My aunt who raised me passed away about a year and a half ago. She was so special to me and taught me what unconditional love looks like. We did everything together growing up, all my favorite childhood memories are with her. When I went to college we only got closer, I would go back and visit her and we would do some many things together. I called and texted her almost daily. She was my best friend and the only person who really believed in me. When she first died I got a lot of support but now it’s waning and I feel like I can’t bring up how much I miss her without sounding monotonous. I miss her daily, things will happen and I still reach for my phone to call her. The grief isn’t going away it’s only growing and I don’t know what to do. I’ve gone to therapy but I feel like there’s only so many times I can talk about it. Does anyone have any advice or things that have worked for them? Sometimes the grief is just too much and I feel like screaming and shutting down all at the same time. Please help.

Today marks a year since my mother passed away and it hurts a lot. I need to get through the day and its hard to even think about it. I wish there was a way to talk to her on the other side. My father passed when i was 5, and now i feel all alone after my mum also went. The festival time makes it even more hard. I have to live the rest of my life without my mom. And it hurts to even think about it.

Just posting it here because i wanted a place to share my grief.

My husband died of a sudden heart attack 5.5 years ago, in 2019. We had a long happy marriage, having met when I was 16. I am now 67. During the next 12 months, my addict brother, husband’s brother, and my father (a difficult person) also died suddenly. I was preparing to move 150 miles south to be close to my very young grandchildren, a happy thing, and listed my house just before Covid shutdown, so I moved to a new area and bought a house on my own in May 2020.

I started back to therapy this past March, and feel that I am of course still sad about my husband, but am also finally starting to feel and deal with so much from my childhood, and so much about the loss of my old self, our dreams, my early thoughts about how I would be, etc. I am processing a lot, have been writing when there are things to sort out emotionally, but I would like to journal more regularly, and maybe in a little more structured way. I may want to do it online, in a private blog, but mainly I am at a loss of how to begin each day. Grief journals don’t seem to fit, nor do regular journal prompts. Does anyone have ideas for me?

I think I will post this on the journalling subreddit also.

I can't stop crying...

My grandad passed away in July from prostate cancer that after over a year's battle and several different treatments, had spread to most of his major organs.

Due to my grandma's need to have her brother with her during the funeral I (30f), and my goddaughter/youngest cousin (15f, who needed me alongside her as this is the first loss she's ever faced) were sat at the other side of the church to the rest of my family. So I was basically left to hold up this young girl and got about 3 seconds in front of my grandad's coffin.

All through this I've been treated like I'm the strong one, that I'm untouchable, and everyone else's needs have been put before mine, that my younger brother is about to have a breakdown, that my mum is about to have a breakdown, and that it's okay because I'm the strong one....

But my grandad was the biggest influence of my young life. It was he who gave me my love of the outdoors, of walking, of camping, of just being alive. It was he who got me through all of the challenges and tests I needed to join my country's Navy, and the only one who supported me when I left the Armed Forces to work in the Civil Service sector.

I was closer to him than my own father.

I've not been allowed to grieve, and now that I'm back at work (I work a shift of 4 months on ship, and 3 months at home) I'm finding that I'm having a breakdown every other day because I miss this man so much, and everything I do or say to my widowed grandmother is wrong, sets her off on a 'I am so lonely and no one visits me' campaign, and causes problems for the rest of the family.

This man raised me and I feel like I'm not allowed to grieve because I'm out of sight out of mind, but in reality there is this huge hole in my life that will never be filled, and everything I do or say seems to make it worse.

I'm the bad guy because I didn't cry at the funeral (I couldn't, because I had a 15 year old, autistic girl who was clinging to me and relying on me to hold her up when the rest of our family was rallying around grandma)

I'm the bad guy because I'm never there. (even though I jumped through so many hoops at work and committed myself to so much, just so that I could spend the last few hours grandad had left, at his side).

I can't be upset because that sets mum or grandma off.

I'm so lonely now as grandad was the only member of my family who was genuinely interested in what ship I was on, what I was doing and where I was going, and now I feel like I have no one to call who gives a damn what I'm doing at work.

I'm sorry if this is the wrong sub for this, but I've just spent nearly a month at sea (the longest period I've been away for, since grandad got sick) and now I'm alongside, I can't call mum about this because it upsets her, and I've managed to set grandma off because I don't call often enough (The month we've just spent away has been on sensitive ops and I haven't been able to have contact with the outside world), and now I just can't seem to stop crying.

I know that death is not the end, but for those left to grieve and pick up the pieces, it sure feels like it.

Sorry for the vent.

my dad felt like the only man who had a duty to keep me safe. even if he didn’t even really accomplish that, i miss him. i’ve lost a sacred bond for the rest of my living life.

Anyone else here work in healthcare or study a healthcare/biology degree?

I can’t handle hearing about any kind of disease right now.

My grandpa passed away yesterday unexpectedly. My grandpa was my grandma's whole world, they had a business together and their days were spent traveling. Now she'll be alone in the house and I feel so helpless. I keep thinking about her sitting alone mourning and hurting. Is there anything that you'd suggest that would be supportive? I'm going to spend extra time with her and check in. But are there any words to say? Any other way I can help her?

My Nonna passed away what will be two months ago tomorrow, and today is her birthday. She would’ve turned 79 today. My Nonno also passed away only six days after her, and his birthday was September 15th, one week after he passed. I wanted to write him a little something for his birthday, but I just couldn’t at the time. So I figure I’ll add his part here as well.

My Nonna is the greatest woman I’ve ever been blessed to know and love in this life. She is the strongest, most beautiful, warm and loving soul. She immigrated to the US as a young adult, came here with absolutely nothing by boat, met my Nonno, and created such a beautiful life together. A young lady, only speaking Italian and coming to what seemed like a whole new world for her. She learned Spanish first from the ladies she worked with, and then learned English. And her English was great, just like everything else she did.

For the majority of my life, my mom has been a single mom and my ‘father’ was not present, aside from random phone calls, nor was he financially supportive. My mom also had me when she was 23, so my grandparents were very involved in my life. They were my primary caretakers while my mom was at work until I went to high school. I was bussed to their house after school everyday, and I would still beg my mom to go to Nonna’s house on the weekends. I loved being with them, especially with her. She was always my best friend.

As I got a little bit older, her and I got so close, to a level that I'd never expected. And I loved our relationship. I think she did too. We would talk on the phone everyday, usually multiple times a day (and usually because I would love to just randomly call and talk to her). And she would always, always answer and be happy to talk with me. Although, when jeopardy was on at 7 o'clock, she'd say she had to call me back lol.

I've always been able to go to her, for comfort, for advice, for company, for literally anything. I likely have told her most things about my life, but because she wanted me to. She opened doors for me to speak freely about anything and everything. And she just loved and accepted me no matter what. For a woman who comes from such a traditional time and family, she has always been so progressive.

Now that my Nonna has left us, I just feel so lost in this world. A shell of a human. Not only was she my grandmother, but she felt like my mother as well. She did everything for me for 21 years and I would have done anything for her, because truly, there is not another person in this world who loves me like she did, not even my mom. Of course my mom loves me more than anything, but a grandmother is different, special. I was blessed to have the relationship that I had with her. I was the apple of her eye, as everyone would say, and she was mine too.

My Nonno would have been 85 on September 15. He was the funniest, most intelligent, hardworking, clever, and loving man I've ever known. And I am so proud to say that he not only acted as my grandpa, but my father too. He was always so special to me.

He also immigrated to the US and worked in a pizzeria when he came here. It's so cute how the two of them met because he was working at the pizzeria at that time and my nonna and her friend decided to prank call the restaurant. Apparently, my Nonno's cousin answered and passed the phone to him, and they exchanged numbers after talking for a long while. To know that their true love story started with a prank call, it's quite comical but also so adorable.

Nonno was the biggest jokester, always cracking jokes or doing his chicken dance. He loved history and learning, loved watching the news to know about what's going on in the world. Any time I had questions about anything history related, Nonno was my go to because he somehow always knew something about something.

The one thing I was always able to notice about him, which is ranked of the highest significance for me, is how much he loved my nonna and how he continuously expressed it throughout his life. 52 years they were married, and they were each others everything. Seriously, I've never seen a relationship like they had, it was the most beautiful and genuine connection I've ever seen. And I am so damn lucky to have been touched with and raised in their love.

For the past two decades or so, my nonno has suffered from Parkinson's, and even still for someone suffering in that way, he was in such high spirits. My Nonna was his caretaker, and she was more than happy to be because she was the only person who'd take care of him with such great love and gentleness.

In the time of my nonna's death, my nonno was absolutely devastated of course. His heart has always beat for her, and it quite literally stopped beating for her. He held on to make sure that her funeral arrangements were the way she would have wanted. He waited to see her and kiss her one last time. And the exact day she was placed in her tomb, he passed away later in the evening.

I've gotten this sense that maybe Nonno was ready to let go for a while, but held on for all of us, but especially for Nonna. I can't imagine how alone he must have felt and my heart broke for him ten times more.

It still doesn't even feel real, writing or verbalizing everything that happened. It was too much in such a short amount of time. To lose the two people who meant the most to me in this world together, devastating, heart wrenching, and broken doesn't even make up the half of it. But I do find comfort in knowing that they are together, and maybe my Nonno was able to walk or even run to her.

Happy birthday Nonna, ti voglio tantissimo bene. I miss you so much, and just wish I could feel one of your warmest hugs. To say you are an exceptional woman wouldn't even serve you justice.

And happy belated birthday Nonno, ti voglio tantissimo bene. I just miss everything, walking in the house to find you sitting in your spot on the couch, hearing your little laugh when you and Nonna would bicker, the smell of your aftershave. Everything.

My beautiful grandparents, may you rest in the sweetest peace. I don't think you will ever know how much you were loved in this life, not just by me but everyone who was touched with your grace, love, and kindness. I am proud to understand and say that the legacy you both left behind is simply unconditional love, family, and community. I am in awe of how beautiful of people you are. Thank you for everything you have done for me. Until we meet again 👼❤️

For starters, my Grandfather is my everything and I don't think I will be able to do this once he is gone. The plan is to write it and record myself reading it in a peaceful setting because I have no idea what condition I'll be in once he passes, but I know the family will expect to hear from me. He knows I am doing this because I told him that I would like him to be the only one to see it before he goes, because at the end of the day, he is the only one that should know how much he means to me. I have never written one and I would like some suggestions on things to include in the obituary so it doesn't seem like I'm just talking about the memories that we made together. Please and thank you :)

I found out last night that a dear friend of 30+ years passed away yesterday and unexpectedly. I’m at a loss and feel a hole in my heart but I haven’t cried. I want to cry, I have the urge to cry, but I’m unable to. My mind and body won’t allow it. I’ve never known pain like this. Sure, I’ve lost grandparents and even my father but I knew they were sick and for the most part was mentally prepared for them. But this caught me off guard and I’m simply lost in a void of uneasiness.

He was truly a great person, an amazing friend, and a brother for life.😭

i’m not sure exactly how to explain this, but i’m having trouble understanding where i should be at in this situation. my girlfriend of 2 years twin sisters(16 years old) were in a bad wreck one of them passed and another is in the hospital with many major injuries, i feel as though i cannot feel the grief or cry or say anything as if it is not my place to do so like as if im only to stand behind them and support in silence or as though im sort of in a corner and i can’t come out without feeling selfish for it.

i feel selfish everytime i feel like crying or saying any words about her. i don’t know what to do in this situation, and im sorry if i didn’t do a good job of explaining. any advice would be much appreciated.

I’m 20f in college right now and in this year alone my father had attempted to take his own life twice in a very traumatic way. I’ve had so many complicated feelings regarding this matter such as guilt, fear, sadness, anger, shame, etc. I’ve also been conflicted on whether I can actually label my emotions as ‘grief’ as technically my father is still alive. Despite him surviving his attempts, I still feel that there is a drastic loss in my life. His depression has changed him completely. I don’t recognize who he has become. I still love him of course and have been doing my best to support him and my family while I’m away at school. I am just struggling to understand how to cope with this. I have ended my 2 year relationship 2 months after the most recent incident. Though I am certain it was the right decision for me to heal properly, I still am so unsure of what it is exactly that I am experiencing now. Is this a form of grief? How might it be different / similar and what can I expect?

My dad suddenly passed away this past Saturday.

I’m really sad about it, I feel like I lost my anchor. My dad was one of those people who became everyone’s friends and it’s been a big hit to the community. We’ve had tons of support from everywhere for my immediate family but I’m just lying here in my moms basement bed, with my wife, and toddler sleeping in a pack n play with a slumber pod (life saver that slumber pod).

I’m angry because of how inconvenient and messed up the whole situation of death is. Immediately everyone wants to support and also know what happen. So many people bringing over food, you suddenly dive into insurance which is so confusing and then on top of that plan a funeral, figure out logistics, keep people informed, pay thousands of dollars, pick caskets, programs, etc while also taking off time from your job and temporarily untill now being away from my wife and son.

The first morning after you feel like you were hit with a freight train, food tastes terrible, sleep is gone, and your just left wondering why. The amount of people coming over to visit, texts, calls, Facebook messages etc. they’re all so encouraging and helpful but at the same time exhausting. You want to be with people but alone.

Then the second/third day things settle. Burial plots squared away, funeral home squared away, understand what you need to do for insurance is you have it. Then it’s just quiet. For like maybe 3 minutes before another call or unexpectant guest but for those minutes of calm it’s a glimpse for my sibling and mother and I to feel like we’re somehow on some weird Thanksgiving holiday waiting for my dad to return with our wives and children. But he’s not. So it’s not relaxing but it is.

But in the calm there’s the what next? What do we do with my mom? Where is she going to move to. Are we going to sell the house? What about the extra car now? Holidays are soon so she’s coming to stay with one of us immediately and switch off till after the holidays. Will she move right after the holidays? Will anyone buy the house? My dad was fixing up the basement and bathrooms it’s not done will anyone be bothered. What is my mom actually feeling. Does she actually want to sell like she says.

The Saturday plans we had in the works for months with my wife’s family are shot bow. Her dad has dimensia and this might be the last family vacation and now I’m angry I feel torn about trying to leave early to get my wife there.

This unfinished basement filled with my dads attempts at handy manning mean my brothers family who are on a completed different time for toddler sleep are almost waking up my kid.

It’s all aggravating. It’s complex. It’s maddening. It’s calm. It’s sureal. We do have the peace we will see him again with Jesus but I’m mad he’s not here, happy he’s with Jesus. I’m angry that I’m conflicted and angry I’m concerned about my selfish feelings.

I feel angry my dad passed away

Been trying to learn about Vietnam and also have been looking for some videos of my grampa's regiment online for my gramma. And it really sucks there's all this stuff I'm very curious about and wish I would've asked him. I'm just sad I will never have that opportunity again.

He passed away in March unexpectedly due to an accident. Last time I saw him was a week before it happened. My relationship with my mom has been rocky so we were no/low contact for a few months. My last time with him was rlly nice and I thought to myself I wanna come back and work on things yk. I was genuinely excited. At the end of the night he always walks me out or if i’m parked in view he’ll wait till i’m in the car and as I’m about to leave my brains telling me say i love you say it again and again literally get out of the car and hug him! I didn’t though. All i did was the usual I love you and wave and i beat myself up every single day for not getting out. for going low contact. not going backpacking or hiking with him like he loved. talking back and getting mad. I know I’m not supposed to think like this because there’s nothing i can do but that’s the problem. I just want my dad.

I never really understood when people would say, “Grieving lasts a lifetime” or “It never really goes away”. In my past experiences with death, I was sad for a while. And maybe after a few months I’d randomly start thinking about them again and I’d bawl my eyes out. But eventually that stopped happening. And life moved on for me, I’d mostly stop thinking about them. Or just remember them fondly occasionally.

But a year ago(ish), maybe it’s been longer tho I’m not 100% sure. My grandma died in her sleep, it was really sudden. Hell, some of my other relatives had a nice dinner with her that evening before she fell asleep. She was kind of like the “glue” in the family. I loved her a lot, and was close with her.

With my other grandparents, they had slow declines. They were older, and got sick in some way. We knew exactly what was coming and could start mourning beforehand. What a luxury lol. I’ve lost track.. oh right “grief lasts a lifetime”!

I think I’m gonna be grieving my grandma for the rest of my life, at least it feels that way. I’ll often be chilling, doing homework or something. And then she’s there, and I need to stop thinking about her because I love her too damn much I’ll just cry. I’m gonna be at her house for thanksgiving, since it’s still in the family and close to my relatives. And I’m not looking forward to the pain lol. I’ll probably delete this later when I check my profile sometime in the future. Also I’m not looking for support necessarily, share something if you’d like. But I’m just posting this to get it off my chest a bit.

Anyways, I love you grandma. I’m thinking about you, and I hope I’ll see you again someday. 💝

Hi All,

I lost a dear friend of mine from years ago today. We spent some time away from our home country to study abroad and became incredibly close during that time. He was a straight shooting, hilarious and incredibly talented person.

When I think back to what I now consider my early years of my career he always features fondly. While in the industry that I chose he made a phenomenal, lasting impact, and then went on to work in law and again, made unbelievable changes. He was a gentleman and the funniest, upfront and no nonsense character ever.

He achieved great things but never seemed content. It was a drive that I sometimes envied. We haven't spoken in a few years, for no particular reason. Last week, I thought of him and marked it down as a "to do" in my busy life. I didn't and got the news today that he passed. Ironically from a person that he couldn't stand and I think that he'd have a lot to say about that 😂

I'm beside myself with heartache right now. I feel devestated and it feels unreal. But do I have any right to feel so strongly? The reality is that we haven't spoken in awhile, but I always thought about him and spoke of him. He was only 31 and it feels cruel that he's gone. I just always pictured that we'd have time to be together again. I guess I don't know how to handle this but I feel heartbroken. I've been sitting in silence for nearly 8 hours.

I'm just in bits but I haven't been active in his life for maybe 2 years. Am I being selfish? The last time I felt this way was when my cousin took his own life in 2022. We're Irish and his wake is in 2 days. I want to go, but family tell me that it'll be too traumatic. To me he was a friend that I truly loved and I want to see him one last time. He was such a big part of my life. I feel lost.

I guess there's no point to this. I just miss him and I can't believe he's gone. I don't even know what happened to him. It just hurts so much. Anyway, I just wanted to talk to someone about it. I don't know if that's what we do here. X

Saying "That's life."

Please, for the love of all things precious - do not say that to someone who just found out their loved one passed away. There might be good intentions, but it sends the wrong message. This was one of the first things I was told by the person who personally informed me about it. I was a blubbering mess and asking a million questions and that was what they decided to reply with.

It's dismissive of the person's pain. It makes the survivor feel like life is horrid and not worth living because if life is like that to such a wonderful, healthy person - how would it be to others?

Also. I first learned about the news by texts from college friends expressing their condolences to me. Let me tell you, I was fucking confused for a second because I had no fucking clue what they were on about. I thought my brain was going insane, and that's when I heard the knock on the door.

Unless you're absolutely sure the person knows their loved one has passed away, please do not fuxking text them this shit - especially not 1-2 hours after the love one's death. Even a call would be better, but now I have to live with the memory that I found out about it through a stupid text.

I'm just so angry. Please do not do this.

so to keep this brief i lost my brother a year and half ago suddenly in a car accident. i have a big family and we are super close with all my cousins. obviously everyone was sad but i have just accepted everyone has been kind of avoidant surrounding his death. fast forward my grandfather passed in may of this year and we are all very close with my grandfather but i couldn’t really feel sad about his death and maybe sad wasn’t even the emotion i just felt nothing, as i do with most things that have come after my brothers death. but now im dealing with some other weird emotions it feels as though everyone is way more open about my grandfather talks about him more talks about how sad they are just everything but doesn’t really mention my brother and idk it makes me feel this weird jealousy and i mean maybe because i haven’t grieved my brother yet im not ready to grieve my grandfather, has anyone else related to this like nothing or anyone comes close to how i feel about my brother and his death i hate feeling this way because i really love my grandfather and miss him but it’s like i don’t feel like my brothers death got the same level of attention within the family which is so shallow to say, it feels embarrassing to admit. sorry for the terrible grammar and punctuation.

My dad passed away 3 days ago. He had liver problems and got virus. He died from bleeding. I thought he would get better in hospital but he died there :(

I’m thinking about all the times spend with him and trying not to be sad to do what makes him happy.

Recently, we had been going fishing with uncle. I'm glad last time I went fishing with him we stayed longer even at night. I believe he sees us. He played I Give As Good As I Get by Udo in the car recently, and when I looked at his phone, he asked if I liked it and said it was Udo.

We both loved music, especially bands like AC/DC, Dire Straits, Rammstein, and Linkin Park. He often played Dire Straits songs and Thunderstruck by AC/DC and really liked them. We listened to Deutschland together in the car, and he loved it a lot. My sister mentioned that he knew Rammstein, but he said he didn’t. He already liked Numb by Linkin Park, and I introduced him to another Linkin Park song, Across the Line, which he said was good.

We loved watching Doctor Who. He told me it would be good if we had Tardis. He must be seeing so many things

Mom told me he had told her about me that I was brainwashed by some people and didn’t want me to close myself off because of music. I'm 19 year old closeted trans guy.

she mentioned how he was stressed because of that day I called police and not to talk about that to anyone. I ran away with police almost year ago because mom wanted to arrest theoretical satanic pedo LGBT+ people because I changed Facebook name to guy name. My sister revealed cyberstalking me and they blamed me, trans men I knew online, 2 of whom sent lawyer's number and other people on internet. I got home and sister was very aggressive. They kept bringing up that day and abusing me.

I called lawyer some days before that because my parents SA-ed me and I was gaslighted. Me and dad would hit eachother on backside as a joke and he started touching me on private part at 15 which mom didn't believe and they kept making fun of me. After almost a year mom SA-ed me. After 2 years they brought that up again what I said about dad and were mad at me. Dad said I was acting like that cause he didn't beat me enough in childhood. When I said what mom did she denied and said it wouldn't be abuse to me since I thought I was a boy and that I needed psychologist for having bad thoughts. Sister also gaslighted.

It's embarrassing how my dad being dead is used against me too. It's not my fault they abused me. Mom and sister need to learn to be accountable for their actions instead of blaming me and other people for results of their actions.

Maybe he was crying for feeling guilt that day I was at police and when they were mad at me again after 2 years

Before his death I uploaded Ikuto on profile. He is anime character I watched in childhood and dad would ask me about him when he was in Moscow for 2 years. I only remembered now later that Ikuto goes searching for his father in last episodes.

recently dad told me our friend calls me qito. It’s nickname of my birth name. He sounded very sad. I didn’t want him to think that was about being trans so I told him some people call me like that. It's nickname for guy name in my country and maybe he actually wants me to be myself.

I had awful dream a day before his death. When ambulance came I was holding something where something like water was collecting from his arm. Last thing he said to ambulance was ''Have you watched Avatar 2?''. They put him on stretcher and I helped them take him to elevator.

My dad is 53, and last week he was diagnosed with such an aggressive brain cancer he's basically gone straight into a hospice knowing he's detoroting so quickly he could go at any moment.

To say it's come as a shock is an understatement. But now I'm just anxious 24/7, I'm just waiting around for that call.

I know its inevitable, and I'm also understanding that some levels fo anxiety are required, but has anyone got any tips on how to make this a little bit easier?

Thank you in advance!

I move away from my home country 5 years ago. I ended up working a job I hate just to make ends meet, and because of that i cant go back home that often.My grandfather got sick last year. He had a stroke and multiple heart problems after that. I should have been there for them but i didnt. Because of my stupid job. And if im being honest, because I was afraid to go visit. My grandfather changed after the stroke. Went from this no nonesense, always working man to someone who could barely function on his own and half blind.

Last time I went to see them I remember wanting nothing more than to leave as quickly as possible because being around him made me so uncomfortable. I kept telling myself "hes going to have the surgery, and he will get better, it all will go back to normal"

Then one day my mom woke me up to get last minute plane tickets. My grandfather had another heart attack and passed. I don't think I will ever not feel guilty for not being there for him more, for not hugging him tighter before I left, just for being such a cold, awful granddaughter.

I try to be there for my grandma now as much as I can but, its not the same thing. I can never make up for what I did and didn't do.

Thank you for reading

Thanksgiving dinner It was thanksgiving dinner 2022 with my moms dad and stepmom so we made some food and went over it was already dark by the time we got there but in the winter it gets dark fast my sister had brought a friend I was going to also but she had told me that she didn’t want to eat any more thanksgiving dinners she said she didn’t want to get fat I asked her if she was coming and she said “no I’m with Kaden” which was her brother so it was just me, mom, dad, sister, and sisters friend it was good the food was good and there was good conversation lots of delicious dessert and some good laughs we went home after that I was exhausted but my sister and her friend stayed up I could hear their laughs from the room next to mine I was sad I was alone but I was so tired I didn’t think to much about it that night I woke up around 7:40 am I did the usual wake and bake I was listening to music in my room and when the song was over my mom walked in my room and said to come to the living room and I thought something was up something seemed off so I said ok I went to the living room everyone looks sad like something is wrong so I sit on the chair and my mom says to me have you talked to Aubrey and I said ya last night she said she wasn’t coming that she was with Kaden she says to me Aubrey and Kaden passed away in a car accident last night I was screaming no no no this can’t be real I was pitching myself this has to be a awful dream and I said the girls the girls don’t know I had found out even before Aubrey’s siblings had found out im screaming and at this point im not crying yet my eyes where soo dry from that wake and bake I was j screaming in a ball on the chair my throat hurt from holding back my tears and then I started balling in my moms arms I didn’t know what to do or how to feel what I was feeling that day will forever be the worst day of my life all of the shit I had gone through and this is what I got we had this smaller couch in my living room me my mom dad and sister squeezed on it and where j crying nonstop for probably an hour after that I went to my room for a bit looked around at all the places she had j been all of the things we had made together on my walls all my walls we had painted and decorated together I just felt numb like nothing could be worse than this and well I still think that nothing is wore than losing your best friend and she wasn’t j any best friend she was like blood to me she was my light in the dark she was my rock she knew everything about me she was my person that day I stared at a wall not feeling anything but the emptiness that was left after I knew she was gone I had texted one of the girls carlie and Kirsten was in Chicago with her bothers girlfriends family I knew she was having a good time so I just couldn’t tell her tell she got back it’s something that you just couldn’t tell over the phone so I talked to carlie I said can you come over today she said ok I have to flip the trampoline first and I said ok it was a while later and I said did you flip it yet she said no I said carlie flip the trampoline and she said ok she definitely knew something was wrong but she did it anyway she was almost to my house when my mom texted hers to tell her mom what had happened but what she didn’t know is that carlie reads her moms texts while she’s driving carlie read what had happened over text I’m not fully sure what had happened with her in that car by then I had stoped crying somewhat but then when carlie pulled into my driveway she ran out the car as I ran out my front door I immediately start crying I run to her and we hug as we are both balling our eyes out she was stepping on my toes the hole time but all I could think about in that moment was she’s gone a little back story on our friend group me carlie Kirsten and Aubrey would hang out any time we could we would ride 4 wheelers do wack ass things and laugh so hard out stomachs would hurt we where that ultimate friend group we had everything 4 was the perfect number me and Aubrey where best friends since the third grade she was the hole reason I moved to Barnum carlie and her since the sixth grade and her and Kirsten had just become friends in the beginning of ninth grade we where all so happy to finally have something to escape are messed up families to each other me and carlie hugged for a long time crying her mom had come out of the car and my mom dad and sister had came out of the house we where all hugging and crying my mom hugged carlie my sister and dad i don’t think I have ever seen my dad cry like he was that day Carlies mom asked her if she wanted to come home with her or stay at my house Ik she wanted to be in the comfort of her own home but she needed to have someone that understood how she felt me so we sat in my room on my be listening to the saddest songs I’ve listened to a lot of them since then but there are only a couple that still make me cry (i wrote this song 4 u by LiL BO WEEP) and (Tv by Billie Eilish) there are some more but nothing like that sometimes when people don’t know and play these songs I skip them and they get mad at me but they don’t know what they make me feel me and carlie talked and talked more about her we had called Taylor one of Aubrey’s best friends and told her she was a total dick about it ok people grieve in different ways and it was probably denial but we where grieving to and she was harsh we didn’t tell Kirsten bc we didn’t want to ruin her trip we went out to make a sign for Aubrey it was winter so it was super cold putting it up we all signed it and wrote things for her while we where making the sign we get a call from the Barnum school informing us that she had passed when we all heard that call that’s when it really started to feel more real because we had just saw her after the call we put up the sign and to be honest I don’t remember much what happened after that but what I do remember is how Kirsten found out the news got spread after Aubrey’s step siblings got informed and kir sadly found out from someone else over text and didn’t even know what was going on I’m so sorry for that on my part but it’s hard to tell someone that over the phone I’m so glad that I didn’t have to tell carlie myself I wouldn’t have been able to do that and now every day I live with this awful thing weighing me down and every day I think about my best friend my blood and I’m sure carlie and Kirsten do to to our best friend
🤍Long Live Aubrey Suzanne Tuura 🕊️

Sorry for any spelling and grammar errors

I was 14 when my father died. This year I’ll be 28. He’s been gone for as long as I’ve known him, and throughout the years I’ve wondered about this sort of milestone many times. Where would I be? Would I be happy then? Would I have made something of myself? Would he be proud? The physical absence of someone does not necessarily equate to the absence of them, who they were and what they mean to you. “They’ll always be with you” - as we’ve all heard murmured many times in books, movies, lived experiences with pets, family, friends. It is an absurd and paradoxical statement, but true, in a way, if you choose to believe it. There are complexities beyond measure, vulnerability, the answers to the universe, and so much pain that comes along with grief and loss in general. I’ve found myself stuck in one or more of the stages of grief a few times over - anger, resentment. Often, it’s all just faded memories of a past life - my life - but something I barely recognize. I’m good at letting things simmer. It isn’t easy to name what I felt; what I still feel, being immersed in a feeling without name. Not thinking, not feeling the good, bad or in between. It’s hard to recall a time where his memory came naturally to me without conjuring it up intentionally, but I’ve thought many times throughout these 14 years damn, I wish I had a dad. I do though, I did and still do. And honestly, he was great. He was a dreamer, or at least that’s what I believe. I sort of get to decide who he was. I was just a kid when he died after all; we never really got to get into the nitty gritty. I never got to know him as a person, I only knew him as my dad and I know that was such an important title to him, but he was more than that too. So - I believe he was a dreamer. He loved the Grateful Dead, our family dog Roscoe, reading, cooking, surfing in the warm water in Costa Rica, pushing me on the swing. He hated wooden spoons and eggplants. He was funny, charming. I found him after he took his life - I will spare you the details and the turbulence that led to it. He started getting sick when I was still just a small child. At the time I thought I had a superpower, because in his uncertain, painful state, all it took was a get well soon card handwritten and drawn all over by me to heal him right up, sometimes even by the same afternoon. It was years later that I realized he was withdrawing from heroine, and my cards just made him feel guilty and use again so he would be comfortable enough to spend a few more moments with me. Both selfish and selfless in a very weird, turn around kind of way. I don’t think it’s my fault, and I don’t really think it’s his either. It’s just complicated, as all things in life are. He was certainly more than an addict, in fact that’s the most diminutive title I’ve ever given him. Living and dying as an addict is what’s defined him for many, which may be one of the most heartbreaking takeaways of the whole situation. I think of my dad, my father, as a hero, or an inspiration, someone who overcame tremendous adversity and became the single most significant person I’ve ever met. I guess all this is to say, there’s no real rhyme or reason to anything. You live and learn, watch the dog go grey and the hands of time turn over again and again. I wish for a million things, but most of all to still know you.

What am I meant to do now that I can never call my mom again??? Seriously, what are u supposed to do?

My grandparents have both passed over the previous 5 years. She was all I had left…and now she’s gone without any warning. I’m too young to have considered a life when I’d be unable to call my mom when I need her.

I feel stupid for never having thought about this but for some reason it’s the one question that keeps sending me into panicked sobs….

How your entire extended family abandons you because THEY are too sad to come visit the house where they lived. The house you still live in on a daily basis.

Hi everyone. I am writing this from a hospital bed. The past 12 or so hours are a blur, but about an hour ago the husband of the woman who drove me to the hospital (my friends) came to see me with my kids! I got to hold them after six days and I only broke down after they'd left. My friend's wife took the kids back to their place while my friend stayed for an extra few minutes to comfort me.

I've agreed to begin a detox process. I haven't been filled in yet, so I don't know all the details, but I'll try and let you guys know what happens.

I'll be honest, I am still feeling depressed. I am still hopeless. I still want my husband back. But I guess seeing my children awoke some kind of blue flame in me. I can keep going, if only for a little longer.

Huh, I'm actually impressed with how rhis turned out, given that I'm flying on painkillers and typing this one-handed, heh.

Peace

Whatsthematterwichu AKA Julia

My spouse lost her birth mother a year ago and is still not dealing with her grief. Due to the way the family dynamics there was no real funeral or way for her to say goodbye. Personally still grieving a loss of my own parent. Need some ideas to help her deal with her grief in a healthy way she is not open to therapy or groups. Any ideas would be great. Thanks in advance for ideas.

In May I lost my Nan, she made my world, she was a kind sweet woman that loved everyone and always wanted to take care of everyone. since may my world has felt empty without her, I try to go on eith my every day life but it is hard. Initially after she died I actually felt calm and I could feel her with me for weeks after she passed, but one day o woke up and that feeling was gone.

2 weeks ago everything somehow got worse, my other grandmother who i am also very close to has been dignosed with stage 4 cancer in 4 organs. she still young when compared to my freind grandparents (only in her late 60's. I go and visit her but I know I'm watching her die and I dont know how much more of this I can take. My cousins wont accnoldgy shes dying. she is in a lot of pain and I know when she finally goes her pain will be gone but \Im also not ready to be without her but i'm also not ready to watch her slowly die over the next 3 months.

I'm struggling and I try to talk about ithe fact im struggling with people but they dont get it, today when talking to my boyfriends parents they told me that" life only gets worse from here" so I shouldn't be upset cause im "young and have nothing important to worry about" I wanted to scream when they said this, they know what i've been going through with my Nan's, they also know I've experienced other significant losses this past year. I really believe God doesn't give us more then we can handle but I am really strugling to handel all of this.