I am no good drunk. I am no good drunk. I am no good drunk. I am an alcoholic who has continued to choose a drink over healing my shitty ways. Last night was the final straw for my partner and I’m accountable for all of it. I am sad, angry, and fully ashamed. There is no reconciliation which is fully understandable, but this hurts. I love this person. I hate this intoxicated version of myself. Now more than ever i truly need to prioritize my healing and recovery. For me, i will do better in hopes the joy will find its way back in. Day 1. AA in the morning. I’d love support from anyone wants to chat. Thank you for holding the space.

Hi, I don't know why but i just needed to say this to someone. I am a 23M who's had a pretty serious drinking problem since I was 18. For the past year and a half I do not think I've spend one night sober. Well two nights ago I had enough, I had a girl I really liked, and wanted to ask her our but I screwed it all up because I was drinking. I've done a lot of things that have made people hate me in the last two years, so I think I'm just finally ready to quit. No one in my friend group or family knows just had badly I was addicted to drinking and Ive always tried to hide it. So I'm making this decision on my own, without really any supported, because I am to scared to tell my friends or family about it. I really want to make this life decision and make it stick. Thank you to anyone who reads this.

Just searching for answers…

My mom is and has been a functional alcoholic for as long as I can remember. She’s never drank anything except for soda and beer. I truly have never seen the woman drink water. She still gets up and goes to work and does what she has to do but when she’s home she’s drinking and 15 pack eating dinner and going to bed, every night and has for at least the last 10 years. We obviously all know it will catch up with her sooner or later. Anyways, she informed us at thanksgiving tonight(we celebrated late) that as of 3 months ago she suddenly cannot tolerate the taste of beer and throws up after a few sips. There’s no way this is normal. She refuses go to a doctor and I just feel like there has to be some underlying condition that just made her suddenly intolerant to the beer she’s drank everyday for the last 20 years. I’m searching the web for answers or an explanation but to no avail. Maybe I’m typing wrong idk but I figured I should ask Reddit. So here I am. Anyone experienced this? Or know someone who has?

My dad (68) is actively in liver failure from his near constant alcohol consumption and will not see a doctor or stop drinking. He has 4 children and 4 grandchildren but he’s actively killing himself with his alcoholism.

He’s 10 years divorced after a 7 year stand off with my step mom, she left him and married the man she was cheating with, but not before my father held out on divorce for 7 more years because she wanted money in the divorce he was unwilling to give up, so you can see how stubborn he is.

He’s also a misogynist drill Sargent, exacting and vicious, he made it his life’s mission to punish his mother and my mother and all the women he hated through me, through constant berating, belittling and straight up ignoring me my entire life. It’s no wonder I moved 1000 miles away.

But now he’s dying. He’s killing himself. It started after he retired. I first noticed he would shake when he tried to write: classic withdrawal tremors. Then his nose started to turn purple. His belly started to distend. And just last night I noticed a yellow hue to his skin, he’s starting to jaundice. I was so focused on trying to get him to get the skin cancer he’s had growing on his arm for the last 20 years looked at that I completely missed the alcoholism, and how that will kill him long before that damn cancer.

I think that his liver is actively failing and he REFUSES to see a doctor. He says he will but he never follows through. I don’t know what to do I’m sounding the alarm to everyone. He has 5 other siblings, many of whom live in the area. They can check in him, hold him accountable. He’s just so fucking depressed.

I’m thinking of planning an intervention for him. I am going to get all my siblings to write eulogies for him and we’ll come together and share them with him, showing him that he’s loved but also that he needs to know how serious this is, he could and will die from this if he does not stop NOW. He told me he really wants to fish in Alaska and I am going to look into rehab centers for him in a place he always wanted to go. I don’t know if it will work but fuck if I’ll let my dad die without doing fucking everything in my power.

I got to the level where my insecurities or little things that have been bothering me come out or I take things out on others or just start talking about myself lol and as someone who can be quiet and anxious socially the anxiety afterwards is hard to sit with. I feel shame at verbalising certain things that had just been swirling around in my head

I’ve been sober for 2 and a half months. Just got fired out of the blue (ish). Feel very lost and hopeless. Want to drink but shouldn’t.

Hello! I’ve been fooling myself that I can drink a little here and there for a few years. After a messy binge drinking day yesterday, I know I cannot. I want to build a life with my husband and start a family. He doesn’t drink, and has been trying to help for so long. It’s not fair to him. Anyways, any good podcast recommendations to help hammer it into my head and keep me on track?

I don’t remember the exact date in November that my last drink was. So I measure from the last day of the month.

1st of December now so it’s two whole years sober. Twice as long as I’ve ever gone without alcohol since I started drinking.

I’m unlucky in that I’m unable to control my drinking. My loved ones and I have suffered a lot due to my drinking. I’m lucky in that I haven’t been as far down the road as many of the stories that we see here.

I guess I’m lucky in that I’m taking medication at the moment that I’m told I mustn’t drink alongside. It’s definitely helpful to know that alcohol would likely make me feel pretty sick.

It’s scary knowing I’ll have this weakness for the rest of my life. Im blessed with the choice between the pain of discipline (sobriety) or the pain of regret (relapse). I guess I just have to keep myself in the mindset of active recovery, and not get complacent.

Anyway. I don’t have many people to talk to about this but it feels like a big deal to me. Hang in there folks 🩷

It literally just makes me cry

Is it common to not be able to handle weed after going through alcohol dependancy?, even after being sober for some time, weed gives me panic attacks, ive realized it's prob not good for me to use at this point, but i was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience, i used to be able to smoke as much as i wanted, now anything over a half bowl will put me in a full blown panic attack.

Both my parents have been drinkers, even since the 1990's. However their alcoholism has got worse since the start of this year and I don't know what to do. I've done everything I can to help them but they're too selfish to do anything about it. They've changed so much as well and it doesn't help that both are physically and mentally unwell; they're both toxic when they are drunk and they both hate each other but they stay together for me until I finish college. It's really taken a toll on me and my sister and it's only going to get worst for them. Both of them are really ill and if I leave them they are simply just going to drink themselves to death.

Anyone who has suffered from loved ones/parents having alcoholism have any tips? I just want to leave for the sake of my mental health. Thanks.

I got a 750ml of whiskey 50.5% proof. Usually it’ll take me the night I bought it the next night and then the third night to finish the bottle. So 2 days to finish a bottle. Now second time I’ve finished the bottle in a day. Bought it on Friday had a glass prob half 350ml and then I poured the last glass for Saturday night. I don’t think it’s ever gonna stop I still work well. How does jaundice work bc I’m under the assumption one day u can wake up and it’ll just be there. I really don’t want that as it’s visible sign to others. Sometimes I have slight dull pain almost like my muscle on my right side or left side sometimes. Been to the doctor for a physically had to tell him. Never went back for a follow up or got the MRI. Within 4 months of that appointment my ALT went from 121 to 169 and AST went from 136 to 157. Don’t know how to get help or stop.

3rd relapse since January. Went right back to drinking 2-2.5 fifths a day. This time when I quit it almost killed me. I wound up in the hospital because I tried quitting myself. The last times I went to detox. Just making awareness that alcohol withdrawal can be deadly. My blood pressure and heart rate was so high they thought I was either going to go into cardiac arrest or have a stroke. I wish everyone the best of luck if you're trying to quit. It's the hardest thing in the world.

I’ve had a lot of rock bottoms, both in public and privately. I’ve done things while drunk that have stained my soul from top to bottom. I’ve burnt pretty much every bridge in my life. The biggest barrier to my sobriety isn’t even always the alcohol itself, it’s my inability to face the mess I’ve made of everything in my life. And that underneath all of that, even beneath the alcohol, the common denominator is me.

I guess I just need advice from people who truly fucked up. The people who were truly on their own in this and had nobody to blame but themselves. The people who couldn’t even begin picking up the pieces because even those had been so totally obliterated.

I am just so ashamed of the person I have been and who I have become. There is so much guilt and self hatred that it’s hard to look ahead and feel like there could be any sort of life for me in this world.

I am male, 35 years old. I don't know when it started, but I'm addicted to alcohol. My addiction gave me paranoid schizophrenia 8 years ago. I continued drinking. After all, alcohol was my friend, who comforted me, who made me laugh, who beat boredom, who let me breathe freely despite all the physical and social symptoms and feedback. Last year I had my second, much worse psychosis with hearing voices and hallucinations. This ended with a suicide attempt. What happened? I continued drinking. Finally, I also had good times with alcohol. Not just actions that were completely crazy and transgressive, but also pleasant experiences. Now I'm at a point where I'm wondering if I can live without alcohol. Whether I can handle the ups and downs of life. Now I am asked as a person. I drank again this weekend. I want to show myself and my inner critic that a life without alcohol is possible and even more worth living. I want to go to Alcoholics Anonymous, even though I feel ridiculous. Everyone knows I'm an alcoholic. But I want to do it. For my faith. For myself. Maybe the bravest thing I've ever done. I no longer want to live in guilt, shame, insecurity and self-devaluation. I think I'm a severe alcoholic. I hope for your assistance. To a new life.

My dad has been using alcohol almost everyday for all my life (18 years). None of my family members like it and my mom has gone as far as to say she’ll leave him. My dad loves my mom more than anything else and realised that he needed to stop. He told me today, as i got home, everything. He broke down in tears and I comforted him. He asked for my support and of course I want to help him. He’s gone to therapy twice already and asked for medication, but he’ll get them in a couple weeks.

How can I support him in the best way?

I am a 26 year old female. I have known for a while that I have a drinking problem. Once I start I can’t stop. I have been to therapy and it was better for some time. Four weeks ago my dad passed. Since then I have been struggling with alcohol.

Last night I was drinking wine with my mom and sister during dinner. They went to bed I watched a movie and had another glass of wine. I did the dumbest thing. I took my sleeping tablet while still watching the movie and drinking wine.

It made me so drunk. My mom caught me and we had a huge fight. I can’t even remember all of it. I said such horrible things to her and to my sister. I hurt them deeply and I hate myself for it.

We are all grieving. The death of my dad has been tough on all of us. I can’t believe I did this. I can see how sad they are and I know they are so disappointed in me.

I have apologized but I know it does not make it better.

I can tell that my mom and sister does not understand my drinking problem. How do I deal with that and how do I move on from this and make things right again? How do I not turn to alcohol to numb the pain of losing my dad.

Instead of drinking 2 bottles every night, tonight we went out and I only had one glass with dinner. I know its still drinking per se but it's showed me that I can beat this!

By no means do I feel the urge to drink often. But when I’m with friends at the bar or a gathering and I start drinking I over consume every time. It turns into water and my ability to hit the off button doesn’t exist. This usually ends up with me throwing up or blacking out. Is there a way for me to find a way to drink slower and less or do I need to just quit all together.

Everyone else has an attitude and problem with it. Wish I never got into a relationship. Drinking alone is fucking fun with out them at my ear all the time. Or feeling uneasy so I have to sip.

This is sort of just me talking to talk and also as a warning that no matter what you do alcohol isn’t something you can beat with science. I (23m) have been drinking from a very young age. I would say it became a problem during my early/mid teens. I think the biggest thing keeping me from getting sober is the excuse that I “know what I’m doing.” I have always been very interested and knowledgeable about the medical field and especially later on as a nurse, I understand very well the consequences of drinking. And because of that, even from my late teens, I have always been very careful about delaying those consequences. One of the most dangerous aspects of alcoholism is its impact on vitamin B12, which leads to encephalopathy so I’ve always made sure to consistently take supplements for that. I remain very active to control my blood pressure and cardiac health. I monitor my diet to emphasize other things that are impacted by alcohol. I keep a stash of benzodiazepines (I grew up around drugs and have access to a lot) in case I ever have to go cold turkey and am at risk of going into serious withdrawal. And above all else I closely keep track of any telltale signs of serious body damage from the alcohol. I say all this kinda as a warning because despite all of this, the damage is finally starting to show. Considering how heavily I have drank since such an early age, I’m surprised it took this long. No matter how confident you are, or how many precautions you take, this is NOT a battle you will ever win while continuing to drink. I truly thought I could go on most of my life by taking all these precautions but it’s all slowly falling apart. I plan on seeking help and do plan on quitting. I just wanted to rant about how futile this has all been

Edit: I would also like to add that I have never once shown up to work intoxicated or severely hungover. I have always remained extremely careful with my timing, scheduling, and withdrawal symptom management so that my work with patient care is never impacted. As much as I feel that I can’t exist without alcohol, I care for the work that I do even more.

Hi, I have felt that my spouse is an alcoholic for a couple of years now, but when I have read up on it I don’t fully think they match the description. My religion also believes that drinking to excess is sinful and I have had not great experiences with people who have consumed alcohol in general so I don’t know what to really believe?

A couple of years ago, my spouse started drinking. Initially it was a LOT and they said they didn’t even realize they had drank a full six pack in an hour-2 and a half hours. My spouse frequently got wasted and it was a really negative experience overall for me. I have never been in physical danger due to their drinking, but it has been a lot emotionally. My spouse, lets call them Charlie, has nearly always lied about drinking. Even if Charlie was very obviously drunk or if I showed the evidence, they denied it. Over time they have lessened how much they have drank and after a couple of months they did not get super drunk, definitely a bit tipsy though. Charlie has repeatedly said that the last time was the last time, has said they are an alcoholic (though I dont know if that is due to me calling them an alcoholic in my moments of extreme frustration), when apologizing is generally very vague saying “I’m sorry for last night” or “Im sorry for what happened/what I did”.

For a while I thought maybe Charlie was genuinely making change, but they have continued purchasing and drinking (in various quantities but mostly only a small amount) of vodka, and they have consistently lied about it. Charlie also tends to purchase and drink the alcohol when saying they are going to the gym, so I have become very paranoid about them going to the gym.

There has been a lot of hardship in my life the last 2 years so I am very depressed and anxious. I will be taking medical leave as a result soon. I wonder if my mental health is misconstruing the situation?

I feel I just need some validation in what I am feeling/thinking of the situation. I am also open to any suggestions or advice on how to support them/what I can do to help me understand/process this situation. I am in therapy and Charlie has done a couple sessions but has obviously not put the effort in and doesn’t like the therapist they are with atm so has said they will request another one. I also have been the one pushing for growth/change (in my perspective).

I suppose my question is, Even though my spouse does not get drunk when drinking, are they an alcoholic? And a follow up if yes, when should you consider a separation from your spouse due to alcoholism?

I went to my first party sober last night, and it went well.

Some people didn't realise, offered me shots. I said no and was guzzling cherry coke zero instead. Was interesting being the only one not drinking, less stressful, no worries about whether I was going to overdo it, lose coordination and break something, say something stupid I can't remember in a black out, etc all that horrible anxiety that comes with alcohol... gone.

I've just woken up on my friend's sofa, remember absolutely everything, no headaches or vomiting. My friend will likely be up in about 8 hours or so - imagine if I had drunk alcohol, that is a long time to wait in fear to find out what I'd said/done last night. Now I can just eat crisps and watch YouTube videos in peace instead,not sick, and I remember everything.

I just wanted to share these benefits of sobriety, I'm feeling very chill after a party, for once :) thanks for reading.

I’ve been having a hard time alcohol and smoking weed this year. I’ve kicked the weed because I got rid of all of the things I used to smoke. But alcohol seems so much harder to get rid of. I went for a rehab holiday and was sober for 2 weeks, it was great and I felt good after withdrawing, but as soon as I came back I got back into ordering a 6 pack everyday, and not being able to enjoy things if I’m sober. Always just wishing I was stoned or drunk, and then as soon as those things are on their way I feel so much better. I can’t even seem to save money for my Christmas shopping at all, and I’m stressed about financing and my health in the future as I’m only 19. How do I get out of this cycle or what things might help?

This is going to be a bit long and I apologize for that. This is the first time admitting this to anyone so please be kind.

I come from a long line of alcoholics on both my mother and father’s side. I’ve lost multiple uncles to cirrhosis and esophageal bleeds. My great aunt died of alcohol poisoning in the 80’s. I can’t name one family member who isn’t an alcoholic or drug addict.

I started drinking when I was 17-18. I drank a fifth of vodka daily until I got my dui at the age of 22. After that, I drank damn near a half gallon of vodka daily until I turned 25. I then switched to meth which is the only way I got off the alcohol.

I stopped doing meth after a year or so at the age of 26. I never had cravings for meth so it wasn’t hard to stop. I got sober off everything at 28 and stayed sober for 7 years. I relapsed on alcohol in October of 2023 and can not remember a single day that I haven’t drank since then.

Every day that passes, I drink earlier and earlier. I’m having a hard time holding a job even though while I was sober I was making 6 figures a year at a job I loved . I wake up in the morning shaking and needing a drink. If I can’t get a drink before work I call in because the job I work needs you to be steady and my hands are not.

Just had to vent this to someone. If you read this, thank you

So my husband ended up quitting weed of his own accord (after getting pulled over with some on his possession and had to, luckily, just do community service time for it).

I do drink, more than the recommended amount for women, which is one per day (but we don’t seem to ask how much ABV is one per day, even though one 13% IPA is different than one 3% Corona if “my math is mathing.”)

I do have anxiety, and beer helps with it, although I know yall would say it’s making me more anxious.

My husband is a constant ball of nerves, and stresses me out on a DAILY basis with his negative vibes. To cope with work (mainly work) and him, my thing (having beer) triggers him bc he cannot just grab some weed and feel less anxious too.

I think he is mad I have something legal that helps me relax. What do yall think? To be clear, I made dinner tonight, and put our kid to bed - so I’m not trying to shirk responsibility. I’m trying to stay sane. Full disclosure, it takes about 3 beers (@3%) to where I no longer feel crippling anxiety. And I was on Prozac for years, it works til it doesn’t.

So. Wtf? Does my partner in life no longer care about my happiness/sanity/ability to relax, or is the problem me?

My mother in law drinks regularly and in amounts that aren’t healthy in my opinion. But what I saw this week has me more concerned. She alone put down 5 bottles of wine in 3 days. 8 glasses in 3 hours on Thanksgiving. Never was she visibly or obviously intoxicated. Doesn’t that speak to a very high tolerance? And wouldn’t that be achieved through regular high volume drinking? She’s about 5’5” 145lbs, 62 years old. She claims she barely drinks anymore….but she also has multiple types of rehydration with her. A powder, liquid IV and something else. She’s spacey, incredibly forgetful and often confused. Does this sound like an alcoholic in denial? We just want to help her if she’s sick and struggling….

I (24m) first began drinking at 15. It started as a once a month kinda thing because I would drink to the point of spending the entire next day vomiting. When I learned to chug water and when to stop drinking, it became more and more often. By 17 I was drinking about 3 times a week. Since, it’s fluctuated a lot. The past 6? months I’ve spent more nights drunk than sober. Previously I was very active/fit but the past year I just haven’t been able to stay consistent and I’m starting to feel the effects of my drinking. My heart and body have this vague weakness and sometimes I feel like I can’t quite breathe. I plan on getting help soon but I’d like to know just how fucked I am in terms of neuro development from starting so young and overall damage to my body. Thoughts?

Rehab, sober living, and a little over 3 years without a bottle. I fucked up. It’s been 2 weeks and it’s already getting bad, to the point I can’t hide it anymore; I have no one to talk too, I feel so fucking alone in this shit.

Such a roller coaster. Drunk from 17-37ish. Finally hit my bottom and woke up naked in the guest room. No idea how I got there. See my wife and tells me my parents are on the way. I don’t fight it. I can’t I’m so devastated and on the brink of dying from alcoholism. Treatment for 51 days not including 5 days in icu because treatment center wouldn’t take me because I was in that rough of shape. Stayed sober 17 months. Lost weight I had been at in 18 years and drank because I went back to school and the stress got to me. Now I’ve been back and forth drinking and not. Stayed sober 17 days recently and started drinking again because of the mental aspect. Suicide thoughts have been never ending as to why do this anymore. Alcoholism is never ending. Dr finally put me on an antipsychotic because I’ve gotten that bad.

Wrote this not for advice but for those who might need this. I don’t want to hear it’s going to kill you look at what you’re doing to your body. I’m a smoker so obviously I don’t give a fuck about my health. Family I don’t care. I had to be dragged to thanksgiving by my wife to my families. They have done nothing wrong to me but ever since I got “sober” relationship is weird.