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I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder several years ago and have been taking Abilify for it, for a while. I stopped taking my medication about 4 weeks ago and am now experiencing one of the worst depressive episodes of my life. This happens every time I try to stop taking the Abilify. Has this happened to anyone else with Bipolar? I really don’t want to take my meds because it causes so much weight gain and I look so much better after stopping it.

I’m really struggling….was diagnosed bipolar last year. I’m constantly in a state of worry (even though before now I had no reason to worry) and the worst possible thing has happened to me and I feel like I’m in a nightmare I can’t escape.

I lived in Savannah for 3.5 years before having to move back home to Michigan a couple of months ago during a manic state. I was working in a restaurant and one random day my hands started shaking so bad that I couldn’t even carry a wine or martini glass to a table. It seemingly happened out of no where and in return sent me into a manic state. During this time, I had to quit a very high paying job, lost my apartment due to not being able to take care of myself and my mom moved me back home which she claims is the biggest mistake she’s ever made.

I was put on Abilify before any of this happened and one of the side effects is hand tremors….i consulted with my doctor prior to this and she claimed that it wasn’t the medication causing this (I have a new doctor now and she confirmed the Abilify can cause these issues)

I just feel hopeless….i don’t have my independence or a good job anymore. I’m having to rebuild everything which is the worst thing you can do during a manic state and I did it to myself. Things keep piling up on top of each other and I don’t know how my life is ever going to get any better. I’m incredibly fearful of the future, very envious and jealous of everyone, and feel very misunderstood by the people that are left in my life. I don’t have any friends anymore because I constantly talk about myself, I just can’t seem to contribute anything to a conversation because I’m too worried and stressed. I feel like the people I do have left don’t understand because they don’t have as many stressors on their hands as I do. Help me

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hi all, newly diagnosed (we don’t know if 1 or 2 yet apparently) and my therapist is soft-recommending that I go on meds. the issue is that meds sound awful. they sound like they’re the worst even from the people who willingly take them.

I’ve never done anything particularly life-destroying—a few hundred dollars burned, got snippy with a friend while (hypo?)manic, small reckless decisions. no psychosis. are meds worth it?

thank y’all

I stopped taking my medication for 13 days because my pharmacy didn't have it in stock before my flight...

I've been very tense and angry - I snapped at 2 family members and a friend during this time 😕.

I picked up my meds today and don't know how to feel about my medication and anger.

Do you guys have any anger issues after not taking your medication? How do you guys resolve it?

About two months ago I was put on a lowish dose of a stimulant for ADHD. This was after trying basically every non stimulant under the sun and getting less than great results. Since then I feel like it's been helping a lot but I feel like my libido has completely skyrocketed to a point where it's starting to feel out of control. I have always been a pretty sexual guy but lately it just feels dialed up to 11 and I don't think it's ever been this high.

This stimulant has definitely helped me and my doctor has been regularly checking in because of the potential negatives of someone with bipolar disorder using a stimulant. I'm worried this is my precursor to hypomania but I haven't had any of the other symptoms besides being extremely hypersexual. Do I try to switch to a different medication even though this one has been helping me more than the numerous others I've tried? Has anyone had an experience like this?

I’m at a loss right now, so around this time last year was when my doctor diagnosed me with bipolar 2 with mixed episodes and gave me medications. Before hand I was already diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. Flash forward a year and multiple med changes and tapering on and off I feel like the diagnosis was made without all the facts if that makes sense?

Here’s the summary: Talked to doctor about how i was feeling and going through and described it to the best of my abilities. Doctor said “yea sounds like your bipolar here are some meds” and I just didn’t question it because I just wanted help managing my emotions. Granted, the meds helped for a time, gave me a referral to a therapist with the diagnosis and the story continues. The meds stopped working. The therapist would send me worksheets with abbreviations of things to practice with words like kind or love or stuff like that. Also when i eventually did have a breakdown on my crisis plan they had written it up, it was half a page with one bulleted point being “get a cat”. anyways dropped that therapist told my doctor the meds were not working and tapered off and started new.

Here we are now, these new ones I feel have made me worse, I won’t list them as against rules but the side effects have been crazy and the side effects to taper off even crazier. When I brought up to my doctor that I may have been too hastily diagnosed she completely forgot that she was the one who diagnosed me and said that she questioned the bipolar as well and thinks it might be another thing.

I’ve done a lot of self reflection these past few weeks to even come to consider a misdiagnosis because I didn’t want it to seem like I wasn’t facing the reality of my situation. I’d like to also think that it got to a point of the people around me throwing in my face everytime I would get upset about something they would disregard the emotion and write it off as me being bipolar or ask me if i’ve taken my meds that I myself started to do it to myself as well.

I don’t plan on going off medication completely I do know I need them, just not the ones I am currently on. I want to get better and be able to fully live my life and I hope going through this process will amount to something. The plan is to try to get my other insurance back so I can get a psychiatrist and get a eval and go from there and be apart of the plan. And if at the end of the day it comes back with the same diagnosis I can at least face that and go from there.

I've had a couple really bad manic episodes where I completely lost control. Six months has passed since my last manic episode and they diagnosed me with BP1. I'm starting to feel super energetic/productive out of nowhere. I'm also hypersexual and my thoughts are racing. I feel this weird tingly sensation and I'm very irritated all the time.

My therapist said I'm probably hypomanic. What do I do?? In my last manic episode (not hypomanic) I was delusional and did terrible things, going days without sleep. I don't want that to happen again.

I am also way too hypersexual it's uncomfortable. I started going on dating sites and I'm talking to random men online even tho i'm 17.

I have an INTENSE craving for drugs too and I've never even tried them. like i want to take a bunch of my adderall pills to have a good time. or drink a bunch of shots. this feels so uncomfortable and i dont wanna tell my parents because i don't want to go to the hospital again

Hello everyone, I'm new here, I've been recently diagnosed after 12+ years of struggling with cycles without understanding it.

I'll try to make it short : I've been dealing with a massive amount of stress lately due to a big career transition, preparing to leave my apartment and my city, applying to highly competitive trainings etc. I think I'm in a mixed phase, too much energy to sleep without medication, but insanely depressed at the same time.

Today I've been scammed, lost a few thousand euros on my bank account, and it was just an elaborate phishing method. I mean, it was super elaborate but afterwards I didn't even recognize myself. How could I possibly not see that it was an organized scam? Have I lost my mind to the point where I have no discernment left, not two brain cells thinking about what's going on.

My question : Is bipolar disorder melting our brain (lack of sleep, stress, etc.) to the point where we can be "easily" manipulated by evil people, and in the end endanger ourselves?

I've never ever thought I could fall for a trap like this, I thought I was smart enough. I am not. And I am feeling highly vulnerable and weak now...

Interested in knowing if anyone has a similar experience.

I basically had a mania lasting some days, where I identified hypersexuality, sleeping never, constant energy, rapid thoughts and speech as identifiers. But hypersexuality and never sleeping seemed to persist for weeks after (up to now).

In these weeks I had several kinds of "fantasies", where I would find myself unable to work or do tasks (even entertainment) because I would compulsively daydream and just kind of sit there.

One of these fantasies involved a romantic/sexual relationship with both my family doctor and psychiatrist (the only men medical service providers I have).

My way to make this fantasy stop was to auto-analyze it. I noticed a few things:

1. I can't imagine their faces or bodies when fantasizing. Everything is blurred or distorted. I just kind of know it's them. Maybe it's repressed.
2. They are depersonalized. I know my psychiatrist has 3 cats and my doctor has 2 dogs. But no animals are ever in the fantasy.
3. Literally everything about the fantasy is the same for both. Same apartment, same restaurant, same cafe.
4. I don't like masturbate or anything to this fantasy. It just occupies my mind for way too long.

So what I take from this is that the fantasy provides the form for the story, and the doctors provide just real world contents to the form. My desire isn't oriented towards the content but just the form. I'm having problems in my relationship, problems in my life generally, so I like a comforting idea to think about. A relationship with a caregiver also de-responsabilizes me in a way.

I'm also not sleeping at all for weeks, and so I can't expend any mental energy whatsoever. My brain is just like "hey think of this instead, it's nice and safe and comfortable".

After I did this auto-analysis I didn't have this fantasy at all. It was just replaced by other fantasies. I haven't been able to analyze away these other fantasies though, so maybe the analysis wasn't the part that made it stop. Or maybe my further analyses were incomplete.

i was hypomanic for around 2-3 weeks, i’m not too sure. it’s all abit foggy. i woke up today absolutely exhausted and agitated. as per, the feeling of embarrassment has risen and i feel so ashamed of my behaviour. i don’t even think i did anything “bad” but i know i got on a lot of peoples nerves and spent money i really didn’t have. any advice on how to feel less crap?

For me, hypomanic periods feel like being lost. I can't focus on anything, I don't get a euphoric mood, I lose track of time, I have disturbing dreams. For me, it's worse than being depressed. Does anyone else have similar experiences?

i have been going off the rails, drinking a bottle a day, smoking and taking my meds like they’re candy. i am depressed but also all over the place with energy and wanting to do things. i drank a whole vodka bottle and a bunch of coolers with one of my friends and smoked and since i couldn’t drive home i was to sleep on the couch, but then we realized their parents (who i am close with too) will be angry i am in the way in the morning so i went up to their bed. we had sex and i didn’t even realize what the fuck i was doing until after it happened and i’ve never felt so much disgust and anger with myself. i don’t remember much but i can not believe i could ever do something like that. i do not even know how to make it up to my partner, i know i can not. i do not know how i could have physically been in a room i mentally was not in because this is not something i would do. but i did. i just needed to vent, anyways. i am hating myself more than ever

I woke up a few hours ago now and ive been sobbing since, i cant remember to take my meds and when i do i feel so wrong and i just want to throw them away. Ive read that manic episodes can cause brain damage and i find this correct, i used to be able to remember things about my life when i wanted to and its all blank now. All i ever wanted was to learn as much as i can and its being taken away from me by things out of my control..

I have Bipolar 1 disorder and feel like it's written all over me. I have periods where I can't even bring myself to shower, nevertheless wear makeup or anything. Then periods of time where I dress up extravagantly and feel super hot. It's embarrassing. There's also the fact that I'll be loud and excited vs. quiet and depressed. Of course there's also the fact that I'll want to do EVERYTHING when manic, and nothing when depressed. Do you think it's as obvious to everyone around as it is to us? I'm constantly feeling like it's SO obvious that there's something off about me.

Whenever I feel my disease eating at me -- whichever of my diagnosis' (BPD, BP2, ADHD) it is -- I tell it "I care about you, and we don't have to do this. We don't have to fight. We can build a better life together."

This is going to sound insane but not only has it greatly reduced my self-loathing even over the past day, but I swear I can literally feel my disease softening and getting confused.

I'm still going to get better, no matter what, but we can do it together.

Love you all <3

nsfw because of mention of weed.

hey guys i’ve been really struggling to stay sober from weed— even though it exacerbates my symptoms, i can’t help when i’m bored to pick up a J and go out. my bf is also a smoker (it actually helps his ADHD tho), but i’m planning on going completely sober by myself starting today.

i know i have to pick up more hobbies, and i tend to journal more when i’m sober, but does anyone have any more advice as to how they handle urges and the like? my sis wants my bf to move out to help with the journey but i’m not letting that happen; he’s been the biggest support throughout these feelings.

and if anyone reading this is in the same boat, we got this 💪🏻

Okay, I know that I am in the wrong here, I know it's not right and I know it's not fair, but it's how I feel and I just need some help with the thought process of all this and doing what I can to get my mind to stop being so angry.

So, my husband is currently in Hawaii visiting his family for Christmas. Usually we go together but we have a ferret who couldn't be left in someone else's care and we couldn't really bring him to Hawaii so I stayed behind in the states to care for our little guy. My problem is that he's gone for a week (he comes back in like 3 days tho) and that doesn't sound that bad, but I have chronic pain. I have EDS, fibromyalgia, and POTS so all of those cause a shit ton of issues. The point is, I keep finding myself angry; I have to put myself through all this pain, in the same apartment I'm usually stuck in, and he gets to go and be in Hawaii ! I feel like that's so unfair ! Especially because his family has moved everywhere and seen a ton of places (Germany, Italy, the Netherlands, etc) and my family was poor so it was never possible for us.

Again, I KNOW this isn't right, I KNOW I shouldn't feel this way, but I just need some help getting over those thoughts/finding a different way to think about it.

Resources for People with Bipolar Disorder: Websites (From The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide)

• Bipolar Child (www.bipolarchild.com)
• Bipolar Significant Others (www.bpso.org)
• Bring Change to Mind (http://bringchange2mind.org)
• Harbor of Refuge Organization (www.harbor-of-refuge.org)
• Internet Mental Health (www.mentalhealth.com)
• McMan’s Depression and Bipolar Web (www.mcmanweb.com)
• Medline Plus (www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus)
• Pendulum Resources (www.pendulum.org)
• Psycom.net (www.psycom.net/depression.central.bipolar.html)

Hi everyone, I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder 2, I was wondering what your experience was, whether you are better off living in the city or at the seaside/mountains, whether nature helps or helps the chaos of the city to distract you from yourself.

Resources for People with Bipolar: Disorder National and International Organizations (From The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide)

• Balanced Mind Parent Network (800-826-3632; www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=bmpn_landing)
• Bipolar UK (www.bipolaruk.org.uk)
• Brain and Behavior Research Foundation (646-681-4888 or 800-829-8289; www.bbrfoundation.org)
• Canadian Mental Health Association (416-646-5557; http://cmha.ca/find-your-cmha)
• Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (800-826-3632; www.dbsalliance.org/FindSupport)
• International Bipolar Foundation (858-598-5967; www.ibpf.org)
• International Society for Bipolar Disorders (www.isbd.org)
• Juvenile Bipolar Research Foundation (914-468-1297; www.ibrf.org)
• Mental Health America (800-969-6642; www.mentalhealthamerica.net)
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (800-950-NAMI [6264]; www.nami.org)
• National Institute of Mental Health (866-615-6464; www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/index.shtml)
• National Network of Depression Centers (734-332-3914; www.nndc.org)
• Organization for Bipolar Affective Disorders Society (403-263-7408; www.obad.ca/about\_us)

Discussion Anyone teaching with BP?

I have taught for 7 years. I did five but during 2017, BP reared it's ugly head. I struggled for 2 years and finally had to step away from work in 2019. I took three years off, got a masters in library science I'll never use (thanks hypomania).

I came back to teaching last year. Between starting a new job at a new school and my grandmother dying I thought I'd have an episode but no. I made it through last year perfectly fine. No issues at all.

This year is different. We have had nonstop mental health issues with my eldest child. In mid October she self harmed and we admitted her to inpatient psych for two weeks. She's been doing better but the entire experience threw me into an episode. I'm still in it.

Yesterday was a bad teaching day. It's been a poor year so far anyway but their apathy and refusing to talk to participate, not turning in work, whining when they earn poor grades despite literally doing not even the bare minimum. I have just gotten tired working harder than them. Yesterday at our faculty meeting, admin tells us various crappy things, making us do more work (except math, not them because they're just super duper amazing).

I couldn't help but recognize some familiar feelings of sadness, rage, being fed up, unfairness, and the echo of "I should've never come back." It's not as bad as 2019 because I recognize it for what it is now.

I see my psych Thursday thankfully but I journaled just now and couldn't help but just repeat over and over how tired I was. Between work and home, I never get a break. I have one hour a day to myself and most of the time I fall asleep. The only reason I journaled today is because they closed school for snow. I have been seriously considering using my planning periods as "me" time instead of working. I'll just fit the work in elsewhere I guess? Idk.

Teachers out there, how are you doing? Are you okay?

Hi guys, so I'm 41 and have treatment resistant depression, Bipolar 2, BPD, and some anxiety disorders. I am also diabetic, have hypersomnia, thyroid issues, and tachycardia. I'm on a pretty extensive regime of prescription medications and I take them every day religiously.

All that being said I see a lot of threads about people not wanting to start meds or wanting to stop meds, or going off them against medical advice.

Can you help me understand why? I'm not being judgemental or anything, I just don't understand. If the meds can help you, even a little bit, why not do it? Life is hard enough.

I really hope this doesn't come across as rude or judgemental as I really don't mean it that way. It's just curiosity.

Edit: thank you all for your answers and honesty. I understand a lot more now. I'm so, so sorry that you've had so many negative experiences and are stugging so much. I hope you all know that you're strong and brave. I respect you.

what are some things you all do personally to combat manic hyper-sexuality?

i've kinda always just let mine go loose and deal with the consequences after but i'd like to get a better hold of all my manic symptoms as I am getting older and think it’s the responsible thing to do, as well as i just wanna become a better version of myself. thanks.

What are some cover ups you all use for having the take time off work for an appointment?

I know I don’t have to give any reason to legally, but screw them. I don’t want them to think anything is wrong with me. I will play their games.

I am at work right now and am going through a terrible depression. I'm so drained, I desperately need to be home to work on my coping skills and be ok, but I'm at my very high stress job and I have to be here. I can't do this, keeping it together right now genuinely feels impossible. I am so tired of having to function like every one else when I'm not like every one else. If anyone has any advice to get through my day, I'm struggling to rationalize I'm ok right now. I guess I'm not, I don't know how to help myself but the fact I can't just go home and take care of myself is making me 100x worse.

My med cocktail has me to most stable I've ever been in my life emotionally but I had a huge, several years long break down in order to get here. I've accepted that this won't go away but how much is too much? I still have untreated adhd adter all of it. Adding something for that will have me up to 6 pills a day in order to exist on this planet. I just don't want to end up on laundry list of stuff. I did a genesight test so I know which meds I can't necessarily metabolize correctly. That was a huge piece of the puzzle. I feel like eating a hand full of pills a day (and therapy contstantly) is unsustainable for my body.

Hi all, I finally got on meds that are working and have been taking them every day for 5-6months. I have not stopped taking them and have a good system to keep taking them.

Over that time though i have contimplated many times to stop. Wtf is that? Sometimes my brain tells me they are poison, othertimes mind control (this one is espically ironic cauz it sorta is but in a helpful way), sometimes it just sounds fun like what might happen only one way to find out, and sometimes like today its more nonchalant like hey we dont need that today and can resume tomarrow.

Almost feels like an old cartoon devil on the sholder type of thinking kinda just egging me on. Anyone else have this? Why does it feel so fun to be self destructive? And thats is exactly how I know they are working because I used to just listen to that line of thinking no questions asked with zero regard for concquences until week or two later and be so mad at myself for everything.

Anyways, just having a harder day keeping my shit togeather and wanting a little extra support.

heading into depression, maybe cause the weather maybe something else

this past week ive consumed thc twice, the issue is that im trying to get sober from alcohol

everyone is telling me that i need to tell my sponsor but i just cant do it, i cant

my self harm urges are so bad, and im too embarrassed to go to a meeting

i dont know what to do

someone help

Has anyone gotten more… lazy? On their meds? I just feel good in bed. I don’t feel motivated to do my things. I don’t feel depressed or manic though. But I just don’t feel like doing the things. I didn’t used to have this problem. No urgency or motivation to do my regular routines. Like working out, doing the calendar.. the chore board for the kids…on my days off work I just want to be cozy in my bed.