My 23 year old son died 5 months ago from pulmonary failure. The last three days before he died his neck seemed to be stretching. It was so unnerving to watch. I didn’t understand what was happening and didn’t think to ask anyone at the hospital. For some reason I can’t get this image out of my mind. I know this isn’t a funeral question but can someone tell me what was happening to him? It’s all I see when I think about my handsome son. Thank you

I don’t know this person, but I follow them and they answered so many questions There’s a woman on Instagram named Lauren.the.mortician She answered so many questions all the time about stuff that you guys I ask in here as well, I am currently thinking of joining the mortuary field and she has someone who can provide a lot of knowledge. She talks about absolutely everything and I don’t know if you guys want to check it out if you’re interested or not or if you only have specific questions, but I just wanted to extend a page that I think is safe and knowledgable and polite

My 20 year old daughter passed away and they did an autopsy. I wasn't allowed to see her to even identify her until after she was released to the funeral home. The funeral home agreed to meet me after they picked her up so I could at least see her but they absolutely forbid me from touching her. So when the funeral did happen, when no one was looking, I touched her bare arm and she crinkled. I think I even heard it. I'm not sure but my husband said he heard it too. Why on earth would that happen?

The ring was part titanium so some was salvaged and they claimed it was because of the county coroner. I spent the week after my husband died talking to police and the Dr. that did his autopsy instead of being able to mourn. It’s been 10 years and I’m still livid. I understand that “mistakes happen” but why lie about it? My late husband’s extended family did not share my outrage and are still upset that I did not “get over it.” How would you handle a similar issue? I “got over” the fact that he ignored health issues and heart failure killed him in his sleep but I can’t just “get over” the lies.

Hya all Cremation Technician here and Chapel Attendant, I was just thinking since Elon Musk has made the in my eyes The Nazi Salute that every man and his dog wants to copy, what would you do if someone did said “salute” in chapel during a deceased eulogy? Personally I think I would lose my shit and ask them to leave the building. This behaviour is unacceptable and should not be tolerated.

Edit Reworded

So i’m interested in Embalming, and the only school near me that gives the dedicated courses is CCFS (canadian collage funeral services), I have looked at their website and such but i’m just wondering if they offer dorms or If i was to go i would need to save up an additional sum of money for housing temporarily. thank you!

67 persons perished in the plane/helicopter crash at Reagan National. My thoughts are going out to the families of the victims as well as the funeral directors in the region. No doubt, they are preparing to receive the remains of the deceased. (once the investigations have concluded). If you are a funeral director in the Washington area, I'm sending you positive vibes to get through this time which is sure to be extremely traumatic for so many: friends, families and acquaintances of the victims.

Funeral professionals who print their own custom memorial folders/brochures/programs/etc in house: what kind of printers are you using or what would you recommend?

We're currently using a Ricoh printer but I can't say I'm 100% happy with the quality of what we're printing and I'm looking for something better. Any advice?

Have you been seeing more of it recently? I recently lost my Grandad and my cousin set up a shared eulogy with funeralspeech.ai - I was lurking in this sub for a few weeks previously but was wondering how/if these kinds of products are changing the landscape of the funeral business (if at all)?

Curious to hear the views from the people inside. I thought it was a little strange but can see that it's potentially the way its going.

Hey everyone. I'm just curious what kind of PPE you guys where while embalming. Mostly the mask. Do you wear a full respirator? What model?

I'm thinking about getting into the industry. I was able to tour one funeral home and they told me that nobody actually wears a mask. Just gloves and a gown.

My aunt passed away on Monday. Her and I were very close. She was the only one on my dad's side of the family who recognized that my parents mistreated me due to chronic illness and being autistic. She was the only one I could have conversations with about that stuff and trust she wouldn't tell my parents. We bonded over our love of horses. My aunt owned horses when I was a kid and gave me my first riding lessons. I've been told by multiple people in the past few days I was very special to her.

I plan to go to my aunts service tomorrow. There's a two hour visitation first followed by a service. My mom texted me last night and told me that my aunts visitation and service will be open casket. The concept of open casket has ALWAYS freaked me out and I've never been comfortable with it. It's just unsettling to me. Which is weird that it freaks me out. Im no stranger to death and dying. I volunteered with hospice patients for several years. I also volunteered in a hospital for many years working doing volunteer visits in many different depts including the ER and ICU.The mental image of my aunt in an open casket at her service is giving me anxiety. What advice do you have for me on how I can get through the visitation and service? My best friend's dad told me I can sit in the back and don't actually have to approach the casket. Any other advice?

Hello I’m pretty young and trying to get into the embalming industry! I am applying for a funeral science program but am worried about my chances in the industry. I’m autistic and trans (he/him) and super motivated! This being said I have empathy issues and don’t really understand “grief.” I’ve toured and gotten to ask an executive funeral director some questions a couple months ago and he said stuff like “your hair was slightly unprofessional” its dyed but was washed and brushed? Idk the industry seems to be very focused on calm and kinda depressing moods and i don’t fit that well. Do i have any chances?

I am really sorry if this isn’t the right place to ask this, so please feel free to take it down if need be. I just didn’t know where else to ask. My grandma passed away this evening. She had been in the ICU for several days, and she passed away there just a couple hours ago. My mom and her sister don’t know what to do because they don’t have money to pay for grandma’s funeral, and my grandpa doesn’t have very much money either since he and grandma were mostly surviving on her social security. My mom told me that there was no life insurance policy. My question is what usually happens in this case? She passed in the hospital, so I am assuming that is where her body is for now. Is there any way to possibly finance a funeral or cremation? Is that a thing at all? And in the meantime, what is done with her body while we figure out how to afford the funeral? I’m sorry if that’s a dumb question. We just aren’t sure what to do or what happens to her while we figure this out

Hello! I hope I’m in the right sub, if not please take this down.

I’m 29 and have been a stay at home mom for about 4 years. I graduated from university 6 years ago and worked mostly in sales and business. I grew up going to funerals all the time because I lived with my grandparents (who were very popular) and I knew all their friends.

My dad has always been adamant that you need to run, not walk, to support friends who are grieving in any way you can. We were taught to absolutely never, ever, ever miss a funeral.

I have always had so much respect for the people who help families at their darkest hour. Communicating with and comforting people is something that I genuinely love to do. However, the idea of working with a dead body makes me squeamish, is this something that I could get over with practice? Has anybody else had to get used to embalming? I am so sorry if that’s offensive but I don’t know how else to ask this.

I’m not great at math and science, but working in the funeral industry as a director is such a respectable job and I can’t get it out of my head. Should I pursue this career?

TLDR: should I pursue a career in funeral services even though the thought of embalming makes me squeamish?

An old friend of mine just passed and I will be attending his funeral this weekend. I've never met his family members before and it's been almost a decade since we last interacted. I plan to go here alone and have never gone to a funeral where I didn't know a single person. I don't know if it's proper etiquette to introduce myself to the family or just to blend in and silently pay my respects.

EDIT: Thank you all for the amazing advice! I will make sure to introduce myself to the family and properly pay my respects.

Hello,

I am separating from the military and, a little while ago, the thought of this type of work popped up in my head, randomly. Since then, I have been very intrigued by it. I have a professional history of serving customers and enjoy doing it. I have explored working in graveyards, due to having a love for grounds work coupled with the service you get to provide not only for people but for the departed as well.

I am Catholic too, so being around the departed holds significance to me. Any pro tips, advice, job outlook/pay, etc., would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Hello! I am currently completing my Master's Thesis. My research is trying to expand grief models by comparing parental death to other types of relational losses.

I have had some recommendations to ask funeral homes/directors to help distribute my surveys. I suppose my question is how would you feel as a funeral director if a student asked you to do this?

My father died unexpectedly about 3 weeks ago and they have just released his body after a post mortem. This delay has been distressing enough, irrespective of the emotions around him being cut into. And now we have been informed that the body is in a state of deterioration with mould growing on his face. Funeral cannot be for another 2 weeks or so due to backlogs. Fully aware we will now have to do closed casket but is there any chance he can still be embalmed to prevent further deterioration before the funeral? Can I insist the funeral directors do this?

I graduated this past December with a degree in funeral services. I’m at the point where I’m ready to take my national boards. However, I don’t have an internship yet so I feel stunted in lots of ways. My college also doesn’t have great passing rates. Less than 50% on the science and 56% on the arts section.

My teachers really didn’t think we should wait to take the boards so we don’t forget things, but I just don’t feel ready. With the lack of experience from an internship learning at a FH and also that maybe I didn’t get the most well rounded education from my school. I study a lot using DEAD, Quizlet, the compendium, and my notes from school. But frequently feel like a lot of the DEAD & compendium questions I never know the answer to and hardly even remember going over it in school. I went ahead and bought the icfseb study guide books. So I’ll have that when it gets delivered.

But my question is does anyone have any recommendations for anything besides DEAD, Quizlet, or the compendium. At this point I’d even pay for someone’s notes or their teacher’s PowerPoints, lol

I realize this is kind of a weird question but I'm really curious what you do in this situation. For those who have been in the funeral industry for a while, have you ever handled services for someone affiliated with a well-known criminal organization (motorcycle clubs, mafia, or other gangs)? If so, were there any unique considerations or precautions you had to take--like hiring extra security or working with your local police department? And did anything particularly unusual or unexpected happen during the service or procession? I know you're professionals and treat everyone with respect, I'm just curious how you would handle this kind of situation.

My mom was recently cremated and the funeral home is asking me $200 to ship her ashes from Las Vegas to Los Angeles. I looked at the USPS website and it states the cost is around $25-30. Any reason for this massive up charge?

Good afternoon, all. I would like to preface by saying that y’all are absolutely amazing folks for doing what you do, and I have the utmost respect for each and every one of you. ❤️

I recently lost my precious 96-year old Grandmother, and had her brief viewing yesterday before cremation. She had the same setup as my grandfather…no makeup, just basic posing and eye/mouth closing (neither of them were big on making a fuss about funerals). When I went to kiss her forehead, I noticed a very light coating of what seemed to be an oil-based moisturizer on her skin. I know that the skin of the deceased doesn’t work like living tissue, so y’all need to use special products…but I was curious as to what this might have been. It had a pleasant, almost baby powder-ish scent, and was in no way unpleasant or off-putting…I’m just curious as to what it may have been. Many thanks for any ideas or insight that anyone can throw out!! 🙏🏻

This is a weird question, but I was thinking of the movie "Get Low" where Robert Duvall wanted to plan and have a funeral while he was still alive and have the community tell stories about him. It's a great movie if you haven't seen it. I was wondering if this is something you've ever been a part of, or have heard being done?

Hi guys. So my boyfriend has taken the "National Board Examination-Sciences" like 5 times already and is always off by a couple of points. Gets 72 or 73. So he is really close I think. I am asking for help. Maybe notes or some study guide that one of you knows about. I am asking this unbeknownst to him but I really want him to pass. Can you please help.

My cousin was killed in a car accident several years ago. I have seen the body cam footage and know that she survived several minutes after being thrown from the vehicle. Is there anyone that can tell me what might have been her main cause of death? This is from her autopsy.

I’m located in Madison, WI. My father passed away several years ago, when he died my mom purchased a cremation plot right next to his grave. He was not cremated but she wants to be. My dilemma is this, my dad hated my mom and he drank himself to an early death because of how unhappy he was in their marriage. He once confessed to me he wanted a divorce but couldn't do it because of his religion. Knowing this information, I don't want to bury my mom's ashes next to him. She is a horrible narcissistic person. My question is, can I sell her cremation plot back to the funeral home after she dies? Also can the funeral home dispose of her ashes for me? She is a devil of a human being and I want nothing to do with her remains after she passes. I especially don't want her anywhere near my father's grave for eternity.

Have you noticed any strange quirks about yourself after working in this industry for a while?

For me, I have two that I notice most often.

First, I no longer think limos are cool. I’ve driven far too many terrible limousines for one lifetime.

Second, I notice cremation jewelry ALL THE TIME now. Everywhere I go. I can spot a chambered piece from across the grocery store, unintentionally.

Obviously there are others, but these are the most lighthearted of mine.

So, what are your funeral director/mortician side effects?

Always makes me laugh seeing posts on Facebook from nurses, and other folks who have had a brush with the dearly departed from time to time.

Here’s a few I’ve seen.

“I had one turn to me and grab me after he’d been dead for hours!”

Or

“I had one sit straight up in bed and moan” (A lot of sit-up stories)

Can’t forget

“I remember hearing one yelling clear down the hall”

No. Nope. No you didn’t. None of that happened. Because folks, bodies (aside from SMALL gurgles, and PERHAPS IN A BLUE MOON a twitch immediately after death) do not move. They don’t blink, poke, laugh, breathe, sit up, walk, run, anything. Why? They’re dead.

Drives me nuts to see posts like that, because they just aren’t real. And people believe it. And it gives this horrible stigma to death care.

If so what type of coins? Little things like this I find curious, for my daughter we used two gold saint Michael coins. My family, used to put two more in the persons pocket in case, they need to help another over… Sorry, I keep coming back to the subreddit… I hope all is well Drr