I (F, 21) wrote my last post here around 1 year ago. I was severely depressed and I still have no interests in life despite trying out so many things. I am drained beyond explanation and I have no interest in living. Ik many ppl feel the same way. My life is actually not bad, (practically?) I had a breakup last year and we are still on and off on talking terms. I'll not lie it was my fault more than his. I live with excruciating guilt and blame my mental health for everything. I have started hating mt loved ones for projecting on me. I have started hating everyone actually. A lot. Tbh everyone is playing a mental game with me and I am terribly losing. I really really want to end it all.

I beg, from the bottom of my heart, what should I do please tell me....

Ps: I have had anxiety, depression, severe OCD, EDs and anger issues, all medically diagnosed. So yeah my mental health has actually ruined my life and I'm done fr.

Sometimes, I just feel like I don’t belong anywhere like no matter how hard I try, I’m always on the outside looking in. It’s like people don’t really see me, or if they do, they don’t care enough to keep me around. I’ll put in the effort, show up, and try to connect, but it feels like it’s never enough. It’s exhausting, you know? To feel like you’re constantly giving pieces of yourself to others, only to realize they don’t really want those pieces. It makes me question if I’m the problem if I’m too much or not enough. And honestly, it hurts. It hurts to feel invisible, to feel like you’re just an option or an afterthought. I just want to feel wanted, to know that I matter to someone, that I’m valued and not just... disposable. But sometimes, it feels like that’s too much to ask

I think things are going to get better slowly. I finally have some hope after a really rough patch. I still feel horrible about some loss and some awful things that I did. I really hope one day that I can somehow make it better or at least be at peace with myself regarding what happened. I wish I had made better decisions. I feel so horrible about what happened. I today finally feel like I can really just feel the pain of my actions without it coming from the guilt I have from rejection from others. I feel so bad. I’m not proud of myself. The way you treat people matters a lot and you’re always responsible for your actions even if you’re suffering from mental health issues or substance abuse. I just wish I sat down and thought about everything before these things happened. I wish I used my wisdom and experience and knowledge to get help, to move to a better place for myself or to just not do those things. I wish things hadn’t been so foggy and I wish I hadn’t been so hopeless. There’s nothing I can do about it now. Even when Im better which I hope is going to happen I’ll always think of these things. I won’t forget and I’ll try to always do better no matter what.

I don’t have a car and use uber to get around places. Sometimes when I am alone in the car at night (mostly), there’s this feeling inside me, a hope that the car crashes and I get to die instantly, without feeling the pain. I never went to a therapist and this feeling is pretty new, like for the past 4/5 months. I don’t know what to do. I do have other emotional issues that aren't serious but I have been wanting to talk about since teenage years (I'm 30 now). But this feeling that I am getting is scary. I love my life and most of the time I count my blessings. So, whenever I think I should see a shrink, I feel like I am overthinking and it's probably nothing to be worried about. Seeing a shrink is anyway a luxury in my country (south asian). Most importantly, it feels like I am craving attention in this way and that's what I'll be feeding if I see a therapist. Is this normal? Does most people go through times like this and it's normal?

It started with IBS. Then covid twice, which lead to heart and lung problems. So difficulty walking and exercising. Endomitosis and PMDD meaning unbearable unimaginable pain for 2-3 weeks every month. Taking away sex and that enjoyment. No caffeine or nicotine because of heart, lung and stomach issues. Then CHS which means no weed ever again, so no self medication. For the daily pain of walking and breathing. Insomnia so intense I don't sleep for weeks and sleep for 12+ hours when I finally can. Back pain so intense I can't stand. Carpal tunnel and Raynaud's leading to numbing feet and hands taking away crafting and baking. Plus I'm stuck in a city I can't stand. What's left? I can't eat, sleep, breathe, have sex, do drugs, drink coffee, do hobbies without pain.... What is left to do? Live for others? Live for friends? I don't have family and the USA is taking away my right to exist. I mean honestly what is there left? I was deeply suicidal for 12 years I finally made it out and then my body started to fail me. Now I'm just here No real desire to end it but no reason to keep going. WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE TO DO?!

Why is it so difficult for others to accept that mental illnesses exist and are caused by a variety of bad experiences or circumstances that occurred in our lives that differ from one to another? When someone commits suicide, they are called a coward or selfish, when someone has difficulties communicating, they are called weird or they are made fun of, when someone has an emotional breakdown, they are called ungrateful or unappreciative, and the list goes on. People feel depressed because of the negative effects of those around them, and this needs to be changed

People chase things—love, success, happiness—like any of it actually matters. But at the end of the day, we all end up in the same place. Alone. Forgotten. Like we never really existed in the first place. So what’s the point? Why keep playing along in a game where the only ending is nothingness?

I think that’s what scares me the most. Not just the emptiness, but the fact that maybe it’s not something to fix. Maybe this is just the truth of being alive.

I'm 16 rn and I'm sick of everything. Life has fucked me over every chance it gets. My past haunts me everyday, I've been abandoned by so many groups of friends, and I thought that my life was getting better up until life decided to crash back down. A ton of personal stuff i don't want to talk about but also, i was abandoned by my friends again. I'm done remembering traumatic things, living with guilt and embarrassment. I get made fun of for my attempts at suicide and i have to be reminded all the time that im alone. There's no one who can help me anymore. And I should get a hint that really, I'm a problem and that life never was meant for me.

Im only writing this in hopes that maybe I can gain a little bit of hope. But knowing my luck, this'll either get deleted or no one will see it or care.

Is it bad that I wanna unalive myself cuz I’m bored.

Not cuz I think it’s interesting but cause I have nothing to do and it’s too hard to try find something.

Oh also i should mention im already depressed and su*cidal but not enough to actually wanna do it.

Anyways if anyone has any suggestions on fun or interesting stuff reply below :Þ

Also if u want u can ask for some of my interests or whatever to make a decision idk

Anyway thanks for reading :)

The strongest insecurity of mine is, without a doubt, never being good enough.

I have so many memories from it: my parents not loving, caring or choosing me since I was a child, friends of my childhood never including me in their plans despite me wanting to, not being in social circles in my student times because of my introversion, not finding a man to love me for who I am... only getting sex from me....

I've a chemistry degree and although it looked promising when finishing college, I had to spend 5 years of my life working at other low-paying jobs to survive. I don't speak to my family anymore, I've blocked them from everywhere as they defended my childhood sex abuser who happens to be my older sister.

Despite all of this, I found a job as a chemist and yesterday at work my two bosses planned to have an individualized meeting with each of us. I'm a hard worker, always giving my best and sometimes even more. My coworkers say I'm one of the most working ones (this is said by them).... so my bosses told me they like how I work but that I work slow. It kinda made me think "I'm not good enough at this too".

I know it's not true, they said it to see if I could speed up even more but, the truth is, it hurt. They are kinda downing us all, making everybody angry and wanting to leave.

I'm taking an antidepressant, ansiolitic and I was doing "fine" but this was the drop that makes it all flood out (or something like that, english is not my first language).

26 F4M - Let's keep it cheeky.. bold.. and irresistibly playful

I’ll get an access to firearms soon and will kill myself. Depression has taken over my life, and not a single soul believes me when I say I need genuine help. This world isn’t meant for me, I shouldn’t have been born in the first place. Fuck everyone

I'm about to be vulnerable and complain a little bit. I know no one gives a shit but whatever

Not having a job is killing me. I really wonder what the point to anything is anymore. I can't pay my bills, I can't afford to eat. I'm bored all the time to the point where when I'm not hyper applying for jobs, I'm sleeping because I'm just so bored. It's starting to affect my mental health badly, I have thoughts of not being alive anymore. I woke up this morning and I had negative in my bank account and my first thought was I should just unalive myself. I'm trying so fucking hard to be positive and happy. but there's no point to that anymore. I cant survive let alone do anything fun. I couldn't even go to the movies with my friends a couple weekends ago. I cant afford to do laundry so I've been wearing dirty clothes. My poor dad has been helping me as best he can and I feel like I let him down every time I get a rejection from a job. I'm such a failure, I'm such a loser. I feel all alone in this.

I wish I was dead honestly.

"I am from Bangladesh and going through the toughest days of my life. I am tense and struggling with myself. I am on my admission journey and have sat for five admission exams, but I failed to crack the top engineering colleges. This is because I did not complete my syllabus during college. My basics are weak, so even after trying hard, I still can't get into any university. This is making me more depressed day by day.

My parents are trying hard to support me. I come from a middle-class family and don't have the money to continue studying at a private university. I am still trying to cover everything and secure a seat in a public university, but I am losing hope with each passing day. I feel like I am losing myself.

I don’t know what to do. I am scared to tell anyone about my struggles. Everyone is blaming me instead of giving me solutions."

A long while ago, I wanted very badly to kill myself.

I realized that I don't feel like I belong in this world at all, And after I felt so hopeless, and really felt like their was no other option, It felt so strange when it didn't happen, and in my introspection I likened the feeling to living out the non-canonical ending to a video game with multiple endings.

It's an ending in a sense, but it doesn't feel "right". It doesn't feel like I was "meant" to keep living, but I am, and it feels so profoundly strange, that I don't really know what to do with the fact that I felt it, and to a degree still do.

And I realized just now, that feeling is not so much an isolated "non-canonical ending" feeling, as I call it. But rather an all-encompassing feeling of reality being "like a video game".

Because what few interactions I have with people IRL feel scripted. Like they're following a dialogue tree.

Maybe this is because I overanalyse potential outcomes in social situations.

And just generally, sometimes nothing feels real at all, and I wonder to myself "if it turned out that people around me were actually just NPCs, would I actually be able to tell the difference?"

"I don't know", is the answer.

Hello I'm 18 years old and I think I'm the best moment of my life, I didn't had the worst life but I also didn't have the best, I've tried to kill myself 3 times and all of them I've been so scared that I backed up, after the 3 attempt I stop caring about my life at all, I didn't talk with anyone besides my best friend because he always called me, I didn't shower nor brushed my teeth because I didn't want to look at my body and face, I almost didn't eat and that behavior kept going for about 1-2 years, I like to think that I have moved on but suicide it's always in the back of my mind, is like a though that can come at any time, this and the sudden lost of all hope and happiness are ruining my life right now, I'm a very positive person but it's like I am always fighting to live, I can be in the best situation of the day or having a great time and suddenly I just want to kill myself and I feel empty and cant feel anything other that sadness and wanting to cry, my family is tired of me, they think I do this on purpose which have make me feel worst everyday, I just want to feel happy and my family to understand me but I don't understand why is this happening to me Sorry if this post is difficult to understand but I'm just writing what comes to me mind en Sorry for the bad grammar, English it's not my first language

I've had depression since I was 12. It later developed into bipolar type 1, and I'm just so tired of it all. I don't want to take pills for the rest of my life, especially considering I've delt with addiction in the past and simply having any kind of pill triggers it in me. It sucks so much. How is it that we've come so far in learning about the human mind and body and yet we still don't have any idea on how to handle treatment resistant depression?

A massive trigger for my depressive episodes is loneliness, however, due to the depressive episodes - I am also unable to keep proper, close friendships. Let alone relationships, I feel as if I have forced myself into being aromantic just to avoid the struggle, but anyway, I'm getting off topic and just ranting.

What can I do about literally any of this? I've tried to get professional help, I've tried every stupid self-help book, every coping strategy. Simply put, nothing's working and that alone is worsening it all. If anybody has anything other than the bs we all hear all the time, please tell me. Please. I'm so tired of it all, I wanna add that I'm not planning anything, I just wanna feel human again.

I really need someone to talk to, i don’t know how to navigate these feelings i feel so much pain

I am 15. Life sucks so bad. I am fat, ugly, dumb and what not. I have stopped going to school because i was bullied by my own so called friends whom I trusted. I also stopped going to school due to studies getting so difficult. My parents are forcing me to go to school from next year but i doubt if any school will be ready to take me in. I am not against that idea but i don’t cherish it as if i was at the top of the world. I just want to die so bad. I cant do anything. Nothing works for me. I sit at home and play genshin impact all day or scroll on Reddit. My brother doesn’t even talk to me and blasts the television all day after coming from school or throws the football on the wall to create a very bad loud sound which makes me feel so much worse because its so loud and my ears are really sensitive. There is no solution for me. Nobody is practical here. I have no reason to live. I just want to die. Just want to kill myself. Even though my parents say they are supporting me but in reality they just want me to be a doctor so i can earn money. All of them are against me. I dont like anything now and everything feels so much worse. I just want to end this life because it causes me so much mental pain. Nobody is here for me. Even if you say that you are with me and you support me but in reality that won’t happen. Because nobody cares for me. I just want to die. please.

I get in this cycle where I won't basically any social interaction for while. And it goes on so long that I forgot the reason. Then I start thinking that people would like me if I just opened up a bit. And I start to believe good things about myself. Then I try to reach out and open up and make friends. And I am quickly reminded that none of that's true. It doesn't matter how much I reach out, no one is going to be interested in getting to know me better. No one cares. If only I could remember this like it was fresh for the rest of my life. Then maybe I would humiliate myself again the next time.

I need to vent a bit but also some advice on how to deal with certain things better than i am doing now.

My partner has struggled with depression for most of her life. She is traumatized by her parents (unlikeable father, narcissist mother. Mother is the main issue, though) and immediatly goes on a downward spiral the second her mother sends her a christmas card or someone else from her family is trying to contact her. I am always there to listen and talk, making sure to tell her i love her and that she is amazing regardless of her mood. Sometimes I help her with household, shopping etc. if she does not have the energy for it. We go to movies, theater, restaurans, concerts, trips but it is rarely enjoyable anymore since there is always some issue that causes her to spiral downward and i often see myself unable to stop it.

Since around Christmas it has been really bad. She constantly complains to me about not giving her enough validation, not caring about her and tells me that she was so much happier being single and getting validation from all the dates. Sometimes she starts ranting about how it would be better if she had killed herself as a teenager and that her life is shit and the all the people in it are letting her down. Then, a few hours later she is sad because i am not touchy and flirty enough and that she feels ugly because of it but all of this completely kills my libido for the rest of the evening. Even if i try to hide it, she notices that she is dragging me down which then makes it even worse. She will then be angry at herself and sink even deeper into her hole.

Everytime i try to set boundaries or tell her that some things are not okay and unnecessarily hurtful she dwells on it until it becomes a major issue and sometimes turns that into an accusation against me later on. She also insists that all she expects from people is the bare minimum but that she is not even getting that. I try to be romantic because it is very important to her but it is never enough, especially since she feels i only do this to accommodate her, which is partially true. I feel i have become really thin skinned towards the constant complaining because it happens all the time.

Last year she went to therapy for a bit but stopped after a few months because she felt fine at the moment. I feel this is something i need her to restart as soon as possible.

I feel so fucking drained. I feel like i am putting up with all this bullshit because i know how she can be when she is in a better place, but once her mood lifts i am nowhere near my best and feel like i took up her misery and cannot even enjoy it, always scared that her mood will shift again in an instant.

She usually tells me when she starts feeling bad but often i see myself unable to stop it. She often says i did not react the way she needs me to. I know i turn passive when confronted with that much negativity and self loathing and she needs me to take action to snap her out of it before it manifests. Thing is, i feel so frustrated and hopeless at times that i don't have the energy to counteract much. I think i shut down to protect myself.

I am really lost at the moment. I have dealt with depression for years myself but i am new to all this trauma and hatred topic. I love her, but i feel like this takes most of the joy out of my life. There are people who seem much less affected by their partners depression and i would love to hear some useful insights.

Does anyone else feel like they’re just destined for failure? No matter how hard you try nothing ever goes right. I try to stay positive but life hasnt been positive to me. I fear that maybe this is my destiny, when i think of homeless people im sure none of them planned that life. Maybe they were just destined for failure snd maybe i am too

M20. A few years ago now, I had the worst panic attack of my life after years of stress and a traumatic event which I brought upon myself. Ever since, nothing seems real to me. I was so set up for success with going to a good university and I am blessed with a good life on paper. However, years of mental health issues, low self esteem and procrastination, I have done nothing with my life and I feel stagnant. Anything I do to improve my life takes me so long because 1. What’s the point if nothing seems real and I don’t deserve to live a good life anyway? 2. I feel like I have OCD symptoms that cause me to ruminate constantly on topics such as embarrassment, vulnerability, existential questions and death. I have tried various types of therapy, mindfulness, mindset shifts and EMDR over these past few years because I do not want to be held back by fear anymore but everything seems to have been in vain. Time moves so fast and nothing waits for someone like me who feels paralysed. I don’t want to self pity and try not to make excuses for where I am in my life but despite doing everything possible to improve my wellbeing, I still feel stuck at square one. I had so much hope for where my life was going - I want to go into researching neurological diseases but I have made no effort to look into forging a career path because, again, it all seems empty and meaningless. I just feel like I am grieving for something which isn’t actually lost yet because all it takes for me is to just believe this is all real. My next step is to try medication for my OCD symptoms and anxiety and see if this will help me overcome my constant rumination and let me complete what I need to do. Edit: I just wanted to add a few things. 1. Thank you for taking the time to read this if you have. 2. It is incredibly hard for other people to understand what I am going through because I do not tell them the whole picture and it is embarrassing that technically I can just get on with my life and ignore this feeling that nothing around me is real but I can’t stand this lingering idea that my achievements will all be futile. So, I isolate myself and lie constantly in order to produce an illusion that I am just taking time out of university to help with my family, although, this is a complete lie. 3. I do not actually see any solution to this and I am scared of wasting even more time than I already have, I feel so removed from God or any idea that I will be okay now and I am scared.

I genuinely have a hard time getting what's so hard about understand that there's more than one way to think. "You don't practice the advice I give you ? You must not give a shit about me ?" I DO give a shit about you, I just don't care enough about myself to feel the urge to improve my life. "You don't get out of your room ? That's not a life, just get out and you'll feel better." Bitch, getting out is exhausting and why the hell would I leave the house just to leave the house ? "It really feels like you're not putting in any effort, you have to do more." I GENUINELY CANNOT. I am doing my absolute best to fight my own brain, to be even a teensy tiny but productive every day and not be a complete failure, but I swear I'm doing my best, why can't you understand that ? I can understand why you say all this, because it works for you, because it's advice You've been given all your life, and because you don't know better, but why can't you understand me ? I know that I don't know better, which is why I always listen attentively to what people say, but why can't you understand that there's more that goes on in my brain than "in one ear and out the other" IT FUCKING STAYS BETWEEN THE TWO FOR MONTHS. I can't stop telling myself all the things that you always tell me, I already know all of it, but it's not as simple as methinks = medo, my mind doesn't work like that. You always tant to me about how much potential I have and how smart I am, yet you cannot fathom that maybe, just maybe, my mind works differently and there's ANOTHER reason why I'm not doing much in your eyes. No, that's inconceivable, I MUST be just defying you or not listening.

And I stg if you tell me about Jesus one more time I'll slice my veins. Not after what happened to my mom.

I've been feeling so lost and trapped, and been stuck in cycle of giving up and starting again... I don't know who to talk to, no one around me wants to talk to me... no one in my family understands, only expects me to do something like other normal people in my family... that normal is School > College > University... and within my family 75% of those normal people haven't been able to get a job... and no one in my family does part time job, which is because of pride I think. But, all this is making me feel so suffocated, because I get no pocket money and can't find any ways to make money by myself no matter how much I search or think, this makes me feel hopeless for being able to get things I need even years from now... I've been stuck like this for years... I have heard that it's easy to work as freelancer, yes, very easy... I can't even get past profile creation because it needs so much information that I feel very uncomfortable with giving...

I've been feeling so lost and trapped, and been stuck in cycle of giving up and starting again... I don't know who to talk to, no one around me wants to talk to me... no one in my family understands, only expects me to do something like other normal people in my family... that normal is School > College > University... and within my family 75% of those normal people haven't been able to get a job... and no one in my family does part time job, which is because of pride I think. But, all this is making me feel so suffocated, because I get no pocket money and can't find any ways to make money by myself no matter how much I search or think, this makes me feel hopeless for being able to get things I need even years from now... I've been stuck like this for years... I have heard that it's easy to work as freelancer, yes, very easy... I can't even get past profile creation because it needs so much information that I feel very uncomfortable with giving...

I've been feeling so lost and trapped, and been stuck in cycle of giving up and starting again... I don't know who to talk to, no one around me wants to talk to me... no one in my family understands, only expects me to do something like other normal people in my family... that normal is School > College > University... and within my family 75% of those normal people haven't been able to get a job... and no one in my family does part time job, which is because of pride I think. But, all this is making me feel so suffocated, because I get no pocket money and can't find any ways to make money by myself no matter how much I search or think, this makes me feel hopeless for being able to get things I need even years from now... I've been stuck like this for years... I have heard that it's easy to work as freelancer, yes, very easy... I can't even get past profile creation because it needs so much information that I feel very uncomfortable with giving...

I don’t really know how to explain this. I suppose it’s terrifying really. I know for sure now that I have been severely depressed almost my entire life. And I talked to a professional and a symptom they mentioned to me was that depression can make you forget things.

As someone who already has a processing problem due to a slight disability that causes a lot more than what you’d imagine. Because of this processing issue mixed with my disability along with other possible issues I’ve realized now why I never learned or retained anything useful or positive throughout my life.

Essentially I forget everything. To give an example is if you went into a classroom and you sat there learning, paying attention actively, answering questions. You do well at everything pretty much perfect grades all your life. But as soon as you walk out of that classroom each time you forget everything you learned and retained nothing.

That describes me with everything overall unless it’s something negative from my life. I can only seem to recall pain and suffering of myself and of others when trying to think of my past. And then all of my hobbies, interests, things I wanted to do, any motivation I ever attempted to have. I lost everything. I have nothing left to make me anything more than a tool for other people to use and throw away. I’m just this horrible void of negativity that brings pain anywhere I seem to appear.

Just wanted to have someone acknowledge my existence with this post I guess. Best of luck to other people who are suffering similar to how I have been suffering.

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320370

I’ve been struggling with my depression and anxiety for the last year, and it seems to only be getting worse. I have truly lost interest in almost everything I love, and the only thing that brings me (momentary) joy is hyper fixations that cost me money, and ultimately add to my guilt and shame.

I go through the motions, I make it to work and handle my side gigs, but it all feels forced. I know if it weren’t for my dogs/horses/cat/fish, I wouldn’t even bother. I struggle to find anything positive about myself, I always have. Recently, one of my supposed best friends has destroyed any positive thoughts that I might have felt. I’ve also had one of my dogs cause the death of another of my dogs, and the guilt feels like it’s swallowing me whole.

I’ve tried telling people, but my family doesn’t understand, and blames me for my issues, and I’ve lost one of my best friends over it. I refuse to talk to anyone else at this point. Maybe it’s just time to admit defeat.