I have pretty severe health anxiety, and maybe not full-on agoraphobia, but definite agoraphobic tendencies. I ordered an Uber to go to a dental exam I was incredibly anxious about going to for no reason and got dropped off at the wrong spot shortly before I had the appointment. I’m also very out of shape.

The combination of increased heart rate from walking there and my already existing nerves ended up in a full-blown panic attack where my entire body was shaking and I almost called 911 worried I’d have a heart attack. I ended up getting there on time but spent ten minutes just trying to calm down in the bathroom and decided I just couldn’t do it and called for a ride home. I was too embarrassed to tell the attendant I wasn’t feeling well even though she was just a short walk away that would’ve taken less than a minute.

I’m home now and have taken my rescue medication so while I still feel like hell I’m at least at a slightly more manageable state. Imm so sad and embarrassed that i can’t even do something as simple as a routine exam and cleaning, something I’ve done for literal years. I need to find a new therapist but it feels so hopeless and humiliating for my anxiety to be so debilitating over petty things basically any grown adult should be able to handle.

I don't know where to begin with honestly my closest friend and my ex girlfriend had a long talk with me about the issues about myself.they both told me I have a ego very self centered,a narcissist, full of broken promises and to start taking accountability over the actions I make.l have an idea on what I need to work on but I don't know where to start.do I go to therapy? I'm so confused on what to do and it feels like a lot pressure on me right especially since I've been the same since I was 17 and it's been 3 years now and still the same person.I'm trying to change the way I am for the better now since I don't smoke weed anymore.I'm ashamed that it took me 3 years of my life to start picking up the pace of my life. But I need advise on what I have to do to start changing the habits I have I don't want to stay like this for the rest of my life

My family is at a vacation for 7 days. I'm terribly sick and I don't wanna stay but they won't try to find an earlier flight or let me stay in the hotel room. Does anyone know any way I can get them to let me either stay in bed or just go back to the US? (I'm in the DR, and I have a brother just as desperate as me to leave. If anyone knows any way to leave, please comment or PM me.)

I’m grateful to have a job and roof to live under but fuck has this job just drug me through the mud the last 2 years. Applying to jobs all the time for a shot out of here and I’ll get an interview and nothing comes of it. It’s just the same damn circle over and over again. At this point I’ll take a pay deduction just for something better for me mentally. I came to be doing multiple projects throughout the year and within the first month they stuck me in a project that’s failed before it starts and just keep saying make it work. 2 years later I finally got out of there just for my coworker to quit and I had 2 days to learn his whole damn job so the circle continues of just make it work. My brain is fried, I don’t know what makes me happy anymore. Every time I can get away and not think about it the Sunday scaries hit with the oh fuck you’re gonna be toast this week…again. I’ve had anxiety attacks at work, I just need to get out of here. It’s a wonderful world we live in, happy Monday.

I am a student, 23 y.o, who is soon to be out of money. I've been looking for a job for a half a year and now that I found it I feel like I am simply not qualified enough to perform it. And instead of focusing on the tasks that I am supposed to do, my mind just kinda goes "you will lose this job; you don't know how it's done; if you lose this job your gf will dump you because she earns more and needs someone who can be on at least the same level; you will always be like your jobless father. And then I'd automatically start thinking abour starting to look for another job. It's like a never ending loop of bad thoughts that just undermine my actual performance. I know that it is stupid, but I just cannot control it. Everytime I have to model a new project (I am a 3d artist) I just get overwhelmed and in a few hours I am either crying or just want to kill myself. This is obviusly nothing in comparison to what others are going through, but still it makes me hate myself and it makes me think about suicide. I have called my family and told eveything to my gf and they all were very supportive, but they just dont understand me. (I know how dumb it sounds believe me)

Hi everyone! English isn’t my first language so please bear with me

Im worried is dried semen (cum) potentially having HIV splattered on a clothing still potentially infectious for HIV after 7-8 months ?

I wore this clothing by mistake around 2 hours after getting my blood drawn and its sleeve mistakenly rubbed against where I got my blood drawn

I have an issue with health anxiety that I’m currently recently started seeking therapy for, please try not to judge me😭 I would love to hear any common sense so please feel free to speak to me as frankly as possible I will not feel sensitive or offended

Sorry for the trouble, I’m ignorant about all this and thank you for yalls time and patience

everytime i meet someone new and things start getting good and i make a deep connection that feels like its going somewhere, i think of my ex. he was the sweetest person in the whole world to me, and we made- i felt like we had made a soul to soul connection, but after 5 long months together of intense love and then ghosting for a few days followed by more love, another ghost, a apology, no explanation, then more love, ect. our last month together, he was gone for a 6 days, then came back to say that i was the love of his life and that hed do anything to keep me and a lot of other lovely things and promises, just like before, but then on one friday, he said, "i cant handle this, we just need to be friends." then i saw him with another boy a day later.

i feel like trash, a literal wrapper, thrown into the bin once the joy of the food is worn. i cant stop thinking of him and how he treated me, i want love, but honest love, but now i cant bring myself to trust. and many times, despite how much i hate him, if he texted he loved me and wanted to be together again, i would do that. thats why now, more than in the past, i dont really trust myself.

Living as a gay man in a conservative Middle Eastern community isn’t easy, especially when you’re figuring out who you are. At 17, I was full of questions about my identity and needed someone who got it. That’s when I met a friend who was maybe facing the same struggles. We clicked, and it felt like we were on the same wavelength.

Things escalated quickly with my friend, and one day, we just kissed. It was unexpected, no words needed. I asked if he was out to anyone else, and he said it was his first time too.

But within weeks, it felt like the whole school was in on my secret. The bullying started, and it was brutal, especially with finals around the corner. I had big plans for my future, and I wasn’t going to let this stop me. So, I shook off the noise and hit the books hard.

Post-exams, I had to make a tough call and cut off my BF. He lied, kept secrets, and wouldn’t clear the air. Even my friends were like, “You’re not the type to get into trouble,” but they didn’t give me the full story either. Trust became a rare commodity, and I started doubting everyone.

University was my chance to hit the reset button. I was ready for a new chapter, but the past had left its mark—I was more vulnerable and insecure than ever.

Fast forward to 2019, end of my second year in uni, my ex hit me up. He said he missed me and needed help with English. I was still not over him, so I agreed to help. We met up at his place to study, but things took a turn, and we ended up getting intimate. It was my first time, and honestly, it left me feeling all kinds of confused. We saw each other a couple more times that month, but then I pulled away again because he refused all my attempts to talk about us and what's going on between us.

That summer, I chose work over summer classes. We were in the middle of a family financial crisis, and I wanted to do my part. It was a rough patch, not just because of the money stress, but also because I felt out of touch with what was happening with others and  what challenges were coming my way.

By the end of 2019, in my third year, I noticed a shift. People were treating me differently, calling me names, and some even tried to take advantage of me. It was a tough time, and I felt harassed and alone.

Then, I found out a screenshot of a private conversation had been leaked. My ex, who I thought I could trust, had shared it with a group he was part of. They knew everything about me, and I was kept in the dark. One of them, driven by spite, decided to spread rumors because I was doing well academically. It was a betrayal that hit hard, especially since one of the group members had pretended to be a friend since my first year.

The betrayal left me with zero trust in others. I felt judged just for being me, and the violation was so deep it was hard to believe. Paranoia crept in, and I started to close off from the world, turning into an introvert with no interest in making friends or pursuing relationships.

As 2020 rolled in with the pandemic, isolation became the norm. For me, it was a double-edged sword. It meant hiding away from the world without confronting my past or healing. I was lost, with no motivation and no one to talk to about everything that had happened.

In 2021, I found a new job and threw myself into it. Work became my escape, turning me into a workaholic, avoiding the issues I hadn’t dealt with.

Graduating in 2022, I was running on empty. Architecture school had taken its toll, and I crossed the finish line of graduation just barely. Post-grad life hit me hard. I was adrift, without close friends or anyone to confide in. Questions about my identity and my past left me feeling stuck, with no clear direction.

I gave journaling a shot and tried meeting new folks, but it didn’t do much for me. So, I started digging into what went down in 2019. Fast forward to 2023, I bumped into someone who casually mentioned being wronged by his competitive boyfriend. This guy was from my school, and as he talked, the pieces fell into place. It turns out he was behind the rumors about me in 2017 and 2019. Realizing this truth hit me hard, snapping me out of denial and forcing me to face reality.

The past six years came crashing down on me, leading to a mental breakdown. Now at 24, I’ve embraced who I am, but there’s this nagging feeling of lost time. I long for the days when I could’ve freely explored life and made friends like I would have at 18 or 19. This void in my life is overwhelming. Some days, it feels like too much to bear. Coming to terms with everything I’ve endured feels surreal, and I’m still learning how to cope with it all.

Hi all, just gonna kind of start type rambling here. Sorry if this is really long.

I am 18 and a dude and college is rapidly approaching. I have all sorts of negative feelings wrapped up in that right now that I am going to try to express.

tl;dr: I am stressed about not being able to find an identity in college. I feel like I am being pressured to go to a school that doesn't really want me. I feel like I am in a society that doesn't really want me. I wish that I was not a man. I feel like I don't really have a place that I belong in this world.

First thing is college. I feel so so stressed about college. I have grown up in a household that expects me to go to college. All of my parents expect I will go to college, my sister does too. I am totally fine with that, it is even something that I want to do. I want to have the college experience and get away from home. But the problem is that I don't really have a whole lot of great opportunities to get in cheaply. I am a white male, I am not a first generation student and the fafsa deems me to be unworthy of financial aid, even though I am not really going to be getting parental assistance on those things. I am a high achiever in school but not a best achiever. I am 9th in my class. So I haven't found ANY scholarship opportunities except a couple of pitifully insignificant compared to cost ones. That leaves loans. And I have put some thought into it and whatever, needing to pay back hilariously high loan costs restricts me a little bit because I have to make sure that whatever job I get pays well afterwards, not much room to experiment. But that's fine I can pay back loans some day even if its by the time I turn 80. But it leaves me feeling like I am not really wanted by any of these schools that I have applied to. I am not worth enough for schools to offer any kind of incentive to me even though I have put in so much time and effort into my high school courses. And that is because there are a lot of people like me out there. Plenty of kind of OK dipshits that they can toss in if they need more students. But my family expects that I absolutely will go. And it kind of just leaves me feeling like I am being forced somewhere that does not want me. But overall college hasn't really been the primary stressor to me lately, its just kind of amplified things.

I have been feeling really bad about who I am and my kind of identity in the world. Like I said, I am a dude. I don't like being a dude. And a lot of that is because of all of the stupid gender role stereotypes and over focus on sex and gender that we have in our society. Obviously this isn't a strict rule but there are a few gender stereotypes that seem to be expected of males. Gotta be the big strong beefy dude who is just a complete beefcake or the super brilliant computer wizard/engineer who knows everything. A lot of emphasis seems to be placed on either brawn or logical reasoning rather than emotional reasoning or pathos. That, at least where I live represents most of what is expected of males. I don't know if that holds true in a whole lot more places. That is why I have always felt like I would feel happier if I was born as a woman. My whole being, the way that I am would be way more socially acceptable, and I know I would feel happier. But that thought alone has all sorts of social connotations with major consequences. I feel trapped in my nasty body. I am really tall, I am kind of overweight, I have some pretty good muscle, and I feel like such a gross piece of shit. I feel big and out of place. I am not happy in my body. I have never really said or typed that out before but its been true for a very long time. I have often made avatars for characters in the games I play, like minecraft that are very feminine. Mostly thats a very private thing to me but my brother has found out and I have faced endless ridicule from him. So now I can't do that. I feel so wrong on that front. I want to be softer as a human being and that just isn't a thing I can do. That has me at my next issue too.

I don't really feel like I can belong anywhere socially. I have not found a social community that I can really truly feel like a part of. I really don't get a lot of the more stereotypically male social activities, I just don't understand. But I can't really hang out with too many other people because again, everyone is very cliquey based on weird social standards they come up with. So weird tall boy must hang out with the other boys. I feel like going in to college I am going to really struggle to find any communities that I can fit in with and be a part of happily. I don't want to be part of any super boisterous jock groups and I generally find the obsessed with logic geniuses to be upsetting as well. Right now I do belong to a couple social groups. I am the captain of my speech and debate team and have been for three years. Despite being a part of that for so long though and a leader I don't really feel like I belong. Even though I know I have support in my friends on the team I know I can't actually be myself around them or express what my true feelings about myself are. I am just kind of stuck there.

The group I have felt I most belong to though is my dnd group. These are my friends that I have had since elementary school, before we all became aware of weird social standards. So I can be closer to myself around them even if I feel I am not expressing my true self. We used to do dnd all the time and I never played any female characters or anything for fear of judgement but I was maybe hoping to at some point. I love them more than anyone else I am around really. And I know that those are the people who would continue to love me if I did anything. I know they love me right now. But guess what? We hardly ever get to talk because all three of them are in college right now. They are so busy. We haven't played dnd in around 6 months, I have only intermittently talked to anybody. And they all seem more interested in other activities when they aren't busy. And I think that is totally fine that they want to do other things, that's what college is for, I would never ever blame them for that. But regardless I still wish I could hang out with them more, that is a selfish wish.

My concern as I go into college though is that I will completely lose any chance at maintaining any social group like that. I won't belong. And like I was talking about when talking about college earlier. I don't really feel like the college experience is something that I am meant for. For women there are lots of social activities and support systems in place. And for other males there are lots of other masculine things to do as well. I dont belong to any of it. I wont have a place to be. I dont know how to fix or help any of these things at all. I dont know how to feel better about myself and my identity. I do not know how to get more involved. I do not know how to love myself or to be a better person. I don't really feel like society or the world around me actually wants me or has a place for me. I don't know how to make a place for myself. Right now I am sitting in my chair at 1:30 AM clutching a stuffed plushie cat and I feel kind of pathetic about it. Thank you for reading this if you did. I am sorry.

You all aren't wrong about it feeling ok to write stuff down. Still feel terrible but its good to just ramble.

I've been home from uni for the past month and I'm finally going back tomorrow. I've been telling her I miss her a lot and she's been asking when I'm back and things and it sounded like she missed me a lot too. So I just asked her if we can do something tomorrow night or Sunday and well she doesn't seem to want to. She said she's probably gonna be busy but maybe we could in a few days time instead. And I get it if she's got work to do or something but I've been asking if we could do something over the weekend when I'm back for a while and I've been really looking forward to it so I'm kinda really sad rn.

I think I get overly attached to people too tbh. It's my fault but ughhh I'm so sad

So I have come to the realization that my experience in Norway has not been like most positive ones which is good, I would not wish what has happened to me on anyone. So to explain I am a mixed race black guy (my mom is danish, and my biological father is african american) living here in norway. I live in the most south town in Norway called Mandal. When I started even in kindergarten I have NOT been very welcomed here, and have been made to feel as if it was better for me to move to either the states or some other english speaking country.
from around third grade I have experienced a lot of discrimination based on my skin colour. Coming to school, and being told I am a worthless neger, that I should go back to my own country, and I have even been treated worse by most of the teachers I have had, them saying I'm never gonna be shit etc. Even currently(I'm 21 now btw) I sometimes get people staring at me with disgust as if they have never seen a black person before. My question is what are the better options in terms of places being more accepting to people of colour?
Again just need to vent a little bit at a low point right now, thank you for reading if you did.

i think my grandpa is going to die. he had an illness in february like a flu and it’s after that where this started. for a bit after he was struggling to go on his bike rides and walks, getting breathless and all of that and he was losing the colour in his face and looking very pale when he is usually a man with tanned ish skin. he went from riding his bike every day to not making it past the bench near there house which isn’t even 2 minutes away.

grandma took him to the gp and they said he had copd and emphysema right fine he just needs to wait for meds to come in and they’ll start to work

a few weeks later we get told he’s gone into hospital because granny was worried about him because he wasn’t catching his breath at all and it was worrying her, and the hospital gave him steroids

Today he was taken back into hospital advised by his gp because he had fluid in his lungs and legs, she sent him to a&e so he can get it seen to quicker

they’ve given him tablets that will drain the fluid which seems to be working

but we were told he has heart failure and i’m really really terrified

this is my grandpa, he’s only 72

it’s not fair and i’m scared so scared and i don’t know what to do

i’ve stupidly gone onto google and started googling things which has only panicked me more

i don’t want him to go

I just turned 19 and i’ve been at this job for a little over a year, I would say it’s a decent pay for my age since i still live with my parents and only pay for a couple bills. Im deciding whether i should quit my job and go full time with my copywriting gig that i’ve been learning for quite some time now. The reason i want to quit is because i barely have time for the copywriting gig. I work Monday-Saturday, Usually wake up around 3 and don’t get home till about 5-6 and by that time i have to eat, workout, and learn a little more before having to go to bed again around 8:30. Im pretty confident in myself that i can do it but i still have a little fear and doubt in me that it won’t work out and I’ll be left jobless. I understand fear is a part of the process but still, i guess since i’ve never made a decision that required some sort of risk to it then thats why i have that doubt.

So sad man. I’m only 19 yet im addicted to black tar heroin and been doing opioids for almost 3 years now. My favorite combination includes a little bit of alcohol thc lsd shrooms opioids promethazine doxylamine molly(mdma) and melatonin. live with my aunt and mom. Just wanted to vent a bit😔 can barely be around people anymore without just breaking down crying. Not even like a bawling my eyes out crying, just silent as tears roll down my face. Sometimes if I’m by myself I’ll bawl but I try my best not too. Haven’t been to an na meeting in over 2 weeks because last time I was there I embarrassed myself by drooling while I was nodded out and knocked over my coffee. People were just staring at me.. Just empty, I no longer feel like the same person I once was which makes me incredibly sad. I wouldn’t kill myself but i doubt I have that many years left before I either die or end up in jail. If anyone wants to talk I would absolutely love that but do not want to bother anyone. All I want is a hug man and for someone to hold me as I just cry and let it all out😣😢

Hey guys,

My husband and I just bought our first home. Nothing fancy, modest small first house. Seeing how much of our payment goes to interest is just so discouraging. Obviously we knew that going into it but it's still hard to swallow. To the homeowner's here: when you bought your first home, how long did it take to get used to that? I can't help but feel dumb for buying a home when it seems like so much of the payment is "disappearing" ... it's like paying rent again.

I am a very anxious person in general, so the transition to homeownership has been rough these last couple weeks. I feel like people are supposed to be super pumped about a life milestone like this, but it's like I'm ruining it for myself with this mindset. I'm overwhelmed but also proud?? When does it start to feel normal?

Basically I took an opportunity and got the chance to work with all these smart people I respect, then I bungled one important yet easy task I was trusted with (and also acted awkward and quiet af bc I'm intimidated) and made this super friendly guy I wanted to build a professional connection with start avoiding me and presumably lose respect for me, and everyone wary to trust me with anything. So now instead of being a good thing I'm sitting here every day feeling like a complete idiot lol. That's an understatement, I'm genuinely feeling depressed over it and pissed off at myself. Should have been such a good thing. I guess I pinned too many hopes on this, but I genuinely think nearly any other person would have been competent enough not to screw it up.

homeless & 15 explored and tried many options, nothing is pleasurable for me i hate eating and being awake.

Hey there. I'm 16 years old. I am going to 11th grade. For the past 10 years of my life I have always been the perfect student. I got very good grades and I was always the student with the top grades from grade 5 to 9. After grade 9, at the beginning of grade 10, I noticed that my college admission process is different than my classmates. I am a foreigner in the country I live in, so I am considered an international student...
Then I got the load of studying to the SAT, then the TOEFL and now I am getting ready for AP psychology which is after a month. But this is not the case. I feel lost. I've got 103 in toefl which is a good score and 1420 in sat which is also relatively good. But, I struggled with school and keeping up the GPA. Somehow, I've always managed to finish with good grades these last 3 semesters (we are now in the 2nd half of the second semester of my junior year, here every semester we have 2 exams), ending the first semester of this year with 91%. But the first exams of this semester have been disastrous. I failed one of my exams, which is a thing that have never happened to me before.
In those exams (this semesters first exams), I couldn't just study, I would do the perfect programme sit on the table but, I couldn't study. For the past week after most of the grades got out and I saw in how much big of a trouble I was, I decided to wake up. I need to change some things. After some break, planning and making everything perfect to study, I sit down and... I still can't focus.
I always feel dizzy, sleepy and unfocused. I still can't study. I don't even know my self no more. I was that smart hardworking student with good academics, and also that ambitious dude who's always looking forward that knows what to do... and I know not much is left, only these exams, if I fix the GPA boom! I am in between good colleges all around the world.
Nothing on paper changed between the past and now, my family's situation is good economically and socially, I have very loving parents, my dad has a huge and a successful career, and I talk with him when I have a problem most of the time. But still, I can't get things going, I try but I fail to focus even though I am aware of the consequences. ( I talked with my family and they kinda did nothing helpful about it)
I kind of decided to go see a therapist, but my family does not let me, saying that I am totally fine... I know there's something wrong with me I don't know what but I am sure there is.
So getting to my questions, first: do you think I really should go see a therapist or am I just being a cry baby? Second: is there a way to go see a therapist without a permission from parents for people under the age of 18??
(Excuse my bad english and thank you for your answers) (I will share this on multiple subreddits to hopefully get a helping hand as soon as possible)

I have my computer science GCSE next month, and on of the papers is a coding paper. I know like how to do basic things in python but I haven't memorised most of the coding and i'm not too sure how to revise it. Previously we've only had tests where we learn something in class and have a test on it the next lesson but that's easy. Does anyone know an easy way to memorise code quickly, alongside one other GCSE and paper 1 of computer science.

my mom left around last june/july to another city about 8-10 hours away. my dad woke me up around 5am saying my mom was packing her things to leave somewhere. my mom blew up saying how we’re all the problem and that is why she was leaving. she was gonna take a rental but couldn’t because she had no credit so i end up driving her to that city smh. looking back i shouldn’t have and it made my dad treat me not well for a while. on the way to her destination(btw she says she is going to her “cousin dave’s” house) she says how she needs to get away from my dad in reality and that she also needs to better her mental health and planned to get a job so she can move my brothers in with her. well fast forward a few months , “cousin dave”? is her new boyfriend . she left my dad to be with this man (who is just like my dad so idk what her point was) and now she rarely calls us to talk and when she does she seems so fucking annoyed :( we’ve been through so much together and she acts like we’re strangers now. i ultimately feel she’s choosing this man over us. every now and then he will dump her and she says how she wants to come home , up until he wants her back then she changes her mind. my heart just hurts man i don’t know. i can’t keep ignoring it. and when i bring something up about it she just cowers and takes my side of the argument to avoid conflict. i barley sent her like 7 messages about what i’ve been feeling but i doubt it’ll be effective

I just started a job at Pizza Hut as a delivery driver, and I just feel extremely stressed about it for some reason. Almost everyone seems great, there's one person who's pretty negative and one guy asked me to take over his work yesterday which I did but I'm gonna tell him (and probably everyone) no from now on, but other than that everyone is pretty nice so far, including the managers. But for some reason I just feel so very stressed about everything. I'm 18, I graduate high school in a month and like I said in the title this is my first job. But I just feel like I'm having this crisis, this realization of, "man, is this really how life is going to be?" Of course I don't plan on keeping this job forever (and with how I feel right now, it might not even be a month or even another week) and I plan on going to college and while I still need to figure some of the future out I've got a fairly good idea of some things I'd like to try and be, so of course a job like this wouldn't be my whole life. But something about it just feels so depressing. I've only just started it and I know I might need more time to get into the groove of it and get to know the people a bit better, but I haven't felt THIS depressed in a long time, maybe ever. I got my first schedule and it just seems like I'll hardly have free time with this job now, after being used to having a lot this past year (I get out of school halfway through the day compared to everyone else), and admittedly I've been rather spoiled my whole life. I was actually excited to be working cause it felt like I hadn't been using my time wisely at home but now that I've got a job, I've felt worse than ever. One thing that somewhat bothers me is the fact that all of my friends have a job and, while I'm sure they don't particularly love them, they don't seem too bothered by working. I also have made a fair bit of money for only going for 4 shifts so far, but it's like that money just doesn't even feel nice to gain, which I thought it would feel AMAZING to be making money but it just doesn't. I haven't felt great this past year which probably adds to the fact that I'm just stressed about all of this, but still, I thought a job would help if anything, not make things worse. I'm gonna apply for other jobs pretty soon I think and I'm gonna stick it out and see if this one starts to feel better, but if it doesn't I might quit soon.

Hey everybody my dads really sick and I'm not sure if he's gonna make it and I'm still young in school and I just wanna know if there's anyone out there that went through the same thing as me and what happened please and how you coped with it. Thank you

Hi all, just gonna kind of start type rambling here. Sorry if this is really long.

I am 18 and a dude and college is rapidly approaching. I have all sorts of negative feelings wrapped up in that right now that I am going to try to express.

tl;dr: I am stressed about not being able to find an identity in college. I feel like I am being pressured to go to a school that doesn't really want me. I feel like I am in a society that doesn't really want me. I wish that I was not a man. I feel like I don't really have a place that I belong in this world.

First thing is college. I feel so so stressed about college. I have grown up in a household that expects me to go to college. All of my parents expect I will go to college, my sister does too. I am totally fine with that, it is even something that I want to do. I want to have the college experience and get away from home. But the problem is that I don't really have a whole lot of great opportunities to get in cheaply. I am a white male, I am not a first generation student and the fafsa deems me to be unworthy of financial aid, even though I am not really going to be getting parental assistance on those things. I am a high achiever in school but not a best achiever. I am 9th in my class. So I haven't found ANY scholarship opportunities except a couple of pitifully insignificant compared to cost ones. That leaves loans. And I have put some thought into it and whatever, needing to pay back hilariously high loan costs restricts me a little bit because I have to make sure that whatever job I get pays well afterwards, not much room to experiment. But that's fine I can pay back loans some day even if its by the time I turn 80. But it leaves me feeling like I am not really wanted by any of these schools that I have applied to. I am not worth enough for schools to offer any kind of incentive to me even though I have put in so much time and effort into my high school courses. And that is because there are a lot of people like me out there. Plenty of kind of OK dipshits that they can toss in if they need more students. But my family expects that I absolutely will go. And it kind of just leaves me feeling like I am being forced somewhere that does not want me. But overall college hasn't really been the primary stressor to me lately, its just kind of amplified things.

I have been feeling really bad about who I am and my kind of identity in the world. Like I said, I am a dude. I don't like being a dude. And a lot of that is because of all of the stupid gender role stereotypes and over focus on sex and gender that we have in our society. Obviously this isn't a strict rule but there are a few gender stereotypes that seem to be expected of males. Gotta be the big strong beefy dude who is just a complete beefcake or the super brilliant computer wizard/engineer who knows everything. A lot of emphasis seems to be placed on either brawn or logical reasoning rather than emotional reasoning or pathos. That, at least where I live represents most of what is expected of males. I don't know if that holds true in a whole lot more places. That is why I have always felt like I would feel happier if I was born as a woman. My whole being, the way that I am would be way more socially acceptable, and I know I would feel happier. But that thought alone has all sorts of social connotations with major consequences. I feel trapped in my nasty body. I am really tall, I am kind of overweight, I have some pretty good muscle, and I feel like such a gross piece of shit. I feel big and out of place. I am not happy in my body. I have never really said or typed that out before but its been true for a very long time. I have often made avatars for characters in the games I play, like minecraft that are very feminine. Mostly thats a very private thing to me but my brother has found out and I have faced endless ridicule from him. So now I can't do that. I feel so wrong on that front. I want to be softer as a human being and that just isn't a thing I can do. That has me at my next issue too.

I don't really feel like I can belong anywhere socially. I have not found a social community that I can really truly feel like a part of. I really don't get a lot of the more stereotypically male social activities, I just don't understand. But I can't really hang out with too many other people because again, everyone is very cliquey based on weird social standards they come up with. So weird tall boy must hang out with the other boys. I feel like going in to college I am going to really struggle to find any communities that I can fit in with and be a part of happily. I don't want to be part of any super boisterous jock groups and I generally find the obsessed with logic geniuses to be upsetting as well. Right now I do belong to a couple social groups. I am the captain of my speech and debate team and have been for three years. Despite being a part of that for so long though and a leader I don't really feel like I belong. Even though I know I have support in my friends on the team I know I can't actually be myself around them or express what my true feelings about myself are. I am just kind of stuck there.

The group I have felt I most belong to though is my dnd group. These are my friends that I have had since elementary school, before we all became aware of weird social standards. So I can be closer to myself around them even if I feel I am not expressing my true self. We used to do dnd all the time and I never played any female characters or anything for fear of judgement but I was maybe hoping to at some point. I love them more than anyone else I am around really. And I know that those are the people who would continue to love me if I did anything. I know they love me right now. But guess what? We hardly ever get to talk because all three of them are in college right now. They are so busy. We haven't played dnd in around 6 months, I have only intermittently talked to anybody. And they all seem more interested in other activities when they aren't busy. And I think that is totally fine that they want to do other things, that's what college is for, I would never ever blame them for that. But regardless I still wish I could hang out with them more, that is a selfish wish.

My concern as I go into college though is that I will completely lose any chance at maintaining any social group like that. I won't belong. And like I was talking about when talking about college earlier. I don't really feel like the college experience is something that I am meant for. For women there are lots of social activities and support systems in place. And for other males there are lots of other masculine things to do as well. I dont belong to any of it. I wont have a place to be. I dont know how to fix or help any of these things at all. I dont know how to feel better about myself and my identity. I do not know how to get more involved. I do not know how to love myself or to be a better person. I don't really feel like society or the world around me actually wants me or has a place for me. I don't know how to make a place for myself. Right now I am sitting in my chair at 1:30 AM clutching a stuffed plushie cat and I feel kind of pathetic about it. Thank you for reading this if you did. I am sorry.

You all aren't wrong about it feeling ok to write stuff down. Still feel terrible but its good to just ramble.

my mother co-signs my student loans but does not have a source of income. she does have good credit. I need to find a lender that would accept her. Previously I used College Ave since rely on credit history rather than income for cosigner eligibility but that is no longer the caser since they had the balls to say I maxed out. I have taken out exactly $116,766. I know for a fact that is not the aggregate limit for my situation. I have been trying for the past 6 months to find a lender like college ave but it has been unrewarding to say the least. I am on my last year of college and to take out a loan of $10k so I can clear my balance and finish this shit up. Any help is appreciated 🙏🏾

~Just to add a bit more background, I am the oldest of 12 kids, I live with my girlfriend and work while in college. Fell into some hard times around Christmas and lost my job. we were almost evicted but thank God a family friend helped us out. We are in the same situation again since it has been extremely hard to find jobs where we live. To top it all off I was hit by a car just last week as I was crossing the street to go into my apartment. My life has been pretty ass recently as you can see 💀. I really need this student loan not only to finish College but also to provide me with some emergency funds at this time.

I have no idea why I am completely unlovable.

I had some mental health struggles in college, leading to my last (and only) good boyfriend telling me he didn't love me back when I told him I loved him.

I felt that I didn't deserve good relationships, so I just dated whoever for about ten years. During this time, (and about 3-4 boyfriends) none of them ever said they loved me. Most relationships only lasted about 4-6 months. I was mostly unhappy because I was treated badly by these men and I felt I deserved it.

About a year and a half ago, I tried to make strides to date a man that everyone thought was a "good guy" and respected women. I was overjoyed when he liked me back and agreed to pursue a relationship with me.

Well, it's been over a year and a half and it's 100% confirmed that he does not love me, nor does he have plans to. I don't know if he's still in love with the previous girl he dated, but it doesn't matter. He doesn't love me. Nobody has ever loved me. I'm 32 1/2. How pathetic is it that I've had over 6 boyfriends and not a single one led anywhere? I'm so tired. I genuinely have thought for years that no one will ever love me, and with him, I thought I stood a chance. I was wrong. I was so so so so so wrong. This confirmed that I am unlovable. I can't stand this. I don't want to date again, but so many of my friends are so relationship-obsessed, I know I will always be alone without a significant other.

I don't want to talk to him ever again. I want to break up, and probably will, but realistically I know he's the best I will ever get. I can't stand this. I can't stand being perpetually cursed in relationships. Why me?

Let me tell you a little about myself, I just turned 33 years, Male, I have a 9-5 job which I'm good at and I do have a lot of friends (an extravert) and I exercise 6 times a week (lean muscular body).

Lately, I have been feeling bored, stuck and empty! I can't shake off this feeling, I also can't speak to any of my friends about it as they usually say I have it all..

I do not enjoy books as much but I usually watch documentaries or research about random things for general knowledge.

I don't know what can amuse me anymore or entertain me..

if education was a suggestion then I am forever learning as I have 38 certificates and counting..

Parties don't entertain me, alcohol isn't my thing anymore, weed is illegal where I stay so that's off the table..

I traveled to 32 countries and I live in an amazing city/country..

Have anyone passed through this? How can I overcome it?

I'm feeling pretty frustrated and down right now, and I just need to vent about a recent experience that's been weighing on me. About a week ago, I was billed for a hefty car repair that wiped out nearly all of my savings, because of what turned out to be a totally preventable issue.

It all started a few months back when I noticed a strange sloshing sound coming from my car's engine coolant system. I knew the cause and roughly how to fix it. I asked my dad, who's pretty knowledgeable about cars, I could do it myself and he said we can both take a look in week and he brushed it off, telling me it was nothing to worry about. The noise only got worse, and I couldn't shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong.

I brought it up to my dad again, expressing my concerns, but once more, he downplayed it, suggesting I wait and save money by having him check it out later. Reluctantly, I agreed, hoping he was right and I was just overreacting.

Well, fast forward to last week, and you can guess what happened next. Right after we finally decided to take a closer look, my car overheated, leaving me stranded and facing a repair bill that practically knocked the wind out of me.

What hurts the most isn't just the financial hit, but the feeling of being gaslit and not trusting my own instincts. I wish I had listened to myself sooner and taken action when I first noticed the issue.

Anyway, I've learned to always trust my gut and to seek a second opinion, even if it means spending a little extra upfront.

Take care, everyone.

I'm not doing great. This isn't a great time of year for me but a lot of things are changing and it's worse this time. Overcame complete anxiety spiral a couple years ago and have lived with GAD ever since, now I feel myself slipping back into that dark place. I don't know what to do.

My brother got falsely reported for csam on a post of ai edited image of to actress(not a minor). Will we get police at our house? What should we do?