I think I finally got to a point today where I knew realistically killing myself would make everyone else’s life better. I love my family a lot. After coming to the realization that I’m doing this, talking to my mom on the phone makes me breakdown. Or hearing my sister in the background, as if I miss them already. As if I’m gone already and they just don’t know it yet. Knowing this information and living out life in front everyone else has to be the loneliest feeling ever. But it’s time. I know it is, this world has no use for me anymore. I only bring negativity. No happiness or positivity. Just bad luck and failure. Disappointment. From the day I was born everything went to shit. I don’t think I was ever meant to be here, or I’m supposed to be a curse sent by someone to a family member to make them suffer. Imagine that lol I’m an actual curse. Doing this will be the right thing I know it. The sad thing tho is I actually do want to live. Just a different life, be a different person, in a different country with a different brain. I wanna travel and get married and have babies. But I think God said not this rounds, maybe another. That’s ok, I will make do with what I have had in my 25 years. It’s ok .. lord please keep my family strong I love them so much

everything is hopeless. i dont know why i tried to fool myself into believing i deserve a life worth living. or that i could find happiness. its all a facade. none of this shit matters. i should have been left in the ditch paramedics pulled me out of 4 years ago. its no fair they can choose to save my life when i did jot ask for it. i should be able to sue them for all the pain and suffering they kept me in by keeping me alive.

65 of them

I have no idea if my desires to end things come from any form of depression. Rather, it's from a groundswell of people telling me that things will only get worse. The logical part of my brain makes me feel, if things will only get worse, then shouldn't I get out before that happens? Prevent myself even more pain from the inevitable?

Yesterday I’ve decided I want to commit suicide. I absolutely hate so much shit going on but I just want everything to be over. I’m going to wait till my birthday so I can have one final good memory before I go out. I just really wanted to tell someone.

I finally got the motivation to get my ass up to buy some pills to kms but ofc i was too stupid for that too. He asked me to send the money before we even meet and i did it. I waited 2.5 hours at night in the cold for him to come but he never did. Idk why im so stupid. Its not the my first time buying drugs why did it happen this time. Im too scared to kms in other ways and idk what to do, i just want to die.

I'm using drugs to have some kind of dopamine in my life. If I had a gun I would pull the trigger. I don't want to live in this world. I failed. School. Love. Society. My family. I just can't anymore.

throwaway account since im really ashamed. but i just have to get this off my chest.

im still 15 but i feel like i ruined my life. ever since i was a child, i had unrestricted internet access. this really fucked me up in all kinds of ways. i got groomed, got introduced to all kinds of pornography from the internet.

I developed a porn addiction at age 11, which eventually led me to watching weird shit. i stopped this behavior when i was 14, and now i can't live with the vile guilt and shame of what i have seen. all these thoughts of "im a horrible person" "my family would hate me if they knew my true self" "people will find out and hate me" "i deserve to die" invade my brain constantly since then, which makes it hard to exist.

I can't stand to look at myself. i feel like im a terrible person, like a scum of the earth. like ill never redeem myself. it makes me sad when my mother or father talk to me so casually because i cant help but always think "if they knew i wasnt their innocent kid anymore they would hate me"

the overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame makes me want to kill myself. like there's no other option out of this. i did a terrible thing, so i should pay for it.

TLDR; i cant live with the guilt that i watched terrible stuff when i was 13 in my porn addiction.

I know my health CAN get better if I’m surrounded by kind people.

I’m not.

My family abandoned me since I was a teen because my mother died and everything was shattered.

When I got sick, I stayed with my uncle(my father’s side) and got kicked out after two weeks.

My aunt(my mother’s side) called me said there’s nothing she could do for me. ( I don’t even understand why she called, just to tell me there’s nothing she could do for me.)

I really want to be with good and kind people. I want to heal, I want to get better, I want to feel safe again.

But I’m surrounded by a toxic culture here. I’m withering.

I’ve got things prepared.

I’m ready to go but I don’t know when yet.

I want to end it tonight. I don’t really know what to do anymore. My entire life is a fuck up right from the start, so much has happened. Even now but just now, with work, and with an online friend I asked out who I feel just fucking hates me now because she confronted me about a few things, that were bothering her, I just feel like no one ever listens to my perspective. I don’t know how to interact with people properly, either, the way I have been treated since I was 12 is just shitty and it really gets to me. I might as well just let go now.

With everything going on right now its making me feel angry sad suicidal.. of course moving to a different country won't solve everything but I am so exhausted

21f and my life has gone nowhere. I used to be so amazing. I had a very bright future. My brain sometimes failed me, but I had community and the pride of my family to keep me going. When I was 14, I had my first OCD episode. I was getting intense intrusive thoughts that were sexually perverted about everybody and everything. It was the hardest struggle at the time, but I got through it. After about a year almost of non-stop mental damage, I was miraculously actually okay. I was happy in my life even. I was just a kid.

All of that changed come around COVID. I was a TOUGH cookie to crack, truly, but I finally cracked come age 18. Isolation ruined me for the good. I lost everything. My social skills, my comforts, my brain power. Everything. I had nothing.

I still feel that way. I haven’t told my parents about any of my mental struggles. I started college with a 3.7 GPA in my first year, and I’m currently with a 2.7 in my third. I am spiraling. I can’t get a job, because I’m too nervous at any interview, and can’t seem to grasp basic tasks. I feel like a toddler.

Last year, I reached a severe breaking point and went into a phase of alcoholism. Anything to shut the thoughts down, as my brain hadn’t had relief for years at that point. No clubbing. No partying with friends. Just drinking straight vodka in my room in the middle of the night, and waking up in the shower blackout. That was a mistake and only made my grades even worse than before. My parents had found my alcohol however, and the shame of it completely made me stop (yayyyy for ocd guilt, curing alcoholism one step at a time!)

I wish I could tell my parents, but they’re heavily religious and might take means to “correct” me mentally through religion and prayer. I don’t want to be religious. And I don’t want to hear how my intrusive thoughts could be the “devil” talking to me. I will actually end up going fucking crazy, and might end up believing them if I’m fragile enough.

I don’t know what to do. Everyday I get worse, and the option to save myself dwindles smaller and smaller (if I even knew how).

I want to die, but I also feel guilty for how everyone else’s lives could be ruined by my selfishness. Do I live for others and suffer myself, or die for myself and let others suffer.

I don’t think I have much time left. I miss the old me.

Got fired today. Feel like a worseless piece of garbage who does not deserve to live. Had to give all my medicines to a friend to hold onto tonight because I’m so tempted. I’m tired of being scared and in pain

It's refreshing. Like I know I'll be someone better soon.

If I had a gun, I'd pull the trigger right now. I just want to feel like I have someone that cares.

I don't have a family.

company i work for went bankrupt overnight and all my coworkers are middle aged mothers and everyone was crying as we were packing up and jesus like i found out the day before while i was on holiday, woke up the first morning to this news and spent the whole day in the train home instead of sticking around to help repair the complete shouting match my family had gotten into the night before because my lunatic conspiracy theorist brother cant tell hes a total moron trying to tell my prestigious physics professor fsther that hes wrong about basic third grade science

WHEN will i get TO FUXKING BReathe

I've gathered enough alcohol and pills to overdose from, it's a bit overkill but it will do.

I'm 21 years old and I suffer from bipolar disorder 1. Three years has been enough to put my mind through enough damage and trauma that won't ever be able to be recovered from, and I've gone down a very, very dark place. I'm very lonely, often spending my days wishing I had someone that cared enough to give me a hug.

I had so much love and affection to share, and I really did my best in my relationship. Although it didn't change the fact that she'll be breaking up with me soon because my mental health had come in the way too many times, although that isn't my reason for leaving this world.

My reason for leaving is insanity. My mind has pushed itself far enough to go insane. Currently I'm not manic, I'm at peace from experiencing those horrible feeling for weeks on end, and therefore I've decided tonight I will take my life, while I'm calm and showing a drop of happiness. I'm exited to go back to where I was before I was born, I was at peace. I really do love my partner deeply, although my mental health issues has made it hard for her to feel the same. You're so kind, caring and the definition of purity within a world of madness. I'm going to leave this world, and it will only hurt for a bit, but I trust that because you're smart you'll realize your world will be a better place without my presence, for I unintentionally hurt people emotionally, and I'm not suitable for romantic love as I once believed I am. I want you to find someone that make you happy when I'm gone, okay? Don't be sad for long please.

I think about suicide everyday and regularly put a loaded gun to my head but I can never tell anyone this because they will take them or I will go to a mental hospital but I swear I’m not crazy.

Feel like I can't move Just shutting down, can't do anything about it

it's getting increasingly harder to not think about leaving this world, idk how i am serving, I feel so isolated and alone even if there's ppl around me. but the things I struggle with don't even matter aren't that severe compared to others. I'm losing what I love, I'm just being a horrible person to people I love. I've changed they said, smile more, what's wrong. it breaks me bc in my head I'm screaming it out but in reality I just fake smile and say I'm tired.. of living but I miss that part out. I feel so distant with everyone I love. I feel like every decision I make keeps being a mistake and I never fully resolve the ptobelmz i just create them. I broke down today, for the first time in front of ppl, I just kept saying sorry, and I just silently tried to stop it, I did but I just converted that into doing school work. I don't understand me anymore. I feel like the only thing anchoring me down is taht fact I have a baby to care for, my cat. I've lost one and that always comes bakc and I just want to die bc there's so many regrets and memories and firsts and lasts that ill never be able to make agin, the lack of photos kills them I remember so much. I love my cat and idk how I'd still be living if she wasn't in my life. I love u ash, while sleeping under my chin, you r my only reason to live, we have never had a bad memory together only good. So thank you my love. I promise to continue to live for u, bc u already lost one mother, I don't want u to endure that same process.

No one who I am close enough with understands my work situation enough to understand what I'm feeling. No one understands the pressure that I put on myself and how much I want to succeed and how life doesn't feel worth living if I fail. No one I can talk to really gets the feeling of how I can only look at myself in the mirror from the neck up and only for brief moments. When I go to therapy, I freeze at the thought of revealing my worse thoughts. Those mental health help chats are pointless. I can't... I'm so alone in this.

everyone would be grateful that i was gone and they didn’t have to deal with me anymore. i know very well that i do deserve it because i’d end up hurting someone else instead eventually becuase i am a disgusting ‘person’. and i’ve been thinking it over, since nobody will miss me there is no reason to NOT do it.

I miss the days after when everyone checked on me. I miss the visitors and the comfort I was given. I miss the chance to start again.

I miss when it was recent, and it felt good to get so close to death. Now I’m trapped alive, too scared to die, but I don’t want to live.

I want the world to stop again. Please. It’s going too fast. People expect me to put it behind me. I am not ready to.

he's allowed to rt naked women but if i talk about doing similar then it's rude? but him and i aren't even dating anymore so why does he care so much? i'm on a constant heightened state every once in a while throughout a single day again. i've decided to start b/p again and restricting again as a means to cope. although tbf it didn't really stop ever (since elementary/middle school) but there would be periods where i would lessen it or attempt recovery. why does he not want people to see me like that if it's not him? i don't get it.

I think there’s people in this world whose lives are ultimately meaningless. People that nobody notices even if you try your hardest to do something right and no matter what happens it just never gets better. The people whose lives are one disaster after the other without letting up while your peers thrive. You can be doing everything right, trying your hardest to be someone that is cared about but it never works out.

I’m one of them.

I feel totally hopeless. 19 years and it’s all come to nothing.

I’m a horrible child. I’m too difficult for my parents with all my mental issues and my inability to do anything as good as other people in my age group or family. I don’t listen, im argumentative, I never know when to shut up, The list goes on.

I’m fucking ashamed of myself. My cousins are all in medical school and residency and my mother is stuck with a degenerate stoner. At my age my cousins were on fucking espn and getting into Ivy League schools while im rotting on a fucking rock in the middle of the ocean.

I’ve had a sinking feeling of this being the end for me since last year. Everything has been going down, down, down.

I found out the person I thought was my dad my whole life isn’t my dad and my mom lied to him and my real biological father about my paternity. I had to find out through an ancestry test I didn’t even want to take. My mother pretended to be surprised when the results came back and didn’t even bother to warn me before taking it.

I can’t even look at my family on my (step?)dads side anymore without feeling guilty because i don’t belong. I’m supposed to inherit land and I’ve already decided that if I ever get it, I’m refusing because i have no right to the land that has been in their family since before the US annexed this state. I have no right to be here anymore.

My real dad has no idea what has happened to me in my childhood or how bad my mental state is. His girlfriend took it really well. I have a sister and a brother that are over ten years older than me and they’re both doing really good for themselves.

I’m scared to talk to him because I fear he will realize a relationship with me is too much work .

I fucking hate school. I’ve never been a good student, I’ve always needed extra help. I’m supposed to graduate in May. I’ve already been getting shit from my school because I don’t want to go to college right away because I have no idea who I am or what I want.

I have friends but it always feels like im the second pick. Like im there but nobody would choose to hang out with me.

It’s the same at work. My manager has been fucking me over since I was 16 and I’ve never said no to anything because im always afraid of making people mad at me. My coworkers like me enough I guess but im the kind of person they just leave behind at work and never try talking to me outside of work even though everyone else hangs out and talks about it like im not even there.

I’ve been really sick these past few months. It’s been affecting my work and school life and I lost my insurance. I can’t get my medication for my depression, anxiety, or adhd. Not that it would help, I’ve just been throwing everything up lately. I lost over 25 pounds. I’m barely at 100 now.

I’m always moody. Nothing can bring me up, even the stuff that used to help barely numbs it out anymore. I don’t vape or anything. All I’ve ever done is weed and all that does for me right now is get me to force myself to eat because I don’t have an appetite otherwise.

I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to keep going. I’m tired of just turning the other cheek and taking whatever gets thrown at me without complaints.

I just want it to end. I’ve wanted to die since I was 13 years old, I’ve tried killing myself five separate times already and I’ve either pussied out last second or i wake up. There’s a few more things I can try that I know would work, but I can’t fail because my mom told me she would kick me out if she finds me cutting again (she only knows about my one attempt that sent me to the hospital when I was 16).

I don’t know what to do. I feel empty, like my life is going nowhere and I keep hitting dead ends.

Other people my age have it easier why can’t I?

I know it’s a stupid thing to ask but why? Why can’t I be enough?

I don’t know if im going to try again today, it could be tomorrow, maybe in a week, but I feel like im reaching the end. I just can’t see my life continuing anymore.

I’m tired of this life. My mother ruined my life. Now I have to live in abject poverty because of her stupidity. Well, not if I have anything to do about it. Screw her and this whole shitty world. I’ve had enough. Helium “exit kit”, here I come!!!

29 and can't remember one good day on this f* planet. Excluded and treated like an invisible sht my entire life. One life and I have to suffer everyday. At this point it isn't even funny anymore. Not even my f family reach out when they know I'm at my lowest. Everything in this life is about money and everyone else uping each other how their life is. Everyone is main character in their own bubble. Life and my overthinking head is like a f* prison that I didn't ask to be on and other people are inmates that make life so much harder. A overpopulated selfish prison. How the f* do I get out of here???

I just had a fight with my dad and mom, I don’t even feel guilty, I don’t feel sad or mad or happy or annoyed I don’t feel anything. I’ve had times where I almost did it but I’m just fucking done. I don’t even feel a single thing for these assholes. I just know I want to step in front of a car and die.

I’ll accept that. Maybe I’m some kind of anomaly. I’ve spent hours, years even, thinking of death. I did the math. 15,000 is the number. I remember hours spent begging the Creator of the universe to kill me or cure me. Still, I don’t die, and I have absolutely no idea why. I suspect something I’ve never considered before.

The only way out is though.

I'm tired idk I'm really struggling with my Ed especially binging I can't cope anymore my mother hasn been really horrible to me recently calling me "selfish" and "where have I gone wrong" i struggle with anorexia and bulimia which is honstley the most draining thing ever I hate it why can't I just have a flat stomach?? How can I have an ed when I haven't got a flat stomach I can't stop binging and then when I go about 3 days into binging I starve untill my weight drops. I hate myself so much.

Recently I've been thinking that if I don't stop binging I'm gonna kill myslef I want to die slowly by being extremely dry and then acc commit I feel like distancing myslef will really help one of my sisters ended up in hospital today for physical reasons. I 17f had to look after 2 kids under 7 on my own I couldn't cope and had nobody to reach out to as my friends were all busy and didn't want to disturb them I thought the only way to escape this was death.

My dad came back from work and stayed with the kids I just couldn't cope which lead me to run away I left around 5ish just to find out around half 10 at when my dad found me?????

I was a screamed at and he took me home. I can't stand myself I've been told the only way to stop binging is to eat more regularly but that's not the issue here I will stuff myself to the point I can't even breathe I feel myself going back to my old self lonely and just miserable my elder sister isn't the greatest I've been called "matchstick" when I'm not my weight is average which makes me feel even more invalid my anxiety is also creeping up every morning my heart just beats and im constantly stuck binging ir starving i feel myself go back to the place i was in mentally when i was in hospital for my ed

i just wanna die or runaway to a place where I have no problems and live peacefully. I'm really considering to overdose with alcohol so it works Idc how many I need to take or how much I need to drink I just want it to end idek when I will do it I just need the pain to stop.