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Me and my girlfriend have been going out for roughly 9 months, she is my first girlfriend and we were good friends before going out. So before we became a couple, we were good friends in college and she was the daughter of my landlord so we live under the same roof (with the other residents) so we became quite close. At this point i think i've come to have a little crush on her but i was too shy and afraid she would reject me as she only see me as a friend.

One day came along this new resident (M20) and he often tagged along with us, so we added him to our group. The three of us became a trio and get along along well, especially the two of them. They had became close because i had to do my internship and was busy most of the time. Long story short, they became a couple. I was fine because before they were dating, they often went out with just the two of them leaving me behind so i had seen the signs and gave up on her. I had suppressed my feelings and supported the two of them. Note: she never had a boyfriend and so he became her first boyfriend.

Long story short again, they broke up. He dumped her. His reason was she always overthinks about their relationship especially about him cheating on her with a girl from his part time job. After they broke up he cut off contact with her and it broke her mentally. She couldn't move on right away, and she was still trying to maintain contact with him for two months. The third month after their broke up, i shoot my shot. She said she was over him and i thought "why not".

She accepted my confession and we are still dating now. I tried to make her happy however best i could because even though she said she was over him, i knew she wasn't. But that was in the beginning. I believe she's really over him now.

Here comes the problem. When she was still going out with him, she would often told stories of what they did together and nowadays it ticks me off. Even though she's not in contact with him anymore sometimes i would have flashbacks of when they are still dating. I'm always thinking about the fact that every day she came and sleeps in his room, what they did together, and when she chose him over me even before they were going out. There was this one time when i was arguing with him over something and she shocked me by taking his side and berated me in front of our other friends. She never took my side like she did for him much less berate others for me.

Every time i think about it, it hurts. I can't help but compare her treatment when she was dating him with me. Not to mention when she was still with him, she was always thinking about him even when they are fighting, she was desperate for his attention. However now that she's with me, when we fight she rarely ask for my attention and she said I'm "not worth stressing over for".

She told me once when she was still with him she masturbate while thinking about him. But when i jokingly asked why don't she do it while thinking about me now that we are dating, she said it was gross because i was her friend for so long. Other time she said she often hugged him first, even though as for me, I'm always the one to hug her first and she rarely hugs me back.

TLDR; I truly believe she is over him and is now happy being with me and that she is in love with me now, but i can't seem to shake the feeling of her was loving him more then than she is with me now. Is it just me being insecure because i was not her first boyfriend? what should i do so that i don't feel this way any longer?

I broke up with him 3 weeks ago after being together for a year and he still is trying to get me back even after I thought its was finally over because I gave him back all the stuff he asks for but he still calls me crying like every night for me to change my mind and take him back.

I've explained to him that if I continued to live my life with him, I would resent him for it and he swears that won't be true but I know it is. He didn't do anything to me so it's not like he cheated or something I genuinely just don't wanna be in the relationship anymore, but he won't stop begging and he won't leave me alone and he literally got kicked out of my work because he was coming there to see me so often to talk to me and my boss had to tell him that if he came back he would call the cops.

TL;DR! how do I get my ex to leave me alone?

**TL;DR; : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, all things are bold. Is this going the right way?**.

I have a relationship with a very important person, we met at the beginning of the year, and we started a beautiful relationship that was going very well, however, when we agreed on exclusivity, that person broke the deal, I didn't get angry or anything, I forgave him and I understood that What happened was circumstantial, we continued moving forward and after talking about some topics (I had already proposed that she be my partner) she told me that for reasons of time, and for reasons of commitment we could not have a relationship, a giant parenthesis (that person He is going to another country for study reasons and I am going to another for several months so at this moment we have around 3 months left) I always tell him that even though we were aware from the beginning of time, we decided to continue , however now it is getting difficult and he told me "the fact of not being able to plan for the future with you is what limits me in everything, because this will end and I cannot plan" in turn he told me "I want this, without However, I can't because of imagining a future together" she and I have good communication, where we speak well and can tell things, we have been through difficult situations and we have addressed them, I always tell her that I am going to love her as if we really loved her. We were going to get married and I'm not going to limit myself to what I feel for her, today we talked about how I didn't know what to do, she feels bad and guilty because she thinks this hurts me, however, I don't feel that way, to her I once asked him why he allows this to happen and he tells me that he really likes being with me. Today the decision is how to resolve and how to make this work, we both want it to work, however we don't know how to make it work. Please help me, I love her very much and I feel very sorry for her and I don't want to lose her so soon, I personally feel that she is afraid to commit to this and that it will be over but I don't know what to do...

I [28F] am engaged to a wonderful man [28M]. The only problem is that his breath is so bad. He doesn't drink much water, sips on coffee all day and primarily breathes with his mouth open, which I'm sure doesn't help. It's bad enough that it makes me queasy and it's difficult to be in a car with him because it permeates the cabin.

The thing is, I've told him many times that he needs to brush his teeth or have a mint. He's even had kids (he's a teacher) tell him that his breath is bad. He's receptive when I tell him in the moment, but he doesn't seem to notice or consider that it might smell unless I tell him. I'll often make comments about how drinking water is important for your breath or will say that I'm going to brush my teeth after eating because I'm worried my breath smells etc to try to nudge him but it doesn't seem to matter. We've been together for 4 years and I had hoped that by now he would start to get the hint. I love him but it makes it hard to want to be intimate with him. I also really don't want to have to constantly remind him to take care of his dental hygiene for the rest of my life.

Any advice for how to talk to him in a way that might get through? He's the best in so many ways and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Tl;dr my fiancé always has bad breath even though I’ve talked to him about it before. What do I do?

Me M28 and my girl F25 have been together for about four months. We hit it off really hard and got serious very quickly. However, for about the past week, I’ve noticed a trend. About a week ago at work, i hadn’t heard from her for a bit, which isn’t totally out of the norm i don’t expect her to be attached to her phone l day as I’m a bit of a slow texter as well. I work thirds and my little sister had gone to a wedding in the city about an hour away from the small town we live in. I went to check her location as she made the trip by herself, in that time i noticed my girlfriend had just been on Snapchat and hadn’t responded to me in about 40 minutes. I brushed it off, but i couldn’t get it out of my head. Over the last week i stated regularly checking her location and this has happened several more times.

Like i said before, i don’t expect her to respond in seconds but it kinda feels like she’s purposely ignoring my texts. Everything else is pretty good. Sex life is healthy, spend a good amount of time together and get along great with each other’s families. Which makes this even more confusing. I guess I’m asking is this something i should be worried about? I kinda don’t want to bring it up to her because that would be an admission I’m stalking her location. But it’s something i can’t get out of my head and would appreciate reddits opinion. Thanks in advance.

TLDR: girlfriend of a bout four months ignoring my texts wondering if this is a sign of trouble to come.

This is the first time I’m writing about this and I really want some pure honest advice about everything I am (F20) . My boyfriend (M22) tends to be two different people . When he’s happy and in a good mood he showers me with kisses and affection and makes me laugh and so we joke and have fun but sometimes when he’s tired or stressed out he tends to shutdown especially when we have difficult conversations about things that make me upset

For a bit of a background he had a rough childhood in which he was abused but he went through therapy , he was also in a three year relationship which caused him to not fully rely on me purely due to the fact that if I left he would then feel empty so he purely relies on himself, which is fine because I’m quite independent also . But I overthink a lot which is my downfall

His one side is so overly caring and affectionate. He likes to cuddle me and hold me and talk about anything and everything , he treats me and takes me out for my celebrations - I just got a summer placement. And he makes me the happiest girl in the world . He loves my family and my family loves him so much and it’s a win situation as we are both black African

His other side tends to appear when he’s down and upset or basically I say how I feel. It feels like he shuts down and goes cold on me , and I get one word answers like ‘fine’ or ‘okay’ and I tend to feel abandoned almost like he was when I was a child . I’ve tried to make him go to therapy and he doesn’t trust his friends so he doesn’t confide in him about our relationship so it’s hard for him to see things from a different perspective. It’s come to the point where he says ‘ ur making it up in your head’ and I don’t know how to tell him I’m not . I’m very emotional so I tend to cry a lot . Which makes me think he doesn’t take me seriously. And I end up apologetic and regretting I even brought it up he then sulks and doesn’t get over situations as quickly as I do . I apologise and want to move on and he just doesn’t speak to me and gives me the cold shoulder until he’s ready to move on and be happy again

It’s been 3 years and I don’t know how to handle it anymore, I want to be with him and support him cos I know he’s going to be an amazing man and so I’m trying to mould him and me because they are some bad habits . But I don’t know what to do . I want a long term relationship with him and I don’t want to break up but I don’t know how to handle his moods. It tears me because he wants to reschedule our date nights to every other weekend and he doesn’t comitt to planning stuff anymore. I don’t know why he’s not seeing the value of me and instead always says ‘ if I don’t say it the way you want it’s not right’

Which I do agree with but I want to stop crying . I don’t want to feel alone in a relationship sometimes and it’s more happy than sad . But I want people who’ve been in long term relationships from young till old to give me advice on whether this is normal? How do we grow together ? Do we have to be happy all the time? I don’t know

Please help me out I don’t want to break up with him and I probably won’t.

TL;DR; You're feeling torn in your relationship with your boyfriend (22M) who displays two distinct personalities. When he's happy, he's affectionate and caring, but when stressed or upset, he shuts down and becomes distant. His past trauma and reluctance to confide in others contribute to the challenges. You've tried suggesting therapy, but he's resistant. You're emotionally overwhelmed and often end up apologizing for expressing your feelings. Despite the difficulties, you want to support him and maintain the relationship, but you're unsure how to handle his mood swings and lack of commitment. You seek advice on whether this is normal in long-term relationships and how to navigate growth together.

We have been together for 5 months. We saw each other for about 4 months before we officially got together.

It started off so well. Our first date was magical. We just seemed to click straight away, no awkward silences, constantly banter and laughs, just how I like it. He put serious effort into to see me and show his interest which i loved He was super affectionate and constantly gave me cuddles and kisses and took me on cute dates, really showed me that he wanted me. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend, it was a no-brainer.

However, after about the first 2 weeks of being together, it suddenly changed. Not even a gradual change, just a huge shift out of nowhere. Suddenly, he stopped putting in the effort. Didn't want to go on proper dates anymore, so we're usually just at each others houses. He claimed he was just tired from work. He stopped the constant compliments and affection and instead was just more immediately sexual.

The way he has been living since this started is basically that of a pig. He leaves dishes piled up for weeks, a lot in his room, and he leaves food rotting. I even witnessed cheese oozing out the bottom of his fridge. His room looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years. He goes days without showering or even washing. His hair is incredibly greasy. He never shaves, either. He keeps expecting me to give him head even though he is basically a jungle down their and its absolutely disgusting.

I'm honeslty absolutely devestated. I can't believe this has happened. Feels like the man I was falling for suddenly died and turned into someone else by the flick of a switch. Is their any way I can talk to him about this and get him back to how he was before? Or should I give up?

UPDATE: So I have tried talking to him many times about if theirs anything wrong, and he says he's absolutely fine and gets annoyed that I even asked. So I'm unsure whether there is actually something wrong or if he just can't be bothered to put any effort into the relationship or to keep himself

TL;DR I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. At first, it was spectacular. He treated me so well, and I was falling for him hard. But then he suddenly changed out of nowhere and has become a pig. Never cleans anything or puts any effort into our relationship. Is this salvageable at all?

**TL;DR;: I'm reaching out for advice because I'm facing some incredibly difficult emotions in my long-term relationship, and I'm not sure where to turn. To give you some context, my partner [27M] and I have been together for four years. We decided to move in together for college, thinking it would bring us closer and strengthen our bond.

However, the reality of our relationship lately has been far from what I envisioned. I've always been fiercely independent, both financially and emotionally. Before moving in together, I thrived on my own and had clear boundaries and routines, especially concerning cleanliness due to what I suspect is OCD. My partner, on the other hand, has struggled with ADHD, which has presented its own set of challenges in our dynamic.

Despite expressing my concerns to my partner about cleanliness and boundaries, we continue to face the same issues. He often leaves messes, which triggers my anxiety, and it feels like my needs aren't being respected or prioritized. Coming home to find him unwinding with video games while I'm exhausted from work and classes only adds to my frustration. While I acknowledge his struggles with ADHD, it's hard not to feel resentful when I'm shouldering most of the household responsibilities.

On top of these challenges, there's the matter of finances. Last year, my partner generously put down a down payment for me to get a newer car. While I've been making the monthly payments diligently, I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of guilt. I've always prided myself on my independence, and the idea of someone else shouldering a financial burden for me weighs heavily on my conscience.

But perhaps the most significant source of turmoil in our relationship is the growing realization that we may no longer be compatible. I've had numerous conversations with my partner about how I'm feeling, expressing that the relationship doesn't feel the same anymore. I've been honest about the fact that I love him, but I'm not in love with him anymore. We share a bed, but I recoil from any physical affection. It's a painful admission to make, especially after investing four years into our relationship.

Despite my feelings, my partner insists on fighting for our relationship and promises to change. While I appreciate his willingness to make an effort, I can't help but wonder if fundamental compatibility issues remain unresolved. I firmly believe that people should be true to themselves and not feel compelled to change for someone else. Deep down, I fear we're heading down different paths, and no amount of change can alter that fundamental truth.

Admitting this fills me with guilt and uncertainty. I don't want to hurt my partner, but I also recognize that staying in a relationship out of guilt isn't fair to either of us. I've been struggling to reconcile my feelings, torn between my desire for independence, my guilt over financial assistance, and my realization that our relationship may have run its course.

If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice or insights to offer, I would be immensely grateful. How did you navigate feelings of guilt, resentment, and uncertainty in a long-term relationship? How did you find the strength to prioritize your own well-being, even if it meant causing pain to someone you care about deeply?

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your support and guidance mean the world to me.

Bf told me (m and f, both 24) he had intentions of cheating on me, but didn't because she talked him through it and told him it'll hurt me.

We're in a relationship for 5 months now. This happened 2 months ago, but he just told me recently.

I've noticed in the previous period he was feeling bad, but it had to do with other issues which I knew about and I was absolutely supportive. Then he admitted to me this the other day and told me that this was probably the main thing that was upsetting him, he told me he felt ashamed of himself, guilty and sorry for what he tried to do. I noticed he changed some things about his behavior for the better, in terms of him as a person and generally about our relationship.

I see he honestly wants to works things out and is sorry, but I don't know what to do. Before this, I had completely trusted him, felt safe and loved, but I don't even know what to feel now.

I also asked him what was the reason - it was based purely on him trying to hurt her since they have sort of history: they were friends, he liked her before, she pretended she liked him back, but she turned him down, they continued to be friends, and now he thought he might get her to do something with him to make her feel guilty later (if that makes sense I can't think clearly now to even comprehend this). I thought he might have feeling for her, but he says no, it was purely based on hurting her for her rejecting him. I believe she had nothing to do with this, also her reaction tells me that too.

So it's just on me - can I trust him again? Is it possible for him not to do that again? Can I believe he changed due to feelings of guilt and shame, could he have realized that it was a big mistake, as he says?

TLDR: attempted cheating and lost trust, what now?

So I (35M) have recently experienced a sudden explosion of sexual desire.

I think it has to do with joining a sport and being a lot more active. I suddenly feel way less depressed and anxious than I have in years. I’ve also worked through a bunch of mental health challenges and no longer feel shame over my sexuality the way I used to (that came from both religious and cultural factors). Along with this I feel confident and sexy and am really craving a lot more sex and touch with my wife (34F).

We’ve had lots of great sex over the years, always with reciprocal (often simultaneous) orgasms. But it’s definitely slowed down over our 8 years of marriage. There have been times in recent years where we didn’t have sex for weeks, possibly even months. Sometimes this was because I had no desire, or she didn’t.

Now I have daily sexual desire. I think about it constantly, just wanting to touch her, pleasure her, and be touched and pleasured by her. I’ve told her about what I’m going through, and she has been very kind to try to have more sex and touch recently, but she also said it’s a little overwhelming, and given signs that she’d like me to back off a bit, which I totally get. And I 100% respect her needs and boundaries. She tends to desire sex once a week or less, and she has expressed an interest in scheduling it (which is honestly a little sad for me because it feels like it’s domesticating something that to me feels most beautiful and powerful when left wild).

I think part of it might also be a pent up desire because we don’t sleep together, since she has really bad trouble falling asleep. I feel like sleeping apart has left me with a deep hole of physical touch needs that I am trying to fill.

How can I work through this and figure out a solution that works for us both?

Tl;dr: I am overwhelming my wife with a sudden surge in sexual and physical desire. What should I do?

Last year, I (F22) developed feelings for Jay (M21) a guy in my friend group. I hesitated to tell anyone, especially the girls in the group fearing it could disrupt our dynamic. Jay and another girl, Ashley (F21), got along okay, but she admitted he wasn't her favorite and only hung out with him because he was in the group.
Anyways, one night, Ashley calls me and tells me that she just had sex with Jay. She said one thing led to another and it just happened. As you can imagine, I was shocked. She was really upset because she had an ex that she was in love with and wanted to get back with soon. And they were in talks to do so. I figured that was not the right time to tell her how I felt about Jay since she was crying and feeling pretty shitty. I asked her if she had feelings for Jay and she said "hell no, i regret it so much. i feel terrible." I spent the next few hours trying to calm her down.

a week later I told her that I had feelings for him but would not say anything to him if she didn't want me to. She asked me why would I tell her that and that I made her uncomfortable. But in my mind if it was casual, then I wanted to still tell him. I've had my fair share of hookups that meant nothing. She told me she did not want to get in the way of my genuine feelings for him & she had feelings for her sex, so I told him.

He told me he had always had feelings for me too. And that what happened with Ashley was unplanned and he had no idea that I would reciprocate the feelings. we kept it a secret from the friend group for a couple days so that we could figure out what our relationship was. We ended up going out together and our friend group saw us in public. She then proceeded to tell our other friends that he's an asshole and I'm a horrible person for doing this to her and that I only got with Jay to spite her. And that she wants to hurt me. And that I shouldve known she wouldnt be okay w this.

Now, she has told our friends that they need to choose in between us or her because I'm an awful friend. And our friends are getting sad because they don't want to choose. I don't want them to either. I told them to do whatever they want and I won't be offended. Jay is upset over the situation and keeps saying how it's all his fault and that he hates how I'm being treated by her. But he also keeps saying how he's confused because, from his perspective, it was a one time thing that she told him repeatedly was a mistake and that she regretted it. Even though (and he told me this way later--she did not tell us this) she asked him if he wanted to continue hooking up (before i told him how i felt and after I told her that I liked him) and he said no.

I feel like I ruined the friend group and this is all my fault for telling Jay how I felt and getting into a relationship with him and making her so upset .Can someone advise me on what to do going forward and if I could handled the situation differently? I hate that I ruined my friend group.

TL;DR: Last year, I (F22) developed feelings for Jay (M21), a guy in my friend group. When my friend Ashley (F21) told me she hooked up w him, I comforted her and later confessed my feelings to her. She seemed okay with it, so I pursued a relationship with Jay, who reciprocated my feelings. When Ashley found out, she accused me of betrayal and gave our friends an ultimatum. Now, I feel responsible for ruining our friend group. Any advice on how to handle this situation and whether I could have approached it differently would be appreciated.

Tl;dr : my boyfriend snapped at me cause I wanted to know who he’s been sending ephemeral (?) pictures on insta

English is not my first nor second language so l'm sorry in advance! For a bit of back story, we've been in a long distance relationship for nearly three years, we live roughly 1500 km apart and we only get to see each other once or twice a year atm. I love him dearly and we've even discussed marriage in the next couple years but sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a wall instead of a grown man. The issue at hand started two days ago when he randomly started sending me ephemeral instagram pics. I believe you have to manually select this function since it’s not the default mode, and if you use it on one chat, it’ll stay like that on you other conversations until you change it back. I found this odd since he's never used that mode before, not even for nsfw content. Ofc I asked him about it jokingly, something along the lines of "who have you been sending ephemeral pics to lol?" And he said "no one". Just that. He then changed the topic. I let it go thinking nothing of it but it happened again today and when I asked about he ignored me and continued talking. So l insisted and he ended up snapping at me and showing me all of his recent instagram conversations, to which I replied chats are easily deleted. I'm not even mad about the damn photos anymore, I'm just hurt at the way he reacted at something that was upsetting me. I tried to tell him this and he simply said I should cure my jealousy??? It's not the first time he's thrown that word around, and I've tried explaining him he's never been in my shoes since the only time in three years he's expressed discomfort with a friend of mine, l outright cut him out of my life so he doesn't have those insecurities. To this he said I can't let go of the past and always bring past mistakes up, making him feel like everything he does is bad or harmful. He's now giving me the cold shoulder because "I don't trust him and think he's cheating on me." I would like to know how to better deal with this situation cause I really really want things to work out with him. I really do love him :(

We (18F & 19M) have been dating for a year and 9 months now and he’s genuinely my best friend it’s been a great relo. We’re able to actually get over things together and we both listen to each other if we have a problem in the relationship and are proactive about it. Although this one issue I feel I can’t bring up due to the fact that I feel like things have been a bit rocky lately and I’ve come to him with quite a few (non-deal breaker) issues and don’t want to add to the small pile as it’s stressing him out.

The reason I feel he might be getting bored is just because lack of passion for things, for example: Texting me, he’s a lot more dry then usual, making conversation with me seems harder and not exciting, he hasn’t organised a date in a while, compliments are becoming bland and vague and etc etc to not bore you. The thing is not everything has fizzled out, he still cooks amazing meals for me, encourages and supports me to improve myself in different ways and we do not have a dead bedroom. Which is also why I feel if I bring it up he won’t get it.

I feel like he doesn’t take much initiative to be creative in the relo, I’ve tried to set an example for him by randomly baking him goods one day and surprising him, sending him nice thought-out messages, organising small dates (only small as I’m a broke student rn), and coming up with ideas to do while hanging out instead of sitting inside all day. I don’t think it’s inspiring him.

Is this normal for long term relationships and am I just worrying over nothing? I do have a tendency to overthink which is why changes like this in behaviour are hard. Advice?

TL;DR: I feel like my boyfriend is getting bored in our relationship, how can I keep him excited and keep the spark?

TLDR. I found a condom wrapper in my gf’s car that expires in 2025. Weeks have been together for a year. Should I be worried about it?

So I(20m) found a condom wrapper in My gfs(19f) car tucked in a corner of the drivers doors little cubby spot a few days ago. The expiration date was 2025 on it. We have been together for a year. The condom was a Trojan bareskin I believe. When she got back in the car I pointed it out and she looked like she had an honest reaction and had a funny disgusted look and said it was old, we went to normal after that, also the wrapper felt old but it was folded up. Should I be worried about it, and is it 100% older than a year?

So…the relationship between my wife and my mom and me is very rocky. Last summer my mom, who isn’t perfect but is normally pretty solid, blew up at both of us in a way I which didn’t expect and which was unjust, and that has severely impacted the relationship between us all. My wife was quite angry with her in return. The emotions have cooled over time and I know that everyone has said they want the relationship to return to some level of normalcy or even intimacy…but right now, my partner doesn’t feel emotionally safe getting close to my mom without some sort of active professional therapeutic repair work taking place, and fair enough. That’s been a bit difficult to do organically as we live quite far away from each other, but we all have said we want to do that active work on the relationship once we moved closer together in the fall.

Recently my grandma died and my mom traveled to the cremation. They were very close so I’ve been in daily contact with her to support her in this challenging time - a text here and there, a call here and there. A couple of days ago I asked my wife to sign a card + send a short text to my mom, just to touch base and express sympathy, and to help create a solid foundation for rebuilding the relationship. My wife said she’d get in brief contact, but apparently hasn’t done so yet.

Anyway, today was the cremation…I called my mom to check in, and she turned the conversation turned to how nice it was that everyone was checking in…except for my wife, apparently, who hasn’t done so yet. This has clearly really, really hurt my mom, very badly.

I’m not perfect but I generally try my best to take my wife’s side and present a united front. I think the way my mom treated us before was completely unreasonable, and I’ve told my mom that in no uncertain terms, and I’m committed to making sure that doesn’t happen again. But, given that we’ve all said that we’re committed to at least trying to rebuild the relationship, I’m angry that my wife hasn’t reached out to my mom yet with a quick “hey, I heard that your parent died and I’m really sorry” text, even in the days after I asked her to and she said she would. I’m also not sure how to navigate this, as now if my wife sends that text it won’t be received as an authentic communication.

Gah. This might be above Reddit’s paygrade, but if anyone has any takes or advice on how to salvage the situation I’d really appreciate them.

tl:dr My mom’s parent just died. As a consequence of the difficult relationship between her and us, my wife hasn’t sent any sympathy communication and it may have caused serious damage to the relationship we’ve all committed to trying to rebuild. How do I salvage this situation while continuing to present a united front with my wife?

About 3 years ago, I (31F) started "hanging out" with a male coworker and I find that phrasing obnoxious, but I just don't know how else to put it. We would pretty much just go to bars and try beers together and then go our separate ways. We are both from the same state in the U.S. originally (which is not the state where we met). That was a conversation starter for us. He is significantly older than me, but I don't want to disclose how old he is because I don't want that to be the focus of the post.

This male coworker was very kind to me. He would do things to help me whenever I encountered problems and he would get me nice, thoughtful gifts from time to time. However, he did seem very hung up on his ex. He would talk about her often when we were drinking together, so I wouldn't allow myself to see him as a romantic prospect even though I did really like him. Full disclosure; we ended up kissing one time but we never talked about it.

Anyway, I ended up moving back home for financial reasons (which is the same state that the gentleman in question is also from). He ended up getting into a relationship with someone else and we stopped talking for about 2 years. Then, I got an email from him a few months ago saying that he wanted to catch up. He told me that he had broken up with his girlfriend and he wanted to re-establish contact with me. He also said that he wants to move back to our home state.

Now, I was well aware that he was likely just trying to distract himself from his break-up, but I took the bate and decided to start texting him anyway. I guess I'm lonely myself. Also, I work a lot and I'm very very shy, so it's hard for me to meet people. Now, we're texting every day. He talks about taking me on vacations and recipes that he wants to make for me, but I'm still not allowing myself to operate under the delusion that I'm anything other than a rebound for him. The whole thing is starting to feel confusing and demeaning. I want to believe that he has the capacity to love me, but I can't help but feel like he just sees me as the person to talk to when he's missing the woman that he actually loves.

I guess I would just appreciate any insight that you have. Thanks.

TL;DR

I had a nebulous relationship with a man 3 years ago, but we both moved on. Then, he just recently contacted me after a break-up and wants to continue our poorly defined relationship via text message (We're long distance, now).

I, M25, am currently dating a woman, F22, who I’m fairly certain is using me for my money. We have been dating for about 2.5 years, and since the beginning she kind of always just “leached” onto me. She informally moved in with me since the beginning of our relationship (I never really formally let her move in…. more like kinda just let it happen), but eventually she convinced me to agree to us moving in together and lease our own place (everything is under my name) for the past year or so. To put it short, it has been quite awful for me financially. Our lease ends soon and we’ve been speaking about next steps, but I have been really stressed out this past year since we moved in together as I’ve taken a lot of the financial burden paying for about 70-80% of all things. This doesn’t include rent and utilities since we split these costs, however. I have tried expressing to her that I need some time to move back with my family for a month or two in order to save some money and pay off the now heavy amounts of debt I’ve accumulated (this was also originally her plan that she kinda threw out there but has never fully agreed on it since… which also doesn’t make much sense to me but let’s move on), but she isn’t willing to compromise with me saying that I’m only thinking about myself in this situation. She also has a family to move back with that’s willing to accommodate her, and she gets along with her family well.

A lot of this is due to financial concern but I also haven’t been seeing my family all that much since I started dating this woman, and I really want to see them and just be with them for a little. I’ve tried expressing all of this to her but she doesn’t see my point of view and just keeps saying how I don’t see hers, and we mostly just end up fighting pretty badly until one of us eventually apologizes. I really do feel at this point that this woman is really only with me because I make her life a lot easier financially. I end up taking on almost all of the financial burden and it’s literally been impossible for me to cut back while I’m physically with her. I’ve tried everything to cut back but eventually I yield into her wanting something and having to pay for it.

I need your help Reddit… am I being irrational and selfish here? What would you do in this situation? Thanks.

TLDR: Am I being selfish for not wanting to renew my lease with my girlfriend in order to be with my family and save some money since I’m very financially burdened at the moment?

I (20NB) have had my license and bank account for over a year now. I’ve been the one driving to see my bf (20M) every month for a year (he lives 100 miles away from me). I prefer to be at his place over mine but I always have to drive myself to see him and on top of that I am always driving us to go to places/on dates. I usually plan our dates and drive us, he makes plans too but I have to be the one to drive us to make it happen. Sometimes I want to be the one who is taken on a date, I don’t want to have to plan what to do or drive, just be there and look pretty. My bf knows how to drive, he has a permit but no drivers license. He always says he “feels himself losing his driving skills” but refuses to drive my car whenever I offer saying that he “wants me to have more practice driving” (I’m not really good at driving and I have anxiety driving in a different city). I have told him sometimes I honestly don’t want to drive but nothing much was said about it.

My bf gets paid biweekly and doesn’t have a bank account so he sometimes asks me to doordash him food at home or work because he doesn’t have money from not cashing out his paycheck yet. I keep telling him to get a bank account but he says he is too lazy to.

I don’t know how to talk to him about everything and how to compromise and move on. I’m kind of growing tired and a bit resentful.

TDLR: I (NB 20) am tired of driving us on dates all the time with no attempts at obtaining a license soon. Bf (M 20) is too lazy to get a ID to open a bank account and would ask me to doordash him food sometimes.

My(31F) boyfriend(32M) is constantly looking at other women when we are out together and he makes it very known by verbalizing it to me. Making certain comments about a woman’s body and everything. He also is very open about his need to watch porn, so much as he will watch it IN front of me knowing it makes me extremely uncomfortable. He also makes me question myself by telling me his other exes never had a problem with any of this because they were mostly all bisexual and would check women out with him. Well, I’m very straight and even if I wasn’t I still don’t think I’d be very comfortable doing that. Of course he has resorted to calling me insecure and jealous for this, but it isn’t so much that as I feel like I build his self esteem up and he just spends time putting mine down. I’m also 5 months pregnant with his child and having self esteem issues as I just don’t feel good about my changing body and everything. Obviously I know most advice would be to leave him, but since I’m having a kid with him I’d like things to be better. I’m pretty sure he isn’t open to counseling considering the fact that he is a long time alcoholic and also has a few mental disorders that he refuses to get help for. I guess I just have never felt so alone and down about myself which is crazy because I’m carrying a whole other human in me. I feel sad that a lot of women get to enjoy their pregnancy and embrace their changing bodies with loving partners who make them feel good, and I don’t have that. Any reasonable advice that I can take to somehow better this situation?

TLDR; my bf is okay with checking out other women in front of me, I’m pregnant with his kid.

Hello people of reddit, My Gf (20F) and I (21M) have recently hit a rough patch where my girlfriend has openly admitted she lost feelings for me after our last big argument, since things have been awkward. we’ve always kind of argued and we’ve always kinda fussed and fought here and there, but nothing like this big argument we had, i mean a total drop down drag out. Most of the time we argue about things like not putting in enough effort or me overthinking, but the last one was because i went through her phone without her knowing (yeah i know not smart). Since then things have just been kind of down hill, she’s irritated with me all the time, she doesn’t really like me touching her that much (says i’m too clingy), she says i overthink too often and things aren’t going to be sunshine and rainbows all the time which i understand.

Really what i’m asking here is how do i get my sweet loving girlfriend back? How do i win her back? what should i do to show her that i still love her no matter the hardships we have? How do i get her to regain those feelings back without being too clingy or doing too much? we haven’t been together that long and i don’t want things to end because i love her and i love the memories we have together.

TL;DR! - My girlfriend (20F) and I (21M) are in a rough patch in our relationship and i don’t know how to connect with her again to show her i don’t want things to end. How should i approach this situation?

My partner '27M' has depression. For the last few months we haven't had sex. We have been together for almost 3 years. He's opened up and told me he hardly thinks about having sex these days because of his depression. My question is for the males who have experienced this. Do I '27F' try and initiate intamicy? Or do I just let him be until he initiates it? I don't want to come across pushy like I'm forcing him to. I've expressed to him l'd like to . I've stopped mentioning it but I don't know if I need to voice it sometimes to let him know I still want him in that way? I just don't want to go about it the wrong way and be selfish. But at the same time I miss being intimate with him.

TL;DR am I selfish if I keep asking or trying to hint at sex? Should I initiate more or wait for him?

So my boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and have been together for about 5 and a half months but have known each other 2 years prior to dating. I have never heard him speak about this coworker until I saw he got a snapchat from her and I grew curious and suspicious because I saw it was from a female who we will call Sarah. I remembered back before we dated he accidentally called me Sarah (Sarah is not my name) and our names our sort of similar. I did go on his phone recently and found NSFW videos of her on his phone that he has kept in his hidden photo file. I impulsively deleted all videos and any contact they had (Instagram and iMessage) with the exception of Snapchat. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like he is physically cheating on me but I do think this is some sort of "micro cheating". I'm not sure what I should do or how to bring this up to him?

​

TL;DR: Boyfriend is snapchatting a coworker who I recently found out he had relations with back in 2022. He also never mentioned her in the 5 months that we have been dating and I am conflicted if I should talk to him about it or keep investigating to see if it is strictly work related.

Sorry for reposting, this post had gotten deleted.

I (24F) recently graduated college in a different state, and moved back to my parents' house. I still keep in contact with my friends from college, most of whom are local to my college town and still live there, through calls, texts, and emails.

My best friend was Casey (26F). She was my mentor in the youth group I was in during college. She has been my personal therapist for 5 years and seemed ok with it. She always made time for me even though she has 2 kids. We've had a lot of great times together and she is probably the kindest person I know.

Recently I got a call from Casey saying, "a lot of people have been telling me that you keep calling/texting/emailing them, and you have GOT to stop. That is NOT how you build relationships. It's not appropriate behavior. People have jobs, and kids, and you can't expect them to drop everything and hangout. It's unbecoming."

I am really hurt by Casey's phone call, and also by the girls who told Casey behind my back instead of just telling me.

Maybe it is not her fault and maybe Casey is just busy with her kids and taking it out on me.

Tl;dr: At this point, is it possible to restart the friendship?

For context: Me (21F) and my boyfriend (21M) go to the same university in our home town and have been dating for a little over 2 years.

My boyfriend, has been best friends with this guy named Jacob (21M) since he was 5. They went to the same elementary school, same middle school, then same high school, which is where I met both my boyfriend and Jacob who I am also good friends with. My boyfriend and Jacob have been inseparable since they were little. Jacob’s family has offered him their guest room when my boyfriend didn’t have a place to live and he goes to numerous family functions of theirs.

They have had their ups and downs (pretty bad). When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we were doing long distance because I was living in another state at the time. We were going through a little bit of a rough patch so, he was at Jacob’s house everyday to distract himself. We kept breaking up and getting back together, it was messy. Being that I was still close with Jacob, I would constantly call and text him. This irritated my boyfriend because when we weren’t talking, Jacob would flaunt that he was talking to me, he was going to visit me for a weekend, etc. He started doing this in other areas of his life too, like the gym for example. He would start getting extremely competitive with my boyfriend and flaunt in his face how well he was doing, how much more fit he was than my boyfriend, etc. Also side note, Jacob did used to have feelings for me, however I have never reciprocated those feelings and I’ve made that very clear. This “competitiveness” that went on between my boyfriend and Jacob went on for a few months and eventually blew up so bad that they didn’t talk for half a year.

Fast forward to now, they’re good friends and have rekindled their friendship so it’s just as it was before.

About 6 months ago, Jacob moved 4 hours away for college. He’s been having a hard time making friends and meeting people and it seems like he’s a little depressed. He’s been trying to cling onto my boyfriend a little bit for support it seems like (texting, calling constantly). He’s always been a clingy/emotional person but it seems like recently it’s gotten worse because of his loneliness.

Now when Jacob comes back from college for breaks or a weekend, he wants to hang out with my boyfriend pretty consistently. However, my boyfriend will make up excuses or say he’s spending the day with me. He’s been doing this the entire time we’ve been dating, but it’s just now started becoming a problem and gotten worse. We see each other every day even when we’re sitting around doing nothing, he won’t go hang out with Jacob if he asks. He says he just wants to be with me and he doesn’t feel like hanging out with them. Jacob’s been telling my boyfriend that he hasn’t been a good friend and that he doesn’t make an effort with him (which is true) but my boyfriend is extremely stubborn and says he doesn’t care and that friends don’t matter in life. He says Jacob never checks up on him and asks him how he’s doing (which he does) so why should he care?

I went out with Jacob’s girlfriend last night (we’re really close) and she says Jacob doesn’t consider my boyfriend his best friend anymore because he’s not there when he needs him. It honestly makes me SO upset because we have a great friend group and it’s falling apart in a way because my boyfriend is being selfish and stubborn. I know it’s not my problem or place to get involved, I’ve been told that by him numerous times. However, I feel like this is my fault and I feel so guilty. This only happened when we started dating. I don’t want him to be, but he’s become extremely isolated to only me and I don’t like it at all. I’m a very social person and I need a life outside of my boyfriend, but he doesn’t seem to need the same or want it. He’s giving up a 15+ year friendship for a relationship? It doesn’t make sense to me. I try and bring it up to him and tell him that he should make an effort with Jacob and he gets mad at me and gets so incredibly defensive.

I don’t know what to do at all. I feel like it’s not my place but at the same time it affects my friend group and social life too? Or am I just not seeing a deeper issue and being inconsiderate of my boyfriend’s feelings? This literally feels like my fault too. If anyone could give advice on what to say to him, what to do, etc that would be so helpful because I’m at a loss.

TL;DR: My boyfriend doesn’t put in the effort with his friends ever since we started dating. His best friend is really hurt by this but my boyfriend doesn’t care and says friends don’t matter. I’m social and need something outside of him, but it worries me that he doesn’t need the same. What should I do?

Are our (23F) (28M) values too misaligned to continue this long-distance relationship?

Sorry for the vague title—I’m not here for any one specific issue, but rather to get advice on the totality of my relationships circumstances.

My boyfriend (28M, Louisiana) and I (23F, California) met 1.5 years ago through a Twitter community, and started officially dating a year ago. When we met, he was going through a breakup with the mother (33F) of his child (7), and I was in my final year of college.

We texted and called pretty frequently, and got very attached to each other despite the 2,000 miles between us. He was going through a very difficult time in his life, and had to move back in with his mom after his BM moved with their child. He was drinking 2 6-packs of beer every night, and just generally pretty depressed. I tried my best to help him through these feelings, but obviously couldn’t relate in any meaningful way as a college student without children.

After a few months of talking, he flew out to see me. We had a wonderful time together, but drank too much. He’d start drinking in the morning, which made me uncomfortable. As time went on, his alcohol habits changed and he cut way back, which I was happy about. I got completely sober, too.

His baby mama is a nightmare, and constantly calls him and threatens him with not letting him see his daughter. He gives her 20% of his paycheck, and buys everything for his daughter. The BM keeps bringing strange men home in front of her daughter, refuses to get a job, and has even stalked me online. My boyfriend doesn’t make a lot of money to begin with, so paying child support is a huge burden to him. And I realize this issue isn’t going away anytime soon, this insane woman will be in his life forever.

He wants to move out to CA and live with me while I go to grad school next year, but I have so much trepidation about taking this next step in our relationship. He’s awful with money, and I’m worried he’ll start drinking again. I also don’t want to take him away from his daughter geographically.

I come from a very traditional family who disapproves of my relationship, and I’m starting to see why. I don’t want to break up with him because I really do love him so much, but I’m just worried that his obligations as a father won’t mesh with the future I want for myself. I want freedom and flexibility, and to have a spouse that is also a high earner. I feel like these may be shallow reasons to end this relationship, but deep down I recognize that my goals just won’t work with him in my life.

I’m not even really sure what exactly I’m asking for, any advice or wise words would be appreciated. I’m very attached to him and he has a heart of gold, so breaking things off won’t be easy.

TDLR: (28M) BF of a year doesn’t want our relationship to be long distance anymore, but I’m (23F) worried about taking the next step with him because of his drinking and financial habits, and don’t want to take him away from his 7 year old daughter. Afraid to end things, but not sure what else to do.

So to start I (F,23) have a boyfriend (M,23) that I have been dating for a little over a year.We are currently long distance. Just to add, he also suffers from bipolar/hypersexuality. Today we were talking and he said that he has had times where he has answered the phone while he was in the middle of masturbating, he's not sure how often, who it might have been with, or anything. He said he would usually stop and definitely never do anything to completion, and he always tried to keep the activity quiet so that the other person wouldn't have to hear. He also said sometimes during calls, he might end up subliminally touching himself a bit.

I guess this whole thing made me a bit uncomfortable. He said he didn't necessarily realize how uncomfortable/weird this whole thing was and that he would talk to his therapist/psychiatrist about it, and working on being more aware about any activity like that. He also said that he would make sure to avoid doing anything like that on calls going forward, especially with me.

Does anyone else have similar experiences/advice?

tl;dr: Boyfriend told me he sometimes answers the phone mid-masturbation and sometimes during phone calls he might touch himself, not just with me but other people

My wife, let’s call her Maria, basically wants me to end my longtime friendship with, let’s say, Nelson (37M).

First, a few years ago, before we were married, we were at a friend’s birthday. There was a lot of drinking involved, and Nelson was sort of making fun/riling up Maria. I don’t think Nelson meant harm, but Maria got triggered and ended up overreacting by yelling back at him and going in the bathroom to cry, and sort of ruined the rest of the day IMO.

Nelson told me that night he felt bad about it and Maria and I talked it through the next day and moved past it. Flash forward to about a month ago: Maria and I are now married with a newborn, and we went out to dinner for my birthday. It ended up being Nelson, another close friend, a newer friend, and that newer friend decided to bring two of his friends (which I wasn’t thrilled about but didn’t want to be rude).

The dinner turned into sort of a boys night with nonstop talk about football and college and Maria felt ignored and ended up saying she wanted to go home after the dinner but encouraged me to stay out with my friends for a little since we don’t get out that much anymore, which I did.The next day, the dinner didn’t really sit well with either of us, so I texted Nelson and my other friend asking them why they didn’t talk much to Maria.

My other friend was apologetic and said he’d make a better effort next time. But Nelson replied “Because I didn’t want to make her angry.” When I asked what he meant by that, he said “like what happened at that birthday party.”That didn’t sit well with me either.. So after mulling, I decided to write him a fairly long email telling him how I felt. He’s made some other comments here and there about my wife’s temper that I wasn’t thrilled about, so I put it all out there, telling him that I found all of this hurtful and, as one of my best friends, I wanted to communicate this to him.He replied to the email that night basically saying “I’ll always be your friend and always feel free to reach out,” but didn’t address any of what I said. I replied to his email letting me know that I was disappointed in his reply and that I’m hoping he can elaborate more on what he thinks of all this, but he never replied to that. Yet, he continued chatting it up in our mutual group text threads.

I was struggling to process his response, or lack thereof, to something I tried to clearly show was important to me. I came across some literature on cognitive behavioral therapy–more specifically, the theory on grudge-holding and how it can increase anxiety and stress, and the power that forgiveness can have on your mental health. This really resonated with me. I discussed this with my wife that I just wanted to forgive Nelson (but not forget) and move forward, and she said she understood and was okay with that.

Then, yesterday, she approached me and said she’s noticed me talking to him in group chats “like nothing happened” and basically reversed course and said she feels betrayed like I’m choosing him over her. I tried discussing how she’d like to move forward, and she didn’t specifically say she wanted me to end my friendship with him, but is clearly upset by any continued communication. So I feel like at this point, my only option is just to phase Nelson out of my life. I’m really struggling because on one hand, this is a longtime friend who has always been there for me, including as a groomsman. On the other hand, my wife is obviously the more important person to me and I can’t understand why Nelson is handling this current situation the way he is, barely even acknowledging something I’ve really tried to show is important to me.

How do I move forward? Is there any way to continue a friendship while continuing to support my wife, or is that just unrealistic?

TLDR: Longtime friend not acknowledging or showing remorse for hurting me about the way he's talking about my wife, and not taking my communication attempts with him seriously. Wife wants me to basically cut ties, despite this being a very good friend.

My GF (F19) and me (M19) plan on moving in after our sophomore year of college. We both are long distance (sorta) with seeing each other 1 day every two weeks.

We met each other through my at the time gf who was going to her school. She added me on social media the summer after my freshman year of highschool. We became best BEST friends and were so for all of high school. During my senior year I met her in person for the first time to go to her homecoming as her friend. Needless to say, we started to date a month after I met her in person for the first time. Actually only 19 days after 😭.

She is an exact copy of me. Our sense of humor, morals, values, political views, religious beliefs, financial goals, family goals, pet goals, and compatibility is SPOT on.

We plan on going to the same college together (her for her major and me for financials, nothing relationship wise played a big factor in that decision although it was a bonus).

We both are going to our community colleges right now by our homes and it’s to save money. We are going to be working very hard over this summer and the next leading up to the move to the other college to save money for an apartment. We both have a couple grand saved and collectively we will have around 20 grand by the time we are moving. Perhaps some more but not by much.

We are moving very fast but it’s an extremely extremely healthy relationship. We both have had multiple in the past and a good share of them toxic and we both learned and when we became a team it seemed we both were able to apply everything we learned INSTANTLY and it formed a very healthy and strong relationship. We have gone through EXTREMELY hard times together and came out stronger everytime. We are wanting to get engaged within the next year and a half and and ready to move in once we get to that point with school.

Is it rare for this to happen? I just know most young relationships are relatively short lived and not very mature but we seem to be extremely stable and growing exponentially stronger every day.

My family loves her, her family loves me. They always joke about when we are getting married etc.

We have been together for only going on 2 years. But in total have known each other VERY closely for 5 years. I understand we are young and it can easily be put off by saying “you’ll fall out of this soon” or “young love never lasts” but I’ve felt all these things before and never EVER has any relationship I’ve (or her) have been in be this strong.

Is this rare? Assuming we rule out the “this will fail in a year” response…

TL;DR GF (F19) and I (M19) are going to be ready to move in together in 2 years and engaged in the next 1 year. This rare?

My partner (30M) and I (25F) have been together for four years. For the past year or so, we've been at 1-2 times a month on average. When it happens it's always wonderful. It just doesn't happen very often and I feel some stress and/or guilt about that.

On the one hand, I think; well, we still love each other and are very happy together. We still see ourselves together in the long term. Plus life is stressful sometimes and you're just not in the mood. I know my partner struggles with self-esteem and I struggle with my gender. And we live together and both work from home, so we spend most of our time together. And I think we naturally just have our own libidos, not everyone wants to have sex every day and that's okay. That seems normal to me.

But then I also think; why isn't it happening more often? Some of my friends certainly need frequent sex in their long-term relationships. Do we? Are we letting our sex life wither away by not creating more space for desire? Am I overthinking it? Probably.

I have a hard time talking to him about this because I don't want to make him feel insecure and/or worried. Anyone out there feel me on this?

TL;DR: Feeling insecure about not having sex often enough with my partner. What should I do?

My oldest friend Mark is turning 30 in a few weeks. We were best friends since 1st grade, and although we've grown apart since high school and moved away, it's still all love from me. I think about him often and miss him. We'd hang out once a year or so and go camping if we happened to be around, but there hasn't been a whole lot of keeping in touch otherwise.

His wife reached out to me on Facebook saying they were planning a weekend for his birthday (booking an Airbnb and everything) and invited me out to come help him celebrate. I started looking at flights and thinking about plans and asked her if it was a surprise. She said no, so I texted him - no response. Week goes by, I call and left him a voicemail - never got back to me.

She sent me pics of the airbnb they got, and I was just like "looks awesome, I haven't booked flights or anything. I reached out to Mark a couple times and haven't heard back!" She kind of just brushed it off and said it's me and two others (who I know from way back) who will be joining them.

I don't understand why he would ignore all my messages after not having talked for over a year but still supposedly want/expect me to fly across the country for his birthday. I really want to go, but I'm not going to book a plane ticket if he's not going to say a word to me.

It crossed my mind that maybe he's going through something (depression)? that could explain this, but other than that, I'm kind of at a loss. I don't really feel like my presence is actually wanted.

TL;DR my oldest friend of 23 years' wife asked me to fly out to celebrate his 30th with him. She sent me info on the Airbnb they booked, but despite reaching out to him several times to plan, he's never contacted me in return. It's been a few years since we've seen each other, but we both live on opposite ends of the country now.Anyone have any ideas as to what could be happening or a similar experience?