Many years ago when I was beginning recovery, I came across something written by a woman, a short piece, that really resonated with me and has stuck with me all of these years, though I remember virtually none of it. It was probably between 2007-2009 or so that I came across it, but I'm not sure on the actual publish date. I feel like it could have been something I found on Tumblr, but I honestly don't know.

IIRC, it was written in a format that almost felt like it could be slam poetry. While it was very impactful for me in recovery and has stuck with me all these years, I remember virtually no details about the piece, other than that the author was sort of recounting her feelings about her experiences as they had happened, but from the lens of a person who was recovering. The one part I remember is a play on "laughing all the way to the bank", but was "laughing all the way to the (cashier?)" because she had been pleased about her new clothes, and then how that changed for her and she eventually found recovery. The more I think about it, it may have had an "EDs don't always look the way the media represents them" vibe that was really validating, but I could be making memories up at this point in order to find it.

I've put in just about every combination of words and theme related to this into google, and turned up nothing. I even went looking on my old tumblr, but if had just reblogged and not liked it... that could take days to scroll through. I would really like to find this piece again, as that particular section is something I feel I need to be able to read again now. So if anybody has any idea of what I'm talking about from that description (if you can call it that lol), please help me find it! Thank you!

i just got out of the hospital for the second time last week after going in a few weeks prior. so i am clincally diagnosed with an ed . i am terrified of all the weight i’ve gained and i still have more to go. the summer coming up is scary and the though of wearing tank tops, bikinis and other tight clothes makes me nauseous to think abt wearing bc all my clothes pre-recovery are too small now. what do i do?

I lost my little sister to anorexia when we were 17 and 15. I didn't know it until after she was gone, but I accidentally aided her in her self harm. (Unknowingly gave her resources)

I blamed myself so much in the end, and I've never quite been able to stop. I wasn't able to save her, and in fact I accidentally made it worse. That has haunted me. I ended up developing my own ED in the years following. And in my worst times (like now), I feel the urge to punish myself for not being able to protect her. And in my traumatised logic, the most fitting punishment is to starve myself, so I can feel the pain that she felt.

I know it's not healthy. I've gone to therapy. I have worksheets I'm doing daily, and my husband and our families will take care of me. But goddamn it's so fucking bad this year. I have a hard time every April but this one has been the worst in a whiiiiile. I think it's because I'm starting to get better, and it makes me feel so guilty.

Hello everyone I am a recovering anorexic (2 years in recovery) and honestly pretty much back to myself after going to and graduating from treatment 😌 I do still struggle with my ED voice but I feel I’m much more in control than it and I am able to distinguish the difference and even combat it sometimes. I do still have a weird relationship with food sometimes as well as some food phobias but they’re a lot milder. Anywho, I’ve been out of a job for the past 7 months and I’ve gotten quite used to dressing down ( i.e loose pajama pants, baggy tank tops, gym shorts when it’s hot, and sweatpants if I’m tryna look a lil nicer lol) and I can’t remember the last time I wore jeans, the ones I have used to be baggy on me but the past few times I’d worn them they were a little more fitting to my body. Now, I’m obsessing over the fact that I will eventually have to wear them again and I’m freaking out bc I know they won’t fit me how I remember (even tho they didn’t the last few times I’d worn them and it was fine) and I’m too scared to even try them on 😭 my gf says we can get new jeans that will fit me the way I like (baggy) but the thought of having to buy a BIGGER size is super terrifying lol she says it’s an ED symptom and I guess I know that but I wanted to know if anyone else has any advice or even just words of encouragement for my lil slip up, I’m scared I’m on the road to a relapse and it’s hitting me now I might need some help again

I've been recovering from anorexia for like 2 years and now, I'm scared because I'm starting to have compulsive behavior... And my brain thinks of it as okay because it's "eating what crave" but I'm so so so scared, and my ED brain is scared of gaining so weight, even though I know it's normal... I know I'm gaining my weight back but it's so scary... Does anyone have any advices ? Thanks <3

I have relapsed again. I have been good for a long while but it’s coming back. I don’t know what to do and I just want to be good again and feel happy. If anyone have any tips to stay good, I could really use it cause I want to recover! (I’m 13 btw)

So my dad has always had an unhealthy relationship with food and body image. He pushed a lot of that on me growing up, but it was never as bad as it's become recently. His coworkers, doctor, and our family have been voicing their concerns with him because he goes the entire day without eating. He'll eat nothing when we go out to eat as a family, and only eats a bowl of plain rice at night. He admitted to me that he needs to use period pads because his bottom is leaking acid, and he can't go more than an hour without needing to pee since he drinks so much water. He also works out obsessively to the point the doctor says he'll need surgery on his back and knees soon if he doesn't take a break from it. He's stopped seeing his doctor because he doesn't want to hear it. He told me the reason hes leaking acid is because he splurged on fruit the other day, and that its ridiculous that "you can be a fatso waddling around and nobody bats an eye, but if you're physically fit all of a sudden everybody panics." I don't know what to do at this point.... have you guys had any experiences with helping loved ones who have eating disorders? He also has OCD if that changes that things 🥺🙏🏻 any help would be so appreciated!

I haven’t been in recovery very long but I think I’m in a pretty good place now. Worked with a nutritionist and therapist and am good at eating three meals a day and snacks. Feeling better physically and mentally. But even though my behavior is better I still have bad body dysmorphia and can’t stand to see myself in the mirror too long. Just hoping someone has some hopeful news about loving their body now. I’d settle for neutrality too lol

I'm 25F. various disordered eating has been kicking my ass since I was 7th grade, around the age of 12. so it's been a while.

I've never really sought treatment for it or openly admitted with any of my therapists/doctors/dentists. I really don't enjoy talking about it at all and would probably have just lied anyway if it was brought up directly. The behaviors have come and gone multiple times over the years, usually I have relapses when trying to cope with unexpected or unpleasant circumstances in my personal life.

however there's been some medical stuff that I feel got a little scary a few times. particularly with bruising EVERYWHERE all the time and fainting in public a few times. also I guess I have ketones in my pee again. When I was 20 a doctor noticed that and straight up asked me if I skip a lot of meals. are ketones in pee actually a bad thing though?

Anyway, I'm fairly healthy but have been avoiding the dentist for some time. I know I have multiple cavities. But I also have great health insurance right now so I should really get them taken care of. I hate the dentist and I'm always paranoid they'll ask me questions about disordered eating/purging. would a dentist actually bring that up? Or just fill the cavities without prying into a root cause. will the damage become worse the older I get even if I get them filled now?

to be honest, a lot of damage to my teeth the last 2 years was probably due to my alcoholism and how I'd throw up like pure bile a lot and refused to eat when drinking so I wouldn't gain weight.

im kind of freaking out right now so i apologize if this is messy for context i have struggled with an ed for 7 years, so i know what its like. you think that means i would know how to help but im at a loss he finally told me about it about a month ago, i knew he was struggling but he barely ever talks to me and if i ask him about things he shuts down, so i waited for him to talk to me to say anything. i comforted him and told him that we could work on it together. he severely needs therapy, but because his mom is a pos he cannot get it until he moves out. here's what happened: i found his reddit account. he knows i know his username, i've found it before and he never changed it, he knows my actual reddit account too so its fair that we both know each other's accounts (this is a throwaway) he's been posting to fasting communities. he's been fasting himself for DAYS. this is obviously not healthy, and he's breaking the rules of the fasting communities by posting ed stuff. im at a complete loss on what to do. he doesn't talk to me, i feel so disconnected from him right now, please any advice would be appreciated

My (f22) gf (f21) has been struggling w an ED since she was a teenager- the worst of it was before we met, but she's been struggling with it on and off ever since. She's having a hard time right now, and we're long distance at the moment. There are lots of ways I try to be a support while we're long distance, but it's hard when all we can do is talk or text. My relationship with food has been a problem throughout my life, and it gets so much worse when I'm constantly talking about it. I get so frustrated, because she has it so much harder than me and I know that, but I get so anxious when we talk about food that it really affects my ability to support her. I feel selfish, and I feel powerless to help her when we're so far apart. Has anyone been through something similar that has any advice? I would so appreciate it. I love her so much and want to be the best support I can be.

I'm visiting my gp soon about my eating disorder. I have been multiple times before but every time my referral to the eating disorder team has been rejected because I don't meet the weight requirements, which has led to my condition worsening.

I haven't eaten/drank anything but water for 5 days now and I don't see myself being able to at any point in the foreseeable future. But I'm still not "underweight". I'm aware that this is unhealthy and all I want is to get professional help so that I can get better, they're just not offering it to me.

What might my gp do to help in this situation?

Will I be sent to hospital because of how long haven't been eating?

Hi everyone,

I didn’t fully believe I had an eating disorder my whole life until recently. Trying to understand what normal digestion and quantity is supposed to look like.

Quick background: obese from 5-14 years old. Lost weight in high school and was on the upper end of healthy and sometimes moved into “overweight category”.

First half of my life I struggled with weight gain despite eating the same as my sister who was skinny. Taken to many doctors and no one knew why. Checked thyroid, etc.

My mom binged/purged and my sister purged and had anorexia. I eventually developed binging but I couldn’t handle much purging.

Eventually I started to develop anorexia habits that developed into orthorexia. Periods of not eating at all. However I still retained a very large lower half despite at times living off of liquid supplements or fasting for many meals. I couldn’t fit a lot of food in my stomach and everyone who lived with me was shocked that I was larger (still within normal) but yet hardly ate anything. Many people told me to get checked but doctors would assume I’m lying about how much I eat.

Last year after a bad breakup with my toxic ex, for about 4 months I was surviving off mainly one egg a day. I ended up in the hospital after I got an infection and almost died. Had a cookie when I got back from the hospital and slowly learned to eat after that.

Despite being able to see my bones up top, I was still larger on the bottom for my size and was diagnosed with lipedema!!!

It explains so much I ended up crying.

Now my goal is to eat a whole plate of food 3x a day on weekends and 2x on weekdays. It’s all healthy, half the plate is salad, fats, seeds, and lots of protein. A slice of bread each morning. Lots of fruit.

I feel like my body is struggling with the quantity of food. It looks like a normal amount I’ve seen others eat. My digestion is so slow and I feel like I need to rest so much when I eat. I’m drinking enough water too but I’m just always constipated and my stomach is expanded from so much food. I’m eating prunes hoping it’ll help. I skip lunch on workdays because I feel so tired from eating it affects my work.

Did anyone experience constipation/bloating/tired from eating and for how long?

we aren't really gfs but we are defo more than best friends (this feeling is mutual) anyway, a while ago my ex bsf found her twitter account and harassed her about it, ultimately leading to her making it private and us falling out (its a very long story i am not going to get in to), anyway were good now but i cant help feeling guilty on how bad she must feel and she's proud of her weight loss and i want to be happy for her when she is happy about things but i dont want to encourage her because its unhealthy? ive never shut the conversation down or anything and ive always congratulated her but i dont want her to feel like she needs to be skinny or things like that for me to be proud of her.. i love her alot and she means so much to me i dont want her to feel like this anymore, like i guess im just asking on how can i support her? and what do i say when she says shes lost weight? pls lmk where else i can post this if it isnt allowed here, ty !

So I have a really hard time eating enough. I’m trying to find an app that I can use to make sure I eat every day, but I’m struggling to find any that aren’t just calorie counters. Any suggestions? I’m trying to get back to a healthy weight.

even if I just had food not that long ago and i honestly still feel pretty full and satisfied i can't stop thinking about food and it's so distressing : (

Hoping I can get advice about (over?)exercising. I have some disordered eating patterns/habits and I think it has bled into my exercise habits too. I work out every day in the morning. If I don't, it bothers me the rest of the day. I try to skip one day every couple of weeks. I mostly do about ~30 mins cardio or sometimes weights. Is this overexercising? I just don't know what is a normal and healthy exercise routine anymore.

I'm curious about your daily diet. I'm aiming for nourishing yet enjoyable foods that make me feel good. It seems like I've made it overly complex all my life, and I'm tired of it. I just want a simple, healthy lifestyle without constantly feeling the need to overeat. Balancing this with caring for my one-year-old is challenging, and despite therapy, I struggle to stay consistent. Any advice and examples?

I've been battling ed and body dysmorphia for a few years, and I need some advice on how to get better. (Sorry if my spelling is weird, I'm dyslexic)

I’ve been eating a lot lately because I feel stressed out all the time. After I get out of work, I eat a lot because of the stress, and when I’m off work, being around my big family stresses me out as well. I’ve tried to distract myself by doing other things to avoid food, but it doesn’t work. Any suggestions?

Long story short, my mom has been on a weight loss journey for basically a year now. She has lost a lot of weight, and is looking good. However, she apparently found that the diet and daily exercise are no longer sufficient...

I am not going to proceed with the details, I do not want to trigger bad emotions in anyone. I need help on how to start with her recovery. She is not the nicest person in the world, but she is still my mother.

We share the same general practitioner, should I go to them and convince them to call mom for a "checkup" and then assist her in their office? Or contact health services? She cannot be reasoned with, and excuses the vomiting with false claims. I do not know what to do...

Hey, i’ve have experienced eating disorder for around 3 years now. For reference, i’m almost 17.

When lockdown started I had a binge ed. Which then escalated into anorexia when I started getting bullied for my weight.

My anorexia then developed into bulimia around December 2022

I then developed diabulimia whilst still having bulimia- I currently still to this day have both of these ( diabulimia started in april 2023- bulimia started jan 2023)

Does anyone else have any experience with diabulimia? I’ve tried so hard to recover, but it almost seems impossible- especially with summer coming up.

It’s like im ADDICTED to binging- i hate purging but I love to feel empty. Then once i’ve purged, I may binge more but it’ll be too late for me to purge as my parents are sleeping - hence the diabulimia.

Does anyone have any similar experiences or any advice to help me recover from diabulimia. I am quite literally on the edge of death.

I get very worked up over when I miss a day of weight lifting causing me to get more restrictive and just in general feeling more lost and have this sluggish feeling. I think I might have a bad relationship with weight lifting and I don't know if I should take a break completely or just go less hard at it

Does anyone else have to use little cutlery? I only feel comfortable with little forks and spoons, otherwise they have to be plastic. I have no idea why.

Hello! I (F30) am new to being aware of and safely handling my eating disorder, which involved anxiety-driven binging. I asked my roommate to turn his music down so I could read, and immediately regretted standing up for myself and had a strong urge to binge. In the moment I had the idea to use a replacement food and ate a large portion of blueberries instead of the regular high-carb processed foods I normally would choose to binge.

Does anyone know if this kind of replacement behavior is at least some kind of stepping stone in recovery? I guess I'm just trying to find a nugget of positivity in my choice so I don't P. I am also actively trying to love weight in a healthy way, and pairing a B&P disorder with anxiety and weight loss has been a really tricky place to navigate. I do have a therapist I plan on asking this about, but I wanted to get the advice of people who are going through it themselves, too. Thanks!

Title. I am at a healthy weight and my life is not in danger so it is not critical (i.e. would need to be hospitalized, a forced schedule + diet plan, etc). What kind of professional preventative help is recommended moving forward? Thanks in advance.

Before I developed anorexia and bulimia I used to really enjoy pineapple fried rice from the Thai place down the street, and I'm trying it again now. It's a lot tbh and I'm overwhelmed but progress :)

I’m very new to recovery, I mean admitting I have an ed on the last day of march and diagnosed on the first day of April. A week after starting recovery I went back to school and I’m continuing treatment here. It’s been an up and down journey already and I feel like I’m just saying eat eat eat and you’ll feel better or you’ll be better. So how do I slow myself down in my ED recovery journey

sort of in recovery and noticing how low my serotonin levels are when i finish a meal/snack, and how much im always looking forward to the next meal or snack. to a point where i eat things so slowly just to feel some kind of happiness. i know i can (and SHOULD) eat more and whatever i want plus need, but still my brain probably is just messed up or something. like i need to have some food to look forward to, else i get depressed. anyone else with this issue?

Hey cuties, I’m recovered-ish from my eating disorder. Meaning I’m eating regularly and it’s not a huge struggle anymore (most days). I’ve put on quite a bit of weight but it’s definitely healthy. I know that. My main issue is looking at my body. It depends on the day or the week but a lot of the time I can’t look at it without looking straight at my stomach and going into a shame spiral. What do you guys do when something like this happens? I’m currently ok mentally but when a bad day hits I know I’m going to crumble. I need to be prepared. Any words of affirmation? Things to distract myself? Anything at all that works for you?