Yeah

It’s kinda sad to realise that I didn’t really have any feelings of love after I got out of a relationship. Last night was the first time in a long time where I had a dream about being in love and made me realise how much I missed that feeling. I had a dream about my old crush and apparently we were together and the feeling I felt in that dream was so real and happy . Gosh I miss being in love

I hope I’m able to find someone who is okay with my farm until the end of this. Frustrating and lonely is an understatement. I have a few dates and all I can hope for is that he will see past this massive burden and will want to offer genuine help.

I wish I never had a big heart and I wish I never started this . Holding onto hope that my heart isn’t leading me astray for someone genuine and true.

when i lay in bed at night i find myself thinking about killing myself and not existing but i think my heads just fucked up and i know i wont do it

I (19M) have a boyfriend (22M) that I have been dating for two years.

At the beginning of our relationship, my friends have all told me to be cautious and that they don’t like his vibe, his personality, his face, anything about him really.

Hes a little clingy but I don’t mind. He does a phone check whenever he wants and is always holding me tightly next to him. He had gripped my waist quite hard last year and it was bruised for a bit after. But he always says he’s sorry and kisses me and gives me hugs to make up for his actions. He’s been very protective of me, and I appreciate it. I don’t know if my friends like that though.

He has also been quite overprotective in terms of who I can see. I can always see my family (I live with my boyfriend) but if I want to hang out with my friends, he has to be there. My friends keep telling me that it’s weird for him to be there, like he had to be watching me at every minute. I tell them what I think and that I find it sweet that he always wants to be with me. And since our hangouts, they have kept trying to tell me to leave him.

Yesterday we got into an argument about him not letting me look through his phone. It ended with him shoving me against the front door. It didn’t hurt a lot, my lower back hit the door knob, which was painful, but it was okay. I went to our shared bedroom and texted my friends about our fight. They told me the same things, to break up with him and leave the relationship. He walked into the bedroom and sat next to me in bed. He hugged me and kissed my neck like he likes to do. And he told me that he looks through my phone because he wants to protect me, and that if I want him to feel protected too, it’s to just stay by his side at all times and to never leave the house without him.

I know that the fight was immature of me, cause he told me so. But I know that getting hurt is a normal part of relationships, and I love him no matter what. Am I wrong for ignoring my friends’s advice?

took both of you to make that baby and you think you're the only one allowed to have a voice about it? Heart breaking to see men that actually want to step up and take responsibility and they didn't get the chance because the woman decided to get rid of the baby. Why is it that men have to always take full responsibility but women get to decide if they want it or not?

So not far off of five years ago I kept seeing rather depressed posts from the same guy popping up in various kaiju related groups on Facebook.

We’ll call him Jake.

He was struggling to come up with a story for a character/creature that he had vague designs for. He basically wanted his own version of the latter Showa era Godzilla- the heroic one- and he had even commissioned several artists to draw it while also posting his own artistic attempts of said beastie.

Now, I’m trying to not be too mean but the guy could not draw particularly well, and his name for the creature was woefully dreadful; think of the word “Monster” with one letter changed and that was it.

Well people would offer help or shoot off ideas on his various posts and despite not really having good ideas himself he’d shoot down the concepts of others as if they were beneath him, but still he would go on about how he was struggling so I thought I’d give a suggestion or two myself.

He seemingly liked my initial idea, and despite a couple of others in one group privately suggesting that I avoid him, when he also sent a personal message, in this case outlining the kind of themes he wanted to touch upon in his non-existent story, I decided to respond anyway.

I came up with a few interlinked ideas for him very quickly but these were quickly shot down in a less than kind manner, with him going so far as to belittle what I was coming up with, but eventually he started messaging me about his various life issues instead.

I sense he was on the spectrum at this point, and while I wanted to be nice to him I wasn’t all that interested in being his personal therapist, especially after he’d been so critical of my suggestions, so I decided to quietly distance myself but not before telling him that as he didn’t like the ideas I’d come up with I’d probably use them for my own thing.

For a couple of months he would send me several messages about his life and asking to hear my ideas to which I was polite but noncommittal in my responses and eventually his messages dried up.

As it turns out those ideas I’d come up with ended up inspiring me to come up with my own story, and for the next four years I went on to develop the concept further, and all of it based on the foundation of those original rejected suggestions.

In fact I had gotten so far with it all that I felt maybe soon I could start turning this work into something tangible. I had already starting writing a little bit of it as a taster and to help pull myself out of a bit of block of my drive, so to speak.

If I was ever going to be genuine author as I’d always imagined it would probably be because of this story, so you can imagine my concern when I got a random message earlier today from Jacob for first time in four years asking me if he could still use my ideas.

I politely told him like I did back then that as he didn’t like the suggestions I had been developing them for myself, but he countered saying that technically my ideas were originally intended for his use.

Again I reiterated that I am already using them and wished him luck in coming up with his own ideas but he continued, saying that technically there were no original ideas in the world left that I had no ownership of my suggestions.

I reminded him that there was proof that I’d come up with the suggestions first and that there was no formal contract binding us. They were just my ideas and I again wished him luck with his own stories.

He chose to push on however, reiterating that they weren’t original and by this point I’d had enough and told him quite flatly that he could not steal my story concepts, before asking why he even bothered to ask me if he’d planned to just take the story anyway.

In response he said if I was going to accuse him of stealing then he would just take my old ideas, and then he quite frankly told me to go fuck myself before blocking me!

Well, as you can imagine this was fairly angering and worrying so I found him on Instagram and messaged I wouldn’t take his abuse and letting him know that any plagiarism would be dealt with.

Later I saw he’d unblocked me on Facebook the same day and soon saw a post moaning about me while painting himself as the victim. He even suggested I made him want to “give up writing”, and this little pity party in turn drew in a few comments of support and/or comfort for the guy.

Annoyed I posted a screenshot of him telling me to fuck myself in group he most often frequented along with a quick rundown of what happened, and he actually responded with his own version while continuing to say my ideas weren’t even original anyway while justifying his own actions.

There was a little back and forth where he continued to cry victim before my post was deleted. Turns out he was an admin in the group in question which I didn’t realise so once I was getting any kind of support via ‘likes’ he acted, removing my response and removing me from the drivers seat.

It’s now a couple of hours later and my anxiety is admittedly on high alert relating to all of this. My concepts and ideas have been developed fir four years, on and off, and the idea of someone actively stealing it or at least trying to while falsely gaining support for this act made me feel nothing short of sick inside.

So I guess I needed to vent somewhere hence why I’ve posted this here. I’m also kind of scared that he would possibly try to rip off my ideas. I mean, could he get away with that?

I’m just feeling angry at the moment and I guess I too need some reassurance even if I’m being hypocritical somewhat.

TL;DR- A guy who rejected an idea of mine four years ago has decided to use it now. I told him I’m using it now so he cussed me out and plans to use it anyway.

I want to be pretty, and liked and have lots of parties and treats my friends

I don't think it's realistic, and I also think it's selfish and terrible of me to want it.

The other side of the coin i want to spend my life trying to tackle the root causes of why people suffer. I want to end homelessness, and addiction, and war, which capitalism seems to actively propagate

Idk, maybe I'm just really immature either way, but I'm so conflicted on how I want to live.

It feels like that "which way western man" me even lol

Anyways, I can't be the only one that feels deeply conflicted

I don't know why but I just like girls who had scars on their arms legs i don't know when it started to it just happened but can you tell me some advice

I don't know why but I just like girls who had scars on their arms legs i don't know when it started to it just happened but can you tell me some advice

I get my 4 wisdom teeth removed this Wednesday. They are putting me under anesthesia to extract them. I know they said it will take less than 45 minutes or about that time to take out my erupted wisdom teeth. I am super scared and my anxiety is getting worse by the minute since it is approaching. I have been distracting myself and everything to also mange my anxiety and stress but my levels are just so high. I am scared of the IV they will put in my arm which will have the anesthesia and therapeutic something but I am also so scared of needles and going under. What are yours guys advice on this or stories. I am scared I won’t wake up and I feel not ready for this but I know I will never not be ready for it. I am scared all my discomfort I have been feeling won’t go away. I am a complete mess, I am scared I won’t wake up. I am scared of the alteration in my mouth that will be done. Infection. Sepsis. Everything. Any stories will help :( I am starting to feel so overwhelmed

This guy tortured me and my brother. He actively tormented my brother and I through verbal means during our daily bus trips. When we were children, it was violent. I recall him jumping on my back once. He was piece of shit. And I fucking hate him.

This was 16 years ago.

In his defense, as adults, he had taught me how to skate. He tied my skates and walked me through the activity. The biggest change was hos he acknowledged how much of an asshole he was.

I really like him, but I don't know how yo do so

I really hate the feeling when a friend confesses to me. It ruins our friendship the moment I try to say that we should just stay as friends. I understand that a rejection may be hard for them too, but I got feelings as well.

I know i'm being selfish to be talking about my feelings in this situation but I don't want our friendship to end, it's as if we're just ending our years of friendship for something like this. It feels as if they don't even want to salvage what we have left either. Of course, I can't hate them for liking me but them ignoring me after I ask if we can stay as friends is just sad.

My feelings are hurt too not just theirs, I love and treasure every friend that I have too. I don't wanna ruin what my friends have with me, I don't want to lose anyone else more. Is it really worth the time to ignore me and pass it off as if the friendship means nothing, even through all the years we spent together? I understand that people need time and space after a hard blow but ignoring me hurts me too. Even if I ask if they're okay everyday, even if I check up on them every day to make sure they're not depressed, it seems the the effort is useless. It seems as if they don't even bother caring what i'd feel if they ignore me for days, acting as if we don't know each other.

They just feel like family to me, of course i'd be torn if they start to act like we are strangers. I feel like a terrible person for rejecting them but what else could I done if I don't feel the same? I couldn't bring myself to lie that I feel the same, it's still doing them wrong if I did lie for their sake. If we look in the bright side, yes - friends will always come back and will be trying to salvage it too but, then it would feel like it is too late.

Of course I can't force them at all if they don't want to continue the friendship but it really hurts, I can't lose any more people in my life. I feel torn, I just want things to be normal again, i'll even put in the effort just to acknowledge their feelings for me, not once pushing it as if it didn't happen. I'll even put in the effort just for them be happy with me as a friend once again so that they won't be awkward about it anymore. But they don't allow me to, they push me away and act like they don't have a friendship with me. I never once pushed them to think that I don't care about their feelings, I try to put it first too.

They say that they understand my choice, but do they really? Do they even understand why i'm trying so hard to keep tabs on our friendship even though that confession ruined it for us? I find it as a opportunity for us, to talk about our feelings & grow from it, but do they see it as that way? No. They don't understand, they never will. Even If I tell all of this to them now, what even is the point when it doesn't feel like it's a friendship anymore?

I purposefully injured my penis when I was younger due to religious reasons. Now I’m 23 and I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I want to masturbate. I want to have sex. I want to cum. I CAN’T. I’ve had a huge spike in these feelings since I started dating women when I was 21. I’m so horny. All the time. I can’t take it anymore. I do not know if I can live in this sexual frustration forever.

But I don’t but I do. I wish he felt the same. I do think I’ll look back on this and laugh at my infatuation but that is not right now and he breaks my heart.

I’m a girl and I watch lesbian porn, it turns me on more than straight porn for some reason.But in real life I could never look at a girl and do those things I only ever been romantically attracted to guys and only fucked guys.What does this mean?

So me and my ex were dating for 2 years, we broke up a few months ago due to me getting pregnant and the mental toll he was putting on me made me leave, throughout our relationship he use to tell me that he was adopted, his “adopted mother” physically and mentally abused him, he was schizophrenic and basically that he was the black sheep of his family. On thanksgiving this whole situation happened between us and now we have a paternity test scheduled for December 16th, so today my mom got involved in this situation because I asked her for some help and she contacted my exes mom and basically told her that we scheduled the paternity test and about all the stuff that happened with me and my exes relationship, his mother told my mom that he isn’t abused at home and he’s actually spoiled at home, he’s not adopted, and he doesn’t have schizophrenia. I’m lost because it’s like he lied to me our whole relationship for two years straight, I’m disgusted, full of rage and sadness, I feel like once I see him on the 16th I’m going to fight him.

It’s really sad when I work with someone who shows more care for me and my well being than anyone else has my entire life. They show they truly care about me. They check on me every day and everything, send good morning, good night texts etc. Bad part is they’re in a relationship. 🥲 I have developed feelings for this person and obviously will not act on them because they’re in a committed relationship but it just sucks. They flirt with me all the time between texts and at work, when they were working long hours we would stay on the phone and talk even if I wasn’t at work and ugh. Literally stayed on the phone with them when I was done work for 5 and a half hours and fell asleep on the phone with them 🥲 I know it’s never a good idea to do the dating your coworkers thing but this person really is different and I’ve never felt this way towards someone before. They make me smile and laugh so much and I can be myself with them and it’s just comforting. I don’t know what to do or go from here and my mind is so confusssedddd

Dear Lauren,

It's been like 10 years and I've settled on the fact that I will miss you forever. I never told you how much you truly meant to me. I wasn't capable at the time of understanding how I felt about you. I was in love with you. You were my first love.

I know we were teenagers and I know all we did was text but I was in love.

I will miss you forever. As much as I know we will never work, I will cherish the memory of you for the rest of my life.

That being said I wish we could still be in contact. I don't expect us to do 10,000 texts a month again like we used to but I wish I could know what your life is like now...

Thank you for being you. I don't hate you for how it ended. It couldn't have been easy on you either...

I don't know how it would've worked long term anyways. There had to be a finale.

There's so much I've wanted to tell you, I think of ways I'd tell you stories about my life and get a little sad that I'll never get to tell you.

If you somehow manage to find this, and know that it's me. Message me. I'd like to catch up just a little bit.

I loved you Lauren, and in a way I still do. It's different now. I hope you're doing well, I hope you're thriving and succeeding out in the world we tried to prepare ourselves for as teens.

I just hope I was as special to you as you were to me.

Love, E

I posted a bit about it on other subs but I’m terrified I’m going to lose my job. I am in a constant state of panic. I made a mistake and I don’t know if I’ve made more yet. I didn’t do it maliciously, I am trying to multitask (something the brain isn’t meant to do anyway) on virtually no sleep.

I’m tired and haven’t had a good night sleep in years, but the last few weeks have been worse. I’m waiting for my sleep test results. I met with my psychiatrist before all of this because I’m just not doing well.

My family makes me feel like an angry pathetic loser. I thought that my love for my career and getting a masters degree at 22 would show them I’m not one, but all they see is a person who doesn’t pay her own car payment.

I feel like my mom’s new boyfriend and his kids are more accepted in my family than I am.

My little brother, who is the most important person in my life, doesn’t think very highly of me.

I know my dog can sense how depressed I am and I hate that he is probably sad that I’m sad. I feel like I’m not a good dog mom.

I’m someone who is generally passively suicidal but it is now significantly worse.

I am 32, single, and a foster mom to 2 toddlers. I have spent the last year trying to get pregnant via IUI and donor sperm. I just found out my last one was successful and I’m pregnant.

I know I’ve been wanting this forever, but I am just struggling with all the emotions. I know I’m capable, financially sound, and have tons of support, but part of me is just 2nd guessing myself.

okay. I'm speaking for the US here, I can't speak on what other countries do BUT

when your baby turns 6 months old and gets approved for solids YOU LITERALLY GET INFORMATION FULL OF ADVICE THAT SAYS DONT GIVE YOUR BABY POUCHES AND PUREES

it is INFURIATING to see so many parents who are like "Oh no!!! my 10-14 month old won't eat solid food and all we've done is pouches and purees" no shit your child won't eat solid food, you've set them up for failure and you have to deal with it.

if you get approved for purees at 4 months, it's one thing to do them from 4-6 months. but not after. pouches as a snack every once in a while are fine but these dumbasses who, despite being given evidence on why not to do this, give their kids a damn plastic pouch full of mush for lunch are so annoying

not giving a baby a variety of tastes and textures in their first year of eating sets them up for picky eating later. they're fucking up their child's palette for their stupid convenience.

these are the same people that are like "haha food before one is just for fun." no tf it's not. for formula fed babies, maybe. but breastfed babies get their iron from solid foods after six months, which is why so many breastfed babies are on iron drops.

thats all. I hope a passing parent sees this and makes the decision to get away from purees. you can use them as a base for pancake mix, btw, if you don't want to waste them.

I was in a long term relationship (7 years) and he told me pretty recently that he would lie about going to work. He'd stake out the house until l left to work, then he'd go back home and spend the entire day there or do something else. He then would come home at his regular time and act like he just worked a full 10 hour shift. While I did, work an entire 9 hour shift. I did all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, planning, and most times even the driving. We were even 50/50 on all the bills, but bless him for fixing the dishwasher, or swapping light bullbs when they needed to be changed.

When he told me this I didn't just feel hurt, I felt embarrassed. Embarrassed that I made him feel like he needed to lie just to get away from me. Embarrassed because I thought "fuck am I really this much of drag? Am I this annoying and needy?" He even admitted to leaving in the middle of the night while I was asleep, this I pressed him on. He said it was to get some time alone and away from me. In our relationship he demanded and got his daily blow jobs, foot rubs, I was his personal door dasher, I mean basically anything he asked of me l did. I didn't always complain or protest because I knew how he'd get. He say things like "well if you don't do it someone else would" and threaten me with some random girl of the month. I'll never be able to prove it but I, intuitively, know that cheated on me and the last time I caught him lying about seeing another girl, well that was my breaking. He was convinced l'd never leave. We've been broken up for a while now but I struggle with this now because I feel like maybe I'm just too much. I feel this way about everyone l've met after the breakup. Coworkers, friends, the people I've dated. I just don't know.

I want to know, from a guy's perspective what's really the motive for this? Have any of you done the same? Does anyone have an opinion?

Also for the women on here, have any of you experienced this? Or similar to? How have you coped with this? How did you manage to get over the remnants of your abusive relationship?

my chem teacher has been someone I've confided in throughout my time at school. he's known me since i was a freshman, and he's always been nice to me, and given me good advice. our relationship was definitely more personal than it should've been, but he had always been kind and genuine towards me. this year, things started getting a little different. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a while now, and he's so supportive and so loving. I couldn't ask for anything better in a friend and a partner, but my teacher really frowned upon our relationship. at the start of the semester we chose seats next to each other, and it was really fun. my chem teacher ended up moving us, saying he was a distraction towards me and a bad influence. I didn't put up a fight because I thought he knew what was best and he was only looking out for me. my boyfriend got mad that I "took his side" and it ended up causing some serious derision between us. I ended up talking to my Chem teacher about this, as I would often spend time in his class during 7th period lunch. he said he was sorry, but he didn't like my boyfriend for me, and he insisted that I could do better. he touched my leg and my shoulder as he said it and it made me really uncomfortable. I don't even want to accept what happened after this, but it's important to talk about. he moved his hand from my shoulder and ran it across my chest and he kept talking about how long he waited for me to realize that he was right for me and that we'd be perfect for each other. i let him touch me. i let him do it and it was so so awful. I don't know what to do and my boyfriend doesn't even know.

Its a small win, but im so proud of myself, it is a VFW scholarship and i just placed top three on a post, and we get to present our essays on Wednesday, and they'll choose placements after, i know its small but im so happy

I was born out of a failed relationship my bio dad originally wanted me to be an abortion my mother refused so he left to never be seen again I often wish she would've said yes When i was 4 or 5 my brother noah forced me to have intercorse with my cousin mya who was a year younger than me At 4 my brother Isaiah forced me to take a hit from his bong i ended up not smoking anything and obly coughing up bong water I often had to pour down my mothers bottles if liquor or else she would end up to drunk and go into yelling fits which heavily frightened me Around 6 years old i moved to a small town after my mother had married a man named kevin Once we moved my mother and her husband would often go out to party leaving me alone at home. I would on occasion join her in these partys sleepovers being often She would almost always blackout i dont remember much of these partys except for a boy named dawson who was 2 years older than i His parents often hosted these parties At 7 he forced me and another friend to masturbate with him as he had found one of his parents pornos. He said he wouldn't be friends with me if he didn't and i had little friends so i couldnt decline We had eventually contracted bedbugs from my friend dawsons family They were mostly kept in my brother noahs room who didnt say anything about them until they had spread to the reat of the house I often woke up coverd in bites It got so bad the walls were infeated with them and the house had to be torn down We moved and the bedbugs followed we were however able to rid ourselves of them Age 8 my grandma died so we moved back home to seek closure with family My mothers drinking only got worse Her and her husband started fighting more not a day would go by without a screaming match and an eventual beat down At 9 my mother randomly snapped so we had to barricade her into her room My brother noah took me to the bus stop attempting to flea the situation She escaped and found us She screamed and eventually slapped me which lead my brother to restrain her and he took us both home Cps was called and i moved in with my aunt It was good for the first year and a half i didnt have to worry about when i was going to get my next meal or if our utilities were going to get cut off i was happy Shortly after my brothers had moved out of my moms house she got evicted and became homless she is still homless to this day She then began to inject heroin with her husband when i would visit she tried to hide the needles tge pipes but i still saw them and most importantly the symptoms of addiction she looked like a skeleton When covid hit and i was taken out of school my aunt had begun to loose it She got deep into conspiracy theories and took me and her kids out of school She then got fired from her nursing job soon after for stealing and selling pills from the hospital she worked at 2021 she dumpt me on my brother gabe and his fiance and i was happy again I still wasnt in school but i was doing ok We still struggled but they made do Eventually my brother got laid off so he started selling coke and here is when his addictions started His fiance Eventually found out and dumped him leaving us to struggle alone And we did until around August 2022 when we got evicted because our land lord wanted to sell in our last month there he got into an argument with my brother noah and ran into his room and snorted a line of coke without knowing i was there This sent me into a breakdown leaving me to lock myself in my room for the rest of the night. I was terrified he would end up like my mother he tried to say he wouldn't but that was a lie too he lied alot We Eventually moved into his ex fiancés house it was a tiny cramped 1 bedroom apartment his fiancé was the ray of hope in my life at the time the one person i still looked up to that i trusted It was good for 3 months until they began to fight again me and brother Eventually moved in with my mom alongside my brother Isaiah who had just recently moved back home Isaiah had been apart of some gang in the next city over so i didnt have a great relationship with him It took 3 months for us to be kicked out Those 3 months was terrible My moms addict friends stating for days loud music blasting until 3 am Mind you i was finnaly back in school it was my only haven In those 3 months my mom screamed at me for throwing out one of her dirty needles and i witnessed one of her friends overdose he almost died After we got evicted we moved in with a family friend her house was disgusting dirty diapers would lay on the floor along side dog poop doora were pulled off hinges old food would lay on the floor and the smell was nauseating After 5 months i moved in with another family friend originally i was staying with my mom and said friend for a sleepover but i ended up stayling for until augest of 2023 her house was slightly better but she had 2 untrained dogs who would pee and poop on the floor i was forced to clean it up 90% of the time because i basically lived on my own how much everyone wlse left My mom was kicked out for drug use a month into me staying there In summer of 2023 i ended up calling cps on myself to try to get into a better situation and it worked i was going to be put into foster care and went to live with my grandpa for 2 weeks whilst the foster parents readied their house However me and my grandpa got along well and he decided to let me live with him instead I am still living with him now semi happy and mostly content

Hello,

I’m currently a 9th-grade female student who had (and honestly still have) a strong crush on my former middle-aged 8th-grade teacher. Long story short, reported me to the administration for “crossing boundaries.”

But one thing that didn’t sit right with me is how I felt that she was returning my feelings. Once, I bit my lip at her when she was talking to me, and she did the same thing to me back. Then, when everyone was reading (and I was done reading), I looked at her admiringly and she seemed to have a suggestive glance while slightly leaning over to me. I was sexually aroused by the situation.

Another instance I remember is when I asked her for a hug (she frequently agreed to hug me at that point, and that was before she complained to the administration) and she said (maybe slightly whispered) semi-playfully, “You’re going to get us both into trouble.”

Also, at the very start of school, we had an open-house, and when my mom and I were talking to the teacher, she was staring at my chest the entire time. I felt kind of uncomfortable but also liked it a bit.

Ultimately, it’s just that I feel like her actions contributed to the growth of my feelings toward her, even though she might have not meant anything by them. But what do you think about this? Was what she did inappropriate or am I just dwelling on it too much?

I'm really, really struggling. I have been for as long as I can remember but its getting harder to pretend and I feel like the person I've created to shield myself from the pain I feel is starting to slip away from me. I can no longer escape the empty feeling I feel within me. I can no longer pretend that im happy with myself and the choices that i've made and now I realize that i'm slipping into an unavoidable depression. I try to keep my head above water and pretend like everything is fine by going to the gym, meditating, doing yoga, hanging out with people, etc etc. But none of this self care ever fills me up in a meaningful way. I thought for certain that once I moved out, started going to school in the program I thought I wanted to do, and worked a fun job I'd finally feel a sense of peace and that things would start making sense, but its only made things worst. I realize that none of this shit actually makes me happy at all. I feel like everything I do is fake and nothing really brings me closer to the person I'd like to be. I just feel like a loser and a failure no matter what I do. I consistently feel a sense of confusion and frustration when looking back at my life and feel like everything has just been an escape to get away from myself; Drugs, toxic relationships, food, sex, gym, whatever. Everything I've done, i've done because it brought me a sense of joy and now i've milked the joy out of every little corner of life and I feel that it's got no superficial happiness left for me to chase. I feel like my past haunts me daily and I cant ever seem to stay in the present moment, I just think and spiral into these thought patterns about things I've done and how I feel like I cant get a grasp on anything solid.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend and I couldn't even figure out why. I just felt angry and uneasy and yet we never argued, never fought, she was incredibly kind and understanding, there was nothing objectively wrong with the relationship. I wanted nothing more than to be happy with her but for some reason I couldn't stop feeling tormented by awful thoughts and a dreadful feeling. My insecurities got so strong that I couldn't sleep at night and I just let them consume me. I found it too difficult to be open with her about my issues and I pushed her away and now it torments me even more because its hard for me to grasp that I would purposefully say no to something so beautiful and loving.

I realize and I'm trying to accept that I am going through a depression right now, but its really difficult. Theres so much I "want to do" but I realize that I only want to do these things because I hate myself and I want to stop feeling the way I feel. Deep down there's not much I want to do, theres no real motivation or interest. It feels strange to realize that I don't really want to keep going, that I wish I could give my life away to someone who would be more grateful for it. I feel really ashamed and embarrassed that I cant find a reason to get out of bed, I feel like I should be happy with the way my life is, but im not. I dread the next day because I know that the same thoughts that have tormented me all day today will be back tomorrow as soon as I wake up. Its getting hard to do things like work or go to school or hang out with friends because I just feel so fucking awful. I feel overwhelmed and angry impulses have started sparking out of me. I get really angry because I can see other people living life fully and I feel stuck in a pit of shit.

Its just difficult to show how i really feel. Its hard for me not to pretend like everything is okay and in the end I sort of am realizing that that's what fucks me up the most.

I've never posted smth like this on reddit but i just felt like putting it down somewhere. Maybe someone can relate or feel better abt themselves through reading this.

I'm frozen in life. I can't bring myself to make the decision to leave. I cry the second I'm alone. Every rational brain cell is telling me to run. When I make the decision to leave I'll be even more alone. The love I feel for this person is irrational. I know I'm not making logical decisions but you're stronger than any drug and it's going to be the most painful thing in rhe world to not see you ever again.

We’ve been together for three years, lived together for one very rare/small arguments. The last two months I have been overly obsessed with him, I want to cuddle him 24/7 and whenever he is talking I just can’t stop staring at his face to the point i sometimes miss what he says. he walks around and I just can’t help myself but to call him handsome and that he is amazing. I always love him always complimented him but I’m currently just on another level. He is just SO handsome kind and caring,smart and funny even if he is playing games rn instead of hanging out with me his is still the best person I’ve ever met.