Hi

I just returned from three terrible weeks in India to find out that my cousin brother and his family used our house like theirs...I feel so lost, I only went India for my mom (there was a wedding and she wouldn't go without me) I ended up using up all my leave from work for that and one day while we were there I got a text from my cousin brother (15 years older then me but the youngest before me) asking where we left our house keys so they could come attend a festival here and my sister in law didn't want to have a bucket bath as they didn't have water that weekend. And yes you read that right, I was asked where the keys were not if they could stay or anything...well now, today we returned home and everything was moved, beds, fridges, sofas...everything...I'm just so tired and I wanna be in my home...the home I know...I dono what to do...I haven't reached out to said cousin and my mom's telling me to ignore it and they're like that

To make matters sort of worse, they done this on my dad's death anniversary, I'm really hurt

The longer time goes on, the less I remember of you, our relationship, our family as a unit. But one thing you said that will always stay with me forever, as you sat there; wheelchair ridden & losing your eyesight day by day from diabetes; “why are you crying dad?” “ Because it just occurred to me, I will never be there to walk you down the aisle. 13 year old me thought you were being dramatic, 33 mama me is heartbroken you felt that. Died shortly after. But you knew. I need a pep talk dad. I’m new mom with two babies and I just need you so bad. I love you

4 months ago he was incredibly drunk and put his hands around my neck and pinned me against the wall just like i seen you do to mom so many times, and i stayed.. i guess i have a fear of being alone, i moved 3 hours away to get away from you and now it’s like i’m with you all over again but in a town where i have no one. sometimes he can be really nice to me, but other times he can say the most mean hurtful things and says he does it to make me cry. he apologized, said he’d never put his hands on me again, but i heard you tell mom that too. i feel ashamed that something i was so set on getting away from, is now my reality and i’m too weak to do anything about it.

I am genuinely so scared for everyone here in America currently. The fact that musk did the nazi salute live on tv, at the presidential inauguration, is Insane to me.

I am so scared for immigrants, for poc, for my trans brothers and sisters and sibling in between. For women and girls. For any of the undesirables. Germany is warning US that this is how it starts and they would know better than anyone else.

Hey dad,

It times like these when I wish you were here on the couch... where I can just snuggle up to you and let everything go... life is tricky right now and a lot is going on; moving house, preparing for a defence force interview, starting a new job... dealing with life without you...

I just wish you could tell me it'd be okay without me telling myself after 2 hours of crying... wish you could rub my back and wipe my tears... but I guess I'm 18 now so I need to grow up at some point...

Anyway, see you in the future if I see you :(

Hey dad. I know you are so happy that I am in a relationship that makes me really happy. He's an amazing guy with a heart of gold and he has treated me EXCELLENTLY and we are coming up on a year and a half together. Even last week we had a wonderful weekend together and I thought it was really fun and I thought he had a nice time too.

But I moved down two hours away in june and he says since august that he can't do the distance. He says the "fundamental logistics of a long distance relationship isn't working for me" and we talked a few times about it, but he says there is "nothing to fix". I think he is breaking up with me, and I'm absolutely devastated. Up until now he has been an EXCELLENT partner. I've called you a few times in the 2 hours driving up or down from there every other weekend, and I have always gushed about how wonderful of a time I've had, but it feels like it's all crashing down on me.

I have no idea how I'm gonna get through this. There is so much I'm going to miss about our relationship, and I can tell he is hurting too. I feel like I lost my meaning. It feels so empty and hollow, I can barely move most of the time.

We have breakfast on Sunday and I think that's when he is gonna say it's over. I know it'll heal, but right now I feel so pathetic that I would do anything at all to be able to stay with him. Where did my power go?

Come sit with me for a moment ...<gestures to empty seat at kitchen table>...

The other day, you were thinking about the problems, the challenges, the hard decisions, the difficult choices, the myriad of options, or the limited set of options you face.

I've been there, too. The almost physical ache that comes with not knowing what to do or not do. The set of shitty things on this side and on the other side. The set of perceived benefits on this side and on the other side. And that aching need for someone to step it, step up, and say, "here, let me fix it." Or at least, "I'll make the choice for you, I'll tell you what to do; I'll tell you what's right, what's the right decision to make."

I think I do know someone like that.

You.

You know your situation better than anyone.

Now, I know, it doesn't feel like that. And when I say I know, I know. I've had to make some life-or-death choices where I would have been happy for someone to know it better than me. Like, know instead of guess, instead of "on the one hand...on the other hand." And plenty non-life-or-death ones, too.

When we're involved ourselves, it's really hard to know what we want. And what we want is sometimes not what's on the table. Stupid example: I might want to be a multi-millionaire, but that doesn't mean I can be one.

So, we feel like we don't know.

The way to knowing is by asking questions. Ask questions of yourself.

• "What keeps me in this situation?"
• "What would make this situation worth staying in?"
• "What fears come up when I think about changing it?"
• "Do I think it's possible for things to change?"
• "What would need to change for this to be good?"
• "If nothing stopped me, what would I do differently?"
• "Does spending time in this situation energize or drain me?"
• "If future-me looked back on myself today, what advice do I think they would give me?"
• "If this had nothing to do with me and my best friend came to me explaining this exact situation, what advice would I give if asked?"

If the questions are hard to answer, put the questions and answers in the third person; sometimes that helps. "What keeps Jill in this situation?", "Does Jack think it's possible for things to change?" ...<grins>... Use your own name, of course. And answer the same way. "Jill chooses this situation because she thinks..." etc.

You know your situation better than anyone.

And you know what? I'll support you in whatever choice you make.

Remember: You. Know. Yourself.

• Love, Dad

“If you always do the next thing that needs to be done, you will go most safely and sure-footedly along the path prescribed by your unconscious.” - Carl Jung

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Hey dad. I found the one. I really did. He's amazing, kind, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, just all around incredible. I could keep talking about him and I'd never be able to stop. I love him so much, and he makes me so happy. Just today, I was thinking of how my married life to him would be, and I did a small happy dance 😅 it was embarrassing, but God I love him so much. I'm definitely gonna marry him

I wish I could tell you all this in person, but I know how you'll react, considering your views on queerness. I really hope I can tell you about him soon, and I really hope you'll be at our wedding.

But for now, telling you through Reddit will have to do.

This may be a long, scatterbrained rant please bare with me...

My husband and I are in debt and have a baby on the way, due in June, and he doesn't want to renew our lease at our apartment, he would rather us move in with his parents, sister, her fiancé and their child. I know it's a smart move in the long run, I know it's to save money because we want to buy a house. I know it's a good option. Our other option is for us to stay here another year, save up as much as we can and then use that to rent another place elsewhere. The whole point of us moving in with his parents is for us to save up enough money for a down payment on a house... My husband broke his leg twice last year, both times was riding bmx, he has since retired the bikes but hasn't been back to work since February of last year and will be returning February of this year. He was on disability basically the whole year and we were living off that and what I could pull in working at a restaurant 5-6 days a week until I got pregnant. It's a very rough pregnancy so far and my work is not accommodating in any way so I've had to drop down to only 1-2 days a week, early afternoon shift only. My biggest concern is living in a super tiny house, in a super tiny bedroom, with our cats, and a baby come June, with 4 other adults and another child... I feel like we will all be on top of each other, we won't have any type of space, there's no where to escape to.. but we'll be saving money... I would give anything to not have to move. I keep looking for another option because I'm scared I'll lose my sanity, I'm already crying and having panic attacks every time it's brought up and we have until next week to give our complex a move-out notice or renew... my husband thinks it's this or we'll suffer the rest of our lives but we were fine while he was working! I could have quit my job and we still would have been fine, we just blew our money on stupid stuff instead of saving! We learned from it, buckled down, and figured out a budget that worked once he broke both of his legs. I don't think it would be so hard to do once he's back at work making his full paycheck again... it's just so hard... I keep telling myself to suffer short term to be happy long term but I don't think I'll be able to handle it... please help.

I know that it isn't a bad grade, but I have set really high standards for myself. I am a high school senior and have a 3.87UW, 4.36W GPA. Last year I had 2 quarters with all As. I have a 4.0 across the classes I've taken at the local community college, you get the picture. I am taking pre calc this year, and to say the least I do not match the teachers teaching style. We get videos and very little in class instruction. Due to this and honestly putting off the work, I ended up with a B. The last time I got anything lower than a B+ was the first quarter of 7th grade. I am happy to have passed the class and gotten a decent grade for most peoples standards, but it is really hard to not be too hard on myself. I know it will be okay, but it is stressful. I am into my dream college with $94,000 in merit scholarship. I know it isn't very rational, but I am stressing about loosing either my scholarships or my acceptance. I guess I just needed to vent, but if you have any tips on how to not be too harsh that would be greatly appreciated

Hey dad, in December I got into a bad car accident. It was completely my fault, and I caused some damage. I crashed into the back right side of his car and spun out into someone’s lawn. It was complete chaos in the first week after, I had to go to the hospital, I had to do a recorded statement and I was in shock. My car is totaled. I may have to go to court. The insurance will drop me after this is over. I have a few questions. One, which insurance can I get after this? I’m still in high school and I need to pay for it by myself. I’m starting a job in February that pays 15$/hour. Second, when can I get this all over and done with? It’s been such a headache and I don’t know when they will contact me again with the official amount of money in damage I caused. Third, I have a problem. Two days ago, almost exactly a month later, I started having pain. I woke up and my tailbone hurt extremely bad. It was hard to get up and sit down, walk up and down stairs, and any amount of pressure would be very painful. It still is painful. It feels like someone hit that area with a hammer. Heat and cold don’t work. Could I have done something bad to it? Please be honest. Thanks dads!

Hello, I am renting a small room and there are ants in my room. The ants seem to be everywhere and I have cleaned my room 3 times and checked every where to see if anything is attracting the ants, please tell me what should I do to get rid of the ants and i tried contacting my landlord but got no help Thank you

Hi everyone, In a nutshell: I broke off contact with my dad a few years ago. He is a borderline narcissist and has emotionally abused me, my brother and mom for years. It has cost me so much. I always tried to be there for him. Help him, talk to him, even about problems I should know nothing about at a certain age. But it was never enough.

He always made me feel like he had the power to take all good things away I had in life. And he could, I have felt depressed for years and I didn't even know it was not normal to feel this way all the time. But then the pandemic hit and the world stopped. Suddenly everything got clear and I couldn't bare it anymore. I had to handle this now or I would've probably ended my life. This is the first time I said this.

Anyway what is hitting me at this moment at 30 years old that big things are happening. I have a great relationship, a house and wonderful inlaws. And we are hoping to expand our family with a little one soon.

I still keep feeling a void even though I have such a happy life now. I definitly do not regret my choice to go no contact but I do miss a dad to cheer me on. I don't know what to do about this feeling and I don't want to be ungrateful for what I have. So I'm just dropping it here ...

So. I've been having "I miss a proud parent" moments whenever something big happens and I found this page so decided to give it a go.

I broke contact with my mentally ill mom and my dad died when I was a kid. I'm almost 30 now. So I never had a proud parent to share big things with. And it always overshadows positive moments.

I'm a trans guy and today I got my intake for topsurgery. I'm incredibly happy and grateful. In my country trans healthcare is badly accessible and there's a selection system for the clinic I applied for. I got accepted. And even tho Im happy, I feel lonely. Also because it's a scary thing, going through surgery and not being able to function properly for weeks. I had to fill in all these forms about my health and I almost messed up because my brain was too over excited. A functioning parent for support would've been so nice right now.

For the past few weeks, I've been becoming more so fearful of gaining weight as I started dieting. There would be days where I would even eat little or nothing at all. This week, I did not have food for 3 days until today, this evening, and only drank water throughout those 3 days.

I've told this to my friends at school and they told me that I should probably talk to a school counselor because I just seem to be developing an eating disorder.

However, I'm just really scared that if I do so tell my school counselor about this, it'll only result in me going to a psychiatric hospital (I've been to one 3 times now and my experiences were awful). Please, what do I do?

TL;DR on the bottom. This is a long one. For the first time in my life, I (27f) felt like I found someone that actually likes me for me. Not for my body, not to just use me, not as a mother substitute. I was so scared at first to have a crush. I'm not in a good place mentally and I have loads of baggage. I told him everything, when it was clear that I like him and he likes me. I told him I want him to get to know me first, when he asked me to be his girlfriend. That he should really think about it, because I'm not an easy person. That I have a lot of anxiety and trust issues. That I'm working on all of it but it's nothing that will change from one day to another. He was sad but agreed and told be, I should ask him , when I'm ready. He was always kind, empathic, understanding. Gave me a sense of security, that I'm fine the way I am. He has bagge too, he said. He told me about his baggage and it's unfortunately very similar to mine in some cases. We were connecting beautifully and he always told me that I should stop worrying about being too much and that my need for closeness is not something he is used to, but that I should not stop seeking it. He will tell me, when something bothers him. He told me this over and over again. I told him that I was scared about him seeing everything with rose tinted glasses and that he will not want me after. I told him about other instances where this exact scenario happened. He told me, while he can't deny that he is crushing hard and having a bias, he still thinks that I'm amazing and that nothing will change that. So after having a talk with my big sis about my worries, coming to the conclusion that my anxiety stems from me feeling inadequate because I finally met someone truly amazing that likes me as I am, I felt courageous enough to ask him on New year's eve at exactly 0:00 if he wants to be my boyfriend. I even bought him flowers and because I met his parents this day, I brought them sect and Chocolate. He was so happy, beaming even as he said yes. It all seemed so perfect. And I know that nothing is perfect but it felt like a dream come true. Sex was amazing as well, we just clicked in so many things. Even if I had a mental breakdown, because I finally had a good experience when in my past they where always negative, he was there for me and told me, that it's alright. He is a big introvert and wants loads of time for himself and while I'm not that, It was fine with me if he needed space or wanted time for himself. He always told me that he will tell me if he needs time alone. So I just believed that. Well... But he didn't do that. The week before his birthday, I had a meltdown because he mentioned that he actually dislikes sleeping in bed with other people and hasn't been sleeping well when I'm around. I told him, that I'm sorry and that he shouldn't do anything he does not want to but he ensured me that it's fine and he's taking not sleeping well over seeing me less. That he just does not want me to stay over more than one day for that reason and that maybe he can get used to it in the future. It calmed me down but he still embraced me and held me until I felt better. When I went home, it was one hour after I was supposed to leave and I could tell he felt drained, even though he wasn't saying anything. We met again early in the morning on Saturday, his birthday, because we went into the mountains to stay at a mountain hut with his dad and sister. It was amazing! But I also noticed, that he's been dismissing everything I said the whole day. When I infodump about something or he did something I deemed unsafe, he basically told be, that it's stupid to worry about that and that it's fine. We had a great day otherwise, even had a night long look at the gorgeous starry sky. Before we went to bed, I told him that I kinda feel disrespected emotionally and also not being taken seriously with the stuff I know if he dismissed me like this. He suddenly went cold and said that he does not want to talk about stuff he deemed unnecessary, so he just reacts this way. A long emotional, but calm discussion ensues in which he tells me, that he dislikes how I always try to fix everything and he does not want any help from me. At all. It fucking hurt. But I calmly told him, that I will try hard to not make him feel uncomfortable like this again, to mind my own business and that he should be more respectful to me in return, if he does not want the help I'm offering. We agreed on that and he hugged me and told me he's proud that I stood up for myself and that I did nothing wrong. We had some fun sledding down the mountain the day after and when we said goodbye to each other, after eating cake with his relatives, things seemed very tense. I wrote him that I need time for myself for the next two days and fel horrible, blaming myself for making things so difficult but also because, again, I was deemed too much by a person I love. When I asked him on Tuesday, if everything is good between us and if he wants to call, he just wrote that he does not want to talk and needs time, without answering, if we're okay. The next few days where horrible. I just couldn't do it anymore last Sunday. I told him, while I respect his need for solidarity, I need an answer about our relationship. That it hurts to not know where I stand. Even tried calling him 5 hours later, whiteout success. Well, about 10 hours after the text, he answered that he wanted to call me, but because I can't wait, he'll do it like this (Like, why not just call me?) and that he does not think we're compatible, he thinks he needs more space and, while I should not feel bad about needing closeness that I'm too needy for him and he also wants to grow as a person and can't do that if he has someone at his side that is not stable herself. That he wants to talk if he feels better, if I want to as well. I'm heartbroken. I was always honest, direct and straightforward with everything. I always told him what my deal is and how I am. And in the end, the reason he broke up about, was the stuff he told me not to worry about. He never talked to me about it. Never asked me to find a compromise. He just ate everything up and dumped me, when it was too much. I just don't want to date again. I had so many relationships, romantic and platonic, that where toxic, horrible or lied to themselves about how much they actually liked me. I don't think he's a horrible person. But his best friend told me, that she thinks he's stupid for not talking with me, an asshole for ending things like this. And that he's in a really bad mental state. And while she can't tell me everything he said, because she is his best friend, she thinks everything could've been fixable if he just opened his mouth. Well, now I'm here, grieving. My friends are amazing, helping me through everything. But it hurts. So much. I just can't exist some days. I want it all to stop. Am I really that unlovable? Do I care too much about people? I don't even know if he ended stuff even though he likes me or because he does not like me as much as he thought he would. I know nothing and it's braking me. I'm suffering and I don't know, what to do right now. I know things will get better over time. But what can I do now? I'm not mad he broke up. I would never be mad about this, it's his right to do that. I'm disappointed, he never gave me a chance to understand things and I'm mad he made me suffer like this. I'm sad he left me like this. I just feel so worthless and exhausted right now. TL;DR: The first relationship that felt not abusive or like I'm being used for something fell apart because he did not talk to me about what's bothering him, told me that everything was fine and the moment he realised that things where not fine, he ended everything with a WhatsApp message after letting me stew for several days when I asked him, if things where okay between us.

Hey dad, I’m back again-the one who got dumped on Christmas, we are still in the same house he’s made it a point to use only my name even changing it in his phone since then…things are friendly, but like, dad, why does he keep calling me baby on accident? He left me. Last night when it happened it was followed by a weird pause and him saying sorry sounding sad. It’s happened 5 or 6 times now. I understand habit but it’s been a month and he’s using my name regularly. My heart is so broken still and I just want to understand 😔

I (28M) got engaged to my partner (28M) of 7 years. We told my parents and siblings last week. They said congrats but weren’t very enthusiastic or excited.

Today mom called. She said dad wanted to make sure I hadn’t told anyone in his family. (They’re pretty conservative and unaccepting.) He’d be “put in an awkward position” at the next family event. Especially if they started congratulating him or asking questions.

I told her I don’t talk with them, so I hadn’t told them yet. But I’m not hiding my engagement or my partner. So they would find out eventually.

I’m not sure why I wrote this. I’m incredibly hurt. My dad (and mom) have always hidden me away and told me to keep my life a secret. I wish he wanted to share this news with his family. If they reacted poorly I wanted him to stand by me.

I wish my dad could be excited for me. My engagement is good news and I want him to celebrate that with us!

Me having a trauma response and saying I don’t think I’ll be able to go through with something doesn’t mean I’m “skirting adult responsibilities”.

I tried. I did the best I could.

I called you insensitive and you defended yourself. Didn’t apologize.

I could go on about responsibilities you didn’t hold up, but I didn’t. Because I don’t want to upset people.

I wish you knew how I really felt.

I never had a dad who was empathic and showed me love. I have a dad but he will never be able to be that way and it hurt me deeply. I am craving this fatherly love so badly.

I just broke up with my boyfriend who was the same (and even looked similar to my dad), egoistic and even if he loved me to pieces, his ego always came in the way. I am moving out now and I am shattered.

Can you just give me some advice how to handle my hurt? I am so sorry for my boyfriend as well that I am causing him this harm, and I have no pitty towards me... but I should have!

Will I be okay? Do you love me unconditionally? How does that love feel? Will I find a man who is caring, compassionate and empathic?

Ahhhh, it feels good to be getting caught up with things, with life, isn't it? I really enjoy that feeling when you feel on top of things and your routines seem to go so well. ...<smiles>... Routines can feel as comfortable as good friends, know what I mean?

...<stirs softly sizzling breakfast hash>... I'm curious to taste how this batch comes out. Mixed a new batch yesterday, using some thick cut bacon. Figuring out how far to prepare it before adding it to the mix, so it doesn't overcook while heating the mix now, could be a case of trial and error.

...<sips from bright yellow mug>...

In a way, so is everything, I guess ...<smiles, looking out at the window>... I like mornings when there's morning light. Overcast, cloudy, dreary mornings...eh....not so much.

Ah! It's ready. Sit down kid. Let's eat.

• Love, Dad

I didn't know what flair to use. But well, just that. My bio father is a deadbeat who I have not seen in years and will never see again, and my step dad (who I call dad) it's a violent women beater who should be in jail. I never felt the security and safety other people claim to feel with their dads.

I'm starting school again soon after homeschooling for months and I'm scared. I'm really dumb, can't understand anything and get panick attacks around ppl. Idk how I'm going to make it through 2025. My mom is too unstable to rely emotionally on her. I just want someone who I can look up to and find a safe space when things are hard. I'm tired of feeling alone.

I just wish you were here to see it. I knew you were with me from the time I got in the drivers seat of my (now) fiancè’s dad’s car cause of the radio. We even watched the Wolverine and Deadpool movie. I could see why you liked that series. Hell, we wanted to watch the third Sonic movie but it was a rent not a stream.

I’m lying here with them next to me asleep. Can’t seem to sleep. I should be happy but… I would much prefer it if you were here so I could tell you all about it.

I know it's been a while, as it says in the title. And a lot has happened: firstly, I got accepted into the college I applied for! I plan on taking a year off to work, but I will be going in to get a degree in English. It's not necessarily required for my dream career, but I would like it. Secondly, I've been getting involved with my state's army national guard. I am seriously considering joining, but need to be medically cleared first (fingers crossed that will happen soon). Parents are mixed on it, by my other family and friends are supportive. Thirdly, I applied for a job! It's an arcade in a town 20 minutes away. I don't know when I'll start working if they hire me, but I'm hoping to work this summer since I graduate this year.

Unfortunately, though, things haven't been all good. Family drama has been at an all time high, and it's painful to watch the emotional toll it's taking on my grandma. I'm trying to be there for her as much as I can be, and trying to help her through things. Things have also been strained between me and my father. It's hard trying to move forward in life, when he wants to shelter me and prevent me from growing. Parental worry I can understand, but this isn't that. It's smothering me. Mom is kind of the same, but to a lesser degree. She DOES have that parental worry. But she realizes I can't be smothered at this age anymore. Am I biased because of how things are between each parent? Perhaps, I don't really know.

But anyways, how are you?

my opioid use quickly got out of hand at a very young age, and i have been physically dependent for at least 4 years now. i began using IV, i ended up getting endocarditis and almost died, but survived. it's been a long journey behind me, despite only being 20. it's been about 2 years since i got sick with endocarditis and i'm finally in rehab with 23 days clean. the staff here have been treating me quite poorly, but i've made some really good friends and i think the peer support is the most important part. i'm so tired of running, running, running away. i am finally allowing myself to exist at a standstill with peace.

i hope you're proud of me dad, i really need support right now.

Hey dad I just had an IEP meeting. It was the last one I will ever do because as it turns out, I'm highly functioning. In other words, I no longer require special Ed services because in a way I graduated.

I hope you're proud of me.

I really messed up at work and now theres a strong possibility Im going to be fired. Ive been at this job for almost 9 years, i dont know how to do anything else. We're a one income household right now, so Im facing being evicted too if I cant find another job. Im really, really scared and I dont know what to do.

Growing up I was always closer with my dad, but I was a difficult teenager for my parents to manage.

They had really strong Christian fundamentalist values, which meant my dad ruled the home with an iron fist. He could be very punishing at times, and had an incredibly high standard for me and my 5 siblings. I was the oldest and the only girl. He was proud of me for sure, more in the sense that I was well liked by others and popular and praised at school for my artwork and creativity. He got me my first camera and supported my hobbies and liked to think of himself jokingly as a "muse" or "facilitator" for his kids interests. My mom was less emotionally attached to us, probably due to her tough upbringing... and struggled to maintain her own identity or independence on anything.

On the other hand, I mirrored my fathers stubborn independence. I wasn't really allowed to do a lot of things normal kids could do, I was taught my worldly school friendships were useless and that our tiny church of 1000 members worldwide was the "cream of the crop". If we left the church we would be excomminicated. I also remember being acutely aware of his weight struggles and his inability to stick to a healthy diet and he would drink a lot to help him cope with the stress of work. It was a lot... and I just did not want to settle for the church as being my whole life. So I was sneaking out of the house in high school to attend parties, and sometimes I got myself into situations that were frankly not safe. I remember at 15 my work supervisor asked me to be his gf... he was 25 at the time, and I was too naive to understand how deeply problematic this was. My parents had a tough time reigning me in during my highschool years and I caused both of them a lot of stress with how much I pushed against their rules. One time I remember my dad told me I had to leave the house after they discovered some text messages between me and a boy and he made all my brothers pray for me in the living room. My littlest brother was crying and begging me to stay. I know their intentions were to give me the best life, even if it was at times, a little misguided but I know they did love me.

In my twenties, I tried hard to settle down in the church but it was so hard to find a man who I loved or even agreed with on many things, in a group of 1000 people the pickings were slim. The principles the group held were also really intense, not to mention the group was shrinking year by year to the point all my extended family had left except my parents. At 25 I finally worked up the courage to move out and they were unhappy with my decision to do so. I got myself into therapy and started to build a friend group and I will admit that I was so focused on MY life. Eventually covid happened. During that time I was able to successfully disconnect from the church and my parents knew i was distancing myself from it. I also met my (now) fiancé during this time who is non-religious and this worsened the situation considerably for them to know I was with someone who did not attend church. To them this was a huge betrayal, and they started to cut me off as a result. When the church finally excommunicated me for moving in with him, I was officially not invited to christmas or family dinners or birthdays anymore. I remember my 30th birthday was the last time they celebrated with me and my mom said to my dad "lets just get this over with". It sucked, and it was incredibly isolating. But I also knew these were the consequences of my actions... I had known all my life that leaving the church would mean sudden death for our relationship.

Throughout this my parents never tried to have a respectful conversation with me about how our relationship would look, but to be honest, neither did I. I had seen this situation unfold with others many times before and ultimately gave up on any effort to convince my parents to have me in their lives. In turn, I'm sure they thought I was lost to the devil and completely selfish. I work in the same building as my dad, and over the course of 3 years I saw him frequently, but he never made an effort to chat, it was either a disappointed glare or he would look right through me.

Then, last spring, he nearly died from a massive heart attack.

Thankfully there was no issue with me helping to care for him while he was in critical care for a month... but his heart event was so bad he should have died. He now deals with major physical disability and his joints are quite contorted. He has an anoxic brain injury which has inhibited parts of his memory and he is reliant on a wheelchair and struggling to make any progress in physiotherapy. He knows who I am, and I can make him smile... and he met my fiancé for the first time this year. But I have so many mixed feelings about my relationship with him. I know he is responsible for his own happiness, but I wish I was a better daughter in so many ways. I see him in this unhappy state of existence and feel so sad about the lost potential.

Hey kid :) Second night of sleeping only 5 hours but you know what? I'm in a good mood (hello espresso!) and I still wanted to drop in quickly for our morning hello :)

Have a nice day kid.

• Love, Dad