My mom died in November and my stepdad committed suicide over a week later. I am only 18 and I didn’t get enough time with my mom. She was my whole world and best friend. I feel like I have no home because my stepdad committed suicide by gun in my house. I miss them both and I just want my old life back. I want to give up because I don’t think I can be happy again. I am going to miss my mom every day for the rest of my life and I can’t handle the pain I am in

December is the only month I feel comforted by my Dad (and his death).

He passed 7 years ago, when I was a teenager.

Growing up, I always heard how the holidays were difficult for those with grief. So I was raised to be extra kind, generous, and thoughtful to everyone, just in case someone is having a hard time.

When I lost my Dad, it was my 3rd familial loss in 8 years. But his loss left me broken. He passed in September, so I anticipated the holidays were going to be rough.

His birthday is a week and a half before Christmas. Christmas was his favourite holiday. The music, the movies, the lights and decorations, the snow, the spirit. He loved giving money to people in need, dressing up as Santa at our family dinners to bring joy to the children. He loved it all.

The first Christmas came around, and I felt a weird sense of peace. I saw him in everything. Everywhere I looked, it reminded me of him. But I didn’t feel sad. It felt like he was everywhere with me.

Throughout all of the following Christmases, I felt the same feeling. Over and over.

Now, it will be the 8th Christmas that he’s absent. I plan to continue to emulate the holiday spirit, as he did. I have made a plan of all of the movies I will watch throughout the month, as well as the Christmas markets I will wonder in the cold winter evenings.

I miss him like crazy.

My mum died when I was 13, and my dad just died on Thursday. Due to his health issues he lived with me my whole adult life. My birthday is tomorrow and my dad sent me a happy birthday text about an hour before he died. How am I supposed to move on from this? His family doesn’t like me and lives in a different province and I am all alone. My friends all still have their parents and grandparents and I can’t help but feel resentment and jealousy. I know they mean well by reaching out but they don’t get it. Tomorrow is my 32 birthday and I have to go to the funeral home to make my dad’s cremation plans. I just don’t know how to keep going.

My father passed away when my mother was three months pregnant with me. My mother found him dead in garage with the car running, "apparently" the garage door had come down without him knowing it. I know very little about him~ he was an alcoholic and he beat my mother (once so bad that she had a miscarriage). My mother remarried and I dont have much of a relationship with my step dad.

I've always felt like a part of me was missing and growing up without a father/role model in my life has affected my personal life. I find it difficult to open up to people. I'm not married and my relationships have been short term. I've visited his grave site a few times throughout the years. I've been to a therapist in the past to address this and other issues.

When I was 3, my family got a dog who happened to love parenting. My dad passed away when I was 6. About a year later, my older brother started bullying me. My mom often just allowed him to. I think the idea was to let him work on managing it himself, but I ended up getting bullied and usually having no way to stop it unless I left my own home.

I wish I could tell that little kid I was that someday, she’ll feel like she won the lottery for kids who’ve lost their dads. I have a dad who was extremely supportive of me when he was alive. I have a male guard dog who happened to love parenting kids and puppies when he was alive. When I was 19, I met the guy I love, and a few years later, I learned his parents accepted me as their daughter, and his sisters accepted me as their sister, and I have since gotten to have a dad here on Earth again, AND 2 moms, AND 2 older sisters. I’ve also learned that a friend of mine has accepted me as his younger sister, and so I now have another older brother. The dog I had became an unofficial autism service dog for me and lead me to a lifelong love of animals and over 20 more pets over the years, as well as leading to my service dog in training, who will someday be an official service dog. And several months ago, I learned that my mom’s best friend also wants to become my dad. My older brother has been working heavily on how he treats me and my mom has been working heavily on how she treats me.

That kid had so little self-esteem. That kid sometimes had to put herself in charge of making sure she, her brother, and her pets got enough food. That poor kid felt bad when all the food she could get for them was whatever people had left in the bottom of vending machines. I wish I could tell that little girl that someday she’ll win the lottery for kids in her situation. I wish I could tell her that she was resourceful to look for food in vending machines, grab condiment packets, ask each friend for just one thing at lunch so it’d add up to 2 sides for her, 2 for her brother, and 1 for her dog, grab candy from whatever candy bowls were out in public, alert her brother to fill up whenever there were healthy free samples at grocery stores so they could eat something healthy once in a while in her plan. I wish I could tell her that she doesn’t have to cry just because she got on the A/B honor roll instead of the A honor roll. I wish I could tell her that she deserved the family therapy she requested. I wish I could tell her that it gets a lot better when she meets a guy she was clearly always meant to meet. I wish I could tell her that when she’s 15, she discovers her favorite Broadway show and from then on, every play she ever sees makes her feel like someone’s coming to help, and then someone does come to help, and that person is theatre. I wish I could tell her that she’s intelligent and that she has talents and that her current pain causes those talents to grow when she’s an adult. I wish I could tell her that having a life in which you get bullied at school, have your only break when you walk home and meet your dog at the door, and get treated how she did at home is NOT okay. I wish I could tell her that someday, her mom’s side of the family really starts to heal and she gets time with so many amazing bio family members as a result. I wish I could tell her that someday, 3+ people want to be her dad and 2+ people want to be her mom and want to treat her properly and kindly, and 4+ people want to be her older brothers or sisters.

But yeah, I wish I could tell her that someday, she wins the lottery and that she does it partially by doing the choices she thinks are good ideas or kind.

Close to crying with joy now. The people who chose me as family make me feel so blessed.

I am 27 and just lost my last parent. My father passed away suddenly back in March of 2024 and now my mother just passed away last night due to stage 4 breast cancer.

I feel so lost and empty right now knowing my mother isn't physically with me anymore. I had a better relationship with my mom better than my dad as she was my bestest friend and the person I told everything too.

I don't feel as much grief with my mother's passing compared to my father's passing since the grief of all the missed time with my father I made up for all the extra time I made an effort to spend with my mother. I was with her through the majority of the last 3 months due to her rapidly declining health and going from going out and helping with groceries or needed to run some errands with her to just watching her sleep most of the time to watching her take her last breath all within a 3 week time span.

I am glad she is no longer suffering anymore because it was horrible to watch her in the condition she was in but I miss her so damn much. I wished I wasn't so sad because I know the last thing she would want right now is for my sisters and I to not be sad.

I feel like I have been robbed of so much time and happiness with my parents with them being both gone. I am single now but it hurts knowing they won't be there to meet the love of my life (if we haven't met yet), won't be there physically at my wedding day or the fact that my future children will never have the chance to meet their grandparents.

My dad killed himself during a bipolar episode when I was 9 years old. He was my world. I have a mom, but he was best friend. After he passed I was emotionally & mentally neglected. My mom was focused on taking care of my 3 year old sister, who ended up experiencing some physical abuse from her. I'm not excusing my mom's behavior but I can't imagine what she was going through which is why I've always tried to give her grace when it comes to her abusive behavior (granted she had some of these traits before he passed). I moved across country at 19 & started a new life for myself, dug myself out of depression & suicidal ideation. I've been trying to repair my relationship with my mom & have been staying with her the past 2 months (leaving today). She gets very defensive very quick or will quickly disregard my feelings when I would try to talk about my feelings. Yesterday during Thanksgiving lunch, she got condescendingly political & kind of snapped but was being very aware how I was speaking to her. I told her she disregards my emotions & always has. At first she denied it, but I told her "No. Stop for a second & please listen to me when I tell you something hurts me. Please don't just disregard it. Understand that after dad passed away, emotionally I was on my own" & My mom even said "you were so young & felt completely abandoned?" & I told her that's exactly it. I understood she was going through it, but I was only 9 & I didn't know how to process emotions so I shoved it deep, deep, deep down to the pit of my being just trying to survive (I wanted to kill myself between ages 11-15). This was the first time I felt like her cries & apology felt real. Before I always felt like applogies or crying was just to get me to stop complaining or as a defense mechanism. We both cried. She asked if she was the reason for my pain & I told her I didn't want to entirely blame her because she was going through a lot, but to realize I was also going through a lot. She acknowledged that I was so young & I shouldn't have had to emotionally navigate life on my own, the way I did. I explained how I felt like I was robbed of my childhood because I was so focused on trying to feel normal or death. I'm finally starting to process & heal from his death. I'm finally able to see that little 9 year old me, who last her dad & I mourn so much for her. This is the first time I was able to see childhood me as just a kid & not gaslight myself into "You should've been better."

I find myself crying sometimes. Usually not detrimental. I’ll be driving in the car and thinking about life and cry. Maybe I’ll be going to sleep. If I start to have a conversation with someone about I’ll tear up. Yesterday I got upset about the holidays while showering and it hit me pretty good.

Some weeks it everyday. Sometimes I get so busy I can forget. Today I’m sad.

It’s tiring being put together all the time. If only people knew how often it affected me

I wonder if one day the memories will make me happy instead of sad

CW: verbal and emotional abuse; stroke; long term care; estrangement

My dad died this morning (found out via text message). I had a very complicated relationship with him. I'm not exactly sure what I'm feeling/how I should be feeling, so forgive my ramblings. I just feel super alone right now and need a place to vent with people who might understand some of what I'm saying.

I was very close with my mom. While we had typical mother/daughter fights when I was a teenager, I ended up giving up on college so I could come home and be my mom's full-time care giver (she needed home hemodialysis). Best years of my life, would do it again (helped me find my calling, being a nurse). My father was around during all of this but generally useless as his job was to keep the family afloat financially, and often had to work multiple jobs to do so. As such, he felt entitled to explode at my mom and I when things weren't as he expected them at home (mom was a hoarder from being poor and physical inability to clean), and would verbally abuse her and myself every few weeks. The one time it got physical when I was old enough (age 12), we both called 911 and had him arrested. He had court ordered anger management and since my mom was financially dependent on him, they continued being married.

When I was 22, my mom died in February. And in December my father had a massive stroke. I don't really remember 2011 because of how bad it sucked. Dad survived the stroke, but doctors were amazed he did, and felt it would be better to not give him a feeding tube and let him pass away. He was still with it enough to demand the tube, and there was no way in hell I was ready to lose both parents in the same year. So he ends up completely paralyzed on one side, with a completely new personality, and forever bed bound in a nursing home.

There are many fights and arguments with his side of the family, a lot of shitty things were said. Eventually I moved away from where my dad's nursing home was, and he decided he wanted to be closer to his aging parents and his brother, so he moves to South Carolina.

After I moved to Philly, and he moved to SC, there was minimal contact. It got to the point where I would go years without talking to him. I only ever visited him once to make sure he got outside during the 2017 solar eclipse (he was in totality). We had maybe 2 video calls during covid, and that was pretty much it. His brother, my uncle, would text me once or twice a year whenever my dad ended up in the hospital but it was never anything serious.

This time, mid October, I get the text he's back in the hospital, and eventually after a few days, I learn my dad has decided he's done fighting and is choosing to go on hospice rather than get a feeding tube and that he doesn't want to see me in person or virtually and hopes I'll respect his wishes. So I have to have my uncle tell him about my 10 month old son (who I was originally going to surprise my dad with meeting him on his 75th birthday/my son's 9 month birthday but kid's covid vaccine got delayed so I couldn't fly with him). Eventually, after a few days, the pull of meeting his grandson was finally enough for him to change his mind and let us come see him/say goodbye.

At that point, it's right before Halloween, and like most hospice patients, he seemed to be getting better. We have our visits (he insisted his brother be present, I assume because my dad was worried I would bring up his abusive history and he didn't want to face it), and we go home. Life gets crazy, and I never get around to sending my uncle pictures from our visit as he requested to set up for my dad to see.

All of a sudden, this morning at 10:45am that my dad "passed away peacefully" sometime between 6am and 7:42am.

I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel right now. I'm officially without parents, but I've felt that way for awhile since the stroke affected my father's personality so much. But at the same time, I always knew he was still around. My husband wants to write him off as a shitty human because of the damage he did to me, but he was still my dad, he still worked himself into the situation he ended up in just to put me through private high school which is where I met my husband. So indirectly, my dad is the reason why my son exists. But I also can't help but feel glad that it's finally over. My dad always told me that if he ever got so sick, like my mom, that he couldn't take care of himself and had to go to a nursing home to just take him out back and shoot him instead. These last 13 years were his very definition of a living hell, and he only survived it, I think, because his brain was so damaged he couldn't comprehend/accept his situation.

Because of the holiday, I can't see my therapist who I've been working with since my son was born to work through my complex childhood trauma from my father to try to prevent the cycle from repeating itself until Wednesday, so im just kinda drifting along, trying to put on a brave face around my in-laws and nephews. I just don't know what to feel.

I'm glad it's over, I'm sad I have no parents, I'm concerned about my lack of reaction, and I just generally feel like I'm drifting through complete apathy and devastation and happiness without rhyme or reason.

I don't even know what I'm looking for, I just needed to share my story, and I didn't have anyone else. So if you made it this far, thank you.

Hello to all the wonderful people in this group. I am touched by all your stories and efforts to survive the grief and loss of a parent/both parents. My dad died in a sudden horrific car accident when I was 9 and I was not allowed to see him or attend a funeral or see any ashes or cremation or anything. There was no memorial site or headstone and my mum disposed of all his clothes and personal items immediately. I was sent to school the next day and expected to be normal as was my brother… So basically we were denied the right to grieve at all. I have no photos of me with him so basically he is just gone.. I am thinking of doing a phd on children who were not allowed to grieve and have disenfranchised grief and ways to help them as adults as no one did anything for me. I am interested to connect with anyone else who was not allowed to grieve and any strategies they have found help them access their grief as an adult when it was blocked as a child. I feel so much anger about it! Does anyone else feel like this? Thanks for reading..

I took the advice I got here and claimed to have Covid to get out of thanksgiving with my brother’s in-laws. Not completely a lie - I’m sick with something and my upstairs neighbor has Covid, I just couldn’t be bothered to get a test. They dropped me some food which was nice. I’m just sitting here watching a scary movie. It could be better, but at least I don’t have to make nice with people I barely know and deal with dad’s badgering about the stupid girlfriend.

I’ve never been that into Thanksgiving, and our family never went too hard on it. Just a nice meal together. Years ago I convinced mom to do fried chicken instead of turkey - easier for her and her fried chicken was incredible. These days I wish I had written down how she did it. I watched her make it countless times but somehow I can’t remember the details. And the mashed potatoes and gravy too, it was always my favorite meal.

More than anything I just want to be back in the kitchen with her, chatting and cooking. I thought about making pie for myself since that was the thing we both liked the most. But I couldn’t find the tart cherries at the grocery so whatever. I can’t be bothered to clean the kitchen either anyway.

My daddy is gone. The magic is gone.

my dad died in May and i haven’t dreamt about him once util last night. i felt like i could hug him and talk to him. life is so unfair sometimes. i miss him so so much. i would give up anything to have another thanksgiving with him. if you’re feeling down today i hope you find comfort knowing you are not alone.

hey everyone, i haven’t posted about this before but i don’t know where else to go to with this. my dad passed in mid september of cancer. he was on a ventilator for 13 days prior and my siblings and i had to make the decision to end his life support when it became clear he was not going to be able to breathe on his own again. i turned 24 four days into his time on the ventilator. i think im just here because i don’t know who i can talk to about this and i don’t know if anyone else has experienced this as well.

i feel like my brain is blocking me from feeling a significant amount of the grief and strong emotions. i still cry every day, some days being worse than others, but i feel like i’m functioning more than i should be if that makes sense. i recognize that i’m an adult and i have to keep going about my life, but i can tell physically that i’m experiencing a lot more stress than i believe i’m feeling mentally. its taken me until recently to recognize how traumatic his death was as we had to make all of the medical decisions and ultimately watch him die. if i let my mind wander, the images of it come into my head vividly and linger.

i still can’t find it in me to talk to him without falling apart completely. i can’t listen to music that he loved. i can’t listen to voicemails or read messages. so maybe i’m not feeling it as often because i’m simply avoiding things i know will upset me until they are unavoidable? sorry if this isn’t making sense, i’m having a hard night with coming to terms with my first thanksgiving without him tomorrow. i am just so angry and sad every time i think about it, i wish i could picture him again any way other than sick. i feel like i’m going to feel like this the rest of my life and i don’t know how to come to terms with that. if anyone has any advice or has dealt with this too i would love to hear it, i feel like i’m going crazy or someone simply turned me off.

This will be the 14th Thanksgiving I've spent without dad, the 18th without mom. The holidays are the worst time of year for me, I haven't had anyone to spend them with this decade and a half. I've always felt like they're just another day for me and been in denial about how much that fact sucks balls. I miss... Family. The whole concept of family seems like a distant, ghostly memory, almost a fantasy at this point. I don't know if I'll ever experience it again, I might be too broken. But anyway, I just realized that some of you might be in the same boat as me, so I thought I'd reach out say if your Thanksgiving sucks as much as mine does, I'm thinking of you and wishing you a happy Thanksgiving.

My aunt just called me lazy… even though my dad just passed away a few months ago. I’m in college and I’m trying my best with everything. I work a lot harder than a lot of other kids my age. Hearing stuff like this from family just makes me feel even more unmotivated

my mom died last year on Dec 22nd. I was 23. I live out of state and had to fly there before she died, the experience was very traumatic. I've had loads of trauma in my life and I think my body is so used to internalizing pain that it's very difficult for me to access any emotion around my moms death. I find that I gaslight myself and tell myself it's stupid to cry because it won't make her not dead and that people go through worse and it's not that bad. it's getting closer to the anniversary of her death and I just found out her phone number got given away. it is really uncomfortable to process my grief, physically uncomfortable. grief feels pointless to me because it doesn't change anything. I'm so angry about her dying that I almost can't feel anything else. has anyone else experienced this or am I crazy

My dad died last week. He had been suffering for 8 years after a serious stroke took most of his mobility and his ability to speak. I haven’t actually had a conversation with him since I was 23. I made the mistake of going in to work for a day after my bereavement was used up. It was incredibly obvious to me immediately that most people can’t quite empathize. They’ve lost family and friends of course, but not their parents. I’ve seen my dad almost every single of day of my life as I stayed home after his stroke to help care for him. My feelings are all over the place hour to hour and we haven’t even had his final service yet. I know that I will have to return to my life next week and keep moving, but it makes me a little angry at everyone around me that they seem nonchalant and disconnected from it. It’s not their fault. It was impossible for me to really imagine it before now but, it’s still hurts my feelings.

like once the topic is brought up? asap? just hide it? i never know what to do LOL. i feel like it makes people immediately assume im mentally ill or unstable.

Since my mom died, everything has been different. Holidays included, of course. These past couple weeks I've been SO darn exhausted, then I realized that it's due to it being around this time of year. My stomach has been in knots, I've been anxious and moody, and like I said... I'm just so tired. I wish I could skip Thanksgiving all together and just rest at home alone with my dog. I hate having to put on a fake, brave face for everyone. I honestly just want to stay home, watch sad movies, and cry. I wish my loved ones understood this rather than saying "oh well if you're sad, you should come celebrate! It'll help you feel better." No, it won't. But if I told you that, you wouldn't accept it. You'd tell me "it's been long enough since your mother died, you need to get out of the house more" or "she'd want you to celebrate". Again, no. What she'd want is for me to do whatever I feel will help me that year. But again, not a single person will understand that.

Sending you all much love this holiday season 🤍

My mum passed away 10 months ago. It's my 17th birthday in a few hours. My first without her... How am I supposed to keep going on without her and look after my younger sister? Where is my life going to be take me? I don't want to celebrate my birthday at all. Who is going to cook up my favorite dish and bring in a cake anyway despite me saying I don't like them? Who is going to say "Happy birthday my princess" at sharp 12am? Who is going to annoy me? I miss my Ma so much. How was your first birthday without your mother? What all do you guys do? The grief shows up unexpectedly. It hurts so much, knowing she was the only family I had. I don't have a father, living with my aunt and uncle also hasn't been the best. In fact it traumatized me even more. Did any of you go through the same thing? Will I make it to the other side?

I’m an only child in my late twenties. 7 years ago I lost my mom to breast cancer around mid November. I was in community college so my dad and I were around to have her at home for home hospice care in the time leading up to her passing.

In the beginning of 2024 my dad had a seizure which doctors discovered was due to glioblastoma grade four - a very aggressive and cancerous brain tumor. I was working from home and taking care of him until his passing in July of 2024. I was determined to take care of my dad since I felt useless when taking care of my mom - still being in school and financially dependent on my parents. It was the hardest experience of my life thus far.

I have been in therapy and quit smoking, drinking caffeine because I cannot sleep well. When I was taking care of my dad he fell in the middle of the night and while he was lucky not to severely hurt himself, that experience triggered a strong anxiety within me. Sometimes I have vivid dreams that shake me awake. I was already a light sleeper prior to this experience, and smoked/vaped to put myself at ease but now everything just makes my heart race so I quit everything and started jogging a few times a week.

I feel like I’m doing everything in my power to get back to a better place but one of my my mom’s close friends texted me on the 7 year anniversary of her passing a little over a week ago and for some reason that sent me down a dark mental path. I stopped jogging. I started coming home from work and going straight to bed. I didn’t leave the house all weekend. I’m single and live with my friend that I’ve known my whole life (we were even roommates in college when I transferred to a four-year school after my mom passed) and I can’t even interact with him. I feel like avoiding everything and everyone.

Yesterday I got ready for work and just called in sick at the last second because the thought of interacting with people terrified me. Now I’m thinking of calling in sick today too.

One of my dad’s cousins invited me out of state to have thanksgiving with her and her family along with some of my dad’s other cousins. I accepted her offer a month or so ago. I wasn’t super close to my dad’s cousins and their kids growing up but I really do love her and my dad’s family. They were very supportive during my dad’s decline and they are great people. I just feel so anxious about going now and feel like I can’t keep up appearances to make it through thanksgiving. The thought of having to make small talk or worse - sit back quietly and feel depressed in a room full of loved ones all laughing and talking to each other.

I don’t want to fall into a habitual loop of canceling plans and staying away from everything and everyone but my chest hurts just thinking about it. I can’t even bring myself to leave the house unless I need to. I just want some mental peace and I feel a constant fog hanging over me. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m still here.

The one person in my life who gets me and actually listened to me is gone. Gone forever.

Now it’s just me and my dad. My dad is emotionally immature. I could never talk to him about what’s going on in my life because half the time he doesn’t respond and when he does respond it’s telling me what I did wrong. There’s absolutely no empathy there. He only picks up on big things like me crying because my mother died. If it was something more nuanced like work/relationship issues, it would go completely over his head.

I always used to call my mom at the end of the day and tell her everything about my day, good or bad. It was like I was an overinflated balloon and I just had to let it out, and the way I did that was by talking to her. Now I still feel like the overinflated balloon but I have nowhere to let my air out.

I have friends and other family members I can talk to, but none of them replace my mama.

It just sucks that now I’m stuck with the one parent who absolutely does not get it and won’t even try.

A dear friend passed last week. I know I’m not alone. But i feel so fucking alone. I live with my mom now, my dad died last June. My siblings are oblivious, my friends compare my mom to theirs (relatively young but my moms health is deteriorating) so this all just feel so isolating. I was dumped in March, They’re all in relationships so they all have someone. I’m noting how depressed I am so i deleted social media outside of Reddit. My job is incredibly social so im just exhausted at the idea of getting to know new people and i feel like a fucking griefy burden

Regardless of how strong i am alone, which i am. I wish i had someone. My heart hearts

Just another nail of permanence…

...because they can't. i do my best not to give in to self-pity, or feel like a "special snowflake," but--like anyone--my situation is definitely unique to me.

i lost my mom (73) almost a month ago. her health had been steadily declining since my dad passed in 2020. at the end of august, she'd become weak, incontinent, and nearly immobile. she developed an infection from an open wound that progressed to dry gangrene in one of her toes. her heart was barely functioning, relying on a pacemaker to do most of the work. and naturally, she was depressed. i spent the entirety of autumn watching her suffer in hospitals and nursing homes.

i am my parents' only child, and the sole heir to the estate. i was living about an hour away, newly promoted at a job i loved, and my life was completely overturned. i now own my parents' house, and their dog, and essentially every remaining piece of their existences.

my job became totally draining. taking care of my mother consumed me. the commute was (is) dreadful. i essentially abandoned my former life to move back to my childhood home. i resigned from my job, which shifted from a source of joy to one of intense stress. i can't fathom abandoning the house or the dog.

and i feel painfully alone. most people have to confront their parents' deaths, but i also tried--and failed--to compartmentalize two existences. it was impossible.

i understand that part of me was in fact unhappy with my previous situation. i was living with my partner, who i deeply love, but is incredibly difficult to share a small apartment with. after the promotion, the work i adored evolved into long days of intense boredom and fatigue.

i'm not really looking for advice or even commiseration. i just need to verbalize, somehow, how traumatic this experience has been. i didn't just lose my mom (and dad). i watched my mother suffer through intense pain, with me as her only source of comfort. and we sometimes fought bitterly towards the end, out of overwhelming stress. and i (willingly) became a homeowner...with no sustainable source of income. it's exciting, overwhelming, exhausting, painful.

edit, for clarification:
when i say "no one understands," what i really mean is that, while people are very sympathetic and have the best intentions, all they really hear or comprehend is, "My mom died."

but it's so much more. yes, my mom died...and everything in my life was upended. i don't even feel like the same person i was months ago. i was with my mom nearly every day in the weeks before her death. watching her disappear was one of the most intense, traumatic experiences in my life. everything about my "old" life feels superficial and pointless.

Hi all, hope you’re all hanging in there as the holidays are approaching.

My dad passed in the spring from cancer complications and I was with him when he passed and it was very traumatic for me.

Whenever I can’t fall asleep immediately, my mind just goes back to the hospital room before / during / after he passed. I can’t seem to get the images out of my head and it feels like I have to relive the worst moment of my life every night.

I’ve turned to melatonin, guided meditations, reading and nothing is really helping much. I’m in therapy and my therapist has given me mindfulness strategies to use and they help but not completely.

Does anyone else experience this? What do you do to cope? I’m sick of feeling sleep deprived all the time.

I was honestly hoping that I had gotten e. Coli from the recalled carrots I ate so I wouldn’t have to go to Thanksgiving. I have to go to my brother’s in-laws, who invited me and my dad to be polite. They’re nice people, but I’m out of place there. I’ve never cared that much about Thanksgiving.

That’s not even really the stressful part. It’s my dad who cannot stop pressuring me to meet and make nice with his new girlfriend (together somewhere around 4-6 months after mom’s death). No, I don’t want anything to do with your fucking girlfriend when my mother has been dead for NOT EVEN A YEAR, Jesus shitfucking Christ what is wrong with you.

I’m getting so stressed out bracing myself for this nonsense. My will to live is approaching zero even without all this shit.

Hi everyone in this subreddit,

This is my first time posting on Reddit, and I feel a bit out of place. However, I wanted to take a moment to express my appreciation for all the posts here. It has been a month since my dad (the person I lived with) was diagnosed with metastasis, and now I know he only has a couple more months, or possibly weeks, left. He hasn't been quite himself since, and barely speaks. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old, and now I'm 26. My two brothers don’t have a good relationship with him and don’t want to talk about or visit him, so even though I have support from some of my family members, I feel as if no one truly understands the pain and confusion of losing someone who, for a significant part of my life, wasn’t there for me as a father.

Last night, after receiving updates on my dad's life expectancy, I spent hours writing about it, and then reading through many posts in this subreddit. I know he's still here, but the anticipatory grief it's so painful and frustrating. I cannot express how comforting it was to realize that I am not alone in feeling this way. Some of you shared stories about your own grief, describing how, even though it is one of the hardest things we go through, the pain can transform into something more bearable. It may never completely leave, but it can bring us a sense of comfort knowing that our loved one is now at peace.

I wish there were more counseling groups in my country where I could talk to others in similar situations. I needed to say that this community has helped me feel truly understood. Thank you for sharing your stories, even the painful ones. Thank you for interacting with posts and providing different perspectives. It brings me immense joy and hope to see how people share their experiences while others offer understanding, support, or simply a presence.

I know this might be an intense and somewhat cringy post, but last night, I felt as if I was listening and speaking with all of you, and I needed to express my gratitude for that. Thank you. :)

Honestly, idk why I'm here other than to say I lost my Mom - my person- to COPD last year on July 3. She and my dad had been separated but remained married and friends for 18 years. Dad was a brittle diabetec whose physical and mental illnesses caused him to have moments of confusion that often turned volatile, at little to no fault of his own, but still it happened. After mom died, dad wallowed in guilt and grief for 14 months until we found him dead this September 15th. My mom was my best friend and my dad, although a strained relationship - was still my daddy. I'm a 41 year old orphan. I'm broken. I guess I just needed to type it out.