It's also 3 months since I gave birth to my first born son , Jurko. He was born at 23w1d after sudden and complete placental abruption. I lost so much blood and had emergency C-section. My doctors were amazing and NICU team gave him the best. Sadly his lungs were not developed and there was no time for steroid shots. My baby boy, my little Jurko, passed on third day. We were blessed with a short time and he went away in the circle of me, my husband and my mum.

Today I feel very anxious. December should be the happiest month for us, as we have many birthdays and celebrations, we were so happy to have our baby also in December. But he is gone with all my joy. I hope one day in far future he will take my hand and guide me to the other side.

I've spent the last week gathering every single picture and video that exists of Evie's 5 and a half weeks on this earth. I've hounded family, I've saved every motion photo file as a video, I've made it all into a presentation of her life. Now I'm done, there are no more. There's her whole little life in half an hour of footage. I feel like I'm losing her all over again.

Hi ❤️

Just wondering how long others bled for after a D&E and how your physical recovery was more generally?

Mine was 11 days ago for a 20 week missed miscarriage where baby measured around 20 weeks, the bleeding had almost gone / was very light but has now got heavy again (like a heavy period, I checked with my maternity unit and they said very normal for it to increase / decrease and not to worry unless it’s soaking through a pad) - so more just would be really helpful to understand what others experience was. If you bled for a long time after, did your period take longer to come back?

I also really miss swimming (which has always been a big part of my life) - I was told to wait 4 weeks from the D&E to swim but worried about swimming if I’m still bleeding? I’m SO worried about not following dr’s advice 100% as I’m desperate not to do anything that will make my recovery / chances of conceiving again more difficult 😭 (pre-loss I was quite relaxed about all the pregnancy advice apart from the obvious ones like drinking / smoking, but I know all that is gone now and if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant again I’ll be too terrified to do anything)

Apart from some light cramping, that’s my only physical symptom really. Obviously, emotional symptoms are a lot worse 😢

I delivered my baby boy at 19w5d on 11/30/24. My water had broken and I was 3cm when I went to the hospital... he was born with a heartbeat and we held him until he passed. I am devastated... I keep expecting to feel him kicking again but he's gone... this is my 4th loss but the furthest I have made it. I feel foolish for even thinking getting past 12w meant anything... that I could be a mama... I don't know what to do anymore.

I figured I'd share this in case any of you want to know what PPP feels and looks like.

For me, I was falling asleep and dreaming I was at the doctor's office for a checkup, and the loss was just a bad dream. Then I'd doze off in the chair waiting for my name to be called, and wake up realizing I'd lost her and fell like it was brand new. Then I'd cry myself to sleep, and wake up in the office again, hearing my name. And it kept happening, and I went in order for the appointment, including hearing her heartbeat.

Eventually I had no idea which one was real. I decided the reality was actually a nightmare, because I couldn't accept it. And since I was dreaming nothing really mattered. Then I didn't remember anything for over a year, when the doctors figured out I was bipolar, dealing with PPP, plus the fact that I was losing her over and over again every day. They were able to get me back into myself.

It's been several years now, and I'm doing much better, but I'll never forget what that descent into madness was like.

Hi, my sister had a beautiful baby girl who was born still in July. I am currently buying Christmas presents for all my nieces and nephews and want to include my niece. Can anyone recommend a present? Many thanks for reading and I am so sorry for everyone that has to go through the loss of a baby, sending love to you all

Today I’m sitting in the fact that we announced my pregnancy three years ago on Christmas. I was 12.5 weeks along and had nothing but good scans and a clear NIPT. We knew we were having a girl. We were filled with hope and excitement. There was anxiety, too, especially since she would be our first child, but things were going well. We talked about taking her back home for Christmas the next year.

Three years later, and we don’t have a living child and have lifelong trauma. Things that used to be happy are sad. Nothing feels right.

I’m so tired. I’m so sad. I don’t want to do this anymore.

💔 this is just horrible. My only child, my daughter, died due to unknown reasons five months ago.

All of my friends have newborns or are trying to get pregnant.

I’m trying to remind myself there’s still a reason I’m here, but I’m struggling to even want to be on this earth without her.

Does it ever get easier? Ever? It feels almost like it’s gotten harder as time goes on and people act like she never existed.

Here I am in the month I once eagerly anticipated. I was filled with joy at the thought of meeting my first babies, yet I also felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety. I struggle with guilt of complaining during my pregnancy. Carrying twins was incredibly demanding, but I would give anything to have them safely growing inside me again. This was supposed to be the month when I received my forever Christmas gifts. No matter how hard I try, I can't comprehend why I became part of the statistics. My faith has been a source of strength, and I know God has supported me, but I still find myself questioning why this happened to me and my babies. The hardest part is facing this journey without a partner to lean on for support during such a challenging time. My family has been wonderful, and I am truly grateful, yet I still feel so withdrawn and isolated. I miss my babies deeply. l long for my sweet little princess, she was so beautiful and a perfect reflection of me, but with a doll like charm. She blessed mommy with her sweet calm spirit, She was my Moon. I miss my brave, beautiful baby boy, the strongest little warrior I’ve ever known.. He fought so valiantly for life, He was my Sun. Today and every day for the rest of my life, I will remember My Sun and My Moon. My heart is forever broken, but I am so thankful to have experienced such pure and unconditional love. I will carry their memory with me, even as the world continues.

My son past away in September, after just two weeks, I used A I to make this image to symbol the little giraffe on his monitor almost like it was a spirit animal looking over him, some may find it silly but I find it comforting

TW: mention of LC.

I received the phone call that all the tests they’ve ran on me + my baby came back normal. She died for reasons unknown. My husband confronted me last night about how he’s “picking up the pieces” of parenting our LC. This was after our 4 year old said he wanted a baby and we are just kidding when we tell him that she’s dead. Then I’m forced into decorating a Christmas tree. The rest of the world keeps spinning and I’m just stuck. I sob uncontrollably at random times. Everyone is sleeping in my house and I’m just crying. I resent my husband a bit for the things he said to me. I told him that. I wore my headphones for most of the day. I have nothing else to say to him.

I am thinking about how I have to go back to the same office where we found out our baby was dead. I don’t know if I can do it. The OB who did my surgery works out of that office. I don’t want to talk to her about a fucking thing. I don’t want to talk about how all my stuff came back normal, or how good my surgery went, how I’m coping and offering help, or talk about consulting MFM. I don’t give a shit.

I’m waiting for the funeral home to let us know when we can pick up her ashes. We’re getting her urn tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m going to go back to work on Tuesday. I just don’t care.

I miss my baby. I just miss her so much my heart is breaking over and over. I go about my day, try to distract myself, but she’s on my mind every second. It’s not fair. I shouldn’t be grieving a baby I’ll never know. None of us should. I miss her tiny kicks, I miss her responding to me tapping on my belly lightly. She was here, she was alive, and now she’s just gone. And it feels like everyone is forgetting her. It feels like all they want is to see me “okay” and that’s all that matters. I’m not okay. She was so perfect. We should be 28 weeks today, but instead, she’s been gone almost 3 weeks. Why? There are so many things we never got to experience together.

I wish I could turn back time.

Our little girl's body was finally released today. She was taken to this wonderful children's hospice near us which has a whole apartment set up for Grieving families. It is honestly such a wonderful resource; it felt like a little home. The staff were lovely, and guided us to her room all set up like a nursery. There she was in a specially cooled cradle, her tiny body wrapped in a blanket. She could have just been sleeping. She was still beautiful, but she wasn't my daughter.

I don't know if it would have been different had she gone straight there, but it's been 8 days now. Her skin was quite red and she looked smaller. I touched her body, and all her softness was gone. She felt like marble. I broke down. I've been holding it together as much as I can, but seeing the reality of my baby lying cold and lifeless was too much to bear. I immediately had the urge to look at pictures of her in life instead. I only stayed a short time. I sang to her and told her I love her, but I couldn't stay.

The apartment is set up so parents can spend the night. I already thought I wouldn't want to but kept my mind open. I couldn't do it. My mum is there now, she's finding comfort in being close by and I'm glad she has that opportunity, but it wasn't for me.

So here is my gorgeous girl as I want to remember her; with her huge eyes open to see the world. Her name is Evie.

Ever since we lost our IVF miracle baby boy and shattered the heart of my daughter who was so eager to be a big sister, I find I have absolutely no filter talking to anyone anymore.

I’m new to grief as an adult. I’m fortunate to not have lost anyone very close to me until now. Is it a symptom of grief to just tell people exactly what you’re thinking without a care in the world? Or is this just the new me forever?

I used to be a pushover and a people pleaser. I just wanted to keep the peace. Now I will start an argument if I think it’s justified, I’ll get openly mad at people, I’ll defend my daughter in ways the old me would have thought were extreme. I don’t care much about alienating people if they piss me off.

Some people have told me grief softened them and made them more empathetic. If anything it hardened me and made me more willing to make other people uncomfortable and say things I never thought I’d say out loud but had been holding onto.

Has anyone else experienced this? I exploded on someone at thanksgiving yesterday who I’ve been angry with for years and never confronted. They deserved it (in my eyes) but I probably could have handled it better. Should I embrace the new honest me or is this just grief spilling out?

After this week I’m soo mad at my family. My side y husband’s side.

I’d always known my paternal grand father had a brother and two sisters. My dad had a baby brother who died soon after his birth. I knew that. But EACH OF HIS SIBLINGS had a child that died. That would have been helpful to know during my pregnancy when drs were asking if there was any history of stillbirth or mis-carriage in my family. Would I have been watched closer? Would drs have been more concerned and pro-active abt the cord around my son’s neck in utero?

My husband’s grandma must have said three separate times yesterday that she has 10 great grandchildren. As though my son never existed. Everyone in the room when she said that was at his funeral. Everyone knows she’s just not counting my baby

Hi all, I'm very conflicted at the moment about whether to attend my friend's daughter's first birthday next week. I gave birth to my stillborn daughter at 34 weeks about 8 months ago. I don't necessarily know what I want from posting this. Just some advice or whether you attended something like this after your loss and how it impacted you I guess? She's a close friend and was really there for me when it all happened and I don't want to miss out on being in her daughter's life. But I just feel so so so sad. I hate that my daughter isn't here and that we don't get to celebrate her friend together. My therapist did say she doesn't want me to avoid going to these things and isolate myself from my friends. I also don't want to do that...but even just looking for gifts has made me feel like absolute shit. I've even asked my other friend to organise a gift and I'll chip in with her. There will also be other acquaintances and their babies there so I'm dreading that too. I am at the stage in my grief where I can function daily, back at work full time, finding little enjoyments here and there without having suicidal thoughts so I'm afraid if I go, it might trigger me back into that awful deep sorrow but then if I don't go, I will feel like I'm an awful friend and regret it. I just hate that this is my life..

My daughter is 2-months old today and her grandparents, my in-laws, are in town for the holiday. Her bother would be 20-months old, almost 2 years. I woke up this morning to a Facebook post from my FIL with a cute picture of her in a turkey onesie he must have stolen from my Instagram declaring her his “first grandchild”. He met her brother in the NICU, and while he never got to hold him, he was very much alive and missed now. He was with us for just a little less time than his sister has been now, but because she is healthy and home it feels like her brother has been dismissed as “not counting”.

He probably didn’t mean anything by it, he is definitely showing his age, but it still really hurts and sucks. I have been hiding up in my room all morning and letting her nap in her bassinet. I don’t want to see them right now.

We've decided that our baby will be buried rather than cremated. I've spent this afternoon (while I still wait for the call that we can go to see her) watering cemeteries as if I'm picking out a school for her. I guess this is all I can do now. I have 2 choices and really can't decide.

1. The churchyard where my grandparents, great-grandparents, and great-auntie and uncle are buried. I really like the thought of her being with family, but the church doesn't have the money for upkeep. The older graves are all overgrown, and there's no real paths so it becomes a bit of a bog when it rains.

2. The local council cemetery. Well maintained and easy to walk around. It's a nicer environment, but doesn't have the family connection.

Does anyone have any advice?

December is fast approaching. And I'm still here - grieving, crying, devastated, felt miserable in life. Plans that no longer exist and will never be exist. Planning to celebrate the holidays with my baby. I just want my baby back. I don't know, but life is unfair for me. I just don't know how can I move on with a lot of pain and anger inside me. I just want to rest.

I’m not suggesting that everyone’s feelings changed as such, but I have read a lot of comments on here lately saying ‘I initially thought I wanted to try again after loss but then I realised it was mostly just hormones’.

For me, like many others, I was desperate to try again immediately after my loss. I believe this HAS to have been a chemical/hormonal response, as I wasn’t even capable of getting pregnant one day after birth! The longing to be pregnant again was deep and physical.

I decided to give it at least 3 months before even thinking about TTC again on the advice of my MFM and to give my brain some time to cool off!

For those of you who felt the initial call to TTC again, and then ultimately decided not to after a break, how long did it take for the feelings to change? I am terrified of getting pregnant again and then realising it is all too much for me, and ending up in a really dark place mentally.

I lost my baby in September. My cousin had a baby the same weekend I lost mine. We are here at my parent’s house for Thanksgiving and I can’t help but feel a certain type of way when seeing my cousin with her baby. My mom holds the baby, ecstatic, they’ve arrived, and tells me “hold the baby, he’s precious.” I tell her no, but as always that’s not good enough, she insists. I sit there, forced to hold a baby, while clearly fighting tears and still mourning my own. And she wonders why I don’t want to spend more time with her and my dad. My baby should still be here. But I’m forced to move on like nothing happened, because everyone else has. But I haven’t. 💔

When I was pregnant with my sweet beautiful son, I pictured Thanksgiving so differently. Family dinner with my baby, he is the center of attention, everyone is making funny faces at him or telling me how cute he, my brothers wanting hold him, my mom wants to hold him too, my grandparents are just in awe of his presence, and his Dad would of held him throughout the entire event.

Instead, we had Thanksgiving dinner at a buffet. All my family was there. We didn’t bring up our son at the table. I guess I understand, his death all took a toll on us and I guess no one wanted to feel the heaviness of our grief. Afterwards, we went to visit my son at his resting place and hung out with him for a little. Then we went to my brothers place for more family time.

Not the Thanksgiving I pictured. I honored him and made him apart of our holiday today. I really wish he didn’t die. I really wish he was here to grow, learn, and live. Through the hurt and heartache, I am thankful for a beautiful pregnancy, birth and my son. I am thankful to be his mama.

I don’t know if you guys celebrate Thanksgiving but if you do, HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I am so thankful for you all. Thank you for allowing me to vent. Thank you for all the advices. Thank you to those who were open to chat one on one with me. Thank you so much. My heart goes out to everyone here. You all are deserving and wonderful parents. On top of that very generous people. I am so broken that the kindest people go through the hardest times. Sending you all my love!

Wife and I had a family gathering today, at her aunt and uncle's house. Everybody there was so happy, and nobody even mentioned our daughter that we lost. She hasn't even been gone 3 months. When I said something about her, they immediately changed the subject. How could they act like she never existed? Damn near every one of them were at her funeral. Damn near every one of them has a butterfly Keychain that we passed out at her funeral. They all saw the tattoo on my arm. The one I got the day of the funeral. They all saw the necklaces and bracelets my wife and I wear with pictures of our daughter on them. Yet, somehow, today, to them, she didn't exist. We left because I was about to lose my temper. How could she not matter to them?

I delivered what we thought were healthy boy (A), girl (B) twins on Oct 23rd via planned c section at 37 weeks. Pregnancy was relatively healthy. Early on I had some kind of illness (suspected covid) that spiked my liver enzymes and bile acids to high levels, but that resolved after a few weeks. I had mild pre E that was being closely monitored and never got severe. While I was pregnant Twin B was found to have a right aortic arch (vs the normal left) and had a few tests done that determined this would be of no issue.

At the time of delivery she was having trouble breathing and taken to the NICU where they thought she had respiratory distress syndrome and would make a fine recovery. She had both lungs collapse and She would stabilize for a few hours and then deteriorate more. At first she was on CPAP then a ventilator. She was transferred to Children’s on day 2 where her O2 dropped into the 40s and she coded. She was put on ECMO life support in hopes of buying time and letting her lungs heal. But then she started having seizures and a stage IV brain bleed (risks of ECMO from what we understand) the doctors told us there was no chance of a healthy recovery and her quality of life was suffering and we had to make the horrible decision to clamp her ECMO support for her to pass. We held her in our arms for the first time when she was just 4 days old and as she died. We still have no answers of why a seemingly healthy 37 week baby had this happen.

I’ve been in fight or fight mode and survival mode with trying to keep my shit together for her twin brother as he is healthy and home with us and we have a 3 yr old as well. The last few days have started to feel like it’s settling in and I’m reliving so many of those moments in my head now. Wondering if we made the right decision, regretting not spending more time in her NICU room as I was recovering myself from surgery, and feeling guilty for feeling a bit of normalcy in my days. I don’t know how to incorporate her in an honoring way into the holidays and into our daily lives. Sorry for the long read, just really struggling here.

Today, everyone got to experience how I feel at any family gathering -- super uncomfortable and desperate to escape.

I grew up in a dysfunctional home with emotionally immature parents who didn't really take care of us or provide the basic things we needed. I've never been close with or trusted either of my parents because of the things they've done over the years. My mom has always made me feel uncomfortable and bad about myself. She would tell other people personal and private things about me and about my body while I was growing up, and I've always caught her staring at me in a way that made me want to put on 3 winter jackets on top of my clothes. My dad was cruel a lot of the time and I was afraid of him, for good reason.

When my husband and I got married, we had a private wedding because I didn't want my mom there. My parents knew we were engaged but I didn't tell them we had set a date until the day we got married (after the fact) because I didn't want them showing up and ruining it. We got married in our back yard, with no guests other than the person who married us, the 2 people we hired to take photos (they signed as the witnesses), our 2 dogs, and my brother-in-law's dog. My husband's family knew ahead of time, and while they were sad about not being invited (because my mom would freak out if other people were invited and she wasn't), they understood the reasoning and respected our decision.

We tried for a baby and became pregnant in 2022. My husband told his family right away. I hid it from my parents because I didn't want my mom to interfere and cause more stress or tell the entire planet my business. I ended up having to tell them when I was about 26 weeks pregnant because my husband's family invited my parents to a family get together the next week. I knew my mom would be pissed if she found out from someone on my husband's side of the family, and I couldn't really hide it anymore anyway. At that point, everyone else knew - just not my parents (we live in the same town but I avoid them as much as possible).

She behaved exactly the way I expected her to and started badgering me for information, immediately told my personal business to a bunch of people that I don't know, overstepped boundaries, etc.

My mom always whines on FB about how she never sees my dogs, so occasionally if my husband and I go out of town, we ask her if she wants to let them out for us while we're gone (we have a fenced in yard and literally all she needs to do is open the door for them to go in and out. She doesn't play with them or anything).

After a completely normal, healthy pregnancy, our daughter died unexpectedly on November 16th, 2022 when I was 32 weeks pregnant. We had to go to a hospital 2 hours away to be induced, and I had no choice but to ask my parents to let our dogs out while we were gone. Our daughter was born on November 19th and we went home the next day. The day after we got home, my parents showed up unannounced at our house and walked in, demanding pictures of our daughter. We sent 2 pictures and told them they were not to be shared with anyone. I went to the bathroom and the funeral home called my husband while my parents were still there. My mom overheard information about my daughter's funeral (which I didn't want her to know about and intended to be private) and proceeded to send those two pictures and information about the funeral to a bunch of random people on Facebook in a group chat.... I found out because my cousin messaged me and told me. I confronted my mom and she said it was a "family group chat"....I'm pretty sure I'm my daughter's family, but neither my husband or I were added to this group chat...and, like I said, there were people I don't even know in the group chat (my cousin sent me screenshots of the messages and the members).

I felt betrayed and violated. We spent that Thanksgiving picking out our daughter's grave and our own graves. Her funeral was December 3rd. Because my parents shared the information about her funeral, it ended up not being private, and of course my parents showed up. They made me feel so uncomfortable, I don't even know how to explain it, but I felt like I wasn't allowed to show any emotions, and my mom was eyefucking my deflated, awkward, leaking, postpartum body the entire time.

Not even 30 minutes after everyone left the cemetery from burying my daughter in a shallow grave in a cemetery in the middle of nowhere in the brutal cold, my mom tells me that someone I vaguely know of "just got married and is having a baby." Cool. My husband just lowered our daughter into her grave. Thanks for bringing that up.

Over the course of the past two years, my mother has continued to behave inappropriately and my dad has made no attempt to stop her. She has tried over and over again to get information out of us so she can gossip and seek attention for herself. Our daughter died and nobody knows why, even after an autopsy. We will probably never have answers. We have no support and don't want my mom using our daughter as the latest topic of gossip. I don't even think she realizes how far along I was.

We've had 4 additional losses since, and my parents are not aware of any of them. I bled out badly at work for one of them and ended up needing to have 2 surgeries this year as a result.

I have a half sister from my dad's first marriage, who is quite a bit older than me and has lived in a different state for my entire life. She was here once when I was 3 years old and I don't remember it, and she's come here to visit my parents 2 or 3 times in the past 5 years or so. She's in town for Thanksgiving this year and guilted us into going to my parents house for Thanksgiving. We already don't like this time of year because of losing our daughter. It's hard to be thankful when your only child is dead and your family feels like it will never be complete.

Anyway, during Thanksgiving, my mom made several inappropriate comments and I finally snapped. I got in her face and called her out on some of the things she's said and done regarding my daughter in the past couple of years. I told her that I knew she had been snooping in my daughter's room while my husband and I were out of town (we have cameras in our living room that showed her going into my daughter's room - she accidentally told on herself and thought I was too stupid to catch on, but I checked our cameras and confirmed my suspicions).

Her response was that I snoop in her house too. I asked her how she figures, since I never go to her house, and she tried to tell me that my brother and I had snooped through her house 2 summers ago (which never happened). She then told me to "find someone else to let my fucking dogs out" before I left her house ... Like okay? Bye Felicia.

My brother and his family are out of town so they didn't have to be there, but it was super awkward for my sister and her kid, and now I feel like an asshole. I'm sure I sounded like an absolute psycho because my sister doesn't know all the things my mom has done....I normally keep everything to myself and am a very private person because it's the only way I can stop my mom from sharing information about me. I'm sure my mom is playing the victim and acting like she "just doesn't understand why I'm so mean to her"... It shouldn't bother me, but it does. My dad didn't say anything today, even after I freaked out. He knows I'm right. My mom knows I'm right. But I'm left feeling bad and guilty now.

Thankyou to everyone who commented your kind words on my last post. It really helped give me some much needed strength.

After waiting all day to get the call that my daughter had been released, we were finally told at 5pm that the paperwork had been delayed and it was now too late. It will be tomorrow apparently. I didn't sleep last night due to the anxiety I was feeling, and spent all day on edge just awaiting the call. Now I have to go through it all again.

I lost my baby 1 month ago at 27 weeks. It has been a roller coaster for me during the past weeks. Now, the pregnancy, everything feels like a dream, and feels like it never happened.

My tummy is flat, no more kicks, and I’m waiting for my period to return. What’s left just the extra weight I carry….

Hello,

I am currently 36 weeks pregnant. One of my best friends just delivered her baby sleeping at 30 weeks . I am absolutely heartbroken for her and her partner, who I am also very close friends with.

I wanted to know how I can best support her. I’m thinking seeing her in person may be really triggering for her because we were supposed to raise our babies together. I haven’t reached out to her partner yet, she was just induced today.

I am at a total loss. I just want to be there for her and my heart aches for her and other loss mamas.

I want to check in on them and see how they’re doing - how long should I wait ? How can I support them?

Cross posted I’m not sure this is the correct thread but for those of us who went thru labor we still qualify for disability correct ? The doctor only gave me the 6 weeks of healing and 1 week of grieving the biggest F U to me personally since I didn’t sound depressed in my check up paperwork . Like excuse me I can’t be completely honest because I still have to be a mom and don’t want the risk of any social workers being involved . Just ugh so much . It’s been a process : also Paid family leave ? Can we qualify for that even if our baby passed .