Anyone have regular dreams of their mother. Sometimes I dream of her nightly..and this has been for years. She'll just be there in the background sometimes..other times She'll play larger roles.

I remember when im dreaming I'm always trying to find some way to document that I have seen my mother. I'm always looking for a phone to take a picture or trying to write down everything I see..

I'm beginning to accept two different realities. One world with and one without her.

It's the strangest thing and have never experienced this before.

My mom died 10 years ago. I don’t have much of a relationship with my dad. He lives in another state and we don’t talk. I have a sister but it’s similar. Her life choices (drugs etc) don’t really align with mine and our relationship is kind of forced. I have been feeling so lonely this year. We go to celebrate holidays with my husband’s family but it just isn’t the same. It feels like surface level relationships? Does that make sense… not a true deep genuine connection. I am lucky that I have two living children and am able to connect with them, but I need an adult. Last month we were able to see my aunt - my mom’s sister - for a week. She lives in England so I don’t get to see her much, I saw my cousins also. It had been 7 years since we last saw one another. It was like instantly I just fell into that comfort that you can only get with your mom/close family. It was so nice and made me realize how much I had missed it and how lonely I had been. I have no one to really call and ask for advice. How to mother my kids. To ask how did I act when I was this years old. My aunt reminded me of some old stories and it just felt so nice to have that connection. As well to have that motherly adult taking care of me. At Thanksgiving last night I felt so out of place. My husband’s family isn’t bad, but it’s just not my family. Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions. Can anyone else relate?

i (22f) lost my mum to breast cancer when i was 11. now years later, i’m in a 2.5yr relationship where i’m constantly fighting the urge to be mothered or ‘parented’ by my partner (also 22f) . i took on a motherly role in my household after my mum died (i live with my dad & two younger brothers) so i’ve constantly been looking after other people for years, being the one who cleans etc, putting myself last.

my relationship with my dad and brothers is very non emotional and we don’t really talk about it - i have never felt parented by my dad since my mum’s death as she was the emotional one and we were like best friends, we were so close. my partner struggles to give me what i need because they also want to feel cared for/cuddled as much as me, but for some reason when i have to be in the position of a giver/dominant in the relationship i feel like i shrink inside as all i want from my partner is to be cared for like im a baby or something stupid.

i know this obviously stems from not having a mother for so long and also the fact me and my dad don’t have that kind of emotional, typically loving dad-daughter relationship. i do so much in my personal life that i just want a partner to take charge - but im also embarrassed by how much it affects me.

i typically go for masculine people (not that it matters but i have been with both men and women) who seem to embody typically parental characteristics, which i crave - taking control so i can relax, telling me what to do, caring for me etc. i’ve communicated this all with my partner but i just feel like they don’t understand me :’(

I hope this is okay to post (but if not, let me know!)

I work for Hope directly and we are hearing from our community how navigating the holidays without mom is so hard and also stressful and scary!

Hope has built up a great community, tools, and resources to help. Not just through the holidays but beyond. We don't want you to feel like you're going through it all alone, because you're not, we're here and a loving community is here too.

Come find us on Instagram or visit her website. There's free resources, community calls, support circles, and we also have scholarships available that you can apply for. This is always an extra tender time, be kind to yourself. <3

It will be 3 years ago on Christmas day that my mother died. We were coming home from my aunts house where we had Christmas dinner. We were in a bad car accident. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt(she never did) and we go out of the car after the accident just fine. She didn't have any noticeable injuries at the time and refused to go to the hospital when offered by the paramedic. The car was totaled. My husband came and picked us up. We got home and within an hour she quickly went downhill - sweating, dizziness, blurred vision, fast breathing. I called 911 and by the time someone arrived she was breathing but none responsive. The started cpr and she passed away. It was so sudden and I felt lost. I suppose it got "easier" but I feel i get sensitive and things get more difficult during the holiday season. I have a 10 month old baby girl now and this will be her first Christmas. I want to make Christmas a happy time for her but I feel it's difficult with the feelings I have. I'm trying my best to plan and do things with her. But I am crying more often then usual and I don't want her to see me like this but sometimes I can't help it.

I’m 19. Christmas is hard for me. My mom passed 4 years ago from glioblastoma. Christmas is also the time when my mom was diagnosed. She fought for 18 months. My dad is dating and wants his girlfriend to spend Christmas with his side of the family. I’m angry. I don’t want to see this woman at all. I hate her. I hate the fact she’s not my mom. I hate that my dad is dating. He’s serious about this woman.

All I want is to spend Christmas with my mom. I want her back.

My mother died of cancer when I was just about 1. I’m 27 and it’s only in the past few years that it’s truly hit me how much I have grieved and yearned for a mother my entire life.

My father was a deadbeat who wanted my mom to abort me. I grew up parented by an aunt and uncle, but I never called them mom or dad. They loved and took care of me but the household was also one of alcoholism, domestic violence, and I was SA’d for years as a child by my aunts son.

I get so sad hearing about my mom because every single person adored her. All my aunts loved her the most. My grandma told me she was the sweetest. I have siblings 10 years older who knew her and they said she was wonderful to them.

It’s so hard to grieve someone you never even knew. And it’s so hard to constantly yearn for something you literally can’t have. I will go to sleep at night imagining I’m being held by my own mom. Sometimes I will even imagine I’m a small baby being breast fed. It’s the deepest, most primal, yearning.

It sucks 🥲. If anyone else lost a mom as a baby I’d love to know if you can relate.

My mum is terminally ill, doesn’t have many days left in her.

My brain is doing its best to prepare for what the final day might look like.

I’m interested in your feelings, reactions. Did you eat that day? Did you go to sleep alone, or with others? Did you cry so much you actually couldn’t produce tears any more? What happened when you got behind the wheel of a car? Did you have to engage with any members of the public?

I know these questions are tough, but sometimes I like it when people ask me the tough questions. Brings upon memories and feelings that otherwise might not have a chance to be spoken about and aired out.

Sending love.

Hi everyone, My (26f) mom (53F) died at the end of October, she had an autoimmune condition, and died of complications, unexpectedly at home. She was my best friend, I love her so so so much and am going to miss her terribly. I work on the road, away from home so I took a leave and will be off until February.

Even though I am heartbroken about my mom I can't stop worrying about my dad (55m). They were each other's soulmates, but to the point where their relationship was borderline unhealthy, they had no other friends other then themselves and did everything together. They had a daily routine they followed religiously down to what tv show they watched at what time every night. Her death has absolutely broken him. Ive been staying in my old bedroom at my parents house most nights since it happened. I live with my boyfriend about 40 minutes away. My dad is a wreck to say the least. During the day he's productive and keeps busy but by mid-afternoon/after dinner he starts to drink, heavily (10+ beers a night) and just gets drunk, and cries. I feel like I have to take care of him, keep him busy, watch tv with him at night and so on. I put on a brave face when I'm around him to show him that I'm okay, it's one less thing he needs to worry about. But, at the same time I'm trying to distance myself, and stay some nights in my own house to process my own thoughts. My issue is whenever I'm alone all I do is worry about him, and if he's okay. Has anyone else been through this? What can I do?

My dad will not see a therapist, grief counselor or anything like that. He also is talking about not going back to work and living off the life insurance money. Like I mentioned, he has no friends and if he does that, I'm worried he will be completely socially isolated and just become an alcoholic. I think I just need some kind words and maybe some support please.

im 13 n my mom died unexpectedly a week ago. I cried so much the day after she died. But this past week, i kind of just feel numb about it like nothing is real. Nothing feels normal to me i feel like im watching my life through someone elses eyes with no emotion. I can’t believe shell never see me get a first boyfriend, graduate highschool or college, get married etc. I know shes dead i saw her dead body at her funeral but i feel like she will come back, i just cant wrap my head around the fact ill never see her again. I feel guilty for ever smiling or laughing. Im usually quiet but im like way more quiet now. I feel guilty for doing well in school even when she’s gone. I can’t even make it through a few minutes without thinking about the fact she’s dead. I’ve never lost a family member, or anyone close to me before. How do i make myself realize she’s gone and greive?

I have OCD so this might be affecting my thoughts but i feel like it’s my fault she died, maybe if i spent more time with her or if i was less of a brat she wouldn’t have died. I might seem crazy for this but a few years ago i had a dream she died, and i’ve been thinking of it ever since. I feel like somehow i accidentally manifested her death

Everyone ik whos lost someone says they see signs of the person that died is still there with them like in nature or the sunset or lights flickering or something but i haven’t had any signs, so maybe she is disappointed in me and doesn’t want to watch over me? im rlly confused.

Is it a good decision if i do my thesis (psychology research paper) on the disease due to which my mother passed away or it will have an emotional toll on me? I so want to carry my thesis on that illness and its psychological impacts on a patient’s life as I’ve seen my mother suffering in all aspects of her life due to her polycystic kidneys. Should i go for this research topic or it will cause me more suffering as my grief is fresh. It’s been only one and a half month since my mother left.

Has anybody here ever done this to learn more about their loved one’s suffering?

im an 18 year old girl and I lost both of my parents by the time i turned 16. My dad died unexpectedly when i was 12, and my mom died from cancer when i was 16. I really have no idea how to go on. I feel like im a hollow shell of a person. I do the things i need to do like eat, sleep, work, and barely shower. But inside i feel completely empty. there are times i feel a little bit happy, but majority of my time is just dark. I dont know how to deal with the fact that my parents are gone, specifically my mom. Your parents are the only people in the world who have true unconditional love for you. Who will take care of you when no one else will. they were supposed to be there for me always. It feels especially unfair because my parents were both very kind nurturing people. I feel extremely socially stunted. Im functioning as an adult, but i feel like im still a child. I know im very young and i have my whole life ahead of me in theory,, but it seems like mine isnt even a life worth living. How good could my life possibly be? I dont know that ill EVER be happy. I just really need a nurturing presence in my life. Me and my sister have family members that will always love, care, and be there for us. But its not the same as a parents. I cant get over the fact that i will never have a nurturing presence in my life. No matter how well intentioned or loving a aunt, boyfriend, or in law may be, they will never care about me unconditionally. There will always be a limit for their love. I will never be anyones number one priority again. I just feel out of place anywhere I go. In family gatherings i dont belong to anyone, im just floating around. Im in my first year of college and im struggling to make friends and figure out how to be and adult and navigate new experiences without my mom. The part that sucks the most is that i am just so different from everyone else in my life. I havent been able to make friends because their death has made me reserved and anxious. And i feel like i can never really get close to anyone because ill have to tell them that im an orphan. Its all just so ridiculously unfair. And i dont even know anyone who can relate. Most people i know havent even lost 1 parent, let alone 2. My boyfriends dad is going through cancer treatment now and im trying my absolute best to be supportive but honestly im very triggered and reliving how sick my mom was. can anyone relate. I really just need to know if there is ever a possibility for me to be happy.

Hey guys, anticipatory grief has taken me by storm. So I’m joining this group in advance.

My mother has been battling stage 4 terminal bowel cancer for 3 years now, but she has officially waved her white flag as she acknowledges she has lost the fight she fought so damn hard for. We found out today that the tumours are almost completely encasing her liver, many new tumours in her lungs, and she doesn’t have long at all.

I already miss her. She’s sleeping all the time, and when she’s not sleeping, she’s in excruciating pain. I am watching her wither away in front of me, and knowing there’s nothing we can do but wait is tearing me apart.

She’s decided to engage assisted dying - as in, picking a date and a time and letting her pass away at home with us around her.

How the hell are you supposed to deal with this? I’m 29 years old, and she’s the centre of my universe. People confused us for sisters all the time whilst growing up because she was so beautiful, full of life and wittingly smart and intelligent. People just wanted to be around her all the time. She is my best friend, and I never wanted to leave my home town because my parents are such a big part of my life.

Any tips or tricks appreciated. Thinking of you all as I anticipate being officially part of this club within the next few weeks.

My mum was the centre of Christmas for me. We'd get a itty bitty tree together, sing, do Christmas at her house, cook. Now I'm one month into losing her and the house needs to be packed up and sold and I don't even know what to do on Christmas Day. Any ideas? I want to not feel so rootless and keep some tradition alive.

i (f24) lost my mom at the end of july this year. her breast cancer came back, was discovered at the beginning of june. in just about 8 weeks she was gone. i think a lot those 3 weeks we spent in the hospital taking care of her. her final moments were the worst of my entire life. i try my best to remember her how she lived instead of how she died, but it seems to just haunt me.

sometimes she’s in my dreams and its so hard to wake up and realize she’s not here anymore. i want to call her and tell her about my good days and my bad days. i still try to talk to her but its not the same. i think part of me is still in denial because it was so sudden.

i feel robbed, i feel like it’s some sick joke that completely derailed my life in 8 short weeks. i had to move 4 hours away from home for school in august so it’s been hard to be away from my dad who’s also grieving.

and now with the holidays coming up its the first time i’m really not looking forward to them. my mom always made the holidays so special for everyone in my family. i look back at pictures from last christmas and it breaks my heart to know we had no idea it’d be our last with her.

i just wanted to vent and send love to anyone who’s feeling the same way. we will get through it ❤️

Hello everyone. My mother died in 1998 at 60 years of age. I am 58 years old.

A month ago or so I was scrolling Reddit and I stumbled upon a picture someone took of their dog with an IV in its paw and the dog was happy and beautiful. It was the last picture taken of their beautiful boy.

Somehow the picture triggered my mother loss. I was not at the hospital when my mother had her vent taken out. My Dad told me that when they took out the vent she smiled at him. This image has haunted me.

The image of that precious dog has been burnt into my brain and sometimes that image floats into my consciousness and I start weeping uncontrollably.

I needed a safe place to tell someone without judgement. I think I have had PTSD for a long time regarding my mother’s death.

Please be kind. My heart can’t handle meanness right now.

Any advice, any words of comfort would be greatly appreciated.

I (F,22) am currently 8 weeks pregnant and I grew up without a mom, she had severe PPD/ PP psychosis and left when I was a baby. Being pregnant and the thought of raising a baby is making me realize so much about my estranged mother and I just can’t help but feel bad for her. I know that she absolutely hated being pregnant and hated her children, and this is not one of those moments of exaggeration, tough love, distant mother, no, she genuinely hated us. I just could never understand that feeling of hatred now that I am pregnant myself. I know that if she could have chosen differently she would have. I can’t help but imagine her as someone who tried so hard to love her children but just couldn’t. There’s parts of me that are terrified that I could fall into that same fate. There was no point to this but I thought I would share incase someone else is going through it too

My mom died last May. It was hard, and I felt like I died too. Life was so hard without her. I hate myself for always imagining how things would be if she were just alive. I hate doing things that remind me of her; I always end up crying, hoping that she'd come back, knowing that would never happen. I hate myself so much because I never really made her feel that I loved her, and now I'm here regretting and suffering. How can I be good and better when she’s not around to see how much I've grown and improved? We have an exam this week, and I couldn't even pull myself together to study because all I can think about is her. I miss her so much, and if I could relive my life again, I would do it just to be with her. All I wanted was a complete and happy family, but now that will never happen because we’ll never be complete. I get jealous when I see how other teens get to spend time with their moms while I'm here alone and sad. I just want to be okay, but it’s hard because she’s the only one who can make me feel that way.

Ever since my mom passed away (28 days) i het this anxiety…there’s this feeling that arises from my stomach, heart feels sinking, hands legs feel lifeless with discomforting pain. If i’ve eaten anything i vomit, and claustrophobic like i cant breathe. It happens whenever i think about my mom the pain she went through etc.

If you’ve experienced this anxiety how do you cope with it? Cause i’m having it almost everyday either in morning or in the evening. Due to these anxiety attacks i can’t focus on work i dread meeting people assuming that they’d ask me questions about her and i might cry.

I can't believe it as it simply doesn't feel real. You saw me struggle with the bottle for more than half my life.

At 6 months, you got diagnosed with cancer and 23 days later you were gone. It gives me peace knowing you took you're last breath knowing I was finally sober.

I plan to keep my promise that I made you near the end. That I would never drink again in my life. There is nothing at the bottom of the bottle that will take this empty pain away and it won't bring you back.

I am not sure what I will do to celebrate, but I know I'm going to sit and have a cup of coffee with you.

Title says all. My heart, my very soul hurts today.

I lost my mom when I 15. She had cancer. I’m currently 19. I am thinking about getting a tattoo to honour her legacy. I would probably have something that feature dolphins (they were her favourite animal), flowers and the cancer ribbon. I do want to wait a bit until I am much older. I am aware tattoos are permanent and I need to be 100% sure I want this.

Has anyone gotten a tattoo in their mom’s memory?

Today is the fourth anniversary of my moms death. Two days ago it was her sisters daughter (d. 2021) birthday. It’s so hard to live in the day:) be good to one another

I’ve started a group and rented a venue for all the MD’s looking to fellowship in person. Hope to see you there!

Atlanta Motherless Daughters Meetup Group https://www.meetup.com/atlanta-motherless-daughters-meetup-group/?utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=groupHome&utm_source=twitter #Meetup

For the past one year after my sister’s wedding, my whole world revolved around my mother. I was her primary caregiver, my day would start with cutting apples for her at 6 in the morning then making breakfast giving her meds etc. I learnt cooking in this year so she could rest and not worry about kitchen duties. I put in extra hours in work to make some extra money to save for her meds just in case my brothers falls short on money so i could you know support him. this past year so many things changed in me i shifted from living a princess life to becoming mother to my mother. I stopped going to university cause mom would have been alone at home. I learnt cooking diet food for her. l used to take her to washroom wash her face when she wasn’t able to do it on her own. and now with her passing it feels like i’ve become numb. I don’t feel energy to get up and start the day or even take a shower. Last month around these dates she was all fine she could walk help me in kitchen say her daily prayers. And now it’s been 13 days to her passing reality is hitting me i don’t have anything to do my life has lost its purpose. My heart doesn’t feel calmness in anything. I’m done crying my head hurts my bp gets low i get anxiety attacks and feel nauseated. I miss every bit of her the way she used to call my name from another room. Everything i do it reminds me of her. This house, kitchen her bedroom each and everything is associated with her.
Right now my married sister is staying with us for a month but what would i do when she’ll go back to her home? I have my father, grandma and brothers but imm not close to them, and they all are grieving in their own the only person i was close to was my mother i don’t know how would i live this long long life without her by my side….

In my dream I knew she was dead, but she was still here so I made sure I gave her hugs and kisses. I held her hands and touched her perfect small feet. I was running my fingers along her perfectly coiled tight curls, and I asked her “mommy, have you accepted it?” She looked at me with the most content face, smiled sweetly and said, “yes I have, but you were here first” I asked her “what does that mean?” She just gave me a smirk and then I woke up. I have no clue what it means, but it was so nice to see her for the first time in my dream. I miss her so much, I still can’t believe she’s gone. Sending so much love to all of you, united in this grief we share. 💜

She had an illness but that was not too sever that sh died in just a week or maybe two. From the day she was in ICU deep down i had this thought maybe she won’t survive cause we had a conversation when she was having difficulty in breathing and told me her time has come the night before that she i was crying looking at her and she hugged me and consoled me not to cry cause my pregnant sister would wake up from sleeep. The night she passed away i didn’t cry much cause i was already crying for four days and had no energy to cry more. I pretended to be strong consoled my brothers and sister. Our relatives stayed with us a week and now everybody is gone back to their homes and everything is hitting me. I don’t feel the energy to get up and start my day. I just lay there stare at her bed cry for a moment or two, scroll some instagram reels which are ifk why all about mothers and then i sleep. I had fever this past whole week due to weather change and feels like I’m losing weight too (i’m already underweight)

All my siblings cry their heart out. But i don’t do that often. I was the one who take care of her all along her illness i knew what misery she was going through what parts of her body hurt what medicines she dreaded to take. My routine was based around her routine i would wake up peel apples for her make tea give her breakfast then her meds. then i’d make lunch for her then dinner and meds for past one year my life was all about her. Now i have no one to wake up for.

I did some shadow work and decided to self publish my first my own book. I’m still on a healing journey, because I’m aware that it’s lifelong. My half sister grew up without a mom due to abandonment. I grew up without a mom (and dad) due to a fatal car crash. My half sister died from OD and now her children are motherless. My family has been through it and I pray that I can live for my daughter as long as I can!

Here is a summary of my memoir:

“An African American orphan recounts the profound impact of generational trauma, mental illness, drug addiction, violence, and anti-Blackness/colorism on her paternal family. Raised by a sociopathic, narcissistic grandmother, “Ariana” carries the deep scars left on her soul. In a courageous act, Ariana chose not to attend her grandmother’s funeral. Now, she’s determined to transform her childhood trauma into a testimony and is on a mission to break the generational curses within her family.”

If you have any questions, feel free to comment!

Peace and love!