Hi there, I am not a native speaker so, yes, I really want to write down my story.

I am 26 and last year i divorced my marriage, we where together since I am 17.. so you see a long time. Nothing bad happend, we didn't cheat or something else. I'll guess it's my fault wasting his time.

I grew up in a village from a good parent household. My parents know his parents and they always said, ohhh our children should be a couple, dream couple ... and and and... for some real we got pushed in this role, but I don't want to play a victim, it was my own decision (I guess)

I was never really happy in this relationship, he knows, my parents knows, we had nothing similar. I am more that type of human "spread love and help everyone" and he was more like "other humans problems are not my business" (he's banker, you're problem is only his business when you need money) < his favorite joke

Ok - so in this RS, Marriage from 2014 to 2023 we seen a lot, we buyed a lot, 2 houses, moved 900 KM away from our home and much more.

It's like I was sleeping and last year I woke up from a dream and don't want to life this live anymore, it's like a bubble popped and I tried so hard to suppress this unhappiness but... i couldn't. I divorced and he was ok. We don't have a fight or trouble, we are friends now. We don't had children together, just cat & dog. (Our future goal was always, be richer then to others 😓)

Since then I am single and I don't sleep with someone else, because I feel like wtf how should this work with someone else? And I am a wife or I was a wife, I am too good for this hook up culture!

.... Now I am here, feel completely lost, I don't want my old life back, but I feel like, I can't see the why for living. Why I am here, what todo. Anxiety haunt me everyday.

From the outside I am strong / independent women. But in the inside I am a children.

And I don't do drugs, no medicine, alcohol, no smoking... I eat healthy and still feel so depressed. 😔

I feel like I don't know who I am.. where I am be and and and. All my friends have BC 30+ Wtf I was all this time married and had no time for this, when they where drunk at party's I was at work, nursed my dad and cooked for my husband! (No we are not a religious cult or something like this, we are not religious)

I really feel lost, I feel like shit but my old life was not good at all too. My old life was a golden cage.

I don't know, I really feel like everyone around me is in a dream bubble and I am the only one who is awake 🥲

too tired to relive the pain in a post. i thought i was healing but it was an illusion. i'm too weak and sensitive for this world.

I can't stop thinking about the perfect job opportunity I lost last month,a job that could've change my life forever,I lost it bc of my mental illness and anxiety. Now I'm working at Pizzeria that pays me much less And doesn't allow me to pursue ayahuasca since I have to work at night.

Not only that but also my opportunity to heal my body and mind through ayahuasca, I missed several ceremonies because of fear. I was supposed to be Completely cured at this point.

All of this is killing me,I can't sleep anymore,I lost two things that meant everything to me,I lost my will to live.

If things don't change probably I won't make it until november,I don't wanna kill myself,but if that's the only option, I'm done with this life...

I already have everything figured out and planned. I'm going to have an happy ending before everything actually ends.

every time I think about what im gonna do I try and see where she went wrong but even after I know where she went wrong I see myself doing the same thing, every time I think about her I remember the last time I saw her begging to go to the city with her and she said no just what if i was able to go and maybe I wouldn’t nt be where I am. She died 7 years ago.

I want to live more than anyone else, I wish I had a normal life. My parents raised me in a horrible environment and I feel like my childhood and teenage years were stolen from me. My anxiety is unbearable. Why... Why is my life like this? Why do I have to watch everyone else being happy and living lives...

I am trying my best to change but I can’t not sure why I put myself in this type situations not that I feel like everyone is moving forward and I am just in one spot standing and u feel like I bring down the family everybody is do better then me and to top it off I am shy and quite and I get stepped over and always over heard

In the next hourI’m going to overdose on my pain medication that I have for long term injury. I have come to the point where I can’t see a way out. My life is worthless and my existence is empty and unfulfilling. I really hope it’s quick and painless but if it’s not I don’t care. I failed a attempt two days ago and I’m determined to make it successful this time.

My dad died less then two months ago and it’s really hurting me. Along with the death of my father im currently homeless, hungry, cold and my shoes have holes in. I have had enough!! There’s not much more for me to say but I’ll be swallowing these pills very soon. I love animals and I really miss my old dogs but maybe if I’m lucky I’ll see them in heaven. I don’t even know if anyone is reading this but if you are I really hope your life goes well. I am calling it quits, people will say it’s selfish but I need to end my suffering as I can’t do this for another 30+ years.

I have anhedonia. Im scared one day I'll be completely alone, and feel deep loneliness. Nothing makes me laugh anymore.

I wish I could die, I wish I could give my life to someone who wants to live- everything sucks.

I’m so ugly- I can’t get a boyfriend, nobody likes me at all, I feel like I was just destined for failure.

It’s so embarrassing being a virgin, I have no passions, no hobbies, no friends and I’m dumb.

I’ve tried 5 therapists but I just can’t get myself to talk- I feel so exposed talking to people about this.

I wish I was prettier, smarter and actually wasn’t a socially anxious freak then I’d be happy with life.

I’ve felt like this everyday since 2021 October, it doesn’t get better.

im a 16yr old male and in the past year i’ve progressively got more and more disappointed by what i look like. i cant stand any picture of myself and i dont even have enough confidence to talk to people online or offline. the hardest part for me is ive had sexual partners in the past and i used to be able to talk to people but know i cant and i cant even live my life without being stressed by what i look like. ive been working out the past two years and doing everything in my power to improve myself but it feels like i just feel worse the more i do. at this point im so tired of it and have been doing dumb stuff like cutting. i feel weird posting this here because i dont want to kill myself but i honestly dont know where else to go with this.

just drink alcohol it makes you happy 🎶b ! usually i want to die but rn i’m drunk and ice never been this happy 🥲🥲😭😭🔥🔥

I've been fighting with my girlfriend a lot lately. She never wants to talk. Is stressed out by everything. I just want to support her, but I can't help her if she doesn't know what's wrong. She makes me feel bad for wanting to spend time with her or telling her I love her. We haven't had physical or emotional intimacy in about a month.

Truth be told I don't know what happened. We are in a poly relationship. She had another relationship end recently. Part of our rules were that we just don't talk about our jealousy issues. I suspect she's just not telling me anything because she's worried ill make it about myself. I know its too late for that.

I told her today that I'd be there whenever she does want to talk. That it doesn't have to be today or tomorrow.

But every day fills me with more and more and more sadness and what feels like my relationship just falling apart. Its hard. We both need therapy. We both need communication and support. She at least has friends. I have nothing like that. If she stops talking to me about things I just don't even wants to think about it.

If i lose her... I would just want to end things instantly. I just wants this fucking sadness to go away. I want somebody to tell me its okay to tell my girlfriend I love her and that its okay to feel sad about the distance that has grown between us. I get that whatever happened wasn't because of me and that I'm making it about myself now. I'm a selfish piece of shit who just wants my girlfriend to be happy and that would make me happy.

Idk. If you made it this far thanks for reading. Its appreciated.

Idk, I have lost every hope in everything. I can't think of a reason to live. I fail academically. It doesn’t matter how much I try. It doesn’t matter how much I give efforts. My relationship is not going well. I always feel like, I am on the wrong. I don't wanna vent. I don't wanna cry. I DON'T WANNA BE HAPPY. I JUST WANNA FUCKING DIE. I WANNA END THIS SHIT. Iwanna take the jump. I don't wanna suffer anymore. I don't wanna see another day. I don't wanna be happy man. I don't wanna live like a "disappointment". I don't wanna give anyone hope. I don't wanna live.

I'm 15 and in 10th grade, I already fucked up 10th grade with 50's and 60's,as I was the dumbest person in my Ap Classes, as I had no motivation to do work, I am Fat and ugly and I have no motivation to exercise. My mother is struggling because of me and I feel as if it would be it her best interest if I committed suicide, but as of now I am too scared to do so, I have no friends...well I do but I don't???
I honestly don't know what to do I wanted to go to a good University like maybe Yale or Oxford but IDK why the fuck I thought so highly of myself.

I used to be really smart and my mother would usually push me and get mad at me when i used to get 90's (before entering grade 10) as she knew I could do better but when she saw my report card she didn't even get mad...I when I saw that she didn't get mad I felt like such a failure.. every time I think about it my heart feels heavy and I feel such a deep physical pain in my chest. The only solution I can think of is killing myself but she's and a 2 week leave..

sorry for rambling all over the place

I(19f) wanna fucking die, im a fucking mess

Whenever I am alone and don’t have things going on in my life for months I will be suicidal about my body and financial status. Early 20s.

Mainly that I am a failure of a man for being 5’7.5 and average looking. And for not being rich to make up for it and live on my own terms.

And how I don’t deserve to live.

I thought I’d been doing better with my antidepressants but I realized it was because the last 2 years I’ve been focused, but deep down I really do feel this way.

This is dumb and stupid but I don’t care. I am so tired and i need to vent

I (16m) have had a shitty life. I know others had it worse. I know i am probably so lucky. I know i should suck it up and deal with it and actually get a life but im sick of this. Im sick.
My whole life was basically spent on the internet. It raised me. It ruined and saved me. I wish my parents broke my electronics when i was younger and never looked back. Or maybe i just wish they were better parents. I wish they actually loved me.

they might say they do, but they don’t. My mom is controlling, strict, annoying and so, so mean to me. She fills me up with sweet nothings then she breaks me down to my core. My dad is basically not there. He’s present but not really. He’s distant emotionally and im terrified of him. He used to beat me and my siblings and he says he feels bad, he regrets it but he doesn’t. I don’t forgive him. If he truly felt bad he would make up for it but he doesn’t. He works all day long and is so tired all the time and i just don’t know. I will never forget that day where he yelled at me and my brother, basically threatened to kill him because he was trans, “if the government doesn’t kill you, i will” he said. He threw things and made me, my brother and my mother cry. He put his hand in my brothers private part and told him he had female genitalia so he was female. He said “and don’t you dare say you have trauma because of that.” I hugged my mom and told her that i was so sorry. She should be sorry. She did nothing to stop him. She is his accomplice. If they found out anything about me, that im trans or bi, they would ruin our lives. They have done it before. That I’m autistic, “you can’t have autism because you’re smart and autism is a disability and you dont have a disability. You can’t be autistic because you can function.” Was basically what my mom told me. I live on eggshells because they are around.

i have struggled mentally for basically my entire life. I have so many toxic tendencies, I struggle to stay alive every single day. I don’t know how much longer i can do this. But my siblings, i can’t leave them but i want to.
i have no future. I’m lazy i really am, i like to draw but i can never seem to be able to open up the drawing App. I like to write but i can’t seem to actually bother. I want to start commissions but nothing is working, i’m so useless and worthless. Everything i’ve ever touched gets ruined. I’m a bad omen.

so i left all my friends, and my partner. Like i said, my whole life was spent on the internet. So obviously, i have had many online friends over the years. I met my best friend on the internet. All my relationships were on the internet. Almost everything that mattered was and is on the internet. when i was 14, i met this boy, and fell in love. I was ruined, and he broke me. Almost a year of my life was wasted on him. Then when i left him, he called me the n-slur (classy) then said it was because he was having a bad day afterwards. When i blocked him, he sent his friend to talk to me, tell me he was suffering and that he attempted and was acting shitty in school just so i can pity him and go back to him. But I didn’t. I know it was just some dumb teenage relationship but i was genuinely never the same afterwards. I still sent him one last message giving him advice and his friend said he got better. I blocked him a while after, too. I‘m glad i helped when nobody helped me. Well, they tried. I guess i really am selfish and stubborn, what ugly personality traits. Afterwards, i met them. I wish i could say when i did, it was perfect and i was happy. But i wasn’t. I self-harmed again, for the first time after dating that boy. I had my first panic attacks. I so desperately didn’t want to experience what i did with that boy, i guess. I confessed and we started dating. I loved them truly, i still do. I still love them. But i was rarely truly happy. Maybe if i was more open, but I refused to open up. I lied and lied and lied. I never felt so fake in my life. I self-harmed the most in that period. One hour i’ll be feeling an all-time high with them, the other they say one thing that upsets me and i fully shut down. I’ve never cried this much except with that boy. I would ignore them for hours, days, because i could not text them after being upset and I couldn’t open up. I know its my fault and i fucked im and i feel bad. Sometimes being with them felt like my heart was genuinely burning in my chest, not in the good way. I truly don’t know how to explain how it feels. I almost attempted suicide. I’ll never forget the true happiness i felt when I convinced myself i’d go through with it. a relief that cannot be explained. I’ll never forget my 16th birthday. It was such, such a good day. But then it progressively got worse. I sent my ex partner a drawing my brother drew for me. “He looks like he lives in his mothers basement.” It was meant as a joke, i know. But it hurt. “That’s so mean!” “How is it mean?” “ykw forget it” I spent that night crying on the floor and i selfharmed. I do not know what‘s wrong with me. I just felt like they didn’t care, just like he never did. I don’t know. I truly don’t understand either.
so i left everyone, all my online friends, my partner. My best friend. I miss my best friend. My rock, my light, my life. My atlantis, as they said. my true family. My support system, the one who was always there.
i just couldn’t do it anymore. It was for the better, they would all be better off without me.
im ill, and broken, and a bad person, ugly and stupid, and truly, no one truly would want me. They say they do but i know better. They are better off without me.
it hasn’t even been that long since i left and im so fucking done with everything. I feel so empty. I don’t even know, i feel nothing and everything at the same time. I still feel like im living 2 lives. One in my head, in the internet. The other with my family, the real world.
Sometimes i regret leaving and sometimes im glad. All the times i wish i was dead.
I don’t even cry anymore. I just cannot feel enough to cry. Like I genuinely can’t, i tried, but i cannot. Every single day i wish i was dead. I have no future in life. I want to study abroad, in canada or something, but my mother truly does not believe in me. I do not believe in myself. I have no money and it’s illegal for minors to work where i live. I’ll try to do well in school in the future but im not so sure. A scholarship is not very easy to get. I don’t want to stay here, i want to leave. I can’t stand it here anymore.
for everyday of my life, i am trying. For every person, i tried to be the sunshine and make them happy. Let them lean on me i tried to be their light. I loved it and i was happy but i need that too. Everyday, slowly that light in me dwindled. Im scared it does not exist anymore, im scared i’ll never reach that kind, happy, cheerful, go-lucky girly person again. Im broken and a mess. And this is pathetic I know. Im pathetic. Maybe its my fault, i never really allowed myself to be vulnerable. I remember letting my siblings cry in my arms but i never cried in theirs. But im the oldest after all, i guess it only makes sense. Im supposed to be strong. Im trying. I wish i could muster to take pills and leave them. They are my only reason for staying. I have given up on everyone, i have no one in my life. Maybe i’ll do it when they don’t need me anymore.

if you read all of this, thank you and im sorry, especially if this post is all over the place. I tried. Please don’t be like me

I'm a stupid, useless, selfish asshole. I've abused everyone I love. I'm 31 with no understanding of how to stop being awful. The world would be a better place without me

Ive suffered with depression since a very young age (9yrs old) at the age of 29 I finally came out as transgender. Thinking this would be the answer to my depression, It wasn't. I was able to cure some dysphoria but im still miserable I have deep rooted issues of abandonment and co-dependancy, my parents have told me they can't help me anymore with anything. As if I've been a burden on them for too long but it feels directly linked to the fact I came out as trans and they aren't supportive of that. My ex broke up with me because I transitioned and I came to terms with it but I'm heartbroken, Ive gone on dates to try recover a slice of feelgood but I feel nothing. I have zero friends to talk to. I now struggle to get interviews for jobs, something that never was a problem before transition. Ive given up all vices, I don't drink alcohol or use drugs and yet here I am completely sober on a high dose of anti depressants and I still can't function properly. I don't know what else I can change or do to actually feel better. It's now at a point where I'm hyper fixating on ending my life and that scares the sh*t outta me!

I'm so pathetic and tired. I failed a suicide attempt about 2 months ago, yet another thing I can't fucking do right, but that's not really the point of this post. That was just a tiny rant.

As the title states, I have a constant, insatiable need for attention and validation. I'm miserable in every single one of my friendships because of this. Nothing is ever enough, I feel like shit. I get suicidal whenever one friend is picked over me, whenever someone doesn't respond, etc. But I've been getting better at ignoring these emotions, kinda.

I want a romantic relationship more than anything. I'm tired of "waiting for it to come to me". I'm tired of hearing about how "I should become comfortable on my own before entering a relationship." It's all fucking stupid. I've spent most of my life completely isolated, I don't need anymore time to myself. I want to be someone's everything. I want someone who will love me more than anything and give me that constantly validation, but that's just unrealistic. I can't live with this feeling forever, but the only thing that can fix it isn't feasible or healthy.

33M early child hood trauma ruined my life before it even started

I honestly don't know where to start, but for background my mom left when I was probably in 1st or 2nd grade, just straight up moved to England "mom is moving to england love you bye" and left me with an abusive father. Dad taught me about porn at around age 8 or 9. I was molested by three different individuals (sons, or nephews of women he dated) between ages of most likely 11-14. One of them actually tw raping me.

I've always been shorter in stature, and was picked on all throughout school. Something that did not help, as well was that my dad had a habit of approaching any girl around my age, in public to ask them if they wanted to date me. This started happening around 4th grade. ( Around the time my dad introduced me to porn). He would approach almost any girl, rather it be someone at the grocery store, it be someone selling girl scout cookies, it could be cheerleaders but he would do this routinely to the point that I would be ridiculed at school for this behavior. Of course, these girls would decline, or be like ew no gross, and I was often "fake asked out" a lot and would have things thrown at me, or like chocolate milk dumped on my head. This lead to a very strong fear of women, and fear of rejection I still deal with.

My dad was also verbally, and emotionally, and physically abusive. If I would talk back he would shove me against a wall, and put his forearm against my throat and slap me, spit in my mouth, lick my face. He would tell me that no one would love me, and would use the girls going ew gross as examples and proof. I was also physically weaker than most other kids my age, due to a neurological condition that caused me to be under-developed, lacked coordination.

One of my primary outlets, has always been the computer. Anime, video game type stuff. Fantasy stuff. A habit I had picked up, was chatroom roleplaying in the late 90s, early 2000s in the AOL/Yahoo days, that started when I lived with my dad. I eventually ran away, to a different state, where a girl I was speaking with I had a crush on lived where my mom had moved back to and my grandma lived. I continued this habit after I moved, the summer after my freshman year and because I didn't know anyone I kept the habit of really having a majority of my social life on yahoo chat/aol.

I was eventually groomed by an older woman, when I was like 16 into liking femdom type roleplay. This mostly hit a few dopamine receptors in whatever my most likely un-diagnosed autistic brain where I didn't have to "guess" if a girl was into me or not, if she was the one "bossing" me around.

I stopped talking to this woman, my junior year, after a girl I went to school with admitted to liking me and we talked and dated for an extremely short time, all of it ending when she kissed me and I froze completely mostly due to being a completely anxious buffoon, but also due to my body having a fear/anxiety response from all the previous trauma/molestation where I just completely froze. She stopped talking to me not long after, and started calling me a pussy after I revealed some of the previous information about my past/dad to her as to "why" I froze. Also because I was 17 almost 18 and this was the first girl, and I still think only girl, to ever actually show any genuine interest me and I still regret dropping the ball on this. ( Though, she was known as a serial cheater, has 3 different baby daddy's now but I hold no ill will to her as she has had an extremely hard laugh and I "recognized her scars" which is why I fell for her back then. )

To be honest, high school after I moved was 10000x better and I actually came out of my shell even though I still had a lot of healing to do, unfortunately with a neglectful mom, and step-dad who didn't recognize, or care to recognize obvious signs of needing therapy. ( mom didn't know about the extent of the abuse back then, just the physical, but I still should have been in therapy. )

After highschool, and going to college I did get a car thankfully gifted to me from an older woman in my grandmas community. But I was 100% locked down to the house and could hardly go anywhere. (This was around 2010 and job market in my area sucked and I didn't actually get a job until 2014. mostly because I went to college but no job experience early on even for McDonalds wouldn't hire me, really hurt me, also because I was a quiet/nervous stammering idiot. )

Eventually during college because my parents didn't allow me to go anywhere, took my keys etc, I fell back into habits of going online, and roleplaying. A user from the yahoo days had made a site for roleplay that was adult oriented though I rarely did anything of that except with people I had written with for awhile, and I started going there again. This is an action I regret to this day.

Eventually, some drama started between me, and a different user where he started posing as me instigating drama/telling people I was drama. He accused me of harassing myself, eventually proved this wasn't the case, but drama from him posing as me continued, and eventually linked back to an account that was a more smut/sex RP account that was extremely oriented to violence against women, non-con, type writing (meaning he wanted someone to write as a woman for him to basically abuse.) Not kink shaming, but dude was/is a weirdo. Exposed this fact that the account was his and I started receiving threats that he was going to ruin my life.

For years on that site I had him posing as me, stealing characters I made and making profiles as them to pose as me, mass spamming/block evading people posing as me to stir drama, to the point that he also found out information about me IRL and harassed IRL friends.

I lost a lot of friends due to the nature of the harassment, and the drama surrounding it. My response to it. ( A lot of validation seeking, are you mad at me, it isn't me please believe me type stuff. I was probably 24-ish around this time. ) Around this time, I had actually gone to the cops, but was given nothing more than a cyberbullying pamphlet. Told they couldn’t help me. Contact the FBI, I did but never got a response. There was also a rape accusation as well where my female friends were messaged from someone saying " OP raped my friend". I went to a lawyer about this, and because I was a dirt-poor college student at the time and as no actual criminal accusation had been made was to ignore it. Was told specifically " you'd be a fucking idiot to walk into a police station and say " i got accused of rape, but its a lie please help me " you'd be stuck in jail " and because I couldn't afford a criminal lawyer, nor a lawyer to help me with the false accusations it was best to just drop it.

I stopped taking care of myself, I gained over 70lbs probably over the course by just not caring. Not going out, because I didn’t want to run into people like I knew who were harassed, or other individuals who were targeted and have these things brought up, because as a nervous, shy guy, with a stutter if I was confronted, I didn’t have proof of any of the stuff at the time, I didn’t want to admit “oh yeah I was groomed as a kid, and later as an adult started going on a cyber/smut roleplay site for adults where a psycho stalker got mad I outed him for liking to do rape stories and decided to ruin my life because I found out hes a freak” because that would have resolved the situation, or not have completely scared people off. As well, I'm sure a lot of people just got tired of me, and cut me out due to A) I’m a friend who betrayed their trust, and crossed boundaries, B) I’m a vile person who cannot be trusted or C) there is too much drama surrounding me, rather true, or not where it isn’t worth the risk to them to interact with me and the possible exposure, or risk to themselves it might bring.

I'm now 33, and because of the severe depression I have from all of this have to spend about 25k to get dental implants because I've completely let myself go. Bright side, I'm down from my all time high of 235lbs to 205-ish and hoping to get back down to 150 before end of year or at least this time next year. I think a lot of what I lose was water weight.

Ask me anything, and I will answer as long as it doesn't reveal personal information.

one chance to live and i live life wishing i didn't.

thats so sad to think about

So buckle in, this might get long.

44m

I relocated to Memphis TN last year for work from Nee Orleans LA. As soon as I set foot in this place, I kinda knew it wasn't for me - was not happy, but the work was good and I decided it would have to grow on me. I had came up BRIEFLY for a few weeks over the summer to get the transition lined up and made the permanent relocation in October.

So while I was on my temp summer jaunt, I went out for my birthday by myself to this little beer and pizza joint. There was this server who was absolutely beautiful - she wasn't MY server, but she kept making excuses to come by my table to talk. She was enchanting. She awkwardly spilled a bit of water on me and we laughed. After I left I thought little of it.

So then I move to the area permanently, find a local dive bar... and she is there. Still beautiful. She approaches me, we reconnect. Long story short, we very quickly fall in love.

She is my life. Everything she does is musical and magical. She doesn't even drink (always DD for her drunk sister, thus why at the bar) and tells me she decided to quit when she realized she didn't handle alcohol well. I respect it and tell her I'm haply to quit myself, or at least never do it around her - all she needs do is tell me, she's totally worth it. She tells me not to worry about it.

She moves in with me. I could not be happier.

We go out for dinner one night, she tells me she thinks she's in a good place to casually drink again. I tell her only she can make that decision, just make sure she feels right about it. Now here it gets a little weird, because I remember thinking "this could be the start of bad things" but I tried to push it out of my head.

Her drinking doesn't seem troublesome - for a while at least.

She winds up getting a job bartenders at the same dive we met in. She's excited and I support it, since the money is good, she wants to do it, and the location is super convenient. Another time when I wish I would have realized then that this was setting up for a massive failure later....

Slowly, her focus becomes more on staying out all night drinking than on anything else. I still do not suspect infidelity at all, as she would be extremely open about her activities, just staying out all night getting incredibly drunk and stumbling in 4-6am most nights. I work a high stress day job, but I tried to adjust the best I could.

Now she had always made no secret that she wanted to marry. And we had talked about it in detail and I wanted it as much if not more than her. She knew a proposal was coming soon and appeared to be thrilled about it.

So I booked the hotel for a week in New Orleans over July 4th, told her we would take a week so I could bring her to my hometown and show her where I come from (she had never been). I planned on proposing in front of St Louis Cathedral during the July 4th fireworks over the river. My plan was BARELY a secret. She essentially knew I was proposing. Again she was on cloud 9.

The Friday before we are scheduled to leave, she wants to go to Beale st to go out with me. I am somewhat reluctant (more concerned with the upcoming trip in 4 days) but I decide to take her out per request anyhow.

Then night falls apart.

She gets black out drunk. She mouths off to some Memphis police and almost gets us arrested. I tell her we have to go home because the cops are seriously considering taking us in because of her behavior. She unleashes hell on me. Calls me worthless. A failure. A piece of shit. She tries to get the streetcar co doctor not to let me on the car.... screams vulgarity at me in front of the other riders. She almost falls off the car when it stops and myself and a bystander catch her so she doesn't hurt herself. "Get your fuckin hands off me".

I tell her "I can't fuckin do this. I can't marry this".

She tries to swing on me several times in the middle of the street.

I call her coworkers/bar buddies and tell them to come pick her up and I wait around the corner to ensure she's safe, then take an uber home.

They take her back to the bar and keep feeding her liquor. She comes in at sunup unintelligible drunk and passes out.

We try to talk that morning, she doesn't remember anything, but tells me I'm a monster for leaving her "alone" (I was still there till she left) downtown drunk and defenseless. I ask her where do we go from here - that this is her one chance to tell me what she wants, and I'll do it.

She chooses to avoid accountability and just berate me.

I go to New Orleans alone for the week.

It's horrible. I just sit on the river, stare at the barges and the bridge, and quietly drink by myself.

I return 2 weeks later, she's still at the house. I try to talk to her one more time, she avoids talking/accountability completely. I finally tell her we are over. She goes to work/late night drinking/whatever and STILL keeps coming to the house when she needs to. I finally tell her to not come back unless it's to get her personal belongings.

....they're still here.

I return to work today after 2 weeks (my work knew about the proposal plans AND the complete failure that followed). I have to face all these people looking at me like I'm a broken wretch that is just waiting for the right moment to swan dive off the fuckin bridge.

It's awkward and humiliating.

I get to our job site. Discover that several of my coworkers actively despise me (by their own words).

I am now stuck in this town that I never wanted to be in, lovelier than I have ever felt in my life, surrounded by shit that reminds me of her, just waiting till this lease expires and I can move back home to New Orleans.

I literally have no one here now. It is the coldest feeling I have ever experienced in my life. The only thing that keeps me holding on is that I know I'll be back home for Mardi Gras.

Sorry, that was long.

I am only 15 years old, I do so much fucked up stuff on the internet I hardly can recognize myself with the person I once was. No gods are answering me. I feel useless and empty. I have gone through three suicidal episodes in the span of two months. The things I did didnt hurt anybody, I cant get into specifics but I relieved myself to a video of SA. I have so much of that shit on my phone including 🍕. And with me being so young I thought it was justifiable. Now, I feel like a horrible human being and every day I have these overbearing thoughts to just leave this planet because I cant bare facing who I might turn out to be in my life. I seek help and guidance, I am too young for this.

I guess I’m just posting here because we’re all strangers and there’s nothing that can be done. I don’t have that fear of someone alerting any authorities to put me back in the hospital.

I’ve had suicidal ideations since I was 14, I’m 41 now. I’ve spent most of my life hating myself. I’m kind, thoughtful, caring, loving and compassionate to everyone in my life but I can’t show myself any grace. Been in mental health facilities 9 times over the years either involuntary or voluntary. Go to therapy on a weekly basis. Countless medications throughout my life. I’ve found out that I’m highly resistant to medications.

The past several years haven’t been kind to me medically. My mental health has been in a steep decline the last couple. I’ve only been hanging on for the sake of my wife. I’m tired of living for someone else. This past month and a half I’ve been obsessive with suicide. My wife knows how I feel and she hurts knowing how much I hurt.

So I have the plan. My wife leaves for a trip in a couple days and will be gone for a week and a half. I’ve squirreled away much of my Xanax and a week from today I get my refill on lunesta. I’m going to take them all and drink heavily. This combination will slow my breathing and eventually just stop. I’ll finally get that sleep that I’ve always wanted. I’m so tired.

I'm Rakesh Majumder an electrical Engineer from India . Now I stucked on a very critical crisis. Expecting help from all of you. If not get any help my family will leave me. I badly needed your help friends. Bank Is not helping.thats why i need 4000 usd will repay you in monthly installment. Please help me guys. Otherwise I need to suicide had no option left. I'm a big zero

Some people say that without emotions, we would be more logical than ever. However, others say life does not exist without emotions. I am so ready to self-sabotage my own reputation by seeing how my life would be without emotions.

I can’t do this any longer. I moved in with my boyfriend now fiancé. My relationship is basically over I feel unloved and we fight everyday. When I moved in I ran away from a physical emotional mental and sexual abuisive household. When we break up which will be soon I have nowhere to go. He’s all I have and left everything hung else for him. I voces all concerns and fall to deaf ears or lead to more arguments. I told him about my rape and my suicidal thaoughts and all he says is no. I’m a catholic I know I’m going to hell. I’m tired

No one ever supports me, the best I can ever get is being ignored, they either tell me to off myself or call me names or bully me in other ways