I've been suffering with chronic back pain for over 2 years now, as well as depression, anxiety and c-PTSD. The pain is the worst tho. It's caused by compressed and bulging disc between L5/S1, causing constant pain in my back, and nerve pain in bladder and legs.

It torn my life apart, my mental health is worse than ever, I spiralled into drug abuse because of getting next to no treatment despite doing what I could, I managed to stabilize my use somewhat tho. I can't function normally, but I have to get a job because insurance stopped paying me.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I don't even recognize myself. I hate what I've become. It's ruining my relationship with my gf, and it feels like we are close to breaking up, she's the last good thing left in my life. I lash out, not because Iam angry, but because I can't take the pain anymore, but people interpret it as anger, causing issues.

There's nothing that can be done to actually fix the pain.

I can't live in this agony for the rest of my life, it's torture. Iam considering ending it all at this point, I don't want to, but it feels like the only way to stop this suffering.

I would be thankful for any advice or anything. I can't live like this

I hate my life and I secretly do self harm. I have severe depression, I get bullied almost every day, people tell me I shouldn't kill myself but I don't know how much more I can take.

Ik shit can be absolutely horrible. But what I experienced was something beyond fkd up I can’t even put it into words.

For the last 2 days I’ve been having suicidal thoughts . I don’t plan to act on them but they are just there in my head and it’s hard!!! I don’t want to tell my doctor because I don’t want to be thrown in the hospital again. I’ve been trying so hard to get real help and it just feels impossible. I’m in the Guinea pig stage where I just keep getting different medication throw at me to see what will happen. I’m truly so exhausted I feel myself ready to give up. I haven’t been able to see my therapist since September and my psychologist missed 2 of our appointments. I’m tired of life and feeling so sad. I’m tired of being hospitalized and put on medication that doesn’t help. I think my dog grandma and dad are the only ones that care about my existence and I guess that’s what keeps me going. I just wish the thoughts would go away and that I could get out of this bed and just be the person I want to be. People keep saying it won’t be like this forever but when does it stop?! I feel so hopeless. I’m not living for myself at all.

I am from the Middle East, specifically Egypt. I loved a girl deeply for five years, but due to the difficult living conditions and the extreme challenges of marriage in Egypt, we ended up breaking up. I felt like a failure and treated her poorly. However, after some time, my life improved significantly, but I couldn't find happiness with anyone else. Every achievement in my life feels empty without her. I miss her encouragement and her smile when she used to say, "Well done."

So, I decided to reach out to her and try to get back together now that I am financially stable enough to propose to her. But when I contacted her, I found out that she is now in a relationship with someone else.

At this point, I feel like I have no reason to continue living. Unfortunately, my religion forbids suicide, but I've started engaging in reckless and dangerous behavior. For example, yesterday I rode with a friend who drives insanely and illegally. At one moment, we were about to have an accident, and I closed my eyes, fully prepared to die, but sadly, I survived.

I'm sharing all this because I just needed someone to listen.

Yesterday, I posted on this subreddit on how I just ‘wanted a way out’ as I was venting. Today, I have found out a way to kill myself and I plan to end my life tonight. I have been waiting for this moment for years, and I really wish I didn’t have to do this, but I just feel trapped, and I just want to get out.

Thank you for reading this.

I wish I can die and not exist anymore. The demon inside me possess me for so many years and I cant shake them off . my mind is tormenting me so much that the way out for me is to just go. :(

I keep trying and trying to be good enough. My best friend is slowly distancing herself from me and she says she isn’t but I know she’s trying to and I hate that I can only sit back and watch. I love her but I know she doesn’t love me anymore and I don’t know why she won’t even say it back. I hate being alive and I hate knowing that I can never hold her hand or cuddle with her and watch the rain together. I’ve tried pills, antidepressants and painkillers. Nothing works. I might just try slicing my wrists tomorrow. Maybe she can finally love me? Or maybe she’ll regret not loving me? I don’t know at this point. I hope I can go peacefully. I wish I could hear her voice one more time but I know that’s never going to happen.

I've been suicidal since I was 11, and it hasn't gotten better. Life is not completely terrible but it's not ideal at this point. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think of it. Sometimes, it's a passing thought that fleets as quickly as they arrive, and sometimes, it's me actively thinking about the best method with the resources around me.

I attempted twice years ago, and I have yet to try again despite having 100 reasons to do so.

The main reason why I haven't is I'm afraid of going to hell. I didn't grow up super religious and barely went to church, but lately, I dived into Christianity more and fear the possibility. I really don't want to risk suffering in the afterlife forever with no way of turning back, and the risk of it is daunting enough for me to hold off.

While it doesn't explicitly say people who take their own lives go to hell (at least not in my sect of Christianity), why would I risk it? Best case scenario, I die of natural cases or suicide and end up in heaven despite my sins, but the worst case is doing it and spending eternity suffering and burning or whatever personal hell is set up for me forever.

Maybe that's a good reason to keep holding on but a life of fear is killing me inside.

i’m struggling really hard. and i think my time is coming. i feel it in my bones. this is as far as you go. idk why i keep posting on here hoping anyone will see and care but i know deep down no one’s ever coming and this is it. i guess i keep posting these hoping one day maybe someone will see them and know that i fought till the very end. i tried so so hard to over come this depression, be normal. i’ve fought for so long. suffered for so long. i just want the pain to stop already. i think ive decided to start saving for my goodbye trip. through all the worst times in my life i always disassociated and pictured this beach white sand blue water big tree hanging over me…. i thought maybe it would be nice if i find the closest thing to the image in my head and accept my fate there. i wish he could be there to hold me one last time tell me loves me and it’ll be ok while i take my last breathes maybe tell me he forgives me and it’s ok to let go, but i think the whole reason life isolated me is bc it knew i needed to be alone for this one last battle. i really wish life would’ve worked out. i really wish things could have been different. the pain has fully consumed me and life has lost its sparkle and i don’t think it’s ever coming back and i don’t know how to keep living on suffering like this.

i’m thinking i’ll throw myself off a bridge near my college campus tomorrow night

i failed too much academically and am really unhappy and i can’t really think of anything else i can do, i wanted to ditch this course for sometging else but i wasnt even allowed to

my only worries are that doing this will hurt my mom and my girlfriend irreparrably, but idk how long i can keep suffering for them

im lost

I fucking hate everything about this life if I could choose whether or not I wanted to be this character fuck yea I would choose not too I have everyone and everything my mental health has been shit for as long as I can remember nothing makes me happy anymore or brings me joy and im ugly as shit even better I wish life wasn’t so unfair and I didn’t do some of the stuff I did I wanna die so fucking bad but I’m too pussy and a coward because I don’t wanna feel any pain I’ve tried to kill myself many times before mostly when I was younger with with knives suffocating myself or who know what other dumb shit if anyone knows a drug I can just overdose and leave this planet with lmk pls

is it even worth it to keep living if i have chronic depression. like, it’s gotten better ONCE in the 8 years ive been depressed and it was because of a medication that stopped working after like 3 months. i can barely keep up with my schoolwork, i couldn’t handle a job, my life feels like it’s not worth living. i hate working. i hate having a job. i don’t think any job would fit me honestly. ughhhh guysss. i keep trying to rationalize suicide but it’s obviously not rational. i cannot stop thinking about it. my mom would be sad, but ive been on the brink of suicide for a month bro. it’s selfish but isn’t being so depressed i don’t even feel real too selfless??? as you can see, it gets pretty deep. i’m djjcjdjdkfjj idk. sometimes im doing something; like today i was watching my neighbors cat and fed her breakfast and i thought: if i died, who would watch this cat while my neighbor is gone? i also thought that she would just have my mom do it. i’m seriously useless. i don’t do chores. i’m a waste of money and space. i can’t do anythinggg

I'm 15 in highschool a sophmore. I have struggled with depression, sh, sucidalness, family issues and more for a while but I've always told myself when your 18 and out of the house working it will get better. Well I now just feel hopelessness and that it can only get worse and doubted I could make it that long. Well I don't think its smart to kill myself now so I've set a date for the future. 2030 7 days after my birthday (don't want to say exactly). I'll be 21 so easy acsess to alchol which will help with the actuel doing it and I'll have had a while to see if it gets better or if my future really is hopeless.

My health is a shitshow, just diagnosed with POTS and i have terrible scoliosis and i’m going to get checked out for bone cancer soon. I’m only 15. My mental state is very poor. I’m scared i’ll never have the life i dream of. I’m scared but i love to think about my death. I love to think about people mourning me and actually being missed. I’d hope they mourn me, anyway. I love to think about the music i want to hear while i die, i love to think about succumbing, i love to think about falling asleep with my family by my side, i love to think about the memories playing in my head while i die. I’m part of the LGBT community and i’m afraid i’ll never live my truth without shame, or I’ll die before i get the chance to live without shame. I don’t know, i sound insane saying i love to think about my death, but i genuinely enjoy it.

It gets worse and worse every day. What do you do to keep from killing yourself? Are there any go to distractions?

Seeking for some. For adult men, not those for kids or women only.

I have been experiencing several suicidal thoughts over the past few months, but lately, they have increased significantly. I have been unable to perform even simple tasks, such as maintaining basic hygiene, cleaning, or finding the energy to eat. I have resorted to being physically and verbally abusive towards others in an attempt to feel better about the lack of control in my life, but this only makes me feel worse and disgusted with myself. I cannot remember the last time I felt genuine happiness or joy, and it is frustrating to be 18 and feel this way. Today, I also learned that my family and I are being evicted, so in less than a month, I will be homeless. I don’t think I can continue living a life that feels so pathetic, and I am really at a stage where I believe death might be the only way to find peace. I am expressing all of this, but I don’t want to die; I am somewhat scared of the idea of no return.

can anyone please give advice… i feel like this may seem as vent but im genuinely scared. i’m scared to die but im so close to give in.

i can't fucking do anything. no fucking human rights, left as a fucking stain on the fucking ground, just trampled over and over, all my fucking emotions and actions used for nothing but humiliation and abuse - endlessly, over and over, and what the fuck do i get? just pain, and more pain. pain, pain, pain. is that all i get? is that all i am? so why fucking abuse me, huh? why only fucking continue to abuse me? i'll fucking hate you until the ends of the earth, until ten thousand layers deep into hell, but what does it do but hurt me? and you just keep abusing me, when it's like i can't do anything. i can't fucking do anything. it's not enough, you have to fucking torment me with all the what-ifs, and uncertainties, and humiliations - because i can't do anything. how am i supposed to want to do anything? only pain and abuse. that's all you give me. when i can't fucking do anything. it's like you want me to choose between being burned or buried alive when i don't know shit and can't fucking do anything.

I’m 20 male 6 foot 1 and weigh 111 pounds, have severe stress and no job because I’m always sick feeling or out of it, first day on my first job I had a seizure from stress lack of sleep and being hungry and my family acted like I was on drugs. Which contributes to me having NO FRIENDS and my family acts like I’m a problem and guilt trips me like I’ve had it so well but I’ve been like this for 8 years super underweight but now that I’m an adult it’s my problem. I have no motivation just people telling me to stop making excuses.

It makes me actually explode when people always say be positive when there’s nothing just anger and sadness.

I only wanted you. I wanted our future. The one where we were going to try to start having kids next year. The one where your wellness center would get enough traction, and my contracting business would too. Then we could have time with our kids. The one where You loved me. Where I was your one.

Now I don’t have that future anymore, even though you are the one who cheated and did so many terrible things. I know I was never very perfect, but I always tried. I made mistakes.

I don’t know if I can take this much longer. I don’t want to move forward. I don’t want to find a new life. If this bleak reality is all I have left, what’s the point? Helium is much cheaper than therapy.

nobody attended my birthday party. ive lost all of my old friends because im annoying and weird. i left all of my new friends because im scared theyll leave me. im trying to stay happy but i have nothing left. i doubt im gonna ever be okay, ive been like this on and off for years now. i wish i could change and try again to fix my friendships but i left them all and said and done things that i regret and now they hate me. im tired of living like this, im done. i dont care anymore, im killing myself. im done. i just want to be happy but ill never be happy like this because im alone and ill always be alone. i hate seeing people succeed in life and make friends and get in relationships while im not. im not fine. im killing myself. im done. bye.

This year has just been a car crash from start to finish tbh and I don’t know how to get myself out of it.

A few months ago I lost a pregnancy, whilst I was meant to be having a month long break from my very stressful job before I started my PhD. This made the ‘break’ awful and I spent most of it super ill and then having an operation. The emotional impact of that ruined the first few weeks of my PhD.

My PhD has been awful. I hate it so much. I feel stupider every single day and every time I finish one task, before I can move on to the next additional crap gets piled on top of me. They might aswell tattoo ‘you’re not good enough’ on me at this point. I left a decent paying job to work 60 hours weeks for less than minimum wage and nothing tangible out of it. I spent my whole life wanting to do this and it’s awful. I don’t even know what I’d be doing otherwise.

On top of that, I’ve had numerous health issues and been investigated for 3 different types of cancer, with one investigation still ongoing and having to constantly chase up medical professionals for tests and results because my GPs forget I exist. I need to know why I’m so physically ill but trying to get anyone to listen is a full time job in itself because I have a history of anxiety everything gets blamed on that.

I have no support system, my dad ignores me and my mum is only nice to me if I’m in a good mood. I see a therapist who actually sucks and spends most of her time talking about the ‘cute’ things autistic people do (I’m autistic).

I can’t focus on any of my work because my mind never shuts up and all I can think of is how much I hate life and how scared I am I have a horrible illness that is untreated whilst my doctors ignore me and how much I hate what I’m doing.

I’ve attempted before but I don’t think the next one will be unsuccessful. I don’t want to die a slow and painful death from whatever is happening that the doctors will figure out too late and my one life dream, my PhD, is a nightmare.

Idk why I even typed this out but I don’t have anyone to talk to. Life sucks.

I have no one else to talk to about this but I’m gonna strangle myself with a bathrobe belt not 100% sure if it will work because it’s soft and fuzzy but I can only hope it will

I want to kill myself or hurt myself every day, the only reason I don’t is because I don’t want to fuck up and injure/disable myself and make things worse for people around me. There has to be a way out of this hell. Everything I try doesn’t help or work- I try mindfulness, I try motivational talks, I try positive self talk, I try cbt, I try talk therapy, this hasn’t stopped for 4.5 years. I was perfectly normal and fine until that traumatic incident in 2020. I try to think logically but it’s like my brain is blocked.

Yeah, title says it all. I'm fucked.

I have probably the worst anxiety you can think of times ten. I am looking for anything to help me function as a normal adult, even if that means getting addicted to something to help. For background, I’m diagnosed with every anxiety disorder (even the debatable ones) and medicated for it. I have adhd as well, so i take adderall everyday for that too. I’ve tried eliminating that to help, but I have to have it for the adhd. Please help.

it's december 1st my birthdays in a couple weeks im supposed to end it then but it's before christmas so i'm probably going to wait until new year's eve or whatever it's called

i cannot stand the thought of going to school, i have it tomorrow. without my vyvanse im utterly useless in all classes, i can't take it because it apparently makes me more depressed

i don't even know why im writing this, i would journal but i can't even bring myself to get up to get the journal and write, too much work, and i can't even bring myself to use the bathroom im stalling myself just writing this.

nevermind i went to the bathroom anyway i dont even want to get better obsession has taken over me. i only want to be with him, and if he doesn't want to be with me, ill end my life. i didn't use to be this way, obsessed. maybe i was but it was underlying i don't know, i don't even like calling it obsession i believe it's just love. soon in person we're supposed to talk about our relationship well i'm supposed to talk he said he'd just listen then end it with me the only reason i'm here now is because he's kind enough to put up a facade of us being ok until we can meet in person. i can't even really be mad at him for not exactly wanting to be with me, he thinks i'm someone im not and i idiotically led him to believe that i am someone im not, by mistake so it really is all my fault he wonders why i'm suicidal "if i didn't do anything" i didn't do anything but hurt him, even though it wasn't purposefully, i still hurt him i only feel guilt and obsession guilt because stupid things i said or did led him to believe otherwise of me, obsession because i didn't do anything and im not who he thinks- i have always only genuinely loved him

unfortunately it's my fault he doesn't want to believe me, and i don't know what to do, he says i should move on and live since i "never loved him" but that's far from the truth i've always loved him, i can't live without him. so i must kill myself after its official

it's just hard for me to go to school and try and focus on stupid classwork when i can only think of slitting my wrists, it's hard for me to listen in class when i can only think about my arm stinging under my sleeve

another thing i know my family loves me, the issue i have is i only seem to care about if he loves me or not. i feel guilty for attempting and scaring my family, but that day i thought he was already done with me, i wouldn't blame him though

i don't know what to do about school i just want to watch mr monk all day in bed 💀

The world feels like it's going down in flames lately. We're all working until we die, essentially, with no hope that we'll be able to retire or even buy a house. Climate change is actively being ignored by the countries that are making it worse. Credit card and student loan debt are just ballooning. Lots of people can't find a job and are at risk of homelessness. The future seems so bleak. With that as the larger backdrop, I just don't feel like life is worth living anymore. This feels like a pretty rational conclusion to come to, as well, so I'm not sure how to challenge it. These are large systems beyond the power of an individual to change, so what hope is there that any of this will get better in our lifetime?

my wife and i had a huge fight and i’ve realized i don’t wanna be here anymore in the middle of it. it’s not because of her or because of our fight it’s a separate issue. don’t wanna bring it up because i don’t wanna seem like im manipulating her. i love her to death and i don’t wanna make her go through that. i just can’t take it anymore. i feel like im spiraling. i feel like there’s no way out. i’m lost and idk if i can find my way back anymore. i’m sorry if this is upsetting to anyone. just needed to say my thoughts.