19Y first timer here. i fell pregnant in a not very nice situation. BD was significantly older. I am temporarily living with my parents again which has many problems . I had to hide this pregnancy, how sick i felt, and my fragile mental state. I was lucky enough to be supported by a woman’s charity , but in order to get the abortion i had to essentially leave the city so I could rest and recover . I thought it would be done and dusted, but now I can’t stop thinking about my son in the sky. I know we can all get carried away with the “what ifs” but I know full well he didn’t stand a chance. It was never not going to be the right decision, yet some of me will always mourn it, and the day he was due. Christmas Day.

They gave me the photos (I consented) I opened the envelope and cried . I just feel so much desire to look after and care for and provide for the life I couldn’t have myself .

I have a good support network but it’s so hard keeping it all in. The bleeding has been relentless , I’ve taken so much pain medication , and feel horribly bloated and large.

No one talks about these things growing up. I had no appointment before the abortion appointment. It’s been a very lonely time, and im sure any ladies here can relate that lonely whilst pregnant is a whole other level of pain.

Will I make peace with this eventually? As mentored I do have support but even prior to the pregnancy I was already in crisis so everything just feels a bit much :/

people love to have an opinion about abortion , but until you’ve had one yourself … think about the words you say and the physical and mental pain endured

I’ll love you forever

It’s been one month and one week since I lost my five month old son. His passing was unexpected.He was a healthy baby boy and I never expected to be the one behind this kind of story. It’s been the hardest time trying to navigate life. I have a 3 year old daughter and he passed two days before she turned 3. Now the memory of his death is right around the corner from my daughter’s birthday. I feel so lonely even though I’ve had much support. While I grieve my son, I’m also dealing with the impact it’s had on my relationship. The first week we grieved together but after that it’s like if I became the enemy. He hasn’t wanted to grieve together. The person I need the most during this time doesn’t even want to be near me or talk to me. It’s been so hard to process it all and I understand that people grieve differently and emotions run high but how do I start to heal this way? I’ve been staying strong for our daughter and doing the most that I can to keep some sense of normality but when your partner isn’t being supportive what do you do? We’ve been together for 14 years and I feel like this is going to be the end of us. I feel confused and lost. He’s not one to go to counseling or seek help from others. He’s actually shut down support from my family and only wants his immediate family around. When my family has been super supportive of him this whole time. He’s just angry all the time. I can’t believe I’m posting this but I want some advice or find any one who can relate to this situation after losing your baby. How was your relationship with your partner after your loss? His long until you guys were on good terms? Did this end any of your relationships?

I'm so sorry little baby. It was my job to protect you and your mom and I didn't. I let you both die. Only thing keeping me ok is I know your mom is with you and she can't wait to tell me how great our boy we made is. She loved you and wanted you so much

I don’t know if I have IC but I’m extremely nervous for another pregnancy. I’ve read many success stories of people that have gotten a preventative cerclage, but i’m also reading that it can fail especially if you don’t have IC.

How do I know if that’s what caused my loss? My MFM doesn’t believe I have IC and wants to do another wait and see approach, but I feel uneasy about this…

Today I went in for my 10 (probably actually 9 because i ovulate late) ultrasound. This was going to be our rainbow baby, as we lost our firstborn at 34+4 in July. We were so excited. Now I just feel foolish. And very confused.

She said there’s a chance since my cycles are irregular that the baby is just too small for the ultrasound to pick up… but I just feel like I can’t even hope for that right now.

And I’m confused… was there ever a baby or did one just never develop and then why did a sac and just like huh what???

Would love any thoughts from those that have walked this out.

Hi all,

I was 23 weeks pregnant, about to clock out of work on March 28 2024 and went to pee, and couldn’t stop peeing. Learned my water broke. Luckily I work at a hospital so was wheeled to the ED. Was given magnesium, fluids and antibiotics and then ambulanced to a hospital that can handle preemies. Was told the dry truth. I was not contracting at all, and stayed that way at the hospital for a week and a day. On April 6, 2024, I gave vaginal birth to a beautiful girl. She lasted 5 days in NICU before she encountered some infections that were more powerful than her, and we decided to withdraw care. She was on 3 blood pressure medicines and her BP wouldn’t come up. I’m still coping and always am thinking about ways I fucked up somehow to make this happen. I know I didn’t do anything but still. My husband and I want to have another kid. Any advice?

Still feeling pain and discomfort in my hips and pelvis from their weight and being shattered no matter now much I sleep.

Instead I'm here making arrangements for their funeral and cramping from my period.

It's so cruel, the loss of our boys at 21 weeks pregnant was something I could never imagine. Especially after our mmc last year, I kept thinking its so uncommon to have multiple losses so we had our one and everything would be fine this time around. With each week passing with no issues and each fortnightly ultrasound showing everything was good it was so out of the blue.

I go back to work tomorrow. 12 days after he passed. My boss has been great.. I just don’t have the time.. or money to take much time off. I was in my first week back after maternity leave.

I work in the building his pediatrician is in. The last time I left the building, I was getting in an ambulance with him.

I don’t know how I’m going to do this.

We lost our baby Ruth on 3/19 after 75 rough days in the NICU. She passed away from a rare form of cancer, despite me going through IVF and testing embryos to test out my cancer gene (hers was totally unrelated). I went into pre-term labor at 29 weeks and had preeclampsia. So it's been a really terrible and awful road for us.

My question...there's about 7 couples around us that either just had a baby a few months ago or are due very soon. I was really excited to be pregnant at the same time as friends and family and watch our babies grow up together. Now, it feels so awful. How soon after your babies passed were you able to be around other babies? Or attend baby showers or birthday parties? I know it's only been 6 weeks for us, but I can't even imagine spending time with our friends/family with their babies without totally losing it. How do you feel supported by people that get to have living children that should be the exact age as your baby?

Also would love to hear from others that had preeclampsia and also had sick babies. Wondering if there's a correlation between my baby being sick and this leading to preeclampsia. My OB said it was a possibility but hard to say definitively.

Tw: deciding to have another baby

We have some time, as I just had a c section. Our baby had very rare and lethal anomalies. We did testing and it’s being ruled as sporadic. Less than 1:100,000 chance of this Happening at all. I am TERRIFIED of it happening again. It happened once, why couldn’t it happen again?! I know the chances are rare still and I don’t feel like our family is complete. But I’m also so scared. How do you get over this feeling?

After a year of trying and another nine months of a hard, but relatively normal, pregnancy, my baby boy was born. He was so happy. He was always held, comforted, snuggled, kissed, changed, fed, or just watched. I had 36, beautiful, wonderful days with my precious baby David. Yesterday morning is when I found he had suffered from SIDS. My heart is crushed, and I feel like my bones are made of lead, and like I'm at the ocean floor. I know this will pass, and I know that everyone here is suffering, but oh my, is it hard.

As someone who has bipolar disorder and has struggled with thoughts of self harm and a couple bad suicide attempts, I feel oddly free of those thoughts and feelings. I have another baby and a wife that need me. And I'm pissed at life. I'm so pissed, in fact, that I want to live my life just as a fuck you to the very life that made me so mad to begin with.

This part gets religious, so feel free to skip or politely have your own beliefs. My father-in-law gets angry with God, sometimes. I've always had a strong, unwaivering faith, sometimes to a fault. I've asked God to show me why things have happened, but I've always had the peace of knowing that He was my Father, and that He always has my best, long term, interest in mind. It's hard to accept, yes, but I know He's got me. I'm worried about my wife, though. Whatever you believe, any prayers or good vibes would be appreciated. I will pray for everyone that wants me to, so that you can also find some sort of peace in our darkest of times.

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses. No words will ever be enough, and I never knew this pain was so overwhelming.

Hi- I heard Dr. Klinman on NPR Science Friday in October 2023-- https://www.sciencefriday.com/person/harvey-kliman/- strangely I was actually in my two-week wait from IVF when I heard him but it was interesting and stuck with me.

I later learned that my one embryo split and became twins. They were healthy and growing until 26 weeks and then they just died. My doctor says there is no reason why except they are twins. I am interested in having Dr. Klinman review my slides but I am curious about two things-- 1) does he tell everyone that the placenta was too small? Is that always his conclusion? And if so, does it matter that the Ultrasound tech at one point in my pregnancy said that I had a "nice, big placenta." I remember feeling such relief when she said that because Dr. Klinman's discussion about small placentas had left such an impression on me.

2. For those that he said had a small placenta, what was the follow up/ plan/ recommendation for future pregnancies?

EDIT: I really appreciate all the feedback. I am glad to hear that there is a variety in the reports. I am eager to get mine. My OB suggested "no reason" was a good thing for future pregnancies and that it was just identical twins (shared placenta) and bad luck . . . but I have also had 3 miscarriages before I lost the twins to stillbirth. It just seems like something in my body is failing me and my babies.

Hi, Not sure this is the correct sub please let me know if not. My best friend since birth lost her baby this morning. I don’t know the full details apart from that it was a stillbirth. She let me know earlier today and I told her I was very sorry and that I loved her and want to be there in anyway she needs. I really want to support her but I don’t know how and I also don’t want to put pressure on her. How soon is it ok to call or go see her? How much should I be leading the contact vs what could make it feel pushy to her? Is there anything I can actually do? I was thinking of offering to do a grocery run or bringing over some food, sending flowers, anything really.

I’m feeling completely heartbroken by this and cannot really get myself together because I love her so much and was so excited to meet her baby and I kind of feel crazy for how much this has hit me as it wasn’t my loss. I’m rambling now but I guess I’m asking if my reaction is “normal” and how other people cope with loved ones going through loosing a child. Any advise on what to say or do would be welcome!

It’s only been a week and a half since he passed. But, today is my first day home alone. My kids are back in school today. I go back to work Wednesday… I have to. We’re having a celebration of life in June, on the day he would have been 6 months old. I’ve tried focusing on that and what I want there to be. Bubbles, and wildflowers, and sky lanterns.

But, I’ve also been wracking my brain trying to figure out how I can spin this around for something good. How I can make this mean something. When older kids pass, scholarships or foundations are set up in their honor. Memorial walks or drives are done every year. When we lose an infant… I just feel like there’s nothing. There’s nothing I can submerge myself into to get through this.

I need his death to mean something. I desperately need to grab on to something.

My sons one month since his birthday was yesterday and I just am feeling his loss so completely and deeply this week. I just have thoughts racing through my head nonstop and feel like I’m in a room with water filling up around me. How is this reality? How are we supposed to carry this pain and loss the rest of our lives?

My son lost his life. We lost our son. My toddler lost his brother. I lost my innocence about life and parenting. We lost our future.

It just feels so hopeless and I miss him so so much. Everything made sense when Liam was in our lives, now nothing makes sense and everything feels uncertain. I’m so fucking sad and angry. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

If anyone would like a card to acknowledge them this bereaved Mother’s Day please dm me. I would love to spread some kindness and light in this difficult time. I’m happy to send a digital copy via email if you don’t feel comfortable sharing an address on the internet. Love to you all 🤍🫶

Hi mommas.

I don’t want this to come across as fear baiting because it’s not, but i spiraled last night thinking about Eleanor and her probable, but not confirmed NEC diagnose and did some more research and fell into this hole.

I fought with the doctors so hard about up’ing her feeds as quickly as they did bc I knew she could not tolerate it so quickly. However back then I wasn’t aware that the human milk fortifier could also led to NEC like formula does. My hospital used similac and their fortifier is on the list to increase the chances of NEC! There are lawsuits against these brands over it!

I only say this for the future for mommas and daddy’s to be able to advocate for their babies better! I sure wish I knew this then, bc I would have fought against them using it!

I'm still not at my due date. Yet here I am in the hospital again, at least this time it's just an overnight for blood tests and monitoring and I'll leave tomorrow. There's no other hospital in our town. So it's the same hospital my baby was born at and passed away. This absolutely sucks. I don't want to hear the sound of the machines. I don't want the hospital blankets. I don't want to know how the bed works and how to use the call remote. I don't want to eat hospital food. I don't want to tell the nurses I had a baby, see their excitement and then say my baby passed and they become silent. I'm so tired

I just need a rant.. so sorry. It’s been 9-10 months. I’m still crying everyday. I’m still refusing to accept. It still hurts as bad. I don’t know how to live with this pain. I cry every time I think of our memories, I cry when I see videos and pictures of her. Most of the times when I talk about her… the pain doesn’t ease, it’s all the same… however, I am one of the lucky ones to be blessed with another one quickly. I’m due in less than a month but i don’t what to do. I keep hoping that I’ll get her back. I keep pretending that this baby will be her. I can’t even get myself to wash her bedding’s because she slept in those. I haven’t washed her worn clothes yet as well.

Hi all, my wife and I recently had an appointment where we found out our baby boy doesn’t have a heartbeat, 25 weeks. She is getting the D&E done early next week and is planning to go back to work a week after that. I know that’s her decision but I wanted to get some insight if anyone’s had a D&E this late and went back to work that quickly. I support her in whatever she wants to do of course, but don’t know if she’s rushing it. Also, any tips on how to help her with the recovery would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance for any responses!

On the 19th my baby was 4 1/2 months to the day when he passed. I feel like nothing is real and I’m just going through the motions. It was sudden and traumatic… eventually I’ll be able to share my story. But, for now… I’m just lost. I’m exhausted. Nothing makes sense and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do any of this. He was healthy. He was happy. I went to work and it was a normal day… until it wasn’t. And now no day will be normal again.

My husband and I lost our firstborn child earlier this month. Everything throughout the pregnancy was perfect, but while I was in labor his heart rate dropped dramatically and I was rushed to the hospital. I ended up having a traumatic emergency c-section, and my son was born not breathing, and due to the lack of oxygen ended up having multiple organ failure including brain, liver and kidney damage. He fought for 4 days in the NICU until we finally decided to give him peace and were able to sing him to sleep, holding him as close as possible. Every doctor we talked to could not really tell us what happened, it was a complete freak accident. It’s still so hard to wrap my head around. I just want to know why it happened to us. Everything was perfect up until the literal last moments of my pregnancy.

All I’ve ever wanted to be was a mother. Now my home feels so empty. I had my husband shut his nursery door and I haven’t been able to go in but once. I tremble every time I go near that door. I’ve tried to stay so strong but it’s all rushing back to me now and I miss him so much. Please help me and tell me how to cope with his loss…

Tw: living children

This week I cut ties with an aunt and uncle. My aunt has been making underhanded comments about my pregnancy, loss, and my mental health since the beginning. Starting with loudly telling others that having 3 kids is irresponsible, my son would have been my third. Then while pregnant questioning my ability to work and parent. Then had the balls to say to me after we lost our son at 25 weeks to PPROM that I should have moved on already since he “wasn’t full term and not a really baby.”

My capacity for bullshit has been completely cut to 0. Told them I never wanted to talk or see them again.

I can’t believe how insensitive and self righteous people can be around baby and pregnancy loss. I can’t stop feeling pure rage at her and her brow beaten husband.

I fucking hate people now.

On another note, I’m going to my best friend’s baby shower today. Wish me luck 💔 I’m going to do my best not to cry.

On the outside, I don’t look like a mother. No scars to indicate I’m a mother. No baby on my chest or hip. No stroller to push. But on the inside, motherhood will forever be etched throughout my entire body. Every part of my body has changed, and while the world might not see me as a mother, this is my secret identity now.

On the outside I will grieve, but one day it will look like I’m grieving less. I’ll go to restaurants, hang out with friends and family, travel, and hopefully have another child. But on the inside, I will be caring for Nora every single day. My body will continue to make milk for her, continue to worry about her, continue to love her, continue to ache to hold her. My grief will become invisible. My motherhood will be invisible. Alive and real, but not something others will see.

Maybe through the Nora shaped hole carved in me, those who love me will see my secret identity. Maybe the truth won’t be invisible. I hope they will see glimpses of my motherhood. See me for who I am now. A mother to a daughter I can no longer hug but will forever love. A mother for the rest of my life, despite how it looks on the outside. A mother whose life has forever changed. A mother.

We came to know about the arrival of our daughter on 11/06/2023. It was an unplanned pregnancy. We were on Cloud 9 after learning the news. Fast forward to 28/12/2023 i.e. on my wife's gestational age of 34w1d, she was found to have an SGPT of 500 and SGOT of 300 after a routine blood test. Her OBGYN asked her to repeat the test from a different lab after 2 days and to come to the hospital everyday for the NST to check the baby's heartbeat. On 30/12/2023, we repeated the tests and found out that her SGPT was 700 and SGOT was 500. We were worried. We had opted for a normal vaginal delivery but due to the current circumstances, we had to do emergency C-section and our daughter was born preterm at 34w3d. After a NICU stay for 4 days, the neonatalogists gave her a green signal to be taken home.

Next 1.5 months were uneventful. She was gaining weight rapidly, didn't have any visible issues, was breathing normally. On 14/02/2024, at around 12:30AM, her mother was changing her diaper because it was the time for her next feed. Suddenly, we saw pinkish froth coming out from her nose and she was asleep. We rushed her to the hospital. The on duty doctors gave her 8 adrenaline shots and CPR for 2.5 hours, but she couldn't be revived. We lost our princess.

We don't know what happened to her. She was happy and playing just 2 hours before the incident. We've met several doctors and paediatricians, but none could give us any solid reason.

How long did it take for you to receive your autopsy results? I’ve heard it can be a long time and obviously it varies, but would just love to hear peoples personal experiences.

Does anyone ever feel like you wasted the name on your baby who has died? Gave birth, 34+5 in Jan 2024, Robinson died at 8 days from injuries caused by an unexplained in utero neurological event. I love the name soooo much, and of course, it’s his name, but I sometimes feel like, what a waste of the name, now it comes with so much sadness. Just thoughts I’ve had. ❤️

It’s coming up to my son’s 1 year anniversary of his death, and due to the leap year in Australia, it technically lands on Mother’s Day this year. Which feels so so cruel.

My son passed away at a month old, I had his birthday off, everything was fine with work. Now I sent a message to group asking about Sunday, the day of his death. I also have family flying up for 2 days only and that I specifically don’t want to be working all that weekend because I only see them once a year. I even said that I’ll make up for it with extra days and hours in the next 2 weeks. I got no reply. At all and for background information, the girl in charge of the roster’s lacks empathy most of the time, she got mad at my coworker wanting to go see her dad for 2 days, that has cancer.

We’re pretty much casuals, theres only one of us in here at a time though so we have to swap around. Which is fair, but I literally don’t know how I an going to cope working the 1 year anniversary of my son’s death, and I feel like I won’t be allowed to have it off. The job itself is great so I don’t want to be quitting anytime soon and I don’t know any higher ups to help me out. I already wrote a long winded couple paragraphs about it. Is my only option here leaving haha?

Also the last time I bought up my son’s death he just bought religion into it, and my lack of religion which was so unwarranted. Ugh.

Just so upset. I just want to quit but don’t have a back up. And the jobs industry in Australia is pretty tough right now.

Sorry for the rant.