I've been doing well.

Last night I wanted to go to a community event. I knew she would be there with my replacement. I couldn't do it. My son said I should say hello. I don't want to. I don't want to see my replacement I don't want to see him touch her. I struggle with intrusive thoughts about them anyway why add fuel. My son was disappointed.

I've been in a depression since then. Less than 24 hours at this point.

I still struggle so hard with the questions I have. I have no heart anymore.

It completely baffles me how you can so completely write someone off after 20 years of devotion.

If you read this Debra, you owe me many explanations and your narcissism is no excuse to avoid accountability.

filed. I’m 37 my stbx 41, NWI, married 5y. 2 kids each. I can’t speak to stbx though.

Going into the divorce I was blamed for cheating and lying like every day. Or so it felt. I hadn’t been. Later finding out through mutual friends stbx wasn’t who I really thought she was. Soon after, even before filing divorce stbx was dating/seeing other people.

Either way I basically lost an entire other side of my family. People I cared about and enjoyed helping/working with. Lost some other things that really in the grand scheme of things don’t matter so much. Not as much as the marriage did to me. All that time and energy. And no one knows but a hand full of people. I really doubt any of the after people will do quite as much. Without doubt none before. I just need to say it. Not one time. Did I ever cheat on my spouse . I didn’t need to. Didn’t want to.
Can’t be much longer in a few pieces of paper to finish up I’m sure.

There's a lot of negative/dad posts and questions here regarding divorce and that makes sense, but not ALL the experiences are bad. I met my ex in my 20s and immediately started dating, married in 2003, first kid in 2005, second in 2016. She asked for a divorce in 2020, official in 2022. Moved states to be close to our college kid. We've both been dating since the separation, I've had the same girlfriend for almost 2 years now. We're best friends, deeply loving to each other. We make the decisions that best suit our kids. It bewilders my gf who doesn't understand how...lol. Other people out there with similar stories? Yes, divorce is not necessarily great (hence the quotes) but compared the some of the horror stories I hear here, I'm lucky.

I am in a weird scenario where my husband and I were living in a temporary state for my work and trying to figure out where we wanted to move. Well now he wants a divorce and we have to plan where to live permanently together because we have a child and have decided that we want to live close to each other. Anybody else have a similar scenario?

So I (41/m) was with my wife (43/f) for 10 years and married for 8. We’ve been having issues for a while now and have been separated for some months. She has kids from her previous marriage and I have no kids. Our dissolution paperwork has been done, notarized, and filed and our court date to finish everything is in December.

I’ve been going to therapy biweekly for a while now and I’m fine with the end of the relationship. I’ve processed things and have grieved for what we are losing. Things are amicable between us and I wish her all the best.

My struggle now is one of uncertainty and feeling a bit lost. As I am starting my single life at 41 I am just anxious about living alone after so long, meeting new people after so long. The routine and security that I had is gone and I am anxious about finding my new normal. I’m trying to build back my social connections, as I’ve neglected them for home/family life over the years. My family is not very close and so this leaves me feeling even more alone sometimes.

Those of you who have been here, did you also have these struggles and anxiety over what’s to come? Did it get better and how quickly? Everyone and every situation is different but the weight of an unknown future alone occupies my mind.

How do you meet people when you lived very sheltered n a 27 year long marriage? I am getting so lonely sometimes I think I'll end up in a mental hospital because I can't deal with the depression.

Remarriage and rejection of my father

Good morning,

I'm in my thirties. My father cheated on my mother 3 years ago and divorced her when she found out about the cheating. Before they were the perfect couple for me. He remarried his mistress 6 months later. I'm disgusted by this situation, she was a family friend. My father lied, betrayed, deceived. That's barely excused. I went to their wedding but I was devastated. I went to see them twice before this. I took it upon myself, I don't reject her, I'm polite to her but I don't like her at all and I'm disgusted by what he did. When I asked to have my father alone at least once, because I would also like a father-daughter relationship between us, but he refused. He absolutely wants his wife to be there. And that the 4 of us see each other with my partner (who is very angry with my father). I feel misunderstood and not considered by my father. We haven't spoken since. I got married in the meantime and I didn't invite him. He found out and didn't understand why I didn't invite him and his wife to my wedding. Like it's normal....I didn't want to invite this horrible shrew and I was afraid that my father would refuse to come alone to my wedding. So I didn't invite him. I recently wrote him a message to see just the two of us but he didn't respond. How can a father sacrifice his daughter like this? He's the liar and deceiver who destroyed my family but he's living his best life and I'm suffering? Life is so unfair. I would so much like life to punish him for what he did, for him to realize that it is horrible to refuse to see his daughter.... That's if you have any testimonies to comfort me, show me that he can change, that life will punish me or something else....

I love my husband so much, and this realization hurts more than I can express. We have one child, and he’s an incredible little guy. But my husband has been subtly insulting and unloving for a while. He’s cold, and works a lot. When he is around, he’s always nagging me. I have talked to him about this many times over the years but he hasn’t changed that. He’s very funny and highly intelligent, and we get along half of the time. But today he was meanly mocking how I chew gum and I realized that he really doesn’t seem to like me very much. It would be one thing if it was like an isolated thing but this was more than playful. The nagging, the subtle pokes at my inadequacies, not asking how I’m doing…not to mention we haven’t had sex for months now. I thought maybe its because of my weight gain after having a baby so I lost the weight and hit the gym hard but still doesn’t seem that interested, and I’ve been hit on by other guys so I’m not ugly. He stays late at work and while I don’t believe he’s cheating, he does prefer to work over being with us. His mom loves to take jabs at me too, and starts fights for no reason. My heart is so broken and I have felt alone for a long time. I have tried over and over to fix this and he usually just gets defensive and asks why I’m attacking him, and that I don’t appreciate what he does for the family. I absolutely do! Anyway. Today was the moment that I realized that it’s not working. I feel so sick and absolutely devastated, especially with my sweet little son being in the middle of all this. God help me.

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️ please don't read if you struggle with mental health and/or PTSD from domestic abuse/violence.

20F here. This is actually the second time I am trying to type this up. I was in the middle of it last night but shit went down and my mom stormed into my room sobbing and I had to drop everything and go mediate and de-escalate the situation.

So take 2, here we go:

My parents have been together for 20 something years. We moved countries 8 years ago because they wanted to give us (their kids) a better quality of life. Even back in our home country they would fight. Every 2 or so years dad would just grab some of his stuff and leave for anywhere between a few days to 2 week before coming back and then acting like nothing happened previously. My older sibling had to grow up like this. I had to grow up like this. My younger sibling doesn't remember much from our home country since they were 5 years old when we left. When we got here we all had a really hard time. My mom started taking antidepressants and seeing a therapist for a bit since she was having offing thoughts. She is still on antidepressants. 4 years ago dad tried to off himself after a lot of fights with mom again. Older sibling (was 22 at the time, I was 16) ended up finding him in the act in our garage. I was at work when I got a text from my younger sibling telling me they're scared and that they're unsure what's happening and that they think dad might be hurt. I ended up calling them and calming them down and frantically texting my family to try and figure out what's up. Mom ended up calling me and told me that she will tell me what happened once I get home and left it at that. Dad was admitted to the psych ward for a while and after he got out he stopped taking the meds they gave him even though we all asked him to keep taking them. He didn't believe in meds or therapy. From then on, every year from October/November until about end of April/beginning of May we would always have to walk on eggshells around him because he would get depressed and we didn't want to trigger another episode. During these times he'd also end up taking it out on one of us (verbally, not physically). Most of the time it was mom and their fights. But at some point he directed it at me. I sucked it up until I couldn't anymore and exploded on him. That's when our relationship was ruined. Then he directed it at my younger sibling. I was shielding them as much as I could without causing mom too much trouble. Finally this year my older sibling and I managed to convince mom to finally seek divorce. At first everything was going as fine as if could go in terms of divorce for immigrants... But they would individually talk to me about the other. The differencen is that when mom would talk to me about him and the situation it would be more to organize her own mind and figure out what her next steps will be as a single mother. Even if she'd say a bad thing about him she would always make it a big point and put a lot on emphasis of saying that he is a good dad and a great person and that I shouldn't let her own feelings affect my thoughts and feelings towards him since he is still my dad. But when dad would rant to me he would always use such nasty words and comments directed at her and would always be very backhanded about her.

(For this next part you need to know that we live in a house with a ground floor and a basement. I live in the basement)

Yesterday I was cleaning the basement and when I finished I came upstairs to chat with mom a bit since I was expecting my partner to come over and wanted to say hi to mom first and check in. I saw something was up and eating at her. I asked if she's ok. She said no. I asked if she wants to talk about it and she just shook her head no. So I asked if I can have a hug and she asked me to not touch her right now and that she just needs some space.

After my partner left I went back over to her to check in how she was doing. We started chatting and she ended up letting slip that dad told her he cheated on her 15 years ago. He said it doesn't count as cheating because it was only physical and that doesn't count. She was in shock. She was crying and just processing and we were chatting for a bit. After she calmed down we each went to our rooms to try and sleep.

When I got in bed I started typing this up because I needed to just spill this heaviness somewhere. I didn't even get to finish the first paragraph when I thought I heard a scream (which ended up being true, it was my mom screaming. I didn't know if I heard right because I was listening to music). As soon as I heard it I started texting mom to ask if that was a scream and if everything is ok. But before I could even get up and out of my bed to put some clothes on (I sleep naked so my door was locked too) I heard her coming down the stairs. She tried to barge into my room, but the door was locked and I yelled to her that I'll be right out and that I'm sorry but I am naked and just need to throw something on. I heard her sit on the couch outside my room and cry so I just threw a robe on instead of getting dressed and rushed to her. She was sobbing, inconsolable, and just barely managed to say (in our mother tongue) that he tried to choke her.

I immediately started checking her throat to make sure everything was ok and that she didn't need to go to the hospital. Everything looked fine so I let that go and just hugged her tightly. I sat down with her and just let her unload. She was starting to calm down but then dad came down stairs, stood in front of her and apologized. She told him she is scared of him and wants him out of the house and that he needs to leave (he already signed a contract for an apartment so he has somewhere to go, she wasn't throwing him to the streets). They were going back and forth like that and I did try to jump in somewhere in the middle there to tell him that there is a time and place for everything but right now he needs to go back upstairs and just let her be but neither of them were hearing me at that moment so I just let them have that back and forth. At some point they got quiet and dad started crying too. He sat behind me (think of a 3 person L shapes couch. Mom was on the L corner laying in almost a fetal position, I was in the middle seat right beside her, and dad sat at the other end beside me, but my back was to him so it was more like he was behind me), grabbed my shoulder and just sobbed for a bit and so I decided right now I need to separate them. I lead dad upstairs to their room and we just talked for a bit. I realized at some point that no matter what I say, he wont hear me or listen to me. He tried to leave and I tried making him promise me he wouldn't do something stupid (won't try to off himself again) but he said he can't promise something like that. There was a lot of sobbing from him and I ended up letting him leave since I knew there was nothing I could do. Went back down to mom. He left the house. About 5 min later came back, got on his knees in front of mom, took her hand, and sobbingly was begging for forgiveness. Mom said she forgave him but still asked him to leave. He left and stayed in the car in the garage for the night. After he left she said there isn't anything else she could've said because if she would've told him she can't forgive him, who know what he might've done.

She also finally managed to tell me what happened. She said that she got in bed and he started trying to talk to her about what he told her earlier in the day. She cut him off saying she is there to sleep and that she has work in the morning and needs to get some rest. It went like that 3 times and then she felt him reach for her, she thought he was going to hug her and apologize, but instead when she inches closer he grabbed her neck, which is when she screamed. Her scream snapped him back to reality and she rushed to the door. She told him to get a hold of himself or she will call the police. And then she ran to me. She said his hand was there for only a second though. (That doesn't matter to me, it's the fact he actually tried to do it.....)

After a bit more talking with mom and some crying she asked me to grab my pillow and comforter and come sleep in her bed with her for the night since their bed is huge (king size) and so we will both have more than enough space rather than staying to sleep at my bed (queen size). Even though I was there with her she couldn't bring herself to close her eyes in her room so she told me she is gonna go try and sleep in the livingroom since she has work in the morning and needs to get whatever rest she can. She asked me to stay on the same floor as her and said that she doesn't care what I do otherwise but just wants me around. I of course agreed and told her not to worry and that I'll be here. I ended up only getting roughly 2 hours of sleep. Worst sleep I've ever gotten in my life. I called into work and let my manager know I won't be able to make it to work due to a family emergency and that I'd be happy to pick up a different shift during the week if needed instead.

Then this morning mom saw the garage lights were on and the car was there so I went to check on dad and see what's up. He cried again. We talked and I asked what I can do to help. He asked if I would be able to help him move his things to the apartment. We gather up everything we could find. Mom helped too. I went with him and helped him move everything to the apartment too. I asked if he wanted help unpacking everything and organizing but he declined and took me back home.

Last night after dad left mom said she wants the locks changed but doesn't know how to do that. She said she could contact one of two family friends to try and do it but prefers not to, or she could contact the guy that renovated out house to do it which normally would be the best option but he is dad's friend so that's gonna be impossible. I told her not to worry about that because I have a close friend, who also just happens to be my partner's sibling, who's a locksmith and they won't say no if I ask them to come help us out with it. She thought about it, was reluctant at first, but then agreed. I contacted them and just said we need the locks changed. They of course agreed right away no questions asked so we chatted about that for a bit and agreed on a course of action and they will be coming by later today to get that done for us.

I'm exhausted, and I am mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. I am tired of being a parent to my parents. I am tired of being a parent to my younger sibling. I am tired of having to look out for an emotionally unstable adult who no matter how many times we prove to that mental health is important and that he needs to take care of himself he still denies it and prefers to just kill himself.

I am so fucking exhausted. I am a full time student. I have 4 classes and a lab this semester. I am a Biology major which is a very heavy course load degree. And I work on Sundays (but had to call in today). And I parent my parents and sibling. I am so drained and done. I don't have anything in me left. I don't have any strength. I am like a wet towel that's been wrung dry and has no more water to drip so it's been left all twisted and used on the floor.

I'm only 20 years old. I've been through so much trauma in my life already but I keep having to bear more and more of it. I just want peace of mind. I don't need an easy life. Yes it would be amazing if I could have an easy life, free of struggle and worry. But even if I have that it won't guarantee a peace of mind. All I want is peace of mind. Peace of mind for myself and my family.

I've been bled dry.

Thank you if you read all of this. I know it was long. Too long. But I just couldn't keep it in and really had to let it all out somewhere.

Does anyone have good book recommendations for achieving financial freedom after divorce as a single mom? Or even just advice for me please x

My husband separated from me and initiated a no contact rule over 2months. When he finally started to speak to me again it was a definite “I am divorcing you.” I was so confused by it since we watched many people divorce in our past he’s always been the one to say “they didn’t try, they took the easy road. I’m in this forever no matter how difficult it will be, I will never divorce.” So my mind was like what changed, right? There’s gotta be someone else. Surely I discovered during his time away he started to have relations with other women and for certain one other. It broke me to find their conversations, all the flirting and sexting. But he doesn’t know I know. He’s going about life like I’m a crazy person for even thinking that. At times he pretends he’s on the phone with his male friends but it’s her. Do we ever tell the cheater we know they are cheating? I worry it will make things worse but another side makes me believe he will be shocked for being caught. I don’t think it will change anything but at least wake him from the fact that I’m not crazy and he’s an asshole for making me think I am. Either way what is your experience.

Found out my wife wanted a divorce almost two months ago when i caught her talking to someone else. my whole world stopped, flipped upside down and is torn apart. ive accepted i dont make her happy and its over but shes still my wife i still love her . i made the commitment to our marriage and expected to be with her for the rest of my life.

the guys she is already in love with is from another country. they plan on a meet up either hes coming here or shes going there. the laptop was right there so i looked. at her browser history . instantly made me sick to my stomach. could see that she was looking for sexy lingerie and crotchless panties. also travel bags so i know they have a plan to meet up... my mind cant process any of this it hurts so much. i do okay some days but i see this and it has me spiraling .

i let her stay because i dont want it to end, because i still lover her and my brain doesnt want the change. i know this will pass and i know i will move forward but the deep level of betrayal weighs very heavy on my soul,. i have no one that i can talk too. i fell lost . i feel broken. i feel like my life has no purpose anymore.

Looking for some advice. My spouse and I have been married for a year and a half (33 F and 40 M). I can’t seem to pull the trigger for divorce. It seems easy to hire a family lawyer and “shop around” to find the best fit. I just have a knot in my stomach, I keep seeing memories on Facebook and Snapchat. We have so many awesome memories and so many terrible ones that I can’t shake off. For context, we have had many issues in our relationship and marriage (been together since 2016). Family has gotten involved, they also think we shouldn't be together. The thought of starting over seems so daunting and scary. I’ve heard from my single female friends that men don’t want to commit anymore. I do want kids, and I know I need to make some tough decisions but can't seem to pull the trigger.

I don’t want to be a lonely 40 something year old still single, no kids, no family, etc. I really wanted to start a family and have a normal life. Me and my husband constantly put each other down any time we express how we feel or want to talk about conflict, we have tried therapy, clearly it hasn’t worked. He has depression issues, isn’t happy with his job but doesn’t try to evolve or change this at all. He has a drinking problem as he gets sloppy drunk at times - this has been going on for years and he gets belligerent when he’s drunk. We haven’t slept together in a year, my self esteem and confidence is so low (as is his, we belittle each other’s appearances). There is just no love left. I’ll just somewhat miss the life we had (going to broadway shows, expensive dinners, date nights, honeymoon trip). I don’t have much experience dating prior to him so it seems so scary starting over. My mental health is terrible right now.

How can I just make the move and file for divorce? Any encouragement is welcome I just need guidance, support and motivation to do this.

Me and my ex wife got divorced 5 years ago. We signed papers and everything was finished and finalized. The outcome was we separate , she gets full custody, I can see my daughter no restrictions , and it says no child support. Shes now remarried and has a new husband and they had another baby girl. If my ex wife wanted too , can she attempt to get me to pay child support? If so what are the reasonings she can after all that and whatever else I may need to know? And if she can’t , what makes her not be able to .. it’s been about 4 years that we been legally divorced! Anyway she could end up paying me!?

Hi, my wife filed for divorce 4 years ago and finally served me in July 2022. A week after my father got very sick, went in to the hospital and then passed away. I never responded and never heard anything else. Things were amicable between us for the most part but about 4 months ago things got worse so I hired my own attorney and we are moving forward with the divorce now. My attorney told me the divorce went in to default in November 2022. We have a mortgage on a house that has lots of equity. My attorney said he will file to have the default set aside, but if that is not successful then what? Does a judge order a split of all marital assets? Or because I never filed a response then she gets everything? Thanks in advance

I filed for divorce 2 weeks ago, separated a little over a month. We have 3 kids and are co parenting like mature adults. ( Kids are 13,8,6 )

We realized that divorce was the best thing for us in order to not hate each other for the sake of our children.

Over the past few times I’ve been around my STBXH, he had become slightly touchy feely around me. While I do miss that, I love it and I’ve been sick so it’s making me feel warm and fuzzy, I don’t want that confused. He wasn’t always like this during our final months together as a couple.

I’m passed the grieving part and I have accepted it’s over.

Why does he do this? Does he want me back or is he just lonely like me?

Any insight is helpful.

Do you find another partner with the same thoughts later?

In Pa, am I responsible for half of my wife’s debt even if all debt is in her name only?

We are doing a pro se divorce, but I’m wondering if there are any free online documents or checklists that would help us figure out the financial division stuff? I can make all the lists of assets, but am hoping not to leave anything out. We are in WI, if that matters.

I was trying to wait until the end of my kids school year but I can’t wait. I’m done. My STBXH is so selfish in little ways- someone on here said something like “Death by 1000 paper cuts is still death” and that is where I am at with our marriage. Any small issue I try to work on gets DARVO’d to oblivion by his unwillingness to actually work on the issues.

I’m going to start looking for a lawyer tomorrow. I’m hoping that he’ll just accept an uncontested divorce.

Anyone else have similar plans? Where are you in the process? What things are you trying to figure out for yourself? Honestly I want all this feedback so I can research and cover my own bases.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some support and maybe some insight. It’s been two years since my divorce, but every time I try to open myself up to a new relationship, guilt and shame come flooding back, almost as if I’m doing something wrong.

I was with my ex-husband for 16 years—we started dating when I was 19, so in a lot of ways, I grew up with him. Our marriage had its issues by the end, and we ultimately parted on good terms, but I didn’t expect the aftermath of guilt and self-doubt to stick around so intensely.

I recently tried to start something new with a genuinely kind guy. He was patient and understanding, and for the first time, I felt like maybe I could move forward. But every time things turned romantic or physical, I felt this intense guilt afterwards—like I was betraying my past, my kids, even myself. Eventually my guilt and hesitation started pushing him away, and we just couldn’t make it work.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I can usually enjoy intimacy and sex in the moment without feeling too much guilt. But afterward, as soon as things get more serious, or the idea of an actual relationship comes up, that familiar shame takes over. It’s like my mind has set this boundary: casual moments are fine, but anything hinting at love, or a true partnership, feels like betrayal.

The worst part is the shame I feel at the thought of introducing someone new to my family, friends, or—most painfully—my kids. It feels as though I’m erasing a life that, for better or worse, was mine for so long. The idea of introducing someone else, of them possibly filling a role in my kids’ lives, almost makes me feel like I’d be invalidating their dad.

I’ve been to therapy, and it helps to a point, but the guilt still creeps in, sabotaging any chance at happiness I try to build. Has anyone else felt this? How do you move on from the guilt of building a new life and new relationships, especially after a long marriage? Any advice or stories would really mean a lot. Thanks so much for reading.

As a mom.. I've put up with so much even when these people did passive aggressive things to undermine me (for reference I'm white and married into a South American family).. and I think my 11 and 9 year old (esp the 11 year old) are picking up on the dynamics.. because half the time they tell me to just move and that we can do it without their Dad.. It didn't take too many obvious discretions from in laws for them to start figuring things out.

My 5 year old is a sharp little girl but gosh she's still 5.. Even when the kids have been mad.. telling me they hate in laws.. that they're bad.. and causing me/their dad issues.. As BADLY as I'd love to tell them "Yeah, you're right.." I try hard to always take the high road..

DH comes from a family of toxic enmeshment and it's awful because they all act really nice while constantly doing things to "help" that continue to put our marriage at risk.. then when I get upset.. I'm the bad guy.. I'm seeing everyone defends MIL no matter how wrong and messed up she's being.. My husband also has abandonment trauma.. parents left him ages 2-5 to immigrate here despite having a middle class life, owning a home and having family in South America (it was not done in desperation).. so I feel that adds another layer to the enmeshment.

It kills me because he has the makings of a great man in every other way but after years in therapy.. it took us YEARS for him to improve about 50% (therapist never came out and told him he was enmeshed bc she knew it would be met with resistance as it is in a lot of her male clients).. and then our family went through a major medical/health trauma (lost our home and had to start all over again for 25K++) and we stayed 3.5 weeks at in laws between finding a new place and something happened I could never expect and he regressed.. this grown man who is such a grown man in every way.. it's like he regressed to being a child and totally turned on me (for what it's worth he had a brain event - hepatic encephalopathy is what they assume-- about 6 weeks previous to us fleeing).. He was fine then a week in just totally turned on me and became paranoid, combative and hostile and this lasted for FIVE months before letting up in a serious way.. and I'd say he's maybe 65% or so better right now..

The issue is.. I almost left him.. He refused to take the liquid medication they gave him to help remove toxins from his blood that his liver wasn't filtering out well enough (he looks normal size but had extreme fatty liver).. so I started blending detox things into a morning smoothie for him .. because I couldn't give him things 3x a day.. his return to any resemblance of normalcy has been slow.. To others he looks totally normal now.. to me I know he's still not there.. he's not the sweet, loving and kind man I could trust with my whole heart for almost 17 years yet..

I Just KNOW there's something physiological going on that has caused these neuropsych issues .. but the man who I finally got to go to doc checkups and etc got around paranoid, medical gaslighting mommy (she doesn't trust docs but want to be called doctor-- she's a dentist from South America but not a legal one here).. and I think she covertly convinced him not to allow me to take him to follow ups or the doctors or I'd lock him up or build a case against him as being crazy.. which I won't.. obviously if that was the goal it could have already been done..

I'm starting to think I married into undiagnosed mental illness.. His mom really shows up (to someone with more knowledge) as having a touch of like schizoaffective disorder.. IDK or maybe she's just paranoid and weird.. She has done everything underhandedly to wear on our marriage.. and he is clueless and aloof.. and thinks his mom is "just helping" .. She's the type of person to call him randomly.. on good days we are doing well.. not even fighting so I know he's not griping about me or anything.. and she'll say "Ok mijito.. go give Sarah (me) a hug and tell you you love her.. just make sure to have a lot of patience with her.. she can't help the way she is because of her parents..." She insinuates I'm unwell because I have parents who gave me antidepressants and got me therapy for about a year as a teen when I was struggling with mental health issues (I recovered and I'm grateful for them doing that and never complained).. She has put in his head that bc I took those "bad drugs" it has carried with me in my brain.. and how bad she feels for me.. and he's SO dense he really thinks his mom is being sweet and caring.. Never mind her son was a cocaine dealer and did hard cocaine for years in his teens (unresolved trauma).. but I'm the one who can't be trusted and apparently I'm crazy.

I feel like a shell of the person I used to be... I'm sad the progress I made seems to have regressed after a few traumas back to back in a 6 week period.. but I'm torn because it's clear my husband has a medical condition.. but yet as he improves he looks TOTALLY normal to everyone else.. but nobody sees him at home the way the kids and I do.. He's WAY more normal now with the kids thank goodness.. and the intensity of his neuropsych symptoms have gone down.. but he still wont see a doc.. he's not supposed to be drinking for a minimum of 2 years.. and while he hasn't lapsed back into heavy drinking he does have a 40 now several times a week.. after 2 days of this I notice a slight change in mood.. I don't think his liver can cope with it and whatever other thing that's going on that they haven't discovered cannot handle it.. I feel horrible because he's not mentally himself 100% and I'm realizing despite him blaming/turning on me.. he's 100% the victim of abuse.. his mom and family absolutely took advantage of his mental status and exploited it.. and he has been groomed since childhood to accept this abuse..

But I am truly falling apart.. 17 years together.. and the last 11 since we married and I got pregnant his mom switched up in a way Ive never seen.. sabotaging any move out of here (NY).. (I"m from Southern Cali and all my family and friends and support system is there).. becominy subtly nasty.. competitive.. I feel like the third wheel and like I'm fighting a mistress I cannot win over..

It is unhealthy and I'm seeing during his worst mental time.. this man who was always an AMAZING father to our 3 kids.. GENUINELY.. hands on and amazing.. is willing to turn on them (I guess in this conditioN) if they even dare to speak up about his mom.. I see he'll gaslight them.. excuse her behavior.. and then do this weird/sick/bribery thing to like make them see how amazing she is and how she just loves them and wants to help.. He literally does not see this at all or see he's doing that and I think it's bc it has been done to him his entire life.

I desperately want to save my marriage.. but I don't think it can withstand her at this point.. they live 10 mins away.. with grown adult BIL/SIL who are also part of this weird, sick enmeshment circle.

What do you say to your kids if this is the reason you divorce? ... and also I'd never keep the kids from him.. but if we don't make it I clearly have to go back home to my family for help.. and they're across the country.. My older two are ready to go.. I've never discussed this with them but they've told me to just move and leave and if their dad loves us he'll follow

When I leave I don't intend on filing for divorce.. and he likely won't either (weirdly narc MIL is SUPER Catholic and against divorce).. and it will be a "I'm waiting for you to choose us" situation.. so we'll still be married.. I just don't know what to tell my kids .. something that won't necessarily screw them up mentally etc.

2 years post separation 1.5 years post divorce, I miss physical and emotional intimacy so much. I slowly feel like I’m eroding as a person.

I want my parents to get divorced, and they want it too. The main reason is the strain between my mother and me. She has caused a lot of hardship in my life, and I’m emotionally exhausted. My dad is also tired of seeing me suffer. We’ve mutually decided that they’ll file for divorce, which they’ve considered multiple times before.

My mom is a housewife in Delhi. Like many Indian homemakers, she doesn’t have a job, and my dad doesn’t earn enough to fully support my mother if alimony is involved. However, I’m 20 now, and I’m able to take care of my own expenses, so that isn’t an issue.

I’d like to hear about others’ experiences as children of divorced parents—especially if you’re Indian. What was the legal process like, and how did life change afterward?

I feel like I got absolutely blindsided with the divorce, she never communicated any of her feelings with me during our 6 years together. I wouldn't even know it was coming if I didn't check her phone from her being weird towards me for a few months.

We're still living in the same house, it feels so cold, we don't even talk. It's hard for me to talk because I'm just filled with hurt because it seems like she doesn't care at all, I ask about feelings or try to talk about mine and she just goes upstairs. Every night I have dreams about her that feel like they last the whole night through. I regret the marriage because this loss is ripping me to shreds, I don't know how I can cope with this or even keep on going. I'm an absolute mess, I don't want to tell friends or family about my feelings because I don't want them to worry. I guess it bothers me most that my wife wouldn't even care at all, she always wanted things to be easy and I've been the glue that's held us together for 6 years. The divorce is imminent, I'm an extremely emotional person and I think that's what caused this. She just wanted everything to be normal all the time, I feel so unlovable.

Two young hearts so full of wonder,

Young lovers eyes they shine so bright.

Blossoming love torn asunder,

With hearts left as dark as night.

Gone so fast like a clap of thunder,

Two young lovers lost the will to fight.

My spouse announced a week ago that “she’s done” and she wants a divorce as fast as possible.

Ten days earlier I was laid off about 7 years of service.

Five days later she spent the night sleeping somewhere else. Her choices are her business, and she wasn’t surprised when she saw my last Home Depot purchase: 20 moving boxes.

I have no friends here. Moving to this state 8 years ago was her idea.

I have bipolar type II, which means if I’m unmedicated I have brief manic highs and long, crushing lows.

Now I’m looking for health insurance that I can afford on my own so I can continue my ongoing treatment.

So I’m packing. I’m not sure where I’m going, but it’s away from here.

I’d rather live alone, and I’m lonely right now. I’m hoping that living where I want to live will help me move on quickly.

My ex won't let me take my daughter to visit family for 4 days unless I buy her a ticket as well. And I'm confident she will also demand a hotel on top of that. She won't change her mind. She said she goes or our daughter does not. We are separated but we do not have child custody in place. Our divorce starts in Dec but my trip is in two weeks.

More details: Daughter is 2 We are separated back in April, and the mediation for our divorce starts in December. We have nothing official as far child custody for trips. We have our normal day-to-day custody( I get her after work Sunday- Friday, all day sat).

I honestly feel like she is being extremely petty. She demanded to join my trip to Cali back in June for my parents. It made the whole trip awkward and it was a horrible trip over all. I do not want to do the same thing again now.

Another day, another post! My husband of a decade asked for a sudden divorce. He said he wants to live alone and marriage is not for him. He had been distancing himself for few months(4-5) but I attributed it to work stress. He was my best friend, my happy and safe place. We have no kids. It was a choice we both made. I had moved out three months back because he wanted some “me/alone” time before making a decision. Now he has made up his mind to live alone. And he has communicated this to me nicely and respectfully multiple times. While I know I should respect his decision and let him go gracefully, I am unable to do so. He asked to meet in person for one time as a closure and I have send him a series of pathetic begging messages to not leave me. I am not even embarrassed.I never thought I would be so comfortable being so pathetic in life.

I had to make a clean break from a pretty toxic relationship.

Ex sprung the divorce quite suddenly and attempted ‘kick me out’ of the house, threatened to make up abuse charges and call the police if I didn’t leave, and threatened to try to withhold the kids if I didn’t move out.

Obviously the divorce was not amicable, but we are mostly successfully coparenting, just without any pretense of friendship.

Ex moved in with her mom once she realized I wasn’t giving up the house like she hoped.

I have very much kept my distance because of her toxicity.

I don’t believe she is a bad person, just that we were extremely incompatible and it was kind of always destined to end badly.

However, I did have a good relationship with her mom, and it has been sad that I have had to let that go as well. She has asked several times to go get lunch to catch up. I just do not know how I would navigate spending time with her mom without having the ex pop in to the picture. The ex told her whole family that the divorce was mutual and easily settled which was not how I experienced it.

When she asks I just usually reply with a luke warm oh that would be nice I am just way too busy these days. Which is mostly true with shared custody, I am either at work or being a dad. Very little down time for casual lunches, and the little I do have the exs mom is pretty far down the list of people I’d choose to spend it with.

Do I be honest with her that we aren’t going to hang out? It has been a year of me just avoiding it when she brings it up, but I am wondering if I need to just put an end to it or just suck it up and go on the awkward lunch?

Should I suck it up and go get lunch? Should I tell her that her daughter is a b**** and that’s why I dont want to? Should I just keep avoiding it?

Coparenting and organizing things with the ex husband is like pulling teeth. I get used to this life being single mum. But then have to organize something with him it breaks me. He takes 1 or 2 days to message me back and it really grinds my gears.

The communication was terribly but he would try a little when we was together. Now it's like nothing. When getting info from him it Reminds me how he chose his motorcycle club and drinking over his family unit. And it hurts.

I know I deserve better. But I just miss the family unit. The times we were a team. For some of it.

I wish he chose to step up be the man I needed him to be