So lately I need at least a fifth of of vodka every day. I drink a fifth after work, because I work nights, but on my days off I can drink almost a half gallon.. I've been sober before. I know it's possible. I don't like the AA shit. I graduated a treatment program even, but it was required by probation for a DUI.. my wife drinks with me, but she can't handle nearly as much. I've tried slowing down, but I just wanna keep going until I'm asleep. Idk I just found this sub, so hopefully I don't get a shit ton of hate.

I was asked to write one for my close friend who got dui, I’ve always been on the other side and never had to write on myself. I was planning to keep it short and personal. Does anyone have any tips? What should I include or not include? How long should it be? Thanks

For context, my husband lost his daughter last year to a life limiting disability. He struggles with it, as expected, and in May this year his drinking got out of hand and he reigned it in. He knows its not a healthy coping mechanism but he tried and didn't agree with therapy and doesn't think he needs it again.

It's been 15 months since she passed which isn't long at all, I know. He has resumed drinking until the early hours of the weekend, when he's not working, he calls it his "reward" for working hard. Hes "earned it". But in the hours between me going to bed and him going to bed, he'll be alone with his thoughts, music etc and not really achieving much other than emptying a bottle of Jack.

It upsets me that he does this, it means my sleep is disrupted because he's not queit and our room is above our kitchen so im tired and grumpy and dont get to sleep in, it means if we want to do anything the day after it's not until the afternoon because he sleeps in / takes an hour to wake up / wants to exercise before doing or eating anything together, it means every event at the weekend includes alcohol even if we're not doing anything, it means he wants to spend money on cabs if we go anywhere rather than sharing driving responsibility. We've argued every weekend for the past 6 weeks (minus the one week we were on holiday and going to bed together after a mutual time) over everything - not agreeing on what film to watch, how he treats other people or our dogs, the need to drink at everh opportunity, the fact that I'm concerned for his health. But when I bring it up, I get shouted at so it just eats at me until I can't take it anymore and snap at him, then I become the a hole and an argument ensues, and so on.

Other than how he is when he drinks, and how often/much he drinks, I can't fault him. He does work hard, 40+ hours per week on a fuel tanker, he does his share of chores, takes me to dinner, supports me emotionally, gives me affection in how I need it etc.

So is there an issue with his alcohol consumption, or am I the a hole for not agreeing with his choice of reward/coping mechanisms?

It’s hard to put into words how my life spiraled out of control, slipping from my hands faster than I could hold it. The weight of those choices — how they tore through everything I once held dear — still presses down on me every day, sometimes every minute.

There are pieces of my story that will forever remain unsaid, even to myself. Some things are just too dark to bring into the light, and the shame is a lifelong companion. I wouldn’t wish this burden, this ache, on anyone. But here I am, 46 days into sobriety, learning to rebuild from the ground up, humbled and grateful.

I'm very isolated in a small town.. most AA groups are heavily religious, and as I'm spiritual, i find our baseline doesn't match up.. I'm fighting to be sober every day.. recently made an appointment with a therapy office that offers different levels of rehab.. but, I guess my reason for posting here, is to see if there are any sober groups/chats/discords, for those of us who are very isolated, and would like (at a minimum an online) , but a community.

I feel like Kratom and alc changed me atleast when I’m sober I used to be confident and didn’t let anyone bitch me around, now I’m insecure and feel like a bitch I even started to like men all a sudden, does this shit change your brain chemistry I still like women but idk I’ve been feeling fruity I’m not even trying to be funny lmao

I wake up around noon, I spend an hour (or 3) on Instagram. I cook something to eat, and once I've had my lunch, I want to lay down and rest. On good days I will get busy with house chores. Otherwise, I will stay on my couch with my cats and either use my phone or watch TV, sometimes falling asleep.

Around 6 pm I start to drink. I either play Rummy online or play smartphone games while watching the TV or listening to music. I smoke cigarettes until my last drink, once I feel drunk enough. Generally around midnight, I have something to eat and go to bed on a full stomach. I go on social media to help myself fall asleep.

My sleep breaks often around 5/6 am, which leads me to turn my phone on and go on social media again. I take a shot of ventoline, cause all those cigarettes impacted my breathing. I also blow my nose a lot because of allergies. I generally fall back asleep and wake up around noon. And all the days look the same.

The next day after binge drinking, I always get hives and rashes, mainly on my forearms and thighs. Sometimes my whole body. It only happens after I stop drinking for days.

It goes away when, A, I take antihisthamines, B, I drink again. 

It only happens the very next day after binge. Like, if I drink Monday through Friday, it only happens on Saturday and Sunday is all good.

Painted this last night, spooky vibes for Halloween. Surface level symbolism on how I feel about alcohol

I went to detox and an IOP/PHP program afterwards. That was my third time in a treatment facility. I thought it would be different this time because I asked for the help myself. I had reached this point of misery I didn't want to live in anymore. I got sober, things were going pretty good for a while. I was sober for around 60-70 days. Well I left the treatment center because I didn't feel like I was getting much out of it anymore. I started smoking weed again which I wasn't super proud of but I felt like maybe if I just smoke when I have cravings to drink it'll help. I'm already aware that it's a slippery slope and for a while it was fine but then we had a lot of family stress and my dad was so stressed out and miserable I had never seen him like that. My dad is probably the closest to me so seeing him struggle like that and not being able to do much to help really took a toll on me and I used it as an excuse to drink. At first it was okay I was doing a minimal amount every once in a while then it started becoming a normal thing again, I decided to switch where I was living to avoid being in an alcohol filled environment. After switching I found alcohol over here too which I began taking small amounts of, eventually ubering my own, or stopping at gas stations to get some. I've been feeling really mentally burnt out for a long time and I think it's because I'm not sober anymore. I'm not comfortable sharing my relapse with my family or friends, I do have an Aa group I like but I wouldn't want to tell them either. I've relapsed so many times I feel like I'm just not taking it seriously enough. I was thinking abt re starting getting sober a few days ago and then last night I drank way too much, don't remember going to bed, woke up with wet sheets and started vomiting everywhere and that was enough for me to remember the pure misery and agonizing pain I was in when I was deeper in the addiction hole. I feel like I can do this and I could reach my potential if I would just put in the work but I really struggle because I don't have many Aa groups around here, the other house I stay in has one 15 min away that I love but I get so much anxiety about going to new places. I think it would be so good for me though - they say connection is the opposite of addiction and I've been isolating for weeks as well. If anyone has any tips on how to push through those weak moments, or moments where the addiction voice is talking to you please let me know. TLDR; I relapsed and want to get sober again but I'm not sure what to do differently to make it stick.

It may be a bit long but please read it.I need suggestions/help.

So today I shouted at my dad.My dad has been an alcoholic my whole life and I had learn to cope with it.He would drink w hus friends in the usual place and come home usually with some shouting, threats and curses usually.

It all changed when we moved.He was still attached to his friends and that place. He would daily take a bus to that place and get drunk and come home.His usual curses increased and in this area as well ppl started to know about his alcoholic problem.He would always blame my mother for things and also he is not employed and we are not financially doing well so he asks mother for money daily to drink and for transportation. He says it's for some other purposes when asking though.

So, coming back to the topic , these past few days he would call me at nights to pick him up as mum stopped giving him money.I wouldn't go as this would turn out to be a bad habit for him.He would somehow return home but really mad and we are not even allowed to laugh or have fun near him when he is drunk.It was really pissing me off I was on the edge to shout at him or oppose him but he is my dad and I loved him so I could not muster the courage. Today however he peed his pants as he was entering the house. He always creates a scene when he js about to enter so all the neighbors are notified as well. And my poor mom who got to watch TV after prolly years was THREATENED by my mother to close the TV with the usual harsh insults. I couldn't see that so I shouted back at him and he raised his voice even higher. Then after a while he stopped and was like "my son shouted at me, for the first time, wow,thank you my son, its alright, are you rwally my son, will you now beat me?".I almost shed some tears and went to another room.Then we went to sleep and thought we were done for the day but after a while I could hear him start cursing at me.He although used to curse at my mom usually , used to love me alot but today he was cursing at me. He was saying stuff like" I'll bring my men and tie you up and put in a bag.now that you have turned 18 you will threaten me huh(ps:I didn't threaten him, I only shouted)., I'll throw you in the river you son of ...." and so on. It's 1am as I am writing this.I am not scared but heart breaking.

I had always held my tongue because of this reason only.I was scared that my only dad, i would loose him forever.I know violence will lead to no positive results. We can't move away from him as he always sticks with us.My mom can't divorce him yet as it may affect my visa interview.What do I do?

I’m just done. I can’t do this….

I’m proud of that. But also a huge reason I’ve stopped drinking is because of the depression that comes with it. For those of you who have more sober time than I do, when does life start getting good? I’m so sick of feeling helpless and sad. Everything is so dreary 😔

I need to find a sponsor ASAP and while NA and other support groups are in my city, AA meetings are far more accessible and abundant. However the few meetings I have been to it seems like it’s taboo to mention anything besides alcohol use. While I have definitely been an alcoholic at various times in my life it has never been my drug of choice.

Also have felt really out of place at the few meetings I have attended as it was mostly old religious white dudes. I’m not particularly religious. Not a church person. I get the higher power thing is your own concept of whatever that is but it always feels like there is a heavy emphasis on religion in the meetings I have been to.

If I attend AA and get a sponsor will it be considered taboo if I mention my opiate and benzo addiction?

Any advice is appreciated.

I've detoxed so many times and relapsed every time, severe ocd and huge life issues that I just need a break from, how are those of you that quit doing it successfully? I feel welcomed at aa meetings but I don't feel like It's really helping.

I'm not addicted, but I realize that when I'm a bit drunk, I feel happier and more relaxed. Is it possible to feel this way without drinking?

I have recently been struggling with drinking too much Does anyone have any good alternatives to booze to have in the evening for while I'm watching TV/playing videogames ect

I’m so sorry dad. I see how it ruined you, but I also understand why you started. I can’t deal with the stress and anxiety anymore. I love it too much

I had a bad dream last night that someone accused me of being drunk and lying about my sobriety. It really messed me up. Almost called in to work today! But, yes 11 years. I was lucky to be able to cold turkey, white knuckle my way through without meeting, though I am considering attending soon. I have zero friends and only a couple of family members.

Even better than my own sobriety, is that I was able to inspire an old friend to get sober! She has backslid and goes to meetings, but she works hard at it. It must be tough to have a spouse who drinks while you are struggling not to! I am proud of her. Really the only time in my life that I was a role model LOL

Hi guys, just felt like giving a bit of an update. I think my last post was removed because people were giving medical advice in the comments, so hopefully this one stays up.

Basically, I was in detox and was having terrible withdrawal symptoms even though I was on diazepam. It got so bad that I had a friend drive me to the ER, and honestly that was the right decision. They gave me some librium and an anti nausea shot and that did help quite a bit. I still feel like shit but I don’t feel like I’m about to die.

The nurses were actually pretty pissed cause the dose of diazepam I had been prescribed when I started detox was way too low. I did this detox through a different clinic than my previous two, and I did notice that they were giving me less Valium than the last two times. But I figured hey, they’re doctors, they know what they’re doing. Turns out that maybe they didn’t. At the ER they also said I probably should have detoxed in a hospital setting rather than outpatient. Oh well. At least it’s getting sorted out now. Feeling a lot more stable today, hope you guys are doing well :)

Hi guys,

I (28, F)ust wanted to share my something I wrote while coping with the alcoholism of my father. It may not be perfectly written because English isn't my first language.

I haven't showed it too anyone close to me (yet) because I'm kinda anxious. Feels more comfortable sharing it here. Thanks ❤️

• The Alcohol Society -

I saw the first signs when I was six,- or seventeen. You drifting away in your traumas, sorrow and everything. Drinking everything away, hope it will numb the pain.

Too many beers every afternoon, sometimes red wine shattered all over the room. The alcohol slowly took you over, rushing over like a tycoon. When it hits you, you hit us. Mostly with your words. You have no respect towards all of us, which hurt so much.

I don't recognise you when the alcohol takes you over. You're not the man I knew, the man who took control when I was younger.

I see you drifting and drifting away and have pain in my eyes. Will I ever see the real you again, or will I lose you to the alcohol that society glady provides?

One day, I decided after a year of hard drinking, to dial it back and just have a social cooler.

I had my reasons for the mickey but that isn't pertinent to the statement here.

After a Thursday night of being just right ripped up on straight vodka, I decided to take a 5% cooler (no more and the next day after 5pm) and see what happened. Nothing. I was weirdly fine. No shakes, no delusions, no anything. Seemed like a hamster wheel effect.

I broke it.

Was it willpower only or an attempt to prove everyone wrong- including myself.

No rude / judgmental comments please. Not everyone is perfect... including you .

I'm 29 and I've been an alcoholic for the last 6 or 7 years, drinking since I turned 21 but I wouldn't consider it a problem but for the last 7 years. I write this from Mexican restaurant near my town having my last margarita before I fly to a rehab center tomorow to get sober.

I am absolutely petrified. I am scared of the program. I am scared of sobriety. I've always had extensive anxiety, I and so upset I'll have to share a room with anyone let alone a stranger. Over a thousand to board my dog for a month whom i haven been away from for more than 3 days in the 5 years ive had her.

Im so afraid im going to put myself through all this turmoil just to come home and fail and fall back into my addiction.

Ive always been depressed and suicidal since I was around 13 and I haven't been sober since 16, when I started smoking weed. I have no idea who I am as a 29 year old man sober.

I don't want to stop drinking! I love drinking! Nit even getting drunk i just enjoy idk what you would call it..."drinking culture"?

If I don't quit i will die young, I don't exactly want to live but I don't want to die from some stupid reason like drinking or drug OD.

If I quit on my own I could and probably would die from the side effects of withdraw.

Im sitting at a bar right now writing this having my last margarita because I love them and I will miss them.

Alcohol has been such a staple in my life I don't know who I am without beer. Not to mention ive smoked Marijuana for 13 years and after a month long program I don't know if I'll touch that again.

I graduated high-school like a newborn so confused because I was confident I'd kill myself before I graduated and then I did and I was a fish out of water, and now I will completely remove two things that have been significant props in my life for most of it.

Im not close with my family I have only 2 truly close friends and I even keep them at half an arms length. No on in my family except my estranged grandmother knows I will be going away for a month. I don't want to tell them.

I get on a plane tomorow morning a 7 am.

I decided to quit after having another one, of many, blackout night. Went to a meeting and have finally accepted that I am, in fact, an alcoholic. I am a bit worried about the withdrawal, I drink like 8-12 beers a night and have for years. I can’t taper as having one means I am having 12. Not sure how worried I should be about it

I’m 19 and I struggle to go even a day without alcohol (I drink around 10 units everyday). When I do manage to go a day without drinking all I can think about is when I’m going to drink again which always ends up being the day after because I tell myself that I can drink without guilt because I managed to not drink for an entire day. I have really tried to stop but I always end up drinking anyway. I also feel like it’s worse because I don’t even go out to drink, I drink alone and I don’t even feel good when I drink anymore, most of the time I feel worse than when I’m sober and yet I still drink anyway.

I feel like I would consider someone else in my position an alcoholic but my parents just dismiss me when i mention my problem so I’m not sure if I’m being dramatic or not.

Would love to have a discussion about this. I’ve always had a confusing relationship with alcohol. In college I drank a lot, blacked out a lot, did some regretful things. Sobered up for about a year and a half then started drinking again. Even since then I’ve found some balance with drinking but the relationship to alcohol feels so tricky. I can tell when I drink I realize how amazing it feels and all my anxiety is gone, but then the next day regret that I drank at all. But I feel like I haven’t hit rock bottom to become fully sober? I guess I fear I haven’t really lived enough in the drinking life style to quit? I hope this makes sense or people relate. Any advice is appreciated as I’m just in a state of confusion.

I didn’t think I noticed much physical change until I found this pic today