Hey everyone,

I (M25) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (F21), who has BPD. Things have been really difficult lately (more context in the comments or here for full post), and last night we had a long conversation where she brought up the idea of ending the relationship. She told me that she doesn’t feel like a good partner right now and that it hurts her to see me struggling because of the way she is. I kept reminding her that what makes me feel the worst is not her emotional state, but the fact that we’re even talking about breaking up. But it honestly felt like I was talking to a wall.

Throughout our conversation, I reassured her multiple times that I have absolutely no problem standing by her through this, even in the worst moments, and that her struggles don’t make me want to walk away. But she still feels like she’s failing as a partner, and that guilt is weighing heavily on her. Eventually, I suggested that we wait a bit before making any final decisions, thinking of maybe a few weeks. She said she’d think about it for a couple of days and let me know what she wants to do. In the meantime, we agreed to keep in contact through messages, so nothing has changed yet, but I feel like a breakup is very possible.

If she does end things, I’ve been considering suggesting a period of No Contact, something like two to three weeks, not to “cut her off” completely, but to give her actual space to process everything without the weight of the relationship on her mind. It wouldn’t be a permanent thing, just a way to create some distance and see if, after some time, she gains any clarity on how she really feels. I’d also tell her that if she ever feels like reaching out before that time is up, she absolutely can, and I’ll be there.

I still believe in this relationship and don’t want to let it fall apart if there’s a chance she just needs space to see things more clearly. Has anyone been in a similar situation where No Contact actually helped in a case like this? Or would it be better to stay somewhat in touch rather than create that distance? I just want to do whatever has the best chance of making her realize that this relationship is still worth fighting for.

Thanks in advance.

anyone find it incredibly frustrating and discouraging that when you google bpd and bpd resources, a bunch of the top searches are actually resources for having someone in your life with BPD? even here on reddit, of the top subreddits that came up when i searched BPD, this was the only one that was actually for people with BPD, all the other ones were for people who have relationships or exes with BPD. i recognise we can be difficult to be in relationships with and i respect that people need a space to talk about it. but the tenor of these resources and communities is more often than not “people with BPD are awful and they ruined my life”. I’m sick and tired of having to sort through this shit to get to something that is actually going to be helpful to me. (To be clear, my problem is that these communities seem to outrank and even outnumber actual support for BPD patients, not that these communities exist. Though idk, like is deciding that your ex was evil really helping you move on from the trauma?? Especially if you know they had a condition??? Is hating on the condition really that good for you bro? If it’s legitimately a place for people to share support for how to live with someone with BPD in a way that is respectful of the condition, that’s one thing, but it seems like it’s just a place to regurgitate BPD stigma) Even resources by mental health professionals often have such a negative and unsupportive attitude towards the disorder. Isn’t BPD supposed to have one of the best prognoses of cluster B disorders with treatment??? Where’s that information and why is it buried under all this bullshit? I no longer trust BPD resources from people that don’t themselves have the disorder, because it feels like you never know when what looks it is supposed to be a helpful resource is actually a trojan horse for a bunch of BPD stigma. Please share any good BPD resources you guys have found. I love podcasts so especially any podcast recommendations would be appreciated. I lost my health insurance so am out of treatment for the first time in a while and looking for any self-education I can do.

Hi, I’m living in Norway where BPD is considered a disability and could affect my employment. I was diagnosed in 2015, had already been on medication for some years. In 2017 I weened off meds under supervision and have been raw-dogging since. It’s been good, it’s been bad, but I’m really struggling lately. Something happened recently and I feel like I’ve regressed.

I know I need help, but I don’t know how to get it. I’m currently experiencing a heavy bout of depression. I know I should do self help but I just can’t get myself motivated to even try workbooks and things. I feel like I need connection, I want someone to talk to, but nobody in my life understands, and I can’t afford professionals or losing my job.

I’m tired of living like this, being fragile, and feeling so alone. I’m tired of struggling. I just don’t see the point of living with all this internal pain for a mere few moments of fleeting happiness.

I feel like only people with BPD understand how painful this disorder can be, and how complicated it gets with coexisting disorders. Any words of advice, thoughts, feelings, all are welcome here. Thank you for your time.

So my fp was my bestie for more than 20 years. We also worked together, her being my supervisor. Earlier this year she fired me from my position at work because I was missing too much work by being in the psychiatric hospital. There were tons of micro aggressions leading up to that point as well. Needless to say, Ive cut her out of my life completely. Now she’s harassing me at my new position at work and HR isn’t doing anything about it. she bullies everyone at work, including HR, and the owner lets her do whatever she wants. It’s unbelievable. she has gaslit me about both my mental and physical health symptoms for years. The old “you just want attention” trope. Basically she’s a terrible human. She wasn’t always but she sure is now. I wish she would go away forever. <end rant>

And it’s not a hard pill to swallow. It was once upon a time but now it’s almost my norm. It’s to be expected. I am easy to replace. I’m not special. People will overlook me. Occasionally I’m the last minute choice but mostly no I’m nothing. I feel like we all grow up wanting to be at least one persons someone special you know but for some people it never happens. Because we are flawed. Too much. Not good enough. Whatever the reason may be. We are simply just not chosen and that was a hard pill to swallow and get used to as a child and as a complicated teenager. Now it’s to be expected. When I get the “Oh it’s not you it’s me” text I know it’s me. I’m the problem.

I've been missing my ex-boyfriend for almost 4 years now. We broke up a million times (shocker), and things have always been rocky with us as far as keeping in contact. For reference, he and I are both alcoholics/addicts and had a very toxic relationship because of both my BPD and his addiction (My addiction issues manifested after we broke up)He broke into my apartment several times, stalked me, threatened me, threatened my family and for some reason, I still can't let him go. He sounds like a terrible person, but he did all of these things while on drugs. I chose to forgive him for everything he did to me years ago. He was my friend for 7 years before we dated, and he was his true self when he was not on drugs. A good person. In the past year and a quarter, I have gotten sober, and he was also sober for some time. We reconnected, and I immediately thought, "We're going to be together again." I know that's my BPD talking, but more on that later. He ended up ghosting me, and I felt crushed. He reached out to me months later and asked for help. I took him to rehab, and then he ghosted me after. He reached out to me about a month ago and told me he was in the deep end again, and asked me to help him get more drugs. I declined and said I'd take him to rehab but that's all. Someone else took him to rehab and I have not heard from him since.

My heart feels like a 10lb weight is resting on it anytime I think of him. Despite everything that happened, I still love him. I haven't been in a relationship since him because nothing compares to the feeling I got when I was with him. Is this my BPD? Am I ever going to be able to find satisfaction in a relationship that lacks chaos? I should add my BPD is much more stabilized now, and I am medicated. Despite my life improving since getting sober, I still find myself longing for him. Longing for the type of connection we had. I wish I could say I want to let go and move on, but that's the worst part. I don't. Everyone in my life tells me to cut contact, but they don't have BPD, and they also have never loved an addict. Also, we only spoke a handful of times in the past 4 years so it's not like we are still on/off. I've seen him 4 times in the past 4 years. That makes my obsessive feelings even more confusing for me and that just leads to shame.

I MAY still be in shock but i havent had an episode yet so its a win in my book.

Long story short is that my (now) ex had been distant, and frankly i was a bit upset. But i handled the situation very well. I was mature and said i hoped for better communication. I knew he was struggling with a lot of mental health and other things but i wanted to support him, i just didnt know how and needed him to tell me what i could to help. He reassured me that it was all him, and that he was fine (which isnt reassuring at all honestly). End of conversation. 2 days later and i wake up to a text where hes like “i just can give any of myself rn” and im honestly hurt, but i dont say anything irrelevant. I simply tell him i support whatever hes going though rn and if that means a breakup then so be it. I wont beg or harass him. He tried to say something else, continue the conversation or something.. but i just told him plainly i didnt have the right words (i just woke up) and that if it was over then its over.

Anyways.. 11ish at night i get a text from his friend online (whom ive never talked to), and shes talking about how my ex was cheating on me and saying bad stuff about me. So heres what i can gather: 1.) it was completely unnecessary to tell me any of that because my relationship was no longer. I feel worse after being told that information 2.) i dont think she was entirely truthful, but its really hard to know whats the truth and whats exaggerated. 3.) my ex had definitely been saying bad things about me, and he wasnt truthful either

Conclusion: im ignoring that bs because frankly i dont have the energy to deal with it. Some wise words: it es what it es

Idk. This is a vent, but atm im pretty void of emotions. Not depressed, not angry, not anything. Just existing and not liking it. Not looking forward to the emotions that will most definitely catch up to me later.

I wish i had more professional options. I dont have a therapist atm, i cant take medication consistently, psych hold isnt an option (for a lot of reasons), my insurance updated this year and its been hell trying to get treatment, etc. I just reeaaally wish i had something. Something.. Anything.

Ive been isolating myself for months and waiting for someone to say the magic words to “cure” me. But im really sick. And im getting tired of being sick.

Man I’m so annoyed by these always back coming manic phases. I just came home a months a go. I finally felt calm for four weeks now. And now I’m starting to flip again. The urge of running away is coming back. The urge of doing stupid shit. Will I ever stop ? Will there ever be someone I stop running away from? I just don’t get it life is good everything is fine but my mind is HECK YEAH LETS MALE THIS PLCE HELL. And I don’t mean this world I mean my mind.

it all started so randomly. i got obsessed with a new character, a new show. stumbled upon a video compilation of said character exhibiting bpd symptoms. related. saw myself in it. and suddenly there was this grief. read fanfictions, crying.

i planned to go out tonight. i was so excited for it, planned my outfit, planned how i would try and get to know people. set myself a goal to approach one person, as to not overwhelm myself.

i been feeling lonely these days, longing for friends. i don't have any. i pushed everyone away at some point.

i don't wanna go out anymore.

i feel like a monster. not yet in treatment. still the toxic person my ex left a few weeks ago. everyone leaves. i always make everyone leave. even though i really like to believe i was doing better these days. wanting to connect.

wouldn't it be for the better if i didn't go out. didn't talk to people. lured them in, only to break them down the line.

i need to stay far away. i have no idea how to be a decent human being. i deserve to be hidden away. it's stupid to believe i will find someone else. some new love who will promise to stay and yet leave. like my ex. like everyone else.

i am so ashamed.

Hey ya’ll! I’m hoping to get an intake appointment this week (fingers crossed). I decided to write out a list of patterns of mine that might help me out when meeting with a new therapist. Just to kindof show a better picture with what I’m struggling with atm without having to go into too much detail during our intake. I’ll paste the list I’ve come up with below that might be BPD-relatable. If you see any that feel familiar, let me know I’d love to hear your insight (some might be duplicates) 🫶

Patterns of mine

• Need for solitude when triggered
• Stressful periods can be a struggle for self-confidence, even though
• Long-term loneliness/isolation trigger intense fear
• fear of being forgotten

-Major life changes can trigger extreme mood swings and panic attacks, then chronic depression that can last for days or weeks -Taking on too much workload or tasks (overcommitting) trigger mood swings (euphoric and then fatigue)

• Unavoidable thoughts of close ones on a ‘pedestal’ one minute, devaluing them unexpectedly triggered by pause or break in communicating for no reason. (splitting?)
• Fear that I am too much (sharing feelings or fear of emotionally dumbing), especially during stressful times, prevents me from being vulnerable with loved ones
• Shame for feeling like a burden, or fear of emotionally dumbing, prevents me from being vulnerable and understood
• Internal fear of being too clingy during time of loneliness and isolation, triggering shame and guilt for having such feelings
• long periods of chronic depression - fatigue, brain fog, nightmares, sleeping longer and still waking up feeling tired, trouble staying asleep, dissociation, freeze - for days or weeks

-trouble following conversations while feeling dissociated creates more anxiety, detached from self, numb, trouble feeling positive feelings, trouble connecting to others (depersonalization)

• Irritated when boundaries aren’t respected, overstimulated from sensory overload
• Need for a safe and predictable environment
• Need for a neurodivergent-friendly environment i.e. soft lighting, soft voices, soft music on in background
• Grounding and safe people and atmosphere alleviates stress
• During a period of uncertainty and loneliness, rejection can intensify feelings of unworthiness
• Separation anxiety from loved one
• Hearing “there is something wrong with you” or “you need help” triggers intense shame and guilt
• Afraid to share big intense feelings, afraid it’ll push people away
• Panic attacks during periods of uncertainty, often multiple times
• Deleting social media apps for a minute, then redownloading them.
• Avoiding checking text messages from close ones during intense mood swings (constantly checking during intense periods can cause me to spiral more)
• Intense fear that things won’t get better like financial stability, seeing loved ones again during peak depression, suicidal thought pops up briefly then goes away
• Triggered by assumptions of my feelings, irritated
• Intense fear of regressing during stressful periods i.e. being around others with unhealed patterns
• Sometimes periods of total inner peace, followed by sudden fear or prolonged depression for no reason
• Triggered when feelings are felt invalidated i.e. being told depression is in my control or told entitled to some panic attacks, but not all
• During peek depression, feels like being in quicksand, unable to escape feeling, “dying” sensation, triggering panic attack
• Random periods of night terrors or nightmares that can go on for a period of days
• Suddenly having trouble staying asleep or sleeping for 12 hours and still feeling tired, even while having good sleep hygiene.
• Sometimes unconsciously forgetting to simply brush teeth or take medication
• Need to have control over autonomy
• Need to be given a longer sense of time and space than most people to consider and make major life changes without feeling peer pressured
• During intense mood swings, it is hard to see others with all their qualities as a whole like normally, only seeing the good and the bad (splitting).

-Feeling ignored, discouragement, invalidated, disappointment can trigger splitting or intense, unexpected, uncontrollable mood swings

-Splitting can trigger freeze and dissociation, preventing me from making thoughtful decisions or showing empathy

-During times of chronic depression, I can wake up dissociated (freeze response) for days or weeks, having a difficult time with daily tasks i.e. awareness of surroundings (driving, socializing), empathy towards others feelings, engaging mindfully and showing up authentically

-When in freeze, attempting to socialize feels like I’m dying (flight response) and wanting to leave because I forget social cues, empathy or my own personality.

-Sometimes text people back immediately, other days pause to reply or “ghost” due to not having the energy or emotional capacity to respond, especially during periods of stress.

-Sometimes when overstimulated by sensory overload (crowded places, loud places, overheating), I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack. Talking and being around others feels like paranoia and overwhelming, feels like an out of body experience.

-Sometimes have an uncontrollable urge to spend without weighing pros and cons

-Feeling like something is wrong with me, or told, makes me feel painful shame and guilt

I'm looking for some help or advice, I'm not trying to self diagnose her, I have actually spoken to her doctor (not about her medical records or anything like that, out of genuine concern for her behaviour, and how she's been towards me) I think my mother might have severe BPD, if it can be severe?

There's a multitude of things that she does, but how she is towards me is so awful I just can't cope with it anymore, she's riddled me with anxiety and at one point almost ruined my mental health because she's so verbally abuseive towards me, I have to put this wall up with her just to be able to deal with her, and everything is my fault, I'm always the one in the wrong, even when I sit there in silence or when I avoid her, I just don't know what to do anymore.

hi, haven't posted here before and not entirely sure if this allowed, so please delete if not. I got out of hospital a few days ago and I'm being seen at home twice a day as an alternative to admission but I'm still very much in crisis and trying to avoid self-harming/suicidal behaviours. this is particularly hard for my partner whom I live with and has never had to deal with me in an episode like this before. I'm currently on clonidine (given for adhd/migraines/ptsd-related insomnia, works very well) and elvanse though I'm not taking this anymore. I came off everything else because I was doing a lot better but a recent Bad Event has made me think that I probably need to be on more serious meds. they're also giving me 10mg diazepam a day right now and even that isn't really curbing it.

I'm considering asking for lurasidone (latuda) or ziprasidone (geodon) and wondered if anyone had experience with these and found them useful for bpd? I also worry that I might have bipolar 1 as I have been previously sectioned for what was called a 'mixed affective episode' but this isn't diagnosed.

I've previously been on:

pregabalin for two years (worked very well but came off it recently because it seemed to have stopped controlling panic attacks and I wanted to improve my memory)
quetiapine for about six months (helped but couldn't tolerate the sedation and weight gain)
aripiprazole for two weeks (caused akathisia and nystagmus and increased impulsive behaviour)
fluoxetine twice (bad, suicide attempts and dissociation)
citalopram (as above)
venlafaxine for one day (paralysed one side of my body)
lamotrigine for two weeks (gave me meningitis)
haloperidol while sectioned (obviously did not enjoy this but I guess it worked)

the psychiatrist I saw last year also suggested lithium but I was too nervous about this. but maybe worth re-considering. idk. generally I haven't responded well to medication. I always have these really intense agitated suicidal distress episodes in like january-march and definitely have some sort of non-unipolar or at least treatment-resistant mood disorder in addition to bpd but also have the typical emotional dysregulation, suicidal stuff, rage (this is especially bad right now), extreme sensitivity to criticism/rejection, etc... anti-psychotics have seemed to help with the anger and agitation and some of the worst emotional spikes before so I'm leaning towards trying one again. either that or an MAOI which I've never tried before but it doesn't seem like there's a great evidence base for these re: bpd

pls share experiences and I promise not to take it as medical advice but obv all this stuff is off-label for bpd anyway so if I have to make a case for it it would be useful to know that it's helped others

Hi there, 31M here. Got diagnosed with BPD three years ago and somehow managed to somewhat turn around the trainwreck of a life I was living back then, step by step, using DBT as my framework. Over the last 12 months, I started to develop skills tailor-made just for me and even started using them sparingly in my own field of work.

I’m looking to connect with others who’ve also gone beyond DBT basics—those who’ve developed their own skills, frameworks, and personal philosophies for living and even thriving with BPD. Who else is out here doing this kind of work? I would love to share skills, stories, ideas.

Hi, I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for a few months now. I was diagnosed with BPD four years ago, but I’ve been in therapy and on medication since then, and I’ve made a lot of progress. My psychologist now thinks CPTSD fits me better and that BPD no longer describes my symptoms, but I still struggle with emotional instability and splitting.

When we first started dating, my boyfriend told me he never wanted to date someone with BPD because of bad experiences with exes who had it. That made me feel unsafe sharing my diagnosis, so I only told him I had mental health struggles and had been hospitalized before. A few weeks later, we got into a big fight because I wouldn’t tell him my exact diagnosis—he felt he had a right to know, while I felt his stigma made it unsafe to share. Eventually, the argument blew over, but when it came up again, I told him I had CPTSD. I didn’t mention that I was previously diagnosed with BPD.

Now, he’s talking about wanting to marry me one day, and I feel awful for not telling him the full truth. I hate how stigmatized BPD is, and I worry that by avoiding it, I’m reinforcing that stigma. But at the same time, since it’s not my current diagnosis, I don’t know if it’s even necessary to bring up.

For those of you who have BPD, have you been in a similar situation? Do you think I should tell him, or is it okay to keep it to myself since it’s not an active diagnosis anymore? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Anyone here can't escape living in a looping nostalgia? from years ago, for me these past 10y seems unreal. a dream. every single thing, every single place, every single song...reminded me of the past, both good and bad memories..can't seem to escape. i'm fkin tired. i just wish i can relive those time again. Sometimes, i can see the shadow and my funny brains recreate those exact scene and memories if i happen to saw like for example (a petrol station with a core memory) share your thought and exp.

My ex of four years broke up with me about a year ago and ever since then I haven't been close with anyone ever. I am 19 years old, so we started dating when we were 15. I was so infactuated with him I always told myself id never be like this with anyone but him. I didnt care about anyone or anything if he wasnt in my life and I dont.

I have a boyfriend rn and I dont like him. I ruined a good friendship I had recently, and now my ex knows im this awful person and that Im dating someone rn. I was trying to keep him in my life for as long as possible and now its been almost a month and Im still hoping he somehow still likes me after all of this and maybe wants to be with me.

I know he shouldn't and the relationship is so toxic, but I swear it feels like he has a love spell on me. I dont even care about anyone else if he isn't around me, I stopped feeling as well. I stopped feeling until he was actually gone for good.

I didnt care about leaving people in a way. I got scarily attached to this one guy cause he kind of reminded me of my ex This is awful I know it is but what am I going to do I cant have him leave me for good. I can sit here and fake to everyone I am so calm but I am no better than the next person, and even though he wasnt the best he loved me.

He did treat me like shit and I would tell him all the time how I wanted to die when I was mad and so entirely happy when I was happy. He hurt me so bad but I cant help but miss him so much. I lost who I was recently and now I dont even know myself I feel so lost.

I just want him, but I am so scared of him leaving me again. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I want him but I dont but if I dont have him ill just have meaningless 'love" for the rest of my life, and I hate that.

So for the pass year and a half all my gf has been doing is accusing me of cheating. Mind you she has been through hell with her pass relationships. Everyone has cheated on her. I give her no reason that I am. She has my location can call me when ever she can ask me where I am but it's like she chooses to just keep thinking it's happening. Then actually asking me what's going on. All I do is work go home and do errands when I need to. She says it's the first thing that always pops in her head. It's so bad at the point I've been hiding my bpd from her for so long that now my rage is coming out more. I told her if this blaming happens again I'm ending it. I can't continue this.. I feel so bad for her. But at the same time idk. I'm starting to think she's cheating... and right now I'm up can't sleep cuz this could be a possibility... I have my own issuse. I communicate and work really hard for us not to fight. I try not to over bare her with my personal issues and deal with them on my own. But enough is enough I really hope she gets the point. But this thought that she might be doing this is driving me nuts.... help...

Hi everyone, I'm posting because I'm looking for someone to give me hope. Please I really need it. I'm a 28 year old female. Grew up with 2 narcissist parents. My dad was emotionally abusive to my mom and she was extremely verbally abusive to me. Sometimes they would both gang up on me. Once it got very physical between them, and sometimes my mom was physical with me. My little brother had my mom's love and would get me into trouble for things I didn't do. My mother would yell at me for up to 2-3 hours sometimes. I was highly sensitive since I was born. I was shy, and overweight. I started eating chocolate very young because I guess it was the only thing to make me feel good. I started having breakdowns very young, where I would cry and shake for so long that I would eventually disassociate. Started self harming at age 15 and still struggle with it occasionally. I'm dealing with multiple chronic pains, skin conditions, IBS, barely have the energy to take a shower. I spent my life in my bedroom watching movies to escape. Because of the shame my mom instilled in me for being fat, I didn't think I had the right to move my body, so I never have.

Constantly thinking about and hoping for death. Living with my husband and his mom and brother in low income housing. Trapped in this bedroom for the past 6 years, I'm constantly repulsed by the state of the house, dirt everywhere, disgusting smells, no space to move around, 3 pets to look after that no one helps with. My husband who has oppositional conversation style, another term is a contrarian, argues with me every chance he gets. Anything I say he doesn't believe it. Everything I say needs to be googled to be proven correct. We have been fighting every week for 9 years. On top of that he has had a severe porn addiction since he was a child. So I've been dealing with that betrayal for years, watching him deny, defend, try to get sober, relapse, read the Bible, refuse therapy, cycle continues. All I ever see him do is watch youtube, and play mobile games or video games. I've dealt with this with alcohol, sex, food, shopping... but for the past 8 years have had a massive addiction to cannabis. I use it daily to the point I almost green out, I can barely remember my childhood now. I started using weed after breaking up and getting back together with my husband over the porn. He didn't stop looking but I started using to help me get through it.

I feel like I'm with the wrong person but can't leave. I feel like I'm with the right person but need to not let it bother me when he doesn't think I'm right. I feel like my mother is hovering over me constantly even though she's a million miles away. I separated from them and came to live here with my husband in this shitty house. After that it took another 4 or 5 years until my parents started to change. They have both changed, I talk to my dad more than my mom. Recently we made a plan for me to go home and stay with my aunt and uncle, so I could get some treatment. I have been in talk therapy for 10 years, it has helped me process a lot but the stress lives in my body. Unfortunately my relationship only made my mental health worse. After a recent massive relapse, I told him to get help or I'm leaving. When I get back, I'll see if he's been growing.

I just want to know, is there any hope for me? Have I killed my body from all the unhealthy food and sugar? If I stay in this relationship am I doomed to be depressed forever? Can I ever heal from the way my parents made feel? Will I ever recover from having breakdowns? Will I ever stop crying everyday? There's all this healing work I want to do, is it even worth it or should I end my life? I have never had much will to live. I thought I would die by age 25 at most. Am I worthless because I was fat and shy? Did I deserve all this? Will I always be a target because I'm like that? Will I ever be able to have healthy habits even though my parents never gave me a routine or consistency?

Someone please help

I agree and understand it's not healthy for us to only see or talk to each other, he wants more alone time and I try to make space to leave him alone. I've started doing martial arts again which is cool, try to engage with my hobbies more etc Problem is I kinda don't have friends? I do have them but nothing very deep ever, I feel like I can't make friends or keep them, and I desperately feel like now I have to have them so my boyfriend will not abandon me at some point because I can't leave him alone.

I want to make friends and talk and maybe go out or have a sleepover or watch movies etc. But I already do all of that with my boyfriend and he is my best friend. I literally can't sleep right now because I'm trying to find people to make friends with but I also feel like for that to happen I would end up dating them as well idk I want to have other deep relationships with others besides my boyfriend but K also want to fuse with him haha How do you make friends usually? Or how can I deepen already existsnt connections? :(

Hi, I(F19) am very confused. To make this as concise as possible, my symptoms include feeling wired and energetic despite being exhausted 2:30 am currently); having urges to cheat on my partner (who I am having huge problems with, but still very uncharacteristic for me), especially with my ex and close male friend who I don't have feelings for; feeling somewhat out of touch with the responsibilities and consequences of reality; and having a scarily strong urge to overdose on my prescribed medication.

Soo... any ideas what this is? I have the impulsivity, disconnection, ego, joy, and invincibility of euphoria, but also depression and self-harm like urges.

I've got no clue 🤔🤔

Been in pain for so long, waking up in a horrible mood just because of something I used to not care about yesterday, being agitated and grumpy, wanting to lie down and do nothing, feeling like I want to scream or cry, will I one day be free?

The people I lost because of my crazy, but.... all I ever wanted was to be reassured, calmed down, loved even. All I ever wanted was a hug, just one hug. Be it with presence, words or a real one, why confuse me when I'm already not trusting my own mind?

But in the end, I cannot blame anyone for anything. No one is responsible for my problems, or for not being the thing I needed. The shelter, the safety.

Hi everyone! Hope y'all are great. I have been on quetiapine (Ketilept) for 2 months. Doctor decided to add carbamazepine (Timonil) 300 mg (150 mg/morning and 150 mg/evening). I read about the interaction between this two drugs and i feel confused, because why in the world they decided to give me such a drug salad. I don’t have any side effects, beside increased appetite. I am on keto and i don’t worry about my weight (i even lose some weight). Right after i took the dose of carbamazepine, everything around me became so slow, and my cognitive functions was slower.

I just wanted to know if someone have been taken this combination and what long-term effects was arrising.

CW: Very mild mention of sex, no details

Well, after a decade of knowing this person (let’s call him Robert) we finally hooked up. It was late at night, we live nearby and are actually good friends so we were just going to hang out like every other time over the past decade but there was A LOT of sexual tension and we hooked up. Wasn’t penetrative sex but It was good, he fell asleep after and I walked home. No biggie.

The issue is now I keep thinking about him, and what possible moves are after this. How much we have in common , the ways we’ve always helped each other, how our views align on just about everything. He has truly been one (if not just) my best friend for at least the past 5 years.

Here’s the huge issue: He’s my long-term ex’s close friend. I know he doesn’t want to hurt his friend (duh) and even though my ex (we dated for 8 years) cheated on me multiple times, it was still a pretty amicable breakup, so I’m not trying to do that to him either…. But. Yeah.

Then ding ding ding bigger issue (for me) is that a few days after this hookup happened, Robert met this girl he really likes and she likes him back (and isn’t his best friend’s ex 🥲)

Of course I want him to be happy…. But I want a chance, yknow? Fortunately I’m pretty secure in keeping my symptoms low but after a solid decade-long friendship and then this next level of intimacy… well I’m feeling a LOT.

I think I’m gonna write him a letter (so I can edit/not sound so batshit/let him know I love our friendship but like am also jealous of his happiness with this new chick the very same week we, uh, moved forward)

Idk, I guess I’m asking for advice? I’m no too sure, just taking more of my anti/anxiety pills Than usual (still the prescribed amount) but I just went these feelings to stop bubbling so much.

*TL;DR

Catching feelings for my ex and mine’s mutual best friend, friend and I hooked up & agreed not to tell, but same week friend met girl he likes a lot and now I’m jealous.

i just got really drunk and started crying about them. best friend for 3 years and i dont know what i did for them to cut me off (still no explanation) but have tried to accept that whatever reason they did it for was because it was the best for them. but holy fuck it triggered me so bad that it's what lead to my current BPD diagnosis. the diagnosis i am grateful for but the pain seems neverending. it comes in waves but this wave was particularly painful because i actually started reminiscing. everything else before was just guilt and pain and fear but today came thoughts of the good times we had together and how we'd call almost daily and i feel so lost and empty and alone without that. they were there for me and now i dont have them and no one else can compare. right now it feels like they were the only person that ever loved me and something i did fucked it up beyond comprehension. i wish i had a way to get them back but even if they were ready to talk to me again i dont think i'd want them to have to deal with me the way i am.

I (25F) woke up sad today, I didn't want to leave my bed, I kept crying and feeling lost. I wanted to bury myself in my bed until afternoon, somehow I felt hungry and dragged myself to make breakfast. Midway through making the breakfast I ended up setting my airfryer on fire, I looked at it and felt even worse, thoughts flooded and I was like "Will my day even get better?" I checked my phone and saw I missed a call from mother and called her back, she adviced me not to come home yet and resolve my job issues first, I wanted to go back home because I felt lonely and out of place in this new city even though I lived with my sister.

Half way through the call I couldn't listen anymore, I felt like no one wanted me around, that no one would care if I disappeared, I couldn't eat my breakfast anymore either, everything felt so dark, I wanted to run away from this world. I sat still for a while and tried to make sense of my thoughts, I realised I had just "perceived abandonment", there were many instances where my friends and family who checked in on me, showed care, how did I forget that? I realized I don't check in on people 24/7 either, I get tired of the day like everyone else and wanna be left alone sometimes, but that doesn't mean I hate my family and friends? It didn't feel right I thought they would think the same like me.

I guess sometimes people don't think so much, sometimes it's also easier to just tell how you feel. Some of my friends don't understand the diagnosis nor do I expect them to, but I found it easier to tell them what I wanted. I just tell "Hey I want you to listen, it's okay if you don't respond because I'd prefer that" or I'd tell "Hey I'd like you to respond now because it's a question and I'd like your opinion". As people with BPD i feel we always forget our wins, we always maximize how much we fucked up rather. I'm writing this so I remember it next time I am at my lowest.

i cried all day yesterday and went to sleep at 5 am. now its 7 am and im shaking so much and feeling so miserable. he broke up with me. i will not be going to work until wednesday, i feel horrible. he works at the same company and i sit next to him. i cant even imagine going back there again. i cant imagine sitting next to him for 8 hours. is this what my life is going to be like? im fucking 20. i want to be happy and normal, i want to be able to have a healthy relationship and be with someone who cares about me. i dont want to be this way anymore.

I'm 24 and a male I guess I'll just start off by saying a had a rather difficult up bringing my father was alcoholic and passed away when I was 17 around that time I was in and out of hospitals and was diagnosed with EUPD, around this time I lost all my friends what's left of my family doesn't talk to me. Idek I just feel like I have nothing to really live for I've pushed everyone away I'm to scared to go back on medication of go to therapy again because of how badly the meds messed me up when I was young. I've been good for years I used to be in and out of the psych ward and I've avoided that for almost 7 years now I just fear I'm starting to decompansate and badly idrk what to do idek of this is normal but I'm just completely defeted. I can hardly ever eat cause I'm too nervous about everyone hating me at work, and I avrage about 6 hours of sleep a night even tho I give myself enough for 9. I guess to summerize. I'm really just wondering if it's normal to get worse suddenly after several years of remison. I'm worried that one of these days, I'm gonna snap and give into my impuse and hurt myself.

it never gets better. i had a great conversation with my fp where we openly communicated what my triggers were and what we could do moving forward and all around it was a productive conversation. then not even an hour later and i split on him, hard. and he’s angry at me which is valid because i went extremely out of line. i’m so anxious i just want to sleep forever

I get attached quick, i get obsessive

i struggle to understand if i im in love or limerance.

i act impulsively

i hate when my plans get cancelled

one moment im feeling normal one moment im crashing out

i struggle remembering things, good or bad

i fear that everyone is going to leave me

constantly being self destructive, wanting to off myself/ hurt myself and find myself using booze to make me feel emotions

tendency to cut people off all the time

I'm working on explaining to my therapist how hard it is for me to not villainize people. It's taking months. We try to unravel each relevant situation but it just continually happens. Advice?