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Im trying to cut this down as short as possible but there so much context so its still pretty long, please bear with me.

My(24f) fiance(24m) and I have been together for 7 years. We bought a house together and a lot of our finances are tied together. He got a really bad concussion about 2 weeks ago and now he seems like a completely different person.

We've had a lot of ups and downs, but even in our worst moments there was always that feeling of alot of mutual love between us. Lets just say he's messed up alot (not straight up cheating in case anyone thinks that) but anytime he messed up he always wanted another chance, was extremely regretful and said things that just made me believe he still wanted to be with me.

We got into a fight a lil over a week ago over something so small and petty that I thought it would be done with by the next day. Instead he just seemed extremely irritated with me about it, and things just kept getting worse day by day. In the middle of it he angrily said he doesn't think this is gonna work anymore. This is extremely out of character for him. 7 years and hes always been super sweet with me even if we're fighting. He's never said anything to that effect of wanting to break up. And again, this started over something extremely small.

Everytime we tried to talk about it, it just ended up getting worse and i started sleeping in the spare bedroom. After a week we were supposed to go to a party together that his friends were having. He ended up going straight from work, taking his boss's work truck, to the party without even coming home to try to work things out.

Around 3 am I get a life360 notification that he got in a wreck. I checked his location and it hadnt updated in a few minutes but it said the last update was that he was going 80 on the interstate about 15 minutes from our house. I instantly felt dread, genuinely thinking that he had died, and in the middle of us having a stupid ass argument. I kept trying to call and I wouldn't get an answer. The only thing I could think of to do was to go where his location last updated and see if there was a wreck and to see if he was alive. I leave my house and about 3 minutes down the road I see blue lights and him standing next to the completely totaled truck.

I was instantly so fucking relieved that he was alive and ok, i didnt care about the stupid shit we'd been fighting about. I pulled over and called his name and he barely looked at me for half a second. He seemed annoyed that I even showed up. Long story short on that, he was drunk and I watched him fail a sobriety test and get arrested.

When I got home I looked on his snapchat (its never been an issue if i looked at his stuff) and saw that he had been talking to another girl for the past week ever since the beginning of our petty fight. And while i was still there at the crash site, he had found time to message her and say "getting arrested lol" like it was some kind of joke. But yet he couldn't pick up the phone when I thought he was dead, or even say anything to me since he had so much time to get on his phone in the middle of getting arrested (also found out he had time to call his boss before i got there, but couldn't bother to tell me he just got in a wreck)

Needless to say I was extremely angry at this point. I was so ready to be over all this and more things just kept happening. He actually uses his phone call to call me a couple hours later (to my surprise tbh) and i bail him out later that day. While he was in there I moved all of his stuff to the spare bedroom. He almost seemed like his old self when we got home, actually acted like he was sorry. It didn't last long when later we were talking about things and he snapped at me and called me names.

To get to the point, its now progressed to him saying he still loves me and wants to be with me, but he has to work on himself first and get better mentally. So he technically broke up with me. But remember, we bought a house together and other things, its not easy to just walk away from eachother.

Side note: during one of his many fuck ups, he agreed a while ago that if we broke up that I'm keeping the house as I have nowhere else to go and he does. He completely agreed to this.

In my mind I'm thinking we're just gonna take some time away from eachother and just stick to opposite sides of the house, until in one argument he tries to say he wants to sell the house. And I absolutely refuse. After I kept saying I'm not selling, he said fine, that he wants me to buy him out of the mortgage so he can move out and have some money to get an apartment or something. Which isn't gonna be easy for me to do.

I feel like everything is being ripped away from me, I know I'm not a perfect person, but I didn't do anything wrong and it feels like I'm being punished for something. He seems so apathetic towards me now its driving me crazy. He doesn't care that I have nowhere to go if we had to sell the house, or what happens to our 2 dogs we've had since they were puppies. This isn't like him at all and I genuinely think it has something to do with his concussion.

So it feels like no matter what I say or try to do, it doesn't help. I've given him so many chances and now that I'm begging for him not to throw away our relationship he won't even consider it. He's just acting like a completely different person. And he's acting like he has to completely end things and go to the extremes of selling the house to try to better himself. I'm losing my mind, it feels like I'm in a bad dream. I still want to spend the rest of my life with this man and this feels like its coming out of nowhere.

TLDR: My fiance is acting like a completely different person after his concussion and is wanting to end our 7 year relationship

So we live in a somewhat traditional country when opposite gender interaction is more limited than it is in the western culture.

However since a very young age I’ve known that I ‘28F’ highly value other gender interaction and lifestyle, I struggle to connect with women sometimes because of my interests and overall direct personality… so men existing in my life feeds my curiosity and need for intellectual growth…so I hope to always have this lifestyle when men add value to my life just as women… I have very strict boundaries with them based on my own values and religion, i would never have a male best friend for example and think it’s platonic… even when men exist in my life they are in certain communities and group settings…

Anyway, I always struggle with men I date on this particular point, since majority of me in this country seem to not accept this idea. So this new guy I’m interested ‘29M’ in said he has no female friends and does not accept the idea of hanging out with mixed gender groups outside of work.. even if he came with me or we were couples…

Should things end here ? Should this be a deal breaker ? Does that make us incompatible ?

I am not a fan of the idea of trying to change someone… I do not feel like convincing him to become like me…

TL;DR He does not believe in opp. Gender friendships entirely and does not accept the idea, while I do and it’s important to me to have freedom in my social life (with boundaries and limits) are we incompatible?

Boyfriend (33m) says I (33f) “take everything he says too literally”.

I see it as don’t say things you don’t mean. Eg; I might want kids in 5 years (we are 33…)

This is a red flag to me, because I can’t gauge where I stand. When trying to clarify the relationship and where it’s going… I get other comments like “you’re trying to expedite stages of the relationship”, “I like to go with the flow”. “You’re too direct”. “We see the world differently”.

Is this fair to take literally? I’m getting so confused.

TL;DR bf says I take his comments too seriously, but I don’t know where I stand

I found out my (36F) husband (38M) left pornhub active on his safari, which our children (7F and 5F) discovered. After my 7F daughter innocently told me she wanted to go home and watch ‘porn hub’ , I found out that she had discovered it on her dads iPad and that she and her sister had been watching it for over 2 weeks. I supervise our kids iPad time, so this happened in the mornings while I was at work and my husband was at home. A little backstory was that at least twice in the past 12months I had told him to watch what he was doing as I had found porn open on his iPad accidentally when going to give it to our children. Now I’m furious that not only was he still careless about it, he wasn’t supervising them properly and our children have been exposed to significant amounts of hardcore pornography. When I confronted him about it his response was ‘they were meant to be watching Netflix, not being in safari’. To which my response was ‘we can’t even trust them to brush their teeth, how can you trust them to play correctly with fun tech?’. Now my trust is absolutely shattered. Is this grounds for a divorce? Or just an innocent mistake of a depressed, stressed out parent?

TLDR: my husband’s negligence lead to our children being exposed to pornography. Grounds for divorce? Or an innocent mistake that should be forgiven?

I have a long distance (within driving distance) friend Ryan who I have known for 3 years. Recently he's gotten an LDR girlfriend and I'm not sure how I should be acting or what his own actions say about his feelings.

Ryan and I will often spend several hours in voice chats together watching shows (we have watched countless series together), playing games, or even just sitting in each other's "presence". It is not uncommon for us to spend up to 10 hours in a chat. He is one of the people closest to me in my life.

A couple of days ago, Ryan was streaming a show to me and he kept getting messages from his girlfriend (I could see them on his stream) asking to spend time with him. He ignored her and proceeded to spend several hours more with me instead.

Tonight, Ryan and I were in a public channel and his girlfriend joined. She was silent mostly and then left shortly after joining. She tried to call him privately after leaving and he rejected it. She got mad and he told her if she has a problem with me and him spending time together then she can leave. He then went back to ignoring her.

Honestly I feel kind of bad about this. I've talked to Ryan about me backing off and respecting their relationship but he shot it down. I've told him that spending so much time with me would probably make it hard to be in relationships and his response was "Oh well".

Truth is, I am in love with Ryan. We of course haven't done anything inappropriate while he has been dating someone else. I've just been spending the same amount of time with him that I always do. Part of me thinks I should just back off anyway but I really don't want to lose him, even if it's just friendship.

One of my friends thinks I'm stupid for being apparently oblivious when he's choosing to spend so much time with me over his literal girlfriend. I'm just not so sure.

TLDR: long time guy friend is choosing to spend time with me over his girlfriend repeatedly. What does this mean?

My fiancé & I have been engaged for 2 years. I’m just looking for an indicator here. I know that no one can straightforward answer this question without actually knowing me, but I would like some leads.

About me. I’m in my early 20’s. I have known social anxiety. I’m at the point where I dissociate, so I don’t necessarily feel anxious but it just looks like I’m zoning out sometimes. I’ve always been an introvert, and I’m always friendly. I just hate talking too much or else it’s like everyone’s looking in my direction, and I hate it. I am a bigger listener than I am a talker. I enjoy being around people, I enjoy being entertained, but I don’t enjoy being the entertainer.

Something that I think played into an early factor was that in the beginning stages of our relationship, I believe I overstayed my welcome due to my fiancé telling me that “it’s alright, they won’t care. I know my parents”. Turns out, they did care. Anyways, that only happened during that one circumstance and never happened again.

It all started with his mom. There were family gatherings every now and again that I would attend with my fiancé. I would stick close to my fiancé and people I already knew, because of course I’m not the type to go up to someone and introduce myself. I need a power source (someone else) to intervene if it gets awkward. I am always present & always close by in reach during family events, so it’s not like I wander off and go do my own thing.

Turns out, after these family events, his mom would talk about me to him saying that I came across as “extremely rude” and as if I “looked like I didn’t want to be there”. Meanwhile me on the other end telling my fiancé how much fun I had after the event. Then his aunt also had something to say about me “not looking like I want to be there” at a different family event. Again, one that I had fun at, BUT I also worked an overnight weekend shift and got 1 hour of sleep before that event, which they were aware of. His aunt also sent him a text basically telling him to break up with me.

They all know that I have social anxiety and other mental health disorders, and being on the quieter side and on the outskirts is just who I am. Of course I have conversations, talk about myself, ask them about themselves, but it takes me years to fully open up to someone that I’m not intimate with. I’m not huge on eye contact either because it gets awkward and it feels vulnerable to me, so I glance away often while I’m talking, but I fix my eyes to them when they’re talking and rarely look away because it helps me listen better.

To note, it’s never the family men saying anything about me. It’s always the women in the family. Every time I ask my fiancé what his dad thinks, what his uncle thinks, etc, he always says that they have no opinion and they seem to be fond of me. It’s just the women. My fiancé says I need to try harder, but when I try harder, no one says anything, and when I have a slip up of a quieter spell, then all the comments come back. I will never be the life of the party and I don’t understand why they don’t accept this.

A recent event was a few days ago. Fiancés parents invited us and his sister and her husband over for a roast. His parents barely talked to me, but I conversed with his sister quite a bit. I thanked them for the dinner of course, and let the extroverts dominate the conversation. His sisters husband also isn’t much of a talker, like me. So all the family “originals” were hashing it out about random stuff. Later that night, I get home and see a Facebook post from his mom saying what a fun night she had, and then she said “With my faves,” and began to list her husband, her daughter, her husband, my fiancé, and totally didn’t even mention me in the post.

A few weeks before that, my fiancé bought his first house (I’m not moving in yet because I’m NOT financially stable enough and have medical bills to take care of). My fiancé, his mom & I were talking about it and then his mom turned to me and said “What are YOU doing?” in the tone insinuating why am I not being proactive and moving in with him right now? Or as if he’s taking this big step in his life and I’m not “supporting him”. That night, my fiancé comes to me and said that his mom apologized to him for being “weirdly forward” to me earlier. I told my fiancé that her apologizing to him means nothing to me, and it made no sense why she wouldn’t come to me and apologize.

Asking them sounds like hell to me. I will cry during any source of confrontation, and find it extremely emotionally taxing to even start a normal conversation, never-mind start a conversation on why I am not liked. I don’t even know how to get these women alone to talk to them about it, how to start it, or how to end it.

I will say if it matters, other girls my age/slightly older love hanging out with me and find me a lot of fun. Other people ask me to hang out more than I ask them to hang out. So it’s not like I don’t have any female friends or female relationships in my life. I have many many good friends that all love my presence and love having me around, and I love having them around.

His mom also said to me that she also had anxiety and was able to get through it. I texted her about it following up asking her how she was able to get through it as I obviously want to come out of my shell more, and she never responded to that text. Although she is a heavy smoker and alcohol drinker, so that answers my question on how she handled those issues for the most part.

What I’m mainly confused about is that these women say to him (never to me) that I look like I’m not enjoying anything and look like I don’t want to be here, but I’m always on the other end saying how much fun I had and really enjoyed my time. I’m an active listener so I look at people when they’re talking, and am almost never on my phone unless everyone else is. So I stay present.

I feel like they expect me to hear of their disapproval in hopes that I become this extroverted menace who dominates every conversation, but it actually makes me want to do the opposite. Sometimes I don’t want to be around them because I feel disrespected that they’re so critical for what seems to me like absolutely no reason. This may be different from their perspective, and they may all totally think that I’m in the wrong, but I have always been polite and that’s what matters to me. It would be a different story if I talked about them behind their backs, gave everyone nasty looks and the like.

How do I navigate around this issue?

TLDR; I am an extreme introvert. I am always polite, but will never be an entertainer. I will listen more than I talk. My fiancés mom started talking about me saying I’m extremely rude for being so reserved. She knows I have social anxiety. Then his aunt pipes up and tells him to break up with me because I come across as rude and “not looking like she wants to be here” when I actually had lots of fun. His mom excludes me in her Facebook posts when she tags & mentions a small circle that she hung out with and had fun with when I was there. How do I navigate this issue? (Hard to explain a TLDR when there’s other fine lines, sorry!)

Ever since the day after my bf’s birthday he’s been acting up. He told me he’s going through things at home with his dad (his dad also took his phone off him) but I feel like it goes deeper than that. At first when his dad took his phone we spoke a few times using a shared google doc and I had been going through some things so I decided to tell him and he didn’t even respond. Then he was studying for exams and after he finished he said he’s going to a different state with his dad and after like 3 days he messaged me saying “how’s it going brother, you awake?” instead of an “I missed you so much” or “sorry for not telling you I made it safely” so I thought maybe he messaged like that because he was next to his dad but he said his dad was still in their room while he was filling up the car so he WILLINGLY spoke to me like that (he’s usually so clingy so that wasn’t normal).

After that he got fined while driving and was messaging me venting (which is 100% okay) but I kept on trying to calm him down saying I love you and he never once said I love you too. Each time he vented from the day after his birthday till now he has ghosted me and not listened to the advice I gave him. He works 4 minutes away from me so I walked to his work and he seemed so out of it. Even in person and on messages he’s so dry to me. I walked all that way to see if he’s okay because we hadn’t been messaging for a couple of days (the time he did message me was behind his dads back after he found where his phone was and the whole google docs thing was done on his laptop). We went to the nearest park and honestly I was so jumpy and happy to see him but he looked like he hated me even though he said “of course I love you” so I said things like I’m here for you, I love you just try to tell me how you’re feeling even if you don’t know WHAT you’re feeling. He insisted that he’s alright and kept on trying to change the subject then he said he has to get back to work. He wanted to hug me but I wasn’t in the mood because of the way he was acting and if I’m being honest, I was angry that he was 4 minutes away from me and couldn’t drive to my house to talk even for 5 minutes even though he said he missed me.

Honestly I don’t know if anyone will agree with me but if your parent takes your phone, you can still find a way to contact your s/o. If he wanted to he would. I felt bad that I didn’t hug him back so instantly I said I’m sorry and I went to hug him and he pushed me and started to walk away. After he stopped I hugged him under his arms and he stood still, not even moving once. I kept on trying to comfort him because I know he’s been having a hard time and he kept on saying “go home” “just go home” multiple times. I guess we left things on a bad note so a day after I went to his work again (honestly I just needed to get water for my iron meds) and he served me so I’m like whatever and he said I’ll tell my workers I’ll be back in a sec (he’s the manager) so he started walking with me and he was super sweet but not really holding my hand properly or matching my energy.

I honestly started crying because I missed him so much and I hated the way he was acting towards me so I hugged him and he said “do you wanna go out with my sister?“ (I’ve never met her before but we message and she’s really kind) and I said “no I just miss you” and he said “oh you miss me?” He kept on saying “I have to go back to work there’s this new girl that I’m training” so he practically ran away while being so adamant on going to train the girl (which is fine because I know work is important and obviously he can’t see me for long). He said “stay in contact” and I said “how when you don’t even reach out” he’s like “idk find a way” basically talking about emailing.

I’m so heartbroken that he’s okay with not speaking to me for weeks straight then when I go to his work twice he seems bothered so I left him alone and he still hasn’t even tried to reach out (even using gmail) so I’m giving him his space. I’m so upset that he’s been treating me like shit, like I don’t have feelings. It’s like that empty feeling when someone is hugging you and saying they love you but they have that cold hearted look in their eyes. He always answers his friends calls and texts and goes out with them but when I ask to go out he says that he can’t because his dad is home. When I’m in danger and call/message him he NEVER picks up it goes straight to voicemail but his friends calls go through:( He won’t communicate and I don’t know what to do.

If he reaches out after he’s had enough space to himself should I reply or completely ghost since I put in so much effort and didn’t get the same back? Should I email AGAIN saying that things are over even though I want to fix things and stay with him but he doesn’t? Which is probably something I won’t do because I don’t wanna be up his ass. It’s like putting in so much energy into someone and they respond dry to you every 8 hours or after many days. We’ve been together for almost 2 years, I’m always there for him and would wake up at 2am to respond to him if he needed someone but when I need someone he’s too busy and is barely there for me on messages.

TL;DR : bf cant see how hard i’m trying

I 20F feel like my partner 20M settled for me. We’ve been together for about 2.5 years and our relationship has had its typical ups and downs like any other, we started off LD and me and few times before moving in together. He’s messed up before in the past and I’d forgiven him for it, but that’s created some trust issues on my part. And recently I’ve started feeling like he just settled for me and doesn’t even find me attractive anymore.

Now I did do the thing that I know is wrong and shouldn’t do. But we do have an open phone policy as per the things he’s done in the past and I know it’s not healthy. Trust me I’m trying to break the habit but I did go through his phone and I decided to look through his recently viewed on TikTok and I had seen that he watched a bunch of videos that his ex girl best friend had posted, it was as if he had stalked her account he watched so many. And most of the videos are her sitting there and lip syncing to songs.

Now this wouldn’t have been an issue if she was just and old friend, I wouldn’t feel any type of way about it, but there had been romantic feelings involved in their history (he had feelings for her which she did not reciprocate) and I do not know the extent of these feelings that he had about her, he never went into depth about it. And it also doesn’t help the situation that yes she is much physically better looking than me in just about any way and that makes it hurt a little more.

I had even told him the reason that this really bothered me was because she’s that much prettier than me and that I don’t know just how much he felt for her and he got mad at me and started playing victim. Saying that he didn’t know it was bad to watch his friends videos, they hadn’t talked in over a year by this point. But the thing that’s stuck with me is he didn’t deny that she’s prettier than me like he usually does whenever I say something about someone in that sense. And it’s really starting to sting after dwelling on it.

She’s been with her current partner for years I believe and I’m sure she’s been with him when my partner had those feelings for her, but my question is to that is, if she wasn’t with her man and she had given my partner a chance back then, would he still be with her? Would he have the life we have together now with her? He always at one point will end up looking her up and I’ve caught it a couple times. And it makes me feel worse every time.

I just really need some advice before I dig myself into a deeper rabbit hole of depression, am I over thinking this whole situation or do I have reason to worry and question my partners feelings?

TL:DR

I feel as if my partner settled for me because he couldn’t get who he truly wanted and I’m wondering if I’m just overreacting this or if I have a reason to actually be worried?

TL;DR so, the title says it all. i went to bed and my partner had thick curly raven hair then i wake up and they are completely hairless; eyebrows and any body hair included.

i love them more than ive ever loved anyone and we've been together 2+ yrs so obviously the intense emotional attraction is still there but the physical is gone. it's also really hard because i always saw doing someone's hair as a form of intimacy and i enjoyed immensely the roll of taking care of their hair.

it feels like i lost a way to show love. they didn't talk to me about it or anything, just woke me up out of a dead sleep with their baldness. i don't want /expect them to ask me for any kinda premission but i feel like i deserved a heads up. i loved ALL their body hair, i thought it was very beautiful and i think they are very beautiful now.

i just don't nessasarly feel physically attracted to them anymore. i am attracted to their soul and i can't imagine not wanting to do anything romantic/sexual with them, especially over something as lame as hair. it's just hard to look at them. i feel like i just wanna cry.

i keep thinking about all the nights i stayed up late to oil and braid their hair. i think about all the hair clips i made for them for our anniversary. god it's so stupid. i know it's just hair. i know it will come back. i hate that i feel this way.

Im not getting into it but because of recent events they've been very afraid as a trans person ( we both are trans).they told me they shaved their head because they didn't feel safe and were scared someone was going to attack them and use it against them. they shared with me memories of how their dad pulled them around by their hair and in times like these they becoma very scared it would happen again as hate crimes rise.

i don't even think they really like it either, they told me they missed their hair and i just wanted to cry. i wish they talked to me earlier because i know with all the rising danger their PTSD had been really bad and i feel we could have talked to resolve their fear instead of this. i hate this. i even shaved my head too because it hurt their feelings that i didn't like it and i fucking loved my haircut. i just want to feel the same intense physical attraction i felt before. i want my wife to sit in my lap and talk to me while i do their hair again. i still do our friends but it's not the same. i want them back. maybe i just need to get used to it but right now i just keep crying. i want them to feel safe. i want their hair back.

so my questions are; what do i do with all these feelings I'm having ? i don't want to make them feel worse but i don't want to bottle them up till they feel like I'm not talking to them. is there anyway i can be more supportive? was it fair that i feel like a heads up would have been nice so we could talk about their fear before this extreme happened ? am i being a bad partner because im having such a hard time over their hair ?

I've known my girlfriend for almost half a decade. We've been dating for two years and are in a long-distance relationship.

She's got an avoidant attachment style (not sure between fearful and dismissive) and I have an anxious attachment.

I was sure I worked on my attachment style before entering the relationship but I guess the dynamic has made my anxious behaviour show up again.

Our relationship was okay when it just started but we had our first real problem a few months ago. She constantly started bailing on me and the relationship started feeling one-sided.

I reached my breaking point when she bailed on an anniversary trip I planned for both of us(I was home at the time).

We got to reconcile and all. She's aware that her behaviour has been affecting the relationship.

And I've seen her actively try to change whenever we've had a problem, but change hasn't been permanent.

After that experience, I've got to see her life go downhill in real time and it has heavily affected our relationship.

I've seen her friendships crumble.

Her family life is in a mess.

Her academics have plummeted. She doesn't believe in herself anymore.

She's had suicidal thoughts, turned to self-isolation and shuts down often. (She's closes off from everyone, not just me.)

Goes offline for long periods of time, which makes it hard for me cause I can only reach her when she's online.

On a rare occasion, she has opened up about her struggles and has tried to keep me in the loop.

After a couple weeks, she'll tell me she's fine and I assume she's now okay to put effort into the relationship again.

But things have just gotten worse.

More ghosting.

More indecisiveness.

More unavailability.

Things have reached an all-time low at this point.

I recently told her that if she continues the ghosting behaviour I'd leave.

She did it a week later and the next text I received was "I don't know how I'm going to save the relationship if I can't save myself."

I've given her some grace cause she's writing exams and that's probably causing more emotional discomfort cause she's been neglecting her studies too (resorts to sleeping instead of studying).

But it's also been emotionally heavy on me cause I'm far away and I can't do anything to help.

I know I can't fix her. I've let her know that she has issues only she can solve.

I let her know that I'm willing to support her if she decides to change but I can't support someone who isn't there.

It would be ideal for me to just cut the relationship off and ease the pain, but I don't know if leaving someone in such an unstable situation will be a good thing. I also know that I'm going to have to distance myself from her emotionally while she's in this period cause I know she has nothing to give at the moment and I can't expect anything from her. The whole situation has affected me mentally and I've become a lot more anxious cause of it.

I'm someone who practices meditation on a regular basis so I know the dynamic is having an effect on me.

It's all I can think about at the moment.

As things stand, I'm only hearing from her by chance. Once a day at most, and that's through iMessage.

I do plan on distancing myself emotionally, at least, till her exams are done. And I plan on telling her this over a call.

But at the same time, I don't know if things will get better then. There's so much uncertainty.

I've put my all into this relationship and for a while, I've single-handedly kept it afloat.

But I too feel emotionally drained and worry that I'll also cave in if I continue like this.

I need advice. Honest advice. Practical advice.

From anxious, avoidant and secure people.

Please let me know what your thoughts are cause I don't know what to do anymore.

tl;dr Should I leave my girlfriend (avoidant - 21F) while she's self-destructing?

My partner and I have been together for 3 years. We're in a very serious and healthy relationship, with a kid on the way in 2 weeks and he's the best father and partner I could ever ask for. Him and his ex broke up 5 years ago. They have a 6 year old daughter together, and she has a son that's 13 whom my ex has raised as his own and has shared custody with, as the son's biological father passed away when he was at a young age.

When my partner and I first started dating he didn't have a relationship with his ex because they ended on bad terms, however they were still co parenting. I was the one who encouraged him to have a positive relationship with her to make him and his kids' lives easier, and essentially ours, once she was ready to have me part of their kids life of course. We were very understanding and patient about when she would be ready for me to meet the kids. It took almost 2 years and I was never pushy or had a sour mouth about that.

Fast forward 2 years later, now we have our own relationship with the kids everything is great, but why does it bother me that they constantly talk every single day? I know it's mainly about the children, but is it necessary for them to communicate this much? I also am aware this is my own doing, as I pushed for them to have this positive relationship with each other, but it just drives me a little crazy. To add to this, it also bothers me that he has to ask her permission for EVERYTHING when it comes to me. I feel like because they have shared split custody and he's the provider and pays all the child support, he should have the upper hand, but this isn't the case.

How can I change my way of viewing this so it doesnt affect me the way it does? Would love to hear some advice.

TL;DR; my partner and his ex co parenting

I (19F) looked on my boyfriends (19M) phone secretly because he is always very protective and secretive of his phone. We have been together for 1 year now, back in February when we were about 4 months into the relationship. And he told his friend that he feels exhausted from the relationship because he feels as if he has to lie about everything to me to make me feel loved, he said that he doesn't know if he actually loves me or not. He used the example of lying to me about missing me when we were apart to make me feel loved. He also said a bunch of things about how he would be happier if he was single. This was all written after we had a really nice date. He also mentioned thinking about another woman when we were doing something intimate. For context, he's a pretty loyal and good guy. He talks down on people who cheat and says he never sees himself to do anything like that, which I fully believe. But I was really shocked to hear everything he said, that he is tired of the relationship because he has to constantly lie about a lot of things. I was pretty broken hearing all this because there was basically nothing I could really do about it, and it was also my fault for snooping on his private messages. It's just odd to me because whenever I tell him that I love him, he always asks me if I really mean it.

I confronted him about this and confessed that I had invaded his privacy, and he said that none of the stuff he said he meant at all. And that it was just his way of processing things, that he often says things that aren't true to what he genuinely feels. I decided to trust him and believe what he said this time.

Recently I looked at his phone again, saw messages back from August which is 8 months into the relationship, and he said that when he's away from me he wants to quote "get the fck out the relationship" and is "icked out by what the relationship is". He's never brought up any issues with it and everything has been going fine, actually he said all this stuff the day after he met my entire extended family on my fathers side. He also told his friend that he "threatens" me by asking if I want a break, and is glad I always say no because if we were to go on a break, he would "fall out of love really quickly". This was really weird to me since he always sort of accuses me of that sometimes, that I would get over it really quickly, which is something that I found odd of him to say. I just feel like he's projecting a lot whenever he tell same that he thinks I don't miss him or love him and etc.

I confronted and confessed again, and he said the same things. Said that he doesn't mean any of it, and that its a flight or fight response for him. He said that he's paranoid of the relationship ending and is really pessimistic so he often has thoughts like these. I don't really know what to think....

He told me about his last relationship before and how he felt like he forced himself to stay in it, and I'm wondering if it's the same thing that's happening again.

TL;DR: I (19F) secretly looked at my boyfriend’s (19M) phone twice because he’s always protective of it. The first time, I found old messages from early in our relationship where he told a friend he felt exhausted by our relationship and wasn’t sure if he actually loved me. He also said he often has to lie to make me feel loved and would feel happier single. He brushed it off as venting, so I decided to trust him.

Months later, I checked again and found messages from August where he said he wanted "out of the relationship," was "icked out," and even "threatens" to suggest breaks just to test if I’ll say no. I confronted him, and he said he doesn't mean any of it and that it’s just his pessimistic, “fight or flight” response. Now, I’m feeling lost and wondering if he’s forcing himself to stay in the relationship like he did in his last one. Not sure what to do.

Alright, so the topic that caused this drama is silly so please bear with me as I get to the bottom of explaining this situation for yall.

Kickin it off, my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2.5 years. During this time, I’ve learned that he has some bad habits, primarily around managing household responsibilities. I don’t want to get into too much detail because that can be a whole other post, but do know that I am well aware of this and I have been (unfortunately) feeling like a mother in our relationship. Maybe I am too patient, but I am always trying to help him learn, and remind him of, these basic skills. He also has ADHD & high functioning autism, which I feel is an important detail to include.

Ok now onto the topic that caused this drama (lol)…..

My boyfriend has a habit of sitting on the toilet for an extended period of time, more than your average person after passing a stool. I mean, there have been times where he’s just sat there for 30 minutes, with it in the toilet… just marinating in the smell. I get on his ass about this A LOT. He plays this Tank game which really grabs his attention and focus, so immensely that he loses any awareness on time. I wish he cared more about recognizing how unhealthy and gross it is for him to do this almost everyday after passing his stools. I’ve come to the conclusion that sitting on the toilet may be his getaway from life and is his much enjoyed break. Makes me laugh but maybe eventually he’ll learn the hard way when he gets another hemmy!

Anyways, now that’s shared on Reddit…

Today my boyfriend had been in the toilet and this time was messier than normal. As he’s sitting on the toilet, he calls me on the phone while I’m out running errands. He tells me that he might’ve eaten something that didn’t agree with his stomach and then we just continue to talk about our day, how my midterm went, what he’s done with his parents, etc.

A few minutes into our call, I hear his mom talking to him through the bathroom door asking if he can help take the dogs outside. Obviously, he’s in the bathroom and is still wiping his mud mess so he asked her to wait. About a minute later, she asks again two times, seemingly urgent, and he responds again with how he’s going to take awhile because it is messy.

I know my boyfriend started to get irritated and at this point he’s talking a full convo / mild argument with his mom so I am just silent on the phone. I’m thinking… ok she’s impatient but also I understand her frustration because I know he sits in there for a long time. (At the time of our call, I do not know how long he has been in the bathroom for and still don’t).

A minute goes by and he’s done and is outside with the dogs. I hang up at this point bc I continue to do my errands.

I don’t know, maybe 10 minutes later he calls me back and we just continue talking. His mom begins to yell again in the background (i make out absolutely nothing) and I hear my boyfriend go “Gosh, I’m sorry I was pooping. I’m sorry I was pooping okay!”

I laugh, and say “You’re apologizing for pooping?”, in a laughing manner because hearing him say that was genuinely funny knowing how he is. Bad timing on my part because the tone of him yelling back sounded like actual anger stirred up. I also didn’t know I was on speakerphone.

His mom heard me say that question and got offended over this. I can see how she may mistake it for attitude. She took his phone, and started yelling at me how “I’m disrespectful” and “I shouldn’t talk to parents that way”. In the moment, I’m driving, and not understanding what is going on but my name was being used and I was being told I’m disrespectful by her? I was so confused and speechless.

When she stopped yelling, I asked what was going on and that caused her to continue to yell at me and say how I need to “stop talking this way”.

Simultaneously, my boyfriend is apologizing to me and is saying “now you get to experience first hand what she’s like”. I am aware of my boyfriend’s relationship with his mom before this too, they lived together but she also has her handful of flaws too, as we all do. Never once have I argued with my boyfriend’s parents, this was the first time ever she’s yelled at me.

My boyfriend eventually hung up the phone and calls me back (~15/20 mins later) when he’s about to leave his house to go to the gym. We chat and he has absolutely no idea why she blew up on me. He can’t explain logic to his mom either because from previous arguments between him and her, it seems she has a very emotional driven way of thinking (lacking logic, communication, or care to admit a wrongdoing and apologize).

I want communication! I want to clear up any misunderstanding so I sent this text message (she left me on read):

“[her name], i was on the phone with [my bf] and asked him why he got in trouble for pooping, and i then heard you ask to talk to me.

you may have misunderstood my question to him so i did not mean to offend or make you upset.

i am really confused and hope you’re not mad at me over this misunderstanding.

i do not know what had happened until [my bf] explained his side just now and after hearing you be upset.

i do agree he takes a long time to wipe after pooping which makes him delay/procrasinate responsibilities. i get on his butt about taking so long too.

moral of my text message, you misheard my question to [my bf] which led you to become upset. i apologize for the misunderstanding and did not mean to make you upset as i did not know what was happening and my question was towards [my bf].

i want to clear that up with you.“ ———

it does make me chuckle that this drama is all started from my mans pooping. looking back in my message, i feel i could’ve worded things better. i should’ve waited when it was less fresh and i wasn’t in a rush to get it sent out.

Most recently, I was on the phone again with my boyfriend. He suddenly muted and I presume his mom walks in. It was true, and she said “I can come over, but only if I am not disrespectful”

Now I am more frustrated, sad, and anxious. I really don’t want her to feel that way about me when I have never meant to make her feel that way.

Going back to what I said about his mom and her emotional driven thinking… this kind of behavior I am familiar with, from my sister and dad (love them to pieces). It is extremely hard to have a successful conversation with them when clearing up an argument or misunderstanding. They will refuse to admit they were wrong.

Well, I don’t want to have bad relations with my boyfriend’s parents, so I really want to clear up this misunderstanding with his mom. Knowing how she is when it comes to communication and confrontation, and having dealt with similar behaviors, I am afraid to confront her and clear things up with her.

I don’t want to risk her getting even more mad when I explain how I feel and what was said, because then that means “she’s in the wrong & therefore her image is tainted”. I don’t think she will come to terms with that. It isn’t like I’m talking to my sister or dad, it is my boyfriend’s mom. I never ever have disrespected her, and have no reason to!

I really don’t want to cause more drama with her, but I also don’t want her to think I disrespected her. It is a huge misunderstanding.

I have been trying to think of a way to approach her to clear up this misunderstanding without her taking offense. How my boyfriend and his dad deal with arguments with her… they just leave it and act like it never happened. But I cannot sit with that especially since I am not family and don’t want her to think poor of me.

I guess the main piece of advice I’m seeking is how I go on about confronting her. Should i even do so? I want an apology from her, normally I don’t care about one, but I want her to recognize she had no reason to yell at me the way she did.

TLDR: My boyfriend’s mother misunderstood a question I had asked my boyfriend as attitude/judgement towards her. She is very angry and isn’t good at communication so I don’t know how to confront her to clear up her misunderstanding. I want to avoid creating more drama. I would just like peace and be on good terms.

ps. i’m sorry for typos. i’ve read this over multiple times so i did my best to proofread. thank you for your time btw <3 also, reddit mobile app format is weird so i don’t know what this look like on desktop . apologies in advance

My (23f) bf (24m) and I have been dating for 4 years. I have never cheated but he has trust issues from a past relationship. Throughout our whole relationship, I feel he is constantly scrutinizing me and looking to catch me lying/hiding things.

For example, he’ll say things like my breath smells like alcohol (even though I just got home from work) or that I smell “different from normal” and he always looks at me like he thinks I’m lying.

It’s to the point where I constantly feel nervous and that I have to walk on egg shells around him, or even like I have to hide things that don’t mean anything (like in the past he’s questioned why I’m putting on makeup or wearing perfume). It’s getting exhausting, but when I get upset when he says these things, he thinks I’m acting defensive or weird. I told him it bothers me when he does this but he says I’m being sensitive and to “cry about it”. How do I bring this up in a way where he will understand and hopefully stop doing it?

TLDR: my bf thinks everything I do is suspicious and it’s really getting to me. He questions me a lot, even though I’ve never cheated, but thinks I’m being weird for being upset about it. How do I bring this up to him?

Alright, here’s the deal: I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and a few months. The woman I am with is absolutely wonderful. She has a tremendous heart, is very empathetic and sweet. She’s fun to be around, knows how to get everyone dancing at a party, and is a hard worker. We understand and accept each other’s quirks, and I think that our personalities balance each other out very well. Weaknesses in my character are strengths in hers, and vice versa. When I look at her, I feel a deep desire to protect her and care for her, and I love her very much. Her and I are both good at resolving conflict, we’ve probably had 3 fights max and we resolve them quickly and kindly, and both of us are capable of apologizing when we’ve done wrong. She’s also unquestionably loyal, and 100% committed to me and the idea of marrying me. I also think she would be a tremendous mother, and a wonderful wife. Not to mention, she is drop dead gorgeous, way out of my league.

However, I still have reservations. And because she doesn’t, I am feeling a lot of pressure to resolve this internally soon, because I know she deserves to be with someone who is in it 100%.

For one, we have virtually no common interests. I can’t really think about anything we both enjoy doing together on its own merit, it feels more like we’re both humoring each other. This alone I don’t think would be a problem for me, but I fear that we are not really “intellectually compatible” either. And don’t get me wrong, she is very intelligent. More so than me in many different ways. She’s currently going to medical school and she is very book smart and is going to be an ace in the field she’s going into. But I am kind of a cerebral and analytical guy, and this is not her whatsoever. I enjoy deep conversations and her and I almost never have conversations with substance that I particularly care about. The way a mutual friend of us both puts it, I am more of an ideas guy while she is a people’s person. She could talk for a long time about like what her neighbor is up to or what her friends did over the weekend, and I frankly am not stimulated by these kinds of conversations whatsoever. It’s taken me a long time to articulate what the core difference is here, but I think I have figured it out: My girlfriend’s interests revolve almost entirely around her friends, her family, and work, and she does not spend much time talking or thinking about anything else. There are a million examples, but the most recent one that made me realize this was when I told her that the IDF claimed to have taken out a leader of Hamas, to which she replied “What’s hamas?” And I don’t judge her for this, it’s even respectable, but I am the complete opposite. I would much rather discuss things in the world as opposed to work, friends, family.

It extends into other facets as well. Because she works so hard, shes a person who likes to turn her brain off whenever she’s not in school or on the job. And while I completely understand this, that isn’t me at all. TV and books are something we both enjoy, but where I like to watch dramas with more “well written” stories and enjoy classic literature, she likes true crime, my 600 pound life, and the “cheesy, stupid romance books” (her words, not mine). If we watch something together, when it’s over I enjoy discussing it, while she will just say “that was really good/bad” and that’s all she has to say, and I can’t really get more out of her. I keep up with current events, politics, science, etc., and she does not at all. If I bring up a topic to discuss and it’s outside her wheelhouse, I usually get hit with “I don’t know anything about that.” and that is the end of the discussion. I feel like she does not humor me in the same way that I humor her by listening to her talk about people in her life or make small talk. I understand that no person ever checks every box for someone, and I do not check every box for her, but I fear that in the long run this may be an issue for me. I don’t think I would care about the intellectual incompatibility if we had more in common, and conversely, I don’t think I would care about the lack of common interests if our brains worked a little more similarly. Worth noting that I feel this disconnect less when we are together, but daily texting and phone calls are when I feel it the most. Honestly, after 10 minutes of talking on the phone, I’ve had my fill. And I feel like that is not the best sign.

The only other real issue is that I am not sexually satisfied either. She was a virgin before we started dating, and I also know that she tragically experienced an instance of sexual trauma before we got together. I was not aware of this for the first two years we were together (which is surprising because we tell each other everything, but in this time she had also not told anybody else about it either). The few times we tried having sex, she was in intense pain the entire time, to the point where I did not feel comfortable continuing, despite her still wanting to. I chalked it up to her being a virgin and it potentially hurting the first few times, but after 5 or so attempts, it did not go away. I did not initiate sex after because I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, and she didn’t initiate because she was obviously not looking forward to experiencing the pain she has felt. Now that we have discussed the sexual trauma, I am not really sure what to make of things. She does not believe the pain to be psychosomatic and thinks it is solely a physical problem. I feel like it may be both. However, during a routine check up with her OB, her doctor said that she does not see any indication of a physical issue, but she would have to come back for a more focused examination to see if there is a problem. During the most recent instance of us having sex, it went better than previous attempts. After the fact, I asked her if she had experienced pain and she said it was only during the initial insertion. I asked her if she experienced and pleasure and she replied with “a little, but honestly, I don’t know if I will ever get pleasure from having penetrative sex.” And this was very discouraging to me. I have had many sexual partners over the years, and this has never been the case. And most of my sexual enjoyment is the feeling of pleasing someone else, and I fear that sex would just be a chore for her in the long term.

So, I feel like I am in quite the predicament. They say that there are 4 pillars of relationship satisfaction: Emotional (are you comfortable expressing yourself, do you and your partner feel safe together, do you hear each other, etc.), romantic (is there affection and gestures of love), intellectual, and sexual. While we have the an abundance of the first two, the latter two are obviously lacking for me. I feel as if I could compromise on one of these not being completely met, but not both. I also don’t know if my reservations would go away if I was getting laid, and if my subconscious is just looking for problems. But I really do love this woman, and we are both good for each other in so many ways. I am happy to be dating her now, but when I think 10, 30, 50 years down the line, I get nervous that it may not be right for me. I am afraid of walking away from someone who is so special, but I am also afraid of wasting her and my time if it really isn’t meant to be. It’s been over two years and I just don’t feel like I know, and I’m not sure at what point I should know. Is two years enough to be sure? At what point is uncertainty a sign of it’s own?

I think that both the sexual and common interests issues can be resolved over time, but I am not sure. My impulse is also that I would enjoy living with her and that things would get better for me, but there’s obviously no way to know that unless we do. And let me make it clear, I don’t know how this post sounds to an outsider, but I would not change a thing about her. As far as I’m concerned, she’s perfect. This is only a question of whether or not I can make it work with who I am as a person. Any advice or perspective you guys have is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.

TLDR: I love my girlfriend and she’s the total package, but there are physical and intellectual chemistry problems have me hesitating on whether this is the right relationship for me.

My boyfriend (25M) struggles with being alone, especially when I (24F) am busy. We've been together for almost five months, but this has been an issue for him long before we met. During the week, he’s okay with spending time alone, especially after work when he unwinds by playing PlayStation or watching shows. But when it’s the weekend, if I’m busy or he’s without friends, he gets really anxious and feels like he’s wasting his time.

When I tried to talk to him about it today, he told me he feels like he's "wasting" the day if he’s not doing something with someone, and he gets overwhelmed by anxiety. He said he wants to just hide and escape when no one is available to hang out, even if it's not because of anything important happening. He also admitted that he doesn't like the idea of me going out without him, even though he trusts me and knows I have no reason to be unfaithful.

It’s not that he’s trying to force me to spend time with him, but I can tell it’s weighing on him. When I saw him this morning, he looked really upset, and I tried explaining that he needs to find a way to handle this. As we grow older, we can’t rely on others all the time, and eventually, things might change with his friends. I explained that he can’t fall apart every time he’s alone or no one is free to hang out with him, and that this mindset isn't healthy.

I’ve tried encouraging him to find hobbies or things he enjoys when he's by himself, like how I keep myself busy when he’s out. I like to read, work on assignments, or bake, but he feels like nothing like that makes him happy. The problem is that he’s very extroverted, while I’m more introverted. He feels energized by being around others, while I prefer my alone time or spending time with him.

I love him and want to support him, but I also don’t think I should have to cancel my plans every weekend. I really want him to find something fulfilling on his own that doesn’t involve other people. I’m just not sure how to help him find that balance. Any advice?

TL;DR! - My boyfriend struggles with being alone, especially when I’m busy. How can I help him find a way to be okay with solo time without feeling anxious or upset?

I (27F) have this good friend (28m) of over a decade. On Friday, hours of semi-drunk talking on his uncomfortable sofa turned into talking on his bed. Things slowly went downhill from there. We didn’t have sex but we did other things.

To make things complicated, I’m legally married. I only just filed for divorce last month. The reason is probably relevant so to put it vaguely, my husband suddenly started showing a side I didn’t realize he had. I’ve also just had a rough past week emotionally (iykyk). I know I’m not in the headspace to be hooking up with anyone right now. I’ve actually never done anything like this before.

On top of that, I’m worried that I played with my friend’s feelings. He admitted earlier this year that he has suppressed feelings for me for most of our friendship. I already had my suspicions. I feel guilty and selfish for fooling around with him knowing that it wasn’t casual for him. I mean, we did kiss a few times in college and then laughed about it the next day. This is different. I’m clearly physically attracted to him too and I can see myself reciprocating romantic feelings eventually… but I selfishly again don’t want to deal with that now. It’s way too soon.

I imagine we won’t see each other until next month, which gives us both time to process this and figure out what to say and do. He offered that we could just pretend the hookup didn’t happen for a while. On the other hand, I don’t want us to sweep this under the rug and never address it. We’re both the avoidant type. But I also don’t want it to be blown up into this dramatic turning point, which I know it kind of is. As outsiders to the situation, how do you think is best to approach it?

TLDR: don’t know how best to proceed after hooking up with a friend who has feelings for me and I’m also legally married lol

My girlfriend and I have been talking for about 3 months, and started dating for one and a half months. Everything is going great except for the fact that her parents are really strict. They only let her hang out with me in person for 3 hours a week, sometimes less. We call almost every night. The situation is fine with her but not so much for me. I want to be able to hang out and do stuff with her and do normal stuff with her, it feels like a long distance relationship. I haven't known her for too long and I haven't hung out with her too much in that timespan so I don't know for a fact if I want to fully commit to what is basically a long distance relationship. Everything else is great but I don't know if her parents will ever let her hang out that much and I don’t know if that works for me. I don't know if this is a good enough reason to end a relationship. Please give any advice you have. Thank you.

TL;DR I want to spend more time with her but her parents are too strict. Is that a good enough reason to split apart?

To the point: my bf (26m) and I (25f) have been together over a year. He and his ex (24f) broke up two weeks before we met. He told me they'd blocked each other, but I found out a while ago that they'd refollowed each other, and occasionally messaged. Not a big deal but I asked him to tell me if they talked cos I felt as though he'd been hiding it.

After that they didn't talk for a year, but she messaged him again last week saying she wanted to go to a big art show he was putting on but she couldn't, and he love reacted her messages and responded saying he was sorry she couldn't go. She messaged again to congratulate him on the art show after it was done. He always responds really kindly, with emojis and hearts, but he is a really nice guy so I don't think it means much.

My question is: I really, really don't like them talking because I've met her a couple of times before and I get bad vibes from her. I also don't like that he hid they were talking for so long, and I really don't like that they hug every time they see each other. I can barely handle them texting, what am I supposed to do if she starts showing up to his art shows again? I know I'm being insecure but I just have no idea how to handle this.

TL;DR: my bf (26m) and his ex (24f) have started talking again and I don't like it, and it sounds like she might want to go to his art shows which I REALLY don't like.

I accidentally showed my mother a video of my boyfriend (M23) and I (F22) having sex. I was scrolling through my camera roll, showing my mother videos and photos of my past weekend because we hadn't seen each other in almost a week. It accidentally popped up, I forgot I hadn't moved it to a secure folder and it was mortifying. I realised what it was under a second after swiping on it and closed the app. My mother and I have talked about it and gotten past it hopefully, told her it wasn't my intention and sorry if I made her feel uncomfortable. Just felt so embarrassed The reason I'm here is because I'm not sure if I tell my partner about this happening, I understand I unintentionally exposed both of us and our privacy. I just am not sure if it's right if I tell him this happened. I just feel horrible about it and I'm not sure if this grief of not telling him will grow and I tell him later on, which might feel like I was hiding it from him.

**TL;DR; Should I tell my partner that I accidentally showed my mother a video of us having sex? **

Hi all! I am a 30M in a new relationship (met her 3 months ago, exclusive 1 month in, bf/gf 2 months in) with a 32F. I'll start by saying that she is an amazing woman. She's been through so much starting from her early childhood - divorced parents, verbally abusive / controlling mother, abusive romantic relationships, gave up acceptances from amazing universities for family reasons, returned to college and worked on her thesis for years only for the university to revoke it because she worked at a dispensary, shit job after shit job, and the list goes on.

Despite all that, she loves and cares for her family (even the ones that wronged / continue to wrong her), spends more money on other people than herself, is very independent and won't accept help from anyone, is a great listener, accepts other people's shortcomings (including my own), and overall just a great human being.

When things are good, it's good / great, like our dates, hanging out with her friends, our trip to Disneyland, and generally spending time in each other's company. However, when I'm away from her (I live about a 2 hour drive away and I visit her during the weekends), she is frequently in a depressive state (even more so now after quitting her mentally- and physically-taxing job and taking a break from school). She's applying to jobs but no call-backs at all (shit job market doesn't help).

My question to the helpful folks of Reddit: how do I support my gf when we're apart? I feel like the supportive text messages have less and less of an impact. I plan to move within the next 2-3 months, but she has expressed how bad it would make her feel if I moved just for her - my family and friends are all here while the only people I know in her city are her friends and family. I have 0 problem with this, as I am generally a homebody (she is too) and when we go out with her friends or meet new people, I make new friends very easily.

But because of her independent nature (stemming from lack of financial, emotional, and any other help growing up), she has openly and often expressed how she does not deserve me. I have a good income (enough to support both of us), good relationships with friends / family, and have a generally positive outlook on life. All that said, this is a new relationship and it's completely understandable why she is hesitant, so I want to approach my future with her very delicately!

tl;dr // How do I help my new girlfriend fight through joblessness + depression?

I 45f and my partner 60m of 2 years have a loving relationship, filled with support, adventure and fun. We hike, camp and fish often. Sex is often if not daily when together. We live about 2 hours a part. Everything is good except I had a long term chronic terminal illness that usually has a life expectancy of 4 years. I have had it 16 years. My issue is I am slowing down. All the activities I mentioned are thought out well and we only do what I can do. Like camping I used to tent camp only and now we have a camper. Much less work. Hiking used to be backpacking for days with ease in my like now it’s a 2 hour hike with me sleeping in the car on the way home. The chronic illness has made me tired. I have been hospitalized 2 times since this relationship started. ( about 8 times all together with increasing frequency) In January I was in the hospital after prolonged anaphylactic shock and on a EPI drip for 10 days. I almost didn’t make it. I was on over 160 mg a day of steroids for months. Gained 50 pounds and slowing loosing that weight and getting back to myself. He was supportive in every way I’ve needed him to be. Helping me shower, toilet, etc. I was as weak as a kitten for months. I have been off work since this hospitalization because my accommodations for work have changed. My partner is very hard working and revered the fact that I continued to work 50-60 hours a week in a high demand stressful job even when I sick all these years until now. He would like me to go to work again. He says I need it for my mental health. I am a go go go person traditionally. When you have a terminal illness you push yourself. Guys…. I am so tired. My body is so tired. My mind is so tired. He doesn’t pay my bills and I am independent. We don’t live together. I feel like I might lose some respect from him if I don’t go back to work. He is a pull yourself up by your boot straps person. I was to till there is no straps to pull myself up with anymore. I will qualify for SSDI if I applied. He sees me do all this stuff in our life but he is gone 75% of the time as he works on the road.So we have a good 2-3 days together and maybe one day has a hike in it or a bike ride. It takes me 2 days to recover from it. If I go back to work there will be no more fun I can’t. I just don’t have the energy. He sees I’m struggling and is very patient and kind. I want to empathize that he isn’t pushing me but when we talk about this transition in my life ( I want his input ) he is very pro working. He says if working wears me out I can always quit. I am grieving my career as I see it ending. I love working and always seemed to over work myself. I feel like for the first time I am listening to my body and it is telling me NO. Looking back I was not living I was going home after work and crashing till I worked the next day. These were sometimes 23 hour shifts. I work in emergency type settings. I don’t know I if can bare him seeing me differently if I chose to not work. I think I could handle work for about 2 months before I would be ill again. Chronic fatigue makes my illness worse. My specialist have told be they support me working 20-30 hours a week at a remote job. My social security would pay more and give me access to insurance. What do I do. I feel like I’m living and enjoying life for the first time in a long time.

TL;DR. I 45F my partner 60M of 2 years have a wonderful life. I am terminally ill and slowing down. He wants me to work and feel tired.

Recently, my boyfriend went back to his family for a day to celebrate a relative. He came back to my apartment two hours early because he said that his mom pissed him off. He told me that it’s because his mom said something about me that irked him. Naturally, I wanted to know, what it was but he told me it wasn’t important. A week later, over lunch, we were discussing about how differing cultures like to eat and prepare their food. I’m Filipino and we usually eat with our hands and he is Greek, and he does not. Because we were on the topic of differing cultures, he told me that he and his mom don’t agree on things. That’s where he dropped that his mom called me the Greek equivalent to “fucking ugly.” And that kind of ruined me. My boyfriend told me he was so angry at her for saying that to me and doesn’t want to go back to his family because of what his mom said to me. He let me know it’s because his mom’s siblings were very attractive. And they are. Some of them are tall models with fair skin. They have bigger “assets” and so it made me feel that I’m truly in an uneven playing field with beauty. I’m Filipino and I wasn’t really blessed in the chest department. I’ve chubbier cheeks, I’m not heavy by any means but I just have some fat, but the comparisons from POC and conventionally attractiveness hit me. I was touched that he defended me. My boyfriend then told me that he finds me so beautiful and attractive. He reminds me everyday through his whimsical compliments, his draw dropping, and complimenting my outfits. But I can’t help but feel so “fugly”. It’s like all my confidence was broken down by one word. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted. I’m very aware that I can’t change what his mom thinks of me or my body, but I feel like I want to hide away. I don’t even want to show my face or body anymore because I feel so hurt. I know my boyfriend finds me beautiful intimately and often says I’m an 11/10 to him, but I just feel so twisted when he says there are hotter women than me. No, he doesn’t make me feel bad for having more or less of what they have, but I’ve always wanted to feel that I was everything to someone, like the most attractive person. Right now, I’m just viewing what I see through his mom’s eyes. And I honestly just get it. It’s unrealistic I know. Or is it? I don’t know I’m young. It just shattered me a little more and I feel like he will be peering at other women and wishing he would be dating them. I know it’s probably more of me thing where I need to work on. I want to feel secure in my relationship when he feels that other women are more attractive than me. Sometimes it just feels like lies from him even though he has done nothing to give me that.

TLDR: my boyfriend told me his mom called me fucking ugly which plummeted my self esteem. He says I’m beautiful and often compliments me, I feel that he lies to me because he says he finds intimately attractive but thinks there are more attractive people out there. How can I feel more secure in my relationship with him? How can I be okay with not being a supermodel? How can I fight the norms with a POC?

My boyfriend and I have only been dating for four or five months now, every time I look up questions similar to this, the people asking have been in relationships for a good few years before there sex life with their partner started going down the drain.

My boyfriend watches porn occasionally (as far as I’m aware) and masturbates, but I can strip down completely naked in front of him and not even get a glance let alone intimate time, I’m not really sure what to do anymore. I’ve never had a problem turning someone on before him and it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with my body, or the way I look.

When he does touch me, he goes in quite quickly, and then five seconds into touching me he stops because his hands hurt (he has something similar to carpal tunnel), and makes no implication that he would want to continue a different way. Lately the only sexual thing we have been doing has been me pleasuring him, while receiving none of my own. Even when he kisses me he kisses me for a very short period of time and then pulls away and acts like nothing happened.

I feel like I’ve done everything I possibly can do about it from trying to spice it up for him to sitting down and talking about how his lack of drive for me makes me feel insecure.

I’ve talked with him about it two or three times now but afterwards he doesn’t bring it up again, or try to initiate at all, I am the only one ever initiating, i feel like giving up on trying because I’m sick of the constant rejection, but if I don’t then he won’t initiate at all.

TLDR: my boyfriend doesn’t seem very interested in initiating sex with me, any advice?

We’re exclusively dating for 4 months now, over the first few weeks he told me he wants to be in a relationship with me. Then when we had a heart to heart conversation earlier over the phone, he mentioned “You want something more than I cannot give” and he said “I’m just not ready to be in a relationship right now” whilst saying “I really like you a lot and I don’t want to really let you go”

For context he is M29 and I’m F27. A parent of his recently passed away, he says he struggles financially (sometimes) after paying all his bills, he has a full time job, and has his own place. We text/call/update everyday (on days we don’t see each other). I think he’s a nonchalant man too. He’s not on the dating apps or talking to other women (as far as I know).

What should I do in this situation? (Even if its pretty obvious to just let him be and just let go)

TL;DR - Asking for an advice from a man’s perspective and from women who had similar experiences when a man says he’s not ready to be in a relationship, but doesn’t really want to let you go, but is also kinda nonchalant.

 Me (26F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been dating for eight years since high school and want to get married soon and all the marriage talks seem overwhelming. I’ve always been someone who’s not really good at regulating emotions because of my upbringing, but I am going to therapy now and working on them. Over the years, he has been a great support system, he takes care of me, and I’ve learnt a lot from him.

Like I said, I’m not really good at regulating emotions, there have been some times in the past when he was struggling and tried to reach out to me and I seemed to have made it worse, by not knowing how to handle those situations well. And in recent conversations, he says that at this point in our relationship he feels defeated and I should just know what he wants and needs without him asking for it. Every time I sense that he is upset/stressed or worried, I end up being more stressed and anxious on what should I do? What should I say? I worry if I’m saying the right thing, to not make the situation worse (but somehow always end up saying the wrong thing and making it worse anyway). I guess I start acting like the victim myself when it’s not even about me.

How do I get him to open up? I don’t really know what he goes through, and have no idea how to help him through it either. This past week, he’s been going through something and all he keeps saying is I don’t feel like talking, so we’ve barely been in contact (I’m trying to give him the space he wants, but I feel like he will think I don’t care about him if I actually leave him alone, but I also don’t want to be overbearing and push him away)
How do I fix the trust that got broken in the past, when I didn’t show up for him?

TLDR: long term relationship, how can I get my boyfriend to open up emotionally without him feeling defeated?  He says I should just know what to do, but he doesnt share enough with me for me to understand the situation. I also start to feel like I'm the victim (I'm working on that).

My partner (29M) that I’ve (28F) been with for 8 years, since our sophomore year in college. He lives in Los Angeles and I live about an hour away. We both graduated high school in 2014.

Two weeks ago, we had plans to attend the Dodger parade downtown. As we were en route, we were chatting about plans for the month of November with Thanksgiving coming up. I had forgotten that his old friend from high school invited him to his high school reunion back in April, for sometime this November, until there was an Instagram story posted between a mutual friend who is a former classmate. When he didn’t bring the reunion up in the car, I asked about it and whether it was on his mind. He answered yes, it had been on his mind, and that he was getting ready to tell me that I would not be invited to join him. I asked him why I would not be invited, to which he said that it would be better for his networking experience if I do not attend. I said that was messed up, especially because multiple exes of his from his high school experience and the times where we took a break over the past 8 years, will likely be there. He claimed that he wasn’t sure whether they were going and in this heat of the moment of our exchange, he outright said: “Alright, I’ve made my decision, you are not coming with me”. Now, reflecting back on it, I definitely got too heated. I was so angry because one of these women actively tried to get him to be with her, confessed her love for him back in 2020. I just feel extremely uneasy about it. From what I know, he had a long term high school girlfriend, a situationship with this other girl who I’ve hung out with myself when they claimed they were only friends, and another girl who used to send him provocative TikToks of herself dancing with other weird things that I won’t report here.

By the time he said I wouldn’t be inviting me to the reunion, I asked him to turn the car around and for us to go back home. We didn’t make it to the Dodger parade after all. He broke up with me by the time we got back to his house. He said that he doesn’t want to speak to me for 60 days and that I can call only for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Last time we spent a Christmas apart, he went to Disney and Christmas light visits in neighborhoods with the situationship girl and took all these photos I found on his phone.

As for me, I’ve been doing really well over this past week in focusing on myself. I’ve been lifting everyday, except for my rest days, and nourishing my body with wonderful healthy foods to fuel myself through the activity. There have been a few good cries I’ve had, but overall, I’m telling myself to push thru because I want to take good care of myself through this difficult time.

I guess what I’m grappling with the most is this sense of betrayal. We’ve been together through so much, and I thought we were moving forward together. I feel disrespected by him shutting me out of the reunion, especially with those past connections in the picture. And now he’s put this “60-day no contact” rule in place, which feels like he’s just cutting me off without a conversation. I’m doing my best to keep strong, to focus on my health and healing, but there’s still a big part of me that wants to reach out to see if he’s softened at all or maybe even wants to work things out. At the same time, I’m scared that doing so would only set me back emotionally.

I’d really appreciate any insights or advice—should I reach out, or is it better to leave him to figure things out on his own while I keep focusing on myself? Is there any chance of this working out, or is it time to start moving on?

Thank you for taking the time.

TLDR; My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me when I complained and argued with him during a car ride about his high school reunion that he hadn’t invited me to. He plans to go without me. He has multiple exes from high school, one very long term ex girlfriend, a few women he has slept with, and one situationship from 2020ish.

28M here - My girlfriend of 5 years (27F) just got back from a 2 week foreign work trip. She is severely jet lagged and just not feeling well overall. In times of stress she tends to act out and be rather harsh. The first morning she was back I couldn't find where I put the scissors and she called me a "lazy fuck". As the conversation progressed she called me stupid and made fun of my family and was just very rude overall. I also have a work Christmas party in a month that she agreed to attend and I RSVP'd. She said she now will not go and I work with losers.

My reaction to this is always just to remove myself from the situation, I left the house for the afternoon to just be alone.

I let some time pass and tried to tell her I do not being called names and that it hurts me. She told me she meant every word of it and to "get over it". Feel like I am backed into a corner, what should I do?

TL/DR - My girlfriend calls me hurtful names when she is stressed, she says she means it and does not regret saying it. Should I let it go or move on from relationship even though I don’t want to?

My (25f) cousin's (45f) husband (47m) passed away almost 2 weeks ago. They told me that my cousin was busy with all the bureaucracy and stuff after the funeral but

1. They didn't ask my parents (or me) to go to the funeral. I partly understand that because he wasn't a biological family member, but still hurt. I didn't go because I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable and idk it's just boundaries I guess 😅 Basically couldn't go because they didn't even told us where or when it was. So yeah... I know 😅 Didn't argue or get angry, just sad.

2. I contacted her daughter (17f) and told her that if she needed something that she could talk to me. She replied and that's all, she's been busy with school and didn't want to be annoying.

I feel this is so cold, like my cousin doesn't want anything to do with us (parents & me). Would it be so wrong to go to her house and bring some food (like cake, biscuits...) or self care products??? Just bring them, have a small talk and leave.

I talked to him while he was alive, he was nice and funny. I don't know why I couldn't go to his funeral and say goodbye (I didn't want to argue with them at that time but it still hurts tbh). There's no malice or bad intentions, just want to be with her but it seems that she is grieving (COMPLETELY NORMAL, I UNDERSTAND) and doesn't want to talk with me nor my parents.

She's not isolating herself because she's been with her sisters and friends. I just... Don't know what to do to be close to her or what have I done to be "ghosted" by my own cousin... Literally I want to be close to her and be a support, but at the same time she doesn't show any kind of affection or closeness towards me (or my parents). It's weird, I don't know what happened in our relationship to be like that.

What should I do? Should I bring something or let it go? Even if I go, I would be so uncomfortable and self conscious because I know she doesn't want to be close to me 😅 at the same time I want to show her that she has my support.

Sorry if my explanation is bad, English isn't my first language. Thanks for reading 🥺

TL;DR: I think I am being ghosted by a grieving family member. She's not isolating so it's about my parents and I and idk 😐 this is surreal and I don't know how to act or do tbh. Advice or reality check are welcome because what the hell is going on.

for a little context, me and my husband have been together for 7 years and got married a few months ago.

we’re happy and are looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together and i honestly haven’t felt happiness like this in a longgggg time.

i recently had some weird feeling and decided to snoop through his phone, i know this was wrong but it’s done now

anyway, come to find that he was messaging a girl in the first couple months of us dating - it’s important to note that he used to see this girl before we started dating - and the messages were along the lines of missing her, wanting to meet up but not being able to, and telling her how good she looked.

now i know this happened 7 years ago and there’s only been a happy birthday text since, we’ve come so far since then and literally fought tooth and nail to be able to get married and we are genuinely so in love and so happy, do i even mention this or forget about it completely?

TL;DR feeling a bit at a loss here, when i saw these messages my heart actually broke but we’ve been through everything together and i don’t know if it’s worth mentioning something that happened 7 years ago when we’ve gotten through so much to be where we are now