Why?

Why do people consider suicide as an act of selfishness? I decided to leave this cruel world, to end all my sufferings and to those around me but failed miserably. I woke up and still alive feeling more miserable. People are calling me selfish now.How? Nobody fully understand what I am going through saying it's just a phase. There is no cure for this illness I suffer everyday. Why? I don't understand. Why can't I just die? Why would God bring me back just to watch me suffer? Why prolong my suffering? Why should I choose life? Why can't I have a choice? I am trapped in this situation and it would be better to end it now than stay and suffer for the next 20-30 years. Why is euthanasia acceptable when dealing with a terminal illness that can severly affect the quality of life but not when it comes to mental illness that is eating you alive. Why am I the one selfish now? What is the point of holding on when there is absolutely zero chance of things getting better..

I sh, i have tried going deep enough to die but i can’t bring myself to do it, i feel like i am faking. Am i even suicidal? I told my therapist i am suicidal was that wrong?

Ppl will move on won't they?

Hi, I know this sub is already filled with the saddest stuff and I'm sorry to add to it. I come from an abusive household and I ran away to live with my boyfriend. He and his family love me to death (lol) and treat me like one of their own. But my past haunts me and I can't take it anymore.

I've decided that I'm going to do it. I've seen and heard it all but nothing is going to change my mind. I have it all planned out but I want to know, is there any way to reduce the pain they will feel? Thinking about them grieving hurts me so much but I don't want to live anymore, even if it's for them. I want to make my own selfish decision for once in my life.

Increasingly my thoughts have been dominated by suicide. In the past I might entertain the idea but the act itself was unthinkable. But now it seems like the only logical outcome. If my life continues as it is I'll only slip further into regret and misery. However if I end things now I'll put a stop to my own self-loathing and be remembered in a more positive light. My friends would no longer forget me as they move on with their lives and my parents would never learn of my incompetence. In a way I'd be a martyr, my life cut tragically short. When people would think of me they'd only remember my potential and what could have been in some other life. Though I don't know why I would care about the kind of legacy I leave behind. It's not like I'll be there to experience it, that's the whole point after all.

ive been unmedicated for a month and a half. I have 2 remaining free therapy sessions. ive tried to get government assistance but a case manager has not gotten back to me. I'm close to losing my job. I feel like I'll never be as important to people as they are to me. I just want to be wanted. I can't stop thinking about overdosing. my life has felt like I was never supposed to be here.

what are you supposed to do when u have been unmedicated for like a month and a half and soon u wont have a therapist and u tried to get government assistance so u can get back on your meds but a case manager never got back to you and you're close to losing your job and you feel completely unnecessary to the world and it feels like ur trauma is healing too slowly and ur tired of holding all of your thoughts in and ur not sure what to do cause if u post about it people are going to get tired of you the same way people get tired of hearing about what ur struggling with and then it further feels like nobody cares about you and everything around u feels like it's crumbling away and it's all your fault bc u literally just can't seem to be happy and u ruin everything and despite having people around you you still feel lonely and nothing is going to fill or fix your heart the way you desperately need and u don't mean to be so depressing and negative but my god?

I'm counting down the days. It's gonna be a 50/50 chance I commit after this saturday. Maybe I won't, maybe I will. We'll see.

I want to die and I have no one to talk to about it. I haven't made a plan yet but I'm really thinking about it. I feel so lonely and I hate myself. I just want to give up and stop trying, I'm so so tired. I want to die...

Hi, I am 30f and life is so boring to me I often feel suicidal. I hate this existence because it is so meaningless. What can I do? I don’t know if I really want to die or just escape this existence. I think it is unfair that we are forced to live and then they try to keep you Alive in Like Psych wards although Nobody really is interested in you or your life. It is the freakin boredom here, Most times I sit and browse the Internet. No purpose, no idea. I feel hopeless…

i’m already disabled, both mentally and physically. i’m in physical pain every day. on bad days it feels like my bones are shattering from the inside. this is not enough for disability checks, meaning i’d have to get a job. i cannot handle most non-office jobs, and i think if i got an office job i’d end up taking my life within a year. i need to somehow become more disabled so my government won’t make me destroy myself. i’m ’young’ and ‘healthy’ according to them. idk what to do

The book is called 'Ishmael' by Daniel Quinn. I read it last year before I took a break. This book talks about society and how we've trapped ourselves in a culture of oppression. Everyone, whether that be men or women. Everyone is trapped. It also brought up the idea that people who live within the laws of mother nature live much happier and fuller lives. The concept of suicide and depression is foreign to them. That is also why people say that zoo's are cruel to animals. They too are being subjected to our ways of living. That's why you see those animals circling their cages and dying at early ages. Just like us, they're not supposed to live like that. Those poor animals are put on display just like everything we talk about, think about and do is all put on display. This book gave me a sense of why I might feel this way. I really do feel trapped. Why did we make such systems? We all could've lived such great lives lounging on tree trunks all day without a worry in the world. We are going backwards. Suicide is just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more to this than that.

for context my family members have a habit of passing on horrible dates. most recently it was my grandmother on December 23rd. that was a shitty Christmas to say the least.

my original date was 7/28, 3 days after my birthday and the anniversary of me going on HRT(yeag im a trny. fat tits, perfect ass, and the deepest, most gravely voice you've ever heard)
anyway i obv didn't do it. because my only friend was kinda really shitty on my bday, like last year. and i know he would blame himself.
his bday is coming up soon, then after that is my moms, then more holidays and birthdays up until february.
so im either going to do it early october or sometime after february. ive been planning this for a long time and honestly im pissed that i threw off my plans to people please. but hey im still alive for now, and i think im going to start doing shit that pushes me closer to the edge just for the hell of it.

It’s just another thing that’s been recently added on top of everything else. I have to clean, feed and pay attention to a body that I don’t actually care about, generally don’t like, and doesn’t feel like it’s a separate entity from me. It’s become such a repetitive chore. I wished I at least could crawl out of it, if I can’t die to get rid of my consciousness and body altogether.

Anyway I’m mad dramatic hope y’all are okay!!

Last year I went through a 4 month depression episode. It was literal misery. Everyday and night all I thought about how miserable I was. I saw the life drain from my own eyes and my period became irregular. It was really bad. It even affected my partner--which in turn made me feel even worse. The amount of guilt I felt then still weighs on me. I had to take a semester off school this year because I felt like it was coming back. It ruined my grades and motivation to continue. I stopped going to class, I stopped doing the homework and I stopped eating. I only picked myself up was so I could enjoy christmas with my boyfriend and his family. I was doing well up until a few weeks ago when I started feeling insecure about my appearance. My appearance was like a trigger to all this. Made me question everything about myself. I want to prevent going into that dark place. I want to be normal, I want to be pretty, I want to be skinny, whatever. I cope by buying perfumes, body care and skincare to see if it'll help me feel better about myself. Which now I know is not true. Cosmetic items can only help so much. I guess I'm just on a constant search for something that will make this void in my chest go away. I also try and search for a new song that will release this tension. I'm always searching for something but I don't know what that is. Nothing truly makes me feel peace.

I’m going to the city that I love. It’s on the beach. I’m going to get a hotel for like a week or so max and just enjoy some final moments. I’m going to see the ocean one last time.

I’m then going to finalize my letters, which I’ve already been working on. I’m going to write a lot.

I’m going to leave a general letter- bascially just explaining why I did it. I am then going to write heartfelt personal letters to each of my immediate family members, and best friends. The general letter will have instructions regarding the personal ones.

I am somehow going to obtain a lot of fentanyl (the only missing piece of this puzzle is this part lol so this may take awhile), take what is needed, and done. I plan to do this probably 2 nights before I check out so no one can find me.

I really hope this works. I’m sobbing writing this because I don’t want it to be like this. I love life but unfortunately I don’t live inside of a body that allows me to love it. I am so beyond impaired by my chronic health conditions I’ve lost pretty much everything I could have had. I have fought fought fought. I have been to doctor after doctor and tried so hard. Everything just keeps getting worse. I am ready to just be at peace. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to live very long. And that’s ok.

Loneliness kills, humans have an inherit need to have social interactions. We lived in groups. And here I am, the end of my bloodline. My family has endured so much, and my pathetic ass is ending it. I don't know how I won the genetic lottery and was born because I am a horrible excuse for a human being. If the aliens came to earth and wanted the most degenerate, savage member of humanity, I would be sent right up there to be examined, that's even if they could find me because I'm invisible to everybody.

my mother tells me to kill myself and that i should've never been born. she has also threatened to kill me herself, in public where people can see. she constantly blames me for how her life turned out and says it would be better if i were to just die. i don't think she realizes how hurtful her words are and how much it affects me. it was not my choice to be born, and if it was up to me, i'd rather i wasn't born either.

i don't want to live this life anymore. i feel like a burden to everyone especially my mother, and often i can't help but think that she's right. every day i think of ways to kill myself but i am a coward and never end up going through it. i've tried to slit my wrists but couldn't do more than 2 cuts and they weren't even deep. i just want someone to take me away from all this, somewhere far away where there's just the two of us. someone who understands me and will be there for me no matter what. i have no one to ask for help and i'm too scared to ask.

When I was admitted to the hospital for a few days, we underwent group therapy. We were talking about songs, and a specific song came up. I said, "I know this song! I cry to this song to cope" and I was laughed at.

The people who are also depressed, who went through the things that I did, think that I'm pathetic. I go out in public and people laugh at me, or they scoff, give me weird looks, etc. They try to stay as far away from me as possible when I'm sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather.

It's like people look at me and want to throw up. I'm pretty sure that I am the ugliest person to exist. It's not even my face either! I get onto voice calls with random people sometimes and I'm mocked there too. If I had the choice to stay indoors every day, I would. I've tried to cut down my social interactions as much as possible because even existing makes other people upset. And I can't live with myself when I make somebody upset.

I think if somebody lived one day in my life, they would kill themselves as quickly as possible. I don't know how I've endured all of this, but it's coming to an end soon.

I feel like I am a homeless, destitute person, lying on the sidewalk in a big city, with no way to afford food or shelter, and someone fabulously rich is standing over me and lecturing me about how money isn't that big a deal.

Yeah, if you've never, ever, EVER gone without physical affection, you're not going to understand what going without any (even just simple hugs or being held) for almost all of a long life means.

And if you've never, ever, EVER gone without feeling loved by those you love, you're not going to understand what going without feeling loved for almost all your life is like.

But if you're not able to get it, at least don't tell me it shouldn't matter. Because that's actually cruel.

Parang lahat Ng problema ko dumating kung kelan malapit na ko mag birthday, sa asawa, trabaho, pamilya at mas lalo na sa pera. Yung stress level ko nasa 500% na yung tipong feeling ko eto nalang yung way para di na ko mastress ng husto at magisip.

I got harassed out of a job that I really liked and I can't get over it. It's been about a year or so now but I really just can't get over it I really want my job back. I know I can find another job but finding one you can do and actually enjoy isn't easy. It was a night shift position and it was my happiness it was super freeing I had finally gotten a car and started making money and my family didnt have to deal with my disappointment just overall me. The reason this ment SOOOO much to me was because my family has always been extra with me more yelling stricter things I should do because I'm a girl and just overall being the medical issue since im also blind from an eye as well as just being a bit slow in school and because of it I've been the runt so I get watched more BUT sometime after high school my grandparents thought I wasn't looking for a job even though I was going to a program for it once a week but thinking I was lying we ended up arguing and I ended up getting kicked out and forced to stay with my mom. when I came back to visit my grandparents my mom said she didn't want me staying with her but opened her door to my younger brother and sister to live with her. I tried going to school for about 3 years but I've always had trouble in school so I left and found a job cleaning but fucking hated it since I grew up fucking cleaning then I found the job I really enjoyed even though it sucked it was great for me I went from hating my life because I was awful at everything and being micro managed to finally being away from it without having to walk on egg shels or clean up after someone or any thing I was able to just sit and be free with my self for 8 blissful hours. I had also just gotten a car started making money and just overall bettering my self trying to get money and move. But then my mom started asking for money and my grandparents and older sister didnt like my hours as well as the men at work just wouldn't leave me alone I tried ignoring them but they wouldn't stop so I ended up quiting from frustration. It bothers me so much because I let those guys get the better of me I basically gave them what I considered my happiness because it was my simple pleasure but also a necessity I can't get over it because it was also my fault I've had another job but it was miserable and ended up just getting really depressed and walking out I miss my job with a passion it's like losing your purpose. Ive always had trouble sleeping at night and trouble with people and seeing. This job was a straight line from my house and was just watching cameras and not having to deal with customer service as well as it being at night. It's really stupid not being able to move on from a job but I genuinely can't get over it plus the guys that did it left so its an ever bigger slap to my face. I just want my job back please I'm never happy anymore it's like i left it there. For me it was the simplicity of it I just wanna to fix what I messed up. I'd rather kill my self than never feel that happiness again I'm 26 and that was the first ever time I've actually felt happy or a type of bliss from something.i just wanna kill my self from this even more it's so stupid but I can't get over it I really really really miss my job.

Everyone who helped me, everyone who stayed by my side for years have left me.

They all say it's my fault, that I dug up my own grave, because I refused to listen advice and I kept starting drama over and over.

I don't know anymore, my suicide will be meaningless, and living is also meaningless, they hate me.

That's the thing pretty people always tell you. "Oh, looks are subjective! Looks don't matter! your personality matters most!" I've looked into this. Pretty people are treated like people, plain and simple. As the ugliest person to ever exist, I can tell you all that I am nothing more than an animal in the eyes of my peers. My voice, my looks, even my personality isn't enough, and you know what? I will never be enough for anybody, not even myself. The only reason people would care that I killed myself is if I stained their carpet. I am nothing more than a burden on society.

More than 27 years of my life and never once I felt like it was worth it. My childhood, teenage years, early 20s late 20s all were traumatic. I never made right decision about choosing people or my career. My family is chaos. My health is chaos. Mental health is degrading every year with no sign of getting any better. I am done feeling pain and heaviness all the fckn time. It is unbearable at this point. I didn't want to die but the life I have was never worth it. I broke up with my boyfriend because he chose living with his family over me. They are absolute assholes and he thinks he can fix them. I love him with all my existence and he says he loves me but i don't see it. After 1000s of applications and good portfolio I can't get a job somehow. It looks like the whole universe just wants me to die.
I feel humiliated all the time and poor and what not. This is not what a life should be and no one has to live it. I had a dream since when I was a child to have a hppy family. I had a dream to become really happy with life but.. it's just the opposite of everything or anything i ever expected from life. This is just the 1% of what goes on. And I can't go in detail. So... I set the date and time.. to leave. Nothing is worth it. Nothing will ever be worth it. I hope i die without pain at least. I cannot tell this to anyone near me... I just wanted to say it so after leaving I won't have regrets that I never talked it out.

This is the first time that I try to seek help bec I'm at a very low point and I have no Idea what to do but suicide is really starting to be a final option I just don't feel like I do anything right I'm not good at communicating, I left my job for a stupid reason, I just very quiet I don't know if people friends family even care I try to talk but I just feel like nothing I'm saying makes sense or even matter I hear the same thing I'm either told to shut up that I'm killing their vibe or we all been through it you'll get over it but like how?!?! Then I'm called an asshole for being quite that I'm prob thinking bad about them even tho all the bad things is about me like how worthless I am maybe if I don't exist they can finally be happier not worrying if they even worried about me I just don't know anymore maybe I am selfish crazy or just stupid

If people heard how I talked about myself, they would think that I'm the most evil person in the world. I have no one to reach out to, so I have to soldier everything, until I eventually break and have a breakdown. I've been looking into nitrous oxide as a way out. I want to leave by next week, but I know that it isn't going to happen because I'm too much of a pussy. I want to lock myself into my room so nobody has to deal with me anymore. I never want to leave. Everyone would be better off if I was just gone. Or maybe not, because they'd have to clean up the blood.

Honestly, most is shit. Even more shit on top of that.

Some are born shit. Some are born not shit.

It's very bleak. Why live if you are both in the shit, and shit? Seems fair to me one would ponder the question of suicide if this is the case.

Atleast you may be in shit, but not shit, which is art. I guess.

I don't know. Just seems like a bunch of shit.

I'm extremely depressed and I go through a lot day-to-day, I would've killed myself already if it was instant. It's like I was born and was just completely ostracized from society. But here I am, complaining when others go through worse than me. Seriously, what is wrong with me? I'm disgusting, greasy, and I have no future. Others always tell me to kill myself, but they never have the guts to help me. I would be out of here right now if someone put a gun in front of me and told me to do it. I would pull the trigger faster than the bullet would travel.

Just it. Hate this fucking shithole. A lot of things make me what to disapear, smaller or bigger, doesn't matter. I feel like i needed to do that years ago and now it's just living for the sake of living, but i think that something/someone will take me(i don't know fucking destiny). It wasn't a good life.