My mother-in-law was put on hospice and I’d like to get my husband something that will help him remember her and how much she loved him. What is something you received that is priceless to you?

I lost a very close friend of mine 4 years ago after a drunk driver hit her car, and there’s 3 specific songs that still make me breakdown anytime I hear them so I avoid them, ( it’s because I have a videos of us jamming out in the car singing when we would hang out, and ) but whenever I hear them out in public it’s almost like a trigger to my tears and I break down, example: One of them is bet on it from high school musical, and they had a Disney Channel night where I work and I had to stop what I was doing until the song was over, does anyone else have weird songs that shouldn’t make them emotional, but it does anyway? What do you do so it doesn’t make you as emotional anymore?

I was a goofy kid, and I found it hard to fit in at most of the schools I went to. I was feeling particularly alienated in the 4th grade, until this new girl moved to our school. suddenly, i had someone i could joke around with and not be made fun of! someone who made me feel safe at a time when i felt extremely uncomfortable! we grew close over our childhood years, but I moved away in middle school and we lost touch. we would still interact occasionally on social media, and she donated to my fundraiser for the epilepsy foundation after finding out I had epilepsy a few years back, which meant a lot to me. I just found out last week through memorial instagram posts that she had passed. I have no idea how, and I can’t find her obituary anywhere. I have an idea of what happened, but it makes me feel awful that I wasn’t there for her enough to prevent it. I’ve just been overwhelmed with grief but I almost dont feel justified in it, since we lost touch. But I also feel very lost and afraid knowing she is no longer here.

8 years ago on August, 26th, 2016 me and my family lost my uncle. Growing up my father was an abusive drug addict who was never around and as a young boy I wanted/needed a father figure, due to my mom's poor relationship choices (I don't completely fault her for it) my uncle became my father figure. The things I missed most about him are that I felt like I had someone whom I could actually talk to without worrying about him going and telling our entire family about it and being mocked/criticized for it... he also was a big dude (both vertically and horizontally) such as myself (not so much vertically) and gave the best bear hugs after he passed i became the person who gave out bear hugs but ever since the day we lost him I don't get anymore bear hugs. When he was here he made me feel seen, loved, heard, and appreciated.... I guess it really just didn't hit me in the moment because I was pretty busy with school and activities back then but now that I'm forced to face my emotions I'm feeling it more than ever.

My mom passed away in march and I seen her pass away in front of me but also a lot of stuff in my life has been changing so quickly my dad started dating someone in June and now his already getting remarried in November and I haven’t heal yet and still grieving I don’t know what is going but I have been having really strong emotions then just grieving emotions is it that it’s trauma and becoming depression I been thinking about death a lot

I just thought I would post this song I listen to often. My older sister passed away due to breast cancer back in 2017. Extremely aggressive and they tried everything they could.

She was the most energetic and loving person, she taught kids and loved every bit of it.

Through my grief I found an AI site to make a song about her and thought you guys might like it and hope it will resonate with you as well.

If its more painful to listen to then please don't, it just helps me when I'm feeling sad.

https://suno.com/song/f4597d86-60fb-4409-b420-d7452454bd15

Hey, I’m a disabled female 29 years old. I don’t know where to start or what I’m even trying to say. I’m just struggling a lot. My mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she got a surgery to remove her reproductive organs then years later it was bladder cancer. She fought cancer for nearly ten years it going in remission and coming back full on. I spent nights in the emergency room with her, falling asleep in hospital chairs. She passed away this year July 30th due to a blood clot setting gangrene in her leg. She was fully going to do amputation but as the medical power of attorney after hearing the doctors speak— I decided to ‘let the infection run its course.’

I was told my mom wasn’t coherent enough to make decisions for herself at that point. She was on blood thinners. She had terminal cancer with an inoperable tumor (or however you want to phrase it I’m sorry I don’t know all the terms properly). I struggled with feeling like I killed my mom every day.

Now, my dad passed away due to heart failure on October 27th. Our last conversation was an argument where I yelled at him to leave me the fuck alone. I avoided talking to him an entire day after that and later at 1am found him already ‘gone’ at home. Our relationship was rocky at times and complicated but I loved him and now I have to live forever knowing the last thing I said to my dad was leave me alone…

None of this feels real. I’m struggling to ever see myself healing from this. I’m hurting so, so bad. Sorry for any grammar problems and the likes.

Just a few days ago, October 26th, marked 7 years since my Mom passed away from breast cancer. She was first diagnosed at Stage IV. My family and my mom's friends have a tendency to use any comments/posts I make about my mom to offload their own emotions and baggage about the loss of my Mom. I didn't feel like dealing with it, so I decided to post here instead. I hope that is okay for this forum.

The last major life event that my Mom got to witness on Earth was my wedding (and her making it to that was a miracle). I think back over the life events since then and she has missed a lot - from outstanding triumphs to crippling failures. Since she passed I have made complete career changes, moved houses, become a Dad (to beautiful twin boys) and so much more. I know that she would be proud of me and of her grandsons.

At the time of her death, I was petrified about forgetting her. Ironically, as I grow in to parenthood, I see more of her in myself than I ever did before. A testament to her amazing motherhood that I am forever grateful for.

This time of year is always tough for me - I find myself hurting in different ways this year than ever before. My appreciation for my Mom has grown and matured since she passed. I wish I had the ability to share that with her now. She deserves to hear it. I also wish I could have seen her as a grandmother, because she would have just been wonderful at it. I have learned over the years that grief evolves and changes - and I know these new feelings this year are representative of that. That is okay by me - but it still hurts nonetheless.

If you read this novel, thanks for your time. I just needed a safe, low-energy place to put this down at. I wish all of you the best.

So my sister was a addict she was addicted to alcohol, meth, pills, anything that will do the trick to get u high, she struggled most her life with it she was diagnosed with liver disease like 4 years ago or so and she continued to test her limits for years whether she was nearly on her death bed or even just continuing to drink and do drugs ya know, one time the really really big scare she had overdosed and her bf who is a user broke her ribs and etc trying to get her to breathe etc, and she was in medicated coma for a while and then had feeding tube and etc and the doctors actually were doing some the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen, they tried to say her temp was high so they started icing her LITERALLY, she was ice cold guys and they were dumb finally were like hey she’s freezing they almost killed her this was north memorial hospital in mn robbinsdale, sorry how u fuck that up, anyways got better got sober and then the doctors decided to tell her she was doing so good she might not even need a new liver !, he told her you can survive another 2-3 years if u continue drinking….. then she got back to drugs and everything, she went up and down from drinking and drugging etc and it was a battle for me and my family everyone who loved her, she then this year got her own place and me and her were not under talking terms because she continued to drugs and alcohol not caring , I bought a house Christmas then February March she moved into her fancy brand new apartment, with her bf same one who drugging yes , and they were both still doing the same things now it’s like free for all they got there living area and no one to say hey u can’t do that or etc cuz she lived either at treatment center or home bounce around ya know, anyways they weren’t stopping, the bf decided to try and get bitches over and screw other drug users women who struggled, he continued to cheat on my sister stealing her money while my sister continued to try and take a step to try and get clean , can’t do that with ur spouse , he would abuse her in videos I found on her phone he would shoot her up while she was unconscious, and she would record and keep everything, he would lie to women on internet saying im living with my sister when it is his fiance, well following last week of the life of my sister the bf decided im going to bring all the hoes over while she in the hospital dying, the hospital stated we got 3-6 months left… but anyways bf don’t care he’s doing whatever my sister had two kitties which I own now, don’t worry, so the doctor told us hey u guys got 3-6 months we’re gonna figure either hospice or something nicer idk , we have meeting everything , next day it’s Friday im like Saturday im gonna see her she was conscious etc Friday her numbers bombed she had hepatitis c can’t treat while she was in hospital and one her lungs collapsed and she was at hospital for a month no drugs nothing in system okay, Friday mom calls me she’s got an hour left, I am in shock , I don’t really wanna describe what all happened but it was traumatic idk it’s fresh still, but anyways for some reason there was herion in her system the day she died Friday… I don’t believe that she just randomly got worse, i believe the bf came in to her hospital room and shot her up, I say this because I do have proof of bf stating so and describing things, and in multiple messages him stating that and him stating we can do it in the bathroom we just gotta close the door etc whole description, then after my sister died he stole money out of her bank account not even a week after she died , he also got trespassed from her apartment because day she died he was bringing girls into her apartment after she died also he’s not on the lease at all 🫡 he’s a piece of shit I know but fuck me the shit after shit, he continues doing things to frustrate our family he came to funeral and left 6 mins in The ex was there and he showed up the entire day and dad really dislikes him , but it was good idk I wanted to get it off my chest and talk maybe connect with people etc this isn’t the full story but it’s what I want to share rn anonymously idk my friends don’t really get it or care they told me to go to grief group

My aunt L passed and its been almost 2 years. When she passed it was very unexpected. She was only in her 40s, had twins that were 6 yrs old and needed her. She died of a brain aneurysm. I remember when my mom found out (i still had no clue) and I heard this scream from her that just thinking about makes me want to sob. My mom was very close with my aunt L and her sister aunt P. They were all like sisters. My mom just couldn't comprehend. That scream was so painful. And i drowned myself in my situationship at the time and just tried to stay strong for my mom, ignoring all those feelings.

But this hurts. Everytime i think about it it aches so hard i can't do it. I have to push it down. I just feel like... im kind of going down a similar path she went down, and i just wish i had more time to talk to her, to know her not just as my aunt but as a woman as a person, because i know she went through so much.

How do you deal with a pain that has been growing so strong for the past 2 years?

A few days ago, my wife got news her mom overseas had a heart attack and was in the hospital. She then went overseas and luckily was able to say her goodbyes before her mom passed away. She'll be grieving with her family for the next 1.5 weeks. For the time being, I can only comfort her so much through text (I had to stay behind to watch our kids, we didn't have enough money for all of us to go). I plan to have our house spotless, a good idea for someone who's been overseas regardless of whether they're grieving or not. At least she won't have to worry about any chores. I will also of course hold her and give her comforting words. However, I don't yet know what it's like to lose a parent. To anyone who has lost a parent, what do you wish someone had done for you to ease your grief?

My mom passed away from stage 4 triple negative breast cancer with Mets to the brain and bones and cerebrospinal fluid (leptomeningeal disease) on Easter Day 2024. I (40f) am her daughter and have been her primary caregiver since she was originally diagnosed in 2020. It’s been several months now since she’s been gone and I’m not expecting to feel like 100% but it seems as more time goes by the more upset I become. The more breakdowns I have. The more intrusive thoughts I have- and by that I mean thinking about her last days, and it’s been effecting my daily life a great deal. I’m wondering if it’s possible to have some sort of ptsd after caregiving for someone for four years and then they are just suddenly gone.

It’s been rough this past month getting use to not seeing him or hearing his voice. I saw him every day because I lived with him and I got so used to being able to be a part of his life and now he’s gone. There’s days where I can’t stop thinking about him and others where I’m too distracted to think and sometimes I feel guilty about that. I’ve been feeling angry lately at every little thing, everything sets me off and I hate it. It hurts to watch my sister in pain after a loss of a child and my mom isn’t taking well. They’ve called me the strong one because I haven’t been letting it get to me but inside I feel like I simply want to collapse. I miss him.

It's a week shy of 6 months since my mum's fiance died, we were close. My own dad is still alive and well and we get on well together but he was like an extra dad even though we weren't related. I could talk to him about stuff I couldn't talk to my own dad about and we had more in common.

I don't know what it is but today I've just really missed him and I don't really know why. It's just been a normal day, I would usually go to see him and my mum and gran would be there too and we'd have Sunday dinner together which he always cooked. Which is what happened today but it was just me and my gran since mum went feeling up to going out which is what we do now on Sunday instead.

I'm still haunted by the day it happened. My mum called me and asked me to come down. I assumed he'd been taken to hospital and she needed me to take her down there. He's not been well during the week so it wouldn't have been a huge shock for him to be taken in and sure enough was I pulled up outside an ambulance was pulling away.

So I went inside and I don't know what it was but was soon as I walked in I knew something wasn't right then mum told me and we both burst into tears.

Part of me just wanted it to be over with and go back to normal but I also don't want to forget.

I keep thinking of things I'm looking forward to like a TV show but then remember that he liked that as well and now I'll have to watch it on my own and won't have anyone to talk about it to.

On to of that a couple of weeks ago I found out my best friend from growing up has committed suicide, not recently but back in 2022. I only found out because it came up on Facebook that is was his birthday so I messaged him and got a reply for his wife telling me.

I mean I know it happened nearly 2 years ago but to learn about it now I feel awful about it and keep thinking how I should have been there more and been a better friend. It turns out I had messaged him only a couple of weeks before it happened but he never replied

I just want this year to be over, it's been a horrible year and I just want to draw a line under it and start a fresh. I know it won't really make a difference but we can hope.

I just needed to put this down somewhere. Reply if you want but I'm probably never going to look at this again.

Maybe that's my mistake, thinking that at one moment the pain would go away but everyday and everytime I can see them in my mind, when I see other cats or other dogs, I remember their eyes, their habits, how they used to be.

I remember my cat's goofy behaviours and my dog's silly and energetic personality and I missed them so much that I could cry in any moment if I remember them a little too much.

I have tried to not think about it because I know I would cry but sometimes I can't avoid to ask myself how many years, how many time, would I still be this way? In which moment of my lofe I would finally think about them without feeling this pitch of pain in my heart.

It's been 3 years since my dear doggy passed away, he was my best friend, a member of my family, I spent 12 years of my life with him since I was 5 and I was so destroyed when he died but I think I have process his deatth better than with my cat.

My cat ran away a year ago and I still feel dizzy and hurt about it, partially I keep blaming myself for not doing smth better to protect him and another part can't fully accept that he is gone and he is probably won't come back ever again.

And it's hard because now I feek paranoic and afraid of getting new pets, I've already had two, another dog and cat but aside of them, I can't accept more, I feel numb and empty, it's like as if I can't accept the fact that adopting new pets means losing them again and my heart is not that strong to hold it.

I know I shouldn't limitate myself but I can't avvoid it.

I miss my dear pets, I miss feeling their presence in the air of my room, I miss their naughty and silly attitudes, I missd hugging them and hearing their little but fast heratbeats, I just wanted them back.

It's been a while so I feel embaarrassed to keep these feelings so alive, most of the people would probably get over already but for some reason I can't. I kneo they are just animals but my pets meant the world to me.

I don't know what to do.

My best friend was killed on Thursday night by someone driving a tesla speeding and driving the wrong way around a community college in Stockton. We had been texted minutes before they were hit. I had a gut feeling I should have been on the phone with them but I pushed it away because I was playing a fucking video game.

I'm so pissed that this happened cause I just learned that their boyfriend had proposed and they said yes. He was supposed to fly down and suprise all of us with the news. They were even starting to plan the wedding already. No one knew except their boyfriends sister but that's because she helped her brother pick out the ring.

He made them so happy, and it pains me that before they could actually meet in person, feel each other's touch, and grow old together their life was taken away because someone decided that speeding was more important then driving safely.

All I want to do right now is cry and scream but I feel like I have no right. I only knew them because they were my partners cousin but in the two years I knew them I loved them with all of my heart. They were the sibling that I wanted, the one that could make me laugh even if I was having a bad day or was fighting with my partner. Even if they didn't have an answer I knew I could rant at them and they would do the same.

The first time we ever met was at Sacanime 2 years ago, and the first thing we did was trama dump to each other. There have been so many moments between then and now where we would laugh and cry about different visions we had.

I don't know what to do anymore. My heart is broken and I feel so lost. I can't see my life without them but now I have to life without them and I hate it.

Two days ago I lost my best friend (M25) to cancer. We were very close and constantly talked to one another every single day. From good morning to goodnight. He sent me snapchats every single day and he sent me instagram reels constantly. We communicated on all platforms. We had a friends with benefits sort of relationship that borderlined being in a romantic relationship. He came over to my place any time I needed him whether it be emotional support, helping me move in, or to simply hang out. Our friendship was more than sex. It was the most precious thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. He was my first everything. My first time having sex (as embarrassing as it is to admit it since I am F24), my first time loving someone, my first time wanting to be with someone for the rest of my life.

Ive never had a relationship like that before and now he’s gone. I never imagined I would ever be without him and I cry every single day at every single hour throughout the day and night because I won’t ever be with him again. I won’t ever talk to him again. I won’t ever make memories with him again. We planned so much for the future together from graduating grad school together, moving in together, traveling to Japan again but this time just the two of us.

I don’t know how I’ll ever get through this. My phone is now silent because he was the only one who constantly messaged me. I sit in my apartment alone with my two cats at a loss because he was the person I lived for. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay.

I rooted for him so hard to kick cancers ass and to recover, but it took him away way too soon. He was someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was excited to grow old with him. But now I sit here alone – 3 hours away from my family, crying in my apartment alone begging for it to all be a bad dream. I wait for my phone to ding and hope that it’s him, but I know it won’t be anymore.

If anyone has gone through something similar, or just loss in general, I would love to read what you have to say. I don’t know what to do. Anything would help.

Communication with dead husband

I lost my husband tragically and unexpectedly in a skydiving accident 9 years ago. I still think about him and miss him daily. I have seen the same medium several times over the last few years and she was able to tell me things I don’t think she guessed or googled (picked up his spirit, energy in the room, knew what sports he loved, could tell me how he died, described our dogs and places we had traveled to….) (she also eventually predicted my current partner/ she kept seeing a stethoscope and someone speaking Spanish- I travel a lot and thought I might meet someone in Central America, turns out it would be at home in California, but he is a physician and he is fluent in Spanish as we went to medical school in Puerto Rico). I don’t think she was a scammer; I believe she really is receiving messages from The other side. She said to me there are many ways the spirit world tries to communicate with us, just as symbolism through numbers, playing a special, meaningful song at an unexpected time, or sending “signs” that refer to shared jokes, something only you two would know etc. she also says that in addition to being open, you can train yourself to receive more of the signs and be a kind of medium through meditation, journaling, guided imagery etc. I’m wondering if anyone else has been able to do this- to improve their ability to Communicate with loved ones on the other side without a medium? Anyone see signs or just know you can feel them there? Or have very lucid dreams where they come to you?

My step brother of the last 22 years, passed away Tuesday. He was a good man, had a lot of his own issues, but always advocated for those less fortunate than himself and genuinely was a good person with an incredible heart. We didn't have a great relationship, just never bonded and what memories we have from our childhood aren't the best. Trying to process this all has me in a weird fog. When I heard the news I sobbed for a good 10-15 min. Now I find myself bewildered thinking about the loss of my brother and how it will affect my other step brother ( the deceaseds older brother) and my step dad. I just zone out completely and find myself lost mentally.

I can't seem to grasp how I feel at all, I'm just numb and can't concentrate on much of anything. Is this shock or just part of the normal grieving process. This is the first person I know that has passed away unexpectedly (not elderly or sick)

Many thanks.

Hey everyone. I'm just asking what I can or should do to try to help my friend whose dad passed away this morning. I've offered to be there for him to talk to him. I've listened to him so far. And I know that stuff helped me when I had to go through it, but I was just wondering if there's anything else I could or should just go out of my way to help do for him.

Yesterday my gf went in for one of her last pregnancy check ups and the doctors found our baby’s heart wasn’t beating. It all felt like a horrible fever dream I couldn’t wake up from, months of emotional investment love and eagerness washed away in a single sentence.

Today my gf ended up giving birth to our beautiful baby girl but knowing she wasn’t here with us lead to me not having the strength or will to see my little girl in person I just know it would have broken me. Just looking at the pictures of our lil girl felt like too much. It felt like I’d already let her down and failed at the one thing I was supposed to do everyone said there was nothing that could have been done but I feel absolutely horrible and the only ways Ik how to cope are drugs and dissociating but I know that would only make things worse.

Me and my partner are both in our early 20s so we don’t really have any friends to talk to about a situation like this so I decided to make this post to help with my coping and grieving instead of stressing out my friends and family but if anyone has any helpful tips on healthy coping and grief it would be greatly appreciated ❤️‍🩹

It's been four months since I got the news. I still have hard days and get choked up knowing I can't just call my best friend, the only person that showed me healthy love, my angel, a serendipitous soulmate. Yes it's gotten easier but it still breaks my heart to know I'll never get to laugh, hold hands, hug, go on drives, pray, cuddle, kiss, hear his voice. What brings me joy is to know he's no longer struggling with addiction, chasing the pavement trying to make his family proud, holding a heavy heart, sad, angry. Four months later and I've kept it together for the most part. Made it look easy when it's been the hardest time of my life. It's been four months and it still doesnt feel real.

𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓴𝓪𝓲

I just really need to ramble and I feel like this might be a good place to rather than bombarding my loved ones.

I'm no stranger to grieving, I like to say we're cursed. As every year for the past 5 or so years, come September, we are struck with death after death. Be it loved ones, acquaintance, or beloved pets. I live in fear of this time of year.

This last month I lost my grandmother (as well as one of the family dogs and a friend.) I'm very family oriented, and aside from my mother, my Grannie was the most important person in my life. I live five minutes away, I spent every day for the past half a year providing in home care for her. I joked she was actually my mother. I am who I am because of her- the usual spiel one might give about how much they love their grandmother.

Id been in pre mourning since December, hearing the diagnosis of heart failure. I think that's perhaps part of why I'm feeling so emotionally numb. I cried the evening she passed, but beyond that Ive felt almost nothing. I know emotional shock and numbness isn't uncommon in these situations, but I can't shake my feelings of guilt about it. She died, and I went about my day as if nothing happened. Ive felt more distraught over arguments and for that I feel utterly sick with myself. My entire world should have stopped but it didn't.

I can't shake this guilt, my OCD and intrusive thoughts are absolutely not helping either. Every awful thing I've ever thought rattling around inside my skull. Does the numbness ever go away? How do I come to terms with this guilt? I don't even want to look at myself, I feel like I don't deserve anyone's condolences or kind words. I deserve nothing because of it and it makes me sick. She always told me I loved and grieved far too deeply. I'm a very emotional and sensitive person, very empathetic. I cry all the time. Except now. The least I can do is cry for the greatest loss of my life

How long will the numbness stage last? My dad died at the start of September. My feelings towards him as a dad are complicated. He never did anything wrong per se. He just never did anything. I had mentally wrapped my head around that I had my dad in my life, but he was just a pal. He wasn’t really much of a parent.

But now he’s gone it’s been hard. I knew it would be but what’s tripped me up is the numbness towards life in general. I can function to get from getting out of bed to getting back into bed. Eat, clean, answer phone calls, keep my kids routines going, smile for the camera. But I could happily sit in my house and do absolutely nothing all day. I hate it. I’m short tempered. I’m unmotivated. I’m disinterested. I’m honestly struggling. I don’t want to be that sort of person.

My older sister is extremely overweight and her liver is failing. If she doesn't lose weight in the next 2 months her doctor is going to drop her as a patient. Her body is slowly shutting down. I know she cares, but it feels like she doesn't. She cut down on her calories for a week and then went back to eating fast food.

Anyway. I came on here because I'm grieving for her even tho's she's alive. Might as well make the best of it while she's alive.

Just wanted to post a favorite pic of my lady… she passed Nov 2022 … miss her dearly 🫶🏾🕊️💕… my girl

Hi there.there. So I'm (F19) attending a small family gathering/ ash spreading of my ex best friends (F24) mother. She was my best friend since I was 7 (technically was my playdate while her dad babysat me..her mom and my mom were in a pool league together.) We fell off a few years ago because she had a drug addiction. Since then she has gotten clean and had a baby but we stayed out of contact. I always knew her mom was a drinker, although she always had such a beautiful radiating personality..growing up when I would go over she was always very sweet to me and treated me like her own child. She was a very down to earth nature loving soul..

Anyways. About a year ago her organs began failing. I knew this but what I was told from outside sources was she quit drinking and had a somewhat decent life expectancy.. since I wasn't best friends with their daughter anymore I didnt feel very welcome to reach out. I would honk and wave when I drove by and her mom was outside but I never knew if she saw it was me. Come to find out she decided to keep drinking and organize for her death. She said she wanted to be cremated and put into the creek by the house and she didn't want a funeral..just a small gathering of family. I found out about her passing on Facebook and was heartbroken. I texted my ex best friend and told her how sorry I was and that I wanted to pay m respects. This is when she told me her mother's wishes..but after speaking with her dad she said they felt I was family to them and I was more than welcome to come..

Essentially I feel really guilty. I feel honored but I also feel so guilty for not reaching out. Like I don't feel I was ever that important to them and I had no idea they would want me there..

I keep getting almost excited to go back to the home where my entire childhood really was. I dealt with a lot of trauma in my childhood and their house was a happy place and one of the few places I can actually recollect full memories.. but then I remember it's not the same and I will be missing J's (name for the mom) laugh. And her crazy out of pocket commentary. Or how she would talk about the birds she could identify just by their chirps...or the raccoons and squirrels or opposums that came by on the back porch to eat the cat food..

I don't know how to act tomorrow. I don't know how to dress as if if she didn't want a funeral..and with her personality..I can almost see her wishing for some bright "happy" colors.. Im scared I won't cry and they will think im horrible or shouldn't have been welcome. I'm scared if I accidentally smile (as. I said i carry a lot of trauma..so I not only have dark humor to cope but I also get almost giggly when im nervous or scared or sad to overcompensate for the bad emotions.) I'm sure when I get there it may be easier..but grieving with a family I haven't spoken to in more than 3 years for someone I'm scared never saw me worthy as family and her husband and children made that decision for her.. I dont know. Im definitely overthinking it. The memory of her is so happy and then I remember why I'm going and I instantly feel so undeserving. I never had the chance to grieve with her and her family. It was so sudden for me finding out..

I'm still in shock and unable to digest or talk to anyone about this. I heard that my ex-fiance's brother aged 36 who lived alone passed away due to cardiac arrest. He lived in a different country from his parents. His brother (my ex) and him lived one hour away in the same country. Last weekend when they realised he wasn't responding to their messages or calls, my ex apparently went to check on him. Just imagine the pain of him having to get the door broken and find his brother collapsed. My heart broke just listening to that. But seriously, what a way to die 😭😭😭 All alone with noone knowing what happened or to be able to help. I'm grieving for him knowing he was a wonderful person, but I'm also grieving for my ex who I can't reach out to but wish the strength for. I wish I didn't have to go through this difficult time as he gets the mortals to the family. I wish I could help in some way. It's heart wrenching not knowing what I can do except wish and hope and pray they get the strength and hope to deal with the pain which may never heal. I'm unable to digest this and thought I'll share it with this community. I miss him and everyone so much. I'm in touch with his parents (yes, it's still a beautiful relationship I share despite the breakup with my ex) who shared this with me. A large part of me wants to share my condolences with my ex for his brother was like a brother to me as well. I miss him so much despite not being in touch for 7+ years now. I know I'll always feel the loss. Any opinion/suggestion if it's ok to reach out to my ex just to express my gratitude to his brother and my condolences? I haven't spoken to him ever since our breakup in over 7 years now. Is it appropriate or not? Just can't understand what to do between being compassionate or just letting it be and sending positive vibes.

I just found out my father is dying. He left when I was 11, and I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see him again or be notified when he passed. I made peace with that a few years ago and even mentally said goodbye to him. I don’t feel the need to see him before he passes or go to the funeral, and there are several people still in his life that I would rather not come face to face with. (His best friend and best friend’s son SAed me.)

The problem is that most of the people around me see my grief and are pushing for me to go, to the extent that it almost feels like emotional blackmail or something. (If you don’t go, you’ll always regret it. Blood is thicker than water, etc.) They’re all from good families that supported each other, stayed married, etc., and just don’t understand that grief doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m grappling with lack of closure. They’re assuming that I’m going to go, and my dad and I will have this magic moment when that’s not ever going to happen. He has advanced dementia and doesn’t remember me (according to my half-sister, who was also abandoned by our father.) And even if he did, some of my most prevalent memories of him were the ones where he purposely went out of his way to make me feel very small and unimportant. Or when he was extremely verbally and physically abusive, or when he left me alone for sometimes days at a time and then kicked me out of the house when he returned (I was single digits, 4-8 yo) because I ate food while he was gone. He had good moments too, which is what I’m grieving more than anything, but a beautiful reunion is never going to happen. And I’ve made peace with that.

I just…I just want to be able to say this. That I miss my dad. Or at least a very particular version of him. I want to be able to grieve in whatever way I want or need. I want to miss him. I want to cry. And I don’t want anyone to tell me the “right” way to do it or to push their own life experiences on me. I’m sad but not confused. My dad isn’t your dad. My dad is a b*stard. And if I say I don’t want to see him, believe me. There’s no one right way to grieve.

I have been in a relationship with a Japanese girl for 10months. We both live in Japan but in different cities 2 hours apart. Everything was going very well and we had plans to move in together soon. We last met at the beginning of July and she told me she loved me and was very happy with me. Unfortunately, her world fell apart when her younger brother (19) took his own life the 3 days later.

He spent the first month on life support in hospital. During this time, I was very understanding and gave her space. Towards the end of July she started calling me again and I could support her. Her brother passed away in the first week of August. Again, I gave her space but then my life became very stressful. At the end of August, I broke down and started sending too many messages, asking about the future of our relationship. Since then she hasn't replied to any message and she hasn't read my last message which was two weeks ago.

I realise how bad I messed up and I got some help from friends to help deal with the stress. I know I let her down and I am giving her space again now.

Do you think the relationship is over or does she just need time to grieve?