Shit was awful. Me and my ex have done everything wrong. Revealing the extent to how dysfunctional we are to anybody, even my lawyer, just killed the morale for me.

I would miss my ex more if we hadn’t been fighting and at odds for so so long. The good sweet moments got so rare.

I’m in a SMART recovery group online now (3rd meeting this week) and that feels like a win. The gym felt like a win. Spending time with my family is a win. Walking their dog. Going on short runs around the neighborhood.

Emailing my lawyer did not feel like a win but theoretically is something I had to do.

It’s crazy how unserious we were with serious adult things we could’ve done to fix the relationships particularly getting couples counseling. Now we are going through this super traumatic contentious divorce in the northern Midwest (USA) in winter.

It’s only week 4 of this. I think it’ll take at least 3 more months to be over.

Hope y’all are making it through. I find this all uncomfortable and humiliating but hopefully things will be better eventually.

Any out there that felt like they settled (for whatever reason) and then learn years later…? Looking for advice. Been stuck for some time trying to find a path forward but it has not been easy. Partly due to age (M34) but also the fear of being alone again… DM me if you would like!

My wife decided to leave me and we're currently seperated. While there are plenty of things she contributed to where we are, her big issues with me is how I talk to her and my health.

Usually when she gave me attitude or said something mean to me, I'd brush it off but after a while I would leave the house. I'd watch a movie to get away to avoid her. It got to the point where I'd be going to a movie alone 3x a week. Sometimes though, instead of saying nothing, I'd say too much. I'd call her a bitch or fuck you. I hate you....

At our last blow out I called her a bitch. The next day she said she didn't want to continue with marriage counseling.

I hate myself. I never thought I'd be a husband who called her wife names. Is emotionally abusive. Out whole relationship is just so toxic.

The other part she's upset about is my health. Im type 2 with bad cholesterol and high BP and I'm in my 30s. I've lost feeling in one of my toes. Shes worried she'll have parent the kids by herself.

Since the seperation I've started individual counselling and eating somewhat better. Went to the gym 4x in the past 8 days.

I'm worried I won't change though. I hate myself for what I did to my body and my marriage. In feeling very low right now.

I know the things she's identified a out me are true and no matter if I'm with her or someone else I need to work on it, but I'm so ashamed of myself.

How did you deal with your own issues that contributed to the end of your marriage?

Hello! I just wanted to say that I'm french but I did not see any french sub for this in particular (sorry for the mistake you might see).

So back in 2018 (I was 13) my parents separated. I was really sad and it was really hard but my little brother (whom was 5) had a more harder time to go through this so I said nothing to my parents for me but I was just helping my little brother.

The only thing I wanted was my parents back together, but I knew it was not possible. Did I knew that in 2022 (i was 18), after I came back from a party (I was still a bit drunk, not much but the floor was moving by himself lol) and said she wanted to talk with. I think I could not describe how I felt when she told me she still had feelings for my father, it was like my stomach was falling from a building.

I just want to add that during those years I was the messenger between my parents, even though they were in good relation. She told me that but she did not wanted me to tell anything to my brothers.

So 1 month later my dad came back to live with my mother, in the same time I had a studio for my studies in college and I was more than happy to not live with them because it felt weird. Now I'm over it and it feels "normal" but I can see my dad is not happy like that but I know he won't move out a second time, but my little brother seems more happy.

So is it weird that my parents got back together?

I would like to add that to this day I do not now the reason why they separated in 2018 (we did not really talked about it clearly but when the topic was brought my mom did not wanted to talk about this), and I do not now if my father still has feelings for my mom.

I hope I was clear enough and I really am interested by your thoughts about it!

Does anybody know of any second chance apartments or apartments for bad credit in San Antonio? I need to find a place to live in 60 days and I don’t have any family or friends. This divorce has tanked my credit. I make 6 figures so moneys not an issue

I’m broken, I have been separated from my husband for almost 6 months. I had a mental breakdown and left our family home in June. I’ve wanted to come home for months to no avail.
Now I find he is talking and dating some other person. He refuses to let me go and keeps leaving me little bits of hope.
I don’t know how to let go. We have been together raising a family for 17 years. I’m drowning.

Sorry , I feel stupid tonight i've been trying to get the mother of my child for the past 2 months (5 years relationship stopped by an SMS ). We are doing 50/50 custody right Now. She left me and we went trough every stages possible , hating eachothers / her wanting to be Friends / hating again . My doctor gave me 1 months medical leave ans I took it even if I cant afford it. Im Now alone on my appartment and feeling like shit . Started medication , therapy and everything but I cant get over the fact that someone Who I loved that Much just left me. I had issue with people abandonning me since my mother did it to me when I was 14 but God damn I dont know how to cope from this. Feel like I just created more problems by taking the medical leave , I dont have a car right Now and I have to be There for my daughter Its so hard these Days I dont know what to Do anymore.

I tried to convince her to stay but looks like she made up her mind.

She says she's not happy and doesn't love me anymore so wants to live on her own.
She said she doesn't want any money nor any property.
I asked about kids (2 elementary schoolers) and she said they can stay with me as long as she gets to visit them which is fine with me.

I'm in Colorado so what's the best way to go about it?

Hi does anyone have any tips for living with your ex until the lease ends? I'm the process of divorce and we are on our lease until the Summer. It's expensive to break the lease, but this is one of our only options in the meantime.

Ever since my divorce was finalized last month I've been struggling. It feels like I've started over again in my grief and have been crying everyday the last few weeks. I've tried to lean into my support system but it feels like from what they say to me that I shouldn't feel sad and should be better now (I could be projecting and assuming things when it's not the case). I've been really trying though, I'm doing all the things we are told to do after divorce and it's not like I want to be here either but it's just not enough. None of my support system have ever gone through a divorce so they don't really understand how hard it is and on top of it how traumatic mine was (you can see in my post history what happened). It's only be 5 months since I've decided to leave but was with my ex for 8 years and went through a lot together and things people tell you if you can survive your marriage is strong. I don't it's just a lonely journey and I'm really trying to be better.

I'm active enough for folks to know my back story already. The start of this month tossed my progress all the way back to 'wishing I was dead, but not planning to kill myself' phase of depressive thoughts (I am seeing someone tomorrow, don't worry).

And I said to myself out of nowhere, "Damn! I think I would possibly be less mad about this if she had just murdered me instead."

I kinda flinched, then laughed, then thought about it some more. I mean, I'd technically be right about being less angry, because I would feel nothing. Dead is dead. But at least I wouldn't have to watch my life get destroyed in slow motion.

It's a weird thought, I know. Embarrassingly melodramatic even. I don't know why I am even sharing it here. Maybe just to get it out of my system? Maybe others have thought this and may wonder if they're alone? Maybe I am wondering if I am the only one?

It's probably a sign that I gotta find something to do and get my mind off of this divorce.

I have a question so I started the e divorce and the case was accepted I submitted all the documents and a waiver of service when the 61 days are over what would be the next steps?

No kids. I told my wife I want a divorce. Wife expects me to still spend Xmas with her and New Years eve. I'm kinda ok with that, we've been "cohabiting" for years now and I guess I don't mind one more month. I told my parents the news, that was no issue, wife refuses to tell her parents and expects me to travel with her 400km to visit her parents and brother in law for a weekend so that I tell them in person. I always liked them and had a good relationship with them and I find this very hard to do, especially given that after I break the news to them, I'd still stick around for 2 more days and I feel this is emotionally difficult for me to handle, especially after I tell them I am divorcing their daughter. Any suggestions on how to handle this situation?

hello, everyone. i’m in a terrible situation and i’m desperate to get out. i have no friends and family and i’m trapped in an abusive marriage with a narcissistic man.

i have no money saved, because he stole it at the beginning of our marriage. i can’t keep living like this. i will not survive if i continue on like this with him.

i’m so sorry if this is a stupid question, but i’m hoping to figure out if there are any resources for someone in a situation like mine. are there any services that offer assistance in initiating a divorce? i’m in Illinois and every attorney i contact says they need $5K to even draft a document. plainly, i will never see that money as long as i stay with this person, as he watches me and takes everything from me.

i’m so hopeless. i don’t know what to do anymore. if anyone has any kind words of support or advice, i could really use it.

State:PA Me 48 Him 67

My STBX retired in 2019 at the age of 62 because he was about to get fired from his job. I was a stay at home mom at the time and we had 2 children. His game plan was to use his 401(k) and investment accounts to pay household bills.

I got a part-time job in 2020 and a full-time job in 2021.

We are now in the midst of divorce negotiations, in 2020 I found a burner phone and found out that he had been seeing a prostitute. We stuck together for the kids until October 2021 where we agreed to live in the same house but live “separate” lives.

I filed March 2024, at this point he has drained his retirement/investment accounts by about 300k. Sure a ton of it was used for household bills but he also was taking out cash and then opened a separate checking account and had some funneled into there.

Now his attorney wants me to pay back some of that 300k. We are in an equitable distribution state and he’s already going to end up with more than 50/50 due to his age and earning capacity. To me, retiring was his choice and he has to continue to pay bills, am I on the hook for any of that? Obviously my attorney will get the counter offer suggesting this but I just wanted to pick some brains.

Just wondering what everyone’s opinion is regarding getting married to someone new after divorce? How long should you wait? How long do you plan on waiting? Do you think you’d ever get married again?

Mine is that i haven’t had a UTI since leaving. I was only having duty sex once a month at the end, and thought my libido was gone bc i was a mom, but really it was gone bc i was married to someone who wasn’t nice to me. Now i get to have sex about once a week, multiple rounds per session, its better than i knew sex was capable of being, and i have not had a SINGLE UTI!!! I used to have like four a year at least!!! NO UTIS!!!! How am i having more sex, but fewer UTIs????

I’m sitting here wracking my brains analyzing and reanalyzing everything trying to figure out where we went wrong, what I could of done differently, how do I figure this out without my best friend and confidant… I built and planned my entire future around her. I’ve done everything I possibly could to be a good supportive husband and provider I put my own physical and mental health on the back burner to take care of her I literally saved her life and it’s still not enough she’s not happy and I’m miserable trying to make her happy. She has never had to work all of these years we’ve been together but I’ve never prevented her from working either. I paid for her degree and her trade certificate drove her everywhere bought her whatever I could afford to give her. I just feel helpless and I’m facing loosing everything from the very person I’ve trusted the most. I feel betrayed sad angry relieved and guilt over feeling relief. I mean fuck I know I wasn’t perfect but I don’t see how I could have done anything more. I work close to 100 hours a week I help around the house I talk to her and share my feelings I listen to her and her feelings I made an effort to get along with her pain in the ass family I agreed to put building our own family on hold till we finished helping to raise her spoiled pain in the ass little sisters. I bought her a car strained relationships with my own friends and family by standing up for her. Hell I even changed my religion in part for her. I don’t understand how to navigate this how the hell do I pick a lawyer? Why the fuck is this happening? Sorry this rant is kind of all over the place and any advice is much appreciated thanks if you read this far.

I’ve consulted several lawyers now and it seems like next step is to bite the bullet on a retainer and file. However, they all ask what I want to do with the house and don’t have recommendations other than “what do you want to do?”

The deed is in both names but mortgage is only in mine. We JUST bought it less than 6 months ago with a 0% down VA loan. I have like 2k equity in it. Cost to sell would range $25-30k. I don’t have that money right now.

I don’t want to live in the same home as my cheating husband during the divorce process. I currently pay the entire $3700 mortgage, and he has little motivation to contribute since the mortgage is in my name. I can file for exclusive use of the home and ask for the home when dividing assets, but I don’t really have a need for a $3700/month mortgage house with 4 bedrooms. My job is remote and I don’t want to stay in this area. I could maybe stay for a year or two, get roommates, and sell in a few years.

Alternatively, I could ask to force the sale of the house. This will cost us $30k (realtor fees, etc) that has to be split, and I don’t know that either of us even has half that. I also worry again that I’m still paying the mortgage until it’s sold, so I’m the one who is tied up financially until then. It might be lower risk to ask for the house to myself, at which time I could choose to sell later.

Any thoughts on the best approach here?

Also noting that we have a business, also currently no equity. It’s his. My proposal on if I get the whole house would be that he takes his business, I take the house. I wouldn’t take any claim to business assets.

My STBXH wants me to waive a portion of assets/spousal support in return for him allowing my kids to stay at their current school.

My kids have all been at this school since Kindergarten. My oldest is in 5th grade. They all want to continue there. The location isn't the problem. My STBXH would move them to a school a mile or so away from where they are at. They all have good test scores. The only issue is it's a hybrid school so some of the time they are at home with me (doing school) and some times they are in person. I work from home and juggle both.

The problem isn't quality of education. My ex is mad at me and wants to punish me for leaving him and he knows I like the current situation.

I'm trying to decide if it makes sense to fight him in court over this or just pay him the assets/waive spousal support. (Yes, I already have a lawyer).

Has anybody been in a similar situation? Do people have thoughts on this?

Really need to hear some success stories right now. Who here is on the other side and thriving? Are you and your ex co-parenting well, maybe even friends? Are your children happy? Are you happy?

Hey there,

Just curious to know other people’s experience doing a psych evaluation in regards to a custody arrangement?

My husband claimed I have a serious mental illness, and I told the guardian my husband admitted to a significant addiction. She ordered psych evals, and we got the results today. I don’t have the mental illness he claimed I have, but the eval also found no evidence to some of my claims.

I’m honestly confused by some of the details included as they’re not at all what I told the evaluator. The mental health professionals supporting me and my children are also confused by what he claimed they reported as well.

What was your experience like? Did you also run into this?

We are the middle of things and are still speaking (even though we shouldn't be). No matter what I say, no matter what I do, no amount of accountability I take (and I take it all), it's never enough for my STBXH. He says I have slandered and defamed him because I detailed our history of abuse. I have a hard time as it is talking about the things that happened in the two decades of our relationships. I still don't even hold them accountable for them. I've never come right out and said "you have hit me" "you have cheated on me numerous times". Because I filed, I am taking all of the blame. And it is all my fault, I know this. Why is it not enough? Why can't he just say "yes you did all of this". He continues with "you aren't taken enough blame, you're just running away from it" "this is why you are bad" etc. I don't know what else to do

I was moving towards not caring about my ex’s new relationship at a snails pace but it was still moving forward. Then I have a dream last night that my STBXW tells me she is having sex with her new boyfriend and that caused me to flinch in my dream and I woke me up distraught and upset.

Then as if it was a prophetic vision, I came to our martial home where she is still living before we sell it next week. Our son is home sick so I was watching him while she had to step out. I decided to clean up since I hate just sitting around and after emptying the trash out pops her empty birth control container.

I already figure they were sleeping together but it’s like a punch to the brain when you see it confirmed with your eyes. The divorce should be finalized soon and I’m not even going to bring it up. I just feel like I’m back in the void of pain that caused our divorce and needed to vent.

Well, there it is, my Ex's final act from her playbook of scorch the earth tactics. I've been accused of sexual abuse. I went all Thanksgiving weekend without my girls. They didn't go to school today or yesterday. My lawyer filed an emergency motion that got us a trial in front of our Judge today this morning. Then come to find out my Ex was successful in getting a temporary protection order for my kids. She claims that I've drugged my kids and sleep with them naked. That I've bought them padded bras to then make sexual posses in.

So where do I go from here? I have trial in two weeks, I guess. I won't get to see them until then. Might be for 6 months as long as some of these trials take.

Who has experience with this? Anybody successful in turning this around as proof of parental alienation and getting full physical and legal custody? I no doubt will beat the false accusation. My biggest concern is that this behavior continues. That my Ex continues to manipulate my kids. Anyone beat false accusations of sexual abuse and then been able to turn around and get full physical custody and prove parental alienation ? How did you do that?

So, my husband and I are trying to figure out what divorce would look like for us financially.

A little backstory: we’ve been married for 19.5 years (20 in June 2025). I stayed home for several years raising our two kids (now 12 and 15). After that, foe the most part I worked part time to be able to be there for them. There were two periods of 3 months each over the course of 4 years where I did not work due to physical issues. Currently I am a nanny working 40-45 hours. I am in school to finish my degree that I stopped working towards when I had kids. It was agreed that I would stay home and my husband would work.

He works for the government, almost 18 years in. We currently live together in a house we bought 7 years ago (it is in his name) we have $330k left, it will value for $650k.

We both went through a time of heavy drinking (during Covid) I have quit and he has continued with that and other substances, as well as gambling. All the time. I lied about some debt that I had, and have taken all the steps to pay it off I quit drinking, found a better paying job, and have generally improved my life while he has not. He is not interested in changing and I am tired of his toxic behavior. We had joint accounts for everything until recenrlt, he now has his own account that his check is deposited in. I make 1/5 what he makes so I contribute 20% to bills and he puts in the other 80%. I don’t see another penny, he has over $1000 left over after every paycheck. I have about $20 lol. He is always out of money so my assumption is that his addictions are getting away from him.

He says he would like to do the divorce to be done without a lawyer. We have pretty much agreed on split custody but not child support and alimony. He wants to sell our house and split the proceeds and that’s it. No alimony, no child support. After having talked to a neighbor who is a lawyer, I’m guessing that this is not right.

I will be totally honest, I am fairly naive to the divorce process. I am a kindhearted person who hates when people are mad at me. When I brought up that the courts would determine I should be given more, he lost it and told me I was greedy.

The last thing I want is strife. I really honestly don’t know how to stick up for myself and he knows it. I am just looking for some opinions that he is wrong in thinking that splitting the house profits should be it. He does not want to share his retirement (I have none, only just recently opened an investment acct in my name with like $50) nor his pension that he receives after retirement.

I am not perfect in anyway and have made mistakes throughout our marriage, mistakes that he brings up constantly in defense of keeping his own money (such as hiding $11k credit debt from him). I just want to make sure that my kids are taken care of and that I can care for myself while I finish my degree and get a “real job” that comes with benefits.

If you made it this far, thanks! Any advice?

My wife and I believe that she may be in the somewhat early stages on MS. She has done tons of bloodwork,mris, and a spinal tap but no indication of MS or RA,yet.

She developed optic neuritis early in 2023,and also has a small brain lesion as well. There are no other lesions. She is experiencing many symptoms such as temperature sensitivity, fatigue, joint pain, it seems like her muscles or bones are getting thinner, she’s lost weight, and needs assistance driving, washing her hair, and applying ointment and massaging. I have taken on doing all the chores in the house, but letting her do small things that she can manage so she doesn’t feel guilt over not being able to help.

However, Her depression and anxiety since the diagnosis has gotten severely worse. I have encouraged her to get reliable therapy, medication, go to the gym even if only to walk or do yoga, and recite positive affirmations in the mirror, but she resisted all of them. She did talk to a therapist every once in awhile but only once or twice every 3-6 weeks or so.

Her depression has taken a toll and worsened my mental health as well to the point where i am stressed and depressed. The depression and worry about her health and our relationship pushed me to quit my job due to apathy and strained work relationships due to my moodiness. I decided after quitting my job that I would work part time and work on my mental health (therapy,gym,eating healthier) and care for her more and help even more than I already have,and she seemed to be supportive,but I guess not,because she began to look at me with disgust when I would be sad about the way things were going, or her doctors giving her non answers.

We have been arguing more lately,because I feel I am doing everything that I can,but my wife has been looking at me with what i can only describe as disgust. Everytime we argue we agree to work things out,and even second to last time agreed to go to marriage counseling. However that same day My mother in law told me that I was neglecting my duty to my wife,and my marriage. I took a walk to get fresh air rather than argue,and my wife told me when I came back that I needed to find another place to live. I was in a dangerous populated city, it’s cold and had been raining, and I have no family for about 1700 miles. I contacted a somewhat distant friend a state away and have been living with this person for about a month.

I take my marriage vows incredibly seriously,and I still love my wife very much,and would love to be there until “death do us part” but she shoots down my attempts to get her to commit to marriage counseling and tells me that she needs 6 months to a year to figure out if she even wants to be with me anymore. I haven’t been perfect,but I have tried my very best,and even now have gotten well paid full time work and gotten help to better myself and my situation,but I don’t know if my wife wants to continue the marriage anymore,sadly. Any attempt to communicate openly is shot down especially if it’s emotional at all.

Do any people with MS or caregivers of those MS have any similar stories, words of advice, or words of encouragement to get through this trying time?

I know she is overwhelmed by the weight of it all,and probably is going through changes,and I’d love to be there to support her anyway I can through the change,but I cannot make her love me.

Any help is appreciated greatly!

Hi.

I am filing for a temporary restraining order (emergency) towards my husband to day to protect my kids. First (because of school office hours) I am going to try and change them into a different school. Do I disclose to them that I am going to file for the restraining order or do I just sign them up as a single parent? I am afraid they would refuse if I do not have the restraining order already filed. This is an emergency and I need to change schools today. I am in Miami Dade.

A settlement offer is sent to the attorney just hope I can have it finalized by Christmas. Tired of the game.

My stbxh went to prison about five months after we got married. He was there about 18 months. I spent a lot of time advocating for him while he was there, sending money, driving 5 hours away to visit, working with a parole attorney all while running a business and dealing with new diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis and Hypothyroidism. Towards the end of his sentence we began to argue he became very cruel at points. I just assumed it was stress and trauma of being in prison for something he allegedly didn’t do. (He has been in and out of prison his entire adult life). He is 41 and I am 39F. He is someone I have known for over a decade and when we reconnected I believed him when he said he didn’t commit the crime he was accused of. He seemed to be focused on faith and God. We got a long really well. So I decided to be there for him during this dark time. Anyways when he came home within two months he started refusing to participate in church or therapy like we talked about. His response to me getting frustrated about this was to go to his job and talk shit about me to his female coworker. This woman later came up to me to inform me my husband is “miserable with me”. Then he decided to become friends with a group of people including a different woman who do cocaine. steroids and drink daily. My ex has a history with all of these things. Every time he relapses he goes to prison. The woman friend began calling my husband every day, making up lies about me, and causing a lot of issues in our marriage. Every week we would fight about this friend group and the woman. I felt he was having an emotional affair and his behavior became very aggressive so I also believe he started steroids. One day his blood pressure was so high it seemed like he was in danger of a stroke when I tried to get him to go the hospital he started screaming at me and breaking things. Most nights he would soak the bed with sweat but he kept denying using. Anyways things kept escalating I eventually moved out. During the separation I was hopeful that he would do some self reflection and work on himself. He constantly told me I was a good wife, he loves me, etc. He said he was scared since things escalated to him pushing me and he didn’t want to go back to jail. But instead of addressing the aggression he blamed me for his behavior and refused to participate in therapy, church or anything to make things better. As I am typing this I realize that was probably a blessing. I moved out in June filed in October he already has a new girlfriend that looks like she has been doing steroids since birth. It’s just all very humiliating how he treated me. I’m a therapist and I knew better than to get involved with him. I didn’t want to accept that I was in another domestic violence situation after escaping one 16 years ago. I knew better. Any words of encouragement are appreciated.