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I, 25M, have been with my girlfriend, 24F, for 6 months. We started dating in June, and the first couple months seemed to go really well. She then randomly broke up with me in September, but after 2 weeks, she realized she couldn’t imagine life without me. We got back together, and since then we’ve been fine.

Last weekend, she got to meet all of my closest friends at my best friend’s wedding. She had smoked (I had no idea she was high) before we drove to the rehearsal dinner. She had also filled a water bottle up with wine, and drank 3/4 of it on the drive up. In the moment, everything seemed to go fine, but a couple nights later, my best friend, his wife, and another one of my closest friends all told me they were shocked to see her in the state she was in for their first time meeting her. I don’t really drink, and when I do, I just have 1 or 2 drinks, and I will never smoke. It’s not something I have any interest in, and while I don’t really care that people do, it’s something I would much rather a partner not do.

My friends expressed concern just saying that they would hate for me to be with someone who handles herself in that manner, and in just an hour and a half dinner, I felt super embarrassed that the people I’ve known my entire life were seeing my girlfriend for the first time drunk and high. They’ve all told me they just want me to be with someone who truly makes me happy and gets the best out of me, and they don’t see it being the girl I’m with right now.

My parents have said similar, but not about a specific circumstance. However, if my parents ever found out she smokes, it would be a hard stop. My mom and I were talking, and she kind of just told me that she doesn’t see her being the girl I spend my life with, and my parents of course support me in whatever, but it just doesn’t seem like I’m as happy as they’ve seen me in the past. She just thinks our lifestyles don’t mesh, and we probably aren’t as compatible as I wish we could be. They’ve noticed that in previous relationships I’ve always made an effort for my girlfriend to be on trips with me or family gatherings, even if it means jumping through hoops, but in this one it’s like I’m finding excuses to not make it happen, and I’m not even realizing it.

Example: we are going to a family Christmas, and it’s only a 1 night stay, and we can’t stay together because it’s at a very traditional family member’s house. In the past, it’s always been “it’s only 1 night, I can sleep on the floor, and you get the bedroom, we can make it work.” But now it’s become “it’s only 1 night, it’s not worth worrying about sleeping arrangements and all that, I’ll just see you when I get back.”

I don’t know if I’m just blind to some of these reasons that my friends and parents see, but the last thing I want to do is resent them. I’m in a place where I do love my girlfriend a lot, but I sometimes wonder if I feel “stuck” and just make excuses instead of facing that issue head on. Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to be in any relationship at all, like I’d rather just be single and start over with a girl I don’t know at all.

Meanwhile on the other hand, I have a girlfriend who is head over heels in love with me. She constantly talks about marriage, future homes, babies, traveling, and everything she envisions us doing years from now. Being only 6 months in, I try to have a realistic approach to this knowing I can’t just look 3-5 or more years into the future, but sometimes I feel guilty I don’t always see this same future. She’ll send me DM after DM on Instagram or tiktok about anything from baby names, to “pick your future home,” to engagement rings, and while it’s all stuff I want with a partner, it’s not something I feel yet because we’re only 6 months in.

My longest relationship was just under 8 years, meanwhile her longest relationship was I believe 6 or 8 months. So I see how for her, this is like the longest she’s been with someone basically, so it’s exciting and new to hit these milestones, and she’s seeing the future of all these things she’s dreamed about for so long.

All that being said, I don’t want an outside influence on this relationship as far as friends and parents/family goes. I know asking the Reddit community is also an outside influence, but I’m more just looking for advice. I would love to think that my parents and friends of 12+ years would have the better knowledge of me than a 6 month gf, but I might feel more love from her, so it pulls me in different directions. When I listen to my best friend or mom talk about their concern for me, it’s hits really deep because I know they care.

TLDR: my parents and closest friends have expressed concern about my relationship, and on the flip side, my girlfriend is completely head over heels for me. I feel stuck in a rough spot.

My (32f) mom (60something) is finally getting to the point where she may be open to divorcing my dad. I’m estranged from him due to his homophobia and bigotry which I guess is subtle enough it hasn’t been a dealbreaker for her.

She’s gradually opened up to me more and more about huge red flags: financial infidelity and lies, reasons to suspect he’s cheated or is cheating (like lying about going to a conference and instead getting a hotel a town over), and a lot of emotional abuse (so much so her therapist gave her a brochure).

He can be an outwardly nice and friendly guy, but there are just so many issues, he’s extremely stubborn, and seemingly incapable of taking any personal responsibility. Part of her would like to consider couples therapy which I’ve encouraged her to go to, but she’s also pretty sure he wouldn’t go.

In our last conversation about this I said she deserved much better, he seemed unwilling to stop abusing her, I only wanted to see her happy, and I’d strongly support a divorce but I’d also support her no matter what she does. I feel like there’s not much else I can do. This has all been really difficult to witness and we’ve struggled with boundaries in the past (I’m the reason she finally went to therapy, I insisted on it).

I guess I’m just wondering what best practices are for this situation. I don’t want to be her therapist and I feel like I’m veering into that territory. At the same time, I want to support her.

TL;DR: Mom is considering divorce and I want to support her in a way that’s appropriate for a daughter. What would you do?

My wife was promoted to a director level position this year in a new (to her) office. She’s been working long and hard in her career to get to this level. It’s always been a dream of hers and I was extremely supportive when the job came open and she was recommended by her old boss and offered an interview.

Fast forward, she gets the job and has been in the position for about 6 months now. The problem is, she brings that work stress home with her and it’s starting to cause problems in the marriage. She was told her stern and strong personality was the absolute perfect fit for what they were looking for, now she is being told she is was too stern and strong. She does not take criticism well and is feeling like she is failing at her job. This is leading to depression. She constantly talks about work, how stressful it is. How tiring it is. She comes home and naps countless hours because she’s so exhausted. She’s snippy with me because she’s constantly in a bad mood. She’s depressed and no longer is the person I fell in love with and married.

I’ve tried to talk to her about the situation. She gets extreme defensive. She said there is just so much negativity with this job that she needs me to be 100% positive 100% of the time no matter how difficult she’s being. I’ve asked her to talk to her psychiatrist about her depression. She refuses. I’ve tried to be as supportive and helpful as I can, but nothing works and she isn’t really willing to change anything.

Idk where to go from here. How to approach the situation while being cognizant of her needs. But it’s very much impacting our relationship. Do I just let it go for a bit since it’s such a difficult time? How long do I do that? I’m already at my wits end. Every day is miserable. Her dream has become our nightmare.

TLDR: wife brings home negative work energy and it is impacting our marriage in a negative way.

Woman (26f) here. I love my man (26m). Most of the time, he's kind, sweet, funny, just everything I want in a guy. But if he gets upset at something, he'll just give me the silent treatment. It started yesterday and I had tried to ask him if it was something I did, but he wouldn't give me any sort of answer. It isn't the first time he's done this, so I got a little fed up and slept in the game room. The silent treatment continued all through today until I finally was able to have an, albeit unproductive, short conversation which ended with him telling me that I was jumping to conclusions when I thought I did something wrong and that he just wanted to eat something and watch TV before going to sleep instead of hearing me screech at him (which I wasn't, though my voice was slightly raised given that I've been frustrated). But like, how was I supposed to know that it wasn't because of me if he wouldn't even tell me?

TLDR: Just having hurt feelings and tired of the lack of communication

The title isn't a fair title, but I couldn't think of another one. We are absolutely stuck here and I cant figure this out. I'm going to try to explain this as fairly as I possibly can.

I was diagnosed a couple years ago with a condition (Ankylosing Spondylitis), the condition itself sucks but it's this other part of it that comes with flare ups that's really bad. The inflammation affects my nerves and I get these bouts of bad central sensitization along with it.

Basically what that means for me is I will get this burning sensation throughout my body, especially my shoulders and back of my neck. My skin becomes super sensitive at the worst of it and it will be hard to rest my head on a pillow or to have my cheeks touch anything, wearing clothes becomes difficult, etc. Basically if something touches my skin I get this burning stabbing pain that shoots through my body, it's really rough.

So, that was happening, and I was laying in bed as best I can. She was trying to be helpful and she put a blanket on me. This didn't really go how she planned though and the blanket sent a sharp burning pain through my body. I didn't explode on her or anything, but I acted like people react to pain (I was maybe a quarter asleep so this sorta came out of nowhere for me.) A kind of like "Ah!! shit!" reaction to pain.

I didn't say it to her or at her, no "what the fuck are you doing?" type thing, just a cry out into the void from pain. If you've ever had something like this maybe you know how it can be, it was really the peak of that flare up.

After that she got mad, and she acted like "how dare you?" and began to storm out. This is what started it because my reaction was more of a "wait, what the fuck? I'm not even allowed to be in pain?"

In her words by reacting that way to the blanket I was being "nasty to her", when I say "that's just a reaction to pain, it's not to you" she says "it was only me in the room so who else could it be to?"

This turned into a whole huge thing. I tried to talk to her about it today but this is the fundamental thing we just cannot get through. She sees it as me "being nasty to her" and that I should "be nicer about it" but I see it as "I'm allowed to be in pain. I am supposed to bite my tongue and smile when I'm in very bad and sudden pain?"

So, at a complete loss, I'm here on reddit asking what you all think of this situation. I really did try to be as fair as I can and accurately portray what happened.

tldr: Does an "ah! that hurts!" need to be at someone? And should it be withheld for the sake of niceness?

So today my girlfriend(26F) and I(25M) exchanged gifts. I was so excited to give her my gift and had been waiting all week. I got her concert tickets to her favorite artists (tickets range from $250-$300+ just for nosebleeds but I was able to get them for right under $300 due to waiting on the website the whole morning) that she has been talking about and been wanting to see for forever. I also bought some other items such as snacks she likes, some candles, stationary items she needs refills on. At first when she opened her gifts she was confused and seemed dissatisfied but I thought maybe she’d change her reaction after opening the main gift(the tickets) but even after she opened it… no reaction… not even a smile. It was so bad I had to ask if she knew what it was and if she liked it. She told me that she disliked all the other gifts and it threw her off… not sure how I’m supposed to react at all but definitely a kick to the balls. It was so bad that she cried about my gifts after our dinner. Any advice would be appreciated

Tl;dr : got my girlfriend tickets to her favorite artists and other extra gifts just for her to hate it since she hated the “extra gifts”

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and have been long distance for over 2 months now..I am withdrawing from my antidepressant medication because I’m tapering off of them for health reasons, and can’t tell if I’m making issues where there shouldn’t be any because my emotions are at an all time high . My bf is very busy getting his licensing to become a pilot, and the plan is to go to Europe where he is and live together for a year until we can come back to Canada where I am now. He only flies every other week but has been studying for some written tests. He never really says sweet affectionate things to me and it’s really getting on my nerves. I am really low right now and I need the support and kindness from him. He doesn’t really send me anything either although I asked for a coffee gift card so I could think of him while I go get coffee. The idea is to move in March and get a place together but I want our relationship to stay strong in the meantime.

He never really empathizes with me. He’ll say things like oh I know you’re lonely and bored it must be hard..but he never tells me he misses me or can’t wait to be with me again..maybe a few times when I first left. He never really sends me thoughtful messages..never goes out of his way to suprise me. He’s very good with making plans and travelling and finding cute spots to eat, but he is really bad at the verbal affirmations. Even in person he doesn’t really cuddle or hold me, stroke my hair. If I lay down on him he wouldn’t touch me affectionately he would be on his phone.

He’s always in a slightly negative mood, always analytical. He like hugs and holding hands some times but then come off very forced and awkward. He never once asked me if I got home okay from anything even when we were in the same country.

I just don’t know if this man can meet my needs with affection and attentiveness..and it breaks my heart because he is a supportive person and wants me to find my purpose and follow my dreams and that’s very important to me in a partner. He is the type of person who genuinely wants the best for me and he does pay attention and shows me he cares in many other ways. He always takes care of me when I’m sick and plans little surprise trips for us. Please let me know if I’m being crazy.

TL;DR: I am suffering with the long distance and really need more verbal affirmations from my less than affectionate bf

I saw messages between my fiancé and some girl where he said “I got a girl and stuff but I gotta say you’re fine as fuck” and that pissed me the fuck off. It’s just some random girl he’s never met. So why feel the need to message her back? I haven’t confronted him yet. I’ve seen messages in the past where he’s said stuff that has made me uncomfortable. One time some girl told him he was handsome. And he replied “it’s flattering to get hit on by a girl as beautiful as you.” He did tell her he has a girl. And I confronted him about it. He only focused on the fact that he told her he had a girlfriend and told me I shouldn’t be mad and that he was just being friendly. Idk if I should confront him this time. Or if I’m just over exaggerating. Not sure if I should be concerned considering this is like the fifth time I’ve caught him saying stuff that pisses me off to girls on Facebook.

TL;DR: fiancé is upset about messages she saw on her SO’s Facebook

disclaimer- english isnt my first language so please pardon any mistakes.

so i 23f met this guy 23m and instantly hit it off. i didnt know he had a girlfriend intially and yeah u know how this ends. he claims they were on a break. got invovled with me physically. i ended up getting to know he has a girlfriend. (they were dating for a year in person before they started long distance thats when he met me) confronted him and he agreed. but idk what was over me i continued being with him for a few months. then i stopped. now he finaly told me he is in love with me after all this time. this sounds stupid as i am typing it. now obviously i still was and am in love with him. i have never met someone who gets me this well. but i dont want to pursue it for obvious reasons. he puts in so much efforts in me and in her. she is a great girl and i dont want them to break up either. i am currently still not talking to him i meet him ocassionally because we are in the same friend group. but i just feel empty not having him around since so many months. idk how to make sense of this or even get out of it. i dont think i will meet someone like him again and as stupid as it sounds, he was the man who ticked all my boxes even the ones i didnt know i had.

TLDR- i like someone, got invovled with him later found out he has a girlfriend he wont leave.

TLDR: His parents get in the way of our relationship, and I’m scared I’m falling out of love because of it

So basically, he’s a mama’s boy. And daddy’s boy too I suppose. He’s been my first for 3 years now. And those years, been putting up with his parents too. From inappropriate accusations (asking if he touched me inappropriately, FaceTiming us while we were home alone for a few minutes to make sure we weren’t having sex) to causing arguments (preventing him from saying goodbye to me before leaving to college, resulting in a fight about him not even bothering fighting for me).

Their daughter (his sister) is in a sketchy relationship which kinda causes them to project onto us. Hence the FaceTiming, and even flat out saying “this is how she started but then she started to have sex.” Make me out to be the bad guy, when I’ve given no reason to believe so.

He will not defend me from his parents. I have to beg him to, if it comes down to it. It hurts. I don’t know what to do. Kisses feel empty now (not on his part but my own), I feel like a really sad feeling when we hold hands. I don’t wanna give up but… I’ve been begging for change for these last three years and nothing has gived. I wanna mend it. I wanna make it better. But he just… won’t.

My (33F) boss (49M) of two years will sometimes say stuff that kind of throws me off, like "you've been really quiet since you came back from vacation" (but we haven't had a meeting or a chance to talk, and any in person/text/email interaction has been normal).

Another example: "Oh so you don't really like eating fish?" (When I was eating chicken.)

Questions and unreasonable assumptions or affirmations like that always throw me off guard, and I can only guess he does that to either try to pry info out of me, or to tease me? He is not a dumb man, he is a smart person.

He doesn't necessarily/always have a passive-aggressive tone to it, but since the questions themselves don't seem to even make logical sense, I feel like I have to defend myself from an accusation that makes no sense to begin with, and they do make me feel uneasy or like something about it is off.

I feel like I either have to confirm what he's saying or, deny it with an explanation.

Does this behavior have a name? What is this called?

How do you respond to mini-accusations like this?

TL;DR: My boss points out things that are not grounded in reality and I feel like I have to debunk it.

So my(25F) boyfriend(24M) is currently in Germany to celebrate Christmas/NewYear with me and my family.

I've always known what my family is like, they're not very mannered and don't act like a family. Hence why I moved out and live in a complete different country.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9months and I've always told him, warned him or even tried to prevent him to meet my family because I know they wouldn't make him feel welcome. My family doesn't know how to treat guests and make everything about themselves.

However, my boyfriend insisted saying he will be okay, he just wants to be with me since we're in a long distance relationship him(UK)-me(Finland). So I let him come and here he is with me. I've been trying my best to make him feel loved and not hated because both my parents doesn't ask him a single questions, not trying to make a conversation with him while I'm the one who needs to include or mention this and that factors about him. Yet somehow they turned it into their topic and completely disregard his existence.

I'm used to it because I lived with them but I know for outsiders, it's not nice. My boyfriend reassured me that he is fine and is chill about it but I can't help but feel mad at my parents for treating guests like this. It's so hard to talk to old people.

At first, my boyfriend asked me if my parents hates him but they don't. It's just the german in them that refuses to speaks any other language while my boyfriend is trying his best to learn and speak german for them. I'm so mad at my family.

I need to talk to my parents about this matter eventually but it's so hard to push myself to talk to a narcissist mom and a dad who's too old to care anymore. What do I do chat?

TL;DR: my family is careless, I care too much and my boyfriend is just a chill guy.

My Girlfriend of 6 years now is in a bit of a rut right now when it comes to her career decisions. She currently sits 1 semester away from obtaining a BS in Cyber-Security however she’s discouraged from applying at any jobs because shes fearful of her chances at employment, she states to me that her fear comes from the fact that she does not know what she is doing in the job and feels like when she compares herself to her classmates she lacks the same set of skills.

I try to encourage and put no pressure on her but being the sole provider in the relationship where i don’t make a huge income puts an huge amount of pressure on me as well because i sorta need her to be able to get some kind of career going or we probably wont ever be able to afford to escape the financial situation we are in right now. I work almost everyday ungodly hours trying to hold it together. I know that sounds like a massive failure on my part but in this day and age it’s extremely hard to be sufficient on one salary when i chose to go the blue-collar route, and i truly cant offer her any advice because im not really good with computers myself.

Shes very capable, i want to know what her options would be once she obtained this degree, she values what i say very highly and i want to be able to point in her in the right direction.

Can she survive and land a job like Cybersecurity if she truly doesn’t know what shes doing? Will places hire her and give a chance to come along? Or could she possibly land a job in HR or another office setting with a degree thats not necessarily aimed at the career field. I might add She also has nearly 10 years of hospitality experience.

I just want to know what her options are and if anyone has any idea what i should do to give her confidence and what direction to point her in, it depresses me to see the person i care about more than myself feeling like shes lost and about to give up, reddit i need your help.

tl;dr Girlfriend 26F isnt sure what to do with her cybersecurity degree and i (28M.) want to know what i can advise her to do

I’m (18f) back from university for Christmas and so far, I’m bothering my (20m) brother who has said he hates me and I should go back to university and wishes I weren’t his sister.

All because I was arguing with my mother about something that had nothing to do with him. He says I’m so negative and a victim of my own mind whatever the hell that means. He was the one who physically and emotionally abused me growing up (he would do things like choke me, punch me until I bruised, hold knives to my throat or say things like I’m fat, ugly and stupid.) but I’m the dickhead bully he claims.

Before he yelled that he hated me, he put his hand on my back and tried to shove me into my room and all I said was “don’t touch me.” And he went into a shouting fit saying how much he hates me. I’ve known that he’s always had but it made me feel terrible hearing him say it out loud.

TL;DR, how am I supposed to cope being around my abusive brother

I have been seeing my coworker for the past 2 months. We were work spouses for almost a year, which was purely platonic because he was in a 4+ year relationship and I was talking to other guys. Once his relationship came to an end, we ended up traveling for work together and while we were abroad our romance started. Fast forward a few months and we are getting pretty serious. The issue is I feel myself getting overly sensitive. In our friendship and early stages of flirting, I took pride in my thick skin and the fact that my confidence allowed me to be unfazed by his teasing, as he loves to push buttons and make jokes. Fast forward to today, and I feel as if I am looking for things to get upset about. He mentions another girl? I am upset. He teases a minor accomplishment of mine at work? Cold shoulder. He tells me areas of my body that I should focus on working out and improving? I want to curl up in a ball and cry (and he knows it). It feels hysteric because afterwards I feel guilty for the way I feel and worry that my moods are making him like me less, then I fall into this spiral. I feel like if I continue down this trajectory I will sabotage the relationship, but I can't help but feel down when he takes his jokes too far. Idk if this stems from trauma or low self-esteem or what, but it's tiring for both partiers and I'm not sure what to do.

TL;DR Now that the relationship with this guy has progressed, I am overly sensitive to the things that he does and says, and I worry it is straining our relationship.

So, for a bit of context, we "met" via Instagram; we live in different countries and mainly communicate via voice messages. I'm a 30-year-old dude; she's a 29-year-old woman. We both have ADHD & autism.

We've become great friends and have communicated nearly daily for about half a year.

A bit over a week ago, I was rude to her. She told me about someone manipulating her and apologised for rambling.

I said you should confront the person because that's not acceptable, and we teach people how to treat us, but you probably won't because it'll be uncomfortable.

I then said stop apologising; you haven't done anything wrong. You have a habit of overexplaining yourself and apologising - you're planting seeds in people's minds. Just be yourself, and people will think what they think.

The next day, I sent another message saying that although I still agree with everything I said, I could've delivered the message in a more gentle manner. You're a good friend, and I care about you. You don't need to change anything about yourself; I appreciate you for who you are.

Unfortunately, she's opted to ghost me. I'm in two minds about whether I reach out to try and resolve this. Ghosting is a big no for me, and she knows I've been hurt by people ghosting me in the past.

However, I acknowledge I was rude. Should I swallow my pride and reach out to try to resolve this?

TL;DR I was rude to a friend and she's ghosting me. Should I reach out to her?

TL;DR; My boyfriend doesn’t ask me questions about my life without prompting.

My boyfriend (31M) of 8 years doesn’t really ask me (27F) about my day, how work was, how any events I went to were, etc. I feel like he’s so uninterested in my life and I mentioned it tonight after he didn’t ask anything about my work party. He said “that’s not true, I care”. I said “why do you never ask about my day?” and he said “I forget.” He also said “I don’t even care about my own day.” like that was supposed to make me feel better? We love each other so much, but he can be “socially” frustrating. I don’t know… is it petty of me to be annoyed by this?

We’ve been in a relationship for over a year now. I’ve been away for two months, and I’m visiting his country for Christmas. I’m very close to his family, and I was really looking forward to this trip.

For some context:

• I land at 1 PM, so it’s not an inconvenient time.
• The city centre is only 30 minutes from his house.

I didn’t expect him to pick me up at the airport—I’m independent, and I never expect that much anyway. Instead, I thought it’d be fun to meet halfway, hang out in the city centre for a bit, and spend some quality time together before heading to his place.

When I shared this idea, his exact response was:
“You just want me to pick you up from the airport. I’m not doing that.”

I didn’t even ask him to pick me up. I just suggested meeting in the city centre (which I considered ‘halfway’) because I genuinely wanted to spend some time together. The way he dismissed me and the fact that he assumed I was asking him for something made me really upset.

It’s not about him picking me up—it’s about how he reacted. I can’t help but wonder: who treats their own partner this way? I feel hurt and unimportant.

TL; DR: I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for over a year and will visit my boyfriend for Christmas. I suggested meeting halfway in the city centre when I arrive to spend time together, but he dismissed the idea and accused me of wanting him to pick me up from the airport (which I never asked for).

I know a month is not a long time at all but we did agree that we only date one person at a time and that we date 'seriously.' We started out veery hot- too fast, I think. I talked about slowing things down with him but the past few weeks, things have felt very distant with him. Like we're on pause.

Anyway, we were hanging out on his couch and he was scrolling through his Facebook feed when he got a notification which he tapped. It then took him to Facebook dating (I didn't even know this was a thing.) Specifically, it took him to a profile, which I think is where you start swiping. He instantly backed out of it and swiped the notification away so fast I don't think he even read it. I suspect he doesn't know I saw this. Neither of us said a word about it. Later that night, I made one myself to see if I could find him if I swiped enough. I didn't find him, but I did discover you need a profile to view other profiles- otherwise it'll just show you the setup page. I also found out just how easy it was to delete it- it took me less than 15 seconds. I'm puzzled that he still hasn't taken it down because by all means, we've been on the same page about commitment and being serious in dating. I explicitly said I don't date multiple people at once and he agreed.

I'm sure he made the profile before we got together but the fact it's still up (evidenced by being able to view some girl's profile) and he got a notification that opened that specific part of the website is raising red flags to me. Perhaps Facebook will still send you notifications from it even if you gave an inactive profile, I'm not sure. But it's so easy to delete. I don't see why he should be getting any activity at all from it. I just want to know if this Facebook making him look bad or if there is something off here.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend has a profile on Facebook dating that sent him a notification. So definitely not deleted. He hasn't mentioned it, which makes me think maybe he doesn't know I saw everything (even though the whole thing was a blink and you miss.)

Honestly don't know how to word this but I'll try lol. I (M18) have been in a relationship ship with my gf (F18) for 1 year now. I love her and the things we together but on the other hand I can't handle some things. I feel like I'm walking on eggs when talking to her and I feel like I struggle to speak my mind. She has a very activist like mindset and if I even make a joke it turns into a problem. Im a very kind and supportive person and she knows that but she makes me feel like a bad guy alot because I'm always apparently saying mean things. After asking a friend they said I'm not doing anything wrong so I don't really know what to do. I want to stay with her but her attitude has made her friends become distant and me now becoming unsure. I love her but would need some advice please.

TLDR: Girlfriend get offended by everything I say and I don't know how to deal with it.

I (34F) have been no-contact with my dad since 2020. After a meltdown over a phone call, I started seeing a therapist who suggested I try some months no contact to see how I feel and I have not felt like talking with him since.

Why I'm wondering if I should forgive and forget now is due to the recent passing of my grandma. But before I address that, I want to give some backstory. My friends and husband say I don't need to talk with him, but I'm not sure if they are just taking my side as my support.

My mom was always the rock of the family as moms are. We did big holidays with her side of the family, she came to all my events (even if my dad couldn't) and life was normal until my mom suffered a devastating incident that left her disabled and having to relearn motor skills when I was in middle school. My dad supported us while my mom had to go on disability. My dad didn't hang out with me much with his work schedule, but did have time for my brother (36M). My mom and I were close.

My dad failed to pay bills. We sometimes went without electricity for weeks at a time, sometimes months. I worked and went to school full time, and bought groceries. I thought my dad just was genuinely struggling. When I moved for college, he dropped the bombshell on my mom that he had been seeing another woman he "met at church" and had been more of less double lifing until me and my brother moved out, leaving my mom alone. He drained their bank account, and told my mom the reason for divorce was me not cleaning the house??

My dad and I had a large fight because he then backpedaled and said it was due to anxiety he had to leave. I (having been actually diagnosed with an anxiety disorder) told him that wasnt and excuse to do what he did, and he said "What do you have to even be anxious about?"

After more hurdles, when I got engaged he offered to pay for my wedding out of the blue. My fiance and I were like hey, maybe he's trying to be an actual dad here. We did get everything set up nice, and we patched things up enough to talk as my mom would still talk with him occasionally. My mom ended up having to move in with my grandma as she couldn't afford the house payment on disability, and my dad had stopped paying it without telling her.

My mom continued to battle illnesses and struggled to get medication. She ended up having an amputation among other things. The crux argument happened when my fiances family offered an old car to my mom free of charge. My dad said he would move it to the nearby shop to get worked on. My mom talked with him about the car. He and I had multiple conversations about my MOMS now car. Then one day he calls and says I lied to him. He says he thought he was helping me, not my mom. I explained I was sorry if it wasn't clear, but we had actively talked about it being for my mom. He again accused me of lying to him and using him and taking him for granted and he hung up on me and I burst into tears. I realized there had been MULTIPLE instances where he would do this. He would accuse me of lying, or not being grateful enough, not saying thank you when I was sure I had. This is when I had an epiphany and started therapy. During this, while I was starting no contact, my dad threatened to cancel my car insurance. I had had the same insurance since I was 16 and I had been asking him for YEARS to just put it in my name completely, but he refused saying he paid my brother's too. Once I had asked my mom if she had life insurance after my fiances grandmother passed and I watched them struggle with her funeral costs. My dad called to tell my mom he was disappointed I had asked and that I didn't need an inheritance, then called me to shame me and I explained it wasnt anything like that. Multiple events like this. Then, after I had officially been no contact for months, he called and left a voicemail telling me I was a failure of a daughter and it wasnt his problem I wouldnt talk to him. He had his new wife call and tell me he was in tears over it. After I finally blocked them all on social media, he left me alone. Then my mom got sick and passed two years ago. He tried to call and I ignored it. He and my brother still talk, so I knew he was in the loop. Recently my grandma on my mom's side passed. Apparently the pastor asked my dad about some details since my dad still lives in our hometown. He called me drunk and left me a voicemail about me not having the guts to call him back, about how this was my problem not his, but I needed to call the pastor. He then started spam texting me about how I was robbed from him and how he had loved and cared for me, about how I didn't thank him one father's day. Then he messaged he was sorry for being him and he loved me, and he expected me at his funeral.

As I was already in a bad headspace with my grandma passing, I was about to have a breakdown over this whole scenario. With my mom and grandma gone, I feel like my connection to my home and my family is gone now. Our house is gone, my grandma's house had been sold when she moved to live with my aunt. But I don't know if people move past no contact with aging parents?

TL;DR My dad has a narcissistic tendencies and is a gaslighter according to my friends, but should I agree to speak with him as he is my only living parent?

Advice

So, long story short. Since I (25) was in my mums belly my dad cheated on her. That went on from that point. He would cheat every 1,5 years, my mom would find out, he’d leave for 0,5 years and then return home “to fix the marriage” again. This went on until I was like 17 years old and said to my mom she REALLY needed to get a divorce. They got a divorce, still dated after that, but eventually it ended. My dad got a girlfriend who I actually really liked! But I figured out that he cheated on her, was still holding the lines to go back to her and even lied about being send to war (Iraq), which is not true. He lied about everything, and still doesn’t want to admit that to me (which is why I completely shut him out). I called his ex and told her everything so that she could move on. I’m happy I did, I still have a close relationship with her. Such a sweet woman. Normally I would never get entangled in such a mess, but it just really did not feel fair to not tell her. She called me a few times, crying, that she just didn’t understand what happened to my dad and why he was acting weird. I just couldn’t lie to her.

Anyways: my dad (57) now has a girlfriend (with whom he cheated on his ex) of 35 years old with a child of 7 years old (not his child, thank god). The fun thing is that I literally said to him that I never want anything to do with any of his relationships ever again, because I know he will lie about everything. I don’t want to be in the position again that I have to fix the broken mess he leaves behind. His new girlfriend (who I dont know and dont wanna know) messaged me that I shouldnt be so hard on my father, but she ofcourse doesn’t know shit about him. Im tempted to send her al the messages I send to him. To make it more complicated: she is the daughter of the best friends of my mums Nephew!!

I’m so done with him and disgusted by all of the lies. He sends me all these cringe messages as well and is acting as if I’m to blame for the whole situation. He even told my mums family that it is a “miscommunication”. I’m just SO furious. Dunno what to do. Any advice? He won’t give in to all his lies, he believes his own lies. If he didn’t his whole world would be falling apart.

Before all of this shit I actually thought he changed and I had a stable relationship with him. Which I really needed, because the relationship between me and my mum isnt (she is sick, doesn’t work and has a lot of emotional damage because of my dad). I just don’t know if I will ever be able to “accept” the lying part of him. And I think he won’t be able to shut up about all his relationships if I would decide to speak to him again. One thing for sure: I will NEVER meet his girlfriends ever again.

Tl;Dr: My dad lies about everything and always cheats. Even when confronted he will still lie. My personality is the opposite and I’m truely disgusted

Me (24M) is losing interest with GF (21F) . We've been dating for more than 2 years, since the beginning of our relationship, I were the only one need to finished all the household chores, I did ask serveral times but she did't care much, it always she mad at me because I didn't wash her work's uniform when I got urgent things. She also a jealous person whenever my coworkes asked me to hanging out with them (she jealous with my female coworkers eventho I told her alot about them, some even had bf). She also not good in comportment, she mad at me when I need to pick up my aunt who lives in US and I haven't met her for years (I'm in Asia), my GF said I need to take her to work first bc she was the priority??

TL;DR: My GF is being childish and I am exhausting from our relationship, did ask her for changes but nothings have ever done, even their parents expect me to treat her like a princess.

I’m 22F, and I’m tired of guys not being straight up about what they want. If you’re just looking for something casual, say that. Don’t waste my time pretending you want more when you don’t.

If one guy had been honest from the start, I would’ve stepped aside and let him be for whoever he was meant for. Instead, he thought he was fooling me, but jokes on him he got nothing in the end.

I want a relationship that’s real because I love love. Where do I go to find my man?

TL;DR: 22F wants genuine love but keeps running into guys who play games. Where do I find someone serious?

Me (26M) and my girlfriend (26F) have been going strong for just over 6 months now. I have been very honest about myself and my drug use in the past and present, and she is no stranger to drugs herself.. as she works in the restaurant industry. During the past couple of months I have been struggling really hard financially, gotten kicked out of college, and developed some serious self-image and self-worth issues. Along with all that I have struggled with multiple relapses. And I become a monster when I use.. I have never physically hurt her, but I feel like I am taking such an emotional toll on her that it is ruining her life. I love her to death, she has helped me through loss, depression, suicidal tendencies, and she’s just overall my rock. But I’m very scared that over the course of all my relapses, I have done things she can’t forget. And I usually don’t remember them as the drug I am addicted to is fentanyl, or on the streets sold as “down” and it is littered with benzos which really affect my memory, I have been trying to get clean for a while now but never really did any work. I’m doing the work now, and it feels good, but I am very scared that maybe she is only staying with me because she thinks I may relapse, or commit suicide if she breaks up with me. I have mentioned this and she always reassures me and tells me no it’s not a thing. But I can’t help but feel it. If the roles were reversed, I don’t think I could take it. Please help me out here.

TL;DR : I am a recovering drug addict and I fear my addiction has ruined my relationship with the best woman I have ever met in my lifetime.

After 20+ years of my mother (F,+50) being emotionally and verbally abusive towards me (F,25), I finally snapped and yelled at her when she ruined the day of my graduation. She told me that if I ever did that again, I might as well grab my things and walk out, so I did. I'm safe, I have somewhere to stay, and even if I have wanted to move away from a while and I don't regret what I did, I can't help but to feel sad. Does it ever get better? How? I could really use some words of encouragement right now.

I have tried talking with her in the past, and she doesn't care about my feelings, or how her actions can hurt me. Sometimes I feel like she hurts me on purpose cause she knows I'll go back crying for forgiveness. This time is different. I don't see her as my loving mother anymore. I see her as someone who has deeply hurt me and is unable to own up to her mistakes. Honestly, I don't even want to 'talk things out' or anything. I wanna live my life, away from her manipulative self.

TLDR: I distanced myself from my mother due to her abusive behaviour. Is there any advice for me to stand in my decision and possibly feel less sad about it?

So man is quite a bit older than me '55M' him and '27F' me. And his health is not the best. Thinking about moving on because he feels like what a Dad would feel like and not a virile man. Got suckered into a relationship with lies and omissions. Time passed and man began falling apart at the seams. Me not wanting to be unsupportive, because life threw him curve balls before me, was supportive of him while he floundered and struggled to find his way. He's doing better now thanks mostly to my intuitive living nurturing TLC.

He literally has no support system, because he lies to the friends he used to have before they deserted him because he life became messed up. Fair weather friend types. And he does not tell the friends he used to have the truth about the dire circumstances that hes been creating for himself which caused his health (mostly mental and emotional) to become so bad. He only confides in me. I am so done being a psuedo conselor and listening ear cook, cleaner, domestic type for a man who I don't love respect and adore mostly because he refuses to treat me with the level of concern care and respect I command.

I've taken pity upon him by dividing my time and carving out a space for him in my life mind and heart where I love everyone. But i don't have romantic love for him. That kind of love, to me anyway, is required to create a home family life and have babies with. I very much want children. I am fortunate enough to be very fertile and could become pregnant any month I choose to. He doesn't want sex with me or from me at this point and neither do I from him.

On my end, it's mostly because he's old and feeble acting. And anytime I express enthusiasm and interest in something new or that I like which is daily, he steuggles to listen until he can find something negative to say. I think he thinks this behavior will control me and keep my world small. All it does is make me focus on myself my family my interests and my dreams more. On his end, I don't think he can accept that I've seen him at so many lows. Like since his "secrets" are known to me, he is turned off by his own self he imagines I see.

If I leave him alone to "his own devices", he will likely implode or explode due to his emotional limits and isolative nature. I don't want to lead him by the hand. I'm a trad woman in heart mind body and spirit. I'd like to be led by the hand by a strong minded hearted and spirited trad man who literally can carry me in all ways.

I don't like feeling like a daughter around this man. I don't want or need that kind of relationship. I want and need a man to become my best friend and join myself with as we travel through life and navigate and experience firsts together.

Tl;dr old guy younger woman. He's ill by choice and ready to shrivel up and die. She's younger than her age and ready to live and have babies. He expects her to be like a domestic servant. She pities him and indulges him. He's not happy by choice. She's happy by choice. But he is the only thing create a dark spot in her life. She wants a man who will take the lead make love with to be her best friend in a man and trad husband she can have a home and babies with. He's content to live until he dies. He's boring. She's bored. She's told him what she needs. He's just incapable of delivering it. What can she do?

I don't really know if this fits this sub but I'm not sure where else to ask. I don't really know where to start with this, I've just turned 22 and right now I feel so alone, I only really have one real friend, I have 'work friends' but that's the only time I really talk or see them. I've had lots of people I would consider friends especially through school. But every time I have left or moved away I've always ended up cutting that part of my life out. Never intentional it was just natural, times between messages and meeting up got longer until we just didn't. I also don't think I was a particularly nice or good person and have said and done a lot of things I regret to both former friends and just people in general. I regret anything bad I have said or done to anyone especially if we were friends. There is some part of me that would like to try and reconnect with some of them try and apologise for the things I might have said or done, I just don't know how to go about it. would they even give me the time of day. Any advice on this would really help.

TL;DR I want to try and reconnect with old fiends and apologise for anything bad I did or said but don't know how.

My partner and I have been together for over 1 year now. I'm 18 (F) and he's 19 (M). Through the course of our relationship, I've made so many mistakes and have hurt him a lot. I have a problem with confessing and tell him any and everything. I love him so much and I hate myself for hurting him so I've been trying to change, it's just so hard. One thing I haven't been able to change is my wondering eyes. I still find other people attractive and often take multiple looks when I see someone attractive in person. I want to stop doing this so badly but I don't know how. I also find a coworker attractive and I feel like I try to impress him sometimes. I wish he'd just quit or disappear so I wouldn't have so much anxiety. I hate that he started working at my job. I did something horrible the other day, I stared at an attractive person and I feel like I did it on purpose to make him jealous? It's all so crazy, I don't want to be like this at all. My boyfriend deserves better but I want to be better for him. I just feel like such a horrible person.

TL;DR I'm not a great girlfriend and have wondering eyes, I really want to change but I don't know how, im scared this is just who I am.

‘’’Please no negative comments. I am done listening to how pathetic of a person I am wanting to be little happy.’’’

I (F32) feel so unlucky when it comes to partners. I am always told, you’re so good, nice, kind, beautiful, blah blah blah. Yeah, so what???? Your guy is so lucky to have you (he doesn’t think so).

Yet, its all screwed up. I am always left ignored in my relationships because I give too much that I am taken for granted. Right when I start to go away is when men realize that Oh you’re affected “for real”. And work on themselves. Before me feeling checked out, they keep giving false hopes.

This has been my all three long term committed relationships (4+ years each). What’s the point of being the ideal if you’re taken for granted and you can’t even get bare minimum in a relationship.

I have started to see a point with women going for average looking guys than them so they’re always valued more. It sounds stupid, but well I see it worked for all women who chose little less better looking or avg looking guys.

Tl;dr - Why do people always want want want but they never want to give!?