So as the title says I was diagnosed less than two weeks ago. I had a meeting with the oncologist this past week. The surgery she recommended seemed pretty radical. When I spoke to my gynaecologist, the one who informed me, it sounded like malignant cells were all self-contained in the tissue she removed. I thought things were pretty positive. Then I read one of the pathology reports I was able to access. The report indicates high grade serous carcinoma. My gynaecologist wasn’t forthcoming with this info and I feel betrayed.

I’m trying to keep positive but I’ve cried every day. My emotions are all over the place. Life is total shit right now. No job, dwindling savings, my mom has moderate dementia, I have absolutely no support here. I moved to be close to and support my mom. I know no one here.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have suicidal thoughts but as I’ve mentioned, I’m trying to stay positive because I won’t know the true scope of my diagnosis until after the surgery I’ll be getting. If it’s a good outcome I know I’ll be okay. But if it isn’t then I’ll deal with it when the time comes.

Of those I’ve encountered so far, I find too many in oncology to be rather jaded and not terribly empathetic. I can tell this is just a job for the medical office assistants. But I digress.

The worst part of this is being alone with no support. I just can’t help wonder how I got to this point.

I’m rambling.

This is the most forthcoming I’ve been. Ever.

Hey guys! So this is my first Reddit post. I love reading the responses and getting to actually interact with people and see real thoughts. I'm posting because I'm 26 and in grad school. I actually just finished getting my doctorate in psychology. I'm being really hard on myself because I gained a lot of weight like 100 pounds in grad school and these last five years. On one hand I am super proud of myself for finishing grad school with having had all the battles I had (2 types of cancer). But on the other hand I feel ashamed of my weight gain. I know I can lose the weight (have already been cleared by my doctors that nothing is wrong) if I just exercise and eat healthier but I'm having a hard time letting go of the past and not regretting everything even though again I am happy to be done with my doctorate in psychology just wish I did it without gaining all this weight. I guess I'm looking for motivation to get me going and to remind me of how strong I am/that I can do this

I don't even know how to process it. I'm doing my best to be strong and positive around her but the other day it just hit me like a truck and I broke down crying in my car. We were supposed to start our life together and now she has to suffer.

Her CT scan of the chest shows no spreading of anything and even after MRI they can't 100% confirm her fibroids could be related sarcoma but nothing is off the table and i'm terrified of the thought.

She will need surgery and only then can they confirm and if so they'll have to do a hysterectomy or if it's even cancer-related. It's so much to process and these fucking appointments are so spaced out that it makes the waiting game all the more hard.

I'm so sad, scared, confused, angry, nervous. But on the outside I do my best to be positive and supportive. I don't want her stressing even more then she has already.

I had another good health day guys!!!

Oh, this weekend is turning out to to be so so good! I am truly happy, again. I know it may not last, but it's funny that now I feel like if I was happy like this once, then darn it! I can be happy again. I just have to be patient, a skill which I am learning now as I wait to start chemo...

Hmmm. I looked at myself in the mirror as I was preparing to brush my teeth, and I actually stopped for a good solid 2 minutes, staring at myself. I could not believe what I was seeing. My face was glowing. My eyes were bright and shiny...and my gums...my gums were nice and healthy red all the way around...

Oh I look and feel so good. I got to go out with my 22 year old son (we had to go to Walmart and then to the phone store to pay my bill and get new phones for myself and for him) and we just had such a good time. He came up with such a good idea for a Christmas gift for his little brother, who is 14. He's so smart, her hides this talent in a world of PC games and tablet browsing...he is very Autistic but super smart and a hard worker. I am working on getting him maybe into a trade or a job or something to help him get out and use his skills. He worked over the summer before he had aged out of the program he was in and he LOVED it.

So we had a good day, I got some semi-expensive toys that I've been wanting to get (I spoiled my sons and myself a little lol) and I'm feeling so fantastic mentally and physically. Emotionally I'm pretty stable too. I am tired because I did have a busy day...and at the end of the day, I still have cancer. But heck with it today! I'm enjoying this weekend, cancer or not. So there!♥️

Thanks for reading! I know people do read my posts bc I do get comments... I am SO grateful to all of you, whether you comment or just read. Love y'all! Good night. ♥️

Started as rectal cancer, now it's stage 4. They gave him mega dose of radiation (5 days vs the normal 6 weeks), all scans came back...it's everywhere. They ended up cancelling chemo because there is no point. They have no timeframe for him, but he's got a ton of tumors all in him. I just lost my Aunt this year, now my dad?

Hi, I'm a caregiver for my mom (69F) who has been in/out of the hospital (just check my post history and you'll find literally everything over the past 3 months).

When she had several CT and an MRI done (with and without contrast), from August to now, all that has ever been seen was a liver lesion (possibly 2, but that was only mentioned once). They were suspicious for HCC vs metastases.

Mom finally got the biopsy done on Oct 21, and they said it was positive for poorly differentiated carcinoma with the CK7 marker positive and BER-EP4 marker weakly positive. The report said that primary sites could include upper GI and pancreatico-biliary tracts among others.

My mom's currently in the hospital from what appears to be staph infection at her biopsy site (so unfair...) but anyways. An oncologist came to talk to us today and she couldn't really explain the report and said it's something she might want to go in front of the Tumor Board about and that she wanted to retest AFP, CEAB, and CA19-9.

However, her AFP just came back 3.8 and CA19-9 23.6. I guess her CEAB is still pending results.

Are we possibly looking at colon cancer? That is the only other thing my mom thinks it could be considering she had a positive Cologuard test back in May and has been unable to get a colonoscopy since August due to steroids usage from pneumonia. She hasn't had a colonoscopy in probably 12 years, and previously, they removed pre-cancerous polyps. However, all imaging thus far hasn't shown anything in her colon or the intestines. I understand that a colonoscopy is the gold standard, but is that possible to not see anything at all?

She was a former smoker and quit in August; she had lung nodules too but they weren't concerned and said follow up in 1 year with CT. And lastly, she had a Mammogram in March 2024 which was negative.

I really don't understand where the signs are pointing to, but any experience or advice you could give would be really helpful for us. Thank you so much.

I gained about 55lbs during chemotherapy and I just cannot lose weight. I am already having adverse effects because of my weight. Fortunately, I am in remission from hodgkin's lymphoma (almost two years). Is this a metabolic issue that I need medicine for? Anyone else can relate?

I need some advice how to navigate employment with cancer. Those questions were probably already answered in some posts, but I am too stressed right now to search.

I just got to know the results of my tongue lesion biopsy - "well differentiated keratinizing squamous cell carcinoma. The depth of invasion is at least 3 mm. The invasive carcinoma is present at biopsy base"

I got the result in my electronic chart, and I also can see that my ENT did not see the result yet. So, I do not know what is the next step but per my research today it looks like I will need some scans (CT and/or PET scan) prior to definite plan of treatment but based on the size of the tumor (about 1.5 cm and depth of invasion >3 mm or more) I will at least need partial resection of the tongue (+/- skin graft from my forearm if they cut a generous amount of my tongue) with removal of the lymph nodes on the same side of the neck (surgery called elective neck dissection) and +/- radiation treatment afterwards. It looks like cancer of the side part of the tongue is usually not HPV virus related and chemotherapy does not work well for those cancers so I assume I will not need chemotherapy unless things are really bad. I am sure I will need some time off for treatment.

I do have anxiety about my job situation. I work as an instructor at a university with teaching and research responsibilities. I need to teach several classes on most days and even now my voice is weak by the end of the day, and I am worried about my speech after the surgery. I do not have great job stability to start with and I am afraid even to start disclosure about the cancer with anyone.

I looked through my benefits: I have 20 days of vacation/paid sick leave per year, but they start to accrue on July 1st with no roll over and thus I only have maybe 8 days accrued, I did not take any days off yet this year. I did not elect short term disability when I started this job (stupid me, I think this short term disability premium was too expensive but now it would be very useful). I do have long-term disability (provided by my employer, looks like I can get 60% of my pay but it only starts if I am disabled for 6 months). I have enough savings to last probably 4 months if I have no additional income and then I can probably pull some money from the retirement account (although I will have to pay penalty in this case). I already met my deductible for health insurance for this year, so I do not expect large medical costs if most of my treatment is completed in 2024.

Questions:

1. is it realistic to be able to return to a job with high speech demands within 1-2-3 months after tongue cancer surgery and possible radiation? what is usual time between biopsy and surgery?

2. how to approach my employment? Do I start with conversation my boss that I will need time off, or do I send first an email to HR requesting sick leave first so they cannot fire me prior to submitting sick leave request? or do I request an FMLA leave? Do I need provide something from doctors to HR? Sorry, I have no idea what the first step is, I never took a sick leave requiring documentation in my adult life.

3. if things do not go well and I remain sick - can I realistically use long term disability insurance somehow? Or the employer will terminate me after my sick leave days and 12 weeks of FMLA are exhausted, long before the disability insurance kicks in?

4. can I get some help from the government if I have cancer and do not feel well to work

Thank you all in advance

Hey everyone, I'm (M21) going through chemotherapy, I have a really supportive GF and she totally understands me, but I'm having some issues with ED (sex drive). I can't keep it on, it seems like I don't have any desire at all, even though I want to. Sometimes I think it's psychological, but chemo is really hard, so it could be physical too. Males who's dealed/dealing with something like this, how to overcome it?

I'm sorry, I don't know what it's called. Maybe Neuropathy or something?. Anyway, my legs have been burning for awhile now. They are not swollen. They don't have any sores on them or anything like that. There is no pain or soreness or bruising and they are cool to luke-warm to the touch. They just burn and feel uncomfortable.

A little background: I had NHL/MZL (both stage 4) and went through chemo (Bendamustine), Rituxan (which I now get every 2 months) and Prednisone (which I don't currently take). I went through all of the tests, scans, biopsies, transfusions, injections, Hospital stays and all the rest and have been in remission for almost a year now. I also have severe fatty liver disease but no ascites, cirrhosis, etc. I also had/have gastritis.

Anyone else have the burning feeling/sensation on/in thier legs?. I'll be having a liver/abdominal ultrasound soon. Then, labs and more Rituxan after that. Thanks for reading.

Purchased at the oncologist pharmacy and using the lowest dosage I just got really mentally whaxky(?) at night. Mind would race about complete nonsense and no sleep. i stopped taking it and it went away. Do I have to try longer than 10 days to get past it?

I did find edible gummies nearby (delta8?) thought they might help with eating but am not sure I can handle the mental side effects.

I'm looking to connect with anyone and everyone that has had a severe autoimmune response to immunotherapy (bonus if it was Nivolumab (Opdivo®) and ipilimumab (Yervoy®) "IpiNuvo combo drug #checkpointinhibitors) and survived or family members of anyone who has been through this.

My mom is currently in ICU on a ventilator with myasthenia gravis and myocarditis. She's gone through PLEX (Plasma Pheresis or plasma exchange) and is being given steroids, IvIG, and immunosuppressants. She's doesn't seem to be responding.

The docs keep telling me this is rare and not a lot of research.

Just looking to learn of others experiences because all I have to go off of is "wait and see." And it's excruciating not knowing whether she'll live through all this.

I just finished round 4 of my folfirunox. I feel so beat down. Gotta start taking shots to bulk up my white blood cells. We do imaging this week and I am anxious and scared. I wanna talk to my oncologist to maybe do every 3 weeks instead of every 2. I'm just so work down and the mind is willing but my body is just in a poor position. I'm scared and I don't know who to go to.

I'm 20years old Male. I have cancer (leukemia) my friends really time to time act like I don't have anything and when I say depressing stuff they act like I'm dragging it or something. I always say that I wanna have my life back and they say "what life you're 20 years old" as if having to go through chemo is better. The thing that irritates me the most is that my friend always hang out with people I had past drama with but I always stayed away with people he had any drama with and tonight they would come by my house to hang out, they said when they leave they'll go to someone I am not in good terms with and that snapped I just called the whole thing off and didn't say anything else. I don't know if my feelings got affected by chemo or something but I felt really annoyed at that time especially how he was talking to me.

Promised at least that it will be painless in my sleep

I was diagnosed with stage 3 rectal cancer in June 2023 and it was heartbreaking as I was newly married, fit, 33 year old runner.

I applied for FMLA but Amazon rejected my request to work from home. Forcing me to work from office when I could barely walk. I went through chemo, surgery, ileostomy and was declared NED in June.

In September this year, I found out my cancer has metastasized to liver and my treatment is now palliative. I applied for work from home but my request was rejected stating I can manage my schedule with 3 days work from office.

What can I do?

TLDR: I was very healthy but now have an unusually aggressive, fast-spreading form of cervical cancer and I’m not coping that well. I’m not okay. Advice needed. Long rant ahead.

. So, hello everyone…I was hoping I’d never have to post in this subreddit after a few months of my doctors & their speculations. About three months ago, it was discovered I have stage 1 (possibly stage 2) cervical cancer. While cervical cancer usually has a very positive prognosis in America, my gyno and oncologist made it aware to me that I have an unusually aggressive form that has spread “unusually quickly,” especially for “a healthy woman of my age.” My gyno told me he has “never seen it this aggressive,” nor has he “seen it spread this quickly.” For context: I had a partner three years ago cheat on me, who gave me high-risk HPV through their sexual deviancy. I’ve been getting regular pap-smears, and just eight months ago, I was told “the HPV is gone…” only to find out three months ago that it somehow came back stronger and worse than ever. After an examination and some cervical samples, it was determined I have stage 1 cervical cancer (possibly stage 2 or 3, they need to inspect the inside of my cervix and uterus and I might need a complete hysterectomy) during the cancer removal surgery. I will need chemo if it spread as far as they speculate, given my symptoms.

Now, I have about a 93% chance of survival if it’s stage 1 as my gyno “hopes”…but he has admitted it could be a lot worse than what he has seen on the outer part of my cervix. It doesn’t look pretty. I was a bodybuilder who always ate healthy…thought if I just took care of myself, this couldn’t happen. I see an oncologist in a few days because I’m now losing weight rapidly despite eating a lot of food. I feel weak, I shake, I am not the outgoing, energetic woman I used to be, and I feel weak and fatigued a lot. My periods are no longer normal and I puke a lot. I’m hoping that this is somehow a coincidence with anxiety, and that the cancer isn’t as “aggressive and fast-spreading” as my gyno says it may be. I’m engaged to a lovely woman who was my friend of many years (we’ve been taking preventive measures and she’s not contracted HPV in the two years we’ve been together) and she’s in disbelief about this despite being supportive. She says I’m getting too skinny, I seem depressed, and that my menstrual cycle is getting “weird and concerning.” Because I lost my period and a lot of weight, my doctors are acting promptly. The way my fiancée describes it, she’s “watched me physically and mentally deteriorate the past eight months.” I’m apparently not the same woman I was before this fuckery. When I told my mother, she ghosted me and pretended she didn’t know me…she couldn’t accept that her only daughter has aggressive cancer. This broke my damn heart.

Shit, I’d go out with a bang if I had to, but I guess I’m just struggling with the fact I have a very spicy form of cancer as an otherwise healthy 23 year old. Any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated. I laugh and act like I’m fine, but I’m not. I’ve been drinking more than usual, to be honest. My therapist doesn’t fully understand that I’m dealing with something so fast-spreading, that I won’t make it to 25 if this surgery doesn’t prove successful. I was supposed to get cancer removal surgery last month but it got delayed due to issues with my insurance. Cancer doesn’t discriminate…it threatens the lives of the young, fit and healthy too. I’m trying to remember I’ll probably be fine, but apparently I’m a rare case of “highly aggressive cervical cancer.” My doctors are unexpectedly “scared about my case.”

Worst case scenario? I will go out with a bang, doing what I do best: making the most out of every moment. Should I die, MDMA and booze will become my best friend in my last moments 💀

Thank you guys for listening…I just don’t know how to fully process this. Much love to you all 🙏💛

Hi everyone,

I’m a 27-year-old woman who gave birth to my first child at the end of last year, and since then, my life has taken some unexpected and challenging turns.

My labour was difficult; I had to be induced and ultimately required a C-section, which complicated my recovery. Just a day after being discharged, I found myself back in A&E with symptoms suspected to be sepsis—thankfully, it wasn’t.

When my daughter was five weeks old, I began experiencing shortness of breath. After a visit to the doctor, I was referred back to A&E, where things escalated quickly. They suspected blood clots in my lungs, but after a CT scan, I was admitted to intensive care due to a mass in my windpipe that was closing my airway.

I learned about my cancer diagnosis alone. I informed my friends and family over the phone, and hearing some of them cry was both comforting and strangely gave me strength.

I spent 11 days in the hospital, unable to see my newborn. I couldn’t bear to bring her into that environment, and that separation was mentally torturous. The physical toll was immense—I underwent blood transfusions, numerous scans, and painful procedures, including a bone marrow sample that involved cutting into my hip while I was awake. It was pure torture.

In the following months, as an outpatient, I pushed myself to care for my baby every day, even when it felt impossible. When I couldn’t soothe her because I was too weak, I felt like a terrible mother, listening to her cry while I was too drained to help, with my mum stepping in.

I underwent chemotherapy every other week, which was grueling, followed by daily radiotherapy for three weeks. After seven months of treatment, I’m finally done, but I’m still waiting for my CT scan results to hear the words "cancer free." Now my daughter is 10 months old, and I’m left with a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

What hurts the most is feeling let down by my family. Aside from my mum and sister, no one visited me in the hospital. I used to be closer with my cousin Jazz a few years ago—we went on family holidays together and spoke on the phone regularly—we’ve grown apart and don’t really interact besides happy birthday messages and life events but there was no animosity she even said she would come to my baby shower but ultimately didn’t.

I have been especially hurt with Jazz, who has two children of her own. She messaged me on the last day of my hospital stay with a generic note saying, “We’ve got this, stay strong.” Meanwhile, the day after she learned about my condition, she was posting on social media for an ex-mutual friend’s birthday. She only saw my daughter at a family gathering when she was four months old and didn’t even attend my baby shower dinner or give my child a gift. Over the last five years, I’ve given her children birthday and Christmas presents and provided her 3 year old daughter with lots of clothes and gifts when she was born. I removed and deleted her after that family gathering and haven’t heard from her since.

I see Jazz receiving a lot of support from our family—like my uncle picking her children up from school while she works three days a week, two of which are from home and my aunt having her daughter twice a week including overnight. I don’t want to be judgmental, but she doesn’t face the same challenges I do. Perhaps it’s wrong to say this, but she has received a lot of family support for the past 11 years specifically as her eldest is 11 while her support for me has been lacking. Meanwhile, apart from my mum and my aunt, who looks after my daughter once a week, nobody else has stepped up for me during this difficult time. It’s infuriating, and I feel deeply let down by the whole family.

Rebecca is my closest cousin since childhood, and we were raised more like sisters, which makes this situation even more hurtful. Rebecca has visited maybe two or three times in ten months without checking much maybe once. I’ve heard she wants to take Jazz’s daughter to Disneyland and do special things for her. This is partly because Jazz doesn’t engage much with her own children beyond the basics, which leads some family members to feel sad for the kids and go the extra mile for Jazz kids. While it’s lovely that they want to support Jazz’s children, I feel it’s unfair that my child hasn’t received the same consideration. I’m committed to spoiling my daughter and providing her with plenty of experiences, yet it feels like my efforts are now to her disadvantage as there is a stark difference in how family members treat our children.

I don’t want to have these feelings, but it’s difficult.

I’ve also felt let down by friends, though at least they visited me in the hospital. I’ve addressed those feelings with them, and things have improved. With family, though, it’s too hurtful to even bring up.

The effects of chemotherapy have made it hard for me to articulate my feelings, but I’ve reached a breaking point. I just need to share this and connect with anyone who might understand.

Please share your thoughts and any advice, Thank you for reading.

I was diagnosed with Goblet Cell Adenocarcinoma on 10-03-24. Appendix cancer 1 in 2 million chance.

I was able to work at home until a co-worker found out and tried to have me benched. Work (oddly enough) kept my mind off cancer. Once diagnosed, every minute became an hour. Last thing I needed was a frenemy at work.

So here is what I think. Every FUCKING email "hopes" it finds me well.

I want to lash out so badly with a template that stipulates, "No this did not find me well. Don't take for granted that anyone is well. Work is a way to subsidize your life, not the other way around. I hope my email finds you better-informed."

That's shitty and me lashing out, but that's how I feel.

I'm 25 and have had the weirdest week ever. Obviously, I found out I have cancer. But the situation is so bizarre it feels like it isn't real.

3 months ago I randomly woke up with excruciating stomach pain and couldn't stop throwing up. ER said I had a stomach bug and sent me home. The stomach pain and vomiting never went awat. 3 ER visits, like 12 primary care visits, and so many tests later I was finally referred to a GI doctor. GI doctor assumed I had an ulcer because I was throwing up some blood, so he wanted to do an endoscopy. Endoscopy went great, he said my stomach looked irritated but I did have an ulcer so he took some biopsies. Tuesday this past week I received a call from the GI clinic but missed it. Immediately I checked my online chart and found my path results. INVASIVE ADENOCARCINOMA, POORLY COHESIVE TYPE WITH SIGNET RING CELL FEATURES. Right at the top. So I called the GI office back within 5 minutes just to be told by reception that no one called me. So I asked to speak to a nurse. No one called me back. Wednesday I called the GI office like 3 times before I got a nurse. Then she told me she couldn't tell me anything yet. Finally around 4 PM the GI doctor calls me personally and the first words out of his mouth were "I'm so sorry". He went on to say that he never expected for me to have cancer and that he is referring me to oncology.

I had a CT scan today and I meet with Oncology on Monday.

But what do I do until then?

I got diagnosed very young at around 15 and it was during peak covid thankfully i’m healthy and well now but i feel as if i’ve been stuck at that age and era mentally(?) it’s been years and I don’t feel like i’ve evolved or changed as a person since that time i don’t know what it is exactly but it just sucks to see all my friends grow up and act like adults meanwhile i feel like i was robbed of my teenage years and i’m so behind experience wise it just feels like the years keep passing by but i’m still there can anyone relate?

I took my last chemo infusion two weeks ago and the last pills yesterday, ironically on Dia de los muertos. The day of the dead. I be a poetic motherfucker.

Six months of my life with a daily struggle with pain. That’s nothing compared with most of the struggles many of you have experienced and shared. At times I have been truly humbled by the endurance that you have and how much I really didn’t experience in comparison.

I expect that many of you like myself come in and out of this group because it becomes overwhelming to hear that some struggles become too much and that comforting those who are succumbing this disease can be heartbreaking, especially when you find they are young. I have to thank cancer for one thing in all of this because it has broadened my sense of empathy in many different forms.

I have been fortunate to find I have very good friends. If you knew me personally just five years ago you wouldn’t expect that I was interested in even knowing people. Now I know how many people were here to say, we value you, you must continue. Again, a humbling experience.

Finally, I want to thank all of you that put up with my rants though I know we all support each other in this way it has meant the difference between trudging through the process and approaching my daily life with a desire to get better and continue to be really alive. Thank you so very much.

I was recently informed by my genetic counselor that I have the Chek2 gene mutation. I also have 2 cancers, and cancer runs in my family (especially breast).

Does anyone else here have this mutation? How have you treated it, by surveillance (mammogram then MRI every 6 months), double mastectomy or are you taking medication such as Tamoxifen?

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Recently, I've been feeling angry. Angry at everything. I’m scheduled for CRS-HIPEC surgery next week, and I can’t stand the thought of it. I was diagnosed with LAMN with peritoneal spread after nearly three years of fighting for an answer to my excruciating abdominal pain. You wouldn’t believe how many doctors tried to explain—very patiently—that as a 24-year-old woman, I should expect abdominal pain now and then, that it’s just part of being a woman. Oh, how I would like to talk to them now.

I’m angry about the surgery because, after my last operation, when they removed the stump of my appendix, I felt so healthy and strong. I go hiking, cook for my friends and family, and travel. I don’t know how long it will take for me to get back to all of that. I know I need this surgery and that I’m living in an illusion of health while the tumor grows. But some part of me feels like I’m betraying myself, willingly letting someone take my health and strength away by cutting me open and removing whatever parts they think I can live without.

I’m also angry because I was just accepted into a job I’ve tried for a year—my dream position at a company I admire—and I had to resign. Now, instead of my first day at work, that day will be my first day in the hospital. It feels like a cruel joke.

I’m angry because I was just one semester away from finishing my master’s, and I had to take a whole year off since my program doesn’t allow a one-semester break. Even two weeks ago, I thought maybe I could still manage, and I tried to do everything in advance, but it just didn’t work. I study at a university six hours away from my family. I can’t be on my own after surgery, and I can’t keep up with school when I already spend at least two days each week shuttling between doctors.

I’m angry because I had to move back in with my parents. I love them, and I’m so grateful for the support they’ve given and will continue to give, but it feels like a failure. I was supposed to become financially independent this year so that my dad could find a job closer to home, instead of having to work in delegation and only coming home occasionally. He’s not getting younger, and I can see how tired he is every time he comes back. And now, I’m going to be an even bigger burden for who knows how long.

I’m angry about the scars, too. I already have so many from previous surgeries, and now my stomach will look like a strainer. I’m fighting the urge to burn all my bikinis in the garden while howling at the moon. And I’m angry because I feel like I have to hold everything together for my family and friends when I’m just exhausted.

I’m angry at the doctors, too, because they only tell me what I specifically ask about. And how am I supposed to know what I don’t know if they won’t explain things proactively? When I ask, they respond with answers that don’t mean anything. What are the chances of eliminating the tumors completely? – 'We’ll see after the operation.' How long will recovery take? – 'It depends on the person.' How are you planning to cut me open? – 'The surgeon will decide during the operation.' I feel like I know nothing. They give me the basics, and everything else, I’ve had to learn on my own. Then they ask me to sign a form saying that everything has been explained and that I understand what’s going to happen.

I'm angry because I'm loosing my friends. They're life is still going forward while mine stopped. They are scared to talk to me as if I will burst out crying every time they call (I really don't, I don't even talk about my health until they ask, because I understand that not everyone wants to know everything).

I’m angry because I know I’ll spend the next several weeks in pain and frustration I can’t yet even imagine. And I’m angry because I don’t know if this will ever end.

I just wanted to share something positive today. I actually had a very good day health-wise! I felt a little bit weak/wooden-legged (if you know, you know ugh right?) but basically okay! I stayed awake for the whole day today too! I go to a Partial Hospitalization Program 2 days a week from 9 am to 3 pm but lately in the past couple weeks maybe, I've been sleeping most of the day there away, especially yesterday, which was my first day for the Program. I was so sickly I could barely walk...pale and nauseous, hardly ate all day (I've lost 3 lbs in a couple days, but it's ok bc I had gained quite a few pounds from my period starting and from constipation, so it was just mostly water weight)...but today (my 2nd day at Program), it was the exact opposite! I felt happy all day. I can't guarantee tomorrow I will be happy and feel well enough to run errands, but right now I'm tired as heck, but still very happy and content.

I had a good health day and I am grateful. I had an appetite today too! I had a small bowl of salad...but I was still hungry so I had 2nds with a little potato salad on top too! I also had 1/2 a bottle of Pepsi and a half of a coffee and water ... A lot of water. The counselors at the Counseling Center were so happy to see me eat. Kinda made me feel weird but it was nice to have an appetite!♥️♥️

Thanks for reading! Did you have a good or bad day today? Comment...let me know. ♥️♥️

Hello, I was recently diagnosed with palatine tonsil cancer in my right tonsil. As part of the radiation/chemo combo they want to administer cisplatin has been chosen in a dosage of 40mg x m/2, 1x per week for 6 weeks.

I am a lifelong musician, engineer and producer of music. Music means more to me than almost anything. Losing my hearing in any substantial way would be devastating. Tinnitus I can deal with, I already have that, but outright hearing loss or deafness with destroy me.

So the choice of cisplatin scares me as it has a fairly high percentage of causing hearing damage and loss which all appear to be permanent in the case studies I read.

Both my medical and radiation oncologist have said because we caught mine so early that the chemo in my case is more of a supporting role to the radiation than anything else. Because if this I’m requesting an alternative with less of a chance to ruin my hearing.

For anyone that’s had cisplatin chemotherapy what as your experience with your hearing? How is it long term?

Greatly appreciate any and all feedback.

Thanks.

So for almost a year now I’ve had “Hodgkin’s lymphoma” only to be diagnosed with Pmbcl two days ago. I go in today to discuss the new diagnosis more. TBH I’m completely annoyed because I feel like they knew it didn’t seem like Hodgkin’s lymphoma as I had no symptoms of it. 2”weeks could’ve been treating this but instead they gave me the treatment plan for HL that was unsuccessful. I’m annoyed and quite frankly I want a second opinion.

Hey everyone!

Noticed things have been especially dour here in the last few days (imagine that?). Thought we could use some off-topic conversation to remind ourselves that life outside of cancer exists. Read any good books recently? Seen any good movies? How's the weather out there today?

After my 76-year-old husband of 37 years suffered intensely from unending complications of bone marrow cancer for 12 years, he was in ICU on a ventilator (again) after unexpected upper GI internal bleeding. His cancer treatments had stopped working. His ICU physician said he agreed with me "one thousand percent" to discontinue life support so my husband would no longer suffer; we had prepared advance directives and medical power-of-attorney years earlier after discussing this potential scenario. Two days earlier in the hospital my husband said he "wished he were dead" so he did not have to face what was ahead. He died about 9 hours after the unexpected onset of upper GI bleeding that led to intubation and multiple other "life support/death prolonging" measures.

I was his sole carer for those twelve years of endless treatments, hospitalizations, decline, and suffering. Making this decision for him was the most sorrowful experience of my life, but I did it to honor his wishes and to prevent him further agony. His longtime oncologist for those twelve years told me it was the right call because my husband would have had "a rough road ahead." Still, I am crushed and heartbroken, while grateful his suffering is over.

From those of you who made a similar decision not to prolong your loved one's suffering and dying process, I would appreciate, if it is not too painful for you, learning about your experience in coming to this decision and coping with it afterwards. Thank you with my wishes for your peace and comfort.

About 4 years ago I found out I had a glioblastoma (incurable) and about 8 months to live.

I’m hard to kill and kind of mean so I’ve been able to hold it off, but I’m at the point of being unable to live a normal life and the pain can’t be controlled so I’ve elected MAID which I luckily qualify for.

Seriously fuck cancer though. It took everything from me. I had worked so hard to get to where I was in life just for my body to kill itself.

I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m confused. I’ve done the “why me?” Many times.

To anybody succumbing to this evil or caretaking or watching a loved one I am so sorry. This is literally the worst.