Today is the fourth anniversary of my moms death. Two days ago it was her sisters daughter (d. 2021) birthday. It’s so hard to live in the day:) be good to one another

I’ve started a group and rented a venue for all the MD’s looking to fellowship in person. Hope to see you there!

Atlanta Motherless Daughters Meetup Group https://www.meetup.com/atlanta-motherless-daughters-meetup-group/?utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=groupHome&utm_source=twitter #Meetup

For the past one year after my sister’s wedding, my whole world revolved around my mother. I was her primary caregiver, my day would start with cutting apples for her at 6 in the morning then making breakfast giving her meds etc. I learnt cooking in this year so she could rest and not worry about kitchen duties. I put in extra hours in work to make some extra money to save for her meds just in case my brothers falls short on money so i could you know support him. this past year so many things changed in me i shifted from living a princess life to becoming mother to my mother. I stopped going to university cause mom would have been alone at home. I learnt cooking diet food for her. l used to take her to washroom wash her face when she wasn’t able to do it on her own. and now with her passing it feels like i’ve become numb. I don’t feel energy to get up and start the day or even take a shower. Last month around these dates she was all fine she could walk help me in kitchen say her daily prayers. And now it’s been 13 days to her passing reality is hitting me i don’t have anything to do my life has lost its purpose. My heart doesn’t feel calmness in anything. I’m done crying my head hurts my bp gets low i get anxiety attacks and feel nauseated. I miss every bit of her the way she used to call my name from another room. Everything i do it reminds me of her. This house, kitchen her bedroom each and everything is associated with her.
Right now my married sister is staying with us for a month but what would i do when she’ll go back to her home? I have my father, grandma and brothers but imm not close to them, and they all are grieving in their own the only person i was close to was my mother i don’t know how would i live this long long life without her by my side….

In my dream I knew she was dead, but she was still here so I made sure I gave her hugs and kisses. I held her hands and touched her perfect small feet. I was running my fingers along her perfectly coiled tight curls, and I asked her “mommy, have you accepted it?” She looked at me with the most content face, smiled sweetly and said, “yes I have, but you were here first” I asked her “what does that mean?” She just gave me a smirk and then I woke up. I have no clue what it means, but it was so nice to see her for the first time in my dream. I miss her so much, I still can’t believe she’s gone. Sending so much love to all of you, united in this grief we share. 💜

She had an illness but that was not too sever that sh died in just a week or maybe two. From the day she was in ICU deep down i had this thought maybe she won’t survive cause we had a conversation when she was having difficulty in breathing and told me her time has come the night before that she i was crying looking at her and she hugged me and consoled me not to cry cause my pregnant sister would wake up from sleeep. The night she passed away i didn’t cry much cause i was already crying for four days and had no energy to cry more. I pretended to be strong consoled my brothers and sister. Our relatives stayed with us a week and now everybody is gone back to their homes and everything is hitting me. I don’t feel the energy to get up and start my day. I just lay there stare at her bed cry for a moment or two, scroll some instagram reels which are ifk why all about mothers and then i sleep. I had fever this past whole week due to weather change and feels like I’m losing weight too (i’m already underweight)

All my siblings cry their heart out. But i don’t do that often. I was the one who take care of her all along her illness i knew what misery she was going through what parts of her body hurt what medicines she dreaded to take. My routine was based around her routine i would wake up peel apples for her make tea give her breakfast then her meds. then i’d make lunch for her then dinner and meds for past one year my life was all about her. Now i have no one to wake up for.

I did some shadow work and decided to self publish my first my own book. I’m still on a healing journey, because I’m aware that it’s lifelong. My half sister grew up without a mom due to abandonment. I grew up without a mom (and dad) due to a fatal car crash. My half sister died from OD and now her children are motherless. My family has been through it and I pray that I can live for my daughter as long as I can!

Here is a summary of my memoir:

“An African American orphan recounts the profound impact of generational trauma, mental illness, drug addiction, violence, and anti-Blackness/colorism on her paternal family. Raised by a sociopathic, narcissistic grandmother, “Ariana” carries the deep scars left on her soul. In a courageous act, Ariana chose not to attend her grandmother’s funeral. Now, she’s determined to transform her childhood trauma into a testimony and is on a mission to break the generational curses within her family.”

If you have any questions, feel free to comment!

Peace and love!

I was wondering if anyone has good resources (books / YouTube etc) on losing a parent and the grief that follows after caring for them through their sickness and death? I’m really struggling after losing my darling mum a month ago and I can’t find anything I’m properly relating to.

Perhaps we should start a list by state for US in case we can meet up and find support in real life?

How do we do this?

Hello, this is a throwaway account since my husband knows my other profile. I just need some advice or kind words, I guess. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, and I lost my mom almost 6 years ago, when I was 19. My relationship with my mom was okay, not amazing but not bad. Her passing was devastating to me as it came very soon after she finally told me and my siblings that she was sick. I took it very hard for the first year, but since then I have been in therapy struggling with the fact that I don’t feel super sad anymore, and feeling guilty for it. But recently, I have been starting to really feel sad and weird about it. I read a book where the character lost her mom and is grieving, and suddenly I’m crying because my mom is dead. Or I watch a movie where a woman gets cancer and goes through that process and I’m sad because I imagine my mom. Today I was sad because I read another book where someone’s mom died, and I had a bad day in general. I was telling my husband about it, and I said “it seems like there’s a lot of media talking about moms dying,” and he said word for word “well, it is something that happens to most people,” and it made me feel very invalidated and sad, but I was so shocked I didn’t say anything. He has never experienced death of a loved one, and I am unfortunately well-versed, so maybe he just doesn’t know how to react? But he always acts so weird when I talk about my mom, and almost avoids the subject. And then saying THAT to me tonight just really made me feel like he is just not empathetic. We have been having some other communication problems recently so I didn’t say anything out of shock and to avoid an argument. He is not very in touch with his feelings, lol, so I don’t know what I can say to help him understand how I feel, I guess? Idk, sorry for the wall of text, I just needed to get it out. Thanks in advance for any advice❤️

I think my dog knew my mom was sick. He always would be by her side, even when she told him to leave. He did not like leaving her alone. When my mother was moved into hospice care, he always stayed by her bedside. We kept her home with nurses who would care for her everyday. When the nurses were helping my mom, he would sit underneath the bed. On the day of her passing, my dad put him on the bed and he started licking her face and lied next to her. When she finally passed, he would stay in the same spot where the bed was. Sometimes he would circle the room or look for her. Sometimes after a walk he would run around the house checking every room and would wag his tail as if he was going to see her.

It has been four years now. He doesn't do this behaviour anymore but sometimes he sits in the same spot where the bed was. He has been very affectionate snice my mom's passing.

I was just reminded of this poem when commenting on another post and wanted to share it here. It gives me comfort to think that all of me was once a piece of my darling mum, she grew me with her own body, I am part of her. The poem is by Kelly of cult of youth on instagram, she wrote it for her son but I take comfort in it being from a mother:

i am there

there is not a piece of you

that was not once a piece of me

the mother said.

if you ever feel alone

run your finger over skin

squeeze to feel bone

i am there, i am there

My mom died 14 years ago. She loved October and Halloween so much. It was like her Christmas. I have so many happy memories of this month and Halloween. My family used to do a huge yard display for Halloween and we’d have hundreds of trick or treaters. My mom continued doing it even when she was fighting cancer. After she died, we did it for a couple years but my dad couldn’t handle doing it without her. He didn’t want to hold onto any of the stuff either. I had no place to store it because I was still a teenager so he sold most of everything. My sister an It felt like losing her for a second time. And now every September/October I start to wonder why I feel so down until I realize. I wish my son could experience Halloween the way I did. We live in a townhome and I don’t have a yard to decorate. I constantly imagine driving over to my childhood house that’s decorated for Halloween like it used to be and walking in and giving her a hug.

A year and a half after my mother passed, I discovered that my father was dating. I was mad. I was worried that he was going to replace my mother. I was worried he was going to replace my brother and I. I didn't approve this. My father tried to reassure me that my mother had a talk with him regarding this. My mother said it was alright to find someone after her passing.

Recently, my dad met someone new. I don't want anything to do with this woman. I don't want to see her. I don't want to talk to her. I don't know why I hate her. Maybe it's because she is not my mother. My brother had met her and says she is a nice lady. I brother doesn't seem to mind. My dad is understanding that this is hard for me. He does not force me to spend time with her nor talk to her.

Whenever she comes over, I hide in my room until she leaves. I know my dad won't stop dating. Every week he goes out with her. It irritates me so much. Anyone get what I'm trying to say?

Hey there. I recently found this page on reddit. I'll get to the point of this post. I lost my mother when I was 15 years old. She had a glioblastoma (brain cancer). When I was 13, I remember my mother acting strange. She would complain about headaches, have trouble talking and walking. At first she thought it was stress related but she got worse by the day. Just after boxing day, my mom woke up in the middle of the night complaining about a headache. My dad rushed her to the hospital because he was worried that she was having a stroke. Many hours later, my mother was transferred to a different hospital to have brain surgery because a tumor was discovered on an MRI. I remember being too scared to see her in the hospital and not wanting to be there. My family ended up bringing me anyway.

My mom underwent radiation and chemotherapy. Eventually the chemo stopped working and radiation had to stop. She was put on a different medication which did give her some improvement but eventually that stopped working too. Fast forward 16 months in. My mom started acting strange. She had trouble speaking, walking and controlling her emotions. Sometimes she would yell at me over the smallest things. I can tell it was the cancer talking but it hurt me. It still hurts to this day. After my 15th birthday, things went downhill. My mom suddenly collapsed on day. Good thing my dad and brother caught her in time before she fell to the floor. I remember running out of the room screaming because of how scared I was. I locked myself in my room and hugged my dog. I was praying that she was not dead. She was taken to the hospital was we were told that the tumor was swelling which put pressure on the brain. She tried doing some more treatment in hopes we could slow things down but it didn't work. Eventually my dad had to make the call and move her to hospice care. My mom stayed with us at home the entire time as we thought it would be better for her to be around everyone instead of being in a ward by herself. I remember my dad trying to prepare my brother and I for the worse. I refused to accept the reality of my mother dying. I gave into false hope and kept on saying "she will get better" or "it's just one of those bad days". The day before her passing, she had a good day however in the evening, she must have had a seizure or something because of how stiff she got. She was unconscious. The next day, she was still unconscious. My dad called the family. Everyone arrived at our home. My aunt had the idea of taking my brother and I to her place to hang out with our cousins and see their new puppy to take our mind off of this. We ended up going to her place. A few hours later, my dad and grandfather (his dad) come over to my aunt's house. My dad sits next to my brother and I. Just before he could tell us the news, I knew right away. I swore. A part of me knew this would happen but I refused to accept it. The day of the funeral, I was afraid to go but I went anyway.

What defiantly made things worse is that this took place during covid. All the lockdowns and restrictions did not help make the situation better. I fell into depression and became very anxious. Just after my 16th birthday, I had an anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks feel like a heart attack. Your mind is racing, chest is pounding and your sweating buckets. I had to go to the hospital. Unfortunately they couldn't do much but besides give me some medication and hook me up to some monitors. Things got worse. I was having weekly attacks and started having suicidal thoughts. So far I have not made an attempt but I have written goodbye letter and engaged in self-harm as a way to cope. My dad made me go to therapy. It sorta of helped but I was still in this vicious cycle.

After my 17th birthday, I decided to join a gym. Best decision I have ever made. I started attending group fitness classes in hoping to learn how to workout on my own. Some ladies noticed I was new and showed me the ropes. They introduced me to everyone. I was pretty shy at the time but slowly opened up to them. They got to know me over time and were pretty shocked at the fact that I was 17. They thought I was in my 20-30s because of how mature I was. Many of them are ages 30-60. I'm really close to my instructors. Two of them have similar experiences to loss. One of them (lets call him instructor 1) lost his mom after his daughters were born. The other one (lets call him instructor 2) lost his dad at 15, then his sister at 18, then his mom at 20. I consider them to be my gym dads. I'm also very close to the women in my group. I look up to them as if they were moms. Lots of them have daughters who are grown up. Were all still friends to this day and regular cycle and weight lift together!

Currently, I'm 19. I am currently studying veterinary nursing in college. I've always had a passion for animals. After I graduate from college, I plan on learning how to become a cycling instructor in hopes of teaching Les Mills RPM at my gym. Instructor 1 was one of the first gym members I have met. When I joined, my first ever class was with him. It would be an honour if he trained me given how far I have come. We have had conversations about this but as of now, my focus is to get though school before picking up training. Who knows, maybe in the summer I can help out with some classes to get experience. Only time will tell.

Let me start with I know my grief is not a burden to those who love me, but that little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me I am when I talk about losing my mom. I think it’s from a mixture of lack of talking from others when I bring her up. I guess it makes them uncomfortable? Or them butting in and asking “have you talked to someone professional about this?” Which I have and still am. Rude. I just want to be able to talk about what happened without feeling small at the end of the conversation.

I don’t use reddit often other than to scroll and vent, so I’m not sure how but I made a previous post explaining her passing. It was pretty traumatic so when I do talk about it, it’s heavy which I get some people can’t take and I tread lightly with that. I think I’m just in a weird space and need someone who understands but there’s no one around me.

My boyfriend does an amazing job at supporting me but I don’t want to weigh him down with all my heavy feelings when they come. Thanks for reading and if you’re going through a similar thing my heart is with you💕 shitty club to be in.

What to do?

My (26f) Mom died in June and the wedding is set for December. Every aspect of planning at this point is incredibly painful and those around to help are pushing me and saying how this is such an exciting time for us as a couple. They are not really being gentle or understanding to my hesitations on things. Every aspect of planning is another reminder that I won’t have my mom there. I really do not know what to do. My fiancé gently mentioned that i have every right to bow out if I wanted to. I just don’t know what to do. Deposits have been paid, save the dates have been sent out, everything surrounding this time has been horrible. At this point I’m dreading my wedding day. Ive tried to express these emotions to anyone and they just dismiss my feelings and will say it will be an amazing day to be “surrounded by love.”

So I am 24 f and I lost my mom 8 months ago and I feel like I don’t really have many people to talk about my feelings with. My mom and I were really close when she passed and her and I were always more similar. My dad and my sister are more different. My dad and my sister are more avoidant and don’t really talk about things and don’t handle things and it has lead to my having to handle everything. Like my mom’s medical bills and other debts, I handled dealing with the family conflicts with her side of the family, funeral arrangements, etc…. The only things I have asked him to do is go with me to her funeral home so we can go get her headstone made and then they can order it. I have also asked him to find a grief counselor and help contact a lawyer because we’re in a legal dispute with my mom’s family (because she left my sister and i something in the will that they want long story). All those things he has not done and those are things that I actually can’t do on my own.

Yet I feel like he’s leaving me on my own to handle those things. Whenever I ask him if he can handle those things he says i’m nagging him and he will “get to it when i get to it” and my sister takes his side and then proceeds to do nothing. My sister says i’m in the wrong for being upset because he’s grieving and he has work. But I am also working and grieving and i feel like nobody is acknowledging that.

That’s the main point of this post. I feel like I’m going through a difficult thing so young and I am now just expected to do everything and nobody has my back if i need help. It’s just an overwhelming amount of pressure and there’s a few things I need help with to lighten the load and im not getting help (except from the financial advisor that helped with her bills). My mom was the only person who really listened to me and empathized with me when I was stressed out and would voice my frustrations and now she’s gone and I have so much more stuff to handle and take care of and he just isn’t taking me seriously. I also don’t really have many friends I can talk to about this because all of my friends (except one) have both parents that are alive. Since I lost my mom so early in age i don’t really know who to relate to. Sorry if this is a long post I just needed to vent.

This is my first post to reddit and I'm reaching out for any kind words. I lost my mom on Saturday and am struggling to keep going for my dad and 15 month old daughter. I know most moms and daughters are best friends, but my mom was my one and only real best friend. I needed her to help me raise my daughter. She was also my dad's rock. She took care of him for their 47 years of marriage until he had to take care of her towards the end. How do we keep going? How do I stay strong for him? I miss every part of her. I just can't believe this.

I lost my mom to breast cancer in October of 2002. I’ve always found it poignant that she died during what would become breast cancer awareness month. She also died on her birthday. She was 46.

She was diagnosed when I was in the 5th grade. A guidance counselor told me because our mom who had no support didn’t know how.

During my senior year of high school, we were told that it had metastasized & was now stage 4 terminal. She was given 6 mos to a year to live. She died 4 mos later of a sepsis infection.

Of course growing up with a mom who had cancer was traumatizing. I think a lot about what it felt like for myself as a child & teen. How hard it was.

It wasn’t until I became a mom & started aging that I started to truly think about what it must have been like from my mom’s point of view.

Recieving that news? Seeing your oldest off to college with a proud smile? Ending each call with “I love you”, knowing that your time was metered. That each breath might be your last. Each hug, each touch, each laugh. Every sip of coffee or sunset. To go through every stage of grief while parenting.

I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her. not wanting to leave & knowing you have no control. Resigning yourself that you’ll never meet your grandkids?

What I remember most about her after 22 years is her smile. I carry it with me always. Time is so cruel, memory so fickle & I didn’t have a video camera. All I have our faded Polaroids & the memory of her smile.

It’s left me with the need to truly live in the moment. Even in those mundane acts of everyday life.

To be here in the present with the people I love. To shirk societal norms. To unapologetically be myself while I’m able.

It’s also left me with the knowledge that; each day is a gift. Growing older is a gift, & yes-sometimes things/times/circumstances really suck & hurt but I’m honored to be here with the people I love doing them & I hope things change for so many people all across this globe.

I see you & hear you.

Enjoy each moment that you can. I’m stealing back my joy where and when I can. 💕💕🫂🫂

I’m loving memory of Dania Gayle Scarbrough 10/22/1956-10/22/2002

It’s breast cancer awareness month and her birthday and loss anniversary occur simultaneously.

I miss you mama even after 22 years. I miss you because I love you and you are still gone. 💕💔😭

My mom would have been 56 today and I almost forgot it was her birthday. I used to be able to say what age she would have been right off the top of my head, but this time, I couldn't. I had to use a calculator. I think about her every day, so how could I forget something like this? What if it gets worse and one day, I somehow forget her completely? I know it's unlikely, but what if? My mom would have never forgotten my birthday, or my age. How could I forget the birthday of the woman I've been grieving over for the last 13 years? Unfortunately, I can't even say that this is the first time this has happened. But the older I get, the more it happens, and I hate myself for it so much.

Hello, I just found this sub. Today is the 25th anniversary of my mother dying. I was 18, she was 45. I'm 43 years old now. I don't exactly know what I want to say, but I wanted to acknowledge this anniversary somewhere. I still miss her and it sucks.

My mom went so quick. Watching her and feeding her morphine til her last breath was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I loved her so much. She was skin and bone and did not eat for 90 days. I moved away and missed 4 years being close to her. I seen her maybe 4 or 5 times in those 4 years. I moved back in Feb she got sick in April and passed Aug 3rd. I am thankful that I made it back in time to be here but I am barely keeping up. I pretend like I'm ok but really inside fee so alone and scared. Like. Why, why is she gone. I need her. I need her s much.

Love to you all here.

I am looking for therapist recommendations who can practice via Zoom in the US who specialize in helping motherless mothers.

First time mom here without my mom. My baby just turned 1 and it’s time for me to talk to someone who understands.

Thank you ❤️

My mommy died two weeks ago. Last night was particularly hard. I was up past 330a I couldn’t sleep and was just aching thinking about how my mom died. Did she feel helpless? Was she scared? Was she angry when she realized she was dying? These scenarios kept racing and I was just sobbing in bed holding her hair towel tight that smells like her. I fell asleep asking her to please visit me and show me that she’s here for me. I had a dream I was hugging her. I couldn’t see her but I could feel her. She always gave the most wonderful genuine hugs. I could feel her curly hair on my face. And I was rubbing my cheek on her arms, feeling her soft smooth skin. She was squeezing me so tight. I woke up and immediately tried falling back asleep to keep holding her, but it didn’t work. I hope she visits me again tonight 💕

I lost my mom one year ago today…I called in sick to work because I just couldn’t take it…love you and miss you dearly, mommy ❤️

Hello, everyone. I’m reaching out to this community today because I could really use some support during a particularly heavy moment in my grief journey. My mother passed away a few months ago, and as her only daughter, I’ve been grappling with the immense loss. Her departure was sudden and unexpected, and the weight of her absence feels overwhelming.

In addition to the emotional turmoil of losing her, I’ve had the responsibility of dismantling her entire house. It’s been a painstaking process filled with countless decisions about what to keep, what to donate, and what to give away. Every single object carries a memory—her clothes, the family photos, the appliances in her kitchen. It’s like each item is a fragment of our shared history, and choosing to part with them feels like losing a piece of her all over again.

One of the hardest parts of this journey was finding new homes for her four beloved dogs. They were such a big part of her life, and I felt an immense responsibility to ensure they went to loving and responsible families. It took months of searching, but I’m proud to say I found them each a wonderful home. It brought me some comfort, knowing they’ll be cared for and loved, just as she would have wanted.

Today, I handed over the keys to her house, which will soon be sold. In many ways, it feels like the final chapter of a long, bittersweet book. I approached each task with care, wanting to honor her memory in everything I did. But now, as I look around and realize that her belongings, her dogs, and her home are all gone, the grief feels more intense than ever. I’m left with a profound emptiness, and the pain feels raw and real.

If anyone here has gone through a similar experience, I truly feel for you. I could really use some advice or support as I navigate this difficult time. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and much love to all of you who understand this journey of grief.

Hi, I'm 16 and I lost my mom when I was 5. I was so young back then so it hadn't really settled. The grief only kicked in recently and I don't know how to keep moving.

It's like a mixture of grieving for her and the life I could have had. I look at other teenage girls and I envy how they have family vacations and dinners, or mother-daughter dates. I never got to have that because my mom was the glue of the family so everything fell apart afterwards and I grew up in a broken home. I was raised by my dad and my oldest sister. They both stopped taking care of my stuff for me when I turned 12. I has to grow up fast.

I go shopping by myself, eat by myself, have no one attending my events or award ceremonies. The school emails don't even go to my parents anymore I get them all. Anytime I have to go somewhere or do something I have to figure it out on my own. Yet the other girls are so care free I envy them.

I find myself being so angry and isolated. Everyone expects me to be happy and independent. I'm miserable and I hate my life. I miss my mom so much. I can't stop thinking about how different things would be if mom were here.