Does anyone in constant panic state thinking about hurting someone or themselves. Iam totally scared by this intrusive thoughts .is it normal with dpdr or am I turning into a psychopath or is it some other mental disorder

got this from taking too much of an edible btw. not sure if it was the edible itself or the stress i felt while i was on it. my symptoms: fuzzy/tingly feelings on or near my head, headaches, feeling tired, having a smaller appetite, feeling detached from everything, forgetting what im doing, random blurred/ double vision, bad attention span, loss of interest in stuff i used to be passionate about, tinnitus and worrying that im dead, dying or in the afterlife. is this dpdr or brain damage or both?

25 female here, I have dealt with a consistent symptom of feeling “entranced” by my negative and intrusive thoughts, like I don’t know the “real” me since I feel so engulfed in my negativity and inner critic, I have suffered with DPDR before, feeling unreal and the world around me unreal, visual symptoms, brain fog, feeling like I have dementia, etc. I was able to feel real again and my surroundings too, but what stayed was this constant emotional numbness and detachment, it’s a numbness that leans more depressive, I feel a deep pain and deep sadness, I can’t smile or hardly laugh or feel joy and happiness. I’ve been able to cry again, but I will immediately go back into this strange trance and not feel like myself or feel in tune with myself.

I have diagnosed treatment resistant depression, OCD, and I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I am going to see a therapist for ERP for OCD soon but am curious what this constant trance like state of awareness is? Is this dissociation or severe depression killing my emotions and cognition? I do feel like I can’t think straight and ever since I got ECT last year my ability to recall memories has dwindled. It feels like my insight in my thoughts and conditions is poor, like I believe my thoughts a lot. Let me know if anyone here has some possible explanations for these symptoms. I also focus a lot on my thoughts and ruminate a lot, I am always ruminating and always focused on negative things in my life.

I forgot to mention that memories feel far away, distant, memories from a month ago or 3 months ago feel like they happened several months ago.

I want to start taking it to relieve anxiety but I'm afraid it will make the PDDR worse.

I was just wondering if this is DPDR or some type of avoidant attachment style??

It always happens to me, but whenever I’m interested in a guy, once they start talking to me I start getting like the uncanny valley effect from them. It’s so weird I can find them attractive and like everything about them on paper, but once they start talking and I’m interacting with them it’s like I start to over analyze their face and their demeanor and it doesn’t feel real it freaks me out. The thing is when we’re not talking and I see them from afar I don’t get this feeling anymore. Is this dpdr?

For the past few months now I’ve been getting jump scared and alerted by shadows like figures in the corner of my vision. Ive had severe dpdr for years now and iam used to all the symptoms but I’ve never experienced this before. I’ll also always think someone’s walking up behind me or walking past in the distance. It doesn’t make me paranoid or anything it’s just abit annoying constantly having this shock and alerted feeling. It mostly happens when iam by myself and is only for a split second. Does anyone else get this? Maybe is it a slighlty less common symptom of dpdr…

A week or two ago I posted on here because i was going through some pretty debilitating symptoms. It gets easier, I promise! Honestly I'm not sure if I'm one to speak because it's only been about two weeks for me compared to those who have had it for months and even years. But when I look back at when the symptoms first started, things have become so much more manageable, and I hope you all can feel the same for yourselves. Even though the symptoms will come up in uncomfortable flashes for me sometimes (unfortunately its happening rn) knowing that it's not nearly as bad as when it started makes me feel a bit better.

A lot of people have said that not paying attention to it helps. This is highkey easier said than done and at times it feels literallly fcking impossible but you can do it. In my experience, forgetting about it isn't really a conscious decision you make. But when the end of the day comes you can look at yourself and realize: you're not dead or dying, you're not going crazy, you're here and you're alright. It's not the cure but it's something.

DPDR sucks... but it will get easier, I assure you. I hope this makes someone feel a little better. Please take care of yourselves

I had Dpdr for about 2 years and it had went away. About a month ago I was driving in the interstate and had gotten some bad anxiety after driving over a bridge. Well the anxiety lasted a while to where the dpdr came back. This time it’s in the form of rumination about speech. How am I able to talk? How am I writing this sentence, how does my brain remember all these words. Has anyone struggled with anything like this?

I know that's the goal of DPDR - to tune out life and make things less sensitive. But it's just so strange to feel like the past years of your life haven't been real, you're not even here, you're not experiencing any of it. You can't even relate to what you ate the day before, or what you were doing. I think about a year ago and that feels like it was just 2 days ago and that I've been asleep all the time in between. Days never "pass" - I'm stuck perpetually in the same day over and over. I have no sense of time or where I am, who I am. My name. Age. Sense of self - I all feel no connection to.

I won't ever be able to articulate this to someone who hasn't been through it, and that's why it's so painful. When you tell someone you're depressed. Or angry. They can understand and empathize. No one can empathize with losing your ability to perceive reality and time, it's like being stuck in a permanent drugged state. I don't know how my mind has kept this alive for 2 years, it's unbelievable. It doesn't even make sense - I feel like I'm not even alive. I was meditating this morning and it's like my body isn't even real, there's no weight to it. I remember waking up hungover and feeling heavy, in my body. I just feel like an illusion, a dream, a hologram. Nothing matters, because nothing is real.

I'm basically recovered (thanks Lamictal, meditation, shadow work & therapy) but one thing I do not understand is the heart fluttering and palpitations. Is there anyone else recovered that still had them, or should I finally bite the bullet and go to a doctor? If this went away I feel like I'd be almost at 100% again.

does anyone else feel like there’s a disconnect between what they see and how they comprehend it? like i know i am seeing with my eyes but my brain is like, terrified and isn’t computing it.. like i’m only comprehending 40% of life right now. like i can drive, i can talk on the phone and go to work and hold a conversation but it feels all muted and dull, like i’m not even enjoying it or in the moment, just on autopilot.

I don't know how to deal with my situation so I just want to see if anyone has ever experienced this and recovered. This nightmare started two or so weeks ago. I had a terrible panic attack one evening which came out of nowhere , and during it I could only think about how my boyfriend doesn't seem like my boyfriend and all my memories with him seem like not mine. This state has only worsened in these two weeks , I don't feel like myself , I don't feel the things I do usually and I feel either scared or awkward anywhere I go. I can't enjoy my hobbies , I can't even be in my own bedroom because it all feels so unfamiliar. I don't remember how it is to be normal , I don't remember how it is to feel connected to my boyfriend or how it is to be myself. At this point I am desperate , I have no idea how to save myself. I went to a psychiatrist and got prescribed with escitalopram , I've been on it for a week now. I don't know how to live , I don't know if I should do the things I always do or just give up , I feel like someone put my life on hold and replaced me with an impostor. It's worth to mention that this all started because of birth control , as there was no stressful or traumatic situations that could have caused this. All I want is my normal life , tho at this point I don't even remember how it is to live normally.

I mean, its not a attacking post, or something (even though i don't like him, and hate him just for his personality), but what bothers me, and is just very suspicious for me, there are almost no negative, or distent comments hating his product, or something else on his places...

Just wondering cause over the last week I’ve slowly developing aphantasia to the point I can’t really visualize anything anymore not even memories has anyone gotten better from this?

I experienced dp/dr on and off for the last four years. I am also diagnosed with OCD so I tend to obsess a lot about things I‘m afraid of. Lately I‘ve been experiencing dissociation again - add to that the OCD doubt and I start to question everything. Thoughts like „Am I just imagining all of this? How can I truly trust myself and my perception?“ are thoughts I have regularly lately. Lots of people already told me I‘m not psychotic as I am very self aware and don’t hallucinate, don’t have delusions, etc. What scares me now though is that people with psychosis think their experiences are real right? So when I recover from dpdr I will also feel like my experiences are 100% real again (which is great). But now I‘m scared that once I start feeling better and everything feeling more real, I will slip into psychosis because then I don’t question things anymore and just accept reality. But what if my perception of reality then changes? Is this how psychosis works? Because I also read that one symptom of psychosis can be dpdr so wouldn’t people with psychosis actually feel their experiences to be less real? Also I heard that grounding exercises help people in psychosis so wouldn’t that also mean that once I‘m more grounded again (no experience of dpdr) I wouldn’t slip into psychosis?

Please don't forget to check out the Official Subreddit Resource Guide.

Hi Folks,

"Does anyone else [experience this symptom]" is one of the most commonly asked questions on the sub, so this weekly sticky is to create a dedicated space for users to relate to each other and ask questions about questions they might have.

DPDR is, unfortunately, an under-researched disorder with many strange symptoms. As a result, its sufferers are often left between confused and experiencing a full-blown existential crisis. Symptoms may overlap and vary in intensity. "Keep in mind that two people might describe/interpret the same symptom (and its effect on their own functioning/cognition) very differently."

We just want to emphasize this thread, both questions and responses are completely subjective and not of a medical nature. If you haven't already, please try searching the sub (and "Symptom Question" flair) to see if your question has already been asked.

i've had dpdr for what seems like my whole life, i first noticed it when i was 8 years old. i can recall that memory pretty vividly (with the exception of not knowing exactly what was said) because it was the first time i realized no one else around me felt this way.

it was halloween, i was trick or treating with friends, i asked my best friend something along the lines of "doesn't tonight feel like a dream?" and when she asked what i meant i replied with something like "don't you feel like this isn't really happening either?" then when she acted like she had no clue what i was talking about i simply shrugged it off until high school but it was always lingering in my mind.

i started smoking weed when i became a freshman and it ultimately made everything worse, before i started smoking weed i was able to just ignore the constant dreamlike feeling, but now that i'm 24 i constantly notice it and it's been like that since i was 14, just progressively getting more uncomfortable.

grounding doesn't really help me, it distracts me for a moment but the second i don't feel in control anymore the feeling comes back tenfold.

i guess what i wanna know is, will it ever go away? am i going to be stuck feeling like this forever? i've read a couple of posts on this subreddit about people being able to find their way out of it, but i just don't feel like it's possible for me. it's all i've ever known, and honestly i'm scared to know what it feels like to be a real person.

so, if am going to be like this forever, what are some tips on how to not let it control my life anymore?

sorry in advance if i've regurgitated anything similar from other posts, i honestly just feel like having responses to my personal post would help me more than reading comments on a post another person made.

I wish i rather were detached!!!

Depersonalization has made me very afraid to go out. Whenever I am outside all I can think about is about the way I walk or I do things. It is beacsue Im very often unable to feel my legs and arms when I'm outside and I feel like can't coordinate my body. I'm so scared that everything I do looks weird and I often feel like people stare at me or judge me because I walk strange or do things differently. I don't know if people really look at me weirdly or if I'm trippin but the anxiety is eating me up. I can't have fun anymore or go out with friends because all I can think about is my depersonalization and how I look on the outside. Is there anyone with a familiar feeling or am I just weird.

Ive had problems with derealization since i was like 7 and im 13 now. The biggest problem i have is school and i almost had to repeat a grade because i just couldnt learn or do tests if i feel like im spectating myself, i even came out of school today just because my legs felt like air and i was literally about to collapse. The only way ive found to stop the feeling for a bit is listening to music but well i live in a country where phones arent allowed in school and the teachers dont allow airpods in. The feeling really only kicks in when im about to go to school and when im at school… so is there any other secret way to make myself feel normal for a bit?

Starting a few years ago, I have these episodes that feature anxiety, depression, and this awful awful feeling of not knowing what I’m experiencing in the moment. It happens 2-3 times a year and lasts a few weeks usually.

When I’m in these episodes, It’s that feeling of not trusting my perceptions that’s so distressing. It’s like my mind can’t decide where it is in the present moment or how it’s processing what’s around it. My memories don’t feel like mine/ don’t feel “real”. When I’m trying to think of what Im doing in the moment, or things that might make me feel better, or anything at all, it’s like my mind runs it through a million different ways I have/ could have experienced something. It’s as if I’m putting on different colors of sunglasses and looking at the world, and like every experience and perspective is a different reality. Like an awareness of how subjective each experience is. Could this be depersonalization? It’s such a scary feeling, like I’m in a limbo where all of my experiences feel real and fake at the same time. I know it sounds kinda crazy and existential haha, but any and all input is seriously appreciated.

Another note, I went to the er earlier and was able to get some ativan to calm me down, and now even though it’s worn off it’s like i’ve been put back in my own head. I can still think about these same existential thoughts, but it doesn’t spiral into detachment when I’m in this more “normal” state

I just watched a very sad ending to a show and I burst into tears at the end, full on sobbing. That's the only time I can ever feel. I started getting sensations in my body - like the emotion was coming to the surface, and then just burst into years.

What I don't understand is how I can feel sadness in certain moments, when something really hits me - but I feel no other emotions, sensations or connection with myself. If my emotions are all blocked, I don't know why I can cry when something is super sad. But I can't feel happy, jealous, satisfaction, pleasure, motivation - even depression. I let myself feel it and it doesn't scare me - I'm glad I can cry. But I want to feel it all, not just have a brief moment of tears and then go back to being numb. I miss feeling things for music. Food. My passions and hobbies. Why is it all sadness & fear only!

Have any of you been interested in the influence of neurotransmitters on the occurrence of dpdr? The fact that their imbalance is the main cause of the occurrence of the disorders discussed and that by regulating their levels we are able to influence the occurrence of disorders: derealization, fears, anxiety attacks..?

i feel like what i’m seeing with my eyes isn’t translating to my brain. i’m so overwhelmed by the fear of losing my mind that i feel like my brain is mush and can’t process properly. i genuinely feel like i am only 40% there mentally, the rest of me is on autopilot just trying to make it through a day. i feel like i am seeing things with my eyes but i don’t even know what to do with that information. i start to think “what if i never get better? what if i am stuck like this forever?” i wake up every morning checking to see if i still feel awful which makes it worse. i feel scared to even be awake because then i have to process thoughts. i get a horrible sinking feeling like “well life isn’t real so why am i even excited for something or why am i even trying to go to work, have friends etc.” sometimes im even scared that i can’t describe the way that i am feeling. i worry that i’m not explaining my feelings right and something else is more wrong with me than i thought. it’s exhausting.

For me about a 7 or 8/10 honestly.

I've had this for 4 years now. I basically get 0 physical symptoms. I mostly recognise myself when I look in the mirror etc... or at least, I'm so used to it, I don't realise I don't recognise myself.

The thing that still gets me is personality/identity stuff. I genuinely feel like I'm a different person and it terrifies me. I don't want to be a different person. I don't want my identity to have been erased or irreversibly changed. I want to be me.

Am I a different person? Has my identity been irreversibly altered? It's hard to tell what is natural growth (I got dpdr when I turned 20, I'm 24 now) and what is simple dissociation from my own self due to dpdr.

Sometimes I worry that I'm not even the same person and I just don't realise it. I don't feel any continuity between my current self and my past self.

Idk, any reassurance or thoughts?

In the height of my trauma I couldn't even have sex or workout without a panic attack. 2 years later and I'm doing intense workouts, having sex etc and my heart rate doesn't bother me at all. Previously I would have had tons of anxiety. That's why I can't understand why I'm not healing - I don't react to my anxiety the way I did before, I don't even feel anxious. I haven't had a panic attack in 18 months and don't even feel adrenaline anymore.

This is why I feel so stuck. I've lowered my anxiety but exposure, and living my life despite this. But it's just stayed the same. Sick of people telling me it's just anxiety, how?! I'm not able to even panic anymore. Beyond frustrated and stuck

Howdy! 24M

I used to use weed to self-medicate my Bipolar Disorder and continued it nonstop due to addiction, quite literally would have a major panic attack and then smoke again a few hours later start the cycle again having another panic attack.

I wanted to ask if anyone had a similar issue as me for this kind of duration, I recently had an MRI to look into the issue and they found nothing (thankfully). I have been trailed on different medications and therapy and none of the above helped at all, I have now haven't touched weed in 1 1/2 Years (No intention of ever touching it again.) It's got to the point where I have no idea what it's like without it. I completely forgot what it feels like to be real. I sleep 8 hours a night and eat healthily and in very good physical health.

Anyone here who had a similar situation and went away even after this amount of time?

Thanks for readin! <3