Since I have been retired, I continually dwell on certain things that happened to me as a young child. I am totally cut off from my surviving siblings about this and do not want to burden my kids. Of course, the nature of the illness had kept me from making friends over the years: I have always been quite and reclusive.

I used to spend 100's of dollars monthly on therapy. That really didn't go anywhere and stopped when the money stopped.

Sometimes I feel like if I don't talk about these things, I will explode.

so like i have ptsd right. but i didnt used to think i had flashbacks. I think i have had like emotional flashbacks and such but that's irrelevant.

Anywhizzle, today i got real freaked out and feeling all sorts of trauma feelings. y'know. the usual. except this time, i started having thoughts and such completely incongruous with where and when i am???

its not that i was like. thinking about the trauma or whatever. I was reacting to the event with my thoughts like it had literaly just happened/is currently happening. like, for example, i kept thinking about how i couldnt see my brother because i was in the pysch ward. (i got out years ago, and my brother lives thousands of miles away??) I wasnt hallucinating or anything, like i could physically see i wasnt there.. and I new I wasnt there, (kinda, in a distant sort of way) but its like some part of my brain didnt know that. is this normal??? ive never had this happen before. is it some sort of flashback? im worried its a sign im getting worse somehow. people say recovedy isnt linear and its a slow going process but omigosh. how many years is this gonna take like? i got shit to do i cant always be dealing with this. idk. if anyone could help me figure out what this is thatd be nice.

I’m hypersexual (bcs of trauma and sexual validation was the first type of attention I got) my girlfriend is as asexual as you can get. And I love her so fucking much, yesterday I accidentally (yes I’m saying accidentally cause I didn’t think it would lead to that) I started sexting with a person on Reddit (I’m a minor btw and they knew it and they’re like 26? Anyways that’s not the point) It was a year ago I stopped doing those things and I thought it finally might’ve gotten better and now I’m going so low that I cheated? I fucking hate myself and feel so disgusting, I used to hate cheaters and now I’m one myself. I don’t know what to do, I’m going to talk with my girlfriend about it today cause I don’t want to keep it a secret from her

I'm trying to find a medical term that describes this but I can't really find one.

It's not like psychomotor retardation in depression, it's not "slowed movements" it's complete collapse, like fainting while I'm awake. Like my entire body gives out, but it's not like physically, it's like I get hit with a suffocating wave of despair that I don't have the will to keep standing or even move my fingers.

It's not "freeze," I don't have a buzzing head, blurry vision, racing heartbeat etc that I get when I'm freezing. No racing thoughts like in fight, flight or fawn.

It's like complete emptiness both inside and outside, I can't even move my face in this state. Like, I can't even twitch my fingers. It feels 100% emotional and mental, unlike my other trauma responses which always manifest physically.

These episodes usually suddenly happens after an extended period of hyperarousal, and they last up to 5 minutes. They occur either in the middle of severe anxiety attacks, or in the middle of severe PTSD flashbacks.

To describe the feeling, it's like I'm empty but also filled with despair, but the empty kind. Like my eyes are closed even though they're open, and they start stinging because I can't even blink. It's like an extended, colder version of zoning out. Like if zoning out was being surrounded by clouds, this would be drowning in freezing cold water.

I don't know if it's flop; I don't faint, and I don't even feel fear? I think it would be like, both physical AND mental Paralysis. Maybe it's flop? But I don't know, I've researched descriptions of "flopping" and it's like an extreme, severe version? Like getting dunked in ice cold water is the best I can describe it?

Howdy! I’m new here, so if this is not the place for it, please point me in the right direction!

A little background and what helped me come to this realization that helped me view my trauma in a different, helpful way. This is in no way a certified view, but I’ve wanted to share it for a long time in hopes that it can help at least one person that is struggling to view their trauma in a new light that might be helpful.

Background: I had a rough childhood as I’m sure many here had. Without going into pristine detail, my parents were neglectful and I’ve dealt with SA since I was 4 or 5. In my teen years, I struggled deeply and found many unhelpful ways to cope and viewed my trauma as nothing more than something I deserved.

After many trials and tribulations, sinking further into the darkness and rising far into the clouds, I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar 2 being the mood disorder with it. Since my early 20’s, I have found a combination of medication that has helped me stabilize and actively work towards a better, and I think helpful way, to view the things I have lived through and how to handle the symptoms that come from PTSD and its affects on my outlook on life.

Now, entering my late 20’s, being a year out from an abusive relationship, and talking to family, friends, and my loving husband, I have been able to put together a little mental thought process that has helped me live with, and process, my past.

The thought: From the people that we see on a day-to-day basis, and everyone else that is alive on this rocky, watery planet, we all see the world in a unique way. No two views are exactly the same. I like to call this perception. There might be a better name for it, but it’s what I like to use. Everyone’s perception is built on perspectives they’ve lived through and have been given by others. I like to call these dimensions, kinda similar to the math terminology.

When something traumatic happens to us, either a one-time event, or a long time in our life, the brain remembers it in a particular way that makes it stick due to how we evolved. For the purpose of the thought “experiment” let’s put this event or timeline on a line. Right now, we are in one dimension (1D). In 1D, we can go forward and backwards but that’s it. Problem is, is that we can only go forward so far until we reach the blockade known as our trauma. With this perspective, I can now only go backwards. This has happened to me countless numbers of times and is, what I learned, a common thing. I wanted to get away from my trauma, try to forget it, and live on. But going backwards hasn’t helped me in anyway, shape, or form, especially when trying to live a happier life. So how do I go forward? How do I get past this “blockade”? Well, I had another perspective, or dimension. This can happen with time, from reading something, or from hearing it from someone else. Whatever it is, however it is obtained, it adds another dimension to our problem.

The second perspective: Now, I’ve acquired the two dimensional (2D). In 2D, I can now go up, down, forward, and back. So I can now get over this blockade, right? Well not exactly. See, though I gained a second perspective, a second dimension, I can now see that the blockade, which used to be a point on a line, is now this infinite line blocking my path. I gained more knowledge, another way to maneuver my past, but it hasn’t helped at all. Sure, I can now move a little easier, I’m a bit more free, but I still can’t go forward. This was the time in my life that I actually started to get a good look at what I’m working with here. I learned a little bit more about my trauma and how it is affecting my life and who I am. For me, this was truly the beginning. I lived my life a little bit more, and along the way I gained another perspective.

The third perspective: I was just starting my life in college, had my first romantic partner (now my husband) and am starting to build a life I wanted. In college, I learned many things about how the world around us operated and the building blocks it stood on. I gained my third dimension (3D). Now, I can move left and right, up and down, forward and backward. So let’s get a good look at this “thing” that has troubled me for so long. In 1D, it was a point on a line. In 2D, it was this impassable sliver. In 3D, I saw that it has a shape now. To me, it was this pointy, hard object that hurt anytime I went close to it. It poked, prodded, and was way too heavy to move, BUT, I can go around it now. I can leave it in the past, where it belonged. Except, it was still there. It never left my view, and I was never able to quite get out of its sharp reach. I was stuck once again, but now in a new way. This was when I found out a little bit more about myself and how the world REALLY worked. I dropped out of college, and I felt like I was back where I started, but now with this wonky view of the world. This awkward “perception” of life itself. I hit a new low, and I didnt know how to continue. In came

The Fourth Perspective: In my time working a slightly above minimal wage job, I met a lot of new people. They have lived many more lives than I have, and they rotated out so frequently that there was always something new to learn. The fourth dimension (4D) came along. In math and the science, it’s often known as time. Now I know what you’re thinking, but the old saying “Time heals all wounds.” Something I’ve heard so many times that I hated hearing it. I despised it. Time has always gone by and I always end up right back at the same damn spot I feel like. I might pick up a thing here, see a thing there, but I STILL had this heavy, pointy, object that weighed me down. That held me back from my potential. I blamed my trauma for every little thing that happened to me and I wore it with a demented sense of pride for everyone to see. It took me many more years, many failed relationships, and an especially horrible one, for me to realize what it actually meant. Going back to math. I learned in school that the really fun stuff is finding the change in time. No matter what, everything is changed with time. Be it the flow of a fluid, the rigid rock work smooth from eons of erosion, and, myself and my quirky little perspectives. Looking back at our “graph”, I see this shape that I didn’t know what to do with until about a year ago. But now, well, I can change this “thing”. I can shape my trauma, my illness, my pride, my personality. My past. I can’t get rid of it, because for me, I learned that it never really goes away. It changed me as a person as I am about to change it as a math expression. I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life, so why don’t I get cozy with it. Every so often, I smoothed an edge, I took some weight off it, I looked at it from every perspective I had. Now, it’s a slightly less pointy, slightly lighter, “thing”. Instead of it weighing me down, instead of it hurting me, instead of it holding me back, I can take it with me. I can FINALLY move forward! Time: the fourth dimension.

This might’ve been obvious to some, and others slightly aware of its existence, but for me, it took a really long “time”. It took so many tries. It took countless nights of no sleep. It took me leaving a relationship that I thought I’d always have. It took new lows. But now, the pain doesn’t hurt as much. The world is a little less heavy. I can finally breathe. I can put this oddly shaped specimen in a backpack and take it to places I’d never thought I’d be. I can show it the world, how it should be. I can give it time.

That’s literally it. I’m going to simplify the complex trauma and just accept it. It’s not a part of me just a part of my life and I don’t need to carry such a heavy knot around anymore. I untied the knot and then cut the cord. I can look at my trauma and past as something that taught me well and that everyone has different experiences negative and positive. I’m no longer allowing my uncontrolled feelings of the past overcome the beauty of my future. I chose to live simply now and not let complex PTSD run my life. I will not over share and instead I will bask in who I am in the present moment. I am not the person that was hurt. I am safe and I am ready to live a beautiful and simple life on my terms. We all have this power to rise against challenges I know since I have detached, I can never be hurt as deep again for I am too strong. And so are you.

Got diagnosed in 2020, stopped going to therapy in 2021. Panic attacks have been at an all time high and I’m getting little to no sleep every night. Finally couldn’t take it anymore and reached out to a few therapists.

Today I made two appointments with two different EMDR trauma focused therapists for the next week. Two so that I can see which one I like better haha.

Anyways, I’m really ready to get medicated and start working through my shit. I’m only 20 and feel so tired of suffering. I don’t wanna waste my years.

Have a good day/night everyone!

I’ve always been a really nostalgic person, even before my event. However, I notice that when I am going through an especially rough patch, I feel the need to kind of act like a child if that makes sense?

I know it sounds super weird, it’s not creepy or anything. Usually the only thing that comforts me is curling up in my bed, watching a children’s movie, and hugging my stuffed animals. I also look at a lot of old pictures of myself, and really just pretend I’m a child again.

I feel really odd, and though my boyfriend reassures me it doesn’t bother him, I’ll randomly remember that I am a fully functioning adult with a house and a career and I’m just like what am I doing? lol

Just wondering if you guys have any similar experiences

I’m in my 4th marriage now, and it wasn’t until I was 55 years old that I learned about PTSD and MST. Reflecting on my life, it’s been one of constant internal battles. The trauma I experienced shaped so much of who I became, but for years, I didn’t even understand why I was struggling. I didn’t know how deeply my past experiences had affected me until I finally started to seek answers.

My issues started when I was just 18, stationed in Great Lakes, IL, where I was drugged and raped by two men in a hotel room. I remember feeling more ashamed by the idea that I might be blamed or kicked out of the Navy for being homosexual than by the trauma of the assault itself. I didn’t understand that what had happened to me was rape; I thought it was something I had caused, something I deserved, and that I should hide it to protect my career. When I reported the incident, one of the men was kicked out of the Navy, but there were no further actions or proper support for me. I didn’t get counseling or guidance on how to process what I had experienced.

I sought solace from a chaplain and joined a confirmation class, but I rushed into a relationship afterward, trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay. I thought if I could prove that, the whole situation would make sense—that maybe the problem was being gay and not the fact that I was raped. I was too young and too inexperienced to process my emotions, so I buried the shame deep inside and just started acting like a “normal” person was supposed to. I pretended everything was fine, even though I had no idea how to heal or deal with the pain I was carrying.

This mindset carried over into my adult life, where I struggled with addiction and destructive behaviors. I became deeply involved in gambling, losing $10,000 on a company credit card. I was abusive—mentally and physically—to the people closest to me. My temper was uncontrollable, and I couldn't manage the rage that consumed me. I had issues with sex, alcohol, and legal troubles. I isolated myself, losing most of my family and friends, and often wished for an accident or a heart attack to end my misery.

I’ve tried to rebuild my life since then, but the damage was done. I now have two daughters in their mid-20s who have never met my current wife or my younger children, who are 7 and 5. They have no connection to the family I’ve built, and it’s a heartbreaking reality that I live with every day.

Even now, I must make a conscious effort not to sabotage my life again. There’s always the temptation to run, to reinvent myself, thinking that maybe this time, I’ll be different, but I always end up in the same place—lost and isolated. I am a master avoider, and I don’t just have one addiction or obsession. I have them all, and they constantly pull at me. At any moment, I could fall into any of those demons that are always present, waiting for me to give in.

I’ve learned that healing is a long process, and sometimes it feels impossible. But I’m here, trying to understand and confront my past and the trauma I’ve lived with. It’s difficult, and I still don’t have all the answers. I just wanted to share this part of my journey, because I know I’m not alone in facing these struggles. If anyone has been through something similar or has advice on how to navigate this, I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts.

I don't know how to say it any other way. I have CPTSD from growing up in an abusive and neglectful household but 2 years ago I experienced a traumatizing medical event that has resulted in PTSD.

I'm in therapy and just started EMDR but this is my first time doing EMDR and my therapist has me starting off slowly addressing smaller traumas from my childhood first. I completely agree with his approach but I realize what a slow process this will be to actually work through everything and get to the big T that consumes me everyday. Currently I am not even able to talk about what happened with anyone, even my boyfriend of one year.

Even though I'm alive, I feel like my life was taken from me. Sometimes I wonder why couldn't I have just died then? And with the type of event that occurred there is very little stopping it from happening again. I live every second of every day on alert waiting and expecting it to happen. I frequently have nightmares and often wake up thinking that _it is happening_ and end up in a full on panic attack. I get scared and think that if I let my guard down such as when I'm sleeping that it will slip up on me and try to kill me again. I think that's why I wake up panicking most days.

Even though I'm in therapy and I have hope that EMDR will eventually help me, it is difficult to live this way for the time being and I expect it will be many more months at least before we even begin to address this trauma. I guess I am wondering, how do you guys live this way? I used to be really ambitious and had a lot of goals for the future and was about to begin my PhD in a field I love when this happened. Now I am completely broken. I don't want to die but I know that my life is not worth going through that same suffering again.

Thank you for reading. I really just needed to get this off my chest to people who might understand.

Not sure if mild PTSD or what, need help or advice.

Last December around Christmas time I was coming home late from hanging out with my friends. As I was driving home, I passed by the scene of a hit and run in front of a food plaza, right up the street from my place.

The police and ambulance crew were there and I was stoped at a red light. I couldn't help but look (morbid curiousity and human nature, I guess) but saw the body on the road- fortunately with the sheet over it but unfortunately the blood pooled around.

It really bothered me for about a week after it happened- I couldn't get the image out of my mind and didn't want to go near that plaza for a bit.

But now almost a year later, any time I pass by that way to either get food or visit my friend, I can't help but think about that night and seeing the sheet covered body/blood. It sometimes even sends involuntary shivers down my neck and arms.

I don't know if it would be worth talking to my psychiatrist or not about. A) I'd feel silly brininging it up after such a long time/feel like I'm overreacting & B) it's not like I'm always thinking about it, like when it first happened, now it's only when passing by that particular way.

Is what I'm experiencing mild PTSD or something? It's not exactly like I went through trauma myself, but I'd say it felt a bit traumatic to see the scene of the accident.

Any advice or information as to what I might be experiencing or should do would be appreciated.

TLDR: Saw the sheet covered body/blood from the scene of a hit and run last December and still think about it anytime I pass by. Don't know if mild PTSD or what.

My current living situation has been extremely exhausting due to family drama and other unfortunate circumstances. I'm on meds and meet with my therapist weekly, though am still on edge nearly 24/7. I'm constantly ruminating, isolating myself, looking for threats, trying to think ahead in case things get worse. I barely have energy to do what I (used to) enjoy. Instead I fluctuate between numbness and hypervigilance.

I'm trying my best to get out. Setbacks and familial sabotage have been brutal. Anyone have any advice for coping in a toxic, potentially violent environment? I miss having the ability to do the things that made me feel alive.

This is a two part question because there’s two different types of guilt. I’ll try to be as careful as possible with TWs.

TW: SA

I’ve been raped twice, but I just wanted to move on so I didn’t report it. It’s been 5 years since the second one, and I haven’t moved on. I let them get away with it for nothing because I was weak and scared.

What if someone else got hurt because of my inaction? What if, because I was a stupid teenager, another person was destroyed by the monsters that did this to me? How can I forgive myself for that?

TW: SA, Miscarriage, Suicide Attempt, OD

As a result of the first rape at age 14, I became pregnant. I only suspected it and was so distraught over the rape and subsequent shunning by every person I went to school with that I decided I was done. I figured I probably wasn’t pregnant, he’d used a condom, and tried to kill myself by taking a stash of my medication I’d been hoarding.

I didn’t die obviously, the pills were mostly expired and old. I remember waking up on the floor of my bedroom, blood everywhere. I held my baby in my hands.

I love children, grew up in a family with lots of little cousins to take care of like my own. I yearn for my child even now, the guilt kills me. I probably would’ve lost the baby anyway, I was severely underweight and very unhealthy, only 80 pounds at the most, but I still feel so guilty. I grieve for the baby I never got to raise. It’s been 7 years and I still break down over it. I don’t know what to do.

How can I move on? How long will I feel like this? I have nobody to talk to about this, only one person knows.

I’m struggling here and I don’t know how much longer I can take it, please help me.

I'm not sure how prevelant this is, but the few times I remember moments of abuse I've endured- it's almost always third person. Like I'm viewing it as a scene playing out on a TV.

And I often struggle with knowing that the person I see in my mind- who endured that, is also me. Even in therapy, when discussing a time where SA and Stalking occured, I described the person going through that as a previous name, Kittie, and previous pronouns used, She/Her. In my mind, it wasn't me, it was Kittie, and she's no longer around anymore after that, she simply ceased to exist.

And it's the same for all my traumas; I feel sorry for the child and the teenager who went through so much abuse, I never got to meet them, but I remember them.And Gabriel was in a cult, he hasn't been around for a long time.

Luckily, who I am now hasn't been through any abuse, I hope it stays that way, but I still remember things from others I have been.

Does anyone else get this feeling? Is this just a very odd way of my brain protecting itself?

The phenomenon of pluralistic ignorance is when people define an ambiguous situation based on the overt reactions of others, with everyone falsely concluding that they are the only one who feels differently, so no one speaks up, even, to try to stop someone from being needlessly choked to death in front of them. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/therapy-insider/202305/how-a-cry-for-help-led-to-a-murder-on-the-subway The story of Jordan Neely’s death on a NY subway, in the news again due to the trial, isn’t about the so-called "mentally ill" — a convenient diversionary reframing that allows people to keep a safe distance from this type of horror and heartbreak.

Neely grew up victimized by traumatic violence and, like many trauma survivors, had his life trajectory sequentially and tragically derailed early on. Like his mother (a murder victim), he died in his 30s, completing a cycle of intergenerational transmission of victimization.

Learn more about the intergenerational effects of trauma and how people respond to witnessing violence including the “freeze” response.

hey all, i have a psychiatrist appointment later today. idk how to start telling her abt what happened to me. idk how to phrase it or what to say exactly i’m stuck….do i just go all in i don’t want to ramble

all advice is welcome

So I been in 2 serious relationship's one was once in a relationship where I proposed. Posted it online got over 100 likes. But it ended up not working out and a broken engagement happened.

Another was a long 5 year one where I broke up with them after they had an affair.

I personally don't wanna be in a serious relationship ever again . If I ever am though I want the woman to propose because I've done it once and it didn't work out so I don't trust a yes anymore.

Is this just relationship O or anxiety or ptsd?

I was attacked a year ago in public transit while going to work. My attacker has been arrested and is now serving time in prison. Homeless guy suffering of schizophrenia and wasn’t taking his meds so he was going thru a psychotic period.

The attack was violent, I had jaw reconstruction and lost sensitivity for half of my lower mouth.

I was on sick leave for several months and got a PTSD diagnosis. I have a great therapist who helped me with hypnotherapy and EMDR techniques. I’m now able to use public transit again but with heightened vigilance. I have moments where the attack comes back to my mind and make me feel uneasy; those moments are slowly fading away.

So I think the trauma related to this attack is pretty much under control. However, I’ve just lost interest in pretty much everything.

Work, eat, sleep are pretty much my activities. I feel I’m like a robot routinely executing tasks.

I don’t feel suicidal or anything but just lost interest in life in general. Life just got pretty boring and to be honest, I just accepted this fact and I’m okay with that.

Just for information I’m 46, single and healthy.

I’m still meeting my therapist on a regular basis to help me get close other lifelong traumas. I’m also taking meds (trintellix and Ativan occasionally).

I just feel like I’m existing and crossing out days on the calendar as days go by. Is anyone else feeling this way ?

Backstory; when I was small, I was skinny. VERY skinny. We barely had enough funds or food, so even when we did have those special once every two weeks moments of getting soda, we still struggled.

I want to point out real quick we do make better money and we have food now. But there's something going on. It feels like my brain is back to when I played pretend with my sisters just to make the hours go by. It feels like I still need to take old McDonald's cups, clean them and fill when with copious amounts of black tea to fight off starvation. Feels like I just need to save the food I have for later when I'm either really hungry or I deserve it.

It's where I'm at now. I have food right in front of me and I had some chicken tenders earlier with remaining bits of waffle fries, four biscuits for lunch but that was seven hours ago.

I'm hungry and I have a chicken patty and fries with two burritos... But I feel like I need to deserve it.

Am I being horrible to myself? Is my trauma that deep seated to the point I feel like I'm still struggling? Where I would take a cup full of soda and drink it even if there was still some dish soap making it bitter?

Recently, I was through an experience where my old doctor took me off a depo shot and for two months, I became super sick and in constant pain. Having four hours of sleep and barely an appetite. I got a new doctor, got back on my shot and everything and I'm hungry again. I feel like using that as an excuse though feels... Wrong. Is it wrong? I don't even know if this is trauma but it certainly feels like it.

My ex-girlfriend killed herself in front of me and it has deeply changed my view on life. Due to the abuse I endured in the relationship and her ending, I have issues with relationships.

I'm currently in a healthy relationship with my lovely boyfriend, however, I'm worried he thinks I'm not over her. I often have vivid nightmares about my ex or my boyfriend committing suicide. I can't be around pills.

F54

I'd love to walk along the beach

I'm feeling strong from my head cold tho I'm barking like a seal none the less I'm strong to work business in order to move on forward to improve the quality of my life

I'm completely independent no family and no friends more than Normal from failed relationships to move overseas plus I don't take crap from no one. I'm like that anyway just more so from hunger and thirst to live my dream happily.

I probly cry and weep of my heartbroken life today in public re I'm that heartbroken. I have no choice than to stop the outpour and get on with my tasks today.

Isn't right I have to cut corners of my emotions each day and night to survive. Can't be healthy for me. I am going to try and chanel my hot tears into sacred beauty I see today could be a bouquet of flowers or an interesting tree or animals even could even be something equally humbling to me as people being truly humanitarian and making a happy difference in someone's life.

I am nervous today of witnessing any violence in public again ~ happened again the 24th Novembar

I am nervous of working on business I'm to attend to

I am nervous of all people to speak to me isn't new re I've been so massacred throughout my life

I'm infact not a big 🗣️ I'm complete opposite and prefer not to speak if I had to

I am nervous all the time online these days of bully's

I dislike my uncomfortable Physicality I'm overweight.

I'm tired of being tired

I'm tired of being strong by myself for myself

I'm tired of being nervous and stressed out

Isn't right good wholesome people suffer so badly by the Self centered Unauthentic Egotistical Narcissistic Bully's.

I'm not even violent and don't know how to be violent I don't even have my own gun.

On this day I only love myself 70% 🥺

This time of year is hard for me, as it is for so many others. I experience a lot of intense flashbacks that are, obviously, quite upsetting and unpredictable. I've got an emotional support pup who helps a lot, but the trauma occurred 10 years ago this year and I guess that is making it harder than usual to cope with. I was looking into ketamine therapy, just like 1-2 sessions, and was hoping that maybe some folks could share some experiences with it now that it's more regulated/safe. I have had street K and hated it. How is it different? I've got a consult tomorrow with someone, but I'd like the opinion of others who aren't trying to sell a product.

"In the past, I lived in a state of intense fear of punishment for actions that weren’t very bad—I’d rather not talk about them. However, that fear completely consumed me. It wasn’t just a fleeting worry; it left visible physical effects: constant trembling, persistent tension, and an overwhelming coldness throughout my body. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake off these feelings, as if fear had become a part of me.

Over time, I managed to move past that phase and no longer faced the same circumstances that triggered my fear. But strangely, the physical symptoms stayed with me in moments of stress or fear, even if the reasons were trivial or unclear. Just the thought of facing a stressful situation makes me relive those moments all over again, with the same trembling and persistent tension, as if my body refuses to forget.

Sometimes I wonder: why can’t my mind and body let go of these old feelings? Why do these symptoms persist, even though the reasons that caused them no longer exist?"

My (35) girlfriend (47) of 1 year suffers PTSD from a past relationship where one of the major traumas was her ex who was a porn addict would basically force her to watch it. I am only sharing these highly personal details to help understand why this issue which to most people would seem like an overreaction, IS an issue for her.

She doesn't movies with nudity basically at all. Even girls on bikinis can set her into a bad mental state of anxiety. I even watched the Olympics once in here presence - women's hurldling and this triggered her.

This became a problem on several occasions early on as I wasn't aware of the issue or the root of it. I've gotten better now and will always check parents guide and discuss any potential triggering scenes before we watch it.

Last night she wanted to go to bed early so I told her I would watch the movie The Substance which I had discussed with her in the past as I heard it was really good but when I checked parents guide knew she wouldn't be able to watch it.

So she got really annoyed after she left the room. Anxious and cold as anything like I had betrayed her.

I don't really know how to cope with this situation. The only solution to me is either a) stop watching films like these or b) watch them when she's not around and say nothing.

However on a) I don't want to stop watching movies that have nudity. It's not that I want to see nudity, it's just that a lot of great movies have sex themes and on b) I don't want to lie to her.

So what can I do here? I've explained before that nudity in movies doesn't "turn me on". It's just art or part of the story. Sometimes it's a little unnecessary in films but sex is a basic part of life. It's everywhere.

I hate that she had this terrible experience that has caused her so much trauma but I am not sure how to reach a fair compromise or to help her overcome this insecurity.

Can anyone offer advice on how I should handle this?

Is it even possible to recover from PTSD? I(21F) was raped by a man(30M) I trusted almost three years ago and I still don't feel even close to normal. I've only recently accepted what happened fully and told my mother and boyfriend. I've been going to therapy, taking medicine but all it does is numb me. I have no way to get justice. I've become fat from eating and drinking my feelings and I'm also failing my dream of college because I can't focus. I want to recover and get my life back. I'm sick of living with his shadow over me. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it.

I think I have PTSD. I lost my mother in 2021, to fentanyl. I got up early morning to wake her up for work and she wasn't moving. I called 9/11, ran outside for possible help, guy on motorcycle helped, I gave her CPR until they show up , blood and foam in her mouth and all. I couldn't even pull her arms down. . I went through it all alone. And every time I think about it or have dreams I can't help but feel anger, sadness, failure, and like I'm just useless on this planet without her. Idk how to cope. I am a functioning alcoholic, my mood can go back and forth. I just need to get it all off my chest. Everyone's all like "therapy and medication" all that does not help. A pill will not help me change how I feel about my mother not being here. I can't stop thinking about every detail, everything I said, did that day.

Hey y'all!!

TLDR: How the heck are you navigating not getting enough sleep and actively maintaining your life?

I've been waking up at absurd hours (2:30-4:00 in the morning) and haven't been able to go back to sleep for a few weeks now. It's gotten to the point that I'm genuinely so exhausted all the time I'm struggling to cook, run errands, apply for jobs, etc.. At worst I'm so tired I go through derealization episodes and it's just the pits. Caffeine can sometimes act as a bandaid, but it's not always enough. It feels like it's taking everything I've got just to function somewhat normally. Any advice on how to work around an awful sleeping "schedule"?

Just for a little more context, I'm very mindful about my sleep hygiene, and atp I think my only option is to use sleeping pills, but they give me such intense dreams I'd rather avoid them.

cw: domestic violence, SA, bullying

I (22F) have been diagnosed with PTSD two years ago after witnessing a lot of violence at home when I was growing up and being SA'd at the start of that year. Living in the zone of the Anti-Terrorist Operation before moving to the US really didn't help either. Neither did being bullied at school because my classmates thought I was an easy target and they thought pushing me around, tripping me in the hallways, throwing food at me, trying to startle me on purpose, and calling me names I wouldn't understand was fucking hilarious.

I'd been dealing with creepy behavior from guys for pretty much all of high school. I'd be walking down the street and get catcalled, honked at, whistled at, blatantly stared at, you name it. Some guys would grab my butt or try to reach into my shirt and play it off as an accident. How do you *accidentally* squeeze someone's butt or reach into someone else's shirt? I thought it was extremely annoying but tried to ignore it as much as possible. Then, in 2022, an older male coworker started following me around, flirting with me, and making comments about my body. When I told him to stop or leave me alone, he'd get mad, yell at me, and call me an entitled bitch. Then, one night, he SA'd me.

One of my college classmates this semester started doing something very similar. One time, he asked me why I was playing hard to get and I told him that I did not believe in playing hard to get and that his creepy behavior was triggering me and explained why. My parents always got really angry with me and hit me every time I tried to stand up for myself, then wouldn't talk to me for days. They would ignore me and actually pretend that I didn't exist, so to this day, confrontations of any kind really scare me. I tried to be gentle but direct with him, but clearly that wasn't enough.

Today, he followed me again and actually interrupted my conversation with another classmate to get my attention. I finally ran out of patience, turned to him and yelled loudly enough for everyone else in the hallway to hear: "I told you about 50 times by now not to follow me! What part of 'do not follow me' don't you understand?"

I'm really proud of myself for standing my ground but I'm really scared of what he'd try to do next. I also can't help but think that the whole situation is my fault and that I really am a bitch.

Hello, this is my first reddit post so please pardon any mistakes I make! Now I tend to ramble, but to any mods: I am actively seeking advice. Wanted to add the venting tag too but I guess reddit only uses one tag. Thanks for your patience ♡

I am a college freshman who rushed into higher education not even 6 months after my "Canon event". (Little ptsd joke to cope) At first things were great. I was in a mental period where what happened didn't haunt me too much. In fact, I began to doubt that what happened was even that bad. But then a few weeks passed. Suddenly my trauma began affecting me again. I'm experiencing the same symptoms I thought I was done with. I talked to my school and now I'm in therapy. Got diagnosed and made work towards getting a part time job, fixing my physical health, etc. Everything seems like it's getting better.

Except- it isn't. Not entirely. I avoided my college classes and getting a driver's license thanks to a PTSD induced depression. I've essentially failed my first 2 classes. Couldn't bring myself to do the work. Now I might lose what little financial aid I have. Unless scholarships don't think my situation is too much of a Gen Z stereotype.

All of this to say, I feel lost. My tuition isn't even that expensive. I went local and saved money. The problem is that I feel conflicted. On one hand: I have made the rest of my life easier. I have good fallbacks should I get depressed again. On the other hand: I feel like I'm whining, using my PTSD as an excuse for laziness. I don't know if I'd be wasting anyone's time by going back to college. Or somehow I've already ruined my life because I failed 2 of the easiest classes by sheer incompetence.

If anyone here has lived a similar experience/knows any advice, please share. And thank you for reading this.

TLDR: Not even a year with PTSD and I feel lost on life/college. Need help coping or moving on

Today is the anniversary of an sa that happened to me 9 years ago. I have tried different ways of coping over the years, initially it was heavy drinking, one year early on I hosted an event to raise awareness, but the past few years all I want to do is hide away for the entire day. I honestly forgot about it this year until last night around the same time everything had begun. I started getting panic attacks and had to run around the house multiple times making sure everything was locked and checking the cameras constantly. I didn't sleep at all and keep checking the cameras now. I really want to do something different on this day every year and be healthy about it but don't even know what thay would look like at this point. It is exhausting having to deal with all the side effects of this anniversary and I really don't know how to deal with this. It has been 9 years and I am fine most of the time and have been through so much therapy, but every year on this day I feel like I just haven't made any progress at all. It is so discouraging...does anyone have any advise? It is really close to my relationship anniversary and a bunch of birthdays and the holidays and I just don't want to feel this way every year anymore. Please help