I was asked by my psychiatrist to fill out the Y-BOCS evaluation but the problem is I'm also autistic and struggle to fill out things like this. When they ask something like how many hours a day do you obsess or perform compulsions, do they mean literally an hour (for example) straight with minimum interruption? Sorry if this is a silly question

Earlier today, I was sitting in math class with a substitute. They brought up our regular preparations for hard lockdowns (we just had a drill two days ago) and left us for a moment to discuss what we should do in case someone decided to shoot up the school. The last school he had visited wasn't that far away and had just gone through a shooting a week ago after they had a drill. Almost all my teachers have told us that the main cause of death in teens had bumped up to firearms. Yet I worry that we're next. At this point, there's no reason for me to plan for the future. If me or my brother die, that's it. Yet people still treat it as a joke and continue to get boosts in grades and productivity unlike me. I feel trapped. I wish I was homeschooled. I'd rather kill myself than have to watch others get shot up before I do. America is fucked.

I’ve been obsessing about a situation between my partner and I this morning and it’s been driving me mad because I don’t know what’s my ocd and what’s not, what’s real and what’s not.

My partner and I were kissing in bed this morning undressed and she mentioned that she did not want to have sex at the moment. She made a teasing comment to me while we were kissing that internally, I think, made me a little irritated but I just laughed it off, but after the comment I kind of got more on top of her and the outside of my penis touched the outside of her labia I think and then I pulled away. And then since then I had been obsessing about whether or not I ever so slightly penetrated her without her consent. I brought it up and she said that she did not feel any penetration.

But I’ve been obsessing over why I got on top and brushed against her like that. My brain is making me feel like I was trying to SA my partner because I was upset by her joke, which sounds horrific. I of course never ever want to SA my partner. But I’m overanalyzing my thoughts and feelings in that situation and I don’t know what’s real. What if I was irritated and what if I was subconsciously or consciously acting on that irritation without thinking but stopped myself. I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m terrified. Obviously through that whole interaction I didn’t actually want to breach any boundary but what if I was about to do something or get close to doing something. What if I did want to breach a boundary in that moment but stopped myself. Am I a horrible person? I love my partner and don’t understand why I would do that.

My partner told me that if i ever actually penetrated her without her consent, then she would never talk to me again. Which is obviously completely understandable. I’m afraid that what if she just didn’t realize I penetrated her slightly. And I actually did. I also never told her that i was feeling slight irritation in that moment, when I brought up that I was worried I penetrated her, nor did I mention the fear (or potential horrifying reality) that i was starting to act out of some sort of irritation. Am I denying that it’s real because it actually was?

I’m terrified that I need to confess all these things to my partner and it’s been torturing my mind all day. If I don’t say anything then I’ll feel guilty because what if she would leave me if she heard these thoughts. If I stay silent then would I be betraying her and lying? This person is the love of my life. I don’t want to lose her. I need help and don’t know what to do about this spiral.

I think this may be just my OCD speaking since I’ve been super worried of somehow developing psychosis or schizophrenia lately, but I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye and now I have an ominous feeling like I’m being watched.

I know there’s nothing/no one there but I just have that feeling. Does that make sense? Has anyone else had this?

I’m not referring to being in public and feeling of being watched/fear of it, this happened when I was all alone in my room.

Kinda freaked me out. I know it’s likely not but my OCD has me convinced this is psychosis or schizophrenia.

I have been working really hard in therapy since starting it two years ago and yet I still fell back into such an awful OCD relapse at school this semester. I had just recommitted to trying to climb out of my relapse when my cat passed away unexpectedly and it’s just sent me into a downward spiral. At my worst I was having panic attacks about my health every day and I’m starting to get back to that point and it just feels like I’m never going to get back to where I was or overcome my fears. I’m just not sure how to fix things

I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and if you can tell me what you did to get yourself out of the pit that is OCD

so, earlier today i finally decided to ask for advice on some other subreddits on adhd/autism (i didn't think it's really ocd but apparently this is what it is and maybe all together). i actually didn't receive any reply yet and i felt even more alone with it until after googling the symptom i found out it was discussed here as digital hoarding ocd. (i'm not a native speaker so i couldnt come up earlier with the exact same term when describing the urge of saving everything online lol).

so my goal of this post is actually not ONLY to find people i can relate with BUT ALSO hear some of the personal experience advice/tips/system that helped or helps dealing with digital hoarding, that means screenshotting/saving pics/following/bookmarking way too much obsessively cause "what if i need it one day" or something similar.

Anyone with money OCD please comment or DM me. Feel so alone in this.

I've always had a very strained relationship with my mum. It started in my teens (I'm 34 now) and this past year I had been working really hard to repair it. She basically made me homeless in February of this year claiming it was for her mental health. She is a hoarder and obviously that didnt pair well with someone with OCD. Mine is mainly order based but I do have themes of contamination when it gets really bad. Despite I tried to be as respectful as possible and solely maintained shared areas despite also having fibromyalgia (which made it very difficult)

I was lucky enough to move in with my partner (in a 1 bedroom flat) so space is tight and I haven't been able to move my possessions yet. We are in the process of buying a house but haven't had the exchange date yet.

Anyway last month I was meant to be dogsitting as she went away for the weekend. I know she's a hoarder but she said she was on top of things so I did expect mess and was ok with that. However when I got into what was my bedroom (and the only place to sleep) I had a total meltdown. I can't find words to accurately describe the state of this room. Areas were piled taller than me (I'm 5"2), the air felt stale and the general cleanliness was abysmal. She actually expected me to sleep on a mattress that was brown (from dog paws apparently) with a towel on top. I started to sweat, I couldn't breathe, my skin was on fire and my mind was just screaming at me. I stood stuck to the spot for a good 5 minutes just looking at everything and trying to catch my breath. My mum didn't pay attention and just started scrambling to try to pack, each thing she moved felt like another shovel of dirt being thrown onto a coffin I was inside of, desperately trying to escape. I feebly told her I couldn't do it, she looked at me like "what" and I said I couldn't cope in this and tried to exit the room. She then proceeded to tear into me, screaming about how I'd let her down, about how she was going to lose money, how I was letting her partner down as they were going away together and I began to feel like I was suffocating so I needed to leave. She followed me screaming about what she was meant to do. I admit I snapped and started to shout back, I have no idea what took over or what I said, all I remember was my brain screaming at me to tear my skin off because I'd never be clean again. She then started to explain to her partner that I had OCD and was basically overreacting and I lost it, I said the place was disgusting and no person in their right mind would stay there, let alone someone with the issues I have. Her partner calmed her down and she tried hugging me while I waited for my partner to pick me up, he kept saying he understood and she couldn't blame me as I was unwell.

So today I asked her to watch my dog as I go away for the weekend. I hate leaving my dog there but I get emotionally blackmailed into it by her and it's not great but it's easier to just accept and not have the additional hassle as she will literally hound me until I agree to her demands. She's quite toxic and me having been raised around this struggle with boundaries. Well I get told that her partner won't let her watch the dog, I was confused and asked her to explain. Apparently he lost out on money for that trip that I am being blamed for, I spoke to her like shit (but conveniently leaves out I was in the middle of a panic attack and was also being verbally attacked) that she's a hoarder and the victim and I as her daughter should be bending over backwards to help. This I did when I moved in and the house was immaculate, she filled it again and I refuse to put a band aid in her mistakes if she won't fix the root cause.

Apparently "the panic attack was my fault as I should have gone around a week earlier to check it was up to my standards" and something in my brain just flipped. I've had OCD for years, diagnosed for at least 12 years now and she lived with me for the past 6. She knows full well what I struggle with and the standards I keep, why should I have to check on my own mother to make sure she has my best interests at heart? If she doesn't have that empathy for me nothing I can do will convince her of that and I'm tired of trying. I'm no contact with the rest of my family as they are awful people and my peace is more important. I've considered going low contact before and always get hounded by her for it but this time I've had enough.

I've spent years in therapy for both OCD and other issues including DV and SA, I have awful issues with self esteem and tonight it just clicked where that came from and I'm literally done. I have to choose me because she never will and I should be worth more.

I haven't told her this decision yet, I figured it would be best to get my possessions out first as there are sentimental items that can't be replaced.

Anyway I just wanted to share this, mainly because I'm proud of myself for getting to this decision and not giving in to the shit my OCD had tried to put me through tonight to alleviate my nerves. Recovery has been heard but it's so amazing to go through something huge like this and also be able to stick my middle finger up to the OCD. Thanks to those of you that read this essay and I hope you are well

We went out to get fast food chicken and my sister is sick right now with a cough and she came with us and I tried to order something that was eaten with a fork so I didn't have to touch the food but she ordered the same thing in a different size so when someone was passing around the food she grabbed one of them to see if it whose it was and then I hesitated and acted weird and made a sound and she said "oh do you not want me to touch it" and then my mom was upset and said hey relevantengineer why don't you just pass the food then for some reason the food was handed to my sister instead everything fell apart my brother got so frustrated and spoke angrily and said "that's it I'm done eating out with you guys" and my mom got upset and said "I don't even want to eat anymore I just want to go home" and then they realized the restaurant also messed up our order so tensions got worse and I really didn't want to eat the chicken because my sister had touched it and she was sick and she always licks her fingers and doesn't wash her hands but I didn't know what to do because if I brought the chicken home uneaten they would notice and it would cause more conflict so I ate them quickly but now I feel gross like I got myself sick on purpose and I feel so stupid I could have changed my order so that we both got the same chicken size or I could have ordered something different I feel disgusting and now I'm worried I'm going to miss something that's coming up because I exposed myself to contaminated food

then later I was looking for toilet paper and we were out and I asked one of my parents if there was tp and where it was and both of them were talking and kept saying to look upstairs but I already had looked upstairs and I said this and then I lost my temper (I am getting medication soon for depression/OCD so I hope that helps) and then they started looking for toilet paper and getting upset and when they were going back downstairs I was talking to myself (a bad habit) and they said "stop talking to yourself it's weird" and then they got even more upset downstairs and said "I live in a house of crazy people and I can't take it"

I'm so sad the car ride to get the fast food was so calm and nice and everyone was smiling and happy and talking about nice things and then I ruined it like I always do. I'm applying to REU (research internships) over the summer and I hope I get accepted to one so that I can be gone all summer.

i know a lot of people has this issue and has commented it here. i just don’t know what to do anymore. 2 years ago i was diagnosed with ocd, but i’ve had it for a whiiiile i just didn’t know. i’m 17 and i’m literally wasting my life. i’m also depressed. i don’t have friends and i’m going crazy over the impending doom of climate change. it’s getting worse and it’s real, i’ve had it since i can remember. i’m exhausted, meds haven’t helped and i’m alone and isolated. this is not normal and i’m going to die being so unhappy remembering what i have done these 17 years they were supposed to be the best years because you’re young. i’ve wasted them worrying and it didn’t change shit, and people has always said i’m weird and too shy. what can i do :( im a good person no one has gave me an opportunity everyone leaves because i’m mentally ill im so tired i don’t deserve this

Hi friends! I am down with a cold (congestion, chills, low-grade fever) and it feels like all the progress I’ve made just went out the window. I’m shaking, and sweaty, and my heart is racing. I am horrified of hospitals but I’m considering it. I keep checking my HR. It’s like, 140 because I’m panicking. I don’t know what to do. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I didn’t have this fuckass disorder.

I've been doing good on not following through colpulsions but lately ive just beeen slipping back. One of my biggest compulsions that even led to my diagnosis is coming back and I'm not in the right space to stop it or try to cope with it. I'm just curious to know that even when im in a depressive mood and have no motivation to even try, what can I do to not fall back into my old habits?

I really need some advice for this.

It is so difficult for me to do. My therapist expects me to not do my compulsions, and to wait for the feelings of anxiety to leave me alone. I can't do that. I want to control this wretched disorder, I really do. Before I even try to resist the compulsion my thoughts spiral and I find myself on the verge of a panic attack before I have even stood up. I do not want it to seem as though I am not trying to do the ERP because I really am. My therapist did tell me that she would try to refer me to ERP which is a higher intensity than this one because of my symptoms, but I can't even do the thing which ERP is about. I might be a lost cause at this point with my OCD.

Thank you in advance for any replies.

I’m having the worse time i will probably have in my life at the moment. I’m dealing with the side effects of sertraline as well as very severe ocd - which is a hassle since i can’t focus and am very sleep deprived. i started on 25mg and have upped to 50mg yesterday. on my second dose of 50mg my jaw wouldn’t stop shaking as well as my leg, i felt really jittery and so sick.

what are peoples experiences with this medication and how long did it take to see results?

I am convinced i am a rapist. I See one thing then I am convinced I am a rapist. I feel like nothing I do or say will make me believe that I’m not. Idk what to do. I cannot function. I’ve been stuck in bed all day for like a week. I’m losing my fucking mind. Idk what the fuck to do. I have no support or anyone to talk abt this to. I genuinely want to die and if this continues on any longer than a month I will kill myself. I’m so scared wtf do I do

i had a therapy session for the first time in a while yesterday. i had started off by explaining to her how recently I've been extremely on edge and irritated at literally everything. like if ANYTHING goes wrong in my life i feel this immense anger and annoyance, especially at my family and coworkers (since I'm around them the most). long story short, we ended up concluding that the reason Ive been so angsty these last few months is due to how awful OCD has affected me this year. i guess, in a way, I've been channelling the anger i feel from having to live with this debilitating disorder into the outside world and blowing up at everything. when we came to this realization together, she looked me in the eyes and said "i don't think you understand how badly OCD has affected you throughout your life. you SHOULD be feeling angry." and i damn near started sobbing. its small moments like that when i get punched in the face by the reality i had been ignoring and feel unsurprisingly shocked. this HAS been a terrible terrible terrible year for me. i had a major episode back in may that lasted about 2 months. got admitted into a PHP for 6 weeks. tried MANY different meds until my psych and i ultimately agreed on starting an antipsychotic. gained 50+ pounds due to said antipsychotic, and now I'm on a weight loss pill because my metabolism is completely shot. its been REALLY FUCKING HARD. i guess i just hadn't accepted the weight on my chest till in that moment.

Hi everyone. I hope you all are well. I recently got put on Lexapro (1.5 weeks in). I’ve taken Lexapro in the past for MDD. This round is for treating the anxiety that my OCD causes.

My OCD has been bad the past month and a half. I’ve had a handful of panic attacks and felt like I was on the verge of one multiple times since starting back on Lexapro.

I mentioned to my PCP about the panic attacks and she didn’t feel comfortable giving me a controlled substance, so instead, she gave me a blood pressure medication. This medication only works PHYSICALLY. It doesn’t help mentally. My body feels relaxed, but my mind is still suffering.

My question is, how did you go about getting prescribed something that is controlled to actually help your anxiety? I don’t want to sound like a fiend, I am genuinely suffering and it has been debilitating.

During my first go round of Lexapro, my old PCP offered me benzodiazepines. But I didn’t go through with them.

I go back to my PCP at the end of this month, and I’m nervous to bring this topic up to her. The insomnia has been awful too. Which I know is a normal side effect, but it’s been an issue since before I started back.

How have you all gone about this/How do I address this?

TLDR: PCP refused benzodiazepines for anxiety/panic attacks when putting me back on Lexapro. I don’t know how to bring the topic up to my PCP without sounding like I am just a fiend or something.

Hi! I, dumbly, forgot my meds while on a work trip. It’s been since Monday I’ve been off of it- today I was crying and having panic attacks in public, last night I woke my husband and I up by screaming in the middle of my sleep. Thankfully I’m on my way home now- my dr has NOT called me back, so I’m kind of clueless with what to do. Should I just resume taking it as normal? Double up? I’m on 150MG ER. Let me know what your experiences are please!

I didn't realize this was probably my OCD until I realized I was engaging in compulsions to calm down but it's an awful OCD obsession to have. I get a lot of joy from my relationships with my friends and family and value time I spend with others and I'm always terrified if I get too comfortable, everyone will suddenly hate me and I'll be a pariah.

So, I'm always on edge and privately checking with myself to see if someone might hate me and the cycle of OCD means that even if I find evidence otherwise and calm down, it's going to pop up again later. I didn't realize this was my OCD, I just thought it was general anxiety and I'm kind of surprised I didn't figure it out earlier.

I posted on pocd coz I can’t post all of that here, would really appreciate it if anyone would go on my profile and give it a read. TW: detailed description of thoughts regarding pocd. I don’t know what to do man I’m struggling so bad :/ dms are open for advice. Anything would help <3

I really hope someone can see this and relate because I feel so alone in this. During 2020 I started to get really big into spirituality and learned about stuff like chakras, meditation, astral projection, spirit guided, tarot cards, etc… then I kinda let go off it but I was still learning stuff on the internet and I followed people who talked about the dark side of spirituality and how some people got involved in things that they shouldn’t have and they got bad consequences from it. And I don’t even want to go into detail of it because it gives me anxiety just thinking about it but ever since the summer I have had a lot of anxiety/ depression which led to my ocd getting worse and more creative and it’s affecting me because my thoughts keep thinking about the negative stuff like curses/ hexes demons and etc… can anyone relate? It’s so hard to ignore intrusive thoughts about this

I have severe contamination ocd. One of my actions is that I’m washing my hands in super hot water for 5+ minutes 😔 I probably wash my hands 25x a day.

Man… I used to work in the ER and wasn’t really affected by anything. I don’t know what made me snapped where it’s affecting my daily life so bad.

Hi I posted here about 4 months ago saying I was starting to use sertraline. I started with 25mg and I’m still taking it but lately I’ve noticed that my anxiety is increasing. Some intrusive thoughts here and there and have been waking up with anxiety that takes hours to subside. I assume that means I need to increase my dosage. Idk if this is a dumb question but does that mean I will need to increase my dose like every 4-5 months ? I’ve heard the cap is 200mg so that concerns me. That may be the anxiety and overthinking tho. Any advice/knowledge on the topic?

Actually feel awful rn.

I feel sad and alone and like I’m stuck in my head. My friends and family are all worried about me and I’m trying to do things but it means I’ve neglected myself and what I need.

I’ve got laundry to do and work and all these other things and so hard when I just feel so tired all the time and everything is just so mentally exhausting.

I’ll be ok.

so I'm 17 and I take my driver's test soon. I've only ever practiced with my sister, and though I still have a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, I can still get from point a to point b.

but I can never drive with my mom.

I've had violent thoughts- I dunno if they're intrusive or not - since last summer, and they've made me anxious. they pop up when I'm angry, especially. and what's even more awful is that sometimes I feel tempted to act on them. i can't tell my family. they'll see me different.

i have built up resentment towards my mom from many conflicts and instances with her since...well, I was little. hell, we just had a small conflict 2 hours ago and I still have a lump in my throat from it.

anyway, I can't drive with my mom in the car because I fear I'll act on the violent intrusive thoughts I get. also, she's critical and will comment on everything. i don't get many, if any, violent intrusive thoughts with my sister.

they both wonder why I don't want to drive with my mom and I'm scared to tell them. i may not like my mom sometimes, but these thoughts aren't okay.

Yes ir no

Anyone hit me up i need to talk please

My POCD/HOCD hybrid has flared up so badly in the past few weeks. Even now, I’m practically bedridden due to the intrusive thoughts, images, and emotions. I put on nature documentaries and listen to subliminal music and doze off so I don’t have to put up with my brain.

I’ve been taking Luvox immediate release pills instead of extended release capsules because of this stupid drug shortage. I also take Hydroxyzine as well. And I don’t think that it’s effective.

I told my psychiatrist everything today and they (not revealing gender out of respect of privacy) prescribed me Abilify to help boost the Luvox and decrease the intrusive thoughts.

Has anyone else taken this combination? How did it work for you?

I was in my room and i was talking in my head i didnt realise i was vocalizing my bad tjoughts and i said my intruivse thoughts i didnt mean to, they slipped out. People from my outdoor apartment complex heard and said shes a pedophile. Im a monster. I said them i know this jow can i defend intriisve thoughts i try to explian my intruivse thoughts omg

I’ve recently had difficulty swallowing food, I know it’s psychological as it first happened 6 weeks ago and I managed to forget about the experience. Just last week again I gave a heightened awareness about my swallowing reflex and ended up crying in a restaurant because I couldn’t eat the food I’d ordered. Since then all I can eat is soup and occasionally bread! I have done some research and OCD comes up a lot. Does anyone else have experience of this! I’m genuinely petrified I’m not going to be able to eat properly again! I am a foody and up until now have always loved meal times, now it fills me with anxiety and dread! Advice, experiences would be greatly recieved. Thankyou.