After my father died in 2016, my family struggled to let go of the many pieces his Christmas village encompassed.

"(...) In retrospect, my mom, sister and I weren’t ready; those houses were the most tangible thing we had left of him. They only looked like Barrister’s Chambers and the Coca-Cola Factory with a working soda fountain. They were really a thousand ceramic pieces of him. (...)

A few months later, my sister, Lola, and I tried again. Lola made a valiant attempt to catalog each house, company, collection and accessory by bringing them all down the dining room. It was a good attempt, but you could sooner count every star in the sky. The more we tried to wrangle them, the harder they were to get straight. It may have been the grief talking, but they seemed to be replicating.

It was then, seeing them all out in the dining room for the first time in years, we decided that we would scatter his houses as if they were his ashes. (...)"

Read the full personal essay: https://www.today.com/life/essay-life/christmas-village-obsession-rcna181391

Hi. I (24 F) moved from Pennsylvania to Washington state in October of 2023. I have not been back to visit PA since leaving. I’ve called and Skyler family a few times, but only on major holidays and birthdays and whatnot. I’ve always had a really big and close family, so they were really devastated when I left, but also all very supportive.

A few months after moving, my family called and informed me my grandpa was diagnosed with two different types of cancer. Bladder and prostate. They assured me it was caught early enough and he was going to be okay. About two weeks ago, they called and told me he is terminal. I was really surprised because he seemed to be doing really well and never talked about being sick or having treatment when we talked/skyped/texted, so I figured he was doing pretty well. But, the doctor said he only had about 3-6 months left. Fast forward to this past Sunday, he died.

Not only am I angry that he died so quickly, I feel guilty that I never made it back to Pennsylvania to see him one last time. I have a flight booked for the end of this month - I was going to spend the holidays with them - I knew there was a chance he might not have made it but I honestly didn’t expect him to pass so quickly.

My bf (M 30) said I did all I could and he died knowing I was coming for Christmas and New Year’s. He said I did all I could and feeling guilty or expressing that guilt just makes it harder for my mom and grandma and rest of the family who are also grieving, that it makes it about me. He knows and I know that’s not my intention, but I genuinely can’t shake the continuous feeling of guilt.

I lost my mom this year a sibling in 2023 in april found her deceased in her bed a brother in 2018 and another sister in 2020 from breast cancer. it's just me and my dad. I have cousins in various states and my dad's side is a total wash out because 2 of his sibling lied on my mom and never apologized for it one family member tried to contact me on facebook pretending to be a christian talking about we are family we shouldn't fight but my dad never as much as mentioned her so how do I know she didn't take my dad's sibling she said my grandmother was her aunt. I have my mom's side of the family that didn't do anything like lying on my mom . Then I found out by my dad that his mom had siblings and his own mom lied to him about how she borrowed money from one of the sister's to help him pay for college. I don't associate much with my dad's side because they are liars that don't hold themselves accountable for their actions that don't want to look up their african heritage my mom's side did look it up

Grieving someone who is still alive. Let me tell you about the time i was grieving someone who was in fact still on this earth. You may be thinking i was grieving her because of an addiction; Maybe even grieving her because she wasn’t around for me. When in reality that wasn’t the case at all. When i was only 15 my world took an unexpected turn. On halloween I remember going over to my house with my friends. My mom had been really sick for a couple of weeks not even being able to work. When we got there she apologized and said “i usually look better than this but im feeling pretty crappy right now i promise to look better next time”. i remember telling my mom She always looked great. I went out that night with my friends and got into a car accident. I had tried to call my mom first not even realizing how sick she really was.. she didn’t end up answering so i called my dad and he came. When i got home from the hospital i told my mom how sorry i was and how i can’t wait until she feels better. My world was quiet, she was always so happy and spunky. She never took anyone or anything for granted. I don’t remember why, but i remember i got into an argument with my mom over the car accident and how i was scared i was going to die. little did i know that was going to be the last in person conversation i had with her because the next morning she woke my dad up in a panic because she couldn’t breathe and was rushed to the ER. My mom was admitted to the hospital because her oxygen levels were low. They kept her there for what felt like an eternity. We had a facetime with her and she was so sick. I showed her, her dogs and told her i loved her. i texted her and said “i miss you are you okay?” she responded “no but i will be” i told her i missed and loved her and she texted me and i never responded.. that next day they had my dad come in because she was refusing care and was giving up. She was put into a medically induced coma. The next morning They flew her to a different hospital in Billings, Montana, and we weren’t aloud to see her, or talk to her. When she got there, there was nothing more they could do so they flew her to a hospital even further away in Portland Oregon. Ever since she had left my life was on repeat. Every day the same quiet mess it had been since the day she left. I searched for her everytime i walked through the door hoping it was all a dream. The house was torn apart and everyone had their own lives to keep up with. People came over all the time, almost every day without a doubt i heard, “how’s your mom doing” with no clue how to answer. My dad had drove to be with her in the hospital. I can’t imagine how lonely that was. We weren’t aloud to see her, we had to be 18 and only one at a time, because covid was so unknown. They told us my mom was getting better, and even though she had a heart beat and a breath i already felt that she was gone. To be honest i knew she was gone the day at the table before flying to any different hospital my dad had said the words “your mom is giving up, she doesn’t want the care” but one day the hospital had us facetime her. I was so glad to talk to her, but what i didn’t know was i really wouldn’t even be talking to her. Just talking for her to hear. Watching your mom fade away after having her your whole life is like having your heart ripped out, put back and ripped out again. When we had that facetime i knew she was gone. I could see in her eyes she was. i didn’t care how many people said she would be coming home or how many people said “stay positive” i knew. All i could think of in that moment was my dad. “why does my dad have to go through this alone” not very many days later my brother got the phone call from my dad that she had passed. When i heard the news i didn’t want to believe it because what more can we go through, as a family whose life has been torn away. The glue to our family, the light has been dimmed. On December 13th 2020 i lost the one person who understood me. The one person who fought for everyone and loved every person she crossed paths with. On december 13th i lost a piece of me, and my family lost a piece of them. So even though I was already grieving her, really losing her was the hardest part. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if i had never got to know her as my mother and my bestfriend. For now im thankful that even though she left me too soon. I got to experience the time and the memories I did with the one person who truly knew me. That is my experience with grieving someone, who was infact still alive. I DONT KNOW HOW GOOD IT IS I WROTE IT IN LIKE 10 MINUTES I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF ITS ANY GOOD

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My father works as a resort caretaker. He earns just enough to feed our his kids (3 kids) and take me to a university. I'm on my 3rd year in college studying Bachelor of Science in Information Systems. But just now, as I'm writing this letter, I got a news from home that he's missing. He have gone and saved a kid from drowning, in exchange for his life. No, it's still not confirmed because the local rescuer is still searching for him. or his body. I am not home at the moment for I am living in a rental bed spacer 2 hours from there. He's treated like a hero there but I can't avoid myself for being angry at him. I know he did what's right but at the cost of what? himself! Our whole family depends on him emotionally and financially. and what did he get from saving the child's life? nothing but a thanks. My father just indirectly destroyed his whole family's life for a shitty 'thanks'! Because of what happened, I'll drop out of college and find a work. To feed the family he left. I was so close to graduating. I was so close to pulling our family out of poverty. Why did this have to happen now of all times?! I did my part. I lived myself as an upright person. Did good things, studies hard for that yearly Dean's lister at my university. Worked so hard to help in my family's expenses during semester's break. Why do I need to be punished like this? I hate my father and if there is a god above. I hate you most

A couple of months ago, my younger brother died in an accident. I've never felt so defeated and hated myself more than at this point in my life. I'll (21) be referring to him as "Z" (19).

It feels like it happened yesterday. The pain is still there and never really feels like it gets easier. Everytime I bring up my brother, I can tell people just don't want me to continue, it's awkward or depressing. I really only bring up how funny he was, or what he liked to do or something reminded me of him. Even so I still get that silent "please just... Stop" response everytime. At Thanksgiving this year, my family didn't even mention him or set him a plate at least. He always sat next to me every year for Thanksgiving. I can't blame them really, but, at the same time I feel like everyone has already moved on. And I'm still stuck.

I never want to forget him, or other people to forget him. I feel like, I wasn't a very good sibling, that I could've done better for both my brothers (I have 2). I always thought about ways I could improve their lives. I stayed up every night waiting for Z to come from a friend's place and hear his car pull in the driveway. Z would be up till 3 am on discord talking to his friends keeping me up sometimes but I didn't care. I just put on white noise and tuned it out.

I can't say I'm super close with my brothers, but we don't hate each other or anything. We just never really hung out or talked a lot. But when I did talk to Z, we had a lot in common. And after he died, I found out we were more alike than I actually realized. The only difference was Z did whatever he wanted, and I'm scared of leaving the house. Z didn't care. He was so cool, a lot cooler than me.

One thing that we started doing was watching LOTR in theaters every year. I got to see all 3 movies with him this year in summer. It was awesome.

I don't know. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. My life has been completely flipped upside down. No one in my personal life really checks up on me anymore, I don't know. I never want to stop talking about my brother and how much of a great person he was but it doesn't seem like anyone really cares or wants to hear about him anymore. I do understand, it's probably annoying, but I can't ignore how much it mentally hurts me everyday. I just think I'm in a bad dream. And it's funny, because, I remember a couple of months ago before the accident, I had a dream that Z died. Nothing specific happened in my dream that I remember, I just remember the feeling that he died. But then I woke up and I heard his car pull in the driveway, so I knew it was just a dream. Well, now it's not, it really, truly isn't, a bad dream. It really happened. My brother is dead. And I don't know how to continue.

How do I even begin to get past this. Z was so young. Literally had a whole life ahead of him. He was healthy, smart, has so many people that love him, nice and funny. Z was everything that I wanted to be and I always admired him for that.

Now he's gone, Z is really gone. My entire life I've dealt with anxiety, breakdowns, just worrying about everything that could happen. Now the worst possible thing did happen. It happened. I'm living it right now. One of my brothers dying. How do I even begin to navigate myself through a life I was so deathly scared of becoming a reality?

Everyday, I say "it should've been me". I'm a NEET. No IRL friends, no job, no car, not good at anything. I don't understand why it had to be my brother. He was worth infinitely more and has done more good in the world than I ever have and I'm older than him! Why did it have to be him? I know there's no sense when these things happen but I don't understand. I remember about a week before the accident, Z was struggling with depression cause he didn't like his job very much, I remember, actually praying and asking whoever god is, to help both my brothers and to keep them safe. To guide them both on the right path, to keep them healthy.

Then Z died. I completely lost faith in anything spiritual or religious. I don't believe in an afterlife, as much as I would like to. I don't really know what to think at all, really. "Maybe me asking God to help my brothers was bad, and theyre punishing me for it. Punishing me for being inactive in my life. Wanting me to suffer." "Maybe listening to those stupid affirmation tapes made me manifest Z's death, who knows." Those are some things I think about, that I wonder about. I think it's easier for my mental health to write anything spiritual all off as bullshit and not for me but, I don't know. I blame myself. Maybe I did really cause that. I don't think I tried hard enough to help my brother when he was struggling. I had no idea how to talk to him about his depression. I remember calling mental health numbers and counselors to give me advice and resources Z could use to help. The reason it was so hard for me to approach him was because, the second I stepped in his room to talk to him about it, I burst into tears and just couldn't control myself. I just said I was worried about him and asked if he would be okay. I couldn't stand the thought of him struggling and me not knowing how to help. I wish I did talk to him, I hate myself for it. I really do. I wish I did.

I just feel completely alone. I don't really care about doing anything now I just, don't know. I wish it was me, I'd trade places with him any day. I would. I wish I was better, I wish I was a better sibling. I understand how pathetic I am, I know. The pain I feel everyday is so insurmountable. It feels wrong to continue to live life normally when Z isn't with us anymore. It just feels like my life is missing something now. I feel selfish then, I wish I did more with my brothers, both of them. I know I can now, but my other brother is pretty antisocial, I don't think he likes me very much but thats ok. I just don't know how to talk to him or get to know him. I will obviously make an effort, I just don't think I'm in the right headspace now. My brothers are the forefront of my life. I care about them so much. I don't think people in my life really understand that, I don't know, I just miss Z. I want to talk about him all the time. I don't want people to forget. I'm just lost and I hate everything.

This is getting into more rambling territory so I'll stop here. I wanted to get my thoughts out there. To feel less alone. I miss you Z.

I don't have a good relationship with my parents, and I keep thinking about them getting old and dying in the future. It's the only thing that makes me cry and I can't stop. Does the grief ever end? When does it get better, if it does?

My wife’s Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer(never smoked a day in her life) 50 days ago and she it already about to die. It’s been terrible and shocking. Me and my wife have been together for 20 years in May and we have a great relationship. I really feel terrible for my wife and my wife’s whole family. It’s definitely the hardest thing we have gone through. I’m trying to do everything I can to be supportive. It’s getting down to the end and I’m scared of the whole situation. I’m scared for my wife and family, it’s just such a horrible thing and my wife’s mom is a really sweet lady that I have come to love myself. They live out of town and it takes about 3-4 hours one way with a ferry included. Since we found out we have been spending every weekend with them. Usually I will drive and drop her off she will stay 2 nights alone and I’ll come up on the weekend for a night then drive us home. It’s been a lot of work but I’m happy to do it for my wife and she needs to be there. Now that things are looking so bad my wife wants to stay until she passes. I’m totally ok with that but I can’t help but feel guilty I’m not there with her all the time. Does that make me a terrible person for not wanting to be around for all of it? I’m still going tomorrow for a night but then I was going to come home Sunday and work Monday. Should I feel bad about this?

Hi,

I finally gathered the courage to write about my feelings and post it here because I really need a stranger’s opinion, as it is very hard for me to open up to friends and family.

My dad was depressed for a long time, as long as I can remember, and he committed suicide in December 2021. He wasn’t the best dad and neither a good enough husband, although I can’t hold it against him as he was mentally ill.

My mom stayed single for almost three years. I helped her around the house as much as I could, but I started college in October 2022, and it became harder for her to manage on her own. She was lonely and also struggled to live on her own, and all I could do was visit her almost every weekend.

Well, this year, in September, she started seeing a man. He is very affectionate towards her and is overall a great guy, but I can’t stand him. They are moving way too fast and I can’t keep up with their relationship. He moved in with us after 3 weeks of knowing each other. That really pissed me of as I specifically asked my mom to wait until I go away to college again, but she didn’t listen to me. I also noticed that she gave him my dad’s old clothes. Seeing him wear the jacket that my dad used to wear every day completely destroyed me, but I had to control my tears because his mother and friends were there and I didn’t want to cause a scene. I just don’t get it. How can she see him wear the clothes that her husband of 20 years was wearing without crying?

Anyhow, I moved away to college in October and their relationship didn’t bother me that much, mostly because I didn’t have to see him every day or because sometimes I would forget that he’s even there. I also chose to go home less, as it makes me feel uncomfortable being there.

Although, this weekend I came home again. I tried having an open mind and being as welcome as I can be, but I found an unopened pregnancy test in her room. I broke down. Her being with him makes me distance myself even more. I got to the point where I don’t even want to spend my summer here because I can’t stand to see them together. And even though my dad wasn’t the best, I can’t really picture another man in our lives. It feels wrong for someone else to take his place.

I asked for your point of view because I feel very conflicted. On one hand, I’m happy that my mom found someone who supports, helps, and loves her, but on the other hand, I despise seeing them together. I hate having all these negative thoughts about their relationship, but I just can’t move on. And I know that me distancing myself is going to hurt her, but I just can’t be next to them, it’s affecting my mental health.

I’m sorry for writing this much, but I really had to get this off my chest.

I am having a hard time recovering from the loss of my grandmother a couple of weeks ago--

Mom and Dad were out of town, and Granny lives with them. When they leave town in this manner, she asks my brother and I to swing by the house to check on her and the cats, bring in the mail, etc. Well, on this fateful November day, my brother (who is retired) had already stopped by and seen Granny at 6AM and left around 7:15.

Mom calls me at 9:30 explaining she's been trying to reach Granny for the past half-hour and can't get in touch with her, asks me to swing by and check on her. I was working from home and my house is about 15 minutes away. I've had to do this a couple of times before, normally she is just out of earshot of her phone (it's not a smart phone - old flip style), or has fallen and can't get up.

When I arrive, I hear the shower running and rush to the bathroom, as I'm concerned she's fallen in the shower. But, she's not there. Instead, I find her face down in her bedroom, and I immediately engaged 911 and followed their instructions to administer chest compressions for THIRTEEN MINUTES while I wait for fire & rescue to arrive on-scene.

We find out later, that she was already gone when I arrived... which I suspected, but she was still very warm to the touch, and of course I was hoping for the best and did everything in my power to help her. What made this even more tragic for me was that my birthday was only 2 days afterwards. That said, I think it was a good thing overall, because the outpouring of love and support I received from friends on my birthday really helped me to not completely melt down.

Anyway, the experience has been really hard for me. I've had a hard time sleeping, because the events keep replaying in my mind, it's like I'm reliving it over and over. I have since scheduled sessions with a therapist and gotten some medication from a doctor to help me sleep in the meantime as I grieve and heal.

I'm not sure what the goal of this post was, I guess I'm looking for others to commiserate with. But I am getting a little better each day. Her funeral was this past week, and I have two really special possessions I've really treasured - one is my high school ring; they allowed us to write something in a box on a paper when purchasing it, and whatever was written would be inscribed exactly as written. So, I had her sign my name, because she had really beautiful cursive penmanship. Wearing that ring has really made me feel closer to her this past week. I also had the foresight to give her a guided journal called "Grandma's Story" to fill out, and I'm so glad I got details of her childhood and what her parents were like etc all written down, since I can't ask her anymore.

Dear Isabella, 

I’m sorry baby girl, you’ll never get to exist. I had a dream about you and you had an older and younger sister, but I never got to know their names. You were so bright eyed and beautiful with dutch braids and purple flowers in your hand. I made an image of you to look at when things got tough...and then they got tougher. 

Mama is 26 right now, and she would love to be in a place where she could have you. She really wants you and to have someone to create a world for that is magical and full of opportunity. Isabella, I’m sorry that can’t exist. Mama is sick. It’ll only get worse. When I think about the time I have left I know I could never bring you into the world because you wouldn’t have your Mama for as long as you deserve one. You’d have to see your dad go through mourning and heartbreak. If you were anything like me, you would lose yourself as well. 

Isabella, I know it’s hard to understand how people young and new to the world can be sick and how the world can be so cruel. It’s hard for me to give up on you, knowing that your life would likely involve taking care of me. It's not your job, and it’s never a child’s job to take care of their Mama. My heart will fall apart and I’m not thinking I’ll make it past your high school graduation. Just that thought breaks my heart. I even think of ending things with daddy sometimes just to spare him the pain. 

I’ve been anorexic most of my life, and I know I could pass that down to you. Even at 26 I have all these vile, hate filled thoughts about myself and my body. I scrutinize everything about myself and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says - I can't break out of it. I have a personality disorder that feels like an open wound I live with every day, and just by me being your mama, I could mess you up enough to give you the same wound. I have allergies and asthma that you would probably get, I have bipolar and anxiety that you may get as well. 

Your life would likely not be the beautiful dream garden that was in my head that one night where you existed. We’d struggle, there isn’t enough money in the world to provide a good life for you. You’d grow up worrying about saving money and only asking for cheap presents because you’d know we couldn’t afford anything better. But I would know that you’d want the prettiest dolls, nicest stuffed animals, and a bedroom that was as big and wonderful as the imagination I know you’d have. Mama had that imagination too, but it wasn’t really imagination. It was an illness in my brain and when I was only 16 when it broke me. Your Mama will always need pills and will always be an addict, and you’d be drawn to the same things. 

I believe you’d be a beautiful wildflower full of ideas and creativity and interests spanning all kinds of topics. I know I’d be the best Mama I could be, but that Mama isn’t good enough for you. You deserve so much more than the best I can offer you, and that’s why you’ll never be able to exist. My body will try to kill us both and if we make it out together, it will still be hard. A person like me who has lived through impossible circumstances cannot reasonably expect to raise another person who will not have echoes of those circumstances in their ears. I would never want to hurt you or mess you up, but I would. All parents do, but my sickness would make it worse. You’d rightfully resent me, and I wouldn’t be able to blame you for it. 

This world hates women. This world is hard and cruel and the magic garden I dreamed up for you isn’t one I can make. I’m so sorry baby. I want you. I want you so much. But the best way for you to exist is in that beautiful dream, and not in my arms in this life. I hope I get you in another one. I love you, Isabella.

A family dog recently passed away in our and as we all live together currently it’s been a tough time.

Within a week my partner’s parents bought another dog and I’m resenting the new dog because I haven’t grieved the last one. It feels like he was replaced and they didn’t care about him.

Really struggling to process feeling without coming across like a d*ck.

TW For: Loss, Grief, Hospitalization, Death

My mother went into the hospital Friday, and she was- she was fine. She wasn't great, but she was okay. We had lunch with her yesterday, and then left. Twenty minutes after we left I got a call that she had coded twice and we needed to get there immediately.

They had her stabilized-- and put into an induced medical coma. So we left for the night and then this morning...

This morning, she kept having these.. jerks, like micro-seizures, or hiccups. They ran an EKG but ultimately, the doctor said that it was extremely likely she suffered an anoxic brain injury during the 16 minutes she was down. Eight minutes for her first code, another eight minutes for her second code.

We decided to let her go, because even if she were to recover, she'd have severe deficits and my mother was too strong a woman to ever want to live that way.

How do I keep going? My mom was my pillar. My whole life, how am I supposed to keep going on as if my whole world hasn't shattered? I'm 21 years old, isn't that too young to lose a mother...?

“I was in a coma for a week after surgery. The odd part—My mom talked to me while I was in the coma and I remember the things she said. She talked about raising me, the funny things I did, etc. When my mom passed away in 2007, she fell asleep first. We knew she wouldn’t wake up again. So I talked to her about how amazing she was as a mom. I talked for hours until she took her last breath. I hope she heard me. I wasn’t always a good son.”

I miss my daughter Valentina very much ! I did the termination on Wednesday and it was the worst and very emotional but the people were so caring so I’m grateful for that ! I keep on asking to see her ! I’m trying so hard to be positive but I miss my little girl, I miss feeling dizzy and I miss my stomach being hurt because I knew she was in there ! I miss all the food I couldn’t eat ! F this stupid accident on Nature thing that happened because why it had to be my sweet perfect angel ! I know you are looking over me my sweet angel , mommy loves you very much

Me and my dad werent on the best terms when he was killed due to some of his choices that reflected negatively on me and my little brothers and as the oldest i felt i had to stand up for us because who else would you know ? But now that he's gone i feel a grief like no other so I occasionally post him because im not just mourning the memories but all the ones we wont create.. my first child , my wedding or when i graduate from college. The thing is though every time me and my mom get into a disagreement she throws in my face about how im now lying and faking like our relationship was perfect before he died even though the post dont glorify him more so signify a feeling of emptiness and she also says things like i act like hes such a better parent than her now that hes gobe even though we were not talking when he died . How do i deal with this , am i wrong ? I really just feel alone and want to leave and get away from everything and everyone.

My mother died 2 weeks ago and it’s been awful. She was my whole life . I don’t even eat anymore. The fact I get up and go to work i don’t even know how I do it . I cry every single day and my mind is so fixated on her . I miss her more than anything. My cat also died . How do I move on in my life ? I go home and go straight to bed .

y family member who I considered an uncle got murdered last night. I'm not sure what to do, And this is opened up More thoughts in my mind about death itself. He's gone forever? I'll never see him again? It hurts badly and all I can do is cry. And this got me thinking About what I would do if my parents passed. In the past I had already made-up my mind that I would probably commit suicide if they did This has kind of solidified that But at the same time I don't wanna cause what I'm feeling on somebody else because of my death. That Just would make me feel selfish. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to feel. I'll never see him again, I'll never hear his truck pull up, I never hear him call me the nickname he had for me, holidays won't be the same. He's really gone I miss him. I just needed to vent Im sorry

My grandpa had heart disease. Sometimes it wouldn't be bad, and other times he'd have to be sent to the hospital by ambulance. He would fall constantly in his house and has cuts and very dark bruises on his arms and legs. He passed away two hours ago today in his sleep.

He was one of the sweetest people you could ever meet. He was strong in his better years, he was always smart, had a good memory, and was always genuine with things. He loved my mom, my grandma, and me. Especially me. He would talk for hours about memories he had and I'd always listen intently. He taught me how to spin quarters and use a screwdriver when I was 3. Even the last day I saw him alive, he was weak, but he turned over in his bed to look at me, and he held my hand and squeezed it. He was such a a kind person.

These are my final words to him:

I love you Papa Fred. You were my best friend, my first friend. And I'll always cherish the memories I had with you. I'll never forget it when you called me Happy, I'll never forget anything you did for me and for our family. I'm devastated to see you go, but I'm happy that you're not longer suffering. And that you're finally at peace. I'll miss you, and I love you so much.

-You're granddaughter

My dad passed a year and a half ago he was 49. I can bring him up in short burst like “oh me and my dad would do this” but if I actually try to talk to anyone about him I’ll get emotional and tear up so I just avoid it because I don’t like being emotional in front of people.

It's almost been 4 years since I lost my partner. I haven't dated, nor am I interested. I still feel as if he is my fiance and I just can't be with him right now. Our son was 4 and doesn't even remember him and that is so hard for me My friends tell me it's time to move on. To stop talking about him so much. To stop wearing his ring. But I don't want to. I just am not over it and don't feel like I have to be. I think my friends are getting irritated with me about it but it didn't happen to them so .. . Thanks for letting me vent.

My grandpa, he died today, I was supposed to see him at the hospital this week-end, I couldn't say goodbye to him, he went comatose a week ago, he was battling with cancer for years now And now is gone, his laugh, smile, gone I cried at work in front of everyone, it's been hours and everything feels dull, numb

God, I miss you so much Jean-Claude

last night November 18th i lost my father one of the only 2 people i give a shit about in the world...and now ill never see him again...and the worst part im still in shock. it happened so quickly i didn't even get to say goodbye tell him i loved him or even hug him...the worst part is i dont even know all of the information needed for his death certificate...so i cant even properly fill out the paperwork to set up a funeral i also dont even know how to set up s funeral and i dont even know if he had life insurance...the things i wish i could have done for or said to him and i didnt get to say anything or do any of it...why do good people die when so many more bad people in this world get to live.

My dad was shot and killed in December of last year, he was only 45. I was 21. I just saw a video of a man gifting his father a car and I thought to my self "would have been nice to do something like that for my dad." When I was growing up we were in pretty terrible poverty, I mean we didn't have running water at times. There were times when my dad wouldn't eat so that all of us kids could get enough and still do a 12 hour shift the next day, Thanks to his hard work and dedication to his family I made out of poverty. The first one in generations of my family to do so. I know my dad would be proud of me. It's just so difficult knowing that he won't ever be able to enjoy the fruits of his labor. He was supposed enjoy the rest of his life in stability. I wanted so badly to give that to him, but his life was cut short. He spent his whole life in the struggle but still never failed to be a good man. It's just so unfair.

My dad just passed away unexpectedly in May. 3 weeks before, one of my best friends died. I lost an uncle in September. Today, I’m going to the funeral for my coworker’s dad. I’ve dropped everything I’ve picked up this morning, I’m shaking and on the verge of tears. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this today but i need to be there for her. If anyone reads this, please send your prayers, vibes, whatever you believe my way. It’s going to be a rough day.

i miss my dad so much. i can’t describe it. i just need to vent again.

my father was my best friend. he saved me from homelessness after a very bad breakup with my ex. he listened and cared. he watched anime with me even though he didn’t care for it. when i moved in with him i was 22 and finding myself again. helped get me back on my feet and helped me just become a better person. i loved with him and his wife until i was 25.

moved out into my own apartment and he was so proud of me. got new job, found a partner, he married us as he was ordained, and was there for me this year when we had an unfortunate miscarriage. fast forward from that day to not even two months and he tells me has cancer. doctors didn’t find it in time. he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at the age of 48. just twenty years older than me.

chemo was aggressive, i tried visiting as much as i could between my stressful jobs. every time i came over his body weakened. he needed help opening bottles of water and getting off the couch. this was the strongest man i knew, the man who kept me safe, served the country as a marine… to see him so weak was breaking my heart. i can’t describe it. he lied and said he was doing fine just a “bad day” every time i saw him. from July-October he grew weaker but started wanting to live out his dreams. he bought his dream guitar and played it two times. both times with his father, my grandpa.

he was trying to better himself. he started school before the diagnosis, wanting to find a job he loved. was a solid student in school with a 3.7 gpa he said! i was proud of him. it made me want to start looking back at going to school.

then it all came crashing down. it was so fast. literally just a few months from him making me dinner and telling me about the diagnosis and his damn optimism seeming so strong that he can make it through this to october, 19 days after his 49th birthday on 10/01, taking his final breath in the hospital room as i was in the room. he went in to get a round of chemo and they found fluid around his heart. it came from his lungs. the cancer spread to his liver. his lung deflated and had to do a procedure to drain the fluid from his heart, they couldn’t save his lung due to how weak his heart was. there was literally nothing they could do. they gave us hours and he made it 2 days. never got to go home. passed away before 50. his own father outlived him.

they gave him medicine to help the pain and let him sleep so he could go peacefully. we all got private moments with him before that, being his eldest child and the closest one to him since i lived in the same city and visited all the time i spent a lot of private time with him.

i’ll never forget the look in his eyes that final day of being conscious. he held my face and asked me if he did good. i broke down fully. i cried as i told him he was the best dad anyone could ever have. he told me he will always be with me and that he loved me.

the following morning he was on his pain meds and had been asleep since the previous day at 8 pm. his breathing was slow. 1 breath every 5 seconds or longer. i sat beside him holding his hand. he was cold. the monitor was obviously showing it was time to say goodbye. it was killing me. i told him it’s okay daddy, i’ll help everyone. you don’t have to suffer anymore. we love you, it’s okay.

and he was gone. i’ve never cried so hard. my hero was gone. my best friend was not occupying that body any longer.

it’s been nearly one month now. and it hasn’t gotten any easier. i feel so lost. i listen to every voicemail he left me when i couldn’t get to my phone. i text his phone like i’ll get a reply back. i miss seeing him. i miss eating his food. i miss his hugs. i miss his lame jokes and him showing me music. i miss him telling me random facts i never knew. i miss him telling stories about his past or even mine that i no longer remember. i miss my dad. i don’t know how to handle it. thanksgiving is next week and the start of the holidays are here. christmas is a little over two months after his passing and i know i will not be able to think about it the same. just like halloween was his celebration of life because it was his favorite holiday and mine. now i’m just sad.

decorations all remind me of him. music has his soul. comedy has his laugh. and i don’t have him. just his remains.

i would give anything to see my dad again. it hasn’t felt real. i just mindlessly exist with the occasional break down wondering what the hell im supposed to do now. no more advice, no more listening, no more… anything. just memories. and it’s shattering me more and more as each day ends and a new one starts.

28 years of marriage and he just dropped dead at work.November 20th will be 2 years.

When I say dropped dead I mean he was fine one second and the next second he was dead before he hit the ground.

I can't handle the overwhelming loneliness and keep thinking 🤔 that my life just stopped because I don't have my only friend anymore. I can't describe how it feels but I'll try. There is this gap in my life that is empty that can't be replaced by friends or family. I know I tried it didn't work. This heavy feeling that drags me down every day but I still have to do everything I did with him alone. I've never been alone before and can't live alone now.

My mum died yesterday and I'm so lost right now I don't know where I'm going to live now I can't decide I'm having such a hard time accepting it. I just went downstairs to wash some clothes and I found her face down slumped over the coffee table and she was not breathing and cold and lips were blue I called an ambulance I tried as hard as I could with CPR but I couldn't when the paramedics came there was nothing they could do. It is so hard right now and she wasn't old I wasn't expecting it so soon. I just want that image out of my head and the sound of her bones cracking as I tried to give her CPR.

It’s been 5 days.. I don’t know how I can do this for the rest of my life. They say time will heal but it’s only gotten harder. You were such a strong, smart and loving man. You taught me everything I know in life except for how to live without you. I keep repeating “Please, Please, Please bring him back” as I look at the sky but I don’t even know who I’m talking too. God? No. If there was a god he wouldn’t have taken you away from me. Not now.. Not before you could meet my boy. Not before I had gotten the chance to come down there and sit with you in that hospital room. Not before I got to tell you how much I love you and how much to mean to me and everyone else around you. You had so much life left to live. You were taken too quickly.. One minute we’re talking on the phone having one of our silly non-sense conversations about nothing. The next you are fighting for your life and I’m 2500 miles away scared to death of losing you and wishing nothing more than to be next to you. How much I wish I could turn back time and give you one last hug. If I knew back in February when I came down for Nanas funeral that it was going to be the last time I hugged you I wouldn’t had ever let go. I am so lost without you😞 I hope you know not a minute goes by that I’m not thinking about you. I’m so so glad we have the memories we do, but I am so completely heart broken we won’t be making anymore. You have my whole heart daddy.

That's what my therapist told me back in 2022 right after I lost my partner. That I would keep flipping between them in my grieving process. I'll seemingly have acceptance one day but denial the next. That I'd feel like I've moved on one day but be in despair again a week after.

How do you even know when you have properly moved on? I haven't thought about him this way for almost an year. Yet this past week I again found myself day dreaming about a life that can never be.

After 2 years I finally thought I have accepted his loss and now I get to live with fond memories. Guess I was wrong. Stages of grief are definitely not a straight line.