i genuinely feel as if i cannot take this anymore. i’m borderline and about a month ago my fp broke up with me. he was the only thing other than my fear of death thst keeps me going, but now even my fear of death is fading. all i do is c ut myself and smoke and i truly find no value left in my life. they’re trying to prescribe me even more medication (wellbutrin) on top of my 200mg zoloft but i know it won’t work. tbh ive just been thinking about snorting it like a fucking junkie. tomorrow i plan to give my mom/family a kitten for mother’s day, and then hopefully it will make it easier when/if i end my life which i plan to on tuesday, may 14. i dont know if it’ll work or if i want it to work but im going to take pills and/or slit my wrists on the highway. 3 different suicide methods in one and if i do end up changing my mind at least someone on the highway probably calls 911 and i probably live. i just cant keep living like this

I am 16 years old . I am boy from outside but behave like girl all the time. Love doing things which girls love to do. Wanna wear girl cloths badly, but don't wear. I have soft hands and soft body. I feel threatened with men around me when they say they want me to give them hand job with my soft hands . They wanna use my body, wanna rape me , use my mouth hole too. I feel threatened. I have no friends. Tried to make friends . But all efforts invain. Girls too ignore me . I don't know what to do , i can't take help from anyone around . I am lonely and wanna finish myself. Maybe next time. Please god either make me boy or girl.

So thing that should be really upsetting or scary the shit out of me doesn't I have plans to end shit in November and I didn't know because I have expected that I'm not going to be around much longer if this is why I don't care about what happens and also who ever actually wants to be in my life I right I'm not fighting it and the people who do research out I'm letting go because at the end of the day if I'm not going to be here much longer I should give that time to people that actually care

Feels like I had no shot at life. Particularly started feeling like this when I learned there are zero abortion providers in Mississippi and there never have been any even before dobbs. My mom had to get permission from my dad to get her tubes tied IN 2009 after having two children. Everyone around here is so bigoted and hateful and on one end of a street you’ll have a upper middle class perfect christian family and the other a family so poor they struggle for food and they both hate each other for what they represent. Everyone around me is miserable materially and spiritually. Most of these perfect Christian homes have drug abuse / domestic abuse rampant behind closed doors and they’ll still criticize you if you don’t go to church every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. I’m trans which is a double whammy lol. I got pushed back into the closet while trying to socially transition (got threaten to be killed a lot and would get followed by classmates) and just completely gave up on even medically transitioning when I learned the only hrt provider in the entire state is hours away from me. Can’t even afford the gas money. I have endometriosis and pmdd as well and can’t access a gynecologist or birth control because no one here practices that either. Why did I have to be born here dude. I couldn’t even leave if I wanted to because I’m basically doomed to be poor. Im doing everything in my power but if I’m still here after Im done with college I might have to do it lol. I want a kid and to live my life and I don’t trust that I won’t be treated subhuman here if I do these things. I’ve already been treated as subhuman for most of my life in a small 90% christian town because i figured out I was lgbt when I was 10 and I’m also afab but it is what it is. Im not living in Mississippi and if I have to die to do that I will

Recently I've ran into a situation where I cant bare my own emotions at the moment. For context, I've been in a limbo with relationships in the past few months and have come to a conclusion that I am not ready for one. So I had to tell the person who I was in a relationship with at the time that I needed some space and shouldn't be with them. They understood, but the issue here is the day prior to that I pushed a sexual encounter up on a close friend.

This friend was my ex, and we've had history to be sexual with each other, but I had said a while back that we needed to stop with that and just be friends. However that person also has a History with being a FWB. So when I pushed this encounter onto them, they didn't say much. They almost fed into it, telling me 'maybe' whenever I told them that was I was doing was ok. Now a day passes and they're telling me how pissed they are and that I'm a shit person for doing that

Now I'm stuck in the position where I don't know how to think or feel and want to stop myself from thinking. I cant bare this feeling of guilt and shame, I want to tear off my skin and bash my head against the wall because now I have to live with the fact that I attempted to force a sexual encounter with a close friend, that I did a disgusting thing that I never wanted to do. Nothing justified how I acted and nothing will ever justify it, I know how bad it was and I just want to stop thinking, I want to stop feeling, I want to hurt myself enough to not feel anymore. I don't know what to do

I have decided that I m doing it because there is no point anymore. I can never trust anyone again. I can never trust him again. Even if I get back together, I don't think I could let go of this irrational fear in my mind that would eventually push him away.

Growing up I was a huge romantic. Now I just feel dead inside. I don't think I would ever give myself the opportunity to trust anyone again or love again or open up again. And without those things, what is the point of life? I can't fake it someone for the sake of living. I don't know how to cope. I don't think any amount of alcohol or drugs is gonna suffice. The thought of being with anyone else disgusts me. It's okay. I don't think me leaving would have that much impact on people. Sure it would hurt for a while but I have insurance so my parents would be protected and they would be free of debt finally. I have two half sisters. They will be a whole family finally.

I thought about it a lot. I thought I can do different things to get over it. Maybe take a trip or do something productive. It just doesn't fucking matter. This is the only way I can get rid of this gnawing pain in my chest. People always opt for slitting wrirsts but it's very complicated. What if I don't do it right and it scars and I have to live with that bitter remainder? Also, it takes too much time. I don't have the nerve to hang myself. I m a short person, I can't reach the fan anyways. Drowning. Drowning is the way to go. It takes under two minutes to lose consciousness and five minutes to fully die. All I have to do is pick a secluded place where I can drown peacefully. Maybe it won't look like a suicide. Maybe I pick this indoor pool near my home on a good weekday noon where no people come, switch on some music and let go. I don't know whether it would bring me peace but I know I won't have to keep living this dreadful life. But I do wonder, where do we all go when it's all over?

12am and dad slammed the door…alot of screaming. I wanna jump off a bridge but i’m too afraid to move or get up from bed. the fear has got to me, I just don’t wanna suffer anymore and be scared anymore :(

Not looking at reaching out for help on here. Just can't find a good sub that is pro suicide. Anyone know any communities?

He says I'm pure laziness, that my room is a pig sty. I'm not lazy. It's a mixture of horrible ADHD and using every ounce of energy I have trying not to kill myself. For his sake.

I can't tell him any of this, or course, because his best friend decided to go off and kill his girlfriend and subsequently himself the day before my dad's birthday [shitty move], so now just about any mention of suicide reminds him of that. Naturally, as any decent human would be, he's a bit touchy about the subject.

So I can't tell him I want to kill myself. And I don't think he'd believe that's why it's damn near impossible to clean my room.

He's never failed to mention how lazy I am, ever since I was a little kid, and I don't know how to get him to stop.

Got me 5 grams, 9 xans, and a bag full of trams

Hard liquor in the can, $uicide is the plan

Got the nine in my hand, wrote a note for my fam

No one knows who I am, going out with a bang!

its never going to get easier. and i know it cuz i made it like this. no matter what i cant go back in time and fix it. i will forever regret how i was cuz maybe if i was a better person then maybe i wouldnt be feeling like this but idk. anywho i fucked myself for the future so why live in it when i can just go?

I'm suffering and im angry.

I have failed many times to end it all. I'm haunted everyday by each attempt, each cut, each scratch and scrape I've inflicted on myself. My failure to take control of my life, my failure to break out of this mental prison thats held my chained and locked away my whole life.

I'm trapped inside my head with all the voices of people I know. Constant talking about who I am to them, I hear them and I remember how I've hurt them. I hear my mother crying and remember how horrible I was, i hear my exes leaving me and remember how horrible I was, I hear my former friends leaving and remember every single unnecessary mean thing I've said.

I'm clearly not alright. At some point unknown to me this paranoid state spawned and it's all I've felt since. It's my fault everyone leaves. I wish i could turn back to clock, I wish I got another chance. I wish they didn't leave. I have no purpose, no need to explore life, no positive association with life. It's been a struggle since I being aware of the fact I am my own person and other people are their own.

Sometimes I wonder if I've already lost it or if I can sink further than this. Maybe I just don't understand myself well enough but all I can imagine is going full blown paranoid schizo, if I'm not already there.

Sometimes the fact I don’t have an “off button”, per se, panics me.

I wish I could just press a button and be dead. If I could do it, I would.

I feel a lack of control when I think about being alive and there not being one easy, set way out.

If I attempt, it will be in a way that there’s no possibility of surviving.

I’ve considered laying in front of train tracks, jumping from a water tower, or shooting myself (so that the bullet goes thru both hemispheres of my brain).

The concept of permanence terrifies me, but so does living with this horrible existential dread.

To make a long story short I’m a 24(F) with depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I no longer have a passion because others have obliterated my dreams and aspirations so I’m stuck with a college degree in Cyber Security (was forced to go to college and get degree by toxic parent) and work as a show usher at an amusement park because that is the only place to hire me in last 4 years. I have no clue what to do or how to move forward. I’m just so sick and tired working myself like a dog at a job I don’t care about around people who think it’s ok to treat me as a fetish. I’m sorry this post is just like my head all over the place but the moral of the story is I’m tired of doing this shit anymore and I’m just trying figure out is it worth to continue suffering like this

no pressure i’m sorry

it feels like nobody is as confused of life as me. i'm pigeonholed into this view, and my deepest want is to rot eat sleep. to not see anyone ever, i just want to have no responsibilities, not have to see my parents who im convinced find pleasure in my pain, or are as scared of me as i am

I just wish i could love someone

I'm scared. I feel so alone.

Even my husband has said. He even thinks there is something in me that is dark and drags down the people around me. I love people.. I love fiercely.. I would do anything I could for someone I love.. but I'm always the bad ... I am the thing that fucks everything up for anyone I love. . I'm just struggling to see what the point of me being alive is.. I don't want to cause any more pain . I really need to go to the doctors because I don't know how strong I am. I don't know if I can.. not .. it makes it worse that since my dad was murdered and I read the journal he had in his hotel room when he died. I realized he felt the exact same I did every day. Like I'm out of the loop no matter how much I'm around. I'll never have a real friend

or an estimate of a date, i guess? a friend is visiting sometime next month and she hasn't booked her return tickets, but the first weekend after she leaves i'll do it. or at least try. knowing the kind of person i am i might chicken out - i'm a coward in every respect of my life - but i think writing it down here and putting it out in the world might help make it a bit more real. like some twisted sense of accountability.

i've been passively suicidal for 3-4 years now but the past few months have been the first times i really woke up in the morning and thought "i should do it today. i could do it today" and it's just kept happening. my life has been steadily falling apart for years - that's too passive, i know i've been the one ruining my own life - and there's nothing left. which i know sounds stupid and whiny and childish as a 21 year old but there's just a sense of finality in my life. i've dropped out of college, ended my relationship, stopped talking to virtually all of my friends, ruined my life in its entirety. for years now it's killed me that you can call it quits in every aspect of your life other than being alive. why is there no fucking — i don't know, no game over or quit button lmao. no way to say "well i gave it a try and it's not for me, i give up!" why is there no other way to do that than killing yourself. i feel like nearly everyone i know was dealing with some sort of mental illness back when the pandemic started and we were finishing up high school. i felt less alone. every single one of them is living the life of their dreams now - loving relationships, dream jobs, ivy league grad schools, whatever - and i'm worse than i ever have been. i tried therapy but nothing helped, nothing worked. the thought of being stuck with myself and the complete wreck i've made of myself, having to live with every failure day in and day out for the rest of my life - i can't do it. i just can't do it anymore and the thought of this defining the rest of my life is unbearable. i'm done. i'm fucking done with this.

the one thing i do regret is adopting a cat in january. my beloved baby girl she's so lovely and so so sweet, but pragmatically i've been gone for the semester so she'll hardly remember me and i know my parents will take good care of her. the thought of hurting my parents is genuinely unbearable though so i'll have to avoid thinking about that as much as i can until it's too late. what else can you do?

what worries me is figuring out a method. i don't want to fuck it up and survive having damaged my internal organs beyond repair, i want it to be clean and i want it to stick. there's a line from a poem i like: "when I die, I will come in fast and low. I will stick the landing." i think about that a lot. in a fucked up way, working out a method will be a fun little project for the rest of the month. or maybe that's a pipe dream and there's no "clean" way to do it and whatever i do will be painful and drawn-out and damage my liver or w/e beyond repair until i finally die. it'll probably be that. oh god

this fucking sucks! my friend is texting me about flying out to see her boyfriend! two of my friends are talking about their new relationships! it's graduation weekend and someone outside my door just chirped "happy grad day" to her friend in the brightest voice! there was apparently an aurora last night that i completely missed + i think it's too cloudy here to see it, i'd wanted to see one my entire life! i found a nice italian spot in the city last month! and none of that matters and i feel worse than i ever have and i'm posting on a suicide watch subreddit about killing myself because that's just who i am and who i'll always be! i'm going back and proofreading this post like any of this fucking matters to anyone other than me, like any of it will matter at all a few weeks from now. in a way that's almost a relief.

i don't really want to do it - it's fucking biological instinct, nobody wants to die - but i have to force myself to. it's like swallowing bitter medicine, honestly that's exactly what it'll probably be. i don't have any other choice

Rope is ready. I’m doing it in my backyard. Dead of night. It’s done. I made up my mind and no one can change that. If everyone is going to leave me then I guess I wasn’t cut out for a despairful life like this. To everyone who has supported my artwork and content over the years, thank you. To the two/three people online who I look up to and listen to every night, I’m sorry I disturbed you. I’ll make it up to you. I love you guys. And to my friends and family, I’m sorry I had to hurt you like this, but I had no choice, I had to escape. I really wish I could’ve lived longer but it’s what fate led me to, I guess. I have no other place to go to feel safe. I’m sorry for everything and every bad thing I’ve caused. And to my mother, this is mostly because of you. How could you known me for 15 years and STILL never accept the fact that I’ll never be like you. That I’ll never be perfect.

To the other unknown people reading this. My name is Jenn. Please remember me. I want my hope to spread with others across the world..

Goodbye.

(22M) it's been a year since my last attempt and lately I've completely lost the will to live. I have no friends or family nor any intrest in any, i lost the few things that kept me alive And now im sitting in my room looking at the ceiling with 1 thought on my mind "This is it" it's time to end it, and the wierd part is i can't even bring myself to care knowing that this time won't be an attempt, it will be my end. I have no more excuses or lies to keep going. I feel stupid writing this but what the heck i'll be gone soon anyways. cheers

Hi guys, I really don't know where to go so here I am... I want to die...I feel so alone...sadly I don't have the energy to tell my story...just looking for kind people that feel simular....I keep looking for a place to feel safe.

I don't want to be alive but I'm not sure if I should be dead yet, seems like no one wants me near them, almost died a few times the last months and been low-key wishing they ended me, feel like whenever I speak they hate me, but whenever I don't they ask me if I'm alright, my purpose seems delusional, I feel completely alone, but like everyone feels like me, so I guess it wouldn't matter that much if I left this world, I don't think I'll act on my thoughts yet, just needed somewhere to say something, sry

I feel like I haven’t experienced the worst yet. It’s only gotten worse since I was younger, meaning it’ll only get worse for the future. There’s always a way for it to get worse. And I wish that younger me had had the strength to die. So does that mean I should do it now? Cause older me will hope that younger or current me did it. So should I or should I not? I don’t have much to do it with only pills. Idk how I would do it. I’ve got no alone time and it would be hard to act normal if I did do it or did wake up alive. Idk. I wish my parents weren’t as strict and could leave me alone for a little while so I could just do it. But they are strict. They’re extremely strict, too strict imo. I wanna die though. It sounds fun. Sounds fun to just be doneeee I took a couple random pills today ik on the box it said use by either 2016 or 2017 idk, but yea. And it randomly made me just fall asleep so many times and then my girl days to start out of nowhere. No idea why but lol. So maybe expired ones would have more of an effect cause even this wasn’t much at all, like I wasn’t even expecting it to do anything lol. I don’t know at all I just wanna be dead. I keep staying up at night with just these in depth images and thoughts of me dying. Like whenever I do end up sleeping I just see a detailed dream of how I could kill myself and bleed out and die and all the pain and god damn it, it’s making me want to do it even more

I can’t, and I can’t get over the fact on how unfair this is. I’m starting to look at people and just think “they get to live their lives just fine. They’ve got to experience more than me. Why don’t I get that?” Set back after set back the word is against me. I’m only 22 I haven’t even started my life yet because like I said I’ve had set back after set back. Each time I get my foot out the door something happens and it always gets progressively worse. I always believed things get better because they do but it gets bad again each time. I’m so tired… I don’t want to die but it’s my only choice honestly, I don’t want to live like this.

Call it a quarter life crisis, crying for attention or whatever you want to call it. But I'm tired of living on this planet. The way society is, the way money is seen as everyone's value. How We're modern day slaves to the dollar how no one cares about humanity anymore Only money I don't want to be in a world where doing the right thing has to be weighed against the monetary value of it. I Lost what I thought was the greatest love of my life because of it. All of my stress I have is because of money and how no matter how hard I work I don't make enough. I'm tired how I can't be with my family because of money and even if I had enough money to see them, I still wouldn't be happy. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I know I won't actually do it. I'm too much of a coward to do it. I don't think any part of me believes that life will get better. I don't know why I'm still here. All I want is my pain and suffering to end for everyone's pain and suffering around me to also end

If someone toon their own life, is there anyway to ensure the debt they owed before they died doesnt fall on their loved ones?

There’s a part of the recourses widget in this subreddit that says

”If you're concerned about someone else, you're welcome to post, also check out our talking tips and risk assessment guide. If you're new here and want to help, please read these two posts before diving in.”

and it really fucking hurts because I WISH people could even be concerned about me.