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After 3 nights of little to no sleep and fears of hypomania on the way (Let's get real the symptoms were already out) I got some sleep! 4.5 hours and it's 530am right now. Never been so happy to be awake at this hour. Thank you guys for keeping me company the last few days!

Im very worried bout this episode rn. Im new to FL and a manic episode begun for me about a week ago. Moods been fluctuating a lot and the impulsivity is at the highest. No need for sleep, irritable, confrontational, almost... anti social.

Idk man I dont want to harm nobody or get myself locked up. I may be exaggerating but the consequences last week have said otherwise

Help please

Psychiatrists, hotlines, supplements, therapy, mechanisms would all be helpful

I had a hypomanic episode about a month ago, triggered by alcohol. I went out on the town after a work event, cheated, and felt elated for about a week afterward (even though I stopped drinking that same night). I wasn't fully hypomanic in the following days, but I was still euphoric. Then boredom set in, accompanied by a desire to experience hypomania again and/or be intoxicated. This isn't typical for me, as I don't use drugs (although I experimented in my early 20s, I'm now 40) and rarely drink (only 1-3 times a year). My main issue with alcohol as a trigger is that after a certain point, I can't stop, and my mood is extremely affected. While some people may become elated and happy, I experience extreme highs. I'm almost always happy, but I lose control of myself. Therefore, I try to avoid alcohol altogether or only drink small amounts.

After 3 weeks, shame set in, and I began to make sense of my feelings and fully grasp the situation. My relationship has been in a bad place for 1-2 years, which is not an excuse for cheating, and the shame has become unbearable. It prompted me to start the process of ending the relationship, and we have decided to take a break from each other, although we still live together because we have a child and need time to figure out our next steps. This decision feels right, but I feel extreme shame for what it took to reach this point. I have not mentioned the cheating.

To complicate matters, the person I cheated with works in another company within the same corporation as me. There are no rules against this (different company), and it happened after a work event, but due to my position in the company where I work, I see it as a risk to my job security if it were to come out. If it does, I believe it would be career-ending. Additionally, I am the primary provider at home, and while we both work, my salary is what keeps us afloat.

In the past week, I've felt the urge to disappear into the forest and be alone, but I can't do that because my family depends on me. This has been followed by dark, despairing days where I've wanted to die and have even started planning it out. However, the irony is that I can't afford to die because it would leave my family in a difficult financial situation (and yes, I believe they would be better off without me). Now I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting for everything to unravel and for the shame to consume me.

I've considered seeking help, but I've had negative experiences with it before. Also, it would create difficulties with my life insurance, so I don't see it as an option. I've tried most medications, but I can't take any due to side effects. The way I cope is by living an extremely regimented life focused on sleep, work, family, and exercise. I don't recommend avoiding medication to anyone else, but it's what works for me as long as I avoid triggers. I've been managing for the past four years, somewhat stable. The lows have been tough but manageable, and the highs haven't been too severe. Lately, I've been feeling like I was in recovery and getting on top of things. But after this last episode, I look back on all my alcohol-induced hypomania with dread; there have been many.

I know that I won't be able to handle whatever comes next, and I'm at a loss for what to do. I do not have the muscles to start over and the shame would be to much. The only hope I have is that nothing unravels, but sitting in limbo and waiting it out is too much to handle. I just want to disappear.

It's been said over and over how difficult it is to maintain a relationship with a person with bipolar, but what about US? Us treating with normies who judge us, criticize us, defies us and such.

When I met my boyfriend, I thought he was the sweetest man ever. Our relationship is long distance so it's extra hard. I WARNED HIM about my illness. He said he would educate himself.

But now, fuck. My dad died less than a month ago after fighting with cancer for so long. I'm utterly destroyed. Besides that, as it happens, made a fool of myself on twitter bc of things I said. Ppl still continue to mock me and attack me to this day.

My boyfriend hasn't been all that supportive. He gets mad that "I don't close Twitter" -doesn't understand impulsivility- and just now told me "there are consequences". Fuck, that was hard.

I thouhght at some point that he was going to be my life partner and that we'd make it work. I'm almost 40 so it's not like I'm going to meet lots of persons anymore. And as I see it, nobody will accept me as I truly am.

Right now I feel truly lost, angry and sad. I want to break things off. He can't control his anger issues, I can't control my illness.

But right now I can't handle two losses. That of my beloved father (he was MY FUCKING BEST FRIEND) and the person I tallk to everyday. But it's just so hurtful. I'd rather be alone right now.

Can any of you maintain healthy relationships? I know you can. Some are more funcitonal than others, and have more understanding partners. I just feel like I'm going to die alone and I'm not even mad about it, I actually prefer it. Don't need someone checking in on me like i'm supposed to be in a fucking mental ward forever.

Feeling lost.

Hi, thanks for reading

I went through multiple psychotic episodes for 7 years and haven't had one for the last 3. I am completely stable except for getting depressed often and having a "thought echo" and other issues that seem to be relayed to "ipseity disturbance" from the reading I've done online. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced anything like that and if they managed to make a full recovery, especially anyone with experience of a thought echo or similar. I have a diagnosis of bipolar II.

I recently learned bipolar is a progressive disorder so I'm pretty worried for my future. Looking for encouraging stories, or just to get a realistic idea of how seriously I have to take this illness. I'm 35 and was hoping I would get my life back, so far I'm working again and have been well but I am quite scared it will happen all over again. I'm terrified of the public health system and being taken away against my will.

I often can’t pinpoint that I’m manic until it’s really intense (can’t sleep, brain is a constant flight of racing ideas, trying to do the most everyday, suddenly buying things I’ve been eyeing). This is because what I think is my baseline appears productive and then at some point I’ve transitioned into mania. The buying stuff doesn’t seem over the top because I’m often buying things I’ve been eyeing as a way to self care (and doesn’t feel like a major problem til I see my credit card statement for the month).

Sometimes the mania seems like a natural response to sleeping so much during a previous depressive episode.

Thinking maybe my mania is stress induced? But I’m having a hard time tracking so hoping to learn from others’ experiences.

What is your first sign that tells you you're slipping into a manic state? Mine is when I start listening to music loud with my headphones, and typing the lyrics out and then read them while listening to said song. To be honest I don't hate it, every song I love sounds like I'm hearing it for the first time all over again.

I'm childhood onset Schizoaffective and I need things to do now that I'm on meds and that my life will be stable eventually. I feel bored now that I'm gonna be "normal" and I need ideas on what to do. I'm 15 almost 16 so obviously nothing I can't do as a minor. Hooray for vraylar!!

I do this thing when I’m in a depressive episode and I just act to fill this never ending void and 9/10 times something I do will effect somebody close to me in such a negative way. I isolate really bad, I just shut down and become a shell and look for things that’ll make me feel alive in things I know are wrong, but I feel powerless against. Also feel like it ties into this concept in my brain where I feel like I deserve punishment, so maybe it’s a subconscious thing? Create scenarios where I am punished for my wrong doings. Idk, just wanted to see who else may be in the same boat and has advice for it.

29M malaysian, born in usa. Age 2-5 moved to the UK, age 6 malaysia. Age 7 London, Age 8 Malaysia, age 9-12 Egypt, 13-16 Malaysia, 16 Lebanon, 16-17 Egypt, 18-29 Malaysia. Destroyed 99% of my relationships due to a severe manic episode where I thought I was God/Savior.

Divorced after diagnosed as bipolar and it put me in a situation where I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. I feel like i’m a glitch and that I don’t deserve to be alive. I don’t have an identity, I used to be someone who always make people laugh wherever I go and always trying to understand people thinking that I can relate to everyone but in reality, it’s just that I’ve had so much trauma from family issues, changing environments that made me “super understanding”. From having so many friends, now I have almost to none. I jumped several jobs after graduation and with no clear career path, I genuinely thought I was trying to find my “passion” but in reality I was just going through manic episodes.

I’m broke, tried a business on one of my manic episodes without realizing I was in a manic state. Doctors said I was bi polar, ustaz and sheikh’s said that I was a gift from god.

Can’t speak to my parents, I feel like we’re from 2 different universes. If they know how I think or how I live, they would probably disown me.

I am trying my best to take one day at a time but my feelings are so intense, I want to feel better. I really do. This post is for everyone struggling, just know that if you think my story is bad, someone out there is having it worse and the only way through is forward.

I hope I get better, I am tired of cycling through all these episodes. I don’t have anyone to rant to right now and i’m writing this for the purpose of letting my feelings out. Thanks for reading.

I am honestly unsure about how to explain to him that it is something that is extremely difficult for me to control. I don’t think I make dangerous or alarming choices when I’m in a manic episode and I know that my impulsiveness is a problem. But again, it’s not something that puts myself or others in danger. More like last minute decisions on moving something out of the way, or changing the way the house looks, reorganizing things and sometimes buying things that I don’t necessarily need at the moment.

Tonight I had a breakdown because the new flooring that we have not put together yet is in the way and blocking the kitchen table, the bedroom is a mess, and I didn’t accomplish much today that was my day off. Instead of supporting me, I feel that my husband rather made me feel worse by saying that because we’re imperfect humans and make messes that our house isn’t going to be clean.

Obviously we live here and the space isn’t going to be immaculate, but we can always do our best to make sure things are put away where they belong and that is something that we both struggle with. But when I feel okay and start cleaning and putting things away I get so overwhelmed and I end up getting mad and start to cry because of all the sensory overload. This is very difficult for my husband to understand and I am just unsure of how to even explain to him why the floorboards are bothering me in that specific area as well as why everything else is causing me so much stress.

As much as I tell him that I get stressed seeing things the way they are and that I would like to have a clean space because my mental load cannot take so much clutter he does not understand. He says that everything looks clean to him and nothing bothers him so that i am not being realistic.

He even told me to talk to my therapist about asking for one full session on how to be a realist. I know that I am a perfectionist and that is not a healthy trait to have, but sometimes I seriously feel that I cannot physically control that part of me. I struggle to find sense of control during these times and I just want to feel seen and supported, but it feels like it’s just too much to ask .

How do you explain to someone who doesn’t know what your mental load is that this is just part of the mental illness you struggle with??

Personally, for me, I find I'm here more when I'm stable/hypo, feeling safe to share. But I see posts I both ends of the scale. Crys for help and understanding when feeling low.

I was just curious to know other people's take things.

hello,

i hope this post is okay

i guess to start, i’m looking for peer support. i’d love to also hear your thoughts, insight, experiences, and perspectives

i was recently seen by a psychiatrist, and they diagnosed me with unspecified Bipolar. we chatted a little about what this means, how there isn’t much a difference other than i show symptoms but don’t hit the criteria for 1 or 2. they said they are confident i am Bipolar. i should note it runs in my family, my big brother and mother. my other big brother has died by suicide, and i don’t know if he had it though he had behavior that involved mania, paranoia, hallucinations visually and auditory but again, can’t be certain—anyhow, if it is unspecified, does it really mean i am Bipolar?

i’m ruminating and having a hard time understanding my diagnosis maybe accepting idk

we are trying Vraylar and Prazosin for nightmares/PTSD (related to my brothers suicide. i made a horrible mistake at viewing the photos.) well i haven’t started the medication because i’m scared lol and confused like idk if it’s denial? that i’m bipolar

have you guys ever experienced this same confusion, like does unspecified mean it falls under a spectrum? i know each mental disorder is different for everyone but curious what ya think

thank you for taking the time to read my post and hear me out

Since about late March, I thought I was experiencing a hypomanic episode that has slowly weaned off starting a couple days ago. I had some impulsivity, urges to break my sobriety which I gave into, hypersexual (which i didn’t mention), increased spiritualism and delusional thoughts, a sweet tooth, new tattoos, and (maybe, we also said it could be sinus issues) olfactory hallucinations, etc. Certain things were fleeting, like the delusional thoughts only lasted two hours one day before I snapped out of it. The rotting smell in my nose lasted for 3 non-consecutive days. Sweet tooth lasted for a week. The urge to drink and smoke is still a problem for me.

I had a psychiatrist appointment today and told him certain things remained incredibly stable throughout this. I didn’t skip a day on my meds. I ate normal, somewhat healthy (I’m pescatarian), and got 6-9 hours of sleep each night. I never experienced any euphoria or an elevated mood.

Anyway, I told my psychiatrist today that I felt as if I had a medicated hypomanic episode and I wanted to know if a med adjustment was reasonable or if my symptoms are normal for a medicated person. He tells me that it sounded like I was destabilizing and had a slight psychosis episode versus it being a manic episode. He increased my Abilify dosage and added Depakote.

It, then, made me wonder, how many people have experienced a psychosis episode without necessarily being manic? I’m new to the bipolar diagnosis thing, but how common is this among us? I just feel like psychosis and mania always had to happen together.

This evening at work has been hell. Super irritable, angry, stressed and frustrated. I asked if I could step away and get some air and my coworkers said yes.

Took 15 minutes and realized I am withdrawing from a sex addiction. Once I understood this things got way better! Like a gear was turned in my mind. Just wanted to share!

Do you ever feel like your mind is a battlefield you navigate everyday? I spend from the time I wake up until I go to sleep again fighting to stay level headed and not let it all out.

Some days I feel like I'm going insane.

Side note I suppress every emotion I feel. It's what has kept me alive. That and 11 medications.

I've never met anyone like me with the diagnosis of Bipolar 1. Not that suppression is a good thing, but you know, employment feels relevant when rent is collected. If I ever just relaxed and let it pour out, I would likely ruin all of my relationships and not understand them since I am so detached.

When I have racing thoughts, it feels like I’m buzzing, like a high. I feel like everything is connected and has meaning but my thoughts are not connected in any rational way. They become out of control and I can lose sense of time.

Okay, this might be my PTSD or something else, but I get this anxious feeling that I don’t know how to explain other than feeling physically lost and in an unfamiliar place? At the moment I’m at work, sitting where I always am, doing the same shit that I always do. This isn’t new. I work at a bar and it can get overwhelming, but I work at the door and work upstairs when the bar is downstairs. My only routine job is to check IDs and make sure no one is bringing anything in that they shouldn’t. But sometimes I get this agitated feeling like I’m lost, I guess it’s dissociative, and it doesn’t fuck off and I don’t know how to ground myself and bring myself back.

DAE know this feeling? What do you call it? I want to try and explain it to my psych but I don’t really know how to. Even explaining here was tough to find the words.

My whole life I’ve had this urge to run away from everything. Just to get out of whatever was currently stressing me out . I couldn’t hold down a job and still have yet to be at a job for more than a year and a half. I tested out of high school early because I couldn’t handle it anymore. Now I’ve moved across the country to try and start over and all I find myself doing is missing home, school, my childhood friends and my family. I keep wondering if moving away was just my illness or was really me. Is it delusional to feel like you are never really fully in control of your actions?

It’s my second time doing so. I was recruited to run in 2021 and came painfully close, so close that when I lost it was a bit of a soul crushing thing and I had a really hard time functioning in the immediate aftermath, but the dust eventually settled and I was right as rain after about six months or so. That campaign was going GREAT, until the October surprise derailed me and got ridiculously ugly. I’ve been pretty stable for 11 years, save for the depression that hit towards the end of my first campaign and after that loss.

Here we are 2.5 years later and yet again another politician recruited me to run (for something higher / more profile this time). On paper I know I seem like an ideal candidate (two time spec ops combat vet, very accomplished, loads of community service, family man, etc) so I get it, but this invisible illness is always there and ever present.

As a gay person in the Bible Belt I’ve always been involved in grassroots politics but for the longest time I never imagined I’d be electable b/c of being gay, but enough time has passed that that’s neutralized now that times have changed, but as someone with Bipolar disorder and the associated stigma I sort of wonder if THAT is the thing keeping me MYSELF back. As I head toward the final 18 days of this campaign now I feel myself bracing for impact again.

I’m also a single dad with sole custody so I just can’t afford to have the mental cloud again if I get blindsided by really ugly negative campaigning and/or another crushing loss. I’m worried the sleeping bear of Bipolar disorder will have me unable to get out of bed again for example.

Anyways, thanks for listening. I have a big event tomorrow that’s stressing me out and it just takes SO much energy being “on” for so long. But my heart is in the right place - I’ve got the heart of an honest to goodness public servant, but if I fail to cross the line again I think I’ll just do what I did last time and just stay involved on the grassroots level. I’m SURE that there are politicians out there who manage bipolar disorder, but it definitely is tricky.

Any advice on bracing for impact is appreciated :-)

I wouldn't say I'm in a depressive episode.. I recently graduated college, I've been going out with friends and with my boyfriend fairly often, but a big thing for me right now is that I can't seem to have interest in any hobbies.

The thing that brings me the most concern is that I'm a musician, but can't bring myself to play instruments, write music or even listen to music. Then I get stuck in a weird loop because I get upset with myself for not doing it.

Have you ever had something that you really enjoyed doing, or something that you're very passionate about doing but you can't seem to bring yourself to do it? Again I haven't been having many other noticeable depression symptoms. Depressive episodes are usually very noticeable for me. So I don't really know how to work on this. Any little tips, advice, or support would be awesome.

I feel so helpless. Having bipolar means I can't treat my ADHD because stimulants cause mania. Being newly on lithium I learned that I can't take Advil or Naproxen for my back pain and it was just newly found that I have arthritis. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do for the pain. Tylenol does nothing, not even fix the headaches I get from lithium. I'm overweight and sure I have binge eating disorder and I read about a medication that could help with BED and ADHD, and it would be like two birds with one stone, but it's a stimulant and could cause mania. I don't want to give up weed (not smoking) or drinking. I don't want to have these limitations.

I feel like if I just didn't have bipolar I could take care of everything else. Everytime I think I've made peace with this disease something else comes up and pisses me off.

My APRN doubled my dose of Lamictal with no titration and then five days later I had full body hives. Doctors pulled me off Lamictal with no taper and put me on Prednisone, which I'm now tapering off of, and I feel completely out of my mind.

My body feels awful. I feel like I'm going to burst out of my skin. I'm anxious. I am hypomanic and very depressed. My thoughts are racing. I have done everything I can to stay grounded.

This feels so scary and awful and I don't really know what to do anymore. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm bloated and paranoid and my brain is filled with bees.

This sucks.

My N.P. who is trust with everything recommended I check myself in for a inpatient stay. I have been going through alot and I lost my psychiatrist of 6 years in October. I've been unmedicated since and I can admit I've been spiraling. The thought of finding a new psychiatrist makes me so anxious and I've been avoiding it.

I had to see my N.P. about some serious health issues I'm dealing with that technically is a result of my mental health spiraling for the past 7 months.

I was already considering checking myself in but for someone reason her recommending has me so emotional. Anytime I'm awake, I'm crying.

I'm torn about. I would have to leave my son in someone else's care, not know what's going on with my home, my dogs, or my children and it scares me so bad.

I'm the primary caretaker for my home since my husband works 12-16 hour days. I don't know how effective a stay would be with all of these concerns added to my mental.

I don't know why her saying that has just broken the rest of me and I have no clue what to do.

as i sit here after drinking half a gallon of alcohol my mind is just riddled with questions what ifs ect but one question always rises above the others what is the point of all this mental anguish what comes next and what is my purpose because up till this point its been the same thing different day and im starting to lose faith that this will ever improve

So I went to my psych doctor for anxiety and help with adhd since meds don’t seem to be working for me. He asked about daily history and I told him that someone in my family is bipolar. Also asked me questions about my anger etc. He suggested I start lithium and to see in a few weeks how I feel. I just started taking it so to early to tell if it works yet.

I just want to know did anyone else find out they were bipolar like my situation? Is it normal to find out you have bipolar like this?

Y’all. I actually can’t with myself. Mods, are literal manic posts allowed?

LONG story short, coworkers and I went out together for the first time tonight. I either made an absolute ass of myself, or gave everyone a great time? Honestly not even worth typing all the details out, same ol trope I think we’ve all experienced or at least are familiar with.

I’m staring to feel better already, just typing this out. I may have went too far? Maybe my coworkers think I’m a nut? Is that the worst thing that could’ve happened tonight? No. It was fun at the time? Ach! I’m confused. I’m I over it or still devastated?

Also LOL @ seeing my psychiatrist LITERALLY this morning who told me ‘how stable I was’. Brah, whah?

I saw another post about people being afraid of him/her because they shared they had bipolar. How have some people responded in fear to you? Have people ever cut you off (with or without a reason?).

Tl;dr: have people ever been afraid of you because of your episodes and never talk to you again?

When I had my first manic episode, I did some pretty bizarre things. My friends never talked to me ever again. They did mention being afraid. More recently, my newest manic episode led to some people yet again not wanting to talk to me.

I get it, bipolar mania (specifically psychosis for me) is something very hard to understand. People aren’t sure how to respond. People naturally have fears and opinions, and sometimes they coincide with the idea that not being friends anymore is whats best for the relationship (maybe even their mental health).

When I used to see mentally ill people on public transportation (i.e, talking to themselves, to the chair in front of them) the context around my circle was that they’re “crazy”.

And then I had bipolar and realized what it meant to be mentally ill. I understand why people don’t talk to the stranger talking to himself on the train, but find it more difficult why not talk to the friend who’s been stable for years and then had an episode.

I’ve been blocked, ignored, and refused to be talked to. Thankfully never had a restraining order.

I miss my friends. (Some family will even cut you off, but thankfully not mine).

People who are mentally ill can be scary. But when stable, they can be loving, trusting, and good people (evidenced by people who marry them).

I understand why they are afraid kinda, but what’s your experience?

Tl;dr: have people ever been afraid of you because of your episodes and never talk to you again?

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 in middle school and am now struggling much more as a college student. At times, I wonder if I do have Bipolar Disorder because my mood swings seem so tricky to decipher. I am still trying to get in the hang of distinguishing hypomania and depression. For example, for a good 2-2.5 months, I was having a mixed episode where I was non-stop crying at every little thing, so mad at the world, extremely high suicidal ideation, constant pressure to keep on talking about my suicidal thoughts (calling the crisis line 2-3 times a day for a week), screaming "why are you doing this to me?", "why can't you let me go?!" to my parents while sobbing, feeling stuck, etc.

Then one day, it almost seemed "a flip had switched" where I looked at my path of destruction like a person coming out of their home at the end of a tornado. I start having epiphanies, started getting more productive and planning my life in order again. I think "Wow I'm working on things again, everything in life has meaning, what was I being so angry and depressed for?". I could've been normal before spiraling into hypomania, which my support system (therapist and psychiatrist) believes I'm in. I have so much confidence and social energy, yet I am also "tired but wired" atp. I snap at times then feel super guilty for it. My headaches are SO STRONG as if someone is pounding a hammer into my skull with me also grinding my teeth. My thoughts are racing that I keep on interrupting people in their turn to talk because they're talking sooo slow and I have to start talking, yet I know that's so rude. I just can't stop. This hypomanic episode I'm in right now has affected my sleep and money-spending. Sometimes certain songs sound so ethereal, other times, when I'm irritated, music becomes only white noise to balance out the meaningless screaming in my brain and I'm not even enjoying the music, Everything in life is not just a coincidence and it all adds up as a "message from the world" in the form of both extremes, good and bad. I have so many ideas to start a new small business even.

All of this got me to wanting to figure out a way to somehow navigate through and know my disorder better. Since I have to go through this, I want to try to prepare myself better and improve myself.

Is it normal to have varied hypomania? With the buzzing activation of energy throughout, but maybe some of the time you feel as if you are connecting the thoughts to life, getting your life back together again and then the other half to be so furious?

How did you discover your triggers and "learn" through your disorder? What are precautions you take and how did you catch yourself? I feel like my baseline is depressed. It can be so hard for me if I am just genuinely being happy or if I am going hypomanic at the beginning before it escalates to causing actual harm on myself or others.

(Sorry for the huge wall of text! I hope it makes sense)