Please no diagnosis based on this post.

I have strongly held negative beliefs about myself, which were taught to me by my abusers.

My job (fast food) reinforces these convictions and it's making it hard for me to get away from them.

I'm unintelligent and don't deserve respect
Every day, customers treat us employees like we're incompetent liars. I get screamed at, insulted, ignored and harassed and my employer tells me to just swallow it, nod and smile and be bubbly and happy by the time the next customer comes around. God forbid they write a negative review on the internet about their shit food place.
Also, if anything happens, it's automatically the employee who is at fault.
I feel like I survived the past couple of years at this job by telling myself I deserve to be treated poorly. I'm not intelligent enough to get a degree, so this is my punishment for being worthless.

I'm lazy and not committed
The management of the place doesn't trust us to actually get work done. They micromanage every second, every movement. You can't make yourself tea (getting hot water and a teabag), that's for outside paid hours. If you seize to move for a second or two, managers call you lazy. Nothing I ever do is good enough: A thousand things done perfectly will get you nothing, but one tiny mistake gets you a lecture from the boss. More and more rules added every day, new standards.
You're made to rush around the store and clean nonstop, as they think customers hate seeing workers not in a rush.

I don't deserve to take care of myself
I struggle to take care of myself. I sometimes starve myself, either because I have no appetite or because I feel like I don't even deserve food.

At work, employees' drinks are stored in a box at the bottom of a shelf. You are made to drink out of it by kneeling on the floor, bending over and slurping at your straw. But don't take too long! You're not being paid to drink.
We don't get enough time to eat. So I'll just have nothing all day.
Management doesn't even trust us to pay for staff meals. Don't want to get into an argument over money, so I just leave it.
Breaks are to be spent sitting in a dirty hallway directly behind the back exit, where every two minutes, a huge cart strolls by and nearly crushes you or someone hits you with the door.

They don’t know each other or really know of each other but my therapist (PhD psychologist) and my doctor (MD psychiatrist) have been having an argument for years.

My therapist sees cPTSD as a healing journey that by being willing to go through a little pain understanding and processing our trauma can and will get progressively make things better.

My doctor looks at cPTSD more like a neurological disorder prioritizing the management of symptoms taking the pragmatic stance that most neurological disorders tend to get worse as you get older so quality of life at any given moment is the most important.

They are both right, they are both wrong. The truth about therapy is that by processing and confronting some of my trauma over the years I have been able to get to a point where I can be more centered and honest facing the things that are never going to be better. The truth about my condition is that my symptoms have gotten worse as I have goten older but be processing the things that I went through I have better skills for building my self safe spaces to manage those symptoms in.

I read a lot of posts here by people who find them selves at odds with their professional care givers. Many of those stories are about getting treatment from people who clearly don’t know what they are doing and I want to be clear I am in no way invalidating the call to action in the comments of those threads that its “time to get a new” therapist or doctor at times I am one of the people sharing that feedback. But some times I see posts and I wonder if sharing my own experience with treatment might not be helpful.

Edit: This is a post about my lived experience if something seems like a generalization it should be taken only in the context of how things feel like they have worked out for me

I didn’t know where to put this but I have C-PTSD so maybe it might be relative to this subreddit. Anyways, I just got a huge break in my career. I’ve worked my ass off to feel the fruits of my labour, now that I have done that and I’m started to get recognised in the field I’m in I have an urge to self destruct, I hate all the attention.

I’m not used to multiple people telling me how amazing I am (yes, you heard that right) and it’s going to make me sound so self absorbed or narcissistic but I genuinely can’t take positive praise at all. It makes my skin crawl. Most of me wants to take this on board and roll around in all of this, I’ve came so far but the other part of me keeps on thinking I’m not worthy, or I’m a fraud.

The piece of work I did (I’m a visual artist) was about the abuse I went through that contributed to my C-PTSD diagnosis. It was a very raw piece of work that was made to be cathartic, now having everyone know about what I went through makes me feel very vulnerable.

I also feel like people have took what happened to me aka the character in the piece I did as literal when actually it was heavily dramatised for people to understand how hard hitting it can be and also because I don’t have the minutes to explain through visual story telling the complex nature of my abuse so I just went with the hard hitting stuff that didn’t happen to me to make it clear to an audience what was happening was abuse.

I’m so overwhelmed, and I feel as though I’m going down the path of self destruct mode because I’m familiar and used to people thinking badly of me, not positive of me.

I wake up between drunken awareness. People seem mad,so I get mad. I am better at it. I get upset because, I'm mad that they see my mad. Only those who know, ya know? Music helps and hurts, which is really unfortunate, because I need music to have a spine sometimes. I miss me...

A smart friend with strong sense of self is helping me with myself. He interrupted me when I asked him how his parents taught him to value himself and he said "value isn't learned, self loathing is."

He reminded me as I enter a difficult situation that I am in charge of myself. And I asked how he knows to remember that and this conversation ensued. Curious about what others here might have to say.

Hi all. RSD is something I struggle with a lot, and my friends dont really get it. Does anyone know of essays, posts, anything similar that I can use to help me explain it to them? Thanks!

i wanna go home so bad. i have a bed. it is warm. there isnt really home though. the only place that is ever home is when something in my head switches on and somebody thinks of awful things to do to my parents while stroking my wrists and petting my hair. i wanna go home so bad. if i was still 12 i'd tell myself im an angel whose gonna go back someday. or im a lovely ghost that nobody can ever really touch. its not true though. even if it is it doesnt mean anything because theyve fucked me up so bad that i had to fuck myself up so i think of violence so i feel loved for once. im so tired i just wish the other parts of my head were real so it could really drive me home and tuck me into bed and sit up the night with me holding a shotgun. i love him. i wanna die.

i wanna go home so bad. i have a bed. it is warm. there isnt really home though. the only place that is ever home is when something in my head switches on and somebody thinks of awful things to do to my parents while stroking my wrists and petting my hair. i wanna go home so bad. if i was still 12 i'd tell myself im an angel whose gonna go back someday. or im a lovely ghost that nobody can ever really touch. its not true though. even if it is it doesnt mean anything because theyve fucked me up so bad that i had to fuck myself up so i think of violence so i feel loved for once. im so tired i just wish the other parts of my head were real so it could really drive me home and tuck me into bed and sit up the night with me holding a shotgun. i love him. i wanna die.

Friends, comrades, fellow people. Let me tell you I think I am crossing a bridge here, hitting a milestone with my people pleasing. Last weekend I called someone and told them no. I didn't over explain, I just said no I will not be doing that, hope you can find someone else to do x,y,z for you and then hung up. They have not spoken to me since. I knew this was perhaps an issue I would run into; the moment you begin to advocate for yourself and not be a doormat for everyone people tend to get angry because it's not about actually being equal in a friendship; it's about what I can do for them. That hurts but I will not allow myself another MOMENT of feeling like unless I provide a good or a service I am not worth something. I am tired of it. I just have to keep reminding myself over and over just because someone is mad does not mean they are right! So if you are struggling today to not people please just know there is another side. Eventually, saying no becomes easier as you do it again and again. And I am proud of you for doing what you can today to be better tomorrow. It's VERY fucking hard.

More and more I get the impression that loving community is all we've ever needed. It's way more important than therapy or journaling or reading trauma books. People need people.

I think I've shied away from this fact because it feels so risky. I can choose to read a therapy book, but as for making friends...that requires the other person to choose me too.

People can potentially hurt me. They can shame me. They can abandon me. I've been shamed and abandoned many times, and that saps my enthusiasm for meeting new people.

So then I deny my needs. I build some sort of rickety happiness with minimal social connection, and I tell myself that I'm ok, and then it all collapses when the next big stressor comes along. Either that or I look back on a year of "doing ok" and realize how little progress I've made and how much time I've lost.

Frankly, there's a lot of Toxic Positivity here. Therapists tell me "You're doing the work" and "Healing isn't linear" and all that, and on the one hand that's validating, but on the other hand sometimes it leaves me just pursuing the path I'm on instead finding a better path. Better therapists would have noticed how lonely I was and started brainstorming concrete ideas on how to fix that. They would have pointed out opportunities for social connection. They would have reminded me "You're socially starved" whenever I pretended to myself that I was doing ok.

IT WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

Anyway, I know I need real connections but I don't know where to find them. It's so hard to try new things and meet new people when I don't feel like I can really trust anybody.

Can anyone relate?

What do you want the world to know?

I’m at this point with dating someone (a few months in, not official) where I’m starting to know him more deeply and we are spending more time together and I am having to confront the tsunami of trauma that I try to hold back from everyone in my life.

I don’t want to unleash it upon this person because we are still new to each other, but it also feels painful to hide. The longer we are together the more my not-so-cheerful thoughts come up around him. I shut down sometimes while we watch tv or find myself fighting tears at breakfast or I flinch when he touches me certain places and there is no easy way of explaining it all. The most I can say is I’m not feeling well and it’s not his fault, but I can tell he is confused.

He is a happy, optimistic person and I hate the shame of feeling like I can’t match that. He doesn’t like to dwell on the past but it sometimes feels like that’s all I do. He easily trusts and connects with people but I take months or years to start to be genuine around someone.

I sometimes just don’t know how to move forward unless I’m alone, where I know that all of this is only affecting me and not bringing anyone else down

I’m at this point with dating someone (a few months in, not official) where I’m starting to know him more deeply and we are spending more time together and I am having to confront the tsunami of trauma that I try to hold back from everyone in my life.

I don’t want to unleash it upon this person because we are still new to each other, but it also feels painful to hide. The longer we are together the more my not-so-cheerful thoughts come up around him. I shut down sometimes while we watch tv or find myself fighting tears at breakfast or I flinch when he touches me certain places and there is no easy way of explaining it all. The most I can say is I’m not feeling well and it’s not his fault, but I can tell he is confused.

He is a happy, optimistic person and I hate the shame of feeling like I can’t match that. He doesn’t like to dwell on the past but it sometimes feels like that’s all I do. He easily trusts and connects with people but I take months or years to start to be genuine around someone.

I sometimes just don’t know how to move forward unless I’m alone, where I know that all of this is only affecting me and not bringing anyone else down

As the title says, I have never really talked to my peers (family, friends, etc.) about my mental issues.

I have just always been ashamed of it and kept most of it to myself (a learned behavior from a parent who didn't accept my differences) and I am getting to the age of just wanting to not give a crap anymore and tell people about how much I have suffered from mental issues and CPTSD and hopefully get more support for it (besides therapy).

My biggest issue is that I am agoraphobic (severely) from a lifetime of CPTSD from childhood and that's kept me from doing a lot (learning to drive, go to college, be a part of society, having a stable job) and I have always kept that under wraps for fear of rejection.

How should I go about this?

I'm changing some details as to ensure anonymity)

For context, I'm 25f, from a South Asian muslim family.

I have issues with my family. I think they're emotionally abusive. I don't know. But it's not like they beat me up or don't care about me. They care about me. There's proof of this.

My dad has dementia, and possibly has had an undiagnosed learning disability his entire life. my brother, although he takes care of her needs, screams the god damn house down at him to get him to do things in an effort to 'jog his brain'.

Note: my brother being verbally abusive isnt new. My brother has always been verbally abusive and aggressive, even when I was a kid and my dad didn't have dementia.

Also my mum is extremely critical and insulting. Almost every word that comes out of her mouth is a criticism. She cares about me though, and would probably die for me.

But I told a person in the university union about what's going on at home, and they've written a document to send to the safeguarding team! And apparently something is going on get done.

They're going to put some emergency accomodation in place.

I feel like this is something I need, and something my mum needs, but every part of me is terrified about what going to happen next.

What's going on happen next?? Have I fucked everything up.

Wondering if anyone has any positive experiences to share about Trauma Therapy? My psychiatrist suggested it after I opened up to him about an almost ten-year-old SA that I have been repressing. I'm really not looking forward to it, as I would prefer to not open a can of worms, but memories of the assault have been popping up for about two months when I was randomly confronted about my abuser. I know at the end of the day it's probably the better route to go, but I'm scared, and I've only read negative experiences about trauma therapy.

Is there any way to make it not awful? Has anyone dealing with somatic pain gone through trauma therapy and found that it helped the pain? I have awful somatic pain in my upper back.

Hi.

I was diagnosed a few years ago with CPTSD. I recently quit drinking and a lot of feelings and memories have been flooding back. I feel like I need to scream and cry and I don't know what to do.

I don't really know why I'm even writing this. Life has been very hard. Blah. I want things to get better, and they have, but fuck man it's disheartening knowing that this is just gonna be my fucking life. I have a lot of things to look forward to as I get older, but it's hard to feel like any of it is worth it with all of these fucking memories. I don't know. I'll be ok. If anyone wants to talk feel free to message me.

I’ve began talking to someone about my experiences but I’m struggling to see the benefits. It’s my first time posting on here but I’ve seen how supportive and insightful many of you are and I’m hoping someone might be able to give me a reason to unpacking what has happened to me. Each time I talk about it I fall into a sense of being frozen, with flashbacks becoming more frequent.

Are there any positives to talking about this?

slight trigger warning toxic relationship My (27f) break up was pretty much a year ago. I am doing okay, not struggling too much but recently got a photo memory from a year ago on my phone & it triggered me to remember the last week of our relationship, which was fuelled with alcohol, fights and my last desperate attempt to make it work. My ex was also a very avid screamer/verbally aggressive during fights. Ever since that memory popped up, my sleep schedule hast changed from 8 peaceful hours per night to 5. I dream of him and I fighting, I am more easy to cry, I don’t have an appetite and have already lost some weight just in a couple of days. My heart rate is up, I get headaches & this incredible feeling of being stressed out for no reason.

I’m suspecting this is my body remembering the trauma, because I remember every single day and detail from the last week of our relationship. Down to my mother asking me if I was on drugs, because my panic attacks were so severe and him screaming at me for not wanting to eat chicken during a panic attack and not having myself under control. He wasn’t a bad guy, we just made each other into bad people.

Does anyone have experience with trauma anniversaries? I have read some stuff about them online, but I have never experienced this before so I don‘t know if this is what’s happening to me but I can’t find another reason I would feel this way (as my life is pretty okay right now). Does anyone have tips? I have already tried meditation & stuff but that doesn’t work, friends do distract me, but I can’t do my hobbies right now cause it just makes me worse.

I would appreciate some advise other than melatonin haha, since I already take that every night. :)

hi, my mom has been very paranoid for the last 1.5 years. she thinks she is being watched by the cashiers whenever she goes to the store. It has started getting worse this past year. -this all started back when my other family members were don’t like came to our house w/o invite and overstayed their visit. my dad was very sick and they were getting very involved in my mom’s method of care toward him(pills she gives him, food she feeds him) -they were very emotionally and mentally abusive toward her and she is very tramitized from it -she believes she heard them saying they will file a report on her, and she thinks they want to do this so she goes to jail and they can take all of my dads money instead of her -she believes they would try to prove that she does not take good care of my dad
-she barely goes to the store bc she is so afraid that she is being spyed on.

I am not sure what to do. can someone please help? i feel she has a disorder or have paranoia and needs to speak w a professional. I want her to talk to a therpist or doctor, but she gets very upset if someone doesn’t believe what she is saying. I don’t want to invalidate her feelings but i know i need to somehow intervene before this gets worse. I have been there for her trying to listen to her and be sympathetic but that’s not enough.

Like it’s the most bullshit thing in the whole fucking world

I was born with a normal fucking life, and some bullshit came and took that away

I used to think I forgave my family for the abuse I suffered, but when conflict arises and toxic/manipulative/absuive patterns re-emerge it feels like those wounds are newly fresh all over again.

Hi all, I work in a very competitive field (higher education) that I am incredibly passionate about. Unfortunately it has been impossible to find a job, and each rejection seems to trigger long held beliefs that I am not good enough, smart enough, or talented enough to succeed in this field. This likely stem from my childhood growing up as a child with learning disabilities. I was often rejected by other children or teachers, and struggled to succeed in the traditional classroom setting. Now it seems with every rejected application for a job at a university (of which there have been over 30) I experience all that childhood rejection all over again. Anybody have advice on how to work through this or deal with it more productively? It is becoming clear that I must learn to endure a lot of rejection if I have even the slightest chance of succeeding in this field.

We have been getting a lot of users messaging the mods regarding not being able to make a post and/or needing a link in order to make a post.

If this happens to you: you have not been banned or had mod action taken against you!*

There seems to be an ongoing issue with the Reddit Mobile App. This issue is causing problems when trying to post to certain subreddits. As far as we can tell, it seems to be completely random which subs and users it is affecting.

There is nothing we as mods can do for this issue.

Suggestions would be to uninstall and reinstall the app and see if that makes a difference. Otherwise, posting from the website itself seems to be the only sure work around.

* In the event you have been banned from the sub, you would have received notification of that action.

I had this horrible heavy feeling that I may have been sexually abused or molested in some way as a child. I have no memory, just a feeling in my heart, as well as some other pieces of evidence that have come up as I have researched the topic. I just wanted to speak about it on here, because it's obviously not an easy thing to bring up in everyday life, and maybe hear some advice on what to do/similar stories from people online so I feel less alone.

There's a few aspects which I would like to speak about, and I'm going to go into them one by one.

Firstly, I have always been hyper sexual. I probably starting masturbating when I was 4/5 years old and watching porn on the family computer in secret. I knew that I shouldn't be doing it, but I couldn't stop. I would masturbate every day, sometimes even secretly in the living room with my family around me just because I couldn't stop. I started sexual activity young, having my first encounter at the age of 14 with a boy my age at a party. I struggle to say no to sex, especially after a couple of drinks, which means I end up having lots of one night stands, because I just feel like by doing that, I'm proving to other people that I'm desirable and lovable. This puts me in really difficult situations, when I was 19, I was raped after a uni night out, and still to this day suffer from night terrors and other PTSD symptoms, but this hasn't stopped me from going out and putting myself back out there.

I often think back to my childhood, and have come to the conclusion time and time again that I have little to no memories of it. I think I only have actual succinct memories from the age of 10/11. Whenever I think that I am remembering something, I realise quickly that I'm actually remembering a photograph, not the actual event taking place. I have experienced this kind of thing when dealing with my rape PTSD, with memories being repressed until about a year on from the assault, and so I'm worried that I'm just reliving that same thing but with my childhood.

There's some things I did as a child which really concern me when I think back to it, and are some of the reasons I tend to think I may have been sexually abused.

I used to play with Barbies a lot, and I do actually have memories of me making both my female and male dolls rape the other female dolls. I would also recreate sex with other dolls and teddies that I had, and that would have been from the age of 7/8.

I also do have a memory of teaching one of my friends how to masturbate. This happened when I was 6/7 years old, and we were in the playground at school for lunchtime. I remember telling her that when you rub your legs together it feels really good, and I showed her. It confused me when she wasn't interested in trying it.

I also would fantasise about seeing people naked, both my friends, and family. I would play out scenarios in my head where things happened in class and everyone for some reason had to get naked and I got to go and touch them or do whatever I liked with them. This was probably when I was 9/10 years old.

I also had a fantasy of sharing a double bed with my 3 boy cousins. 2 were older than me by a couple of years, and 1 was younger. In the fantasy, I was staying at my grandparent's house, and I would have been 6/7 years old. They were all asleep, and I went under the covers and took their clothes off and looked at them naked. I didn't do anything to them in the dream, but the fact that I was fantasising about taking off their clothes while they were asleep makes me wonder where the hell did I get the idea to do that, unless someone else did that to me first.

I don't know who would have done it, and that's one of the things that makes my heart heavy. I have a normal family.

My dad loves me lots, we sometimes butt heads because we're really similar, but we mostly get on. He does have an alcohol issue and that infuriates me, but apart from that, we're fine. He has said some questionable things to me though before, but I don't know if it's just his personality. Before I had hit puberty, he once told me that I would get 'lovely perky boobs' like my mom. We were also once having a conversation and was talking about teachers, he was saying that he could never do that job, but that he 'loves children', before quickly following up with 'not in that way', which idk irks me, the fact that he feels he has to so quickly explain himself. He's always been open to talk to me about sex, but in that type of conversation, he's never been weird with me.

When I was young, we had a load of family friends who were around our house every Friday night. They were all friends of my dad, were all my dad's age, and all drank like my dad. But they were lovely, we still see them a lot and I do love them. They used to come over and play poker, but then they would still read me stories and play with me. Again, I don't have much memory of any of this, it probably went on from when I was a baby, to when I was 7/8 years old. Some of the friends drifted, and we haven't seen in a decade, some of them we are still close with.

There could be other people I suppose: extended male family (although we weren't very close to them except for my grandparents), men from church, male relatives of friends. Although I think those are less likely.

To summarise, I just feel like something happened to me as a child, and I don't know what. Something is wrong and it's scary and nothing makes sense. I'm terrified that I'm uncovering something I will never be able to forget. Please, help me. I have no one to validate me, or make me feel better. I can't talk to anyone about this.

I’ve been forced to have my back against the wall my whole life

I don’t wanna fight anymore

Please, just give me a peaceful life. Or take me out of my misery

I had this horrible heavy feeling that I may have been sexually abused or molested in some way as a child. I have no memory, just a feeling in my heart, as well as some other pieces of evidence that have come up as I have researched the topic. I just wanted to speak about it on here, because it's obviously not an easy thing to bring up in everyday life, and maybe hear some advice on what to do/similar stories from people online so I feel less alone.

There's a few aspects which I would like to speak about, and I'm going to go into them one by one.

Firstly, I have always been hyper sexual. I probably starting masturbating when I was 4/5 years old and watching porn on the family computer in secret. I knew that I shouldn't be doing it, but I couldn't stop. I would masturbate every day, sometimes even secretly in the living room with my family around me just because I couldn't stop. I started sexual activity young, having my first encounter at the age of 14 with a boy my age at a party. I struggle to say no to sex, especially after a couple of drinks, which means I end up having lots of one night stands, because I just feel like by doing that, I'm proving to other people that I'm desirable and lovable. This puts me in really difficult situations, when I was 19, I was raped after a uni night out, and still to this day suffer from night terrors and other PTSD symptoms, but this hasn't stopped me from going out and putting myself back out there.

I often think back to my childhood, and have come to the conclusion time and time again that I have little to no memories of it. I think I only have actual succinct memories from the age of 10/11. Whenever I think that I am remembering something, I realise quickly that I'm actually remembering a photograph, not the actual event taking place. I have experienced this kind of thing when dealing with my rape PTSD, with memories being repressed until about a year on from the assault, and so I'm worried that I'm just reliving that same thing but with my childhood.

There's some things I did as a child which really concern me when I think back to it, and are some of the reasons I tend to think I may have been sexually abused.

I used to play with Barbies a lot, and I do actually have memories of me making both my female and male dolls rape the other female dolls. I would also recreate sex with other dolls and teddies that I had, and that would have been from the age of 7/8.

I also do have a memory of teaching one of my friends how to masturbate. This happened when I was 6/7 years old, and we were in the playground at school for lunchtime. I remember telling her that when you rub your legs together it feels really good, and I showed her. It confused me when she wasn't interested in trying it.

I also would fantasise about seeing people naked, both my friends, and family. I would play out scenarios in my head where things happened in class and everyone for some reason had to get naked and I got to go and touch them or do whatever I liked with them. This was probably when I was 9/10 years old.

I also had a fantasy of sharing a double bed with my 3 boy cousins. 2 were older than me by a couple of years, and 1 was younger. In the fantasy, I was staying at my grandparent's house, and I would have been 6/7 years old. They were all asleep, and I went under the covers and took their clothes off and looked at them naked. I didn't do anything to them in the dream, but the fact that I was fantasising about taking off their clothes while they were asleep makes me wonder where the hell did I get the idea to do that, unless someone else did that to me first.

I don't know who would have done it, and that's one of the things that makes my heart heavy. I have a normal family.

My dad loves me lots, we sometimes butt heads because we're really similar, but we mostly get on. He does have an alcohol issue and that infuriates me, but apart from that, we're fine. He has said some questionable things to me though before, but I don't know if it's just his personality. Before I had hit puberty, he once told me that I would get 'lovely perky boobs' like my mom. We were also once having a conversation and was talking about teachers, he was saying that he could never do that job, but that he 'loves children', before quickly following up with 'not in that way', which idk irks me, the fact that he feels he has to so quickly explain himself. He's always been open to talk to me about sex, but in that type of conversation, he's never been weird with me.

When I was young, we had a load of family friends who were around our house every Friday night. They were all friends of my dad, were all my dad's age, and all drank like my dad. But they were lovely, we still see them a lot and I do love them. They used to come over and play poker, but then they would still read me stories and play with me. Again, I don't have much memory of any of this, it probably went on from when I was a baby, to when I was 7/8 years old. Some of the friends drifted, and we haven't seen in a decade, some of them we are still close with.

There could be other people I suppose: extended male family (although we weren't very close to them except for my grandparents), men from church, male relatives of friends. Although I think those are less likely.

To summarise, I just feel like something happened to me as a child, and I don't know what. Something is wrong and it's scary and nothing makes sense. I'm terrified that I'm uncovering something I will never be able to forget. Please, help me. I have no one to validate me, or make me feel better. I can't talk to anyone about this.

It’s so unfair

That I had my life ruined and destroyed and I have to show up for myself after all this

It’s like burglars destroyed and ruined your house and now you have to show up and clean it and repair it and everything