my best friend/ex has decided we should go no contact and it’s really fucking me up. we’ve gone through some tough times the past few months but i still love them through it all, they were my first real friend in this city and the only solid connection i’ve maintained since moving here. i am terrified of being without them and being so alone. i miss my friends from back home. i don’t wanna be alone, im so sad and it’s fucking consuming me. im sick of being so sad all the time. i genuinely don’t know what to do.

i have been having this thought on my mind for a couple months now, i’m not sure why and i feel so terrible, He is so sweet and give me (almost) everything i need emotionally, but not completely physically. the only thing that is different really is i have been going through a bad patch with my mental health.. i can’t really feel much of anything, im just here. i don’t feel love towards him (or anyone) nor loved by him but nothing changed, he treats me so good and loves me so much so i don’t know why im feeling so off in my relationship. i have tried to talk to him and tell him i think we should take a break so i can try and figure things out and what i really need, 4 hours later we were back to “normal”. i couldn’t stand being away from him it was absolutely terrible, im so confused this is causing me so many problems lol thanks for reading 🙏 any advice helps

i’m just here sitting back and watching myself fuck up another thing. it’s like I have no control over my own life. I unfortunately found a “replacement” for my “fp” but he’s just as bad as the one before. I keep obsessively checking if he’s responded to me (he hasn’t) and as much as I want to do other things I can’t. it’s like everything in my life is about him now. I want to hang out with him again and talk to him more and all of that. I feel like absolute shit. I just wish I could have normal friendships and relationships and all of that but I can’t keep anyone around. I don’t even know what i’m doing wrong. do people actually have people that they talk to daily and hang out with regularly? people that they just randomly text updates about their day to and the other person responds? everything i’ve seen about good friendships just seems so fake and unachievable at this point. are those just fantasy social media friendships or does stuff like that actually exist? I feel like my therapist can’t even really help me because she seems to think I should just find a distraction and I can’t get her to understand that I physically cannot. I try so hard but my mind wanders to him every chance. it’s not as noticeable when i’m buried in physical work and doing physical things to the point of exhaustion but if I pay attention they’re still on my mind. I don’t know how to fix myself, it’s just a never ending cycle of pain

I knew it was coming. I knew it was getting harder for him to handle. I tried changing. I tried to stop my outbursts. I tried to stop getting upset at every single thing. I tried to stop depending on him emotionally. He gave me 3 chances in the last year to change. I did change but it wasn’t enough. How am I supposed to move forward????? We dreamt about a happy married life with together. Raising our 2 kids together. I ruined him. I hurt every inch of his sweet heart. I broke him apart completely. I made him lose himself. He was too busy taking care of me that he couldn’t care for himself. He was too busy appeasing my needs that he didn’t pay attention to his needs. And now he reached his breaking point. What do I do? I can’t get him back.

How am I supposed to stay in the same house with him??? I can’t touch him, I can’t hug him. What do I do?

Hi yall. I think I’ve finally gone off the deep end. My male best friend got a girlfriend that I introduced him too. I saw it as an opportunity to get closer to him and make him happy. I helped make her gifts, figure out what to text her, and helped him when he was stressed about the talking stage. Even though I felt pits of dread every time I saw her texting her or talking about her, I just took it. I honestly didn’t they they would last and I though my comfort and advice would persist in his memory longer than her. But they actually got together and he’s really really into her. I value closeness more than anything and seeing how he communicates with her more and reaches out too her geniuely hurts me. I’ve been snapping at him more and being ina. Constant bad mood. Whenever I’m happy to be with him I remember her and I get horribly depressed and angry with him. What should I do? I’m horribly dependent on him-as I’m autistic and only feel like myself around him + he’s the one I go to for whatever- but I feel horrible for lashing out at him. He’s happy and I’m happy but I can’t help but feel like I deserve to be happy too. I did so much for him and he wants to throw me away for this girl he knew for barley 3 months. He’s been with her for so little but already sees her as one of the closest people in his life putting me in the same category. I don’t think I like him romantically at all but i geniuely feel like my stomach is being grated and my chest is being choked whenever I think about it. What can I do? My last therapist dropped me and the ones around me have no open space. I geniuely feel like one day I’ll lash out at him so bad he’s not gonna come back.

...but they're not over their ex yet so they don't even look at you or acknowledge how badly you want them and you silently hope they'll be ready to move on soon but you know that ain't gonna happen cuz they have BPD lol

We have been on and off for 18 months. Our recent argument involved me communicating a need for quality time alone. Without his family always with us. He blew up. Told me he could never see himself being with me anymore. He hates me. He said he’s never hated anyone like he hates me. If I was a man he’d punch me in the face. I am dead to him. And then he punched a wall. I know that BPD is an illness. I know that things said in ‘the heat of the moment’ require a lot of compassion & understanding. But is this on the extreme end? I work really hard to communicate clearly to him. I am mindful of tone, body language, and his stress levels all of the time, whenever we communicate. But this was particularly intense. It breaks my heart because the good times are good. He also doesn’t see a specialist for his disorder. He actually ended the outburst with “you’re not normal. I’m really worried about you. I think you need to speak to someone”. For expressing a relationship need? Can anyone offer any words of advice or is the relationship over?

I feel that often people think the worst of us. If I try to communicate in a healthy manner, people call me manipulative for showing emotions.

I try to show people that I care and check up on them and suddenly I am insecure.

I just want to show love. Its exhausting being the bad guy when my intentions are pure.

Context: So, my partner of over 5 years is my FP. I live with them in a city 2 hours away from my hometown. It costs 100$ for a round trip from my city to my hometown, so I can’t visit all that often, because I just don’t have the money for it. I visited this weekend for a family member’s birthday, and was planning on staying for a few days since I’m done with school/exams. However, I forgot that Mother’s Day is next week, and I can’t justify going home just to go back for 3 days. It’s just too much money My partner didn’t come down with me as they couldn’t get off of work.

What’s going on: I wasn’t mentally prepared to be away from my partner for that long (even though it’s not actually THAT long and I can call or text them whenever) and, I don’t know why, but it literally feels like they died. My chest hurts and I feel like I’ll never see or hold them again. I’m literally sobbing because I just want them to hold me and they can’t. It literally feels like I’ll never see them or hold them or smell them or kiss them again and I feel distraught rn. Even though, logically, I know that’s not true.

Does anybody have any comforting words or advice? Thanks

Hello, I come here because I'm really doubting my diagnosis of BPD, or if it's the only disorder that I have, I've seen many people with BPD, and none of them look like me, on Friday I almost hit a co-worker, the manager came to threaten me with calling the police, I preferred to just leave, in the night, I had an discussion with a person and the police came, I started insulting them, they started to raise their voices at me thinking that it would scare me, I wanted to hit them, so I decided to go to the hospital asking for help because I was gonna to k!ll someone, this is the most strong symptoms I experience:

Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom.

H#m1cidal ideation, sometimes for no apparent reason.

4dd1ct1on.

Impulsiveness.

Low tolerance to frustration.

Low tolerance for authority, when someone is acting like they have authority over me I have the urge to show them that they don't, it doesn't matter if they are a cop or not.

Severe attacks of anger.

It's normal in people with BPD have this symptoms?

I have recently left my husband. I told him I wanted a divorce and I was done. This took alot of courage for me and I have stewed over this for the last 2 years as I am a SAHM of our 3 kids. He has completely neglected me and our children for the last 8 years. I have managed our home inside and out this entire time. I've had to get a job several different times during the years because he would loose his and not get another. His life literally has been go to work then come home and sit on his xbox. I've received no attention or affection from this man for 8 YEARS unless he wanted a piece of ass and it was basically a quick no warm up type of deal. I have begged and pleaded over the years and I can literally not do this anymore. All 3 of my pregnancies he showed no support in or during my labor. He always left the hospital to go smoke weed. He's begged me and said he'll change, he's made alot of improvements but I am just to the point where all that matters is him being a good father, I don't want him as a partner anymore. All we've done is argue night and day, he's even waking me up in the middle of the night to argue and now he's blaming it on my BPD because I am seeing someone else now. I don't know what else to do to get it through to him but he's literally just making everything so much worse for any friendship relationship we'll have to have for the sake of our children.

okay so just to preface i’ve struggled with mental illness my whole life and have been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and adhd since i was about 11 or 12. when i was around 16 i made friends with a girl with bpd and she would always tell me she thought i had it. she would point out my behaviors or thought processes and how they fit perfectly into the description of bpd. this lead me to go to a psychiatrist when i was 17 to hopefully find some answers. all the psychiatrist did was tell me i was fine and that i was just an emotional teenage girl. then another psychiatrist told me it may be a possibility but because i was only 17 they would not diagnose me with a personality disorder. ever since then i’ve done a lot of research on bpd and rlly feel that i fit into the diagnosis. recently i had a conversation with my therapist abt it and she told me bpd was definitely a possibility, but another possibility would be bipolar with melancholic tendencies. the only issues with this are that i haven’t experienced a “manic episode” in over a year, which i feel is due to me being in a stable relationship, and she can’t formally diagnose me with anything. ik that the next step should be to go to a psychiatrist but i feel they will tell me the same thing that i’m just extra emotional and it’s nothing else. i just don’t know what to do bc i don’t need a diagnosis but it would be extremely validating to know that i’m not crazy and what i’m experiencing is real. if you have any thoughts pls lmk just pls be nice bc i’m very insecure abt it coming across as self diagnosing. anyways… thank u!!

Hi I technically dont have BPD and if i do im not diagnosed my friends w bpd think i do but idk but I genuinely have no idea where to ask. how the fuck do y'all cope with this I dont know what to do i feel so fucking tired of constantly switching emotions and feeling it in extremes i don't know what to do im so tired my friends are so tired of me they're going to leave me i know theyre going to . how the fuck do i cope with feeling like this i dont know what to do I want to die please if anyone has any coping skills or anything please tell me i dont know what to do

I tagged this suicide for a brief mention, but no details or plans or even feelings are mentioned. I just want to be sensitive to triggers.

I have no ability to truly feel loved or important.

Imagine explaining pink to a blind person. You describe it as bright and fun, calm and confident, free and beautiful. They’ll probably believe you. You can even tell them about the pink all around them, clothes and sunset and flowers. They have a concept of what pink is.

But they’ll never see it.

That’s how I am with feeling loved. I can love and I sure do. But nobody, not my spouse whose is amazing or my dear FP or my caring and positive parents have ever made me truly feel loved or valued. They all do everything right as best as a flawed human can. I’m thankful, I really am. But it doesn’t create the feeling.

I truly, in my heart, believe if I walked in front of a bus today, 15-21 days from now now everyone would be back to normal. Even my spouse, who doesn’t work and financially depends on me. This isn’t negativity or self hate or being mean. I cannot physically feel important. Logic is not relevant here. Reality is not relevant here. This is about my feelings, which it appears to me cannot change.

I wish that my loved ones knew that when they tell me they love me and care and need me, on an intellectual level I understand their words and appreciate the sentiment. But it doesn’t mean anything to me emotionally. Nothing.

I partially blame society. We can all find ways we feel worthless. I grew up hearing “women and children first”, and I’m a man. I was forced to register for selective service, the draft - and when war broke out in the Ukraine I saw so many women making draft jokes on social media, joking that my life had no value. I’m gay and have no children - “genetic dead end and better off that way”. I’m a Christian who holds old school beliefs, so I’m an unscientific idiot. I’m 32, and I’ve heard many times we’ll all be dead from climate change in 20 years so life is pointless anyway.

I don’t think I intellectually care about any of the above things, but I think they all have very deep seated impacts on me. I wonder if I’m truly evil. Or maybe just empty. I guess empty is what I always come back to with BPD. Regardless, I seem to inherently believe I’m worthless and it’s impossible to gain worth, by nature or nurture, this is me.

I’m not really looking for help or anything. I don’t need it or want it. Maybe others fight this same battle. Maybe I’m right, and I am worthless. Or maybe I’m blind and it’s all just pink. I can’t quite tell. I guess that’s what I want the most - I would like to find understanding, to reconcile what I feel with reality and learn which is which. But that seems impossible, so I’ll just make a Reddit rant.

cw: suicidal ideation me and my bf of 6 months just broke up yesterday. very confusing situation, he just realized that the love he had for me wasn't enough and he didn't wanna fuck me around. he said he still wants me in his life, as I mean so much to him. vice versa.

i thought i was handling myself well last night when it happened. but it's all just hit me and for the past couple hours i haven't stopped crying.

he told me that i didn't do anything wrong. that i treated him so kindly and he doesn't understand why he just can't fall in love with me in that way.

i thought i was gonna be okay. i saw this coming. but im just not

im falling behind in uni, i had to call in sick from work bc im just a mess, my room looks disgusting and to top it off, i also just recently went through a friendship breakup too.

i just feel like im not strong enough to do this rn. i don't think my life has any value. i just wish when i tried to end it a while ago that it worked. i don't know who i can talk to about this. i just wish i wasn't here.

I used to be a very good student and now I am failing all my classes because I was just stuck and not able to submit anything.

My friends do not talk to me anymore. I felt like they just talked because they wanted some support from me because I am a good listener. But that is it. Today, I saw them hanging out. Mind you all of them live in different towns. So bare minimum they were talking to coordinate it.

Meanwhile, I communicated that I would like to talk for 5 minutes properly multiple times. I got ghosted multiple times.

Every single time I make friends I think everything will be okay. But it is not okay ever. Its the same pattern everytime. being not included, ghosted, left out, getting laughed at.

I have a medication that I need to put everyday in the form of an injection for a painful condition I have. It hurts so much. I broke down multiple times trying to put the injection because I am so hurt.

I want to run away. I want run away far away from everyone. Never rely on anyone. Never hope and Never expect anything from anyone. The only thing stopping me is that my mom would be very sad if I ran away from her.

hi there- my partner and i started talking during covid right after i was diagnosed with bpd, depression, and anxiety. we spoke for a year and met a handful of times before she (lesbians) moved to canada to be with me. we had three years living side by side before things started to go downhill, and just a couple months ago we broke up. to say i am devastated is an understatement. i moved into a new apartment and have been a shell of a human ever since. all of our friends are mutual now. i cannot confidently confide in anyone but my therapist and i only have him because i have been suicidal (his services are free because i referred by my doctor into a funded program). he is the only person i have not connected to her. no friends or family, just him. and even with him, i have no hope. i am a shell of a person. i used to be so outgoing and fun and friendly and now i am isolating and numb and dark. i work and go to bed at 5pm just so i can wake up to go back to work and socialize with my coworkers again. my therapist is very good at what he does (i have been in this program before), and he’s giving me the skills i need to get out of this. but it feels different this time. it’s like i already am aware of everything i need to work on and everything i need to do, but i can’t do any of it. i am stuck. empty. deteriorating. i am no contact with my ex for both of our mental healths but it is killing me. it was a mutual decision, but looking back on things i am now full of new confusion and resentment… and a lot of regret. how do i get out of this? how do i move on with my life? i am so alone and that is so new to me. before her and during her i had so many friends, so much happening. but now that she is gone and i have no best friend to confide in… i cannot bring myself to talk to anyone else. everyone i know is now tied to her. my therapist is all i have. it is isolating and i am spiraling every day. some days, occasionally, i feel like i have a clear head and am seeing things logically and with hope and applying my skills, but then night comes and i spiral all over again. i am so scared. i am so lonely. i am so god damn sad, and so mentally ill. looking back on my life i don’t think i’ve ever been so low. and i’ve been through a lot, and it’s like it’s all finally catching up on me. and suffocating me all at once. i don’t know what to do or where to go. i don’t know who to turn to.

so a few weeks ago i stopped taking one of my meds (trintillex) because it started making me super sick sometimes to the point of throwing up. i just recently got put on a new medication (10mg lexapro). it will take 6-8 weeks to see if it even helps at all.

my anger has been so bad, i feel like im not in control of my own feelings and body. the person ive been taking it out on the most is my boyfriend and i feel so so fucking bad. i get so angry over the smallest things, for example tonight we were playing a game called rust, we were going against each other and he kept doing this annoying movement and i just kept yelling and getting so mad, he didnt stop so i left the game.

after i left the game, i muted myself, and not even 30 seconds later i unmute myself and i say something (with a lot of attitude and rudeness) along the lines of "so we arent gonna play anymore?" LIKE WHAT. IM THE ONE WHO LEFT. and then he said "well you keep getting mad and you left the game" then i basically just went back and forth with him saying how annoying it is that he kept doing that. but keep in mind, while im arguing with him i am yelling, i am breathing like a crazy person, i am shaking, and i am looking for something to throw/hit/break. i literally felt like i was going to explode. and then not long after we get back on the game and i just felt so guilty for being so ugly toward him over something SO small. it took me a while to build up courage to even say im sorry. and when i did, he was so understanding and he said "just remember its too early for your medicine to work <3"

but other times when its something bad he does like going behind my back, or ignoring me or declining my calls when he knows it makes me freak out terrified (bc hes cheated on me more than once and lied to me more than i can count on my fingers, toes, and hairstrands), hes not understanding and makes me feel horrible, and sometimes breaks up with me. (he has broken up with me 8 times in the 1 yr and 4 months we have been together, and how i react and feel is a WHOLE different story. its bad when he leaves.)

aaand i went off topic, typical me.

but anyways, i just feel like i am going absolutely insane and i hate feeling this way and not only have i been getting angry ive been getting so so emotional and ive been crying a bunch idk i just dont feel like im alive i feel like im spectating someone else controlling me sometimes.

just needed to vent :( i do appreciate any kind words, advice, or even if you feel the same please feel free to vent as well!

The emotional pain I feel everyday is ruining my life. Even just sitting chilling in a safe space surrounded by people I love that make me happy my brain will just start going crazy out of nowhere. Sometimes it's caused by something but sometimes it's for no reason at all. I feel like it's just been getting worse and worse.

I feel all negative emotions x1000 at once and its so overwhelming I've been wanting to just die because I can't handle the emotional distress anymore it's so overwhelming. I almost ended everything last night and I'm barely okay right now.

I'll be ok one second then one small inconvince happens and I have a breakdown. And then it isn't isn't about that inconvenience anymore it's EVERYTHING. ALL AT ONCE.

It's ruining my relationship with my boyfriend, I keep hurting him because I'm mentally unstable and keep hurting myself and worrying him. We had a conversation the other night and he told me all the things that hurt him and they're just all traits of my BPD... Saying we should break up, saying he doesn't love me, assuming things, hurting myself. None of which are attacks against him and are mostly against myself saying he should leave me because he deserves better saying it feels like he doesn't love me because there's nothing to love anymore.

I hate my BPD and it's controlling and ruining my life. This emotional agony will consume me until I'm crying rocking back and forth screaming MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP. I can't do this anymore. I'm in so much pain. Things were okay 3 months ago but after a traumatic event I just have not recovered and full relapsed into depression. I feel so alone, and the pain never goes away. My own head turning against itself all the time. Just such severe intense emotional agony that I want to die so it stops. It's ruining everything. I'm scared to try new medication because I did for a couple days and it made me feel 100x worse (Frick you Zoloft) and now I'm scared.

Does anyone have anything that helps you when you feel severe emotional agony? I don't know what to do anymore and I just want to give up. I'm barely holding it together anymore.

Reached out to my dad that I have little to no contact with for support while actually losing my mind. Surprisingly went well but I think he could tell how down I was about needing some sort of support. He was also wasted so that made it easier. This weekend was genuinely horrible and tough. Can’t even believe I have to do this shit again.

Guys, I did it! I took a whole bunch of trash out finally! My apartment’s been a pretty gross mess. Trash, dishes, pretty gross floor, a little bit of other stuff needs doing. Been struggling with motivation lately. And I finally did a big chunk of the cleaning today by taking out all that trash! Woohoo!

In no way am I diagnosing myself or asking you guys to do that for me. But basically it seems like since I was a teen, I have always strongly felt somethings very very different about me. I am 25 now and struggle with a sense of self and oftentimes change up my looks,hobbies etc. when something happens, big or small I think it’s the end of the world and it can trigger an episode of me crying for hours and hours. I have SH a lot throughout my life and have had off and on again suicidal ideation. I get chronic feelings of emptiness sometimes and it is so strong it’s like a void I am unable to fill, especially when I am alone. I’ll have goals and a healthy outlook on life and commit to it only to take the wrong turn and forget about it and self sabotage. I find myself drinking a lot to deal with feelings especially when something doesn’t go my way with a person or I have an episode. I seem to attract bad people in my life and sometimes I stick with them even when I know I shouldn’t. Sometimes I feel crazy and I want to thrive in it I feel good I feel like nothing and no one can stop me. Sometimes I see things like it’s black and white. It’s this way or that. They are good or they are bad. The way I love, I fantasize for hours and hours, I become quickly attached and I would do anything for them. And it’s unconditional. When I think they might hate me or not like me as much I distance myself or I say something and ruin it. I go through all lengths to keep a partner, even if it shows the ugly parts of me. I become delusional and even online stalk etc. when I rage, I scream, I throw things, I hit things and I hurt myself. Sometimes I turn the feelings off so no one can hurt me. Sometimes I am unable to express myself and it bothers me, when I get sad I sit in my self pity and think there’s nothing I can do. I think about dying and then all of a sudden I’m hanging out with someone new and having the time of my life. Sometimes I can be promiscuous and I don’t like that but sometimes I don’t care at all sometimes I care so much it hurts. I get confused by myself because I’ll have good morals and views but then they will be different a few weeks later. I won’t even think about a few weeks back I’ll just think about how I’m feeling now. I’ll be confused because I’ll be confrontational and blow up on others. Sometimes I’ll come out of nowhere with paragraphs or questions and they are confused why I’m acting like that. Sometimes I can’t trust anyone not even myself. Anyways I’m sure there might be some details I have left out but I hope this wasn’t too long and that it was ok that I posted this here. Thank you.

I feel like I use the term “friend” really loosely and I don’t know how to explain it to my therapist. Like I have “friends” for certain activities but I don’t actually feel like I can trust them with deep thoughts or feelings or anything. When I talk to my therapist it seems like she believes that these are actual friends but I can’t consider any of these people true friends because I can’t actually depend on them for anything. I feel like I don’t know what a friend actually is and I don’t know how to vocalize this to my therapist. I feel like she thinks i’m more stable and ok than I actually am

Do y’all have actual friends? What do you consider to be friends?

So I had a dream of where there was this one guy who I despised so badly in real life. I wanted to beat him up make him bleed and make everyone fear me. But the dream changed my perspective. He walked up to me and taunted me so I hit him in the head with a blunt object. He screamed and got knocked out when he hit his head on the wall. Instead of feeling proud for what I did, I felt horrified. I looked at the blunt object and yanked it out of my hand in anger. I performed first aid on him using my shirt as a cloth and attempted CPR while I told someone to call 911. Everyone looked at me with fear and it didn’t feel good at all. I ruined my reputation completely and everyone told me I belong I juvie(I’m a 16 year old in high school) the dream was so intense I woke up and I cried. The dream was a wake up call to what would happen if I let my emotions run free and let them out of someone. It showed the harsh reality of what would happen if I did it.

People just up and leave me. All the time. No matter what I do. No matter how much I give or community or try to make things work. Why should I trust people when even the ones I thought would never leave did? I feel numb. I oils even prefer to feel enraged but I just feel hollow.

I just want to disappear and move away. No one would miss me anyways.

idk what to feel right now. a lot of people in my life are telling me my boyfriend raises red flags, but me as his partner i know why he responds to things the way he does. someone brought up how his ex (who is an ex friend of mine from two years ago, who is known for lying) said he "made her feel used" and im having so much thrown at me at once idk how to feel. idk if i take what they're saying into account or stick with supporting my boyfriend. we're both 17 and he was just homeless due to home life and he's now living with his childhood friend and is finally picking himself up, however his car just broke down and like ive said in a previous post- i expressed how i was worried we wouldn't last as a couple and it blew up into an argument. (if anyone wants screenshots to give input dm me, cause that would be helpful). he's had a very rough life and has been treated like shit by everyone around him and used constantly, everyone basically gave up on him when his car broke down. i really don't know how to feel and it's so frustrating because i really want this relationship to work out, it's not even been two months yet though and we've already had two arguments. IDK i want to rip my hair out because im so conflicted. on one hand, he treats me so well, on the other hand- the way he spoke to me in that argument hurt me. i want to cry rn i really don't want to leave him, he's so good to me. if someone is willing to dm me and talk about this in more detail pls do so.

Is there something that makes me the side character in my own story? Is there something that’s deeply wedged in me that makes people naturally avoid closeness with me? I wish I was soft again and people could enjoy my presence. I feel like a gift nobody wanted. I just sit in the corner all day, watching everybody I love enjoy themselves. I’ll be there when all the other presents and goodies get boring. I’ll be there because I have no other fucking place to go. Nowhere.

I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m almost a year clean and I can’t mess this up. But I don’t know what to do with myself.. I was sobbing in the shower for over an hour I couldn’t breathe.

I feel like no matter how hard I’m breathing I can’t get any fresh air. I’ve used all my fresh air and I’m out.

What do I do? How do I get out of this? I feel like I’ve been scratching some poison out of myself but it’s already taken over my whole body, and I’ll never get it out. I want to be good. I forgot how to be good.

I know BPD has a good prognosis and I absolutely believe therapy is the best place to start. I keep getting triggered by our kids constantly needing attention and trying to talk over any conversation I try to have with my wife. Or I will misinterpret something someone says and go from being in a great mood, enjoying life, to super bummed out and feeling unattractive. My family notices this. When they notice that all of a sudden my mood has been ruined or I’m annoyed it changes the entire family dynamic.

Just feeling like there would be pain of the loss at first and then much happier times if they found a new husband/father that didn’t have these issues and could be a better role model for them. I don’t want the kids to pickup on these unhealthy habits. Especially feeling like a baby back bitch when they hear me try to discuss these feelings with my wife. A man, especially a father shouldn’t be so weak and sensitive.

What helps you immediately turn the bus around when it feels like you were in a great mood and now starting to spiral downward?

i just recently started a relationship with a guy, 30m and i’m 19f. we got into our first argument last night because i wanted to tell him i was planning on hanging out with a guy (just a friend) and i didn’t want him to think it was more than that. he got pretty mad/ upset. he said he didn’t want to control me but that’s what it felt like. now the reason i ask if im overthinking is because it made me question our age difference. like… he is 30, shouldn’t he be mature enough to handle the possibility of me just actually hanging out with a guy that is just a friend? it also makes me wonder if he is only dating me because he knows i am young and “vulnerable” ( he knows im borderline) i also ask if im overthinking because i see people as good or evil a lot of the time. i don’t know if im just spiraling and thinking hes some evil monster that is out to get me or manipulate me. or if he has valid concerns. my judgment is extremely cloudy bc of my disorder. sorry for the long post. i just don’t know who else to ask.

is this even possible for people with BPD or BPD symptoms? i can’t help but constantly feel like the only cure to this endless loop is to remove this person from my life, but i want to do anything but that. they obviously mean so much to me. does anyone have any helpful tips on how to healthily practice emotional detachment from an FP?

my FP is my best friend of 3 years. i know if i continue to allow myself to behave and think this way, i will lose this person. i want to stop that before it gets to that point. i want to be okay when they find a partner, or new friends, or when they spend time away from me. it’s really hard to not center them in my life, especially w my current situation.