/r/offmychest
A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told.
Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk.
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A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. We aim to keep this a safe space.
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/r/offmychest
After an issue I had this week with my step brother, my girlfriend remembers him telling her, “I do not trust him because he likes hacking.”
Pea brained people not understanding that computer literacy and certain interests does not equate to proficiency in specialized areas. Furthermore, if I knew how to hack, in wouldn’t be in the line of work I’ve been doing for 8 years!
Had this issue when my business partner’s daughter had this delusion that she was being virtually followed with someone intercepting her messages, social media accounts, passwords, pictures, etc.
She wanted to know how to trace an IP address and I showed her.
This was not a demonstration of how to find a location, this was a revelation of “how” we’ve been hacking her.
Lesson learned: Do not share anything about yourself with no one!
And I’m told to go to fucking therapy to share.
We broke up 1 year ago, and its been a experience for me, she its the only gf i had and i miss her but at the same time i dont, i dont know how to explain the feeling, I loved her as much as I've loved no one else but she caused me a lot of pain too.
The first year was so beautiful, spending time with her, her dogs and cats, its something i will never forget because to feel that loved its something i never felt, not even know i think.
She have bpd and her mental health declined and i never knew how to help her, but i tried to be for her, but she treated me like garbage,insulting me and being mean, i dont remember much of this time because my brain erased a lot of that, but i know it happened. I think now and i should have broken up with her, but I loved her so much that I let her treat me that way just so I could see her smile once in a while, and at the same my self-esteem was so low that I thought no woman would ever love or desire me again.
In the last year she improved so much and i was so proud of her, but i was mentally drained and my mental state was at the worst of my life, and she didnt care, i saw a convo with her with me saying i was feeling bad and she literally said to me "I dont care, go to a psychologist, it is not my job to help you". I cried for idk 2 hours watching that and thinking,how could I allow a person to treat me like that, ands she was supposed to love me?
When we broke up, it was so chaotic, i discovered that she cheated on meat least 2 times and she kissed(her words) a friend we had on common(not anymore ofc) besides 3 weeks later I saw her kissing with another guy, after the last months of our relationship she barely kissed or touched me, telling me it was something related to her autism-bpd.
With all this going on, it affected me deeply in my studies and I ended up getting kicked out of the college I was in. I was devastated, at the lowest point of my life, and i will never forget that november.
I was still talking to her but and wanting her back, but I never really fought because the disrespect was so big. I really wanted to continue to be with her, but I knew I would never trust anything that came out of her mouth again.I feel really relieved to have made that decision, despite the lack of self-esteem I had at the time, I thought of myself.
Music, my friends, and myself got me out of that hole I was in, I've met a lot of people, and I've been with more women, I'm not a casual encounters person so I always try to go further, but I feel like I have to fake it so much with the women I've been with in this time, it's like I'm trying to force myself to like them. And when I haven't faked it, and I really like someone, I get hurt. Its like cringy to said this but, thats why i miss her, with her i was really myself but im scared to be like that again, because the pain i felt.
Its so weird because i really think i am in the best mental state of my life, i feel alive and maybe not completely but I'm happy, and it's something I haven't felt for a long time, and it's so weird to feel this way after breaking up with her, to think that maybe she was what prevented me from feeling this way, but at the same time I still miss her so much?
I ( a teen f) had gotten pretty used to her micromanaging, but now it has gotten too far. if she tells me to do something, she expects me to do it right that moment, which is not possible for me most of the time as im preoccupied with other things. she starts screaming at me if the thing she told me to do isn't done within 5 minutes. whenever we sit down or whenever we're in the same room together and talk about literally anything, she will take it personally and turn it into an argument. when i try to argue back, she'll argue more and emotionally torture me by starting to cry at the tiniest thing. my father has been facing the same thing with her and they constantly argue and get on each other's throats because of her tantrums, which has built up a lot of childhood trauma in me. she micromanages me and my father 24/7. if i have to go out, i need to tell her atleast a couple of days in advance. she also acts weird when i hang out with guys she doesn't know, so i secretly hang out with them, telling her that im studying at a 'known friend's' house. im so tired of this and i dont know what to do anymore. she also has been affecting my relationships with my friends too. she argues with me saying she doesn't like the people im friends with, and when I listen to her by not hanging out with them, she tells me why im not out with friends. wtf? no matter what I do, she's like this. my father tells me to just listen to her to please her, but i also have a limit. i cannot handle her. please help me.
Today I was online and saw that my ex’s dad passed away recently. I’m not sure what to do with the thoughts I have other than to silently pray for their family from a far after their loss. My ex and I are not in the age range where it’s typical to lose a parent just yet, so it’s fair to say this death will effect them and their family in a different way than if it were related to natural old age reasons. It’s not my place to reach out anymore. I have moved on, and I assume my ex has as well since we broke up over a year ago. We had been together for a few years though, and our parting was amicable. When we were together, I was quite close to their family. For all of those reasons, that’s why I’m sitting here with this empathy I’m not sure what to do with other than to reflect, silently wish them well, and continue on as I was after making this Reddit post to get it off my chest. I’m thinking of my ex’s mom right now the most, honestly, and how devastating it must feel to lose a spouse who she built a life and family with. I hope that they all can find peace eventually.
I never thought id be like this and i fully believe id never do anything to anyone. im homicidal. Ive been having more and more thoughts about it recently and it wont go away and idk maybe its just a phase im 17 i just wanted to get this off my chest i could never tell anyone this theyd all be scared of me so im saying it here
Okay. There is this girl, I really like her. Note my last relationship was 6 months ago almost 7. I’ve took some time to heal and reflect from that one. Context, we’ve been talking for about two weeks, from beginning she stated that she’s not interested in knowing anyone right now and I may be too young because I’m like three years younger than her and she’s dating to marry however, after changing her mind a little bit I’ve seen her opening up about stuff I don’t think you’d tell just anyone and I would say she’s a bad Texter. She takes like 30 minutes to respond but when she does she responding full and she’s great at communicating. She tells me things. I just don’t think you tell anybody else and I don’t know if we’re actually in the talking stages or not and I don’t want to seem too pushy or too obsessed with her because I actually really like this girl like I see a future with her so……. She’s already set her boundaries. I’ve asked her on a date and she said okay as long as it’s as friends and she’ll definitely not F me even though I didn’t tell her that or give that vibe but she just said that she’s setting her boundaries if we’re going to go, we’re going as friends which was expected, however I just cannot read this girl and I don’t know if she’s actually interested in me help?
Everybody always tells me I’m so interesting or weird or unique or that they’ve never met anyone like me before.
But I feel so easily replaceable. There’s nothing special about me. I could die tomorrow and I haven’t the faintest idea what anybody could possibly say about me.
People have told me I’ve helped them and changed them. People have told me I’m some sort of light in their life.
But I don’t understand. I like talking people but that’s just it. That’s all I am. I’m nothing else. What do I have? I can contribute nothing, I inspire nobody but myself, there’s nothing I do or can do.
I’m ranting, yes. I just feel so easily irreplaceable. I feel like I have no sense of identity in any regard. There’s nothing special about me. I am just so normal. I don’t see why people don’t see this. They think I’m compliment fishing in some weird way whenever I say I’m on the most normal people I know.
my anxiety and depression has been really bad lately, i can't stop crying. i feel like i have less and less friends every day i don't even have anyone to talk to. i've been unemployed for 8 months now (the job situation where i'm from has been tough for everyone lately) and am sadly in debt. my situationship (who i unfortunately am in love with) seems to be pulling away too, probably freaked out because of my deteriorating mental health, and i can't help but feel that if he stops seeing me i won't have the will to keep going, he's the only person i see on the regular and i do really bad with both loneliness and rejection. all of this isn't helped by the fact that my best friend of 10 years who was living with me (rent free) moved out and went no contact.
I need to vent.
I'm a 37 married woman with pcos and adenomyosis. We live in a red state with zero exceptions. Husband and I decided ttc this year. Yea, i know, but i always wanted to be a mom. I had to wait for certain medications to leave my system before we could actually really start to try in April.
While reading some other pcos ttc topics someone mentioned in one of those topics that it may not be me that's having a hard time conceiving. So, I asked my husband if he would get tested. He agreed and said that he had a dr appointment coming up. He didn't say when. April came and went. Then May. No mention of appointment. So I asked him when his appointment was; he said june. I asked him to make an appointment sooner to discuss his fertility testing. I cited the reason if he needed to see a specialist, that it would take longer. He softly blew me off. June arrived, and I did a course of letrozole to induce ovulation. It did. But no positive results.
At the end of June, the husband did the test and got the results the same day. They couldn't do any further testing because his count was so low. He's been on t for the past few years. I didn't know that him being on t made his body a low producer. Almost shooting blanks.
Dr. refers him out to a urologist, and that took some time. That Dr. put him on fertility meds that is supposed to increase his count... which takes 3-4 months to work if it does work.
Election takes place, and gop wins-acorss the board. Their serious about what they're going to do with everything in project 2025. It's the cost of everything going up, medical costs, food; just everything to sustain a pregnancy, and take care of a baby. It's really not safe for me to have a baby.
So after Election day, I decided to stop ttc. I scheduled for an iud placement at the end of the month. He got the results of his most recent test, and the meds were working. I cried.
I feel robbed at having a decent chance of having a baby. Again. I was so excited. I had a false positive earlier this year, and it was the best weekend. Until the blood test proved otherwise.
I do resent him for his lack of urgency and his indifference. He knows how I feel about having a child but it was never a priority for him.
So my roommate is extremely draining to be around. My friends also complain about this behavior with him where you’ll say something, he’ll disagree and then say the same thing right back, for the sake of disagreement. He also interrupts often just to disagree. I want to ask if anyone else knows somebody like this and, what’s wrong with him?
I’ve included examples to the best of my memory, the wording might not be exact but it gets the gist of each phrase.
• Earlier today he complains that his earbuds weren’t playing with stereo, in this case that’s his buzz word.
R: “I hate it when my earbuds don’t play music with stereo.”
Me: “me too man, me too.”
R: “yeah, it sounds weird sounds like I only have one earbud in. That’s the thing about stereo”.
Me: “ya need that 3D sound son!”
R: “yeah, but do you know what stereo is?”
Me: “yes.”
R: “well yeah, stereo is not exactly 3D sound, it’s more like it captures where each instrument was when it was recorded, that’s why you really need 2 earbuds and then it sounds real. So yeah you can kind of call it 3D sound, I guess.”
He always picks a buzzword (like stereo in this case) usually about something I don’t care about, assumes I should care, and repeats it until he gets an opportunity to disagree and turn my simplicity into some gibberish. It’s like a perfect opportunity to dominate and dismiss. He also assumes I don’t pick up on the fact that he’s testing me, each time he says some buzzword.
• Next, we were talking about politics.
Me: “Well yeah but if businesses are more profitable, their workers are compensated based on the company’s profitability.”
R: “Do you really believe in trickle-down economics?”
Me: “Yes, workers get paid depending on a company’s profitability.”
R: “Yeah but trickle-down economics is a myth it’s been debunked.”
Me: “Except for the fact that the lower class in America has an excess of food, is fat and arguably has more buying power than the lower class of most other first world countries. Capitalism makes everyone richer but sure, the rich are disproportionately compensated.”
R: “But that’s not trickle-down economics, the myth is that if companies are profitable, and get tax breaks, the workers are compensated.”
(He’s still assuming I don’t understand him)
Me: “In some specific example it might be a myth, but you can live a perfectly good life in the lower class in Utah, yet you can barely afford to rent and eat in left-leaning places like California, Seattle, Portland where businesses are taxed much more. Capitalism does help everybody.”
R: “No, you don’t understand the myth of trickle-down economics.”
• Instead of disagreeing with my perspective, he had to say I didn’t understand. Then the smoke detector:
Me: “Did you hear the smoke detector beeping last night?”
R: “Yeah they do that when it’s out of battery.”
Me: “Yeah but it stopped beeping.”
R: “Oh right, I don’t know, haha imagine if it were detecting carbon monoxide, that would suck!”
Me: “yeah, we’d be dead in our sleep”
R: “No, smoke detectors do that, you know they beep when they detect carbon monoxide?”
Me: “yeah.”
R: “Well yeah, but you wouldn’t feel it, with carbon monoxide you’d just die, and if it stopped detecting it we wouldn’t know.”
As I said in the title, my asshole roomates keeps pushing me around bullying me, mocking me and keeps passing comments behind my back because I don't have a job. I don't need a job I have told them that several times, I am full time student and I just want to focus on the bigger goal rather than these pesky so called part-time jobs, the amount of fun they made of me yesterday lead me to suicidal thoughts.
my brother and i are about two years apart and i’m scared of him tbh. either im going insane or something but im scared he’s gonna do some crazy sh-t. he’s obsessed with ww2 and for some reason when i was looking thru his phone he had a pic of a ball with the n*zi symbol on it.. im honestly just scared of him
i watch too many shows
maybe the title is a bit misleading, but’s it’s more playful banter than bullying. (also idk if you’d consider this nsfw but i put it just in case)
i 19f am currently talking to this girl 18f, she’s the sweetest person i’ve ever spoken to which drew me in initially but now this playful banter side to her makes me feel…things…
it started a few days after we first started talking, she’s almost a foot taller than me so it started off as little jokes about my height. normally i’d be a little insecure about it but the way she joked didn’t bother me at all. even after the conversation died down she always made sure to ask if i was okay or if she went too far.
then it started with the physical stuff. the first time we met irl she snuck up behind me and gave me a little push. i wasn’t expecting her to touch me and it made me nervous lmao. throughout our day together she’d tell me to follow her and before i could straighten my feet to walk in her direction she’d grab me by the arm and pull me with her.
i usually am usually the dominant person when it comes to relationships and people im talking to but she makes me feel a bit submissive and i honestly really like that…
she doesn’t know that she makes me feel this way especially since we just agreed on being friends but my god i would let her do unspeakable things to me
Recommend reading into attachment styles before anyone reads this.
I'm anxious attached. She says she was secure attached before, but I made her avoidant (maybe fearful-avoidant) attached.
The first 3 months were the best of my life, we had so much in common, so many compatibilities (including trauma from asian parents who gave us insecure attachment styles). I genuinely felt loved for the first time in 30 years.
We were long distance by 2 hours. I'd always drive up to see her and stay with her for 36 hours. She had a good career, financially secure, and lived with her other partner (kitchen table polyamory/separate dating) in a house they bought together. We'd both plan our 2 days together with foodie adventures, cuddling in bed, queer events, etc.
We had some minor problems during the first 3 months but it wasn't a dealbreaker. She forced a de-escalation talk 2 months in because she was uncomfortable with me calling her endearing terms you'd usually only call a life partner, the frequency of my visits was getting to her, and the frequent texting and expectation to reply fast was draining her. So she set boundaries. Visits became every 2-3 instead of 1-2, she de-escalated us to just girlfriends (the romantic kind), and she said she wouldn't check her phone as much because she wasn't a big texter to begin with.
At the 3 month mark she also started saying she was beginning to feel bad feelings about our dynamic, where she felt like she was parenting in some ways which was triggering her parenting trauma. One of the things that caused her to be avoidant attached was her parents would expect her to be able to do things on her own, not be there for her, and made her hide negative emotions. As a result she basically had to be the parent to her siblings, and became incapable of being emotionally vulnerable with people she didn't trust.
I grew and healed so much because of her, trying to relieve her sense of being a parent and her avoidant discomforts. I broke free of social anxiety and became able to talk to people, I became more positive and had a better outlook on life instead of being depressing and venting to her all the time expecting her to spend emotional labor on me to soothe me, I became less anxious around texting and allowed her to take hours between every text and not expect good morning or good night daily, I stopped being jealous of her partner and felt compersion and realized my metamour (my partner's married partner) was an incredible person who played a very important part in her life and helped her come out and also guided her to do therapy which allowed her to live her true self and also heal her avoidant style a bit.
I had felt ugly, unlovable, incapable of change before my partner. But she helped me see I was a beautiful person, that I'm worthy of love, that I'm wanted, that I am capable of great change. But on the 5th month she started withdrawing emotionally. She stopped saying she loves me, stopped with her heart emojis, started suggesting we just be in a queer platonic relationship since there was no romance. She said things I was doing still felt like parenting and that her sense of romance was gone even if she still felt pangs of it every now and then. That things I was doing was annoying her, like not responding verbally to service workers, or not replying that it was no problem if they typed my phone number wrong, etc. (I didn't realize those things could be seen as rude).
I tried doing check-ups with her every week where we troubleshoot feelings and come up with solutions (check out Multiamory's RADAR podcast, highly recommend this in your relationships) but we started it too late in the relationship. At the 6 month mark she broke up with me, saying that although it was fruitful doing check-ups to troubleshoot her romance with me, that it was triggering her parenting trauma too much and making her feel guilty that she's hurting me every time when she has to point out things I could change (things I almost always agreed with because they were mostly negative things, like being judgmental or being nonverbal in inappropriate situations). That all the growing and changing I've done was not a waste of time and that she's happy and proud of me for doing it and impressed at everything I've managed to do, that she wants to see me continue to grow and change in positive ways that make life easier for me, but she doesn't think she can be a partner to me in my journey.
It was the first time I've ever seen her cry in front of me. I was honestly so happy to see her be emotionally vulnerable with me for the first time and a few weeks prior she had even trusted me to vent about life and had shed a tear, I was so proud of her, and I still tear up thinking about it. She always acknowledged it was hard for her, but I was okay with it because I learned when she was feeling distressed or very emotional she would look down and away from me. We had the breakup talk in person, holding hands and hugging the whole time, she said she wanted to do 5 months of no contact so we could be able to stay in each other's lives in the future. But I know the pain that will come from it if I stay in her life. Every time I see her it will be heartbreak rekindled. That this person I still hold love for, who I'm deeply attracted to inside and out, doesn't see me the same way anymore except for maybe my body. All the secrets and vulnerabilities we've shared. All the experiences we've had. I've experienced unrequited love before, it destroyed a great friendship. I don't want to experience that pain again. But at the same time I want to be able to support her, to be in her life and see where both of us go, how both of us grow and heal from our attachment styles and unresolved trauma.
A boundary I set for myself is if we meet again, and she just wants to be friends permanently, not even a queer platonic relationship, I will not accept it. I refuse to be her freaking animal-plushy-ex that avoidants love keeping around at an arm's length for some sick comfort, knowing that the ex still loves and cares for them enough to stick around. We've shared and experienced too much to just be friends. And if she feels comfortable being romantic with me again, I refuse to be with her if she hasn't worked on her avoidant attachment and behaviors with her therapist and secure partner. I refuse to go through that avoidant cycle with breadcrumbing again. I deserve someone who actually loves me enough to stick around when things get hard, to work on things with me. If I can work on myself to heal my anxious attachment then she needs to as well. It can't be just one side healing and the other ignoring they need to do work.
But, all the pain and grief of our break-up gave me a spark I haven't had in many many years. Dedication and motivation, to get out of this shit situation I am of living in the middle of no where, to one day move to the big city where she is and be more integrated in her life and be among fellow queers, to go to university for 2 more years to get a degree, get a job that isn't a barista, and be financially independent. To increase my emotional intelligence, heal and become more secure attached, increase my interpersonal intelligence, and be more independent. But at the same time all my low self-esteem and abandonment issues are coming back. What she did to me reinforced my belief that no one will ever love me long, that I hurt and push people away, that all I do is take emotional labor from people, that if I open up to people in the end all they'll do is hurt me. I know it's my anxious attachment speaking but I don't know how to get it out of my head and trust people now. I try to use dating apps set for the big city and not my actual location, but no one clicks with me like she did... I feel so alone and isolated here.
I still love and care for her. I've gone through all the stages of grief. I've analyzed what I did wrong, what she did wrong, what we could have done better, how I'll react and respond when we see each other again, etc. I'm 80% moved on. I'm used to being hurt and abandoned. 20% of me still misses her and expects her to break no-contact early though...
I don't really know why I'm writing this or for what purpose. I guess it's so I feel better about it.
Mom, dad, in a few days you will wake up in the morning to an abrupt surprise. Your 19 year old son will be gone, not dead unfortunately, but rather nowhere in the house to be seen, with a small note saying goodbye. Hopefully you will never hear from me again. I am leaving, either to a positively reviewed homeless shelter in the city nearby to apply to Job Corps from, or out being a vagabond, depending on how the phone call tomorrow with them goes. If neither works, I swear to god I will kill myself. I've had a really long time to ponder on this and if it would be a good idea but I feel like neither of you ever gave me much choice. Right now is the small time frame in which I am able to leave.
In your house, I am a dog. Always was. I go where my owners go. I listen to my owners. I heel at every command of my owners. I am 19, yet I'm still being treated like a 7 year old. Some 7 year olds have more independence than me in a sense if I can't even go to a friend's house without a huge problem. Can't even go on a walk on my own, have to bring dad with me. I was raised to stay a dog. You both refused to teach me anything I'd benefit from. How do you cook? I don't know. How do you take a shower? I'm not sure. Brushing your teeth? I only got the hang of it like two years ago. Anything related to sex? Thankfully we got the tea metaphor in my senior year of high school, so at least I understand consent well, but no thanks to you. Me avoiding sex and romance like it would blind me at that time probably had to do with you two as well, I wouldn't be surprised. You even indirectly taught me that boundaries don't matter and are to be discarded. I begged to learn how to do laundry, didn't get it. You would never let me move out the traditional way, you don't even want me to ever leave, but dad, you keep bugging me about getting a girlfriend and giving you grandkids....
And dad, I don't remember us ever having a good relationship. I always felt sympathy for you in a way, your life was horrific. Your dad was a pedophile, who was my age when he kidnapped your mom, who was an orphan 13 year old girl living homeless with her little brother, who ended up alone. You and your six surviving siblings are all products of, let's be real, him raping her while shit faced drunk. A horrible alcoholic who ended up even being the richest in his village, but his kids and wife all still lived in deep poverty because he spent it all on prostitutes, cigarettes, gambling, and alcohol, and then would come home and beat you all shitless. Somehow still alive and still not in jail, living with your mom and one of your brothers there at that same little pathetic falling-apart house. It, for many years, made me wonder what I'm complaining about, because at least you weren't an alcoholic, unlike most of your siblings, you quit smoking a few months before I was born, mom is actually older than you by a few years, you never beat me more than with a slipper (you claim, but I don't remember)... but I can say the same for you. Your dad watched his dad cut the neighbors hand off with an axe and rape his sister by the age of eight. You are a mentally deranged lunatic who continued the cycle of verbal and emotional abuse and the cycle of sitting around and making your wife do all the work for you. Your habit of threatening to kick me out of the house, hit me, starve me, and the most common, leave the family and never talk to me again, in order to get me to act just like you fucked me up in more ways than I can say. You gave me abandonment issues and turned me into a people pleaser. I wish you did leave. You always abandoned mom and I at the house when we visited your village so you can go hang with friends and you'd only return at five am. You were too busy with those racist fucks to answer the phone or to help your fucking family, and then you had the audacity to scream at your wife and kid when they expressed worry over your well being. You didn't let me see my maternal grandpa in the nursing home before he died, you dragged me away right before the appointment and made mom go by herself. You treated her like shit and made me go comfort her when she'd cry about missing her mom while you stood there with your arms crossed and an angry look on your face. You treated your mom like shit and your dad well when it should've been the other fucking way around!! Your dad beat the shit out of me once and you forced me to forgive him. I was nine. And much more shit I don't even feel like typing out.
I still don't know what I'm going to write in the note to you two. But I sincerely hope, that after this week, neither of you will ever hear from me again. Fuck you, mom. Fuck you, biological father. I hope your surgery in December goes wrong and paralyzes you.
Ever since I was in elementary I had this like a gut feeling..it was a thought that was always in the back of my mind. I always thought I wasn’t going to make it past 18. I don’t know if that’s normal at all, I doubt it..but It’s honestly so weird that’s how I felt that for most of my life. I never have gone through anything traumatic nor was I diagnosed at all for anything.
I’m watching people my age grow up, getting jobs and having goals for a specific future they want..I feel like a fuck up for not being like them..because I’m here stuck on so many decisions to get my life going..with no motivation at all in doing so because in my mind i’m convinced my future is just nonexistent.
Throwaway account, for obvious reasons (Originally written this on January 25, 2023 was meaning to share)
This still sickens me 5 1/2+ years later.
Edit: I need to also mention that I originally DID believe her as I DIDN'T know who the guy was at first who she was referring to, but after his name was out, I knew she was full of it, Also to clarify all of us were minors, INCLUDING "Steven"
So I (22F) have an ex-best friend (21F) who we will call Ellie (not her real name),
This all takes place back in 2018, Sophomore year of high school, When my former best friend Ellie (21F) she accused one of my best guy friends who we will call Steven (21M) (not his real name, to protect his privacy) of rape. My current and one of my closest best friends who we will call Violet (21F) (not her real name for privacy reasons) knows what really happened. So more backstory, Ellie and Steven started dating back in the beginning of sophomore year. Ellie and I weren’t super close at that time but a few months after the whole “rape” occurred she started talking to me. We got super close over the year of getting to know one another, I even told her about how I was sexually assaulted back in middle school, (don't worry about it now as the assaulter is in jail constantly). I being young and dumb never really paid it no thought on why she started talking to me, as I am slow at times to know about things. On the other hand Violet and I have been best friends since the 6th grade. When Ellie started to hang out with me more so did Violet, Violet was friends with Ellie from way back when. One day I noticed that my friend Steven was no longer in my English class.
Keep in mind this was wayyyy before Covid-19, so Covid wasn’t the case on why he wasn’t at school. I asked around and then found out that I was being used as a shield, I was popular yet not popular back in high school, a lot of people knew me because of my twin-sister Beverly (again not the real name, to protect my family obviously, and Beverly has nothing to do with the whole situation), my sister is one of the kindest people I know and she didn't let popularity get to her head, and as soon as Ellie found out I was related to her she started hanging out with and around me, I genuinely didn't mind as I was open to making new friends and am an introvert. Shortly after she started hanging out with Violet and I, that’s when rumors started going around. People were pushing me away like I had a contagious disease or something.
Violet pulled me aside one day and told me what was being said. I confronted Ellie about it. Only to be lied to, at that very moment I distanced myself from Ellie. To this day November 9, 2024 I still am avoiding her. Last I heard she’s going around asking why her friends aren’t talking to her anymore, plus she also managed to get a boyfriend, I just hope he is aware of her past and how she ruined an innocent mans life... not just any man nor any life but my best guy friends life
I’m not one to write about these types of things, but it's been on my mind A LOT lately, I feel guilt for carrying the truth all these years, I just hope my guy best friend is doing a lot better today
TL;DR ex best friend accuses my guy best friend of rape, ruining his life.
So as of like 5 months ago I've been more emotional than usual.Im not trying to sound edgy but generally I'm desensitized to graphic content due to unsupervised internet access as a child, anyway I was watching a Stephen king film as I've always loved his work.The film was doctor sleep,keep in mind I've read like half the book a year before this happend (this happend around 5 months ago).The scene where the baseball boy gets killed has me tearing up I'm not sure what came over me but I've watched shit worse than this and it has not affected me.The more likely reason was my heavy drug use as that's when i generally changed emotionally,there has been several other instances of me sobbing after finishing a movie recently like mysterious skin and stand by me where 2,and generally i react more emotionally too things and I've always been an empath but it's becoming more significant over the years.I believe this too be wanting to treat people better than I was treated because you never know what someone else might be going through.
Hello, im sorry if i sound like an asshole just from the title, but its really something that I needed to get off of my chest. I have a boyfriend, in fact he’s the second guy that ive dated in my entire life, plus, we are both only in our early 20s. Im his first girlfriend fyi, and we’ve been together for a year. I really like him, our interests match, he has the values that i want in a boyfriend and even in a future husband. And we’ve been talking about marriage too. He’s respectful, loves me for who i am, and is healthily obsessed with me. I would say we have a healthy relationship and good communication.
The thing is, i think i settled for his physical appearance. At first i didn’t actually put some thought into it as i was a “personality matters more” type of girl. Before this, my first boyfriend or my previous crushes were sort of conventionally attractive. But my first boyfriend kind of treated me like shit so, i kinda ditched the “appearance matters” mindset after the relationship ended, which led me into this relationship with my current boyfriend. To be fair, his appearance didn’t bother me at all in the first place till I introduce him to my friends, and most of their reactions were not good. One of my girl friend even asked “How on earth did he pulled you?” directly to my face after 10 seconds of introducing him. Two of my guy friends discussed behind my back about how i could do way much better. This sort of thing has changed my perspective in our relationship.
I know i shouldnt give too much thought about what others think of him but its just so hard. He kinda stands out from everyone else. I swear, everytime we go out in public, people would just give us weird looks and stares. And i do have major social anxiety issues that were from my teenage years, so constantly having people judge me and my partner is kinda triggering. This sort of thing has really made me become anxious of marriage, of how i have to introduce him to my parents, of how my family and friends might react during our wedding ceremony, of how our kids might look like in the future. I feel so shitty for feeling this way. One part of me feels like if i let him go just because of how he looks, i might not find someone as good and have matching chemistry as him. But the other part of me worries about what others think of us, about how our kids might inherit his appearance. Fuck. I need help.
The guy I’ve been hooking up with is a lot older than me and keeps saying things like how I’m wise beyond my years or I’m an old soul or I’m so smart for my age. It’s starting to really get on my nerves. Today he texted me asking if I want to talk with him about what I want for my future next time we hang out, like talk about what career or education I want. I finally told him how I feel about him saying those kinds if things. I feel so insulted. I’m gorgeous, I’m smart, I’m kind and caring, and I have self respect. I’m not going to talk to a man I barely know, who primarily sees me for sex, about my life plans. That’s so condescending. I was talking to my friends about it and one of them says she thinks that sounds like what a predator would say to a teenage girl— the “wise beyond your years” stuff. I’m so glad she said that because it really clicks. I like having sex with older guys, but for fuck’s sake they love to ruin it by showing that they don’t see women as fully autonomous, capable humans. I’m a young woman, of course I need him to offer to help me plan my future 🙄 He likes me, and I like him too, but all we’re gonna be is friends with benefits. Don’t try to be my mentor or some shit when we’re both mostly here for the sex. Ugh I’m just so irritated. He doesn’t know anything about me in terms of how my life has gone or how it’s even going really. I feel disrespected by his audacity to ask me something like that, and to continue telling me how shocked he is that I’m smart and wise at 22. Why are middle aged divorced men so often still having to learn how to respect women in general, let alone the ones they have sex with? Thanks for listening. Needed to rant. My group chat is basically telling me to dump him. I’m not gonna because he’s really good in bed and he’s sweet and funny and has lots of good qualities. But I’m keeping this condescension in mind and I’m certainly not gonna let myself develop feelings for a man who doesn’t respect my intelligence or my ability to navigate my own life. For fuck’s same he knows I’m in therapy, why the hell would I need his help with this? Is it my inner teenager reacting angrily at someone’s attempt to help, or am I accurately listening to my own intuition that tells me he doesn’t fully respect me? I mean, why not both? Anyone have (supportive, kind) thoughts?
I’ve been my mom’s caregiver for several years. Her dementia/ Alzheimer’s took a turn about a year ago and then got significantly worse the last several weeks. She was refusing to eat/drink consistently, and wasn’t sleeping more than 30mins at a time IF we could get her to sleep at all.
She was discharged yesterday from her 3rd stay in as many weeks. I brought her home, she recognized and loved on my kids and it was like my old mom. I helped her get ready for bed, cleaned her bedside commode and then laid her down.
Because of the recent med change and her nurse’s report that she slept through the previous night when I saw she was still in bed 2hrs later I thought, “awesome mom is going to sleep through the night and should be clear minded enough to have a family day out.”
I just had my daughter so I’m still doing night time feedings. I checked the baby monitors and she was still asleep. I started thinking about plans…. Go out for breakfast, maybe take the kids to the park, and take my mom to get her nails or hair done.
I woke up excited. My family hasn’t had a fun day out in months. I cleaned the house, prepped the diaper bag, portioned out mom’s meds, and went into her room to wake her up and clean her room.
I called out to her. No response. I didn’t want to spook her so I gently touched her shoulder. She was cold and stiff. I immediately, knee—jerk pulled her over and realized she was gone.
Her eyes were hollow, her skin bluish, and her mouth was frozen in an unfamiliar expression. She had fluids leaking from her mouth. Her teeth looked too big for her mouth.
She didn’t look like my mom anymore. But now that’s all I can see. I’m worried I’m going to forget what she looked like when I was growing up. I just can’t shake these visuals.
Basically, I have always had a fear of when I'm dead no loner existing in consciousness. It's been that way since I was a very little girl but slowly become less of a worry when I become a teenager. I'm 27 now, newly engaged, and I regularly wake in the night having a full blown anxiety attack.
I know this isn't an uncommon fear but I feel people don't understand how distressing this is.
I know what I need to do, But I don't do it. 😭
Tldr: I went through a breakup two weeks ago, it was explosive and painful, and i had to move immediately, i had planned to spend my birthday (today) with him originally.
But since breaking up ive tried making plans with friends, coworkers etc and pretty much everyone said they cant, and those who said they would have bailed
Im so upset. Ive never felt so alone and the time i needed people the most on one particular day and no one is here.
i always wanna quit every job after a few months no matter how obsessed I am with it or how good I’m at it after a few months or 1 year i just wanna leave and it’s so exhausting even when i have to do the bare minimum (working from home) I still act like this, i have no motivation. This is ruining my life yeah i have a chronic disease and depression but it’s still not an excuse i’m tired of being like this. Antidepressants or medication never helped me at all either
Am I overthinking? I am in a long-distance relationship. A day ago, my partner went to bond with his friends back in college in the city. He actually stayed there for 2 days. Then at night, I noticed he turned off his location in snap, I told him about this but he said the service in his location's not great that's why his snap map isn't showing. Is that even possible? I tried researching on this one & maybe... maybe it's true. But I have a strong gut feeling that maybe he's lying bc he's been to a lot of vacations with friends & family, went to places without service but never lost his snap map on snap. Then I was about to send him a tiktok video, I noticed that he turned of his notifications on his phone (do not disturb) He NEVER does that. Never...
Today, his location/snap map isn't showing up still...
I am scared that he's doing something wrong but then he's "innocent until proven guilty" & I know he'll say something like "I don't know anything about that" or "I told you the service there isn't good" or maybe "I just wanted to turn off my notifications"
:(
I’ve been with him for like 2 years. I feel like there’s no passion. He just wants me to suck his dick then he wants to fuck till he cums. And when I don’t cum I have to sadly ask him to finger me, he does but he seems so reluctant. And when he fingers me he doesn’t even look at me he just closes his eyes and looks like he’s just zoned out. He never gives me enough time to get wet before fucking and he doesn’t even do anything to get me wet. I cringe every time after we have sex cause he always says something like that was awesome like that’s so unromantic and sounds so childish and annoying.
Need ko ng adviceeee!
May bf akong ofw. Mag isang anak lang siya, sinusuportahan niya nanay niya financially and nagsusustento din monthly yung tatay niya na nagwowork din abroad (hiwalay na parents niya simula baby siya). Mag isa lang sa bahay yung mama niya pero laging kapos sa budget. Ang alam ko may mga life insurances siya, tatlo at may mga utang din siya. Meron din siyang ugali na bili nang bili ng kung ano ano na hindi naman pasok sa budget. Expensive pa mga binibili. Gusto niya laging gumagala with her friends. Kagabi, nagrarant sakin bf ko dahil may gustong ipagawa yung mama niya sa bahay nila. Maayos naman yung bahay, may gusto lang yung mama niya na ipagawa. Malaki laki yung aayusin at hindi nila lupa yung pinagtatayuan ng bahay nila, anytime pwede na silang paalisin. Lagi niyang sinasabi sakin na hirap na hirap na siya sa work at wala man lang siyang maipon pero hindi niya kayang pagsabihan ang mama niya dahil ayaw niyang masaktan yung damdamin.
Pano ko ba sasabihin sakanya na naapektuhan na ako sa mga rants niya about sa mom niya, na naiinis na ako at na aawa na ako sakanya? Hindi ko kayang magsalita kasi baka iba yung maging dating sakanya.
I think the political climate has a lot of young men scared of being viewed as a bad guy. So they lie. But I believe most men are either right winged or at least “okay” with the right wing and blatantly lie about their true beliefs because they don’t want their girlfriend to break up with them or their sister to hate them. And not just white men. I’m talking about men from western countries in general. I genuinely believe most young men are conservatives. This whole notion that “most young people are liberal” is bullshit. Most women are, but not young people in general.
Most people just wanna live and be left alone - if we didn’t have social media you wouldn’t hear about trans folks and it wouldn’t be weaponized so easily for or against them. You’re wild if you think you weren’t being programmed to be so angry.