Mummum, ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I see no way to escape this exhausting grief. I don’t even know if it’s grief only or a mix emotion of loss, fear, tearless cry, screams, anger, jealousy, hopelessness.. I’ve started wishing for my own death.

I take nerve and slipping pills now regularly, just like you. I’ve lost my ability to sleep normally. I’m always afraid of those traumatic and cruel flashbacks of your death. I don’t want them to strike my mind and head anymore but it’s out of my control. They do strike everyday.

I’ve become now even more reclusive and introvert. If I go out, I see daughters with their mothers, I see women much older than you but still so active and lively with their families. Every time I see any women dressed well, in their 50s, smiling and enjoying time outside, walking and talking with their daughter— I remember us. We were just like this.

You don’t remember anything anymore, right? Do you even remember me? Maybe not…

But I remember you. I remember you too much, so much that I’m getting tired of living life anymore. A part of me died with you. Another part of me is stuck here in this world and it wants to be free. I want to go wherever you are, I want to hug and kiss you once more. I want to go out with you again. I miss our beautiful evening outs so much.

Show me the way to stay alive with a little peace mom, or please let me go. Let me be free from my life too. I’m too scared to harm myself anyhow. So please, just let me go naturally somehow. I’m so alone and tired here.

Your B….

Just lost my dad. I'm not looking for karma or support from strangers. Not even sure if that is how this community works. I'm mad he didn't go to the doctor sooner when he said it was just gout and could hardly move for a week. I'm sad that I'm looking at a dumb toilet fixing video you sent a few days before it ended. I hate the cloudy empty minded wandering I've been doing the last day and a half. I just miss my dad.

What do you all do on your loved ones birthday? Do you do anything special, visit their grave? Do an activity they enjoyed?

It would have been my sister’s 31st birthday tomorrow but she died when she was 22. I often don’t plan anything and try and treat it like another day.. but then end up feeling a bit rubbish. I was wondering if other people had traditions or anything they did to mark the day / remember them.

My fiancé Mike (31M) has not lost any close family in his teenage/adult life yet and fears he won’t feel any emotion when he it does happen.

His 97yo grandmother had a fall a few weeks ago and has been up and down since recording in hospital. His father told him she would make a full recovery following hip surgery and subsequent pneumonia but I gave Mike a gentle reality check that it was unlikely after having the same experience with my own grandparents.

He said that he didn’t feel overly sad or anything negative really about the situation and is mostly concerned that he’ll feel nothing (except guilt for feeling nothing) when she passes.

Well, she did pass away some time today. His mum has just texted me to give me the heads up that they’re calling later tonight to break the news to him when he’s home from work.

I’ve never had to support a partner through loss and grief before, but I’ve been through it first hand half a dozen times. I can’t really remember what I needed at the time because I went into a black hole for a period.

I’m seeking advice around what I can do or say to help him feel at ease regardless of how he responds. If he feels nothing, do I just keep reminding him that grief is different for everyone and wait for the other shoe to drop? What if it doesn’t?

Rest in peace, Norma 🤍

Hello everyone. To make this short, my partner died two weeks ago, we have been together for 5 years, he died due to alcoholism...I am heartbroken, and I don't have desire to live, but I got a dog to take care of, so..yeah, here I am stil..

I try to talk to him in my mind, or sometimes out loud, I ask him to give me a sign that he's with me.

I found white little feather on shorts that I were supposed to wear next day. I think it might come from window that was wide open and my shorts were in the bathroom which had open door.

I don't think if this is a sign, but I thought a lot about birds, and I asked him when I was at his grave, to maybe send a bird to visit me.

And now I sit at work, its morning, about 30 minutes when I started my shift, and there were door wide open because its warm. I work at the office. And a little dark-grey bird flew through corridor, sat on a printer(2-3 metres from me, we have glass walls separating room from corridor) and when I got up to walk to it, it left immediately the same way it came.

I might be delusional, I don't know, it might be coincidence though....I try to connect with him, but I don't know how really,I talk to him a lot in my head and ask, if he's with us, if he watches over us..

my (15f) ex girlfriend (14f) passed away due to leukemia and ive been really grieving and finding old videos of us and posting them everywhere and reminiscing the memories to my friends and family, but every time i try to reminisce around my current boyfriend he gets really emotional.

he did it just then when i found another old video of us and messaged it to him and he said that i dont love him enough and i shouldnt love my ex. i tried speaking to him and telling him that i do love him, but i love her too and im going to miss her for a really really long time and never stop talking about her, but he still got mad that i "love her more".

i love neither of them more than the other, just like i dont love my mum or dad more than the other, but my boyfriends thinks i love her more than him and that im pushing him out the way and revolving my whole life around her. he is very aware that she has passed away and that i am grieving, yet he still says these things.

i just miss her so much because we remained best friends after our relationship ended and we had so much love for eachother. he really understood my love for her at first but it seems like now he wants me to forget about her. its only been almost 2 months.

what am i supposed to tell him to stop making him think i love her more than him?

my father who was 61 years of age passed away 4 days ago. i am 31 years old... i feel as if im lost as if nothing matters and theres no chance ill ever heal. im so hurt i just sit and cry everyday. im so angry he didnt take care of himself... im so angry that we didnt talk much for the last ew years. he was sick... alot sicker than we knew... he hid so much... i loved him dearly. He was a great father to me and my two brothers... i need help.. the funeral is next week and i cant even stomach to go.. seeing him in a casket might make me lose my sanity... Im scared guys... i lost my one and only father... im so scared. ill never be able to hear him talk or laugh or even hug him again... I've had multiple panic attacks... i haven't had a drop of liquor but man i want to... idk what to do... Help me.

I lost my mom almost a year ago and something has happened that adds a lot of pain and anger to my grieving process. For the last five or so years she told me many times that she had a life insurance policy for me. She specified more than once that I was the sole beneficiary. The policy is through the state and they go about things in a weird way. When the person dies you have to contact the state and look over the deceased person's records to determine if you are being paid out. If you don't do this, no one gets anything. I did what I was supposed to do and several months later was told that she left me $5000 and the $70,000 to someone else. They won't tell me who it is. Again, if no one comes forward, no one gets the money. I was not only the executor of her estate but the only beneficiary in her will. I'm not in contact with my family on that side. I am so angry. It's not completely because of the loss of the money. It's also because she spent all of those years repeating to me that I would inherit her entire estate. I don't understand why she didn't tell me. We were very close and even lived together at the end of her life. I keep trying to wrap my head around it, keep trying to understand what she did and what I can do about it, if anything. I am disabled and she knew how important the money was to me. I miss her terribly, but now I'm mad too.

I lost a little over a year ago, may 1st 2023. i am a really reflective person and im open about sharing my feelings and strugggles on grief on my socials because you never know, someone could relate or feel less alone if theyre going thru it too.

i had a small argument w my good friend who knows what ive gone through and how i feel about my moms loss. basically i got the ick from her after our argument and i went from texting her 24/7 to only texting her if she texts me..im just not feeling 100% w her.

ANYWAY, mothers day came around and my friends mom came up to visit her from LA (we are in sf). i havent texted my friend much cus like i said, not feeling it too much, but shes fishing for our friendship again. she texted me a couple days after how she is feeling sad alll morning and ofc i had to ask why. she said: “hormones probably. sad i gained weight, sad ab our argument, sad my mom is going home and how finite our time is together ”

idk that just bothered me that she said that, and i understand why she might. bc she knowws what ive been thru. but it felt like a kick in the face and iknow theres no ill intent, but it made me jealous that she HAS the time w her mom. she can choose to visit her mom more. its just not fair. shes older than me and still has her mom. i didnt even want to respond or comfort her, but all i could say was “im glad u got to spend time w her!” even tho i wanted to say so much more about how im sad ALL THE TIME about not having time w my mom. i was just annoyed. i hated hearing her tell my other how she got to spend her days w her mom-a nice hike, dinner, her mom spoiling her w a LV gift.

ughhh i miss my mom.

Today I had to make the invite for my brothers memorial and it’s truly never something I thought I’d ever have to do. Staring at the invite that says “in loving memory” with my brothers picture literally feels like I’m being punched in the stomach. He looks so happy in the picture and i miss him so much. My brother had been having some personal struggles for the past few months and hadn’t been in contact with us very often, even though i would try to call him for hours on end. Weirdly enough he sent a text in a group message with me and our dad an hour before the accident happened, with just a funny joke. I looked back at the time stamps today and noticed that I replied 20 minutes before the accident and my dad replied 10 minutes after the accident had happened (before we had gotten the call). I’m not sure why but this gave me a panic attack thinking about. Just remembering that I was casually responding to my texts when I didn’t know my brother was going to be taken from me forever 20 minutes later. And imagining my brother trapped in the car and my dad responding with no idea that his son just died. It all just hurts so much, idk what to do or how to feel and I hate replaying everything, it’s so difficult

You know, I wish I could be strong like other people. That I could face you being gone and find some iota of strength or piece of hope or some small positive thing. It's been six months since you left us because the pain was too much to carry any anymore, and you had to put it down. You'd think with time and counseling, this might get a little less heavy. Most days, it is. This week? Nope. Because this week it's all BULLSHIT and all I can be is angry. It's like I took a big drink of sheer rage. I can't spit it out or scream it loose. I'm angry at every little thing. I didn't call you the night before. I'm angry that I didn't have a sweet goddamn clue how to help you. I'm fucking PISSED that the goddamn people that knew you needed help let you walk out the hospital door. I'm angry because Dad doesnt know how to deal with any of this. Mostly though, I'm furious because I miss you in every way possible and I don't know what to do with it. We cleaned up your room this weekend - that space that was so organized, so unquestionably...you...and now it's boxes for donations and empty space and hangars without clothes. It's wrong in every respect and I'm angry because I can't do fuck all about it except tape the boxes shut and make myself carry them. Some days I think I might be able to get through this without you, but this week? Fuck it hurts so much...

It's amicable, but hurts nonetheless. There's a lot of stuff about marriage I'm going to miss but ultimately she wants kids and deep down, even though I thought I convinced myself I wanted a child, I need to be true to myself and my own happiness.

I'm nervous to live on my own, and I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on living alone? Thanks so much

And, if so, how the fuck do you deal with it?? I’m on the verge of blowing up a very long friendship over this…. But, also, my boyfriend died a week over a year ago, and people have been doing this bullshit for literally a year. I hate everyone.

My beautiful mother passed away on Friday. I wasn’t home with her because I wanted to get away for the weekend. She called me that morning, I didn’t answer. I received a call from her phone much later at night, I had calmed down and was excited to talk to her. When I answered the phone it was my dad telling me to get to the hospital. My worst nightmare had come true.

The week has been worse than I could ever have imagined. The most intense emotions I’ve ever experienced. Filling out nonsense paperwork when all I feel like I can do is curl into a ball. Crippling feelings of loneliness. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life without her. She was everything. She was an angel. She was my best friend. She always knew what to do. We did everything together. I never get to watch our shows with her again. I never get to hear her laugh again. I never get to come home from a bad day and get a big hug from her again. I never get to take her to all the places she dreamed of going. I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes I see her.

I’m so lost without you, mom. I don’t know how to live without you. I don’t want to live without you. I love you so, so much.

Why didn’t I pick up the phone.

A poem I wrote with some extra context in the comments. ———————————————

Nobody talks about the pity.

When you cry for someone who died you’re not crying for them, because they’re not here anymore.

They’re not in pain or suffering anymore.

They are free and at peace and hopefully existing in some alternate reality where they are the best and healthiest and happiest versions of themselves.

So we cry for ourselves. And everything we lost.

And all the pieces of their pain that we inherited when they passed.

Their pain that now lives on through everyone who loved and cared about them.

For all the what-if’s and the could-have-been’s and the should-have-been’s.

For all the things you took for granted.

For all the times you didn’t make the most of every borrowed moment.

For trusting that they’d always be here for you.

For all the lost time that we’ll never get back.

For all the new memories we’ll never make.

For all the plans we never got to follow through on.

For all the small things you no longer get to share with them.

For knowing you’ll never hear or see them talk, smile or laugh again.

For no more quiet moments laying in bed together listening to each others heartbeats.

No more holding hands in the car on a nighttime drive to nowhere.

For never receiving another “good morning beautiful” text or a midday check in call just to chat.

For having to learn how to continue living in a world where they don’t exist anymore.

For having to accept that you’re stuck here without them.

And for having to do all that even though no part of you wants to.

And your body is fighting against you.

And you can’t stand to see life carrying on all around you.

And you want to give up.

And you feel like you’re drowning and suffocating and rotting from the inside.

But you’re stuck here against your will.

And every morning you wake up and this is still your reality.

And every second and minute and hour you’re being shoved further and further away from that moment when maybe you could have done something to avoid this.

Maybe you could have prevented this from happening.

And right after it happened all you needed was a few minutes or a few hours back.

But now you need a few days, or a few weeks, or a few months, and that already impossible possibility is slipping further and further away.

There’s no going back.

This is your new reality.

Nobody talks about the pity.

My dad died when I was 2 years old. I used to have a memory of him. But now that memory is gone and now all I can remember is me remembering the memory. It was never a deeply sad thing (him passing) Now that I’m an adult I just turned 18 and I fantasize about how my life would’ve been.

How much happier my mom would’ve been and how our lives would be so different. And now I cry at least once a week and I wish I could hear him or know what he smelled like, know his thoughts on the economy or the ecosystem, to know if he liked sports or what his favorite memories were. And I know I never will, it’s like my mind is creating this caricature of my dad, I’m idolizing him without knowing him because I hear all these stories of the memories he had with other people that were around him. I haven’t seen my dads side of the family in years and it hurts me, I feel like they never really loved me and that all the affection they showed me til I was 7 was out of pitty, I wonder if it’s because of my looks or my weight, and it’s confusing.

It feels really weird and I don’t know why all of a sudden I feel like I need my Dad now more than any other time. I feel guilty for feeling this way, if you’ve made it this far thank you for reading.

I lost the love of my life 7 yesrs ago. It was sudden, unexpected and we were both young. We had a passionate but turbulent relationship. We were not strictly together when he died but we were always best friends.

It is 7 yesrs later. I have a husband who I love, a family. I feel so guilty to still harbor these feelings. I think about the man I lost often. Would we be together if he were still here? Would I still be with who I am now?

I still dream of him frequently. I do not cry very often anymore about it. But I was hit hard tonight for no reason. What is wrong with me? Is anyone else holding on to someone this way?

I just lost my husband on the first of the year after a year long battle with cancer. He was 41. Despite being diagnosed stage 4, we were very hopeful for the first 6 months. He was handling treatment like a champ and it seemed to be working, but as soon as he stopped chemo it started spreading like wild fire. I cared for him until the end.

When things started going wrong I had to start taking sertraline because I was close to having a nervous breakdown. It helped immensely and I was able to get my shit together and focus on him instead of the doom spiral that had become my mind.

I cried at his bedside for two days before he passed because he wasn't waking up anymore. I know I cried quite a bit the first week or so, had to be really careful about music for the first month maybe, but for the most part I've been doing ok. I kept thinking I must still be in denial or in shock, but I don't think I am.

He's been my best friend for 24 years, how can I be this ok? Is it the meds that I'm still taking? Are they preventing the grieving process? Is it that I started grieving him as soon as I heard the 'C' word? Does anticipatory grief make the grief after death easier? Has anyone had a similar experience?

My father passed away about a year ago. I have worked through my grief both alone and with a therapist. One thing I have a hard time is getting over a specific detail that I wish no one ever told me.

Apparently, my father only remembered my siblings and not me towards the end of his life. We all lived in the same town, other than short bouts away for college and that sort of thing. I guess this has stuck around and bothered me enough for me to be posting this. Just looking to see if anyone had any thoughts or advice. I'm hurt and I guess I thought maybe I should overlook it for the greater good...but I'm having a tough time with this.

To add, my father had Parkinson's. I know that really affects memory but we also had some ups and downs. I just wonder if I really let him down enough to the point where he truly did not feel I was his child.

So in the two part series finale of Young Sheldon, the big plot point the funeral of Sheldon’s dad. (And before you @ me, this isn’t a spoiler, we’ve known this was coming)

Each of the character’s reactions to the funeral and the aftermath was done so beautifully. I’ve related to the feelings displayed many, many times since the losses of both my grandma and my sister in 2022z

This show did an excellent job. Go watch it.

I have just been all in my feeling lately and hope its ok to post here. Sorry in advance for grammar issues I suck and I really suck at it when I am emotional.

So last year my younger brother was killed, they caught the person and he's currently waiting for a trial which I was told could take 4 years. I have big idea what happened, I am angry and hurt by both my brother and his killer. He leaves behind 6 kids, 2 of them (his oldest) have no parents now, their mom died when they were babies.

I am so mad but I am also really heartbroken because I will never be able to "make things right" with him, I will never be able to hug him or hear him call me sis, or listen to his outlandish and crazy ideas. I am upset that I found out he was dead in an email 2 weeks after and then nobody would respond to me I had to call the corner in his state to verify that it was not some sick joke being played. I am so mad that his kids will grow up without a dad, without knowing who he was as a person and I am so mad that his life was cut short because of his and others stupid actions.

I thought I had grieved all this and even told my therapist I was past all of this and then lately I was been under so much stress and all I can think about it family and him and him not being here. I also loss another family member a few months ago just days shy of my brother 1 year anniversary of his death. Life can be hard enough without loosing someone you love and care for. I guess that's all for now but thank you for taking the time to read this. If you are going through something similar hugs from a stranger, we got this

I’m shattered. I’m fine. I don’t know how people go about their daily tasks. Work is a good distraction. I need a hug. I want you to leave me alone. I’m exhausted. I stay up thinking about how things were and might be. I’m taking it one day at a time. But I have mentally prepared for around 952 possible scenarios.

I want to press fast-forward on my life’s remote right now.

I just came across a meme that reminded me of an inside joke we had. I saved it and thought, "she'd enjoy this if she was still here." I have lots of those moments, like the time I won baseball tickets. She would have been my first choice to bring with me. Or when I got accepted to go back to school, I wanted to celebrate with her.

Sometimes I don't even want to do nice things or improve myself, because I wanted to share them with her and now I never will. I push along anyways; I get through my classes, try to build a better career, and have fun whenever I can. But there's always this underlying misery, this invisible weight that makes it feel like gravity suddenly got stronger. It'll be 2 years soon, I know I probably won't ever stop feeling this way, and I don't know how I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life like this. I'll do it, I just don't know how.

I lost my dad in late October of last year. We were very close and he was my rock. Always there for me and I could talk to him for hours. I am in this weird phase and not sure what to do.

One part of me wants to be reckless and act out. Like do something that I know I shouldn’t but really want to. While another part of me wants to crawl into bed and not move for a long, long time.

Has anyone else ever felt this way before? I have talked about it in therapy but I am still struggling. Thank you for the advice!

My parents have both passed away. My father passed on March 8, and Mom followed 22 days later. Here it is, mid-May, and I’m really not sure how to feel anymore. I feel lonely, sad, tired, exhausted, unmotivated all at once, and every time a significant moment comes, I feel so overwhelmed with sadness that it takes everything in me to try and get through it. Though my family has been there for me, I do live alone. And right now, my workplace is kind of such that I feel like I can’t do anything right because the grief sometimes takes over my mind and distracts me. Sometimes I feel so lost that I don’t know how to cope…

A girl I was friends with passed away in Thailand about a week ago (we are in America). We weren’t super close, my best friend was very close to her though. They stopped talking as much as she went to college out of state, & traveling after graduation.

She was having mental health issues & either schizophrenic or in psychosis the last time I hung out with both of them. I haven’t spoken to her in over 2 years, my best friend hadn’t spoken to her in months. The last message he has from her was her asking to hang out, to which he didn’t respond.

The guilt is eating away at him, I don’t know how to support him. Both her and I are of the same ethnic group, where suicide is extremely taboo & would never be admitted, but I’m almost certain that’s what happened. My mom heard about her death from a friend of hers who said she was told it was suicide.

I don’t know what I can do to navigate my own feelings of guilt, along with supporting my friend. She was on bad terms with her family & had no siblings. I’ll be going to the services tomorrow. I’ve never been to a funeral before. I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting here. I just feel shocked, guilty, and sorrow. I just needed to write it down I guess.

I had to go and claim my loved one's -- so sorry I can't even say what she is to me -- body today. I didn't know it was this brutal and I am at a loss, her body was just there. It was just a body, like a lifeless pillow, I touched her leg and it was so lifeless

Just the day before she was moving around, she was happy she was energetic and being her dumb little self and now she's not

It doesn't make sense to me, I don't understand how this is her. How this is her body but it isn't her

I don't understand I don't

I was just going on with my life the way I'm supposed to. My mom ordered dinner, was making some margaritas and asked me to go grab a margarita glass. From the cabinet where your ashes are. I saw your framed picture and your smile and I just remembered that you died. Fuck this. It hit me again like a truck. That happened. You're dead. It's been over a year and a half and I still can't come back from this.

https://preview.redd.it/t5dhu13lyv0d1.png?width=1600&format=png&auto=webp&s=9940c8a3384cb2b2183c7a389e0617cbb54356b7

I feel like this is such a stupid question and it’s only day two of her being gone. I lost my mom after a brain tumor and chemo was ultimately what killed her.

I’ve been through so much tragedy and hardship in my life and I’m only 22. I’m so tired of being hurt all the time. I didn’t get unto graduate school, can’t get a job, lost my only living parent, and my stepdad is an awful person who clearly doesn’t want me there. When does it get better??

I came home from work yesterday and found my husband in the garage.. I screamed. I begged for this to be a nightmare. I begged for him to have a pulse still. I'm so lost for words. I'm so broken. I don't want to go back to the place that I'm supposed to call home. I went back there today for about a half hour and just bawled. I watched the staircase in hopes he would come walking down. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can continue to live there. It's not home without my husband. He was only 25 😭💔 I just wanted to come home from work and give him the biggest hug. I miss him so much. I hope he's dancing up there with the Lord, no more depression, no more thoughts, no more pain.. But we are all stuck with it now. I have no friends or family who can relate to this and it's hard to talk about.. I'm only 24.