☰ Related subreddits

Okay so…me, 19F and this guy 23M were chatting in DMs the other day…I’ve just been kinda lonely and so I was chatting to some people that seemed nice in subs like meet new people, the likes…so I stumbled across this one guys account in which the post I found suggested relationship or friendship, and at this point either sounds kinda nice so I check his profile and noticed he has posts of his body, and I’m not going to lie, it was attractive…

So we started talking, flirting like you do…I show him a picture of myself and he’s attracted to me…talk to him today…more flirting or whatever…at this point I know it would not work out with us romantically as he just lives to far away from me and I don’t think I could fulfill his needs sexually, but he’s also been very nice, genuine, and understanding of not only my trauma but my feelings as well…basically telling me things I’ve always wanted to hear I guess…

So eventually he shows me his face…and while he’s not atrocious or anything…he’s just not attractive to me…and I would feel awful for saying that I’m not attracted to him especially after all the flirty texts and compliments to me…and so we keep chatting like everything is normal, and I’m just scared that I’ve led him on too much now…I really want to just block the user and delete the account but I feel like that would really hurt him to just…disappear when he’s done nothing wrong…I know people do it all the time but seriously is that like terribly mean of me

TL;DR:I was feeling lonely and possibly seeking relationships and friendships over Reddit (bad idea) found a guy who was incredibly nice and attractive to me at first, but after speaking for the second day he showed me his face and I’m not attracted to him, I want to just block and delete the account…what do I do?

How can I help my brother who's in an abusive relationship (long)

Tldr; SIL verbally abused my brother in front of me and he says he's ok with it

To preface my brother (I'll call him Alex) started dating my SIL (call her Ruby) near the end of highschool and moved in together and got married quickly after they graduated. Ruby always rubbed me the wrong way, our first conversation was her calling me trash for liking a band she has a problem with. And since that conversation she hasn't shown many redeemable qualities.

Everytime I visit their new home she always seems to aggressively confront him about minor interactions like leaving the bathroom door open (can't think of more specific examples). This always leads to her stamping her feet (literally) while Alex quickly apologizes. This appeases her but the pattern repeats.

Other times she could be having a discussion in involved in and we could have a slightly different opinion or she could misunderstand a concept I'm introducing and she will quickly devolve into taking over people and yelling (I admit I reciprocate with similar energy) but after the fact she will pout and refuse to talk until she or I leave.

Everything I've listed are problems I have with her but I say this to detail her character. Because the most recent fight I've seen the two of them have (closer to a one sided tantrum) has been bothering me for the last few days

This begins with Alex and Ruby getting a new washer because their old one broke down, so I being stronger then the two of them and their only access to a truck am asked to help them get and move it.

The adventure starts of well enough with us going to grab the washer (they sign paperwork while I grab a drink from across the street) we load it up and take it back to their house where a different kind of trouble begins. We load it into their back porch before realizing it's too big to fit through the back door. The door can't be dissembled to make it fit so we have to go around the complex to get to their front door. Problem is we just barely got it to the back porch and don't have a dolly, so we have to go rent one. But u haul has none to rent so Alex has to go buy one, when we finally get back we have to load it on the dolly and navigate through mud,sewer drains, and foot tall steps before barely making it into the home where my brother begins to install it (without turning off the water)

At this point everyone is exhausted even Ruby who most prominent role was making sure I didn't trip (she did help lift in the toughest spots but her contribution was low in general) after all this we finally got the beast into the house where after tedious and messy install we discover that the washer... Fits like a glove, it's so snug you have to push the dryer to squeeze it in there, the problem with that is the door can't open (this is where I accept that my brother is allergic to properly measuring things)

Obviously everyone is demoralized, we're tired after a 4 hour long 20 minute adventure just to find it wasted. Immediately me and Alex are brainstorming solutions like shaving off part of the dryer or breaking the wall just where the door needs to be, but eventually my brother decided that the best/easiest solution is to move it away from the spot that's obviously for the washer.

This is where the conversation begins while everyone's is tired and partially overwhelmed from all the emotions and physical strain, Ruby asks Alex some questions about logistics aggressively while cursing, Alex obviously somewhat overwhelmed and not looking to tack on more stress asks her to calm down, this sets Ruby OFF she launches off the couch and immediately starts screaming at him demanding an immediate answer to her question (a question that was in no way time sensitive) and when she doesn't get an answer immediately she screams again this repeats until she eventually gets an answer from Alex where she accepts and sit down pissed. At this point I'm in the other room trying to not be involved im a victim of similar abuse from my parents the same abuse my brother faced and I was feeling uncomfortable.

A while later after the situation calmed down we eventually decided we need food so we began a journey to a restaurant, while in the car I try to brouch the subject of what just happened , the conversation went something like this

** Indicates exact quote

Alex: "everyone was frustrated and upset she was just doing what she needed to do to express herself

Me: "But that reaction was way over the top"(heavily simplified I don't remember it very well)

Ruby: yelling in the car "I AM NOT IN THE WRONG" "I WAS STANDING UP FOR MYSELF"

Alex: "ENOUGH! "

When we reached the restaurant the conversation started a new but calmer

Alex: "me and Ruby talk a lot behind closed door and I've accepted that these are actions she needs to take to express herself and I've accepted that I need to make some sacrifices"

The relevant parts of the story end there. What should I do to help my brother, does he even need help, I'm really worried for him I don't like the idea of him going from one abusive house to another

Throwaway account, and I hope to god this doesn't end up on some youtube compilation or something. On the off chance someone reading this is skimming reddit for something like that, please don't take this story.

With that out of the way, buckle up because this is a long one. I'll try to break it into individual events.

Context.

I have been with my wife for ten years now, and we're currently married. She's older than me by almost a decade but I was 25 when we met.

Recently I've started reading/listening to relationship stories here on Reddit, so there's the possibility that I'm imagining a problem where there is none, but some things stand out to me that have raised questions in my mind I can't quell.

First, when we started seeing each other, we established up front that we weren't exclusive. Which was fair, I was still working on a degree (late to college, using Pell grant) and she had her life in order, house, car, career. We weren't on the most even ground when things started out, so it made sense not to get too attached too quickly.

Well, I did. She was fantastic. We had similar interests, she was interested in sharing new things with me that I liked, I got into her interests and got enthusiastic about supporting them, and she didn't have an issue covering a night out since I didn't have a big income (I'd still cover dates I invited her on). We liked each other's sense of humor and couldn't stop talking with each other, and from day one I've always thought she was cool and very talented.

And more than that, as the years have passed we've both grown into better people because we care about each other's happiness. We didn't start out as great communicators, but we've gotten better at figuring out how to approach one another when arguments inevitably happen. Honestly, the fact that we both respect each other enough to recognize not every feeling is pretty but still open up about it with each other makes me feel like this is the strongest relationship I've ever been in.

With that as context, onto the "problem" I'm recognizing.

Incident 1.

Maybe a year or so into the relationship, as we're driving through a particular neighborhood, I mention to her that a friend of mine who does art modeling lives near here, and I once made an ass of myself asking her out. I didn't notice it, but she got real quiet until we were in bed that night. Suddenly I hear her crying in the dark next to me, and I ask her what's wrong. She says "You're already bored with me." She didn't understand that I meant I had asked that friend out years before I met her. Once I explained that, it seemed to calm her down, but I saw that as jealousy, weird because we weren't exclusive yet. Unfortunately, I don't remember if I pointed that out to her then or if she had a response after.

Incident 2.

I can't remember if this part came after or before that incident, but at one point she approached me and said "I'm going to a thing out of state, and there's a guy friend there I sometimes have sex with. If I go this weekend, we're probably going to do it again." I'm paraphrasing, but essentially it was her saying "this is going to happen," not "are you okay with that?"

An aside here, even if we hadn't been exclusive, I'd be okay with that. I'm not really a possessive partner, and I'd already been exposed to ENM dynamics because of some close poly friends of mine. But because of those things, I probably didn't register her saying "this is happening" as a red flag. Now I'm wondering if I was just blind to it.

Anyway, I was at least emotionally intelligent enough to say "okay, let's set some rules then, so we both know exactly where we're at on this." And that's when another potential red flag came up.

She proposed the rule that we shouldn't get involved with anyone who lives too close to us. At the time, I saw the logic as flawless; she said we'd be less tempted to get into a relationship with someone if they weren't local. It'd just be FWB. I asked what the limit was - in the city? No. In the state.

Now, one, I recognize today that is not ENM at all. And two, her having her career together by default meant she was in a position to travel around more freely, whereas I was a college student with a 20 year old beater car who spent most weekends gaming or studying or with her. She knew I wasn't going to cross state lines to hit on strangers, and I didn't have a network of people out of state so it wasn't likely I'd have out of state partners.

But... in her defense, she wasn't blind to the rule being unfair. She's the one who pointed it out. And she didn't like that it wasn't fair. She thought it wasn't right to inflict that on me.

I told her a piece of wisdom that I'm now not entirely sure of. "Relationships aren't fair. If you get caught up in trying to make them perfectly even, you're going to be unhappy."

Her having other sex partners wasn't, and still isn't, a deal breaker for me, even if I don't. Frankly, I don't have the energy to maintain another relationship, even just an FWB one.

So with that bomb out of the way, let's talk about the next one.

Incident 3.

I had a very close female friend for several years in my twenties. We just vibed really well together. We knew how to rib each other, were perfectly comfortable with physical affection toward each other, and could even be blunt with one another to the point it was offputting to strangers. You probably already see where this is going. I don't know how it came up, but at one point, my wife (then girlfriend) and I were hanging out with her and her boyfriend, and she "joked" that she'd totally bang me given the chance.

Look. I know how I'm going to sound when I say this. But I joked the same thing back. Right in front of my girlfriend.

Even if we weren't exclusive then, I realize that was dumb as fuck. But since she was open talking about her dynamic with her FWB (she'd discuss their sex life and share pictures with me, with his consent and mine, no judgment), I figured we were more permissive about talk like that in front of each other.

As for why I put "joked" in quotations, its because my friend and I knew it wasn't a joke at all; she was poly, and if she liked a friend enough, they'd be more than a friend. But I never told her about the "not in state" rule, so she didn't know she was already off the table as far as I was concerned. And as I write this I realized if I'd bothered to share that with her, she may have told me that's not really good ENM practice. As for the friend's boyfriend, he was also very poly and didn't give two shits - I wouldn't be surprised if he already knew she was serious about that.

My wife still brings up that moment on occasion as why she doesn't "allow" me to hang out with that friend anymore, which is its own red flag. One time she even did it in front of other friends of ours in such a smug way, like "And that's why you don't hang out with her anymore," that I almost wanted to fight her on it right there. I don't touch that button if I can avoid it though; my friendship with that woman dissolved in a way that's still painful for me to think about, though I've found closure with her since then. But if we still had a friendship, I know my wife would fight me on it.

Because this friend and I don't see each other anymore, I haven't discussed with my wife how uncomfortable I am with the idea of her forbidding me from certain friends. As of now, that friend is the only one under such scrutiny.

The point of this is that on reflection, I'm seeing a pattern of "rules for thee, not for me," from her. And the moment she felt her position as "the girlfriend" threatened, she'd get possessive and start laying down rules for me that only ever worked to her advantage. However, I'm not blind here, I always agreed to them... though I often wonder if that's just because things panned out in favor of those rules.

So... we're still not done.

Incident 4.

I'm bisexual. I only realized this about myself in college, and she and I started dating shortly after, so aside from some experiments in highschool, which I categorized as just experimentation until I finally grew a pair, I've never really done anything with another man.

When I told her, she had another fear, though this time she doubted herself on it. She approached me about it and asked if I wasn't getting something from our relationship that I'd want from a man. I said I was perfectly fulfilled in our relationship. It took a bit, but she accepted that I was being honest with her. I know, bi erasure bad, but I'm probably the only bi person she's ever dated, and I know where the fear comes from.

Still... hard not to see the root as the same as every incident above; some fear that I'll find someone else and leave her. We were exclusive-ish at this point... only dating each other, but we could play with friends as long as they fit the rule. She would still occasionally see her FWB, and I was okay with that because, again, we kinda liked the kink factor to sharing her with him. However, it was during this conversation that she amended the "out of state" rule.

No women. If I were going to have partners outside of her, I could only see men.

Again, didn't see the red flag. I was fine not dating anyone else at all, and liked the kink factor of her having FWB, so I didn't think too hard about how she was essentially curtailing my sexuality. After all, I was never gonna use the rule to begin with, so what did it matter?

I only discovered last year that this is referred to in the ENM community as OPP or one part policy, where a bisexual partner gets restricted to a single gender (usually the same gender) by their straight partner, because that gender doesn't threaten them as much. And once it was explained to me, I realized that even if I took her implementation of that rule the best way I could, it was nothing less than controlling. Here she was, near-unrestricted and allowed to sleep around, while I was constantly held down under more and more weight that kept me squarely in her bed and her bed only.

Okay, no more incidents. You're almost at the end, promise. Given this is practically a novel, I'm gonna call this-

Epilogue.

We are married now. And aside from the fact that we'd be okay with certain group activities (again, only with other men) we are entirely exclusive. We've both decided (and I do mean both this time) that the only way someone is getting in bed with either of us is if we're both involved.

By this point, we've been together long enough that we know we're compatible and are happy spending the rest of our lives together. The incidents I've described are four moments over a decade of building a relationship. Please keep in mind that I'm not sharing the entire history of the happy memories I have with her, which outweigh these incidents ten times over.

So maybe I don't actually get anything out of this post. It's probably why I'm not even sure I should make it.

All of that stuff is behind us, and today we have a pretty spectacular marriage. When we have an issue, we talk to each other about it, when I see most couples break apart because they refuse to be open with each other. In fact, the only reason I'm even making this post is because I'm hoping to approach her about this and trying to sort out my thoughts... but I'm not sure there'd be a point.

It feels like bringing it up would just introduce doubt to her, make her think I'm looking to find another partner since all these incidents are centered around it. Bring up one of these things, and sure, maybe I'm just trying to work through an issue. Bring up four things, and suddenly I'm pressing the issue because there's something I'm not saying, something I want.

I know reddit well enough to know I'm gonna get hit with advice to divorce. But again... I don't need another partner. I'm happy, she's supportive of my goals and dreams, I'm supportive of her hobbies and career, she listens to me, she seeks me out when she feels upset to talk about it, I've helped her become a better person, and she's helped me in the same way. And when I feel weak or like I'm not good enough for anything, she brings me out of that darkness. She doesn't judge or belittle me, or think less of me for being emotional. She's compassionate and reminds me that I'm a worthy human being, even when I don't believe the same about myself.

Maybe I just want to believe that every couple faces insecurity in their partner at some point, and you just have to decide if their personal brand of it is a dealbreaker for you. And for me... I don't think it is.

Or maybe I'm apathetic. Looking at these incidents, I see a pattern of me just "going with the flow," and letting things happen because it didn't affect me in the moment.

Anyway. I don't even know what I'm asking anymore. Maybe I'm just trying to get this out. I guess what I'm asking is should I talk to her about this? Would there be a point?

TL;DR - My wife has shown on several occasions that she's possessive of me and has set controlling rules that work in her favor alone. I'm not sure it's actually worth bringing up, or if I should care. Should I talk it out, or let it lie?

I (20f) have been in a 11 month long relationship that quickly went and has been primarily long distance with my gf (21f). We talked practically every day since we began dating and most days consistently talked for hours, with the occasional exceptions. This past month we still talked daily but she has been noticeably more dry, saying shes been feeling burnt out because of work (she does work an awful lot, even before we were dating). The night of January 25 i texted if she still had work in the morning and about 10 minutes later it said she finally read the text but i never got a response. I assumed she just fell asleep which has also occasionally happend, so I texted goodnight about an hour later and went to sleep, that text was left on delivered. Its going to be 9 full days since ive last heard from her, she hasnt been active across any of her socials since. Ive just been having this awful achy feeling and feeling disoriented, I figured this wouldnt be like her? I guess theres so many explanations, like her phone battery hasnt been working the best and its been shutting off for hours at a time, but she still has her computer to contact me? shes also in LA so maybe shes being affected by the fires there? Would this be considered ghosting? Do i just keep waiting, if so how long? thank you

TLDR: Gf vanished with no warning, havent heard from her in 9 full days. Is this ghosting

Hi everyone.

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (21M) for about a year now. We love each other very much.

Background info on both of us: I have a history of physically and verbally abusive and cheating exes, basically a pretty horrible love life if at all, meanwhile I am his first girlfriend. We were good friends first for a while before we got together. Other than the issue I'll talk about, we have a pretty healthy and loving relationship. There are some minor conflicts we have sometimes since we have different views on certain things but we always talk them out and manage to find middle grounds. I was raised in an abusive household with a very traumatic childhood, and I have CPTSD and autism. He had a less chaotic upbringing but his family is very oppressive of him and I suppose it resulted in him now being extremely very very timid and passive and submissive. While on the other hand I'm an assertive person who doesn't shy away from being confrontational if necessary. I also go to therapy consistently to be better and not let my traumas drag me down, I've gone back to it recently because I don't want it to negatively affect our relationship.

The issue: as stated before our personalities are very different and it definitely causes some problems sometimes. For context, my boyfriend is a very emotional man whenever he's with me. This started about two months into our relationships when he confessed to me that he cries himself to sleep almost every night because of how much he loves me. He cries very easily. I don't mind any of this because I love him and I appreciate that he feels comfortable enough around me to show his feelings like that, I know how hard it can be for him especially with his upbringing and him being a man and all. But now it's gotten a bit overwhelming for me. In the past few months some problems have been arising, one of them being that his friends were badmouthing me and I found out that he basically didn't do anything about it. He didn't defend me or even say anything, he just sat there and took it. I got very upset because I'm a very defensive person when it comes to him, I will fight anyone who says anything remotely bad about him. And I felt very hurt especially because it's a pattern in my life to defend people who end up not doing the same to me (refer to abusive childhood, always defended my mother against my dad but she never gave a damn about me). This resulted in our first biggest "argument" where he started crying saying he's sorry and that he didn't know what to do and he'll be better etc etc. for reference whenever I confront someone about something that upset me it almost always is like this: "hey I really didn't appreciate X y z and I felt like a b c, why did you do that? If you're sorry, do you understand my feelings and why I'm hurt? Here's this and that that you can do next time to make me feel better". Anyways, we moved past that, but then whenever there's anything upsetting me I feel like I can't tell him without it resulting into me comforting him because he's crying. I lived with a guilt tripping emotionally blackmailing mother so I know this isn't what he's doing, at least not on purpose. A while ago we talked about marriage and I was very hesitant, because I do want to be with him but I am terrified of the idea of having to spend the rest of my life babying my husband when I already spent all of it babying everyone else around me. He knows about my life and childhood etc. I broke down crying telling him how I feel and he promised to do better and that he'll make me feel more safe and secure in that regards. I also promised to try and be better for him and try to be more affectionate/sweet etc.

We've had minor hiccups since then but nothing horrible cuz we manage to talk it through and apologize very quickly. A few weeks ago I did send him a very lengthy message about how I feel like I'm babying him, being a mother, father, girlfriend, a "playful" teasing girl and all everything all at once in this relationship and how it's draining me and I need him to take an active role instead of making me do all this emotional labour then being surprised when I'm overwhelmed and angry. It was a productive conversation seemingly and we both promised to do better.

Yesterday we were talking about my friend inviting me to a kbbq that's pretty expensive. For context, last week we got into a minor car accident and his car got slightly fucked and he'll need a lot of money to fix it. He's not employed, as he's studying. I am employed. I don't mind this. The problem is that he always mentions "ohhh I'm sorry I didn't pay for your food/drink" "sorry I'm so broke" "I'm worried I'll never make enough money for you" constantly as if I'm always asking him for money (I don't, I never mention it and I am very hyper independent, if anything I've spent more money on him than he has on me and I don't mind it). Anyways, he said he wants to come since there's "a guy there" (for context it's two of my female friends, a guy we know and my friend's male friend). I told him he's more than welcome to come because I wanted him to come anyways but I'm just worried if we'll be able to do something proper for valentine's if he'll be tight on money and that I want him to be comfortable in spending so he doesn't feel bad. He said "it's ok I don't have to fix my car now" and "well we'll do something low effort for valentine's" and I was very sad seeing that he'd rather come and spend a shitton of money just because there's a male there rather than spend that money on a proper date for us. By the way, ever since we've been together he hasn't taken me on a single actual proper date where we are together spending a romantic day and he pays at least for dinner etc etc. anyways, it was my fault that I didn't tell him I was sad at that, but I did say "okay but I just don't want you to make me feel bad later if you're tight on money", he asked me what I meant and I said, word for word, "I just sometimes feel like whenever you're insecure about something you focus on that and just that, no matter how much I reassure you, like I've never begged you for money or made you feel "poor" or something but you always mention it even when I say it's okay and that makes me feel very conflicted on how I should be feeling" and he went into his "shut down" mode where I have to ask him every 2 mins "are you okay please talk to me". Then he said "well I'm not projecting anything on you, sorry" and stuff along the lines. "I just don't know what to do cuz I feel like you're always bored with me" (I'm not). I said "you can plan things out as a change. It's always me planning everything out. If it's your budget that needs to be accommodated wouldn't it be easier for YOU to plan our days accordingly with activities that are suitable for both of us? You know I don't mind even sitting around with you cuz I still enjoy it, we don't need to spend money" (Context: we can only meet once a week since he lives in a different city). He shut down again. I left him be for a few mins then asked him to please talk and he started crying and said "I don't know how me telling you I want to come turned into you saying I'm shitty and terrible and planning and everything" ??????? And I was just so goddamn confused and pissed. This always happens. I try to say something and he hears something completely different. Here I just broke down and lost it and said "how on earth every single time I try to tell you about something you manage to make it into the worst possible thing I could be saying instead of just taking my words as is? No matter how much I'm reassuring you it's like it falls on deaf ears and you just hear the parts, even unspoken, that upset you!" He said "it's just your tone" and I replied with "I told you many times ignore my tone! Look at my words! My tone is always like this when I'm talking about something serious that's upsetting me. And I told you before that if you don't like my tone say it AT THE MOMENT immediately and firmly so I understand because I can't always hear myself, instead of bottling it up until the end then this happens, God." He just kept crying and then ended up saying "this is why I was scared of saying anything to you in the first place" which is something he says A LOT and it's the reason why I always feel like shit and I'm worried to do anything because I don't want to hurt him. But sometimes I literally don't know what on earth I did wrong. Even when I comfort and reassure him he still calls me mean and cries. Anyways, I ended up trying to de escalate the situation and calm him down and said I'm sorry and that I was just trying to look out for him and that he needs to tell me whenever I'm upsetting him ASAP so it doesn't end up with him breaking down and whatnot. Then I just kind of shut down myself which is something that hasn't happened before between us. He suddenly was all fine and being all cute again and kept asking me over and over what am I doing (we were on call) and when am I sleeping etc and I was giving one word replies. He eventually said "do you want me to stop talking so much" and I said "yes please" he said "ok I'm sorry I love you", I said I love you too and that's it. I woke up to several messages of him saying he's sorry and that he'll do better and that he knows he keeps saying it but not actually doing it but he wishes he could. I have avoided him this entire morning because I've been crying since last night because I love him a lot but this is just so much and it's so draining and it's resurfacing a lot of things I had to already struggle with my entire life. I feel like an asshole because it's always this. He's always too passive to do or say anything about any conflict and it's always up to me to bring up hard and serious discussions and I try my best to mother him through it and I still end up feeling like the bad evil guy. I'm starting to feel like I'm a borderline abuser. I can't tell if I am or if I'm just giving into the tears and making it make me feel like I'm horrible.

Can someone please help me and advise me on what to do? I feel like I tried everything with him. I tried being gentle, I was firm, I was assertive, I tried being a bit harsh but nothing is working. I feel like I'm slowly hating myself and feeling guilty.

I'm so sorry for such a long post.

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend, but his extreme passivity and emotional reactions make me feel like I’m carrying the entire relationship. Every serious conversation turns into me comforting him, and I’m exhausted. I don’t want to baby him forever, but nothing I do seems to help. How do I handle this without losing myself?

My partner (F28) and me (M29) are together for 7 years, we are not married/engaged or have kids. We had frequently sex at the beginning up to 4 years in, after that it got more and more infrequently.

In year 5 it all went down, maybe once a month, sometimes 2 months, i initiated everything and everytime she shot me down something inside me died. We had more sex in our first weekend together than in 9 months in 2023. I love her, her smile and her character and to get shot down by this person just hurts.

Its always the headache or she just passed out in 2 seconds while we are in bed and i rub her back. Not to mention i am working from home and do all house chores.

2023 i planned a trip to Disneyland and one month later a trip to Amsterdam, just to have a nice time together und time to explore new things. No intimicy for both trips, i was near my tears. Last year again 2 vacations, also no intimicy.

Forward to today, 2 years of pity sex once every month and i am ful of resentment and i hate it. I am so ful of resentment i would call it anger sometimes.

I dont want to kiss her, i dont want to hug anymore. I get the ick when she touches me, saying "I love you" to her feels sooo wrong, she is annoying me now. I have a feeling of freedom, when shes out to her Job. I dont even want to gift her something to valentines day or plan the fifth sexless vacation.

I am at my wits end. We talked again last month, she mentioned to find a solution und to work on that. The last three weeks we had sex more frequently (once a week maybe), no passion, one position she loves, no bj ofc (like the last 7 years), i now reject her...

I am so ful of resentment and anger towards her, i dont want to be like that. I love her, she is my best friend, we do all together.

Now my question, is there something i can do to suppress this feelings or to handle them? Anything i can do to not feel this type if anger towards her? Is someone of you in the same situation and maybe has some tips.

Sorry for my grammar, i am not a native english speaker.

TLDR: I resent my gf, what can i do?

Is my bf losing interest in our relationship?

My (27F) bf (29M) has changed his behavior in the last two weeks and I feel like he isn’t really trying that much. We have been together for almost two years now. He was always super attentive to me and my needs as I am to him, a very healthy relationship in which we both seem to grow in. But in the last two weeks he doesn’t seem to care so much, or give me the usual attention and honestly it triggers something in me. Example 1. We went on vacation with friends, while in the car he wouldn’t actually refer to me at all, he would chat with everybody but me. I asked him about it, because we didn’t have any argument or even a disagreement in opinions so it didn’t make sense, but he told me that he said didn’t notice. Example 2. I have a dog that is very anthropocentric and she loves my bf like there is no other, but lately he doesn’t acknowledge her, he won’t cuddle her or play with her. Example 3. He would always answer the phone, ALWAYS and now there has been plenty of times where he won’t answer. (In case you think I am exaggerating or something , I have ADD, when someone breaks pattern I notice) Example 4. He doesn’t seem to think I need attention, we went out with a couple friends. It was pouring rain and when the male friend that was driving told us that he would leave us at the door my bf run out of the car and in the restaurant without even looking back, the female friend that saw me struggling with my dog in my lap asked me to take her and just took the dog so I could get out of the car a bit easier since it’s a very tall car.

I talked to him about it and he said that he didn’t realize it. Is he losing interest? I believe there is love between us since we talked about marriage and family in the future and we are not people that usually make this type of conversation but I don’t like this whole situation at the moment. Reddit help. What should I do?

TL;DR; two weeks now my boyfriend has been spending less time with me and I feel like he is distant, what should I do?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We started as long-distance, so we used to call a lot, which I loved. But after meeting in real life, we stopped calling as much and started seeing each other every other day. While I love meeting him in person, I still wish he put in the same effort in communication when we're apart.

This led to multiple fights, and l've spent nights crying alone because I felt unheard. One day, after yet another fight, I just gave up on hoping he'd change for me and ghosted him, telling him it was over. We went no contact for 4-5 days until he broke it and called, saying he missed me. But instead of reconciliation, we ended up fighting again.

That's when he told me he doesn't see me as someone he'd be with long-term because, in his words, I'm too insecure and overthink the relationship. When I asked why he never told me this before, he admitted that he used to think I was "the one" —until one incident changed his mind. A while back, he was hospitalized due to the flu and wasn't replying to my messages. I got really upset because I felt I at least deserved to know how he was doing, and I started a fight over it. He told me that he was just exhausted and wasn't intentionally ignoring me, but my reaction made him feel like I wasn't understanding enough to be with him in the long run.

Now, he says he still loves me, but not enough to change or see a future with me. And I get where he's coming from-yes, l overthink, and yes, I get insecure-but I also feel like my own needs were ignored in this relationship. I don't know what to do. I love him too much to leave, but I also don't want to be with someone who doesn't see a future with me. Should I try to work on my insecurities and fight for this relationship, or is it better to let go and move on?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have different communication needs. He says he doesn't see me as long-term because of my insecurities, even though he still loves me. I don't know if I should stay and try to work on things or walk away.

My bf (M21) and I (F21) have been dating for a year and 4 months. He’s a sweet guy and has a kind heart. At first it was hard to date him because I’m so used to abusive relationships so when I began dating him, I was confused bc it was calm. Well, he wrote me letters, gave me little gifts every once in a while, and visited me often (I am a full time student at a school one hour away from him). He works full time and texts me daily. However, I’ve seen a shift in the past couple months and I’ve been overly paranoid that either he doesn’t like me, he’s been cheating, or that he just doesn’t want to be with me. I am an over-communicator so any time I feel off, I tell him.

This mostly started when my birthday came by and he did not get me flowers. Which is what I told him was the only thing I wanted. Granted, he bought me an expensive gift and gave it to me a month before my birthday. He spent the day with me (and my family). But, I was just upset that he didn’t even get me flowers???? that’s like the only thing I asked for??? he also did not write my a letter which I was surprised as well because he would write me notes every month. Well I brought it up to him and he just said “Didn’t I do enough by hanging out with you and buying you that gift?” And I just felt horrible because maybe I AM asking for too much.

Well, that was 8 months ago and I haven’t received flowers nor flowers for a year now, he has been visiting me less often, he calls me once a week for maybe 20 minutes. He recently went two weeks without seeing me and being dryer than ever. Whenever we see each other, I just feel so much resentment and sadness. Even though I know he’s sweet and he loves me, it doesn’t feel the same. Are my expectations insane for a full time blue collar worker? Is my anxious attachment acting up? I honestly need a reality check if that’s what I need to hear because I am scared I am being pushy but I am also scared bc I’m starting to detach myself from him as well.

TL;DR: My boyfriend’s behavior has started changing and I am not sure what to do or if I am being too demanding.

I (F27) have been with my boyfriend (M28) for over 7 years now. In the beginning, we decided to take things slow, as we wanted to make sure we were the right fit, but through the years and challenges it became obvious, we are here to stay. Early on he was blessed to be given a flat of his late grandparents and since I didn’t move in with him then, his other siblings joined for what was meant to be temporary. His sister stayed for a year and then moved to another (also boyfriend’s) family flat with her husband and his older sister (with kids) was gifted a flat by bf’s parents as well. But the brother (M35) hasn’t had any partners or work opportunities elsewhere ever since I’ve known him and he grew very comfortable in the flat.

In the last few years, my bf and I have been talking about moving in together, but the brother has shown no interest in moving out. (he is the one to move out, since it’s way too big and expensive for one person, therefore us goint into another rental is not an option by most people’s opinion). Since there’s no more “family flats” available, my family offered to pitch in and help find something for him, but he doesn’t seem to budge.

By his behavior, he seems like a very social person and I think he would rather not live alone. The case is, he is not very considerate towards my bf. He likes to disturb when we want to hang out alone. He magically appears in places, where we go out (cinema in the same time slot, concerts) and has no problem third wheeling without invitation. He also shares a car with my bf and rarely considers my bf’s needs when it comes to who’s gonna use it. Or when it comes to evening showers etc.

Since my bf and I live very nearby and we often stayed at eachother’s places, we were very patient, but it’s now getting too out of hand. We are ready to take our relationship to the next level, thinking seriously about family, but I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I try really hard not to feel the hatred towards the brother but I noticed I avoid him all the time and can’t even imagine gathering the energy to discuss the matter with him anymore.

What could be the solution to this situation? Bear in mind, we cannot afford much and currently the only viable option is finding and funding a smaller apartment for the brother. And when (hopefully) this is all done, how can I heal the relationship with his brother? I really want to stay on good terms, but I currently don’t have it in me to imagine that.

TL;DR Bf’s older brother is not moving out even though that was the plan since the beginning and is preventing us to move forward with our plans.

TLDR; Best Friend hardly hangs out with me in calls anymore, barely texts after she started dating a boy in December

I (23F) met my best friend (26F) through an online MMORPG game back in 2019. We’ve gotten closer over the years and gone through a few tough times. Though, as of recently, since I visited her state last December to see her graduate, she has not been reaching out to me as she usually would do. She met her boyfriend (20M) through Discord from a friend, and he of course, came to her state as well because they were already flirting back around October/September. I didn’t like that he was there because it was extremely awkward seeing them smooch every few seconds, cuddling, etc. It did not help that I was uncomfortable sleeping in the same room with them at her friend’s house. Anyways, she has been making constant excuses whenever I ask we could play a game, watch a show etc. It’s always “I’m hanging out with my bf every night after he comes back from work or “I’m applying to jobs all day”. I shrug it off as whatever, but sometimes there are when days go by and she doesn’t say ANYTHING. She has mentioned of going through mental health issues, but in Discord she puts up statuses gushing over her boyfriend and constantly playing games with him everyday. She told me she wouldn’t be co-dependent on him and it honestly seems like she is because our friendship was like that for awhile where we’d talk everyday. (It wasn’t healthy, I admit) And now, it seems like her happiness comes strictly from him. I tried talking to her about this, but she puts it down as “I’m always busy, we talked about this” despite being unemployed and has not gotten a job yet. I might just end the friendship all together because it feels like I’m constantly reaching out and she hardly responds back. My gut is telling me she’s not being 100% honest and I want to know why without her getting offended. What can I do in this situation?

TLDR: friend relapsed and is showing concerning behavior but has lied to me about it - how do I approach the conversation and get her help, or is it not my business?

I could really use some advice on what I (22F) should do about my friend (24F) about her recent relapse - context: she went to rehab 2 years ago for Valium misuse. Recently, she started taking Xanax after going to a new doctor and experiencing a rough romantic situation - basically taking a different med in the same drug class.

Since being prescribed it, I have caught her on several occasions taking triple, 4x, or 5x the recommended dosage, hiding it and taking it, and lying about it to everyone she knows. She carries it around with her instead of in her bag with her other meds, slips one real quick thinking no one can see, and then will repeat multiple times in the night.

I'm not a doctor, and it very well could be not my business, but what should I do? She has taken so many on multiple occasions that she can't stay awake, is making concerning and silly mistakes, and is showing damaging behavior. However, she hasn't told me about it and has lied straight to my face when I've asked her, even despite me saying that I would always be there for her and wouldn't judge her for anything.

Do I need to say something to her? I am concerned for her health, but if she hasn't told me, is it my business (I know it is, but I am also not her doctor and she is an adult)? How should I approach the conversation when she thinks I don't know, has lied to my face, and may not keep her job if someone says something? I care more about her health than that.

Thank you in advance <3

So me and my gf are a long distance relationship, I love her and our chemistry is good we speak a lot but I’ve got to be honest I’m extremely frustrated in our relationship because we have zero sexual intimacy. We met once before in person and in person our sex life was great, but once we were back online it went back to being non existent. we’re already limited by being long distance, but she doesn’t even flirt with me, let alone anything else we could do through calling, texting, ect. I’ve voiced my frustration to her, being a man with a high sex drive, staying away from porn, I genuinely wake up mad because I haven’t had sex in so long. Don’t know what I can do here. I don’t want to leave her. but I feel like I need intimacy in my life.

tl:dr no intimacy in a long distance relationship, but it was good when we were in person

I, 28 F am in an 7-month relationship with my bf 28 M. I'm diagnosed with clinical depression and PTSD from abusive relationships. Because of my past, I've learned to love being alone. I genuinely love spending time for myself, exploring different hobbies and activities. I don't have much friends, I only have a few but I enjoy the low-maintenance type of friendship so I don't talk much.

My boyfriend is absolutely amazing, he is the textbook definition of a perfect boyfriend and he slipped that he bought an engagement ring for me 5 months into the relationship. I asked more about it, and he said he custom-made an engagement ring for me, and I know he spent a good amount of his hard-earned savings on it. He's also been in bad relationships in his past and he tells me this is the first relationship that is healthy.

I do think we have a healthy relationship, and this is also the healthiest relationship I've been in (we rarely ever fight and we always support each other, we can be honest about anything).

Before we officially dated, and also the first few months into the relationship, I opened up to him that there are times I think that I feel like I would rather be alone/not in a relationship at all. I explain it has nothing to do with him. I don't imagine what like would be like with other men because, really, he is THE perfect boyfriend already and would not harm me compared to my previous abusive rels. It's more of a me problem. Maybe I'm not emotionally available.

He has a "golden retriever" type of personality, and I have a "black cat" personality. Sometimes, it can get emotionally exhausting keeping up with his energy. Sometimes also I feel like I can't truly be myself around him (my serious energy).

I've thought many times at this point to end it but he doesn't deserve to have his heart broken. I can't understand why his former partners treated him poorly (cheating on him, etc) because he is truly an amazing person. I don't ever want to hurt him but I know deep down that ending the relationship will.

I think the reason why I miss being single is because I just want to really focus on myself. I've been promoted at work and I feel like I want to solely spend time on my work and hobbies, things that make me feel more like me and less depressed. I just hate the thought of hurting him. He expresses almost everyday that his life is better because I'm in it.

(TL;DR: I F/24 cant help but feel like it's better for me to be single than to be in my current healthy relationship)

What would be the best course for me in this situation?

My (32/F) boyfriend (39/M) and I have been together almost two years now. Originally we met in a treatment center setting, kept in contact for a few years & reconvened. Through the years I’ve remained sober, while he has had his struggles.

When we started dating I was told he was sober, 2/ 3 months in I found out that wasn’t the case.

Throughout our relationship there have been a number of discussions we have had surrounding his sobriety and my own boundaries within his choices to not choose the path of sobriety. We have also had multiple conversations surrounding his infidelity and I have made clear boundaries and lines in the sand.

I am trying to break away as cleanly as possible now after just being blatantly taken advantage of, disrespected and all the boundaries I’ve set multiple times are just flat out ignored.

It’s very hard to have any type of real discussion with someone when trying to bring up any sort of “real” conversation - is met immediately with the person turning it into their own meltdown, them being the biggest pile of crap that has ever existed on the planet, or him throwing in any slew of “distractions.”

I feel like his end goal is either exhausting me so I quit trying to talk to him at all, or to overwhelm me to where I can no longer focus or get any coherent thought out or the have the conversation I’d tried to bring up originally.

Recently, I have been touring apartments and setting all the gears in motion to move. My mom is flying from a few states away on Thursday night, Friday I have movers scheduled to move all of my stuff out of my condo and into the new apartment…

I haven’t told my SO yet that I’m moving, and the decision is majority to help with a clean break from the relationship, and that he is not welcome to join me in the new apartment and in turn he is going to have to figure something out as far as having a roof over his head come the end of the weekend…

I know at this point I do not owe him anything, I know that I’m being taken advantage of, and have let it get to this point willingly and enabled the behavior. And on the same token I don’t want to put somebody out in the bitter cold, knowing how little resources he has for a solution when this all goes down…

I need to have the conversation more or less tonight or tomorrow with him as we’re going to need to go through everything we both have here to separate and divide and move. He will need to figure out what he’s going to do after the weekend is over as he won’t be allowed to stay in my condo any longer either.

How do I bring this up to him and break the news to him as easily and cleanly as possible? I’ve been procrastinating this so hard and now I’m down to the wire with all of it.

I am a highly empathic person, and despite the above, I have seen the good sides of him and I do care about him and there’s a part of me that does love him, and I respect him as a fellow human being on earth at the same time I am.

I have been scrambling for a way to do this and I keep balking… I hate the way this is making me feel doing this to somebody. Even though I understand that actions have direct consequences in life. It’s just not a fun or pleasant feeling to sit with.

How do I bring this all up to break away as cleanly as possible? How do I even start this conversation with him? Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated, thanks in advance.

TL; DR — I am moving this weekend, my boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years. He doesn’t know about the move yet, how do I break it to him?

please help!! my boyfriend (19) and i (18) have been dating for two years. the relationship has been very beautiful and as far as i can tell we’re both happy and fulfilled; however, in the beginning of the relationship we were sleeping together almost every day. naturally that slowed down and that’s okay! but recently we have only had sex about once every 2/3 months. the birth control i’m on messes with my period really bad so that can account to some of it, but even when i’m not bleeding he just simply does not seem interested in me anymore. we also recently spent two days together after being apart for almost a week and he didn’t get hard once. i know he doesn’t watch porn because i trust him and i have complete access to his phone/computer (never really feel the need to check but if i wanted to i could.) and i don’t think he’s cheating on me because again, i trust him. i’ve tried to talk to him but idk if i’m coming off too pushy or what but he doesn’t seem to have an answer. does anyone know what i can/should do to resolve this or get a better understanding at the least? TIA!!

TLDR: my bf and i haven’t had sex in months and he doesn’t get hard around me anymore, advice?

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost 2 years now. We never argue and get along well. He has what I look for in a long term partner.

However, I’m starting to lack genuine interest in intimacy which I feel like is a big issue in a relationship. It feels more like a friendship than a relationship. And no it’s not just a “dry spell” because I still feel like my libido is normal, just not specifically towards him.

Just wondering if anyone has ended a relationship because of this and how to bring up the discussion without seeming like asshole. I genuinely care for this person and just don’t want to drag the relationship any longer if I don’t feel like we are connecting in that aspect. TIA

Tl;dr How do I end things with my partner without seeming like an asshole? No issues, just lacking interest for intimacy.

TLDR: My boyfriend (26M) and I (25F) (1 year relationship from next month) have been in a rough patch ever since moving to a new country a month ago. So I left our new place to go back home for a while (3 hour flight) and now I want to go back, 2 weeks after, but I’m not sure how much time to give it…

We started out really well. While it was difficult for us to find a rental at first, and for my partner to find a job (I work online), it all eventually fell into place. We love the city. We have the most beautiful home and my partner is happy to have consistent work. We do have a bit of money stress but it should get better now we’re both on an income and have invested all we have needed to get set up.

Anyway, the fights between us started occurring consistently since the beginning of Jan. As an anxious attacher, I felt him distancing himself more and more from me, and without realising at the time, that triggered me to get on his case - likely too much. I’d always ask if we can talk things through, if we can be closer, why wasn’t he doing this, why this, why that etc. 

I realise now my approach was unhelpful as it just made him back further away from me. I would get upset when he spent an hour on his phone in the car after work, or if he didn’t acknowledge me in social conversations, or if he spent hours on projects and hobbies but stopped spending time with me. I could be a bit passive aggressive sometimes too. He would tell me that he had his own life. He compared me to his past relationships. He would say I cried too much or have issues (jealousy or trust- but there’s a past there… he was seeing multiple people when we first met and I wasn’t aware, plus trust issues from my upbringing, but I really feel I’ve really come so so far with trusting him.). 

Both of us would say unfair things in these arguments. We went against each other, rather than the problem - not having either one of our needs met. We’d go through ALL the situations back and forth trying to be the one that’s ‘right’. Now I see how counterproductive this is. It’s just a battle of egos. I think after so much stress of moving and also continual arguments, I know my mindset became very negative towards him and geared towards ‘why aren’t you’ language.
I obviously can’t speak for him but I feel something similar from the way he would jab at me, always be sarcastic or interrogative in his language. I would cry and he would ignore me. Which I can understand, I started to cry annoyingly a lot.

I took everything very personally. I convinced myself he became ‘sick’ of me, not realising we just needed some time apart. I somehow forgot all the actions and words he would show his love with, like buying me flowers or making an effort to include me in his hobbies or cuddling me even when I was moody, he wasn’t sick of me.

When he told me he needed space, it was in a very heated argument, and he made the statement very aggressively. I freaked out. There had been so many arguments by that point, I also felt the need to my family. I felt alone in a new country and didn’t know who to turn to. So I booked a flight (probably too hastily) to go to my parents. Not really knowing the next step, but just needed to feel safe.

We spent time together before my flight and talked things through. We both agreed we need space and some time apart. He did say, and I agree with him, that I shouldn’t have booked a flight so hastily but stayed - because only by being together we can fix issues. We can’t just ignore the problem or run away. I agree. I think I was just so anxious and overwhelmed by all the fights, and feeling alone. I do regret leaving him, my home there and acting so hastily. But he also did assure me that he understood why I did it, and that it could be the best for us. We left on good terms, kissing each other, and feeling like how it should feel, how it once felt. 

That was one week ago. 

We’re still in contact once a day after he finishes work. I do want to give him space. I’m also spending time reflecting on my own behaviours and habits, I’m looking for ways to do better, as well as focusing on the things (hobbies, interests) that are important to me. 

I feel like I’ve had a few ‘light bulb moments’ throughout the week, and I want to do better, so we can be happy, productive and healthy in our relationship and individual lives.

I started a small conversation with him about ‘next steps’ and he said he was unsure, that it’s "hard to give clear view on what’s the next plan… I don’t want to be in the same situation we just got ourselves out of ever again and I am sure you feel the same". He also said he’s curious to know what my opinion is, he said that "maybe we can work on the situation a bit, change something around. I feel like I need space still, but I also want you to be in a good space/place". 

Then he asked me if I have any ideas.

I do miss my home there (though it’s only been a month) and my things, and of course, I miss him.

I want to book a flight that goes back there in almost a week’s time… but am I rushing to go back? Should I wait for him to give me a proper cue to book a flight back? Or make a clear suggestion and assure him that I will respect his space a lot more going forward?

TL;DR, I love and really care for my girlfriend of 8 months but have doubts and jealousy when I’m away from her or even just see other couples.

So me (20M) and my girlfriend (19F) of about 8 months really love and care for each other. We share quite a few common beliefs and interests, we get along well, and we’re pretty good at resolving conflicts. There also is a lot of ways we are different, which to be honest does cause problems, but we communicate well and 8 months isn’t extremely long so we are still getting to know each other in some aspects.

However, it seems like my feelings for her change depending on whether I’m physically with her or talking to her or not and whether we’re arguing or happy. I know it’s normal to have doubts every once in a while, but this seems like it’s every time I’m not happy or with her. Like when I’m physically with her, even with a simple hug, any sort of doubts go away, and I really can just think that I love her. But then when I leave to go somewhere, or maybe see another happy couple, or when we argue and are having a difficult time, it seems like all I can think is this doesn’t feel right, maybe we shouldn’t be together, even to the point where I get jealous of other couples who look happy because of the differences we have and the things our relationship lacks. Sometimes I just outright wish we were not together, and this worries me because I thought I loved her and so I promised to always stay.

This definitely doesn’t seem normal to me, so it leaves me wondering if she’s the one and if it’s only my doubts about finding someone else keeping me. But then I wonder if it’s just poor communication. We always reslly try to resolve conflicts and communicate well though, so I don’t know. It’s hard to tell my own thoughts because I do really care for her, so i would hate to hurt her. Does anyone know anything about this, or maybe has experienced something similar?

My boyfriend [M25] and I [F25] have been dating for a little over 2 years now. Recently went into long distance due to our jobs. He is a sweetheart- very loving and caring. My parents love him and we are looking to get married soon. But the ldr has made me realise that I’m not getting emotionally fulfilled. I want to be able to have deep conversations about things. I wanna be able to talk about things of common interests. Lately it feels like we have nothing in common. He’s busy with his new job - which is a given and I’m being very understanding. But the little time we do get, we talk about how our day was and thats it. I do not want to break this off but would love a solution. He’s not as mature. I feel like he’s still growing up and has a good long way to go. Should I journal so that I feel better? Should i make other friends I can have deep conversations with?

TL;DR, Long distance makes me realize I’m emotionally unfulfilled in my 2 year long relationship. Need solutions. Don’t want to break up

Hi all, made an account just to make my first reddit post. I hope I followed the rules and posted in the right forum 🙏 it's a long one so be prepared (TLDR at the bottom of course). So I (33M) have a friend (25F) that I met at my old job. We just get along well and have a lot of similar interests like books and the gym and travel. Normal stuff. It was always obvious that there was sexual tension between us and even though we occasionally flirted with the idea, neither of us made a genuine attempt to ever see each other outside of work. In fact, over the course of 2 years we never hung out once.

We both left that job at about the same time and over the course of another year we texted about once every other week or so, flirt a little, ask each other what we're doing (as if we would actually make an effort to see each other) and one of us would end up not replying and that would be the end of it. Now I will admit, this girl is crazy attractive, intelligent, super ambitious, and really kind and family oriented. She really has all the qualities I look for in a woman but even though we flirt, there has always been a serious bro vibe between us. Strange, because I've never felt that way with a woman before, and I am legitimately cool just being her friend and never exploring it any further.

Fastforward to last Friday, and she sends me a text out of the blue as usual asking what I'm doing. Normally we aren't fast texters when we talk so I'm used to it being an hour or 2 before I get a response. Within seconds of me sending a text saying I was just chilling, she immediately asks me to come over and drink with her at her house. My boys cancelled our plans that night so I thought sure, why not. She sent me her address and when I told her I was gonna head that way she said to give her a bit to run to the store and then meet her there (this is important for later).

Anyway, I get there and we immediately start taking shots. We talked shit, listened to music sitting on her bed with quite a bit of space between us, shooting the breeze. It was chill and relaxed and there didn't seem to be any expectations. I don't know what compelled us to drink so heavily but we were throwing them back like crazy. About an hour in, I had reached that point where I knew I was gonna be fucked as soon as it all caught up to me, but she asked me to go get her another drink while she used the restroom. I went into the kitchen and as I was getting another drink I noticed a bag on the counter right next to the bag that she carried her alcohol in and it had condoms in it (I then realized she just got these that night when she ran to the store).

I was a bit caught off guard but eh, whatever, and I brought her drink back to the bedroom. She came out of the bathroom, took the drink and put it on the floor and just jumped on me. It was pretty much a blur from there, as the alcohol started to hit me very hard. I kind of only remember flashes but I know we were intimate throughout the night. Woke up before dawn because she was initiating again, but I was very drunk still which definitely didn't make me rethink this next part... I remember her specifically asking me to finish inside, and let's just say that she ensured that I did.... And then we passed out.

We woke up late in the morning super hungover with pounding headaches. She went and got us some water and painkillers and I heard her say, "oh shit..." while she was in there. She came back and explained that she bought condoms and that she's not on BC, and she genuinely looked devastated and upset. She didn't say anything else about it and was playing it cool but I could see in her eyes she was shook, and her voice was noticeably quivering when we said our goodbyes.

I don't know what to do or if I should reach out to her or approach her. We haven't talked since but also, our normal dynamic is to go weeks without contact, so I don't want to make things weirder than they might already be. I can't imagine what she's thinking right now because she has a career that would be deeply impacted if she became pregnant, but also I don't know how she feels about pregnancy or abortion in general if something were to happen. Do I say anything? How do I bring it up? I feel it should be addressed but also, she could be completely fine and bringing it up could just make things super awkward and uncomfortable and she might think I'm trying to lock her down or something. Idk...

TLDR; Got really drunk, hooked up with with a friend without protection (knowledge that clearly caused discomfort the next morning), and I don't know if I should reach out to her to address it or carry on and pretend nothing ever happened.

I'm really confused and just need another perspective on our relationship. I hope you all can help me out.

I met this guy last year, and he was different from the ones I had dated before. He was funny, caring, open-everything I could ask for. I told myself that maybe he would be the one I could truly trust. But as time went by, I started questioning those things. We argue and have misunderstandings, mostly about communication, which is the biggest challenge in our long-distance relationship.

Last night, we had a big argument. I told him again that I had been feeling disconnected lately because we don't really go on dates anymore. We just hang out in the evening and talk about how our day went.

It started when I told him on Monday morning that I felt bad last Saturday because he slept during the day and woke up in the afternoon. Then, he told me he was going out with his friends. I was okay with it since he has school on weekdays from 7 AM to 7 PM, so l understood that he also needed time to have fun and take breaks.

He kept me updated and told me they were going to grab drinks and hang out. After a few hours, he asked if I was asleep. I replied after a few minutes since I had just seen the notification. I waited for him, thinking he was going to call, but he never replied fast enough, and I ended up falling asleep while waiting. He finally replied and called me three hours after his last message, but by then, I was already asleep.

So the next day (Sunday), I expected him to wake ur after lunch and call me or at least check in, but tha never happened. Instead, he woke up for a bit at night, went back to sleep, and didn't fully wake up until 3 AM on Monday.

I felt really bad on Monday-not because he went out with his friends, but because he never made enough time for me. Do you all get what I mean? I wanted him to plan time for us, not just talk to me whenever it was convenient or when he happened to be free.

It's really hard for me since we're in a long-distance relationship-we can't just see each other whenever we want. I'm totally fine with alternatives, but there weren't any. It's not that I'm ungrateful or demanding, but spending intentional time together is a real need in this kind of situation. It's frustrating to have to keep asking for something that feels like the bare minimum.

Then it hit me— had just brought this up recently (I think last week), telling him how I was feeling disconnected. But now, I really don't think he took it to heart.

That night, we finally talked about it since he had been in class all day from 7 AM. During our call, he said, “What words do you want to hear from me?" | was furious because I had been waiting all day to hear something reassuring from him, yet he still didn't seem to get it.

Then he told me he would just send me a message because he didn't know what to say. That made me even angrier-how could he not find the words to say to me, even when I was crying while venting my emotions? From there, we started arguing.

I told him that this was a big issue, and we needed to talk about it. I couldn't sleep peacefully knowing we hadn't had a proper conversation about the situation. I asked him if he was just trying to escape or if he genuinely didn't know what to say, and he replied, “Both."

He said it was tiring and that it felt like the same thing over and over again. Then he asked me, "Aren't you tired of scolding?"-which was the last thing I ever expected him to say.

He wasn't like this before. He used to insist that we fix things and wouldn't let me go to sleep feeling uncomfortable because of an unresolved argument.

Was I wrong for asking? I just wanted him to be better and put in more effort because I feel like I'm hanging by a thread. I crave something deeper, but I don't think he understands-he sees it as an attack or criticism.

I just wanted him to take the lead because I'm tired of being the one who takes charge in every relationship I've had. The thought of being unheard and unseen is draining me. He says he loves and cares about me, but if that's true, why does he react this way? Am I wrong for being so expressive? Am I being selfish?

Plus, we've only been dating for five months. He's supposed to be pursuing me, but I don't see that effort every day. I don't even feel like a priority on weekends. I feel like he only needs me when it's convenient for him. I'm so confused and unhappy with him whenever he does this.

I love him so much and I can't think clearly on what to do next. I considered his past (family problems) for acting and behaving this way, but I know it should never be used as an excuse because we have responsibilities as grownups. If he can't acknowledge himself, how much more other people? Especially me, as his partner?

TL;DR - What should I do when my partner does this? Should I be more patient and communicate clearly about my needs? Is my approach wrong? Is he just overwhelmed by my emotions and worded it in a wrong way because I pushed him to talk about it? Also, how do I tell him I am not attacking him but it’s more like I am just communicating my needs in this relationship?

I (34f HL) and my bf (35m LL) have been dating for 1.5 years and are in dead bedroom for 6months. We have been living together for a year and I think that also caused our loss of spark. I have high libido and we didn’t even have much sex in our honeymoon phase (maximum once a week).

My bf said he just doesn’t feel like having sex with me, but I guess he’s masturbating. To give information about myself, my physical appearance didn’t change since we dated in the first place (I did not put any weights and still care for my hygiene).

We talked about this issue multiple times, but he doesn’t think it’s a medical issue but he just doesn’t feel anything sexual with me, even though he still wants sex (…?). He said he will try, but I doubt that we’re just not a good match sexually and would never be fixed.

I never felt a man having this low desire for me and I’m afraid that if living together will ruin every sexual sparks with my future partner. Is it better to move on? What if I encounter this problem again after I marry someone new? I am doubting if I can find the man who can keep constant desire for their partner.

TL;DR: my bf(35m) and I(34f) are in a sexless relationship. Even though he doesn’t have medical issues, he says he has no sexual desire for me but he will try. Do you think things can change? Even after trying, sex with me would be always ‘trying’. Should I move on? Will there be a man who can keep up with my desire even with long term?

TLDR: I think she’s (29F) falling out of love with me (26M) and I don’t know what to do.

It’s been over a year and we haven’t had the smoothest go at things. Nonetheless we both felt so strongly for each other at the start of the relationship, even till recently I felt like I had just met her and was in love with everything she did. In the past couple of months she’s become super cold with me. We haven’t even been saying anything much and more or less just talking like we’re friends. I’ve brought this up with her and she says she still does, why does it feel like she doesn’t? Why does it feel like she checked out and is keep me in her life.

In the long wrong I don’t know if things were ever meant to work out. We’ve had a lot of challenges and maybe it’s just hitting that point for her where it’s not worth it anymore. I love this girl so much and can’t imagine my life without her so it’s breaking my heart. I struggle with depression and anxiety and think maybe I pushed her away too much, but it’s also doesn’t help we both can’t communicate very well anymore.

I’m heartbroken, I don’t know why I’m typing this out as I’m sure there’s not much that can be done. I feel like I’m losing the love of my life and my best friend. I’d really appreciate any advice on how to navigate this. I’m so lots and not sure if I’m saying things the right way or if maybe I’m holding onto something that isn’t going to work

Hey yall thanks for reading. So about a week ago I messaged my long distance close friend about trying to set up a visit. Last time I saw her was in summer 2023, and since then I tried 3 times to try and arrange a date to see eachother. Each time my friend blew me off, and didn’t try to offer any other time. So this last time I promised myself if she said no, I would talk to her about it. I asked her if she wanted me to stop asking for a visit. She blew off that message so I asked again. She didn’t respond until the next morning where she sent me a paragraph about how I’m immature and she doesn’t appreciate how I “come at her” like this “every few months” (??) still don’t really know what that means, we hadn’t had an issue for over a year until this one but I do believe she has a negative bias on me so maybe that?

I sent her a few pretty nice paragraphs trying to work stuff through and explain my feelings after that; she just responded that she needed space. Based on the language I wasn’t sure if she meant that she was ending the friendship so I asked to clarify, which apparently really offended her.

She took 5 days of space to respond which is where I found out how offended me asking if the friendship was over made her, she said it felt like I was punishing her for having boundaries and “sticking up for herself”? Again I’m not too sure what that means as all I asked was for her to communicate with me but.. yeah.

This woman is very sensitive so I was waiting a few days to respond to that message to try and craft the perfect one that wouldn’t offend her but still get my feelings across. But on Saturday , 2 days after she texted me again after 5 of space, she blocked my number and removed me on social media. Didn’t block me on socials, just removed, so I sent several paragraphs over Instagram which she hasn’t read or responded to after 2 days.

I asked if she’d like me to stop trying to plan visits anyway because I’d noticed other signs of her pulling away. She would only talk about her own interests and never ask me anything about myself for over a year now. She removed me off tumblr, stopped tagging me in things or reposting stuff I would tag her in, she’d deny almost any activity we could do long distance, deleted all our pictures together, etc. So my idea was that if she denied, then I would pull back myself because I don’t want to text someone all day so she can ramble about her interests when she refuses to have any other aspect of friendship.

I guess my question is what do I do now? This is honestly the closest friend I’ve had since I was a teenager. She walked me down the aisle on my wedding for fucks sake. It hurts so much to let her go, but at the same time I truly believe a friend wouldn’t break it off because I asked her to communicate. Should I block her back on everything? A big part of me says there was a reason she left me unblocked on social media, as she’s the type to go full scorched earth when she’s done with someone, but I also know it’s gotta be unhealthy to keep that line open and just hope she’ll message back eventually.

I’m also finding this really difficult to deal with because it doesn’t make sense to me, why would she block and remove me from everything after only 2 days of no response when she took 5? She was trying to work through the issue seemingly with me until that point. In the past she also thought I had blocked her when I didn’t and removed me off some stuff so I’m wondering if it could have been something like that again? :( I don’t know but I’m so sad. Please give me any advice on how to deal with this, if I should block her back and try to move on, etc. my birthday is in like 2 weeks so I was thinking maybe I’d wait til after then to block back to see if she says happy birthday to me? (I know that’s so pathetic.) Any thoughts or advice in general on this topic is greatly appreciated.

TL;DR looking for advice on how to deal with a friendship break up, if I should block her back on everything or keep it open on my end for a little while, etc. TIA

(TLDR included at bottom)

Hoo boy. Hi y'all. I do want to preface this by saying that if this is a little everywhere, I apologize. This is a situation that has been on my mind for some time and could really use the advice. I, (22 M) and my partner (25 F) had a bit of an unusual start. For the sake of anonymity, we'll refer to them as F. We had met in college when I was 19, near the beginning of the fall semester from some mutual friends and started talking a bit more around October. I'd come by F's place on the weekends every now and then to hang out or for a smoke session. We'd just shoot the shit, crack jokes, talk about some of our interests, etc. but over time the conversation started to feel a bit more flirtatious. Eventually, push came to shove, and we had an official 'date' about a month later and were finally a couple. It's a night that I'd never forget for multiple reasons. The first being that I had finally felt a connection with someone that truly felt as if they knew me. I felt seen. I felt attractive again. I felt like the me that I missed. The other being that after I laid my head down to sleep for the night, I woke up almost instantly, realizing that I had then cheated on my girlfriend who lived back at my hometown, who we'll call M. M and I broke up a few days later when I went home for break, and F and I started dating afterwards.

Now, before we get too far ahead of ourselves, a couple of big things I have to address. One: I know I fucked up. I fully messed up in that situation and I know that and realize that. If I could go back in time and do it all over again, I would. I don't like myself for doing what I did, but accepted immediately that I was going to be the villain in the eyes of my and M's friends. Two: I had openly talked about my relationship with M to F before and some of F's friends and were aware of the relationship I was in. However, I was not happy with my relationship with M. Her step-dad hated me and kicked me out of the house on multiple times for thing I never did that claims I had, she refused to stick up for herself against her mother, refused to negotiate with me about issues that I was having in the relationship, and even went as far as throwing as hissy fit in the middle of our shift at work when she found out I may potentially be away for a summer to pursue a dream of mine. It felt like I was being used for my money, time and sex. There were lots of red flags that I never got to address and it showed in the way I talked about M to friends at college.

Over time, I became infatuated with F while we were dating. They introduced to one of my new favorite hobbies, cooked together, became super interested in their family, friends and their passion for psychology and even taught me bits and pieces of psych and art. We would blast music from my car and dance in the rain from time to time. We'd clean each others personal spaces when one of us would be gone for a while. They made me feel good about my insecurities. I'm a big guy. Pretty decent dad bod. I'd never felt good about my weight or practiced body positivity, but they'd compliment me on my curves.  became each others muses and we co-parents to a cat (which I always knew was going to end up being theirs). I truly, truly loved F. I gushed about them to everyone, and eventually came to the conclusion that I wanted to marry them. They were my best friend, and frankly, that's all I wanted. To marry my best friend.

About a year or so in to the relationship, F moved back to their hometown after graduating from college. It's about a three hour drive from where I live. We continued to date long distance like this for a while, and on occasion, she'd come down to visit me and our friends for a few days, and I'd come up to see them over a weekend since I was still in classes. Things stayed like this for a while and the relationship felt very good, or at least I thought it did. While out of the country on vacation for a few weeks with my parents, I get a couple of strange texts from F on my last day abroad. Upon questioning F, I found out they'd been thinking about asking if we could take a break from the relationship. She said she still loved me, but felt it hard to maintain the relationship since we lived three hours apart and were in vastly different places in life. They had graduated and were trying to get their foot in the door to pursue their degree path in the work force, and I still had a decent amount of time before I graduated and got my degree. We had talked close to the beginning of our relationship about this kind of thing on the off-chance it would happen, and lo and behold, it happened. We were both ok with the outcome if it would happen, but never thought it would. That night after we'd come to terms with it all, I went out bar crawling and bawling my eyes out, only to end up finishing the night in a bar named after them.

Flash forward to now, oversighting the vast mental spiral I went down for months afterwards. We had discussed at the time talking about the whole thing when I was back in the states, but it's been almost 2 years since that happened. Since we went on a break, I rapidly stopped hearing from them. They rarely ever text me anymore or check my social medias. We never hangout online anymore, as since they've moved back, they found another group of friends and hang out with them more. Regardless of all that, there were a lot of things that got lost in translation. F told when they'd come down, we could still see each other, but that never happened either. The relationship has no label, they never come down to see me anymore, they don't talk to me anymore. I know they still talk to everyone else in the friend group I was a part of with them down here, but never seem to talk to me anymore. They also kept our relationship hidden from this group friends since F's ex used to be friends with all of them, but even after all of them stopped talking to that ex, they never told them. As far as I'm aware, none of my friends there knew we were dating and still don't know we used to. They even had other partners that I didn't know about until almost 6 months into the relationship. I knew they were poly, but didn't know there were still others they were seeing. One of them I used to live with and also used to be an ex of F's. I knew they were exes, but didn't know the rest of it. The other one, F's roommate told me about, and when I brought it up to them, originally lied about, but told the truth to me about 5 minutes later. She felt bad about it and started crying, but something about these interactions always stuck with me.

There hasn't been a single effort thats been put forward to try to help this relationship or even a hint as to whats going on since then. No phone calls, texts, discord messages, nothing. Not a single word of intimacy or reassurance, none of it. Hell, I haven't heard the phrase 'I love you' come out of their mouth, platonically or not, once since then. I've finally been able to take the time to grieve over the relationship, and after having a very rough conversation with a close friend of mine, the relationship truly needs to come to an end. Nothing feels the same anymore. I always would harp at people that the key in any relationship, is the relationship between give and take. You can only give as much as you take, and you can only take as much as you give. Until recently, it only felt like I was giving and never receiving. It burnt me out. It felt like I wasn't being seen anymore, and after asking questions to make sure things were still OK, they'd take days to get back to me. There'd even be weeks of dryspells where I just flat out wouldn't get a response to anything I sent. It's starting to feel like my previous relationship. It's not just a case of losing someone that I thought was going to be my life partner, but I lost my best friend, and that's even harder to deal with. I feel as if I've just been put on the backburner. It feels like they don't care at all anymore.

I want to move on. I'm tired of feeling miserable and held back by the restraints of this past relationship with F. I don't want to cut then out of my life completely as I know they're still rather supportive of me, but I don't want to just pick up and go off and start something new without saying anything. I feel as if they deserve to know, but if they don't have the decency to give me anything after all this time and I still don't have answers, then do I really need to ask questions to answers I already know? If they've denied me closure, should I be obligated to tell them if all they've done for the past year or better is leaving me in limbo? Or do I move on quietly? I've been milling on this for the past month or better and am just hoping to find some clarity and to move forward since nothings been happening.

TLDR: Partner wanted to take a break in our relationship while I was out on vacation. We both agreed, and now it's been almost a year and a half after we 'broke up,' and our relationship hasn't ever been brought up, nor has the idea of starting it back up. I'm angry and tired of the situation and want to move on, but don't know if my partner deserves to be let know. Through my eyes, if you don't have the decency to give me any details about us, our relationship, you in general, nor make the efforts to reach out or gave me the time of day to grieve our relationship, then why do I deserve to tell why I want to move on, if you've clearly already done so without me knowing.

This is technically a follow up to my previous post so if you want more context or insight please read my previous post.

After listening to some of the advice in the previous post | (20M) gf (20F) spoke to my girlfriend to which she came out saying that she has intimacy issues. We've been dating for 14+ months, and never kissed once. What sparked me to talk to her about it was after a long date, I thought I had the perfect conditions to finally kiss her. I thought finally she would think these are the conditions in which she'd no longer feel nervous; it was dark, only us two, she was touching my face chest thigh and we were just talking sitting next to each other on a bench. It was also cold 42° Fahrenheit (5°C), this is relevant. After a little of talking she said that we should leave and head home, feeling a little defeated I hugged her and said "I was hoping I could finally kiss you" to which she instantaneously replied "it's too cold for that." Confused, I said "really? I don't feel that cold" and she said "that's because you never get cold." Feeling defeated I just caved in and decided that we should go home.

Truthfully, this had me pissed off for days. Angry, sad just overall miserable. Eventually with the encouragement of my friends I decided to confront her about it via texts a few days later when I had calmed down. In that I asked if she had some intimacy issues. She said that she felt really sorry afterwards, that she was going to apologize and everything that day but hadn't because I went to sleep early. She said that it's not my fault and is likely because of "her past" that she gets "the ick" from intimacy. She didn't clarify what the past was exactly, I can just speculate from having previously been told that she was once sexualized by a cousin some years ago. She said it seems to just happen when shes facing me, which is why when we mess around and I'm not facing her it's fine. She said that she doesn't know how to solve her fear of it. That was about it that we talked about.

My main issue with her response is I personally don't see any effort in "solving" these fears. I mean it's been over 14 months. She never told me about these fears out of her own accord and only told me after, me getting tired of all the excuses. She's never initiated anything herself to just try despite there having been opportunities. I don't know what to do anymore. Obviously leaving her to her own devices won't work, and seemingly she doesn't have any interest in being proactive in this. It's mentally exhausting and I feel like I'm being led on with excuses and whatnot. I mean, I was essentially white lied to about it being too cold to kiss, yeah it was cold but seemingly that wasn't the real reason. It genuinely just makes me miserable for days, just a constant cloud over my head. Frankly l'm a little tired of trying, every time l've tried it doesn't work and then I'm left in a whiplash of anger sadness etc. I would like for this relationship to work, I love her and I know she loves me as seen through her thoughtfulness and actions so on but I don't think I can continue with things staying the way they are. This is something that's starting to eat at me almost everyday and causes a lot of anguish. I don't want to break up with her but I don't know what else to do, I don't know if there even is anything else for me to do.

TLDR: My gf says she has intimacy issues but seemingly isn't very proactive about it, I don't know what to do and it's causing me a lot of mental pain.

Me and my bf have been together for 4 years, and his forgetfulness part has always been a factor in our relationship. However his laziness and lack of organization is really starting to throw up red flags about the future.

One of my biggest issues is his lack of organization or prioritization with important shit. He hasn’t filed taxes in FOUR years simply because he ‘keeps forgetting’ ‘meant to’ ‘needed to call the IRS first’. At this point I am concerned he is going to end up owing own of these years and get a hefty slap on the wrist. He also failed a class paid for by his job, because a new game came out and he just let the homework pile up until he got kicked.

He never knows where important papers are, loses important receipts, misplaces expensive items, misses appointments. He has missed more appointments than he has went to in the past 4 years.

He has none of his bills on autopay and I swear every month he’s getting slapped with a late fee because he can’t seem to stop and think ‘hm, will I have enough money in my account for this, or that, bill if I buy this right now?’ It just seems to completely slips his mind every month.

Despite this, he has a full time-well paying work from home job. He does tasks around the house like dishes, trash and sweeping, but he will likely never organize or deep clean an area in the house or in his car. He isn’t a slob by any means. He does well at his job.

But I’m feeling really frustrated by his lack of agency and getting shit done. I have to remind him to take his medication nearly every day. Sometimes waking him up at night. I have to write appointments down in 3 different places. I WRITE OUT A CALENDAR FOR HIM EVERY MONTH! He never checks it and says he ‘uses his phone’ but apparently that isn’t working! It took my 2 years of constant nagging to get him to have a precancerous lump removed on his body that had been there before he met me. I’ve been pushing for the dentist but it’s ’so hard to call around and schedule’.

He works an easy job from home. Some days there are no calls and he can afk and wait for emails. Due to this, he gets to play videogames allllll day. And I mean allllll day. Even after work that is what he is doing alllll day.

He swear he ‘just has no time for all his responsibilities’ but there are hours of the day he could be cleaning something, making some phone calls, cooking a meal instead of playing games when he has a slow day at work. Like the days his only task is to listen to a 7 hour seminar (not like he takes notes).

Meanwhile I work a 40 hour physically demanding job. Sometimes my shifts are 12 hours long. I’m also a part time student, and run a side business. I have ZERO free time. Especially this semester at school while I finish my degree. This isn’t a brag, this is a cry for help.

He promised he would ‘take on more responsibility’ like making more meals, doing more of the house cleaning, helping me keep track of appointments and bills because I am completely swamped and hate carrying the mental load of remembering everything. Doing things like scheduling an appointment for someone to come look at our plumbing.

It’s not happening. He’s just sitting at his desk playing games all day- and even after work. Complaining that there isn’t enough time in a day.

We had a therapy appointment this evening and I had to cook dinner tonight after work. It completely slipped my mind, and he didn’t remind me. And you know what? It’s always me that does it. So we got slapped with a $150 late fee, and he told me earlier that he was broke because he ALSO forgot to pay his car on time. (He was suppose to refinance his car last year- I assume now he is just never going to and he can barely afford the payments because he didn’t read the fine print). So now I’m covering the missed appointment fee and part of his car payment. I know he will pay me back but, this could have been avoided! I make a third of what he does!

I don’t know what to do. I assume he has adhd, but it’s not like he… tries to do anything for it or get diagnosed. He’s against meds as well. Whenever I bring this up he gets incredibly frustrated and defensive and it turns into him pointing fingers at what I can do better. I’ve tried wipe off boards. A shared schedule. A cleaning chart. They don’t work if you forget to check them.

If you or your partner are like this, what can you do? What helps? I am not against videogames by any means! But when he’s playing them 12+ hours a day and areas of his life are feeling apart I think he needs to throttle and focus on important shit. I think he needs to take a break or only play a few hours in a day.

How can I talk to him about this in a way that won’t make him shut down or feel bad about himself? It’s gotten worse, at one point he was much more organized…I try not to nag him much but I wonder maybe I need to?

TLDR: bf has gotten lazy, misorganized, and is constantly forgetting important shit. I feel swamped trying to carry the mental load for both of us, and I’m feeling as if I can’t rely on him to be an equal adult. I need some advice on what I can try to get us functioning better, or where I should respectfully put my foot down so that I don’t come across as naggy.

I really need some help here and I need to figure out how to handle this.

My boyfriend and I have been serious since the beginning of October. We met in the exact way I would have wanted to meet a future partner. Our parents knew each other, and I knew some things about this guy's past that didn't scare me off (I think it would have scared others, but I've also got skeletons).

When we first met, I was very attracted to him. He is smart, well-educated, and comes from a good family. My family is very important to me so I want to be with a guy whose family is great, too!

After about a month and a half of serious dating, he starts to go into detail about the amount of debt he was in. I have a mortgage, but that is the only debt I'm in. I'd be willing to look past student loans, as so many people have those, but credit card debt and stupid purchases are just things I cannot get behind. I am a natural helper, and he pretty much brushed me off, promising it would get taken care of. He also complains to me about work constantly, and I only get to tell him about my work day in detail probably once a week. He is very underpaid, but makes no efforts to try and get a raise or find a new job.

Fast forward to now, and he has made no active efforts to change things. He is extremely messy (his SUV is a wreck inside), and he left every weekend in December and January to go hang out with friends, leaving me alone. When I told him how much I'd missed him, he accused me of not wanting him to have friends and that at least next year I'd be used to it. Additionally, he is now so broke that he told me that he was happy he could eat at my dad's house - this scares me for a potential future because it doesn't make me feel secure. I make less than him but I am never, ever broke and pay every bill on time. He can't take me out on dates like he did when we met (not super fancy, but my favorite places), because he is penniless.

He also accused me of trying to change him, referring back to some conversations that we'd had where he really misunderstood what I'd meant, and instead of asking me, he just rolled with it.

He also only calls me when he's bored but says he loves me. I'm confused.

Amidst all of this, I have lost attraction to him because the person he is showing me now is daylight and dark different than the guy I met at first. He is still very kind, but between his financial irresponsibility and how he misreads me saying "I miss you," I'm not sure what to do. I am his first big relationship so I think that has something to do with it. Thank you in advance. I just don't know how to talk with him about any of this. I'm hurt and confused.

TL;DR: financial responsibility and drive are as sexy to me as looks, apparently.

Hey everyone, I need help. 23F (me) and 22M (my boyfriend). We’ve been together for 6 years as of tomorrow and I’m incredibly depressed. We have been best friends for 7 years and have been through a lot together, but because his family doesn’t like me, he pretended we broke up and has kept me a secret for 5 years now. We get to text a few minutes a day and talk on the phone maybe an hour a week. We see each other once or twice every few months despite only living two hours away from each other. I love him, but the longer this distance goes on the harder it has been emotionally. I don’t like barely getting to talk to him and hate being a secret. He lives with his family right now and has for two years while looking for a job (F the job application process for new grads). My family knows, but we barely get to interact because of his. I’ve considered breaking up, but I have schizoaffective disorder and autism so dating would be a nightmare (we are each other’s first people we’ve dated). What should I do? I’m so lost.

Tldr: long distance secret relationship is driving me to being very depressed, but I love him a lot. His family does not know so we barely interact.