I've been using this app to track what I’ve been eating for the past 4-5 months now. I've been in recovery for a couple of months now, after recognizing that I was struggling with an ED again. I thought that I would keep tracking for health purposes (recently diagnosed prediabetic, which contributed to the ED).

Today, my internet was super wack & my phone was not working. The app that I was using has just not been working for the past 24 ish hours. I decided to take it as a sign from God to stop tracking that shit lol

I am freeeeeeeee (still got some work to do, duh, lol but we’re on our way :)

Hello, I am a 4th year PhD student at Pace University. I would like to invite you to take part in my research study as part of my PhD dissertation, which concerns cognitive factors/traits in relation to psychological traits and eating behaviors. This study involves the use of completely anonymous clinical instruments that assess autistic traits and eating behaviors. If you agree to participate in my research, I will ask you to complete 2 assessments via a Qualtrics questionnaire. The session will begin with a brief participant demographic survey to ensure diversity of results and will be followed with the administration of the subsequent assessment measures. The first instrument to be administered consists of questions regarding psychological traits. This will be followed by a brief questionnaire which will assess eating behaviors. We do not require any official diagnoses nor age restrictions, but we want to gather a diverse range of responses to ensure the study results are applicable to a wide range of people. We are mostly interested in evaluating how different cognitive traits may affect eating behaviors in order to increase the effectiveness of treatment for individuals with different cognitive profiles.

Click the Qualtrics link below for more information and to access the survey. Clicking the link does not mean that you must complete the study. Once provided with further information, you will be offered the chance to consent to participate but may deny consent or choose to discontinue whenever you please. This study was approved by the IRB/ethics committee at Pace University.

Please note, if you have come across this survey elsewhere, please only take the survey once. We appreciate your participation but do not want more than one response from the same person.

https://pace.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6nCcdalQGTS8pds

Has anyone done a meal delivery service? Which would you suggest? My ED is anorexia athletica aka exercise bulimia. It has gotten a lot more manageable since I became a personal trainer. I know that sounds strange. I was recently in an accident and cannot exercise. I found myself not wanting to eat. All I want to do is drink water. I have already started therapy and was hoping to do a meal delivery service to help keep me on track.

Im trying so so hard to recover but im from such a low income house we often go weeks with little to no food. Right now is one of those times and im struggling so hard. I refuse to give up recovery and im crying while writing this. All ive had today was toast and pepperoni sticks. I feel awful all i want is food. The food banks around me give away mostly expired food so it’s unreliable alot of the time. How do i manage? What can i do? Idk how to recover with no food :/

my friends talk about weight related stuff, one randomly started talking about scales and then asked if she should gain or lose weight

another friend talks about her not eating or if she should

how do i ask them to stop talking about these topics because it’s triggering… i do try ask if they are okay sometimes but it’s so upsetting i don’t know what to do atm

I am in need of going to a residential facility and there’s no where in my area so I’d have to go out of state. I’m due to leave in the next week but unsure on how I’m going to afford to pay for transportation. My dad is the only one that supports me financially and he doesn’t currently have a job so is barely making ends meet. I don’t have any other family that would help and I just don’t know what to do. I need this but it feels impossible right now

Well, a couple of years ago I went through anorexia and bulimia and although I feel better today, I obviously still have those thoughts. The thing is that I recently started training at the gym and I barely have any muscle mass, so I have to take more protein.

the bad thing is that my aunt (I know she doesn't mean it in a bad way), makes comments like "but you haven't changed your diet" "you're not on a diet" "that has a lot of calories" knowing what I've been through. Lately, due to several factors, I've been eating badly (a lot of "junk" food) because it's the only thing that calms me down, unfortunately, and the truth is that I feel really bad.

Hi- , this is going to sound... A bit ridiculous. But I've recently been diagnosed with AN w/B/P (though feel as though I'm more BN). Anyway, I've had some time off work and this has been my first full week back and our Xmas night out is this Friday. The thing is, I work in an eating disorders service. No one apart from my line manager knows I was diagnosed with an ED, and I'm kinda petrified about going out for dinner with them..... Either, they'll pick up on it or I'll just feel and be really weird!! I'm not sure whether to bail or not....!!

Any advice?

I'm going down to the point. I'm 21y. I have a long past of ed and bulimia, related to B/P, and for the first time I'm taking my time to understand what goes inside my mind.

I don't have strong memory of my B/P, if I think of one episode I don't remember exactly what I was thinking about, it's always a rush.

What I sometimes think its that I use B/P as a fully distraction from my thoughts, from my life. For those 30/40 minutes it's just food, purging and me, nothing else.

It's just when I start to not have any urges to B/P that I think of my ""past"" self with disgust, like l'm a failure, why can't l be normal and so on.

It's hard for me to explain this right now because I'm allowing myself to think and reflect of my ed in general and how l handle my emotions. I try to look for a similar post but I couldn't find anything, if anyone has "study", read experiences about this or if you want to share how you cope please do, thank you. Share

Hi, (english is not my first language sorry for any mistakes) so, summing up, i've been suffering with anorexia since the beginning of 2020, i started dating my girlfriend in early 2023 and she pushed me to go into recovery, I wasn't ready for it and i relapsed a few times since than, but i managed to come to tearms with myself.

I'm currently studing for a important exam to get into college, and i don't really have time to cook much or go to the fair, so i haven't been following my meal plan correctly, but my doctor is keeping an eye on me, and i want to go back into my meal plan after i take my exam. However, my girlfriend thinks i'm relapsing, it's simply not the case, but she's really angry at me, she said she doesn't wanna see me destroy myself again and barealy talked to me this week.

In the past when i was in fact relapsing, she was really supportive, i don't know what's changed. I want to recover, i am recovering. I know this process can be hard for loved ones too so i get that she's sad and worried, but i'm really trying to get better and make this work. I would apreciate if anyone has any advice on this, cause tho i'm compreehensive, i don't really understard her change of atitude and i don't know what can i do to reassure her./

There is nothing about Thanksgiving i like. The food is meh, you're expected to try everything and you don't want to touch any of it. You have to be around family :/ I tried to pull the my babies need me card, but that got called out because my babies are in the NICU (twins). They were supposed to be home by now but they're just taking a little extra time.

First family dinner i really only touched the cheese ball, and the second kinda the same but also the rolls. Everything else i just don't want. With how bad my food aversion is i only want to eat foods i like

Hey people, I’m just seeking answers, not advice. But I’ve always struggled with my eating, since I was roughly 11 years old I was struggling and stressed about my looks. I was healed for a bit but recently my problems came back. I starved for a while before my teachers and parents started forcing me to eat. However recently my body has pretty much been refusing food? Every time I eat ESPECIALLY around other people, immediately after finishing the food my body will start like puking the food back up in small portions, and even if I swallow it back down it doesn’t stop until I go to the bathroom and puke it all up. It doesn’t matter if it’s my favorite or least favorite food, it’s like my body is now used to not eating and therefore doesn’t want any food? I don’t know really

Eating breakfast on Thanksgiving is weak behavior my head tells me. I tell my eating disorder self it's not. Just because my mom didn't allow me to eat breakfast on Thanksgiving as a kid doesn't mean I'm not allowed to now as I recover.

Hey! Not sure where else to post this and this place is familiar for me so I thought I’d give it a shot!!

Currently I only eat because I’m forced and my parents make me food because they know I will not eat anything at all unless they do.

So right now I’m eating fine, 2 meals a day. But on uni days if I’m staying at uni I know I can get away with meal skipping so those days it’s 1 meal a day. Realistically this type of eating habit is fine.

But if I’m completely away from my family for a job, I could easily see that turning into 1 meal a day maximum with days I eat absolutely nothing. Or maybe a couple days in a row that I eat nothing.

I want to know if a job like that is doable with those kinds of eating habits? Im perfectly functional on no food but I’m worried about the cold and if not eating will result in me getting hypothermia or anything like that!

Hello everyone,

First of all, I’m new on this platform. I made an account because I’ve been struggling with food and binge eatings. My English is not that good (not my native language) but I’ll try my best to explain to you why I need your advise.

I was always a big eater and I didn’t seem to care what other people thought about the amount of food that I ate. But then a close friend of mine got an eating disorder and ever since then I’ve been thinking about it.

I don’t want my problems to label as an eating disorder but everyday I’m thinking about losing weight and stop eating. But I just can’t. I hate the way I look and I hate my body but I’m not overweight or sum. I just feel like everyone thinks I’m fat and I’m eaiting to much but are just to scared to tell me. It drives me crazy.

I just can’t stop thinking about food… When I’m at school and we are having a break, everyone is eating and that triggers two things. I really want to eat but at the same time I want to lose weight and eat less.

I don’t know if you guys understand what I mean but I just need someones opinion about this cause I’ve been keeping this to myself for so long and it drives me crazy. What should I do or how can I stop this? Thanks you so much for reading this and I hope you can help me🫶

Take care and I hope everyone’s doing well!

I decided to start recovery after having enough of being hungry and suffering all day from an ED what I actually needed. During my first meal after beginning recovery, I ate two servings of food + a few sweets and I felt so happy and joyful. I’m still yearning to eat more after that but I can’t really eat any more. My main question is that is it normal to be happy after eating so much food? I understand that people have different reactions to eating and overeating during recovery but I’m wondering if anyone else felt that way.

I started having an eating disorder when I was like 17 , it started because my gf at the time was in a severe eating disorder and I just got influenced / had issues going on that encouraged me to try a new form of control , anyways I was already a slim person back then and got even slimmer , I enjoyed the thrill of numbers going down but suffered a lot . In the first year of my recovery I became content with my body ! I genuinely didn’t hate myself anymore and did not obsess over thinness or other people’s bodies / old things I used to focus on . However this has changed , I gained more weight after this year ( not drastically ) but it changed my perception of my body back to negative , I think about being skinny all the time , I compare myself and am jealous of other people , I’m sad that I no longer have the privilege of a skinny person , sad that there’s a part of society that may view my body negatively, I don’t know how to accept myself or accept these sad facts . I know my body is good , all bodies are , I know people that I love , love me and don’t judge me for my body but I just can’t stop missing my old body . It genuinely makes me so depressed and I want it to go away , recovery is good , it has made me feel so much better in many other ways , I just don’t know how to get over this last hurdle it hurts so much :,,) any advice would be appreciated 🤧🤧

My mom recently tried to get me to permanently quit my recovery program. I've been in treatment since mid September and I've made a lot of amazing progress not just with my eating disorder but my mental health. She said I didn't have an eating disorder when I first told her about wanting to go to recovery. We first agreed to 4 to 6 weeks but as I continued, I realized I had a lot of work to do and wanted to continue. Last week, my mom tried to convince that my ED recovery program was a cult. She said the fact we have a dress code, bathroom buddies, the fact they call me if I'm late are all indicators that it's a cult. Those are literally standard rules for an ED clinic and the fact she doesn't care enough about me to educate herself hurts. This is important to me. My eating disorder has hurt me deeply and I've fought to undo so much damage and she wants to throw that away. When I moved from PHP to IOP, she complained it would be too much gas instead of being happy for me. She threatened to take my car keys so I couldn't go to the program. She said she was happy when I was crying after she told me. We solved the conflict by me picking a date to end recovery but now she's on the phone still bitching about it to my sister. My recovery is really fucking important to me and the fact she isn't hearing that is making me feel like maybe she never loved me. I just need some support that I'm doing well and this is important for me

Everyone I know is talking about losing weight. At work, at home, friends. Literally EVERYONE. I’ve been very honest with them about my struggles. I haven’t been on the scale in months, I do catch myself checking the mirror. I’m starting to falter into old habits. I’m trying to be happy for everyone, especially since everyone is doing it to be healthy. But I can feel myself getting triggered.

I need to write about how horrendous I feel right now and I thought here could be the right place.

Did your ED also made you ruin your relationships?

So here is my experience, I met a guy at a concert and started some kind of situationship with him, we were getting along very well and there was actually something special between us, At the same time I had an eating disorder that was getting worse and worse.

At some stage after about 6 months it started to affect my libido and my feelings toward people in general, I started not wanting to have sex or any physical contact with that person anymore. It was complicated for him too, he probably started to fall in love with me and took very badly the rejection and started to be in a bad mood when we were not close physically, persist on asking again and again for us to be closer.

It triggered me more and more and I became very distant, cold and probably even very mean at some stage as I was sick of him forcing.

At the time I did not understand that this lack of feelings came from my ED, my feeling were just numb and all replace by guilt and food thought. After 6 months of me being colder and colder, he one day left my house and said he will never come back. I thought at the time that it was probably a good decision as I was hurting him and I also started to prioritize my recovery wish btw already started.

After now 3 months and feeling much better now, I have my period back...etc I now miss that guy a lot, I feel alive again and want to live an happy relationship with him, I am having a hard time realising all the life moments my ED ruined but the hardest is the fact I lose that person.

I texted him, and he really doesn't want to hear from me at all, he already replaced me with someone and says that it's too late and I should move on too.

And I just cant accept that I totally ruined that relationship because of how my ED affected me. I am mainly happier, and feel mainly recovered , but I have been feeling very bad for ruining the relationship with that person, I am crying everyday and just can't stop thinking about it. I feel like I will never forgive myself. I regret all my behaviors but I cant change the past.

Did anyone have a similar experience? Did you as well lose someone because of how your ED made you behave and How did you get over it when you realised it ? I am a mess right now and need advice

Hi,

I'm about to turn 16 in January and I want to talk about my eating disorder since i've never talked to anyone about it before. I was never officially diagnosed but everyone knew and it was sort of an unspoken fact. My parents reference it but nobody ever flat out says that I had an eating disorder. I've never told anyone I did. So story starts when I'm 11. I had started growing breasts and had gotten my period. I felt weird since other girls weren't there yet and I came to the conclusion that it is cause i'm fat. For reference i was 5 ft and (removed because I saw the rule) lbs. I was not overweight just a bit chubby, a healthy amount. I became super insecure and decided that I wanted to lose weight. It's funny cause my parents never ever told me to eat less and never shamed me. I was also never made fun of. It was entirely me. Then I stopped eating and lost (removed because I saw the rule) lbs. This was about a 6 month period. That's all the eating disorder was but the effects haunted me for a long time and will hunt me forever. Short term I was losing hair, lost friends, devastated my parents, and became a shell of myself self. Now I want to talk about the long-term consequences of this.

1. I stunted my growth: this is the worst effect for me. It's ironic as at the time I was insecure about being more developed but now my biggest insecurity is not being taken seriously for how young I look. My breasts shrunk and I never really grew much again so I am super flat. The worst part is that i'm still just 5 ft I am often teased for this and it saddens me even if people are just joking. My twin brother is 6 ft 2 and it makes it even worse for me. At restaurants waiters put a wine glass down for my brother while they stare at me weirdly when I order coffee.
2. Still struggle with food. Although I know the importance of weight gain and i've grown to love food again there is still an irrational part of me stuck in the disorder. i eat and i enjoy what i eat. I say I want to gain weight and I really do want to. But there is a little devil in my head which googles calories and feels gross if I haven't moved or walked in a day. It's so frustrating. I am so jealous seeing my friends just randomly accept baked goods or buy a highly caloric food without even thinking. I hope to be like them someday.
3. I can't get my period naturally. I lost my period during that era and even after gaining weight didn't get it back. Actually its funny because I got it back and then didn't for another year. Then I got it again and didn't for another two years. this year I was given hormones to start getting it. The doctor told me to take them for 6 periods then I should naturally get it again. But I didn't so I have to keep taking hormones. I'm scared this will affect my fertility in the future
4. Romance: this ones kinda akward. But I don't really get horny. I mean I remember I use to even after my eating disorder but for some reason for the past year I haven't. In addition i'm sixteen and rarely have crushes and have never even flirted, kissed, or held hands. I feel so sad and behind since everyone else my age has at least a teeny bit of experience. I believe that I'm pretty too! (taken me years to realise) But I think my mind has been so full of my ed that I never really had time for it. Plus my hormones are prob not normal

Anyways I kinda wrote a lot and i'm not expecting anybody to read this but its nice to get it out. I hope to one day be 100% free of any residue left from my ed! remember recovery is possible and worth every difficulty!

I’ve been diagnosed with OSFED (i used to binge/purge and restrict, now im struggling with restriction) since 2021. I’ve been in recovery since 2022 but recently lost a family member and under a lot of stress trying to go back to school for a masters. the combined grief and stress made it hard to eat and i ate very little, unintentionally, for a few weeks. i’ve been struggling with my recovery weight gain since 2022 honestly, so when i noticed my jeans getting looser and my body looking different, the desire for weight loss came back heavy. my husband, who has sat in on therapy appointments with me in regards to my recovery, is well aware of my history with disordered eating habits. my therapist and i discussed with him how bad my ED got in 2021 and how i had to do outpatient care. however, i think he thinks im recovered completely or something because he doesn’t seem to realize that ive relapsed. he said to me today “you need to eat your lunch, you’re starving yourself” but still hasn’t brought up my ED or asked if i need help. maybe he doesn’t know how? i know it’s pathetic but when i get this bad, it’s hard for me to ask for help and i wish he’d acknowledge im struggling. i know this is the ED talking, but him not acknowledging that im restricting my eating makes me feel like my body isn’t “sick enough” for him to help me. im definitely not the text book size for ana and ive put on a good amount of weight in recovery but ive been struggling for weeks now and he only mentions my lack of food intake occasionally when trying to encourage me to eat.

additional context that may me helpful to understand why i struggle asking for help: i’ve had disordered habits since i was 15. i was originally diagnosed with bulimia because i purged often and my mom encouraged me to do this. when i gathered the courage to tell my parents that i thought i was sick, my mom just commented on how good i looked with the weight loss and encouraged me to restrict rather than purge. in 2019 she literally aided me in eating in a crazy calorie deficit for an entire summer where i lost a lot of weight in a month (im naturally a petite woman so the weight loss was a lot for me and very noticeable). if i gained any weight back, she’d comment on it and had photos saved to her camera roll on her phone of me at my heaviest weight and would show me the pics as “inspiration” to stay smaller. i one time confided in my super petite best friend that i was struggling with eating and she also commented on how “good i look” at my smallest so yeah, asking for help has been horrible for me in the past. i actually fear telling anyone im struggling because what if they tell me i look good or that i dont “look sick” and that makes it 1000x worse.

I’ve been struggling with anorexia for about two years now, and I’ve lost a dramatic amount of weight. I hate to admit it, but I enjoy it—the high I get from seeing the number on the scale go down and how thin I’ve become. I know this isn’t healthy, and I know I did this to myself. I’ve always told myself I’d stop when I reached a certain point, but that point feels so much harder to recognize now.

Some nights, I have full-blown panic attacks over how skinny I’ve gotten, and I’ll eat more in an attempt to fix it. But by the next morning, I’m overwhelmed with regret and anxiety for eating “too much.” It’s a constant cycle of control and fear, and I don’t know where the line is anymore.

I guess I’m not sure what my goal is with this post. Maybe I just need to hear from people who’ve been here before. How did you realize it was time to stop? What helped you get out of this mindset?

So let me give you some context: I am 21(F), diagnosed ana (binge/purge type) since September (formally diagnosed bulimia), and I’m in the military. I am over my own weight standards but a lot but no one would guess that I have an ED.

I had been thinking more and more on going into a facility that specializes in EDs so I talked to my psych about it and she sent me some good recommendations but she highly prefers Banyan in NoLa. She said it’s a specialized center and it’s done wonders for some of her other patients. I’m scared to go, it’s a whole state away from me and i dont know how long I’d by staying. I plan on going after the holidays are over so I can enjoy time with my loved ones before I get shipped off.

Has anybody been there and can give good advice or like good tips? I read up on all the amenities and services they provide and am excited about the nutrition classes and meal stuff but i dont know I’m just worried. I have BPD and Bipolar with psychotic features and I know my paranoia is gonna spike due to the change in environment. I’ve never done this before (minus a 5150 for a psych hold). If you’ve been there can ya hook a girl up and give some advice? Thank you!

Link: ~https://redcap.mountsinai.org/redcap/surveys/?s=3NAXRAYFAAWNWHDX~ 

• Study Title: Validation Study of the Broad Anxiety Scale
• Eligibility: English-speaking, 18+ years old

Duration: 25 min

I just got out of a 2 year relationship and that partner really helped me overcome my ED when I was struggling. Now that he's gone and he's expressed a lack of concern for me, I've found myself struggling to eat. I really don't know when this will end because it's been 4 days without any sign of hope. I just want to be loved again, and I feel like I physically can't be healthy until I've found that love, no matter how much I want to get better. How can I get through this?

Hello before I start PLEASE BE AWARE THIS POST COULD BE EXTREMELY TRIGGERING because what I am going to be talking about is what has caused me this issue in the first place.

So I have developed what I think is ARFID. I developed a fear of eating due to seeing a very triggering video of someone choking and using a device to save them. It has been 4 months now since I saw it and all I feel safe to eat is mashed potatoes, ensure, and peanut butter banana smoothies and tomato soup. about 2 months ago ive began to get dizzy every day and it is scaring me bad and ive looked and im not getting enough nutrition. I am in therapy but its not helping as much as i need it to. I have just been given coping skills which yes they do help with the anxiety but I am atill unable to eat properly. My therapist says she will start exposure therapy soon. I just dont want to do I am terrified I will die because of this. and I am also going to see if i have a swallowing problem but have to wait 2 months for that. I am also on indiana medicaid and not working right now because of all of this so I have no money what so ever...I just dont know what to do and I have tried reaching out to doctors and help numbers but yhe doctor just put a heart monitor on me and said it was fine. I really think I need to see a nutritionist but cant because my insurance wont cover it or any nutritionist around here dont accept my insurance. and there is an eating disorder facility near but they dont accept my insurance either. Does anyone know what I can do? Thank you.

I’m in treatment now, at a lower level of care and due to recent weight loss and mild malnutrition according to labs means my treatment team wants me to get a higher level of care. I don’t want to recover but I feel like I’m in a position where I have to go to the higher level. I can’t go home, I have no home to go to and they’re not really going to help me get a place by myself because they think it would be unhealthy. I just don’t want to be in treatment anymore. Does anyone have any tips on how to come to terms with this?

i have had an ed for about 7 years. It has changed throughout the years from anorexia, purging, binging and c/s. i have tried everything and i mean everything in the books to stop, you name it i’ve tried it. The most addicting is c/s because i convinced myself there is no cons (my teeth would say otherwise). I am currently in school which provides me with 3 healthy meals a day and i go to the gym every morning. This is so helpful to me because i struggle with understanding how to nourish myself. so at the beginning of this semester, I promised I wouldn’t purge, binge or c/s because there was literally no reason to. for the first couple of weeks it was going fine and i had some hope that this would be the end of my issues but the food noise got so loud. I first started c/s a bag of chips and next thing you know im purging again. I need advice on how to stop this urge of inhaling everything and then purging. It’s hurting my body and pockets lmaooo.

for some context ive always had problems with eating, and now my mom has caught on. she told me today that she will be taking me to a doctor tomorrow and getting me on a meal plan - or even force feeding me. i dont want to gain all the weight back again, i dont want to have gone through everything for virtually nothing. and the thing is im not even underweight ( dont have a scale so cant be too sure but i dont look underweight ) so ill gain probably more than i weighed before. do i stop this from happening ? it seems as if nothing can convince her othwrwise and every moment i think about it it makes me want to cry