/r/SuicideWatch

Photograph via snooOG

Peer support for anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts.


Resources

The SW Mod team also maintains /r/SWResources.

If you need help for yourself, we've got a directory of voice and chat/text hotline services and FAQs about hotlines, plus selected online resources.

If you're concerned about someone else, you're welcome to post, also check out our talking tips and risk assessment guide. If you're new here and want to help, please read these two posts before diving in.

If you've lost someone to suicide, /r/SuicideBereavement is there for you, or you can check out our shared list of bereavement resources.

Guidelines

  1. This is a place of support. All the following ways of responding to at-risk OPs are strictly forbidden. If you see anything like this in a post or comment, please message the moderators.

  • Abuse or "tough love" including any guilt-tripping like "suicide is selfish" or "think of your loved ones".
  • Pro-Suicide Posts or Comments, or any explicit discussion of suicide methods. Our policy about incitement is strict. Please read this wiki before responding.
  • Religious proselytizing
  • Trolling or incitement to suicide or any type of self-harm or violence
  • Anything that's not a direct, personal, supportive response to the OP.
  • Please note that we are NOT a hotline! We do NOT have the ability to trace the source of any posts, and we can't guarantee immediate responses.

  • We offer non-judgemental peer support ONLY. The only requirement to respond here is genuine concern, so please don't take anything you read here as professional advice. It's fine to share what worked for you, but DO NOT advocate for or against any specific type of therapy, self-help strategy, or medication, especially street drugs or alcohol, and DO NOT diagnose people

  • If you're here to help please respond publicly to our OPs in need. Sort by "new" and check for posts with few or no good responses. The rules below link to posts with details.

  • We err on the side of safety. If we need to remove a post or comment from someone who's reached out for help, we'll let them know why we removed it and how they can change it. If this happens to you, please know that we do want to talk to you.

  • If you need help but don't feel comfortable making a post for any reason, please message the moderators. We will be glad to talk with you privately, or help in any other way that we can.

  • Surveys and research participation requests must be pre-approved by the mod team. Posts we have okayed will be flaired.

  • Anything that's primarily of philosophical or scientific interest does not belong here.

  • /r/SuicideWatch

    477,738 Subscribers

    1

    Please read

    Hey guys im 17m and i recently got out of my battle with the hard s. pls give this story a read as it serves a reason too seek help, ive summed it down as much as possible for you, its so easy too find a local line for people too talk too with a quick search.

    Chapter 1: Early Struggles

    My childhood was a whirlwind of chaos, marked by my parents' turbulent separation when I was just a child. The memories of their heated arguments, sometimes escalating to physical altercations, lingered in my mind. Despite the turmoil, my mother emerged as my anchor, tirelessly providing for me while ensuring my father contributed financially through child support.

    Chapter 2: False Hero

    At six years old, I viewed my father as a savior when he gained custody after a prolonged legal battle. However, the illusion of safety shattered as I faced my stepmother's relentless bullying and unreasonable demands. Home became a battleground where I navigated the minefield of my father's authority, realizing it came with its own brand of cruelty.

    Chapter 3: Escaping Reality

    To cope with the turmoil at home, I retreated into my imagination, crafting elaborate fantasies as a means of temporary escape. Despite the turmoil within my family, I projected a façade of happiness and humor at school, determined to shield my peers and teachers from the harsh realities of my daily life.

    Chapter 4: Silent Suffering

    Behind closed doors, however, I suffered in silence, enduring relentless punishments and late-night chores under the unforgiving glare of the outside lamp. My father's preferred methods of discipline ranged from physical to psychological, each one leaving scars deeper than the last. From being forced to scrub concrete with a toothbrush late into the night to enduring verbal tirades that cut deeper than any physical blow, I bore the brunt of my father's wrath in silence, convinced that no one would believe my cries for help.

    Chapter 5: Cry for Help

    A visit from my siblings on my mother's side stirred a longing within me to confide in someone about the horrors I endured. Their presence was a rare beacon of familiarity in my tumultuous life, offering a brief respite from the chaos that consumed my days. However, the joy of their visit was short-lived as my father's disdain for their presence became apparent. With a heavy heart, I watched as my siblings packed up, knowing that their departure signaled a return to the suffocating grip of my father's tyranny.

    Despite the opportunity to seek solace in the presence of my siblings, I remained silent, my father's mere presence invoking a sense of fear and helplessness that rendered me mute. Years of manipulation and psychological warfare had ingrained in me the belief that reaching out for help was futile, a notion reinforced by my father's iron-fisted control over every aspect of my life. Even as my siblings prepared to leave, I remained locked in a prison of silence, unable to voice the turmoil raging within me.

    Chapter 6: Breaking Point

    The breaking point came like a tidal wave of despair, triggered by my stepmother's relentless tirades and my father's explosive temper. Tossed aside like a discarded toy, I found myself at rock bottom, nursing wounds both physical and emotional. Ready to surrender to the darkness, I bid farewell to my unsuspecting classmates, plotting a desperate escape from my unbearable reality.

    Chapter 7: Finding Hope

    But fate had other plans. A heart-to-heart with my school counselor unleashed a torrent of suppressed emotions, leading to intervention from compassionate social workers. With promises of a fresh start down under with my grandparents, I glimpsed a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness, daring to believe that a brighter future awaited me.

    Conclusion: A New Beginning

    As I embarked on the journey to leave my troubled past behind, a mix of relief and disbelief washed over me. Though the road ahead remained uncertain, the support and compassion I received offered a lifeline in my darkest hour. And as the story drew to a close, it served as a poignant reminder that help is always within reach, urging others to extend a helping hand to those who are suffering in silence.

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:50 UTC

    2

    i tried to od last night and blacked out

    when i gained consciousness i was literally covered in glue cause ig i decided to make some slime…

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    09:47 UTC

    2

    Thinking

    After 10+ years of fighting it. (Sui) I'd like to end my book my way and not of old age or worse. It's hard to tell and express to some people I care nor want more. I'm happy ending my book the way I want to. I don't want to be in a place old and shittin my self useless. I've got my good book who is anyone to tell me how to close my book?

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:46 UTC

    3

    After 11 attempts since I was 15 I am no longer suicidal

    I turn 18 in august and most of my suicide attempts was when I was 15, each one of them painful and made me wanna die less because of it. Now i actually have reasons to live, I have a boyfriend, my niece and nephews are old enough to remember me, and I realized my dogs will not understand what happened and will miss me. Despite having no idea what I’m gonna do when I’m 18 due to being a dropout I am no longer suicidal and I’m kinda excited to turn 18. And I made this post to hopefully encourage people to wait a little longer, it might get better and it might happen without you realizing it. Anyway I hope whoever’s reading this has a good day/night. (I hope this post is readable I’m on mobile and tired)

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:42 UTC

    2

    Not for me but is there any tips on helping someone that didn’t succeed a attempt

    I’m very scared but angry that this would even come to this persons mind. I won’t make them feel worse and I am just happy they’re ok but I still want to help them and trust this person won’t do it again.

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    09:23 UTC

    2

    Have anyone tried drinking for days without eating?

    Can it help me make it to Saturday so i can eat 1 ground beef and can of tornatoes with pasta...

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:19 UTC

    2

    I can't do this anymore... I'm done

    There are some many moments, repetitive moments, where my self-delusion falls apart and I'm wondering why I'm still here.

    Why am I putting up with the nightmare and awfulness that is my life? Why do I let people treat me like dogshit? Why can't I care more? Why am I so indifferent to staying alive? Is it because I know I have an end I'll hopefully be able to achieve myself one day? Is there some tiny tiny bit of relief that I at least have control over that. Do I really? Distractions are "great" but distractions still. In the end I just want to lie down motionless, sink inside myself and block out everything. I never want to get up. I never want to interact. I never want to get to know anyone. I never want to be friendly with anyone. I have nothing to lose!

    I've already long lost the only thing that gave me reason to live. So why would I care about brown-nosing my way around the asshole people in my life? In the end it's my existence, not theirs. Sure they can hurt me, discredit me, fire me, burn me, destroy me as much as they like, I will just silently take it all in. I don't have any strength or mysterious power. I'm the lowest of the low, so low the lowest even laugh and look down on me.

    I have zero value in any area or market. I bring nothing to the table. I actually just make things worse. I have a terrible negative and dislikable presence. I'm the most unwelcome entity to anyone or anythings existence. I have no talents. I have no skills. All I have is nothing. I'm a big deliverer of nothing. I want to close my eyes, curl up into a tight ball, block out the entire world while I desire for the world or myself to end, whichever comes first.

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    09:16 UTC

    2

    I almost gave up

    Well, I did but failed to. I joined a club in high school it was fun, tbh I sometimes forgot how life haed was. People we're funny there and they're so energetic. We had a project one time, and I had to stay a bit more hours on school to finish the club project (We had to help clean the old rooms for freshmen) so when we're done I got missed call from my mom 14 times. I was confused at first because I asked permission to her and she agreed I told her I was gonna be late I might not arrive there before she's going to leave for work. That's why when I called her back, she started to yell at me. She said she's gonna pick me up, and she did. When I was at the car, she started hitting me and yelling at me for making a mess at home. I wasn't home until she picked me up? That's why I said that I didn't make a mess and even cleaned the house before I left. Turns out it was my sister. My sister is an academic student and a straight A student. My mom was never mad at her, but only to me because I'm a failure. While she was driving, she kept yelling at me and even threatened that she would crash the car. Then I tried to attempt, but I don't wanna sin...

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:16 UTC

    2

    The first cut is the deepest… literally

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:10 UTC

    1

    I’m so tired of being sick

    I have several physical and mental health diagnosis’s. The list grows every year. I’m wanting to put off my appointments but I can’t afford to health wise. I am so completely fucking exhausted. I am tired of my cptsd and psychosis running my life. I’m also suspected to have adhd now and it’s making me realize I may never be able to be a normal functioning human being. I may never “grow out of” the way that I am. I have multiple personalities and it takes up almost all my brain power trying to settle shit within my own brain. Every personality wants something entirely different and I am tired of it I wish I could just cut them out. I am tired of what years of abuse has done to me. I just want this shit to be over. No one in my life understands even a fraction of what is going on in my head. I feel like an edgy idiot for thinking that but it’s just true. 99% of people have no idea what multiple personalities are beyond stupid horror movies pretending like we’re out to hurt people. I feel like every single thought I have isn’t my own. Like I can never be sure of anything because there’s this leech in my brain that is the exact opposite person as me. I just want to be done. I really truly just want to be done. I can’t even focus on my physical health with all this garbage going on. It is fucking endless.

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:03 UTC

    2

    "Not sick enough."

    When am I going to be sick enough. When am I going to be sick enough to get help..? I was at the hospital trying to tell them what was going on and I was berated and told that i was being an awful person to my mother and that my behaviour was unacceptable even though she verbally abused me the entire way to the hospital. This isn't fair, I don't understand.. when will I be sick enough. Is it just because I'm a teenager??

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:02 UTC

    1

    Been awake 25+ hours, lost all my money yesterday a meager 80 Euro can't afford food for the rest of the month no options

    I'm going to drink 1 bottle of red wine and a beer i found in shelves i can't focus right now

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    09:01 UTC

    1

    I ruined my life

    Im trying to fix things with him but I fail. I'm fckn 34 living with my parents with 2 kids, I'm a failure. I'm disabled and thus, a burden on society. I am nothing. These kids would be better off anywhere but with me. Society would be better off without me. I don't see an up. I don't see anything but darkness, sorrow, and pain. Im just a garbage person. I just can't do it anymore

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    08:53 UTC

    1

    Do I even deserve to live?

    I don’t deserve the air I breathe...

    Hello.

    Before I get into my story, I have one question for you: Is there any chance for redemption for the hell and hurt you’ve caused in this life?

    I am 23 years old. I’ve had horrible suicidal depression my whole life. I have been addicted to fentanyl since 15. A little under two years ago, I had 3 wrecks in a year nodding off behind the wheel. Thankfully, I didn’t injure anyone physically, but I totaled both vehicles in all 3 incidents.

    The first one involved a single mother and her barely kindergarten aged child. I can’t get the picture of the fear in that baby’s eyes out of my head. I could have killed them both, and that should have been bad enough to stop me from using while driving but i did it again and again. Enough to have two more wrecks and cause even more financial and emotional burdens on everyone involved.

    My parents have done everything they can do for me. They’ve sent me to rehabs, supported me every step of the way, bought me vehicle after vehicle even after the wrecks.

    My mom had fucking CANCER during this time and I stole money from them to get a fix. WHILE SHE WAS FUCKING DYING.

    I feel like I don’t even deserve to be alive. Is there any chance for redemption at this point? Or should I just give up now and squash any chance of causing any future pain for other innocent people?

    I can’t live with myself, I can barely leave home, I can barely function.

    I just want to find these people I wrecked into and beg for their forgiveness. Even if the situation is long over with and everything is settled, the guilt still remains and it makes me want to destroy myself.

    Thankfully I had insurance and they all got new vehicles but that doesn’t make anything better. It doesn’t take away the fear and pain and financial hardship I caused these innocent people.

    How do I learn to live with myself again?

    Is there any hope of redemption?

    Do I deserve to even live at this point?

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    08:53 UTC

    3

    M 29 autistic without parents (need someone to talk to)

    I've posted in the past about my previous attempts and mental health issues ect. ,but I'm really at a breaking point and I need someone to talk to if possible. Both of my parents passed away when I was 13 and I have a lot of mental health issues and not a lot of support. I've been suicidal for a while now, but have had some recent second thoughts and I really want to talk to someone

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    08:46 UTC

    1

    i miss my closest people to me

    i miss my dead friend i miss my best friend i left a week ago. i miss being so happy with them and i dont want to hurt over them anymore. im going through so much right now my whole world feels crushed.

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:45 UTC

    1

    Too broken to live a worthwhile life

    I can go into depths about why I want to slice my arms like a psychopath but there's no need

    I don't get why I should continue living. I'm severely traumatized. I experience soul crushing episodes of depersonalization and derealization weekly. If you've never known the feeling of having the body you occupy not yours and the feeling that everything around you is FAKE, that reality is just a screen waiting to tear around the seems, then you're fucking lucky

    I have no family. I literally have no family members. Nobody to count on. Nobody to hug me. Nobody to tell me they love me. I am all alone in this world. I am all alone.

    When I think about my past, there's nothing to cherish. There's just abuse, humiliation and neglect. And so much humiliation. At times I feel like an alien rather than a human being. I was never treated like one.

    I'm lost and I'm hurt. I moved counties, wanted to change my life from its very roots. Got a new well paying job but I'm continuing to get treated like shit by my coworkers and emotionally abused. I swear, their only goal is to get me fired. I didn't even do anything to them. I'm a good person, I swear

    If I get fired, I risk homelessness. I risk my whole liffehood. And all of that is in the hands of people almost twice my age that choose aggression over peaceful communication

    Im so tired. I just need love. I need to feel what its like to be loved, to be held, to feel like I got an ounce of value.

    Im at a point where my soul and my body are completely deattached. I just exist and do what is required for my survival, but there's no longer Me.

    Suicide is the only thing that will set me free

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:44 UTC

    5

    the abuse is too much.

    he hit me. got me sent to jail over what he did. the police wouldn’t listen and blamed me. he has full control over my life and can call them at any time to get me taken back to jail where there is no escape. no dignity. he cheated and i found the messages and he gaslit me into thinking he didn’t but i just don’t believe the lies anymore. my only friend is gone. the only person i trusted and i know what happens next. i will be so empty. i can’t forgive anymore. this feeling is what lead me to drugs and homelessness in the first place and now it’s back. i don’t know how to do it alone anymore. it never ends. i am never good enough. i never have been. the shame and the guilt consumes me and i wish there was a poetic and honest and harsh way to say all this but there just isn’t any time. i will be pushed aside.

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    08:34 UTC

    1

    I’m going to tie my neck with a belt and then I’m out of here.

    Every day I care less and less. And yeah I realised I’m a selfish pos. But what can you do when you lose all control of your life? Death is the answer for me man. Wish I could’ve done things differently when I could. Can’t turn back time now. Fuck it. Idgaf bro. I’m not gonna take responsibility for my actions because that’s what a good person would do. But guess what? I’M NOT A GOOD PERSON. Good bye.

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:24 UTC

    3

    it doesn’t get better

    i’ve been waiting 11 fucking years. 11 years of lying in bed 24/7 in absolute misery. countless meds and therapy yet it gets worse by the year and i’m giving up. i have no motivation to do anything i have no job, not in school, don’t find enjoyment in any hobbies at all, and i don’t have any friends. i sleep for about 16 hours per day because i can’t stand waking up and id rather go back to sleep so i can feel like i dont exist. diagnosed mdd, bipolar, bpd, anxiety, cptsd, panic attack disorder, and ocd. its almost embarrassing to type out there’s so much wrong with me. not to mention i hate the way i look and im riddled in giant self harm scars that will never go away

    i’m ready to kill myself soon after thinking for an extremely long time about it but this is the hardest fucking decision of my life because the only person in my life is my dad and he’s dedicated the last 3 years to try and helping me get better and it breaks my heart knowing that it won’t help me. i wish he could get to see his daughter be happy and successful. if i kill myself, i know that he will either kill himself too, drink himself to death, or become homeless. the alternative is being stuck on this earth. they’re both equally as bad to me. i don’t know what to do i wish it would just end. i would’ve been gone a few months ago if it didn’t involve taking another person with me.

    not to mention how the world around us is dying, i don’t have a single reason that i want to be here.

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:22 UTC

    8

    Just Too Scared To Do It

    Every day is taxing. More than the last. People don't understand that the accumulation of pain is the hard part. It's not just one thing. And the whole things will get better bit? When? I'm 31. Still getting worse... My problem is I can't do it. I want to. I feel like I need to. But I'm afraid.... how fucking sad is that? I don't have the balls yet. But everyday I feel less afraid..... idk what I hope this post will do or gain... just nice to express this in any way ....

    2 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:15 UTC

    5

    judge me at my worst envy me at my best fuck this im out

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:10 UTC

    5

    I am a freshman In High School And I want to kill myself.

    I am a freshman in High School and I want to kill myself. I am only 15 years old and I’m honestly probably going to fail my freshman year. I have no motivation to do anything, I’m depressed, I don’t put effort in life even though the profession I want requires both a Bachelors and Masters degree in College. I throw my life away by not doing my work and bed rotting and as I lay there I’m well aware I should be working and I should be doing my required tasks. I sit there and I continue to hate myself, I sit there and continue to hate the way I dress, the way I sound, the way I think, the way I breathe, the way I eat, how much I weigh, the way I want to end my life…and yet I can’t because the guilt of the loved ones around me makes it hard to bring myself to do it. I hate myself and I hate my life. I don’t know how to get better and nobody in my life even tries to help me and no one understands me that much at all. I feel unsavable and I’m losing all faith and hope in myself.

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    08:10 UTC

    4

    I don’t wanna wake up in the morning

    Why can’t god or whoever just kill me in my sleep

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:09 UTC

    0

    Idk

    I am 20, autisic, and ive never been good at being social( i blame special ed class) I abused animals and family members, am adicted to porn, and havent kept a job for more than 8 months. Thats all

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:05 UTC

    1

    Panadol suicide suggestions

    Im stuck right now, I’m not allowed sleeping pills, and I don’t want to fuck up someone’s else’s life’s (train or truck drivers), is Panadol gonna be enough? Or is hanging more recommended?

    2 Comments
    2024/05/14
    08:02 UTC

    1

    I’m a complete and utter failure of a person

    I feel so behind in life. I’m 23 years old, and a sophomore in college. I don’t really have many hobbies. Most days I either spend studying or watching stupid TV shows and listening to music. I’m so depressed almost nothing excites me in life. I have barely any goals. I have almost no friends either. Never dated a girl despite wanting to for a long time. Everything just seems hopeless. When you try and try and nothing ever goes right for you, you start to give up. I don’t want to continue living but I know saying this doesn’t matter because nobody really cares. It is what it is. I just wish I could stop feeling the pain that I’m feeling now. I feel so behind everyone else, all my peers are doing so much better than me in life, I’m a fucking loser. I don’t deserve to be on this earth. I am a mistake.

    Edit: Not to mention I have to live with my parents because I can’t afford my own apartment and I really don’t like them. They kind of held me back in life and I blame a lot of my social struggles on how they raised me. Sometimes I wish I was born into a different family. None of them understand me and I feel like they all resent me too, because they are all heavily religious and I’m not. Oh well.

    Also, fuck the cost of living in the US bro I can’t take this shit anymore. Everything is stacked against you and having a mental illness on top of that is fucking impossible

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    07:56 UTC

    1

    Why is everything about me so wrong.

    There isn't one good thing about me.

    0 Comments
    2024/05/14
    07:49 UTC

    2

    i’m a fucking monster

    i’ve watched myself slowly turn into this thing that i can’t turn back from. i’m trapped now. there is no fixing it. there is no redemption story. there is no hope. i have turned into a poisonous, slimy shell of a human. i’m not even human anymore. i hate what i’ve become. i’ve tried to run and hide from the darkest and most twisted parts of myself. there is no running. hiding isn’t an option anymore. i have been completely consumed. i don’t know if i can live with myself anymore.

    1 Comment
    2024/05/14
    07:45 UTC

    2

    i ruin everyone's life

    i have done so many horrible things to so many people. i lie i do so much shit that it just leaves me paranoid on what next will happen to me because of my actions. i don't care when i take the action. i only care about living as recklessly as i can because i will get bored otherwise. and other people pay the price. i should die. it would make everyone's life easier. im literally a parasite to everyone, and they think they love me but it just feels like im using them. either people leave or are dumb enough to convince themselves they were in the wrong not me. but it's always me. i run people into the ground. i'm the absolute worst person who was ever born. at least evil people will be unapologetically evil, i will just be evil and deny it or wallow in my own self pity. killing myself would be a good thing to my loved ones.

    3 Comments
    2024/05/14
    07:41 UTC

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