Nobody tells you..

 That the life will be knocked out of you. That things will taste and smell different. That your personality will shift. 

 Nobody tells you that the way you view the world will change. How you trust others. How your relationships with family and friends will be different. Nobody tells you that you'll spend days and nights dissociated until months have passed. 

 They don't tell you that you are listening but not hearing anything around you. That your body is going to change. Your skin will age. Your mind will start to slip away. Nobody tells you that your focus is now lost. Once menial tasks become burdens to bear. 

 Nobody tells you that pain isn't just defined as physical. They don't tell you that emotional abuse can rewire your self view. That if you have a child, you now look at them and pray they never feel this. 

 Nobody tells you that merely existing feels like dying. They certainly don't tell you that it's worth it in the end. Nobody tells you that, you'll meet one person in your lifetime who will undoubtedly destroy you for everyone else. 

 Nobody tells you about trauma bonds until it's over. That what you thought was real is in fact, NOT. Nobody tells you that the realization of reality actually makes you go insane. 

 They don't tell you that even after being broken, being healed feels ever so slightly always out of reach. 

 Nobody tells you not to love, because who doesn't want to be loved? Who doesn't want to find the one? Who doesn't want to believe that when they did, it was all worth it. 

 Nobody tells you, after the one, you never recover. 

I swear, I know thanks to all you exactly whats best to do in all sorts of b/u situations and then act the complete opposite manytimes. Even though I love to read & learn from all of your experiences, it's very hard to stick to it in reality.

Going through my (M30) first b/u, she was my first gf, and its very hard. Didn't see it coming, the past couple of weeks been very emotional for both parties. Misstakes were made, she wanted space, I gave her love. Broke no contact after 1 week for some selfish reason. The past two weeks we didn't have any contact because I fucked up even more (we had a fight after the b/u and she wouldn't talk to me).

I reached out to her because we have to close things (I found a new house for myself) and told her I wanted to end things in a good way. Ofc that last thing was a bit bullshit; i'm completely broken and still seeking for hope she'll comeback. So I went to meet her tonight to talk things over & gave her two small presents which I hope would remind her of the good parts of the relationship. The last weeks were only negativity between the two of us.

But lets be honest; its all about my ego, not to make her feel any better. I don't want her to hate me & deep in me there's some hope she'll have a change of heart. I also wrote her a letter saying I still love her despite the feelings things ended (which is very true, but also my problem).

So it wouldn't surprise you it didn't bring me anything I still hoped for. We had a good talk and are back on speaking terms, but it was real self torture. Sitting there and feeling she doesn't love me the way she did. It is so clear, but very hard to see she simply (unintened) doesn't care like I do. It breaks my heart, it feels like yesterday (5 weeks it is) we were so supportive to each other and now we're strangers with a shared past.

I also made myself look desperate, crying and confessing I'm so heartbroken without her. I know she can't help me, I know its up to me but God I miss her.

So I didn't do myself a favour in case of getting her back. I acted needy without selfrespect clearly not attractive. But maybe its a blessing in disguise, it made me realize that it's clearly over and not some sort of game or switch she turn on/off from he.

So here I am laughing at myself for the stupid jerk*** I am. Reading all your posts here, gaining knowledge, but in the end being driven by my emotions. Don't get me wrong its a good laugh at myself and though its a hard time, I learned a lot from the b/u and from you guys. It wasn't enough to save my relationship but will take it with for me the rest of my life.

It has taken me roughly six months to realise that a lot of the criticisms my ex made of me were correct. I am now looking into whether I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Unfortunately at the time, I was unable to receive criticism well and I now realise that my ex had no choice but to break up with me. I have finally come to terms with her decision and realise now that it was for the best for both of us. This intense wake-up call has forced me to confront my true nature.

I wish I could reach out and let my ex know that she was right and that I'm working on myself, but it's too late. She reported me to the police for harassment and I can never contact her again. I'm so sorry that I ruined my best ever relationship with the love of my life and I feel I will never be able to replace what I have lost, she was so special to me. Now all there is to do is continue with my life knowing that I will always have a huge gap in my heart where she should be.

How do you guys handle the emptiness and pain? It’s been 3months since she left me and she is already back with her ex 1-2weeks after our breakup. I still couldn’t move forward there are days/weeks that im completely fine but then it will hit me again like what happened this week. How can i end this feeling like endless loop?

The story between this girl and I starts 2 years ago. She and I met at a New Year's friend gathering/party, we kissed each other that night and eventually, a week after that night to be exactly, we started texting and then dating. The dating part lasted about 2-3 months. I was completly fascinated with her and I liked her a lot, I never felt like that about someone before meeting her. She is a really cool person, she was at the moment and she is nowadays. We broke up/got separated because she was going through a depression episode at the momen, and confessed to me that, while she was struggling with depression, she wouldn't be able to get into a relationship. The break up was all over text because I was very anxious about her strange behaviour the days prior she confessed to me, and it was all very fast and felt like a punch in the stomach.

2 years passed, and there was a lot of times where we saw each other at parties or friends birthdays. She is the sister of one of my friends and they kinda come in pairs everytime the friend group hangs out, and it was almost completly impossible to not see each other at least twice every couple of months. Every time this happened, we didn't do more than give each other a glance or share a few "thanks" and some group laughs.

After we broke up, I spent 1 or 2 months thinking about her and getting sad about how we ended up, and didn't feel like we really got a proper closure to what we had. I got into a relationship after that lasted almost all that first year, and even then I didn't have interest in her, she popped up on my mind from time to time. It was like that for all of 2022 and 2023.

It wasn't until near the end of 2023 that I genuily gave it a thought and said "Yep, I got to make things right with her". I kept it like that until last february, at a friend's birthday, when she and I finally got to joke around and didn't felt uncomfortable to our pressence. It felt wonderful, me and her just had a really cool connection there, and a week later, I texted her. I expressed her how much I felt sorry for how my behaviour through all that time may have seemed to be rude or something like that, she told me that she wanted to give me space and didn't talked to me for that reason, and basiclly we just made sure that we gave our past episode a good closure.

After getting all clear, we started daily texting. It wasn't on my plans, but I gave it a try. We were getting more and more close, we catched up on our lives. It was like starting a friendship, and yeah, that's also when I started to realize that I never got past those feelings, I regained my attraction to her.

Four days ago, I couldn't make it much longer, and told her that I wasn't ready to get in a friendship with her after all that happened, but didn't told her specificlly that I was having feelings for her again, assuming she would catch that part. Anyways, we decided to part ways again, but this time, we wouldn't be ignoring each other at parties or every time we bump into each other, keeping only the good things about what we had.

Now, I'm having second thoughts. I want to tell her how much I like her and that that's why I don't want to be just friends. I want to know how was she feeling about it. If she had intensions on getting together again or atleast trying it. If she still has feelings for me or if they were growing on them. I want to be properly rejected so I can have a piece of mental peace, because she just told me that she understood how I was feeling and that it was okay for me not to feel like having a friendship right now, and that we could try whenever I'm ready.

At the end, all I want is to make sure that she knows that I want to try things again with her because of how much I like her, and if that's not possible, then a friendship would be imposible anytime soon. But I'm afraid that if I say those things and get rejected, everything will be uncomfortable between us again. Is it worth it? Am I being selfish for wanting to break the distance I asked for just to tell her how I feel? It would be awkward to bring the romance theme to the conversation all of a sudden?

In school I never really cared about making friends, they just kept leaving me over and over again, so I thought just don’t make friends anymore so you can’t get hurt anymore. Then the start of highschool a shining star of a girl came by and basically adopted me into a friend group. Which I was cold to but she kept trying over and over and being patient with me. After awhile I thought maybe this time will be different and it was for all of high school. After I graduated early almost the entire friend group stopped talking to me, except her. One day she asked if I wanted to hang out and on a complete whim. I asked her out on a date instead. After that single yes, everything in my life became so much better in every way. I thought she was the one and things were great. I loved spending every single hour every minute every second with her. She told me this as well. Then her mother started to cause issues. I tried to not cause issues I wanted to just be better so her mother liked me so the one who I thought was the love of my life would be happy. But that didn’t work out. Any tiny reason she could find she made cracks and holes into our relationship and because of that I started to act bitter to her mother making more issues. I loved this girl with my entire being and her mother for no good reason in my eyes just wanted me gone. So we started to fight more and more over the smallest things. We always talked it out and I thought we grew better as a couple. I wanted to get a puppy with her because I always wanted a dog, she loved the idea, so she searched and we find the puppy, after arguing about a name we ended on Zora. I was so happy that I had her and the puppy. But the puppy was causing issues because the love of my life had different views on how to raise the dog and that caused issues. At some point we came to an agreement which I thought fixed it but apparently not. One night when it was starting to get cold we were playing a game together in bed cuddling having fun. My controller died and I just wanted to hold her and then off the tv. She wanted me to get up and put it into the charger right away. After a small argument i accidentally hit her in the head with it while trying to put it on the end table. Which triggered her and she got up and started beating me. I tried to get her to stop but she wasn’t, so I pushed her off the bed which caused her to break her toes. After talking and everything I thought we were ok and she told me she was, I thought we talked it through but she still was holding on some feelings, which the next day her mother came by and started yelling. After trying to calm it all down she told me “you are a man your feelings don’t matter, she is a girl and you should have just taken the beating” in that moment it caused me so much more hate for her mother and for the love of my life to just sit in the car doing nothing and saying nothing kinda broke me inside so I said that’s it were done and left. After a few hours she texted me and I not wanting to be done with her texted back. We agreed to take a small break but not after talking it all through in person. In that moment we almost broke up, and was the first time I actually cried in front of someone who was not family for real. We texted and talked more and worked through all of our feelings I thought but as I have yet to find out she held back. A while later she applied to be a foster home and to foster a dog. We had arguments about animals in the past due to her having a small apartment with 4 cats already. But she did this anyways and foster failed a dog. This caused the final nail in the coffin for the relationship because to me she was abandoning the dog we raised together and it did not. Help she was insulting my sweet Zora. So I decided to say it’s me or the dog. She chose the dog, she had the dog for like idk a month or so at this point? And she chose the dog over me the man who was with her thick and thin over the three years. This broke me, this triggered every insecurity I had and just obliterated me. I assume she went through hardship before calling me and breaking up with me for real but I just felt like I threw away maybe the one for me. Over something like that. I pathetically tried to get back together with her and just made myself look like a fool in the end. Even after 5 months I want to say I am over her but I just can’t.

25 years and I’ve found out today he’s been cheating on me since Jan.

We’ve got two adopted kids.

Our daughters are friends (with the other women)

I can’t leave. Youngest in special ed. Took 7 years to get that placement and he’s finally learning.

Eldest has her GCSEs in 12 months.

My family are miles away and I can’t tell them.

Q

I woke up with a heavy heart. My chest feels so heavy. I know it’s a relationship I don’t want to be in anymore but it still sucks.

My heart is yearning for the person even if my head knows he’s not the one.

It’s so funny because I am the one who ended things because I could not take it anymore but here I am, miserable as hell.

I met a girl mid-March and it was magical. I thought she was the one, and was led to believe she fell in love with me and we both saw each other as it. We had amazing chemistry, both physical and emotional, we planned trips together, met each other's families, and prioritized seeing each other. She was afraid of going to fast, and I offered every possible way to go slow, but refused because she wanted those things. 1 month later, her ex calls about a mutual pet getting sick, and this was the beginning of the end. I inquired about the situation but stated I trusted her to navigate and explained we could talk about boundaries once the pet is doing better. She didn't say anything and let it bottle up for a week. She needed space at the end of the week and wouldn't respond to texts or calls, and told her we should talk, this made her more mad. Then the next day, she broke up with me playing the classic "I'm not ready" card. I was able to talk her through things and we spoke on the phone the following day and continued to be together. We had a great date the following day, and she love bombed me over text. The following week culminated in a cancelled date last minute explaining she doesn't want to socialize with anyone and that it's not me, but also stated that she wants to be a better person for me but she can't. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and let her be. The next day, she asked if she could come over, I said yes, then 5 minutes later, she bails saying she's not in the right mindset to drive. She refused for me to come over there. We did speak on the phone for an hour where she love bombed me. I tried to question why she didn't want to see me in person but she got mad that I brought it up, so quickly changed subjects. The following morning, I wake up to Instagram reels, and a text from her asking to bring me in to her job then to hang out. I meet her there, and she's on the phone with her Mom for 5 minutes while I awkwardly wait. Then she was in a terrible mood as we tried to go shop together. She has to leave the date early because she was on call. I offered to see her later, and bring her dinner over. I tried to be understanding with how work has made her feel and that it wouldn't offend me if she said no. Her response was to break up with me again. She did it over text, and ripped it off Facebook. She ignored my text for a whole day. Then 2 days later she reaches out, and explains she is panicking because of still getting over her long past. She then says she misses me, and that she can't stop thinking about me. She says I'm her future, and that she's working on it. We hang out the next day and it seemed to go well. Then I noticed she would disappear in the evenings (despite us both stating we weren't going on dates with other people). She invited me to do a 5k in a month, I agreed, but she said don't register yet. She goes silent at 6pm through the night. The following day I say I'm done and can't take it. She said she understands and will drop my things off. I told her this isn't the outcome I want. She said "I don't want us to fail, I don't want to fail us," which gave me reason to believe she truly wanted to heal and grow. I was willing to continue. We talked throughout the week, and she was putting more effort in her texts. She then asks if her job doesn't overwork her hours, if we could hang out the next day or the day after, I agree to this. That next day comes, and we seem to be chatting effectively. Then 4:44 she texts me saying how busy work is. I respond with a funny text. I hear nothing, then it's 7:45 on the night we were planning on hanging out. I didn't get a reply from early so I double texted asking if she wanted to go out. She said she is still at work and can't get off. I again tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and say "no worries, it will be a great paycheck." However, given the situation of not being together and the feeling someone else is in the picture, I told her I wasn't seeing other people out of respect for what we had, and that I recall her saying the same. And that if anything I am saying is wrong, to please correct me. She responded saying "is there any reason you're bringing this up?" I was scared to upset her, but I told her "yes, because we tentatively planned on tonight and I didn't hear anything from you about it until I double texted you late. I understand you're on call, but it feels like you don't want to see me." She was livid. She told me "you need to cancel all the travel plans and stop talking to me. For the time being I just want to focus on the work, and don't want to put effort into anything else." I tried responding assuming she was being protective from the pain she experienced in her previous toxic relationship (I Said "I understand you are used to being attacked even if you did everything right, but this isn't the case. I don't want to attack you, I am sorry for this and that", and tried to meet her halfway and explain myself). No response. Radio silence. I am absolutely heart broken. This girl made me think she truly loved me. I was willing to do anything for her, and go at her pace. She introduced me to her family, invited me on a family trip, we had amazing physical chemistry that she described was unlike anything she ever had before. And now, I am a parasite to her, someone that she demanded I stop talking to her. I really don't know what happened but I am a mess :(

A whole big sunny weekend was here where I am and everywhere people were having such a good time. I tried to do whatever I could think of to get my mind off my heartbreak— go for a walk by myself, see friends, I even went on the apps for the very first time and had a very brief (and disastrous) date with someone. But nothing helped. I came home and just felt immensely sad that we’re aren’t together anymore. I miss him and love him so much it hurts like there’s no end. I wish he was back, I can’t imagine going on like this without him. The thing I can’t understand is: what was the point of it all? Why did I have to meet him at all? If he’s not the one, why is he the only I want? I just want him back and I don’t know how to let go.

My ex-partner and I recently broke up. She wanted to separate due to the mound of problems that were present in our relationship. I take full responsibility for my shortcomings and faults as a partner. I have and still am doing my best to work through them and find better coping skills to handle some of my issues. As of recent I've been finding it difficult because she lives with me still. We both currently live at my dad's house rent free, we had to move in because of my serious health condition which rendered me unable to work. We also have a 2 year old together, whom I am the main care taker for. My difficult are that I want the relationship to still work and she very much doesn't want to continue it. It's hard because we still have dinner together, spend a little time together when we switch off who is watching our daughter, and talk about each others days. There are days where I will feel more upset and be distant and it'll upset her that I'm not talking to her or asking how her day went. Other days I will be warmer to her, and she'll express that she needs space. Certain days I'm able to walk the tight rope but it's still emotionally painful. I feel like I'm putting on an act to be happy, kind, and caring to her. It's not that I stopped loving her or don't care for her but it feels weird to carry out with those emotions. She's in no position to move out right away, even in the next month or two. I would be very surprised if she was even able to move out in 2 months with how her fianaces are. She doesn't have family near by, and her small friend group doesn't have room for her to stay with them I believe. Overall this situation is really emotionally hard, because some days I will feel a little more accepting of what happened. Then we will spend an evening together bantering, an occasional compliment, and a very rare hug here and there. After experiencing those things my mind switches back into a mode of wanting to win her back and wanting to plead with her to make things work. I know both aren't the best and I refrain from acting on those impulsives but it's still hard emotionally. I wish it could be a normal breakup where we don't see each other, and not only is it the complete opposite but also having a child does bound us together for life. I'd love to know if anyone has gone through something similar and if you have any tips or tricks to nagivate through this.

Tl;dr My ex (m27) wants to keep hanging out after we broke up. Im moving out soon. Says he doesn’t care about sex, he just wants to see me. After our break up, I was sad that he was hanging out with friends so he felt bad. But he got mad when I was hanging out with new friends, and called me selfish for making him feel bad. Was that wrong of me?

As the title says, my ex 19/f and me 19/m broke up just 2 days ago. It would’ve been 6 years in about 3 weeks. The reason for the break up was that I found a picture of a guy and her on FaceTime on her photos. I confronted her and later on in the conversation, she gets some text from the guy with heart emojis and things like that. She says it was only 2 days that they texted, but like cmon, no one is going to be texting the way he texted her after 2 days. She in the past has hidden text messages from me 2x. They weren’t flirty so I forgave her. I just keep on asking myself, why would she do this? Like why throw away 6 years for someone you hadn’t talked to in 1.5 years, since graduating highschool. I don’t dislike her or have any bad feelings towards her, and I don’t understand why. Like she did something bad that caused a break up. I just feel so lost and have no one to really talk to about this. Her and I have been texting a bit since Friday night. Ik it’s bad but I really have no one to talk to besides her as she was the only person i hung out with or talked to regularly. I keep on looking on my phone waiting for texts from her. Seeing that we don’t have eachother on social media hurts. But I think what hurts the most is that she told me she texted the guy back because she was mad and upset with me. Like that was a punch to the gut. I just need some advice on how to handle this, how to get over this. I don’t hate her or dislike her, I kind of wish I did, but I also dont want to. I know it will take time, but what can I do to make these feelings go away?

This has been my (f - 31) hardest break up for a lot of reasons, but i think the main one is he (M - 31) lives literally 3 minutes walk from me and (although by some miracle) its not been that often we bump into each other.

We broke up in December. He was in a new relationship less than a month after we broke up and he told me he still loved me (bs i know). I have been journalling, doing therapy, joined groups, done courses, sat w my feelings etc, but some days the hurt feels like it happened yesterday.

I have actively starting dating again but not had much luck yet, which feels like salt in the wound considering he is already in a relationship.

Thoughts, advice, hints and tips welcome 💕

She left around a month and a week ago, she started to absolutely despise me after the breakup, I felt like I did nothing wrong but she still hates me and thinks I’m a horrible person, does she actually feel that way or is she coping

So, I made a mistake by looking at my ex’s social media. Actually, one day it just appeared in my feed, and then I started to notice it more often. I’m glad they’ve found someone that they are truly happy with, but I also feel a bit sad and even jealous; like I’m going through the breakup once again, although I’m currently with someone and I was sure I moved on a long time ago.

Maybe worth mentioning is the fact that I broke up with them 4 years ago due to my inability to do the long distance relationship and wish to explore different romantic interests. But now when they moved in with another person, I have all these feelings out of the blue. Like, why they didn’t move in with me? Was I not good enough? Would things be different if I had been more patient? Why did they get better once we broke up and not earlier?

And also, these feelings make me question my relationship towards current partner, cause it seems kinda unfair to feel that way, but I just do.

Did anyone experience anything similar? How do you go about this, other than stop looking at ex’s social media and keeping yourself occupied?

Honestly I broke no contact because I been missing my best friend like crazy , I’m talking about a beautiful young lady . We did everything together, literally everything. We would joke around and share laughs together about random stuff. I just missed being there for everything . Honestly she was the one who dumped me because idk, this year has not been easy … what’s first I was going to school to get my cdl and I successfully got it and it’s all thanks to her for literally pushing me to study . Keep in mind. I didn’t have anything reliable transportation to get to school and back and she will let me borrow her car all the time. I was able to get hired at a small company, but it was enough. I sacrifice myself and would work up to six days a week 12 hour shifts just to be financially capable.of paying for my basics and been able to purchase a car thanks to her which I’m also grateful. Then this trucking industry was bad for everyone I was let go of my job , and in the process my parents home burned down , and I ended being hit by a lady which totaled my car . I think I was left worse than where I was. I’m not sure what I have done, but I always kept fighting and looking for work and opportunities. I probably made the mistake of telling her all my problems… And a couple months later, she totally blindsided me by breaking up with me I was devastated still am . She broke up with me a couple days before anniversary. I was planning something special but I didn’t get the opportunity since I didn’t see this coming. A couple days went by and literally got two different jobs offers , I was able to purchase a vehicle . And all these treatments are great but honestly, I just wish I could enjoy them with her. We work so hard . I understand she had personal issues going on at home, which I was trying to be there for her, but I felt like I was getting shut out by her family, which is totally understandable. They were going through difficult time of lost. She totally changed with me and I would ask her is everything ok and she would say everything was fine and one day I confronted her about some stupid ig followers and she decided to cut me off . Come and find out a couple weeks later the real reason why she left me was because her family never liked me , not respected me as a man . I’m the type of person that I don’t get intimidated by other people and maybe that’s what it was. It was clear that her family did not approve of me being with her and I feel she has been influenced by them to leave me and that’s not cool. I feel like she needs to stop living other peoples Dreams she has her own. She is capable making her own decisions. I have reached out multiple timess and now I feel like she has completely moved on , she’s dating other dudes that her family does approve of . And well I’m just tired of waiting for her to realize I have changed my ways for the better. But I feel like it’s not fair I have to literally suffer over this . Idk what should I do now .

What are reasons you have for not calling your ex even though you know they would definitely pick up or want to hear from you?

My ex and I had a very calm breakup, was filled with love. We were not able to align on future goals. We still have each other on Instagram, he added me to his CF stories some days ago, twitter and even goodreads.

I know I need to let him go, but I don’t want him to think that I am doing it out of anger or being petty. I was thinking of sending him a FYI message, as closure and let it go.

How has this worked out for anyone before? Could it backfire as if I was trying yinf to get him back or manipulating him?

Eversince my breakup which was nearly five months ago, I've tried getting back on sites just to see what's out there and every man I talk to I just feel nothing, no spark, no excited feeling like I had with my ex. No attraction. The thought of sleeping with someone new makes me anxious and makes me feel repulsed and I'm worried this feeling is not going to go away. It's so hard, because to me, my ex was the perfect person for me and everything about him (the good parts) I loved. I just cannot seem to find anyone who makes me feel how he made me feel.

Would you ever consider taking the dumper back after they have explored dating apps? Especially when they give you mixed signals meanwhile…

I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.

Basically, 2 years ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years because we weren’t compatible anymore + he was emotionally abusive and he sa me couple of times. We started dating when we were 16, went to school together for 8 years (so naturally most of our older friends now each other), then went to different universities in the same city.

At first year of uni, I met a girl that quickly became a very good friend to me. We spent every day together. My ex and her met only once, I introduced them to each other briefly, neither of them was very interested in the other one (my ex said she doesn’t seem very smart lol, friend said they didn’t have anything in common). When me and my ex broke up, he was very heartbroken. Told me he never wants to see me again etc. Mind you we had almost all friends in common except from uni friends..

I respected his wish and stopped coming to most planned trips and parties with our friend group to make it bit easier for him. 3 weeks after our break up I found out he slept with the said best friend after a concert where they numbed into each other.

My best friend didn’t even tell me so we met up to discuss it. She said she is sorry and that it felt like he just did it to upset me because he is still visibly in love with me. She said she won’t see him again if it makes me uncomfortable and I said it does (especially with him hurting me basically our entire relationship). Friend said okay and then proceeds to go on dates with him.

I texted her about it, and she started justifying it, saying things like: actually now I think he does like me and apparently she was telling him they can’t meet up anymore but he was very persuasive. That was kinda it for me, I told her it’s her decision but for the sake of my mental health, I don’t want to be friends with her anymore. It’s her business who she dates but I can’t pretend I’m not hurt by this.

I should probably mention I started seeing someone too at that time but it wasn’t ANYONE from his friends obviously.

Fast forward to today. They are still together. Everything would be obviously so much easier if I didn’t go to university with the former best friend. Now I can’t escape seeing them together because if I hang out with uni friends, they are there, if I hang out with high school friends, they are there as well. Most of my friends agreed it was fucked up in the beginning but now everyone talks to them like nothing happened. My uni programme is very small (around 20 people) so it’s been very difficult for me. I’ve tried and tried to get over it but I just cannot. It’s bothering me that someone who was supposed to be my good friend betrayed me like this for someone like him.

My university experience has been quite shit because of this. I’m finishing my degree in couple of weeks and can’t wait to go somewhere else to stop seeing them.

I often don’t come to neither uni nor former high school events because it hurts seeing them together. My friends keep telling me that she was never a good friend if she did something like this, so I dodged a bullet there, but it still hurts!

I’m not sure how to get over this. I don’t have any feelings for my ex but I can’t get over my “best friend” doing this to me. I’ve been in a happy relationship for 1,5 years now but I still think about them almost every day because I keep seeing them all the time!!

Has anyone been in a similar situation and has any advice on how to overcome this? Am I overreacting? I’ve tried therapy but seriously nothing works for me.

Edit: I haven’t talked to the friend since it happened, we ignore each other at school but I know she was really upset as well because I was literally her only friend

Edit2: some examples of difficult situations I’ve dealt with since it happened.

1.my parents gave my ex a sweather for Christmas many years ago. Then my ex friend shows up at school wearing the sweather which I think is strange and it just reminds me of the situation. 2. Me and ex friend swapped some clothes before it happened so now she wears some stuff he has given to me when we were dating while she dates him 🤡. There are many little things like this that keep reminding me and I hate it!

Man, I dont know where I'm at or what to think most days. The last few weeks i've definitely tried to enjoy myself a little bit more and trying to do things to take my mind off it, but I find that is just temporary relief. I always keep circling back to our relationship. I still cry every damn day. I love that girl so much and I know she loves me but there's forces outside of us that are clearly getting in between us (friends, family etc). We had talked 3-4 times over the phone since the breakup and she expressed regretting her to decision to end it and said she feels the same way I do and loves me too, but she cant be with me and that's the hardest part of this whole thing. I dont know what to do. She's on my mind all the time still and we dont even follow each other on social media/text. I just want her back. I want to wait but I know I can't because it'll destroy me even more when she ends up with someone else one day, I'm just confused and still so hurt. I know I need to move on but I can't seem to let her go. Nothing in life can prepare you for this type of pain.

I've just recently (a few weeks ago) broken up with someone, and it's been very painful. The guy with whom I was dating is incredibly kind and fascinating, but I started to feel that this wasn't the right thing for me. I avoid bringing up difficult issues or problems so I found it really hard to talk about my needs, and often felt that I was already asking for too much space all the time. On the one hand, I think he may feel as though this came out of nowhere, but also, I did finally say what I had to say, hard as it was.

When I finally got the nerve to talk about it, it all came out at once, almost unexpectedly, and it was really hard for both of us. We've still been communicating a lot for a few weeks, but then we realized it was getting difficult. So, in a way, it's like going through the breakup process a few times.

I don't know how to be helpful to him now. I want to call him but I fear that it could make things worse right now. I still care so very much about him, what can I do to help him the most right now? I have been on the other end of this and know it can be emotionally brutal. I appreciate any thoughts.

So,

My first ever relationship I was with my HS girlfriend for 3 years. After two months of the breakup I went on a first proper date. I dated this person for 4 years until a few weeks ago.

My recent relationship was very serious. We shared a pet and lived together, planned kids and marriage. But she had legitimate mental issues which plagued my life and ultimately ended our relationship.

Anyhow, clearly I have an issue being single/alone. I had my first hookup with a really attractive and lovely girl the other night. It was very unexpected but I'm glad I had it happen soon after the breakup! Only issue is, what now?

My intuition tells me this could very much lead to a relationship and I should be careful. But it sucks to meet someone cool and then keep a distance? I'll feel like an idiot if once again, the first girl I'm with I get into a long term relationship. I know I should stay single for a good while (even though I'm a relationship person).

Any advice on navigating this? We already have plans to meet next week.

A few years ago, I was dating this guy and we had been friends for a few years. We started dating while he was in grad school. He often told me how much he wanted me to get an advanced degree so I applied and was accepted. What’s hurts is that he promised to be there for me and when my program started he left me for someone else and lied to me about it. Now I’m 3 years into my program and I’ve gotten pretty far without him, but now as I work on my thesis I get this emotion of anger because he was supposed to be here for me, but now I’m on my own. Do I have a right to feel this way?

If ever I doubt my resolve in not contacting my ‘ex’ I will think how I could come across considering the unexpected block/ghost. The potential of being viewed as a desperate Martha hunting him down I s horrifying 😑

I lost everything I ruined everything

A perfect relationship ruined by me

I lost her

Fair enough I can't even breathe sometimes

Literally my hand shakes and my heart feels so hard

We broke up about a month ago. We've been together for almost three years. We were texting about our relationship problems, and he ghosted me. He did this before. Last summer he ghosted me again for the same reason and we were apart two months before he reached out, cause he was worried i was moving on with someone else. I trusted him and got back together, hoping that this time we could make it work. And in many ways, we did. We had so much fun those six months after we got back together,but there were still things that were messed up and everytime i brought them on the table to discuss them and try to find a solution, he seemed like he didn't take it seriously and the only way to make him understand how this behavior affected me, was to leave the relationship . The reason i asked him to break up, was that he called me with another name. He already did that two times before but i never payed attention before. But this time it felt like something was off. I felt insecure and that i've been played by him, even though he always told me that I'm the one, that he love me more than anything and all that stuff. But now, i just couldn' t believe him anymore. I felt like something broke the trust inside me. The last two and a half months we had no physical reaction with each other. So that was something that made me more suspicious after being called with another woman's name. I cannot forgive him this time again for ghosting me. For not trying. So i know that it's over. I know that it's all gone and that it would be hopeless to get back together with hik if he reaches out again, but all i feel is pain and betrayal. Some days i can manage the pain. But days like this it just hit me like a big emotional wave. I ' ve talk to some of my closest people about this situation and it's been really helpful, but other days the loneliness take over the place and i am alone with my thoughts and feelings. Yesterday i had a scary panick attack. Felt my left hand and my head numb. My heart was beating so fast, i thought i was dying, but eventually took control and calmed down. Today, actually an hour ago, i got into our messages to read them again to see where i was wrong and why i deserved that ghosting behavior. He has a bigger supportive system with friends, so i guess he is dealing with break up much better than me. I do things everyday to feel full and to support my nervous system,but today it was just impossible. I thought that this time it would be easier, because i went through it last summer, but it seems that i got too much emotionally attached to him again. I'm trying to love my self from scratch. Focus on my dreams, eat healthy, workout , but it seems that some days even all these are not enough because all i can think about is our memories together and how i wanted us to last forever. Has anyone else here dealing with break up anxiety? Any suggestions of what else could i try to make this process less brutal?

It’s been four months and I’m still crying.

I feel like I’m crying because I’m not too far from having my attachement to her break.

But my body doesn’t want to let go yet.

Before I used to cry because I didn’t want to lose her. Now I’m crying because I want to move on and that means… well… moving on.

Does that make sense ? Anyone go through something similar ?

It’s a different type of sadness I feel like.

It’s not a sadness of « why did you leave ? » but an actual « goodbye »…

In some sense it’s liberating but also hurts so much.