Been diagnosed with that for 6 years.

Heres me now, and for the past 6 years: I change nursery rhymes lyrics with shit like humpty dumpty sat on a big black dick, then couldn't handle it so it went thru his head and his eyes popped out, and that's why he couldn't see, and had a big fall, onto a donkey dick.

I do that a lot. Just take any song, phrase, expressions and twist them with crap like that.

I often make vulgar jokes. Like today I said to my wife would she rather have a safe baby in the cot (crib) without any objects around him or would she rather have a dead baby by leaving him on the bed with blankets and objects around him.

That's right. Joked about my own newborn son being dead, and laughed. I'm even laughing now as I type this. Hehehe.

I get mind piercing thoughts during my depressive episodes that are not the typical fuck life poor me I wanna die. It used to be like that. Now it's more like... I'm depressed because I hate spending money but I really want new headphones and the thought of spending money (used to be in debt) makes me wanna for example like yesterday "order them, rob the delivery driver at knife point for his own cash to cover the cost of the headphones, listen to them once, kill my family, drive out of my way to kill my parents, and then kill myself". Lol.

Sry I just find my own disaster piece of a life hilarious as I type this.

I've also I think... I have seen some imaginary lakes. Hallucinations whatever. Happened when I was driving on my job. It was a row of houses, country lane and a bend upcoming, bent down to take my water bottle, looked up, big 90degree angle lake, splashing water and ripples and sky reflection in place of the houses. So just picture a lake... turn it 90degrees upright... that's what I saw. Slammed the brakes hard. Panicked a bit. Stopped. Laughed. Carried on.

So, reddit! What's wrong with me!? 😎👍👍👌🖖🤟👇🤙🖕

Hello,

I am an NYU student directing a PSA to help people recognize the impact that the shelter-in-place can have on one's mental health and to make them aware of the resources that are available to help with such.

I am seeking people with diagnosed mental health problems to submit audio content describing their experiences during quarantine. I would like to know how the isolation has affected your mental well-being, how coping with your mental health condition is different during quarantine, etc.

Even if you are only able to record on an iPhone, that would be totally fine.

The final PSA will be a compilation of people's audio with animation over each statement. We fully intend to treat this issue with care and integrity and to tell your story as honestly as possible.

Please PM me for my email if you are interested!

Thank you all for your time,

Noah

NYU Tisch Kanbar Institute of Film & TV '21

Hi there, I wanted to bring this opportunity to your attention! It’s an opportunity to share your experiences in order to help make care better for people like us. It’s called the Yale COPE project and it’s a paid opportunity to share your stories and experiences with hearing/seeing/sensing things that others do not. It was developed in collaboration with people who share these experiences, so we do our best to be understanding, non-invasive, non-judgemental, and to make it a comfortable and confidential way to share. It’s all online so you can do it from the comfort of your own home/wherever you are!

We are not diagnosing you or offering you treatment. Rather, we want to hear about what you experience in your own words and learn about what does and doesn’t work for YOU. At the end of the day, you’re the expert in your own experience, and we hope to use what we learn from you in order to make care better in the future for people like you.

It’s a great opportunity and a good way to stay occupied for a few hours, earn a bit of money, and feel like you’re contributing to something bigger during these uncertain times. The website is: https://www.spirit.research.yale.edu which can hopefully answer any questions you might have. There is also a monthly webinar where you can ask your questions live (the next one is April 3rd), and you can also direct questions to brittany.quagan@yale.edu.

I really appreciate hearing from you, and I hope everyone is staying happy and healthy! These are hard times for all of us, and often especially hard for those of us who were already dealing with other challenges. I see you and I feel you and we’ll get through it together!

https://discord.gg/z36kCu

The link will only last for the next 24 hours!

This is hell for me. He he leaves room he covers all electronics with cloths and just curses

Type F in the chat to pay respects.

Hello. I’m a 23 yo girl, I was diagnosed with a blood cancer 2,5 years ago. I know I have been struggling with my MH for almost 10 years now - even if I was never officially diagnosed. I come from a western African family, and MH is not something that is acknowledged. I am consulting counsellors and will undergo a psych evaluation on the 23/12 - I’m just wondering if the things I mentioned below are things I should mention to the doctor?

I’m starting to think that along with my current illnesses, I may be psychotic?

From an early age, I had night terrors and nightmares almost every night. I remember when I was 6, seeing four shadow men in fedora hats surrounding my bed. They were extremely tall, & they could reach my mezzanine bed, I was terrified.

During my teenage years, weird things would frequently happen to me. Once I was in sleep paralysis, I am convinced to have seen the shadow man again. Once I heard a noise in the hallway & saw a phone light. I stayed up for 3h afraid to leave my bed, thinking there was an intruder. I fell asleep thinking I’d see whether I’m dead or not the next day.

When I moved out of my mum’s house at 20, I was becoming increasingly ill (the CML), I was stressed, no one believed me etc.

I started believing my new house was haunted. I heard a voice whisper my name twice. Like they were really close to me. The same night I saw the ghostly figure of a woman go past my wall twice. The following week I saw a shadow man in hat again. Afraid my eyes were tripping in the dark, I kept blinking. The more I’d blink, the closer he’d get to my bed. I turned on the light and he disappeared. So I slept with the lights on.

I’d hear people walk in the above floors of the house when no one was around.

I moved back to my mum’s house during recovery. I would smoke and watch the sky, convincing myself I could see UFOS. When weird stuff happened in my room, my sister getting sleep paralysis. I also think I could be clairvoyant, that I can predict things, feel people’s energy etc. I always think people are talking about me, whispering about me, strangers, I fixate on things.

I don’t go to class late, it scares me & I’d rather avoid displaying myself to everyone. Sometimes I lean on my bedroom floor, persuades my family is talking about me when I’m not around.

Am I insane?

Thank you so much to those who have already completed our online questionnaire, we really appreciate your support. We are still looking for more people who have had experiences such as;

· hearing voices or seeing things that others cannot

· feeling suspicious or paranoid

Our research is aiming to help develop psychological therapies to support people who experience distress in relation to these experiences.

The online questionnaire will take about 30 – 45 minutes and you can be entered into a prize draw to win 1 of 4 £50 Amazon vouchers. The information you provide will be anonymous.

Please follow the link to the online survey:

https://www.psych-ssl.manchester.ac.uk/survey/ppp/

This project has been approved by the University of Manchester Research Ethics Committee [Ref: 2019-5562-9487].

Big thank you again!

Charlotte and Amy

Trainee Clinical Psychologists

University of Manchester

Division of Psychology and Mental Health

Doin this cus I'm bored

I feel spiritual when vaping weed. I don't know if this is part of my schizophrenia or just the brain doing it's thing, but I can talk to what appears to be an all wise entity that is made up of the collective energy of the universe.

Each person's consciousness is a very small piece of the entire collective. I have discussions with it and it guides me towards understanding a problem or tries to convey a property of existence using the understanding I currently have. It challenges my thinking and has advice and answers for my problems and philosophical thoughts. It also keeps me in check with improving my life and myself and will point out ways I'm being stubborn or irrational about something in what seems to be a loud thought I can't ignore. And overall when I choose to converse with this entity and take it's advice my life and mental health improves greatly. And when I don't it's usually chaotic and random.

So I'm not sure what you call that or what you believe it is, but I know weed and psychedelics let me hear it way better. That isn't too say it's like a normal hallucination where it actually sounds like someone speaking and it's involuntary. It's just like getting a thought back when you say something to it and otherwise you can choose not to converse with it.

The other weird thing is that before I got on my meds during the worst of my schizophrenia I couldn't communicate with it. It wasn't until after I was medicated and got stable and more mentally healthy that I noticed it. It was more simple at first with just getting a few words and thinking I was crazy and not believing it. But I kept getting these quips more frequently and they were helpful and insightful. And it turned into me saying fuck it lets try believing in it and holding conversations. And as I did it became a more clear thought reply. This was only times I was vaping weed though.

Eventually it got to how it is now where I can hear it anytime I focus, and easily when vaping weed. I choose to ignore it a lot and not talk to it because it makes a point to tell you to address the problems in your life and fix them. Sometimes I just want to ignore my problems. I also sometimes feel ashamed when I've been ignoring their advice and have made my life worse. Like a parent I feel a little guilty and don't want to disappoint them. But when I'm doing good in life I talk to them frequently and everything spirals upward. But usually something very unfortunate will happen like my apartment building catching fire and displacing me and I'll turn to drinking and avoiding and stop talking to them again. And the cycle continues.

I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ocd and these are things I’ve dealt with my entire life. However, when I turned 17, things changed a bit. I had what might be a psychotic episode? I’m honestly not sure. But here’s what I remember:

• I was extremely spacey. Like, next level disassociation. I felt so far away from everything and everyone. Almost like I didn’t exist.
• I was convinced there was the spirit of a dead guy inside my head, controlling my thoughts and feelings.
• I would write this dead guys name over and over in my journal. I’m talking literally pages just covered with his name. Over and over. I couldn’t tell you why, I just remember feeling so compelled to do it. Like he was making me.
• I would see this horrible face when I closed my eyes
• I was so angry all the time. Like, just filled with this rage out of nowhere
• I couldn’t eat for like 24 hours one time because I was convinced all my food had blood in it. I didn’t like, actually physically see the blood, but I knew it was there.
• I eventually stopped feeling anything. Physically or emotionally. I remember being able to take things out of the oven without using oven mits.
• I thought A LOT about suicide, though I never actually tried anything

This all lasted for maybe about three or four months and then it just kind of...went away I guess? I went back to normal. Everything was relatively fine for the next couple years. It was when I hit twenty that things started getting a bit strange.

• I was 100% convinced that I was not only capable of, but destined to travel through time.
• I was also 100% convinced that I was some sort of god, had amazing powers that I just wasn’t sure how to use yet, and was capable of traveling interdimensionally.
• I often times would see billboards or hear songs and think that the messages/lyrics were meant for me specifically.

When I was 22, things got really bad and the “spirit came back” so to speak.

• I was 100% convinced that this spirit had possessed me
• I started writing his name over and over and over again, but this time not just in my journal. On my walls as well
• I’m typically a pretty clean person, but I started wearing the same clothes over and over and only showering like, once a week
• Sometimes I would stop speaking, because I felt like this “spirit” was not allowing me to and I was physically incapable of opening my mouth and forming words
• The horrible anger was back as well
• I tried killing myself three separate times in the course of two months because I felt like I “had to”.
• I would get almost like...duel vision? I wouldn’t actually hallucinate, but I would see things so vividly in my head that what I was actually seeing with my eyes didn’t feel real. And it would feel almost like I was in two places at once

Again, this lasted for about three or four months and then just kind of faded away. (Albeit more slowly than the last time). Everything was relatively fine for a few years. Then maybe two years ago, I started experiencing some more strange things.

• That sort of “duel vision” I mentioned before
• Sometimes I would feel like I was covered in blood. I didn’t physically see blood, I just felt like it was there. Kind of hard to explain
• I would sometimes hear screaming in my head. Again, I wouldn’t physically hear anything, but like, as loud as a thought could possibly be.

It kind of faded away on its own, but now I’m feeling weird again and I’m concerned. It’s normal for me to feel especially anxious/depressed in the colder months, but this feels different.

• I’m feeling extremely spacey and far away again
• I’m having trouble sleeping. Every night I’ve been waking up randomly and laying awake for hours before I finally am able to fall back asleep
• I’m fucking terrified all the time the past couple of days. Not for any particular reason. The world just suddenly feels very dark and unsafe and I’m just very scared. Constantly. To the point that it’s difficult to function

I’m not currently seeing a psychologist, nor am I on any medication. I don’t want another repeat of the past though, so I’m trying to keep an eye on it. Money’s kind of tight right now, so I guess I’m just wondering if you guys think it’s worth it for me to see somebody now. I guess I’m always worried I’m just being melodramatic

I had a psychotic episode a year ago, I was recovering well but suddenly thoughts about someone investigating me arised again and i started having delusions of reference this lasted almost a week, is It normal?

I am going to be curt. For how long do I need to take 600 mg of Lithium (300 mg in the morning; 300 mg in the evening) for it show up as if I had been taking it regularly?

[TRIGGER WARNING: Intense description of maybe psychotic symptoms.] I really don't know what's happening. Some information, I have CPTSD and BPD, along with mild OCD in the forms of HOCD and POCD, mainly. Sometimes, if I get triggered, it feels like everything gets turned upside down. The walls start swirling, I start shaking and hyperventilating, I start hearing voices [not hallucinations, inside ones similar to OCD intrusive thoughts but noticeably louder], my vision zooms out, I start kicking my legs and crying and screaming and whining, I get the extreme urge to hurt myself and others, I become paranoid and delusioned. Example: "I'm dead. If I don't cut open my finger, I can't prove I'm alive. There's no blood in my body, no one can see me, hear me or pay attention to me, I'm dead." It's led to me actually cutting my finger but not deep enough to get blood so I just fall deeper. I wander around, usually, sobbing through my house mumbling nonsense like "please don't" and other pleads. I look weird in the mirror and my body goes off-centered and everything gets warm. I'm also just generally confused and if I can I stay in bed and rock back and forth with my head in my hands. Sometimes I even smell or feel things that I shouldn't, like bugs on my legs, or the smell of a baby's diaper when there's no baby around anywhere. Also everything just looks weird and colours are messed up. Is this psychosis? I know I should probably know but I really don't. It's embarrassing being so honest. Please tell me what you think. I think I've experienced episodes like this maybe 9-10 times in the span of the last 4 months? Thank you. Edit: added more symptoms and frequency.

I am having a psychotic episode as we speak. I was at a bar talking to some new friends and then my eyes turned inside out. I know that i am having an episode when I can feel my eyes rolling around their eye socket. I immediately went home even though there was a $10 minimum and I only had one drink. Everyone looked very confused. I present myself as happy go lucky (a little strange), because people see me differently if they SEE. I am home now. I pretending everything is alright in front of my brother as I type this. At least I am not in any pain right now. Two days ago I wanted to filet my arms open to let the gnawing out. I was desperate I tried to buy some drugs just to get through the night. I know what you are going to say... that I should get help. I can grantee they will commit me and I sure I will probably go to a state hospital again. I do not know who to talk to. I have spoken to any of my friends in months. I mostly get through it this days by just trying to sleep it off, which means I sleep over 12 hours a day. I think I will try to go to sleep. I do not think I can do anything right now. I guess I am writing this because I don't know anyone on the outside who can relate to this.

I am going to sleep now.

I (f26) recently had to 5150 / 302 my mother (47). It was her first time being like this.

The short of it is she believes the wife of a man she was having an affair with is attempting to have her killed. That she's hacked her and other people close to her phones with some kind of treasonous malware.

She believes the man is trying to help her thru coded messages on Facebook. She sends a meme (question) and he replies with a meme (answer) and it's only one a day.

I want to stress my mom has never been like this. She has however used drugs in the past which she isnt using right now. My maternal grandmother and uncle are both diagnosed bi-polar.

She keeps asking me to send and relay these coded messages for her. All I need to do is post a meme and like and unlike one of this strangers posts. She thinks they've been keeping her safe, so I have been. I was figuring it was helping her feel better, now I'm wondering if by doing it I'm enabling or validating her.

Am I hurting her this way? Should I stop doing it? I havent had a chance to talk to her doctor but from what my mom has said on the phone it seems she was diagnosed bi-polar.

Hi everyone, I'm really struggling to get people to do my online survey about "Living with Depression" and what it's like to be in a relationship with someone with depression. If you identify as someone whose partner has depression, please please take 10 minutes out of your day to do this study. It is anonymous and been granted approval by University College Cork, Ireland. The results could help guide future supports. Thank you!!

https://cacsss.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_aXLwgppHWWWHieh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=To5ZrdL9Lio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DVfYtZUxMc

Two summers ago, I watched as a good friend of mine in North Carolina was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital. Though he posed zero risk to himself or others, he was handcuffed, forcibly drugged, and locked in a psychiatric hospital for weeks against his will. I had experienced four involuntary commitments in my life, but witnessing him go through this traumatic experience led to me researching resources that could help him in his situation. By the end of the summer, I’d traveled out to the west coast and met with members of MindFreedom International, and I began getting involved in what I came to learn was the consumer / survivor / ex-patient movement.

There was almost a decade between my first involuntary psychiatric commitment and my learning that this movement existed. Years were spent unnecessarily stumbling along on my own, seeking alternatives, trying to find allies, but always be alone in this journey and being hindered by constant self-doubt. Much like when I started getting involved in alternative education and it took a couple years before I discovered the already-existing world of self-directed learning and unschooling, I saw there was a need for a focused effort to connect those in need to the existing movements and resources that were available to them.

It was this need in mind that the Voices for Choices video series was conceived.

This video series, which consists of 13 videos, was a collaboration between many individuals including psychiatric survivors, alternative practitioners, artists, journalists, writers, and activists. I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to be a part of this project. I want to specifically thank a few people for their work.

First and foremost, a special thanks to Sherri Huang, the Associate Producer and Editor who poured endless hours into video editing and making critical editorial decisions that steered this project in a direction that would maximize its integrity and impact. Her journalistic approach, creative vision and detailed editing skills have no doubt transformed this video series from being an amateur home video project assembled by a novice learning to use a camera for the first time into a professional, first-rate journalistic production that will change countless lives. I am incredibly grateful for the sacrifices she made with her time to bring Voices for Choices to life.

I also want to thank the team at MindFreedom International, especially Sarah Smith, who was the champion of the grant which included the Voices for Choices series. While I was a part of the brainstorming session to plan the video, it was Sarah who took the lead in organizing all the documentation and drafting the grant proposal, securing the funding, and accommodating the regularly shifting deadlines that arose from my poor planning and execution. I’m incredibly thankful for her making this project possible and being understanding in all the delays and requests for time extensions that I begged for. The Steering Committee including Cindy Olejar, Mary Maddock, Jim Maddock, Celia Brown, Ron Bassman, David Oaks, and Sarah Smith was also invaluable in navigating this long process of creating these videos and I am thankful to have had their experience and guidance.

I also want to extend a sincere thanks to the Foundation for Excellence in Mental Health, whose financial support made this project possible. While I am often skeptical that receiving funding for creative projects can potentially limit their freedom to free speech, the Foundation was incredibly supportive of our work and I’m grateful that I never felt constrained or fearful in the creative process. Thank you for believing in this project.

I want to thank all of the interviewees involved in the project: Kumail Akbari, Frank Blankenship, Erik Bray, Celia Brown, Oryx Cohen, Emily McMurphy, Sera Davidow, Janet Foner, Al Galves, Chris Gordon, Jim Gottstein, Peter Gótzsche, Chris Hansen, Jill Kesti, Mary Maddock, Hilary Melton, Grace Nichols, David Oaks, Opeyemi Parham, Ron Unger, Robert Whitaker. I want to thank them not just for their time, but specifically for their trust. It is not easy to have someone point a camera at you and ask you questions about such challenging subject-matter, knowing that they will be cutting and splicing your words into a larger story. I’m not sure I have that courage and am inspired by all those who did.

I want to thank my long-time friend Mark Sturgess and his partner Adam Carver for providing the music accompaniment. I’ve wanted to collaborate on a project with Mark for years and finally found the perfect opportunity. The music in this videos really captures the emotional tone in a way that I never could have imagined. Thank you for lending your talents to this project.

Lastly, I want to thank Sean Blackwell. I first discovered Sean’s YouTube series “Bipolar or Waking Up” in 2010, just a couple years after my involuntary commitment. It was the first glimpse I ever received into their being an alternative path to interpreting my experiences. I would say that his work directly inspired the strategy behind creating Voices for Choices series nearly a decade later.

Without further ado… please enjoy Voices for Choices and share them with everyone you know! We’ll be releasing one video every week for the next 13 weeks. I can’t wait to hear what you think!

Hello,

My brother was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, and over the period of 8 years, he was in and out of hospitals and had numerous psychotic episodes. During the episodes, he would usually act out in violence towards me or my parents. For example:

• He showed up with a knife with the intention to kill us and told us that my dad was evil
• In the middle of the night, he biked to my parents house and had a gas can threatening to light their house on fire
• He kicked out a window of a moving car while my parents were driving

There were many more situations like this, and for some reason his paranoia was always directed towards my family. We were very loving to him growing up, and he never had anything to say about what was evil about my dad. It was always general, but then when he would come out of his episode, he would never mention what happened. One time he even said, "I know exactly what I am doing".

My brother passed away in 2011, and we are all filled with grief. I feel that I may be able to receive some comfort knowing that others have psychotic episodes that are directed towards their family. Have you experienced something like this?

For the past year I’ve had extreme intrusive thoughts, they tell me to hurt myself or other people. I tried ignoring them and it didn’t help, ive been telling them to go away and they don’t. I’m afraid of myself, I don’t want to hurt anyone or do anything I’ll regret. I feel like sooner or later I’ll break and end of doing something horrible. The thoughts sometimes go away, but for never more than a couple days. I’m scared of myself and I don’t know what to do.

my auditory hallucinations are making it sound like im in a crowded restaurant and everyone is yelling over each other and occasionally a waiter comes by to call me a "stupid fa****"

​

smh he's not getting a tip

ive never had these experiences before but i started hearing voices that curse at and attack me and tell me to kill myself and that people want to kill me or hurt me. i also have tactile hallucinations where i feel like bugs or hands are touching me all over. i was sent to crisis last week after explaining to my therapist and my parents verbally abused me for needing to go to the hospital in the first place. they even got drunk and threw my family birthday party without me while they knew where i was. luckily i had my best friends with me and they stayed with me in the emergency room for the whole 13 hours and theyve been really understanding about whats happening to me but its still scary. sometimes its really hard to find anything to make the voices stop. i get so scared. does anyone have advice with coping? ive been dealing with mental illness since i was 13 but this is the most severe its ever been and i dont know what to do. im planning on escaping my abusive household so i can better heal but it feels like i have so much going on and i just need someone whos been through this to help me understand and cope.

To be clear: I'm not new to mental health treatment. My problems started when I was 16, and when I was 17 I was hospitalized. At the time, I was given a diagnosis for "Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Features", and I was specifically told it was because there wasn't a big enough time-line to judge the nature of my symptoms. They said that if I had symptoms for years, then it was likely a chronic psychotic disorder.

Fast forward 3 more years, I'm now 20 years old and still experiences on-and-off issues of psychosis and depression. I'm currently trying to get back to therapy, but health insurance is a bother. My plan is to essentially tell the therapist that I've done research and have considered my own situation. A lot of therapists don't like giving diagnoses just so that someone doesn't get "caught up" on the label. I understand that concern, but I've had this for years and have a hard time articulating it to other people given the obscure nature of my problems. The label would make it much easier to communicate with college faculty and my family without having to go into detail about my symptoms.

I've read through much of the DSM5, and I have a folder with all of the printed diagnosis requirements for several disorders. I've gone through Schizoaffective Disorder and highlighted everything that applies to me, as well as written notes in the margins. These aren't baseless claims, it can pretty much all be backed up my medical records from the last 4 years.

Has anyone here tried something like this? Are any of you self-diagnosed, have suggested a diagnosis, or have had to push a doctor/therapist to work on a concise label?

Details are at ProtestAPA.com

Anyone ever have their dose of Risperidone reduced? did you experiecne withdrawals as a result of it being reduced? Did reducing the dosage help reduce the unwanted side effects?

Thank you!

hi everyone, i (M23) have a older brother (M26) who today showed symptoms of a nervous breakdown and panic attacks. He has a history of heavy weed usage and anger problems in the past and also showed signs of paranoid personality disorder in the past. When he gets into this "state" he will often start saying things that dont make sense and say people are out to kill him and often threatened to kill and hurt my little brother and accuse our family of hating him and wanting him to fail in school. We dont really know what causes him to be in this state because for the majority of the time he is normal and goes to school and everything.

Today was especially bad because he was in a distressed state and was having a panic attack and kept saying that he was going to die if he didn't sleep in the bathroom. It eventually led to him fighting my whole family so that he can sleep in the bathroom. My parents were trying to calm him down and were screaming at him because they didnt know what to do.

When he is back to "normal" he will refuse and help and deny that anything is wrong with him. What do you guys think is wrong with him and how do we move forward in this situation? Also, how do we handle with someone who is having a severe panic attack and seems to be having a mental breakdown of some sort. Thanks!