I (21 F) have been diagnosed by my psychiatrist with bipolar but honestly I feel way too psychotic to be bipolar.

Recently here are the things I’ve been experiencing : feeling like I smell extremely bad but apparently I don’t. Seeing full people in the corner of my eye for like a second and them disappearing when I turn my head. Feeling like peoples face start looking scary when I look at them for too long (it’s like they’re mad at me or they have hidden thoughts they don’t want me to know). Feeling afraid that people might want something from me/ are using me/ secretely hate me. Feeling like everyone in the street is staring at me. Feeling generally frightened of everything and everyone . Feeling extremely depressed to the point of having dark thoughts. Intrusive thoughts of my eyes being poked out

without hallucinations? I'm on meds and I'm having what I believe to be symptoms of psychosis without auditory hallucinations. Everything is bright and loud, I'm walking a bunch and getting disoriented when driving, irritable but I'm not hallucinating. Is this possible or is this something else? Help me 😭

So I messed up with some friends and without going into further details, I have to return back to my home town.

I feel defeated, and lost. I am thinking about going back to my abusive boyfriend or toxic family because I can't afford housing.

I don't know what to do, and feel so sorrowful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsZ7IKp2OSQ

I notice when I take in because everything suddenly feels normal. I've felt like I've been in a daze for awhile. I take fast acting tablets as needed.

Abilify just makes me feel numb but olanzapine despite being a stronger antipsychotic makes me feel less numb and more normal and doesn't seem to interfere with libido and motivation as much.

Abilify gave me nasty anhedonia.

I take 5mg abilify still daily but that's nothing.

My head feels clearer and everything feels more real and not hazy and dreamlike. Then again the hazy dreamlike feeling really helped my anxiety, also made it hard to be functional though as I just sort of was sleepwalking through life.

So day to day you have schizophrenia but you don't always have psychosis right? I see some people who get admitted to hospital because of their schizophrenia but they're not actually in psychosis.

So where does the line exist between the two? If you're psychotic then you're completely delusional and hallucinating like crazy and basically in fantasy land out of touch with reality right?

But when you're experiencing a schizophrenia episode, it's way more toned down and you're still able to function and your mind is in the real world but your symptoms are just a little worse than usual? Is this the general difference?

I’ve been having these agitation involuntarily movement mini seizure things and I have no idea what it is. The best I can describe them are tic like. I would like spazz out and sometimes bang my head. I don’t know what it is can someone help?

My brother 34 has been diagnosed with schezophrenia a month ago. He has been taking Risperidone 2mg twice a day. He has paranoid schezophrenia. The medication has gotten him out of psychosis but he feels body heat waves coming and going and blurred vision that comes and goes. Before taking the meds he didn't have that symptoms it was just being paranoid and not trusting anyone or recognizing anyone and tonight I have already died. Do you think it is the side effect of schezophrenia? His blood pressure is a big high too like 140.

I've been having auditory hallucinations for an extended period of time, even while under the influence of medication.

Delusions and paranoia have led me to believe I am a genius who is being stalked by his classmates, that people on the bus know me and various other things.

The private psychiatrist I've been going to thinks that it's all due to puberty and anxiety, and that I have experienced psychosis just for this one time.

Paranoia persists, but the hallucinations are not present. I am not anxious anymore, I was anxious due to psychosis.

I don't know for how long I had it.

Psychiatrist believes that due to the behavior of mine I am not schizophrenic, firmly believing that schizophrenics would talk to imaginary people and be catatonic.

Hallucinations have left me, fortunately. But I still can't shake it off, and am slowly ruining my parents health with my nagging.

Do schizophrenics stop hallucinating when on the right meds?

My diagnosis was F29.

So throughout my life I have talked to myself and I'm not talking about just saying things out loud but having full on conversations with myself doing both sides of the conversation, it started when I was very young maybe 6 I would play with my Legos and come up with elaborate stories about a group of spacemen that lived on a laser battleship and roamed the cosmos with their fantastic fade through technology that allowed their ship to pass through solid matter by phasing matter out of synch with the various subspace fields. They battled a race of machines that existed in another reality that wanted to gain access to the space men's reality through means of a trans dimensional gateway that would allow them to flow into the universe unchecked like a swarm of locusts. Thus the mission of the spacemen was to find these gates and destroy them or dismantle them and use the technology in other means. The spacemen had also reprogrammed some of the machines and had them on their pirate crew as servitors. These machines still retained their memories as part of the swarm they came from and understood what the goal of the machines was, some of them were very heroic and sacrificed themselves to save the crew. This crew was led by a brave commander named Mechanic and he was a just and noble person who valued the lives of his crew above all else. They went on many adventures and through it all I acted out their parts fulfilling whatever dialogue was needed. This behavior did not stop when I stopped playing with Legos but continued to evolve into an ever expanding elaborate mythos regarding gods and various beings that existed as either: finite, trans-finite, infinite, or trans-infinite. Each level was more fantastic than the other as far as its scope of influence across reality. I came to talk to myself and focused on various questions in particular one question manifested early in my life. If you could destroy the world, would you? I wrestled with this question for much of my adolescence while many ofy peers concerned themselves with various sports. I took took up sports, hockey and I wonder how many of those hits and impacts left their mark. As is in my childhood I had displayed many symptoms of autism that went along with that neurotypicality: I banged my head into walls repeatedly, I liked to turn around and around in circles, and I was very socially aloof.

As I grew older my relationship to myself changed and I became convinced of the idea that I had lived the life I was living now multiple times, and that this was merely the most recent iteration. When I tried explaining this to other people they didn't quite understand, that the events that were happening in my life while not necessarily unique only to this life were not something that I felt I was doing for the first time, not deja vu, but a feeling that I was playing out the same track on a record that had already been laid down once before. I continued to talk to myself and a new manifestation of this affect began to take shape. Now instead of talking to myself I began to believe that I was talking to an older version of myself one that had already experienced what I had experienced and tried to offer feedback on how to handle things in my life. This presence was not a tormentor, but a benefactor trying its best to guide and help me along my way and offering insights into my relationships and giving guidance when needed. I could always ask him questions but he was always guarded with his responses, sometimes answering with a question of his own. I came to depend on this presence in my life as someone I could talk to about anything, he knew all my secrets and he understood who I was, often better than I did myself. He encouraged me to write down my ideas and thoughts throughout my life. One of my oldest writings that still survives to this day is a poem that I wrote when I was 13. It is not all in English and at the time I had not studied German, but later in life I learned many of the words like Ahr and Vasharn were proto-germanic words. The meaning of the poem eluded me for years it was as if I had not been the one to write it at all and yet it stuck with me, I would often recite it to myself as if it were a form of meditation.

I did not stop my conversations with myself but in my 30's I began experimenting with recreational drugs and sought out psychedelics, particularly the high prize for me would be partaking of LSD, which I finally did at the age of 31. It was an eye-opening experience as I consumed a tab every 12 hours for 3 days until finally it reached a mad fever pitch that resulted in my first true psychotic break with reality. That experience landed me in the medical tent at the festival I was at with a trazodone flush. This would not be my last experience with acid and each one was steadily more derailing to my life. I did not go out of my way to make it a regular experience but rather was like a sacrament that I partook of to see more than I was seeing at the time. My final experience with it landed me in the psych ward for a week, this would also not be my last time in the psych ward, but it was the last time that I partook of LSD and have not used it since 2017.

My conversations with myself and occasionally even conversations with what I conceived of as gods each with their own name and symbol associated with them continued to occupy my mind. In my 20's I began making "anchors" points in time where I focused my thoughts on a particular moment, if I could tie it to a physical object like a tree or a building even better, the older the better. These anchors became sources of meditation for me when I wanted to contemplate something I would attempt to connect back to these moments in time to convoke whatever I was attempting at the time. In a way it became my form of prayer in my elaborate mythos with its dozens of gods and beings that I kept in my mind and wrote about. However my 40's were a radical departure from what had been up until that point a form of meditation.

In my 30's I had begun to transmute the question that had occupied my adolescence into one of watching for Armageddon, not necessarily the biblical one, but as I put it I kept one eye on apocalypse. This actually started when I learned of the Mayan calendar, its mythos was fascinating to me as was their prognostications regarding the end of the world in 2012. And so I became a watcher, not obsessed, but diligent in my search to understand the threats that might jeopardize my existence and things that one should be wary of. Viruses in particular caught my attention and each outbreak of any note was something I carefully watched and waited to see if pandemic would follow. In November of 2019 I began doing the calculations based on the daily numbers of the novel Corona virus that had begun spreading in East Asia, by December I was telling my coworkers to prepare for a pandemic. Only one person really believed me. Still I kept my eye on apocalypse and while viruses were worrisome a new anxiety began to plague me, climate change.

I found climate change to be fascinating and watched as ecosystems suffered and began telling people about as far back as my late 20's but it never really reached the fever pitch that it did until I was in my 40's and then my affect began to take on a whole new manifestation.

I began to have conversations with myself but now playtime was over, the experiment as I came to understand it had entered its next phase. You see reality is complicated and different worlds are trying to communicate to us because we are them, just a different reality or a different time as I would learn. The goal of this experiment is to send a singular message and in order for that message to be understood there needs to be a mind capable of understanding what that message is. Not everyone has the mental capacity to understand the science involved in the message so the realities have to take what they are given and use the experiences they can to insert parts of the message into the past so that it shapes the future all so that one person at the very least can understand the message in its entirety and progress the civilization to the next level of existence and avoid calamity due to reckless human behavior. This group of beings is not evil, they realize that the most valuable commodity in the universe is information next to time and as such do everything in their power to raise up a technology capable species to create more minds capable of solving problems that they themselves could not solve. To this end they pair minds using technology to send signals to those who can receive them, not everyone has the right neural architecture to allow for a signal lock and sometimes the signal fries the brain of the recipient due to a neural fault that results in the unit burning out and short-circuiting.

But the message is simple and easy to understand

Global loss of glaciation will result in mass volcanism.

Just had a devastating discussion with my psychiatrist. She admit she lied to me for the last 6 years about having atypical depression when in fact I have a psychotic disorder. She told me I have severe depression and that my antipsychotics are also antidepressants when in fact this was not true. Anyone else had the same experience? Is it ethical? Is common practice?

Yesterday a neighbor's dog ran across two yards to aggressively bark at me, like it was ready to attack me. The owner scolded it afterwards, like they didn't expect it to ordinarily do stuff like this.

Before my diagnosis I used to always get along with dogs. But now it's as though they sense my thought processes are not normal, and interpret that as danger. After which they turn to aggression or violence to defend themselves and their owners from me.

Anyone else experience anything similar to this since coming down with a psychotic disorder?

my anxiety and sometimes psychosis acts up really bad during life changes. i’m currently going through a life change- moving back to my home state but a bit away from my family. i’ll have a room with roommates but it’s my first time paying rent somewhere. i’m really scared something could go wrong and i’ll end up homeless again. i can barely sleep or eat. how do you guys deal with life changes??

How did it start for you? I had what I now understand was a delusion as a child.

I believed for several years that my mom had been abducted and replaced with a replica/clone/lookalike that was evil and out to harm us. I tried to warn everyone in my family and at first they reassured me but when I wouldn’t let it go, they started getting angry at me and telling me to drop it. There were days when my “real mom” would come back and I’d try to let her know that I was going to find out who took her and get her back permanently, but I’d whisper it so they couldn’t hear me because obviously they had microphones on her. My family got to where they couldn’t stand it and I had to stop talking about it so I wouldn’t get in trouble.

Now that I’m an adult, it’s weird that I believe it so strongly and it’s also weird that my family didn’t try to help me. That was 2006-2010.

I didn’t have any other delusions until 2022, at the age of 22 (right before I turned 23). But I started hearing whispers and voices inside my head intermittently from 18-present.

So people diagnosed with childhood onset schizophrenia:

• How did it start for you

• Did having symptoms in childhood give you more insight in adulthood?

• What led to your diagnosis?

• Did you ever have delusions span several years?

• Has the theme of your delusions changed since then?

Just curious. I couldn’t decide if I should mention that happening to my psychiatrist when I start seeing my new one. My family thought it was so outlandish at the time, I’m a little embarrassed about it now. It also makes me think it’s irrelevant because my more recent delusions are different than that was.

ive been experiencing hallucinationfs and i think im going crazy idk what to do i cant get help

I’m a little confused about the difference?

I’ve googled it but everything I’ve read doesn’t make it clear.

They both have the same symptoms.

Can anyone please help me understand the difference?

Every time I try to socialize outside of my one friend, it fails. I either get sexually harassed or screw up and rant to people about my stupid thoughts. I thought I was ready to go back into the social world(of discord) and joined my friends art server a bit ago. Just yesterday, someone posted a prompt w no spoiler which included SA of that sort and I kind of just spiraled down. I didn’t even realize it was an issue until that person told me to stop. (No med btw) I was active in the server, complimenting peoples art and what not. It was kind of fun talking to more people but I ruined it. I left the server because it was too much(I did apologize and asked friend to purge my messages). I’m now pretty isolated again. I don’t even know where to improve. People were suggesting therapy but I have no money for that. It’s kind of hard to move on from stuff that happened to me without professional help. I know humans need socialization and my friend can’t be the only person I talk to. I tried to branch out but it fails. I’ll probably isolate again and try in a few years. I do really like talking to people like that. It was one of the only servers I’m in that I was really active. I don’t know where to start getting back to socializing properly. My friend told me he gets why but I shouldn’t tell other people my biases (I’m p scared of men but working on it) and also that mental health is pretty darn expensive. Maybe I’ll never be able to talk to anyone other than my friend

A month and a half ago my mom passed away. It was the hardest thing for me to deal with. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or really function for almost 2 weeks. I still went to work for a sense of normalcy during everything, even though I only work 3-4 days a week. I remember just looking through the people I worked with, like a shell of myself. I hadn’t felt that in years, and never that severe. Times like that I’m glad my anhedonia is so extreme. It hurt to lose my mom, it I knew I lost the woman who raised me to drugs long ago. This was a shell of someone who went through the motions, but now I know I’ll never see that same woman again.

My issue hasn’t been accepting the loss or grieving, not acknowledging my childhood and everything I grew up with is gone and dead, not that almost everyone I knew from 13-23 is dead. I’ve always been extremely nihilistic anyway, just optimistic about it.

I lost all my motivation. Everyday I’m here with my son and I want to get back into being active with him, taking him outdoors and having fun. I can barely push myself to make myself food after I get him ready for the day. It’s made me question if I really want everything I’ve managed to build with my wife because of issues we’ve been having prior to my mom. I watched my mom be unhappy for years and never actually do anything about it, and I refuse to slide into that.

My avolition has hit an all time high, and idk what to do about it now. I was suicidal for years and made the decision to be here for my child,so I wanna be the best I can for him. I’ve just hit a wall and don’t know what to do now.

I never expected to have a midlife crisis at 28 because my mom passed away, and it’s making me question staying with a woman who I’ve been with 14 years. I realistically know that it wouldn’t help to just leave, but that part of me is saying it’s the only big change I can still make. Idk anymore.

I’ve always been thinking it must be something else not schizotpy my whole diagnosis journey but after changing so many doctors because I am in denial and being told the same thing, I accept the fact that I am schizotypal, and that is okay. I am going to be okay. I’m restarting abilify so I just wanted to share my progress.

This is for the Truman Show type people I've read about last night because I'm one of them. It started August of 2020. I want to add that it has changed itself a lot over 4 years but it's been a constant invader in my mind, even in my sleep I hear voices and the cartoon face it takes on my mind's screen. Lots of scary dreams too. Anyone else want to add theirs? I am hoping I'll find someone like me that's lived through the nightmare to the end. I've had it pretty rough. 2 hospital stays since my diagnosis. And yes I lived it a long time before getting medical help and honestly it didn't do shit, meds don't change anything, and only people make a difference I swear to God above. Oh, and staying clean off all drugs.

I'm not sure if this belongs here, but I'm hoping maybe someone could give me advice.

One of my best best friends recently dropped a bomb and told me he's been gangstalked for years. I'd somehow stumbled into the gangstalking sub not long ago so I was somewhat familiar and at first, I really thought he was messing with me.

I've known him for several years and never had the slightest inkling that he had any sort of mental illness. But this delusion is VERY real to him and I kind of fucked up.

I asked probing questions and eventually told him, kindly and gently, that this isn't real. I validated his feelings and empathized the best I could, but I guess telling him it isn't real wasn't the right thing to do.

But I still don't know what is the right thing to do. I can't lie and pretend I think it's real and I don't think that would be good for him either.

He's been distant. He's only told me, one other friend and a former therapist. None of us believe him. I feel fucking awful.

I apologized and he said it meant a lot to him but he's still distant and I'm heartbroken. I'm trying not to beat myself up because how would anyone other than a mental health professional know what to say or do? Idk if he has a diagnosable mental illness or not, but this is very distressing to him. He knows people think this is crazy and requires medication but again, this is absolutely real in his mind.

Idk what I'm looking for, really. Any advice on how to repair this would be helpful, or, just thank you for listening.

Did haldol make you lose weight? How much weight did you lose? Thanks

My family has a history of diagnosed schizophrenia and I’m wondering if I’m starting to show symptoms? I’m 18 for context which is the legal age to be able to be diagnosed with schizophrenia in my country. I start having these moments where I have a hard time distinguishing reality? I’m not sure if that makes sense but let’s say sometimes I’m day-dreaming or my mind is wander I will have a moment where I can’t seem to tell if my dream is reality or not then maybe like a few seconds later I’ll click back into reality. It happened the other day when I was thinking about driving then for a couple seconds I couldn’t tell if I was driving or sitting at my desk. Same goes with music I can’t tell if the song is actually playing or if it was something I imagined till I focus into and realize it is actually playing. It’s become for frequent and started late this year. I’ve already booked an appointment with a psychiatrist but I just wanted to see if others have had similar experiences?

I'm currently on risperidone. I went from abipropazole to this. Im struggling with side effects and my symtpoms are starting to calm down but are still present. My attendance at college has been really bad due to struggling with episodes. At the moment I'm incredibly fatigued and have muscle spasms, all this on top of schizophrenia. How do I push through until my medication fully kicks in? I had to go home early today due to my schizophrenia not fully gone yet. I'm still struggling with doing everyday task, and even going outside due to paranoia. What can I do to manage things while I wait? Will the symptoms ever completsly go away? They didnt while I was on abipropazole.