For context: My dad is old. He was born in 1948 and had children really late. I’m currently 18.

My dad has always been older and my peers have always been shocked when I tell them about how old my dad is. He aged really slowly but it feels like the past two years he’s been rapidly getting older. About two or so years ago, he began to have chest pains and went to doctors. Starting from this time, it seemed like he would go to some sort of doctor every month (cardiologists, running tests, doing mri’s, etc…). He would never tell me what was wrong with him; he would just tell me that his heart was abnormally big on the mri and that he was fine.

However, for about a year, I have noticed that he’s been getting worse. His chest pains seem more frequent and so do the emergency room visits. I’ve also noticed a cognitive decline and he doesn’t seem as spry as he was when he was younger.

Then, it seemed like everything came all at once. First, my dad let slip that he was diagnosed with osteoporosis. Then, my mom let slip that my dad signed a DNR. Then, I saw a paper that had five or six diagnoses on it ranging from cerebral atrophy to stage b heart failure. These were the ones that stuck in my mind, but upon a google search, they aren’t that alarming on its own. I’m now wondering “what were all those other things you were diagnosed with? Today, he had worsening chest pains and went to the emergency room. He hasn’t come back yet, but I just feel awful about it. Hes had a couple heart attack scares.

I feel like I have no one to talk to. I can’t tell my sister (23 and moved out) because I don’t want to alarm her, especially since she’s already in a bad place mentally. All my uncles who are older than my dad are alive and well, but I can’t help but think that my dad is hiding that hes going to die soon.

I get that he’s old and that its normal, but it kills me that he won’t get to do all the things a dad is supposed to do. He won’t walk me down the aisle. He won’t be there for my kids. We have a trip planned for spring break to visit the college I want to go to, but it feels like he won’t even make it to then.

i have been dealing with anxiety since i can remember. my mom is very anxious as well which contributes to my extremely nervous mindset

i am always about to pass out from anxiety. the funny thing is i hardly ever have actual anxiety attacks. i’m always ALMOST there. almost panicking. heart almost racing too fast. i am triggered by the silliest things

this is so exhausting. i have tried therapy but i can’t afford it anymore. anxiety is such a cruel disorder. i just want to lay down and cry for hours

I hate traveling with my family. I just finished 8 really hard finals in high school and my semester of pseo college is starting up again and I just wanted one weekend where I could get a little ahead on school work and relax. Then, two days before the weekend, my mom tells us that she planned an entire ski vacation so that everybody can have fun. I don't know what it is about it, but I feel like I literally cannot handle going on this vacation. It makes me feel horrible because it's a privileged and ungrateful thing to be so sensitive about, and I'm sure my mom really means the best and she's excited, but I'm really just so overwhelmed I don't think I can handle 5 days straight with my family. We also just went for a week to visit my grandparents and I didn't have any time away from everyone except at night -- my little brothers play until around 11pm every. single. night. and I just cry and cry because I feel so powerless in my own life even when I know other people are struggling so much more than me.

I really do love my family but god, I'm tensing as I'm typing this all out, I feel like I literally cannot express my hatred of going on this trip with all 6 of my family members. It's too much. Most of the time, I take the anger out on myself like hitting my head or my legs because my family would be so hurt if I told them all of this. Everything is just too much and I can't tell anyone because it makes me feel so guilty. I just want to fall asleep until everyone goes away. Thank you for listening to me in advance and I hope whomever is reading this is comfortable and taken care of.

I (17F) am turning 18 in two days. I had always looked forward to it, but it's suddenly starting to feel stressfull. Everyone makes it such a big deal and I feel like there's a lot of pressure for me to have lots of fun on my birthday and to make the most out of this year. I'm currently very happy with my life, but it's too much sometimes, I'm always doing things to feel busy and like I belong. If I'm not studiyng or partying I don't feel like I have a purpose and this birthday is just making it worse. The feeling that I have to enjoy my youth is just overwhelming to me.

I’m a woman and she had a cute necklace and top, which was very revealing, and I was looking at both so it just looked like I was staring at her boobs and I feel like she could tell and now I’m embarrassed 😞

I’m in my early 20s. Years ago… I don’t remember exactly what age I was, but it was as I was going thru puberty, I did some bad shit.

I had lots of pent up insecurities about my body growing up because I did not really start growing physically/sexually til I was 15+. Pretty much my whole sex education was porn. Nothing direct from parents or school.

I developed an obsession of where I was relative to others in terms of how quickly they were growing. My voice was just starting to crack at age 15. I couldn’t effectively masturbate but still did it until finally things started to physically “work”. Even after I finally got to this point I couldn’t really relate to the porn I was watching or People my age because I still felt embodied as little kid from all this insecurity. I don’t think I was abused growing up but I have several memories of friends/older kids exposing themselves to me. I wasn’t threatened or anything but I still remember that. It definitely had a subconscious effect on me and really exacerbated the shitty feelings of worthlessness when I had physical proof that others my age were growing up faster than me.

Anyway, this gets me to probably the worst things I’ve ever done in my life. At some point in these teen years (again, don’t remember exactly when) i felt a compulsion to show myself off to people. Younger kids, specifically. So, a couple times I think at a pool or in a bathroom I pulled my dick out. I wanted other kids to see. It’s so fucking gross. I never touched anyone or anything physical, but I did it. I would jerk off in bathrooms and felt so disgusted with myself That obviously I stopped as I got older and it’s not a recurrent thing, but after burying these events for years it’s all coming back up. I can’t live with myself. No one knows about it, and I feel like my whole life is a lie for it. It’s worth mentioning I got way too deep into porn and Omegle/sexting and did some messed up things on there during these years as well.

I just feel so guilty for this, specifically the fact that I can’t tell anyone. I’ve spoken to therapists, but I’m afraid to go into detail. It’s been 6+ years since anything like this happened. But I can’t stop torturing myself.

I want to go back in time so bad. But I can’t.

I’m withdrawing from family and friends because I feel like that’s what I deserve and that no one would want to be near me if everything bad I’ve done was laid out before them. Today is my birthday, and I’ve never wanted to be dead more in my life.

I know this post is not as important as others on here but I still wanna get this off my chest So basically our class is in data unit in math and we had to make a google form about a topic and I troll two of my classmates by typing my name as "IM SORRY YOUR BROTHER DIED YOU GET FIVE BIG BOOMS" and they reported it to the teacher because they have no idea who did it and my teacher is making a big deal out of this and having a big lecture about how karma is real or smth and I know that they didn't record the emails so I'm safe but I'm still kinda anxious about getting in trouble and karma getting to me so I just wanna get this off my chest pls tell me what to do in the comments 🙏 Il try to update you guys in the comments

A bully who loves yelling at me for no reason and putting me down especially in front of the others. NOBODY talks to me like that. I wanna smash his face but i know that's gonna cause me problems. He smears sh it about me everywhere to all our relatives. A disgusting egotistical, lazy person who's been taken advantage of my mother all of his pathetic life. I have never hurt anyone i don't deserve that. He's unbearable. Eats all the time, he never leaves the house. I want to visit my mother he's always present. Although a chain smoker and obese he's still alive and kicking. Me, my mother and my brother suffer from the same autoimmune disease because of that horrible tyrant. I hope he gets a cardiac arrest soon and dies.

That’s it, that’s the rant

I’m a 19-year-old guy, and lately, I’ve been feeling like a loser. It’s not because I don’t have a job or friends or family who love me—because I do, and I’m super grateful for that.

My issue is with dating, or more specifically, my complete lack of luck with women. I want to make it clear upfront: I don’t have any anger or hate towards women. I know some guys develop that mindset, but that’s not me.

It’s not like I avoid women, either. I have a lot of female friends and hang out with them often. I’m part of several big friend groups, so I’m definitely around people a lot. But when it comes to women I like? That’s where I completely freeze.

I never have the courage to make a move because I always convince myself they’re not into me. Honestly, I don’t even know how to talk to or text someone I like without overthinking everything. I just feel lost and awkward.

What makes it worse is seeing my guy friends—and even my younger brother—seem to “get it” naturally. They just know what to do, like it’s second nature. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here feeling like I missed some universal lesson everyone else got.

If anyone has advice, similar experiences, or even just some words of encouragement, I’d really appreciate it. I’m trying to work on myself, but I could use some guidance.

Thanks for reading.

I'm im disbelief. He was pretty right wing when we discussed politics. I just tried to gently persuade him on certain topics.

I'm happy for him but I don't know if this is something I could tell my friends or family 😭

so i have narcissistic parents and i’ve experienced a whole lot of trauma. for example my mother left for a year when i was young. i am 3 months postpartum but when i was freshly postpartum, i was staying with her and she abused the hell outta me. physical, verbal, emotional and i wanna say psychological. i’ve always been hypersexual (always horny at a very young age, to wanting sex very frequently after i started masturbating in my early teens) my boyfriend usually doesn’t mind and we do have sex, we started at 6 weeks postpartum. but he’s typically tired from work a lot of the time and stressed with being the only one working right now. then i feel stupid and annoying for constantly wanting it. also i’m planning to go back to working when our baby is 6-7 months.

it’s so uncomfortable, almost like an itch you can’t scratch? but obviously i am not itching. i wonder if horniness feels that way for others or if my body is being extreme about it. i know that mental illnesses can contribute, as far as i know i just have anxiety and depression. i might have a form of ptsd, maybe cptsd? i don’t feel like it is normal to feel this way, i could literally be doing normal everyday things and my body feels the need to have sex. the cravings are extreme and i crave it rough.

i also don’t know if its because my body cant orgasm, not from my bf (he’s been really close i think) or any past partners or even from masturbating on my own. is that a psychological thing?

I'm a 29f and I've been married for close to 12 years now I have a stepson that's a teenager and one of my own. Within the last year or so I've realized I'm just not happy with my life, who I've become, and my marriage. I really want to just leave and start over for myself but at the same time I would feel guilty for leaving my kids. Anymore I'm just "going through the motions" of life, motherhood, and being a wife. I got married waay to young to someone much more older than me and I'm micromanaged and nit picked over every little thing. I'm NOT happy and I have expressed it several times and have tried to leave a couple of times with no success. This time though if I do decide to leave there is a place I know I can go to that's over 1000 miles away. But at the same time I would be leaving my children behind. I know they would be taken care of though my husband's parents are right next door to us and my parents live close by as well so it's not like I would just up and abandon them. I'm making this post for advice. I have tried counseling and therapy and I am on medication but I still feel so unhappy. I can't be who I want to be where I'm at now and I just don't know what to do anymore

Today, most men have such high expectations for women's beauty, so as a trans girl, it's already hard (or even impossible) to reach that. But on top of that, I'm disabled.

I feel like nobody would want me. When I go partying, people aren't gravitated to the disabled trans girl, but towards the cute or hot girls.

Yeah sometimes peoole dance with me, but I feel like it's because "oh a disabled person is here, that's really cool that she came here by herself!", cuz when others think of disabled people, a regular partying teen is NOT what comes to mind. So they're probably surprised and happy to see someone like me go partying.

And yeah, it does feel good that others notice this. I'm proud of myself too for putting myself out there.

But yet, I still yearn for situations, where others find me cute or hot. It hurts that I'm going to miss out on this.

I often feel like I have a crazier partying side, that I'll never get to show to people, cuz who the hell would want to sleep with the disabled trans girl, when there are so many better options.

And also, I already feel unattractive, and the fact that nobody thinks otherwise just reinforces this feeling

TW suicide, SA, ED

i’ve never really posted on reddit before, but i cant keep rambling in my journal with no response. the people in my life love me, but they just can’t give me real answers for something they haven’t lived through. if you read this and can give me anything, thank you.

i don’t know how to organize this so i’m just gonna type and hope it’s understandable. i hope this is the right place to spill everything out, but if it isn’t i’m sorry and i will take my post down.

i am just so tired, i know everyone is and i should get over it, but i just don’t know how to. i’ll just sum up the backstory, i am the middle child with a sister (26f) and a brother (17m). my brother was non-verbal for the first several years of his life and is autistic, my sister was often running away, stealing, all that fun stuff. she came home pregnant at 17. my father (50m) is a narcissist i believe, we’re not entirely sure. it’s either NPD, or ignored autism that developed into something like NPD. my mom (48f) is an angel, she does everything in this world for me. she holds our family together and loves us all INTENSELY. she is actually my best friend.

i (18f) am diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD, and ARFID. i was sexually abused by our neighbors from ages 4-8 years old (time line is blurred, could’ve started earlier or ended earlier, i remember quite enough though.) my mom was trying to balance so much with my sister and my brother, i was the “normal” one, so i wasn’t worried about, that made it easy for things to slip past. that is NOT my moms fault, if my dad wasn’t so busy in the basement talking to the woman he was cheating on her with, things would’ve been a lot easier for her. my parents are still married though, he no longer cheats on her he just sits on the couch now.

right now, i am in my second semester of college. i did one semester at an easier to get into university, i worked really hard there and i was accepted to an even better college. so, second semester second college. it’s so crazy to be going to school at a real impressive (in my opinion lol) college, because i just barely graduated high school, i never planned on going to college. or being alive right now in all honesty. i go to the same school as my boyfriend (18m) we started dating our junior year of high school, went to different high schools. he told me i was smart, capable, and strong. after a while i believed him, and i decided i was going to do something about it. he is a very bright light in my life, it’s hard to convey with words just how much he loves me. (i’m sure you hear a lot of 18 year olds say this, but that’s gonna be my husband. even our parents know. we will be together 2 years on the 23rd this month) however, even with his support and my new motivation i just kept slipping though, i would work so hard and then this feeling would come over me, like i had to stop immediately. i was done. then i would eventually get back to work, i ended up graduating high school 1 month after the rest of my class but i did it. then, my boyfriend decided to go to a d2 school just for me. he had a million d1 offers for his sport, but with my high school transcript i couldn’t make it there with him, so he went to that first college with me. then, i worked harder and got into the d1 school he wanted to go to.

now, he’s there and i am doing online classes from home right now. i am waiting until they get me a single dorm (disability accommodations), i took my oldest niece (8f) from my sisters house and she’s staying with me in my room right now, she’s struggling really hard. i see myself in her, except she’s a bit different. i dont think she feels empathy, it’s really strange to watch. she will intentionally harm someone, and smile. it almost warms her heart? i don’t know. i don’t know anything anymore, i take care of her the best i can. when my sister had her at 18, i was 10 and i took her. i moved her crib into my room, i spent the rough nights with her in her new born stage, im the only one who knows how to do her braids (she is black, we are all white), i’m in the process of re-braiding right now.

i’m so worried for my niece, my mom, my brother is struggling, my sister is struggling, i want to stay home and take care of them and keep helping and clean and take the kids but am i horrible?? because i actually don’t want that at all, i want to forget it all. it feels so horrible to say that, i want to go to college and get away from all of it and pretend it’s not my problem.

i need money, i need to get my niece a phone so she can call me any time, i need to pay for my own food (having ARFID, eating is extremely difficult for me, it needs to be food i am okay with) but i just can’t work. i am doing all my classes online, so i could work but my body doesn’t wanna move. i’ve had jobs before, and when i’m in some sort of episode i can hear my brain screaming and the screaming is so loud. i don’t even have a license, i can’t drive. i was scared of driving for the longest time and i still am, but even if i wasn’t i don’t have a car to get my license with.

i don’t work, i don’t drive, i don’t have bills right now, and all i want to do is get away from my life and go to school. that makes me feel lazy & like a piece of shit, what do i have to be stressed out about?? i cant even imagine what some of you are going through, why am i like this? i want so badly to go to parties. i want to be that girl that sticks her head out the window of a car with sunglasses on or something. i want to get drunk. (i don’t drink due to ARFID) i want to be a crazy stupid college girl, i wanna be blonde or something. i want to go to my classes and be awesome, i want to have a job and a car that i can annoyingly jangle the keys to. i want to drink starbucks and not care who the company is. i just don’t do any of that though. i sit in my room, i worry, i do my school work, i take care of the kids, i hang out with my mom, i play video games with my boyfriend. i’ve never been to a party, too many germs, too loud, drunk people, bad things happen at parties.

i love my classes, i am going to be a fashion designer. it’s what i’ve always wanted, and i just love being a student now that i’m out of high school. i want to know how to make money from home, on my phone or my laptop. doesn’t anyone know of completely online jobs? pretty sure my oldest niece is a sociopath or something, y’all should see her little smile when she knows someone is hurt because of her. she really is my sweet girl, i love her so much how do i fix her brain? i have 2 nieces and 3 nephews and i am not joking they’re all pretty messed up in some way. i don’t know how to help my sister. i am pretty sure my brain is exploding or something i’m not sure. i need to focus on getting an online job, i am terrified of the Norovirus (emetophobia, extremely severe. that’s how i developed ARFID. if i feel as if i could be sick i will stop eating for days, i try not to leave the house when that goes around.)

i will stop rambling- to sum it up: • entirely online jobs? • why am i like this • do you think i’m lazy • how do i help my niece • how do i function • help

thank you if you read this thank you so so much

(20F, 🇮🇩) Recently I've seen and thought about how much respect, admiration and love certain group of men get for being decent to good to great human beings. It makes me happy to see genuinely good people/men being celebrated but I can't help but feel deeply hurt and envious seeing them enjoy the fruits of their good behaviors and personality in complete tranquility and joy when I have a similar one yet it only gets me CONSTANTLY taken advantage of or taken for granted as an Asian girl by both my own and other communities because apparently it's expected from us to act excessively nice and it's how we're SUPPOSED to act and we shouldn't expect any appreciation for any of our "moral duties", which makes people see us as some sort of easy puppet to bend to their own will in any context they see fit.

I'm in no way trying to imply that some men belonging certain group of men I am reffering to do not deserve the appreciation or that I don't want them to have it. I'm just saying I wish we could all be treated with the same humanity for the same reasons because being seen and treated this way is so exhausting and dehumanising.

Being what I am I think makes a lot of people not really interested in see me as an actual person but instead only satisfied with seeing me as a shallow walking stereotype that would be useful to them. This is directed at both my own and other communities, I am not targeting a specific one because irl communities including men and women rarely ever side with their own women and they have certain strict expectations for us based on the fact that we're women and from the same country as them.

I just think about how many things I wouldn't have had to go through if I was just born one of them instead of what I am right now and how I'd actually be appreciated for who I am and how I treat others as I was very kind and compassionate since I was a young child, instead of being treated like absolute shit and being expected to pour in every drop of my mental, emotional, domestic and s***** labour onto entitled fucks and self-sacrificing to the point of having 0 self-respect with not a single ounce of genuine gratefulness from any of the recipients because again... It's what we're supposed to do.

I also despise how my own community is not against the dehumanisation or exploitation (especially domenstic) of their women but instead is one of the main perpetrators in it, all the while, saying that the only ones responsible for such perverse ways of thinking and treating us are westerners because they genuinely believe that domestic exploitation is normal and not anywhere near as bad a s***** because apparently a woman's 🐈 is much more valuable than anything else she has to offer.

I just wish I could enjoy the feeling of serenity that comes from not having to be constantly hypervigilant or worry about how people see me and will treat me based on my sensitive character, race and gender. I just want to be seen as human as they are and treated as such. I don't understand why people think it's such an outrageous thing for me to want.

If you relate to this rant somehow, feel free to talk about it in the comments. I've never really heard anyone talk about this and it feels a bit oddly specific.

Lately I’ve been obsessively thinking about cannibalism it’s like an urge I’ve had for a while but lately it’s all I’m thinking about it’s not sexual it’s just a obsession I want to eat human meat know what it taste like I would not even want to cook it just eat it raw sometimes I eat store bought meat raw and pretend it’s human meat I can’t describe the urge it just a overwhelming desire to eat human meat and I don’t know what to to I’ve dreamed about it before last night I dreamed that human meat was sold at stores like animal meat it was just a interest at first but now it’s disrupting my life as it’s all I’m thinking about I just want to know what I should do I want help but I can’t bring myself to do it I don’t even know who I would talk to about such a thing

throughout school, i either understood it or i didnt. i tried to study and now im in college and i still dont get it. if there isnt homework or an upcoming test, i dont know what im looking for. i’m just reading notes? classes are so packed .. i dont know what im looking for.

i start a new semester in a week. i want to do great. i want to be a better student but i have zero idea how to study or where to start. all the tips i read already assume you know what to look for … i dont. i’ve never been very intelligent. i cant pick out what seems to be the takeaway.

Stop disrespecting your fucking wife and humiliating her infront of other women. If you’re not content with the one you have, get a divorce. I don’t care what your circumstances are.

I saw someone from high school that didn't like me all that much and seeing his face again after a some years just made me want to quit on the spot. He was sorta like that in elementary school along with other students, I guess it's because I was a weird kid back then. And when he saw me he made this face like he didn't want me there or something

So some backstory, ex put a protection order on me (I didn't do anything she said I did) and it stuck cause I missed the hearing (stepmom ended up sabotaging me). It's been roughly 7 months since it was put on me and she has messaged me on many different accounts either it be Snapchat or here on reddit pretending to be someone else. The main issue is I go to jail if I contact her.

So anyway just the other day I had a counseling appointment, been going through a lot so I was gonna unload a lot to my counselor, well she wasn't there so had to reschedule. Get home and this person who waved at me the day before messaged back and seemed interested in me so I just unloaded to them, they were just a stranger to me so why not? Messaged back and forth for about 2 hours. Got everything out, I started getting emotional so I said I'm getting off here and ended the conversation. Next day messaged me again this time though I ask about them. They say the name of my ex... My face went pale white and I just started freaking out...

I just don't understand, why? She's already taken everything I care about away from me and has pending charges against me which I might end up in jail for a year for. Why does she still have to continue to torture me? I'm scared to talk to anyone at this point in fear they turn out to be her. Like I'm stalking everyone that messages me at this point and every God damn time I drop my guard, it's her!

Title says it all basically. I can have years long friendships, they can do something I don't like and I just stop caring.

Noticed first in highschool. Best friends with a guy, bonded through our love of emo/Goth culture. Thought we were so unique and special, in reality just a bunch of idiots with eye-liner. It started at school, recess and lunch time. I'd often go to the canteen for a chocolate muffin and orange juice. He'd come from behind and take a bite from my muffin, or grab my juice and drink it. Don't know if I'm a germaphobe but it always grossed me out and I could never do it. I was a bonafide stoner, he was not. But after his first try, he became a true menace. Always asking for free weed, not accepting small amounts, his go to saying was "unless you can give me a lot I don't really want any at all" and eventually ended up stealing people's weed (he never stole from me though). I just checked out of the friendship and when we graduated I slowly phased him out. But he was just a dumb teenager, it wasn't really a big deal.

Cut to mid 20s. I'm going out a lot, catching metal gigs and drinking with said friends made at these gigs. 1 guy and I bond especially well. He was very sweet and caring, he always came home with me so I didn't feel unsafe being alone with an uber driver. Never tried anything seedy, we were just amazing friends. But again, the begging, the scabiness. We'd always buy each other a drink, my turn 1st, his turn 2nd. But he could drink like a fish. He'd drink the one he bought me before I got a chance and before I knew it, I'd spent a couple of hundred dollars on him and barely anything for myself. My turn off was on a night out when he was so broke he depended on me all night. I got pissed when he started taking sips of my cider as I held it. Didn't want to finish it after. I was eventually incapacitated due to a brain condition which came on and could no longer go out. None of my city friends wanted to come see me, he couldn't because he didn't drive. He was such a good dude, the good outweighed the bad but I couldn't get past the bad.

It's just a repeat pattern I have. Makes me not want to bother forming new friendships. I've experienced this with relationships as well. Maybe I'm more anti social then I thought. Maybe I'm too picky and it ends up hurting me more in the end anyway.

Just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening!

I didn't realize I was being groomed until it was too late. Now, im married to them with 2 kids.

I get so angry when I think about this. Looking back, I was so niave.

I don't know how to handle these thoughts. I'm so angry. I'm disappointed in myself, but moreso in him.

That's it, what the title says. Never learned how to, no matter the amount of explanations, tutorials, instructions, I have been unable to create a single one for 10+ years. I am only 24, I've got time, but I feel really fucking dumb. That's all, thanks to anyone who reads this.

I hate going outside for this reason. I can feel people looking at me and judging me and it makes me uncomfortable. I avoid eye contact in public places for this reason. I imagine people in passing cars laughing and joking about me. and people just deciding they dislike me before I speak. At work today, I said hi to a guy in passing, and he completely ignored me. maybe he grunted something under his breath before speeding off. I just feel deep in my bones that there's something about me specifically that people don't like.

I can’t stand knowing my boyfriend finds other women attractive.

I hate that you watch porn. I hate when you like those sexual posts on instagram. I hate that you have porn downloaded on your computer. I hate that you don’t see anything wrong with going to strip clubs when you have a girlfriend. I hate how casually you joke about wanting to fuck celebrities. I hate how casually you talk about fucking other women in the past.

I wish you loved me and respected me. I wish you didn’t want to watch that stuff. I wish you scrolled past those posts or unfollowed the accounts. I wish you saw me and only me, the way I see you and only you. I don’t talk about having sex with other people or wanting to, famous or not, because I don’t want to. I want to be intimate with you because of how I feel about you. I fell in love with you but you don’t make me feel special or beautiful.

I know it won’t help you stop desiring other women but I can’t be in this headspace while looking the way I do. I look fine but I’m no head-turner. I’m going to keep up with getting my hair and nails done. I’m going to lose weight and eat clean and go to the gym. I’m going to do my hair every day and do gorgeous makeup. I’m going to wear sexy flattering clothes and dress up every time I go out. I’m going to get waxed and moisturise and floss and whiten my teeth and wear expensive perfume and just become a beautiful, sexy, gorgeous woman who can’t feel insecure anymore.

I hope it works.

i grew up most of my life thinking i was really pretty and everybody would tell me that, and i thought so too, but today i went to a friend’s birthday party and she took pictures of us together and i just.. look so bad. i don’t know if it was the lighting or something because in the mirror and my photos i look okay but i just don’t look good. not ugly but definitely not pretty.

maybe i was just average this whole time, either way it’s really brought down my self esteem

I, M20, feel very behind when it comes to relationships and sex. My close friends are all either in committed relationships or in some cases are just into hookup culture, in any case, they don't seem to find it very difficult to get with people.

I left to go to college away from home in another state for the first time a few months ago I spent a lot of time over the last few years improving myself and was at the point where I was (and am) really happy with my body. Because of that I was really hoping to put myself out there now I was living away from home.

In my first semester I got into my first "situationship" with a girl I met after being away from home for a few weeks. We dated for a month and a half or so and in the end she broke things off. There were no bad feelings at the end, but I could tell that things weren't going as smoothly as we wanted and she could as well, she was just the first to act on that feeling by ending things.

I keep flashing back in my mind to when we were in bed together a couple of weeks in. She said to me word for word "I really want to have sex with you". We were both half naked anyway and trust me I wanted nothing more than to just say yes, but something stopped me. I had always envisioned my first time being with someone I love and care about and I just didn't feel like I was at the point where I could say that yet, so I ended up refusing. To be clear this had nothing to do with attraction, she was incredibly pretty and we both really liked each other physically, things ended because we didn't click with each other on a social level.

Things ended without us having sex, and although we found other ways to have fun, I really do feel like I missed out. Ill be completely honest, I don't know if me refusing was entirely a moral thing or because I was caught completely by surprise and I was too scared to say yes. I regret not saying yes and having that life experience, mainly because I feel sad that I'm "behind" everyone else by still not having had sex. I know that isn't the way that I should think about things but I cant really help it.

I just want to hear what people think. Be brutally honest, did I make the right decision in the heat of the moment, was what I did good in the long run or did I miss out on a life experience just because of my own fear? Thanks for reading.

22M

My mother and father met in the late 70's and got married at 17. They were your run of the mill hippy love story. Unfortunately, a couple of years later, my father confessed that he enjoyed cross-dressing in private. Mind you, while a loving woman, my mother was raised by a man born the same year WW1 ended, and she is nothing short of his values. The marriage went quick.

Fast forward two decades, my father took it upon himself to write to my mother. Within the month he had traveled to her state, and they became intimate for a short while. Sadly, my mother couldn't move past memories of my father's confession. They parted ways swiftly.

My mother discovered later that she was pregnant, and chose not to notify my father. He eventually found out when I was born, but my mother assured him I was not his child. He had intention of coming to her state and testing that claim, though he was unable to travel due to litigation from a drug related arrest. Six months later he was killed in a vehicle accident.

She says to this day he was the love of her life. Looking at old photos, I came out like a carbon copy. Same everything, even the crossdressing ironically enough. I've never heard him to have been any less than a wonderful man. And yet, a harmless bedroom hobby was all it took to prevent me from ever seeing his face.

I don't try to really have a perspective on it anymore, but it eats me up all the time.

Thanks for reading. Wishing everyone an easy new year.

Hello friends. I will certainly delete this soon. My partner, who is legitimately moderately overweight, is starting weight loss medication and it triggered me so hard.

For background, I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder. I’ve been relatively thin for most of my life. That being said, no, I haven’t always had a good relationship with food. In high school, I took pride in eating very little for lunch and I loved to see how long I could let the hunger feeling go on.

Anyway. I’m almost 30 now. I eat when I’m hungry usually. But since my partner told me his plan, something in my brain broke. I’ve been crying on and off for three days. I’m so worried about him and the bad side effects. I’m also worried about him developing an eating disorder.

When I was in high school, my close friend decided I was her own personal thinspo. She told me she wasn’t going to eat until she was my weight. And she didn’t. She got dangerously thin and told me again and again how much she wanted to look like me.

Also, I spent the past five years dealing with a mystery illness that made me nauseous every moment of the day. I could barely eat. I lost 20 pounds and was too weak to function. Life lost all of its color. The idea that he might be experiencing that, and on purpose, is so upsetting.

I just feel so sick about it. I want my partner to feel better and happy but I’m worried. I skipped lunch and dinner yesterday and just had popcorn. I felt awful. It was like this urge I couldn’t control. I woke up crying and having nightmares.

I understand how dramatic this all sounds. I truly thought my food issue days were behind me. But all I see are weight loss ads and now it’s in my personal life too.

Please know that I am not judging anyone for gaining weight or taking these medications. This is my own personal mental struggle to deal with.