Lost my dad a couple of weeks back to cancer; as someone who is away from home abroad, couldn’t even make it to the last rites. Unable to find coping mechanisms, sexting w anons here is seeming like the only cope.

Hope it gets better for me. If anyone is in the same boat happy to chat on DMs.

First time posting here, but I wanna just get this out. This happened about 20 years ago, but it still stings like it was yesterday.

I was 12 years old, and it was the first day of 7th grade spring break. My mom's health has been getting worse and worse, and her doctors were completely incompetent in her care. It was just us, my mom and I, and she had started sleeping more and more throughout the day. One day, she had slept through the whole day, and my grandma told me to call 911 since mom was also completely unresponsive. I was told that day by a firefighter that my whole immediate family was gone.

Almost a year passed, and my favorite uncle, a scoundrel, nerd, and goofball, learns that his liver is in such a bad shape that one more drink of booze will take him out. He had my aunt make her family-famous lasagna (his favorite meal) for him, got a 12-pack of his favorite beer, and chose to leave this world.

Not terribly long after, my grandma followed her eldest son and youngest daughter in the final journey we must all undertake eventually. We were pretty close, and she was one of the strongest pillars in my life (even after she had a stroke and was moved into a retirement home).

I still miss them every day. But it's been getting easier. I thought for a long time that I'd never see their likenesses again, as there are no online pictures of them and I'm across the country from my family so I never thought I'd see the old family photos. My aunt was going through her storage shed and sent me the old family photo albums. I was doing fine looking through those old pics, but then I saw a picture that completely broke me. My uncle, in a bright yellow shirt, with his goofy grin plastered on his face. I never thought I'd see him again, and I broke down crying. Not tears of pain, for once, but tears of joy that I have these pictures.

Not sure how I feel about it yet. He came to me in my dream last night. He was standing (he hadn’t stood in years before he passed) at his back door and smiling at me. He then walked into his house and I followed but he must’ve disappeared when we got into his living room because I couldn’t see him anymore. I’m sure this was him letting me know he’s okay. I miss you granda

Hi everyone. I hate to be grim but I am heartbroken. I woke up today to the news that my sweet boy had passed away about an hour before I was awake. I am beside myself in grief alongside my parents. Louie was 10 years old but absolutely best buddies with our 1 year Bob. We knew he was getting older but he had a new spring in his step since we brought Bob home and switched their diets to a preferred non kibble diet. We treat our dogs right because well as a 27 year old living with my folks, our pets become our children. My family recently had a family wedding to attend this past Sunday about 20 minutes from our house, and we had extended in-laws staying with us, Bree and Bryan with their two kids Max (age 4) & Carlos (age 2), as they live about 6 hours away. Bree had spent significant time living with us at our home to save on expensive rent right around the time we got Louie (even came with us to bring him home) and stuck around until he was about 3 years old, at which point she moved back to the place she went to school and met Bryan. She was familiar with the dog protocol. My folks left separately as they had a few things to pick up for ceremony. Bree then offered to let both Louie and Bob outside to do their business and back in again as to let me leave a bit earlier to pick up my boyfriend, Eric on the way to the wedding. I ensured that she was okay with doing so, as I can usually see how full her hands are with her kids and didn’t want to overwhelm her. She said “of course, it’s no problem” confidently and I believed her. I picked up Eric and went got to the venue. I walked into the venue as Bree called me and I quickly answered but couldn’t hear a single thing in the background. I hung up as I found my parents and the bride and groom approached us to thank us for attending. About 30 minutes later, Bree, Bryan, Max and Carlos all walk in and join the table beside us. After the ceremony and about an hour of the reception (about 3 hours), Bree and her family begin to leave and say quick goodbyes to all of us citing that both children were being too much to handle at the event, so they would go home early. My parents and I left the event about 2 hours later and arrived home at about 7pm to our next door neighbour telling us that one of our dogs had been barking for since about 2:30. We went inside to Bree saying something about Louie not coming inside as she lounged on a love seat looking down at her phone, and my mom asked how long he had been out there and she then and there let us know he had been out there about 5.5-6 hours……… in 7° C weather……. For a dog that has smooth and little hair due to his breed. Following this incident we did our best to monitor and made Louie warm and comfortable. Bree and her family left the day after the wedding at 8am. Louie became lethargic and fatigued like we have never seen him before and his breathing became laboured.

I am beside myself for the stress he was under and the traumatization he felt from being abandoned by Bree as if it were fine to do that to any dog let alone an elderly dog with smooth hair. He was my last connection to my best friend who killed herself on May 11th as she was always over at my house and Louie loved her to pieces especially for doggy treats she kept in her pockets. My parents and I have been going through live pictures and videos from the day before vs days after this incident of negligence and it is ridiculously clear that this incident stressed my dog’s body to death. I am sad and my throat and face are in pain from crying, but underneath and overtop of it I am seething.

He was getting older but had a good amount of life left in him. He could have easily lived till March with the way he was staying active playing with Bob even up to the day before the Wedding. My parents woke up extremely early today like 3:30am as we were continuing to monitor him and it was clear something was wrong. They spent time laying with him and making him warm and comfortable until he passed away. The only thing that is getting me through this is that he didn’t die by himself. His little brother Bob has been stuck to my side and thank goodness for that. I feel half empty and don’t know what to do with myself because brain fog from the shock freezes me in place in between sniffles. Also to note, extremely little remorse from Bree directly after the situation and follow up today to let her know resulted in a “oh no I’m sorry to hear about that, no one told me he was sick when we were at your place plus he was so old he could’ve gone at any time” comment

Do your due diligence and don’t trust other people with your dogs, even if they’ve been close to you your entire life. Apparently no one can actually be trusted even if they’ve been privy to your first ever dog passing away due to a boarding house negligence and the fact that our pets are my parents and I’s heart and soul. Never again.

Thank you for reading and I apologize for being all over the place, lacking proper paragraphs and for the negativity as I’m usually almost overly optimistic. I can’t stop crying. Life is not fair for this. R.I.P sweet pupper Louie and I know you’re up there with my best-friend Theresa and getting all the bison sticks you could ever want.

Y’all, please hug your fur babies extra tight for me.

And I mean if you’d like, I’m not opposed to cute dog pictures.

Sorry to disappoint but due to this empty feeling, I am not in the headspace to share pictures of my boys at this time. I’m reluctant to release more details as I’m unsure if Bree uses Reddit and I can’t bring myself to speak to her for the next while as I know I will not be able to compose myself.

I saw his body today so not sure if that is why. His body didn’t smell like him though. I just randomly smell his scent some times. I wonder if he is here with me

Hi all, I’m new and just joined.

My dad passed away yesterday before I got to the hospital but my mum was there till the end.

He’d been unwell for the past 10 years or so and last year he gave up his driving licence after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.

He’d been in and out of the hospital since July this year (with low blood pressure and other things) In the end they sent him home and as my mum said “to die” as they’d kinda stopped treating him. He had a DNR (do not resuscitate) on his notes but they still brought him back several times but in the end 🤷🏼‍♀️.

We took him bowling for my sons birthday last week and my mum took him to the beach on Saturday despite the English weather.

I’m sat here typing this thinking why can’t I cry or greave for my dad, I’d been gearing up for this day for the past few years maybe that’s why.

He would of been 80 years old in March next year the day after my birthday and I’ll be 50.

I loved my dad and atleast I got to see him in the hospital, I think he passed 10 minutes before I got there, the coroner has spoken to my mum this morning and it turns out he’d had a heart attack so he went peacefully.

I’m very spiritual too and sensitive to the paranormal I believe he’s come to see me this morning to let me know he’s still here before moving on.

The house feels quiet without my dad, even though I live away from my parents house.

That’s it nothing else really, maybe it’s too soon and I’m grieving in my own way.

He was in his mid 30's. Suffered through addiction for 17 years, his last 5 or so years he had Fentsnyl, but a year ago, he almost died from a seizure and decided to clean himself up for real. He broke up with his girlfriend and took his sobriety seriously. He took his very last dose of meds in late Oct, and he passed exactly a week later. When my mom found his he was bleeding from his ears and nose, hit his head on the side of the table and was clutching his stomach when they found him. He was a weird serene look on his face, like he didn't suffer. Toxicology results won't be out for months but I just need to understand, I can't sleep, can't eat, can barely sit in a room with my kids without crying. I just don't understand why this happened. This past year he was sooooo happy, he was out and about, we finally had our son/brother back, he was finally back to the way he was. He definitely wouldnt have started taking drugs again. He was excited about finally being done so he could travel with my mom. So why?! Whyyyy?!?!

My dad died a couple of years ago. He was elderly and lived a full life, although he was never particularly affectionate towards me. I’m completely shocked how much loss I feel about his dying, still to this day. I found an answerphone message he left me in 2021 earlier today; what a tough listen.

One thing I realise is just how ordinary this bereavement is in comparison to everyone else’s very sad stories I read on this sub. Standard, ordinary, regular size bereavement. It still hits, though.

Major sympathy to those who’ve had it hit hard with younger or more sudden or more loving losses. Power to you all.

That's how long my Dad lasted in hospice.

I can’t explain it. Ever since he passed, there has just been a peaceful silence wherever I go.

I'm 37 and have had a life not to easy with being diagnosed with manic depression,generalised anxiety disorder,and chrones disease but I met this beautiful woman 3 years ago and fell deeply in love with her I chased her for 3 months until she gave me a chance and we fell into this beautiful situation I still remember the day she told me she loved me which was huge as she wasn't really in touch with her emotions and we lived happily together in her bedsit we got by then one awful morning I couldn't wake her up she'd died peacefully in her sleep and I fell into the darkest depression and I'm a bit better I still cry everyday but at the start I woke up crying every morning in my tent...!!! The council decided as the flat was in her name I had to leave but there's no available accommodation within my means so I'm just in the waiting game in the mean time I live in the woods in a tent I'm so depressed I have no no good days I'm skint I'm on universal credit handing in sick notes.!! Which I'm sick of. I just want my tina back I'm a broken man 😟😟 Xx

My grieving process is all over the place right now. He’s gone, and sometimes it’s registering, but sometimes it’s not. I know he will visit me one day. He will come and see me when he is ready.

My brother passed away 3 days ago suddenly with no warning. I really don't know how to feel. I have 2 kids so trying to keep it together for them. I feel guilty, anger and numb.

We haven't even got around to arranging everything yet but I am actively avoiding people other than immediate family as I don't think I'm ready to talk to people about it.

We lived in different towns so I didn't get to see him often and will always regret that. I'm trying to stay busy but when the kids are in bed it hits me.

Reading has helped me through mental health issues in the past. Is there any books you guys would recommend.

Anyone else here work in healthcare or study a healthcare/biology degree?

I can’t handle hearing about any kind of disease right now.

My Grandma passed away in my grandads arms on Monday morning but the paramedics did CPR and got her back so she died in hospital. I’ve taken control of making sure everything is sorted as him and my aunt in the right state of mind to be calling everyone. I’ve informed the funeral director and am chasing up for the Medical Cause Of Death Certificate so we can register her death, I know once we have done this we can ask the registrar for a Tell Us Once referral, I’m also going to inform her bank once I’ve got my grandads benefits switched to his account. Is there anything/anyone else I can do or that I need to inform? My mum passed away 8 years ago but my grandma dealt with everything so this is new territory for me. I never thought I’d be planning a funeral at 23

Is there a way to announce details of the memorial service on their personal Facebook or Instagram account? We’ve been estranged for years and they passed without anyone around. Wanted to find the best way to reach their friends or others that knew her.

Hey, I wanted to share some texts that helped my improve myself and make progress towards moving forward in life. Also some things that have helped me.

I lost my father to suicide in January, which was pretty gutting in itself. Prior to taking his life, he admitted he had cheated on my mother too which was a lot of things to handle all at once. I've had ups and downs this year, there have been points where I haven't cared at all and points where I just want something around me to explode so I don't have to think.

-man's search for meaning- Viktor Frankl A few days after my father took his life, I picked up Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I would 100% recommend this if you are struggling with grief. He discusses finding meaning in suffering, because you do find meaning whether you see it at first or not. The ability to suffer. A quote I really like is "death is not the enemy of life, but apart of life".

-The Gift, 12 lessons to save your life- Edith Eger I love Egers work, and I read this before I lost my father, but I found comfort coming back to it. Eger describes suffering as less of a disadvantage and more of an opportunity to grow, and I understand that now as grief has pushed me to do things I never would've done. She also discusses radical acceptance and how we can't change the past and we don't know what's going to happen in the future but we can always react to the present. An important lesson from Eger is; you can't control what happens to you in life, but you can always control how you react to it. Your mind is your most important asset.

• The endless Steppe- Ester hautzig

This is also set in ww2, and I dont think it's the most conventional book for overcoming grief but hautzig's story serves as a lesson that what seems devastating at the time, can also save you from a worse fate. I think learning adaptability is important and we never know what's going to happen.

• I want to die but I want to eat tteoboki- baek se-hee

This book follows a series of recorded conversations between se-hee and her psychiatrist I found it comforting as she discusses struggles most people relate to and her psychiatrist gives rational answers to her problems. It made me feel less alone in my own mental health struggles.

These are just a few books that helped me with grief. I will update with more when I read them. In the meantime, grief is not a linear journey. Its only the past month I've started to feel normal again and I'm 9 months in. I've found comfort in working out and using the energy from my thoughts to fuel them. I have made a lot of progress in the gym just thinking about my dad and thinking about him in the moment he took his life.

Everyday I fantasize about going back in time and somehow stopping it. I know that's not going to happen and I can always think about other things I am grateful for in life. I've found meaning in so many new things in life. I've done fundraising for the charity that provided me with free therapy after I lost my father and I am grateful to give back to other people like me who need support.

I think in a way, you can't really lose anybody because there are so many people to meet and make connections with in life. When you lose someone you love, it's the universe making space for you to love new people. Even when it doesn't feel like it right now, you are going to find those new people to love.

I'm sorry this is a massive tangent, if you have read this far, thank you. I'm sorry if you have recently lost someone you love it doesn't feel like theres going to be a way out, but there is it just takes time.

Thank you for reading.

I have a friend in nursing school that lost her daughter in a vehicle accident. She’s been kind of upset that her daughter isn’t going to be there when we graduate in December. I’m wanting to get her something for that day. Any ideas on a gift that’s kind of personalized to a graduation day without a loved one?

My brother passed away the night after my 27th birthday. I got a call from my mom at 2am and was the only sibling that woke up to the call so I had to call my other 4 siblings and tell them. Him and I weren'tron speaking terms when he passed away due to really stupid and small reasons. He was years clean with a life partner and a 7 year old son. He had a lot of health issues recently so we thought it was a blood clot or something similar. This was almost 3 months ago. Autopsy results just came back and we learned he overdosed. No one expected it. I've went through my grief process and now it's restarting. I don't know how to handle this. I'm at a loss. I’m filled with so much sadness and anger and I don’t know how to navigate this.

Thanks to all who responded to my previous post. Check out this article about Families for Safe Streets in Perspectives on Politics by a professor from UC Boulder about people like us who lost family members in crashes and how not only is it effective in making change but it also can really be helpful. Specifically, she argues that “grief-advocates can re-conceptualize the losses and harms they have suffered as policy problems, rather than random, inexplicable events.” She also states that political involvement offers Families for Safe Streets members “unique ways of finding meaning in the tragedies victims have suffered and that collective action offers many emotional benefits.” I've always felt it helped me. It was so interesting to see that validated by Professor Bateson.

My brother passed suddenly yesterday he was 58, we didn’t see much of each other and I’m really feeling ok, but I have a holiday planned for 3 weeks time (visiting my son who is studying abroad) and I feel it is going to conflict with the funeral. Question is do I cancel the holiday, or not attend the funeral?

My 12-year-old son Sammy was killed in a car crash ten years ago. As you all know, losing someone you love is heart wrenching. 

I was distraught, had so much pain, and needed to find a place to direct it or it would have destroyed me – so I joined with others and helped found Families for Safe Streets. We confront the preventable epidemic of traffic violence through advocacy and support. We share our stories to fight for safe streets and provide a range of support services to those who’ve lost loved ones or been injured in a crash. 

We just launched a story map where you can share your crash story. We’re sharing this with local, state and federal elected officials as we push for specific legislative changes to make our streets safer. Please join us.

https://www.familiesforsafestreets.org/map

Hi everyone, my siblings are constantly bickering, and what fills my elderly mum and I with the most dread is the fall-out when she dies. It was awful enough with my dad to the point where I secretly paid for things to keep the peace. I have a sibling who wants to take control of everything and can be dominating and demeaning- they're very financially/career successful, and another one with substance abuse issues who is quite fragile. To say they are different and don't get along would be mild...

The things we know will cause conflict include funeral planning (communicating the death, flowers, etc), clearing out the house (books, knick knacks, things not in the will), selling it, etc. I wondered if anyone had experience with the type of planning which would minimise conflict? I know I will be put in the role of peacemaker, which will mean also becoming an emotional punching bag. My mum and I would like to have an action plan lined up which everyone is aware of beforehand. Does anyone have experience of doing something similar, also in terms of what worked and didn't? Are there resources on this which you would recommend?

I truly worry that when she does die the fall-out will mean none of us speak to each other again. I saw such an awful side of both of them with the last funeral, I don't want to experience this again. It also meant there was no room for my own grief,because everything was about them.

Thank you for the ideas!

Unfortunately my wife's grandad passed last Friday night it's absolutely killed me he was such a nice old bloke who'd do anything for anyone, I lost my mum 7 years ago and I've been fine since but he's really upset me I've wrote a letter to him on my notes to send up with him. After my mum I thought I was hardened but I'm crying like a baby

My mom died in 2019 and I've been on an ongoing journey to explore different kinds of grief support. I'm also a writer, and as part of that exploration I'm currently working on a story for the BBC about grief apps. I'm really interested in apps like Untangle, Empathy, and DayNew (and any others you've used) and I'd love to hear about peoples' experiences with them (good, bad, or anything else).

I just wanted to post something, as I have very few freinds and I'm really struggling. My Grandad didn't want a funeral. I'm hoping that posting this will give me some closure. I hope people don't mind.

My Grandad died on Friday, he was 79. He'd been sick with Cancer for at least 12 years. He wasn't my real Grandad, he was my Nan's second husband but he certainly treated me like his own. He took me on days out to beaches, to the city, to parks. Even as he got older, and a bit grumpier, he would always greet people with a twinkle in his eye. He was a truly good man. He married my Nan in 1994, they were married 30 years this year, having been together 32 years.

My dad died when I was 3, and my Grandad really stood up to the mark. I have autism, and suspected ADHD, and he always treated me with respect, even when I was being a bit of a hyperactive kid at times. He would always heap praise on me for little things. I always thought he was a bit mad, but I still felt loved.

He loved cars, he was constantly swapping his car, much to my Nan's irritation as she had to drive said car and get used to it. I'm an amateur baker and cook and he was always willing to try out my creations. He was very supportive. I came out at the end of last year and he was very sweet, very kind. Told me he loved me and told me that he'd love to meet my boyfriend. He said as long as I was happy, he was happy. A few weeks ago I approached him about wanting to become a Police Officer and he was very supportive, the most supportive out of all my other family members.

For the past few years my Grandad had suffered with as his cancer worsened. Due to pre-existing health conditions he was unable to undergo chemotherapy and was only able to undertake radiotherapy. Towards the end of his life he lost the ability to drive and after that he lost the ability to walk, and was eventually bed ridden. His quality of life had severely declined. Despite this he was always positive with people and he was very kind to doctors and nurses alike.

I will miss him, I can't really believe he's gone. But he was in a lot of pain and I'm glad he isn't suffering anymore. I was truly blessed to have such a kind man in my life.

Hi all,

I’m looking for some advice. My partner recently passed away, and I would like to create an online space for her many friends and family to leave tributes, share memories, and offer suggestions for a memorial. She was very popular and lived in London, with friends all over the world.

I’d appreciate suggestions for the best kind of memorial page or website to create something meaningful, where people can comment, share stories, and perhaps contribute to a larger online memorial effort. If anyone has experience with this, what platform would you recommend?

Thank you in advance.

Just lost my 20 year old girlfriend of 2 years. Cardiac arrest in her sleep out of nowhere… I’m shattered, devastated.. and theres not a lot of help online for losing your partner so young.. not many who understand…