone and know they wanted to be there and I wanted them there. Before all of the cheating and lying and coldness.

I miss my friend.

My manager at work asked what I do for fun. My answer was gym, boxing, and projects (I run a business but can't say too much about it at work). He asked if I spend any time with people and said, "You're in your mid twenties and just sort of go to the gym, work overtime here, and work alone at home on projects?"

It's honestly better this way. I'm pretty done being mistreated by people. I'd rather just do my own thing. Make my own money. Make my own fun. But, I miss my friend. I miss having someone I at least thought loved me. I guess I just miss being normal. Even if it was for a brief period of my life.

I have been experiencing frequent burnouts, maybe say 1 per 2 weeks and I still don't know how to recover from it. Sleeping helps but I can't just sleep all time, unless I am tired and exercising helps but worsen it too sometimes. I feel so trash during this period and when it's over I don't get time to just analyse what just happened and get to work. Lifes just too fast paced to even take a moment to sit and relax. Its like I work hard, burnout happens, I sleep all day, and next day get back on same routine. Couldn't even spend festive season with my loved ones and it has again started. If anybody could provide any tips, it would be highly appreciated. Thanks

I want to talk about options like TMS or perhaps get a genetics test to see which medicines are/are not effective.

I am on max 450mg wellbutrin. 300mg worked with no side effects, but I'd crash halfway through the day even though it's extended release. 450mg helps me manage my episodes length and intensity, as well as overall emotional regulation. My episodes now only last about two weeks instead of months. It makes episodes shorter, less severe. But, it is beginning to ameliorate certain symptoms more than uplifting me. I have notable side effects on 450mg, such as increased anxiety, irritability, slight paranoia, but it is the therapeutic dose that works most for my depression. I struggled with psychomotor retardation which is why I was prescribed wellbutrin. In this regard, it saved my life. Thinking of going back down to 300mg again now that I have stimulant medication alongside it.

Basically, I am managing my depression with medication, but I don't want to rely on it forever. I can't. I am hoping that even though I am not severely depressed on medicine, as I am without, I can be a good candidate for treatments like TMS. My medicines efficacy concerns me.

I'm starting a semester of exams for next year and I'm so stuck. Many people on reddit have told me that I have pyshcosis and I should get it treated but its not that easy. My parents are overly religious and will literally avoid me for the rest of my life if they find out about my condition and I don't want that to happen since their still in denial that I've been diagnosed with autism since I was 12.

The second thing is that it's hard for me to study at home since theirs always arguing, shouting and just so much noise and I cant concentrate especially since my home just drains the energy out of me. I could study at school but I'm just too lazy and not bothered to leave my bed.

And again with the thoughts and voices, they won't leave me alone and their ruining my life. I wish my parents were understanding so I could just get therapy and take some pills that would calm my thoughts down.

I spiraled into a bad place last year when my laptop broke and everything on it got deleted. I didn’t go to the dentist or doctor (I had anemia and she told me to come back in a few months) I already had teeth issues due to depression, and binge eating. I used to be a huge soda drinker, and coffee, etc. I went right back into my bad habits, even tho a few months prior I was “clean”. No binging, eating healthy, and flossing/taking care of my teeth.

I recently went back to the dentist after a year, because I’ve been doing better, and I paid for it and they fixed some of the upper back teeth. He told me I might need a crown on my tooth because of how deep the fillings were. He said it might take a while but one of my back teeth already broke while I was flossing and it hasn’t been a week.

I’m just so depressed idk what to do. I have no real support system, the entire reason for my depression have been my abusive/toxic parents, I’ve been working for two years and barely have anything saved due to my binging habit. It feels like every time I try to improve I’m kicked backwards. Dental bills are already expensive, and I don’t have any real savings like I’ve mentioned. It might take me a while to save up to move out. I’m just feeling suicidal again and wishing I’d just done it when I was a teen. I don’t even know how to drive and have to walk (total walking time, back and forth is 1hour and 15min) to my jobs. I can’t keep this up. I feel like I’m going to collapse and my parents blame me instead of supporting or even being empathetic.

I know it’s bad but I’ve been thinking about getting my leg broken so I wouldn’t have to talk to work anymore.

No matter how often I put myself out there are trying to socialize, maybe people see something in me that says ,"no thanks." I desire to have friendships and being close to people, but it just doesn't ever work out no matter how hard I try. I look for hobbies, I try to befriend coworkers, but nothing seems to work. I just have my boyfriend, my mother, and sometimes my aunt. They're the only people really keeping me here.